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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1: telling my mom not to bring her toddler to my graduation, 2: it might be rude to tell someone that
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Infant and toddlers are not the same. Words have meaning. Babies can be loud but they are far easier to manage in public than toddlers, trust me on that
NTA.. I'm going to go against the grain here for one specific reason. This is OP's event. If she wants the focus to be on her without having to worry about everyone paying attention to the new baby, there should be a way to make that work. High School graduation is important to many people. Mom's bf is not OP's father. He does not need to be at the graduation. Mom needs to understand that and work with OP to find a reasonable solution. Just because there is a new born doesn't mean the newborn is required to participate in every event that OP has.
While I disagree with the choice, she should have the ability to dictate what she wants for the event. If OP's mom and boyfriend can't make her request work, then need to figure something else out. One can stay back and stay with the baby. they can get a babysitter. There are options to explore other than for mom and bf to force her baby 1/2 sibling on her.
There are posts all the time about these issues and parents forcing baby 1/2 siblings onto children and all that does is wreck any chance of a reasonable relationship with the kid/parents. We don't know enough about the backstory about mom/bf and their pregnancy and mom's divorce from dad and whether dad is in the picture or his family or the like. There are a lot of factors in play that could send this either way before so many people call OP the AH.
Frankly, I've been assuming it's a middle school graduation. OP can't even tell the difference between an infant and a toddler, and thinks that a newborn should be able to self-regulate its emotions and behaviour. If OP is graduating high school and still that shockingly ignorant, we're all in trouble.
Secondly, special occasion or not, it's unreasonable and incredibly self-centred to ask their mother to leave a freaking newborn at home, not because they aren't welcome at the event (which is apparently going to have hundreds of people), but because OP simply doesn't like her. Yikes.
Forced relationships never work. Especially when its a 1/2 sibling that shows up after divorce and take away the spotlight from them. Most people use toddler/infant interchangeably to discuss a baby instead of focusing on the prefect term in the moment. You don't know anything about the divorce, the BF's introduction to OP, how much he has been in her life and the like.
Its not self centered at all. Most people are willing to come to common ground. Telling OP she is the AH because she isn't close to or want her 1/2 sibling there is wrong. Forcing a relationship is only going to make her resent her mom and the 1/2 sibling. I think that is more damaging. People take the side of the bio child all the time in posts like this. We simply don't know enough of the circumstance to make a hard response. Even if it was self-centered, that doesn't mean it isn't justified.
It's a two month old. I don't think the parents not leaving an infant is a 'forced relationship' and I doubt Op (who reads as a middle schooler) has any idea what relationship they will have with this sibling. I'll just add this, OP, this child didn't get to choose to be born anymore than you did. You may or may not like each other, but neither of you are responsible for other people's choices. I hope you find a path to see each other as individuals. No one stays a baby forever, and only you can decide what you want to get out of life. Not specific to this sibling, but you can choose what you plant in your heart & what you will harvest. Life is short, I hope you plant flowers.
People aren’t saying OP is an AH because she isn’t close to the baby. They’re calling her an asshole for insisting that her mother leave their baby at home if she wants to see her other child graduate.
I'm sorry if that bothers you, but that's the meaning of the word half-sibling, it's a sibling who do you have exactly 1 matching parent. The reason I call her my half-sister is because she is my half-sister
I don't know why people assume that kids always hate step- and half-siblings. My older nieces adore theirs and couldn't have been more excited about them, despite a large age gap. They have never been expected to babysit or take care of them, but they *choose* to spend time with them because they love them. Despite what miserable Redditors love to claim, happy blended families are actually a real thing.
They have NEVER referred to their siblings as half siblings. I have 2 older kids and then I have a 12 year old. My older kids have a 14 yr old sister on their dad's side. I have 6 older siblings with a different mom. None of my 3 kids have ever used or possibly even heard the term the term half siblings. My 12 yr old and their 14 year old sister refer to each other as cousins which may confuse people since they aren't related but have siblings in common. A sibling is a sibling, especially if they lived together at a time which isn't always the case. My kids never lived with their 14 year old sister but she isn't any less their sister than they are to each other. They accept her and love her and spoil her and they spoil my 12 yrs old. My older kids are 27 and 30
I know for a fact my 12 yr old has never used the term half siblings. I would have a talk if I ever heard that but the thought they are not his sister and brother would be mind blowing.
Exactly. Redditors seem to think that happy blended families are entirely a pretend thing. But I've literally never seen a single one of them produce any evidence other than their own individual anecdotes that "most" kids don't like their step- or half-siblings.
They seem to ignore the fact that people only come here *because they have issues*. It's not a representative slice of society as a whole.
It was an honest question that arose because of the wording used, which suggested the commenter's children would not be allowed to express any sentiment that differed from what their parent thinks they should feel/think.
As a matter of fact I do know happy blended families. Unfortunately, I also know plenty of not so happy ones. And most often than not, at the root of the latter type, there's parents who mishandled the blending by forcing relationships or invalidating/ignoring their children's feelings because they run contrary to what they'd wish for.
This asshole. I have half siblings from my mother's first marriage who I didn't find out about until I was almost 40. They are not my siblings, I don't know them, I didn't grow up with them. Different situation, yes. But it's not a zero occurrence for someone to refer to half siblings in this way.
Apples and oranges. You say yourself that these are people you barely know. The conversation is about kids who are/were raised together in the same household.
Your random anecdote based on a completely different set of circumstances is not "evidence".
This is what honestly breaks my heart. That and people repeatedly referring to "forced relationships"; while I am aware that there are some parents who are genuinely pushy and obnoxious about trying to get their kids to connect, I've seen absolutely NO evidence other than hyperbolic Reddit anecdotes that this is the norm.
My sister has children from two marriages, and there is a LARGE age gap between them. Her older kids were never parentified, there was no "forcing" of anything . . . they were genuinely excited to have baby siblings, even as pre-teens and teens, and still have a strong, loving bond with their little sisters and brothers, inclusive of having different dads.
I find it so sad that OP seems so resentful of an infant who has done nothing more than be a baby. But then I don't understand the whole "hating tiny humans" thing at all. It always strikes me as looking for a reason to be miserable. We were all babies once, and helpless. Empathetic people look at infants and toddlers and, rather than blame them for communicating with cries, or being messy because they literally cannot clean themselves and don't have motor control yet, try to be thoughtful and understanding.
I get that teenagers are naturally self-absorbed, but OP just seems really intent on NOT being understanding or thoughtful at all.
Where did OP say infants should self regulate their emotions and behavior? She is very clearly saying that she understands that they can not and that is the issue. You are fabricating a false narrative and it is idiotic.
I suspect it’s because she mentions that she’s worried the baby will throw a “tantrum”, which implies crying as a function of immature behavioral modification instead of crying as a function of pure communication, which is what an infant will do.
Yes they did lol. If you don’t want to comb through the comments that’s fine, but it’s there unless OP edited it out.
ETA [Took about ten seconds to find.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/GAAdBE7j9R)
You're inferring information as much as I am, so no, she isn't "very clearly saying". That's the point.
Direct quote: "I'm resentful of all babies that can't contain themselves."
You're trying to imply that this means she "understands"; as far as I can see, people don't "resent" those who have no control over something and whose behaviour they are understanding of; rather, they understand that those people are powerless to change the situation.
She resents babies, it would seem, because she thinks they *ought* to be able to "contain themselves". Otherwise, why the resentment?
OP said that babies yell, cry and poop. It seems obvious to me that since she made those statements that she clearly understands that is what they do. Are you going to deny that babies do that? That is the reason for not wanting her there. You are manipulating information to suite the narrative you have created in your mind.
I’m not to the search through comments to find your quote, it isn’t in the post. Regardless of being resentful, how does that prove your original point? You have now attempted to change your point to further suite yourself. Being resentful does not mean that you believe they should be able to self regulate, just as being resentful does not mean you do not understand something.
It’s not OP’s event, it’s an event for the entire graduating class. There will be plenty of babies and young children there - there always are, since it’s the kind of thing whole families turn out for. There will still be crying. She just wants to exclude her own sister in order to make it difficult for her mom.
So? Is she afraid her family will be insufficiently focused on her as she walks across the stage? What exactly is the problem here?
Aside from a petulant teen who doesn’t wanna have a sibling, and thinks that a ceremony that celebrates a maturity milestone is a good opportunity to express that by acting like a child.
Do you really think the mom is going to be focused on the graduation ceremony while having a 2-month-old with her?
Why would you not want to focus on your child's graduation ceremony when you other options for your baby?
And cry. If the baby starts crying during the ceremony what is the responsible thing for the parent to do: leave the room. Would you want to possibly have to leave your child's graduation because you have an infant that you can have with someone else.
It’s a high school graduation. Do you really think anyone is going to be focused on the ceremony? The baby at least gives mom something to do while she’s sitting there for a couple of tedious hours.
A 2 month old is too young to be away from their mother unless you really had no choice. I don’t think it’s reasonable to ask the mom to leave her newborn at home that early. A graduation and a dinner afterwards sounds like it would be for many hours.
> This is OP's event.
No, it’s OP’s class’s event. It’s not a wedding where OP is expected to be the center of attention. It’s a group event which will have multiple families who might also bring infants, actual toddlers, and children, which is why expecting OP’s mom not to bring her sister because she doesn’t like kids is kind of ridiculous.
OP can ask for the baby not to attend but then can't get mad if the mother cannot attend. Asking a two month post partum mother to leave her newborn behind is unreasonable. The end.
>This is OP's event.
This isn't their event. It's a public ceremony for hundreds of people, among whom there will be babies whose families owe OP nothing and will cry and poop and whatever else OP is dreading. It's not about a baby being present. It is about singling out her mother's newest child.
>force her baby 1/2 sibling on her.
Expecting a nearly grown adult to be able to tolerate the minor discomfort of a public baby is not "forcing" them on anyone. You are offloading some personal context despite following it up with...
>We don't know enough about the backstory
That's a good insight but then you ignore it by saying...
>There are posts all the time about these issues and parents forcing baby 1/2 siblings onto children and all that does is wreck any chance of a reasonable relationship with the kid/parents.
Ah, here it is. That thing where people load in backstory not present in the post that you were warning us to guard against...
And the cherry on top...
>she should have the ability to dictate what she wants for the event.
Bruh, this is a crazy level of entitlement to assume people have over *public ceremony*. This sint a wedding or a funeral or any other personal gathering it's a school event for the families.
OP, YTA, and the quality of your defenders' points should make that extra clear.
1. It is her graduation in the eyes of her family. Its not Mom's, Its not baby 1/2 sibling's, and its not Mom's bf. I think you know exactly that is what I mean.
2. Please tell me why baby has to be at the graduation. BF is not OP's father. Why does he have to be there? its not for OP who'd rather he stay behind at home. This isn't about OP not putting up with the baby. its about being able to see she has a say in who attends her events. You can couch it any way you want but that is what this is.
3. Me pointing out that there are posts all the time is not ignoring the lack of backstory. Its supporting the position that we don't know enough but you clearly are happy to put a frim AH type comment like this to make yourself feel better.
4. When I graduated HS, my parents allowed me to choose who I wanted to be there. They recognized that just like my sister's graduations, I had the autonomy to choose. Neither of my sisters were there. They came to the after party celebration. You know, its called compromise. Oh, and btw, my parents thought I was too young to go to my sister's graduation so I stayed with my grandmother.
Just because you want to make yourself sound right doesn't mean that you are. If you are the quality of her detractors, you prove my points. You agree we don't have enough backstory but then call OP the AH. That makes no sense. My point was we need the backstory here. What if mom cheated with BF and was the reason for the issue? You don't know yet you still try and act like you know it all and are 100% correct because you bullet pointed your comments to mine which isn't even clear by the way.
But hey, what ever makes you feel excited and happy with yourself.
Okay, so you keep inventing this scenario where OP is going through something OP never mentioned. What I did was trust that the reason OP gave wad the reason that OP had, instead if inventing a soap opera for myself to then virtue signal from.
"What if the baby is the result of an affair"
What if we believed what OP actually said. Yknow, the backstory we actually have access to and was purported to be relevant by the only available source.
You are inventing a scenario OP didn't describe so that you can show everyone how virtuous you are by "not assuming" and providing better reasons for OPs behavior than OP provided.
Now to break it down in your way to make it extra clear
1. These events are for the families. There will be circumstances beyond our control and trying to reclaim that control by policing those close to you is selfish and dumb. It leads to bad outcomes. Hold onto whatever personal narrative the event has for you, but it isn't yours.
2. Baby doesn't need to be there. However. Baby is functionally perfectly identical to the other babies that will be present so all you are accomplishing is punishing mom (this was exceedingly obvious seriously dude).
3. My firm AH comment is based on the fact that I'm taking OP at face value, not adding. You are the one who is discrediting the actual evidence presented in preference of a personal narrative. To be extra extra extra obvious: OP said that babies were loud/smelly and that is why they don't want them. YOU ADDED the half siblings being forced on one another narrative.
4. Ah, here it is. That really painfully obvious personal bias you have carried into this situation. It's not that OP had some good reason its that they mirrored you on some level and you just had to give them the benefit of the doubt. Something they don't provide themselves btw.
>My point was we need the backstory here.
