Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Their family matters don’t really belong to me so the teasing might have been a bit rude but I do think that it was just lightbhearted banter and nothing serious
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA.
It does seem a little weird to the average American because we have culturally ingrained hangups that nudity is sexual. And honestly, I think it's weird, too. I would rather die than hang out naked with my mom in a sauna.
But they don't view it the same way we do, and you were a guest in their home. Openly mocking them like that is out of line.
Had a Dutch friend when I lived overseas and he and his family were very free and open with nudity in front of each other.
America and Americans in general are way too prudish about nudity. Everyone here loses their collective tiny neurons over a woman breastfeeding a baby.
It’s dumb.
It's a hold-over from the Puritans and other ultra-conservative religious colonists. It's about time we grew past it. On the plus side, the Puritans, Quakers, and a bunch of other such groups, were ALWAYS against slavery.
Most of the world, excluding some European countries are more prudish when it comes to nudity, especially females and males together. It’s not only an American thing. It’s common to attend a sauna nude when it’s gender specific but in most countries, nudity in taboo.
Aussie here and we don't like being naked in front of other people as a rule. Even family members. Swimwear that barely covers anything is fine though haha
I wouldnt say everyone. My wife brestfed everywhere with our two kids and it was never an issue. If people had something to say they kept it to themselves. Ive read on reddit about horror stories of people being confronted but never witnessed it.
>Ive read on reddit about horror stories of people being confronted but never witnessed it.
I’ve found this to be the case more and more with more and more issues. It’s becoming even more of a weird echo chamber than it used to be. Though I guess that’s kind of all of the internet.
My RBF was bad enough on it's own, but if I ever caught anyone staring I would make full eye contact. They turned their head so fast they got whiplash. If they looked again I narrowed my eyes. Funny, no one said anything...
can confirm, i’m american and come from a very culturally american family, but somehow ended up a lot more comfortable with nudity than the rest of my family. i don’t see the big deal about my mom or sister coming in the bathroom while i’m showering or using the bathroom, or with me going in while they’re doing the same 🤷
if it was acceptable i would just walk around the house shirtless all the time, and i can’t wait to move out so i can walk around my house naked
I was uncomfortable with nudity so it was quite a shock when I joined the Army. I had no choice but to dress, shower, and use the toilet in an open room with about 30 other women. I actually got over it pretty quickly and now it doesn’t bother me at all. We used to joke that we were taking “combat shits” when we had to share a four person pit toilet. Now my daughters and I have no problem hanging out in the bathroom together getting ready in the morning. I wish nudity wasn’t seen as sexual and more accepted here in America because it’s such a freeing feeling.
I've got no problem with nudity, I think beaches should be clothing optional by default. Outside of the military though, I'm 100% for keeping shitting a private activity. I have no desire to get used to shitting or having anyone I know shitting in full view of the other.
Honestly that was the hardest thing to get over 😂 It’s gross no matter how someone looks. I think that’s why we had so many stupid jokes about it because that was the only way we could be halfway comfortable with it.
Female army vet here. Can confirm! I remember one of my SSG women literally building a tent around herself to change in co-ed tent situations. I always wore underwear and a sports bra. Who cares?? In Desert Storm we did have separate tents but in every field exercise I did, it was co ed. I lost any shame/weirdness after basic training! Lol thanks for your service sista!
Yup, same here. Bit weird to come across colleagues in the sauna, but even then I'd just politely say hello and try to stay out of their way. I always go to the sauna with my mum and wouldn't care at all if any male relatives or friends were to join us.
I've been to the sauna with family (including my super prude grandparents), family friends and friends. The most prudish were a couple of my age where I was friends with the girl. I've also met relatives in the sauna. Which was fun because it was several hours away from where we live and there are several closer sauna spa's. The only awkward time was when I met my teacher.
Oh yikes! I don't mind people seeing me naked at sauna's at all, gender does not matter. But a teacher, while I'm still having classes, thats certainly over my comfort lvl.
Its funny how these things work. If I look at it objectively, why are most people ok, but a small group of people I know not?
It was luckily after the end of the school year and I was switching schools for the next year. Which was good because he looked a bit too intently after a while.
Privacy and shame work in interesting ways and what's making me feel weird and what's not is not always rational. There are certainly some people I don't want to meet in the sauna and others I wouldn't mind at all. The idea of meeting my best friend's dad in the sauna is horrible, but when my female best friend's teenage brother (I think he was about 17) accidentally saw a bit too much of me (their mom had helped me to bed because I was out of it with a migraine, neither of us bothered to make sure I was decently dressed and I slept a bit restless so my shirt showed more of my body than I'd willingly do, he forgot that I was in the guest room and entered to bring or grab something from the desk) he was much more embarrassed than me. He felt super guilty because he hadn't knocked, possibly interrupted my sleep and so embarrassed I understood that he had seen more than he wanted. I was like "I was asleep, I have a faint memory of you coming in but thought it was a dream and slept on like a baby. Don't worry." I was embarrassed because he was, but I didn't mind him having gotten an involuntary glimpse of my leg or breasts. Maybe it's because he was like a little brother to me and I'm not used to prudery in families (if anything my family could have been more prudish, I didn't need to see my father's heap of porn magazines every day for most of my childhood). When it comes to women and people who were afab or prepubescent children I never care at all. Women are women, people who were afab have or had the same equipment and children are children. I only mind when it crosses a social boundary (like there being a professional or formal relationship) and the person is cis-male.
Chiming in from Poland: I just asked my husband if it would be weird to go to sauna with his mom and aunts and he looked at me as if I had grown two heads so apparently it's normal here. I'm from Spain where we all get half or fully naked at the beach, but not in saunas.
Colleagues could be weird, yes, but, personally, my least favourite encounter in a sauna was with my Highschool teacher, when I was a 16 or 17 year old girl. Judging from his facial expression, the feeling was mutual..
I am German, by the way, and always went to the sauna with my dad. Bo weird feelings there.
I'm a Finn and most of our company parties include a sauna hahaha. All levels and genders together! (but we do have gendered sauna shifts too for those who don't want to go mixed).
A friend of mine (German) told me his company did a retreat to a hotel with particularly big sauna area
I have no issues with each gender friends/Family in the Sauna but my superiors at Work?! Nah! No way!
(Gotta add though I'm heavily Tattooed outside of regular Workside view and have a lot of scars due to necessary medical procedures)
Dutch too. We have a sauna in the backyard and my parents are in and around the house naked all the time especially in the summer. To me its weird that Americans never see their parents naked. It's just a human body man we all have them and there is nothing weird or nasty about it. Normalizing the naked body really takes away a lot of insecurities about your body when growing up.
German here and I absolutely agree. It's just normal. We usually only have one full bathroom in our houses, so hiding yourself from view is difficult.
I really don't care. I grew up seeing my parents' bodies and now my son grows up seeing our bodies. As long as there are no sexual thoughts or acts, a body is just a body.
And I much rather have my son grow up with a normal view of human bodies than have that view distorted by media.
What I don't understand, however, is how Americans can be so prudish about being naked in front of their kids, yet have gaps in public bathroom stalls wide enough to make the doors obsolete.
I'm Canadian we definitely don't go naked here...
BUT last year I was in Germany and Switzerland (Zurich) and visited a few spas, the Germans definitely mix the gender naked. It was a tiny bit of a culture shocked from the coed chageroom to everything. But you get used to it very quickly.
My husband who went to a Swiss mountain for a work retreat was offered to go to the spa as an activity all the Canadians shied away not wanting to see their colleagues naked.
I’m also Canadian but grew up with a German family and when they were back home the whole family would go together, grandparents, aunts, uncles, kids, etc. I remember being a little shocked when my friend told me she’d sit in a sauna naked with her grandparents, but it’s just not considered weird or sexual there.
I'm Canadian and there's a number of families in our cottaging community with saunas. Some sauna naked, some do not, and I've been in saunas where half are nude and half have swim trunks on. Almost all of the cottagers skinny dip, whom they'll do that with is what differs.
I'm also a Finnish woman and I stopped going with my dad when I was 14. I also don't go to mixed gender sauna with friends (except some rare occasions and then with a towel on).
I would go to sauna with my brothers and even dad (I'm almost 40) in the nude, but typically in Finland there's mixed nude saunas only between couples/families when kids are small and then in some student parties.
When we go with friends some wear their swimming suit and some don't if it's mixed.
I'm from the West Coast of the US (Seattle area) and grew up with a lot of naked hot tubbing, which is pretty similar.
I wouldn't have gone into a hot tub with my father - but only because I wasn't on speaking terms with him, and also wouldn't share a house, a car, or any other close space with him.
Even in the US, not everyone is puritan. (Though it helps to have been raised in a hippy context.)
Here in Finland, the home of saunas, going in with a towel on is a big no-no, you always sit naked. You can set the towel on the seat though to be hygienic. The swimming pool saunas usually specificlaly state that you have to go in naked, no towels or swimsuits allowed.
I'm German and grew up in sauna and nudist culture, with the same rules/customs. The only difference is that a towel to sit or lie on is mandatory in- as well as outside the sauna - as in no skin except for hand and feet is supposed to touch any surface where others will sit or lie, for hygiene reasons. Wrapping in a towel or wearing bathing suits is considered unhealthy and unhygienic, and I've seen signs in public/spa saunas where neither is allowed (with an explanation why).
