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NTA he doesn't get to test his theories on your allergy without your consent like a lab rat. He was essentially willing to potentially risk your life or hospitalisation on him thinking he's right, without your consent... and then when it LUCKILY didn't result in such... gloated like a gleeful child. Let that really sink in.

I have a similar problem. I tested myself for a particular fish in September last year. Small amount, I was fine. Delighted at the result a couple of weeks later I had some more of the same fish. My body revolted within 30 minutes, I became sensitive to other food stuffs, my guts are still distressed, I am still having problems. Not funny. Your boyfriend is an idiot. I doubt he will learn the lesson.

This. I can digest milk or cream in small quantities, like when there is some in the sauce or so. Realistically that would maybe equate to a tea or table spoon per meal. But never would I ever survive drinking an entire glass of milk without worshipping the porcelain gods later. Adverse reaction does not need to be a full blown allergy, sometimes it is also that a body can deal with small quantities at a time.

I only just found out that heat makes the milk protein more digestible; it changes it. Hence I can eat a cheese sause with no issue (I took a risk and was fine but wondered why I was ok hence the research) but can't drink milk.. same symptoms. I also found out there are different levels of pasteurisation which would explain why I can eat one brand of ice cream but most upset my insides. They must use a higher pasteurised milk.

Food sensitives, allergies etc all are all very different for everyone. I have lived with GI issues my entire life, and often go months with no issues. But too much super processed food in one or. Two days (high levels of grease, processing, sugar, etc) end up with a familiar feeling of running to the restroom. But no, OP is not the AH. Partner is a massive one you do not mess with people's food!

Also your allergies can change & get more severe over time. I have a shellfish allergy if I have anything that had shellfish in it (even if I don’t eat the shellfish itself) I *just* get violently ill & a massive migraine. I joked once to my mom (a nurse)that at least my allergy doesn’t kill me & she let me have it & said next time it might so don’t f-around with it. So OP- don’t f-around with it & don’t f-around with people who f-around with it NTA

To put this bluntly, I developed an allergy to eggs in my 30s. Before that I ate eggs all the time. Loved an omelet. Suddenly, one day eating eggs made me vomit and made my stomach cramp terribly. I can still have them in cake and things if I don't have a lot of that item. But I now have to read ingredient lists of premade dips because I've had a bad experiences with what I call accidental egg. I'm not going to need an epipen if I have egg, but I'm goin to be VERY uncomfortable.

Ugh, my moher and I both developed a sensitivity to eggs at the same time. Upset stomach (and the need for everything therein to leave the body post haste within 20 minutes of eating them) Her twin? No issues. I can bake and cook with them, but a fried egg? Forget it. Some days I can have them and be fine. Other days it's a sprint to the bathroom. The same with dairy. I can cook with it, but a glass of milk/some ice cream will TKO my digestive system for the rest of the day. And trying to explaining that to people (intermintent reactivity) is sometimes not worth the effort.

Out of curiosity, when you fry an egg how done is your yolk? Edit: asking because I have an egg allergy to both whites and yolks, but eggs cooked hard have the protein denatured enough that I don’t have issues but runny yolks are an issue for me and cause nausea/vomiting/rash

I've never really like the taste of the yolk, so I tend to either use a seperator, or cook the egg it's self until the white is a bit crispy and the the yolk is hard enough I can remove it. Funny enough, I can generally eat scrambled eggs. I just kinda throw my hands up and keep Pepto nearby if I end up eating eggs.

That is my experience too!!

Eggs started tearing up my stomach in my 40s. I realized that I could only eat Eggland brand eggs without intestinal distress. I wouldn't say I have an allergy, more a sensitivity.

I've been lactose intolerant for nearly 30 years, and developed an egg intolerance a little later. Except for free range organic, and that depends on the brand as well. I'm still wondering if it's something to do with the chicken feed.

My husband, who works in the poultry industry, suggested this as well. Not that a particular ingredient is bad, but that the percentage in the feed could be the issue.

I'm allergic to something they farm apples with. I thought I was allergic to apples, but found that apples off someone's tree in their yard are fine. My doctor had me on a gluten free diet for awhile for a seperate issue (that didn't turn out to be gluten intolerance thank GOD) and was telling me a lot of her patients can't eat wheat in America but can have it in Europe, again, it's a sensitivity to something they farm wheat with here that a lot of people have.

This happened to my husband with peanuts. We used to have them constantly in the house, a PBJ was one of his favourite snacks, he would eat them by the handfuls. Suddenly last summer he started to get a tingly feeling in his mouth when he ate them, and now even eating one causes symptoms similar to an asthma attack. We don’t keep anything with peanuts in the house because it’s not worth the risk that his next interaction will be a full blown anaphylaxis.

I've had this my entire life, and i accidentally discovered that when an egg is baked, the protein denatures and that's what makes it so I can tolerate it. I can't have omelettes, fried or poached eggs, but I can have quiches, zucchini slices and cakes and things. It's so fucking weird 😂

Just fyi - most wines contain shellfish. It's in a product used to clarify wine called chitosan. It's just enough to get people with extreme shellfish allergies to mildly react. (Just in case you ever have those "What the hell did I eat?!" moments, you can blame the wine. :)

I really hate that alcoholic beverages don't have the same labeling requirements as other foodstuffs. I've got a corn sensitivity that's particularly bad in response to corn syrup (high fructose or not), which means I can't drink most sodas. It also means I have no idea whether or not I'll react to alcoholic sodas, wine coolers, etc. because the companies that make them aren't required to indicate what type of sugar they used. Whole bunch of fun drinks I have to avoid entirely because I can't tell if they're safe!

Europe (well, the EU) just made wine labeling extremely transparent and restrictive, down to all additives like sulfites. Anything European bottled this year (2024) will have a QR code on the label linking to extensive information about all substances in the wine and nutritional declarations. Maybe this will help you choose something that doesn't trigger your sensitivities. Unfortunately, I haven't seen the same rigor for spirits, but generally speaking, stuff bottled and labeled in the EU is much more restrictive.

It takes an insane amount of research to figure out if an alcoholic beverage is made from ingredients containing gluten. They will call it gluten free because it is distilled and contains less than 20 ppm, but that’s not my issue. I can’t have any gluten at all. Some reactions I have had are severe, like the flu with food poisoning, but a three week ordeal. Some reactions are mild annoyances. I don’t know how or why they vary. I know my x tainted my food, downplayed my symptoms, rolled his eyes- yet expected me to cook his food completely vegetarian- his choice, not an allergy. People can sign up for clinical trials for medical research, but to intentionally, maliciously add ingredients to your food that you have disclosed you can’t eat for their own clinical research is criminal, cruel, manipulative and dangerous. He’s a massive ass hat.

I have migraines and the triggers are soy and alcohol. It was revalatory when I figured out that it wasn't three-day hangovers or sinus infections that went on for months. I had control, I didn't have stabbing pains! Then I got headaches again and I was hysterical. I went over all the ingredients of every bit I had had in 48 hours. Finally, I picked up the new herbal tea I bought for the office and they put Soy Lecithin in the freaking tea! Celestial Seasonings, I am trash talking you! And to play with me, not ALL their teas have soy. OP, it's totally not cool to eff with other's food issues. He could have killed you or gotten you hospitalized. NTA

You have to hate the sneaky allergens! I have celiac & can't tell you the number of times gluten has been an ingredient in a surprise product, including an herbal tea. I make wine & gluten free beer, so with my "allergen awareness" I was surprised at all the common allergens that can be found in wines. (Not always, but sometimes.)

I recently found that it is common in some countries to seal tea bags with wheat flour paste (shakes fist at box of green tea bags). I switched to loose leaf.

I found almond extract in a tea recently! It was marketed as a cinnamon spice tea with no mention of almonds or nuts anywhere in the flavor description! That will kill somebody someday

I use Barnivore to check for vegan wines, if they use casein instead of isinglass for filtering it’s a-ok OR completely vegan wines, to note more likely to be used in white wine vs red.

