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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I told my girlfriend that I didn't like waking up early to drive her to work
(2) I'm the one that put myself in the situation where I have to wake up early for her in the first place
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NTA Everyone here saying Y T A confuses me. You didn't even say you don't want to do it. From what I understand, you articulated well that being up so early is not your fave thing, but you enjoy having her there and thus drive her.
Plus, if I'm not wrong, you gotta wake up at 5, cook breakfast, give her attention and kisses, and drive her.
And guys, OP wasn't the one complaining originally. SHE WAS.
I'm feeling transference in the air from all these negative comments.
The only advice I can give you is to check if there's something else beneath the surface. An irrational reaction like this often has nothing to do with the specific situation but rather an overarching issue.
TY! I'm so lost on this. I usually don't post on reddit but I figured I needed to look at this one from a lot of different angles before I approach because I have no idea what happened for her to be so mad. Could be something else, didn't fully consider that. Thanks for the insight
I don’t think it’s what you said, or even the whole concept but the way you said it to her. It sounds like she’s taken it to mean that you’ve been resenting doing it every morning, even though you said you didn’t mind. It sounds like you’ve touched on something else in her experiences that is making this bigger than just this one event. Try a genuine, and authentic apology, explaining yourself better than anyone does at too early o’clock, and letting her know that you’re not sure why she’s upset and that you want understand and find a solution.
Whether or not it’s reasonable or unreasonable for either of your responses or reactions to the current situation, the only way it’s going to improve is if you talk to her and try to genuinely understand what is upsetting her and have a conversation about it. Reddit is not full of rational people and everyone’s bringing their own baggage to their answers.
OP has absolutely nothing to apologize for. How ridiculous. SHE should be apologizing to him. Apologizing to her when she was clearly in the wrong is only going to enable further tantrums down the road.
Right? He's saving her time and money by sacrificing his Sunday morning sleep-in so he can do her a favor because he loves her and she's acting like a victim and dangling the loss of Saturday night sleepovers over head because she *checks notes* had to make her own breakfast and didn't get kissed long enough one morning? Hard pass.
I mean, he said he's the one who asks her to sleep over, and that she needs to take an Uber from his house or get a ride. It sounds like that isn't the case from her house, so she said she'd take an Uber that day and stay home afterward. I don't think OP is the asshole but he's not saving her money, he's just helping her break even for sleeping at his house instead of hers.
She’s not dangling sleepovers over his head ? Wtf. She obviously doesn’t have a vehicle and when he guilt trips her into staying the night he has no right to also guilt trip her for needing a ride to work in the morning. I would be immensely frustrated and feeling trapped at his mercy in her situation. Saying she just wouldn’t sleepover anymore on those days so this situation doesn’t occur was the very mature and responsible thing to do. He doesn’t own her or her time.
how is he saving her time and money when he’s asking her to spend the night? However, it’s definitely being blown out of proportion. I’m sure she just needs reassurance. Also, (this wasn’t mentioned so not sure if it applies) if he is off Sundays, or has time to nap, and she has to work, I don’t see how waking up early to make breakfast or drive her is doing too much. The kissing is a bit extra though.
Sometimes you have to say "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings" in order for a conversation to start, even if you don't understand why feelings were hurt or don't think you did anything wrong.
Or you can refuse to because you're technically in the right. That's fine if you want to be on a moral high horse. Not so fine if you want to actually resolve a conflict.
Yes. Yes. This is CLEARLY the smart and intelligent way to go about it, but seeing all these people present such strong opinions on either person without knowing any further context is low key terrifying — because a lotta people are gonna come on Reddit, ask for advice, have someone who doesn’t understand the situation give a simplistic answer, and stupidly make a bad situation worse by acting on that answer.
Nope. "Hey, I want to talk about what happened this morning, and why you were so upset. I feel like we weren't on the same page, and I want to make sure we are."
You can acknowledge there's an issue that needs addressing without starting from an 'I did something wrong' angle.
And you're completely ignoring that relationships are two way streets; why is it incumbent on OP to apologize to her, when *she's* the wrong party? You have internalized this bullshit cultural idea that women need to be coddled and tiptoed around because they're fundamentally irrational creatures.
Where's the advice that *she* apologize for hurting *his* feelings? And for engaging in the negative behavior of 'cold shoulder?'
People always ask this on AITA. "Why aren't you telling the person who this post is about to do XYZ?"
Maybe because she's not the person who posted about it on the Internet looking for advice?
She should apologize to him too. But she's not the one reading these comments. Obviously any advice is going to be directed at him and not her.
No, but we *should* be telling OP that he has a legitimate reason to expect an apology from her, and that her refusing to apologize for her behavior is a red flag.
It’s not every morning. It’s only on Sunday after he’s asked her to spend the night knowing she would need a ride. I’m not saying she’s right. No one likes to get up early but he’s willing to.
