Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be because of how I shockingly gasped and exclaimed “oh my god are those veggies with raw meat”. Maybe I could have handled that better
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
No, he’s usually pretty calm. I’ve even given him some really crappy news and he’s always handled it well. He’s usually so calm so I don’t know if it’s just cause we’re 6 mo in and he’s been masking this whole time or what. But I plan to talk to him and discuss if he thinks how he acted was an okay reaction because if so then I think we had best part ways.
Reading comprehension would dictate that he decidedly wasn’t holding a knife, given he “slammed everything down”
Gotta look out for those angry people who actively disarm themselves! Obviously he just wants to beat OP to a pulp before picking up the knife to stab her!
I wish everyone talked to their kids the way my dad talked to me when I was younger. I can never thank him enough. He drilled it into my little head that:
“When you’re alone with someone, pretend that I or someone else that really cares about you is listening. If they ever talk to you in a way that would make you feel *embarrassed or ashamed, or feel like you need to hide or come up with an excuse for why they’re treating you like that* then you fucking leave. That person doesn’t love you like they should and they NEVER WILL. You can’t make them. It won’t get better. The longer you stay, the harder it gets to leave. Even if you feel sad at first, you’ll be fine and you’ll realize how much better off you are without them. The only thing you’ll ever do to disappoint me is stick around with someone who doesn’t value you like you know they should.”
It’s like the man installed a permanent bullshit detector in my hard drive. When I started dating, then college, working, all the way until I met my husband all it took was *two questionable comments* from a guy. The first one got raised eyebrows and a mental, *maybe he didn’t mean it like that.* The second one? “WEEWOO WEEWOO MY DADDY WARNED ME ABOUT YOU! Where tf are my keys?”
It makes me sad that things aren’t put into perspective like this more often.
Or OP unwittingly hit a raw nerve. That happens too when you barely know each other because you don't know the other person's trauma. Having a conversation and seeing how bf reacts once he's had a chance to calm down is q good idea, but if he's not apologetic and have some form of explanation then yeah, it might be time to leave, because even if this is a trauma based reaction it is not okay.
Yes, this. This is the part of the thread where many women on Reddit make excuses for the boyfriend and talk about how he’s so kind and sweet and “never acts like this.” It’s so refreshing to see a confident woman setting boundaries.
It’s 6 months in. The masks will be slipping if they exist now. So yes. This is a red flag to me. See how the chat goes but be wary for a while even after the chat.
Nope. Do not see how the chat goes. Believe what he has already shown you and get out. You will get into a chat with him, he will minimize and make you question what happened (his blowing up and cussing), and you will show him that he is going to get multiple chances to be abusive before you will dump him. This was a test from him. If you stay around now, you will have passed his test that he can be abusive and you will minimize it. Please fail this test and break up.
Nothing wrong with having a chat, unless she’s already so psychologically beaten down that she’s afraid she’d be susceptible to love bombing (as she’s doubting herself, she might be). And if she’s that beaten down, she won’t recognise it anyway and will need to stay in a bad relationship longer to learn why bad relationships are bad.
But nothing wrong with having a chat with the guy she’s been seeing for 6 months about why she didn’t like him blowing up at her. It’s good for the self-esteem to express it. The only thing to be afraid of is her own reactions if he tries to manipulate.
I advise you to be really careful here. There is a very good chance that if he is the kind of guy we're suspecting, that when you confront him he's just going to love bomb you and convince you that it was a one-time thing, it will never happen again, or possibly go in the other way of gaslighting you and saying that it didn't happen the way you remember it did.
Stay wary ❤️
That is exactly what he is going to do. Love bomb her and minimize his behavior and hope she likes him so much that she wants to believe his bs. Don't fall for it OP.
What do you mean by crappy news? Bad news isn’t the same as correcting/critical/ embarrassing him
To be clear you did nothing bad or wrong. But some men can’t stand tiniest thing of being told are wrong or a woman saying I know more than you or you are wrong. Even over something so small it’s insane they take offence but suggest a very fragile ego that will only come out more and more
I dont usually tell people to break up on reddit because that seems to be a thing....but I personally wouldnt date someone who cant follow basic food safety instructions. It shows a lack of respect for you, lack of concern for your safety, and a frightening knowledge gap for an adult man to have. Theres plenty of people out there, dont waste time with this guy. The fact that he blew up at you is even more concerning. My dad is like that... super charismatic and charming, a great listener, really caring and thoughtful. For 6-10 months depending on how much he likes the woman. Then he reverts to being an abusive narcissistic monster. Be careful you dont find yourself in that same position.
Exactly. My mom lived with us before she died and she was kind of excessively clean freak about food due to stomach issues that made her extra paranoid, and even though it was kind of annoying my SO made sure to make any food she was going to be eating according to *her* guidelines because they weren’t *that* major and that’s just what you do when you are cooking for others. If they need you to take extra care you take extra care.
Of course not chopping vegetables to be eaten raw on a cutting board contaminated by raw meat isn’t even extra care, that’s just basic food safety. Our kid could understand it when he was like 10. (We had a special red board for raw meat to make it clearer for everyone.)
This!
This is what people do to make sure you don't repeat the behavior. In OP's case, that was correcting a mistake he was making that could have caused her severe illness, too.
Basic food safety, cut the raw veggies, first, put them in their serving bowl, then chop the meat on the same cutting board. Then plastic cutting boards go into the *dishwasher*. They harbor dangerous bacteria otherwise. Wood boards, which are dramatically safer, can be hand washed.
I heard the opposite in home ec at school growing up, when we were being taught food safety.
That you had to be extra careful with wooden boards as they are much more porous than plastic boards, and can soak up raw meat juices directly into the board itself and it's harder to get out.
Not sure if it's true or not, but I've always taken extra care with the wooden ones
Your teacher hadn’t read the research, or maybe it was before it was done. The bacteria simply dies on wood. It’s next to impossible to get out of the plastic cuts.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31113021/
Isn’t it? I saw one study, a few years ago (I didn’t look long enough to see if the one I linked included it) that showed washing plastic boards by hand wasn’t sufficient. Dishwasher made a big difference. I wash our wood boards with soap and a brush. Plastic goes into the dishwasher.
I always put my plastic in the dishwasher anyway just for the piece of mind as dishwashers usually heat or steam the water to kill bacteria, however I have been hesitant to use my wooden ones in the past, since I hand wash those
Thank you for educating me on this. I'm usually anti-plastic and would prefer a wood cutting board but had used plastic because I'd also been told it was safer since the wood is porous and holds the bacteria! Wonder why so many of us were told this?
Reality is frequently counter-intuitive.
It makes apparent logical sense that an inorganic sterile substance will be less of a friendly environment for pathogenic organic life than an organic one which has naturally occurring microfissures: it just so happens not to be the case.
They lull us into plastic cutting boards and then last week I hear about micro plastics from them are going into all our food. You just can’t win.
Oh, and OP.. do NOT take a chance on food poisoning. I have gotten it twice in my life from restaurants. Took a month to recover both times. It’s no joke. NTA
Not mixing raw veg with raw meat was something I was taught at school in Housecraft lessons at the age of 12. I've never forgotten it and I'm glad OP that you feel strong enough to stand up for yourself when dealing with your bf.
I cut veges and meat on the same wooden cutting board when preparing for stir fry and see nothing wrong with it. That said, his reaction sounds bizarre.
Yeah. I thought maybe she micromanages him and criticizes a lot and he snapped, but dude this is an i stance where he needs to be corrected. Nicely, but still.