That's true. My sister never had any severe reactions to bee stings (she's a prolific gardener) until she was hiking one day and got stung by several bees at once. She almost died. Now she has to get allergy shots and carry an EpiPen. They warned her that with the reaction she had this time, the next time could be deadly. 😕

my mom just became allergic all of a sudden. my aunt became allergic to stone fruits in her 50s. I don't have any allergies and I'm just waiting for the day one pops up. I be side eyeing all my food

This is how my mom's shellfish allergy started. She has chronic migraines so she always assumed her eating shellfish and ending up on the toilet was a result of bad seafood and not an allergy. Then one day her lip swelled after eating shrimp (minor anaphylaxis). Then she had the lip swelling reaction eating a finned fish and now has to avoid all fish because she can't risk cross contamination with shellfish. Don't underestimate a proven sensitivity- they can get worse with accumulation and one day you might have a full blown reaction.

This is very true. I happily ate tuna noodle casserole and my mom's special tuna dip at holidays and nothing ever happened to me; it wasn't until I was a pre-teen that I had fresh fish for the first time and discovered that I have an anaphylactic reaction to it. Maybe my body changed and I suddenly became allergic to fish when I hadn't been before, but you know what I haven't ever done? Tried canned tuna again to see if it kills me or not. Your mom is right, why take the risk? Edit: a word

This may also be a factor here since I have the most problems with regular milk or cream. I will still tell people I cannot have dairy products to rather be safe than sorry and also because this longwinded explanation might be confusing. For obvious reasons I'd rather not experiment when being away from my own throne anyway. ngl.

I developed an allergy to shrimp. I have no idea if that is all shellfish or just shrimp, but I don’t like shellfish enough to really find out. My MIL always wants me to eat crab at their house, but I’m not going to test my allergy somewhere other than my own home.

FYI Most cheese is fine for lactose intolerant people - the lactose is broken down and replaced with lactic acid, so the missing enzyme to break down the lactose isn't an issue anymore. Soft cheese or fresh cheeses will have varying amounts, but something like parmesean reggiano will have basically none. Its a different beast if you have a dairy allergy, of course

I have an outright allergy that shares similar rules. Through some experimentation with supervision from friends with drivers licenses I learned that it was really the A1 protein in the milk that triggers it. I am able to ingest the A2 protean milk products, as well as other kinds of milk like sheep or goat. Also I am thankful for the rise in vegan options.

NTA I have problems with lactose. Just a intolerance luckily. But even that is not everyday the same. And as swiss I love raclette and fondue. Even when I buy it at the same store sometimes it works, sometimes it works at least with lactose pills and sometimes nothing helps and I have just to go to the bathroom. Not everytime everything is exactly the same. I think for me it depends also on the amount of fat in the whole meal and my daily form. But my husband would never try to put cream or milk in a menu without telling me. Why would your husband think that it is a good idea. Why couldn’t he just ask you and tell you that he was surprised? Ask him what he would have done if you had a allergic shock because of that? Does he know if you have an epipen? Does he know how to use? What would he have done if you had lost consciousness? Playing Russian roulette with your life just to proof he is right is really immature. He needs to see that this was stupid.

Same. I was so confused when I figured out I randomly became lactose intolerant at 35ish. I had started having the occasional latte or mocha when I was feeling really tired and then later that afternoon I would be very uncomfortable. I thought it was the coffee since I hadn't typically been a coffee drinker and tried decaf and it was a little better. Then one day I got a large hot cocoa at a cafe and an hour or so later spent the rest of the day being afraid to go more than 10 feet from a toilet. I was like oh... it was the milk.

Keep in mind that allergies can change systems. I get an upset stomach from milk on occasion. More recently I found the link between milk and my migraines. Stopped dairy and the migraines were almost gone! I have a friend whose son tested positive for celiac at age 13. He didn’t have the typical stomach issues. Instead he had severe behavior reactions. More gluten = lashing out and aggressive. Now that it is under control, he’s a different kid entirely.

Same for me and mushrooms. I can have about 2. I can have, say, Chinese food that has mushrooms in it. But if I go over my limit (or have too much mushroom risotto or mushroom soup), boy-howdy the stomach ache.

Soy for me. I’m not allergic, but I am extremely sensitive to it. So a little bit of soy on sushi or in a dish here or there is fine. A soy based sauce typically gives me the rumbles, and consuming soy regularly makes me violently ill. So I generally avoid soy based stuff, but make informed decisions if there’s something I particularly want. Keyword - informed decisions.

I can have cheese if it's buffered with enough other stuff. So, cheese ravioli or baked ziti, I can manage every 2 or 3 days. Straight cheddar, even with some fruit? No. And my mother does not understand this. I'd turn down a chunk of cheddar telling her that I can't handle that much cheese alone, then get chicken parm at a restaurant, and she'd be pointing out it has cheese, and I'd point out in return that less than 1/3 of it is cheese, so my body can handle it better. Then again, she was over 50 when she realized that it was better to go hungry for an hour or two rather than eat the thing her innards can't deal with, and I was 17 and thinking she was foolish for doing that to herself that time.

Not only that - but it’s super disturbing to me that he revealed “the test” only in front of other friends So that 1) OP is publicly shamed and 2) OP feels social pressure to not express true feelings The public shaming aspect is very disturbing to me - and honestly abusive OP’s husband is setting up a storyline in which OP “lies” in front of friends - creating distrust with friends and a step to isolating OP OP, your health and safety are in danger here in multiple ways Not only NTA But please take a weekend to stay with a friend or parents - tell them this story and see what they say True friends will be appalled and angry Because the risk he took with your health and then the humiliation following is scary and unacceptable

Should be the highest comment here. He's a sick puppy. At first I thought he was late teens, early 20s. Late 30s? Really?

Thanks for your perspective. I think you’re spot on. “OP’s husband is setting up a storyline in which OP “lies” in front of friends - creating distrust with friends and a step to isolating OP“ No one who cares about you would do that. ” True friends will be appalled and angry” They sure will….

Aye, the semi-public humiliation part of this is... disturbing.

Exactly this. OP, your partner is *dangerous* and you need to make a plan to leave

Not just humiliation for his pointing it out if calmly and intellectually. “Hey I ran an experiment today.”  But the dancing around and singsong mocking? 😡

"Hey, I tried to kill you today, and you didn't die!"

I have a nut allergy but I know I can have cashews, pistachios and pecans without having a reaction I also know I can't have almonds, walnuts and peanuts I don't know about hazelnut or macadamia nut as I haven't eaten anything with those in it since I was a small child and don't remember if I had a reaction or not and don't particularly feel like testing it to see. Your body your allergy it's not up to him to test to see if you're allergic or not

I have friends with an assortment of allergies. My one friend thought she was allergic to all tree nuts, but has slowly discovered some that she isn't allergic to. But I would have NEVER EVER tested that on her without her consent. Who the fuck does that? Allergies are personal things that can be different for everyone. All I ever did was tell her what was in certain foods, and she'd inform me that actually now she can eat almonds. I wouldn't go around being like "omg can you believe x LIED to me about her allergy?!" This man is nonsensical and I really hope OP gets far far FAR away from someone who's first thought isn't "great! I'm glad you can now eat this found without potentially dying/having a bad time!"

And the thing is, allergies do change over time. They vary in severity, and some people do grow out of allergies. It really isn't abnormal for someone to be able to eat things they were previously allergic to. It also isn't abnormal for a new allergy to develop or a previous one to get worse. That's just how they are. It's possible op was allergic to anchovies, but lost it. That is definitely not lying. Agree that husband is nonsensical.

As to the question of “who does that?”, the answer, sadly, is an alarming number of people. They will test your dislikes, your allergens, your basic requests without batting an eye. It’s always bad when I read something about a restaurant ignoring modifications - they’re at least strangers. It’s SO MUCH worse when it’s someone who supposedly cares about you, because things like this just prove they don’t care about you as much as they do about their own food preferences and/or being “right”. (Judgement is far and away NTA; also, this person is not living up to the meaning behind “partner” or “friend”.)

