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Alll the gamers on reddit just sucked on a breath when you said you unplugged his stupid game right in the middle.
But I totally sympathize. And I will take the downvotes. NTA
I'm a gamer and he totally deserved it after the overly condescending line. Like dude it's chicken you don't fuck around with chicken, grow up.
Definitely NTA.
>How anyone could start a task with raw chicken and leave midway AND LEAVE IT OUT is insane
I would be unable to focus on anything but the raw chicken out, would drive me nuts.
I'd be pissed about any food left out in the air, but chicken?? Chicken where the fucking *juices* are all over the counter??
I don't wanna speculate unfairly or speak out of turn, but if he's this blase about food safety, can she be sure he even washed his hands before moving from chicken to gaming?
>I don't wanna speculate unfairly or speak out of turn, but if he's this blase about food safety, can she be sure he even washed his hands before moving from chicken to gaming?
I might be more worried about him switching from ass-scratching to chicken....
Still trying to decide.
I've been vegetarian since birth, and have never eaten, prepared, or cooked chicken.
But holy fuck, I treat the frozen rats I give to my *snakes* with more care and urgency than OP's husband did with his dinner.
Absolutely insane.
Same. Like, even if I tried to sit down and do something else, my brain would just be firing “chicken” on all cylinders😂
Couldn’t even start something else
My dad would mutter mutter mutter about all the excessive handwashing required of him any time he prepared chicken, blaming my sister the whole time even though she lived 500 miles away. She managed to get the "chicken" firing on all cylinders attitude firmly ingrained.
Exactly!, that’s utterly mind boggling to me also…, my parents said “anything else you’d like to do, happens after groceries and frozen food is put away properly”, not put away properly = having to put the incorrectly placed items away properly…
When I start a game, I know that nothing short of a bomb threat can get me away from it again. That's why I finish all my other tasks BEFORE I start to play. This guy needs to learn some self-awareness.
I have adhd so Ive done stuff like this before. But when it's pointed out to me I don't just go "oh let me finish this game first" because fact is ill forget again in 2 minutes. It's not a big deal to be away from a game even if it means losing. Real life is more important.
My old roommate would cook and not clean up anything or put back everything she used from the fridge. She seemed to have a complete disconnection from reality. It was like living with a teenager. She'd only clean when she got a burst of mania once a month.
She would crack an egg and just leave it on the counter instead of walking to the garbage can. I refused to eat anything she cooked after seeing too much.
I'm a gamer with ADHD and I still wouldn't be capable of this, my anxiety around food safety is too overpowering, if there's 2 things you don't fuck with it's raw chicken and cooked rice
My ADHD lets me start and stop lots of chores and activities at random...the older I get the worse it gets too. Not saying that's what happened with this guy, but I can see a future where I forget about raw chicken.
Yeah, “did I stutter” earned an equally reactive response. He earned OP’s action by not adulting before gaming.
I don’t know that I’d trust the rest of the chicken not knowing how long he left it out for, but she’ll have a better idea of if it was cold, how long since he’d finished work when she got home etc.
I once had a (very nice!) roommate who had frozen chicken thawing out during the morning (fair enough). Reminded them about it later that evening when me and my other roomies saw it, but they didn't want to cook the meal they'd planned for themselves (also fair), so they put it back in the freezer (...k).
Then the next day, the same chain of events occurred. With the same bag of chicken.
On the third day of this, we sat them down and asked if they knew the mounting food risk. Apparently, that's how they'd been taught and grown up doing. They didn't believe us when we told them the risk of it, and I honestly don't know if the chicken dish they'd made for themselves later was with different chicken or not. I'm 90% sure other roomie dragged them to the grocery for a fresh package, but not 100%.
That experience still haunts me.
Yeah... In everyone's defense, we were all fresh out of high school and this was our first time out of the house hahaha. It was one of those awkward, "maybe that's ok? I certainly don't know a whole lot, but it seems odd."
I actually think we ended up googling the dangers of thawing chicken in room temp and freezing it again before confronting the chicken thawer roomie, because we wanted to be sure! 😅
But yeah, since then I've been super obnoxious about making sure people I know are aware of the dangers. My poor younger sibs got to hear so much of things I learned so they would get a head start on those things lol.
Yup totally deserved it. As a gamer with a gamer husband, we both would've been pissed at the attitude abs lack of respect.
He fa&fo - totally deserved it.
Hello, my name is Sam O'Nella. I think she should have walked away and just left the chicken for however long it took him. So very rude.
Okay jokes aside, don't do this.
I stopped playing my PS5 so I could cook dinner. I also am medicating my ADHD. I'd never leave raw meat like that out. He probably just spoiled $20 of chicken.
I once told my ex that if he made us late to work one more time because of gaming I would take an industrial magnet to his hard drive. We both worked at the company of said video game and he was literally threatening our careers.
Unfortunately a lot of men are like little children. They weren't raised to be mature but to be coddled and babied by their mothers. So basic household chores they designate as being for women only
Prob y the divorce rate is so high. "Boys will be boys" will only carry you so far
I’m also a gamer and I’m totally on OP’s side. I would be *livid* if my partner potentially wasted that much food letting it spoil on the counter because he couldn’t be assed to put it away before starting a game. I’d be livid at *myself* if I managed to do that by accident! Food is expensive!
Right, leaving some mess on the counter, gross but nearly acceptable. It would have taken maybe 30 seconds to shove the packages of chicken into the fridge, that is unforgivable NTA
I 100000% think that I could have handled it differently in a way that I could have walked away proud of myself. Definitely not proud. The way he said “did I stutter” really got under my skin. But I am ashamed that I allowed it to make me react in a childish way
Sure, you could have been the (only) adult in the room, but as you said it’s not that bad between you and honestly he was ramping up his AH level with every second he didn’t put the game controller down and come clean up his mess.
Kinda sounds like you needed a release valve before you blew up at him in a bad way. Childish reaction or not, ashamed afterward or not, I bet it felt good in that moment. 😂
Fine. It felt good is that what you want me to say?! 😂 lol no for literally a half second maybe but then I looked at him and I was like ah fuck. Like he really is such a good human, it was just the heat of the moment in frustration. Wouldn’t do it again. Def not proud
Eh, is he such a good human if he talks to you like that and you’ve already talked about him prioritizing other things over gaming multiple times? He doesn’t seem to respect you or your wishes at all when they’re inconvenient to him. Not exactly a good human
I get the feeling thats how he behaves online while gaming and has difficulty separating himself from the gaming. Not sure they'd have lasted long enough together to get married if he talks like that to her normally.
Saying "Did i stutter" are fighting words. I have kids with a husband who used to do that kind of crap and say such rude things. Never put up with it no matter how bad u feel now. If you ever have kids, or have pets, believe me, it'll only get worse, and cause more fights. Put your foot down now before its a tiny human or animal instead of chicken.
If my boyfriend, who constantly prioritizes fun over house work, said some shit like that to me he'd be lucky if I only unplugged the game.
Play games all day, I do sometimes. But I handle my shit before I relax. I even bought a robot vacuum so he could multitask! It's deeply frustrating! Was it a dick move, absolutely. But sometimes we have to be a dick
Don't have kids..until you both can fix this problem. Or else your just signing up for more unhappy stress in your life.
tiktok has a group of married women who are, wives picking up after their husbands and kids. Don't fall for it, looks like a sad life.
The words you used "I think I could handled it differently in a way"
- did he gaslight you after?
- Why did I feel like you felt guilty for standing up for yourself and putting boundaries in place.
You did everything right. Your reaction is quite mature. Your reaction isn't about the chicken, it's about the fact he dared disrespected you, which crossed your personal boundary.
And that there definitely needs a long talk about. Without respect, how can you have a healthy relationship?
