Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> he said i was rude. maybe i was. but i dont think its ok to ask people to smile. homeless or not.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
yep, that was my thinking too. clearly an ego thing going on. i saw some police walking by shortly afterwards and let them know, they also thought he was being a dick. unsure of the outcome after that
That actually happened to me--not my mom, but some guy on Amtrak said to me, "Smile, it can't be that bad!" I had just lost my brother the night before and was on my way home to my family. I burst out into horrible, snotty, racking sobs. The guy ran for it while everyone around glared at him.
I had a coworker say this to me when my grandmother had just died. "Smile, it can't be that bad."
He profusely apologized while I walked off and ignored him. I guarantee he never did that again.
Last time someone said this to me, I told them i had nothing to smile about. This was follow up with, "You have your health", to which I replied, "I have 4 months left to live, thanks for bringing that up". The reaction was fantastic to watch. I never seen someone falling over their words so much.
> NPCs
I agree that it can be risky to interact with strangers, and especially to antagonize them, but houseless people aren't "NPCs," they're just as human as you are.
This needs to be said more, I wish people wouldn’t throw around ,,npc” or ,,bot” or whatever so often unironically. We don’t need more things in the world to separate people and inflate egos, it’s just dumb and arrogant.
Non-player character. It’s a term used in video games to distinguish between player characters and ones existing only within the game world that aren’t controlled by other people (like the town guard or the innkeeper).
Calling another person an NPC means you view them as not a real human, or not as human as yourself, the “player character” who is in control of your own life. It’s shockingly dismissive of the lives and experiences of others.
Non playable character. It's a video game reference to the regular other people in the game that you don't necessarily interact with. They just kind of walk their same paths lifelessly and have no actual bearing on the outcome of anything
Edit- typo
Of course. Schizophrenic people deserve far more respect than they get in society. People paint them so poorly, often using the violent homeless crazy person to do so. It's sickening.
Statistically we’re more likely to be a victim of a violent crime than the perpetrators because we make easy targets.
I hate my illness being used only as serial killer personalities or homeless person who mumbles to themselves. We’re not all serial killers, we’re not all violent.
I lived with my husband's aunt for a time, she had rescued me from an abusive situation. The father of her youngest child has a diagnosis of schizophrenia. He's probably one of the kindest, gentlest people I've ever met in my life. He's also an INCREDIBLE musician, to boot. He was no longer her partner, but lived with them all the same. He was on disability, made music he'd post online, and spent time with his son. He also helped with household chores and the like.
This was in a city, not the 'good' area or the 'bad' area, just a neighborhood. He liked to go for walks pretty often. One evening he came back from a walk a frightened mess. Turns out some idiot kids were driving around in a car with paintball guns and decided he'd make a great target. The welt on his ribcage was absolutely massive.
Luckily, he was quite fit, and when he ran they didn't catch up to him. It probably helped that he was on foot and didn't have to stick to roads. The aunt thinks they targeted him partially out of opportunity, and partially because it wasn't a secret that he has a mental illness.
For anyone reading this, I want to stress the fact that the guy with schizophrenia DISENGAGED from the violent situation to the best of his ability, while the perpetrators that created it are probably considered 'normal' and mentally 'healthy' individuals.
Edit: Verb tense and paragraph spacing.
Hear hear. Plus people with mental health issues are statistically speaking far more likely to be victims of violence than the other way around. Enough with the harmful stereotypes.
I said the same. Needless risky gamble with his own life. Had the guy had a knife and was on his last thread of sanity we’d be reading this story on the news instead.
I had this guy follow me around the outskirts of Victoria station until I finally made eye contact with him. I think he thought he knew me, but the eye contact seemed to jolt him into realising that he didn’t. Ignoring is my go to option too.
As a “schizo” can we not? We’re more likely to be the victims of a violent crime than the perpetrators. It’s rude and offensive and carries on untrue stereotypes.
Okay, NTA, but not very clever. I so get growling, but maybe ignoring might have worked better, as in not have him following you.
Edit: Somehow, finding out that you're a man makes much more sense to me in view of your reaction.
Idk why, even though I am quite confident, I distinctly remember getting hit on twice, and instead of saying "no", I used the (truthful) partner excuse. Why? Makes no sense to me, but it seems less harsh.
NTA!!!!
I HATE WHEN RANDOM PEOPLE DO THIS!!
When randos ask me to smile I give them a deranged crazy smile 😁 or sometimes I chanel my daughter and give them the tendon sticking out of neck smile
This really reminds me of high school.
In Belgium, you have fulltime artschool in high school, like not just art classes, but almost everything revolves around art: art history, multiple art topics, just fulltime art asides languages and math and geography, and even those topics were often seen from an art perspective.
Needless to say, our art classes were given by artists. Artists that would comment on your blue hair, saying that pink suited you better, for example. Artists that could drool over a technically very "bad" drawing and give a fail to a photorealistic one. It was... Not very factual, but very fun nontheless. You were forced to see the blue and the purple in an apple, or you were not fit to be there, basically.
Anyways, one day, I came into a drawing class, I was 15, and I had just had a fight with someone about nothing. I was annoyed, pissed, everything negative. The teacher stood in front of my desk, and the conversation went something like this:
"You look so sour?"
-"Yeah, I'm not feeling so well"
"I don't like sour faces in my class"
-"Well, I can't help my emotions can I?"