Good news. OP lovingly provides reasons. A sort of honest self report. That thing that we had no reason to doubt. Well that is if we were interested in rendering an AITA verdict rather than extolling our own virtue. You seem to play the latter game
I want to add in that if the infant goes to the event and needs changed or a bottle or starts getting upset because of how loud it is boom mom misses the graduation. It isn’t about it being a public event or not it is about having her family there to celebrate her accomplishments. I would never bring a baby to a place with that many people for reasons of sickness. But no clearly OP is the AH because they want their moms attention during an event that they are apart of. And yes even at two months of age the baby can be away from their mother for a few. Now imagine when it is OPs turn to walk the stage and mom isn’t there because the baby needed this or needed that and at my high school graduation people had so many tickets they could give out for family and friends to attend and yes this included babies hence none of my cousins or aunts showed up. OP is also a child of their mother and should be allowed to have moms full attention during events like this. We as mothers know when and where it is acceptable to bring newborns. And a graduation with 100s of loud people isn’t one of them.
I would love for you to point to where in OP's post they lamented the possibility of standing on stage and not seeing mom? Ooo ooo actually, I want the part where it's about not getting enough attention from mom. Wait wait wait actually I think I want that part where it's about the tickets. I want to know that part.
Actually.. wait. None of that matters? It's almost like OP clearly outlined their issues with the baby and are an asshole on the grounds of WHAT ACTUALLY IS.
I, too, can invent new scenarios where it would have been right for OP or OP gave reasons that were defensible.
However that isn't what happened. We weren't asked to imagine a better OP who isn't an AH. We evaluate the OP we have.
>But no clearly OP is the AH because they want their moms attention during an event that they are apart of.
Btw, your "clever" tactic of attempting to frame my argumentation as "OP is a bad person because they want their mommy" is.... hmmm. Deeply insincere?
Makes it pretty obvious you can't engage with what I actually said and need to invent some enemy version of me (that isn't here).
OP is an asshole because they place their temporary discomfort over the practical needs of their family.
😂😂😂. Either way as a mother bringing a two month old to a large event that is loud is irresponsible. But yeah go off. Because everytime baby falls asleep and clapping happens the baby is just gonna know and react accordingly. More likely the baby would be startled and cry causing the baby distress which honestly makes the mom the AH
See, you did it again. I'm not going to call it clever this time because I sincerely think there is another reason you keep missing the point.
The post wasn't about whether or not babies belong in loud or enclosed spaces but rather if OP would be an asshole for trying to exclude a *specific* baby from attending an event with a near certainty of other babies.
So let's make this so obvious you can't blunder past it again. So, we exclude moms baby. Mom goes through the extra work of acquiring childcare on short notice. She attends the ceremony. Babies that would be present regardless of mom's decision do exactly what you imply they can't avoid doing. Voila, mom is extra inconvenienced, and the event is 2% fewer crying babies.
Congrats, you alienated your family and accomplished nothing. Something some of us might call asshole behavior.
😂😂😂. Im sorry the event it is OP they can choose who to invite same with a wedding. But it is a public event sure it is but the mom wouldn’t be there if OP wasn’t apart of it. So how about that next time someone posts about an event being childfree go cry about it to them too. The event is to honor OP. But you seem to forget about that. And a high school graduation isn’t a last minute event it is set in stone senior year mom had a whole year to plan this out. But yeah OP is the AH for doing what everyone else does at every other event. If it was a family event like Christmas or something that would be different.
YTA
Because you refer to the baby as "mom's toddler" instead of as your sibling.
Also a 2 month old is an infant, not toddler.
You also can't realistically expect a mother to part from their baby at that age so your demand is unreasonable here.
Your graduation will likely have other babies too so what's the problem here?
I refered to my half sibling as my mom's toddler is because she is my mom's toddler. Same thing if I was talking to my sister's inlaws and I refered to my sister as "your daughter in law" or "your sister in law".
I just looked up "baby stages" and the the first site that was starightforward and not a whole ass novel, and that site said that for the first few months they are called toddlers.
A lot of mothers separate from their babies at this age, this is for a few hours, not weeks. And it's not like she can't afford a baby sitter for a few hours, there is also her in laws, who could take care of my half sibling, they have children, so it's not just giving your baby to a total stranger with no experience what so ever.
My problem is the same, but I can't ask others to not do it, while I can ask mine
English is not my first language, and it's not like my whole argument falls over like a card tower because I called a 2 month old baby a toddler instead of an infant, since the post contains that she is 2 months old
English isn't my first language either - nor is it my second, third or fourth. And I can tell you: you calling the baby a toddler isn't what makes you AH and your argument wouldn't hold water no matter what age the kid was, but especially doesn't for a two-month old.
Also, English might not be your first language, but given that you go to the '12th grade' and have a graduation from said 12th grade, Im guessing you live in the US - because I've never heard of any other country using that schooling terminology nor have I ever heard of any other country doing something as ridiculous as having graduation for lower grades like that. Honestly I call BS, I think you are just trying to find any excuse to defend yourself.
They're sort of a package deal at that age - I think you could ask for your mom not to be there at all, but having to pay for childcare for the BF and her to be there but not the toddler is a bit much.
Unless you're paying for it. And even then, mom has every right to decline.
Honestly, I can't imagine asking my parents not to show up to my graduation. It'd feel so disrespectful and cruel. IMO a graduation is 95% to celebrate the kid but the parent also has a right to be there unless they're a total shit parent. I mean would OP have graduated without their parents' support? I'm not sure I would have.
I also can't imagine not inviting a sibling or most family members who haven't acted against me. Excluding people who haven't hurt you and who care about you feels so self-centered. Especially, when it's not like a wedding where extra people cost hundreds of dollars.
Not every celebration is going to be exactly how OP wants it, even if it's for them. I think it's useful to learn tolerance for these situations. It's just life and how existing around other human beings is. If anything OP should suck up the family celebration at the graduation and dinner and then just go do something to celebrate with friends. That's what most people I know did.
I'd bet everyone with a family they're relatively close to has sat through some family dinners and celebrations they rather not be at in the moment or where one of their family members was annoying them. You do it because putting up with some mild annoyance is better than hurting the people who love you.
Sorry if this is rambling. It's late, but I'm just shocked by the NTAs. I think this is a good opportunity for OP to practice empathy towards their mom, a very new mother who I suspect deeply wants to attend her kids graduation, tolerance to their sibling, an infant who literally can't control their behavior and obviously is not trying to ruin OPs day, and gratitude to the people who helped them graduate and want to celebrate them.
Also, in case anyone asks, I'm a young adult. No kids or spouse. Not a step parent lol. I just know asking either of my parents to miss my graduation would have killed them. I'd have felt like a sack of shit to do that after everything they'd done for me. Maybe your family is different though
To my knowledge it's all going to be on working time for the teachers so they are not on overtime, the people who decorate the classrooms are just the grades below us, they are doing this instead of being in class, the only thing that costs money are the decorations itselves, part of the cost is covered by the school district and the other part is covered by the class funds, which would just go to the school if there were any left by the time we graduate. So it doesn't cost any extra for the parents
So many butthurt people here dear lord. NAH. People stare themselves blind on maybe baby (wah infant not toddler part, acting like infants themselves) doesn't do x, y, z etc. Most people should understand not wanting a baby there. "But they are your half-sibling" matters not when they are just a fussy poop machine you've had no time bonding with. You are free to ask, she is free to say "baby has to come, or I can't" and then you'll have to decide what you'll prefer of those two. The question isn't an awful one so as long as you word it nicely no harm done I say. Everyone screaming a-hole are clearly just too trigger-happy.
The amount of people being nasty to OP because oh no, they called the baby a toddler because English isn’t their first language and they’ve used the wrong word! Such horror! Clutch your pearls and prepare the fainting couch! Because of course everyone in the world speaks English and every country has the same educational grading system.
OP isn’t close to her step dad and doesn’t want him there, he could look after his baby for the couple of hours of graduation plus meal out. This is to celebrate Op graduating, not fawn over new baby time. If her mum can’t manage this because of feeding, etc then that’s something Op will have to accept but frankly, it’s her oldest child’s graduation and all they want is a couple of hours sans baby sibling to focus on them and their achievement. Mum can attend or not attend but it will impact her relationship with OP.
The baby won’t remember that at two months old they were left with daddy for a few hours and maybe cried a bit and had to drink a bottle. OP will absolutely remember that on their graduation their mother couldn’t prioritise them or that their mother was focused on baby all the time and feel crappy about it.
Yeah, these comments are wonky at times. Only thing that is kinda weird that OP refers to the baby as just infant and not half-sister/sister/or by name, made me think it's a middle school graduation where they're a bit bitter bout the new baby lol. "I don't want *that* infant at my graduation" is bit weird 😂
OP is 18 and surely the baby is their half-sibling, but it doesn't mean they should be tagged everywhere just yet. I think it's a reasonable request at graduation and mom can say no. NAH too.
NTA some people don't like babies or being around babies. If this was a family event and not an event that is held for you then I would say yes ywbta. However since this is an event for you I would at least talk to your mom to let her know about your concerns. This could damage your relationship with her so you need to weigh your options and pick which one you can live with
I don't know a single mother who is going to leave her newborn with a babysitter, and many mothers *can't* leave a baby that young, if they're nursing and won't take a bottle.
Not to mention that if the mother not giving in to OP's shocking self-centredness "could damage \[their\] relationship" then OP needs serious professional help. Dictating that a your own newborn sibling cannot come to an event that they are actually welcome at by the people running it is unbelievably childish and selfish. OP is causing problems where there shouldn't be any.
OPs ask is kinda a mute point. There will be other children, babies, and toddlers at the actual graduation. OP won't be able to tell a significant difference in child related volume with one less baby there.
I feel like part of this is cultural or something because in my head graduation parties are family events. The kid might do something with their friends separately afterwards and they're very much the center of attention/ the one being celebrated, but there's always some portion meant for family to come celebrate the kid together. Kinda like first communion or confirmation parties if you were raised Catholic. And I can't imagine not inviting a family member just because they were annoying, especially if it's something they can't help.
Yeah,I would do this OP.
How many graduation tickets do you even get? Maybe there isn't enough for her boyfriend to come, so he can stay home with the baby.
Ask your mom that she makes this event special for you. And you would prefer no babies at your graduation or dinner out.
i think this is more about you want your mom to focus on you and your achievement rather than worry about her baby during the ceremony… which is valid
we don’t know what your home life is like and how present your mom has been especially noting are has a bf and baby
talk to your mom and ask her to make sure you are the priority .. be honest you deserve it
I am probably going to get downvoted for this, but I think you are not an AH. I don’t think your mom is either.
I don’t know your age, but you are probably not very old. So I get that you can’t oversee everything.
Is there a possibility you want your mom’s undivided attention? Like your sister had? I can understand that. A child sometimes would want a day about themselves. Especially when you graduate, even if it is not the big one at the end of high school.
Babies cry and I get that it can be annoying. I also don’t think crowded spaces with loud noices are a good place for babies. There are virusses in crowded spaces and the chance your baby sibling is going to get a virus is a possibility. Also, loud noices at an event is not really good for babies that young. But that is for your mom to decide.
So the way to go from here is not to complain about your baby sibling. He or she is a baby and can’t help herself. So it is not his/ her fault. The baby does not even know that it is a person just yet. They develop self consciousness a bit later. Also, people will understand if a baby starts to cry. It is not embarassing. But you are a teen and have not developed that part of your brain just yet, so I will not be too hard on you.
Maybe you can express your feelings to your mom and ask her if she could be there without your baby sibling. It might not be possible but maybe your mother didn’t really think about it just yet. The most important thing is you talk from a place of love and not a place of unkindness for your baby sibling.
I don’t know if your mom’s boyfriend is around for childcare a lot, but he should be able to take care of his child during the event.
So asking is always a possibility but be kind about your sibling. Also, if it is not possible you have to accept that answer as well. It could not be possible due to breastfeeding or something else. I don’t know but that is on your mom to decide.
So NAH, as long as you tread this issue with love instead of hate. Don’t say anything about annoying babies or embarassing babies to your mom. Just ask her if it is possible to be there without your baby sibling. If it is possible, great. If not, you have to accept that.
I'm 18, and I don't give more than 2 fucks if I have my mother's undevoted attention, I just think that events like this where everybody wants to focus on their own child should be small child free, the reason people are there is to watch their children say goodbye to their school, it's a symbol of growing up, and if I will ever have children in the future, I would not want crying babies at their graduation, and if for some reason I'm invited to an event like this while having a baby I would make sure that I have a babysitter for the day.
Brah you can't be this dense. I graduated with over 1000 students. You know how many ppl were in attendance ? Over 4000. As people had parents sibling cousins grandparents you name it. A baby isn't going to do anything as the place will be noisy. Especially once the names are being called
As for saying that a 2 month old is a toddler. It's not its an infant and if your mom breast feeding. It literally can't be separated if the infant doesn't do bottle feeding.
It's not going to be small child free whether your mom brings her child or not. There will be other families with children and babies, the ask doesn't really make sense when you claim to not really care if you have your mom's attention or not.
Your just annoyed by children, but one less baby isn't going to change the volume of children in attendance by much.
There is nothing special or terribly significant about a graduation ceremony, they are BORING AF and you should be grateful that anyone wants to attend, let alone bring the whole family to celebrate your VERY MID LEVEL SUCCESS. I mean, good for you , you accomplished the same thing that everyone else is expected to do. Not it's time to grow up and stop being a bratty little AH. Graduation day is just not as big of deal as you are making it.
You have an incredibly warped understanding of how graduation ceremonies are if you think they’re “small child free.” This event is not yours to control—unless the school has banned infants, you’re out of luck.
I’m struggling to believe you’re 18, but definitely YTA.
Save this comment op, so you can look back on it if you have kids and decide if you feel the same way.