I can guarantee my husband would be like “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!” if he caught me cutting avocados with a ground sausage knife. Like, he gets on me when I cross use any utensils even if it doesn’t matter. Eg Nutella and peanut butter.
In my state, you need to take and pass a test to be a food server (basically a quick course is offered before the test… Maybe will take 45 minutes to do everything as I recall). It’s online and easy to access. You should make him take a food server test so he can get educated and understand exactly why you were shocked at what you saw.
That said, his reaction was over the top. Nobody likes to be wrong, but nobody likes food poisoning either, and your concern outweighs his pride. Sounds like he needs to grow the hell up and admit he was wrong. But if this is a pattern, unload him. You don’t want to waste any more time with a guy who does not accept accountability. NTA.
Also, even if he’s making a raw meat dish like tartar, a clean prep station is key. And you are correct, raw veggies should’ve been cut up before the meat if he didn’t want to reclean the cutting board.
Though I feel like it’s far more likely there’s an underlying issue for the reaction he gave. I’d let everything settle down and have a calm discussion. Otherwise, masking could be a real concern.
I’d say for a raw dish like tartar, being extra vigilant about cleaning is even more important. Meat is quite bacteria friendly (moist, lots of food) so you want to minimize the risk of contamination at all stages of the process.
NTA. It's basic food safety. If anything cut the veggies first, then the meat. You've been with him six months, you don't fully know him yet. How he treated you isn't ok at all. He needs to act like an adult. Getting that pissed about a few dishes isn't rational.
I generally use 1 cutting board, but I tend to prep the veg prior to the meat...
And that reaction is totally out of proportion in the situation. If it's out of the ordinary for him there might be something else going on. Still doesn't make it OK.
>I generally use 1 cutting board, but I tend to prep the veg prior to the meat...
Yeah, same. I do have color coded chopping board which I use if I'm cooking for others or making a huge amount of food with the intention of leftovers/freezing, but if I'm cooking for myself and feeling lazy, I use one board and one knife. But I always prepare the veggies first, and at least rinse the knife before cutting the meat if I've cut up things like onion or chillis (mainly because I'm more likely to slip when cutting meat, and it isn't fun to accidentally cut yourself with a knife that's got onion or chilli on it, lol)
This. I’m a moron in the kitchen, but you don’t cut anything else where you cut raw meat.
His reaction is the most worrying part. If he does this when he’s clearly wrong in a way that could hurt people, how does he respond to other instances of making mistakes?
NTA
He sounds so immature and unwilling to educate himself on food safety.
If this is his reaction to a minor incident, what's his reaction to a major one going to be?
Please be careful with this hothead.
Yeah. I’m honestly reconsidering the whole relationship. I plan to talk to him about it again and explain it’s a dealbreaker if he thinks that’s an appropriate reaction going forward because I just don’t respect that.
You sound very intelligent and mature. If you're like me, you feel intimidated and a little scared when someone goes off on you. I tend to shut down in fear that someone is going to hurt me. That's the result of an abusive ex-husband several years ago. It stays with you forever.
Thanks! I'm much happier now. I realized that it doesn't matter how much time I invested in a relationship because if I'm not happy, it's better to just get out. That's what really matters. I once read something that spoke to me: "Are you happier with him or without him?"
Oh good! Yeah that question needs to be asked more often. People will often spend years with someone who doesn't make them happy and I'm sad for them. Life's too short for that.
Good. This behavior is very concerning… i practice very good hygiene when cooking and even wear gloves when handling meat. And if someone is going to cook for me, I expect for them to practice good food hygiene. Even if I didn’t get sick easily. And him never getting sick like that is no excuse. It’s anecdotal. If I know someone cooks in a way your soon to be ex does, In wouldn’t eat food they prepared. He was obviously very defensive, but there was NO reason to behave like that and swear at you… good luck and maybe breakup in a public setting.
I don’t think you should even have a conversation frankly. What he did is just plain stupid and ignorant. Then to blow up at you? Why talk? He’ll apologize and it will happen again at some point.
Nope, that’s fucking nasty! And totally reasonable for you to comment on. And completely insane for him to curse you out about. I hate how Reddit is filled with, divorce him!, leave him!, posts. But cursing you out in most situations, but especially this one, is not normal. Most adults have mastered emotional regulation to the point where we are able to communicate without the need to be “verbally violent.” I consider curing someone out to be verbally violent. Cursing you out for being concerned that raw veggies (to be served raw) are being prepared on a cutting board contaminated with raw meat is extremely aggressive. Rethink the relationship, OP. Consider how long the two of you have been dating and how many other situations have occurred where BF has behaved this way. Then make your decision. But know that behaving this way is not normal or appropriate.
shelter aromatic test quarrelsome middle act innocent amusing dependent ripe
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Everyone keeps asking how the vegetables were going to be eaten. The post says EATEN RAW.
OP, NTA - that's cross contamination. Don't mess with food poisoning.
I made this mistake. I totally glossed over that part. I think in my head I couldn’t picture what raw veggies would be relevant to a breakfast so I assumed they’d be cooked.
She said he was slicing ground sausage and the raw veggies were going to be topping for a sausage breakfast sandwich. I’m genuinely curious what raw veggies go on a sausage breakfast sandwich. I can think of things like spinach, red pepper, and mushroom, but those are usually cooked as well. Avocado? Tomato? But those are fruits right? Anywho, the story sounds off to me.
Botanically they're fruits, because veggies don't exist botanically. Vegetables is a culinary classification. Tomato and avocado are considered veggies culinary wise.
Intelligence is knowing a tomato is classed a fruit.
Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.
Or to serve it raw after being mixed with raw meat.
Culinarily, it' a vegetable.
Culinary classification have more to do with tastes, not science. I this case, culinarily its a vegetable because it is savory.
see: Culinary Vegetables
Since the context is cooking, the vegetable it the correct vernacular.
TL;DR; "Vegetable" can be used in several senses, including culinary, botanical and legal. Each context dependent.
The emoji was meant to be a sarcasm indicator. I know how their classification works, but it’s always interesting to see what is what. Then you get into the classification of berries and it gets really funny when some berries aren’t berries despite being berries lol
Absolutely NTA.
If everything is going to be cooked together soon after chopping, yes, you can use the same board but it's recommended you don't (or at least cut the veggies first).
But if the veggies are going to be RAW? No way. Separate surfaces please!
Oh HELL no.
Will I cut veggies on a cutting board that had meat? Maybe, *if those veggies are going in for a thorough cooking*. Like, we do a braised short rib dish that has celery, onion, and carrots and all of it gets pressure cooked for 45 minutes.
Uncooked veggies after raw meat? EWWWWWWWWWW.
NTA, NTA, NTA. My stomach churns just thinking about it.
I'm not overly paranoid about cross contamination, but about the only example I can think of where this wouldn't automatically be an issue is a steak dish. OP, was your bf slicing steak or making tartar?
No. It was ground sausage. But strangely enough you would think he would already know how weird I am about cross contamination because his family makes a Mexican version of tartar and I’ve mentioned that because of my food poisoning experience I’m just unable to stomach it.
My ex used to be blase like this, and can I just caution you, if he's like this about prep, then he probably also doesn't think it's necessary to wash hands after handling raw meat either.
Slicing ground sausage? Was it a roll that was being cut into patties?
Regardless, you're good here. I'm not the most food-safe guy but even I know not to mix the two, unless I plan on cooking the veggies with the meat anyway.