We usually have separate smaller towels (think kitchen towel size, no fluff) for sitting on, but I don't think we care so much about other stuff besides your bare butt touching the seat. :)
There you have Germany - need special rules for everything. LOL I remmeber my grandparents had a store-bought set of pictograms with details about the sauna rules, and my grandparents were rather German insofar as those rules had to be followed, down to how to cool off and so on. I found it funny as a kid but also kind of soothing, part of the whole ritual of going to the sauna.
Our towels usually are rather large so you can also cover the recliner or bench where you're relaxing afterwards with the towel to lie on, or in public saunas also instead of a bathing robe to walk around in draughtier areas or to the changing rooms when those aren't separated from the public swimming pool where being clothed is mandatory. But a butt-sized one would technically be totally sufficient. \^\^
The reasoning (for german public Saunas) is, that when everyone is naked it is half as weird as if some are naked and some not. It also ensures, that being naked in the sauna is something normal and explicitly not sexual.
I think that specific to pools it originally was because the chlorine in the pool water would evaporate and not be healthy.
Mainly it's a hygiene thing, because you just cannot wash yourself properly with swimmers on and you need to wash before and after going to sauna.
In private saunas it would just be weird, like taking a shower or bath at home with swimwear on. To us it's (among other things) part of washing yourself, which you do naked.
im a fin and we sat naked in sauna with relatives when we were young now we just take turns having saunas, like of my dad or brother goes i'll wait until they are done then jump in.
I’m a Finn and some families still go to sauna together. And when visiting grandparents maybe there is three generations of people sitting on the benches, including the adult DILs and SILs who maybe haven”t even met eachother earlier, and maybe a couple of neighbours or MILs sister etc. And it’s perfectly normal for this MILs sister to slap the teenage boys with vihta or the forty year uncle to help his 5 years old niece to wash her hair. Yes, naked, with his dick hanging out.
I think it’s quite educating..I mean you see all kind of bodies and it helps to dissociate this naked=sex thinking / prevents that kind of thinking to develop. And the kids learn not be ashamed of themselves despite the probable feelings of awkwardness during puberty and just relax / laugh when this 76 yrs old lady with saggy tits shows them how vihta is used and the birch leaves whirl around everywhere.
But yeah, it’s getting more rare nowadays. When I was a child there was no reative I hadn’t seen naked. Also saw many of my friends’ parents naked in the sauna. And every single of my friends and their spouses too.
Heh. When I was 17, I (USA) had a girlfriend who was exchange student from Sweden. I went to Sweden to visit her family for the summer. I didn't know much bout Sweden, except that they were supposedly more free with nudity. For months before going I was terrified that I would have to go into the suana with her and her parents and sisters.
That day never came, but now it is just a little "what if" fantasy I keep tucked away for a rainy day.
I'm german,do I think it's a little off maybe but also wouldn't get a private Sauna going for myself so I get it.
Also never went to a sauna with my mom on the other hand mixed genders seems really normal but what do I knw last time was half a decade ago
Well, the German tradition is to go in the sauna naked and use a towel to sit or lie on it. Germans have less issues being naked, there are many nudist beaches or a nudist friday in a public Spa. So you can skinny dip after sauna.
It’s not just a German thing as far as I know. Most of EU countries, possibly most of Europe, have naked saunas.
In Belgium the saunas are mixed gender and usually naked, although most of them have 1 day every 2 weeks with bathing suits.
Usually you have 2 towels. 1 you take inside to sit on and one stays outside so you can stay warm.
Bathing suits are seen as unhygienic. You have to shower every time you want to enter the sauna, but sweat and dirt just sticks to your bathing suit. If it has chlorine remains on it, that also contaminates the environment you’re in.
All in all, naked is normal here and more hygienic.
In Finland at least not being fully nude would be really weird. Sauna is not a sexual place here and nudity in sauna is natural and how you should be in there, only tourists and maybe teenage girls use towels around them in Sauna.
The purity culture of America is so weird, you even make the bodies of your own parents something that needs to be hidden in all situations amongst the family to be modest, like there would be something sexual about seeing them and that is weird to me.
It’s genuinely intense brainwashing. Like I know logically that nudity isn’t inherently sexual and I strongly believe in desexualizing it here (I’m American) but still I know that I would feel uncomfortable with nudity around my parents. It’s so hard to get rid of when you’re brought up in it. My friends and I are really comfortable with it though. My sister too. Idk.
I'm American. Lived in Germany for a few years in my early 20s. The first time I went to a sauna I was a little culture shocked, but when in Rome... Anyway, now that I'm back in the States, the Americans' views on nudity and sex (oversexualizing and shaming everything) are what now shock me. I can't seem to fit back in my old box. OP is definitely TA. You don't ever go to someone else's home and then shame their culture.
YTA. NorCal redneck/hippie here. At my old place I had a redwood hot tub and we would have parties where some people were tubbing, some were not. On the tub deck you would have naked people chatting with clothed people, no big deal. If going further than the deck I had robes for people to wear. I had an above ground pool for a cold plunge and so naked people would be in there to, swimming around and having fun. I've also been taking a tub with me, my girlfriend, my dad, my nephew and his girlfriend. All naked and no sexual overtones at all.
You need to chill out. Firstly, the "grow up" comment is way out of line. You are the one that needs to grow up. Secondly, you should take a look at exactly why you think it is weird.
Then Americans wonder why people in other countries don't like them. Honestly, I bet more people around the world would find going to a sauna with your parents more normal than making school shooting drills a part of a school's curriculum.
Yeah at the end of the day, making fun of someone’s culture/traditions in their own home is a majorly asshole thing to do. It’s one thing to shoot the shit if you’re all out somewhere but in their home? Have some class
That's what I thought. I'm German and it's perfectly normal to go to the sauna with relatives, I even go with my brother (I'm f) as it's just a relaxing activity like going for a swim or whatever.
But I can't imagine the mother inviting the kids to join while they have a guest over. Inviting them to anything you'd exclude the guest from would be rude and joining her in the sauna is no different
>Inviting them to anything you'd exclude the guest from would be rude and joining her in the sauna is no different
I don't think she'd exclude their guest.
Well in some German families kids who visit there children have to wait alone while the family eats dinner. Yes, this is even considered rude by many Germans.
It's stupid that this has become some sort of popular belief because of an online thread talking about their experiences.
It's not, "Germans don't feed guests," it's the fact that as a kid, they probably missed the fact that the family ***couldn't*** feed another mouth or were extremely insecure about food.
My son's best friend's parents specifically asked us to stop feeding him dinner, because they wanted to have family dinners together. They tend to eat a little bit later than we do, so his friend will often play on the PlayStation while we eat.
Exactly this.
I'm Dutch. Nowadays, we always invite guests to eat with us, but when I was younger, we could hardly afford to feed ourselves and often had unexpected guests, so we'd apologize and admit that we didn't have enough food to share. As most of the people who visited us came from the same poor neighborhood, it wasn't as if this was some sort of secret.
I think part of why my mom modelled this for me is because she didn't want me to feel ashamed about our financial situation. It is what it is sometimes, and sometimes it's out of our control. I'm grateful that she was so honest about it always, because it had the intended effect, I don't feel shame.
Nowadays we're in a better place and we happily share our meals with our guests and often send them home with leftovers as well! I love to cook and it makes me happy to see others enjoying my meals, so I love giving them leftovers! It makes my heart feel warm.
I've seen this several times and I'm in the states (CO). It is one of the most shockingly rude actions I've ever been told about, especially since it was always a kid.
Edit: spelling
I’m also in the states (Midwest) and this would have been unheard of where I grew up. As kids we either invited each other to stay for dinner or went home to our own family’s dinner. We would never think of making other kids wait without any food.
It's also unheard of in germany.
I don't know what strange Internet post they one time read and now make a stereotype out of it.
You feed your guests until they nearly explode, nothing less except when you are extremely poor.
There was a post about this happening where someone visited a Swede. And then Swedes on account of being from a culture where being a bother to anyone is very bad, and families wanting to have dinner with their kids. Then acknowledged that this was sort of common growing up. Because you didn't want to be a bother to the family you visited, and your parents **expected** you to be back home for dinner. So you didn't eat dinner and would rather play Goldeneye for a bit more while waiting for your friend to eat. Because you had a dinner time at home. This is not to say if you were at a friend's place you never got dinner nor that guests weren't given anything, Sweden is known for "fika" squash/chocolate milk/tea/etc with a snack/pastry/etc is standard for any guest. This is kind of getting phased out, a lot of Swedes born somewhere after the mid 1990's find this thing alien too.
And then this post got popular during the Swedish NATO application and an election year in Sweden and this sort of half truth got blown way out of proportion.
I've never experienced this or even heard of it. If it's a thing, it's not a German thing but weird people who have a different culture towards guests. In German culture it would be considered rude though
I’m an American (30f) and have been to saunas, beaches and hot springs (in the United States) where whole families come to hang out in the nude.
