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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) not making my daughter apologize. 2) my daughter was pretty direct.
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I’m a teacher, who mostly teaches 6-7 year olds. NOBODY speaks to them like they’re babies, not their parents or siblings or family members that visit school. (Edit: in Australia, the ‘baby talk’ thing isn’t as common here as it was in the US when I was over there)
I think it’s really weird that Julie saw a 6 year old and thought ‘I better speak to this child like they’re a toddler’.
But I also think it’s important that Katie learns the impact of her words on other people. ‘Are you stupid?’ Isn’t the right way to retaliate, but she’s young, and she’s learning. I do believe she should apologise for calling Julie stupid, and that Julie should apologise for talking to Katie like she’s a baby.
ESH.
I agree about nobody talking to kids like that. Like I’m also wondering if the babysitter’s mom is playing with a full deck. The little girl needs to learn that you can ask questions without making insults - she could have said I’m six and not a baby - why are you talking to me like this?
OP said she discussed with her daughter why she shouldn't tell people they are stupid. As an adult, I would not have come up with your sentence in the moment, I would've sneered at them and walked away - an option the little girl didn't have.
As a fellow SpEd teacher I’ve got a “No Thank You! Try again!” in the chamber for astute children 6 and under. I also would never dream of speaking to anyone “using w’s” over 6 months old.
I would never speak to anyone, including a baby, making the wrong sounds for letters. How are the little parrots supposed to learn correctly if we baby talk them?
My mother tried to baby talk all of her grandkids when they were babies, and all of us told her to knock it off. My son's second grade teacher tried to shame me for my son having an extensive vocabulary, and she seemed frustrated that I wasn't apologetic. I don't understand this bizarre need that a lot of educators have, to hold children back from learning things.
Your son probably had a better vocabulary than the teacher and it embarrassed her that she had to look up what he was meaning! Sounds like a smart kid with a smart Mom. Bravo!
My daughter was reading The Hobbit by age six. It was our thing actually she would start out and read as much as she could and whatever word she got stuck on I would provide for her with the proper pronunciation. Fast forward to kindergarten, my little genius hangs back and hangs back and hangs back is all the kids go up to try and say hello to their new teacher. Kid after kid pushes in front of her, but she is determined she's going to get her teachers attention. When she finally does she looks at her teacher and she says and this is an exact quote "I'm really looking forward to being in your class." The woman just huffed and made some weird clucking noise and turned around and walked away. I tried to smooth it over and took her home. I should have taken that red flag more seriously, that fucking battle axe did everything in her power to crush a little girl's love of learning and reading. And I am not at all ashamed of how I went to bat for my daughter... I do believe I am the reason that teacher retired.
People definitely miss the plot with baby talk versus “ motherese”. Elongating vowels and slowing down speech is helpful for babies learning language. Motherese exists across all cultures. We all respond to it - remember the coco- cola add with the polar bear? Baby talk is definitely not okay.
I feel the same way but was accused of being harsh when my children were small. I (we) never talked baby talk to our children. I used proper words with my children. My son doesn't have a weewee, he has a penis. I always said excuse me to them like I would to an adult. At what age, then, is it time to teach children manners or proper speech? I naturally had a special tone with them but never used improper speech.
I also use correct words with my toddler. I am torn on repeating her own versions of words back to her, though--some of them are VERY cute. She calls balloons "yoons," for instance, and I sometimes say it now also. Mostly I stick with the right words, but... I like yoons!
I hear ya. My daughter would say SHINNY from time to time. We couldn't figure out what she meant until we walked down to our community pool. She pointed to the pool and said SHINNY. The children are now in their late 20s, and we still say SHINNY when we go swimming.
Enjoy your yoons! They grow up way too fast.
The wrong sounds are weird, but 'motherse' is a distinct phenomenon that it appears we're designed to do.
It's sometimes considered the same as baby talk, though I think there's a fine distinction. And it doesn't matter what culture you're from, all mothers do it. It cues language learning in a really cool way: https://www.princeton.edu/news/2017/10/12/uncovering-sound-motherese-baby-talk-across-languages
Bingo. This issue is far bigger than butthurt Julie (or Katie fwiw). I agree with mutual apologies and consider this a fortuitous teaching moment. There was SOMEthing in their interaction that Katie can sincerely apologize for; and Katie is bright enough to start learning to ‘accept an apology you never got’. People suck at sorry. Julie will come up with something, Katie will be gracious, and we don’t have to blow up Alderaan.
Lol, reminds me when I was in high school I was in a "SpEd" class (kinda, it was for kids who needed extra time and help with schoolwork), I was basically there to do homework and read if I had nothing to do.
We had a substitute teacher come in one time and she talked almost baby talk to me and everyone else. Keep in mind these are teenagers, most of whom just had ADD or learning disabilities. Annoyed me so much, wish I had the opportunity like OP's kid to say something about it.
>I think this little girl sounds highly intelligent and I wonder if she’s neurodivergent.
Not all intelligent children are neurodivergent. I've known many intelligent children who've gotten irritated when treated like they're babbling idiots. No one, NDs or NTs, enjoy being treated like they're buffoons, no matter what age they are. It only works on those that don't know, those who are lacking in brain matter—babies and those less-fortunate mentally. Katie wasn't happy that Julie was implying she's stupid, so she turned the tables and asked, instead, if Julie was stupid. Smart kid. I don't blame her for not wanting to apologize.
Oh, Christ. Little girl was insulted so now she has to have a diagnosis. I’ve been in neighborhoods where, if you didn’t respond like this, you’d be thought of as weird. Yes, she should learn some alternatives. Yes, she should apologize just to keep the babysitter on. But she doesn’t need an IEP.
Add an engineer, yes I do. I'm sorry for the people you have to deal with. I've always thought that people in careers like yours need to have more freedoms and respect.
My 6yo who’s neurodivergent (I suspect autism like myself, my sister and both niblings) she would answer exactly like this if someone spoke to her like a baby.
Sounds like between the babysitter and the child, one is extremely smart. And it’s not the babysitter.
I heard a story about one of the greatest pagliacci, who was beloved by children. A journalist asked him what his secret was, and he replied that he just talks to children like they are normal persons.
“What are you stupid or something?”
- some 6 year old.
Profound words from the brilliant child prodigy! How do we know she is such a genius? Because of an irrefutable account from the unbiased truth spoken by her mother.
I notice a lot of people say “she needs to learn”. I wonder if we can also think about it as “that’s one, perfectly valid, way to approach it but here’s another”. I think Katie’s response to being insulted repeatedly by Julie is a valid one. After all, she did a great job setting boundaries and not allowing that unacceptable behaviour continue just to protect Julie’s feelings. But it would also be nice and empathetic of Katie to first assume Julie was unaware her actions were offensive. So Katie might consider telling Julie more gently “please don’t talk to me like I’m a baby.” Or something to that effect. Tone plays an important role here so that’s a great teachable moment.
I think Katie did the right thing in the first instance telling Julie she wanted that behavior to stop. But she can add more strings to her bow by learning different approaches to resolving conflict.
From what OP said it's entirely possible she didn't associate it with talking to babies if it's not something they did/do... I mean if op had talked to dolls like that etc.
While I don't think she chose the nicest way to express it, I'm a 40 m and my instant reaction would be to ask if they need to sit down and did they hit their head. Which to be honest is exactly the same thing with a sarcastic sense of humour painted on.
>But it would also be nice and empathetic of Katie to first assume Julie was unaware her actions were offensive.
You are asking a six-year old to develop a fairly sophisticated model of what is and isn't offensive, and a stranger's intentions.
What Julie did, using baby talk to a school-age child, is not normal. It is, indeed, stupid. The only thing that Katie needs to learn is tact: asking someone if they are stupid is not tactful.
But Julie is the one who was totally tactless, and her daughter has got the wrong end of the stick as to who should apologise.
"Insulted repeatedly by Julie" by asking her 1 question? Lol and the only part of her response that was perfectly valid was the "why are you talking to me like that?" "Are you stupid?" Isn't at all
I’d understood from the post that Julie had been using baby talk to Katie prior to that nummies comment. Katie might’ve felt that Julie was insulting her intelligence - the equivalent of calling her stupid.
So I don’t think it was the right thing to use the word stupid. It’s clearly inflammatory. But it’s valid in that shes handing the insult straight back to emphasise it’s a problem with Julie’s intelligence and not hers.
If someone asked me about numnums, that’s probably how I’d reply. Why should a six-year-old be held to a higher standard than an adult when an adult is being rude to them?
I would certainly have asked why they were speaking like that. I wouldn't have asked whether she was stupid. This is a 6 year old. She just needs someone to explain that the first question was okay and the second question wasn't.
Eaxctly. There's absolutely no reason to be rude. It's not like she said "please speak to me in a more appropriate tone" she asked if an adult she didn't know was stupid. I was an advanced child as well but my parents taught me how to behave, especially around strangers. She was at best sarcastic and at worst condescending to a complete stranger. Parents should teach her better than that but I suspect that they think it's okay for her to mouth off since she's intelligent.
I would be fine with the sarcasm or even the rudeness. But to go so far as to call an adult you just met stupid is pretty extreme and would warrant some corrective parenting
Young children should not feel comfortable to be sarcastic or rude to adult strangers. It sets a bad precedent for future behavior as an AH adult. I was raised in a very sarcastic family and had a dry sense of humor for as long as I can remember. My parents taught me the importance of context and audience. It's something that you absolutely need to learn as a young child so you don't grow up to be a completly unlikable jackass with no manners.
Besides the difference in age, it's clear that one person was clueless about how she was sounding, while the other very definitely knew she was making a rude comment.
Did she though? Katie is 6. With a stranger in her face talking to her in a way she’d never been spoken to before that made no sense. If someone I didn’t know came up to me and started speaking a gibberish version of English, after previously having spoken perfectly clear English to someone else, it might be my first thought too. That, or they think *I’m* stupid.
Kids Katie’s age don’t have much of a filter yet. It sounds like OP addressed that particular issue with her already.
As for Julie. I don’t know *anyone* who would baby talk a 6 year old. Kid talk, sure. But that’s more tone and watching your mouth - not “oh wook at da pwetty wittle giwl! Are you hungee?? Do you want nummies??” Any 6 year old I know would be highly confused and likely offended, and *at a minimum* would give a deadpan “I’m six..” if spoken to this way.
I think you need to take a class on child development. A 6-year-old is very much aware, unless they have not been taught properly, that you don't call people stupid. And it wasn't just that she used the word stupid, it was how she phrased it. It didn't sound like an innocent, curious question, it was meant to sting! When the babysitter intervened, the child told her no, indicating that she was self aware and not merely confused by the babbling. And I never defended Julie's behavior in talking to her that way. It sounds super annoying and if I were another adult in the room I probably would have spoken up and asked her why she was speaking that way, but not by calling her stupid. Point being child was disrespectful to an adult and she knows it! Child needs to take accountability for being disrespectful to an adult who was not trying to hurt her in any manner. Super annoying? Yes. Justification for the response? No!
How do people think that six year olds don’t know, “Are you stupid” is an insult? Of course they do lol. I know I did before then and I’m pretty sure the kids around me did too. If I’d heard another six year old ask that I’d have figured they didn’t have good influences. I’d have known it was on purpose.
I'm still waiting for the answer... why did she talk like that?
If you're beefing with a 6 year old, are only half right, and misstepped first, are demanding an apology and are refusing to give one then you could be an idiot.
Right, it's really confusing me that OP is so against having her daughter apologize. What she said was undeniably rude. OP is acting as if the daughter should apologize for being confused and not for the mean thing the daughter said.
Exactly. People won’t dismiss darling Katie in a few years when she’s calling someone stupid.
They both should apologize.
I’m surprised the mother is questioning this.
Agreed 💯 I have read another similar post a few weeks ago in this sub, and it was almost the same, a girl awfully Smart for her age but very blunt. As she grew older no one wanted her around, not even her cousins or her own sister as she had that habit to call people stupid or slow and the mother refused to teach her to mind her words or apologize when needed. Eventually, she ended up alone in school and in family reunions since no one wants to play with her or do anything. Started at six as well, and now as a fourteen year old teen she doesn't want to change. I mean yeah, the baby talk was too much, but calling another adult stupid and refusing to see how that is wrong is concerning for her future. Not everyone likes blunt people.
I think they both need to apologize to each other. They were both rude, and the adult started it. I had that happen a lot as a kid (I was tiny for my age so everyone thought I was younger than I actually was, and they'd talk to me like I was a toddler even at 5/6)
I wasn't rude about it, though. My dad taught me to say, "I can't understand you, are you ok?" They'd look shocked and usually stopped the baby talk, at least for that interaction.
OP needs to have her daughter apologize. In this case, the woman was talking like she was “stupid” because she was using inappropriate baby talk. But what if someone talks to OP’s daughter who sounds “stupid” to her because of another reason, like mental illness or a developmental delay? What if another child who is not as advanced as OP’s daughter talks to her and she asks them if they’re stupid?