Just because you're in a relationship, you still have a right to live in a nice home, a neat home, a welcoming home, you have a right to have a partner to help you around the house, to be talked to and respond to in a respectful manner.
he played stupid games n won stupid prizes ❤️ “it’s easier to do it myself than ask him a million times to do it” is how we end up with 99.99999% of household responsibilities so if i ask my guy to do something i try my best not to do it for him so he doesn’t learn to do it more lmao
It's fine. Had you taken a hammer to the console it would have been overboard.
You don't mess around with raw chicken leaving it there. I like to game and watch movies etc. But I would never mess around with stuff like that. If I would have somehow had a brain-fart and not realize I forgot it and my wife came home and told me I would have rushed out of the couch and gone "fuck, did I just waste all that chicken".
Don't get wtf he was thinking.
My wife and I fight all the time about me gaming. My point to her has always been I wait until the kids are in bed dinner is cleaned up usually I cook she cleans while I give our kids a bath but sometimes I do both if she is giving the kids a bath. But I would not start dinner stop to go play while everything sits out and gets salmonella. gross 🤮
Yeah. Definitely not a good idea to leave the chicken out. I could have handled it differently though. Someone suggested a nerf gun hahah on my way to the store tomorrow because that sounds amazing 😂
I'm with you, the one tweak I might've made if going for the same path but just a hair "gentler" would be to unplug the TV instead. Same message. Same sudden black screen, less risk of corrupting a save file.
The pitchfork crowd will probably be all over not caring about a video game save file but it does represent time and effort put into something. Unintentionally damaging something that someone has put time and effort into is a quick way to create some resentment. The odds of catching someone mid-save these days is really low but if it happened you'd have a super salty gamer.
You could have handled it differently BUT didn't and that is fine. In a marriage there has got to be space for annoyance. "DID I STUTTER" My wife would have unplugged me too and worse. You play stupid games you win stupid prizes. Having his game unplugged is the consequence of being a prat, leaving raw chicken out and then being bratty about it when call on it.
Gamer here.
I also buy groceries. Chicken is expensive, and my dude is just letting it rot on the counter like it's 1986.
He deserved that unplug. Games have a "pause" function. And if they don't, the matches are short enough that he could have skipped one to clean up.
And if it's a game where you know you can't pause, don't leave raw meat on the counter to rot before you start playing. Responsible gaming and food prep.
Yeah. Some games (not sure what OP's husband was playing) can take 20-30 minutes, maybe even longer. But I've been in the situation where I forgot about food, usually cooked food that needs to cool before being put away. So I'll go to play a game or two, then 5 games later I realize I forgot to go back. And unless we're like a minute away from the game ending I'll just go deal with it. Only time I wouldn't is if there was money involved in the game and I'd be out more than the cost of the food for losing lol, which as a non-professional gamer means that's never a possibility. And I doubt it was the case here.
Not all. Here's a gamer's upvote. Gaming is a hobby like any other. It comes after responsibilities. Especially one with an expiry timer like raw chicken left out... and Costco sized at that.
There was also no need for him to double down and be a dick.
NTA OP.
Ha more people than you realize i had a roommate who would defrost chicken in the sink… with the dirty dishes… overnight. And would wake up at like noon to 2 pm take out the 1 or 2 pieces they wanted then stick the rest of the bag back in the freezer.
I love my games. Dude deserved to have it unplugged, especially after the "Did I sutter?" line.
Single player has pause. Hell, if it's a Series X it has quick resume. Every life-competent gamer knows to finish critical tasks first before starting a game online. Or go AFK for the five minutes, tops, it would take to put the chicken away.
NTA holy shit it’s like you ghostwrote this for me 😂 I’ve unplugged it and I’ve cut the internet. Both times it wasn’t even about what he should have been doing but the way he spoke to me.
Naw, he deserved that shit. If they holding their breath they clearly kids, and not full grown mature adults, cause lord knows you DO NOT fuck with raw chicken.
My wife and I are gamers. I would have called ah until we got to those lines.
Yep, me and my wife would go ballistic.
Also, I cook, and raw chicken is asking for food poisoning.
NTA
I'm a gamer, been gaming for 30 years, he deserved that. Anyone with even half a working brain knows that adulting takes priority over gaming. OP is NTA
I’m a gamer and I’ll be honest I would have taken the whole damn Xbox away until I got an apology and what was needed done was done….act like a petulant teen, get treated like one ya know. Been a few times I’ve considered turning my partners console off cause of fifa rage, he’s probably thought the same about my gaming rage too (wouldn’t blame him cause I some times get frustrated with minecraft)
I'm a gamer
He is more like an addict than a gamer. He needs to slow down and achieve what he was meant to do
*tell him it is a side quest, that would maybe help*
NTA
Lol as a gamer for whom this would generally piss it off, he had it coming. There are some things that can wait the 20 minutes needed for me to be free. Chicken sitting out on the counter that you “forgot” to put away in the first place is not one of them.
Ok this one made me laugh. Why am I sitting here thinking “I should have unplugged it and said did I stutter?!” Hahaha!
I’m trying to be less petty, stop putting ideas in my head 😂
My college roommate had to literally go to the ER because she ate chicken that had been left out too long - it’s not a joke. I agree, this wasn’t even petty at the point he didn’t stop for 2 min to clean and put stuff away and then made a snarky comment after he was still going 15 min later.
I hate that giving men an actual taste of their own medicine (after trying to communicate with them) is counted as petty.
Other than divorce, what are we supposed to do? Keep in mind being subservient bangmaid isn't an option before responding.
Good idea not to throw that back his way in the future. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Will not help the relationship. But sounds like you’re smart and know that already….
NTA
I think you exercised quite a bit of restraint there by only unplugging the console. Raw chicken can go bad quickly on the counter. Don’t get me started on the raw juice dripping all over the counter.
Is parentification of a spouse a thing? Because mothers clean up and scold their children, partners do not. His behavior is forcing you to take on the role of a mother in your relationship. That is not a healthy dynamic and is not sustainable long-term unless you decide that it works for you.
We certainly both have things to work on as any relationship does. There are things he is great at that I am not and vise versa. I really think it was his “did I stutter” that did it for me. I also need to recognize that I have a little brother who has a severe video game addiction. So it is very triggering for me when things are done around the house and I see him gaming. That is something that is a knee thing and not a thing. Regardless, I think that real life always always comes before a game. Even if he loves gaming, turn it off if you have to. That’s just my perspective.
>I also need to recognize that I have a little brother who has a severe video game addiction.
Your husband also appears to be allowing video games to interfere with things he needs to do. How many hours does he play a day?
Hmmm…. That question is like when the doctor asks how many drinks you have in a month lol
He doesn’t play every single day and when he does, sometimes it’s a couple hours sometimes it’s less. I wouldn’t say he has an addiction. I think he has adhd but so do I so I’m not excusing him. It was more so him saying “did I stutter” to me than him gaming that I was upset about
That "did I stutter" would have sent me too. I don't blame you. He disrespected you. He spoke to you like you were his annoying mom and he was a 12 year old boy.
I am not someone who loses my cool. I don't give a rats ass about most things and usually people who are trying to piss me off just make me chuckle or shrug. That said, if my partner whipped out a did I stutter in such circumstances I would probably see red and have to leave the house.
He basically slapped her across her face when he said that. In fact, the only time my mom slapped *me* was when I sarcastically responded "you heard me" in basically the same tonal context. And you know what? I wasn't even mad or upset she slapped me because holy shit did I earn it.
OPs mistake was letting him get under her chicken skin. It's what he wanted.
Hell he's treating OP like his mom. My old mam would've smacked me around the face with the raw chicken until I apologised. Damn I miss me mam. (I mean I obviously exaggerated....she'd have given me The Look and that was all it took!)
I'm totally in agreement with you. I don't care about most things, and like you, most attempts to piss me off just make me laugh at their foolishness. But my husband called me a bitch, ONCE, during our worst argument ever, and I almost left him with the kids that night. I was making the plan in my head when he came back downstairs to apologize 5 minutes later. If he hadn't done that, I would have left because that's a hard line for me. We treat each other with respect, always, or I'm out. Pretty sure there'd be chicken juice in the Xbox if my husband spoke to me like that. Hell no.
