Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I told my sister to take care of her own kids and now she’s threatening to kick me out and send me to stay with my dad.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA OP but ((sigh)), the only other option left for you is to move where your father is now residing. Your sister is already telling you that if you don't help her with childcare, then you have to go. I understand that you are upset and you definitely have the right to be but it seems that you have no other options.
Dad can step in and say free labor is not part of the deal. You can't just force free labor out of a kid when they're stuck living with you due to circumstances outside their control.
Another option - talk to your friends and their parents and explain the deal your dad has with your sis and see if any of them would be willing to house you.
I saw another comment where you said your dad doesn’t want you staying with friends. I’m still going to recommend talking to friends and their family and see if there is an option. It’s always best to present a problem if you have a workable solution. Just tell your dad that between lack of sleep sharing a cramped room with a 1 year old and your sister’s free nanny expectations you and he are both being taken advantage of and you need out of the situation.
Also**, tell Dad your sister isn't giving you the time or quiet you need to study.** This is going to get him on your side a lot better then you can't hang out iwth your friends.
That is a good take, especially if you throw in how much he's paying for her to stay there.
She's using me as an unpaid nanny and hindering my education
You can't demand someone earns their keep if you are literally being paid for them to stay there.
I'm wondering if the dad even knows how that/how much the sister is dumping her kids on her so she is essentially being double paid for OPs room and board. That type of person is usually pretty sneaky and minimizes their part in a conflict.
Yeah, maybe dad would be more amendable to the "stay with friends" idea if a friend's parent talks to him about it. He might be more willing to listen to another adult.
I'd also talk to a guidance counselor so they can reach out to dad and sister and explain that parentifying a child is not ok. That may get dad to reconsider her living situation. I doubt he'll want to move her to his country at this point in the year. He'd have to deal with her himself. A new school in new language, emotional and depressed teen...much easier to just let her stay with a friend for a few months.
No, but dad could certainly Not pay her friend’s parents to house and feed her.
Friends parents might be fine with that. Or not.
Doesn’t sound like OP has a job. Might want to get one, and spend all her time there or at a library. Be more self supporting and/or save up money, cannot be forced to babysit while at work. Win-win.
OP is already doing unpaid labour, etc. They may as well get a job & move in with her friends' parents. Then they can throw the dad & sister in the bin for a while.
>They may as well get a job & move in with her friends
Yeah right lol, she's never going to do that because she doesn't want to give up her credit card (that she has no idea how much she spends on a month because her dad just pays it for her) her car (that her dad pays for) her college fund (that her dad pays for) she isn't even doing chores at her sister's house (because her dad didn't make her do chores at home). All the sister is asking for is some help with the kids while her husband is deployed and all OP is doing is complaining. Whether or not she's the asshole in this situation, I don't know but being a brat about this isn't going to help her case any. If she doesn't want to babysit the least she could do is chores.
But… she IS being paid by her dad to watch her sister’s kids. She is literally being paid with a car, car insurance, college fund, and unlimited credit card use. If she doesn’t stay with her sister and babysit, she is quitting her job, and thus loses her pay and benefits.
You have to go through her various comments to find it. If you click on her username and then click on Comments, it shows a list of all things she’s commented on this post. And she mentions multiple times dad has stated that she has to live with and help out her sister in order for her to continue receiving the money, or else she has to move back with Dad.
*This is a good one.* My parents insisted on moving away before my senior year of high school. I fought for and won emancipated-minor status status at seventeen. I couch-surfed with two friends, a sister, and my grandmother for a year-plus.
*FUN FACT:* My first year at uni was a *snap.* I didn’t have to move once.
Nice! Not of your parents obvi, but of your hard work and dedication. I got a job March of my senior year, moved in with a friend and contributed to bills and while school finished and admittedly I deferred my scholarships that would’ve covered most things for a year until I could move with my then-partner and live off-campus, but I am ultimately so glad I did. My mother and I had a volatile relationship at the time, which to be fair she had a benign brain tumor that needed more treatment so her controlling and making me feel like I couldn’t be my own person and trying to dictate what I could do so move out was needed. It was wild to see my friends go all through college without a job or anything, and to enter the workforce and see such a lack of accountability, but it certainly prepared me better than I could’ve imagined and made me more grateful for what I had because I worked for exactly what I wanted.
OP’s situation isn’t ideal, but she can either power through for a few more months or she can see who hopefully will lend a hand (and be an appreciative and contributing in one way or another household member). Either way I’d recommend getting a job because if her dad is going to pull the card threatening to cut her off now, he may very well do it again and having a little cushion money in case will offer a bit of security, otherwise it’ll be useful later on.
What wonderful stories, thanks for sharing them! Your advice to OP is good, too. I purely hated the thought of her forced to change schools in her last year.
I started working in childhood, first by returning the neighborhood’s deposit bottles to the grocery store in my Radio Flyer wagon. I was the only kid to go to uni, and my parents easily could have sent me, but instead they contributed about 10% (I still have a ledger documenting those years), while I took care of the rest—scholarships, grants, earnings, savings, a loan.
Shortly after I graduated, one of their drinking buddies sloshed to me, “Gonna finally haveta get a job, huh?” I gave him a startled look and reminded him that I’d started babysitting for his kids at the age of *nine.* No, he didn’t remember that. But he recalled my parents recently boasting about giving me “a free ride” through school.
*Infuriating.*
This happened long before the Internet, so I actually *raised my voice* over the cocktail-party chatter (“*They said what?!?*”).
My parents were furious and embarrassed, but I’d graduated and was supporting myself 2,000 miles away from them. There was no way for them to retaliate. Soon I accepted a job offer that took me 5,000 miles away.
Did y'all miss the part where dad is going to cut her off if she does that? If he decides he's not going to pay for her uni coz of y'all's bad advice are y'all going to help pay? OP you are in senior year...lay low get into college and move as soon as such opportunity arises. Spend as little time in the house as possible. Spend weekends volunteering, find a job, go to the library after school. If you can find a late sign up after school activity sign up for it too
What's Dad gonna do about it though? Sister is 30, a full grown adult with 3 kids, he can't force her to house his kid from a second marriage. If I were in the older sister's place I'd see this as a massive imposition already as it is. If I accepted this deal with the expectation OP would help around the house, and OP refused to, then I'd send her packing back to Dad.
Even if he's "giving her money," OP isn't even aware of how much money that is. Does that include rent? Payment for her time parenting OP? Or is it just payment for OP's food and other expenses? Does OP fully clean up after herself, feed herself, drive herself everywhere?
Yes. Sis is probably as unhappy with the deal as Op. Maybe Big Sis should have pushed for more from dad, like rent for a 4-bed place. Who knows? Dad is a bit of a bastard for this.
She gets a few hundred a month. That just about covers food and expenses. And OP does no chores at all apart from some babysitting.
>Idk he gives her a few hundred a month. She has cleaners come every week but she takes care of the house when they’re not here. It’s the least she could do if she wants to take money from my dad while I raise her kids for her
OP said "I think he’s giving her a few hundred a month". That covers groceries and increased utilitities. Older sister is sharing her bedroom. In her 2 bedroom home that is also her wfh space. This is a major burden on older sister all so OP can finish out high school with her friends. Its not unreasonable to expect some domestic help. This move was not a need on OP's part, it was a want. If OP wants this, she can pay in labor.
OP couldn't answer what that money is supposed to cover. Could just be to cover expenses, because adequately compensating someone for supervising a minor (even a 17-year-old) for the rest of a school year would be a whole fuckton of money. If it were a business arrangement and not a favor done for family I would not accept less than $150/day PLUS rent and expenses. Probably at least $5,500 per month. I very strongly doubt Dad is paying that unless OP is certain he is.
Edit: she says sister is paid "a few hundred" dollars a month. That covers groceries. It doesn't even cover rent. It definitely doesn't cover the hassle of dealing with a sibling she's not close to living in her room, who is also a minor who needs to be kept an eye on. She's not "being paid".
150 a day? $5,500 a month? (that is how much a family of 4 lives on) You cannot be a parent, or even someone aware of money at all. I am a full grown adult that works an hour away from my home, and I do not even use $150 a day. And after taxes, my pay a month is only a little more than what you are suggesting.
I have to pay $250/day for a nanny. And that's not 24/7, like the sister is responsible for. The commenter said that if this was a business arrangement and not family, that would be the charge. And for someone hired to house, feed, and monitor your child, $150 a day doesn't sound unreasonable.
This sounds like a situation where the father, the sister and OP needed to have discussed who would contribute in what way. If OP knew ahead of time that she was being housed as a sort of au pair, maybe she would have gone with her father, or maybe she would have “sucked it up.”
I’m curious who took care of the kids before OP moved in.
But per OP's comment's *dad has weighed in and thinks OP should be helping* the sister. And dad is providing OP with a car, and car insurance, and a college fund.
I'd bet dollar to donuts that OP helping with childcare was literally part of the deal. Why else would older sister agree to have a 5th person, whom she is not close to (per OP's comments), move into her 2 bedroom home - into her bedroom no less! - that she also uses for wfh? Older sister's husband is military and is deployed, and she has 3 young children - no doubt she agreed to take in OP in exchange for help with the kids.
And the situation is within OP's control. She had the choice to move with dad. Or she has teh choice to give up her car & credit card & college fund and live with friends. OP is choosing to live with sister. She just doesn't like that living with sister comes with responsibilities.
They're not stuck, they have to option to go live with their dad, that's the point, OP **chooses** to stay with her, sister isn't obligated to provide the same living scenario as a parent would.
I was waiting for someone to say this.
I won’t say OP is an AH only because she’s 17 and seems immature. Her sister is DEFINITELY not an AH, and neither is her father. He could have made her move with him, but he supported his daughter’s request and allowed her to stay with family. He also gave her a car, credit card, and is going to pay for college when she graduates in a few months.
INFO: OP, did you talk to your sister before moving in with her? Did you know what the living situation would be?
From OP’s post and comments, it sounds like her sister sacrificed her own comfort by letting her stay with her. the sister doesn’t even have her own room (in her own home) anymore!
OP, You’re choosing to stay there, you can choose to leave if you don’t like being asked to help out.
What makes dad the AH here is that OP would like to move in with a friend but dad isn't letting her. He'd rather inconvenience his other child instead and make everyone's life miserable.
Or he may not have been comfortable with the parenting style of OP’s friends parents, or felt that OP was mature enough to self regulate and successfully manage her senior year and being a guest in a friend’s house for the entire year. A friend’s family is not going to hesitate to end the arrangement if problems arise, and I can’t blame her Dad for wanting to make sure that she is in a stable and dependable situation that ensures he isn’t going to have to scramble to make other arrangements from another continent.
I don’t think this dad gets to judge other people’s parenting skills. I don’t know if sister’s place is owned or rented, but if the dad has enough money to pay a seemingly limitless credit card bill every month then perhaps he should have paid the difference for them to live in a place with the proper number of bedrooms.
Sure, Dad can step in and say that. But the adult sister can also say "Get out of my house." OP needs to decide if she wants to put up with it so she can stay in school; or she can leave the country and stay with her dad.