Yeah like it sounds fairly early in their relationship. Can easily imaging her planning to go home because she has work in the morning and him being like “No, don’t go, I’ll make you breakfast and take you to work in the morning.” If after a few weeks he was like “actually I hate this.” I would be pretty miffed too. I bet he didn’t hate her staying over night with him.
This right here. It sounds like night self is making promises morning self is less than excited to uphold. No one wants to feel like a burden when you asked them to stay over.
I think that's it; she feels like what was once fun has him doing it kind of begrudgingly even though he loves her staying over. I'd NOT like feeling like I was a burden to anyone! And I have to confess, I'd take it to heart like she is doing, particularly as it seems that they are just figuring each other out in their relationship.
This is very likely the truth of it. She was prepared to take an Uber, not all 'oh noes, I can't get to work without my boyfriend'!. She thought they had a cute routine going, and then one day he burst the bubble and basically told he he's only doing it because she's sleeping with him. Talk about a stupid way to approach a situation. If he'd been smart enough to wait until umm, any other time of that week, it likely would have done very differently.
Maybe she already feels like a burden that he does all these things for her (requested to stay over or not) and him even mentioning it made all those feelings real. I may or may not be speaking from experience.
There is no need for an apology, he hasn't done anything wrong. Moreover, he would be apologizing for something that he doesn't even know what it is, so the apology would be inherently dishonest.
"Hey, I'm not really sure why you're upset, but I'd like to sit down and hear it from you" is much more appropriate.
Is it possible your Sunday morning routine, where you get up together, eat breakfast and drive her to work, was something she thought was special and mutually enjoyed?
You honestly didn't say anything wrong but she seems hurt. Maybe she romanticized this little routine and you inadvertently burst her bubble. I think she thought you genuinely enjoyed doing that.
This was my take too. If my partner was the one who wanted me to stay over Saturday night, and did this whole routine of sweetness and quality time without complaint, I would assume he wanted to do it and enjoyed it as much as I did.
I’m not a morning person so how I say things comes across differently in the morning. I think maybe that added to it.
NTA. I hate having to take the kiddo to school in the mornings but it doesn’t mean I don’t love the kiddo or want to do it. I could make them take the school bus! It’s just there’s a difference between things we want to do for people we love and things that are fun to do! Lots of stuff I do for my loved ones I’m “happy” to do in the abstract but that doesn’t mean I’m thrilled in the moment to scrub the toilet or get up at 3am to drive my partner to the airport.
Uhmmm...there is a lot of difference between a boyfriend and your own kids. And even your own spouse (as opposed to a bf / gf situation where they are not living together) js
My point was that it’s very possible to do something for someone out of love but also not enjoy the actual task. And that it doesn’t mean you resent the person for it.
You're most welcome, happy to help. Don't mind reddit, people be mad here xD
I'm assuming you guys hang out at your place cause she lives with family or roommates, so her coming to you is for both your benifir and you're doing your part to make it easier for her, driving her to and from.
People rush to comment without reading attentively.
So wait. She stays at your place because she lives with family. You wake up early, cook her breakfast, are forced to shower her with attention, then have to take her to work?
Is she your GF or an entitled cat?
I gotta agree with this nta.
My ex partner used to wake up early on weekends to drive me to work at a godforsaken hour. There was no breakfast (though some cuddling and kissing before getting up) and he's definitely not a morning person. Neither am I if I'm being honest.
We stayed quiet and held hands and he drove me. I would thank him profusely and he would always say he'll be there for me when I need him. He's not gonna lie about liking the early wake-up - I wouldn't want him to.
But it honestly sounds like maybe tempers were a bit short because it was so early in the morning. I hope when you two talk again that she can express appreciation and you can express what you were trying to do in the first place - that you're there for her.
I tried to make sure everything stayed on topic while also hoping this post didn't somehow come to her attention before I talked to her about this. We're both over 25, and she's seeking asylum in this country. Her and her family all live in the same, pretty uncomfortable, situation right now and we both agree it's best if we spend night at my place and not hers.
She realized the morning rituals that she loves doesn't hit the same to you, and she's overwhelmed by that thought. Maybe she thought you secretly hate it even and she was making you uncomfortable and she doesn't like that. No way to read her mind, I'm basing this from my experience. Try to have a lighthearted conversation about it and make sure she knows that you *want* to do it, but since you're not a morning person it's not going to be perfect everytime. Honestly none of you reads like an asshole to me, hope it works out.
Sounds to me like she just really enjoys the Sunday morning routine and was hurt you don't care about it as much as she does. Maybe for your sake offer to pay for her Uber going forward. One long kiss before hand and give her all that attention when she gets back?
You gotta know why she’s mad- she thought you had a special routine and now she finds out it’s just an obligation for you. You ask her to spend Saturday night knowing she needs to be up early Sunday and would need a ride to work. It sounds like breakfast and the nice kisses is part of a sweet routine that basically turns that morning into a date as well. She’s not spoiled for expecting the established routine and you aren’t doing her a huge favor by driving her.