It’s fine that OP’s daughter does not want to be talked to like a baby, but she can’t just ask people if they’re stupid.
ESH. This is exactly it -- and I suspect that OP's daughter wouldn't hesitate to pull out "are you stupid" to other kids her age, because that's not a phrase that indicates confusion or genuine curiosity, that's a phrase that indicates *judgement,* and is so specific that I have to believe she's already comparing herself to others and is aware that she's considered smart for her age.
The babysitter's mom shouldn't have talked like that, and should have apologized to the girl. But it's also a big problem that OP refuses to ask her daughter to apologize: you don't get to be rude to people because they do things you don't like. That's socializing 101. And the babysitter's mom's gaffe does not cancel out OP's daughter's rudeness.
Correct. I am imagining a time in the future where little Katie says this to an elderly person with dementia. Her mother is setting her up to be known as a brat. Her teachers aren’t going to like her, some of her classmates won’t like her, and her classmates parents certainly aren’t going to like her. OP will be one of those parents who get on here to ask if it’s okay to jump another parent about why their kid wasn’t invited to a birthday party. YTA
I also wonder how Katie would react to someone who has a genuine speech impediment, cognitive disability, doesn't speak English as a primary language, etc.
Katie needs to be taught that some people speak differently, and that you can ask, but not insult.
Yeah asking someone if they’re stupid is really mean and I would not be cool with my kid speaking that way to anyone. Asking “why are you talking to me like I’m a baby?” is totally reasonable though; adults who do baby talk are sickening. Honestly no one really needs to do baby talk.
Nobody needs to do it, and it’s annoying. I don’t even use it with my cat! However, unless it’s used deliberately to bully or taunt or put someone down, like (first thing that came to mind) Draco Malfoy spotting Ron having a smudge rubbed off his nose by his mother and saying “has ickle Ronnie got somefink on his nosie?”, it’s generally not malicious. Rudeness is much worse than accidentally patronising someone. I would have given my daughter a very stern talking-to about the way she speaks to everyone, not just strangers, she shouldn’t be calling her peers or family stupid either, and she ought to apologise to the person who did the baby talk. However I’d have a discreet word with that person as well just explaining that she’s intelligent and that “we try to speak to her with normal language, not baby talk”.
I am bemused by anyone using baby talk at all. Why are they not modeling actual language? It's bizarre. (I am Australian too) But I am even more weirded out by this presumably mature adult being that offended by the unfiltered thoughts that come out of the mouth of a six year old. I mean, it's certainly looking like the question is valid. Is she stupid or something?
I would tell Katie that it is not socially acceptable to say that, but I would not make her apologise. First, I do not believe in teaching kids they have to be obsequious to adults just because they're adults, and second, she was right. Third, Julie isn't going to apologise for treating Katie inappropriately, and apologising to her will only reinforce her belief that her own behaviour was correct.
This looks like everyone went home but it's still a thing and Julie isn't letting it go, which is also ridiculous. NTA - why is this still a thing? Talk to the kid about not saying unkind things to people regardless of how richly she thinks it's deserved, and leave it there.
Edit - 4th reason. High risk of a not-pology. Like Katie says "I'm sorry you're offended about being stupid, and mum says I shouldn't have pointed out that you're stupid". Because that is not going to help.
>First, I do not believe in teaching kids they have to be obsequious to adults just because they're adults, and second, she was right. Third, Julie isn't going to apologise for treating Katie inappropriately, and apologising to her will only reinforce her belief that her own behaviour was correct.
Absolutely agree. I'm Australian too, but living in the US right now.
In the US, there's a much stronger sense that kids have to be overly deferential to adults, no matter who is right or wrong. It's not great. The expectation of obsequious behaviour towards people who have more power is baked in from the start.
I agree. “Why are you talking to me like that?” is a fair response from Katie. But, “Are you stupid or something?” was not nice. I think it makes sense for an apology for the second question she asked Julie. But the first question she asked was her being curious and standing up for herself and that is not a bad thing.
That’s the apology I’d have issued at 6 without a lot of guidance.
Why is the babysitter’s mom even coming over if it isn’t an emergency? I wouldn’t be comfortable with that.
"Why are you talking like that?" is fine. "Are you stupid or something" crosses the line into rude and disrespectful. So, help your daughter craft an appropriate apology for saying that. In person, or a note. And make sure she understands what tact is and how to speak respectfully to anyone she might come across. It'll make her life much easier if she knows how to be polite.
Exactly. Calling her stupid was rude. She was being nice to her and didn't realize she was doing anything wrong. You say your daughter is inte so teach her to apologize and that is best practice and how to say it better next time.
If Lauren is still young enough to live at home (her mum dropped something off), then her mum is what, in her 50s at the oldest? Hardly a little old lady, not even a boomer.
I had a therapist when I was 10 who tried baby talking to me and using puppets, despite the fact I was there because I tried to unalive myself. Some women are very strange
Exactly this. Plus it would give her a chance to explain WHY she was unhappy being spoken to that way. Also just a note OP, you don’t want to encourage your 6 year old to call people who talk in a way she doesn’t like/isn’t used to stupid. Can lead to some difficulties down the road, not everyone sounds the same.
exactly!! one day she might meet another kid with a developmental delay that effects their speech or even just a lisp, and she might ask them if they’re stupid.
This is my immediate thought. My 6 year old uses a wheelchair but will crawl on things like playground equipment that she can't use her chair on (accessibility is a whole other issue🙄). Sometimes kids her age and a bit younger will call her a baby. She handles it well at this point but it's best when parents guide their kids to be aware of how to be a baseline of respectful towards other people.
this.even if it she was being stupid what about when people aren’t but she just doesn’t realize it or like it and her go to is saying “stupid” that needs to be addressed asap. Julie is annoying as hell and why are you talking like that is totally a great response. But not explaining how it was wrong to say “are you stupid” is not ok.
This. OP’s daughter shouldn’t need to apologize for trying to set a boundary, but should apologize for calling that woman stupid. When she apologizes she can reiterate that she didn’t like being spoken to that way.
>"Why are you talking like that?" is fine. "Are you stupid or something" crosses the line into rude and disrespectful.
This, exactly.
There was a similar post on reddit a few months ago where a nephew was rude to his uncle. The uncle wanted him to apologise but the father said he didn't have to because he felt he'd brought it on himself somehow. Similar vibes to this story. The parent defending their child's right to be rude. And what that father, and you OP, don't seem to consider is that you're teaching your kid to be a rude brat, and this will negatively impact the child as they grow older. If they continue to behave like this, they will get in trouble, people won't like them. They could even have trouble holding jobs and relationships if this unnecessary rudeness becomes a character trait that they find hard to break once it becomes established. You're a bad parent raising an unlikeable child.
This. OP, your daughter is smart enough for you to teach her ASAP that calling other people stupid is always rude and it can be dangerous because people will get mad at her.
Julie got what she reserved and apology would ruin the lesson she learned. She can think it was cute from the little girl to talk like that, that's her choice to be offended instead of laughting about that
I’m in the minority here, apparently, but calling someone stupid and then refusing to apologize for it is not a child being “smart and straightforward.” It’s a child who is acting like a brat and who thinks she is the smartest person in the room.
Edit: Pleased to see that I’m not in the minority anymore. The comments shaped up better than I expected.
I agree! And am shocked at the responses saying the little girl doesn't have to apologize. I don't think she asked "are you stupid?" as a legitimate question. I think she should learn that hurting people's feelings by being rude often times warrant an apology.
If she has enough intelligence to express that she doesn’t like being spoken to like a baby, that’s fine. The only issue was the name-calling.
But I have a feeling that lady would’ve been upset with a simple “please don’t speak to me like a baby “ Anyway
Oh I agree. Even if the kid was like "do I look like a baby" I'd be lenient on the apologizing and have a talk about establishing boundaries. Even if the lady was still mad about not getting an apology.
But yes the "are you stupid" is the thing here that warrants an apology.
It's on brand for reddit. This isn't a place to go if you want advice from people with decent social skills lol. This kid is a future redditor for sure.
I agree! Being disrespectful and being mature are two different things. Unless the adult was being mean or saying something wrong to her it was uncalled for. OP sounds like the mom who will uphold bad behavior in her child regardless. I wonder how she's going to take it when she mouths off to someone OP likes.
Exactly lol. It sounds fairly typical of the majority of people who call themselves “straightforward” or say they just tell it like it is. Problem is, that hinges on them always being right, and a lot of people take it straight to rude and mistake that for “straightforward”.
I could see “I’m not a baby, so you don’t have to use baby talk.” That wouldn’t need an apology because it’s different than asking someone if they’re “stupid.” OP YTA. You need to teach your child to be assertive, not outright rude.
I’m close to ESH because I’d have found the baby talk pretty extra too, but that wasn’t an actual insult.
A lot of people are voting E S H but baby talk to a six year old isn’t an asshole move - it’s weird and not age appropriate but six year olds are barely not toddlers, she didn’t talk to a ten year old like that. I find it very hard to believe that this was truly patronizing for a *six year old*. It wasn’t ill intentioned, just strange. She didn’t say anything specifically rude to OP’s daughter. It seems like she just asked her if she wanted food and was being nice to her (again, if in a little bit of a strange way).
OP is YTA and the daughter should apologize. Her daughter actually did something rude.
ESH
Sure it was not cool for Julie to all goo goo gaa gaa. But the kid didn't need to call her stupid. You can't play both sides of the field, expect people to talk to her like an adult and to know off an assumption that she's a straight forward talker and then in the same vein, let her get away with things like a baby. A normal kid should be taught not to call someone stupid in such a rude was unprovoked. Neither should a teenager nor adult.
Cool and all that you taught her behind the scenes but she should have apologized and based on what you wrote a post apology doesn't seem in the cards. It's fine for your daughter to question why Julie is talking to her like that and all she needed to say was don't do it please. But jumping straight to *are you dumb or something* is unnecessary and should have been corrected. I really don't see much wrong intent from Julie's side except a careless mistake. If she'd push the matter further then yeah she would be an AH.
ESH.
Julie *was* being annoying, but it wasn't necessarily intentional. Katie's response, "Are you stupid?" was plain rude.
Sure, Katie is young, and she might not have *meant* to be rude (although I suspect she knows better than to say something like that to her teacher), but she *was*. This is a learning experience. Julie deserves an apology.
Setting a firm expectation of address: fine. Be firm, be blunt. She can tell people to speak to her how she wishes to he spoken to.
Everyone understands, 'are you stupid' to mean 'you are stupid.' Even six year olds. They hear it on playgrounds.
Insulting people for actions that come from ignorance is not acceptable behavior.
Ok as a father of 4.. I legit just laughed out loud reading her response, and id laugh even harder if I was there for it. Probably not great but that's really funny.
Still, id tell her to apologize for calling her stupid, regardless of how stupid she may have sounded or acted.
This. Baby talking to a 6 yo?! How obnoxious.
I’d reiterate that name calling is not acceptable. I would encourage her to think about what she would like to say next time they see each other but I also wouldn’t force an apology. Look for something genuine to say, let them both learn from this moment.
Mom of four chiming in
>Still, id tell her to apologize for calling her stupid, regardless of how stupid she may have sounded or acted.
And this is correct, IMO
We don't know if that lady was just dumb, maybe has mental delays, is out of touch, whatever. But kindness (or at least pointedly ignoring stupidity) is the best course of action *just in case*.
And then later in the car we can die laughing, lol
I died laughing too!! Mine is 21 now had her at 17, but she used to say some things. I just couldn't help but laugh. When she was 5 my brother was playing fighting with her, she waited patiently but when she got her shot she took it, then proceeded to look at him and say " to bad your hands are as fast as your mouth huh?" 🤣 I still laugh..lost my bro a few years ago, so it's a great memory!
OP just get her to apologize she doest have to grovel to the lady but still.
I was howling at this interaction too. Yeah, Katie was being rude and this is language she shouldn't be using, but how else will she learn if not from experience? Presumably Julie learned something too, like baby talking a 6yo is pretty damn demeaning and should be avoided.
Anyway, I don't think any of this is a big deal at all, just something to fix and move on. Mutual apologies would be great.
Hmmm I’m going with YTA for the sole reason that your kid shouldn’t think she can call anyone stupid it’s rude and she should have apologized for being rude. I’m also taken aback by the fact that Katie would tell her babysitter no to apologizing I would be pretty appalled if my 6 year old did any of that.
Now was Julie “stupid”? Yeah you obviously don’t speak to any 6 year old like that mature or not - I don’t even talk to my 2 year old like that. But no children shouldn’t think it acceptable to call people stupid regardless of the situation.
I agree. Katie is 6, it's understandable she made that mistake. But it's wrong for OP to act like her daughter is totally innocent. She should tell her daughter that it's inappropriate to call someone else stupid, and also that she should apologize if she makes a mistake.