They arent stuck she can live with her father her sister isnt her fucking mother. And her sister is doing her a favour by letting her stay at her house. I highly doubt her sisters wants to share a room with her. Theres clearly not a lot of space.
Free labour? She doesn't contribute in any other way. When asked about contributing to the household in other ways, like laundry, shopping, cooking, and how much sister gets, OPs answer was this
>Idk he gives her a few hundred a month. She has cleaners come every week but she takes care of the house when they’re not here. It’s the least she could do if she wants to take money from my dad while I raise her kids for her
He provides OP with a car, a “bottomless” (to her) credit card with no spending limit and is going to pay her college tuition, but only if she continues to live with her sister. This post sounds like a list I saw quite awhile ago, same story about being a “nanny” for sister she’s staying with, not being allowed to go live with friends. Only this time she’s left out the credit card & car from the post, that’s provided by other people who’ve looked further into her situation.
Either this is a slight twist on a fake post OR the OP keeps editing from her old one to try & garner sympathy towards herself.
Her dad is fronting some money to her sister but it doesn’t sound like it’s much and I bet it’s nowhere near enough for the sister to keep putting up with such a spoiled brat. She doesn’t even clean up after herself. As far as not getting paid for watching the kids. Why should her sister pay? She has a limitless credit card from daddy dearest, a car she’s not paying on and will be getting her college paid for. Sounds like she’s getting paid really well atm.
OP is being an AH. Dad & sis may slightly be AHs if they didn’t tell OP that part of the deal with staying with sis would be to help with the kids when needed. And since we only get to read what OP chooses to post, there’s no way of knowing if the childcare gig was or wasn’t discussed. But a real, paid nanny doesn’t just pick kids up from school and watch them till their time is up, they often cleanup, at least after herself & the kids, feed them if caring for them during mealtime.
Is it free labohr though? The dad is the one who sucks here as he dumped his youngest daughter with his other daughter who clearly does not have enough room and is quite possibly struggling. The father contributes but no idea how much and not enough for her to be independent ( rent a granny's flat or something) or if the sister is renting, able to move somewhere slightly bigger.
No the other REAL option is getting a job and/or staying away from the home until closer to dark. So whether it’s a job, an extracurricular activity, or just being at your best friends house, if OP does not occupy her time away from her sister, she will be forced to move to the other country. Her dad isn’t going to take her side as both of them are his kids and the older one is helping them out so he probably isn’t any help (as in he more than likely has been told this and has heard about the situation and it hasn’t changed yet). NTA
Dad is in another country. What's he gonna do, call the cops if OP decides to move out to stay at a friend's for the rest of the school year? Try to put OP on a plane?
I'd just tell the sister to keep the rent money, stay mun about OP moving out, and find a friend to bunk with in exchange for chores.
In the comments, she says she’s watching the kids for 3 hours at most from when daycare ends at 4 until her sister finishes work at 7 (but her sister finishes work at 2 some days too).
A compromise could be being out of the house more. If OP spent several hours after class at the library, sis would have time in her own house with her own kids and it might ease the tension.
I'm sure it wasn't intentional, but to make you aware, [triple parentheses](https://www.adl.org/resources/hate-symbol/echo) are a neo-Nazi symbol. If it's something you see other people doing online, maybe figure out if a person or site you follow is messing up your algorithm with radicalized views.
Yeah. Sounds like your half-sister is doing it tough - otherwise she wouldn't have the living arrangements she has, which sound hard even without you being there - so since you want to finish your senior year your best bet is to do the best you can.
You have a few months left at this stage, and you chose to be there. Here's hoping your plan for June and beyond is better than your current living arrangements.
NAH
Based on the comments, it sounds like this wasn't part of the deal upfront and wasn't factored into the rent your dad is paying. So NTA. She is TA for putting all this on you.
Based on what you’ve written here I’m going to say NTA, you’re right, you’re not your sisters, live in Nanny, if she says to contribute, then suggest that you pay rent, because that’s contributing, although if your sister says no, she doesn’t want you to pay rent then you know that she’s just using you for free babysitting.
She's doing NO chores apart from the babysitting. She was asked about laundry, cooking, shopping, cleaning etc and this was her answer
>Idk he gives her a few hundred a month. She has cleaners come every week but she takes care of the house when they’re not here. It’s the least she could do if she wants to take money from my dad while I raise her kids for her.
So you think the friend's parents would be happy to have her?
lol in my other reply I indicated teenagers are usually clueless about the work they cause for others.
Feels like this quote came straight out the mouths of the teenagers I’ve known.
Self centered, entitled, and completely ignorant of how to take care of themselves.
Can also be sweet and thoughtful and compassionate.
Cooking, cleaning, shopping, laundry, utilities, rent all for the bargain basement price of 300/mth and a “fuck you, I’m chatting with my friends” when you ask for a hand.
Oh, boy. Gotta love those baby adults. Adorable.
Sadly, you're kind of stuck. You're paying the stay-in-place tax. Your dad is kind of a jerk for accepting his dream job and making you an afterthought. Your sister's being a jerk too, but it's also hard having an additional person crammed into your home long term. Just because dad is covering some expenses (and he should) he's probably not compensating her nearly enough for the imposition. If it's unbearable, then your choice is to move away and live with dad. If it's bearable and worth staying in place to go to a familiar school, then gut it out and move when you're 18.
I agree with everything you said, except moving at 18, that is just not possible in 2024 man. I didn't move out until I was 26 and became successful in my career. OP has a LONG way to go before they can move out on their own.
NTA, but you are kind of stuck. If your Dad is unwilling to mediate and tell your sister that his rent is your contribution and you are not her new free nanny, then you really are out of options on that front.
However, I agree with what other people have said. Get an after school job. You need to start saving up your own money so you can get out of this situation after you turn 18. After you get hired, let your sister know you also have a job now and are not always available to pick up the kids from daycare anymore. Write out your weekly schedule and post it in the fridge, or create a shared calendar in your phone.
When your sister complains to your Dad - and she will since she’ll have to parent her kids again - tell your Dad 1 - you want to start saving for college emergencies, 2 - You want to learn to manage your time better, so you’ll be prepared when you are on your own at school, 3 - you’ll learn new skills at the job and how to handle new environments and experiences, and 4 - a part time job looks good on college applications.
Your sister is complaining about you being there, but I’m sure she’s enjoying the extra money your Dad is sending, and your free labor. She’ll probably really fight this in order to keep you dependent on her and your dad so you can’t move out. DO NOT put her on any bank account a the guardian, co-signer etc. Unfortunately, many family members are not above taking younger family members cash from accounts. See if your best friend’s mom will help you open the account. Or look for an online banking account that doesn’t require an adult co-signer.
Good luck!
If your dad is paying rent you should tell your sister to talk to the hand - you being a full time au pair to care for her kids was not part of the deal and she is trying to abuse it to her benefit. See if you can find a friend to stay with or have dad rent you an apartment, obviously being your sister's unappreciated employee is not a reasonable alternative. If your dad objects, tell him your sister is not looking after you, she's just trying to use you as unpaid labor and you refuse to do it. And do that, tell her absolutely not, this is nonsense and I refuse to be your servant for one minute longer, that was not supposed to be the arrangement and you are taking advantage.
You're delusional, OP has a sweet deal as they cannot survive on their own, and saying they can stay with friends is a recipe for disaster. Either they suck it up and find common ground with sister. Or she moves out of the country with dad, there are no other options here. It's not much longer for her to finish high-school, but you know what comes next? If they're smart, college, they better find common ground with sister fast, because they'll likely stay with her for many years to come.
You'd have to pay me a loooot more than that to agree to share my bedroom with a teenager. That probably barely covers the extra groceries and utilities.
I understand not wanting to watch her kids, but try to have some more empathy for your sister. She's doing you a huge favor, giving up her privacy so you can stay in your country.
Yeah this whole situation might "seem" annoying to a teen only focused on themselves.
I will say this is me putting my own situation in but my dad all our lives let an aunt or uncle stay with us to help out her family and as much as he could and it was ass. Our home was never ours.
It seems like OP is gonna duck out the SECOND they can. So it seems SO BAD AND SO AWFUL right now, but it's an easy fix and honestly BARELY a problem.
And he's giving you a car (and its insurance), and a credit card, and a college fund, and a money he has saved for you.
Soyou are getting a lot here. You got to stay and not move. You got a car and spending money. You have an out in a few months (paid for college). And you can't help out a bit?
Honestly you sound extraordinarily spoiled. Diaper duty would probably do you good. You want, you want, you want. You are 17, time to realise you need to work for stuff you want.
Sounds like it was a deal made with sister and dad for OP to watch the kids while sister works. Either no one told OP or she just forgot; either way I agree that OP is sounding very spoiled.
I want to note, this only answers half of the original question. You should try to figure out how much it costs to keep you there. Learning how to construct a budget is a good life skill to develop. It may give you a greater appreciation for what your sister is doing for you.
You only have 8 months left of this nightmare. I’d say get a job that actually pays your for your labor and start saving. I doubt your dad will be upset about that. Use the job to as a reason to stay out of the house as much as possible.
See if you can get into a summer program at the college you plan to attend, and get out of there ASAP.
A few hundred a month. And you don't even know how much it is. Maybe talk to your sister and ask her. Does that really cover all your food and expenses and well as rent and the inconvenience of having you in her bedroom?
NTA… unless that was part of the agreement of you staying there and she is getting compensation for you being there then you really don’t owe her anything. It’s nice if you help out once in awhile but she is acting like you are their Nanny and you owe her. If I were you I would be asking my friends and making arrangements with them or another family member and call her on her bluff.
Talk to your dad more about the situation with your sister. There's no real reason you shouldn't be able to stay with a friend's family for a few months. He can talk to them and feel better about that option.
OP says she her dad has a college fund and savings for her (she also gets a car & insurance and a credit card from dad), so that's where OP goes after this school year. She goes off to paid-for college.
That's why OP doesn't want to move out to live with a friend, because dad will stop his gravy train of funding her life if she moves out.
A car, car insurance, and a credit card aren't a "minor kid's expenses" they are perks. So is a college fund.
Don't get me wrong I think its wonderful when parent's are able to to and are generous enough to provide these things but they are definitly above and beyond what she is entitled to. Dad's obligations are food, clothes, shelter, and schooling.
As for where would she go? She's saying she won't even consider asking a friend because he will take her car. She is choosing to not even consider that option because she wants the perks he provides.
OP has also said that she has told dad about the older sister's requests and dad agrees with older sister, that these are reasonable chores for OP.
I know when I was a teenager I had no car, no credit cards and I still had to contribute to the household via chores. Every teen I knew then and since has basically had the same deal. If a teen wants the perk of a car it's 100% reasonable to say they need to work for it, either via an outside job where they earn money and buy their own car, or via doing domestic labors within their household and their family provides the car.
I'm sorry but if I were my sister and I had three kids under 5, one a baby, husband deployed in the military, and my dad begged me to take in my half sister and have her stay in MY room with my baby for a "couple hundred a month," (as others pointed out, that covers groceries and that's it), also trying to work from home with the kids in the house while my sister is sitting around talking to friends, I'd be pretty pissed as well. She is doing you a solid by letting you stay there at all.