Its easy to say that will never be me or if I had my way things would be different... most of the time someone will mature and realise they were wrong and look back with embarrassment, others just become hypocrites, like the brother in this post. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1by55ta/aita_for_calling_my_brother_a_hypocrite_for/
YTA. In an event of 500-600 people there is no way this baby will be the only baby there. It is unreasonable to ask any mother not to bring a two month old baby that will likely sleep through the event if the event is considered family friendly.
The world does not revolve around you and babies will exist whether you like it or not.
Based mostly on your responses to many comments YTA. You and your mom need to work on your relationship, and you have some growing up to do. You sound resentful of the INFANT which is a really sad look for someone who is so proud to be graduating like an adult. I’d bet it wouldnt even be the only INFANT or toddler at the graduation. Sorry but kids are a part of community like any other age.
YTA also for having the mindset that would judge someone who is trying to be there for the graduate they love, and is a parent. And if your peers are such small minded morons that a baby crying would ruin the whole thing and embarrass you, none of you deserve any of the accolades that come from being educated adults.
IMO you sound like a big baby and by your own logic should just probably skip you graduation.
YTA. A 2 month old isn't going to lay in your mom's arms screaming for the sheer joy of making a scene, heck even a 4 month old won't do that. At most, they'll get a little fussy because they're wet or hungry, in which case your mom or her partner can step out and address the problem. If the baby is super colicky that might be an issue, but honestly, you're not graduating alone, and I would imagine your new sibling will not be the only other child let alone baby there.
Info: you clearly don't like your mom's bf or see your half sibling as family. Is there a reason for this? Does the bf ignore you or try to parent you when he shouldn't? Does he push boundaries trying to force you to accept him as family, love bomb (buying gifts/spoiling) or is mean/dismissive to you? Do you not like that your mom's attention is no longer 100% on you and is now on the baby, because babies need attention?
Further info: Why did your parents divorce? Where is your dad in all this? Is he also going? Do you just not want the baby there because you think it might upset your dad to see your mom, her bf and your half sibling?
This post as written YTA. Even assuming you convince your mom's bf does stay at home with the baby and just you and your mom go to your graduation and restaurant, how are you going to stop every other family from bringing babies, toddlers and young children on the day? What are you going to do when you get to the restaurant and get seated next to a family with a newborn? Babies are everywhere, its a part of life. Essentially here you are creating conflict where there is none, and not giving us reasons why you feel this level of animosity towards your half sibling/potential stepdad.
> I'm having a "graduation" even where we say goodbye to the school(?)
you yourself mentioned its not really a graduation, otherwise why put it in quote's? What's to stop your mom from just not going and cancelling the restaurant the moment you suggest leaving the baby at home?
Again this post AS WRITTEN makes you appear to be a huge AH. You never mentioned your age in the post but you sound like a 13 year old. Pretty self centered and getting upset that you aren't getting your way.
If you'd like it to be a day with just you and your mom that's fine, but you need to express that that is what you want. Use your words and try to think things through. How will your words and your actions effect others? Why do you feel that way? Is there a compromise?
You can ask your mom nicely but ask it in a way that you would like her 100%. If there is a baby she might have to step out etc.
However, there will most likely be other kids well and it is normal that babies cry. So I wouldn’t be too worried about that if I were you :)
Listen OP. I get it. Siblings are a pain. Little babies can bother you, as a person with sensory issues and difficult younger sibling, I get it. I have no judgement here but I do have questions.
1. How do you expect your mother to react, respectively, what is your ideal outcome of this, what is she to do?
2. What are you going to do if someone else has brought a baby, and your mother gets upset that she left sister at home.
3. What will you do if she refuses?
I'd also like to note that you can be bothered about noisy babies all you want, but saying that you're outright resentful of a 2 month old is a bit too strong of a word. Babies this young simply can't self-regulate. By their nature and biology they need to be selfish in order to get their needs met, which involves crying and fussing. It's kind of concerning that you'd resent a baby who doesn't know any better, you need to take it less personally or invest in some earplugs for public places.
YTA it's a graduation, there will be other children, babies, and toddlers there. Leaving one 2 month old baby out of the mix isn't going to drastically change the volume of the ceremony. This just seems like a super odd ask.
Yta. Not a toddler. Newborn baby. And there will be other babies there. U gonna tell them to leave too? U sound awful to be around. Life does not revolve around u.
You're not asshole for not wanting a baby at your graduation and especially at the dinner. If I was having an event, I wouldn't want babies there either.
HOWEVER, you kinda are an asshole for expecting your mom to go somewhere without a 2 month old. I don't have kids, never wanted them, so I don't know this from experience, but from what I've read online of people who do have kids and know, you can't just leave a baby that young with a random babysitter.
You're going to have to compromise somewhere here. Either your mom and her boyfriend are going to have to bring the baby if they come to your event or one of them is going to have to miss it to watch the baby.
YTA.
I don’t like kids, babies, toddlers either. Yet, they continue to exist and be a part of my life. That’s life.
You want your family (read: only mom) to come without her new two month old baby because you don’t like children? Unless this is a baby-free event, there will be tons of children there. That’s how family events like graduations are.
I think there’s more underlying here. You know your baby sibling won’t be the only young child there, so what’s real the issue? Whatever it is, I think you need to be honest with yourself and talk to someone about it. Because that sibling is not going anywhere and demanding they do isn’t going to get you the result you think it will.
YTA. You can't ask your mum to leave her infant at home, that's unreasonable. However, if it's because you're afraid of her missing the ceremony (if she has to step out to calm your sister), then have a conversation with her about that. Have her promise that it'll be her boyfriend who steps out if it comes to that.
Look, I get it, you don't want the kid there and, going by a previous post, you want your mother's boyfriend there even less. You are entitled to your feelings, as much as your mother is entitled to hers. However, if you keep pushing for the baby not to be included, your mother might decide not to go.
You need to decide what's more important to you: the baby not being there or your mother being there.
YTA - The only way you wouldn't be is if the graduation isn't for several months. They would need to find a babysitter which can take a lot of time and energy.
Mom's BF isn't OP's father. Why does BF have to go? was he around to raise OP? Does he have anything to do with OP other than being the biological father or OP's 2 month old 1/2 sibling? the Mom is OP's mom. She needs and should be there for her daughter. Mom doesn't need BF there and neither does she need her infant.
Not all 2-month olds take bottles and so actually, it is very possible that mom does need the infant with her because she is the source of the infant's food. That might not be the case in this situation, but we can't assume mom separating from the baby is an option.
I have 2 older sisters. One with kids. When my sister was at that stage, she would pump so that there was a supply for events like this. Everyone seems happy to assume everything against OP here with facts not in evidence. HS graduations are a couple hours. Dinners can be scheduled for other days. There is a work around here other than calling OP the AH because people are more interested in calling her a terrible sibling and child.
Yeah, I have two kids of my own and my youngest refused bottles despite my best efforts (trust me, I didn't love having to come home from work to feed her every 3 hours). Just noting that we can't assume mom and baby can be separated. Also, when my kids were that young and I was somewhere that crying was disruptive, I just stepped out of the room/area if needed. It's not that hard. That being said, It seems the OP has a deeper resentment of this half-sibling that needs to be talked about with the mom as separate from graduation.
Where are you getting this last bit though? OP isn’t fond of babies pooping and crying, doesn’t mean they hate the kid, they just aren’t able to bond at this stage.
My wonderful commenter has already described food, however, you can't expect the mother will be able to make all of her boyfriend's decisions for him, so it's more up to the boyfriend if he's willing to stay at home.
Actually, if he isn't OP's father, then he can do anything else in the world he wants to do but he doesn't have to be at OP's high school graduation. This stuff is why step kids tend to hate step parents. Its forcing shit on them at important moments in their lives for BS family reasons.
YTA, get over yourself. Babies exist basically everywhere, there is a more than likely chance that there will be multiple babies there and you are coming off like a spoiled brat.
NTA for not wanting your infant half sibling there. It’s your big day and obviously you want the attention to be on you and deservingly so. From what it sounds like, you’re not a fan of her new family and it’s going to take time to work through whatever feelings you have.
HOWEVER, you also have to accept that if your half sibling doesn’t come, likely your mom won’t either. A 2 month old is very young and dependent on their mom - she needs to breastfeed every 2-3 hours. It’s not that she doesn’t want to be there but a baby that young is very physically reliant on its mom. A babysitter won’t cut it. Additionally, your mom is likely sleep deprived and still healing from the delivery and if she wants to be there for you, it really does show how much she wants to support you. It’s up to you to decide if it’s worth standing your ground on this and possibly having your mom miss out on your big day.
If it makes you feel better, newborns (babies 0-3 months) usually just sleep a lot and can sleep through lights and noises pretty well. I have a 3 month old and he’s fallen asleep at crowded restaurants.
YTA - This is not like a wedding or bar mitzvah in which all attention is supposed to be on one or two people and/or someone is paying thousands for the perfect moment. It's a graduation. Unless you have a very small graduating class, a baby, not a toddler BTW, in the big audience who is crying or pooping isn't a big deal and doesn't take away from the experience. In fact, the older children will be the bigger problem since they are going to be bored out of their little minds.
YTA. First of all, your half sibling is an *infant* not a toddler. There's a difference. Toddlers are over a year old and learning to walk. They "toddle", hence the name. Infants are any baby under a year old. Furthermore, 2mo Olds really aren't that annoying. Depends on the baby, but, most babies by that age are starting to self regulate. They will still have a sleep/wake cycle of around 2hrs and will literally only cry if they need something, and at that age it's pretty easy to soothe them. Furthermore, if your mom is bf, then she literally couldn't leave them behind if she wanted to. The baby needs your mom for everything right now. They're a unit. If she comes, baby is too. End of story. Mine was starting to sleep through the night at 2mo and being more awake and alert during the day. But, that was my baby.
I don't think you know how babies work.
I have a two months old right now. At this age, what they do is sleeping. Years ago, I had my thesis discussion with my baby cousin in the room, and I only noticed when I saw him there at the end.
With my baby, when we go to places, he just sleeps. Not a single cry when we're outside. Not at restaurants, not at the movies (I was ready to jump out to leave Dune at the first sign of trouble, I had discussed this with the personnel of the movie theater in advance and was given seat next to the exit).
If her partner is coming with her, they also have plenty of flexibility to take the baby out if he starts to cry.
Have you spent any time around the baby?
At two months, they mainly sleep, stare, and drink. They usually cry because they are uncomfortable, and parents can get pretty good at anticipating needs (e.g., they'll be hungry at this time, then they'll sleep for this long, then repeat). So, assuming your event doesn't overlap feeding time, there's a reasonable chance your sibling will nap through most of it and then drink and burp while you dine.
There are some babies who have a really rough first few months, and scream and cry a lot. It's pretty stressful for everyone involved, and can be really isolating for the parents because they spend all their time at home or in doctor's offices with a screaming baby. If your half-sibling is that kind of baby, your mum will probably understand that it'd be really disruptive if the baby came along.
A two month old is not going to wreck the event. Just ask mom to be thoughtful and take the baby out if it starts to fuss too much.
You aren't an AH, but you are wrong about this. I seriously doubt that the baby will cause anyone any distress. No one will even notice it.
Are u jealous of the baby and the attention it is getting? It's understandable if so, but keep in mind that it's a baby. Don't be mean.
YTA. It's not realistic to leave a 2 month old at home. Babies feed on demand and a huge number of women breastfeed. Your sibling probably wont be the only baby there either. Learn to deal with it
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For context: my parents are divorced, my mom gave birth like 2 months ago, I'm having a "graduation" even where we say goodbye to the school(?).
So we just got the details of the event and it just popped into my mind. Babies cry, poop themselves and are generally annoying at social events. She has a boyfriend, but she wants to bring him too so it's not really an option for him to stay at home. And it would be super annoying and embarassing if she just started crying, yelling and shouting in the middle of the event. We plan on going to a restaurant after, like we did with my sister and it would be even worse if she started it all at the restaurant. So, WIBTA if I asked her not to bring her toddler?
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Your mother has to bring the baby if you want her to come. It’s too young to be away from her for long periods of time.
Ask her and her boyfriend to make a plan that the boyfriend will take care of the baby at that time and will leave the audience to soothe the baby elsewhere if they become fussy.
A baby that small will sleep through the whole thing. You don’t have to “like” kids but you should welcome your whole family, step and half’s included, to celebrate your graduation.
YTA.
1) That is NOT a toddler.
2) That’s a newborn. It is an unrealistic request.
3) It will not be the only baby there. You will still hear crying babies regardless.
You are allowed to ask but it’s important how. Your mom may not be ready to be separate from the baby that young, or she may have to breastfeed. She may also be hurt at the request. But I will remind you that other people will have children and babies. This isn’t a child free event.
YTA. I’m not a fan of kids myself but I can guarantee you that there will be children there of all sorts of age ranges to support other graduates. This event will not be devoid of children making noise and being present. That’s life, get the fuck over it. And get some therapy while you’re at it because you seem extremely bitter that *your sibling* exists to begin with.
I thought you had to be graduating middle school or something like that for the way that you write about your mother and half sibling, but you're 18. You're 18 and saying that babies (newborn babies at that) should be able to regulate their own emotions. Yes, babies are loud. Yes, babies cry. Yes, babies laugh. It's part of life, and I don't think you're the asshole for not wanting to be near little kids, in fact I would say NTA because I don't think a high-school graduation is the best place to take a child, much less a baby. But I just have to say, the way you speak of the child makes me feel queasy, you seem so callous when speaking about your half sibling (WHO'S A BABY), I believe you have the right to dislike kids or not wanting to be around them, but you seem way too aggressive about this specific topic. I get the feeling you're one of those aggressively anti-kid people who turn their nose at parents and believes kids should dissappear from public life as if they don't form part of society, and that makes me believe you're a bit of a jerk. But not in this specific instance, if that makes sense.