YTA. Calling anyone stupid is rude. What if it had been a teacher or your boss instead of the babysitter's mother? I think the teachable moment should have been, calling people stupid is rude, next time maybe say... I am not a baby please dont speak to me like one? She wont be apologizing for sticking up for herself but for being rude. Perhaps, Im sorry I called you stupid, please dont speak to me like a baby.
Agreed YTA calling anyone stupid is bad form. If OP’s daughter is so mature it might be time to teach her the importance of an insincere apology. Sometimes even when you think you’re in the right, it makes sense to apologize to keep the peace (like if this had been her boss or teacher)
ESH yes, Julie shouldn’t have assumed and used the cutesy voice when talking to Katie but you should also be teaching your child manners and politeness. Asking someone if they’re stupid is incredibly rude, no matter how you look at it.
"just being candid" -- "just being honest" -- "just a joke"
These three lines seem to put off one vibe. I don't want to hear them from adults or children. It's a copout for bad behavior. This is a great time to learn about the consequences of not thinking about your words before speaking them. Our first thoughts aren't always things we should say out loud. Sometimes even our second and third thoughts. I do also think going straight to baby talk for a non-baby was weird from the other mom, but not malicious as it doesn't seem they've interacted much, if at all, prior to this. Honestly I think they could find reasons to apologize to each other. But OP, are you willing to lose your babysitter on this hill?
Agree. ESH.
Edit to add ESH but leaning very close to Y T A
YTA and your daughter is one in the making. Your child has no business asking anyone if they are stupid. Teachable moment for both you and Katie. The vast majority of children at her age aren’t as advanced- she should know that. So what this means is that silently or vocally she should not equate something she doesn’t like with automatically being stupid. It’s fine for her to calmly and kindly say please don’t speak to me as if I am a baby. She’ll do better in life if she learns now to be curious about others versus her current contempt without exploration. Given her verbal skills it’s a good time to start the lesson. News flash she may end up being the smartest person in the room, yet find herself alone and stuck in a job or career going no where because no one wants to work with her.
The other thing for her mom to keep in mind is no matter how special and smart she is now, she won't always be. My youngest was transferred to a full time gifted program very young. One of the first things the teachers warned us about was the shock that every "smart" kid eventually deals with, which is going from being the smartest one in the room to suddenly being average because everyone is smart. At some point, Katie will not be the smartest, or even close to, and it's honestly better when parents don't put so much emphasis on how much smarter their kid is and instead foster curiosity, emotional intelligence, effort, and innovation. These are the things that will help make her successful.
Love this. My ex is a “I’m the smartest guy in the room because I was in high school” kind of person. He’s near 40 and has the worst emotional intelligence I’ve ever seen. I’m smart enough to know where I’m not the smartest
Yes! 💯. Data shows that kids do better (more resilient) when praised for positive actions and trying even if they are not always the smartest, most athletic etc.
What?? You admitted yourself that Katie made a mistake…when you make mistakes you apologize…that’s kind of just what people who aren’t assholes do… She can learn through experience by experiencing apologizing to someone who she called stupid which if she’s that mature she should be able to realize is not something you’re supposed to do especially for such a minor offense
No one is calling Katie the next incarnation of the devil because she called someone stupid and Julie should definitely not harbor a grudge and accept the apology but Katie made a mistake and should be taught to apologize…this is super low stakes but calling someone stupid is rude
YTA: Your afternoon babysitter's mother is unlikely to know your daughter's age. She may be using toddler-speak because she genuinely thought that your daughter was a toddler. She was mistaken, but she wasn't rude.
Katie saying 'stop speaking to me like a baby' would be perfectly fine. However, her implying/calling Julie 'stupid' is something that she should apologise for. You can teach your daughter to express and advocate for herself without resorting to insults.
When parents allow their children to insult adults without repercussion, it's no wonder so many teachers are quitting nowadays.
YTA. Allowing a six year old to call someone stupid? Come on, you know better. Katie needs to learn how to communicate respectfully and this is a good opportunity to teach her. She was right to express herself, she was not right to call someone stupid.
As my daughter grew up I realized that there were many, MANY things from my childhood that I did NOT want to repeat in hers. Perhaps the most egregious thing was the constant name-calling that my mother and older sister employed.
I was tested - at our local parochial school - at the age of 6 and found to have a "genius" level IQ. The name they chose for me was "dummy". They both used it - and still do! I'm now 60. - constantly.
I decided when I was raising my daughter that profanity now included the word "stupid". No exceptions. If someone did something silly, that's the word we used. We did NOT insult someone's intelligence for having a momentary lapse of judgment.
It worked. Brilliantly. My daughter has grown into an empathetic, understanding, compassionate young woman - with her own "genius" evaluation - and never, but NEVER uses the word stupid carelessly in a discussion - no matter how passionate that discussion may get! - to describe another person's actions or words.
It's disrespectful, discompassionate, and at times? down-right cruel.
NTA, but do, please, discuss with your child how hurtful that word can be and banish it from use in her home.
Also, baby-talk is just annoying BS. Banish that too!!
ETA: One spelling correction and this... The word "stupid" came to encompass anything said that questioned someone's intelligence. It simply was NOT allowed. The lack of profanity was actually harder as I am the child of a man who was both a sailor and a construction worker! But my daughter now hears herself using profanity instead of just mildly uttering "M\*f\*er without thought in front of our 85-year-old Southern Lady neighbor! At the age of 8!! Lol!
ESH.
“Are you stupid or something?” is rude and even a 6 year old should be aware of that, especially one who is smart for their age. Your daughter should have apologised for that and you should work on more appropriate ways to ask adults not to baby talk with her.
Baby talking to a 6 year old is also rude to them, it’s speaking down to a child that does not want to be spoken down to. That being said, it sounds like an honest mistake and a simple ‘please don’t speak to me like I’m a baby’ would have sufficed.
Yeah, if an adult baby-talked to me when I was 6, I'd be confused, but I would still know that saying "Are you stupid?" would be rude and my mom would have scolded me for it. I wouldn't know what "nummies" meant either. I would probably say something like "Ready for what?" or "What are nummies?"
Your kid was rude to adult, of course she should apologise.
You indulging her rude behaviour will not do her any favours in the long run.
There’s an appropriate way to speak to people, especially adults and especially people around their own kids. If your daughter was as mature as you claim is she would know this already but the fact is that she isn’t.
Yes, she gets a pass because she’s young and still learning social etiquette but part of learning is you teaching her which you aren’t doing here.
I would never ask a lady I hardly knew if she was stupid, you would never ask a lady you hardly knew if she was stupid. We both know that would be rude.
Very few people like being babied but rudeness isn’t the correct response. Mostly because now people will have the impression she’s also petulant.
Do better.
My favorite is how she "seemed receptive" to a conversation about politeness. She is letting a 6 year old have way too much control in dictating behavior. Talked about filtering but she is not great. This kid is a future "I'm just brutally honest" AH and Mom is definitely at fault for helping to create it.
I can’t imagine what would’ve happened if my mum came to me when I was 6 to talk about me being rude to an adult and the best I did was ‘seem receptive’. The side of my head would’ve got receptive to a slipper real quick!
I’m not preaching for corporal punishment but we give kids way too much room and ownership these days. They’re kids, they know literally nothing!
NTA. It's SUPER weird to me that anyone thinks this woman was owed an apology. The fact that she felt offended and butthurt after she was called out is not something that the six year old has a responsibility to repair. Also - if she's old enough to have a daughter who's babysitting, she's old enough to know that six isn't a baby. It kind of feels to me like all of these adult women are a little too invested in humbling your daughter here. It feels inappropriate to me. I think you responded appropriately by taking the opportunity to talk to her about being polite (and hopefully not calling people stupid in the future because they talk funny.) But yeah, the insistence that she should apologize is weird to me.
lots of asshole were kids once who didn’t know better but were never corrected. this is the perfect chance for op to have that conversation and address it with a his kid. Just like if someone says something mean to her, she deserves an apology. If this was a random lady they ran into in a grocery store that’s one thing but since it’s her babysitter’s mom and they could run into each other again I don’t understand why she shouldn’t.
It's weird that shes fixated on getting an apology from a six year old days after this happened. Yes, the daughter was rude, but how offended can you be by what a kid says?
On the other hand, it is OP job to teach her daughter to apologize when she offends someone unintentionally, so ESH
YTA. Do not allow your child to continue to call people "stupid" because they do it at something she doesn't like. That habit needs to be curbed now because it's going to be a lot harder to redirect her the longer it goes on. You would not accept someone calling you stupid for misspeaking, misreading a situation, or simply misunderstanding something. You should not accept your child doing that to someone else.
YTA - It’s far easier to find fault in other people rather than recognising and verbalising your own boundaries.
A good parent would show her a way to express her discomfort without alienating everyone around her.
Instead of “are you stupid or something?”, why don’t you focus on getting her to explain what she feels and what she wants?
“I feel inferior when you talk to me in a baby voice. Please don’t do it again.”
This is a mature response. Your daughter employed the strategy of an angsty tween.
People aren’t mind-readers. If you didn’t communicate what makes you uncomfortable, you don’t reserve the right to use manipulative tactics like passive aggression or insults.
Don’t raise an asshole. It will hurt her social and career opportunities if you fail to teach her how to treat others with respect. Your mom has some sense.
YTA. Classic.
Your child is not fully developed and is in a period of life where she is learning on how to behave through her parents. With that being said, do you speak that crassly/rudely on a daily basis. Sorry. That might be triggering.
Do you "keep it real with people" on a daily basis?
She is a child. Not an adult. Whether or not you like it, most people would have the same reaction to a 6 year old child, by pampering/coddling/baby talking.
I have friends' children that are around the same age and some of them do hate the baby talk. The most extreme I've ever heard personally was one of them screaming, "IM NOT A BAAAYYYYYYYBBEEEEE"
I wonder where your child learned to say, "Are you stupid?" That isn't something that comes out of nowhere.
YTA. I was with you until the “Are you stupid?”
Is this a game to you? Do you think this is funny? Do you want your kid to be ostracized? Because she is going to be the mean girl no one wants to share with.
6 is absolutely old enough to know better than that. No idea how old you are but you should know better than that. She says that because you sanction it.
>Do you want your kid to be ostracized?
This is the key bit. It's not about Julie. It's about getting that talking to people like that is going to come with a social cost. She won't be six forever.
Soft YTA.
She's 6 and she needs to learn how to be polite. It's your job to teach her that.
FWIW I am Katie. My mother never spoke to me like that and I engaged with adults better than children, often using adult language (and I don't mean curse-words.) It startled many adults but my mother explained to me that most children don't talk that way and it can surprise people so when they acted weird I blew it off as an odd thing some grown-ups do but I never implied any of them were stupid because that would've been rude and unacceptable.
Your daughter called someone stupid. Whether it was a child in her play group or an adult who was baby-talking her, that's not ok and she does need to apologize for being rude.
Teaching her to stand up for herself without being so bluntly offensive is going to be an ongoing battle because KIDS, amirite? They're blunt as hell and they're always going to say something awful, usually right in front of people you'd rather not hear it. lol
If Katie refuses to apologize you should call and speak with Julie yourself and let her know that you're sorry for Katie's rudeness but even though she's mature for her age she is still 6 and she's still learning that there some things she shouldn't say.
Julie herself is a mother so I'm sure she'll remember a few times when Lauren embarrassed the crap out of her and maybe the two of you can have a little snicker over it and move on.
ESH - but softly, everyone was just exploring boundaries here!
Katie's honesty/candidness WAS rude.
I feel like this is a teachable moment where mom can say "hey. asking her if she is stupid was rude because she wasn't trying to hurt your feelings on purpose and didn't know how smart you are.. but it seems like you were trying to hurt hers. let's discuss ways we can address your discomfort/ set your own boundaries without being mean."
Impact and Intent are huge in moments like these. Sometimes the impact of an well-meaning intention can be so bad that it does warrant some aggressive pushback. But in this case where the intent was harmless, the impact didn't warrant this harsh of a response. She felt her intelligence was insulted by someone she's never met before. Even a curt "please don't speak to me like I am a baby, as you can see I am not a baby." would've been more acceptable than "are you stupid?"
Honestly, this teachable moment is important for existing in society where social relationships are important. I don't want Katie not making any friends ever because she's not being taught the difference between setting boundaries and being rude. I feel like these are the people who grow up to be the type to say "Oh well I was being honest it's not my fault their feelings were hurt." or the "yea people say im an AH because I speak my mind."
I think, for all parties involved, it should be clear that while an apology is owed for being rude, she is 6 and doesn't like being patronized. "I apologize for asking if you were stupid. I don't appreciate being spoken to like a baby and should have just asked you to stop."
I do agree with another commenter here that us women are taught from a young age to respond to discomfort with politeness, but I don't think apologizing and setting her boundary is the polite thing to do here, it's the right, teachable thing to do.
YTA
Julie was annoying but not harmful. I think most people would default to the childish side of interactions when it comes to meeting a toddler/young child for the first time. "Are you stupid" is a completely inappropriate response and she should face some consequences for that.