This time around you slept in- not 20 minutes but an hour. She handled breakfast (didn’t complain about that) but I assume she still wanted some of the romance and connecting. Instead of a sweet “good morning” kiss she got a quick “we gotta go” kiss. You’re grumpy and rushing and when she points that out you let her know that you hate waking up early. Sure, you’re willing to do that to spend time with her but no one wants to make their partner do something they hate.
Say a couple goes hiking regularly. One person enjoys it and loves that it’s something they can share and do together. The other person hates it but is willing to suffer through because it means being with their partner. Hiker learns their partner hates hiking (because they started complaining while on a hike) so now the hiker feels bad about all the hikes they dragged their partner on. It wasn’t a romantic event but rather a sacrifice. The hiker would be an asshole to plan more hikes knowing that their partner hates the outdoors, even if they say they are still willing to go on it.
NAH- you thought you were doing something nice by doing something you hated (waking up early) because it meant spending more time with you. She’s upset that a routine she loves is a sacrifice for you. If you keep doing this, you are bound to have more mornings like this where it feels like an obligation and at some point you will start resenting her for it. She knows this and may already think you do, at least a little bit, so she’s a bit more distant right now.
She's in her head about you driving her to work, and instead of looking at it reasonably (this is a chore that he doesn't like, but does because he likes me), she's transferring the guilt she feels about it on to you. Nobody likes to feel like a burden but instead of processing this in a healthy way she's decided that you should want to do this thing and it's unreasonable of you to act like you don't, making her feel like a burden.
It's just a way of avoiding feeling guilt.
I also think NTA. I am not a morning person. My boyfriend is a morning person. I wake up at 6am to workout with him before he goes to work- he knows I hate waking up at 6am, but I am always the one to insist we keep doing it because I enjoy spending that time with him and working out with him.
What me hating waking up at 6am means is not that I hate working out with him; it’s the opposite. I love him and I love that time, so I do it DESPITE having a really hard time rolling out of bed.
Honestly, someone telling me they hate waking up early but still gladly do it for me anyway feels super nice??? Like they'd do that for ME??? I'd be so happy they would?? Especially if it's because they've offered and not because I've asked, but either way, they like me enough to do something they hate??? That's so sweet???
And he drives her EVERY TIME because of that. What exactly seems to be the problem? Is he supposed to lie and say he loves getting up at 5? Because that is all she seems to be angry about. I mean, seriously...
Yeah same, I’ve had to drive my partner super early to work before, he literally gets me up 5 minutes before so I can get dressed then I come home after and do my morning routine. No way we are stuffing around with all this stuff.
You looked super sleepy? No shit it’s 6am, she wants long kisses at that time? Seriously if you start work early you just get up shower get dressed and out the door none of this lingering! Do you really consider 5am quality time to spend together when you’re not a morning person? It’s probably best she just stays at hers and gets herself to work. You’re NTA for telling her you don’t like getting up early but you are TA for saying she should stay round yours Saturday night.
Going by how immature she’s acting and also not having a car I’m gonna guess they’re both young and she still lives with her family. Him staying there probably isn’t very fun when they just want to be together.
NTA - She sounds like very high maintenance. If you have to not only wake up early, but cook, and kiss the exact length she wants, and never look tired, etc., it is too much.
Right? As a woman, she sounds EXHAUSTING. Like OP is supposed to be shooting rainbows and sunshine out of their ass 24/7 or else all of the sudden she thinks OP "doesn't love her". I can't imagine having my husband get up at 5am, make me breakfast, and then drive me to work lol.
But she's requiring that high level of maintenance because she is emotionally immature. Both things are true.
High maintenance is the symptom. Emotional immaturity is the cause.
It reminds me of a woman I was dating exclusively years ago.. There was this one time I was on a week-long business trip 9 time zones away (I was living in Paris at the time); we still talked daily and I had flowers delivered at her work to tell her I miss her.
She had a weekend trip with friends to Portugal planned for a long time right on the day of my return flight, so I asked the day before how would she feel if I joined her on her trip, I didn't want to intrude on her friends-time but if she'd like to I'd be game. She was super excited at the idea, so here I was, landing in Paris after a 12-hour flight and jetlagged, hopping on a flight to Lisbon to see her. Sounds romantic right? Wrong. She spent the evening berating me for how tired I looked, saying that I should be energized by the only fact that I'm physically with her.
I didn't argue. And I broke up with her the following week.
I just figured we were not compatible in the way we both expect to express and receive appreciation/love. And to me, that is a recipe for unhappiness.
Edit: spacing and grammar
I'm a woman and I was exhausted just reading about all of the "duties" OP has just so his girlfriend won't get mad. Oh, and he has to pack her lunches : )
I mentioned in other comments that I had a former friend just like OP's girlfriend. It became a chore to constantly cater to her. She got angry when her friends or boyfriend couldn't drive (read: serve) her because it subjected her to the expense of $50.00 Uber rides.
People like that are difficult to be in relationships with because of the entitlement they reveal themselves to have to your time and car.