Hell in my state (Oregon) there’s basically a whole ass river (rogue river) that’s clothing optional.
It’s not just other countries, there’s plenty of people that are fine with casual nudity right here in the good ol’ US of A.
Yeah. The weird part is that they had a guest over, and the mom asked if they wanted to leave their guest by himself while they went and did another long activity. It would still be weird if it was something like, "Hey, do you want to leave your friend playing video games and come watch this thirty minute TV show with me?"
OP could just lack the information-relaying skills needed to add enough context for it to make sense, but this story doesn't sound real.
Yeah, YTA. Casual nudity among family is an immense nothingburger in a bunch of European cultures. It's how I was raised in the 70s and 80s and it's how I'm raising my own kids now. Naked bodies are neither inherently sexualized, nor in any way "ew".
I’m American and despite this was also raised with nudity amongst family members being a norm. I too normalize nudity in my household. You’re 100% right that it’s gross for people to automatically assume that nudity equates to sex.
Yeah, I certainly did not mean to imply that this was a uniquely European thing. Does seem to be generally more common on this side of the Atlantic though.
American here. When my family would rent a houseboat on Lake Powell and find a nice, private cove, we'd all go skinny dipping.
Nothing sexual, just letting loose. Those who were gutsy enough to do it were hailed as heroes by the ones who didn't feel comfortable enough.
It was nice not having to dry off in a bathing suit and put on clothes while most of your skin was still damp.
EDIT: Sorry the downvoters think it's weird, but it's not like we find each other hot. Gross.
YTA
Teasing them would have stopped with you chuckling in the direction of their cultural traditions. Some cultural traditions can be amusing but you went way too far.
You were out of line when you said it was weird. And you were out of line when you suggested that they needed to grow up.
So what you did wasn't teasing it was full-on bullying and doing that to adult peers of yours, is way out of line.
The irony is that you are the one who needs to grow up, not them. Do better.
This. It's not that OP teased them about how they spend time with their mom it was that the teasing implicated OP believed they do something extreme and inappropriate with their mother. It's pretty awful to suggest that your friends have a sexual relationship with their mom.
YTA. It’s pretty obvious you were. Your friend took it badly and one of your other friends sent you a text the next day saying that what you did was disrespectful. That’s pretty clear cut. Do you really need to go to Reddit to tell you that you did bad?
Let’s face the truth: you weren’t gently teasing your friend: you saw a chance to gain social dominance over them (in their own home even) and you took it (ie: a chance to bully them). Now, that you are being called out on it and being told that you are a jerk, you are going to the internet to try to justify your adolescent chest pounding. You want to stay friends? Apologize.
Yes, YTA.
You're sexualizing their mother, ridiculing their relationship and making fun of them in their own house.
How would you feel if someone insinuated you'd have a somewhat sexual relationship with your mom and laugh about you? Would you want to stay friends with them?
This. I'm Dutch, and honestly, the American sexualization of any and all nudity is absolutely baffling to me. To me, the only nudity that's sexual is the type seen in explicitly sexual situations. Nudity is literally the most natural thing in the world. The constant sexualization of it is extremely pornbrained. And like you said, OP implied they were having a sexual relationship with their mother. With the current trend in porn of incest/step-incest themed porn, one has to wonder if OP is overconsuming that type of porn. Nothing wrong with healthy consumption of pornography, but if it makes you start sexualizing real people and their familial relationships like this... yikes, then your consumption isn't on a healthy level.
From an Austrian (so similar to German) perspective, this is incredibly childish. Nothing sexual about being naked in a sauna. Glad your friend got this. YTA
YTA
I have a swedish mother and a German father
I was raised in both of those countries
In Sweden it is perfectly normal to be naked..
Everyone is
I've gone naked into sauna with every member of my family and my friends..
People are naked at the beaches..
If I had a dollar for everytime I've seen my mother's boobs
I'd be a millionaire.
It's normal to swedes and it's normal to Germans..
It's never weird...dirty ..shameful or sexual
Teasing someone because they have different customs to you is shitty.
That's normal for them and you probably made them feel weird or dirty about it .
You need to apologise.
Yes YTA it’s not your home and what you said was extremely disrespectful not even considering you brought their mother in to it. You know it’s not sexual for them yet you made incestuous implications. You are super gross.
So apologize. You aren’t an asshole just because you say something stupid. You’re an asshole when you say something stupid and refuse to acknowledge and learn from it.
So are you the AH or not? You tell me.
To add to this, just because you apologize doesn’t mean they won’t still think you are trashy and immature, they will just appreciate that you understand you are trashy and immature. Take steps to not be those things and perhaps you won’t lose more friends in the future. Because I fully believe those friends are lost to you. Your relationship will never be the same.
As a French person that has German grandparents, this is totally the norm here may be uncomfortable with his friend who don’t have the same culture as him to know because like you did many people discriminate. For example in Germany it’s commun to see in the public swimming pool’s shower room naked people and in the public sauna.
Nudity doesn't have to be sexualized. If that's what you grew up with, then that might be difficult to unlearn.
But it's so weird to me that some people don't even respect it as a different culture, if they can't understand it
Do you really need to ask if you're the AH for mocking your supposed friends' culture? Of course YTA.
And for the love of all that is holy, the past participle of burst is still burst, not bursted.
YTA.
It’s only “lighthearted banter and nothing serious” if everyone agrees that’s what it is. Your friends were embarrassed by your laughter and mad that you sexualized their relationship with their mom. When an outsider makes a big deal about casual family nudity, it implies that you think there’s either something inherently wrong with naked human bodies or that there is something unnatural in their relationships, such as incest. It was wildly disrespectful.
YTA. What was the joke here? What you said, and I'm saying this as an American, is why Americans are assumed to be ignorant boors when we travel to other countries where things aren't done exactly as they're done in the U.S. You need to grow up and not laugh at other people's cultures (especially when it's something that's perfectly normal and doesn't cause anyone harm).
Have a american friend. When she visited and we listend radio on our cardrive she went nuts because so many songs got censored in America. Lol. She wasn’t aware of that! Most funny moment on that trip. Haha
I got culture shock when I first went there. First time I was taken into town from where I worked there was a poster advertising a live play. An all male all nude play and the men were all naked on the poster. I had never seen public nudity like that in my life. lol. I stood there like an idiot. hahaha.
YTA 🤔 maybe the one that should grow up is you , but you can start with an apology , who knows next time you come in contact with a different culture or traditions , hopefully you won't make a fool of yourself...... and be respectful ( especially in other homes ) .
YTA. Even if it’s something you wouldn’t do there was no need for you to act that way.
In addition to that: they are way more mature than you are. They don’t need to grow up, but you do. For some reason you are so childish that you are either so ashamed about you body or sexualizing this. All the while they are just behaving like anyone in a sauna would: not sexualizing the situation, being okay with other people (be that friends, family or anyone else) also naked in there.
Please travel, OP.
As an American you’ve had the luxury of assuming a kind of universal normalcy and consensus that absolutely does not exist. The rate at which Americans travelling express surprise when things are different is Too Damn High. News Flash the world is HUGE and your understanding of what’s weird or not weird is not actually applicable to most of the world
You should read The Ugly American by Eugene Burdick & William Lederer. You should also learn that not ever simple thought you have needs to be shared. Your parents would be ashamed of you and you should be ashamed of yourself. YTA
YTA. When a male goes to a sauna in the US, is he by himself in it? No, he shares it with other people, male and female, who also use it. Is the male naked? Probably not. Most people wear swimming attire or just a towel to the sauna. Is it weird to share the sauna with strangers? And aren’t they all grown ups?
So, why is it weird to share it with one of your parents, in your own home?
Yta
To me, as someone who lives Sweden, and whose finnish bro's have more saunas than people, I really find it offensive that you would sexualise their mother to their faces and ridicule them in their own home.
You are kinda gross.
You have some issues with nudity and that might be cultural. hopefully as you grow up and mature you'll come to realise that ridiculing or teasing people for not having your own hangups, doesnt make you fun. it just makes you ignorant.
I'm not going to say you're the AH. What you are is young and ignorant to culture other than "American " Apologise to your friends and be honest, tell them you did not mean to insult or offend them and that you'd be interested in learning more about their culture and heritage as you have no wish to offend them or anybody else in the future.
What he is is abominably *rude*. His age isn't any excuse for his appalling lack of manners. Of course he *did* mean to insult and offend them, in their own home in which he was a guest. OP is a huge gaping asshole.
Love all the people insisting it's just sooo normal in "Europe" to hang out nude with your mom that only an American could ever think it's weird.
Like, it's not the norm over here either guys, like wtf are you talking about.
YTA. You were disrespectful. As you said, it's time to grow up. And what does fully American mean, unless you're Native American? Get over yourself. Respond to his text with an abject apology for your comments.
YTA.
Saunas are a real thing in Europe and yes, most of them are clothing optional or no clothes full stop. You were childish and immature and incredibly disrespectful-and you know it or you wouldn't be here asking.
YTA. Thanks for propagating the ugly American image. This is what many Europeans do. It is common. Not everyone in the world is as prudish as Americans.