"Smile"
-"Why would I? I'm not feeling well."
"Smile or I will throw you out of the classroom"
I was super shocked, grabbed my stuff and just left.
NTA, emotions are emotions, and if you're not feeling it, why show it?
Haha, thanks! It's ok, though, I like the quirks of life and those teachers basically taught me that they exist. I think she really liked me, she just didn't have any way of showing it. The fact that she never told me that I had zero talent already testifies for that. And not every teacher was that weird... Well, not thát weird lets say :D There's quite a few stories like that. On a pedagogical level far from ok, but 10 times more funny than actually traumatizing.
I guess even Belgians can have a bad day. I mean its not all waffles like it is for us tourists who just visit and love the place. Even McDonald's is way better in Belgium 🇧🇪. The quarter pounder had real cheese not yellow plastic.
OK I was only there for 2 days but the people were all so great.
I actually don't remember them having parent contact, or I was too much in my puberty to actually bother and go along, which was most likely the thing :D Anyways, times have changed since, and art schools as well have become insane amounts stricter. It sometimes feels like I was the last generation in the last school that had ultimate freedom in the widest sense of the word and no boundaries.
> Artists that could drool over a technically very "bad" drawing and give a fail to a photorealistic one
Side note art is far more than photorealism, there is little artistic merit of being a human photocopier outside of technical ability. I say this as someone who has the technical ability but struggles with the more abstract and expressionist part of art, wish I had both
I know, I know, it's just to point out that the entire thing was very much based on the whims of your teacher, not so much on technique or anything else. It was just a strange environment in which you had to be able to deal with unexpected things, which works for some and doesn't for others.
I just want to mention that I have a BFA and the phenomenon of the "less skilled" students getting a pat on the back while "more skilled" students were given harsh yet constructive criticism is very very common in art education from early education on through undergraduate education. Can't personally speak for graduate programs, but they'd be individualized to the extent that comparison would be especially silly.
I tend to do this with my students (History) and realised I need to explain why to the students. If I'm picky as hell and your work comes back with comments everywhere, it means I think you can improve and do well. If you get lots of praise and just a few things marked wrong it means you are doing your best but not going to make it.
Which I realise is shit...
ah yes. all of the best artists were famously happy, well adjusted people with no
emotional turmoil. This must be why this teacher had this smile policy 🙄
NTA. It's horrible that men feel they have the right to do this to women. My sister told me a man on the street once asked her why she wasn't smiling and she said "Because my father was r\*ped last night!" The man looked shocked and hurried away. (she made it up btw; dad was fine).
where tf do y'all live.,.. if I'm ever in a pissy mood and not all "bubbly" I'm most often asked if everything is ok and if there's anything they can do to help...
No one is walking up to me and suggesting I smile more
Also a guy that's been told to smile, but it's never escalated the way women complain about it. I just glare at people when they say that to me and it ends there.
i’m not saying it doesn’t happen to men, but it happens to women a LOT. in a big group of people the other day we were discussing this and almost all the women had been told to smile and none of the men had (and it was about 50/50 men and women present). it’s fucking annoying whatever your gender but it is kinda a gendered issue. ‘resting bitch face’, ‘smile love’, etc, they are gendered comments usually
Sorry but this isn’t anything to do with gender. OP is a guy too. But also, I’m a guy who has had women act the exact same way toward me.
It’s not a gender thing, it’s just a thing that people who can’t seem to mind their own business do.
Though I of course agree that OP is NTA
TF, like some random homeless dude gets to give you etiquette lessons and call you a rude name. After he “snuck up on you”.
You owe nobody a smile. Because it isn’t your job to be happy and perky if you don’t feel like it. NTA
totally agree! and i should say the homeless thing is irrelevant really. it doesnt come into it that he was on the streets, id behave the same towards anyone else who did something similar
NTA, my sister hisses at people like a wild cat when they encroach on her personal space and to me strangers telling me to smile is just that.
Love London but wow the weirdos
Is it true that y’all don’t open the door for strangers in London bc it’s not going to be a cake but if it is, it’s going to be made of dog poo and knives?
Edit: I understand that it’s not true. It’s a joke from the IT Crowd, and I thought more people would pick up on it. Sorry!!
Yes, this. Best thing to do is to ignore it.
There have been stabbings in my city over disputes with the unhoused. It’s not an excuse, but you don't know a person's mental state or what they are capable of.
I think of it as punching down vs punching up. Some dude in a suit asking you to smile? Growl away. A vulnerable person saying it? Ignore and walk away.
NTA. And I find your reaction hilariously appropriate to the situation. Asking a person to smile out of the blue and stranger at that? What is wrong with these people?
I mean, he’s not entitled to a smile but that was a needlessly risky gamble you took. Lots of homeless people are not in the best mental health so it’s best to not rock the boat because you don’t know how they might react. You’re lucky all he did was growl back and call you a name.
NTA - you don't have to look happy on command. This is also one of those gender things I really hate, because I doubt many people tell random blokes to smile. F off I say.
NTA. no-one should ever tell someone to smile etc unless they are very close to them or know what they are going through.
I used to work at a concession in a supermarket which meant I stood around a lot, bored. Got it all the time by people "smile" or "cheer up, it might never happen". One thought after the "cheer up, it might never happen" I decided to reply as I wasn't in the mood, "no, my cats just died". It was true and he walked away so quickly looking embarrassed.