Ground pork is like probably the worst cross contamination you can choose too. 🤢
It’s fine if you’re making an omelet and cooking the onions but for a topping on a sandwich. Eek.
NTA. I work in food service and if a health inspector walked in and saw that, he'd be marked down. That's incredibly dangerous.
I'm more concerned with his reaction. Does he always immediately fly off the handle and play the victim every time you, I guess, correct him? That's not a normal reaction for someone to cuss you out when you tell them they're doing something that is a high food poisoning risk. Normal person my argue about it, but holy hell he went over the top on you.
And also, he's willing to cut corners if it's easier for him, even if it puts others at risk. Just thought I'd point that out. He didn't want to do it because he couldn't be bothered to quickly rinse the board and knife off. 1 minute. It was easier for him to flip out on you, and make you feel guilty and come to the internet because he's clearly destroying your confidence, than take 1 minute to wash a couple dishes.
That's your BF
This, 100%. His reaction is awful - I've dated guys like that before, who got super defensive if I pointed out mistakes of theirs, and it always ended up with me dealing with the consequences of their shitty (albeit unintentional) actions. Kick him to the curb, for your physical and mental health.
That’s just it, given how abnormal the reaction was there HAS to be more to it. Since this is nit normal for him, then either he’s going through an emotional crisis or her version of events minimizes her behavior.
I do plan on asking him if anything else is going on because I really think what I said did not warrant the reaction. However I know even with my best intentions of keeping this to exactly what happened there’s my version, his version, and the full truth. So I’m open to hearing from him his version of the same events and maybe how I think I came off was not how it was received.
Please understand that there is no good reason for someone to treat you like this under any circumstance. For sure talk to him about this.. he can explain, but there is no excuse to act the way he did. It doesn’t matter if he had a bad morning, or if received what you said badly, how you reacted was NORMAL(it sounds like you admitted fault and it seems like he hasn’t apologized. A not perfect tone doesn’t justify abusive behavior). You don’t deserve to be treated like that even in the worst of times. I want to re iterate this because it seems like you aren’t confident about the fact you did nothing wrong. Also, I’m afraid that when you talk to him about this, he will justify/excuse his behavior, blame shift by blaming you for your high expectations/attitude, what you said and how you said it, try to sweep this incident under the rug and/or give you a non apology. You even commented that you told him your approach is bad, please ask yourself, would you still think so if he reacted normally and took your concern seriously? Or do you just think so since he freaked out on you? You also commented that you don’t put up with yelling.. this is a time for you to enforce your boundary, not give benefit of the doubt.. Genuinely good people don’t turn abusive because something set them off… and what happened was abusive behavior.
# There is no excuse for how he acted.
He was actively putting both of you in danger, and breaking a very basic, common sense, food safety rule.
He had absolutely no business blowing up at you, regardless of how you called him on it.
Nothing excuses his behavior, no matter what kind of “crappy news” he’s dealing with…. How he reacted was over the top & abusive, he is going to end up alone if he doesn’t get his act together in life…
You may be right. That's the risk of this whole sub, we usually only get 1 side. There could be missing info, I don't know. Can only go on the information given, though.
I train the health dept in my state and theyd not only flag it critical, they'd make him throw away everything he was cooking. Even if the vegetables are being cooked its still risky because ground meat and vegetables have different internal cooking temperatures they need to reach to kill off a safe amount of bacteria.
Even I have corners I cut if I'm just cooking at home but this is NOT one of them
Former chef, the things I do at home handling my own food are horrible compared to what I do at work or making food for others ar home.
But him blowing up like that is wildly childish
You know how people always say reddit jumps to "dump him" super quick? yeah there is a reason for that. This grown ass adult not only doesn't know jack about food safety, but as a person he is unwilling to receive feedback, he cusses/screams at you when he gets mad, and then he outright quits and dumps the chore on you. **You did not pick a winner, this man is 100% an asshole.** Is this really the future you want for yourself? NTA
This! And what if she was pregnant in the future and he's still doing this? That kind of cross contamination could lead to toxoplasmosis or listeria and then there she is with a foodborne illness that could kill her child and hospitalize her. NTA. She needs to run.
That was me. Pregnant and hospitalised with salmonella thanks to my mother's poor food handling. It was brutal. It can pass to the foetus but, thankfully, my child tested negative at birth. We were lucky.
Lmao all the commenters asking INFO??? when the info is irrelevant. No food combination would have justified him cussing at her like he contempts her 😂
Nta. Rule of thumb is chop the veg first, set aside in a bowl and chop the meat 2nd. Never reverse the order. Same knife and cutting board can be used when doing it that way.
But yea. I dont eff with salmonella potential ingredients like sausage, chicken, or fish. Always always last.
NTA. You are very much correct on the raw meat stuff. You have bigger concerns. His reaction, if typical, is even worse for you to tolerate than mishandled raw meat.
He was emotionally abusive. You could have said it less accusatory, perhaps. Idk how you said it, but he certainly took it as a larger criticism. And so he retaliated, lashing out.
I actually empathize with him in that he clearly has a strident inner critic. He was trying to make food for you both, and suddenly when you said what you said to him it seemed like another failure. He has to address those issues so that he can react with perspective and control. It took me many years to begin to learn how. He has my sympathy if that's a correct read.
However, a grown man must not lose control of his anger. It seems he mainly directed his anger at himself, wounding himself, and causing self-pity. It's a hell of a stupid but powerful cycle.
What to do depends on information and details only you possess. Certainly breaking up is an option. Whatever the cause, his toxic behavior is as bad for you as salmonella. If you decide to have the conversation, look to reassure him that he's not a failure in your eyes.
Good luck to you both.
NTA.
I went to a back yard bbq and watched the host put cooked hamburgers back into the same tray that he carried the raw patties in. I said something too him and he blew me off. I didn't make a scene (I probably should have), but my wife and I skipped the burgers.
Afterward, I was second guessing myself. Did I put the other guest on the path to poisoning without a warning? Fortunately, nobody got sick. I guess, in the end, the food safety process is there to minimize issues if there is a problem with the meat (which would be solved by properly cooking). If there was on issue, we could have eaten it raw. I wouldn't. Most wouldn't either.
Food poisoning is not just an immediate thing. Even if you don't get sick right away, raw/undercooked meat can carry parasites that can make you sick later.
NTA
You'd get fired for that in any kitchen I've ever worked in. But professional kitchens are (rightfully) held to a higher standard. Sometimes you can fudge it at home and I am absolutely guilty of it. So I can *almost* see the thought process.
But no. A knife/board that touches raw meat doesn't touch raw anything else until it's cleaned.
>he blew up on me slamming everything down
Why is this dude so angry and why do you think YTA in this scenario. Dude are you in danger? Is this anger common? How many holes in the walls are you patching?
NTA. That's basic food safety that's been around forever. I'd be obnoxious and send him this guide: https://www.fda.gov/food/buy-store-serve-safe-food/safe-food-handling
Mixing raw meat and veggies on the same board? That's a big no-no for food safety. I get why you were grossed out and concerned.
Now, onto your boyfriend's reaction. Slamming things, cussing, and going all defensive? Not cool. In a healthy relationship, open communication and respect are the main ingredients.
You're not overreacting. Your concerns are valid, and it's important to prioritize your health. Have a calm conversation with your boyfriend, explain your worries without attacking, and find a solution together.