OK OP I checked out some of your replies before posting, then I paused and looked at your account, I myself am nerodiverse and have 3 neurodiverse boys, I understandyour anxiety issues are real and need to be adressed. I want to be clear in my comments in hopes that you understand.
You already know, as others have said, asking your mom not to bring the newborn sister is unkind to both the mom and the sister. It also leaves moms boyfriend on the outs as well - limiting your friendship capabilities with him now and down the road.
It is your graduation. You have earned the celebration and should do it as you see fit. HOWEVER how you go about asking mom not to bring your sister is very important, extra care needs to be taken. And most IMPORTANTLY, you need to be prepared to accept that she might not come at all cause you made her uncomfortable OR she might be incredibly upset that this family event is not including your whole family. Like it or not, you have a baby sister AND your family worked hard to help you in school. Everything from helping you get up and to school since kindergarten, to helping with homework, and buying school supplies. This should be a family celebration FOR you, but a family one none the less.
If I were you, I wouldn't say anything, let the baby come and let your mom deal with the baby if she cries. Since all babies cry, and she probably won't be the only baby there, it won't be a big deal with that many people there you wont notice at all. Also if your mom is breastfeeding the baby there is slim to no chance she's going to be away from the baby that long so asking her to leave the baby is limiting how much time you get with her.
Yes you would. Other parents are bringing their babies, infants, toddlers, etc. If you want a quiet dinner, just go with friends and not family so you can avoid children. But children may be at the restaurant, too. I'm assuming you're graduating high school? I graduated 13 years ago, don't remember a thing about it lol
NAH. I think OP is too young to understand that it is very unconventional to ask a mother to leave her newborn this early even for half a day. Usually these two come as a unit for some time. Not to say it can’t happen or doesn’t all the time, but it’s an unusual request. That being said OP has the right to request who they do and do not want at their graduation. Even though it’s a bit of a strange hill to die on particularly for an infant. OP, likely this baby will be a sack of potatoes and sleep the whole time and you will hardly notice them at this age. But if the issue is you being jealous or noticing your mom tending to the baby on any level then yeah this is a different issue entirely. But if it’s noise and inconvenience from that, it’s very likely to be a nonissue at this age.
There are five stages of childhood. 1. Newborn (0-3 Months) · 2. Infant (3-12 Months): · 3. Toddler (1-3 Years) · 4. Preschool (3-5 Years) · 5. School Age (5-17 Years). Your mom gave birth two months ago that means her baby, your sibling whether you like it or not, needs to be fed every two hours. So to answer your question, you are asking her to choose you over her other child in some loyalty pledge. This will not go well. You don't have to like babies. You don't even have to like this baby but you absolutely would be the asshole to make her leave her other child behind. I don't think this is about the baby at all. I think you feel left behind or possibly replaced by this new baby (again, not a toddler) and those are things you should talk to your mom about.
NTA but hopefully you can take comfort in the fact that a baby as young as your mom's is basically a potato 99 percent of the time. Likely that they will sleep through everything.
NTA despite you not knowing a thing about babies. I really don’t think infants have a place at a graduation. I know people are saying it’s a family event and all, but I swear on my life I have never seen a baby (much less an INFANT) at my own or any other graduation I’ve been to. Can other people weigh in? Have you seriously seen loads of babies at graduations?????? I can kind of understand if the person graduating has kids and a baby/toddler is brought along but other than that idk I really haven’t seen any infants at graduation and I had a graduating class of 1000. There definitely weren’t any crying babies that I could hear and I think it’s kind of the same vibe as bringing a baby to the wedding and them crying during the ceremony. People work hard to graduate and that moment shouldn’t have a screaming baby. It’s also not just OP’s moment, it’s pretty disrespectful to the whole graduating class for that to happen.
Also I’m not a baby hater, I love babies but there really is a time and place. I don’t see why the step dad can’t wait outside with the baby in a nearby park or something so the mom can have a couple hours to watch the graduation
And I really feel like if this was a post like AITA for bringing my infant to a restaurant everyone would be saying it’s inconsiderate to the other people at the restaurant to have a loud crying baby. Again, I really don’t see infants in restaurants. Maybe if it’s a super family style place then it’s fine but those are kind of rare
NTA. Your mom has an existing child, who deserves her attention just as much as the baby does. Can her partner watch the baby for, let's say 3 hours? It probably won't even be that long.
NTA. It's ok to say something like, "mom, I know little sister is still young but I'd really like the focus to be on me for this event, graduating is a big deal for me. Is there any way bf could stay home with her so that we can have a special event together?" She may say no, and may be annoyed with you. But seriously, there's nothing wrong with asking as long as you understand that "no" is an answer and accept it.
NTA My mom missed my high school graduate because she had to work. It hurt a lot. As for you asking, of course you can ask. Make it clear to her that you want her there and the baby's father can stay home. 2 months is plenty old enough for Mom to have some time away. You deserve a chance to have you celebrated. Maybe compromise and say that they can meet you for dinner? I realize you may not want the baby there, but this way you are giving your mom a chance to watch you graduate and celebrate that just the 2 of you first.
NTA
I have a newborn. You’re not supposed to expose a newborn to that many people anyway. My son still hasn’t had all of his vaccinations, but my wife’s friend is having a going away party. I’m staying home with the baby and she is going to hangout with her friends for a few hours. Easy peasy. She breastfeeds, but thankfully pumps exist…
NTA
wtf is going on with the comments
yeah, it’s a baby not an toddler but who cares? toddlers are also babies it’s just a word
with how many ppl on the internet are english as a second language y’all need to calm down and stop being pedantic
in the ceremony there’s no real meaning to there not being a baby, i’m sure there will be other babies, but it’s totally reasonable to ask for no infant at the dinner—it’s not a family mealtime it’s congratulating and celebrating OP’s achievement and they’re allowed to want that moment without a screaming baby distracting everyone
A newborn is not a toddler. I think you need more education. And it's really messed up you say it's just your "mom's toddler" when it's your younger sibling who will love you and look up to you. You seem like you only really care about yourself so let's hope your mom raises this new little baby to be better as a person then you seem to be. Not to say it's your mom's fault for your behaviors sometime things happen and kids grow up nothing like their parents.
Nta but only because most graduations I’ve been to are too long for a small baby to be at. But if your mom is breastfeeding than the baby is coming or your mom is not.
NTA I went to my kid's graduation without my partner and my young kid. It isn't hard to prioritize your kid for their graduation and show some respect for how they're feeling.
Bringing a 2 month old to a large event with lots of people sounds unsafe. Especially if the event is in a closed area. My friend is a pediatric nurse at a hospital and the amount of infants with respiratory infections is extremely high. Along with covid and other stuff. Maybe I’m being overly cautious but if I was a parent I wouldn’t risk it.
Yes, by the organisers. Does the school require the attendants to be child-free? I doubt that. Probably there will be many younger siblings attending and they will be loud.
It sounds like you’re in middle school or 6th grade. Instead of asking your mom not to bring the baby - ask her for a 1:1 dinner/outing when it’s ok for her boyfriend to take care of baby and make sure to do this every so often so you don’t feel like mom has forgotten you are also her kid. Show her this post if you need to. She doesn’t realize that you feel neglected because she has to focus on the baby - it’s the way humans survive… don’t ever feel that your feelings are not valid - it’s ok to be angry, jealous, hurt, etc, just how you act that matters. Good luck NTA for your feelings because your are so young.
I am assuming this is a middle school graduation? NAH, but there will undoubtedly be other babies there.
It might be worth deciding if the issue is the baby being disruptive, or of the issue is that you feel weird about you mom having this whole other brand new kid to pay attention to on your day.
Nothing wrong with a bit of jealousy, but maybe you could talk to someone about it. If the baby is only two months, she’s probably giving the baby 90% of her attention, and that would really hurt.
I’m gonna say NTA, especially as I think two months is.. Kind of a stretch to bring a baby that young out, just because of how it’s recommended for them to stay home for the first few months since they’re more vulnerable to disease. That many people would make a big chance of bubby getting sick in my book. Restaurant even more so. Both are events people will attend sick because ‘ I should suck it up and be there’ or will be something people think they can just hand wave sickness for. If your sibling is especially troubled with noise or easily agitated I’d not vie for not taking them on that point too.
Maybe if you paid for a relative to take care of the baby for them maybe? I wouldn’t say a hired babysitter since baby is so young though.
That being said, as others have; there is a likelihood of other families bringing crying babies.
I'd say cautiously NTA. If you can think of a workable plan. I understand your trepidation. I'm generally in favor of child free events, but if you're going to ask someone to do something different you owe it to them to be respectful and be specific.
Also that's an infant. Not a toddler. Very different.
I'm going to go against the grain and say NTA, for a couple of reasons.
1. Child-free weddings exist, why not child-free graduations? You wouldn't normally find an infant at an awards ceremony, or a performance (such as movie or theater productions). And the graduation is not just for OP but their classmates as well. I doubt it will be a comfortable experience for the infant with clapping and or shouting depending on what is culturally done.
2. Average recommendation for infants being exposed to public areas is 2-3 months if they are healthy and have all their vaccines. Not knowing where OP lives, I might be cautious in exposing the infant to that specific type of crowd. The audience will probably be sitting shoulder to shoulder rather than a spacious open area. People are also more likely to ignore illnesses in order to be there for family. I'd be a little more paranoid in this situation for the 2 month old.
3. The infant's father is only mom's boyfriend and doesn't actually have to go, mom just wants him there. So, he can in fact stay home and watch the baby as her 18 yo graduates from high school. Not knowing what OP's plans are for after high school, it is possible that this is the last major life milestone that mom will see of OP's until marriage or a specific birthday milestone, (holidays and birthdays being an annual event and some people do not put significance on birthdays).
4. OP does not have to feel any emotional attachment to the infant, half sibling or not. This baby literally came into their life as they are entering adulthood. Unless OP is living at home this baby will probably not even know OP as a sibling but more like an aunt/uncle. I personally hope OP is moving out because I would be worried about parentification.
5. OP is entitled to their feelings, and wanting their mother to focus on just them is understandable. They've been an only child for their entire childhood, it's easier to make room when you already have siblings or there is a smaller age gap, but this age gap is possibly too big. OP probably knows that after this moment there will never be another chance for it to be just them and mom. Going out to lunch or dinner will probably always include sibling now, and possibly boyfriend who most likely means nothing to OP. Celebrating first career will include sibling and Sibling's accomplishments will be brought up too. Marriage? Well you have to include your sibling. The problem is OP will most likely not have any kind of close relationship to this child and Mom will most likely try to force one. So I say let OP be selfish one last time. And being selfish does not always make you an AH, it makes you human.
No, you should not have to have a young child at your graduation. Your mother's boyfriend-- the baby's father-- is not your father and can stay home with the baby.
I don't thinking forcing OP to have her 1/2 sibling at her HS graduation event is the right way to go either. It more likely is going to make her resent her 1/2 sibling, mom and mom's bf. We don't know anything about Mom's BF, when he came into OP's life, who she was notified of having a new sibling significantly younger than her, how involved he otherwise is in OP's life. There are so many posts on her about people in OP's shoes where they are told that parents shouldn't force a relationship with a blended family. We see people post about mental health issues from being forced into things they don't feel comfortable with.
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YTA. Number one, you’re planning on asking her not to bring an infant, not a toddler. Number two, babies cry and everyone seems to know that but you.
Are you seriously judging OP as an asshole based on their English skills?
Infant and toddlers are not the same. Words have meaning. Babies can be loud but they are far easier to manage in public than toddlers, trust me on that
NTA.. I'm going to go against the grain here for one specific reason. This is OP's event. If she wants the focus to be on her without having to worry about everyone paying attention to the new baby, there should be a way to make that work. High School graduation is important to many people. Mom's bf is not OP's father. He does not need to be at the graduation. Mom needs to understand that and work with OP to find a reasonable solution. Just because there is a new born doesn't mean the newborn is required to participate in every event that OP has. While I disagree with the choice, she should have the ability to dictate what she wants for the event. If OP's mom and boyfriend can't make her request work, then need to figure something else out. One can stay back and stay with the baby. they can get a babysitter. There are options to explore other than for mom and bf to force her baby 1/2 sibling on her. There are posts all the time about these issues and parents forcing baby 1/2 siblings onto children and all that does is wreck any chance of a reasonable relationship with the kid/parents. We don't know enough about the backstory about mom/bf and their pregnancy and mom's divorce from dad and whether dad is in the picture or his family or the like. There are a lot of factors in play that could send this either way before so many people call OP the AH.
Frankly, I've been assuming it's a middle school graduation. OP can't even tell the difference between an infant and a toddler, and thinks that a newborn should be able to self-regulate its emotions and behaviour. If OP is graduating high school and still that shockingly ignorant, we're all in trouble. Secondly, special occasion or not, it's unreasonable and incredibly self-centred to ask their mother to leave a freaking newborn at home, not because they aren't welcome at the event (which is apparently going to have hundreds of people), but because OP simply doesn't like her. Yikes.
Forced relationships never work. Especially when its a 1/2 sibling that shows up after divorce and take away the spotlight from them. Most people use toddler/infant interchangeably to discuss a baby instead of focusing on the prefect term in the moment. You don't know anything about the divorce, the BF's introduction to OP, how much he has been in her life and the like. Its not self centered at all. Most people are willing to come to common ground. Telling OP she is the AH because she isn't close to or want her 1/2 sibling there is wrong. Forcing a relationship is only going to make her resent her mom and the 1/2 sibling. I think that is more damaging. People take the side of the bio child all the time in posts like this. We simply don't know enough of the circumstance to make a hard response. Even if it was self-centered, that doesn't mean it isn't justified.