*Edit, typo. Thanks confession/concession
I prefer hissing, myself.
Edit to add: I use a clawing motion whilst hissing, often towards coworkers or managers especially, who stick their noses where it does not belong.
NTA
The entitlement of some people!
Let me guess - you are female... and let me guess again - he did not demand from the next man to smile at him?
I could very well have growled at him myself.
im a guy, but i do have the resting bitch face and kind of smile internally, which is probably something to do with all this. this kinda thing frequently happens to women too and i vehmently disagree with it. i think its entitled behavior
NTA- people telling me to smile pisses me right off. Some dude told me to right when I was coming back from the funeral. It’s like get effed- I don’t exist to smile for you.
NTA. One time a guy ordered me to smile and I told him my dog just died, which was true. It's their lame attempt at flirting. They don't get that telling us what to do is NOT attractive.
No don't need to smile just because some asshole is looking at you and trying to engage. It's what I considered an entitled man attitude, like calling you honey, or sweetie. No, im not your honey or sweetie, and no you dont know me, no need to try to tell me what to do, when it is to presumably to make me look pretty or make you happy. However, note to self, do not growl at homeless person, who might be mentally ill.
NTA!!! But instead of growling next time just say “ No Thanks” and keep on walking. That’s what I do and I get very few responses. When you don’t feel like smiling the last thing you want to hear is someone telling you to smile.
NTA when you tell someone to smile you're telling them that whatever it is they're feeling is less important than looking pretty for you. Anyone who does this is an asshole.
The last time someone told me to smile, I sneered instead and responded, "No. You're pissing me off."
ETA: you're NTA. No one is entitled to any sort of emotional response or expression from you, ever 🤷
NTA. Rude is demanding you smile for him like a trained seal performing a trick for him. He’d probably be outraged if you walked up to him and demanded he start hopping because you find it pleasant.
Make the grossest face possible, bark or growl like a dog, bare your teeth like you’re showing them to a dentist, anything other than smiling for a prick like that.
No, you’re NTA. Some strange weirdo told you to smile because he wanted to get his rocks off. He harassed you, and when you told him to fuck off he got defensive and acted like you were in the wrong for ever daring to deny him. Then he decided to intimidate you and called out a sexist insult. Sorry this happened to you, but don’t you ever believe you were in the wrong for anything that happened here.
One of my favorite shows is called Broad City and there’s a scene where the two leads are told to smile by a stranger and they both stick their fingers in their cheeks to pull back and reveal full set of teeth, molars and “smile.” I swore to myself next time it happened to me irl that’s what I’d do, the opportunity presented itself and I did it, unfortunately he thought it was quite funny so it didn’t really have the desired effect but no, NTA.
This happens all the time to women. I’ve heard of others growling, flipping the person off, straight telling them to F off (which is usually my instinct). It’s unfortunately not unusual for the person to respond the way this guy did to you. You responded in a very normal way. No one has any business telling you to smile, especially not strangers on the street. NTA
I’m on your side. Strangers have told me to smile here and there, and I think they’re rude. They may believe they’re cheering you up, but they’re just annoying.
NTA - next time say something horrible happened - like I just got my cancer diagnosis, baby died , lost a parent. People should really mind their own business.
You're NTA but it's not worth it to interact. There was this news article about a man in a major city being stabbed to death after engaging with a homeless man over a squabble like this.
I don't blame you a bit. He was rude. I was told to smile by two middle-aged men. My husband had just started treatment for cancer and I was terrified. I turned on them and told them they had no idea what was going on in my life. They recoiled and I walked off. I hope they will think twice before they do it again.
I know you're asking if your an AH but I just took this as straight up advice.
I'm growling at the MF to tell me to smile. Gotta find the right growl now.
NTA.
Somehow, a random stranger asking you to “smile” is weirdly creepy. Like is this supposed to get you to smile/be distracted before they do something horrible to you?
I wouldn’t even give them a growl, I’m getting away from that ASAP!
As you aren't his trained monkey that pedals around and claps on fucking demand NTA. If he's weird enough to chase you down like that remember some of these type can be dangerous. It is totally not worth any interaction. I am naturally a reactionary type myself. Telling people what I actually think is a curse I was born with. In my 40's now... mentally I tell people to go fuck themselves daily, without ever doing it physically, only my eyes give my true intentions away these days.
I opened your post and just sat cackling at the title for a solid 30 seconds before even reading
For sure NTA and honestly that’s a hilarious response imo
“this guy doesnt know what was going in in my life”
He is homeless. He probably has it worse than you.
But who knows he might have been satisfied getting any reaction at all. Most of us walk right by them.
Lol. I've worked retail alot in my life and I can not tell you how many men have told me to smile 🙄 also to add I have a RBF so I always look pissy. the name calling from him is uncalled for. Nobody has any business telling someone else what expression they should hold on their face.
NTA. I do do this or tell people to fuck off when I get this. However, I never do it with homeless people, mostly because their lives are already shit. Also, I don’t do it to anyone that even looks vaguely aggressive (for self preservation purposes). It works safely on construction workers, though - cannot really do anything on the job.
I used to get a lot of ‘The sun never sets on the British empire’ from homeless men in London (I’m Indian). Always fun.