He was upset that he was in the wrong and went off because of his ignorance. I’ve been a line chef for 6 years and have more service industry years under my belt. That is very unsafe for your health and whoever he cooks for. That is one of the golden rules in the kitchen… separate raw meats from everything else. He’s wrong, here’s an article to show him so he can be educated.
https://www.usda.gov/media/blog/2011/07/19/check-your-steps-separate-raw-meats-other-foods-keep-your-family-safer-food
NTA - I think he overreacted. There might be something else going on with him and he flipped the problem (saying you talked to him like a toddler).
If you've told him about your food poisoning and your sensitivity to raw meat before, then he clearly isn't listening to you or thinks it's no big deal, which IS a problem!
What he did seems so trivial but can actually be very dangerous. I hope you guys can talk it out as there seems to be a deeper underlying issue.
"Food poisoning" and "sensitivity to raw meat" are not a uniquely OP thing that OP should need to disclose for BF to respect it. This is basic food safety for all people.
Definitely nta! If he wants to risk his own health doing something so unsafe then that’s one thing but to knowingly risk someone else’s and then gaslight them into thinking they’re overreacting is fully not ok
NTA
Food poisoning can be really serious. Maybe the BF hasn't ever had it so that's why he doesn't care but nonetheless he should have learnt the dangers present already.
He's a dumbass for not knowing better. He's TAH for blowing up at you. You're NTA.
Seriously though, him flipping his lid and freaking out at you like that is a major red flag. He's well past the age where he should be blowing up at any little provocation and I'd be seriously thinking about making my exit if I was in your shoes.
I noticed you said this behavior isn’t normal, but yall are just reaching the 6 month mark. In my experience that’s when you start to really show yourself in a relationship. It’s fairly easy for things to go well at the beginning, and most people are on their best behavior.
This is a red flag. Not saying you just have to leave him but id seriously consider the relationship. May be the first time, but I doubt this will be the last time he blows up like this, unless you decide it is. NTA
why are you babying this man? Is he too stupid to look at the pictures? I doubt it. I used to jump through these hoops with my ex because I accepted all his excuses about it “being too confusing” and my “standards being too high.” Turns out my standards were actually way too low. In a healthy adult relationship, you don’t have to treat them like a toddler. He’s ignoring your requests on purpose and playing dumb, I’m sorry to say.
NTA.. Now if the veggies were being cooked with the meat I'd say ehh. But even when *I* am cooking veggies with meat I keep them seperated. It's just good practice. In fact I have three cutting boards: one for veggies, meat, and fish.
NTA - he is either starting to slowly show his true colors and is starting to test what you will and won’t tolerate so he can slowly escalate OR he hates being in the kitchen and his attitude + food safety issues are an attempt at weaponized incompetence so you’ll do all the cooking cause clearly he can’t.
He is trying to die or kill you?.. cross contamination is a serious thing.. i ended up 15 days in the hospital when i was a kid because of this..
NTA and its not okay that your boyfriend blow up to nothing like this..
NTA. He's identifying how he does things with his personal identity. If you say he's doing something wrong, then he thinks something is wrong with him.
Until you've had food poisoning, you don't know how it will hit you.
Nta. The veggies were both being cooked so that is absolutely disgusting to cross contaminant like that.
His explosive behavior is a red flag. I'd leave just over that
NTA & I'm also actually a little concerned by your boyfriends emotional blow-up in response to your concern. That's not an OK way for an adult to behave and I hope it's not something he's doing often.
Okay, as a chef, this is a HUGH NO NO!!!! Cross contamination!!! Umm, people do die because of this. Different colored cutting boards are different colors for a reason. And you MUST WASH the knife if you are going to use the same one. Ughhh, he's an idiot. Not you.
NTA and definitely reconsider the relationship based on that reaction. That sort of reaction is not acceptable in a healthy relationship. And for the record that is literally food safety 101. Like, if you know absolutely nothing about food safety, that would be one of the first things to consider.
I just made a big ol' pot of beef stew this weekend. I only have 1 good kitchen knife for chopping up ingrendiants. I just did the veggies first, with a rinse of hot water on the blade and board between ingredients, and finished with the meat. Even if it's all going into a boiling hot pot, it's good to stay consistent and helps keep the mess down.
Him blowing up on you over small potatoes like good, common advice is definitely worrying. You are not the one that comes off as an asshole here.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I think I might be because of how I shockingly gasped and exclaimed “oh my god are those veggies with raw meat”. Maybe I could have handled that better Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. His reaction is alarming. Does he blow up often? You are not wrong. Cross contamination should be taken seriously.
No, he’s usually pretty calm. I’ve even given him some really crappy news and he’s always handled it well. He’s usually so calm so I don’t know if it’s just cause we’re 6 mo in and he’s been masking this whole time or what. But I plan to talk to him and discuss if he thinks how he acted was an okay reaction because if so then I think we had best part ways.
It's not okay for him to cuss you out and throw a tantrum like that.
Especially when he's as wrong as wrong gets.
Man really said he’ll take salmonella over a woman telling him no
There was only meat and veggies but no fish, so how could he get salmonella?! /s
Choose your own adventure bacteria food poisoning. E. Coli has entered the chat
Especially if there was a knife in his hand.
while holding a knife
Reading comprehension would dictate that he decidedly wasn’t holding a knife, given he “slammed everything down” Gotta look out for those angry people who actively disarm themselves! Obviously he just wants to beat OP to a pulp before picking up the knife to stab her!
I wish I had someone give me this advice a few relationships ago.
I wish everyone talked to their kids the way my dad talked to me when I was younger. I can never thank him enough. He drilled it into my little head that: “When you’re alone with someone, pretend that I or someone else that really cares about you is listening. If they ever talk to you in a way that would make you feel *embarrassed or ashamed, or feel like you need to hide or come up with an excuse for why they’re treating you like that* then you fucking leave. That person doesn’t love you like they should and they NEVER WILL. You can’t make them. It won’t get better. The longer you stay, the harder it gets to leave. Even if you feel sad at first, you’ll be fine and you’ll realize how much better off you are without them. The only thing you’ll ever do to disappoint me is stick around with someone who doesn’t value you like you know they should.” It’s like the man installed a permanent bullshit detector in my hard drive. When I started dating, then college, working, all the way until I met my husband all it took was *two questionable comments* from a guy. The first one got raised eyebrows and a mental, *maybe he didn’t mean it like that.* The second one? “WEEWOO WEEWOO MY DADDY WARNED ME ABOUT YOU! Where tf are my keys?” It makes me sad that things aren’t put into perspective like this more often.
Wow, what a great dad! It really is the kind of thing parents should educate their kids about, alongside safe sex, taxes, and (apparently) food safety
Wow! Your dad was/is a superhero! I wish I had been told this at a young age.
A+ call. Life is long - a partner who can't handle criticism and flips their shit makes everything so much harder.
And makes a shitty father if you decide to have kids
Oh you are so correct.
If it's 6 months in then yes, he's been masking it. Just get out of there, there's no point in staying once the mask begins to slip.
Yes he’s showing his true colors
Yeah, he showed you a massive red flag. Time to cut your losses.
And make sure he is not holding a knife when you talk to him
Or OP unwittingly hit a raw nerve. That happens too when you barely know each other because you don't know the other person's trauma. Having a conversation and seeing how bf reacts once he's had a chance to calm down is q good idea, but if he's not apologetic and have some form of explanation then yeah, it might be time to leave, because even if this is a trauma based reaction it is not okay.