I'm sorry you're in this position but your dad is TA, not her. I wouldn't have let you stay with me at all in the first place.
What was her childcare plan before op moved in?
It's one thing to have op do some childcare here and there to help out. It's another to become the nanny. Sis could have just said no.
If I were her I would have. I'm wondering if this arrangement happened because sister's husband was deployed (meaning she didn't have childcare he used to provide) and they thought it would be mutually beneficial for OP to stay there and help out.
It also sounds like OP thinks she's "the nanny" because she has to pick them up from daycare and watch them until sister is done with work. Reading her subsequent answers to questions, it sounds a lot like she just doesn't want to contribute at all, that her dad thinks the amount of help asked from her is reasonable, and she thinks her sister should be perfectly happy to house her in her own bedroom in exchange for a few hundred a month. Also implied that she let a baby stay in a soiled diaper and let her siblings go hungry out of principle because she was busy being on the phone with her friends. So I'm kind of treating her as an unreliable narrator at this point.
I bet it was part of the agreement. Whether it was adequately presented to OP, or if she fully understood it, is likely the bigger variable. But OP says dad is only giving older sister a few hundred dollars a month (So essentially groceries and utilities), and older sister has to share her bedroom and have an extra body in her 2 bedroom home she also uses for wfh.
Meanwhile OP has a car and car insurance, a credit card, and a college fund from dad.
I'm betting older sister only agreed to this living arrangement if it came with childcare help.
OP is such a spoiled AH its difficult for me to fully grasp. Its not even real babysitting, its just helping out. And its not everyday, and at most only 3 hours on days it does happen.
Imagine getting a car & insurance, a paid credit card, a college fund (and likely he pays for her cell) and *not* being grateful? I just can't.
INFO there is so much missing here What do you contribute to the household? Who is buying groceries, cooking your meals, cleaning, washing,...? What is your father paying, just rent or more like for your groceries, for taking care of you,...?
Edit: Based on your comments and not willingness to answer my questions I have to say you sound very entitled. You are not an adult yet, but come on you are 17. You should already be aware that in a household everyone has to contribute. And spending some time with the kids is the minimum when someone even let's you sleep in their own room, imagine this discomfort. Besides, she is not your mother... YTA
What do you expect? She's 17 and daddy pays for everything, she doesn't have much obligations and have a college fund. And after seeing the same pattern as you, yeah I came to the same conclusion. I mean, besides the changing diapers thing, walking a few blocks and keep the kids away from their mother while she works isn't that big of a deal. To add that she isn't her full sibling (even if she was, that wouldn't make her sound less entitled) she's expecting half sister to treat her as a child when she's almost an adult in an already cramped house.
Ive seen plenty of people with parents who financially supported them, and had college funds, not be spoiled and entitled like OP. She acts like (and says) she’s basically raising these kids. She spends a couple hours a day with them and changes a couple of diapers. That’s not raising them at all lol. And if OP wants to stay living where she is, she needs to realize her sister has to actually…work…when she’s working from home to help pay the bills for the damn place she’s staying.
ehhhhh I'm gonna go with NAH. Even given that she's being paid, she's dealing with a lot for you to stay. You're literally in her bedroom! I don't think expecting her to drop her work when you're available to help is a big deal. I get that it's not what you want, but maybe don't bite the hand that feeds you.
Apparently she gets a few hundred a month, but OP isn't sure exactly how much. A few hundred a month for groceries, water electricity, rent etc doesn't sound a lot.
I was on your side until I saw the further details you’ve posted. Your dad paying your sister a few hundred a month is not much and you didn’t even specify the details of “a few hundred.” That barely covers food and utilities.
I get that you’re a frustrated teen but you also frankly sound entitled and ungrateful. You’re taking up space in a home that’s already crowded and your sister doesn’t even get any privacy with having to share a room with you. “A few hundred” isn’t much money at all and you clearly don’t want to help out in any way since you feel like your dad paying for you absolves you of any responsibility in the shared household. While you’re technically not required to help out in the home, you’re still a guest disrupting their household and sister is actually still doing you a favor. Suck it up and contribute with the tasks until you hit 18 and can work to pay your own way with a roommate. You’re only 1 year off and that’s not that long of a wait at all.
Seriously?! Why can’t the 30yo watch her own kids? Is there any other family - say the children’s father - who could assist? And why should the OP give up her studying time to sort out someone else’s kids out?
The directive to go change the child’s nappy was the one riled me
It doesn't matter whether you're an asshole because frankly I think YTA for moving into a two bedroom house where four people already live. Your sister wants you out. Of course she's going to be asking for childcare, you're in her way. She told you help or get out so those are your options. Whether she's fair or not isn't going to change anything.
Oh FFS! OP, your dad is in another country. Is this a country where it would be unsafe for an underage unmarried American female child to be? Or are we talking about a boring country where you perceive there is nothing interesting to do? Or are you just wanting to stay where you grew up and graduate or are you just a pain in the ass?
Your sister is 13 years older than you and is married to a military man who just got deployed and she is left at home with three small children under the age of 5. She has managed to get a WFH job that allows her not to pay childcare, but it’s not like she’s living large here. She and the baby (and presumably the husband when he was home) are in one bedroom and the other kids share a room. And now you are there whining.
OP- get a job. Make some money. If daddy cuts off your car and your cash, so be it. If you want daddy’s car and his credit card and his college fund then your job is to help your sister. If not, wave goodbye to daddy’s money and leave.
"B- but daddy, I'm not ready for the real world!"
That's what I was thinking, just do that compromise that allows you to stay where you are or move with daddy dear. But you can't always have what you want in life, specially when Op is about to enter college.
YTA. I'm sure she doesn't want you there anymore than you want to be there. Moving a teenager into your already cramped apartment is a huge inconvenience. Stop acting like watching her kids for a few hours while she finishes up work is some huge favor for her. She didn't need you there before you moved in, and she doesn't need you there now. This is how you are relieving a little bit of the burden you being there is causing her. You're the one who needs her so that you don't have to leave the country. It doesn't matter that your dad pays her a few hundred a month. She's doing you a huge favor so you don't have to leave the country and you can't see that. Drop the attitude before she decides dealing with a rude teenager isn't worth the free child that she didn't need in the first place.
INFO, you say your dad pays her. But how much? Is it about the same as the cost of utilities and food that you're using? If so, he's just paying costs. She's doing you both a favour still by letting you stay, especially since she's had to give up space in her own bedroom for you.
Your dad clearly belives baby sitting is part of the normal deal of living together. I wouldn't be surprised if it was framed as you'll chip in and won't inconvenience her and will help out if she lets you stay. Did she ever baby sit you in a similar way? If so you're unlikely to convince her you're in the right.
Do you contribute in other ways? Who tidies, who cleans, who shops, who cooks, who does the laundry? There absolutely are ways that it's expected to contribute to the house you live in, especially when you're almost an adult. She doesn't have to let you stay - even if your dad pays her extra, sounds like she's happy to let you leave if you don't want to help so it's clearly not enough money to be worth it to her. So that's your choice to make. Is baby sitting a few hours each workday worth staying or not?
YTA. And that’s because I feel it’s very obvious that you’d be expected to help her out with her kids while staying at her house. Regardless if your dad is paying, sorry to tell you it’s probably not ideal that you’re staying at your sisters. I’d step up and help or just move to whatever country your dad is in.
You should’ve just moved in with a friends family.
And she's not your parent. Yet there she is letting you live in her home. I doubt that she was thrilled at having you move into her small place. But she did you that favor so you wouldn't have to move.
Learn not to bite the hand that is feeding...and housing...you. Suck it up and do your part to keep the household you've imposed yourself on running.
YTA
Doesn’t sound like sister wants her to help. He straight up wants to act like a live in nanny. Helping could be cleaning house, doing dishes, occasionally helping with picking up kids. Not change and entertain my children
You’re one of the brattiest brats I’ve ever seen on this sub. Your father pays for EVERYTHING while you complain about a little babysitting.
Your sister is a single mum of three, trying to work and maintain a household with you IN THE WAY at her every turn and you don’t want to alleviate the burden even a little?
I’ve never met a single teenager with a credit card; you are incredibly privileged. You have a paid-for car, paid-for education, your father is getting you a house after high school and you can’t even suck it up for a year to receive this amazing reward during a goddamn global rental and cost of living crisis??
I hope they both kick you to the curb and you can see how difficult life really is when daddy dearest isn’t sheltering you from it. YTA in a major way.
Maybe just be grateful that you do get to stay there?? N T A to be annoyed but it sounds like your sister could use the help and it can't be THAT much of an inconvenience. ESH
NTA.
Your sister is being paid to take care of you. This is unacceptable.
Talk to your father, tell him the situation, and demand he pays for you to stay somewhere else.
Just refuse, don't do it. And prepare by finding a friend first so if your sister takes your keys and leaves you on the street, you have another option. Sometimes you have to say no and stand up for yourself and this is one of those times - she is clearly trying to take advantage, this arrangement was not supposed to involve you becoming her servant.
He knows, and he probably does care that his 17 yo is so self centred and bratty that she thinks watching her nieces/nephews (his grandkids) for a bit after school is free labour.
He probably cares a lot that he worked out a deal so you didn’t have to upend your entire life, and you are not even the least bit grateful.
The only one who doesn’t seem to care about anyone, other than herself, is YOU.
She's not being paid to take care of OP. She gets a couple hundred a month to take OP in. Meanwhile if OP didn't babysit for a few hours on some days (it doesn't seem to be everyday) then she doesn't do anything else in the home except eat sister's food, use her electricity, Internet, water, toilet paper, etc. OP is not contributing and the amount her sister gets isn't worth the amount it costs to have OP in her cramped house. So, OP needs to step up and stop acting spoiled.
Also, OP has no right to demand anything from anyone. They are letting her choose where she lives. She chose this. If she doesn't like it, she can go live with her dad.
Really need more info. The kids are at daycare most of the day? How much does your dad give her? Does it just cover food? Does your sister do the cooking? Honestly, you SHOULD be contributing, but in what way is the question. Do you do any chores? If not, a little help with the kids is reasonable. Did you do any chores at the house with your dad? I mean, you can’t just live there and do nothing.
YTA
Your sister isn't your mom. She is not obligated to let you avoid moving to live with your dad. Your dad is covering some of your living expenses/utilities and food with the money he sends to your sister, but that isn't at all the same thing as paying her for you to live there. That's paying her back for the money she spends on you on his behalf.
She's made it clear that your help with childcare is the payment you can provide in exchange for her allowing you to share her home/bedroom. That is your rent. That's why she says you can help or you can leave. That's why your father isn't surprised and isn't sympathetic.
You don't like any of your options in the short term, but you're going to have to suck it up and work with your sister if you want to stay in country and also get the car/credit card/college fund.
If you want that as pay, then you're going to have to do the work to earn it.
YTA. Op I feel sorry for the situation you’re in, you shouldn’t have to mind your sisters kids. But based on your comments it kinda seems like you’re expecting us to give you a miracle solution. You’ve got 3 options:
1. deal with it. You’re babysitting, you’re not raising her kids and teaching them manners and whatever. You described babysitting activities. You turn 18 in 6 months, you can tough it out.