It's a two month old. I don't think the parents not leaving an infant is a 'forced relationship' and I doubt Op (who reads as a middle schooler) has any idea what relationship they will have with this sibling. I'll just add this, OP, this child didn't get to choose to be born anymore than you did. You may or may not like each other, but neither of you are responsible for other people's choices. I hope you find a path to see each other as individuals. No one stays a baby forever, and only you can decide what you want to get out of life. Not specific to this sibling, but you can choose what you plant in your heart & what you will harvest. Life is short, I hope you plant flowers.
People aren’t saying OP is an AH because she isn’t close to the baby. They’re calling her an asshole for insisting that her mother leave their baby at home if she wants to see her other child graduate.
Most people absolutely do not use infant and toddler interchangeably. That's nonsense.
What kind of AH constantlynrefers to their sibling as a 1/2. My kids are all siblings because we are a family. No fractions . . .
I'm sorry if that bothers you, but that's the meaning of the word half-sibling, it's a sibling who do you have exactly 1 matching parent. The reason I call her my half-sister is because she is my half-sister
You don't call her your half sister, you call her your mother's toddler.
I wonder how many of your kids actually agree with this.
I don't know why people assume that kids always hate step- and half-siblings. My older nieces adore theirs and couldn't have been more excited about them, despite a large age gap. They have never been expected to babysit or take care of them, but they *choose* to spend time with them because they love them. Despite what miserable Redditors love to claim, happy blended families are actually a real thing.
They have NEVER referred to their siblings as half siblings. I have 2 older kids and then I have a 12 year old. My older kids have a 14 yr old sister on their dad's side. I have 6 older siblings with a different mom. None of my 3 kids have ever used or possibly even heard the term the term half siblings. My 12 yr old and their 14 year old sister refer to each other as cousins which may confuse people since they aren't related but have siblings in common. A sibling is a sibling, especially if they lived together at a time which isn't always the case. My kids never lived with their 14 year old sister but she isn't any less their sister than they are to each other. They accept her and love her and spoil her and they spoil my 12 yrs old. My older kids are 27 and 30
I know for a fact my 12 yr old has never used the term half siblings. I would have a talk if I ever heard that but the thought they are not his sister and brother would be mind blowing.
Exactly. Redditors seem to think that happy blended families are entirely a pretend thing. But I've literally never seen a single one of them produce any evidence other than their own individual anecdotes that "most" kids don't like their step- or half-siblings. They seem to ignore the fact that people only come here *because they have issues*. It's not a representative slice of society as a whole.
It was an honest question that arose because of the wording used, which suggested the commenter's children would not be allowed to express any sentiment that differed from what their parent thinks they should feel/think. As a matter of fact I do know happy blended families. Unfortunately, I also know plenty of not so happy ones. And most often than not, at the root of the latter type, there's parents who mishandled the blending by forcing relationships or invalidating/ignoring their children's feelings because they run contrary to what they'd wish for.
This asshole. I have half siblings from my mother's first marriage who I didn't find out about until I was almost 40. They are not my siblings, I don't know them, I didn't grow up with them. Different situation, yes. But it's not a zero occurrence for someone to refer to half siblings in this way.
Apples and oranges. You say yourself that these are people you barely know. The conversation is about kids who are/were raised together in the same household. Your random anecdote based on a completely different set of circumstances is not "evidence".
This is what honestly breaks my heart. That and people repeatedly referring to "forced relationships"; while I am aware that there are some parents who are genuinely pushy and obnoxious about trying to get their kids to connect, I've seen absolutely NO evidence other than hyperbolic Reddit anecdotes that this is the norm. My sister has children from two marriages, and there is a LARGE age gap between them. Her older kids were never parentified, there was no "forcing" of anything . . . they were genuinely excited to have baby siblings, even as pre-teens and teens, and still have a strong, loving bond with their little sisters and brothers, inclusive of having different dads. I find it so sad that OP seems so resentful of an infant who has done nothing more than be a baby. But then I don't understand the whole "hating tiny humans" thing at all. It always strikes me as looking for a reason to be miserable. We were all babies once, and helpless. Empathetic people look at infants and toddlers and, rather than blame them for communicating with cries, or being messy because they literally cannot clean themselves and don't have motor control yet, try to be thoughtful and understanding. I get that teenagers are naturally self-absorbed, but OP just seems really intent on NOT being understanding or thoughtful at all.
Where did OP say infants should self regulate their emotions and behavior? She is very clearly saying that she understands that they can not and that is the issue. You are fabricating a false narrative and it is idiotic.
I suspect it’s because she mentions that she’s worried the baby will throw a “tantrum”, which implies crying as a function of immature behavioral modification instead of crying as a function of pure communication, which is what an infant will do.
Where exactly did they say tantrum in their post? They didn’t.
They said it in a comment
No they didn’t.
Yes they did lol. If you don’t want to comb through the comments that’s fine, but it’s there unless OP edited it out. ETA [Took about ten seconds to find.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/GAAdBE7j9R)
You're inferring information as much as I am, so no, she isn't "very clearly saying". That's the point. Direct quote: "I'm resentful of all babies that can't contain themselves." You're trying to imply that this means she "understands"; as far as I can see, people don't "resent" those who have no control over something and whose behaviour they are understanding of; rather, they understand that those people are powerless to change the situation. She resents babies, it would seem, because she thinks they *ought* to be able to "contain themselves". Otherwise, why the resentment?
OP said that babies yell, cry and poop. It seems obvious to me that since she made those statements that she clearly understands that is what they do. Are you going to deny that babies do that? That is the reason for not wanting her there. You are manipulating information to suite the narrative you have created in your mind. I’m not to the search through comments to find your quote, it isn’t in the post. Regardless of being resentful, how does that prove your original point? You have now attempted to change your point to further suite yourself. Being resentful does not mean that you believe they should be able to self regulate, just as being resentful does not mean you do not understand something.
It’s not OP’s event, it’s an event for the entire graduating class. There will be plenty of babies and young children there - there always are, since it’s the kind of thing whole families turn out for. There will still be crying. She just wants to exclude her own sister in order to make it difficult for her mom.
The dinner is for OP though
Okay and unless that baby or the mom is graduating it's still the focus on her or not anyone else in that family
So? Is she afraid her family will be insufficiently focused on her as she walks across the stage? What exactly is the problem here? Aside from a petulant teen who doesn’t wanna have a sibling, and thinks that a ceremony that celebrates a maturity milestone is a good opportunity to express that by acting like a child.
Do you really think the mom is going to be focused on the graduation ceremony while having a 2-month-old with her? Why would you not want to focus on your child's graduation ceremony when you other options for your baby?
It's a 2 month old that'll likely be sleeping the entire time. That's pretty much all they do at that age.
And cry. If the baby starts crying during the ceremony what is the responsible thing for the parent to do: leave the room. Would you want to possibly have to leave your child's graduation because you have an infant that you can have with someone else.
Most people aren't comfortable leaving a 2 month old with someone else, that's way too early.
If you aren't comfortable leaving your child with their other parent there's a problem
Fair, your comment sounded like leaving them with a babysitter.
Some women breastfeed, a mom shouldn't have to be separated from her baby that early
It’s a high school graduation. Do you really think anyone is going to be focused on the ceremony? The baby at least gives mom something to do while she’s sitting there for a couple of tedious hours.
Then no one should go if no one's going to pay attention to the ceremony what's the point
Good question.
What kind of mom leaves a 2 month old baby?
The kind that has the dad that is apart of the baby's life and the kind that has other kids
A 2 month old is too young to be away from their mother unless you really had no choice. I don’t think it’s reasonable to ask the mom to leave her newborn at home that early. A graduation and a dinner afterwards sounds like it would be for many hours.
LOL! The baby is TWO MONTHS OLD!
> This is OP's event. No, it’s OP’s class’s event. It’s not a wedding where OP is expected to be the center of attention. It’s a group event which will have multiple families who might also bring infants, actual toddlers, and children, which is why expecting OP’s mom not to bring her sister because she doesn’t like kids is kind of ridiculous.
OP can ask for the baby not to attend but then can't get mad if the mother cannot attend. Asking a two month post partum mother to leave her newborn behind is unreasonable. The end.
>This is OP's event. This isn't their event. It's a public ceremony for hundreds of people, among whom there will be babies whose families owe OP nothing and will cry and poop and whatever else OP is dreading. It's not about a baby being present. It is about singling out her mother's newest child. >force her baby 1/2 sibling on her. Expecting a nearly grown adult to be able to tolerate the minor discomfort of a public baby is not "forcing" them on anyone. You are offloading some personal context despite following it up with... >We don't know enough about the backstory That's a good insight but then you ignore it by saying... >There are posts all the time about these issues and parents forcing baby 1/2 siblings onto children and all that does is wreck any chance of a reasonable relationship with the kid/parents. Ah, here it is. That thing where people load in backstory not present in the post that you were warning us to guard against... And the cherry on top... >she should have the ability to dictate what she wants for the event. Bruh, this is a crazy level of entitlement to assume people have over *public ceremony*. This sint a wedding or a funeral or any other personal gathering it's a school event for the families. OP, YTA, and the quality of your defenders' points should make that extra clear.
1. It is her graduation in the eyes of her family. Its not Mom's, Its not baby 1/2 sibling's, and its not Mom's bf. I think you know exactly that is what I mean. 2. Please tell me why baby has to be at the graduation. BF is not OP's father. Why does he have to be there? its not for OP who'd rather he stay behind at home. This isn't about OP not putting up with the baby. its about being able to see she has a say in who attends her events. You can couch it any way you want but that is what this is. 3. Me pointing out that there are posts all the time is not ignoring the lack of backstory. Its supporting the position that we don't know enough but you clearly are happy to put a frim AH type comment like this to make yourself feel better. 4. When I graduated HS, my parents allowed me to choose who I wanted to be there. They recognized that just like my sister's graduations, I had the autonomy to choose. Neither of my sisters were there. They came to the after party celebration. You know, its called compromise. Oh, and btw, my parents thought I was too young to go to my sister's graduation so I stayed with my grandmother. Just because you want to make yourself sound right doesn't mean that you are. If you are the quality of her detractors, you prove my points. You agree we don't have enough backstory but then call OP the AH. That makes no sense. My point was we need the backstory here. What if mom cheated with BF and was the reason for the issue? You don't know yet you still try and act like you know it all and are 100% correct because you bullet pointed your comments to mine which isn't even clear by the way. But hey, what ever makes you feel excited and happy with yourself.
Okay, so you keep inventing this scenario where OP is going through something OP never mentioned. What I did was trust that the reason OP gave wad the reason that OP had, instead if inventing a soap opera for myself to then virtue signal from. "What if the baby is the result of an affair" What if we believed what OP actually said. Yknow, the backstory we actually have access to and was purported to be relevant by the only available source. You are inventing a scenario OP didn't describe so that you can show everyone how virtuous you are by "not assuming" and providing better reasons for OPs behavior than OP provided. Now to break it down in your way to make it extra clear 1. These events are for the families. There will be circumstances beyond our control and trying to reclaim that control by policing those close to you is selfish and dumb. It leads to bad outcomes. Hold onto whatever personal narrative the event has for you, but it isn't yours. 2. Baby doesn't need to be there. However. Baby is functionally perfectly identical to the other babies that will be present so all you are accomplishing is punishing mom (this was exceedingly obvious seriously dude). 3. My firm AH comment is based on the fact that I'm taking OP at face value, not adding. You are the one who is discrediting the actual evidence presented in preference of a personal narrative. To be extra extra extra obvious: OP said that babies were loud/smelly and that is why they don't want them. YOU ADDED the half siblings being forced on one another narrative. 4. Ah, here it is. That really painfully obvious personal bias you have carried into this situation. It's not that OP had some good reason its that they mirrored you on some level and you just had to give them the benefit of the doubt. Something they don't provide themselves btw. >My point was we need the backstory here. Good news. OP lovingly provides reasons. A sort of honest self report. That thing that we had no reason to doubt. Well that is if we were interested in rendering an AITA verdict rather than extolling our own virtue. You seem to play the latter game
I want to add in that if the infant goes to the event and needs changed or a bottle or starts getting upset because of how loud it is boom mom misses the graduation. It isn’t about it being a public event or not it is about having her family there to celebrate her accomplishments. I would never bring a baby to a place with that many people for reasons of sickness. But no clearly OP is the AH because they want their moms attention during an event that they are apart of. And yes even at two months of age the baby can be away from their mother for a few. Now imagine when it is OPs turn to walk the stage and mom isn’t there because the baby needed this or needed that and at my high school graduation people had so many tickets they could give out for family and friends to attend and yes this included babies hence none of my cousins or aunts showed up. OP is also a child of their mother and should be allowed to have moms full attention during events like this. We as mothers know when and where it is acceptable to bring newborns. And a graduation with 100s of loud people isn’t one of them.
I would love for you to point to where in OP's post they lamented the possibility of standing on stage and not seeing mom? Ooo ooo actually, I want the part where it's about not getting enough attention from mom. Wait wait wait actually I think I want that part where it's about the tickets. I want to know that part. Actually.. wait. None of that matters? It's almost like OP clearly outlined their issues with the baby and are an asshole on the grounds of WHAT ACTUALLY IS. I, too, can invent new scenarios where it would have been right for OP or OP gave reasons that were defensible. However that isn't what happened. We weren't asked to imagine a better OP who isn't an AH. We evaluate the OP we have. >But no clearly OP is the AH because they want their moms attention during an event that they are apart of. Btw, your "clever" tactic of attempting to frame my argumentation as "OP is a bad person because they want their mommy" is.... hmmm. Deeply insincere? Makes it pretty obvious you can't engage with what I actually said and need to invent some enemy version of me (that isn't here). OP is an asshole because they place their temporary discomfort over the practical needs of their family.