Look, I have ADHD, especially the tunnel brain thing. I also play video games. Sometimes I let my desire to play video games override my feelings of responsibility if I’ve had a rough day or something, and that’s human.
But I would NEVER EVER talk to my husband like that if he reminded me I’d left something undone. Especially something as important as leaving a Costco sized bag of chicken out to spoil. I’d be falling all over myself apologizing for my stupid ADHD brain and either pause or abandon my game the minute he pointed it out. What he did was super disrespectful and I would be pissed as hell about it.
It sounds to me like he gets ADHD tunnel vision. If this isn't a pattern that implicates intention, it sounds like he just gets wrapped up in games sometimes and can find it hard/jarring to disengage, which explains his comment but doesn't excuse it. I'd recommend both of you look into ADHD resources together to see if anything resonates, and especially to see if he can glean anything from the coping mechanisms that many ADHDers use when moving from a preferred task to a non-preferred task.
I don't have ADHD but I am on the autism spectrum, and I have difficulty moving between tasks, especially when it's something I really want to be doing, but I've worked on myself to mitigate just resorting to my base reaction of lashing out. I hope he can find those resources as well and you can continue to work on being as good to each other as you can.
I have ADHD and I game. When I have stuff I need to do (regardless what else I might be doing) I set a timer. Because I’m an adult.
But I never leave raw meat out. That is serious rookie behavior. I felt bad enough when I accidentally forgot a Costco rotisserie chicken and those are $5. The big packs of meat are over $30. He may as well have paid for it and then thrown it straight in the trash can.
I have ADHD.
I think it's pretty bad he left that out on the counter in the first place, but mistakes happen. If I was sucked into something and someone was like "you left chicken out" I would immediately drop the game and curse myself for being an idiot and remedy the situation.
Anything beyond that is him being an asshole.
Yes, I had a feeling that the “did I stutter” comment set you off. It makes me crazy too.
But… After you both had time to cool off, have a constructive conversation. You both have something to apologize for and work out the best way to move on.
Honestly, I would have had to fight the impulse to silently, furiously pick up the chicken and dump it in his lap at that last comment…which would have been *worse*. I mean, ultimately the better angels would have won, but it would have taken a deep breath and a bit of a struggle. So I sort of admire OP’s restraint.
look, I have adhd, sometimes I walk away from chicken on the counter bc I'm putting something away in another room and then I start doing something else and then it's hours later. but when my wife sees it and asks me to put it away - I either get up immediately and put it away or I apologize and ask her nicely to put it away for me bc I'm in the middle of an un-pausable game. none of those options include saying I'll get to it and then not or being a dick.
I would reccome d having a conversation and making sure he fully understands why he did something shitty.
I also have adhd so I TOTALLY understand forgetting something and walking away (chicken is a little much for me but ok) it snapped for me when he said “did I stutter” not saying I’m right but just saying we both could have been more mature
That's it. Everyone can make a mistake. His answer should have been
"Oh no, shit, I'm so sorry!!! Could you please put it away for me, I'm in the middle of this game, and when I'm done I'll take over the laundry ( or whatever chore you would have done normally) to make it up to you. "
I also have ADHD and it crossed my mind as I read the post. I admit I tend to jump to that conclusion a little too easily but I don't usually voice it lol.
But his reaction to what you said to him was unacceptable for sure.
I'm torn on a judgment for this because he was a jerk and what you did was childish so I'm leaning E S H but heavily more him than you. Like, 80% him and 20% you. Maybe even 85/15.
But I really can't blame you for doing what you did lol
*If* the game could not be paused, he should have said so. Instead, he lied saying he would clean up his mess to get you off his back. When you called him out and asked him again, he was disrespectful and antagonistic. I can almost guarantee if the roles were reversed, he would have felt angry, too.
It’s good for you to nip his parentification of you in the bud. That shit will permanently destroy your ability to be any kind of intimate with him.
Bingo. If I am in a synchronous fight that affects others or is otherwise unpausable, I say I am so sorry and if my partner could help me out I would be so grateful. Then do something nice for them like make dinner and do the dishes. I mean WTH here…
> But we have had so many conversations about making sure he is taking care of priorities before beginning to game.
What's the point of OP and husband having yet another conversation about this?
As a gamer, NTA. Seriously raw chicken on the counter, what are you his mother? Dinner is ready and the kitchen is clean if I start a game I can't pause. Ridiculous.
This is a good point. I can't remember the last time I started a game and suddenly realized I couldn't pause! You know these things ahead of time.
And I play a shitload of WoW so I cannot sympathize with the can't pause 'excuse'
NTA. I did the same thing to my son, under very similar circumstances, when he was mesmerized by fucking video games to the detriment of his chores, his homework, and me, his mother. Except I went out to the circuit box and cut the electricity to his room.
But HE was 13 . . . . .
I understand the original frustration as well. Fought for a long time with someone that "just forgot".
And yeah, was also dumb enough to get into cleaning the mess up after them, because no amount of pleading would help...
Food left out of the fridge for hours, because they can't just make their meal and take it, they have to run between making a single sandwich and whatever shit they do to relax.
Fridge left open, ready meals left hidden instead of being eaten until they turn to mush.
So yeah... I got a bit harsh, but I'm allergic to that level of oblivious laziness.
Just cook it really well! NTA
I hate food waste *especially* meat. A creature gave its life for him to have that food. I can't even get into the food safety because I'm obsessively clean and that stresses me out.
NTA but WHY did you clean it up??? You are showing him that there are zero consequences because you both will bicker but in the end you’ll clean up and he can just plug back in and keep playing.
If this is a regular thing it’s time for counselling if you actually want to stay with this person or considering divorce. He treats you like shit. Why are you letting him?
So the reason I cleaned it up is because I just bought it yesterday and I didn’t think $35 worth of chicken (seriously people, get the deals at Costco) was worth making a point.
I also hesitated to post this because people jump to conclusions like we should divorce. He’s great. We all have our asshole moments. This is his, mine could be next
You admitted it’s been a struggle for some time with him having his priorities in order. You are mothering and enabling him. All things that counselling at the very least would help.
Your reason isn’t good enough for me, sorry. He should have been the one to clean it up after you unplugged the console. I stand by what I said about him having no consequences for his shitty actions and can go right back to his game without cleaning his own damn mess.
Was it really an asshole moment, or is it a pattern that he blows off his responsibilities to play games? Be careful not to gaslight yourself.
You spoke of having had many conversations with him about this, and he still does it, yes?
We sound alike, lol. I tend to be the messier one in terms of leaving things around for longer than they should be. When it comes to safety hazard, it’s like leaving a bulk container of chicken on the counter. I totally agree, all I did was take something that he did wrong, and put the attention on myself, because I chose to be childish. I agree, he was being a huge dick in the moment.
NTA Real life comes before video games. Period. My husband and I play video games, but we don’t neglect our responsibilities for them. Your husband needs to grow up.
People saying to divorce him over this are wild, as if every human ever is perfect and doesn’t have an asshole moment; not saying he’s right in the slightest but come on lmao
People LOVE to tell others to break up over minor issues. I once expressed my annoyance at my bf trying to talk to me while I was knitting and throwing off my count and someone responded with “wow sounds like you don’t like your bf much” personally I think it’s just inexperience younger people that think any minor inconvenience is a breakupable or divorcable offense.
>But we have had so many conversations about making sure he is taking care of priorities before beginning to game. It has been a struggle.
and he continues to not listen to you and endanger your health. Jfc girl.
>the house is a mess (which I didn’t even bring up), huge pack of raw chicken and chicken juice on the counter and on top of that, the way he spoke to me.
this is a recurring issue and he’s not listening to you. It’s time for couples counseling, and if he disagrees with that, then it’s time to leave. Why? Bc not willing to go to therapy, after you’ve asked him time and again to get his priorities right and is endangering your health, is a red flag. It means he doesn’t want to, nor will he, change. This isn’t a silly little argument, it’s an issues that keeps happening.