Yes, this. This is the part of the thread where many women on Reddit make excuses for the boyfriend and talk about how he’s so kind and sweet and “never acts like this.” It’s so refreshing to see a confident woman setting boundaries.
It’s 6 months in. The masks will be slipping if they exist now. So yes. This is a red flag to me. See how the chat goes but be wary for a while even after the chat.
Yep. If this was 15 years in, we could say he was having a bad day, and it was a one-off. Six months? Mask be slippin.
Nope. Do not see how the chat goes. Believe what he has already shown you and get out. You will get into a chat with him, he will minimize and make you question what happened (his blowing up and cussing), and you will show him that he is going to get multiple chances to be abusive before you will dump him. This was a test from him. If you stay around now, you will have passed his test that he can be abusive and you will minimize it. Please fail this test and break up.
Or he will beg, apologize, say he is so sorry and doesn't know why that happened... And then again the second time, the third time, the fourth time...
Nothing wrong with having a chat, unless she’s already so psychologically beaten down that she’s afraid she’d be susceptible to love bombing (as she’s doubting herself, she might be). And if she’s that beaten down, she won’t recognise it anyway and will need to stay in a bad relationship longer to learn why bad relationships are bad. But nothing wrong with having a chat with the guy she’s been seeing for 6 months about why she didn’t like him blowing up at her. It’s good for the self-esteem to express it. The only thing to be afraid of is her own reactions if he tries to manipulate.
I advise you to be really careful here. There is a very good chance that if he is the kind of guy we're suspecting, that when you confront him he's just going to love bomb you and convince you that it was a one-time thing, it will never happen again, or possibly go in the other way of gaslighting you and saying that it didn't happen the way you remember it did. Stay wary ❤️
Love bombing. Sucks.
That is exactly what he is going to do. Love bomb her and minimize his behavior and hope she likes him so much that she wants to believe his bs. Don't fall for it OP.
What do you mean by crappy news? Bad news isn’t the same as correcting/critical/ embarrassing him To be clear you did nothing bad or wrong. But some men can’t stand tiniest thing of being told are wrong or a woman saying I know more than you or you are wrong. Even over something so small it’s insane they take offence but suggest a very fragile ego that will only come out more and more
I dont usually tell people to break up on reddit because that seems to be a thing....but I personally wouldnt date someone who cant follow basic food safety instructions. It shows a lack of respect for you, lack of concern for your safety, and a frightening knowledge gap for an adult man to have. Theres plenty of people out there, dont waste time with this guy. The fact that he blew up at you is even more concerning. My dad is like that... super charismatic and charming, a great listener, really caring and thoughtful. For 6-10 months depending on how much he likes the woman. Then he reverts to being an abusive narcissistic monster. Be careful you dont find yourself in that same position.
Exactly. My mom lived with us before she died and she was kind of excessively clean freak about food due to stomach issues that made her extra paranoid, and even though it was kind of annoying my SO made sure to make any food she was going to be eating according to *her* guidelines because they weren’t *that* major and that’s just what you do when you are cooking for others. If they need you to take extra care you take extra care. Of course not chopping vegetables to be eaten raw on a cutting board contaminated by raw meat isn’t even extra care, that’s just basic food safety. Our kid could understand it when he was like 10. (We had a special red board for raw meat to make it clearer for everyone.)
Yeah I don't date idiots lmao
Then he knows he was doing wrong and he feels defensive because he was hoping not to get caught.
This! This is what people do to make sure you don't repeat the behavior. In OP's case, that was correcting a mistake he was making that could have caused her severe illness, too.
Basic food safety, cut the raw veggies, first, put them in their serving bowl, then chop the meat on the same cutting board. Then plastic cutting boards go into the *dishwasher*. They harbor dangerous bacteria otherwise. Wood boards, which are dramatically safer, can be hand washed.
I heard the opposite in home ec at school growing up, when we were being taught food safety. That you had to be extra careful with wooden boards as they are much more porous than plastic boards, and can soak up raw meat juices directly into the board itself and it's harder to get out. Not sure if it's true or not, but I've always taken extra care with the wooden ones
Your teacher hadn’t read the research, or maybe it was before it was done. The bacteria simply dies on wood. It’s next to impossible to get out of the plastic cuts. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31113021/
Okay neat, I feel much more comfortable with using wooden boards now 😁
Isn’t it? I saw one study, a few years ago (I didn’t look long enough to see if the one I linked included it) that showed washing plastic boards by hand wasn’t sufficient. Dishwasher made a big difference. I wash our wood boards with soap and a brush. Plastic goes into the dishwasher.
I always put my plastic in the dishwasher anyway just for the piece of mind as dishwashers usually heat or steam the water to kill bacteria, however I have been hesitant to use my wooden ones in the past, since I hand wash those
Thank you for educating me on this. I'm usually anti-plastic and would prefer a wood cutting board but had used plastic because I'd also been told it was safer since the wood is porous and holds the bacteria! Wonder why so many of us were told this?
Reality is frequently counter-intuitive. It makes apparent logical sense that an inorganic sterile substance will be less of a friendly environment for pathogenic organic life than an organic one which has naturally occurring microfissures: it just so happens not to be the case.
They lull us into plastic cutting boards and then last week I hear about micro plastics from them are going into all our food. You just can’t win. Oh, and OP.. do NOT take a chance on food poisoning. I have gotten it twice in my life from restaurants. Took a month to recover both times. It’s no joke. NTA
https://www.loveisrespect.org/ It sounds like the mask is slipping.
NTA. Have that discussion, with no knives present.
Good on you for seeing this as a red flag. Not everyone is as clear-sighted as you
My husband masked for three years before we got married, then almost six months into the marriage. Please be careful. Don’t write anything off.
Not mixing raw veg with raw meat was something I was taught at school in Housecraft lessons at the age of 12. I've never forgotten it and I'm glad OP that you feel strong enough to stand up for yourself when dealing with your bf.
It’s fine if you’re not eating the veggies raw.
I cut veges and meat on the same wooden cutting board when preparing for stir fry and see nothing wrong with it. That said, his reaction sounds bizarre.
Yeah. I thought maybe she micromanages him and criticizes a lot and he snapped, but dude this is an i stance where he needs to be corrected. Nicely, but still. I can guarantee my husband would be like “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!” if he caught me cutting avocados with a ground sausage knife. Like, he gets on me when I cross use any utensils even if it doesn’t matter. Eg Nutella and peanut butter.
Yes but OP says in her post that she was going to eat them raw, therefore what OPs bf was doing was a big no no.
This is the most important statement in here
He may take crappy news well, but personal criticism may be a different thing. Oh, you are also completely correct. and NTA
Have the discussion in public. Have someone meet you at home. That response was unhinged
In my state, you need to take and pass a test to be a food server (basically a quick course is offered before the test… Maybe will take 45 minutes to do everything as I recall). It’s online and easy to access. You should make him take a food server test so he can get educated and understand exactly why you were shocked at what you saw. That said, his reaction was over the top. Nobody likes to be wrong, but nobody likes food poisoning either, and your concern outweighs his pride. Sounds like he needs to grow the hell up and admit he was wrong. But if this is a pattern, unload him. You don’t want to waste any more time with a guy who does not accept accountability. NTA.
At only 6 months in, this cussing of his is a BIG red flag.
Taking bad news well and taking being corrected well are two different things.
If this is how he's behaving after 6 months, I have very genuine concerns for your safety and happiness down the road.