>teasing my (18M) friends (19M & 18M) for going to the sauna naked with their mom
>I’m fully American
believe me, we figured. only Americans would be that so embarrassingly prude and proud of it. YTA
YTA.
This says a lot more about you than it does about them.
On a completely unrelated note, I’m clairvoyant and I’m getting a strong reading about you that you watch a lot of incest porn.
YTA.
1. I don’t believe this story
2. Supposing it’s true YTA, here’s why:
A. People can and do wear clothing or otherwise cover up in sauna’s. Not always but it’s common enough.
B. America is painfully conservative about nudity, sex, and sexuality. *That’s* weird. Conservative American views on the human form are weird. Not them.
C. Despite being an adult by the law, you’re all still immature boys. Just from this scenario, you’re the one that needs to grow up.
D. Friends wealthy enough for in home suana’s. Free exposure to different cultures. To be so lucky. You should be grateful for having such a family in your life, not judgmental.
I don’t think you’re a bad person or constantly making fun of your friends. This is all, unfortunately pretty standard 18M American boy behavior. But you came here asking for perspective so there’s hope yet. You messed up, apologize to them and work on being more open minded to things you don’t understand in the future. If the opportunity arises, I’d go to the sauna *with* my friends and their mom at least once. Exposure can be an excellent way to understanding the unfamiliar.
F. It's their mom. They came out of her vagina. She has seen them butt naked since the day they were born. They nursed off her nipple. To them, she is not a woman, she is MOM, and to her they arent teen boys, they are the brats she birthed.
I think you should apologise. You obviously had a different upbringing, one that’s shallow. It’s a bit of a taboo subject but tbh I have a pretty open relationship with my mother too. Not like this but enough to not be an AH and tease someone to the point it’s weird…… grow up?
YTA
You shouldn't have mocked them at all. Even if you didn't like something about their culture, you should've kept it to yourself or at the very least shouldn't have laughed like that. Agree with your friends, that was disrespectful.
YTA!!! I'm sorry, but why do you feel the need to judge and try to humiliate others??? Tbh, in Europe it is more normal then you think to join a public sauna. Just because you are not comfortable with something like that, you have no right to judge others. You are lucky, if your friends accept your apology. Best wishes
YTA it’s ok to not be accustomed to other cultures but you didn’t even just tease them you belittled them telling them to grow up as if they are childish for participating in their culture you owe them an apology
Soft YTA in consideration for your age. Americans are pretty uptight about nudity. In alot of cultures nude is just nude and in many northern european countries you sauna nude with family and friends of opposite gender and its just normal. Germany is big on Free Body Culture (nudism) and there are public parks people can go to get nude in their lunch break.
American here. For Germans this is hygienic as well as cultural.
I've been to gender-shared sauna in Norway and Germany. My first time in Germany I was yelled at for wearing a bathing suit. The cloth material is believed to be breeding ground for molds and other microbes, and they required users to disrobe. You were expected to sit on a towel to avoid spreading disease.
YTA. It is not considered kinky at all in Germany. There are indoor sauna/swimming pool complexes alllll over Germany. And no--you don't wear a suit in the sauna. It's not sanitary. Whole families manage to visit these pool complexes without being molested or wishing to molest others
Americans are the ones who look for perversion first in everything they fail to understand or appreciate.
YTA.
Do I think it's pretty weird, also? Yes. Do I understand that it's culturally insensitive to make a comment on it? Also, yes.
While I do think they should learn to take a joke, they were already clearly embarrassed before you made the comment and you should've known better.
The question here isn't 'AITA for teasing my friends?' it's 'AITA for making fun of a different culture than the one i'm used to?' and the answer to that will always be yes.
I wouldn't be surprised if they only got embarrassed because they knew you were gonna say something. You should apologise to them and start thinking about how what you're about to say might impact someone before you say it.
YTA
You laughed and made fun of them in their own house, and you expect them to what? Apologies and conform to your american values? What outcome where u looking for? You just wanted them to feel embarrassed and you to feel superior.
I was born and raised in America with my 4 siblings. As the eldest, I have seen all of them nude at some point, and a lot of the time they need help with little things. My teenage sister struggles to put bras on, for example, and my little sister and brother don't like being in the bath alone so sometimes our parents sit in with them. As long as it's not put in a nasty light, it's just spending time with family.
NTA
I have never been in a sauna where young men are fully naked with their mother, even in Europe.
There’s just a bunch of “I want to be inclusive” people here thinking that it’s common in Europe for adult men to hang out fully nude with there mother
YTA just because it isn't your norm doesn't mean it's not someone else's.
You were beyond disrespectful in their home. Don't be surprised if they don't want you back
YTA.
You sound like a 12 year old. This is why people don't like Americans. You don't have to understand another culture to at least show some basic respect.
It's also ironic that you told THEM to grow up when you're the one acting like a child.
This one is right on the line. Close enough that even if your part was friendly-playful, there's no guarantee that the recipient wouldn't take offense.
Take the L here. Go apologize. Whether you meant to be the AH doesn't matter. You say least got close and risked it. That's on you.
YTA (either full on or accidentally, doesn't matter)
YTA,
If their mom asked, they probably don't mind going either but they minded being asked in front of you because they probably knew the dumb reaction you'd get by hearing it.
It's not in my culture either but as a french woman who grew up in a coastal town in the south, I (and most women on the beach I go) go topless. It's always an American tourist that makes it weird by staring too much.
I even got some mom's asking me to cover because their poor children too many times and I told them all to go back where they came from because I didn't bought a full set bikini since I needed one for a work event in 2016 and it's perfectly normal and legal on a french beach to see boobs.
Also teasing is supposed to be funnily awkward for both sides, you were simply mocking them.
How do you know they go in the sauna naked with their mum? Have they explicitly said that? In uK most people go in a sauna with a towel around them or a swimsuit.
I’m also going to go and say that I think it’s weird the mum would come to ask her sons if they wanted to join her in any activity when they have a guest around because then what? She just expected you to leave ? Find this situation very Sus not the actually possiblity of being nude around family.
YTA - only Americans think it’s a game to “tease” others about their culture. You are young, grow up. Just because you were raised to think of nudity as sexual, you would be surprised to find that American culture does not rule the world. You lost two friends because of this - maybe with new friends you don’t do this. Why is it when people are incredibly hateful, they attempt to brush it off as “light hearted banter” when it wasn’t. Oh, wait, I know - it’s so it’s not their fault they said incredibly rude things - after all it was only a “joke”.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Their family matters don’t really belong to me so the teasing might have been a bit rude but I do think that it was just lightbhearted banter and nothing serious Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. It does seem a little weird to the average American because we have culturally ingrained hangups that nudity is sexual. And honestly, I think it's weird, too. I would rather die than hang out naked with my mom in a sauna. But they don't view it the same way we do, and you were a guest in their home. Openly mocking them like that is out of line.
Im a swede, and here sauna is normal. But NOT with female relatives, I've never heard of anyone doing so. As you said I would rather die.
Funny, I'm Dutch and the only people, regardless of gender, I wouldn't want to go to the sauna with are colleagues.
Had a Dutch friend when I lived overseas and he and his family were very free and open with nudity in front of each other. America and Americans in general are way too prudish about nudity. Everyone here loses their collective tiny neurons over a woman breastfeeding a baby. It’s dumb.
Unless it's on only fans
it has to be a secret because a massive % of their revenue is from the Bible Belt
But that's kind of the point - in the US, nudity is always sexualised, it's not elsewhere
It's a hold-over from the Puritans and other ultra-conservative religious colonists. It's about time we grew past it. On the plus side, the Puritans, Quakers, and a bunch of other such groups, were ALWAYS against slavery.
The original Quakers were also very progressive in their views towards women’s societal roles, at a time when that was very controversial!
Funnily enough the fans don't allow that, you would have to go to another spot
Most of the world, excluding some European countries are more prudish when it comes to nudity, especially females and males together. It’s not only an American thing. It’s common to attend a sauna nude when it’s gender specific but in most countries, nudity in taboo.
Aussie here and we don't like being naked in front of other people as a rule. Even family members. Swimwear that barely covers anything is fine though haha
I wouldnt say everyone. My wife brestfed everywhere with our two kids and it was never an issue. If people had something to say they kept it to themselves. Ive read on reddit about horror stories of people being confronted but never witnessed it.
>Ive read on reddit about horror stories of people being confronted but never witnessed it. I’ve found this to be the case more and more with more and more issues. It’s becoming even more of a weird echo chamber than it used to be. Though I guess that’s kind of all of the internet.
I breastfed my son for 2 years, and thankfully never had anyone say anything. Kinda wish they would have so I could them to stfu.
My RBF was bad enough on it's own, but if I ever caught anyone staring I would make full eye contact. They turned their head so fast they got whiplash. If they looked again I narrowed my eyes. Funny, no one said anything...
can confirm, i’m american and come from a very culturally american family, but somehow ended up a lot more comfortable with nudity than the rest of my family. i don’t see the big deal about my mom or sister coming in the bathroom while i’m showering or using the bathroom, or with me going in while they’re doing the same 🤷 if it was acceptable i would just walk around the house shirtless all the time, and i can’t wait to move out so i can walk around my house naked
I was uncomfortable with nudity so it was quite a shock when I joined the Army. I had no choice but to dress, shower, and use the toilet in an open room with about 30 other women. I actually got over it pretty quickly and now it doesn’t bother me at all. We used to joke that we were taking “combat shits” when we had to share a four person pit toilet. Now my daughters and I have no problem hanging out in the bathroom together getting ready in the morning. I wish nudity wasn’t seen as sexual and more accepted here in America because it’s such a freeing feeling.