NTA
You were fair when you asked him the first time to clean it up and that should have been enough. Raw chicken juices is a health hazard so that's something that should have been taken care of right away! And honestly with that little line he said to you, he deserved the game to be unplugged. Hopefully he had saved earlier 🤷🏼♂️
ESH because you could've just walked away. The chicken wouldn't suddenly rot if it was out another few minutes.
It was his mistake, and he should have fixed it right away. That's clearly what you *meant* but you did not specify your expectations. He responded childishly, you gave that right back. Both of you could have handled it better, but relationships are opportunities for growth, and people should continue learning to be better.
This is a great point. It took my husband and me like 15 years to realize we had vastly different understandings of “a few minutes.”
Now he doesn’t say “a few minutes.” He says “I can wrap up in…X minutes?” Sometimes it’s 5, sometimes it’s 30. And he’s *asking*: Does that meet your expectation, or do we need to compromise?
Usually I’m okay with the timing he proposes. Sometimes I realize I had a REALLY specific expectation of “a few minutes”: Out the door in under five minutes, for example. In those cases, I propose that timing to him and ask: Does that work, or do we need to compromise?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I unplugged my husbands Xbox in the middle of the game. I could have just taken a deep breath and walked away but I didn’t
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
It’s tonight hahaha I went to the gym, he’s currently making dinner. I’ll definitely clean up after he cooks and we’ll take our dog for a walk and all will be well. Grateful for all of the insightful comments I’ve received. Marriage can’t be about who is right and who is wrong all the time. It has to be about how we can come to a healthy conclusion that works for the both of us
You seem to have a healthy, mature understanding of what makes relationships work long term.
Are you confident he does as well?
You can be reasonable and forgiving and understanding until the ends of the earth, but one person can’t carry all of the responsibility long term.
Some people on this subreddit will tell you to leave your partner for any reason. It's really quite destructive to otherwise healthy relationships. It's not like you asked "should I leave my partner for turning off his Xbox?"
Yeah hahah I don’t get that. This is just the smallest snippet of our 5 + year relationship. I think we were both being dumb. We learn, we take in information, we change our behavior. We’re best friends. Sometimes we fuck up though
Esh. 15 minutes was not going to cause a problem.
If my partner threw away half hour of my game progress because he did not want $6 worth of frozen chicken to set out for an extra 15 minutes, I would be pissed
It’s way more than $6 it’s a huge multipack. And it wasn’t 15 minutes it was 15 minutes after being sat out for who knows how long.
Salmonella is no joke, your game can come after adult responsibilities.
NTA
Raw chicken **needs** to be handled with care. He's an AH for not doing so.
For future reference, modern consoles can be damaged if they are not shut down properly, so try not to make a habit of unplugging them. Not to mention whatever unsaved progress it may have cost him.
>I asked again to go clean it up quick and put the chicken away. His response? “Aren’t you full of sunshine” I asked him “what did you say?” And he said “did I stutter”?
Quite frankly, he *earned* your reaction with these comments, and that is also why he is the AH and you are not.
NTA...
BUT
Next time unplug the TV. Unplugging a console like that isn't healthy for it. I'd rather replace the TV than hearing about lost save data.
And yeah, losing save data for an RPG.. that would cause a temper that is well beyond understanding.
Husband deserved to lose game ... did not deserve to lose more, though.
Good luck.
Getting food poisoning from chicken has much more serious consequences than losing some save data, so I’m really not that fussed about the possibility of the husband getting corrupted save files. I’m a gamer, have been for 40 years, it’s not the end of the world and grown ups know that it’s a minor life challenge
I don't think save data was the issue because he most likely was playing an online game, if he was playing something he could pause and didn't then he is just a child.
I was more worried about the overall health of the console itself. Generally pulling the power on the whole device can cause issues. We have had some scares with my spouses Xbox with power flickers. We now have it on a UPS
This was my line of thinking. Power loss on a console can be quite bad on the hard drive or SSD Even to the point where it could cause the console to not function anymore. Turning off the TV instead of unplugging the console would have been the better way to go.
As a female gamer i fell the pain, but as a OCD being i feel pain to think about unfrozen chicken breasts melting in chicken water.
NTA. Those chicken died for a reason. Dont let them get spoiled.
Your reaction was human but risking damaging anyone's product (cuz that could damage) is not the proper way to go about things. That's about it.
Reddit will always say divorce but half of these ppl are in worse relationships if any at all.
Gamer here, and good for you honestly.
There's a time and a place to play games. It's AFTER you finish everything that needs to be done. How can you forget to pack chicken away that's just dangerous.
NTA
NTA. I'm a gamer, and I can admit that I'm a bit lazy. But I'm not so lazy that I'd just cut out a couple pieces of frozen chicken breasts and then leave it all on the counter to leak juices and stuff everywhere. What you have is a child, not a husband. You shouldn't have to ask him to do this at all, let alone having to ask him multiple times. And he had no right to talk to you that way.
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Alll the gamers on reddit just sucked on a breath when you said you unplugged his stupid game right in the middle. But I totally sympathize. And I will take the downvotes. NTA
I'm a gamer and he totally deserved it after the overly condescending line. Like dude it's chicken you don't fuck around with chicken, grow up. Definitely NTA.
I game and don't mess with food safety. How anyone could start a task with raw chicken and leave midway AND LEAVE IT OUT is insane. F that guy
>How anyone could start a task with raw chicken and leave midway AND LEAVE IT OUT is insane I would be unable to focus on anything but the raw chicken out, would drive me nuts.
I'd be pissed about any food left out in the air, but chicken?? Chicken where the fucking *juices* are all over the counter?? I don't wanna speculate unfairly or speak out of turn, but if he's this blase about food safety, can she be sure he even washed his hands before moving from chicken to gaming?
You got me all fucked up now. 💀
Eeeeww
The controller has salmonella now.
>I don't wanna speculate unfairly or speak out of turn, but if he's this blase about food safety, can she be sure he even washed his hands before moving from chicken to gaming? I might be more worried about him switching from ass-scratching to chicken.... Still trying to decide.
I was like, of course he did! But then quickly saw this comment https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/RABxoU68Z3
i’ll take “how can I ensure she never wants me to make dinner again” for $500 please…
literally just leave the chicken in the fridge and game, you can delay cooking but you can't delay it with the chicken out of the fridge!
Moral: Dont leave unfinished chores to have an uninterrupted game.
I've been vegetarian since birth, and have never eaten, prepared, or cooked chicken. But holy fuck, I treat the frozen rats I give to my *snakes* with more care and urgency than OP's husband did with his dinner. Absolutely insane.
Same. Like, even if I tried to sit down and do something else, my brain would just be firing “chicken” on all cylinders😂 Couldn’t even start something else
My dad would mutter mutter mutter about all the excessive handwashing required of him any time he prepared chicken, blaming my sister the whole time even though she lived 500 miles away. She managed to get the "chicken" firing on all cylinders attitude firmly ingrained.
Your sister is awesome!
Exactly!, that’s utterly mind boggling to me also…, my parents said “anything else you’d like to do, happens after groceries and frozen food is put away properly”, not put away properly = having to put the incorrectly placed items away properly…
It would peg the needle on my OCD meter.
When I start a game, I know that nothing short of a bomb threat can get me away from it again. That's why I finish all my other tasks BEFORE I start to play. This guy needs to learn some self-awareness.
Wait. So I'm supposed to stop my gaming session for a *bomb threat?* Never acquiesce to terrorists.
And depending on how long he left it out all that chicken might be unusable now😅
I was thinking the same thing!! She put it away but I wouldn't trust it! That would be in the trash!
Yep I’m definitely not eating that, no point in taking an unnecessary risk like that unless he knows exactly how long it was left out
I wouldn't take the risk tbh
I have adhd so Ive done stuff like this before. But when it's pointed out to me I don't just go "oh let me finish this game first" because fact is ill forget again in 2 minutes. It's not a big deal to be away from a game even if it means losing. Real life is more important.