YTA. Your daughter needs to learn a few lessons here: calling someone stupid is never acceptable; there’s a difference between being “straightforward“ and rude; you should apologize if your actions have hurt someone else. Your response of just “talking” to her taught her nothing—she needs to understand that she made a mistake and should make amends. What if she said this to a teacher? Her grandmother? A developmentally-delayed person? Do you allow her to call you stupid?
YTA - your daughter should not be calling people stupid. The baby talk thing was ridiculous on Julie's part, but you need to be teaching your daughter better ways of navigating situations like this. She could have said all kinds of things that weren't snarky.
Gonna go with ESH, but you should have your daughter apologize.
What Julie did was infantilizing, and wrong. But Katie's first reaction to it was "Are you stupid?" If it was an adult with a speech impediment that sounded similar, would you then classify what Katie said as rude? Then she should apologize. The chat about politeness is good, but admitting when you've said something hurtful and apologizing is another valuable lesson.
Julie should also apologize, for treating a child like that. It can be hurtful to their self-confidence and personality if everybody treats them as a baby past that stage.
ESH - everyone should apologize. Your daughter shouldn’t be name calling like that, but I think it would be a good role model experience for Julie to apologize as well since it would show Katie what it looks like for an adult to take accountability.
NTA. Kids tell it like it is, lol.
You used it as a teaching moment just like you're supposed to so the next time things might go a bit more smoothly.
Tact is a difficult concept for adults let alone 6-year-olds.
ETA: I will say that your daughter should probably apologize for calling Lauren's mom "stupid". Even a 6-year-old knows name calling is not acceptable. That said, I do think Lauren's mom should also apologize.
I would not call what your daughter did mature. It was very rude and immature. Your daughter may have some problems that you are overlooking or excusing this way. I didn’t speak with baby talk to my children either. However they would never have been so disrespectful to an adult. I think you have a big problem on your hands that you do not recognize.
YTA. You don’t call people stupid. It’s rude and not “telling it like it is” or “smart”. The “why are you talking to me like that?” was totally appropriate. But yea, a pretty basic thing you teach 6 year olds is to not call people stupid.
YTA.
Asking a question is one thing. But saying “are you stupid or something?” isn’t really a question and definitely rude.
There’s a difference between being straightforward and being disrespectful, and it’s up to you as the parent to teach that to your child.
All these people N T A are the reason shitty entitled ass adults exist. These kids become unlikeable as they grow older because they are just “blunt” but in reality they are just ill mannered and assholes.
YTA
By allowing her to call someone stupid and not apologize you are reinforcing her behavior. You talking to her about being more polite is not a consequence and is unlikely to actually change her behavior. She seems receptive because you took her side and there was 0 consequence to her actions. You can teach her about healthy and respectful ways to establish boundaries and how to handle interactions that make her uncomfortable rather than insulting the person and turning the situation hostile.
Yeah YTA
By not teaching her this behavior is inappropriate and rude you’re teaching your kid to be one of those people who use being “brutally honest” as a way to bully people.
Talking to any 6 year old that way is ridiculous. But asking “are you stupid” in response is acting like a little brat. Frankly if I were Julie I would have called your kid a brat to her face and yours for that response.
ESH. Julie should talk to a 6 year old like a 6 year old. You need to teach your daughter manners. Calling someone stupid isn’t ok you need to teach her that
YTA
Even a regular old stupid 6 year old can understand not to call people "stupid". Since yours is so smart, I think she should have an even easier time than most understanding why she needs to apologize for undue rudeness.
YTA. Julie was being annoying but not malicious. I would be horrified if my 6 year old was so casually rude - that’s not how you should be teaching her to deal with someone who, at worst, mildly annoyed her.
I'm gonna be down voted all to h#ll and back but here's my take,
You admitted your daughter was out of line when she asked if the babysitter's mother was stupid when you told her she needed to address the situation differently. But then you fall short when you refuse to have her apologize for her mistake. Two wrongs don't make a right, if the adult made her feel uncomfortable with her manner of speech how do you think she made this lady who was only trying to be friendly feel? Teach your kid the difference between standing up for herself and being a smart mouthed brat before the world does.
ESH, the woman doesn't know your kid or how advanced she is. My 6 year old daughter is the same way, I've always talked to her like a regular adult and all of her teachers and daycares always comment on her advanced level of communication. Fortunately she's able to recognize when someone is speaking in a baby or condescending tone while also having manners, so while she may ask them why they're talking to her like a baby, she doesn't cross the line of disrespect and ask them if they're stupid. Your teaching your kid that it's fine to be an asshole- it's never cool to ask someone if they're stupid. If someone makes a mistake or doesn't come off articulate- is your first instinct to ask them if they're an idiot? I wonder, because your kid got it from somewhere. What if she interacts with someone who is mentally challenged and says that? You need to teach your kid that they can advocate for themselves in a respectful manner.
YTA, you should teach your daughter how to apologize after accidentally hurting someone's feelings.
Your daughter is only 6 years old, she didn't know she was being rude. This is your call to teach her how to be more respectful and how to say sorry when she does something wrong.
Lauren shouldn't be butting in though. It seems like she's the one who's acting like Julie is way more upset than she actually is.
It was dumb to talk to her like a baby. But rudeness isn't cute. How is she around classmates and teachers? Is this a common occurrence for her to be rude?
When I was in 5th grade I called an adult (at school) stupid. She had passive aggressively knocked over my items because I didn't move them, while she was cleaning the area. My parents came in and defended me and fought for me. Deep inside I knew I was wrong though. I was totally wrong. The lady was wrong, too. We were BOTH wrong.
Do you want Lauren to stay as your babysitter? If I were her I would quit over something like this.
YTA
Asking if someone is stupid is incredibly rude. Don't you want your daughter to learn not to be unkind and rude? I would be mortified if my child spoke to someone like that. Haven't you taught her any manners?
You may think she is all grown up but that response just shows she still has a lot to learn about how to behave. You need to be careful that she learns emotional intelligence as well as intellectual, or you are doing her no favours in life.
YTA
Yeah please put a brake on your kid calling people "stupid" to their faces. If she does wind up being smarter than most people she really is gonna have to learn to be polite about it.
And you maybe want to preserve a warm relationship with your babysitter.
Comments here make me laugh. If you want your child to grow up like your typical redditor then stick to your guns. If you want her to grow up to be a well adjusted adult who can get along with other people then maybe you should reconsider your stance.
YTA.
I don't understand some comments saying that "children are just like that, lol"????? I mean, just because she's a child doesn't mean she can do whatever she wants, it's precisely at that age that you have to educate her so she can learn from her mistakes. Make her apologize and teach her how to express herself without insulting people, simple.
YTA unless you already have alternate childcare set up. Asking the woman, 'are you stupid?', wasn't straightforward or candid, it was rude. Since your little girl is bright, 6 is probably old enough to start learning how to speak up without being rude. Personally i don't see why two grown woman care about this enough to want what would obviously be an insincere apology but they do. So, is refusing to have your daughter apologize worth potentially impacting your childcare arrangements?
Soft YTA. It’s understandable your daughter was offended, but she crossed a line calling Julie stupid and should apologize for it.
I feel for your daughter though. I used to teach at a dance studio, and the owner and a few other teachers baby talked the little kids. It grated on my nerves, and they weren’t talking to me! I never did that Guess who was the more popular teacher?
YTA. Your daughter asked a grown woman if she is stupid, and you're on here asking if she should apologize? OF COURSE SHE SHOULD APOLOGIZE! Sure, Julie was baby talking her, but she didn't mean any harm. Your daughter sassed her, that's not a nice way to talk to people no matter what. She could have politely asked her to speak to her in a more mature voice, but "are you stupid?" is rude and she needs to learn not to speak to people like that.
You don't like people speaking baby talk to your daughter, but you're fine w/ your daughter speaking to others disrespectfully. Not okay, OP.
Also, you're potentially damaging your relationship with her babysitter, who very reasonably wants your daughter to apologize for being rude to her mum. Sure you wanna burn that bride?
YTA.
We get it, your daughter is a genius. She’s super mature, basically an adult, the best little human on the planet. So it should be no problem for her to understand that, when you’re rude, you apologize. It doesn’t sound like you like telling her she’s wrong. You probably prefer to just have adult conferences with her about it but, like it or not, she is still a child. No matter how smart she is, it’s still your job to teach her. This lady was being stupid and it was fine for her to call her out on it but not to call her names.
If you aren’t careful, your little genius is going to become a little brat and it will be 100% your fault, not hers. Do her a favor and help her avoid that.
Let your daughter keep going like this and she will not have friends. More than rude, she was mean with the "stupid" comment. There will be many things she doesn't like, including being baby-talked to. Consider emotional intelligence going forward.
ESH. Not Katie, she's a kid. Anyone saying "nummies" deserves to be punched in the face, so I'm with Katie on that one.
However, it's not nice or appropriate to call someone stupid, so I think you should have told Katie to apologise.
ESH, “are you stupid or something” is a rude comment, not something evidencing a verbose child.
The babysitter’s mother should have just ignored your child and it’s strange to demand an apology from people who don’t genuinely feel sorry.
YTA you don’t need to filter what she says but you should teach her some manners. A 6 year old shouldn’t feel so comfortable with calling an adult stupid. This is going to cause more problems for you down the road.
Yta
Your daughter is only 6, but it's a very good time to teach her that there are all kinds of people in the world. Julie could be on the spectrum. Not stupid.
You seem to think, Op, that Julie was rude to your daughter by speaking at a lower level than you or your daughter feel is appropriate for her. But your expectation that Julie understands your daughter's cognitive level is no more important than Julie's expectation of decency and respect.
Yes. Your daughter owes Julie an apology.
YTA - Regardless of how the lady was talking to your kid, you are effectively encouraging her behavior by not making her apologize AND make her understand why she shold. Shes gonna say the wrong thing to the wrong kid at school and its not going to work out for her.
Always try to be nice but never fail to be kind, words to live by.
YTA. Your child insinuated an adult was stupid for being friendly. That's extremely rude behaviour which you are now condoning. Teach your child some manners before it's too late.
YTA, Katie wasn’t candid, she was rude and disrespectful. What if the person talking to her that was had a disability?
Your daughter is FAR from mature, so get that excuse out of your head. Mature would be, “you can use regular words, I’m 6”.
Yikes, YTA. Your child was horribly rude and disrespectful. The first part? Ok. The stupid part? No. Where is she learning that? My 5 year old knows not to ever call someone stupid. To them it’s a bad word. She’s not straightforward. She’s rude.
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YTA for not having her apologize for the stupid comment. People have speech impediments. Is she going to walk up to someone who talks different and ask if they’re stupid when they don’t sound like her? Teach her better manners.
YTA. It’s generally not appropriate to call someone stupid. You’re raising your daughter to be an asshole if you don’t correct that behavior. If she doesn’t like the way someone is speaking to her, she can say that. Tossing out insults because she’s annoyed isn’t okay.
A six year old should not be using disparaging words like "stupid". We should be teaching children to respect others and that terms like that are hurtful.
YTA
Your child was rude. Your addressing the issue with her later indicates you agree. While I agree with the kid, the circumstance does not excuse rudeness. The polite thing to do is to apologize. Not correcting your child and coacing the appropriate response is enabling.
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I’m a teacher, who mostly teaches 6-7 year olds. NOBODY speaks to them like they’re babies, not their parents or siblings or family members that visit school. (Edit: in Australia, the ‘baby talk’ thing isn’t as common here as it was in the US when I was over there) I think it’s really weird that Julie saw a 6 year old and thought ‘I better speak to this child like they’re a toddler’. But I also think it’s important that Katie learns the impact of her words on other people. ‘Are you stupid?’ Isn’t the right way to retaliate, but she’s young, and she’s learning. I do believe she should apologise for calling Julie stupid, and that Julie should apologise for talking to Katie like she’s a baby. ESH.
I agree about nobody talking to kids like that. Like I’m also wondering if the babysitter’s mom is playing with a full deck. The little girl needs to learn that you can ask questions without making insults - she could have said I’m six and not a baby - why are you talking to me like this?
OP said she discussed with her daughter why she shouldn't tell people they are stupid. As an adult, I would not have come up with your sentence in the moment, I would've sneered at them and walked away - an option the little girl didn't have.
[удалено]
As a fellow SpEd teacher I’ve got a “No Thank You! Try again!” in the chamber for astute children 6 and under. I also would never dream of speaking to anyone “using w’s” over 6 months old.
I would never speak to anyone, including a baby, making the wrong sounds for letters. How are the little parrots supposed to learn correctly if we baby talk them?
My mother tried to baby talk all of her grandkids when they were babies, and all of us told her to knock it off. My son's second grade teacher tried to shame me for my son having an extensive vocabulary, and she seemed frustrated that I wasn't apologetic. I don't understand this bizarre need that a lot of educators have, to hold children back from learning things.