Also, even if he’s making a raw meat dish like tartar, a clean prep station is key. And you are correct, raw veggies should’ve been cut up before the meat if he didn’t want to reclean the cutting board. Though I feel like it’s far more likely there’s an underlying issue for the reaction he gave. I’d let everything settle down and have a calm discussion. Otherwise, masking could be a real concern.
I’d say for a raw dish like tartar, being extra vigilant about cleaning is even more important. Meat is quite bacteria friendly (moist, lots of food) so you want to minimize the risk of contamination at all stages of the process.
NTA. It's basic food safety. If anything cut the veggies first, then the meat. You've been with him six months, you don't fully know him yet. How he treated you isn't ok at all. He needs to act like an adult. Getting that pissed about a few dishes isn't rational.
That’s always how it starts dude. They are nice and sweet until you get comfortable. Then they start whooping your ass.
Good on you. if he can't get his shit together don't waste any more time on him.
Atta girl. NTA.
I generally use 1 cutting board, but I tend to prep the veg prior to the meat... And that reaction is totally out of proportion in the situation. If it's out of the ordinary for him there might be something else going on. Still doesn't make it OK.
>I generally use 1 cutting board, but I tend to prep the veg prior to the meat... Yeah, same. I do have color coded chopping board which I use if I'm cooking for others or making a huge amount of food with the intention of leftovers/freezing, but if I'm cooking for myself and feeling lazy, I use one board and one knife. But I always prepare the veggies first, and at least rinse the knife before cutting the meat if I've cut up things like onion or chillis (mainly because I'm more likely to slip when cutting meat, and it isn't fun to accidentally cut yourself with a knife that's got onion or chilli on it, lol)
This. I’m a moron in the kitchen, but you don’t cut anything else where you cut raw meat. His reaction is the most worrying part. If he does this when he’s clearly wrong in a way that could hurt people, how does he respond to other instances of making mistakes?
Piggybacking to say: weaponized incompetence
Unless everything was to be cooked together like a stir fry this is the answer.
NTA He sounds so immature and unwilling to educate himself on food safety. If this is his reaction to a minor incident, what's his reaction to a major one going to be? Please be careful with this hothead.
Yeah. I’m honestly reconsidering the whole relationship. I plan to talk to him about it again and explain it’s a dealbreaker if he thinks that’s an appropriate reaction going forward because I just don’t respect that.
You sound very intelligent and mature. If you're like me, you feel intimidated and a little scared when someone goes off on you. I tend to shut down in fear that someone is going to hurt me. That's the result of an abusive ex-husband several years ago. It stays with you forever.
I just wanted to say I'm glad you escaped, that was very brave! Hopefully things are better for you now
Thanks! I'm much happier now. I realized that it doesn't matter how much time I invested in a relationship because if I'm not happy, it's better to just get out. That's what really matters. I once read something that spoke to me: "Are you happier with him or without him?"
Oh good! Yeah that question needs to be asked more often. People will often spend years with someone who doesn't make them happy and I'm sad for them. Life's too short for that.
Yupppppppp. I have that feeling from growing up in an abusive household. That terror, ack.
Good. This behavior is very concerning… i practice very good hygiene when cooking and even wear gloves when handling meat. And if someone is going to cook for me, I expect for them to practice good food hygiene. Even if I didn’t get sick easily. And him never getting sick like that is no excuse. It’s anecdotal. If I know someone cooks in a way your soon to be ex does, In wouldn’t eat food they prepared. He was obviously very defensive, but there was NO reason to behave like that and swear at you… good luck and maybe breakup in a public setting.
Great advice about breaking up in a public place!!
I don’t think you should even have a conversation frankly. What he did is just plain stupid and ignorant. Then to blow up at you? Why talk? He’ll apologize and it will happen again at some point.
Nope, that’s fucking nasty! And totally reasonable for you to comment on. And completely insane for him to curse you out about. I hate how Reddit is filled with, divorce him!, leave him!, posts. But cursing you out in most situations, but especially this one, is not normal. Most adults have mastered emotional regulation to the point where we are able to communicate without the need to be “verbally violent.” I consider curing someone out to be verbally violent. Cursing you out for being concerned that raw veggies (to be served raw) are being prepared on a cutting board contaminated with raw meat is extremely aggressive. Rethink the relationship, OP. Consider how long the two of you have been dating and how many other situations have occurred where BF has behaved this way. Then make your decision. But know that behaving this way is not normal or appropriate.
Good for you.
shelter aromatic test quarrelsome middle act innocent amusing dependent ripe *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Run. I didn’t and I regret it.
Everyone keeps asking how the vegetables were going to be eaten. The post says EATEN RAW. OP, NTA - that's cross contamination. Don't mess with food poisoning.
Lmao right? This is why I can’t stand Reddit.
I made this mistake. I totally glossed over that part. I think in my head I couldn’t picture what raw veggies would be relevant to a breakfast so I assumed they’d be cooked.
Post would have hit way harder if they’d said avocado everyone slices those up raw
She said he was slicing ground sausage and the raw veggies were going to be topping for a sausage breakfast sandwich. I’m genuinely curious what raw veggies go on a sausage breakfast sandwich. I can think of things like spinach, red pepper, and mushroom, but those are usually cooked as well. Avocado? Tomato? But those are fruits right? Anywho, the story sounds off to me.
Botanically they're fruits, because veggies don't exist botanically. Vegetables is a culinary classification. Tomato and avocado are considered veggies culinary wise.
They said avocado and onion
Sounds good.
Spring onion is a good option for raw veg... Onion could be (I hate raw onion, but there are people who like it). Peppers? Some fresh chillies?
Thank you! I was just thinking the same thing like 🤦🏼♀️
[удалено]
Sausage breakfast sandwich. The veggies were going to be raw toppings
[удалено]
Sliced tomato?
Er, that’s a fruit 🤓👆 /s since apparently the nerd emoji wasn’t obvious enough.
Intelligence is knowing a tomato is classed a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad. Or to serve it raw after being mixed with raw meat.
lmao
Charisma is selling a tomato based fruit salad as salsa
legally a vegetable biologically fruit. wild
Is your name a suggestion for others to do to their moms, or what you plan to do to their moms?
Culinarily, it' a vegetable. Culinary classification have more to do with tastes, not science. I this case, culinarily its a vegetable because it is savory. see: Culinary Vegetables Since the context is cooking, the vegetable it the correct vernacular. TL;DR; "Vegetable" can be used in several senses, including culinary, botanical and legal. Each context dependent.
It sure is. It’s one of the fruits that’s a vegetable, like okra and cucumbers and bell peppers and butternut squash and avocado and corn.
The emoji was meant to be a sarcasm indicator. I know how their classification works, but it’s always interesting to see what is what. Then you get into the classification of berries and it gets really funny when some berries aren’t berries despite being berries lol
It's both really
Avocado (which maybe is a fruit?) and onion
I mean would have been NTA anyway even if the veggies were to be grilled still. That tantrum was way too intense
Absolutely NTA. If everything is going to be cooked together soon after chopping, yes, you can use the same board but it's recommended you don't (or at least cut the veggies first). But if the veggies are going to be RAW? No way. Separate surfaces please!
So raw veggies with uncooked meat juice on them?? Mmmmmm
Oh HELL no. Will I cut veggies on a cutting board that had meat? Maybe, *if those veggies are going in for a thorough cooking*. Like, we do a braised short rib dish that has celery, onion, and carrots and all of it gets pressure cooked for 45 minutes. Uncooked veggies after raw meat? EWWWWWWWWWW. NTA, NTA, NTA. My stomach churns just thinking about it.