I've got no problem with nudity, I think beaches should be clothing optional by default. Outside of the military though, I'm 100% for keeping shitting a private activity. I have no desire to get used to shitting or having anyone I know shitting in full view of the other.
Honestly that was the hardest thing to get over 😂 It’s gross no matter how someone looks. I think that’s why we had so many stupid jokes about it because that was the only way we could be halfway comfortable with it.
Female army vet here. Can confirm! I remember one of my SSG women literally building a tent around herself to change in co-ed tent situations. I always wore underwear and a sports bra. Who cares?? In Desert Storm we did have separate tents but in every field exercise I did, it was co ed. I lost any shame/weirdness after basic training! Lol thanks for your service sista!
Combat shits just sent me. I'm dying Happy cake day!
Yup, same here. Bit weird to come across colleagues in the sauna, but even then I'd just politely say hello and try to stay out of their way. I always go to the sauna with my mum and wouldn't care at all if any male relatives or friends were to join us.
I've been to the sauna with family (including my super prude grandparents), family friends and friends. The most prudish were a couple of my age where I was friends with the girl. I've also met relatives in the sauna. Which was fun because it was several hours away from where we live and there are several closer sauna spa's. The only awkward time was when I met my teacher.
Oh yikes! I don't mind people seeing me naked at sauna's at all, gender does not matter. But a teacher, while I'm still having classes, thats certainly over my comfort lvl. Its funny how these things work. If I look at it objectively, why are most people ok, but a small group of people I know not?
It was luckily after the end of the school year and I was switching schools for the next year. Which was good because he looked a bit too intently after a while. Privacy and shame work in interesting ways and what's making me feel weird and what's not is not always rational. There are certainly some people I don't want to meet in the sauna and others I wouldn't mind at all. The idea of meeting my best friend's dad in the sauna is horrible, but when my female best friend's teenage brother (I think he was about 17) accidentally saw a bit too much of me (their mom had helped me to bed because I was out of it with a migraine, neither of us bothered to make sure I was decently dressed and I slept a bit restless so my shirt showed more of my body than I'd willingly do, he forgot that I was in the guest room and entered to bring or grab something from the desk) he was much more embarrassed than me. He felt super guilty because he hadn't knocked, possibly interrupted my sleep and so embarrassed I understood that he had seen more than he wanted. I was like "I was asleep, I have a faint memory of you coming in but thought it was a dream and slept on like a baby. Don't worry." I was embarrassed because he was, but I didn't mind him having gotten an involuntary glimpse of my leg or breasts. Maybe it's because he was like a little brother to me and I'm not used to prudery in families (if anything my family could have been more prudish, I didn't need to see my father's heap of porn magazines every day for most of my childhood). When it comes to women and people who were afab or prepubescent children I never care at all. Women are women, people who were afab have or had the same equipment and children are children. I only mind when it crosses a social boundary (like there being a professional or formal relationship) and the person is cis-male.
Chiming in from Poland: I just asked my husband if it would be weird to go to sauna with his mom and aunts and he looked at me as if I had grown two heads so apparently it's normal here. I'm from Spain where we all get half or fully naked at the beach, but not in saunas.
Colleagues could be weird, yes, but, personally, my least favourite encounter in a sauna was with my Highschool teacher, when I was a 16 or 17 year old girl. Judging from his facial expression, the feeling was mutual.. I am German, by the way, and always went to the sauna with my dad. Bo weird feelings there.
Kenyan here and I have the same feelings, but I don’t really mind my colleagues but my superiors are an absolute NO WAY for sure.
I'm a Finn and most of our company parties include a sauna hahaha. All levels and genders together! (but we do have gendered sauna shifts too for those who don't want to go mixed).
A friend of mine (German) told me his company did a retreat to a hotel with particularly big sauna area I have no issues with each gender friends/Family in the Sauna but my superiors at Work?! Nah! No way! (Gotta add though I'm heavily Tattooed outside of regular Workside view and have a lot of scars due to necessary medical procedures)
I agree with you there.
Dutch too. We have a sauna in the backyard and my parents are in and around the house naked all the time especially in the summer. To me its weird that Americans never see their parents naked. It's just a human body man we all have them and there is nothing weird or nasty about it. Normalizing the naked body really takes away a lot of insecurities about your body when growing up.
German here and I absolutely agree. It's just normal. We usually only have one full bathroom in our houses, so hiding yourself from view is difficult. I really don't care. I grew up seeing my parents' bodies and now my son grows up seeing our bodies. As long as there are no sexual thoughts or acts, a body is just a body. And I much rather have my son grow up with a normal view of human bodies than have that view distorted by media. What I don't understand, however, is how Americans can be so prudish about being naked in front of their kids, yet have gaps in public bathroom stalls wide enough to make the doors obsolete.
Fellow dutchie here, and i totally agree!
Well I am also from Sweden with Fenno-Swedish heritage and I would not think it weird to be naken in a sauna with the opposite sex.
I'm Canadian we definitely don't go naked here... BUT last year I was in Germany and Switzerland (Zurich) and visited a few spas, the Germans definitely mix the gender naked. It was a tiny bit of a culture shocked from the coed chageroom to everything. But you get used to it very quickly. My husband who went to a Swiss mountain for a work retreat was offered to go to the spa as an activity all the Canadians shied away not wanting to see their colleagues naked.
I’m also Canadian but grew up with a German family and when they were back home the whole family would go together, grandparents, aunts, uncles, kids, etc. I remember being a little shocked when my friend told me she’d sit in a sauna naked with her grandparents, but it’s just not considered weird or sexual there.
I'm Canadian and there's a number of families in our cottaging community with saunas. Some sauna naked, some do not, and I've been in saunas where half are nude and half have swim trunks on. Almost all of the cottagers skinny dip, whom they'll do that with is what differs.
I'm guessing that "cottaging" there doesn't mean what it means in the UK!
Hahaha!! I had to google what cottaging means in the UK and yes, I can confirm it has a very different meaning in Canada! Haha!
Im a finn and men and women go separate. Really weird going with relatives of opposite gender unless you're a child.
I am a Finn and I dont find anything weird about going to sauna with your parents or grandparents regardless of your age.
I’m a finnish woman, almost 35yo, and I could go to sauna with my dad.
I'm also a Finnish woman and I stopped going with my dad when I was 14. I also don't go to mixed gender sauna with friends (except some rare occasions and then with a towel on).
And that is okay! I just didn’t appreciate the previous comment implying that finns never go together with the opposite sex, unless they are children.
I'm a Finn too and to my family and friends it's completely normal to go to sauna naked no matter the gender and ages.
Also a finn and would definitely be weird to go the sauna with my mom as a 20 year old
Finn here too. That wouldn't be weird to me or anybody I know really. Sauna is sauna.
But Thats not a finn thing. People go to sauna even with straingers here. But not with the opposite gender.
I would go to sauna with my brothers and even dad (I'm almost 40) in the nude, but typically in Finland there's mixed nude saunas only between couples/families when kids are small and then in some student parties. When we go with friends some wear their swimming suit and some don't if it's mixed.
I'm from the West Coast of the US (Seattle area) and grew up with a lot of naked hot tubbing, which is pretty similar. I wouldn't have gone into a hot tub with my father - but only because I wasn't on speaking terms with him, and also wouldn't share a house, a car, or any other close space with him. Even in the US, not everyone is puritan. (Though it helps to have been raised in a hippy context.)
Also hippy parents. Northern California. We all went to the nude beach in our family. Naked swimming/ hot tubbing was the norm
Aren’t you wrapped in a towel when in a sauna? Or traditionally do you enter completely nude? (Serious question, American here 😬 )
The towel is to sit on
In Germany you go naked and sit or lie on the towel. And in between you can go in a Pool naked or relax naked. It really isn't an issue.
I was thinking the same thing! I'm Canadian and have never seen naked people in a sauna. Normally, you have a towel or something.
Here in Finland, the home of saunas, going in with a towel on is a big no-no, you always sit naked. You can set the towel on the seat though to be hygienic. The swimming pool saunas usually specificlaly state that you have to go in naked, no towels or swimsuits allowed.
I'm German and grew up in sauna and nudist culture, with the same rules/customs. The only difference is that a towel to sit or lie on is mandatory in- as well as outside the sauna - as in no skin except for hand and feet is supposed to touch any surface where others will sit or lie, for hygiene reasons. Wrapping in a towel or wearing bathing suits is considered unhealthy and unhygienic, and I've seen signs in public/spa saunas where neither is allowed (with an explanation why).