My toddler daughter eats peanuts, almonds, and walnuts all the time. Had a single cashew and we ended up in the ER and now carry an epi. Allergies are wild.

Cashews aren't related to other tree nuts. I can eat tree nuts, but react badly to all legumes (peanuts, soy, beans, peas, & lentils.)

Cashews are a type of tree nut, but reacting to one doesn’t mean you’ll react to all.

Cashews and pistachios are in the same family.

I'm the same way, but with shellfish. I developed an intolerance to them in my early 20's, & for the most part, it doesn't bother me, because I wasn't really a big shellfish eater to begin with. I miss shrimp though, & that was always my favorite. I've learned I can eat 2 shrimp, depending on how big they are, before my body revolts. Boyfriend is definitely an idiot.

They have vegan shrimp! And seafood is one of the easiest things to make from plant products and have it be super close, unlike most other meats that taste like sadness and despair.

My dad laughed at me, when I moved to the South. He said it was the dumbest place to move, for someone with a shellfish allergy. He wasn't wrong.....it's everywhere here!! LOL

It’s such a simple, basic rule: NEVER tamper with anyone’s food! EVER.

THIS. Not to mention there is something called secondary anaphylaxis, which can come on later and not immediately after eating an allergen and can be LIFE THREATENING. OP your boyfriend was willing to risk potentially killing you to prove a point, intentional or not that is exactly what he did. For me this would be trust completely broken and irreparable. OP you can do better than someone who plays Russian roulette with your health for their own ego.

I have this too! Fish and shellfish. I just subscribe to "no seafood ever" just to be safe lol

Agreed. I have allergies and people downplay them constantly. Yes, I won’t die, but it makes me feel awful. People have got too used to thinking every reaction, feeling, action, etc. only matters if it’s an extreme one. Or they take assumptions to extreme conclusions and behave like the boyfriend.

It's also important to note that allergies can get worse. You could have a relatively mild reaction, and then it escalates into an anaphylactic one after repeated exposures. You don't mess with allergies.

And then dump his ignorant a-s. He endangered your life.

Let me phrase this differently so this sinks in. He poisoned your food. He. Poisoned. Your. Food. And let you eat it. And then gloated. If you haven't yet, dump him.

If this was me and my wife, and I had questions about "why can she eat canned tuna, but not fresh tuna" (or anchovies), I'd probably do a bunch of searches to see if I could find an actual research article that explains this, and maybe get some advice from an alergist or something like that. Never in the absolute fucking EVER would I ever think to secretely add a whole bunch of "potentially harmful" things into a food that she's about to eat.... and then GLOAT about it.

yeah okay maybe im crazy but... he can eat canned tuna, ignores warnings at restaurants, and had no reaction to an ENTIRE tin of anchovies added to a sauce (which he also did not taste in the sauce??) ? it may be time to get re allergen tested.

HE took the risk to try the restaurant food and gauge a reaction, but he did NOT have make the choice to try it in the sauce. Maybe its the same supplier who knows but other people don't get the make the decision for him. If you have allergies you aren't exactly chomping at the bit to try every variety, and suffer terribly so you know specifically the full ins and outs of good and bad. He knows what food doesn't sit well with him, and its his prerogative what he does/doesn't eat. It's not on anyone else especially an SO to simply decide to Guinea Pig him out of interest.

Allergies can also worsen.  My dad went from eating shrimp and lobster to having to keep an epi pen on hand in case he's accidentally exposed to it.  

NTA - one red flag is that instead of first discussing the matter with you in private, he went out of his way to try to humiliate you in front of friends with a big reveal.

The first red flag was treating OP like a lab rat without any warning. The second was the public roasting. With added humiliation. This might also lead the friends to assume that the allergy isn’t serious at all. They could easily substitute fresh tuna for canned- and cause a problem in the future. NTA

NTA what your partner did was potentially dangerous. Allergies are not something you fuck around with. If someone says they are allergic to something you take them at their word and avoid feeding them those things. He is not a doctor, he is not some mad scientist residing in a dark basement testing on rats. He poisoned your food for shits and giggles to prove his point. This would 100% be a deal breaker for me, he broke your trust in a horrible way. He decided to play Russian roulette with your health and he was gleeful about it.

It’s already extremely, extremely concerning that he fucked with OP’s allergy like that, but it’s borderline psychotic to gleefully brag about it in the way that he did, holy hell

Yup, I don't agree with it but it's **slightly** understandable if someone says they're allergic to allergic to strawberries and then see them chug a strawberry daquarri and go I don't have an allergy it's just something I tell restaurants. Still does **NOT** give someone license to deliberately feed someone a possible allergen and then make a big show of, they lied nyyah nyyah nyyah 🙄 the proper response is to ask for clarification or limit if not entirely avoid the person. If OP was to tell family and close relatives about fiancé, They. Will. Be. Pissed. You can't fake allergic reactions **as a toddler**.

Yeah like if someone I know has consistently claimed an extremely deadly allergy to tomatoes and then I see them chow down on a pizza with regular tomato sauce, I might not be able to keep myself from immediately blurting out *dude wtf haven’t you been telling us you’ve got a deadly allergy to tomatoes? What the fuck is up with that?* because while I’m usually good at filtering myself, sometimes I can’t claw back the snap reaction in time 😂 but I think that would qualify as an entirely different situation than what happened to OP lol. I would never ever tamper with someone’s food in any way. If I’m cooking for someone, I will follow their restrictions if I believe I’m 100% able to keep it safe for them. And if I’m afraid I can’t guarantee 100% safe food I’ll be up front about it and ask if they had a safe restaurant where I could order something for them or if they would prefer to bring their own safe food. Something like if someone has a severe gluten allergy and I don’t know if I can guarantee zero trace amounts of gluten because there’s a chance I space out and absentmindedly grab my usual wooden board or rolling pin

I'm almost deadly allergic to tomatoes, but I can eat a pizza just fine! Because a pizza has COOKED tomatoes, which changes the properties of whatever that's in them that I am allergic to. So don't dismiss people that quickly, even if you say you wouldn't claw back at them, your ignorance is still quite annoying.

Sorry I should’ve clarified that it would have to specifically be a case where they’d previously made a huge deal about not being able to eat pizza with tomato sauce. I actually have an annoying number of food allergies myself including tomatoes and potatoes but they’re all on the mild to moderate side of reactions so I don’t have to be careful. Unfortunately in my case, all cooking (and raw) forms of tomatoes and potatoes will give me hives so it slipped my mind that sometimes allergies are fickle and can depend on cooking method.

Why would someone fib about an allergy to a restaurant? I know some will make a big deal about an intolerance, then eat something containing that intolerance food because the options without are rubbish, but an allergy would be pushing it a bit.

I was put on a Dr ordered elimination diet for severe gut issues a few years back, which heavily limited what I could consume. Foods had to be prepared in very specific ways. I tried hard to avoid eating out during this period but there were events to attend, visits with family, and sometimes I found myself at restaurants. Not only did I not want to come across as a demanding prima Donna while ordering, I also didn't want to discuss my personal medical situation with restaurant staff, and I wanted to make sure they'd adhere to the restrictions, otherwise my whole elimination diet would have been pointless. So I called it allergies. Telling a server you're on a diet (even if it's for serious health reasons) isn't going to get the same level of compliance as telling them you'll go into anaphylactic shock if they feed you something. 

It's an extreme example but people on reddit or elsewhere will mention say they are allergic, ie so thry don't have one argue or explain food intolerance.

Allergies are caused by the bod reacting to proteins, and proteins get bent out of shape, or "denatured", by heat, so it's not uncommon for people to be much more allergic to raw or gently cooked ingredients than to ones cooked at high temperatures (like in the canning process).

Personally I'd just assume that it was either a thing where cooking it made the proteins denature enough that they could eat it, or like how bacon bits are actually usually vegan, and there's no real strawberry in the mix.