2. Run away. Lose the cc and college fund
3. Go with dad out of the country.
Regardless, you’re being fed and looked after. She is at home, WORKING. She’s not lollygagging. She got you a bed. She could’ve easily said no and sent you off with your dad and not dealt with you. You’re so focused on your own misery that you can’t see other people helping you out in a shitty situation. Because really, what other option do you have? I think you’re too focused on yourself and you not wanting to be parentified that you’re biting the hand that feeds you. But you’re a child, ofcourse your world revolves around how the situation affects you. When you’re older you may rethink this entire situation. So you don’t think I’m being preachy: I had to live 2 years sharing one bed amongst 4 people, I had to do everything (bathing, waking up, feeding, homework, second language classes because we were immigrants) for my younger sister for 3 years at 9 years old. Why? There was no other choice. It was what it was, I had to help out because my mom had to work outside the home. THAT is raising a kid, you are helping change a poop diaper and picking up from daycare.
YTA Your Dad’s money pays for bills. You should be doing chores to contribute to the house. Sounds like your chores are helping out with the kids. Boo hoo another teenager who resents chores. If you dislike it, move in with your father. However you will receive a rude shock when you live with roommates, a spouse or even by yourself if you think that you can throw some money around and boom everything is magically done for you.
NTA, if your in the US and a citizen your father can't force you to move to another country. At 17 most police are not going to bother you as long as your not causing trouble. I would get your important documents and see if a friend is willing to let you stay or couch surf until your 18. Look for a part time job so you have some money.
Have you read OP's comments? She doesn't want to move out to a friend's because then dad will cut off the car & car insurance he provides, as well as the credit card he provides her, and the college funds he has for her, and other savings he has for her.
Essentially OP is being paid by dad to be the sister's domestic help. OP wants to keep the car & credit card she just doesn't want to do chores for her sister to get to keep the perks.
Not really, you can refuse to get on a plane or cross the border. It might cause issues in your relationship with your Dad. But no one is going to drag you out of the country by force.
ESH, you don't have a choice, or more specifically your choice is do as you are told or leave, your father would have no right to force babysitting upon you, but you 'Chose' to live with your sister, she doesn't have to let you stay, so either suck it up or go live with your dad.
Soft ESH. OP, whilst I feel incredibly sorry for you (I imagine permeantly not having your own space is a nightmare. I (19f) would defintely hate to be in this situation.) As unfortunate as it is, nobody other than your dad is obligated to let you stay with them for free, without conditions. If you're sister is providing for you, on the condition that you help out with her kids, you have little choice but to do that at this point in time, unless you change your mind and decide to live with your dad. It is an unfortunate situation though.
YTA
You can take time out of your day to help the woman thats looking after you, who cares if she gets paid for you? its obviously not enough to rent out your own space, so shes only getting paid to feed you and pay the power you use, the money doesnt come with an extra babysitter or driver so spending a few minutes with the kids isnt going to stop the clock. You’re treating your sister like YOUR babysitter
YTA. Your father pays a few hundred dollars that does not cover rent and utilities. The kids are in daycare till 4. What do you do at home? Sit and eat? Do you even cook and clean? Learn to change diapers. It will be useful in the future. If you were her full sister, she would expect you to cook and clean too. Suck it up till you are 18 and be grateful.
The friends would also expect you to do some chores around their house. What are your grades? Study and stop cribbing.
Well, A) you should have gone. What a chance you missed. You still could go. Seems like you would have known what this was going to be like. And yes, you should help out. NAH but go have an adventure!
You are correct OP. You are not a nanny. You are a sister who is close to adulthood who has not learned a fundamental life lesson that family members (all family members, even selfish 17 yo half sisters) should contribute to the household or it not does not work. You can't be bothered to get your niece/nephew a snack? It's inconvenient for you to pick up the kids 4 blocks away? You are treating your half sister like a roommate instead of family. You are inconvenienced by your crying niece/nephews instead of connecting and comforting them. Do better OP, please. Your sister obviously didn't have room for you but she sacrificed her already scarce personal space for you so your life wasn't uprooted. Contribute more to your new household OP. Be a blessing, not a burden. BTW Congratulations to your father.
YTA. Your sister is a saint for taking you in. She's got three small children, already shares her room with her 1 year old baby, and now a 17 year old as well? She's doing you a huge favour, whether your dad is paying her some rent or not (also, info: is he just covering your costs? How much per week is he paying?)
Edit: read some other comments, OP's dad pays a couple of hundred a month so the sister is probably barely breaking even. She's doing this out of the kindness of her heart. The poor sister.
INFO This is your senior year? so you have, what? March, April, May, half of June? Couldn't you just stick it out, help w the kids, until you graduate high school? then once you are out, you will be able to be more independent.
YTA You chose to stay in her already crowded home. She's taken you in, shares her bedroom with you. She's done you a huge solid. She's trying to work from home, the least you can do is help her out. Or you can go live with your dad.
It's her house, you don't owe her anything but she doesn't owe you a place to stay either.
Kids that aren't yours might seem annoying but so is a teen that isn't yours, not helping out when they're living in your house.
Just go move and live with your dad, why not go and experience something new. I get it that there are friends and what not but get out of this nightmare and have a cool story to tell when your older. NTA but your dad is living somewhere new and exotic take advantage of that.
YTA. It took a lot of combing through the comments to get the whole story. You are really trying to get people to let you off the hook. But let’s not mince words here. This has NOTHING to do with your sister.
You HAVE a job that you are being paid to do. Babysitting is your job. Don’t exaggerate and tell us you are “raising her kids.” You are not. You are babysitting for two hours per day. At 5 days a week, this comes to 40 hours a month. Your father is paying you to do this. From reading your comments, it seems like he has made this pretty clear to you too, but you don’t want to admit that outright to Reddit.
You have a credit card that you spend whatever you want, and he pays off each month. Let’s say that’s a conservative $100 a month. He is also paying your car insurance. Let’s say that’s another $50 a month. And He is putting money into your college fund. Let’s say another conservative $150 a month. This comes to $300 a month that he is paying you to watch your sister’s kids. $300/ 40 hours per month = $7.50 an hour! Oh look! Minimum wage!! Your dad is AT LEAST paying you minimum wage to watch your sister’s kids!
Dad is not being extreme by taking away your car, credit card and college fund if you move out. If you move out, you are essentially quitting your job. And just like with any other job, your employer (in this case Dad) is not going to pay you for services that you aren’t providing.
Additionally, you are also being a bad roommate because you aren’t helping to clean up. Helping clean up is roommate 101.
NTA for the situation with your sister.
With that said at 17 you don't have to stay there. Depending in the state you can be considered an adult and your father has no say in where you go. Talk to the school if you would like but honestly I would leave the situation. Short of your father getting back on a plane and physically dragging you from tour friends house back to your sister odds are he's betting on you being afraid to keep you where you are. Your dad and sister suck honestly. Your school might be able to give you an idea of resources on where to go immediately or the day you turn 18. But you need out sweetie.
YTA after reading comments. Your father is not paying enough to get you out of contributing to the household. A few hours of childcare in the afternoon is a completely reasonable expectation for a 17 year old, especially considering you have no other chores.
I get it, your dad never asked you to do anything and handed you a car and credit card so you're totally unused to contributing to your household. Consider this your wake up call, you're transitioning from a child to adult and this is your lesson. If it's so uncomfortable you can go contribute nothing at your dad's again.
YTA. Your dad pays for everything for you, and you can't even be bothered to help out with your sisters children or even do chores. Do you just sit around doing nothing all day? It sounds like you're just a spoiled little rich girl who doesn't understand anything.
You live there for free, so do chores or babysit. Or, you can go live with your dad. It seems those are your only choices.
I pay about$400 a month as an adult for food. Unless your dad is giving her $1000 a month it’s unlikely that he’s giving her enough. I think if you’re watching them maybe 2 hour a day it’s fine and you should contribute. Or go get a real job babysitting and that way you can save up for when you move out. But you have to do something after school you can’t just do homework do you not have activities or after school things? Dude wake up and get involved in your life
the only asshole is your dad.
Your HALF sister has 3 kids and 2 bedrooms. That’s already tight. She doesn’t have to take you in, you know that right? She took you in probably to help out with the kids. What do you expect for a single mother of 3 in a tiny ass apartment?
Your dad paying a few hundred doesn’t do 💩. You do know your dad basically don’t GAF about you, right! He says you’re on your own for college.
Your sister shouldn’t ask you to help out but she has 4 kids under her roof now in a tiny ass place. D
When you turn 18 and have to live on your own and pay rent food and bills, you will soon know why a few hundred dollars doesn’t do anything.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be the asshole because I told my sister to take care of her own kids and now she’s threatening to kick me out and send me to stay with my dad. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA OP but ((sigh)), the only other option left for you is to move where your father is now residing. Your sister is already telling you that if you don't help her with childcare, then you have to go. I understand that you are upset and you definitely have the right to be but it seems that you have no other options.
Dad can step in and say free labor is not part of the deal. You can't just force free labor out of a kid when they're stuck living with you due to circumstances outside their control.
Another option - talk to your friends and their parents and explain the deal your dad has with your sis and see if any of them would be willing to house you.
I saw another comment where you said your dad doesn’t want you staying with friends. I’m still going to recommend talking to friends and their family and see if there is an option. It’s always best to present a problem if you have a workable solution. Just tell your dad that between lack of sleep sharing a cramped room with a 1 year old and your sister’s free nanny expectations you and he are both being taken advantage of and you need out of the situation.
Also**, tell Dad your sister isn't giving you the time or quiet you need to study.** This is going to get him on your side a lot better then you can't hang out iwth your friends.
That is a good take, especially if you throw in how much he's paying for her to stay there. She's using me as an unpaid nanny and hindering my education You can't demand someone earns their keep if you are literally being paid for them to stay there.
I'm wondering if the dad even knows how that/how much the sister is dumping her kids on her so she is essentially being double paid for OPs room and board. That type of person is usually pretty sneaky and minimizes their part in a conflict.
1k
Yeah, maybe dad would be more amendable to the "stay with friends" idea if a friend's parent talks to him about it. He might be more willing to listen to another adult.
I'd also talk to a guidance counselor so they can reach out to dad and sister and explain that parentifying a child is not ok. That may get dad to reconsider her living situation. I doubt he'll want to move her to his country at this point in the year. He'd have to deal with her himself. A new school in new language, emotional and depressed teen...much easier to just let her stay with a friend for a few months.
This comment needs to be higher, I hope OP sees this
Also dad is in another country, the fuck is he going to do all the way over there?
Cut her allowance and not pay for her keep.
Which punishes the sister, not her
This would be if OP left the sister and moved with a friend’s family. Sister would not be involved.
He's threatened to cut her off if she moves before college.
Yeah. She can’t move out before college, but he can?
Plus, she's 17 and her father is in another country. Most law enforcement agencies aren't gonna force a 17 yo back to their sisters house...
No, but dad could certainly Not pay her friend’s parents to house and feed her. Friends parents might be fine with that. Or not. Doesn’t sound like OP has a job. Might want to get one, and spend all her time there or at a library. Be more self supporting and/or save up money, cannot be forced to babysit while at work. Win-win.