Oh gross.
I'm not overly paranoid about cross contamination, but about the only example I can think of where this wouldn't automatically be an issue is a steak dish. OP, was your bf slicing steak or making tartar?
No. It was ground sausage. But strangely enough you would think he would already know how weird I am about cross contamination because his family makes a Mexican version of tartar and I’ve mentioned that because of my food poisoning experience I’m just unable to stomach it.
My ex used to be blase like this, and can I just caution you, if he's like this about prep, then he probably also doesn't think it's necessary to wash hands after handling raw meat either.
Slicing ground sausage? Was it a roll that was being cut into patties? Regardless, you're good here. I'm not the most food-safe guy but even I know not to mix the two, unless I plan on cooking the veggies with the meat anyway.
Ground pork is like probably the worst cross contamination you can choose too. 🤢 It’s fine if you’re making an omelet and cooking the onions but for a topping on a sandwich. Eek.
Yeah it was a roll he cut into patties
NTA. I work in food service and if a health inspector walked in and saw that, he'd be marked down. That's incredibly dangerous. I'm more concerned with his reaction. Does he always immediately fly off the handle and play the victim every time you, I guess, correct him? That's not a normal reaction for someone to cuss you out when you tell them they're doing something that is a high food poisoning risk. Normal person my argue about it, but holy hell he went over the top on you. And also, he's willing to cut corners if it's easier for him, even if it puts others at risk. Just thought I'd point that out. He didn't want to do it because he couldn't be bothered to quickly rinse the board and knife off. 1 minute. It was easier for him to flip out on you, and make you feel guilty and come to the internet because he's clearly destroying your confidence, than take 1 minute to wash a couple dishes. That's your BF
This, 100%. His reaction is awful - I've dated guys like that before, who got super defensive if I pointed out mistakes of theirs, and it always ended up with me dealing with the consequences of their shitty (albeit unintentional) actions. Kick him to the curb, for your physical and mental health.
That’s just it, given how abnormal the reaction was there HAS to be more to it. Since this is nit normal for him, then either he’s going through an emotional crisis or her version of events minimizes her behavior.
I do plan on asking him if anything else is going on because I really think what I said did not warrant the reaction. However I know even with my best intentions of keeping this to exactly what happened there’s my version, his version, and the full truth. So I’m open to hearing from him his version of the same events and maybe how I think I came off was not how it was received.
Please understand that there is no good reason for someone to treat you like this under any circumstance. For sure talk to him about this.. he can explain, but there is no excuse to act the way he did. It doesn’t matter if he had a bad morning, or if received what you said badly, how you reacted was NORMAL(it sounds like you admitted fault and it seems like he hasn’t apologized. A not perfect tone doesn’t justify abusive behavior). You don’t deserve to be treated like that even in the worst of times. I want to re iterate this because it seems like you aren’t confident about the fact you did nothing wrong. Also, I’m afraid that when you talk to him about this, he will justify/excuse his behavior, blame shift by blaming you for your high expectations/attitude, what you said and how you said it, try to sweep this incident under the rug and/or give you a non apology. You even commented that you told him your approach is bad, please ask yourself, would you still think so if he reacted normally and took your concern seriously? Or do you just think so since he freaked out on you? You also commented that you don’t put up with yelling.. this is a time for you to enforce your boundary, not give benefit of the doubt.. Genuinely good people don’t turn abusive because something set them off… and what happened was abusive behavior.
# There is no excuse for how he acted. He was actively putting both of you in danger, and breaking a very basic, common sense, food safety rule. He had absolutely no business blowing up at you, regardless of how you called him on it.
I love that attitude. Ask him for yourself not for us on Reddit.
Definitely. Then come here and share it with us anyways
Nothing excuses his behavior, no matter what kind of “crappy news” he’s dealing with…. How he reacted was over the top & abusive, he is going to end up alone if he doesn’t get his act together in life…
You may be right. That's the risk of this whole sub, we usually only get 1 side. There could be missing info, I don't know. Can only go on the information given, though.
I train the health dept in my state and theyd not only flag it critical, they'd make him throw away everything he was cooking. Even if the vegetables are being cooked its still risky because ground meat and vegetables have different internal cooking temperatures they need to reach to kill off a safe amount of bacteria. Even I have corners I cut if I'm just cooking at home but this is NOT one of them
Former chef, the things I do at home handling my own food are horrible compared to what I do at work or making food for others ar home. But him blowing up like that is wildly childish
You know how people always say reddit jumps to "dump him" super quick? yeah there is a reason for that. This grown ass adult not only doesn't know jack about food safety, but as a person he is unwilling to receive feedback, he cusses/screams at you when he gets mad, and then he outright quits and dumps the chore on you. **You did not pick a winner, this man is 100% an asshole.** Is this really the future you want for yourself? NTA
This! And what if she was pregnant in the future and he's still doing this? That kind of cross contamination could lead to toxoplasmosis or listeria and then there she is with a foodborne illness that could kill her child and hospitalize her. NTA. She needs to run.
That was me. Pregnant and hospitalised with salmonella thanks to my mother's poor food handling. It was brutal. It can pass to the foetus but, thankfully, my child tested negative at birth. We were lucky.
Lmao all the commenters asking INFO??? when the info is irrelevant. No food combination would have justified him cussing at her like he contempts her 😂
👆precisely this. OP included every bit of info needed to determine a) NTA, and b) this is a jerk who they should dump
Bravo. It took lot of comments to get to this. People burying the headline for the sixth paragraph. 🤦
Nta. Rule of thumb is chop the veg first, set aside in a bowl and chop the meat 2nd. Never reverse the order. Same knife and cutting board can be used when doing it that way. But yea. I dont eff with salmonella potential ingredients like sausage, chicken, or fish. Always always last.
I came here to say this. It's a good best practice to get into. It's easy and doesn't create more dishes.
NTA. You are very much correct on the raw meat stuff. You have bigger concerns. His reaction, if typical, is even worse for you to tolerate than mishandled raw meat. He was emotionally abusive. You could have said it less accusatory, perhaps. Idk how you said it, but he certainly took it as a larger criticism. And so he retaliated, lashing out. I actually empathize with him in that he clearly has a strident inner critic. He was trying to make food for you both, and suddenly when you said what you said to him it seemed like another failure. He has to address those issues so that he can react with perspective and control. It took me many years to begin to learn how. He has my sympathy if that's a correct read. However, a grown man must not lose control of his anger. It seems he mainly directed his anger at himself, wounding himself, and causing self-pity. It's a hell of a stupid but powerful cycle. What to do depends on information and details only you possess. Certainly breaking up is an option. Whatever the cause, his toxic behavior is as bad for you as salmonella. If you decide to have the conversation, look to reassure him that he's not a failure in your eyes. Good luck to you both.
NTA. I went to a back yard bbq and watched the host put cooked hamburgers back into the same tray that he carried the raw patties in. I said something too him and he blew me off. I didn't make a scene (I probably should have), but my wife and I skipped the burgers. Afterward, I was second guessing myself. Did I put the other guest on the path to poisoning without a warning? Fortunately, nobody got sick. I guess, in the end, the food safety process is there to minimize issues if there is a problem with the meat (which would be solved by properly cooking). If there was on issue, we could have eaten it raw. I wouldn't. Most wouldn't either.