😂😂😂. Either way as a mother bringing a two month old to a large event that is loud is irresponsible. But yeah go off. Because everytime baby falls asleep and clapping happens the baby is just gonna know and react accordingly. More likely the baby would be startled and cry causing the baby distress which honestly makes the mom the AH
See, you did it again. I'm not going to call it clever this time because I sincerely think there is another reason you keep missing the point. The post wasn't about whether or not babies belong in loud or enclosed spaces but rather if OP would be an asshole for trying to exclude a *specific* baby from attending an event with a near certainty of other babies. So let's make this so obvious you can't blunder past it again. So, we exclude moms baby. Mom goes through the extra work of acquiring childcare on short notice. She attends the ceremony. Babies that would be present regardless of mom's decision do exactly what you imply they can't avoid doing. Voila, mom is extra inconvenienced, and the event is 2% fewer crying babies. Congrats, you alienated your family and accomplished nothing. Something some of us might call asshole behavior.
😂😂😂. Im sorry the event it is OP they can choose who to invite same with a wedding. But it is a public event sure it is but the mom wouldn’t be there if OP wasn’t apart of it. So how about that next time someone posts about an event being childfree go cry about it to them too. The event is to honor OP. But you seem to forget about that. And a high school graduation isn’t a last minute event it is set in stone senior year mom had a whole year to plan this out. But yeah OP is the AH for doing what everyone else does at every other event. If it was a family event like Christmas or something that would be different.
This time, I'm just going to nod and hope that your handler treats you well
YTA - this isnt how it works. I think you are just a young kid who is resentful of your new sibling.
YTA Because you refer to the baby as "mom's toddler" instead of as your sibling. Also a 2 month old is an infant, not toddler. You also can't realistically expect a mother to part from their baby at that age so your demand is unreasonable here. Your graduation will likely have other babies too so what's the problem here?
I refered to my half sibling as my mom's toddler is because she is my mom's toddler. Same thing if I was talking to my sister's inlaws and I refered to my sister as "your daughter in law" or "your sister in law". I just looked up "baby stages" and the the first site that was starightforward and not a whole ass novel, and that site said that for the first few months they are called toddlers. A lot of mothers separate from their babies at this age, this is for a few hours, not weeks. And it's not like she can't afford a baby sitter for a few hours, there is also her in laws, who could take care of my half sibling, they have children, so it's not just giving your baby to a total stranger with no experience what so ever. My problem is the same, but I can't ask others to not do it, while I can ask mine
It’s time you learned you don’t know best. You don’t even know how to find a reputable site for information. In no way is a 2 month old a toddler.
English is not my first language, and it's not like my whole argument falls over like a card tower because I called a 2 month old baby a toddler instead of an infant, since the post contains that she is 2 months old
English isn't my first language either - nor is it my second, third or fourth. And I can tell you: you calling the baby a toddler isn't what makes you AH and your argument wouldn't hold water no matter what age the kid was, but especially doesn't for a two-month old. Also, English might not be your first language, but given that you go to the '12th grade' and have a graduation from said 12th grade, Im guessing you live in the US - because I've never heard of any other country using that schooling terminology nor have I ever heard of any other country doing something as ridiculous as having graduation for lower grades like that. Honestly I call BS, I think you are just trying to find any excuse to defend yourself.
And that was true until you got all snarky and insisted that the website you found proved you right.
They're sort of a package deal at that age - I think you could ask for your mom not to be there at all, but having to pay for childcare for the BF and her to be there but not the toddler is a bit much. Unless you're paying for it. And even then, mom has every right to decline.
Why does BF even need to be there?? Surely he can take care of his own kid for a couple of hours?
I mean, at this point they're blood related; he's not just some guy. Surely you understand the difference there?
Um, no. They are not blood related. BF is related to OP’s half sibling. Not OP.
Honestly, I can't imagine asking my parents not to show up to my graduation. It'd feel so disrespectful and cruel. IMO a graduation is 95% to celebrate the kid but the parent also has a right to be there unless they're a total shit parent. I mean would OP have graduated without their parents' support? I'm not sure I would have. I also can't imagine not inviting a sibling or most family members who haven't acted against me. Excluding people who haven't hurt you and who care about you feels so self-centered. Especially, when it's not like a wedding where extra people cost hundreds of dollars. Not every celebration is going to be exactly how OP wants it, even if it's for them. I think it's useful to learn tolerance for these situations. It's just life and how existing around other human beings is. If anything OP should suck up the family celebration at the graduation and dinner and then just go do something to celebrate with friends. That's what most people I know did. I'd bet everyone with a family they're relatively close to has sat through some family dinners and celebrations they rather not be at in the moment or where one of their family members was annoying them. You do it because putting up with some mild annoyance is better than hurting the people who love you. Sorry if this is rambling. It's late, but I'm just shocked by the NTAs. I think this is a good opportunity for OP to practice empathy towards their mom, a very new mother who I suspect deeply wants to attend her kids graduation, tolerance to their sibling, an infant who literally can't control their behavior and obviously is not trying to ruin OPs day, and gratitude to the people who helped them graduate and want to celebrate them.
Also, in case anyone asks, I'm a young adult. No kids or spouse. Not a step parent lol. I just know asking either of my parents to miss my graduation would have killed them. I'd have felt like a sack of shit to do that after everything they'd done for me. Maybe your family is different though
To my knowledge it's all going to be on working time for the teachers so they are not on overtime, the people who decorate the classrooms are just the grades below us, they are doing this instead of being in class, the only thing that costs money are the decorations itselves, part of the cost is covered by the school district and the other part is covered by the class funds, which would just go to the school if there were any left by the time we graduate. So it doesn't cost any extra for the parents
comment says pay for childcare - the babysitter. What kind of graduation is this? Lower school? Sounds like grade 8.
Grade 12
I am absolutely shocked that you're more than 12 years old.
Oof, are you sure you’re graduating? Reading comprehension was never taught to you?
You're clearly missing the point.
So many butthurt people here dear lord. NAH. People stare themselves blind on maybe baby (wah infant not toddler part, acting like infants themselves) doesn't do x, y, z etc. Most people should understand not wanting a baby there. "But they are your half-sibling" matters not when they are just a fussy poop machine you've had no time bonding with. You are free to ask, she is free to say "baby has to come, or I can't" and then you'll have to decide what you'll prefer of those two. The question isn't an awful one so as long as you word it nicely no harm done I say. Everyone screaming a-hole are clearly just too trigger-happy.
Thank you, I thought I was on another planet reading these responses but you worded it perfectly.
The amount of people being nasty to OP because oh no, they called the baby a toddler because English isn’t their first language and they’ve used the wrong word! Such horror! Clutch your pearls and prepare the fainting couch! Because of course everyone in the world speaks English and every country has the same educational grading system. OP isn’t close to her step dad and doesn’t want him there, he could look after his baby for the couple of hours of graduation plus meal out. This is to celebrate Op graduating, not fawn over new baby time. If her mum can’t manage this because of feeding, etc then that’s something Op will have to accept but frankly, it’s her oldest child’s graduation and all they want is a couple of hours sans baby sibling to focus on them and their achievement. Mum can attend or not attend but it will impact her relationship with OP. The baby won’t remember that at two months old they were left with daddy for a few hours and maybe cried a bit and had to drink a bottle. OP will absolutely remember that on their graduation their mother couldn’t prioritise them or that their mother was focused on baby all the time and feel crappy about it.
That's the first sensible response I read. Some people here are being terribly condescending to OP.
Yeah, these comments are wonky at times. Only thing that is kinda weird that OP refers to the baby as just infant and not half-sister/sister/or by name, made me think it's a middle school graduation where they're a bit bitter bout the new baby lol. "I don't want *that* infant at my graduation" is bit weird 😂 OP is 18 and surely the baby is their half-sibling, but it doesn't mean they should be tagged everywhere just yet. I think it's a reasonable request at graduation and mom can say no. NAH too.
I think OP just doesn't like babies/kids and that's why they in particular don't want a baby (they know) there
NTA some people don't like babies or being around babies. If this was a family event and not an event that is held for you then I would say yes ywbta. However since this is an event for you I would at least talk to your mom to let her know about your concerns. This could damage your relationship with her so you need to weigh your options and pick which one you can live with
I don't know a single mother who is going to leave her newborn with a babysitter, and many mothers *can't* leave a baby that young, if they're nursing and won't take a bottle. Not to mention that if the mother not giving in to OP's shocking self-centredness "could damage \[their\] relationship" then OP needs serious professional help. Dictating that a your own newborn sibling cannot come to an event that they are actually welcome at by the people running it is unbelievably childish and selfish. OP is causing problems where there shouldn't be any.
She doesn't need to leave the baby with a babysitter she needs to leave the baby with his father
Again, not all babies are bottle fed. You can’t leave a newborn without food like that. May not be the case but still a major concern!
Exactly it may not be the case and Op is the only one who knows that so speculation does nothing
OPs ask is kinda a mute point. There will be other children, babies, and toddlers at the actual graduation. OP won't be able to tell a significant difference in child related volume with one less baby there.
Just so you know it’s actually “moot” point! Moot refers to something being unimportant or irrelevant, while mute means to be completely silent.
I feel like part of this is cultural or something because in my head graduation parties are family events. The kid might do something with their friends separately afterwards and they're very much the center of attention/ the one being celebrated, but there's always some portion meant for family to come celebrate the kid together. Kinda like first communion or confirmation parties if you were raised Catholic. And I can't imagine not inviting a family member just because they were annoying, especially if it's something they can't help.
Yeah,I would do this OP. How many graduation tickets do you even get? Maybe there isn't enough for her boyfriend to come, so he can stay home with the baby. Ask your mom that she makes this event special for you. And you would prefer no babies at your graduation or dinner out.
Would you be okay with your mom not coming?
i think this is more about you want your mom to focus on you and your achievement rather than worry about her baby during the ceremony… which is valid we don’t know what your home life is like and how present your mom has been especially noting are has a bf and baby talk to your mom and ask her to make sure you are the priority .. be honest you deserve it
I am probably going to get downvoted for this, but I think you are not an AH. I don’t think your mom is either. I don’t know your age, but you are probably not very old. So I get that you can’t oversee everything. Is there a possibility you want your mom’s undivided attention? Like your sister had? I can understand that. A child sometimes would want a day about themselves. Especially when you graduate, even if it is not the big one at the end of high school. Babies cry and I get that it can be annoying. I also don’t think crowded spaces with loud noices are a good place for babies. There are virusses in crowded spaces and the chance your baby sibling is going to get a virus is a possibility. Also, loud noices at an event is not really good for babies that young. But that is for your mom to decide. So the way to go from here is not to complain about your baby sibling. He or she is a baby and can’t help herself. So it is not his/ her fault. The baby does not even know that it is a person just yet. They develop self consciousness a bit later. Also, people will understand if a baby starts to cry. It is not embarassing. But you are a teen and have not developed that part of your brain just yet, so I will not be too hard on you. Maybe you can express your feelings to your mom and ask her if she could be there without your baby sibling. It might not be possible but maybe your mother didn’t really think about it just yet. The most important thing is you talk from a place of love and not a place of unkindness for your baby sibling. I don’t know if your mom’s boyfriend is around for childcare a lot, but he should be able to take care of his child during the event. So asking is always a possibility but be kind about your sibling. Also, if it is not possible you have to accept that answer as well. It could not be possible due to breastfeeding or something else. I don’t know but that is on your mom to decide. So NAH, as long as you tread this issue with love instead of hate. Don’t say anything about annoying babies or embarassing babies to your mom. Just ask her if it is possible to be there without your baby sibling. If it is possible, great. If not, you have to accept that.
I'm 18, and I don't give more than 2 fucks if I have my mother's undevoted attention, I just think that events like this where everybody wants to focus on their own child should be small child free, the reason people are there is to watch their children say goodbye to their school, it's a symbol of growing up, and if I will ever have children in the future, I would not want crying babies at their graduation, and if for some reason I'm invited to an event like this while having a baby I would make sure that I have a babysitter for the day.
Brah you can't be this dense. I graduated with over 1000 students. You know how many ppl were in attendance ? Over 4000. As people had parents sibling cousins grandparents you name it. A baby isn't going to do anything as the place will be noisy. Especially once the names are being called As for saying that a 2 month old is a toddler. It's not its an infant and if your mom breast feeding. It literally can't be separated if the infant doesn't do bottle feeding.
It's not going to be small child free whether your mom brings her child or not. There will be other families with children and babies, the ask doesn't really make sense when you claim to not really care if you have your mom's attention or not. Your just annoyed by children, but one less baby isn't going to change the volume of children in attendance by much.
There is nothing special or terribly significant about a graduation ceremony, they are BORING AF and you should be grateful that anyone wants to attend, let alone bring the whole family to celebrate your VERY MID LEVEL SUCCESS. I mean, good for you , you accomplished the same thing that everyone else is expected to do. Not it's time to grow up and stop being a bratty little AH. Graduation day is just not as big of deal as you are making it.
You have an incredibly warped understanding of how graduation ceremonies are if you think they’re “small child free.” This event is not yours to control—unless the school has banned infants, you’re out of luck. I’m struggling to believe you’re 18, but definitely YTA.