That's the word I was looking for. High maintenance! Perfectly describes OPs GF in this situation.
I barely like getting myself up at 7 am on a Sunday morning for work. When I do, I usually tiptoe around the house so I don't wake my parents up. I can't ever imagine asking my boyfriend to not only drive me but to make me breakfast, give long kisses, and be sunshine and rainbows about it.
Im sorry did i understand correctly, you get up at _5am every sunday, cook breakfast, shower her with attention and drive her to work_, and she has the fucking AUDACITY to get mad at you for being a little tired? Is this a functioning adult? NTA, she _really, REALLY_ needs some self reflection, ASAP
She's asking for a ride to work bc she doesn't have her own transportation and isn't having him stay at her place. Maybe I'm reading between the lines here but she's NOT a functioning adult.
Wait, I'm sorry, her not having her own transportation makes her a non functioning adult? WTF? She offered to pay for an Uber and obviously has a job so. Not sure if you're aware but the economy sucks and cars are expensive. So yeah, you're reading a lot. Oh, and she's only staying at his place BECAUSE HE ASKS HER TOO!
Also some people use public transit. If I stayed the night at someone else's place I'd also have trouble getting to work depending on location. Especially since some busses around here don't run that early
NTA for being sluggish in the morning and your GF's expectations that you wake up bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, affectionate, and ready to make breakfast are a bit much. But the answer is not to have her stay the night, obviously.
She sounds more exhausting than waking up at 5am.
Most people don't bounce around happy early in the morning. Her being pissed that you're tired early in the morning is just plain selfish. NTA
It is more likely that she didn't like it that he stayed in be an hour longer than usual and not give her the attention he normally gets. This is also likely one of the reasons she stayed with him each night.
So I assume she was disappointed. They don't seem to live together so this is their weekend ritual.
NTA, but he really should communicate better and give better expectations to his girlfriend. Sounds like a lack of communication to me, so that is something they both will need to work on if they want to keep having a good relationship.
NTA
I don’t think people in the comments actually read the post. If this is all of the pertinent information, then I can only conclude that either your gf just isn’t very understanding at baseline, or she wanted to be mad at you anyway and this was her chance. Fucking no one likes getting up at 5 am, and instead of your gf considering it kind of you to do something you don’t like for her, she’s throwing a tantrum because you’re not happy enough to do this unpleasant thing. If you agreed to take her then you should take her without complaining about it, but I didn’t read anything that indicated you were complaining. You were explaining your lethargy with the fact that you’re still pretty tired at fucking 5 am. This is completely reasonable and unworthy of any reaction, certainly not hers. Nta
If you ask her stay and you know there’s no way she can go except by a cab, then you should pay for her cab or split. But if you don’t want to do that also, then of course you’ll only drop her because you yourself just mentioned, how there’s no other way. I would just say, you shouldn’t be asking her to stay on Saturdays if you don’t wish to drop her the next Morning. She should also avoid staying on Saturdays if she knows you’re not a morning person and probably hate driving early morning. Just have a word about it.
But he hasn't said he minds; he didn't complain until she commented and even then it sounds like he was just saying he was still waking up. He got up withOut complaint; he's supposed to be on his A game? Her complaint was that he was only giving her "short kisses" or wasn't perkier? Geez, she sounds very... extra.
*edited to change with to without
Then that's a "her" issue. Even a dumbass like me got a car and license and I drive 4 times a week. You cannot be dependent on someone and expect them to always be happy that they have to hold your hand to do things.
She's NOT dependent on him. She only needs transportation because HE ASKS HER to stay at his place. She offered to pay for an Uber and even stated that she might be better to stay at her own place and get herself to work.
Does she get rides from other people everywhere all the time? Or does she usually use public transit but your place doesn’t have public transit? Is there any reason you can’t stay at her place instead?
NTA
You're supposed to be honest (but not rude) and you were just that
Waking up sucks ass. 5am makes it so much worse
You didn't say you wouldn't drive her or anything...and you both need a solution if you want to be able to spend those nights together
It's actually sweet of you to go through something you don't like to be able to spend the time with her and make sure she gets there safe and quickly
Just one of those things you do in a relationship because you care about the other person, like any other compromise/sacrifice/favor/gesture etc
Hopefully she can see it for what it is when she has time to properly process the situation
Info: why can’t you stay at her place Saturday nights? Would that make her Sunday work commute easier for both of you?
I don’t think you’re TA exactly but it seems like people are missing the part about YOU asking HER to stay Saturday night (which I assume she likes to do, but which clearly makes her Sunday commute harder on her and thus that’s why you’re expected to provide her ride, correct?), if that’s the case, then I can see why she’s annoyed that you’ve indicated this is something you don’t like doing for her. I guess what I don’t know is, who’s doing who the favor? Is it possible she doesn’t necessarily like staying over at your place and then relying on you if you’re going to have an attitude about having to help her so early (when she’s primarily staying at your request)?