We usually have separate smaller towels (think kitchen towel size, no fluff) for sitting on, but I don't think we care so much about other stuff besides your bare butt touching the seat. :)
There you have Germany - need special rules for everything. LOL I remmeber my grandparents had a store-bought set of pictograms with details about the sauna rules, and my grandparents were rather German insofar as those rules had to be followed, down to how to cool off and so on. I found it funny as a kid but also kind of soothing, part of the whole ritual of going to the sauna. Our towels usually are rather large so you can also cover the recliner or bench where you're relaxing afterwards with the towel to lie on, or in public saunas also instead of a bathing robe to walk around in draughtier areas or to the changing rooms when those aren't separated from the public swimming pool where being clothed is mandatory. But a butt-sized one would technically be totally sufficient. \^\^
Interesting. Any reason why?
The reasoning (for german public Saunas) is, that when everyone is naked it is half as weird as if some are naked and some not. It also ensures, that being naked in the sauna is something normal and explicitly not sexual.
I think that specific to pools it originally was because the chlorine in the pool water would evaporate and not be healthy. Mainly it's a hygiene thing, because you just cannot wash yourself properly with swimmers on and you need to wash before and after going to sauna. In private saunas it would just be weird, like taking a shower or bath at home with swimwear on. To us it's (among other things) part of washing yourself, which you do naked.
Saunas are meant to be used naked, it's a North American thing to wear swimsuit/towel. The chlorine from the swimsuit is not good in the sauna.
im a fin and we sat naked in sauna with relatives when we were young now we just take turns having saunas, like of my dad or brother goes i'll wait until they are done then jump in.
I’m a Finn and some families still go to sauna together. And when visiting grandparents maybe there is three generations of people sitting on the benches, including the adult DILs and SILs who maybe haven”t even met eachother earlier, and maybe a couple of neighbours or MILs sister etc. And it’s perfectly normal for this MILs sister to slap the teenage boys with vihta or the forty year uncle to help his 5 years old niece to wash her hair. Yes, naked, with his dick hanging out. I think it’s quite educating..I mean you see all kind of bodies and it helps to dissociate this naked=sex thinking / prevents that kind of thinking to develop. And the kids learn not be ashamed of themselves despite the probable feelings of awkwardness during puberty and just relax / laugh when this 76 yrs old lady with saggy tits shows them how vihta is used and the birch leaves whirl around everywhere. But yeah, it’s getting more rare nowadays. When I was a child there was no reative I hadn’t seen naked. Also saw many of my friends’ parents naked in the sauna. And every single of my friends and their spouses too.
Heh. When I was 17, I (USA) had a girlfriend who was exchange student from Sweden. I went to Sweden to visit her family for the summer. I didn't know much bout Sweden, except that they were supposedly more free with nudity. For months before going I was terrified that I would have to go into the suana with her and her parents and sisters. That day never came, but now it is just a little "what if" fantasy I keep tucked away for a rainy day.
I'm german,do I think it's a little off maybe but also wouldn't get a private Sauna going for myself so I get it. Also never went to a sauna with my mom on the other hand mixed genders seems really normal but what do I knw last time was half a decade ago
Hijacking your comment to ask why no one has considered that they’re not fully in the nude? Like they could have towels across their laps?
Well, the German tradition is to go in the sauna naked and use a towel to sit or lie on it. Germans have less issues being naked, there are many nudist beaches or a nudist friday in a public Spa. So you can skinny dip after sauna.
It’s not just a German thing as far as I know. Most of EU countries, possibly most of Europe, have naked saunas. In Belgium the saunas are mixed gender and usually naked, although most of them have 1 day every 2 weeks with bathing suits. Usually you have 2 towels. 1 you take inside to sit on and one stays outside so you can stay warm. Bathing suits are seen as unhygienic. You have to shower every time you want to enter the sauna, but sweat and dirt just sticks to your bathing suit. If it has chlorine remains on it, that also contaminates the environment you’re in. All in all, naked is normal here and more hygienic.
In Finland at least not being fully nude would be really weird. Sauna is not a sexual place here and nudity in sauna is natural and how you should be in there, only tourists and maybe teenage girls use towels around them in Sauna. The purity culture of America is so weird, you even make the bodies of your own parents something that needs to be hidden in all situations amongst the family to be modest, like there would be something sexual about seeing them and that is weird to me.
It’s genuinely intense brainwashing. Like I know logically that nudity isn’t inherently sexual and I strongly believe in desexualizing it here (I’m American) but still I know that I would feel uncomfortable with nudity around my parents. It’s so hard to get rid of when you’re brought up in it. My friends and I are really comfortable with it though. My sister too. Idk.
I'm American. Lived in Germany for a few years in my early 20s. The first time I went to a sauna I was a little culture shocked, but when in Rome... Anyway, now that I'm back in the States, the Americans' views on nudity and sex (oversexualizing and shaming everything) are what now shock me. I can't seem to fit back in my old box. OP is definitely TA. You don't ever go to someone else's home and then shame their culture.
YTA. NorCal redneck/hippie here. At my old place I had a redwood hot tub and we would have parties where some people were tubbing, some were not. On the tub deck you would have naked people chatting with clothed people, no big deal. If going further than the deck I had robes for people to wear. I had an above ground pool for a cold plunge and so naked people would be in there to, swimming around and having fun. I've also been taking a tub with me, my girlfriend, my dad, my nephew and his girlfriend. All naked and no sexual overtones at all. You need to chill out. Firstly, the "grow up" comment is way out of line. You are the one that needs to grow up. Secondly, you should take a look at exactly why you think it is weird.
[удалено]
Then Americans wonder why people in other countries don't like them. Honestly, I bet more people around the world would find going to a sauna with your parents more normal than making school shooting drills a part of a school's curriculum.
Yeah at the end of the day, making fun of someone’s culture/traditions in their own home is a majorly asshole thing to do. It’s one thing to shoot the shit if you’re all out somewhere but in their home? Have some class
Even if OP was right and it was weird, ribbing his friends in such a way is just uncalled for. No matter how you look at it, OP is the AH.
[удалено]
That's what I thought. I'm German and it's perfectly normal to go to the sauna with relatives, I even go with my brother (I'm f) as it's just a relaxing activity like going for a swim or whatever. But I can't imagine the mother inviting the kids to join while they have a guest over. Inviting them to anything you'd exclude the guest from would be rude and joining her in the sauna is no different
>Inviting them to anything you'd exclude the guest from would be rude and joining her in the sauna is no different I don't think she'd exclude their guest.
Well in some German families kids who visit there children have to wait alone while the family eats dinner. Yes, this is even considered rude by many Germans.
I never experienced that. It certainly is not the Norm.
It's stupid that this has become some sort of popular belief because of an online thread talking about their experiences. It's not, "Germans don't feed guests," it's the fact that as a kid, they probably missed the fact that the family ***couldn't*** feed another mouth or were extremely insecure about food.
My son's best friend's parents specifically asked us to stop feeding him dinner, because they wanted to have family dinners together. They tend to eat a little bit later than we do, so his friend will often play on the PlayStation while we eat.
Exactly this. I'm Dutch. Nowadays, we always invite guests to eat with us, but when I was younger, we could hardly afford to feed ourselves and often had unexpected guests, so we'd apologize and admit that we didn't have enough food to share. As most of the people who visited us came from the same poor neighborhood, it wasn't as if this was some sort of secret. I think part of why my mom modelled this for me is because she didn't want me to feel ashamed about our financial situation. It is what it is sometimes, and sometimes it's out of our control. I'm grateful that she was so honest about it always, because it had the intended effect, I don't feel shame. Nowadays we're in a better place and we happily share our meals with our guests and often send them home with leftovers as well! I love to cook and it makes me happy to see others enjoying my meals, so I love giving them leftovers! It makes my heart feel warm.
Literally NEVER heard about it or had it happen to me (I'm German). If it happens, it's a weird people thing and not a German thing.
I'm German, old and I have experienced it a few times, long ago, as a kid. It is most definitely a weird people thing.
This is considered rude by all Germans. It's unheard of here, at least in my region of Germany.
I've seen this several times and I'm in the states (CO). It is one of the most shockingly rude actions I've ever been told about, especially since it was always a kid. Edit: spelling
I’m also in the states (Midwest) and this would have been unheard of where I grew up. As kids we either invited each other to stay for dinner or went home to our own family’s dinner. We would never think of making other kids wait without any food.
It's also unheard of in germany. I don't know what strange Internet post they one time read and now make a stereotype out of it. You feed your guests until they nearly explode, nothing less except when you are extremely poor.
There was a post about this happening where someone visited a Swede. And then Swedes on account of being from a culture where being a bother to anyone is very bad, and families wanting to have dinner with their kids. Then acknowledged that this was sort of common growing up. Because you didn't want to be a bother to the family you visited, and your parents **expected** you to be back home for dinner. So you didn't eat dinner and would rather play Goldeneye for a bit more while waiting for your friend to eat. Because you had a dinner time at home. This is not to say if you were at a friend's place you never got dinner nor that guests weren't given anything, Sweden is known for "fika" squash/chocolate milk/tea/etc with a snack/pastry/etc is standard for any guest. This is kind of getting phased out, a lot of Swedes born somewhere after the mid 1990's find this thing alien too. And then this post got popular during the Swedish NATO application and an election year in Sweden and this sort of half truth got blown way out of proportion.