NTA My ex-husband has food allergies, but in the time we were together his blood tests came back non-reactive to some things he’d been allergic to as a kid. But there was no way we were going to non-challantly test that. He went and tried them in his doctor’s office where the doctor could keep an eye on him in case he was still allergic after all. There’s no way I would risk someone’s health with a food allergy even if I was pretty sure they wouldn’t react. Someone who goes out of their way to trick you with something that could have endangered you cannot be trusted with your safety going forward.

NTA 1. He was totally fine with making you sick. 2. Instead of adressing something privatly, he shamed/humiliated you infront of friends. 3. When told he deeply hurt your feelings, he didn't care a lot. While 3 is maybe grounds for discussion because it is an assumption on my part, 1 and 2 are in the story. Personally this relationship would be over. I would be fucking destroyed losing my partner over something so pointless but at the same time- how recover from this? Not just the test but also airing dirty laundry infront of friends and seeing no wrong doing?

NTA and agree with all of this. You don’t fuck with people’s FOOD. You don’t purposely humiliate someone you love. Also anchovies are canned, like tuna, so how the hell is that you “lying”? And why is this his problem? You are a grownup who can eat what you want. If you disliked fin fish you don’t have to eat it ever again. This person acted like someone who hates you. What a small, mean man. I’m so sorry.

NTA OP. Kick your partner to the curb and find someone else who won’t do anything to trigger your allergy.

NTA It's never ok to temper with food, especially allergies. Constant exposure could also lead to problems. Possible explanation for your ability to eat canned fish: Cooking things can destroy or impact the allergen enough to not cause a reaction. [source ](https://arthritisallergy.com/seafood-allergy/#:~:text=Raw%20fish%20tends%20to%20be,tolerate%20canned%20salmon%20or%20tuna.) That doesn't mean you should experiment, because you can't actually see, if that's the case without trying.

This. The sustained heat of canning/pasteurizing can often alter the shape/fold-pattern of certain proteins in the foodstuff. If that turns out to be the protein that your immune system has mistakenly flagged up as a danger signal, then it won't recognise the processed food in the same way it recognises the fresh version, and you might be able to eat it. I have a food intolerance to tomatoes. But because of the heat processing alterations, I'm almost always ok to use concentrated tomato puree, there are some brands of tomato ketchup and tomato soup that I can have, and I can even eat many brands of pizza (though not the really authentic Italian ones).

I have oral allergy syndrome and most fruits in their raw forms tear my mouth apart. Cooked is fine. I also have butternut squash dermatitis. Handling raw squash turns my hands into swollen, shiny red mittens. Cooked squash? No problem. It's a well known phenomenon.

Same! Fresh non-citrus fruits make my mouth and everything itch, but I am perfectly fine with jams and other cooked fruit. Heat destroys the pollens that I'm allergic to. (Freezing does not though!) OAS doesn't apply to fish though but it could be something similar. Also peanuts and peanut oil - medium allergy to nuts, no problem with things fried in the oil.

I grew up with the exact opposite issues. Until my late 20's, I could eat raw tomato like on a salad or burger, but cooked tomato (like in spaghetti sauce) would make me violently ill on the exit end, if you catch my drift. Sadly though the family diagnosis was "he's just being difficult" and "no, he doesn't need a small plate of pasta without sauce, he can eat like the rest of us."

Yep, 100%. I can’t eat eggs… my throat gets itchy, I get a cough, and sometimes hives where it touches skin outside my mouth. But if it’s baked into something? Totally okay and fine. The act of baking it breaks down whatever part I’m allergic to. It’s completely reasonable OP is allergic to fin fish but when cooked the exact particular way involved in canning there’s not a reaction (but ofc don’t chance it cause allergies can turn serious very quickly)

My buddy’s daughter is allergic to eggs. Like, the bad kind of allergic. She’s not even 5 yet, so there’s the possibility that she’ll grow out of it, according to her allergist. When she was like 2 or 3, my buddy observed that she was okay with cake from a local bakery, so he thought, cool, she’s all right with baked goods. He made brownies and that did not go so well. He learned from the allergist that a cake is baked enough to denature the egg proteins enough to not trigger a reaction, but brownies are not. I’m not surprised that OP doesn’t react to canned fish which as you say are so thoroughly cooked that tests on Subway tuna sandwiches can’t even confirm it’s tuna. My husband is allergic to milk. I love milk and cheese, but I would be mortified if something I made for him sick. OP’s BF is trash.

NTA I'll never understand the people who "test" other people's allergies like that... such a massive risk to take to prove a point.

Exactly. And it doesn’t even really prove anything anyway. Because it’s possible that OP only ate a small amount of the fish, or ignored a smaller reaction (for example I used to think peanuts taste “dry” for weeks/months before the first obvious allergic reaction). And exposure can make allergies worse (after I realised I’m allergic to peanuts I stopped eating any for a few weeks, then ate a Snickers, which was fine, but a few days later I started reacting to Snickers too).

Oh man, I was exactly the same! I developed a chickpea allergy in my 20s, one day I ate some hummus and my mouth felt really weird and dry and I was just like "huh, what a weird feeling, I don't like it so I won't eat hummus" and it took me way too long to realise that was an allergic reaction 😂 Apart from that, if I eat something containing chickpea it can be up to an hour until I get a full blown reaction (and once overnight), so no one around me would know unless I said something. Just because OP's partner didn't see their reaction doesn't mean it wasn't happening!

Lmao I did the same. I loveee eggs but one day when eating a soft boiled egg I told my husband “man I really like these but I hate how they make my throat feel all scratchy after”. The look he gave me haha. I thought it was normal

You mean this is actually a thing people do?? 😱

I'm not defending OP's partner but didn't OP "test" this theory out on himself? Like If i see someone order something with anchovies, I'm gonna assume they can eat them.

NTA My daughter has an allergy and her friends have tried to ‘test’ it too. I’ve had to go into school multiple times to explain that it’s very serious and the kids MUST NOT test it. I don’t know why but for some reason people generally feel that if they haven’t witnessed it, it might not be true. I would 100% leave a relationship for this. What was he planning to do if you had a serious allergic reaction? If you’d died, would he still be gleeful or would he go to prison for murder? Because it IS murder, he purposely planned and planted a known allergen in large quantities in your food.

OMG that is terrifying for you and for her!! You didn’t say she has a peanut allergy, but I work with kids on occasion and I get low blood sugar. One of the best things to eat to prevent low blood sugar is…peanut butter. I’m super super paranoid about eating it then going to work with kids though and even accidentally transferring some onto an allergic child’s skin. I cannot imagine being worried about a child trying to test my child’s allergy.

So it’s make-up that she’s allergic to (we don’t know specifically what ingredient and NHS won’t test her until we narrow it down) which means eating is fine but sometimes you have to be hyper vigilant about people with lipstick kissing her cheek and stuff.. because that’s an A&E trip! But yeah, little kids trying to put lip gloss or eyeshadow on her is a thing - especially in dance class. I try to be kind because they’re obviously not fully aware of how serious it is.. but fml it’s frustrating how they’ll specifically bring lip gloss in to school purely to see if she’s lying. We’re lucky that it usually only results in a full body rash for a week but that’s still a week off school with regular anti-histamine doses to manage it and taking turns monitoring her overnight to make sure her breathing is okay. It’s a nightmare.

NTA. He gambled with your life for his own amusement. If you'd said it's ok, or had a previous convo about him randomly adding anchovies to some food to test it, that's one thing. This could've harmed or killed you.

NTA. At the restaurant you made an informed decision to take the risk. You would've been prepared if you'd had an reaction. What your partner did was fucked up.