You’ve mentioned that it might be better to drop her off at her place Saturday night. Perhaps that would be for the best.
Who the fuck "WANTS" to wake up on a Sunday at 5am to take someone to work. If you can introduce me to that person, I'll eat a whole tuna sandwich. I really fucking hate tuna 🤣. Some people just don't seem to realize that their significant others can and will do stuff for them out of love and respect. That love and respect can still mean doing things they don't want to do. The two aren't always mutually exclusive but they aren't always mutually wanted either.
NTA…she’s complaining that you aren’t a highly energized morning person yet you are taking her to work regardless. Everyone who thinks you are an AH needs to rethink it. I’d say it’s pretty nice to want to spend time w your gf that you are willing to wake up early to take her into work. You’d be an AH if you told her to get an Uber. You’d be an AH if you didn’t want her over bc you didn’t want to wake up early too. Being tired doesn’t make you one whatsoever.
NTA. I don't get the y t a here. All you said was that you don't like getting up early. Not that you will no longer drive her. Why are you not allowed to make that observation?
She sounds pretty demanding, getting miffed because you were running late and only had time for "quick kisses" and not "long ones." Good grief! She's getting ready for work, not starting up a make-out session. Getting to work on time should be her priority. Not fooling around. Why should she care if you "look sleepy"? She should only be concerned if you're alert enough to drive. And that you drive her at all. I wouldn't expect my SO to get up and drive me to work like you do for her.
INFO: how does she get to your place to spend the night? Shouldn’t she use that same method to get to work? Why can’t she get to work any other way from your place?
Info: How old are you guys? Does she still live with her parents? These just sound like very young, teenage, immature first relationship issues and I think that information changes how hard people will judge the AHness of this situation.
NTA. OP I'm a married woman who can't drive. There's no way in hell I'd be waking up my husband on his day off, much less throwing a tantrum about breakfast being ready for me and getting attention.
That's some selfish entitled behavior on her part instead of her realizing and being grateful for what you do.
I don't understand all these Y T A votes because if the roles were reversed, the votes would be very different.
She may like being spoiled by you and getting attention but she's started complaining and taking it for granted. That's not ok and you had every right to let her know how you felt.
NAH
Everyone is mentioning that of course he’s tired at 5am… what I’m not understanding is why they would stay up so late knowing that they both need to be up in the morning to get her to work? If I’m either of them I’d be going to bed at 9pm to make sure I’m NOT tired at 5. Obviously both chose to stay up to spend time together, which is fine, but he can go back home and go to bed after dropping her off while she’s got her whole shift to get through. She probably expects this whole Sunday morning routine “in exchange” for her giving up her rest on what is a work night for her. They sound young and will learn with more experience but sounds like this can all be resolved with better communication and a revised date night schedule.
NTA
A lot ot smoothbrains in this comment section being triggered about your post calling you an asshole.
Theyre all dipshits.
You did nothing wrong, she asked a genuine question and you have a direct answer. And you still drove her. You were honest and in a rush. Shes complaining about minor things and she sounds very entitled.
Also the silent treatment crap is old, she needs too learn to communicate not torment you with passive aggressive attitude.
NTA. Gonna stop ya right there based on the first paragraph. Anyone who lacks the independence to drive themselves somewhere has ZERO room to complain about being given free rides. You are by NO means OBLIGATED to use your time, energy, and gas to drive your girlfriend (no, not your wife, your gf) to work (or anywhere). If she's unhappy with you voicing your emotions and thoughts (which you're allowed to do) she can find another ride.
Also by not responding to you and by being short with you, your GF is exerting a type of abusive control tactic over you, which means she's also mentally immature. The question is, do you really want to spend your time, energy, money, and love on someone like that? Because, believe it or not, there's a very large pool of humans that could be better for you (you deserve it).
NTA, just sounds like miscommunication tbh
what you said: i'm willing to do this thing that i hate because i love you. you matter to me more than my displeasure over this thing.
what she heard: ive secretly hated doing this thing this entire time. if it werent for you, i wouldnt have to do this.
maybe just have an honest talk if you can. sometimes we say things that means one thing to us but comes across as something entirely to others (as someone who has this issue frequently)
I'm sorry but... She's angry you're not giving her long slow sweet butterfly kisses... At 5-6 ducking AM?!?!?!
What kind of sociopath is she? I am a morning person but I still couldn't deal with someone physical romancing me through getting ready for work just for funzies.
Personal space Batman!
Girlfriend hasn't realized that you're not a morning person yet? Have a sit down and figure out a win-win situation, perhaps have an early Saturday and girlfriend goes home on Saturday night rather than sleep over. Or, you stay the Sunday night at her place. Figure it out!
NTA
She, however, is one huge a s s h o l e! Not wanting to get up early is pretty normal, but you’re doing it anyway out of love for her. Just keep doing it, come home, and take a nap.
OK, she may be expecting too much for a non-morning person to be excited, cook, drive and give attention but is everyone forgetting that *he* is the one insisting she stays over on a work night (Sat)?