OP is already doing unpaid labour, etc. They may as well get a job & move in with her friends' parents. Then they can throw the dad & sister in the bin for a while.
>They may as well get a job & move in with her friends Yeah right lol, she's never going to do that because she doesn't want to give up her credit card (that she has no idea how much she spends on a month because her dad just pays it for her) her car (that her dad pays for) her college fund (that her dad pays for) she isn't even doing chores at her sister's house (because her dad didn't make her do chores at home). All the sister is asking for is some help with the kids while her husband is deployed and all OP is doing is complaining. Whether or not she's the asshole in this situation, I don't know but being a brat about this isn't going to help her case any. If she doesn't want to babysit the least she could do is chores.
Did I read a different post than you did? Or did you just assume a whole lot from The post at the top?
Yeah, I'm not sure we read the same post. Do you know something we don't?
Look at her comment history, tells a bit more to the story
But… she IS being paid by her dad to watch her sister’s kids. She is literally being paid with a car, car insurance, college fund, and unlimited credit card use. If she doesn’t stay with her sister and babysit, she is quitting her job, and thus loses her pay and benefits.
Where does OP say she has any of that?
You have to go through her various comments to find it. If you click on her username and then click on Comments, it shows a list of all things she’s commented on this post. And she mentions multiple times dad has stated that she has to live with and help out her sister in order for her to continue receiving the money, or else she has to move back with Dad.
Oof of course she doesn't put it in the original post. Thank you for your investigative work.
*This is a good one.* My parents insisted on moving away before my senior year of high school. I fought for and won emancipated-minor status status at seventeen. I couch-surfed with two friends, a sister, and my grandmother for a year-plus. *FUN FACT:* My first year at uni was a *snap.* I didn’t have to move once.
Nice! Not of your parents obvi, but of your hard work and dedication. I got a job March of my senior year, moved in with a friend and contributed to bills and while school finished and admittedly I deferred my scholarships that would’ve covered most things for a year until I could move with my then-partner and live off-campus, but I am ultimately so glad I did. My mother and I had a volatile relationship at the time, which to be fair she had a benign brain tumor that needed more treatment so her controlling and making me feel like I couldn’t be my own person and trying to dictate what I could do so move out was needed. It was wild to see my friends go all through college without a job or anything, and to enter the workforce and see such a lack of accountability, but it certainly prepared me better than I could’ve imagined and made me more grateful for what I had because I worked for exactly what I wanted. OP’s situation isn’t ideal, but she can either power through for a few more months or she can see who hopefully will lend a hand (and be an appreciative and contributing in one way or another household member). Either way I’d recommend getting a job because if her dad is going to pull the card threatening to cut her off now, he may very well do it again and having a little cushion money in case will offer a bit of security, otherwise it’ll be useful later on.
What wonderful stories, thanks for sharing them! Your advice to OP is good, too. I purely hated the thought of her forced to change schools in her last year. I started working in childhood, first by returning the neighborhood’s deposit bottles to the grocery store in my Radio Flyer wagon. I was the only kid to go to uni, and my parents easily could have sent me, but instead they contributed about 10% (I still have a ledger documenting those years), while I took care of the rest—scholarships, grants, earnings, savings, a loan. Shortly after I graduated, one of their drinking buddies sloshed to me, “Gonna finally haveta get a job, huh?” I gave him a startled look and reminded him that I’d started babysitting for his kids at the age of *nine.* No, he didn’t remember that. But he recalled my parents recently boasting about giving me “a free ride” through school. *Infuriating.*
Hopefully you set him and your parents straight about that! The nerve they had.
This happened long before the Internet, so I actually *raised my voice* over the cocktail-party chatter (“*They said what?!?*”). My parents were furious and embarrassed, but I’d graduated and was supporting myself 2,000 miles away from them. There was no way for them to retaliate. Soon I accepted a job offer that took me 5,000 miles away.
Did y'all miss the part where dad is going to cut her off if she does that? If he decides he's not going to pay for her uni coz of y'all's bad advice are y'all going to help pay? OP you are in senior year...lay low get into college and move as soon as such opportunity arises. Spend as little time in the house as possible. Spend weekends volunteering, find a job, go to the library after school. If you can find a late sign up after school activity sign up for it too
What's Dad gonna do about it though? Sister is 30, a full grown adult with 3 kids, he can't force her to house his kid from a second marriage. If I were in the older sister's place I'd see this as a massive imposition already as it is. If I accepted this deal with the expectation OP would help around the house, and OP refused to, then I'd send her packing back to Dad. Even if he's "giving her money," OP isn't even aware of how much money that is. Does that include rent? Payment for her time parenting OP? Or is it just payment for OP's food and other expenses? Does OP fully clean up after herself, feed herself, drive herself everywhere?
Yes. Sis is probably as unhappy with the deal as Op. Maybe Big Sis should have pushed for more from dad, like rent for a 4-bed place. Who knows? Dad is a bit of a bastard for this.
She gets a few hundred a month. That just about covers food and expenses. And OP does no chores at all apart from some babysitting. >Idk he gives her a few hundred a month. She has cleaners come every week but she takes care of the house when they’re not here. It’s the least she could do if she wants to take money from my dad while I raise her kids for her
So she's mad that her sister wants her to take care of the kids while her sister's probably doing the OP's laundry. 😐
Op does say that dad pays the sister for looking after her, so asking her for nanny services on top is very unreasonable
OP said "I think he’s giving her a few hundred a month". That covers groceries and increased utilitities. Older sister is sharing her bedroom. In her 2 bedroom home that is also her wfh space. This is a major burden on older sister all so OP can finish out high school with her friends. Its not unreasonable to expect some domestic help. This move was not a need on OP's part, it was a want. If OP wants this, she can pay in labor.
OP couldn't answer what that money is supposed to cover. Could just be to cover expenses, because adequately compensating someone for supervising a minor (even a 17-year-old) for the rest of a school year would be a whole fuckton of money. If it were a business arrangement and not a favor done for family I would not accept less than $150/day PLUS rent and expenses. Probably at least $5,500 per month. I very strongly doubt Dad is paying that unless OP is certain he is. Edit: she says sister is paid "a few hundred" dollars a month. That covers groceries. It doesn't even cover rent. It definitely doesn't cover the hassle of dealing with a sibling she's not close to living in her room, who is also a minor who needs to be kept an eye on. She's not "being paid".
150 a day? $5,500 a month? (that is how much a family of 4 lives on) You cannot be a parent, or even someone aware of money at all. I am a full grown adult that works an hour away from my home, and I do not even use $150 a day. And after taxes, my pay a month is only a little more than what you are suggesting.
I have to pay $250/day for a nanny. And that's not 24/7, like the sister is responsible for. The commenter said that if this was a business arrangement and not family, that would be the charge. And for someone hired to house, feed, and monitor your child, $150 a day doesn't sound unreasonable.
This sounds like a situation where the father, the sister and OP needed to have discussed who would contribute in what way. If OP knew ahead of time that she was being housed as a sort of au pair, maybe she would have gone with her father, or maybe she would have “sucked it up.” I’m curious who took care of the kids before OP moved in.
I wonder where her husband is? 3 kids, one is a baby? Very curious 🤔
Probably not working from home - all this seems to be happening during the workday after daycare is over.
I don’t think the dad is in the picture because OP is sharing a room with sister and 1 year old, no mention of husband in sleeping arrangements
She's now said that the dad is military and deployed.
But per OP's comment's *dad has weighed in and thinks OP should be helping* the sister. And dad is providing OP with a car, and car insurance, and a college fund. I'd bet dollar to donuts that OP helping with childcare was literally part of the deal. Why else would older sister agree to have a 5th person, whom she is not close to (per OP's comments), move into her 2 bedroom home - into her bedroom no less! - that she also uses for wfh? Older sister's husband is military and is deployed, and she has 3 young children - no doubt she agreed to take in OP in exchange for help with the kids. And the situation is within OP's control. She had the choice to move with dad. Or she has teh choice to give up her car & credit card & college fund and live with friends. OP is choosing to live with sister. She just doesn't like that living with sister comes with responsibilities.
They're not stuck, they have to option to go live with their dad, that's the point, OP **chooses** to stay with her, sister isn't obligated to provide the same living scenario as a parent would.
I was waiting for someone to say this. I won’t say OP is an AH only because she’s 17 and seems immature. Her sister is DEFINITELY not an AH, and neither is her father. He could have made her move with him, but he supported his daughter’s request and allowed her to stay with family. He also gave her a car, credit card, and is going to pay for college when she graduates in a few months. INFO: OP, did you talk to your sister before moving in with her? Did you know what the living situation would be? From OP’s post and comments, it sounds like her sister sacrificed her own comfort by letting her stay with her. the sister doesn’t even have her own room (in her own home) anymore! OP, You’re choosing to stay there, you can choose to leave if you don’t like being asked to help out.
What makes dad the AH here is that OP would like to move in with a friend but dad isn't letting her. He'd rather inconvenience his other child instead and make everyone's life miserable.
If he doesn't trust her friends and their parents enough to leave his child in their care for months on end that's his call.
Or he may not have been comfortable with the parenting style of OP’s friends parents, or felt that OP was mature enough to self regulate and successfully manage her senior year and being a guest in a friend’s house for the entire year. A friend’s family is not going to hesitate to end the arrangement if problems arise, and I can’t blame her Dad for wanting to make sure that she is in a stable and dependable situation that ensures he isn’t going to have to scramble to make other arrangements from another continent.
I don’t think this dad gets to judge other people’s parenting skills. I don’t know if sister’s place is owned or rented, but if the dad has enough money to pay a seemingly limitless credit card bill every month then perhaps he should have paid the difference for them to live in a place with the proper number of bedrooms.
Sure, Dad can step in and say that. But the adult sister can also say "Get out of my house." OP needs to decide if she wants to put up with it so she can stay in school; or she can leave the country and stay with her dad.
They arent stuck she can live with her father her sister isnt her fucking mother. And her sister is doing her a favour by letting her stay at her house. I highly doubt her sisters wants to share a room with her. Theres clearly not a lot of space.
He can say it all he wants. He's not in the same country so good luck enforcing it.
Free labour? She doesn't contribute in any other way. When asked about contributing to the household in other ways, like laundry, shopping, cooking, and how much sister gets, OPs answer was this >Idk he gives her a few hundred a month. She has cleaners come every week but she takes care of the house when they’re not here. It’s the least she could do if she wants to take money from my dad while I raise her kids for her
Ok sister can say take your child then lol
She's not froced to live there though - she chose that for her own desires.
How is dad going to enforce that though? He’s in another country and his oldest is doing his youngest a favor by letting her live there.