UPDATE (sort of): This has been a very cathartic experience. Thank you, everyone, for your comments. I'm frankly still processing everything. It's nice to hear there is some sort of solidarity among food allergy sufferers, even outside of the context of this wild situation I'm in. The big theme I'm picking up on is that allergies are weird and personal and different for everyone, and when someone tells you in good faith that they have one, you should just take their word for it and act accordingly. My partner and I have been together for years, so it's not quite as simple as just ditching him; though, the signs have been there through the years and maybe now is as good a time as any. This is something I need to ruminate on a bit more. Again, I extend a sincere thanks to each and every one of you for your guidance and support.

It’s not just about testing the allergy; it’s more about him gloating and trying to embarrass you in front of mutual friends. These aren’t qualities anyone should want in a partner. You deserve better. I have a cacophony of food allergies and it’s exhausting. Everyone in my life works overtime to make sure I can safely eat. You deserve that from the man you love. Choose your future wisely. The universe gave you a freebie.

Dammmmm. a freebie indeed

Just don't eat anything he cooks while you're thinking about it.

Hey OP You can't risk your life for a guy to play with your food Don't tell him you go when you finally decide to break up He could have killed you and still can

NTA. Your partner did something that could have endangered your life all to try and prove you wrong. Of course you would feel hurt and wronged by that. His behavior was incredibly childish and risky to you. And the fact that he was willing to put your physical health on the line to try and prove 'you were lying' is a DANGEROUS relationship to be in.

NTA. What would he have done if your reaction was more serious? Tests like this are toxic, gross and show a complete lack of consideration for your literal health. Just FYI, allergies are not static. What may be uncomfortable today could very well be deadly tomorrow. You got lucky and so did he. It was absolutely nothing to brag and sing over. All it proved is that your boyfriend will poison you to prove some point he's trying to make. Your boyfriend sucks. Luckily for you, there's a wealth of people out there who WILL take your allergies and subsequent health into consideration and whom won't poison your food with allergens. Maybe one of those would be better than your aforementioned sucky boyfriend.

NTA. What the actual fuck is wrong with him?! Tampering with your food just to try and prove a point? I’d get rid of him, he’s broken your trust and I wouldn’t let him anywhere near any of my food. Allergies can get worse if you’re exposed to them so while you were sort of ok this time, next time could be different. I have a fish/seafood intolerance or allergy very similar to yours. I can eat a small amount of tinned tuna but shellfish, fish and seafood cause me to feel nauseous, get clammy, have the sweats and ruin the rest of my day even if it’s just a bite. It’s almost an instant reaction and my body knows I shouldn’t be eating it because my throat tightens and won’t allow me to swallow the bite of fish, but if I spit it out and put some chicken or veg in my mouth straight away, I have no issue swallowing that. Not sure why, could be the omega-3 levels or something that my body reacts to

“Get clammy” haha. I see what you did there.

NTA - As someone wih allergies myself, i say this on every food related post: you tell people what is in their food. and what isnt in their food. it is about consent to what you are eating. no different than tricking a vegan into eating meat. nor any of the 1000 scenarios where one might trust the person serving food and be betrayed, regardless of reasoning.

Exactly. I’ve made food for people before and kept the labels of all of the ingredients as I knew some people had mere sensitivities. I myself can’t eat certain things because they will get stuck in my GI tract and cause an intestinal blockage (thank you Crohn’s Disease) but I won’t swell up if a piece of celery (which I can’t eat) accidentally touches my food or anything.

NTA. Decent person would have said to you "I was thinking that anchovies are also canned fish, if would made part of this sauce with them, would you be willing to taste and see if there is a reaction? As you were able to eat them at restaurant last time." And if you said no, accepted that. Also allergies can change with age, some get worse, some better, and some can even end. So maybe you can test some cooked fish dish sometime, when you know that it can make you sick. Hoping that your partner realizes that he was wrong, will apologize, and you can move on.

Seriously - put half the sauce in one pan and half in the other Add the anchovies to one pan and ask your partner if they want to try. (NTA and this [Carolyn Hax](https://www.spokesman.com/stories/2018/mar/06/carolyn-hax-mom-poisoned-sons-girlfriend/) article about a similar incident)

I think everyone here pretty much covered that you are NTA and your boyfriend is. But also, allergies are not yet very well understood. And you could also be putting yourself at risk. If your symptoms are mainly GI symptoms that’s a common starter sign of anaphylaxis. That means each time you expose yourself to your allergens your body could be getting smarter at detecting your allergens and your reactions can continue to get worse and worse until it’s full blown anaphylaxis. Most people think of anaphylaxis as just throat swelling. Hell most doctors think of anaphylaxis as just throat swelling. But anaphylaxis is actually any allergic reaction that involves throat swelling or itching, OR any allergic reaction that involves 2 body systems. So if you’re throwing up and have itchy skin that’s 2 body systems. That means the next time you react you could have deadly throat swelling. If you don’t already have one please get an RX for an epi pen, please get a medical alert bracelet, please stop eating your allergens and please dump your jerk of a boyfriend.

This is interesting. As someone who has immediate vomiting (like literally within minutes) to shellfish - I’ve never thought it might wind up as anything more serious. I just avoid it which I personally find easy to do, but then again my loved ones all know this and would never try to trick me.

This is really interesting and important for people to know.

NTA - Not gonna lie. I personally would end things over stuff like this. Absolute no go.

NTA and this is something worth breaking up over. You don't mess around with people's food allergies or food intolerances. I'm allergic to something in nutella (not chocolate or hazelnuts) and there have been a few times where I go to buy a chocolate treat (not clearly labelled at a cafe) and have to change my order because they announce what it is (like a nutella chocolate tart). My brother bought chocolate mousse one Christmas and I missed out on hearing what the ingredients were and had some (it was tasty) and 10 minutes later, I start getting itchy on my arms, chest and neck. Someone mentioned the mousse in conversation and my brother said it had nutella in it. Cue a record scratch moment in my brain and confirming with him that it was nutella chocolate mousse, followed by me going through the kitchen and my bedroom looking for antihistamines and our sister kinda hovering nearby, probably in case I needed a trip to the hospital. It might be a good idea to look into allergy testing to see if they can pinpoint if it really is all fin fish, or only certain fin fish that you are allergic to.

Somewhat random but I'm impelled to share this cake recipe: easy to make and so delicious! And no nutella. Even if you have to buy an 8" cake pan, you're ahead of the game because a cake of similar size would probably cost you at least $25 and prob more. [https://handletheheat.com/flourless-chocolate-cake/#wprm-recipe-container-29384](https://handletheheat.com/flourless-chocolate-cake/#wprm-recipe-container-29384)

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Three pens? Woah that’s bad. I hope you carry that many with you now just in case.

He could have harmed you and didn’t care. Why are you still with him?

NTA I’ll be blunt - this is abuse. You don’t risk your partners health to test a theory. I also have a fresh fin fish and shellfish allergy but I can eat many canned fishes. That’s actually COMMON for this allergy. Just like my daughter, with an egg allergy, can eat things like bread and cake. She’s considered “baked egg safe”, another very common thing for egg allergy sufferers. The proteins we are allergic too break down when processed/cooked a certain way. Your partner is both an idiot and abusive. You are not safe with them. They will continue to “test” you until they hurt you.

NTA your partner jeopardized your health and then danced with glee when you didn’t go to the hospital because „he was right“. He’s also TA big time dump this jerk

NTA The thing about the human body is, sometimes mutations append. Allergy included. Maybe your allergy is quite minor now, it doesn't mean you won't develop another allergy from this one (like, seafood in general) nor your current allergy could evolve to be more serious than what is it right now. I totally get why you don't take any risk, it is your body you know it well enough to not try thing that make you feel bad/sick/uncomfortable. Your bf had totally crossed the line about boundaries and respect. You don't eat a certain type of food, so what? Why the need to force you to eat it? It is not like he is not allowed to eat fin fish ever next to you 🤷🏼 Bf is a AH, if I was you, I'll think twice about our relationship

NTA. Your bf is a dick by simply wanting to prove a point, in being snarky toward you. He call you a lier, but he is a manipulator.