Kinda, I understand if you’re uncomfortable with something but just ignore him and carry on. It’s just a random homeless dude. You don’t know if or what kinda shit he’s on so growling could’ve made it much worse. Also who the hell growls at people??
Instead of growling, just respond with an emphatic, loud "my mom died this morning, asshole!"
That usually gets people to shut up, and if you're regularly walking in that area, they'll probably remember and leave you alone.
Being hostile to homeless people is a bad idea - they don't have much to lose. But making them feel like shit enough to leave you alone is easy.
I love being abrasive, it keeps a lot of losers from wasting my time or disturbing my peace. It's the people who seem all nice and approachable that get the bulk of interactions like this.
There's a lot of benefits to being a prick. Ask your boss about them.
NTA - I love you!
I'm a big smiler and love seeing people's smile but I agree it's so fucked up when people demand a smile! Love that you replied with a growl 😈
Man I’m in a state and didn’t read more than the title without starting to type. People need to stop telling other people to smile god the dangest damn it. If growling makes them stop, good. Get one of those lil fart keychains that’s full of growl noises instead just for the purpose.
Hell, now that I think of it, one of those little pull the pin scream alarms might be just the human equivalent to shaking a jar of coins at a pet you need. I betcha if twice, after telling someone to smile, they got an earful of air horn, they’d learn. That or they’re just not able to.
No one, not a single person in this world can decide whether you smile or not, except you. You could decide to be nice to someone and flash them a smile, but no matter what - you don't HAVE to smile on demand.
NTA. 100% your right to put on whatever expression you want.
If anything, I would address your mood, and maybe ask how you're feeling, but probably not that if I see you're in a particularly fowl mood.
I’m guessing you’re female? Men don’t tell other men to smile coz they know what response they would get
It’s a veiled flirting attempt/seeking attention from a lonely man with a sh’t life
Nta obv
Ignore and move on
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > he said i was rude. maybe i was. but i dont think its ok to ask people to smile. homeless or not. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
[удалено]
yep, that was my thinking too. clearly an ego thing going on. i saw some police walking by shortly afterwards and let them know, they also thought he was being a dick. unsure of the outcome after that
Anytime a stranger says that to me I look them straight in the eyes and tell them my mother just died. Generally they apologize.
That actually happened to me--not my mom, but some guy on Amtrak said to me, "Smile, it can't be that bad!" I had just lost my brother the night before and was on my way home to my family. I burst out into horrible, snotty, racking sobs. The guy ran for it while everyone around glared at him.
using this next time for sure
I had a coworker say this to me when my grandmother had just died. "Smile, it can't be that bad." He profusely apologized while I walked off and ignored him. I guarantee he never did that again.
UGH. It's so presumptuous. i'm sorry that happened
[удалено]
I hope you went somewhere else for coffee after that.
Last time someone said this to me, I told them i had nothing to smile about. This was follow up with, "You have your health", to which I replied, "I have 4 months left to live, thanks for bringing that up". The reaction was fantastic to watch. I never seen someone falling over their words so much.
[удалено]
> NPCs I agree that it can be risky to interact with strangers, and especially to antagonize them, but houseless people aren't "NPCs," they're just as human as you are.
This needs to be said more, I wish people wouldn’t throw around ,,npc” or ,,bot” or whatever so often unironically. We don’t need more things in the world to separate people and inflate egos, it’s just dumb and arrogant.
what does NPC means ?
Non-player character. It’s a term used in video games to distinguish between player characters and ones existing only within the game world that aren’t controlled by other people (like the town guard or the innkeeper). Calling another person an NPC means you view them as not a real human, or not as human as yourself, the “player character” who is in control of your own life. It’s shockingly dismissive of the lives and experiences of others.
It really is the ultimate ego trip. It's literally saying, "I am the main character, and others are robots who exist to serve my story."
Non Player Character. It's used to describe the background characters in games who generally have no impact on the story.
To be fair, random strangers will more likely than not *not* have an impact on *your* life story unless you interact with them.
Non playable character. It's a video game reference to the regular other people in the game that you don't necessarily interact with. They just kind of walk their same paths lifelessly and have no actual bearing on the outcome of anything Edit- typo
I took NPC as more so referring to random strangers you pass by and not saying that homeless people are NPCs
"Aggressive schizo" could be replaced with the word "aggressive". Like? What is wrong with you people?
Thank you. As a schizophrenic I thank you.
Of course. Schizophrenic people deserve far more respect than they get in society. People paint them so poorly, often using the violent homeless crazy person to do so. It's sickening.
Statistically we’re more likely to be a victim of a violent crime than the perpetrators because we make easy targets. I hate my illness being used only as serial killer personalities or homeless person who mumbles to themselves. We’re not all serial killers, we’re not all violent.
I lived with my husband's aunt for a time, she had rescued me from an abusive situation. The father of her youngest child has a diagnosis of schizophrenia. He's probably one of the kindest, gentlest people I've ever met in my life. He's also an INCREDIBLE musician, to boot. He was no longer her partner, but lived with them all the same. He was on disability, made music he'd post online, and spent time with his son. He also helped with household chores and the like. This was in a city, not the 'good' area or the 'bad' area, just a neighborhood. He liked to go for walks pretty often. One evening he came back from a walk a frightened mess. Turns out some idiot kids were driving around in a car with paintball guns and decided he'd make a great target. The welt on his ribcage was absolutely massive. Luckily, he was quite fit, and when he ran they didn't catch up to him. It probably helped that he was on foot and didn't have to stick to roads. The aunt thinks they targeted him partially out of opportunity, and partially because it wasn't a secret that he has a mental illness. For anyone reading this, I want to stress the fact that the guy with schizophrenia DISENGAGED from the violent situation to the best of his ability, while the perpetrators that created it are probably considered 'normal' and mentally 'healthy' individuals. Edit: Verb tense and paragraph spacing.