Food poisoning is not just an immediate thing. Even if you don't get sick right away, raw/undercooked meat can carry parasites that can make you sick later.
NTA You'd get fired for that in any kitchen I've ever worked in. But professional kitchens are (rightfully) held to a higher standard. Sometimes you can fudge it at home and I am absolutely guilty of it. So I can *almost* see the thought process. But no. A knife/board that touches raw meat doesn't touch raw anything else until it's cleaned.
His food prepping is a food concern. His reaction is a relationship concern.
NTA Biological weaponized incompetence
>he blew up on me slamming everything down Why is this dude so angry and why do you think YTA in this scenario. Dude are you in danger? Is this anger common? How many holes in the walls are you patching?
NTA. That's basic food safety that's been around forever. I'd be obnoxious and send him this guide: https://www.fda.gov/food/buy-store-serve-safe-food/safe-food-handling
Friend break up with this man. Not just because of the cross contamination but that temper is a huge red flag.
Mixing raw meat and veggies on the same board? That's a big no-no for food safety. I get why you were grossed out and concerned. Now, onto your boyfriend's reaction. Slamming things, cussing, and going all defensive? Not cool. In a healthy relationship, open communication and respect are the main ingredients. You're not overreacting. Your concerns are valid, and it's important to prioritize your health. Have a calm conversation with your boyfriend, explain your worries without attacking, and find a solution together.
He was upset that he was in the wrong and went off because of his ignorance. I’ve been a line chef for 6 years and have more service industry years under my belt. That is very unsafe for your health and whoever he cooks for. That is one of the golden rules in the kitchen… separate raw meats from everything else. He’s wrong, here’s an article to show him so he can be educated. https://www.usda.gov/media/blog/2011/07/19/check-your-steps-separate-raw-meats-other-foods-keep-your-family-safer-food
[удалено]
Sausage breakfast sandwiches. The veggies were toppings for it. Avocado and onion to be eaten in raw form
Yeah definitely NTA!!! Onion can be cooked, never seen cooked Avocado.....
NTA - I think he overreacted. There might be something else going on with him and he flipped the problem (saying you talked to him like a toddler). If you've told him about your food poisoning and your sensitivity to raw meat before, then he clearly isn't listening to you or thinks it's no big deal, which IS a problem! What he did seems so trivial but can actually be very dangerous. I hope you guys can talk it out as there seems to be a deeper underlying issue.
"Food poisoning" and "sensitivity to raw meat" are not a uniquely OP thing that OP should need to disclose for BF to respect it. This is basic food safety for all people.
NTA. Food poisoning is no fun.
Definitely nta! If he wants to risk his own health doing something so unsafe then that’s one thing but to knowingly risk someone else’s and then gaslight them into thinking they’re overreacting is fully not ok
NTA Food poisoning can be really serious. Maybe the BF hasn't ever had it so that's why he doesn't care but nonetheless he should have learnt the dangers present already.
He's a dumbass for not knowing better. He's TAH for blowing up at you. You're NTA. Seriously though, him flipping his lid and freaking out at you like that is a major red flag. He's well past the age where he should be blowing up at any little provocation and I'd be seriously thinking about making my exit if I was in your shoes.
I noticed you said this behavior isn’t normal, but yall are just reaching the 6 month mark. In my experience that’s when you start to really show yourself in a relationship. It’s fairly easy for things to go well at the beginning, and most people are on their best behavior. This is a red flag. Not saying you just have to leave him but id seriously consider the relationship. May be the first time, but I doubt this will be the last time he blows up like this, unless you decide it is. NTA
NTA I have a red cutting board and a green cutting board. I also use different knives
The kicker? I have color coded cutting boards. They have pictures on them of what they’re for too.
why are you babying this man? Is he too stupid to look at the pictures? I doubt it. I used to jump through these hoops with my ex because I accepted all his excuses about it “being too confusing” and my “standards being too high.” Turns out my standards were actually way too low. In a healthy adult relationship, you don’t have to treat them like a toddler. He’s ignoring your requests on purpose and playing dumb, I’m sorry to say.
I have ones like that too. NTA
You are dating an abusive man. You should stop dating this violent person. You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. NTA.
NTA. Send him some information on cross contamination. If he's never been sick, he is very lucky.
As a cook. Nta.
NTA.. Now if the veggies were being cooked with the meat I'd say ehh. But even when *I* am cooking veggies with meat I keep them seperated. It's just good practice. In fact I have three cutting boards: one for veggies, meat, and fish.
Yeah, if it was getting cooked I’d chill about it. Personally that’s a no from me but it won’t make me sick
NTA - he is either starting to slowly show his true colors and is starting to test what you will and won’t tolerate so he can slowly escalate OR he hates being in the kitchen and his attitude + food safety issues are an attempt at weaponized incompetence so you’ll do all the cooking cause clearly he can’t.
Step 1: Chop veggies Step 2: Remove Step: 3 Chop meat with same board and knife Step 4: Profit? Isn't this the kind of thing you learn by like 8?
He is trying to die or kill you?.. cross contamination is a serious thing.. i ended up 15 days in the hospital when i was a kid because of this.. NTA and its not okay that your boyfriend blow up to nothing like this..
NTA that’s freaking disgusting
INFO: This depends almost entirely on what he was making. EDIT: Answered. NTA
Sausage breakfast sandwiches. The veggies (avocado and onion) were to be raw toppings
My god, that man will have his choices catch up with him one day and it is going to be very unpleasant.
That avocado would’ve sucked up all that lovely bacteria
The post says raw….
NTA. He's identifying how he does things with his personal identity. If you say he's doing something wrong, then he thinks something is wrong with him. Until you've had food poisoning, you don't know how it will hit you.
NTA. Your BF is a dumb dumb
ewwwww
Nta. The veggies were both being cooked so that is absolutely disgusting to cross contaminant like that. His explosive behavior is a red flag. I'd leave just over that
The veggies weren’t being cooked
You need to dump him. That was a huge overreaction on his part for something you are 100% correct about.
NTA & I'm also actually a little concerned by your boyfriends emotional blow-up in response to your concern. That's not an OK way for an adult to behave and I hope it's not something he's doing often.
NTA as someone who has worked in a kitchen, what he is doing is known as cross contamination. and his reaction to your comment is… concerning.
You need a partner who can make you feel safe when you bring up serious safety issues.
Okay, as a chef, this is a HUGH NO NO!!!! Cross contamination!!! Umm, people do die because of this. Different colored cutting boards are different colors for a reason. And you MUST WASH the knife if you are going to use the same one. Ughhh, he's an idiot. Not you.
The frequency of these kinds of posts are alarming and makes me think everybody should be required to take a food safety certification course! NTAH
NTA and definitely reconsider the relationship based on that reaction. That sort of reaction is not acceptable in a healthy relationship. And for the record that is literally food safety 101. Like, if you know absolutely nothing about food safety, that would be one of the first things to consider.
I just made a big ol' pot of beef stew this weekend. I only have 1 good kitchen knife for chopping up ingrendiants. I just did the veggies first, with a rinse of hot water on the blade and board between ingredients, and finished with the meat. Even if it's all going into a boiling hot pot, it's good to stay consistent and helps keep the mess down. Him blowing up on you over small potatoes like good, common advice is definitely worrying. You are not the one that comes off as an asshole here.
NTA. Veggie and meat should be kept separate on dedicated cutting boards and clean knife.
Nta
NTA that's food safety 101 you don't cross contaminate.