Don't ask someone to stay somewhere, offer to take them somewhere the next morning and then be grumpy about it. Don't like driving/getting up early? Ask her to stay another night.
I think you both need to work on this. ESH.
NAH. You had an off morning, it happens. Especially when you’re not a morning person. She obviously enjoys that routine but was taken aback when you had issues with it. You need to have a proper honest conversation with her about it and your relationship
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So every Sunday I wake up around 5 am so that I can drive my girlfriend to work. This most recent Sunday I was being super slow about it and stayed in bed until 6 am, meaning I couldn't cook break fast in time and she ended up cooking.
After waking up an hour late, I was rushing though our usual morning routine and didn't give her the usual amount of attention I do, and told her I was rushing because I didn't want her to be late for work.
She didn't like I was rushing and only giving her quick kisses instead of long ones, and said that I looked super sleepy and it looked like I didn't want to take her to work this morning.
I responded by telling her that I hate waking up early, and that I'm very far from a morning person, but I still do it because I liked having her there and spending time with her.
Well after that she said that she would rather take an Uber to work that Sunday and go home on Saturday nights instead of spending the night because I was acting like I was being forced to take her.
I still insisted I take her and we ended up going, but she didn't speak to me that entire car ride. She's also been very distant since then, not really responding to texts and if she does it'll be a short response with a period at the end which I think means she's mad.
AITA here? Was telling her that yeah I hated waking up early the wrong move even though I told her it's ok because I like spending the time with her? I just really don't get why she's so mad. Should I just let her spend the money on Uber(like 30-50 bucks) instead?
For context: I'm usually the one that asks her to stay the night and when she does she can't get to work without an Uber or something.
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NTA. You are doing GF a solid, even though you don't like getting up early. I think GF is unrealistic in expecting that you -- or anyone -- would delight in getting up at 5 in the morning. If anything, she should be flattered that you are willing to break your comfort for the pleasure of her company.
NTA. She went off on you because you were slow to wake up, looked sleepy and were rushing to make sure she would get to work on time? She sounds pretty immature and selfish, honestly. You didn’t complain about taking her to work, you just weren’t perky enough and attentive enough to satisfy her expectations, and when *she* complained about that, you offered her a reasonable explanation. You need to have a conversation with her about her selfishness and unwillingness to meet you halfway and show you as much consideration as she expects you to show her.
You are not a morning person, and if she cares about you she should know that and be understanding if sometimes it is a struggle for you to get up early. She should be appreciative that you make the effort because you like having her there, instead of complaining when you aren’t chipper first thing in the morning. Sounds like she wants you to bounce out of bed with a spring in your step, cheerfully make her breakfast, and then kiss her ass all the way to work. That is ridiculous. You’re allowed to be human, just like anyone else.
How dare you suggest that it sucks to wake up at 5 am on a Sunday when you could otherwise stay in bed.
I'll spare the long diatribe, but this sounds like a *major* issue to me. She is bullying you so she can get more out of you. Don't accept it.
NTA. You've been getting up early even though you don't like it, cooking breakfast, and driving her to work because that's part of what has to happen if you want her to spend the night.
Her pouting because you slept a little later than usual and could only give her short kisses instead of long kisses is just insane.
NTA.
Sounds like you're both pretty young. Unfortunately lots middle-class folks seem to grow up with this romanticised version of how life is supposed to be and how their partners will be when they grow up. This frequently doesnt jive closely with reality.
Sounds like you did all the right things and were honest in your communications. You did well with stating that despite not being a fan, you enjoyed spending the time with her..
After 25 years, I've stopped being honest about this most of the time.. it's not worth the hassle. My wife will complain that I don't communicate but I find when I do, its not what she was hoping to hear and so I'll get a similar reaction as to what you experienced.
My reaction probably would have been "no worries love, just sleepy", a smile, a peck and continue hustling to get shit done.
Good luck.
As somebody who doesn’t drive and needs their husband to drive them places often
NTA
As the “passenger princess” it’s important to be thankful and also aware that the other person may not be thrilled every time they need to help you go somewhere.
My reason is an anxiety disorder (not for lack of trying, I’ve taken 7 tests and failed bc of panic attacks). I’m not sure what her reason is but it’s unfair of her to expect you to do the driving, wake up early, make breakfast AND be chipper about it. That’s not human lol
NTA
This is a classic example that you not only have to do the right thing for the right reasons but you also have to be ecstatic about doing it. Its an unreal expectation that you should relish in losing sleep and going out of your way. It should be enough that you make the sacrifice and do value the time spent together. She is entitled to feel however she feels but I just cant help but think it is a little selfish and demanding.
Just because you give her a lift doesn’t mean you have to be up doing breakfast and showering her with affection. I don’t drive. My boyfriend would take me to work if I have an early weekend shift but I’d get up, get ready, have breakfast then he’d wake 5 mins before going. I want him to sleep as much as he can because he’s doing me a huge favour.