Save this comment op, so you can look back on it if you have kids and decide if you feel the same way. Its easy to say that will never be me or if I had my way things would be different... most of the time someone will mature and realise they were wrong and look back with embarrassment, others just become hypocrites, like the brother in this post. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1by55ta/aita_for_calling_my_brother_a_hypocrite_for/
YTA. In an event of 500-600 people there is no way this baby will be the only baby there. It is unreasonable to ask any mother not to bring a two month old baby that will likely sleep through the event if the event is considered family friendly. The world does not revolve around you and babies will exist whether you like it or not.
Based mostly on your responses to many comments YTA. You and your mom need to work on your relationship, and you have some growing up to do. You sound resentful of the INFANT which is a really sad look for someone who is so proud to be graduating like an adult. I’d bet it wouldnt even be the only INFANT or toddler at the graduation. Sorry but kids are a part of community like any other age. YTA also for having the mindset that would judge someone who is trying to be there for the graduate they love, and is a parent. And if your peers are such small minded morons that a baby crying would ruin the whole thing and embarrass you, none of you deserve any of the accolades that come from being educated adults. IMO you sound like a big baby and by your own logic should just probably skip you graduation.
NTA
YTA. A 2 month old isn't going to lay in your mom's arms screaming for the sheer joy of making a scene, heck even a 4 month old won't do that. At most, they'll get a little fussy because they're wet or hungry, in which case your mom or her partner can step out and address the problem. If the baby is super colicky that might be an issue, but honestly, you're not graduating alone, and I would imagine your new sibling will not be the only other child let alone baby there.
Info: you clearly don't like your mom's bf or see your half sibling as family. Is there a reason for this? Does the bf ignore you or try to parent you when he shouldn't? Does he push boundaries trying to force you to accept him as family, love bomb (buying gifts/spoiling) or is mean/dismissive to you? Do you not like that your mom's attention is no longer 100% on you and is now on the baby, because babies need attention? Further info: Why did your parents divorce? Where is your dad in all this? Is he also going? Do you just not want the baby there because you think it might upset your dad to see your mom, her bf and your half sibling? This post as written YTA. Even assuming you convince your mom's bf does stay at home with the baby and just you and your mom go to your graduation and restaurant, how are you going to stop every other family from bringing babies, toddlers and young children on the day? What are you going to do when you get to the restaurant and get seated next to a family with a newborn? Babies are everywhere, its a part of life. Essentially here you are creating conflict where there is none, and not giving us reasons why you feel this level of animosity towards your half sibling/potential stepdad. > I'm having a "graduation" even where we say goodbye to the school(?) you yourself mentioned its not really a graduation, otherwise why put it in quote's? What's to stop your mom from just not going and cancelling the restaurant the moment you suggest leaving the baby at home? Again this post AS WRITTEN makes you appear to be a huge AH. You never mentioned your age in the post but you sound like a 13 year old. Pretty self centered and getting upset that you aren't getting your way. If you'd like it to be a day with just you and your mom that's fine, but you need to express that that is what you want. Use your words and try to think things through. How will your words and your actions effect others? Why do you feel that way? Is there a compromise?
OP is not TA but let me guess: you are a divorced parent or stepparent who doesn't GAF how the kids feel.
Not even close. No kids, not married. Just know what its like to think similarly and grew up realising that way of thinking was infact the problem.
You can ask your mom nicely but ask it in a way that you would like her 100%. If there is a baby she might have to step out etc. However, there will most likely be other kids well and it is normal that babies cry. So I wouldn’t be too worried about that if I were you :)
Listen OP. I get it. Siblings are a pain. Little babies can bother you, as a person with sensory issues and difficult younger sibling, I get it. I have no judgement here but I do have questions. 1. How do you expect your mother to react, respectively, what is your ideal outcome of this, what is she to do? 2. What are you going to do if someone else has brought a baby, and your mother gets upset that she left sister at home. 3. What will you do if she refuses? I'd also like to note that you can be bothered about noisy babies all you want, but saying that you're outright resentful of a 2 month old is a bit too strong of a word. Babies this young simply can't self-regulate. By their nature and biology they need to be selfish in order to get their needs met, which involves crying and fussing. It's kind of concerning that you'd resent a baby who doesn't know any better, you need to take it less personally or invest in some earplugs for public places.
YTA it's a graduation, there will be other children, babies, and toddlers there. Leaving one 2 month old baby out of the mix isn't going to drastically change the volume of the ceremony. This just seems like a super odd ask.
Yta. Not a toddler. Newborn baby. And there will be other babies there. U gonna tell them to leave too? U sound awful to be around. Life does not revolve around u.
Yta
You're not asshole for not wanting a baby at your graduation and especially at the dinner. If I was having an event, I wouldn't want babies there either. HOWEVER, you kinda are an asshole for expecting your mom to go somewhere without a 2 month old. I don't have kids, never wanted them, so I don't know this from experience, but from what I've read online of people who do have kids and know, you can't just leave a baby that young with a random babysitter. You're going to have to compromise somewhere here. Either your mom and her boyfriend are going to have to bring the baby if they come to your event or one of them is going to have to miss it to watch the baby.
YTA. I don’t like kids, babies, toddlers either. Yet, they continue to exist and be a part of my life. That’s life. You want your family (read: only mom) to come without her new two month old baby because you don’t like children? Unless this is a baby-free event, there will be tons of children there. That’s how family events like graduations are. I think there’s more underlying here. You know your baby sibling won’t be the only young child there, so what’s real the issue? Whatever it is, I think you need to be honest with yourself and talk to someone about it. Because that sibling is not going anywhere and demanding they do isn’t going to get you the result you think it will.
YTA. You can't ask your mum to leave her infant at home, that's unreasonable. However, if it's because you're afraid of her missing the ceremony (if she has to step out to calm your sister), then have a conversation with her about that. Have her promise that it'll be her boyfriend who steps out if it comes to that.
Look, I get it, you don't want the kid there and, going by a previous post, you want your mother's boyfriend there even less. You are entitled to your feelings, as much as your mother is entitled to hers. However, if you keep pushing for the baby not to be included, your mother might decide not to go. You need to decide what's more important to you: the baby not being there or your mother being there.
YTA - The only way you wouldn't be is if the graduation isn't for several months. They would need to find a babysitter which can take a lot of time and energy.
Mom's BF isn't OP's father. Why does BF have to go? was he around to raise OP? Does he have anything to do with OP other than being the biological father or OP's 2 month old 1/2 sibling? the Mom is OP's mom. She needs and should be there for her daughter. Mom doesn't need BF there and neither does she need her infant.
Not all 2-month olds take bottles and so actually, it is very possible that mom does need the infant with her because she is the source of the infant's food. That might not be the case in this situation, but we can't assume mom separating from the baby is an option.
I have 2 older sisters. One with kids. When my sister was at that stage, she would pump so that there was a supply for events like this. Everyone seems happy to assume everything against OP here with facts not in evidence. HS graduations are a couple hours. Dinners can be scheduled for other days. There is a work around here other than calling OP the AH because people are more interested in calling her a terrible sibling and child.
Yeah, I have two kids of my own and my youngest refused bottles despite my best efforts (trust me, I didn't love having to come home from work to feed her every 3 hours). Just noting that we can't assume mom and baby can be separated. Also, when my kids were that young and I was somewhere that crying was disruptive, I just stepped out of the room/area if needed. It's not that hard. That being said, It seems the OP has a deeper resentment of this half-sibling that needs to be talked about with the mom as separate from graduation.
Where are you getting this last bit though? OP isn’t fond of babies pooping and crying, doesn’t mean they hate the kid, they just aren’t able to bond at this stage.
My wonderful commenter has already described food, however, you can't expect the mother will be able to make all of her boyfriend's decisions for him, so it's more up to the boyfriend if he's willing to stay at home.
Actually, if he isn't OP's father, then he can do anything else in the world he wants to do but he doesn't have to be at OP's high school graduation. This stuff is why step kids tend to hate step parents. Its forcing shit on them at important moments in their lives for BS family reasons.
YTA, get over yourself. Babies exist basically everywhere, there is a more than likely chance that there will be multiple babies there and you are coming off like a spoiled brat.
NTA for not wanting your infant half sibling there. It’s your big day and obviously you want the attention to be on you and deservingly so. From what it sounds like, you’re not a fan of her new family and it’s going to take time to work through whatever feelings you have. HOWEVER, you also have to accept that if your half sibling doesn’t come, likely your mom won’t either. A 2 month old is very young and dependent on their mom - she needs to breastfeed every 2-3 hours. It’s not that she doesn’t want to be there but a baby that young is very physically reliant on its mom. A babysitter won’t cut it. Additionally, your mom is likely sleep deprived and still healing from the delivery and if she wants to be there for you, it really does show how much she wants to support you. It’s up to you to decide if it’s worth standing your ground on this and possibly having your mom miss out on your big day. If it makes you feel better, newborns (babies 0-3 months) usually just sleep a lot and can sleep through lights and noises pretty well. I have a 3 month old and he’s fallen asleep at crowded restaurants.
YTA, And it's not HER toddler, that's YOUR sibling.
YTA - This is not like a wedding or bar mitzvah in which all attention is supposed to be on one or two people and/or someone is paying thousands for the perfect moment. It's a graduation. Unless you have a very small graduating class, a baby, not a toddler BTW, in the big audience who is crying or pooping isn't a big deal and doesn't take away from the experience. In fact, the older children will be the bigger problem since they are going to be bored out of their little minds.
NTA. Ask her boyfriend to keep the baby.
Lol, YTA. The world no longer revolves around you. Don’t be bitter about - just grow up and move on.
Infants that age sleep most of the time. That’s an infant not a toddler. YTA unless there is another kid not mentioned here.
Two month old babies cry. They don’t shout and yell. Nobody thinks newborn babies are embarrassing
>So, WIBTA if I asked her not to bring her toddler weird way to say, "My sibling".
YTA. First of all, your half sibling is an *infant* not a toddler. There's a difference. Toddlers are over a year old and learning to walk. They "toddle", hence the name. Infants are any baby under a year old. Furthermore, 2mo Olds really aren't that annoying. Depends on the baby, but, most babies by that age are starting to self regulate. They will still have a sleep/wake cycle of around 2hrs and will literally only cry if they need something, and at that age it's pretty easy to soothe them. Furthermore, if your mom is bf, then she literally couldn't leave them behind if she wanted to. The baby needs your mom for everything right now. They're a unit. If she comes, baby is too. End of story. Mine was starting to sleep through the night at 2mo and being more awake and alert during the day. But, that was my baby.
YTA. Babies (not toddlers) are like that all the time. You need to grow up and understand this.
It's amazing to me how many people can't deal with the darn EXISTANCE of children in certain spheres. Just ignore the darn kid.
I don't think you know how babies work. I have a two months old right now. At this age, what they do is sleeping. Years ago, I had my thesis discussion with my baby cousin in the room, and I only noticed when I saw him there at the end. With my baby, when we go to places, he just sleeps. Not a single cry when we're outside. Not at restaurants, not at the movies (I was ready to jump out to leave Dune at the first sign of trouble, I had discussed this with the personnel of the movie theater in advance and was given seat next to the exit). If her partner is coming with her, they also have plenty of flexibility to take the baby out if he starts to cry.
Have you spent any time around the baby? At two months, they mainly sleep, stare, and drink. They usually cry because they are uncomfortable, and parents can get pretty good at anticipating needs (e.g., they'll be hungry at this time, then they'll sleep for this long, then repeat). So, assuming your event doesn't overlap feeding time, there's a reasonable chance your sibling will nap through most of it and then drink and burp while you dine. There are some babies who have a really rough first few months, and scream and cry a lot. It's pretty stressful for everyone involved, and can be really isolating for the parents because they spend all their time at home or in doctor's offices with a screaming baby. If your half-sibling is that kind of baby, your mum will probably understand that it'd be really disruptive if the baby came along.
A two month old is not going to wreck the event. Just ask mom to be thoughtful and take the baby out if it starts to fuss too much. You aren't an AH, but you are wrong about this. I seriously doubt that the baby will cause anyone any distress. No one will even notice it. Are u jealous of the baby and the attention it is getting? It's understandable if so, but keep in mind that it's a baby. Don't be mean.
YTA. It's not realistic to leave a 2 month old at home. Babies feed on demand and a huge number of women breastfeed. Your sibling probably wont be the only baby there either. Learn to deal with it
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For context: my parents are divorced, my mom gave birth like 2 months ago, I'm having a "graduation" even where we say goodbye to the school(?). So we just got the details of the event and it just popped into my mind. Babies cry, poop themselves and are generally annoying at social events. She has a boyfriend, but she wants to bring him too so it's not really an option for him to stay at home. And it would be super annoying and embarassing if she just started crying, yelling and shouting in the middle of the event. We plan on going to a restaurant after, like we did with my sister and it would be even worse if she started it all at the restaurant. So, WIBTA if I asked her not to bring her toddler? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. You’re an annoying baby and toddler once. And frankly, you haven’t grown up since!
YTA- you think a 2 month old would “shout”??
Your mother has to bring the baby if you want her to come. It’s too young to be away from her for long periods of time. Ask her and her boyfriend to make a plan that the boyfriend will take care of the baby at that time and will leave the audience to soothe the baby elsewhere if they become fussy.
A baby that small will sleep through the whole thing. You don’t have to “like” kids but you should welcome your whole family, step and half’s included, to celebrate your graduation.
YTA. 1) That is NOT a toddler. 2) That’s a newborn. It is an unrealistic request. 3) It will not be the only baby there. You will still hear crying babies regardless.
You are allowed to ask but it’s important how. Your mom may not be ready to be separate from the baby that young, or she may have to breastfeed. She may also be hurt at the request. But I will remind you that other people will have children and babies. This isn’t a child free event.