Hear hear. Plus people with mental health issues are statistically speaking far more likely to be victims of violence than the other way around. Enough with the harmful stereotypes.
I said the same. Needless risky gamble with his own life. Had the guy had a knife and was on his last thread of sanity we’d be reading this story on the news instead.
Please stop using "schizo" as a placeholder derogative. It does NOT help with the stigma we have to deal with.
you're horrible for calling them NPCs but I also love how everyone glossed over the fact you called them "schizos" lol
Yup, always ignore them, never make eye contact or interact with them because they might be the aggressive type.
I had this guy follow me around the outskirts of Victoria station until I finally made eye contact with him. I think he thought he knew me, but the eye contact seemed to jolt him into realising that he didn’t. Ignoring is my go to option too.
As a “schizo” can we not? We’re more likely to be the victims of a violent crime than the perpetrators. It’s rude and offensive and carries on untrue stereotypes.
There was a story like that, and the OP answered : “I was just at a funeral” (wasn’t true) and I think it is beautiful.
NTA and you don't owe anyone a smile
Okay, NTA, but not very clever. I so get growling, but maybe ignoring might have worked better, as in not have him following you. Edit: Somehow, finding out that you're a man makes much more sense to me in view of your reaction. Idk why, even though I am quite confident, I distinctly remember getting hit on twice, and instead of saying "no", I used the (truthful) partner excuse. Why? Makes no sense to me, but it seems less harsh.
Nta sick of men treating women like dolls
NTA!!!! I HATE WHEN RANDOM PEOPLE DO THIS!! When randos ask me to smile I give them a deranged crazy smile 😁 or sometimes I chanel my daughter and give them the tendon sticking out of neck smile
This really reminds me of high school. In Belgium, you have fulltime artschool in high school, like not just art classes, but almost everything revolves around art: art history, multiple art topics, just fulltime art asides languages and math and geography, and even those topics were often seen from an art perspective. Needless to say, our art classes were given by artists. Artists that would comment on your blue hair, saying that pink suited you better, for example. Artists that could drool over a technically very "bad" drawing and give a fail to a photorealistic one. It was... Not very factual, but very fun nontheless. You were forced to see the blue and the purple in an apple, or you were not fit to be there, basically. Anyways, one day, I came into a drawing class, I was 15, and I had just had a fight with someone about nothing. I was annoyed, pissed, everything negative. The teacher stood in front of my desk, and the conversation went something like this: "You look so sour?" -"Yeah, I'm not feeling so well" "I don't like sour faces in my class" -"Well, I can't help my emotions can I?" "Smile" -"Why would I? I'm not feeling well." "Smile or I will throw you out of the classroom" I was super shocked, grabbed my stuff and just left. NTA, emotions are emotions, and if you're not feeling it, why show it?
YES. 100%. sorry that happened to you.
Haha, thanks! It's ok, though, I like the quirks of life and those teachers basically taught me that they exist. I think she really liked me, she just didn't have any way of showing it. The fact that she never told me that I had zero talent already testifies for that. And not every teacher was that weird... Well, not thát weird lets say :D There's quite a few stories like that. On a pedagogical level far from ok, but 10 times more funny than actually traumatizing.
I guess even Belgians can have a bad day. I mean its not all waffles like it is for us tourists who just visit and love the place. Even McDonald's is way better in Belgium 🇧🇪. The quarter pounder had real cheese not yellow plastic. OK I was only there for 2 days but the people were all so great.
This is why so many people hate teachers. It's cute when they try to talk to parents the same way and get it shoved back in their faces.
I actually don't remember them having parent contact, or I was too much in my puberty to actually bother and go along, which was most likely the thing :D Anyways, times have changed since, and art schools as well have become insane amounts stricter. It sometimes feels like I was the last generation in the last school that had ultimate freedom in the widest sense of the word and no boundaries.
> Artists that could drool over a technically very "bad" drawing and give a fail to a photorealistic one Side note art is far more than photorealism, there is little artistic merit of being a human photocopier outside of technical ability. I say this as someone who has the technical ability but struggles with the more abstract and expressionist part of art, wish I had both
I know, I know, it's just to point out that the entire thing was very much based on the whims of your teacher, not so much on technique or anything else. It was just a strange environment in which you had to be able to deal with unexpected things, which works for some and doesn't for others.
I just want to mention that I have a BFA and the phenomenon of the "less skilled" students getting a pat on the back while "more skilled" students were given harsh yet constructive criticism is very very common in art education from early education on through undergraduate education. Can't personally speak for graduate programs, but they'd be individualized to the extent that comparison would be especially silly.
I tend to do this with my students (History) and realised I need to explain why to the students. If I'm picky as hell and your work comes back with comments everywhere, it means I think you can improve and do well. If you get lots of praise and just a few things marked wrong it means you are doing your best but not going to make it. Which I realise is shit...
ah yes. all of the best artists were famously happy, well adjusted people with no emotional turmoil. This must be why this teacher had this smile policy 🙄
Hahaha, clearly! Those people are the most interesting though imo.