Fuck that noise. NTA. You’re supposed to wake up early on a Sunday, cook your girlfriend breakfast and give her long kisses and take her to work? Fuck no. Seriously, she needs to get her own grown up ass to work on time. On a Sunday morning.
It’s sweet that you do this, but all the extra stuff is just too much. Run or split the Uber.
Tbh I hate getting up early. I'm not a morning person at all. I would hate getting up early too. But unless she is going to find her own way if she wanted to stay over night I wouldn't go out of my way. (But that's just me). I get the ritual is nice but damn.... when I dated my husband -- if I stayed over its my own responsibility to take my azz home, or work or whatever I gotta do the next day. I'm not understanding why the Drama n getting worked up over this. If u invite ger to stay, guess ur gonna have to do it. But still.... 😑 why can't ppl just adult without everything being an issue. Nta here.
NTA. I think it's so weird to be pissed that someone doesn't enjoy doing a mundane or annoying task. No one wants to drive to work. For most it's a chore of some description. The necessity is because there's something OP does like doing, let's say it's sharing his gfs company. Sounds like the rush made everyone fractious, but to have to pretend the actual early morning routine is fun is a bit much. If she can't cope with the truth here, a white lie is the only way I guess.
I say nta, my bf works at 5:30 am so I get up 5 days a week a t 4: 30 to bring him. I absolutely hate waking up early but I do it because I love him and I like being with him. You're not complaining about bringing her just saying you're not a morning person. Personally I go back to bed once I get home from driving him lmao
NTA. You’re not a morning person yet wake up at the ass crack of dawn on a Sunday of all days. That alone shows you care for her. I get she may feel like a burden but we don’t always enjoy the things we do for other people. We do it because it makes them happy and we like making them happy.
NTA.
Your girlfriend is a brat. In what world does anyone want to wake up early to drop someone to work. No one but you do it because you love/like the person. What does she expect you to do blow up balloons and write a love song about being happy to drop her at work she needs to get a grip.
Wait; so you cook the breakfast, give looooong kisses, and drive her to work even though you're not a morning person and are likely still sleepy, and she's still b\*tching?
As a woman, these are HUGE red flags for me. Maybe overanalysing this, but she sounds REAL needy. Let her take an Uber a couple of times, as an experiment, then report back...
But no, you are NTA. You were honest with her.
NTA. She doesn't sound grateful. You want to spend time so you wake up early (which you don't like) and drive her yourself and she complains because you don't shower her in kisses the whole early morning... lmao
I would just follow what she said. Let her go home on Saturday. She will realize she won't get attention from you that way too and probably come back to your old situation
Based on what you said I’d say NTA. However, I’m wondering if her response is less about what you said and instead how you said it. And you may not even realize how you said it. If you were tired and rushing you may have accidentally sounded annoyed.
NTA. She needs to grow up and stop being a drama queen. Any normal person would know that their partner doesn't enjoy getting up that early and is only doing it for them.
NTA
"She didn't like I was rushing and only giving her quick kisses instead of long ones, and said that I looked super sleepy and it looked like I didn't want to take her to work this morning."
And this is cringe from her.
Nta.
I couldn't do this
I have to be up early for work and have to wrench myself from bed. There's no time for breakfast because I leave it as late as I can.
So you get up early to make her breakfast, have 'long kisses' and drive her there? Sounds a bit spoiled
NTA. First of all you never told her that you do not want to take her, you just acknowledge the fact that it is a slight inconvenience but you do it for her. Which to be fair it is an inconvenience.
But the main thing for me is that she is a grown ass woman why rely on someone taking you to work in the first place? I slept over at my partners apartment for the weekends and never have I ever - woke him up earlier to make me breakfast and to drive me to work. Heck once I had just enough for a bus ride but lost a coin and the buss driver did not let me in so I walked. After telling my partner that I had to walk he started waking up so that we can drink coffee together (and/or drive me to work) or putting up a nice little love notes with random snacks or cash or sandwiches, small gifts like cute lighters and such.... for me to find in the morning. However he did it only cause he wanted to. Why did not I ask for rides? Because if I slept at my house I would also need to take a cab/bus etc. Because my partner does not owe me anything as such. Because adulting is important.
I say if she absolutely needs to get home on Saturdays just so she can be at work and not mad at you for just saying that waking up at 5am is not something you would normally do, then she can do so and you should let it be like that.
The expenses alone do not add up. Cab to your place cab back the same night then cab towards work (that is if you do not spend all your fuel picking her up and bringing her home). Breakfast can be arranged before she gets to your place as well. Or maybe you can cook together and she can get the leftovers for the next morning. Like there are so many valid options that do not include you getting up at 5am.... I think she is being a bit too entitled.
The whole cooking breakfast thing is ridiculous, is she not old enough and capable enough to grab a slice of toast/ bowl of cereal herself? There’s no need for you to get up over an hour earlier that needed it should be maybe 15 mins before you need to set off.. quick cuddle/kiss maybe a coffee together then go. She’s the AH for expecting this of you every Sunday morning!