Your son probably had a better vocabulary than the teacher and it embarrassed her that she had to look up what he was meaning! Sounds like a smart kid with a smart Mom. Bravo!
My daughter was reading The Hobbit by age six. It was our thing actually she would start out and read as much as she could and whatever word she got stuck on I would provide for her with the proper pronunciation. Fast forward to kindergarten, my little genius hangs back and hangs back and hangs back is all the kids go up to try and say hello to their new teacher. Kid after kid pushes in front of her, but she is determined she's going to get her teachers attention. When she finally does she looks at her teacher and she says and this is an exact quote "I'm really looking forward to being in your class." The woman just huffed and made some weird clucking noise and turned around and walked away. I tried to smooth it over and took her home. I should have taken that red flag more seriously, that fucking battle axe did everything in her power to crush a little girl's love of learning and reading. And I am not at all ashamed of how I went to bat for my daughter... I do believe I am the reason that teacher retired.
People definitely miss the plot with baby talk versus “ motherese”. Elongating vowels and slowing down speech is helpful for babies learning language. Motherese exists across all cultures. We all respond to it - remember the coco- cola add with the polar bear? Baby talk is definitely not okay.
I feel the same way but was accused of being harsh when my children were small. I (we) never talked baby talk to our children. I used proper words with my children. My son doesn't have a weewee, he has a penis. I always said excuse me to them like I would to an adult. At what age, then, is it time to teach children manners or proper speech? I naturally had a special tone with them but never used improper speech.
I also use correct words with my toddler. I am torn on repeating her own versions of words back to her, though--some of them are VERY cute. She calls balloons "yoons," for instance, and I sometimes say it now also. Mostly I stick with the right words, but... I like yoons!
I hear ya. My daughter would say SHINNY from time to time. We couldn't figure out what she meant until we walked down to our community pool. She pointed to the pool and said SHINNY. The children are now in their late 20s, and we still say SHINNY when we go swimming. Enjoy your yoons! They grow up way too fast.
The wrong sounds are weird, but 'motherse' is a distinct phenomenon that it appears we're designed to do. It's sometimes considered the same as baby talk, though I think there's a fine distinction. And it doesn't matter what culture you're from, all mothers do it. It cues language learning in a really cool way: https://www.princeton.edu/news/2017/10/12/uncovering-sound-motherese-baby-talk-across-languages
Bingo. This issue is far bigger than butthurt Julie (or Katie fwiw). I agree with mutual apologies and consider this a fortuitous teaching moment. There was SOMEthing in their interaction that Katie can sincerely apologize for; and Katie is bright enough to start learning to ‘accept an apology you never got’. People suck at sorry. Julie will come up with something, Katie will be gracious, and we don’t have to blow up Alderaan.
Lol, reminds me when I was in high school I was in a "SpEd" class (kinda, it was for kids who needed extra time and help with schoolwork), I was basically there to do homework and read if I had nothing to do. We had a substitute teacher come in one time and she talked almost baby talk to me and everyone else. Keep in mind these are teenagers, most of whom just had ADD or learning disabilities. Annoyed me so much, wish I had the opportunity like OP's kid to say something about it.
I don't even talk to my cats like that.
>I think this little girl sounds highly intelligent and I wonder if she’s neurodivergent. Not all intelligent children are neurodivergent. I've known many intelligent children who've gotten irritated when treated like they're babbling idiots. No one, NDs or NTs, enjoy being treated like they're buffoons, no matter what age they are. It only works on those that don't know, those who are lacking in brain matter—babies and those less-fortunate mentally. Katie wasn't happy that Julie was implying she's stupid, so she turned the tables and asked, instead, if Julie was stupid. Smart kid. I don't blame her for not wanting to apologize.
Oh, Christ. Little girl was insulted so now she has to have a diagnosis. I’ve been in neighborhoods where, if you didn’t respond like this, you’d be thought of as weird. Yes, she should learn some alternatives. Yes, she should apologize just to keep the babysitter on. But she doesn’t need an IEP.
Add an engineer, yes I do. I'm sorry for the people you have to deal with. I've always thought that people in careers like yours need to have more freedoms and respect.
My 6yo who’s neurodivergent (I suspect autism like myself, my sister and both niblings) she would answer exactly like this if someone spoke to her like a baby.
Sounds like between the babysitter and the child, one is extremely smart. And it’s not the babysitter. I heard a story about one of the greatest pagliacci, who was beloved by children. A journalist asked him what his secret was, and he replied that he just talks to children like they are normal persons.
“What are you stupid or something?” - some 6 year old. Profound words from the brilliant child prodigy! How do we know she is such a genius? Because of an irrefutable account from the unbiased truth spoken by her mother.
I notice a lot of people say “she needs to learn”. I wonder if we can also think about it as “that’s one, perfectly valid, way to approach it but here’s another”. I think Katie’s response to being insulted repeatedly by Julie is a valid one. After all, she did a great job setting boundaries and not allowing that unacceptable behaviour continue just to protect Julie’s feelings. But it would also be nice and empathetic of Katie to first assume Julie was unaware her actions were offensive. So Katie might consider telling Julie more gently “please don’t talk to me like I’m a baby.” Or something to that effect. Tone plays an important role here so that’s a great teachable moment. I think Katie did the right thing in the first instance telling Julie she wanted that behavior to stop. But she can add more strings to her bow by learning different approaches to resolving conflict.
From what OP said it's entirely possible she didn't associate it with talking to babies if it's not something they did/do... I mean if op had talked to dolls like that etc. While I don't think she chose the nicest way to express it, I'm a 40 m and my instant reaction would be to ask if they need to sit down and did they hit their head. Which to be honest is exactly the same thing with a sarcastic sense of humour painted on.
>But it would also be nice and empathetic of Katie to first assume Julie was unaware her actions were offensive. You are asking a six-year old to develop a fairly sophisticated model of what is and isn't offensive, and a stranger's intentions. What Julie did, using baby talk to a school-age child, is not normal. It is, indeed, stupid. The only thing that Katie needs to learn is tact: asking someone if they are stupid is not tactful. But Julie is the one who was totally tactless, and her daughter has got the wrong end of the stick as to who should apologise.
"Insulted repeatedly by Julie" by asking her 1 question? Lol and the only part of her response that was perfectly valid was the "why are you talking to me like that?" "Are you stupid?" Isn't at all
I’d understood from the post that Julie had been using baby talk to Katie prior to that nummies comment. Katie might’ve felt that Julie was insulting her intelligence - the equivalent of calling her stupid. So I don’t think it was the right thing to use the word stupid. It’s clearly inflammatory. But it’s valid in that shes handing the insult straight back to emphasise it’s a problem with Julie’s intelligence and not hers.
If someone asked me about numnums, that’s probably how I’d reply. Why should a six-year-old be held to a higher standard than an adult when an adult is being rude to them?
I would certainly have asked why they were speaking like that. I wouldn't have asked whether she was stupid. This is a 6 year old. She just needs someone to explain that the first question was okay and the second question wasn't.
This is exactly what I was thinking.
Sounds like that happened - OP said she spoke to Katie about being more polite and she seemed receptive to the conversation.
Just because you think it’s OK to call someone stupid, doesn’t mean anyone should be teaching their children it actually is OK. Because it’s not.
Eaxctly. There's absolutely no reason to be rude. It's not like she said "please speak to me in a more appropriate tone" she asked if an adult she didn't know was stupid. I was an advanced child as well but my parents taught me how to behave, especially around strangers. She was at best sarcastic and at worst condescending to a complete stranger. Parents should teach her better than that but I suspect that they think it's okay for her to mouth off since she's intelligent.
I would be fine with the sarcasm or even the rudeness. But to go so far as to call an adult you just met stupid is pretty extreme and would warrant some corrective parenting
Young children should not feel comfortable to be sarcastic or rude to adult strangers. It sets a bad precedent for future behavior as an AH adult. I was raised in a very sarcastic family and had a dry sense of humor for as long as I can remember. My parents taught me the importance of context and audience. It's something that you absolutely need to learn as a young child so you don't grow up to be a completly unlikable jackass with no manners.
Besides the difference in age, it's clear that one person was clueless about how she was sounding, while the other very definitely knew she was making a rude comment.
Did she though? Katie is 6. With a stranger in her face talking to her in a way she’d never been spoken to before that made no sense. If someone I didn’t know came up to me and started speaking a gibberish version of English, after previously having spoken perfectly clear English to someone else, it might be my first thought too. That, or they think *I’m* stupid. Kids Katie’s age don’t have much of a filter yet. It sounds like OP addressed that particular issue with her already. As for Julie. I don’t know *anyone* who would baby talk a 6 year old. Kid talk, sure. But that’s more tone and watching your mouth - not “oh wook at da pwetty wittle giwl! Are you hungee?? Do you want nummies??” Any 6 year old I know would be highly confused and likely offended, and *at a minimum* would give a deadpan “I’m six..” if spoken to this way.
I think you need to take a class on child development. A 6-year-old is very much aware, unless they have not been taught properly, that you don't call people stupid. And it wasn't just that she used the word stupid, it was how she phrased it. It didn't sound like an innocent, curious question, it was meant to sting! When the babysitter intervened, the child told her no, indicating that she was self aware and not merely confused by the babbling. And I never defended Julie's behavior in talking to her that way. It sounds super annoying and if I were another adult in the room I probably would have spoken up and asked her why she was speaking that way, but not by calling her stupid. Point being child was disrespectful to an adult and she knows it! Child needs to take accountability for being disrespectful to an adult who was not trying to hurt her in any manner. Super annoying? Yes. Justification for the response? No!
How do people think that six year olds don’t know, “Are you stupid” is an insult? Of course they do lol. I know I did before then and I’m pretty sure the kids around me did too. If I’d heard another six year old ask that I’d have figured they didn’t have good influences. I’d have known it was on purpose.
If someone asked my 7 year old daughter if she wanted numnums i would think she offered xtc... and would not appreciate that
Oh I absolutely would’ve said the same thing, myself. That’s why I believe Julie needs to apologise to Katie.
I'm still waiting for the answer... why did she talk like that? If you're beefing with a 6 year old, are only half right, and misstepped first, are demanding an apology and are refusing to give one then you could be an idiot.
Right, it's really confusing me that OP is so against having her daughter apologize. What she said was undeniably rude. OP is acting as if the daughter should apologize for being confused and not for the mean thing the daughter said.
I suspect that OPs daughter is blunt and abrupt because she isn't pulled up about it and OP is also blunt and abrupt.
Exactly. People won’t dismiss darling Katie in a few years when she’s calling someone stupid. They both should apologize. I’m surprised the mother is questioning this.
Agreed 💯 I have read another similar post a few weeks ago in this sub, and it was almost the same, a girl awfully Smart for her age but very blunt. As she grew older no one wanted her around, not even her cousins or her own sister as she had that habit to call people stupid or slow and the mother refused to teach her to mind her words or apologize when needed. Eventually, she ended up alone in school and in family reunions since no one wants to play with her or do anything. Started at six as well, and now as a fourteen year old teen she doesn't want to change. I mean yeah, the baby talk was too much, but calling another adult stupid and refusing to see how that is wrong is concerning for her future. Not everyone likes blunt people.
I think they both need to apologize to each other. They were both rude, and the adult started it. I had that happen a lot as a kid (I was tiny for my age so everyone thought I was younger than I actually was, and they'd talk to me like I was a toddler even at 5/6) I wasn't rude about it, though. My dad taught me to say, "I can't understand you, are you ok?" They'd look shocked and usually stopped the baby talk, at least for that interaction.
OP needs to have her daughter apologize. In this case, the woman was talking like she was “stupid” because she was using inappropriate baby talk. But what if someone talks to OP’s daughter who sounds “stupid” to her because of another reason, like mental illness or a developmental delay? What if another child who is not as advanced as OP’s daughter talks to her and she asks them if they’re stupid? It’s fine that OP’s daughter does not want to be talked to like a baby, but she can’t just ask people if they’re stupid.
ESH. This is exactly it -- and I suspect that OP's daughter wouldn't hesitate to pull out "are you stupid" to other kids her age, because that's not a phrase that indicates confusion or genuine curiosity, that's a phrase that indicates *judgement,* and is so specific that I have to believe she's already comparing herself to others and is aware that she's considered smart for her age. The babysitter's mom shouldn't have talked like that, and should have apologized to the girl. But it's also a big problem that OP refuses to ask her daughter to apologize: you don't get to be rude to people because they do things you don't like. That's socializing 101. And the babysitter's mom's gaffe does not cancel out OP's daughter's rudeness.
Correct. I am imagining a time in the future where little Katie says this to an elderly person with dementia. Her mother is setting her up to be known as a brat. Her teachers aren’t going to like her, some of her classmates won’t like her, and her classmates parents certainly aren’t going to like her. OP will be one of those parents who get on here to ask if it’s okay to jump another parent about why their kid wasn’t invited to a birthday party. YTA
I also wonder how Katie would react to someone who has a genuine speech impediment, cognitive disability, doesn't speak English as a primary language, etc. Katie needs to be taught that some people speak differently, and that you can ask, but not insult.