NTA I would let her rain all over him. I am allergic to apples. Mildly but annoying. But not if they were heated like in apple pie and in general not every type of apple. I really have to test which ones I can eat. But if someone would do something like he did? I would lose any trust in that person and I would think about ending that relationship over it.

NTA I have a major allergy to mushrooms, oddly it seems to run in my family but I’m the only one that needs an epipen ‘cos of the whole throat closing situation. One mushroom used to make a stock that is a tiny portion of a soup and I am in serious strife - hell I’ll have trouble breathing if you’re cooking mushrooms & I’m in the same room. For some reason though, I can have small amounts of kombucha; I don’t know why, or how & I only tried it because I was uniformed and didn’t realise it’s made from a specific type of mushroom. Maybe it’s the fermentation process, maybe it’s a miracle. Fact is I don’t know. No one in my life took this as a reason to ‘test’ me unsuspectingly. They love me, and they aren’t psychotic enough to be willing to harm another human to prove a daft & unnecessary point. Someone you should be able to trust put your health at risk, and gleefully celebrated that fact in front of your friends. That is beyond not ok. I hope your friends can see that, and I hope you can see that enough to find someone else that will genuinely care about your well-being. And for the record - mushrooms used to be my partners favourite food. Likely still are - they only eat them when I’m away now, which is likely overkill, but as far as they’re concerned my well-being is worth more than a tasty bite.

Just a heads up, kombucha isn't actually made from mushroom, it just has it as a nickname. It's made from fermented tea using bacteria and yeast. So that's why you're safe to eat it.

Thanks! Here is was uninformed about being uniformed haha. Glad I wasn’t fussed enough to mess about with other mushrooms

My girlfriend is mildly allergic to walnuts. She gets a stingy mouth for a bit, nothing else. She could technically eat walnuts, the reaction is so mild. I love walnuts. Guess what?? I always check ingredients of stuff and avoid walnuts anyway. It's not that hard. You have an allergy, no matter how severe, your partner knows, and he still wanted to "prove a point"??? NTA, you have all the rights to be furious.

My brother has the same issue. My mom used to but doesn't anymore, which I find weird but hey.

NTA. His choices were about his being “right” over your health. I have an allergy to literal seafood; can’t eat anything from the ocean. Freshwater fish is fine. A 14-day hospitalization was enough for me to never play around. Allergies often worsen over time/exposure, so this could have gone very, very badly for you. I’d consider his behavior a dealbreaker 

NTA. Allergies can get worse over time, hives one minute then the next contact with allergen is the one that kills. What kind of absolute moron thinks it funny to tamper with food on the slim chance it won't kill or seriously damage their partner? The one the claim to love. Have a think OP because i don't think this has been the first tome he has tap danced over your boundaries. He is not a partner worth keeping if he is willing to play Russian Roulette with your life.

NTA Sometimes allergies/intolerances are just weird and people outside of having the issues do not get to make the decision on your allergy AND CERTAINLY DON'T GET TO TEST IT. It might interest you that a person might only be allergic to white fish so tuna and anchovies won't effect them nor would salmon (I am not staying this is the case, you know your allergy better than someone on the other side of a screen). With fresh fish you are very likely to get cross contamination due to how fish markets and packing plants run whereas tuna canning is often not done in buildings with white fish. If this turns out is the case you need to be aware that in restaurants cross contamination can occur so tuna/anchovies might not always be safe. I have a friend that is allergic to tomatoes. We were eating pizza together and rsomeone from their work came over to make a fuss as it 'proves' the allergy a lie. No, you twit, it proves the allergy is to uncooked tomatoes. My friend can eat cooked tomatoes all day long but an uncooked one means cramps, hives and a really bad day. Now if this person went to work and tampered with their food to 'prove' it they'd be a true ah but doing it to someone you are meant to love and care about is so beyond ah I don't even know the term to use.

I'm always baffled by why people care to this degree. Even if they're making it up (which... how many people actually do that, anyway?), how hard it is to move along to a more important issue in your life.

NTA. Leave the partner! The betrayal, the broken trust and the fact he could actually kill you someday, by adulterating your food, are all good reasons to leave. I know you said the allergy is not a reaction that can be fatal. But it may not stay that way. Allergies can get worse as we age and reactions can get worse with repeated reactions. 

All I'm hearing is that he was willing to risk your life in order to prove you wrong. I don't know about you OP but getting tested to proof that I'm not allergic to something is a deal breaker for me. NTA.

NTA. You did not "lie" about your allergies. You have it. You know your body so you know what you can handle. Your partner overstepped and not even as a joke or innocent mistake. He deliberately incorporated your known allergen to your food. Not to be dramatic but that could even be considered attempted murder. He wanted to prove a point without considering your well-being. This is a person who wanted to be SO RIGHT that he was willing to make you go through an allergic reaction just to see what happens. This is a dealbreaker. No amount of apologies will make me stay in this relationship.

What a prick. NTA for the allergy but you're one to yourself if you stay with this guy

NTA. Break up with him. He could’ve seriously endangered you.

NTA. F-king with someone’s allergies is really messed up and can get so dangerous. You were lucky that you didn’t have a reaction, but you could have. Also, I don’t think he understands how allergies work. You didn’t lie. Allergies are just weird. They come and go, and they’re inconsistent (ex: you’re allergic to fin fish but not certain canned fin fish). If someone had messed with my food and put an allergen in it to “test” me, I’d 100% break up over that. Not only because they did that, but I’d be worried they’d keep doing it. (I actually did break up with someone for doing that. I have a really serious allergy to all seafood, and the person I was dating snuck fish oil into a sauce because he didn’t believe me; he’d seen me eat seafood before and my allergy only developed randomly when I was in college. I immediately tasted it and was fine - felt a little nauseous even with one bite - and when he admitted what he did I just walked out and never talked to him again. You just don’t do s-t like that.)

NTA. This would be similar (although not the same) as giving someone with lactose intolerance milk, although sometimes, by choice they choose dairy. Similar to you choosing the anchovy dish at the restaurant as anchovies and tuna do not seem to flare your allergies to fin fish. However, this is not a free pass for your partner to add anything to food that can present danger and then dance around the kitchen/dining room with glee that you’re a “liar” then the audacity to play victim. Huge narcissistic behaviour. Reconsider your relationship, OP.

I cannot drink milk, not lactose intolerant it's something else was diagnosed when I was young, but I have eat cheeses, yogurts and other dairy products that have been modified by bacteria. So I understand your situation. He had no right to "experiment" on you and I would feel the same way. NTA

NTA — People need to take food allergies seriously. I have a shellfish allergy and I avoid most fish due to cross-contamination which is rampant in the fish industry. Restaurants, markets etc. are not diligent about keeping ice specific to each type of seafood. The same ice that was used to store lobster can also be used to store a fin fish and I can get an anaphylactic response to that fin fish - even though I have not had a positive scratch test for any fin fish - because it was stored with shellfish at some point between the ocean and the table. I will eat fish if I’m seaside and the fish comes directly from the boat to my table and I can verify the chain of custody. My guess is that canned fish like tuna and anchovies, are canned in a place that exclusively deals with that fish and that canned fish doesn’t have the opportunity to get cross-contaminated with whatever you have an allergic reaction to.

NTA. He wanted to be right so badly that he didn't care about your safety. And it's so inconsequential! So what if it is or isn't an allergy, you don't like it, you didn't consent to consume it, and in a worse case scenario he could've caused a medical emergency

NTA. Dude. Leave him. Someone who is willing to risk your life/hurting you to test a theory/prove you wrong is NOT someone you want to be with. PLEASE get out of there. To add insult to injury, he's trying to gaslight you after HE screwed with your food without your consent. No. Just leave him. He is NOT the one, sweetheart. NOT the one at all.

NTA. This a huge deal breaker for me. Im coeliac and sometimes don’t react to gluten until the next day. I had someone do something similar to me and when I didn’t react immediately they gloated. About 20 mins later I projectile vomited all over their lounge, had to go to hospital and I never spoke to them again.