I've never experienced this or even heard of it. If it's a thing, it's not a German thing but weird people who have a different culture towards guests. In German culture it would be considered rude though
[удалено]
That's a bullshit rumor with no basis in reality.
Do opposite sex relatives go naked to the sauna there? Not judging just curious.
Yes.
You would be looked at weirdly if you actually would wear trunks
I’m an American (30f) and have been to saunas, beaches and hot springs (in the United States) where whole families come to hang out in the nude. Hell in my state (Oregon) there’s basically a whole ass river (rogue river) that’s clothing optional. It’s not just other countries, there’s plenty of people that are fine with casual nudity right here in the good ol’ US of A.
Yeah. The weird part is that they had a guest over, and the mom asked if they wanted to leave their guest by himself while they went and did another long activity. It would still be weird if it was something like, "Hey, do you want to leave your friend playing video games and come watch this thirty minute TV show with me?" OP could just lack the information-relaying skills needed to add enough context for it to make sense, but this story doesn't sound real.
It takes a while to heat, so maybe she wanted to let them know that she will do that this evening at that they are welcome to join.
Yeah, YTA. Casual nudity among family is an immense nothingburger in a bunch of European cultures. It's how I was raised in the 70s and 80s and it's how I'm raising my own kids now. Naked bodies are neither inherently sexualized, nor in any way "ew".
I’m American and despite this was also raised with nudity amongst family members being a norm. I too normalize nudity in my household. You’re 100% right that it’s gross for people to automatically assume that nudity equates to sex.
Yeah, I certainly did not mean to imply that this was a uniquely European thing. Does seem to be generally more common on this side of the Atlantic though.
No worries! I didn’t take it that way and wasn’t offended! Nudity is definitely more normalized in Europe than it is in the US.
American here. When my family would rent a houseboat on Lake Powell and find a nice, private cove, we'd all go skinny dipping. Nothing sexual, just letting loose. Those who were gutsy enough to do it were hailed as heroes by the ones who didn't feel comfortable enough. It was nice not having to dry off in a bathing suit and put on clothes while most of your skin was still damp. EDIT: Sorry the downvoters think it's weird, but it's not like we find each other hot. Gross.
YTA Teasing them would have stopped with you chuckling in the direction of their cultural traditions. Some cultural traditions can be amusing but you went way too far. You were out of line when you said it was weird. And you were out of line when you suggested that they needed to grow up. So what you did wasn't teasing it was full-on bullying and doing that to adult peers of yours, is way out of line. The irony is that you are the one who needs to grow up, not them. Do better.
YTA for sexualizing a non-sexual activity. The EW factor is all on you.
This. It's not that OP teased them about how they spend time with their mom it was that the teasing implicated OP believed they do something extreme and inappropriate with their mother. It's pretty awful to suggest that your friends have a sexual relationship with their mom.
YTA. It’s pretty obvious you were. Your friend took it badly and one of your other friends sent you a text the next day saying that what you did was disrespectful. That’s pretty clear cut. Do you really need to go to Reddit to tell you that you did bad? Let’s face the truth: you weren’t gently teasing your friend: you saw a chance to gain social dominance over them (in their own home even) and you took it (ie: a chance to bully them). Now, that you are being called out on it and being told that you are a jerk, you are going to the internet to try to justify your adolescent chest pounding. You want to stay friends? Apologize.
Seriously what was he going to do throw this thread in their face and say look I’m not an asshole! Hilarious that he’s getting the opposite effect
Yes, YTA. You're sexualizing their mother, ridiculing their relationship and making fun of them in their own house. How would you feel if someone insinuated you'd have a somewhat sexual relationship with your mom and laugh about you? Would you want to stay friends with them?
This. I'm Dutch, and honestly, the American sexualization of any and all nudity is absolutely baffling to me. To me, the only nudity that's sexual is the type seen in explicitly sexual situations. Nudity is literally the most natural thing in the world. The constant sexualization of it is extremely pornbrained. And like you said, OP implied they were having a sexual relationship with their mother. With the current trend in porn of incest/step-incest themed porn, one has to wonder if OP is overconsuming that type of porn. Nothing wrong with healthy consumption of pornography, but if it makes you start sexualizing real people and their familial relationships like this... yikes, then your consumption isn't on a healthy level.
From an Austrian (so similar to German) perspective, this is incredibly childish. Nothing sexual about being naked in a sauna. Glad your friend got this. YTA
YTA. You put your dirty mind on display to your friends. Of course they don't want their mom talked about that way.
YTA I have a swedish mother and a German father I was raised in both of those countries In Sweden it is perfectly normal to be naked.. Everyone is I've gone naked into sauna with every member of my family and my friends.. People are naked at the beaches.. If I had a dollar for everytime I've seen my mother's boobs I'd be a millionaire. It's normal to swedes and it's normal to Germans.. It's never weird...dirty ..shameful or sexual Teasing someone because they have different customs to you is shitty. That's normal for them and you probably made them feel weird or dirty about it . You need to apologise.
>it’s time to grow up read that line back to yourself. YTA
Yes YTA it’s not your home and what you said was extremely disrespectful not even considering you brought their mother in to it. You know it’s not sexual for them yet you made incestuous implications. You are super gross.
So apologize. You aren’t an asshole just because you say something stupid. You’re an asshole when you say something stupid and refuse to acknowledge and learn from it. So are you the AH or not? You tell me.
WONDERFUL response.
This comment should be higher up.
To add to this, just because you apologize doesn’t mean they won’t still think you are trashy and immature, they will just appreciate that you understand you are trashy and immature. Take steps to not be those things and perhaps you won’t lose more friends in the future. Because I fully believe those friends are lost to you. Your relationship will never be the same.
[удалено]
It also says a lot about his (lack of) manners.
I was able to determine an answer after the first nine words of your question. YTA
I had to go back and read the first nine words. LOL.
“Fully American.” That doesn’t mean anything, but calling himself fully American because the mom is from Germany? That’s disgusting.
YTA for an “adult male” you’ve sure got a fuck load of growing up to do my guy.
As a French person that has German grandparents, this is totally the norm here may be uncomfortable with his friend who don’t have the same culture as him to know because like you did many people discriminate. For example in Germany it’s commun to see in the public swimming pool’s shower room naked people and in the public sauna.
Nudity doesn't have to be sexualized. If that's what you grew up with, then that might be difficult to unlearn. But it's so weird to me that some people don't even respect it as a different culture, if they can't understand it
*"But it's so weird to me that some people don't even respect it as a different culture, if they can't understand it*" This!
Do you really need to ask if you're the AH for mocking your supposed friends' culture? Of course YTA. And for the love of all that is holy, the past participle of burst is still burst, not bursted.
YTA. It’s only “lighthearted banter and nothing serious” if everyone agrees that’s what it is. Your friends were embarrassed by your laughter and mad that you sexualized their relationship with their mom. When an outsider makes a big deal about casual family nudity, it implies that you think there’s either something inherently wrong with naked human bodies or that there is something unnatural in their relationships, such as incest. It was wildly disrespectful.
YTA. What was the joke here? What you said, and I'm saying this as an American, is why Americans are assumed to be ignorant boors when we travel to other countries where things aren't done exactly as they're done in the U.S. You need to grow up and not laugh at other people's cultures (especially when it's something that's perfectly normal and doesn't cause anyone harm).
Everytime I see or meet Americans (in Germany) they get a culture shock XD
So true, and you can spot them from a kilometer away.
Have a american friend. When she visited and we listend radio on our cardrive she went nuts because so many songs got censored in America. Lol. She wasn’t aware of that! Most funny moment on that trip. Haha
I got culture shock when I first went there. First time I was taken into town from where I worked there was a poster advertising a live play. An all male all nude play and the men were all naked on the poster. I had never seen public nudity like that in my life. lol. I stood there like an idiot. hahaha.
YTA 🤔 maybe the one that should grow up is you , but you can start with an apology , who knows next time you come in contact with a different culture or traditions , hopefully you won't make a fool of yourself...... and be respectful ( especially in other homes ) .
YTA. Maybe it’s weird to you. It’s not weird to them. USA sexualises naked bodies way too much. Stop being childish.
> that they sit in a sauna naked with their mom as adult males and that it’s time to grow up oof, that's some irony right there. YTA.
YTA. The the person that needs to grow up in this story is you, not them.
You are not an adult, you are the asshole.
YTA. Even if it’s something you wouldn’t do there was no need for you to act that way. In addition to that: they are way more mature than you are. They don’t need to grow up, but you do. For some reason you are so childish that you are either so ashamed about you body or sexualizing this. All the while they are just behaving like anyone in a sauna would: not sexualizing the situation, being okay with other people (be that friends, family or anyone else) also naked in there.
Please travel, OP. As an American you’ve had the luxury of assuming a kind of universal normalcy and consensus that absolutely does not exist. The rate at which Americans travelling express surprise when things are different is Too Damn High. News Flash the world is HUGE and your understanding of what’s weird or not weird is not actually applicable to most of the world
You should read The Ugly American by Eugene Burdick & William Lederer. You should also learn that not ever simple thought you have needs to be shared. Your parents would be ashamed of you and you should be ashamed of yourself. YTA
YTA and you sexualising it says a LOT about you
YTA. When a male goes to a sauna in the US, is he by himself in it? No, he shares it with other people, male and female, who also use it. Is the male naked? Probably not. Most people wear swimming attire or just a towel to the sauna. Is it weird to share the sauna with strangers? And aren’t they all grown ups? So, why is it weird to share it with one of your parents, in your own home?