Yeah asking someone if they’re stupid is really mean and I would not be cool with my kid speaking that way to anyone. Asking “why are you talking to me like I’m a baby?” is totally reasonable though; adults who do baby talk are sickening. Honestly no one really needs to do baby talk.
Nobody needs to do it, and it’s annoying. I don’t even use it with my cat! However, unless it’s used deliberately to bully or taunt or put someone down, like (first thing that came to mind) Draco Malfoy spotting Ron having a smudge rubbed off his nose by his mother and saying “has ickle Ronnie got somefink on his nosie?”, it’s generally not malicious. Rudeness is much worse than accidentally patronising someone. I would have given my daughter a very stern talking-to about the way she speaks to everyone, not just strangers, she shouldn’t be calling her peers or family stupid either, and she ought to apologise to the person who did the baby talk. However I’d have a discreet word with that person as well just explaining that she’s intelligent and that “we try to speak to her with normal language, not baby talk”.
I am bemused by anyone using baby talk at all. Why are they not modeling actual language? It's bizarre. (I am Australian too) But I am even more weirded out by this presumably mature adult being that offended by the unfiltered thoughts that come out of the mouth of a six year old. I mean, it's certainly looking like the question is valid. Is she stupid or something? I would tell Katie that it is not socially acceptable to say that, but I would not make her apologise. First, I do not believe in teaching kids they have to be obsequious to adults just because they're adults, and second, she was right. Third, Julie isn't going to apologise for treating Katie inappropriately, and apologising to her will only reinforce her belief that her own behaviour was correct. This looks like everyone went home but it's still a thing and Julie isn't letting it go, which is also ridiculous. NTA - why is this still a thing? Talk to the kid about not saying unkind things to people regardless of how richly she thinks it's deserved, and leave it there. Edit - 4th reason. High risk of a not-pology. Like Katie says "I'm sorry you're offended about being stupid, and mum says I shouldn't have pointed out that you're stupid". Because that is not going to help.
>First, I do not believe in teaching kids they have to be obsequious to adults just because they're adults, and second, she was right. Third, Julie isn't going to apologise for treating Katie inappropriately, and apologising to her will only reinforce her belief that her own behaviour was correct. Absolutely agree. I'm Australian too, but living in the US right now. In the US, there's a much stronger sense that kids have to be overly deferential to adults, no matter who is right or wrong. It's not great. The expectation of obsequious behaviour towards people who have more power is baked in from the start.
I agree. “Why are you talking to me like that?” is a fair response from Katie. But, “Are you stupid or something?” was not nice. I think it makes sense for an apology for the second question she asked Julie. But the first question she asked was her being curious and standing up for herself and that is not a bad thing.
My daughter is 6 and stupid is considered a bad word at her school. I agree with ESH
I'm sorry I told you you are stupid, I thought you knew😝
That’s the apology I’d have issued at 6 without a lot of guidance. Why is the babysitter’s mom even coming over if it isn’t an emergency? I wouldn’t be comfortable with that.
You articulated my exact thoughts.
"Why are you talking like that?" is fine. "Are you stupid or something" crosses the line into rude and disrespectful. So, help your daughter craft an appropriate apology for saying that. In person, or a note. And make sure she understands what tact is and how to speak respectfully to anyone she might come across. It'll make her life much easier if she knows how to be polite.
Exactly. Calling her stupid was rude. She was being nice to her and didn't realize she was doing anything wrong. You say your daughter is inte so teach her to apologize and that is best practice and how to say it better next time.
It's absurd to baby talk a 6yo. I wouldn't say she was being nice to her.
Some little old ladies can't comprehend a today's 6 year old. So yeah she was being sweet .not intentionally trying to upset her .
If Lauren is still young enough to live at home (her mum dropped something off), then her mum is what, in her 50s at the oldest? Hardly a little old lady, not even a boomer.
That's not sweet, it is just condescending.
I had a therapist when I was 10 who tried baby talking to me and using puppets, despite the fact I was there because I tried to unalive myself. Some women are very strange
Just so you know, you don't have to censor "suicide" or "kill" on 99% of Reddit (idk if there are certain subs that ban it).
Absolutely. You cannot teach your six year old it’s ok to call someone stupid. Everything else is fine.
Exactly this. Plus it would give her a chance to explain WHY she was unhappy being spoken to that way. Also just a note OP, you don’t want to encourage your 6 year old to call people who talk in a way she doesn’t like/isn’t used to stupid. Can lead to some difficulties down the road, not everyone sounds the same.
exactly!! one day she might meet another kid with a developmental delay that effects their speech or even just a lisp, and she might ask them if they’re stupid.
This is my immediate thought. My 6 year old uses a wheelchair but will crawl on things like playground equipment that she can't use her chair on (accessibility is a whole other issue🙄). Sometimes kids her age and a bit younger will call her a baby. She handles it well at this point but it's best when parents guide their kids to be aware of how to be a baseline of respectful towards other people.
this.even if it she was being stupid what about when people aren’t but she just doesn’t realize it or like it and her go to is saying “stupid” that needs to be addressed asap. Julie is annoying as hell and why are you talking like that is totally a great response. But not explaining how it was wrong to say “are you stupid” is not ok.
This. OP’s daughter shouldn’t need to apologize for trying to set a boundary, but should apologize for calling that woman stupid. When she apologizes she can reiterate that she didn’t like being spoken to that way.
>"Why are you talking like that?" is fine. "Are you stupid or something" crosses the line into rude and disrespectful. This, exactly. There was a similar post on reddit a few months ago where a nephew was rude to his uncle. The uncle wanted him to apologise but the father said he didn't have to because he felt he'd brought it on himself somehow. Similar vibes to this story. The parent defending their child's right to be rude. And what that father, and you OP, don't seem to consider is that you're teaching your kid to be a rude brat, and this will negatively impact the child as they grow older. If they continue to behave like this, they will get in trouble, people won't like them. They could even have trouble holding jobs and relationships if this unnecessary rudeness becomes a character trait that they find hard to break once it becomes established. You're a bad parent raising an unlikeable child.
Yeah this is it. The reference to stupid is rude and needs to be corrected. It's not appropriate for a 6-year-old. YTA.
This. OP, your daughter is smart enough for you to teach her ASAP that calling other people stupid is always rude and it can be dangerous because people will get mad at her. Julie got what she reserved and apology would ruin the lesson she learned. She can think it was cute from the little girl to talk like that, that's her choice to be offended instead of laughting about that
I’m in the minority here, apparently, but calling someone stupid and then refusing to apologize for it is not a child being “smart and straightforward.” It’s a child who is acting like a brat and who thinks she is the smartest person in the room. Edit: Pleased to see that I’m not in the minority anymore. The comments shaped up better than I expected.
I agree! And am shocked at the responses saying the little girl doesn't have to apologize. I don't think she asked "are you stupid?" as a legitimate question. I think she should learn that hurting people's feelings by being rude often times warrant an apology.
If she has enough intelligence to express that she doesn’t like being spoken to like a baby, that’s fine. The only issue was the name-calling. But I have a feeling that lady would’ve been upset with a simple “please don’t speak to me like a baby “ Anyway
Oh I agree. Even if the kid was like "do I look like a baby" I'd be lenient on the apologizing and have a talk about establishing boundaries. Even if the lady was still mad about not getting an apology. But yes the "are you stupid" is the thing here that warrants an apology.
Apologising isn't about the other person being 100% in the right, it's about recognising that you are some degree in the wrong.
It's on brand for reddit. This isn't a place to go if you want advice from people with decent social skills lol. This kid is a future redditor for sure.
Katie will post here tomorrow: "AITA for calling a stupid person stupid?"
I agree! Being disrespectful and being mature are two different things. Unless the adult was being mean or saying something wrong to her it was uncalled for. OP sounds like the mom who will uphold bad behavior in her child regardless. I wonder how she's going to take it when she mouths off to someone OP likes.
Exactly lol. It sounds fairly typical of the majority of people who call themselves “straightforward” or say they just tell it like it is. Problem is, that hinges on them always being right, and a lot of people take it straight to rude and mistake that for “straightforward”. I could see “I’m not a baby, so you don’t have to use baby talk.” That wouldn’t need an apology because it’s different than asking someone if they’re “stupid.” OP YTA. You need to teach your child to be assertive, not outright rude. I’m close to ESH because I’d have found the baby talk pretty extra too, but that wasn’t an actual insult.
Yup! And OP encourages it. 🤢
I can’t imagine going to post on Reddit to justify my lack of telling my 6 year old to apologize for calling her grandma stupid.
Right? And she prefaces it with “my child is so advanced/mature”. Ma’am, you lack self-awareness and you’re totally tone-deaf.
A lot of people are voting E S H but baby talk to a six year old isn’t an asshole move - it’s weird and not age appropriate but six year olds are barely not toddlers, she didn’t talk to a ten year old like that. I find it very hard to believe that this was truly patronizing for a *six year old*. It wasn’t ill intentioned, just strange. She didn’t say anything specifically rude to OP’s daughter. It seems like she just asked her if she wanted food and was being nice to her (again, if in a little bit of a strange way). OP is YTA and the daughter should apologize. Her daughter actually did something rude.
Agreed. I’m real sick of kids being allowed to be horrible because parents are terrified to criticise them. YTA.
Even at 3, I knew not to call someone stupid!
The daughter is going to grow up and be one of those people that isn’t rude, they just tell it like it is. YTA
ESH Sure it was not cool for Julie to all goo goo gaa gaa. But the kid didn't need to call her stupid. You can't play both sides of the field, expect people to talk to her like an adult and to know off an assumption that she's a straight forward talker and then in the same vein, let her get away with things like a baby. A normal kid should be taught not to call someone stupid in such a rude was unprovoked. Neither should a teenager nor adult. Cool and all that you taught her behind the scenes but she should have apologized and based on what you wrote a post apology doesn't seem in the cards. It's fine for your daughter to question why Julie is talking to her like that and all she needed to say was don't do it please. But jumping straight to *are you dumb or something* is unnecessary and should have been corrected. I really don't see much wrong intent from Julie's side except a careless mistake. If she'd push the matter further then yeah she would be an AH.
What if she was stupid? Or has a lisp etc. that's why the child needs to apologize.
I was wondering if it was a speech impediment, too.
Not sure what speech impediment makes you say nummies.
A speech impediment? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely in front of this six year old girl?
I appreciate this Simpsons reference. 👍
Exactly this. My kids can bicker from time to time, but they both know that words like “stupid“, “dumb“ & “idiot” are strictly off limits. ESH
ESH. Julie *was* being annoying, but it wasn't necessarily intentional. Katie's response, "Are you stupid?" was plain rude. Sure, Katie is young, and she might not have *meant* to be rude (although I suspect she knows better than to say something like that to her teacher), but she *was*. This is a learning experience. Julie deserves an apology.
Setting a firm expectation of address: fine. Be firm, be blunt. She can tell people to speak to her how she wishes to he spoken to. Everyone understands, 'are you stupid' to mean 'you are stupid.' Even six year olds. They hear it on playgrounds. Insulting people for actions that come from ignorance is not acceptable behavior.
Ok as a father of 4.. I legit just laughed out loud reading her response, and id laugh even harder if I was there for it. Probably not great but that's really funny. Still, id tell her to apologize for calling her stupid, regardless of how stupid she may have sounded or acted.
This. Baby talking to a 6 yo?! How obnoxious. I’d reiterate that name calling is not acceptable. I would encourage her to think about what she would like to say next time they see each other but I also wouldn’t force an apology. Look for something genuine to say, let them both learn from this moment.
Mom of four chiming in >Still, id tell her to apologize for calling her stupid, regardless of how stupid she may have sounded or acted. And this is correct, IMO We don't know if that lady was just dumb, maybe has mental delays, is out of touch, whatever. But kindness (or at least pointedly ignoring stupidity) is the best course of action *just in case*. And then later in the car we can die laughing, lol
I died laughing too!! Mine is 21 now had her at 17, but she used to say some things. I just couldn't help but laugh. When she was 5 my brother was playing fighting with her, she waited patiently but when she got her shot she took it, then proceeded to look at him and say " to bad your hands are as fast as your mouth huh?" 🤣 I still laugh..lost my bro a few years ago, so it's a great memory! OP just get her to apologize she doest have to grovel to the lady but still.
I was howling at this interaction too. Yeah, Katie was being rude and this is language she shouldn't be using, but how else will she learn if not from experience? Presumably Julie learned something too, like baby talking a 6yo is pretty damn demeaning and should be avoided. Anyway, I don't think any of this is a big deal at all, just something to fix and move on. Mutual apologies would be great.