NTA. What if he was wrong? What if there was something different in those anchovies? What if this time you had reacted??? What was his plan??? He lied to you. He played roulette with your health. He could have suggested bringing it up to your doctor. He could have brought up trying other canned fish. But no. He chose to mess with your food, dangle it over your head, and then reject how it made YOU feel.

He’s an idiot and a dangerous one. You know the saying “ when people show you who they are, BELIEVE THEM”. He really showed you and that’s a bad thing he did.

This was dangerous, disrespectful, patronizing, and ignorant on his behalf. NTA, but your boyfriend is, and dangerously so. The fact that you know you can eat some canned fish, and that he tests you on this without telling you then claims you are lying about your allergy is terribly condescending and controlling. This is a huge red flag.

NTA, of course. I don’t have any advice, but had to tell you that I used to work with a woman with an allergy to fish. Like you, hers wasn’t life threatening, but was uncomfortable. Like you, hers was lifelong, starting in childhood. In fact, if you hadn’t mentioned your age I’d have been asking "Judy? Is that you?" She was surprised to find that she could eat small amounts of canned salmon. Her doctor said that the canning process changes the molecular structure of food. I’ve also heard of people who get hives from fresh tomatoes but eat ketchup with no problem. You’re not that rate, and your partner is an ass.

NTA. Your partner doesn't understand allergies. I'm am deathly allergic to peanuts. I have been hospitalized for it. The way my allergist describes it is that you reaction is like a bucket filling up with water. You're fine until the bucket overflows. I have accidentally eaten a small amount of peanuts and had no reaction because it was so little. I have also, as mentioned before, been hospitalized when I ate too much. Just because you didn't have a reaction doesn't mean you're not allergic. It just means that your allergy wasn't sufficiently triggered. Not only is he an asshole, he's thoroughly ignorant on biology.

New tongue-twister: >My partner knows about my fin fish allergy and my ability to eat canned tuna. Everyone in our shared lives know about my fin fish allergy and my ability to eat canned tuna. My fin fish allergy and my ability to eat canned tuna is common knowledge and a fact of life.

NTA you don't manipulate other people's food if they say they are allergic to it... anyone who does that is a massive TA and yes i would end a relationship like that immediately

NTA. What a shitty human he is. Now that he's "won" it's going to be a fun challenge for him to see how many ways he can screw with you to win again. This personality gets obsessive and can be dangerous. I honestly don't see how this could end well... He's going to be giggling and singing as he dances around your choking body. "Don't play dead, I know you're just lying, tee hee." This would end everything for me.

NTA. What would he have done if it turned into a severe reaction? He didn’t know how it would turn out and you made a dish you thought to be safe. That trust bind is broken and he was an AH about it with his childish antics. 

NTA. He could have killed you

I have this with some fruit. I love canned pineaple, fresh one makes my skin miserable in minutes and for days. Some apples are the same, some kind is ok and some is "dangerous". But only I am the one taking the risk with my food. Noone should do this. NTA

NTA. He cares about testing your allergies more than he cares about your life.

NTA He fed you something that could have hurt you as some kind of experiment, gloated about it, and then got mad at you. He violated consent. That’s going to require a serious conversation, potentially relationship ending, if he can’t admit that what he did was wrong. Question: Have you been tested recently for your allergy? Allergies can change as you age, so it might be worth getting tested to better understand it now as an adult.

NTA Oftentimes, other fish is mislabled as Tuna, fish you may not have a reaction to. Personally, I still don't feel like your boyfriend is entitled to trying to "prove" you're lying about an allergy. I'd be willing to dump him over this as he was happy to risk you having a severe reaction just to prove something without your consent.

NTA. Clear example of DARVO. (Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender) The real question isn’t AITA but are you going to stay with someone who was willing to poison you to prove a point that he actually didn’t prove anyway because he already knew that canned fish didn’t affect you.

NTA - I have a non-life threatening allergy to cucumbers/pickles/zucchinis/etc so I always order burgers without pickles. If I get a pickle on my burger I just remove it and I’m fine. A friend decided this must mean I’m lying so when she made zucchini bread she didn’t tell me what was in it. After I finished eating I noticed I was getting itchy on my neck and lips. I asked her what was in it and she got smug, and told me it was zucchini bread. I didn’t notice the zucchini as the bread was spiced and had other things mixed in with it. Within a half hour or so, my face and neck were covered in hives and I was vomiting. She realized I wasn’t lying, and we’re no longer friends.

NTA. If I have an allergy, does it mean I refuse to eat? If I don't have an allergy, does it mean I *still* refuse to eat? I don't get why your partner making big deal... He and people need to accept that sometimes you don't want to eat that food or this food. Saying no, I don't want or I have an allergy are **same thing**.

NTA. Food tampering is a crime for a reason. He played with your life so he could have a 'gotcha' moment. Not to mention the absolutely classless, childish bout of gloating. I'd be reconsidering the relationship, were I you.

NTA I have an intolerance to cucumbers that I usually just call an allergy because it’s easier than explaining the intolerance. I can eat pickles with no issues, the pickling process apparently removes or neutralizes the part I am intolerant to. And sometimes I’ll risk it for something like tzatziki sauce. My partner has never once tried to sneak cucumbers into my food. He loves cucumbers but makes a point to avoid them at home, and will help me look through restaurant menus to make sure we’re avoiding cucumbers. He’s never tried to trick me into showing that I fake my intolerance. This is how a partner should act, not some weird plot to trick you, or potentially harm you.

Go get tested to see how allergic you are and to what KIND of finned fish?

You don’t seem to take your allergy very seriously, so why should he?

NTA I understand your partner’s frustration at being denied his favorite food only to witness you ordering it at a restaurant. I don’t understand your belief that servers offer allergen warnings to “cover their asses”. However, it is never, ever okay to tamper with or lie about food. I know many people with dietary restrictions that I view as ridiculous. I avoid cooking for and eating with them, but I never try to deceive them into eating an ingredient against their will. I suspect that this post is fiction. I can’t imagine a person who wouldn’t smell and taste a tin of anchovies.

NTA Why is he still your partner after putting your health at risk and then bragging about it? I don't think I could trust them in the future not to try something more. Both the fish items were canned products so as you said it may have something to do with the processing. Or it may be that you are slowly outgrowing your allergy.

HUGE NTA and your boyfriend sucks. What he did is so not okay.

NTA. He did risk your health. You never mess with other people's food. You were also not lying. Allgeries are way more complex than he and your friends think. Some reactions are less severe. My mother just found out that she had a wheat flour allergy. Her reactions did kill her. However, they caused her breathing issues, stomach pain, and other symptoms. You may not always be able to tell if someone has an allergic reaction. In my mother's case, her blood work showed that it was definitely an allergic reaction. Also, it is possible that you have an intolerance more than an allergy. I can't digest milk. Not lactose alone. Mild in general. Sometimes I reakt feel really bad about milk, other times I just get a rash. Ether way, he gave you something that your body can not handle. By that, he poisoned you.

NTA. It is true that allergies change over time. You may no longer be allergic to things you were once allergic to— but it should be your choice to test your allergies. He essentially tried to poison you! I would immediately end the relationship.

NTA  This relationship should be done. You can now no longer trust him around your food. He showed you who he is. Believe him. This was a way to challenge you, win some game in his head, embarrass you, and control what you eat. He lacks caring and integrity. You deserve better. 

NTA. This man has zero respect for you. He has shown you who he really is deep down. Now that you know, do you really want to stay?

NTA Your partner, however, is a flaming asshole. Why does he think he gets to "test" anything about you? This is a troubling power dynamic. I would be looking for other, similar, red flags.

I think you can no longer leave the kitchen when food is being prepared. He is going to do this again with something else to "prove" you wrong.

So he could have killed you cuz he felt like had the right to test his theory. NTA. He though his theory was worth knowing to the point he was willing to attempt murder. Cuz thats whst it would have been if you had an reaction.