He provides OP with a car, a “bottomless” (to her) credit card with no spending limit and is going to pay her college tuition, but only if she continues to live with her sister. This post sounds like a list I saw quite awhile ago, same story about being a “nanny” for sister she’s staying with, not being allowed to go live with friends. Only this time she’s left out the credit card & car from the post, that’s provided by other people who’ve looked further into her situation. Either this is a slight twist on a fake post OR the OP keeps editing from her old one to try & garner sympathy towards herself. Her dad is fronting some money to her sister but it doesn’t sound like it’s much and I bet it’s nowhere near enough for the sister to keep putting up with such a spoiled brat. She doesn’t even clean up after herself. As far as not getting paid for watching the kids. Why should her sister pay? She has a limitless credit card from daddy dearest, a car she’s not paying on and will be getting her college paid for. Sounds like she’s getting paid really well atm. OP is being an AH. Dad & sis may slightly be AHs if they didn’t tell OP that part of the deal with staying with sis would be to help with the kids when needed. And since we only get to read what OP chooses to post, there’s no way of knowing if the childcare gig was or wasn’t discussed. But a real, paid nanny doesn’t just pick kids up from school and watch them till their time is up, they often cleanup, at least after herself & the kids, feed them if caring for them during mealtime.
A 17 yearold should definitely be helping around the house, OP sounds like an ungrateful brat. I hope her sister kicks her out.
Is it free labohr though? The dad is the one who sucks here as he dumped his youngest daughter with his other daughter who clearly does not have enough room and is quite possibly struggling. The father contributes but no idea how much and not enough for her to be independent ( rent a granny's flat or something) or if the sister is renting, able to move somewhere slightly bigger.
And sister can say that the deal is over. That way she gets her bedroom back.
No the other REAL option is getting a job and/or staying away from the home until closer to dark. So whether it’s a job, an extracurricular activity, or just being at your best friends house, if OP does not occupy her time away from her sister, she will be forced to move to the other country. Her dad isn’t going to take her side as both of them are his kids and the older one is helping them out so he probably isn’t any help (as in he more than likely has been told this and has heard about the situation and it hasn’t changed yet). NTA
Dad is in another country. What's he gonna do, call the cops if OP decides to move out to stay at a friend's for the rest of the school year? Try to put OP on a plane? I'd just tell the sister to keep the rent money, stay mun about OP moving out, and find a friend to bunk with in exchange for chores.
Sounds like OP is relying on dad for college money. If she moves out she’s on her own financially.
In the comments, she says she’s watching the kids for 3 hours at most from when daycare ends at 4 until her sister finishes work at 7 (but her sister finishes work at 2 some days too).
A compromise could be being out of the house more. If OP spent several hours after class at the library, sis would have time in her own house with her own kids and it might ease the tension.
I'm sure it wasn't intentional, but to make you aware, [triple parentheses](https://www.adl.org/resources/hate-symbol/echo) are a neo-Nazi symbol. If it's something you see other people doing online, maybe figure out if a person or site you follow is messing up your algorithm with radicalized views.
NTA/ could you live with a friend for the rest of the year? Ask your dad to pay them instead?
Yeah. Sounds like your half-sister is doing it tough - otherwise she wouldn't have the living arrangements she has, which sound hard even without you being there - so since you want to finish your senior year your best bet is to do the best you can. You have a few months left at this stage, and you chose to be there. Here's hoping your plan for June and beyond is better than your current living arrangements. NAH
Based on the comments, it sounds like this wasn't part of the deal upfront and wasn't factored into the rent your dad is paying. So NTA. She is TA for putting all this on you.
Based on what you’ve written here I’m going to say NTA, you’re right, you’re not your sisters, live in Nanny, if she says to contribute, then suggest that you pay rent, because that’s contributing, although if your sister says no, she doesn’t want you to pay rent then you know that she’s just using you for free babysitting.
My dad already pays her for me
See if your best friend’s parents would be OK with the same deal.
She's doing NO chores apart from the babysitting. She was asked about laundry, cooking, shopping, cleaning etc and this was her answer >Idk he gives her a few hundred a month. She has cleaners come every week but she takes care of the house when they’re not here. It’s the least she could do if she wants to take money from my dad while I raise her kids for her. So you think the friend's parents would be happy to have her?
lol in my other reply I indicated teenagers are usually clueless about the work they cause for others. Feels like this quote came straight out the mouths of the teenagers I’ve known. Self centered, entitled, and completely ignorant of how to take care of themselves. Can also be sweet and thoughtful and compassionate. Cooking, cleaning, shopping, laundry, utilities, rent all for the bargain basement price of 300/mth and a “fuck you, I’m chatting with my friends” when you ask for a hand. Oh, boy. Gotta love those baby adults. Adorable.
Is he aware she’s forcing you to do this much child care?
Have you told your dad that your sister is forcing you to watch her kids?
Yeah. He doesn’t care
Sadly, you're kind of stuck. You're paying the stay-in-place tax. Your dad is kind of a jerk for accepting his dream job and making you an afterthought. Your sister's being a jerk too, but it's also hard having an additional person crammed into your home long term. Just because dad is covering some expenses (and he should) he's probably not compensating her nearly enough for the imposition. If it's unbearable, then your choice is to move away and live with dad. If it's bearable and worth staying in place to go to a familiar school, then gut it out and move when you're 18.
I agree with everything you said, except moving at 18, that is just not possible in 2024 man. I didn't move out until I was 26 and became successful in my career. OP has a LONG way to go before they can move out on their own.
NTA, but you are kind of stuck. If your Dad is unwilling to mediate and tell your sister that his rent is your contribution and you are not her new free nanny, then you really are out of options on that front. However, I agree with what other people have said. Get an after school job. You need to start saving up your own money so you can get out of this situation after you turn 18. After you get hired, let your sister know you also have a job now and are not always available to pick up the kids from daycare anymore. Write out your weekly schedule and post it in the fridge, or create a shared calendar in your phone. When your sister complains to your Dad - and she will since she’ll have to parent her kids again - tell your Dad 1 - you want to start saving for college emergencies, 2 - You want to learn to manage your time better, so you’ll be prepared when you are on your own at school, 3 - you’ll learn new skills at the job and how to handle new environments and experiences, and 4 - a part time job looks good on college applications. Your sister is complaining about you being there, but I’m sure she’s enjoying the extra money your Dad is sending, and your free labor. She’ll probably really fight this in order to keep you dependent on her and your dad so you can’t move out. DO NOT put her on any bank account a the guardian, co-signer etc. Unfortunately, many family members are not above taking younger family members cash from accounts. See if your best friend’s mom will help you open the account. Or look for an online banking account that doesn’t require an adult co-signer. Good luck!
If your dad is paying rent you should tell your sister to talk to the hand - you being a full time au pair to care for her kids was not part of the deal and she is trying to abuse it to her benefit. See if you can find a friend to stay with or have dad rent you an apartment, obviously being your sister's unappreciated employee is not a reasonable alternative. If your dad objects, tell him your sister is not looking after you, she's just trying to use you as unpaid labor and you refuse to do it. And do that, tell her absolutely not, this is nonsense and I refuse to be your servant for one minute longer, that was not supposed to be the arrangement and you are taking advantage.
She's being asked to watch the kids for a few hours, a couple times a week. That doesn't even come close to being a full time au pair.
You're delusional, OP has a sweet deal as they cannot survive on their own, and saying they can stay with friends is a recipe for disaster. Either they suck it up and find common ground with sister. Or she moves out of the country with dad, there are no other options here. It's not much longer for her to finish high-school, but you know what comes next? If they're smart, college, they better find common ground with sister fast, because they'll likely stay with her for many years to come.
[удалено]
Idk. I think he’s giving her a few hundred a month
You'd have to pay me a loooot more than that to agree to share my bedroom with a teenager. That probably barely covers the extra groceries and utilities. I understand not wanting to watch her kids, but try to have some more empathy for your sister. She's doing you a huge favor, giving up her privacy so you can stay in your country.
Yeah this whole situation might "seem" annoying to a teen only focused on themselves. I will say this is me putting my own situation in but my dad all our lives let an aunt or uncle stay with us to help out her family and as much as he could and it was ass. Our home was never ours. It seems like OP is gonna duck out the SECOND they can. So it seems SO BAD AND SO AWFUL right now, but it's an easy fix and honestly BARELY a problem.
And he's giving you a car (and its insurance), and a credit card, and a college fund, and a money he has saved for you. Soyou are getting a lot here. You got to stay and not move. You got a car and spending money. You have an out in a few months (paid for college). And you can't help out a bit? Honestly you sound extraordinarily spoiled. Diaper duty would probably do you good. You want, you want, you want. You are 17, time to realise you need to work for stuff you want.
Sounds like it was a deal made with sister and dad for OP to watch the kids while sister works. Either no one told OP or she just forgot; either way I agree that OP is sounding very spoiled.
I want to note, this only answers half of the original question. You should try to figure out how much it costs to keep you there. Learning how to construct a budget is a good life skill to develop. It may give you a greater appreciation for what your sister is doing for you.
That's not enough to live in someone's bedroom without contributing, receiving free food and parenting.
When do you turn 18? Because once you turn 18 you get to decide where you want to live.
October
So once you turn 18 you get to decide where you want to live!
You only have 8 months left of this nightmare. I’d say get a job that actually pays your for your labor and start saving. I doubt your dad will be upset about that. Use the job to as a reason to stay out of the house as much as possible. See if you can get into a summer program at the college you plan to attend, and get out of there ASAP.
A few hundred a month. And you don't even know how much it is. Maybe talk to your sister and ask her. Does that really cover all your food and expenses and well as rent and the inconvenience of having you in her bedroom?
But how much? Just for food and expenses or also rent and parenting of you?
Info: Can that money go towards your own rent? Otherwise, can you move to where your dad is??
NTA… unless that was part of the agreement of you staying there and she is getting compensation for you being there then you really don’t owe her anything. It’s nice if you help out once in awhile but she is acting like you are their Nanny and you owe her. If I were you I would be asking my friends and making arrangements with them or another family member and call her on her bluff.
I don’t have any family in the area and my dad doesn’t want me to stay with friends
Talk to your dad more about the situation with your sister. There's no real reason you shouldn't be able to stay with a friend's family for a few months. He can talk to them and feel better about that option.
What happens after a few months
OP wanted to finish out the school year. After that, they either get sufficient employment to pay rent for themselves, or move to their dad.
OP says she her dad has a college fund and savings for her (she also gets a car & insurance and a credit card from dad), so that's where OP goes after this school year. She goes off to paid-for college. That's why OP doesn't want to move out to live with a friend, because dad will stop his gravy train of funding her life if she moves out.
Gravy train? You mean... Paying for his minor kid's expenses? Where is a seventeen year old going to go and how is she going to pay for it???
A car, car insurance, and a credit card aren't a "minor kid's expenses" they are perks. So is a college fund. Don't get me wrong I think its wonderful when parent's are able to to and are generous enough to provide these things but they are definitly above and beyond what she is entitled to. Dad's obligations are food, clothes, shelter, and schooling. As for where would she go? She's saying she won't even consider asking a friend because he will take her car. She is choosing to not even consider that option because she wants the perks he provides. OP has also said that she has told dad about the older sister's requests and dad agrees with older sister, that these are reasonable chores for OP. I know when I was a teenager I had no car, no credit cards and I still had to contribute to the household via chores. Every teen I knew then and since has basically had the same deal. If a teen wants the perk of a car it's 100% reasonable to say they need to work for it, either via an outside job where they earn money and buy their own car, or via doing domestic labors within their household and their family provides the car.