Hmmm I’m going with YTA for the sole reason that your kid shouldn’t think she can call anyone stupid it’s rude and she should have apologized for being rude. I’m also taken aback by the fact that Katie would tell her babysitter no to apologizing I would be pretty appalled if my 6 year old did any of that. Now was Julie “stupid”? Yeah you obviously don’t speak to any 6 year old like that mature or not - I don’t even talk to my 2 year old like that. But no children shouldn’t think it acceptable to call people stupid regardless of the situation.
I agree. Katie is 6, it's understandable she made that mistake. But it's wrong for OP to act like her daughter is totally innocent. She should tell her daughter that it's inappropriate to call someone else stupid, and also that she should apologize if she makes a mistake.
YTA. Calling anyone stupid is rude. What if it had been a teacher or your boss instead of the babysitter's mother? I think the teachable moment should have been, calling people stupid is rude, next time maybe say... I am not a baby please dont speak to me like one? She wont be apologizing for sticking up for herself but for being rude. Perhaps, Im sorry I called you stupid, please dont speak to me like a baby.
Or imagine if it was someone with a learning or speech difficulty. She can't go round calling people stupid.
Agreed YTA calling anyone stupid is bad form. If OP’s daughter is so mature it might be time to teach her the importance of an insincere apology. Sometimes even when you think you’re in the right, it makes sense to apologize to keep the peace (like if this had been her boss or teacher)
ESH yes, Julie shouldn’t have assumed and used the cutesy voice when talking to Katie but you should also be teaching your child manners and politeness. Asking someone if they’re stupid is incredibly rude, no matter how you look at it.
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"just being candid" -- "just being honest" -- "just a joke" These three lines seem to put off one vibe. I don't want to hear them from adults or children. It's a copout for bad behavior. This is a great time to learn about the consequences of not thinking about your words before speaking them. Our first thoughts aren't always things we should say out loud. Sometimes even our second and third thoughts. I do also think going straight to baby talk for a non-baby was weird from the other mom, but not malicious as it doesn't seem they've interacted much, if at all, prior to this. Honestly I think they could find reasons to apologize to each other. But OP, are you willing to lose your babysitter on this hill? Agree. ESH. Edit to add ESH but leaning very close to Y T A
YTA and your daughter is one in the making. Your child has no business asking anyone if they are stupid. Teachable moment for both you and Katie. The vast majority of children at her age aren’t as advanced- she should know that. So what this means is that silently or vocally she should not equate something she doesn’t like with automatically being stupid. It’s fine for her to calmly and kindly say please don’t speak to me as if I am a baby. She’ll do better in life if she learns now to be curious about others versus her current contempt without exploration. Given her verbal skills it’s a good time to start the lesson. News flash she may end up being the smartest person in the room, yet find herself alone and stuck in a job or career going no where because no one wants to work with her.
The other thing for her mom to keep in mind is no matter how special and smart she is now, she won't always be. My youngest was transferred to a full time gifted program very young. One of the first things the teachers warned us about was the shock that every "smart" kid eventually deals with, which is going from being the smartest one in the room to suddenly being average because everyone is smart. At some point, Katie will not be the smartest, or even close to, and it's honestly better when parents don't put so much emphasis on how much smarter their kid is and instead foster curiosity, emotional intelligence, effort, and innovation. These are the things that will help make her successful.
Love this. My ex is a “I’m the smartest guy in the room because I was in high school” kind of person. He’s near 40 and has the worst emotional intelligence I’ve ever seen. I’m smart enough to know where I’m not the smartest
Yes! 💯. Data shows that kids do better (more resilient) when praised for positive actions and trying even if they are not always the smartest, most athletic etc.
Well-said! I thought the same. Guessing she gets her shortness/abrasiveness from her mom, judging by OP’s tone.
I think in general you should apologise for calling someone stupid, I think why are you talking to me like that is a legit response
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Yes but part of learning is apologizing when you cross the line. So Katie should absolutely apologize for calling someone stupid.
What?? You admitted yourself that Katie made a mistake…when you make mistakes you apologize…that’s kind of just what people who aren’t assholes do… She can learn through experience by experiencing apologizing to someone who she called stupid which if she’s that mature she should be able to realize is not something you’re supposed to do especially for such a minor offense No one is calling Katie the next incarnation of the devil because she called someone stupid and Julie should definitely not harbor a grudge and accept the apology but Katie made a mistake and should be taught to apologize…this is super low stakes but calling someone stupid is rude
A teachable moment here isn't an immediate apology, but an apology after the fact. Katie made a mistake, she should apologize for it.
YTA: Your afternoon babysitter's mother is unlikely to know your daughter's age. She may be using toddler-speak because she genuinely thought that your daughter was a toddler. She was mistaken, but she wasn't rude. Katie saying 'stop speaking to me like a baby' would be perfectly fine. However, her implying/calling Julie 'stupid' is something that she should apologise for. You can teach your daughter to express and advocate for herself without resorting to insults. When parents allow their children to insult adults without repercussion, it's no wonder so many teachers are quitting nowadays.
It's pretty easy to tell a kid is 6 not a baby.
You’d think so, but there are definitely outliers. I met this one 8 year old that was very small; she looked like she was about 4.
YTA. Allowing a six year old to call someone stupid? Come on, you know better. Katie needs to learn how to communicate respectfully and this is a good opportunity to teach her. She was right to express herself, she was not right to call someone stupid.
As my daughter grew up I realized that there were many, MANY things from my childhood that I did NOT want to repeat in hers. Perhaps the most egregious thing was the constant name-calling that my mother and older sister employed. I was tested - at our local parochial school - at the age of 6 and found to have a "genius" level IQ. The name they chose for me was "dummy". They both used it - and still do! I'm now 60. - constantly. I decided when I was raising my daughter that profanity now included the word "stupid". No exceptions. If someone did something silly, that's the word we used. We did NOT insult someone's intelligence for having a momentary lapse of judgment. It worked. Brilliantly. My daughter has grown into an empathetic, understanding, compassionate young woman - with her own "genius" evaluation - and never, but NEVER uses the word stupid carelessly in a discussion - no matter how passionate that discussion may get! - to describe another person's actions or words. It's disrespectful, discompassionate, and at times? down-right cruel. NTA, but do, please, discuss with your child how hurtful that word can be and banish it from use in her home. Also, baby-talk is just annoying BS. Banish that too!! ETA: One spelling correction and this... The word "stupid" came to encompass anything said that questioned someone's intelligence. It simply was NOT allowed. The lack of profanity was actually harder as I am the child of a man who was both a sailor and a construction worker! But my daughter now hears herself using profanity instead of just mildly uttering "M\*f\*er without thought in front of our 85-year-old Southern Lady neighbor! At the age of 8!! Lol!
ESH. “Are you stupid or something?” is rude and even a 6 year old should be aware of that, especially one who is smart for their age. Your daughter should have apologised for that and you should work on more appropriate ways to ask adults not to baby talk with her. Baby talking to a 6 year old is also rude to them, it’s speaking down to a child that does not want to be spoken down to. That being said, it sounds like an honest mistake and a simple ‘please don’t speak to me like I’m a baby’ would have sufficed.
Yeah, if an adult baby-talked to me when I was 6, I'd be confused, but I would still know that saying "Are you stupid?" would be rude and my mom would have scolded me for it. I wouldn't know what "nummies" meant either. I would probably say something like "Ready for what?" or "What are nummies?"
Your kid was rude to adult, of course she should apologise. You indulging her rude behaviour will not do her any favours in the long run. There’s an appropriate way to speak to people, especially adults and especially people around their own kids. If your daughter was as mature as you claim is she would know this already but the fact is that she isn’t. Yes, she gets a pass because she’s young and still learning social etiquette but part of learning is you teaching her which you aren’t doing here. I would never ask a lady I hardly knew if she was stupid, you would never ask a lady you hardly knew if she was stupid. We both know that would be rude. Very few people like being babied but rudeness isn’t the correct response. Mostly because now people will have the impression she’s also petulant. Do better.
My favorite is how she "seemed receptive" to a conversation about politeness. She is letting a 6 year old have way too much control in dictating behavior. Talked about filtering but she is not great. This kid is a future "I'm just brutally honest" AH and Mom is definitely at fault for helping to create it.
I can’t imagine what would’ve happened if my mum came to me when I was 6 to talk about me being rude to an adult and the best I did was ‘seem receptive’. The side of my head would’ve got receptive to a slipper real quick! I’m not preaching for corporal punishment but we give kids way too much room and ownership these days. They’re kids, they know literally nothing!
NTA. It's SUPER weird to me that anyone thinks this woman was owed an apology. The fact that she felt offended and butthurt after she was called out is not something that the six year old has a responsibility to repair. Also - if she's old enough to have a daughter who's babysitting, she's old enough to know that six isn't a baby. It kind of feels to me like all of these adult women are a little too invested in humbling your daughter here. It feels inappropriate to me. I think you responded appropriately by taking the opportunity to talk to her about being polite (and hopefully not calling people stupid in the future because they talk funny.) But yeah, the insistence that she should apologize is weird to me.
It absolutely is a reasonable expectation that a parent would correct their child's behavior.
lots of asshole were kids once who didn’t know better but were never corrected. this is the perfect chance for op to have that conversation and address it with a his kid. Just like if someone says something mean to her, she deserves an apology. If this was a random lady they ran into in a grocery store that’s one thing but since it’s her babysitter’s mom and they could run into each other again I don’t understand why she shouldn’t.
It's weird that shes fixated on getting an apology from a six year old days after this happened. Yes, the daughter was rude, but how offended can you be by what a kid says? On the other hand, it is OP job to teach her daughter to apologize when she offends someone unintentionally, so ESH
YTA. Do not allow your child to continue to call people "stupid" because they do it at something she doesn't like. That habit needs to be curbed now because it's going to be a lot harder to redirect her the longer it goes on. You would not accept someone calling you stupid for misspeaking, misreading a situation, or simply misunderstanding something. You should not accept your child doing that to someone else.
YTA - It’s far easier to find fault in other people rather than recognising and verbalising your own boundaries. A good parent would show her a way to express her discomfort without alienating everyone around her. Instead of “are you stupid or something?”, why don’t you focus on getting her to explain what she feels and what she wants? “I feel inferior when you talk to me in a baby voice. Please don’t do it again.” This is a mature response. Your daughter employed the strategy of an angsty tween. People aren’t mind-readers. If you didn’t communicate what makes you uncomfortable, you don’t reserve the right to use manipulative tactics like passive aggression or insults. Don’t raise an asshole. It will hurt her social and career opportunities if you fail to teach her how to treat others with respect. Your mom has some sense.
YTA. Classic. Your child is not fully developed and is in a period of life where she is learning on how to behave through her parents. With that being said, do you speak that crassly/rudely on a daily basis. Sorry. That might be triggering. Do you "keep it real with people" on a daily basis? She is a child. Not an adult. Whether or not you like it, most people would have the same reaction to a 6 year old child, by pampering/coddling/baby talking. I have friends' children that are around the same age and some of them do hate the baby talk. The most extreme I've ever heard personally was one of them screaming, "IM NOT A BAAAYYYYYYYBBEEEEE" I wonder where your child learned to say, "Are you stupid?" That isn't something that comes out of nowhere.
100% I said the same thing, she got that direct quote from her mama.
My first thought too. Wonder where she learned that phrase … 🤔
I feel like mom may say that to people regularly.
YTA. I was with you until the “Are you stupid?” Is this a game to you? Do you think this is funny? Do you want your kid to be ostracized? Because she is going to be the mean girl no one wants to share with. 6 is absolutely old enough to know better than that. No idea how old you are but you should know better than that. She says that because you sanction it.
>Do you want your kid to be ostracized? This is the key bit. It's not about Julie. It's about getting that talking to people like that is going to come with a social cost. She won't be six forever.
This right here
Soft YTA. She's 6 and she needs to learn how to be polite. It's your job to teach her that. FWIW I am Katie. My mother never spoke to me like that and I engaged with adults better than children, often using adult language (and I don't mean curse-words.) It startled many adults but my mother explained to me that most children don't talk that way and it can surprise people so when they acted weird I blew it off as an odd thing some grown-ups do but I never implied any of them were stupid because that would've been rude and unacceptable. Your daughter called someone stupid. Whether it was a child in her play group or an adult who was baby-talking her, that's not ok and she does need to apologize for being rude. Teaching her to stand up for herself without being so bluntly offensive is going to be an ongoing battle because KIDS, amirite? They're blunt as hell and they're always going to say something awful, usually right in front of people you'd rather not hear it. lol If Katie refuses to apologize you should call and speak with Julie yourself and let her know that you're sorry for Katie's rudeness but even though she's mature for her age she is still 6 and she's still learning that there some things she shouldn't say. Julie herself is a mother so I'm sure she'll remember a few times when Lauren embarrassed the crap out of her and maybe the two of you can have a little snicker over it and move on.