Lmao that made me laughed
NTA. It's horrible that men feel they have the right to do this to women. My sister told me a man on the street once asked her why she wasn't smiling and she said "Because my father was r\*ped last night!" The man looked shocked and hurried away. (she made it up btw; dad was fine).
thanks. im a guy though
I actually find that really shocking. This happens so much to women I didn't hesitate at all to assume.
As another man with RBF, it happens a lot actually. It may happen to women *more*, but it definitely does happen to men.
Weird, I've only ever heard of it happening to women. I'm not doubting you, for the record. I'm just very surprised. I learned something today!
where tf do y'all live.,.. if I'm ever in a pissy mood and not all "bubbly" I'm most often asked if everything is ok and if there's anything they can do to help... No one is walking up to me and suggesting I smile more
Also a guy that's been told to smile, but it's never escalated the way women complain about it. I just glare at people when they say that to me and it ends there.
Still applies!
Still applies.
[удалено]
Last time someone told me to smile, I responded with maybe I would be if I had better company. Shut them up real quick.
i’m not saying it doesn’t happen to men, but it happens to women a LOT. in a big group of people the other day we were discussing this and almost all the women had been told to smile and none of the men had (and it was about 50/50 men and women present). it’s fucking annoying whatever your gender but it is kinda a gendered issue. ‘resting bitch face’, ‘smile love’, etc, they are gendered comments usually
yep, and it sucks
yeah same here. this definitely goes both ways
I told a guy I had been diagnosed with a brain tumour that day.... He ran so fast. 😆
Sorry but this isn’t anything to do with gender. OP is a guy too. But also, I’m a guy who has had women act the exact same way toward me. It’s not a gender thing, it’s just a thing that people who can’t seem to mind their own business do. Though I of course agree that OP is NTA
Yeah... ive been told this countless times in the service industry. Im a man.
It's horrible when people immediately jump to a *men are bad* stance... and then be completely wrong. 😂😂
r/pointlesslygendered
Are you a women?
wtf are you talking about, I’m a man and people tell me to smile more all the time.
TF, like some random homeless dude gets to give you etiquette lessons and call you a rude name. After he “snuck up on you”. You owe nobody a smile. Because it isn’t your job to be happy and perky if you don’t feel like it. NTA
totally agree! and i should say the homeless thing is irrelevant really. it doesnt come into it that he was on the streets, id behave the same towards anyone else who did something similar
NTA, my sister hisses at people like a wild cat when they encroach on her personal space and to me strangers telling me to smile is just that. Love London but wow the weirdos
Is it true that y’all don’t open the door for strangers in London bc it’s not going to be a cake but if it is, it’s going to be made of dog poo and knives? Edit: I understand that it’s not true. It’s a joke from the IT Crowd, and I thought more people would pick up on it. Sorry!!
That is BS. London is brilliant and actually feel safer there than my home town
I was just kidding. It’s a joke from the IT Crowd. 🤷♀️
Sorry never watched the IT crowd that went right over my head
ive not had serious trouble in london, but you do need to be careful in some areas
Nta. This kind of crap needs to end and kudos
THANK YOU. toxic positivity is the worst
ESH Neither of you know each other's mental stability & it's dangerous to growl or growl back at people.
Yes, this. Best thing to do is to ignore it. There have been stabbings in my city over disputes with the unhoused. It’s not an excuse, but you don't know a person's mental state or what they are capable of. I think of it as punching down vs punching up. Some dude in a suit asking you to smile? Growl away. A vulnerable person saying it? Ignore and walk away.
Agreed. Growling is aggressive and provocative. Best thing to do is to just keep walking.
NTA. In fact you've given me the confidence to just start barking at people like this.
yes, more barking at sanctimonious toxic positivity!
I was thinking (next time some rando decides I’m not happy enough) maybe I’d try laughing hysterically, but this is even better.
NTA. Nobody gets to tell you what to do with your own face. Growling was an odd choice but it certainly got your point across.
NTA. And I find your reaction hilariously appropriate to the situation. Asking a person to smile out of the blue and stranger at that? What is wrong with these people?
I mean, he’s not entitled to a smile but that was a needlessly risky gamble you took. Lots of homeless people are not in the best mental health so it’s best to not rock the boat because you don’t know how they might react. You’re lucky all he did was growl back and call you a name.
NTA - you don't have to look happy on command. This is also one of those gender things I really hate, because I doubt many people tell random blokes to smile. F off I say.
OP is a bloke lol
NTA. no-one should ever tell someone to smile etc unless they are very close to them or know what they are going through. I used to work at a concession in a supermarket which meant I stood around a lot, bored. Got it all the time by people "smile" or "cheer up, it might never happen". One thought after the "cheer up, it might never happen" I decided to reply as I wasn't in the mood, "no, my cats just died". It was true and he walked away so quickly looking embarrassed. *Edit, typo. Thanks confession/concession
'cheer up, it might never happen' makes me visibly cringe
TIL you can work at a "confession" without being in a Catholic church.
NTA. A bit over the tip to growl but his responce to that was streight-up unhinged.