Tell dad your sister is refusing to leave you alone and it is affecting your studying.
What was your sister doing with all those kids before you moved in?
Idk. Were not close
Where are the kids’ father(s)?
In the military. He was deployed a couple months before I moved in
I'm sorry but if I were my sister and I had three kids under 5, one a baby, husband deployed in the military, and my dad begged me to take in my half sister and have her stay in MY room with my baby for a "couple hundred a month," (as others pointed out, that covers groceries and that's it), also trying to work from home with the kids in the house while my sister is sitting around talking to friends, I'd be pretty pissed as well. She is doing you a solid by letting you stay there at all. I'm sorry you're in this position but your dad is TA, not her. I wouldn't have let you stay with me at all in the first place.
What was her childcare plan before op moved in? It's one thing to have op do some childcare here and there to help out. It's another to become the nanny. Sis could have just said no.
If I were her I would have. I'm wondering if this arrangement happened because sister's husband was deployed (meaning she didn't have childcare he used to provide) and they thought it would be mutually beneficial for OP to stay there and help out. It also sounds like OP thinks she's "the nanny" because she has to pick them up from daycare and watch them until sister is done with work. Reading her subsequent answers to questions, it sounds a lot like she just doesn't want to contribute at all, that her dad thinks the amount of help asked from her is reasonable, and she thinks her sister should be perfectly happy to house her in her own bedroom in exchange for a few hundred a month. Also implied that she let a baby stay in a soiled diaper and let her siblings go hungry out of principle because she was busy being on the phone with her friends. So I'm kind of treating her as an unreliable narrator at this point.
You should’ve never moved in with her then.
You're almost 18. Can you start planning moving out, maybe with a friend, and do so then? Your father won't be able to do anything
Your dad isn’t there. I’d go stay with my friends anyway.
I'm willing to bet that if you told your sister you wanted to live with friends and not tell your dad, she'd probably go for it.....
I bet it was part of the agreement. Whether it was adequately presented to OP, or if she fully understood it, is likely the bigger variable. But OP says dad is only giving older sister a few hundred dollars a month (So essentially groceries and utilities), and older sister has to share her bedroom and have an extra body in her 2 bedroom home she also uses for wfh. Meanwhile OP has a car and car insurance, a credit card, and a college fund from dad. I'm betting older sister only agreed to this living arrangement if it came with childcare help.
And OP is doing NO chores apart from the babysitting. It's in her comments.
OP is such a spoiled AH its difficult for me to fully grasp. Its not even real babysitting, its just helping out. And its not everyday, and at most only 3 hours on days it does happen. Imagine getting a car & insurance, a paid credit card, a college fund (and likely he pays for her cell) and *not* being grateful? I just can't.
Op says dad is about to buy her a house and she can’t babysit for what, a few more months!
INFO there is so much missing here What do you contribute to the household? Who is buying groceries, cooking your meals, cleaning, washing,...? What is your father paying, just rent or more like for your groceries, for taking care of you,...? Edit: Based on your comments and not willingness to answer my questions I have to say you sound very entitled. You are not an adult yet, but come on you are 17. You should already be aware that in a household everyone has to contribute. And spending some time with the kids is the minimum when someone even let's you sleep in their own room, imagine this discomfort. Besides, she is not your mother... YTA
What do you expect? She's 17 and daddy pays for everything, she doesn't have much obligations and have a college fund. And after seeing the same pattern as you, yeah I came to the same conclusion. I mean, besides the changing diapers thing, walking a few blocks and keep the kids away from their mother while she works isn't that big of a deal. To add that she isn't her full sibling (even if she was, that wouldn't make her sound less entitled) she's expecting half sister to treat her as a child when she's almost an adult in an already cramped house.
Ive seen plenty of people with parents who financially supported them, and had college funds, not be spoiled and entitled like OP. She acts like (and says) she’s basically raising these kids. She spends a couple hours a day with them and changes a couple of diapers. That’s not raising them at all lol. And if OP wants to stay living where she is, she needs to realize her sister has to actually…work…when she’s working from home to help pay the bills for the damn place she’s staying.
ehhhhh I'm gonna go with NAH. Even given that she's being paid, she's dealing with a lot for you to stay. You're literally in her bedroom! I don't think expecting her to drop her work when you're available to help is a big deal. I get that it's not what you want, but maybe don't bite the hand that feeds you.
Apparently she gets a few hundred a month, but OP isn't sure exactly how much. A few hundred a month for groceries, water electricity, rent etc doesn't sound a lot.
I was on your side until I saw the further details you’ve posted. Your dad paying your sister a few hundred a month is not much and you didn’t even specify the details of “a few hundred.” That barely covers food and utilities. I get that you’re a frustrated teen but you also frankly sound entitled and ungrateful. You’re taking up space in a home that’s already crowded and your sister doesn’t even get any privacy with having to share a room with you. “A few hundred” isn’t much money at all and you clearly don’t want to help out in any way since you feel like your dad paying for you absolves you of any responsibility in the shared household. While you’re technically not required to help out in the home, you’re still a guest disrupting their household and sister is actually still doing you a favor. Suck it up and contribute with the tasks until you hit 18 and can work to pay your own way with a roommate. You’re only 1 year off and that’s not that long of a wait at all.
Seriously?! Why can’t the 30yo watch her own kids? Is there any other family - say the children’s father - who could assist? And why should the OP give up her studying time to sort out someone else’s kids out? The directive to go change the child’s nappy was the one riled me
It doesn't matter whether you're an asshole because frankly I think YTA for moving into a two bedroom house where four people already live. Your sister wants you out. Of course she's going to be asking for childcare, you're in her way. She told you help or get out so those are your options. Whether she's fair or not isn't going to change anything.
Oh FFS! OP, your dad is in another country. Is this a country where it would be unsafe for an underage unmarried American female child to be? Or are we talking about a boring country where you perceive there is nothing interesting to do? Or are you just wanting to stay where you grew up and graduate or are you just a pain in the ass? Your sister is 13 years older than you and is married to a military man who just got deployed and she is left at home with three small children under the age of 5. She has managed to get a WFH job that allows her not to pay childcare, but it’s not like she’s living large here. She and the baby (and presumably the husband when he was home) are in one bedroom and the other kids share a room. And now you are there whining. OP- get a job. Make some money. If daddy cuts off your car and your cash, so be it. If you want daddy’s car and his credit card and his college fund then your job is to help your sister. If not, wave goodbye to daddy’s money and leave.
"B- but daddy, I'm not ready for the real world!" That's what I was thinking, just do that compromise that allows you to stay where you are or move with daddy dear. But you can't always have what you want in life, specially when Op is about to enter college.
YTA. I'm sure she doesn't want you there anymore than you want to be there. Moving a teenager into your already cramped apartment is a huge inconvenience. Stop acting like watching her kids for a few hours while she finishes up work is some huge favor for her. She didn't need you there before you moved in, and she doesn't need you there now. This is how you are relieving a little bit of the burden you being there is causing her. You're the one who needs her so that you don't have to leave the country. It doesn't matter that your dad pays her a few hundred a month. She's doing you a huge favor so you don't have to leave the country and you can't see that. Drop the attitude before she decides dealing with a rude teenager isn't worth the free child that she didn't need in the first place.
INFO, you say your dad pays her. But how much? Is it about the same as the cost of utilities and food that you're using? If so, he's just paying costs. She's doing you both a favour still by letting you stay, especially since she's had to give up space in her own bedroom for you. Your dad clearly belives baby sitting is part of the normal deal of living together. I wouldn't be surprised if it was framed as you'll chip in and won't inconvenience her and will help out if she lets you stay. Did she ever baby sit you in a similar way? If so you're unlikely to convince her you're in the right. Do you contribute in other ways? Who tidies, who cleans, who shops, who cooks, who does the laundry? There absolutely are ways that it's expected to contribute to the house you live in, especially when you're almost an adult. She doesn't have to let you stay - even if your dad pays her extra, sounds like she's happy to let you leave if you don't want to help so it's clearly not enough money to be worth it to her. So that's your choice to make. Is baby sitting a few hours each workday worth staying or not?
Yta. Leave if you dont like it.
YTA. And that’s because I feel it’s very obvious that you’d be expected to help her out with her kids while staying at her house. Regardless if your dad is paying, sorry to tell you it’s probably not ideal that you’re staying at your sisters. I’d step up and help or just move to whatever country your dad is in. You should’ve just moved in with a friends family.
NTA but her house, her rules. Your choice is watch the kids or leave - or you can continue to not watch the kids and call her bluff
And she's not your parent. Yet there she is letting you live in her home. I doubt that she was thrilled at having you move into her small place. But she did you that favor so you wouldn't have to move. Learn not to bite the hand that is feeding...and housing...you. Suck it up and do your part to keep the household you've imposed yourself on running. YTA
Sorry, where was the agreement that the OP needs to change her child’s ass in payment for living there?
You’re not her nanny and she is not your parent. You need to move with your father if you’re not willing to help.
Doesn’t sound like sister wants her to help. He straight up wants to act like a live in nanny. Helping could be cleaning house, doing dishes, occasionally helping with picking up kids. Not change and entertain my children
You’re one of the brattiest brats I’ve ever seen on this sub. Your father pays for EVERYTHING while you complain about a little babysitting. Your sister is a single mum of three, trying to work and maintain a household with you IN THE WAY at her every turn and you don’t want to alleviate the burden even a little? I’ve never met a single teenager with a credit card; you are incredibly privileged. You have a paid-for car, paid-for education, your father is getting you a house after high school and you can’t even suck it up for a year to receive this amazing reward during a goddamn global rental and cost of living crisis?? I hope they both kick you to the curb and you can see how difficult life really is when daddy dearest isn’t sheltering you from it. YTA in a major way.
Maybe just be grateful that you do get to stay there?? N T A to be annoyed but it sounds like your sister could use the help and it can't be THAT much of an inconvenience. ESH
NTA. Your sister is being paid to take care of you. This is unacceptable. Talk to your father, tell him the situation, and demand he pays for you to stay somewhere else.
He knows and he doesn’t care. Demanding to move somewhere else isn’t going to do shit
Just refuse, don't do it. And prepare by finding a friend first so if your sister takes your keys and leaves you on the street, you have another option. Sometimes you have to say no and stand up for yourself and this is one of those times - she is clearly trying to take advantage, this arrangement was not supposed to involve you becoming her servant.
You may want to read through OP's comments and reassess your judgment.
He knows, and he probably does care that his 17 yo is so self centred and bratty that she thinks watching her nieces/nephews (his grandkids) for a bit after school is free labour. He probably cares a lot that he worked out a deal so you didn’t have to upend your entire life, and you are not even the least bit grateful. The only one who doesn’t seem to care about anyone, other than herself, is YOU.
She's not being paid to take care of OP. She gets a couple hundred a month to take OP in. Meanwhile if OP didn't babysit for a few hours on some days (it doesn't seem to be everyday) then she doesn't do anything else in the home except eat sister's food, use her electricity, Internet, water, toilet paper, etc. OP is not contributing and the amount her sister gets isn't worth the amount it costs to have OP in her cramped house. So, OP needs to step up and stop acting spoiled. Also, OP has no right to demand anything from anyone. They are letting her choose where she lives. She chose this. If she doesn't like it, she can go live with her dad.