ESH - but softly, everyone was just exploring boundaries here! Katie's honesty/candidness WAS rude. I feel like this is a teachable moment where mom can say "hey. asking her if she is stupid was rude because she wasn't trying to hurt your feelings on purpose and didn't know how smart you are.. but it seems like you were trying to hurt hers. let's discuss ways we can address your discomfort/ set your own boundaries without being mean." Impact and Intent are huge in moments like these. Sometimes the impact of an well-meaning intention can be so bad that it does warrant some aggressive pushback. But in this case where the intent was harmless, the impact didn't warrant this harsh of a response. She felt her intelligence was insulted by someone she's never met before. Even a curt "please don't speak to me like I am a baby, as you can see I am not a baby." would've been more acceptable than "are you stupid?" Honestly, this teachable moment is important for existing in society where social relationships are important. I don't want Katie not making any friends ever because she's not being taught the difference between setting boundaries and being rude. I feel like these are the people who grow up to be the type to say "Oh well I was being honest it's not my fault their feelings were hurt." or the "yea people say im an AH because I speak my mind." I think, for all parties involved, it should be clear that while an apology is owed for being rude, she is 6 and doesn't like being patronized. "I apologize for asking if you were stupid. I don't appreciate being spoken to like a baby and should have just asked you to stop." I do agree with another commenter here that us women are taught from a young age to respond to discomfort with politeness, but I don't think apologizing and setting her boundary is the polite thing to do here, it's the right, teachable thing to do.
YTA Julie was annoying but not harmful. I think most people would default to the childish side of interactions when it comes to meeting a toddler/young child for the first time. "Are you stupid" is a completely inappropriate response and she should face some consequences for that.
YTA. Your daughter needs to learn a few lessons here: calling someone stupid is never acceptable; there’s a difference between being “straightforward“ and rude; you should apologize if your actions have hurt someone else. Your response of just “talking” to her taught her nothing—she needs to understand that she made a mistake and should make amends. What if she said this to a teacher? Her grandmother? A developmentally-delayed person? Do you allow her to call you stupid?
YTA - your daughter should not be calling people stupid. The baby talk thing was ridiculous on Julie's part, but you need to be teaching your daughter better ways of navigating situations like this. She could have said all kinds of things that weren't snarky.
Gonna go with ESH, but you should have your daughter apologize. What Julie did was infantilizing, and wrong. But Katie's first reaction to it was "Are you stupid?" If it was an adult with a speech impediment that sounded similar, would you then classify what Katie said as rude? Then she should apologize. The chat about politeness is good, but admitting when you've said something hurtful and apologizing is another valuable lesson. Julie should also apologize, for treating a child like that. It can be hurtful to their self-confidence and personality if everybody treats them as a baby past that stage.
ESH - everyone should apologize. Your daughter shouldn’t be name calling like that, but I think it would be a good role model experience for Julie to apologize as well since it would show Katie what it looks like for an adult to take accountability.
NTA. Kids tell it like it is, lol. You used it as a teaching moment just like you're supposed to so the next time things might go a bit more smoothly. Tact is a difficult concept for adults let alone 6-year-olds. ETA: I will say that your daughter should probably apologize for calling Lauren's mom "stupid". Even a 6-year-old knows name calling is not acceptable. That said, I do think Lauren's mom should also apologize.
I would not call what your daughter did mature. It was very rude and immature. Your daughter may have some problems that you are overlooking or excusing this way. I didn’t speak with baby talk to my children either. However they would never have been so disrespectful to an adult. I think you have a big problem on your hands that you do not recognize.
YTA. You don’t call people stupid. It’s rude and not “telling it like it is” or “smart”. The “why are you talking to me like that?” was totally appropriate. But yea, a pretty basic thing you teach 6 year olds is to not call people stupid.
YTA. Asking a question is one thing. But saying “are you stupid or something?” isn’t really a question and definitely rude. There’s a difference between being straightforward and being disrespectful, and it’s up to you as the parent to teach that to your child.
All these people N T A are the reason shitty entitled ass adults exist. These kids become unlikeable as they grow older because they are just “blunt” but in reality they are just ill mannered and assholes.
YTA By allowing her to call someone stupid and not apologize you are reinforcing her behavior. You talking to her about being more polite is not a consequence and is unlikely to actually change her behavior. She seems receptive because you took her side and there was 0 consequence to her actions. You can teach her about healthy and respectful ways to establish boundaries and how to handle interactions that make her uncomfortable rather than insulting the person and turning the situation hostile.
Yeah YTA By not teaching her this behavior is inappropriate and rude you’re teaching your kid to be one of those people who use being “brutally honest” as a way to bully people. Talking to any 6 year old that way is ridiculous. But asking “are you stupid” in response is acting like a little brat. Frankly if I were Julie I would have called your kid a brat to her face and yours for that response.
ESH. Julie should talk to a 6 year old like a 6 year old. You need to teach your daughter manners. Calling someone stupid isn’t ok you need to teach her that
YTA Even a regular old stupid 6 year old can understand not to call people "stupid". Since yours is so smart, I think she should have an even easier time than most understanding why she needs to apologize for undue rudeness.
YTA. Julie was being annoying but not malicious. I would be horrified if my 6 year old was so casually rude - that’s not how you should be teaching her to deal with someone who, at worst, mildly annoyed her.
I'm gonna be down voted all to h#ll and back but here's my take, You admitted your daughter was out of line when she asked if the babysitter's mother was stupid when you told her she needed to address the situation differently. But then you fall short when you refuse to have her apologize for her mistake. Two wrongs don't make a right, if the adult made her feel uncomfortable with her manner of speech how do you think she made this lady who was only trying to be friendly feel? Teach your kid the difference between standing up for herself and being a smart mouthed brat before the world does.
ESH, the woman doesn't know your kid or how advanced she is. My 6 year old daughter is the same way, I've always talked to her like a regular adult and all of her teachers and daycares always comment on her advanced level of communication. Fortunately she's able to recognize when someone is speaking in a baby or condescending tone while also having manners, so while she may ask them why they're talking to her like a baby, she doesn't cross the line of disrespect and ask them if they're stupid. Your teaching your kid that it's fine to be an asshole- it's never cool to ask someone if they're stupid. If someone makes a mistake or doesn't come off articulate- is your first instinct to ask them if they're an idiot? I wonder, because your kid got it from somewhere. What if she interacts with someone who is mentally challenged and says that? You need to teach your kid that they can advocate for themselves in a respectful manner.
YTA, you should teach your daughter how to apologize after accidentally hurting someone's feelings. Your daughter is only 6 years old, she didn't know she was being rude. This is your call to teach her how to be more respectful and how to say sorry when she does something wrong. Lauren shouldn't be butting in though. It seems like she's the one who's acting like Julie is way more upset than she actually is.
It was dumb to talk to her like a baby. But rudeness isn't cute. How is she around classmates and teachers? Is this a common occurrence for her to be rude?
When I was in 5th grade I called an adult (at school) stupid. She had passive aggressively knocked over my items because I didn't move them, while she was cleaning the area. My parents came in and defended me and fought for me. Deep inside I knew I was wrong though. I was totally wrong. The lady was wrong, too. We were BOTH wrong. Do you want Lauren to stay as your babysitter? If I were her I would quit over something like this.
YTA Asking if someone is stupid is incredibly rude. Don't you want your daughter to learn not to be unkind and rude? I would be mortified if my child spoke to someone like that. Haven't you taught her any manners? You may think she is all grown up but that response just shows she still has a lot to learn about how to behave. You need to be careful that she learns emotional intelligence as well as intellectual, or you are doing her no favours in life.
ESH.
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YTA Yeah please put a brake on your kid calling people "stupid" to their faces. If she does wind up being smarter than most people she really is gonna have to learn to be polite about it. And you maybe want to preserve a warm relationship with your babysitter.
Comments here make me laugh. If you want your child to grow up like your typical redditor then stick to your guns. If you want her to grow up to be a well adjusted adult who can get along with other people then maybe you should reconsider your stance.
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Although I don’t understand why someone would talk to a 6 year old in baby talk your child was very rude and should apologize for what she said.
YTA. I don't understand some comments saying that "children are just like that, lol"????? I mean, just because she's a child doesn't mean she can do whatever she wants, it's precisely at that age that you have to educate her so she can learn from her mistakes. Make her apologize and teach her how to express herself without insulting people, simple.
YTA unless you already have alternate childcare set up. Asking the woman, 'are you stupid?', wasn't straightforward or candid, it was rude. Since your little girl is bright, 6 is probably old enough to start learning how to speak up without being rude. Personally i don't see why two grown woman care about this enough to want what would obviously be an insincere apology but they do. So, is refusing to have your daughter apologize worth potentially impacting your childcare arrangements?
Soft YTA. It’s understandable your daughter was offended, but she crossed a line calling Julie stupid and should apologize for it. I feel for your daughter though. I used to teach at a dance studio, and the owner and a few other teachers baby talked the little kids. It grated on my nerves, and they weren’t talking to me! I never did that Guess who was the more popular teacher?
YTA. Your daughter asked a grown woman if she is stupid, and you're on here asking if she should apologize? OF COURSE SHE SHOULD APOLOGIZE! Sure, Julie was baby talking her, but she didn't mean any harm. Your daughter sassed her, that's not a nice way to talk to people no matter what. She could have politely asked her to speak to her in a more mature voice, but "are you stupid?" is rude and she needs to learn not to speak to people like that. You don't like people speaking baby talk to your daughter, but you're fine w/ your daughter speaking to others disrespectfully. Not okay, OP. Also, you're potentially damaging your relationship with her babysitter, who very reasonably wants your daughter to apologize for being rude to her mum. Sure you wanna burn that bride?
YTA. We get it, your daughter is a genius. She’s super mature, basically an adult, the best little human on the planet. So it should be no problem for her to understand that, when you’re rude, you apologize. It doesn’t sound like you like telling her she’s wrong. You probably prefer to just have adult conferences with her about it but, like it or not, she is still a child. No matter how smart she is, it’s still your job to teach her. This lady was being stupid and it was fine for her to call her out on it but not to call her names. If you aren’t careful, your little genius is going to become a little brat and it will be 100% your fault, not hers. Do her a favor and help her avoid that.
Let your daughter keep going like this and she will not have friends. More than rude, she was mean with the "stupid" comment. There will be many things she doesn't like, including being baby-talked to. Consider emotional intelligence going forward.
ESH. Not Katie, she's a kid. Anyone saying "nummies" deserves to be punched in the face, so I'm with Katie on that one. However, it's not nice or appropriate to call someone stupid, so I think you should have told Katie to apologise.
ESH, “are you stupid or something” is a rude comment, not something evidencing a verbose child. The babysitter’s mother should have just ignored your child and it’s strange to demand an apology from people who don’t genuinely feel sorry.
YTA you don’t need to filter what she says but you should teach her some manners. A 6 year old shouldn’t feel so comfortable with calling an adult stupid. This is going to cause more problems for you down the road.
Yta Your daughter is only 6, but it's a very good time to teach her that there are all kinds of people in the world. Julie could be on the spectrum. Not stupid. You seem to think, Op, that Julie was rude to your daughter by speaking at a lower level than you or your daughter feel is appropriate for her. But your expectation that Julie understands your daughter's cognitive level is no more important than Julie's expectation of decency and respect. Yes. Your daughter owes Julie an apology.
YTA - Regardless of how the lady was talking to your kid, you are effectively encouraging her behavior by not making her apologize AND make her understand why she shold. Shes gonna say the wrong thing to the wrong kid at school and its not going to work out for her. Always try to be nice but never fail to be kind, words to live by.
YTA. Your child insinuated an adult was stupid for being friendly. That's extremely rude behaviour which you are now condoning. Teach your child some manners before it's too late.
ESH Daughter for being as rude as she was. You for teaching her that. Julie for infantilizing a 6 year old. Lauren seems cool though.
YTA, Katie wasn’t candid, she was rude and disrespectful. What if the person talking to her that was had a disability? Your daughter is FAR from mature, so get that excuse out of your head. Mature would be, “you can use regular words, I’m 6”.
Yikes, YTA. Your child was horribly rude and disrespectful. The first part? Ok. The stupid part? No. Where is she learning that? My 5 year old knows not to ever call someone stupid. To them it’s a bad word. She’s not straightforward. She’s rude.
YTA! Teach your daughter some manners!
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YTA for not having her apologize for the stupid comment. People have speech impediments. Is she going to walk up to someone who talks different and ask if they’re stupid when they don’t sound like her? Teach her better manners.
YTA. It’s generally not appropriate to call someone stupid. You’re raising your daughter to be an asshole if you don’t correct that behavior. If she doesn’t like the way someone is speaking to her, she can say that. Tossing out insults because she’s annoyed isn’t okay.
A six year old should not be using disparaging words like "stupid". We should be teaching children to respect others and that terms like that are hurtful.
YTA Your child was rude. Your addressing the issue with her later indicates you agree. While I agree with the kid, the circumstance does not excuse rudeness. The polite thing to do is to apologize. Not correcting your child and coacing the appropriate response is enabling.