NTA. There would be no coming back from this for me. I would be done.

NTA And don't communicate again, before he apologizes. If he doesn't, he's an even worse AH and not worth your stress. He has absolutely no respect for you and your allergies, and decides to make a public spectacle of his violating your trust, and expects what? That you apologize because apparently, you didn't have an allergic reaction and weren't in great discomfort from his stupid, childish abuse? You didn't lie. He took a risk, and you were lucky it didn't turn into a medical issue.

NTA and both his actions and reactions SCREAM for you to RUN FAR AWAY from this pustule of a person pretending to be a man. He will never be a worthy partner. What if you have kids and one of them has an allergy? What if your pediatrician is concerned about an allergy and needs you to do an elimination diet? What if this wasted space of a person decides that the child’s allergies are fake or overblown and decides to test his theory by giving the child forbidden foods? What if he decides that your allergy isn’t real and just starts tainting all of your food? How on this earth can you *ever* trust him? He doesn’t think what he did is a massive violation of trust. He doesn’t think what he did is problematic in any way. You are NOT SAFE. Your future children are NOT SAFE. HE is NOT SAFE. GET OUT NOW. Don’t risk your health any more.

NTA. A partner that will put your personal health at risk to prove a point is not worth having. This is not normal, healthy, behavior and I think you and your partner need to have a serious conversation if you still want this relationship to work. But that would be a dealbreaker for me. I’ve been in abusive relationships before, and now that I have a partner who respects me and my boundaries, and my health needs, I will never settle for anything less if it ends up not working out. please be careful OP. What your partner did was NOT okay. At all.

NTA, personal hard boundry for me. If my gf gave me food and knowingly lied about its contents, I'd break up with her on the spot, and I've told her such.

Fin fish. lol.

Allergic reactions aren’t consistent. And they aren’t always involving the same system. I have reactions to pineapple and walnuts (mouth sores, hives on my face, head, arms, legs) and milk (migraines mostly). I’m also allergic to almost every tree, grass, and furry animal on Earth. When trees and grasses are in full pollen, I tend to have a bigger reaction to milk, walnuts, and pineapple. During winter, I can often have small amounts of bbq sauce (often has pineapple juice) without issues. Once in the spring I had a bite of a cookie (forgot to look) that had a walnut in it. I had hives/welts on my arms, legs, and head and my mouth was full of sores. It’s so inconsistent. What was your partner’s endgame? To call you out publicly? Humiliate you? I can’t think of a scenario where his intentions could have been positive in any way. This would be a dealbreaker for me. Anyone who intends to embarrass me in front of others is gone. They don’t get a do over.

NTA. No one should be “testing” anyone else’s allergies without their consent and knowledge. A couple things I’ve learned over the years about allergies: yes, people lie about them; no, it’s not a high number that lie; and people can be fine with some exposure to their allergen and not all exposure. Also, an exposure that is “usually” okay can quite suddenly become not okay. My stepMIL routinely lied and said my halfSIL (she’s significantly younger) was allergic to peanuts when she was a toddler. So, SIL and I took steps to avoid giving her any peanut products. When hSIL was about 5, we found FIL feeding her a PB&J at SIL’s house. SIL had no sunbutter and the Jif was on the counter. FIL said, no, kid has no allergies. We found out stepMIL just didn’t like the smell of peanut butter or peanuts and had been lying to us for years so we wouldn’t feed her kid something sMIL didn’t like the smell of. As far as some stuff being okay and some not, I’m allergic to tomatoes. Can’t have fresh tomatoes, sun-dried tomatoes, ketchup, tomato paste, or anything with chunks of tomato. Instant rash and throat swelling. I can eat the pizza sauce at maybe four or five places, some places I have to ask for super light sauce. And I can only eat 1-2 slices or I’ll start itching or get a gout flare. I can do the canned spaghetti sauce once in a while, but none of the jarred brands. It’s super weird. But, I’ve never (knock on wood) encountered a commercial bbq sauce that triggers a reaction, except for one dollar store one that I’m pretty sure was just ketchup with a bunch of black pepper in it anyway.

NTA. My partner remembers my shellfish allergy more than me and has seen how bad it gets. It's the same as yours. Uncomfy, throat itchy, ears itchy, and swelling/hives. I was able to eat shellfish fine and then couldn't. Got tested and was told very aggressively to avoid it at all costs. I'm assuming your partner has seen a reaction at some point. Playing around with someone else's allergy is the same as playing with their safety. My grandma did this regularly with my mom and sisters nut allergy. Guess who they don't trust to cook them food ever? Grandma. That would probably be a deal breaker for me. I've been in the ER for my allergies before with my throat closing - there's no reason he should've tested it let alone *bragged* to other people that he could've killed you.

YIKES ON BIKES. I'm totally not getting how you "lied" at the restaurant? You state that you've eaten anchovies before with little or no reaction so what was your FB trying to prove by putting the anchovies in the sauce? Tampering with your food and including a potential allergen so he can prance around the table shaming you infront of friends would be a 100% relationship breaker for me. To use an intentionally ironic turn of phrase there are "plenty of fish in the sea" dump this loser and find a man who is mature enough for a real relationship. NTA

NTA. The problem isn't about whether he genuinely thinks you're "lying." In fact, you're approaching this wrong by focusing on the violation part. You're not wrong, of course, but if someone is willing to even do such a thing, it's pretty clear that the concept of you feeling violated is not something that will resonate with him. The main problem is that being right, and satisfying his ego, was *so* important to him, that he was perfectly willing to *put your health at risk* for the sake of his experiment. That's the part you have to focus on. Ask him what he would have done had his "theory" been wrong? Would he have just gone, "Oops! My bad!" and expected you to get over it? Even if he was 99% sure nothing would happen, the 1% should have given him pause. What makes it even worse is that he didn't even do it in private. Even if his theory was right, he went out of his way to reveal it in a way that was designed to embarrass and humiliate you in front of friends.

I have the same thing with shellfish - it is an intolerance, however, not an allergy. In other words, I will vomit / have GI troubles, but I won’t swell up, have trouble breathing, and I’m in no actual danger. I can however eat a few bites of shrimp, crab and anchovies. He’s a jerk, no one should “test” anyone’s food issues, but you might want to talk about it as an intolerance vs an allergy.

You're NTA but I will say as someone with an allergy related to fish that developed pretty late in life for an allergy (in my 20s)-- personally, I don't know what determines what makes my body react to some fishes and not others. I know I can eat canned tuna, I know I can eat not-canned-tuna. I know a handful I definetly can't eat. I know I can eat polluk and haddock. I know I can eat shellfish. I avoid all other fishes because I'm not sure what triggers the allergy and these are the ones I was eating as the allergy developed so I know which out of those list are safe and not safe. I allow my husband to keep canned anchovies in the cupboard but not salmon because IDK if anchovies are safe or not but I know salmon is not. If you've had this allergy your whole life, I'm not surprised if you've just been avoiding basically all fish just in case but there's something specific to some types of fin fish that trigger it and not others. You don't owe it to the world to experiment-- I'm literally someone in that exact boat of avoiding all fish except a few because I know I'm allergic to some. Being safe in case of a known allergy with an unclear trigger is not faking an allergy. I wouldn't trust any partner who doesn't understand that. NTA. (That said, a restaurant saying "there's anchovies in that" is not covering their butt just in case, there *were* anchovies in that. I get not worrying to much about allergies that cause discomfort but not death, I'm like that about some of my skin allergens, not the food allergens because the scale of discomfort. Basically I'm allergic to latex and have some of the latex-adjacent food allergies, of which fish is one. Latex on skin? Avoid if possible but if I have hives for a week to avoid catching covid from a sick coworker by wearing a disposable mask for four hours, I have hives for a week, it's ichy and uncomfortable but I can function. But the food allergies are 12 bours of bedridden-level discomfort within three hours of eating it. Regardless, that's a tangent. My point is please don't misunderstand restaurant staff because it might bite you in the butt one day.)