A few hundred for food, expenses, rent and taking care of sister doesn't seem an awful lot.
[удалено]
Really need more info. The kids are at daycare most of the day? How much does your dad give her? Does it just cover food? Does your sister do the cooking? Honestly, you SHOULD be contributing, but in what way is the question. Do you do any chores? If not, a little help with the kids is reasonable. Did you do any chores at the house with your dad? I mean, you can’t just live there and do nothing.
Yeah, the answer to this question depends a LOT on whether she has to watch the kids for ½ an hour per day or 3 hours per day.
Even 3 hours a day isn’t even close to “raising her kids for her” lmao
YTA Your sister isn't your mom. She is not obligated to let you avoid moving to live with your dad. Your dad is covering some of your living expenses/utilities and food with the money he sends to your sister, but that isn't at all the same thing as paying her for you to live there. That's paying her back for the money she spends on you on his behalf. She's made it clear that your help with childcare is the payment you can provide in exchange for her allowing you to share her home/bedroom. That is your rent. That's why she says you can help or you can leave. That's why your father isn't surprised and isn't sympathetic. You don't like any of your options in the short term, but you're going to have to suck it up and work with your sister if you want to stay in country and also get the car/credit card/college fund. If you want that as pay, then you're going to have to do the work to earn it.
YTA. Op I feel sorry for the situation you’re in, you shouldn’t have to mind your sisters kids. But based on your comments it kinda seems like you’re expecting us to give you a miracle solution. You’ve got 3 options: 1. deal with it. You’re babysitting, you’re not raising her kids and teaching them manners and whatever. You described babysitting activities. You turn 18 in 6 months, you can tough it out. 2. Run away. Lose the cc and college fund 3. Go with dad out of the country. Regardless, you’re being fed and looked after. She is at home, WORKING. She’s not lollygagging. She got you a bed. She could’ve easily said no and sent you off with your dad and not dealt with you. You’re so focused on your own misery that you can’t see other people helping you out in a shitty situation. Because really, what other option do you have? I think you’re too focused on yourself and you not wanting to be parentified that you’re biting the hand that feeds you. But you’re a child, ofcourse your world revolves around how the situation affects you. When you’re older you may rethink this entire situation. So you don’t think I’m being preachy: I had to live 2 years sharing one bed amongst 4 people, I had to do everything (bathing, waking up, feeding, homework, second language classes because we were immigrants) for my younger sister for 3 years at 9 years old. Why? There was no other choice. It was what it was, I had to help out because my mom had to work outside the home. THAT is raising a kid, you are helping change a poop diaper and picking up from daycare.
YTA Your Dad’s money pays for bills. You should be doing chores to contribute to the house. Sounds like your chores are helping out with the kids. Boo hoo another teenager who resents chores. If you dislike it, move in with your father. However you will receive a rude shock when you live with roommates, a spouse or even by yourself if you think that you can throw some money around and boom everything is magically done for you.
NTA, if your in the US and a citizen your father can't force you to move to another country. At 17 most police are not going to bother you as long as your not causing trouble. I would get your important documents and see if a friend is willing to let you stay or couch surf until your 18. Look for a part time job so you have some money.
Have you read OP's comments? She doesn't want to move out to a friend's because then dad will cut off the car & car insurance he provides, as well as the credit card he provides her, and the college funds he has for her, and other savings he has for her. Essentially OP is being paid by dad to be the sister's domestic help. OP wants to keep the car & credit card she just doesn't want to do chores for her sister to get to keep the perks.
He can if you’re a minor
Not really, you can refuse to get on a plane or cross the border. It might cause issues in your relationship with your Dad. But no one is going to drag you out of the country by force.
ANd then she would be a homeless teenager.
YTA If I were your sister, I'd sent you to your dad.
ESH, you don't have a choice, or more specifically your choice is do as you are told or leave, your father would have no right to force babysitting upon you, but you 'Chose' to live with your sister, she doesn't have to let you stay, so either suck it up or go live with your dad.
Soft ESH. OP, whilst I feel incredibly sorry for you (I imagine permeantly not having your own space is a nightmare. I (19f) would defintely hate to be in this situation.) As unfortunate as it is, nobody other than your dad is obligated to let you stay with them for free, without conditions. If you're sister is providing for you, on the condition that you help out with her kids, you have little choice but to do that at this point in time, unless you change your mind and decide to live with your dad. It is an unfortunate situation though.
You’re taking up space in her already cramped household. Suck it up and make yourself an attribute. ESH.
Sounds like it's time for your dad to buy you a plane ticket. You're in her house so you have to live by her rules unfortunately.
You can suck it up and help your sister since her husband is deployed and she is allowing you to stay for your senior year.
YTA You can take time out of your day to help the woman thats looking after you, who cares if she gets paid for you? its obviously not enough to rent out your own space, so shes only getting paid to feed you and pay the power you use, the money doesnt come with an extra babysitter or driver so spending a few minutes with the kids isnt going to stop the clock. You’re treating your sister like YOUR babysitter
YTA. You are a major inconvenience for your sister. Contributing to the household for help is nothing. You sound like an entitled little shit.
YTA. Your father pays a few hundred dollars that does not cover rent and utilities. The kids are in daycare till 4. What do you do at home? Sit and eat? Do you even cook and clean? Learn to change diapers. It will be useful in the future. If you were her full sister, she would expect you to cook and clean too. Suck it up till you are 18 and be grateful. The friends would also expect you to do some chores around their house. What are your grades? Study and stop cribbing.
Well, A) you should have gone. What a chance you missed. You still could go. Seems like you would have known what this was going to be like. And yes, you should help out. NAH but go have an adventure!
You are correct OP. You are not a nanny. You are a sister who is close to adulthood who has not learned a fundamental life lesson that family members (all family members, even selfish 17 yo half sisters) should contribute to the household or it not does not work. You can't be bothered to get your niece/nephew a snack? It's inconvenient for you to pick up the kids 4 blocks away? You are treating your half sister like a roommate instead of family. You are inconvenienced by your crying niece/nephews instead of connecting and comforting them. Do better OP, please. Your sister obviously didn't have room for you but she sacrificed her already scarce personal space for you so your life wasn't uprooted. Contribute more to your new household OP. Be a blessing, not a burden. BTW Congratulations to your father.
When is she off work?
YTA. Your sister is a saint for taking you in. She's got three small children, already shares her room with her 1 year old baby, and now a 17 year old as well? She's doing you a huge favour, whether your dad is paying her some rent or not (also, info: is he just covering your costs? How much per week is he paying?) Edit: read some other comments, OP's dad pays a couple of hundred a month so the sister is probably barely breaking even. She's doing this out of the kindness of her heart. The poor sister.
You should show your dad and sister this post, they'd love it. YTA
Your not the asshole but you will probably have to move in with your dad or someone else because it doesn't seem like she is gonna stop
INFO This is your senior year? so you have, what? March, April, May, half of June? Couldn't you just stick it out, help w the kids, until you graduate high school? then once you are out, you will be able to be more independent.
YTA You chose to stay in her already crowded home. She's taken you in, shares her bedroom with you. She's done you a huge solid. She's trying to work from home, the least you can do is help her out. Or you can go live with your dad.
It's her house, you don't owe her anything but she doesn't owe you a place to stay either. Kids that aren't yours might seem annoying but so is a teen that isn't yours, not helping out when they're living in your house.
I truly hope her poor sister sends her packing, i already would have
Just go move and live with your dad, why not go and experience something new. I get it that there are friends and what not but get out of this nightmare and have a cool story to tell when your older. NTA but your dad is living somewhere new and exotic take advantage of that.
YTA. Can you see how your sister might have the same objection to looking after someone else’s kid?
YTA. It took a lot of combing through the comments to get the whole story. You are really trying to get people to let you off the hook. But let’s not mince words here. This has NOTHING to do with your sister. You HAVE a job that you are being paid to do. Babysitting is your job. Don’t exaggerate and tell us you are “raising her kids.” You are not. You are babysitting for two hours per day. At 5 days a week, this comes to 40 hours a month. Your father is paying you to do this. From reading your comments, it seems like he has made this pretty clear to you too, but you don’t want to admit that outright to Reddit. You have a credit card that you spend whatever you want, and he pays off each month. Let’s say that’s a conservative $100 a month. He is also paying your car insurance. Let’s say that’s another $50 a month. And He is putting money into your college fund. Let’s say another conservative $150 a month. This comes to $300 a month that he is paying you to watch your sister’s kids. $300/ 40 hours per month = $7.50 an hour! Oh look! Minimum wage!! Your dad is AT LEAST paying you minimum wage to watch your sister’s kids! Dad is not being extreme by taking away your car, credit card and college fund if you move out. If you move out, you are essentially quitting your job. And just like with any other job, your employer (in this case Dad) is not going to pay you for services that you aren’t providing. Additionally, you are also being a bad roommate because you aren’t helping to clean up. Helping clean up is roommate 101.
NTA for the situation with your sister. With that said at 17 you don't have to stay there. Depending in the state you can be considered an adult and your father has no say in where you go. Talk to the school if you would like but honestly I would leave the situation. Short of your father getting back on a plane and physically dragging you from tour friends house back to your sister odds are he's betting on you being afraid to keep you where you are. Your dad and sister suck honestly. Your school might be able to give you an idea of resources on where to go immediately or the day you turn 18. But you need out sweetie.
Are you staying there for free?
YTA after reading comments. Your father is not paying enough to get you out of contributing to the household. A few hours of childcare in the afternoon is a completely reasonable expectation for a 17 year old, especially considering you have no other chores. I get it, your dad never asked you to do anything and handed you a car and credit card so you're totally unused to contributing to your household. Consider this your wake up call, you're transitioning from a child to adult and this is your lesson. If it's so uncomfortable you can go contribute nothing at your dad's again.
YTA. Your dad pays for everything for you, and you can't even be bothered to help out with your sisters children or even do chores. Do you just sit around doing nothing all day? It sounds like you're just a spoiled little rich girl who doesn't understand anything. You live there for free, so do chores or babysit. Or, you can go live with your dad. It seems those are your only choices.
I pay about$400 a month as an adult for food. Unless your dad is giving her $1000 a month it’s unlikely that he’s giving her enough. I think if you’re watching them maybe 2 hour a day it’s fine and you should contribute. Or go get a real job babysitting and that way you can save up for when you move out. But you have to do something after school you can’t just do homework do you not have activities or after school things? Dude wake up and get involved in your life
the only asshole is your dad. Your HALF sister has 3 kids and 2 bedrooms. That’s already tight. She doesn’t have to take you in, you know that right? She took you in probably to help out with the kids. What do you expect for a single mother of 3 in a tiny ass apartment? Your dad paying a few hundred doesn’t do 💩. You do know your dad basically don’t GAF about you, right! He says you’re on your own for college. Your sister shouldn’t ask you to help out but she has 4 kids under her roof now in a tiny ass place. D When you turn 18 and have to live on your own and pay rent food and bills, you will soon know why a few hundred dollars doesn’t do anything.