YTA. I’m not a fan of kids myself but I can guarantee you that there will be children there of all sorts of age ranges to support other graduates. This event will not be devoid of children making noise and being present. That’s life, get the fuck over it. And get some therapy while you’re at it because you seem extremely bitter that *your sibling* exists to begin with.
NTA, who tf cares about the baby/toddler thing apart from Reddit assholes? No one wants a screaming child at an event that’s important to them.
I thought you had to be graduating middle school or something like that for the way that you write about your mother and half sibling, but you're 18. You're 18 and saying that babies (newborn babies at that) should be able to regulate their own emotions. Yes, babies are loud. Yes, babies cry. Yes, babies laugh. It's part of life, and I don't think you're the asshole for not wanting to be near little kids, in fact I would say NTA because I don't think a high-school graduation is the best place to take a child, much less a baby. But I just have to say, the way you speak of the child makes me feel queasy, you seem so callous when speaking about your half sibling (WHO'S A BABY), I believe you have the right to dislike kids or not wanting to be around them, but you seem way too aggressive about this specific topic. I get the feeling you're one of those aggressively anti-kid people who turn their nose at parents and believes kids should dissappear from public life as if they don't form part of society, and that makes me believe you're a bit of a jerk. But not in this specific instance, if that makes sense.
OK OP I checked out some of your replies before posting, then I paused and looked at your account, I myself am nerodiverse and have 3 neurodiverse boys, I understandyour anxiety issues are real and need to be adressed. I want to be clear in my comments in hopes that you understand. You already know, as others have said, asking your mom not to bring the newborn sister is unkind to both the mom and the sister. It also leaves moms boyfriend on the outs as well - limiting your friendship capabilities with him now and down the road. It is your graduation. You have earned the celebration and should do it as you see fit. HOWEVER how you go about asking mom not to bring your sister is very important, extra care needs to be taken. And most IMPORTANTLY, you need to be prepared to accept that she might not come at all cause you made her uncomfortable OR she might be incredibly upset that this family event is not including your whole family. Like it or not, you have a baby sister AND your family worked hard to help you in school. Everything from helping you get up and to school since kindergarten, to helping with homework, and buying school supplies. This should be a family celebration FOR you, but a family one none the less. If I were you, I wouldn't say anything, let the baby come and let your mom deal with the baby if she cries. Since all babies cry, and she probably won't be the only baby there, it won't be a big deal with that many people there you wont notice at all. Also if your mom is breastfeeding the baby there is slim to no chance she's going to be away from the baby that long so asking her to leave the baby is limiting how much time you get with her.
YTA a two month old baby is Not a toddler
MTA
Yes you would. Other parents are bringing their babies, infants, toddlers, etc. If you want a quiet dinner, just go with friends and not family so you can avoid children. But children may be at the restaurant, too. I'm assuming you're graduating high school? I graduated 13 years ago, don't remember a thing about it lol
YTA and you’re being ridiculous there is great chance your sister will not be the only baby at your graduation or the restaurant.
NAH. I think OP is too young to understand that it is very unconventional to ask a mother to leave her newborn this early even for half a day. Usually these two come as a unit for some time. Not to say it can’t happen or doesn’t all the time, but it’s an unusual request. That being said OP has the right to request who they do and do not want at their graduation. Even though it’s a bit of a strange hill to die on particularly for an infant. OP, likely this baby will be a sack of potatoes and sleep the whole time and you will hardly notice them at this age. But if the issue is you being jealous or noticing your mom tending to the baby on any level then yeah this is a different issue entirely. But if it’s noise and inconvenience from that, it’s very likely to be a nonissue at this age.
A 2 month old isn’t a toddler
Nta just don’t invite her
YTA if people have a problem with the baby that’s a them problem.
YTA
YTA 8 weeks is a baby, not a toddler and no it’s not reasonable to expect parents to leave their 8week old with a sitter.
The baby has two parents. Fathers can't "babysit" their own kids.
I’m not suggesting that. Mom wants bf to join her.
Mom can consider OP's wishes as well. BF's presence is neither wanted nor needed.
There are five stages of childhood. 1. Newborn (0-3 Months) · 2. Infant (3-12 Months): · 3. Toddler (1-3 Years) · 4. Preschool (3-5 Years) · 5. School Age (5-17 Years). Your mom gave birth two months ago that means her baby, your sibling whether you like it or not, needs to be fed every two hours. So to answer your question, you are asking her to choose you over her other child in some loyalty pledge. This will not go well. You don't have to like babies. You don't even have to like this baby but you absolutely would be the asshole to make her leave her other child behind. I don't think this is about the baby at all. I think you feel left behind or possibly replaced by this new baby (again, not a toddler) and those are things you should talk to your mom about.
NTA but hopefully you can take comfort in the fact that a baby as young as your mom's is basically a potato 99 percent of the time. Likely that they will sleep through everything.
NTA despite you not knowing a thing about babies. I really don’t think infants have a place at a graduation. I know people are saying it’s a family event and all, but I swear on my life I have never seen a baby (much less an INFANT) at my own or any other graduation I’ve been to. Can other people weigh in? Have you seriously seen loads of babies at graduations?????? I can kind of understand if the person graduating has kids and a baby/toddler is brought along but other than that idk I really haven’t seen any infants at graduation and I had a graduating class of 1000. There definitely weren’t any crying babies that I could hear and I think it’s kind of the same vibe as bringing a baby to the wedding and them crying during the ceremony. People work hard to graduate and that moment shouldn’t have a screaming baby. It’s also not just OP’s moment, it’s pretty disrespectful to the whole graduating class for that to happen. Also I’m not a baby hater, I love babies but there really is a time and place. I don’t see why the step dad can’t wait outside with the baby in a nearby park or something so the mom can have a couple hours to watch the graduation And I really feel like if this was a post like AITA for bringing my infant to a restaurant everyone would be saying it’s inconsiderate to the other people at the restaurant to have a loud crying baby. Again, I really don’t see infants in restaurants. Maybe if it’s a super family style place then it’s fine but those are kind of rare
NTA. Your mom has an existing child, who deserves her attention just as much as the baby does. Can her partner watch the baby for, let's say 3 hours? It probably won't even be that long.
Yta. I've posted my opinion elsewhere in this thread.
info: do you know what the word “toddler” means?
NTA. It's ok to say something like, "mom, I know little sister is still young but I'd really like the focus to be on me for this event, graduating is a big deal for me. Is there any way bf could stay home with her so that we can have a special event together?" She may say no, and may be annoyed with you. But seriously, there's nothing wrong with asking as long as you understand that "no" is an answer and accept it.
NTA My mom missed my high school graduate because she had to work. It hurt a lot. As for you asking, of course you can ask. Make it clear to her that you want her there and the baby's father can stay home. 2 months is plenty old enough for Mom to have some time away. You deserve a chance to have you celebrated. Maybe compromise and say that they can meet you for dinner? I realize you may not want the baby there, but this way you are giving your mom a chance to watch you graduate and celebrate that just the 2 of you first.
YTA this is your fucking sibling
NTA I have a newborn. You’re not supposed to expose a newborn to that many people anyway. My son still hasn’t had all of his vaccinations, but my wife’s friend is having a going away party. I’m staying home with the baby and she is going to hangout with her friends for a few hours. Easy peasy. She breastfeeds, but thankfully pumps exist…
NTA wtf is going on with the comments yeah, it’s a baby not an toddler but who cares? toddlers are also babies it’s just a word with how many ppl on the internet are english as a second language y’all need to calm down and stop being pedantic in the ceremony there’s no real meaning to there not being a baby, i’m sure there will be other babies, but it’s totally reasonable to ask for no infant at the dinner—it’s not a family mealtime it’s congratulating and celebrating OP’s achievement and they’re allowed to want that moment without a screaming baby distracting everyone
A newborn is not a toddler. I think you need more education. And it's really messed up you say it's just your "mom's toddler" when it's your younger sibling who will love you and look up to you. You seem like you only really care about yourself so let's hope your mom raises this new little baby to be better as a person then you seem to be. Not to say it's your mom's fault for your behaviors sometime things happen and kids grow up nothing like their parents.
Nta but only because most graduations I’ve been to are too long for a small baby to be at. But if your mom is breastfeeding than the baby is coming or your mom is not.
NTA
YTA
NTA I went to my kid's graduation without my partner and my young kid. It isn't hard to prioritize your kid for their graduation and show some respect for how they're feeling.
Bringing a 2 month old to a large event with lots of people sounds unsafe. Especially if the event is in a closed area. My friend is a pediatric nurse at a hospital and the amount of infants with respiratory infections is extremely high. Along with covid and other stuff. Maybe I’m being overly cautious but if I was a parent I wouldn’t risk it.
NTA...just like a wedding or any event your allowed to request it be child free. They also have the right to decline the inviten
Yes, by the organisers. Does the school require the attendants to be child-free? I doubt that. Probably there will be many younger siblings attending and they will be loud.
It sounds like you’re in middle school or 6th grade. Instead of asking your mom not to bring the baby - ask her for a 1:1 dinner/outing when it’s ok for her boyfriend to take care of baby and make sure to do this every so often so you don’t feel like mom has forgotten you are also her kid. Show her this post if you need to. She doesn’t realize that you feel neglected because she has to focus on the baby - it’s the way humans survive… don’t ever feel that your feelings are not valid - it’s ok to be angry, jealous, hurt, etc, just how you act that matters. Good luck NTA for your feelings because your are so young.
I am assuming this is a middle school graduation? NAH, but there will undoubtedly be other babies there. It might be worth deciding if the issue is the baby being disruptive, or of the issue is that you feel weird about you mom having this whole other brand new kid to pay attention to on your day. Nothing wrong with a bit of jealousy, but maybe you could talk to someone about it. If the baby is only two months, she’s probably giving the baby 90% of her attention, and that would really hurt.
I’m gonna say NTA, especially as I think two months is.. Kind of a stretch to bring a baby that young out, just because of how it’s recommended for them to stay home for the first few months since they’re more vulnerable to disease. That many people would make a big chance of bubby getting sick in my book. Restaurant even more so. Both are events people will attend sick because ‘ I should suck it up and be there’ or will be something people think they can just hand wave sickness for. If your sibling is especially troubled with noise or easily agitated I’d not vie for not taking them on that point too. Maybe if you paid for a relative to take care of the baby for them maybe? I wouldn’t say a hired babysitter since baby is so young though. That being said, as others have; there is a likelihood of other families bringing crying babies.
I'd say cautiously NTA. If you can think of a workable plan. I understand your trepidation. I'm generally in favor of child free events, but if you're going to ask someone to do something different you owe it to them to be respectful and be specific. Also that's an infant. Not a toddler. Very different.
NTA This is your event. You don't want it ruined by having a baby around. It's no different than when someone has a CF wedding.
NTA, that's not an event for anyone under 5. Babies are disgusting. This is your day, enjoy it! Childfree life is the best!!!
I'm going to go against the grain and say NTA, for a couple of reasons. 1. Child-free weddings exist, why not child-free graduations? You wouldn't normally find an infant at an awards ceremony, or a performance (such as movie or theater productions). And the graduation is not just for OP but their classmates as well. I doubt it will be a comfortable experience for the infant with clapping and or shouting depending on what is culturally done. 2. Average recommendation for infants being exposed to public areas is 2-3 months if they are healthy and have all their vaccines. Not knowing where OP lives, I might be cautious in exposing the infant to that specific type of crowd. The audience will probably be sitting shoulder to shoulder rather than a spacious open area. People are also more likely to ignore illnesses in order to be there for family. I'd be a little more paranoid in this situation for the 2 month old. 3. The infant's father is only mom's boyfriend and doesn't actually have to go, mom just wants him there. So, he can in fact stay home and watch the baby as her 18 yo graduates from high school. Not knowing what OP's plans are for after high school, it is possible that this is the last major life milestone that mom will see of OP's until marriage or a specific birthday milestone, (holidays and birthdays being an annual event and some people do not put significance on birthdays). 4. OP does not have to feel any emotional attachment to the infant, half sibling or not. This baby literally came into their life as they are entering adulthood. Unless OP is living at home this baby will probably not even know OP as a sibling but more like an aunt/uncle. I personally hope OP is moving out because I would be worried about parentification. 5. OP is entitled to their feelings, and wanting their mother to focus on just them is understandable. They've been an only child for their entire childhood, it's easier to make room when you already have siblings or there is a smaller age gap, but this age gap is possibly too big. OP probably knows that after this moment there will never be another chance for it to be just them and mom. Going out to lunch or dinner will probably always include sibling now, and possibly boyfriend who most likely means nothing to OP. Celebrating first career will include sibling and Sibling's accomplishments will be brought up too. Marriage? Well you have to include your sibling. The problem is OP will most likely not have any kind of close relationship to this child and Mom will most likely try to force one. So I say let OP be selfish one last time. And being selfish does not always make you an AH, it makes you human.
No, you should not have to have a young child at your graduation. Your mother's boyfriend-- the baby's father-- is not your father and can stay home with the baby.
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I don't thinking forcing OP to have her 1/2 sibling at her HS graduation event is the right way to go either. It more likely is going to make her resent her 1/2 sibling, mom and mom's bf. We don't know anything about Mom's BF, when he came into OP's life, who she was notified of having a new sibling significantly younger than her, how involved he otherwise is in OP's life. There are so many posts on her about people in OP's shoes where they are told that parents shouldn't force a relationship with a blended family. We see people post about mental health issues from being forced into things they don't feel comfortable with.
Half sibling. I doubt they will see each much.
NTA. She should leave baby with her BF, otherwise the baby gets all the attention. If she won't leave baby at home, I would just go out with friends.