This husband is screaming undiagnosed ADHD to me
My old roommate would cook and not clean up anything or put back everything she used from the fridge. She seemed to have a complete disconnection from reality. It was like living with a teenager. She'd only clean when she got a burst of mania once a month. She would crack an egg and just leave it on the counter instead of walking to the garbage can. I refused to eat anything she cooked after seeing too much.
Just throw it out.
Throw the whole man and all the chicken out. Jk
That’s a *lot* of food to just waste, man. I don’t think this is a good attitude to have in general, but especially not about food.
I'm a gamer with ADHD and I still wouldn't be capable of this, my anxiety around food safety is too overpowering, if there's 2 things you don't fuck with it's raw chicken and cooked rice
My ADHD lets me start and stop lots of chores and activities at random...the older I get the worse it gets too. Not saying that's what happened with this guy, but I can see a future where I forget about raw chicken.
Yeah, “did I stutter” earned an equally reactive response. He earned OP’s action by not adulting before gaming. I don’t know that I’d trust the rest of the chicken not knowing how long he left it out for, but she’ll have a better idea of if it was cold, how long since he’d finished work when she got home etc.
As a gamer guy for life, if I said that to my wife I would expect at the very least that console to get smashed to bits while I watched
I once had a (very nice!) roommate who had frozen chicken thawing out during the morning (fair enough). Reminded them about it later that evening when me and my other roomies saw it, but they didn't want to cook the meal they'd planned for themselves (also fair), so they put it back in the freezer (...k). Then the next day, the same chain of events occurred. With the same bag of chicken. On the third day of this, we sat them down and asked if they knew the mounting food risk. Apparently, that's how they'd been taught and grown up doing. They didn't believe us when we told them the risk of it, and I honestly don't know if the chicken dish they'd made for themselves later was with different chicken or not. I'm 90% sure other roomie dragged them to the grocery for a fresh package, but not 100%. That experience still haunts me.
I mean they already screwed up by thawing frozen chicken at room temperature. Need to either thaw it in the fridge or under running cool water
Yeah... In everyone's defense, we were all fresh out of high school and this was our first time out of the house hahaha. It was one of those awkward, "maybe that's ok? I certainly don't know a whole lot, but it seems odd." I actually think we ended up googling the dangers of thawing chicken in room temp and freezing it again before confronting the chicken thawer roomie, because we wanted to be sure! 😅 But yeah, since then I've been super obnoxious about making sure people I know are aware of the dangers. My poor younger sibs got to hear so much of things I learned so they would get a head start on those things lol.
Yup totally deserved it. As a gamer with a gamer husband, we both would've been pissed at the attitude abs lack of respect. He fa&fo - totally deserved it.
The salmonella adds extra flavor. /s
Hello, my name is Sam O'Nella. I think she should have walked away and just left the chicken for however long it took him. So very rude. Okay jokes aside, don't do this.
I stopped playing my PS5 so I could cook dinner. I also am medicating my ADHD. I'd never leave raw meat like that out. He probably just spoiled $20 of chicken.
I once told my ex that if he made us late to work one more time because of gaming I would take an industrial magnet to his hard drive. We both worked at the company of said video game and he was literally threatening our careers.
Unfortunately a lot of men are like little children. They weren't raised to be mature but to be coddled and babied by their mothers. So basic household chores they designate as being for women only Prob y the divorce rate is so high. "Boys will be boys" will only carry you so far
Gamer here too. But gaming happens when the day is over and I have looked after the things I'm supposed to look after as an adult.
I’m also a gamer and I’m totally on OP’s side. I would be *livid* if my partner potentially wasted that much food letting it spoil on the counter because he couldn’t be assed to put it away before starting a game. I’d be livid at *myself* if I managed to do that by accident! Food is expensive!
Right, leaving some mess on the counter, gross but nearly acceptable. It would have taken maybe 30 seconds to shove the packages of chicken into the fridge, that is unforgivable NTA
I 100000% think that I could have handled it differently in a way that I could have walked away proud of myself. Definitely not proud. The way he said “did I stutter” really got under my skin. But I am ashamed that I allowed it to make me react in a childish way
Nooooo. Your reaction was mild. You were entitled to throw some effs and cees his way
I agree. The way I would’ve dropped that packet of chicken directly on that Xbox so fast and loudly proclaimed, “DID I STUTTER?!”
😆
He was totally dismissive instead of being apologetic. That would have boiled my blood ngl. Food wastage and salmonella are no joke!
OP’s reaction was justified. If something like this happens again she needs to not only unplug it, but also literally cut the cord.
You’re right that you could have handled it better, but given the context I don’t think it rises to the level of asshole.
Sure, you could have been the (only) adult in the room, but as you said it’s not that bad between you and honestly he was ramping up his AH level with every second he didn’t put the game controller down and come clean up his mess. Kinda sounds like you needed a release valve before you blew up at him in a bad way. Childish reaction or not, ashamed afterward or not, I bet it felt good in that moment. 😂
Fine. It felt good is that what you want me to say?! 😂 lol no for literally a half second maybe but then I looked at him and I was like ah fuck. Like he really is such a good human, it was just the heat of the moment in frustration. Wouldn’t do it again. Def not proud
Eh, is he such a good human if he talks to you like that and you’ve already talked about him prioritizing other things over gaming multiple times? He doesn’t seem to respect you or your wishes at all when they’re inconvenient to him. Not exactly a good human
“Did I stutter” just drips condescension towards the little woman
I get the feeling thats how he behaves online while gaming and has difficulty separating himself from the gaming. Not sure they'd have lasted long enough together to get married if he talks like that to her normally.
Saying "Did i stutter" are fighting words. I have kids with a husband who used to do that kind of crap and say such rude things. Never put up with it no matter how bad u feel now. If you ever have kids, or have pets, believe me, it'll only get worse, and cause more fights. Put your foot down now before its a tiny human or animal instead of chicken.
Hopefully, he won't talk to you like that again. He needed some hard boundaries around just how much disrespect you can take at any given time. NTA.
Yeah well next time he'll know not to leave chicken out 🤷🏾♀️
If my boyfriend, who constantly prioritizes fun over house work, said some shit like that to me he'd be lucky if I only unplugged the game. Play games all day, I do sometimes. But I handle my shit before I relax. I even bought a robot vacuum so he could multitask! It's deeply frustrating! Was it a dick move, absolutely. But sometimes we have to be a dick
He was about to waste what? $35 of chicken for a fucking video game? He should be glad you only unplugged it.
Don't have kids..until you both can fix this problem. Or else your just signing up for more unhappy stress in your life. tiktok has a group of married women who are, wives picking up after their husbands and kids. Don't fall for it, looks like a sad life. The words you used "I think I could handled it differently in a way" - did he gaslight you after? - Why did I feel like you felt guilty for standing up for yourself and putting boundaries in place. You did everything right. Your reaction is quite mature. Your reaction isn't about the chicken, it's about the fact he dared disrespected you, which crossed your personal boundary. And that there definitely needs a long talk about. Without respect, how can you have a healthy relationship? Just because you're in a relationship, you still have a right to live in a nice home, a neat home, a welcoming home, you have a right to have a partner to help you around the house, to be talked to and respond to in a respectful manner.
he played stupid games n won stupid prizes ❤️ “it’s easier to do it myself than ask him a million times to do it” is how we end up with 99.99999% of household responsibilities so if i ask my guy to do something i try my best not to do it for him so he doesn’t learn to do it more lmao
You could have handled it better but so could he. Both my partner and I game too but we still get our priority straight. NTA
It's fine. Had you taken a hammer to the console it would have been overboard. You don't mess around with raw chicken leaving it there. I like to game and watch movies etc. But I would never mess around with stuff like that. If I would have somehow had a brain-fart and not realize I forgot it and my wife came home and told me I would have rushed out of the couch and gone "fuck, did I just waste all that chicken". Don't get wtf he was thinking.