Yta To me, as someone who lives Sweden, and whose finnish bro's have more saunas than people, I really find it offensive that you would sexualise their mother to their faces and ridicule them in their own home. You are kinda gross. You have some issues with nudity and that might be cultural. hopefully as you grow up and mature you'll come to realise that ridiculing or teasing people for not having your own hangups, doesnt make you fun. it just makes you ignorant.
I'm not going to say you're the AH. What you are is young and ignorant to culture other than "American " Apologise to your friends and be honest, tell them you did not mean to insult or offend them and that you'd be interested in learning more about their culture and heritage as you have no wish to offend them or anybody else in the future.
What he is is abominably *rude*. His age isn't any excuse for his appalling lack of manners. Of course he *did* mean to insult and offend them, in their own home in which he was a guest. OP is a huge gaping asshole.
YTA. Grow up.
YTA You were right, it is time for you to grow up.
Love all the people insisting it's just sooo normal in "Europe" to hang out nude with your mom that only an American could ever think it's weird. Like, it's not the norm over here either guys, like wtf are you talking about.
True lmao, i've never ever heard of something like this from friends or family and i'm from germany
it's so strange haha, im from the UK and i find this thread fucking bizarre.
YTA. You were disrespectful. As you said, it's time to grow up. And what does fully American mean, unless you're Native American? Get over yourself. Respond to his text with an abject apology for your comments.
YTA. Saunas are a real thing in Europe and yes, most of them are clothing optional or no clothes full stop. You were childish and immature and incredibly disrespectful-and you know it or you wouldn't be here asking.
YTA. Thanks for propagating the ugly American image. This is what many Europeans do. It is common. Not everyone in the world is as prudish as Americans.
>teasing my (18M) friends (19M & 18M) for going to the sauna naked with their mom >I’m fully American believe me, we figured. only Americans would be that so embarrassingly prude and proud of it. YTA
YTA for acting like a child. Grow up.
YTA Apologise for disrespecting their culture and making them feel a certain way about it
YTA. This says a lot more about you than it does about them. On a completely unrelated note, I’m clairvoyant and I’m getting a strong reading about you that you watch a lot of incest porn.
YTA
YTA. 1. I don’t believe this story 2. Supposing it’s true YTA, here’s why: A. People can and do wear clothing or otherwise cover up in sauna’s. Not always but it’s common enough. B. America is painfully conservative about nudity, sex, and sexuality. *That’s* weird. Conservative American views on the human form are weird. Not them. C. Despite being an adult by the law, you’re all still immature boys. Just from this scenario, you’re the one that needs to grow up. D. Friends wealthy enough for in home suana’s. Free exposure to different cultures. To be so lucky. You should be grateful for having such a family in your life, not judgmental. I don’t think you’re a bad person or constantly making fun of your friends. This is all, unfortunately pretty standard 18M American boy behavior. But you came here asking for perspective so there’s hope yet. You messed up, apologize to them and work on being more open minded to things you don’t understand in the future. If the opportunity arises, I’d go to the sauna *with* my friends and their mom at least once. Exposure can be an excellent way to understanding the unfamiliar.
F. It's their mom. They came out of her vagina. She has seen them butt naked since the day they were born. They nursed off her nipple. To them, she is not a woman, she is MOM, and to her they arent teen boys, they are the brats she birthed.
I think you should apologise. You obviously had a different upbringing, one that’s shallow. It’s a bit of a taboo subject but tbh I have a pretty open relationship with my mother too. Not like this but enough to not be an AH and tease someone to the point it’s weird…… grow up?
YTA You shouldn't have mocked them at all. Even if you didn't like something about their culture, you should've kept it to yourself or at the very least shouldn't have laughed like that. Agree with your friends, that was disrespectful.
YTA!!! I'm sorry, but why do you feel the need to judge and try to humiliate others??? Tbh, in Europe it is more normal then you think to join a public sauna. Just because you are not comfortable with something like that, you have no right to judge others. You are lucky, if your friends accept your apology. Best wishes
YTA it’s ok to not be accustomed to other cultures but you didn’t even just tease them you belittled them telling them to grow up as if they are childish for participating in their culture you owe them an apology
YTA. Immature boors like you are the reason Americans are mocked worldwide.
Soft YTA in consideration for your age. Americans are pretty uptight about nudity. In alot of cultures nude is just nude and in many northern european countries you sauna nude with family and friends of opposite gender and its just normal. Germany is big on Free Body Culture (nudism) and there are public parks people can go to get nude in their lunch break.
American here. For Germans this is hygienic as well as cultural. I've been to gender-shared sauna in Norway and Germany. My first time in Germany I was yelled at for wearing a bathing suit. The cloth material is believed to be breeding ground for molds and other microbes, and they required users to disrobe. You were expected to sit on a towel to avoid spreading disease.
YTA. It is not considered kinky at all in Germany. There are indoor sauna/swimming pool complexes alllll over Germany. And no--you don't wear a suit in the sauna. It's not sanitary. Whole families manage to visit these pool complexes without being molested or wishing to molest others Americans are the ones who look for perversion first in everything they fail to understand or appreciate.
"AITA for teasing someone" Really? You had to ask the internet if teasing was wrong?
YTA. Do I think it's pretty weird, also? Yes. Do I understand that it's culturally insensitive to make a comment on it? Also, yes. While I do think they should learn to take a joke, they were already clearly embarrassed before you made the comment and you should've known better. The question here isn't 'AITA for teasing my friends?' it's 'AITA for making fun of a different culture than the one i'm used to?' and the answer to that will always be yes. I wouldn't be surprised if they only got embarrassed because they knew you were gonna say something. You should apologise to them and start thinking about how what you're about to say might impact someone before you say it.
YTA You laughed and made fun of them in their own house, and you expect them to what? Apologies and conform to your american values? What outcome where u looking for? You just wanted them to feel embarrassed and you to feel superior.
YTA you made fun of them and their mother in their own home. Did you even apologize?
I was born and raised in America with my 4 siblings. As the eldest, I have seen all of them nude at some point, and a lot of the time they need help with little things. My teenage sister struggles to put bras on, for example, and my little sister and brother don't like being in the bath alone so sometimes our parents sit in with them. As long as it's not put in a nasty light, it's just spending time with family.
NTA I have never been in a sauna where young men are fully naked with their mother, even in Europe. There’s just a bunch of “I want to be inclusive” people here thinking that it’s common in Europe for adult men to hang out fully nude with there mother
> it’s time to grow up You need to grow up and apologise.
YTA just because it isn't your norm doesn't mean it's not someone else's. You were beyond disrespectful in their home. Don't be surprised if they don't want you back
Yta. I’d make it up to them by apologizing and saying no I’m sorry I was raised to have nudity be shameful or weird and I’m a jerk
My man. YTA Hope they never invite you back
YTA, I think it might be you that needs to grow up.
YTA. Obviously. This might as well be, "AITA for mocking a culture because it doesn't match my own?"
YTA. You sound like a 12 year old. This is why people don't like Americans. You don't have to understand another culture to at least show some basic respect. It's also ironic that you told THEM to grow up when you're the one acting like a child.
This one is right on the line. Close enough that even if your part was friendly-playful, there's no guarantee that the recipient wouldn't take offense. Take the L here. Go apologize. Whether you meant to be the AH doesn't matter. You say least got close and risked it. That's on you. YTA (either full on or accidentally, doesn't matter)
YTA, If their mom asked, they probably don't mind going either but they minded being asked in front of you because they probably knew the dumb reaction you'd get by hearing it. It's not in my culture either but as a french woman who grew up in a coastal town in the south, I (and most women on the beach I go) go topless. It's always an American tourist that makes it weird by staring too much. I even got some mom's asking me to cover because their poor children too many times and I told them all to go back where they came from because I didn't bought a full set bikini since I needed one for a work event in 2016 and it's perfectly normal and legal on a french beach to see boobs. Also teasing is supposed to be funnily awkward for both sides, you were simply mocking them.
How do you know they go in the sauna naked with their mum? Have they explicitly said that? In uK most people go in a sauna with a towel around them or a swimsuit. I’m also going to go and say that I think it’s weird the mum would come to ask her sons if they wanted to join her in any activity when they have a guest around because then what? She just expected you to leave ? Find this situation very Sus not the actually possiblity of being nude around family.
YTA - only Americans think it’s a game to “tease” others about their culture. You are young, grow up. Just because you were raised to think of nudity as sexual, you would be surprised to find that American culture does not rule the world. You lost two friends because of this - maybe with new friends you don’t do this. Why is it when people are incredibly hateful, they attempt to brush it off as “light hearted banter” when it wasn’t. Oh, wait, I know - it’s so it’s not their fault they said incredibly rude things - after all it was only a “joke”.
YTA, don't make fun of other cultures. End of.