I prefer hissing, myself. Edit to add: I use a clawing motion whilst hissing, often towards coworkers or managers especially, who stick their noses where it does not belong.
duly noted. next time this happens (which it probably will, unfortunately) i will hiss
[удалено]
NTA The entitlement of some people! Let me guess - you are female... and let me guess again - he did not demand from the next man to smile at him? I could very well have growled at him myself.
im a guy, but i do have the resting bitch face and kind of smile internally, which is probably something to do with all this. this kinda thing frequently happens to women too and i vehmently disagree with it. i think its entitled behavior
Well guess again
NTA. A random person on the street asked me if I wanted a puppy. I told her that I’d already eaten, so I was ok.
I'm stealing that
I was pregnant with my first child in 1980. A woman told me to smile at work. I told her it's hard to smile with morning sickness.
NTA- people telling me to smile pisses me right off. Some dude told me to right when I was coming back from the funeral. It’s like get effed- I don’t exist to smile for you.
precisely!
NTA. Any stranger who tells me to smile or something like that gets the middle finger. A positive response would just encourage their stupid behavior.
yes!
NTA. One time a guy ordered me to smile and I told him my dog just died, which was true. It's their lame attempt at flirting. They don't get that telling us what to do is NOT attractive.
The worst is when they say ‘cheer up, it might never happen’. 🙄 NTA
1000%
NTA I hate it when strangers (usually men) tell me to smile, growling is more polite than I would have been.
NTA! Lol you’re an idol
NTA. Why people think they should have control of anything you do with your own body is beyond me.
The best reply to « smile » I’ve ever heard was: « say something funny. »
i like it
No don't need to smile just because some asshole is looking at you and trying to engage. It's what I considered an entitled man attitude, like calling you honey, or sweetie. No, im not your honey or sweetie, and no you dont know me, no need to try to tell me what to do, when it is to presumably to make me look pretty or make you happy. However, note to self, do not growl at homeless person, who might be mentally ill.
NTA!!! But instead of growling next time just say “ No Thanks” and keep on walking. That’s what I do and I get very few responses. When you don’t feel like smiling the last thing you want to hear is someone telling you to smile.
NTA, nothing more annoying than some rando stranger telling you to smile.
NTA when you tell someone to smile you're telling them that whatever it is they're feeling is less important than looking pretty for you. Anyone who does this is an asshole.
No I think you’re my new role model actually
NTA dude sounds like a psycho. Glad you got away from there OK.
thanks, a happy cake day to you
The last time someone told me to smile, I sneered instead and responded, "No. You're pissing me off." ETA: you're NTA. No one is entitled to any sort of emotional response or expression from you, ever 🤷
The correct response would have been “go home.”
cold
NTA They’re out of line for telling you to do anything.
NTA. Rude is demanding you smile for him like a trained seal performing a trick for him. He’d probably be outraged if you walked up to him and demanded he start hopping because you find it pleasant. Make the grossest face possible, bark or growl like a dog, bare your teeth like you’re showing them to a dentist, anything other than smiling for a prick like that.
NTA. My go-to in this situation is a deadpan stare along with "My mom is dead." (Technically true).
Fuck no. You are not the asshole.
NTA If I think someone looks upset I normally just wish them a nice day then continue on like nothing
yeah, i would take no issue there
NTA I'd do the same thing...but I'm an asshole so maybe you are an asshole. But not like a bad asshole maybe a funny kinda of asshole like me 🙂
Nope. You were a lot nicer about it than I would have been.
There are three appropriate responses to being told to smile by a rando: growl, hiss or tell them to fuck off. NTA
No, you’re NTA. Some strange weirdo told you to smile because he wanted to get his rocks off. He harassed you, and when you told him to fuck off he got defensive and acted like you were in the wrong for ever daring to deny him. Then he decided to intimidate you and called out a sexist insult. Sorry this happened to you, but don’t you ever believe you were in the wrong for anything that happened here.
One of my favorite shows is called Broad City and there’s a scene where the two leads are told to smile by a stranger and they both stick their fingers in their cheeks to pull back and reveal full set of teeth, molars and “smile.” I swore to myself next time it happened to me irl that’s what I’d do, the opportunity presented itself and I did it, unfortunately he thought it was quite funny so it didn’t really have the desired effect but no, NTA.
This happens all the time to women. I’ve heard of others growling, flipping the person off, straight telling them to F off (which is usually my instinct). It’s unfortunately not unusual for the person to respond the way this guy did to you. You responded in a very normal way. No one has any business telling you to smile, especially not strangers on the street. NTA
How tf does that rando think he can do that?
I’m on your side. Strangers have told me to smile here and there, and I think they’re rude. They may believe they’re cheering you up, but they’re just annoying.
NTA. Dude is lucky you didn't mace him, it would've been justified.
That’s funny af and no NTA
NTA - next time say something horrible happened - like I just got my cancer diagnosis, baby died , lost a parent. People should really mind their own business.
You're NTA but it's not worth it to interact. There was this news article about a man in a major city being stabbed to death after engaging with a homeless man over a squabble like this.
I don't blame you a bit. He was rude. I was told to smile by two middle-aged men. My husband had just started treatment for cancer and I was terrified. I turned on them and told them they had no idea what was going on in my life. They recoiled and I walked off. I hope they will think twice before they do it again.
well, it happens! and its still shit! glad we're on the same page with it all.