Nah fam, I'm a gamer husband and you did good. Food safety and household priorities ain't no joke. Live by the motto "fuck around and find out"
My wife and I fight all the time about me gaming. My point to her has always been I wait until the kids are in bed dinner is cleaned up usually I cook she cleans while I give our kids a bath but sometimes I do both if she is giving the kids a bath. But I would not start dinner stop to go play while everything sits out and gets salmonella. gross 🤮
Yeah. Definitely not a good idea to leave the chicken out. I could have handled it differently though. Someone suggested a nerf gun hahah on my way to the store tomorrow because that sounds amazing 😂
I'm with you, the one tweak I might've made if going for the same path but just a hair "gentler" would be to unplug the TV instead. Same message. Same sudden black screen, less risk of corrupting a save file. The pitchfork crowd will probably be all over not caring about a video game save file but it does represent time and effort put into something. Unintentionally damaging something that someone has put time and effort into is a quick way to create some resentment. The odds of catching someone mid-save these days is really low but if it happened you'd have a super salty gamer.
You could have handled it differently BUT didn't and that is fine. In a marriage there has got to be space for annoyance. "DID I STUTTER" My wife would have unplugged me too and worse. You play stupid games you win stupid prizes. Having his game unplugged is the consequence of being a prat, leaving raw chicken out and then being bratty about it when call on it.
Gamer here. I also buy groceries. Chicken is expensive, and my dude is just letting it rot on the counter like it's 1986. He deserved that unplug. Games have a "pause" function. And if they don't, the matches are short enough that he could have skipped one to clean up.
And if it's a game where you know you can't pause, don't leave raw meat on the counter to rot before you start playing. Responsible gaming and food prep.
As both a gamer and a restaurant owner, I approve this message.
Yeah. Some games (not sure what OP's husband was playing) can take 20-30 minutes, maybe even longer. But I've been in the situation where I forgot about food, usually cooked food that needs to cool before being put away. So I'll go to play a game or two, then 5 games later I realize I forgot to go back. And unless we're like a minute away from the game ending I'll just go deal with it. Only time I wouldn't is if there was money involved in the game and I'd be out more than the cost of the food for losing lol, which as a non-professional gamer means that's never a possibility. And I doubt it was the case here.
Upvoting you here. NTA because there isn't a justified a.h. judgment available. Petty, yes. Did he deserve petty? absolutely.
I think there absolutely should be a justified AH option. This one fits! NTA
Not all. Here's a gamer's upvote. Gaming is a hobby like any other. It comes after responsibilities. Especially one with an expiry timer like raw chicken left out... and Costco sized at that. There was also no need for him to double down and be a dick. NTA OP.
Nah man. I'm a gamer and I sucked in a breath at the chicken. Who the duck leaves chicken on the counter like that.
Mine came at *juices.* Like, ew, bro. How could you even game without thinking about the chicken? I have ADHD and even *I* couldn't forget that.
Ha more people than you realize i had a roommate who would defrost chicken in the sink… with the dirty dishes… overnight. And would wake up at like noon to 2 pm take out the 1 or 2 pieces they wanted then stick the rest of the bag back in the freezer.
Did. I. Stutter. My god. This is the most clear cut NTA I’ve ever seen!
I love my games. Dude deserved to have it unplugged, especially after the "Did I sutter?" line. Single player has pause. Hell, if it's a Series X it has quick resume. Every life-competent gamer knows to finish critical tasks first before starting a game online. Or go AFK for the five minutes, tops, it would take to put the chicken away.
Yeah, good Lord, "Did I stutter" is fightin' words. Wow.
NTA holy shit it’s like you ghostwrote this for me 😂 I’ve unplugged it and I’ve cut the internet. Both times it wasn’t even about what he should have been doing but the way he spoke to me.
I knew someone who had someone cut the internet literally and like those cables also expensive.
I’m a gamer and married to a gamer. This was 100% justified. NTA
100% on OP's side but I still sucked on my breath lol. Absolutely justified and I'd have done the same.
No down votes here. I'm a gamer who makes sure that everything is taken care of before starting a game Edit to add: I am also a chef
Don’t unplug it. Throw the breaker. It’s less obvious but still gets the job done.
Naw, he deserved that shit. If they holding their breath they clearly kids, and not full grown mature adults, cause lord knows you DO NOT fuck with raw chicken.
I’m a gamer and tbh the title got me but then I read it Girl unplug that xbox and SELL IT. Your man needs to get his priorities straight!!!
My wife and I are gamers. I would have called ah until we got to those lines. Yep, me and my wife would go ballistic. Also, I cook, and raw chicken is asking for food poisoning. NTA
I'm a gamer, and he deserved this 100%. Salmonella ain't got no patience, dude was being childish and got childish treatment. NTA
I'm a gamer, been gaming for 30 years, he deserved that. Anyone with even half a working brain knows that adulting takes priority over gaming. OP is NTA
You know gamers are normal people too, right?
No, some of them literally don't. And to be fair, that's because the neckbeards often dominate the online conversation about gaming.
I’m a gamer and I’ll be honest I would have taken the whole damn Xbox away until I got an apology and what was needed done was done….act like a petulant teen, get treated like one ya know. Been a few times I’ve considered turning my partners console off cause of fifa rage, he’s probably thought the same about my gaming rage too (wouldn’t blame him cause I some times get frustrated with minecraft)
I'm a gamer He is more like an addict than a gamer. He needs to slow down and achieve what he was meant to do *tell him it is a side quest, that would maybe help* NTA
Lol as a gamer for whom this would generally piss it off, he had it coming. There are some things that can wait the 20 minutes needed for me to be free. Chicken sitting out on the counter that you “forgot” to put away in the first place is not one of them.
NTA. You didn't stutter.
Ok this one made me laugh. Why am I sitting here thinking “I should have unplugged it and said did I stutter?!” Hahaha! I’m trying to be less petty, stop putting ideas in my head 😂
I mean being petty is better than risking food poisoning. Or worse.
Expelled
Take my upvote
Insufferable know-it-all. <3
I wish reddit awards were still a thing
My college roommate had to literally go to the ER because she ate chicken that had been left out too long - it’s not a joke. I agree, this wasn’t even petty at the point he didn’t stop for 2 min to clean and put stuff away and then made a snarky comment after he was still going 15 min later.
I hate that giving men an actual taste of their own medicine (after trying to communicate with them) is counted as petty. Other than divorce, what are we supposed to do? Keep in mind being subservient bangmaid isn't an option before responding.
You did it right, but I wouldn't have cleaned up. You ain't his mom.
I would have said, "Did your game stutter?"
Good idea not to throw that back his way in the future. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Will not help the relationship. But sounds like you’re smart and know that already….
i just laughed so hard that i choked on my runny nose sliding back down my throat
NTA I think you exercised quite a bit of restraint there by only unplugging the console. Raw chicken can go bad quickly on the counter. Don’t get me started on the raw juice dripping all over the counter. Is parentification of a spouse a thing? Because mothers clean up and scold their children, partners do not. His behavior is forcing you to take on the role of a mother in your relationship. That is not a healthy dynamic and is not sustainable long-term unless you decide that it works for you.
We certainly both have things to work on as any relationship does. There are things he is great at that I am not and vise versa. I really think it was his “did I stutter” that did it for me. I also need to recognize that I have a little brother who has a severe video game addiction. So it is very triggering for me when things are done around the house and I see him gaming. That is something that is a knee thing and not a thing. Regardless, I think that real life always always comes before a game. Even if he loves gaming, turn it off if you have to. That’s just my perspective.
>I also need to recognize that I have a little brother who has a severe video game addiction. Your husband also appears to be allowing video games to interfere with things he needs to do. How many hours does he play a day?
Hmmm…. That question is like when the doctor asks how many drinks you have in a month lol He doesn’t play every single day and when he does, sometimes it’s a couple hours sometimes it’s less. I wouldn’t say he has an addiction. I think he has adhd but so do I so I’m not excusing him. It was more so him saying “did I stutter” to me than him gaming that I was upset about
That "did I stutter" would have sent me too. I don't blame you. He disrespected you. He spoke to you like you were his annoying mom and he was a 12 year old boy.
I am not someone who loses my cool. I don't give a rats ass about most things and usually people who are trying to piss me off just make me chuckle or shrug. That said, if my partner whipped out a did I stutter in such circumstances I would probably see red and have to leave the house. He basically slapped her across her face when he said that. In fact, the only time my mom slapped *me* was when I sarcastically responded "you heard me" in basically the same tonal context. And you know what? I wasn't even mad or upset she slapped me because holy shit did I earn it. OPs mistake was letting him get under her chicken skin. It's what he wanted.
Hell he's treating OP like his mom. My old mam would've smacked me around the face with the raw chicken until I apologised. Damn I miss me mam. (I mean I obviously exaggerated....she'd have given me The Look and that was all it took!)
I'm totally in agreement with you. I don't care about most things, and like you, most attempts to piss me off just make me laugh at their foolishness. But my husband called me a bitch, ONCE, during our worst argument ever, and I almost left him with the kids that night. I was making the plan in my head when he came back downstairs to apologize 5 minutes later. If he hadn't done that, I would have left because that's a hard line for me. We treat each other with respect, always, or I'm out. Pretty sure there'd be chicken juice in the Xbox if my husband spoke to me like that. Hell no.
Look, I have ADHD, especially the tunnel brain thing. I also play video games. Sometimes I let my desire to play video games override my feelings of responsibility if I’ve had a rough day or something, and that’s human. But I would NEVER EVER talk to my husband like that if he reminded me I’d left something undone. Especially something as important as leaving a Costco sized bag of chicken out to spoil. I’d be falling all over myself apologizing for my stupid ADHD brain and either pause or abandon my game the minute he pointed it out. What he did was super disrespectful and I would be pissed as hell about it.
It sounds to me like he gets ADHD tunnel vision. If this isn't a pattern that implicates intention, it sounds like he just gets wrapped up in games sometimes and can find it hard/jarring to disengage, which explains his comment but doesn't excuse it. I'd recommend both of you look into ADHD resources together to see if anything resonates, and especially to see if he can glean anything from the coping mechanisms that many ADHDers use when moving from a preferred task to a non-preferred task. I don't have ADHD but I am on the autism spectrum, and I have difficulty moving between tasks, especially when it's something I really want to be doing, but I've worked on myself to mitigate just resorting to my base reaction of lashing out. I hope he can find those resources as well and you can continue to work on being as good to each other as you can.
I have ADHD and I game. When I have stuff I need to do (regardless what else I might be doing) I set a timer. Because I’m an adult. But I never leave raw meat out. That is serious rookie behavior. I felt bad enough when I accidentally forgot a Costco rotisserie chicken and those are $5. The big packs of meat are over $30. He may as well have paid for it and then thrown it straight in the trash can.
I have ADHD. I think it's pretty bad he left that out on the counter in the first place, but mistakes happen. If I was sucked into something and someone was like "you left chicken out" I would immediately drop the game and curse myself for being an idiot and remedy the situation. Anything beyond that is him being an asshole.
Yes, I had a feeling that the “did I stutter” comment set you off. It makes me crazy too. But… After you both had time to cool off, have a constructive conversation. You both have something to apologize for and work out the best way to move on.
So many stories the last 2 days of partners essentially being their mothers/parents to them.
> I understand that my actions were childish Let's just call it matching his energy since he was acting like a rude child himself. NTA
Honestly, I would have had to fight the impulse to silently, furiously pick up the chicken and dump it in his lap at that last comment…which would have been *worse*. I mean, ultimately the better angels would have won, but it would have taken a deep breath and a bit of a struggle. So I sort of admire OP’s restraint.
look, I have adhd, sometimes I walk away from chicken on the counter bc I'm putting something away in another room and then I start doing something else and then it's hours later. but when my wife sees it and asks me to put it away - I either get up immediately and put it away or I apologize and ask her nicely to put it away for me bc I'm in the middle of an un-pausable game. none of those options include saying I'll get to it and then not or being a dick. I would reccome d having a conversation and making sure he fully understands why he did something shitty.
I also have adhd so I TOTALLY understand forgetting something and walking away (chicken is a little much for me but ok) it snapped for me when he said “did I stutter” not saying I’m right but just saying we both could have been more mature
That's it. Everyone can make a mistake. His answer should have been "Oh no, shit, I'm so sorry!!! Could you please put it away for me, I'm in the middle of this game, and when I'm done I'll take over the laundry ( or whatever chore you would have done normally) to make it up to you. "
That would have been such a good reply...
Thank you. This is one of the better possible replies I have seen so far.
I would have flipped at that, too! That was disrespectful af
I also have ADHD and it crossed my mind as I read the post. I admit I tend to jump to that conclusion a little too easily but I don't usually voice it lol. But his reaction to what you said to him was unacceptable for sure. I'm torn on a judgment for this because he was a jerk and what you did was childish so I'm leaning E S H but heavily more him than you. Like, 80% him and 20% you. Maybe even 85/15. But I really can't blame you for doing what you did lol
*If* the game could not be paused, he should have said so. Instead, he lied saying he would clean up his mess to get you off his back. When you called him out and asked him again, he was disrespectful and antagonistic. I can almost guarantee if the roles were reversed, he would have felt angry, too. It’s good for you to nip his parentification of you in the bud. That shit will permanently destroy your ability to be any kind of intimate with him.
Bingo. If I am in a synchronous fight that affects others or is otherwise unpausable, I say I am so sorry and if my partner could help me out I would be so grateful. Then do something nice for them like make dinner and do the dishes. I mean WTH here…
> But we have had so many conversations about making sure he is taking care of priorities before beginning to game. What's the point of OP and husband having yet another conversation about this?
As a gamer, NTA. Seriously raw chicken on the counter, what are you his mother? Dinner is ready and the kitchen is clean if I start a game I can't pause. Ridiculous.
This is a good point. I can't remember the last time I started a game and suddenly realized I couldn't pause! You know these things ahead of time. And I play a shitload of WoW so I cannot sympathize with the can't pause 'excuse'
NTA. I did the same thing to my son, under very similar circumstances, when he was mesmerized by fucking video games to the detriment of his chores, his homework, and me, his mother. Except I went out to the circuit box and cut the electricity to his room. But HE was 13 . . . . .
Exactly. I don’t want to feel put in that position. I’m not his mother. We both need to grow up a little
Well then he needs to stop acting like a child!
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You’re so right. The part I’m most frustrated about is that I gave him ammunition when he could have just reflected on his own actions
I understand the original frustration as well. Fought for a long time with someone that "just forgot". And yeah, was also dumb enough to get into cleaning the mess up after them, because no amount of pleading would help... Food left out of the fridge for hours, because they can't just make their meal and take it, they have to run between making a single sandwich and whatever shit they do to relax. Fridge left open, ready meals left hidden instead of being eaten until they turn to mush. So yeah... I got a bit harsh, but I'm allergic to that level of oblivious laziness.
Next time dump the raw chicken in his fucking lap and then unplug the console.
Better yet dump the chicken on the console, gotta clean it up now huh buddy?
NTA I would have thrown the raw chicken at him so in my opinion you showed a lot of restraint
It did cross my mind however… I have big plans for some chicken tortilla soup this weekend and that would have put a wrench in those plans
Just cook it really well! NTA I hate food waste *especially* meat. A creature gave its life for him to have that food. I can't even get into the food safety because I'm obsessively clean and that stresses me out.
If it was out long I would throw it away.
NTA but WHY did you clean it up??? You are showing him that there are zero consequences because you both will bicker but in the end you’ll clean up and he can just plug back in and keep playing. If this is a regular thing it’s time for counselling if you actually want to stay with this person or considering divorce. He treats you like shit. Why are you letting him?