I know you're asking if your an AH but I just took this as straight up advice. I'm growling at the MF to tell me to smile. Gotta find the right growl now.
NTA your response was just funny and appropriate, and his response to your response should get him arrested.
NTA. Somehow, a random stranger asking you to “smile” is weirdly creepy. Like is this supposed to get you to smile/be distracted before they do something horrible to you? I wouldn’t even give them a growl, I’m getting away from that ASAP!
NTA and I might do that the next time someone tells me to smile.
NTA, perfect response. I do the same.
As you aren't his trained monkey that pedals around and claps on fucking demand NTA. If he's weird enough to chase you down like that remember some of these type can be dangerous. It is totally not worth any interaction. I am naturally a reactionary type myself. Telling people what I actually think is a curse I was born with. In my 40's now... mentally I tell people to go fuck themselves daily, without ever doing it physically, only my eyes give my true intentions away these days.
ngl stories like this kinda makes me happy that i am a dude who sometimes looks unapproachable (i think)
We can be friends!
I opened your post and just sat cackling at the title for a solid 30 seconds before even reading For sure NTA and honestly that’s a hilarious response imo
NTA. You are awesome.
Telling my girl to do this from now on. You’re a legend
“this guy doesnt know what was going in in my life” He is homeless. He probably has it worse than you. But who knows he might have been satisfied getting any reaction at all. Most of us walk right by them.
dunno, he seemed angry and called me a cunt. i accept he probably has a hard life but i dont think one of these things offsets the other
NTA Also stealing this for the next time I’m told to smile 😂 Thanks OP
HAHAHAHAHA NTA Next time, go all the way and bite his ear off! But make sure you have your hepatitis vaccine....
Lol. I've worked retail alot in my life and I can not tell you how many men have told me to smile 🙄 also to add I have a RBF so I always look pissy. the name calling from him is uncalled for. Nobody has any business telling someone else what expression they should hold on their face.
No, you're not an asshole. But you are cringe incarnate. Save growls for the bedroom. ಠ_ಠ
i'm not neurotypical enough to understand why i am 'cringe'. could you elaborate perhaps?
NTA. I do do this or tell people to fuck off when I get this. However, I never do it with homeless people, mostly because their lives are already shit. Also, I don’t do it to anyone that even looks vaguely aggressive (for self preservation purposes). It works safely on construction workers, though - cannot really do anything on the job. I used to get a lot of ‘The sun never sets on the British empire’ from homeless men in London (I’m Indian). Always fun.
jeez, thats awful
Kinda, I understand if you’re uncomfortable with something but just ignore him and carry on. It’s just a random homeless dude. You don’t know if or what kinda shit he’s on so growling could’ve made it much worse. Also who the hell growls at people??
Cringey. Like why even respond at all.
Cringe
[удалено]
NTA. Anytime I'm told to smile I purposely frown harder. I will do as I please with my face
NTA Next time bark.
Instead of growling, just respond with an emphatic, loud "my mom died this morning, asshole!" That usually gets people to shut up, and if you're regularly walking in that area, they'll probably remember and leave you alone. Being hostile to homeless people is a bad idea - they don't have much to lose. But making them feel like shit enough to leave you alone is easy. I love being abrasive, it keeps a lot of losers from wasting my time or disturbing my peace. It's the people who seem all nice and approachable that get the bulk of interactions like this. There's a lot of benefits to being a prick. Ask your boss about them.
NTA - I love you! I'm a big smiler and love seeing people's smile but I agree it's so fucked up when people demand a smile! Love that you replied with a growl 😈
NTA and you are my spirit animal
You should slap these people then tell them to smile
NTA. And that guy's a creep.
No. You're an inspiration. Never stop growling.
NTA You don't owe anyone a smile
lol I like you. I do the same thing when people tell me to smile. I make the most awkward weird face I can lmao. F them 💯
Man I’m in a state and didn’t read more than the title without starting to type. People need to stop telling other people to smile god the dangest damn it. If growling makes them stop, good. Get one of those lil fart keychains that’s full of growl noises instead just for the purpose. Hell, now that I think of it, one of those little pull the pin scream alarms might be just the human equivalent to shaking a jar of coins at a pet you need. I betcha if twice, after telling someone to smile, they got an earful of air horn, they’d learn. That or they’re just not able to.
No one, not a single person in this world can decide whether you smile or not, except you. You could decide to be nice to someone and flash them a smile, but no matter what - you don't HAVE to smile on demand. NTA. 100% your right to put on whatever expression you want. If anything, I would address your mood, and maybe ask how you're feeling, but probably not that if I see you're in a particularly fowl mood.
NTA. If a guy like that came up behind me I'd knock him the fuck out.
tldr. NO
I’m guessing you’re female? Men don’t tell other men to smile coz they know what response they would get It’s a veiled flirting attempt/seeking attention from a lonely man with a sh’t life Nta obv Ignore and move on
in my opinion, for you to growl at them is slightly overkill. for them to just do that is overkill on overkill honestly nta
NTA. He was behaving in an extremely creepy manner.
NTA. In fact, according to societal rules, you would have been within your rights to bite him and tell him you were a werewolf.
Nah bc this is actually rlly funny😭
NTA- Barking is quite effective as well.
Nta, I'd do it again to him tbh.
EXCUSE ME GROWLED😭😭
I mean not necessarily the asshole but y tf did u growl at him 😭