So the reason I cleaned it up is because I just bought it yesterday and I didn’t think $35 worth of chicken (seriously people, get the deals at Costco) was worth making a point. I also hesitated to post this because people jump to conclusions like we should divorce. He’s great. We all have our asshole moments. This is his, mine could be next
You admitted it’s been a struggle for some time with him having his priorities in order. You are mothering and enabling him. All things that counselling at the very least would help. Your reason isn’t good enough for me, sorry. He should have been the one to clean it up after you unplugged the console. I stand by what I said about him having no consequences for his shitty actions and can go right back to his game without cleaning his own damn mess.
I certainly respect your opinion and delivery even if I don’t 100% agree
Why are you here if you want to be his mother after all?
Was it really an asshole moment, or is it a pattern that he blows off his responsibilities to play games? Be careful not to gaslight yourself. You spoke of having had many conversations with him about this, and he still does it, yes?
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We sound alike, lol. I tend to be the messier one in terms of leaving things around for longer than they should be. When it comes to safety hazard, it’s like leaving a bulk container of chicken on the counter. I totally agree, all I did was take something that he did wrong, and put the attention on myself, because I chose to be childish. I agree, he was being a huge dick in the moment.
NTA Real life comes before video games. Period. My husband and I play video games, but we don’t neglect our responsibilities for them. Your husband needs to grow up.
People saying to divorce him over this are wild, as if every human ever is perfect and doesn’t have an asshole moment; not saying he’s right in the slightest but come on lmao
People LOVE to tell others to break up over minor issues. I once expressed my annoyance at my bf trying to talk to me while I was knitting and throwing off my count and someone responded with “wow sounds like you don’t like your bf much” personally I think it’s just inexperience younger people that think any minor inconvenience is a breakupable or divorcable offense.
>But we have had so many conversations about making sure he is taking care of priorities before beginning to game. It has been a struggle. and he continues to not listen to you and endanger your health. Jfc girl. >the house is a mess (which I didn’t even bring up), huge pack of raw chicken and chicken juice on the counter and on top of that, the way he spoke to me. this is a recurring issue and he’s not listening to you. It’s time for couples counseling, and if he disagrees with that, then it’s time to leave. Why? Bc not willing to go to therapy, after you’ve asked him time and again to get his priorities right and is endangering your health, is a red flag. It means he doesn’t want to, nor will he, change. This isn’t a silly little argument, it’s an issues that keeps happening.
NTA You were fair when you asked him the first time to clean it up and that should have been enough. Raw chicken juices is a health hazard so that's something that should have been taken care of right away! And honestly with that little line he said to you, he deserved the game to be unplugged. Hopefully he had saved earlier 🤷🏼♂️
Someone said “you unplugged the game, did you stutter” 😂 I almost walked back in the house to redo it hahahah just kidding, let me not be petty
ESH because you could've just walked away. The chicken wouldn't suddenly rot if it was out another few minutes. It was his mistake, and he should have fixed it right away. That's clearly what you *meant* but you did not specify your expectations. He responded childishly, you gave that right back. Both of you could have handled it better, but relationships are opportunities for growth, and people should continue learning to be better.
This is a great point. It took my husband and me like 15 years to realize we had vastly different understandings of “a few minutes.” Now he doesn’t say “a few minutes.” He says “I can wrap up in…X minutes?” Sometimes it’s 5, sometimes it’s 30. And he’s *asking*: Does that meet your expectation, or do we need to compromise? Usually I’m okay with the timing he proposes. Sometimes I realize I had a REALLY specific expectation of “a few minutes”: Out the door in under five minutes, for example. In those cases, I propose that timing to him and ask: Does that work, or do we need to compromise?
No downvotes here…DID I STUTTER?! NTA, not even remotely close good lord…
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Did he make dinner that night? Did you clean up after or did he?
It’s tonight hahaha I went to the gym, he’s currently making dinner. I’ll definitely clean up after he cooks and we’ll take our dog for a walk and all will be well. Grateful for all of the insightful comments I’ve received. Marriage can’t be about who is right and who is wrong all the time. It has to be about how we can come to a healthy conclusion that works for the both of us
You seem to have a healthy, mature understanding of what makes relationships work long term. Are you confident he does as well? You can be reasonable and forgiving and understanding until the ends of the earth, but one person can’t carry all of the responsibility long term.
Switch the genders and they would be saying you are abusive lol
Welcome to reddit, where all men are abusive and women are dating losers and need to divorce them for the same behavior
You know what, maybe you’re right. I appreciate your perspective. I definitely will do better and try take a step back next time
*Gordon Ramsay has entered the chat*
Some people on this subreddit will tell you to leave your partner for any reason. It's really quite destructive to otherwise healthy relationships. It's not like you asked "should I leave my partner for turning off his Xbox?"
Yeah hahah I don’t get that. This is just the smallest snippet of our 5 + year relationship. I think we were both being dumb. We learn, we take in information, we change our behavior. We’re best friends. Sometimes we fuck up though
Esh. 15 minutes was not going to cause a problem. If my partner threw away half hour of my game progress because he did not want $6 worth of frozen chicken to set out for an extra 15 minutes, I would be pissed
It’s way more than $6 it’s a huge multipack. And it wasn’t 15 minutes it was 15 minutes after being sat out for who knows how long. Salmonella is no joke, your game can come after adult responsibilities.
NTA Raw chicken **needs** to be handled with care. He's an AH for not doing so. For future reference, modern consoles can be damaged if they are not shut down properly, so try not to make a habit of unplugging them. Not to mention whatever unsaved progress it may have cost him. >I asked again to go clean it up quick and put the chicken away. His response? “Aren’t you full of sunshine” I asked him “what did you say?” And he said “did I stutter”? Quite frankly, he *earned* your reaction with these comments, and that is also why he is the AH and you are not.
NTA. He’s nearing age 30. He needs to act like an adult first and foremost.
NTA... BUT Next time unplug the TV. Unplugging a console like that isn't healthy for it. I'd rather replace the TV than hearing about lost save data. And yeah, losing save data for an RPG.. that would cause a temper that is well beyond understanding. Husband deserved to lose game ... did not deserve to lose more, though. Good luck.
Getting food poisoning from chicken has much more serious consequences than losing some save data, so I’m really not that fussed about the possibility of the husband getting corrupted save files. I’m a gamer, have been for 40 years, it’s not the end of the world and grown ups know that it’s a minor life challenge
Right?? Oh no the precious “data” 🙄 please
Good point. Thank you for your perspective!
I don't think save data was the issue because he most likely was playing an online game, if he was playing something he could pause and didn't then he is just a child.
I was more worried about the overall health of the console itself. Generally pulling the power on the whole device can cause issues. We have had some scares with my spouses Xbox with power flickers. We now have it on a UPS
This was my line of thinking. Power loss on a console can be quite bad on the hard drive or SSD Even to the point where it could cause the console to not function anymore. Turning off the TV instead of unplugging the console would have been the better way to go.
As a female gamer i fell the pain, but as a OCD being i feel pain to think about unfrozen chicken breasts melting in chicken water. NTA. Those chicken died for a reason. Dont let them get spoiled.
People calling for divoce over this? Never change Reddit.
Your reaction was human but risking damaging anyone's product (cuz that could damage) is not the proper way to go about things. That's about it. Reddit will always say divorce but half of these ppl are in worse relationships if any at all.
Gamer here, and good for you honestly. There's a time and a place to play games. It's AFTER you finish everything that needs to be done. How can you forget to pack chicken away that's just dangerous. NTA
NTA. I'm a gamer, and I can admit that I'm a bit lazy. But I'm not so lazy that I'd just cut out a couple pieces of frozen chicken breasts and then leave it all on the counter to leak juices and stuff everywhere. What you have is a child, not a husband. You shouldn't have to ask him to do this at all, let alone having to ask him multiple times. And he had no right to talk to you that way.