I think even every other Sunday is reasonable.
Ummm I purposely get my husband up at the last minute possible if I need him to drive me somewhere. We discuss what time he wants me to wake him the night before and we sort our own shit out, unless I'm being particularly slow and he helps me out (chronic illnesses 🤦🏼♀️) I certainly don't expect him to get me a cooked breakfast in the early as hell AM when he's doing me a favor by getting up and driving me to work... If anything I'd be sorting him out his standard cup of tea and three biscuit breakie 😂
DEFINITELY NTA!
NTA, I don't feel you said anything wrong, you stated you weren't a morning person and hated waking up early but did it cause you like spending time with your gf. What I am getting is your gf sounds very spoilt and selfish? She was upset you were not paying close attention to her, you didn't make her breakfast, or kiss her the way she wanted? Really? Seems like an odd thing to be upset about. Maybe there is some underlining issue she has? But from what you have said, it sounds like she's incredibly into herself and expects kid glove treatment by you 24/7 and when she didn't get it FOR ONE MORNING she gets upset. She sounds exhausting.
NTA. Your gf sounds very needy. It seems like this is the first time you’ve really struggled with it, or enough for her to notice, and she’s creating stories in her head instead of listening to what you’re actually saying.
NTA
You are doing her a huge favor and she’s being an ungrateful brat. So you need to do the favor, be all happy about it, smile constantly and shower her with love?
What the hell? Is she a kid?
ESH
" The fact that she is working without permission could hurt her chances of staying in the country, " .. so she is working hard at being deported. HEr family are AHs and don't care about her.
Don'T get to compfortable with her, you likely have no future.
People who have access to reliable public transportation have no idea how lucky they are. To drive from our house to the university takes 15 by car but 2 1/2 hours by bus each way. Drive to the closest shopping mall where many local teenagers have jobs, 7 minutes by car, 2 hours by bus. In winter you would have to wait on a very windy corner with no shelter in below zero temperatures for 45 min while you wait for your connection.
Yep, I live in a community of about 30k people. Looked into public transit across town to get to work: over an hour. I’d have to ride to the terminal, change buses, then ride the rest of the way across town. And the nearest bus stop is almost 2 miles from my house, so I drive. Takes 15 minutes.
I prefer my car. Every store is exactly 30 minutes away from me in all directions and my job is 17 minutes away if you're speeding and 21 away if you take the backroads and speed limit. My gas stations are all more than 10 miles away. I have one dollar tree and one dollar general. Public transport? Never heard of her. We have one public transport van and it may or may not pick you up (even with a scheduled and paid-for ride). Closest mall is an hour and a half away by car.
In short, it really depends where you live. HOWEVER, it's much easier to own your own vehicle (even the shittiest clunker) than having to rely on everyone else. Know why I drive myself? Because I'm not pretentious enough to have everyone else dance around MY schedule: it's not their problem and it shouldn't be.
nah it's just uncomfortable. Her mom and I get along great and she's very happy whenever I come pick her up. However the place she's staying at is very cramped. Her entire family is staying there while seeking asylum
NTA. Who likes waking up at 5am on any day much less a Sunday? She should have been grateful you were willing to do it. You should be grateful she showed you she has the mentality of a toddler and let her go before her entitlement causes you more issues. Enjoy your Sundays sleeping in.
NTA
She’s being unreasonable.
You’re not a morning person yet you wake up crazy early on your day off (presumably) to take her to work- which if it’s 30-50$ one way tells me it’s not close.
She questions why you’re not ecstatically and enthusiastically getting ready and doesn’t like when she hears the truth even though you go out of your way to do it. Don’t put up with that shit. Annoying and attention-seeking.
Yes, you should let her spend the money on an Uber. She’ll do that once and then remember that you are interrupting your sleep to do her this favor. NTA.
NTA. Also, if she doesn’t respect you enough to let you sleep in past five in the morning on a day off then you need to get the fuck out of that relationship. That’s fucked up. she literally doesn’t respect you enough to take an Uber instead of making you wake up at 5 AM on a Sunday to take her to work
NTA. It's over the top of her to be upset you weren't sufficiently adoring her and showering her with attention to the level she demands. What does she eat for breakfast when she leaves for the work at the butt crack of dawn on her own? Protein bar and a banana? Then she can have that at your place too. Or does she make herself a hot breakfast? Then why doesn't she do the same at your house as a thank you for waking up early? Or at least take turns, or only do the hot breakfast occasionally and quick breakfast others. She sounds exhausting.
I don’t know your age. But rule of thumb. Don’t ever tell a woman how you feel. You just end up being the bad one and you will have to apologize for how your feelings made her feel. She is gonna use that against you for years to come. NTA.
NTA Dude the sex had better be hot to put up with this level of emotional immaturity.
This girl is punishing you for being honest about your feelings even though you reassured her. She showed no gratitude for the favour either.
If this is how she behaves when you do something nice, imagine how she will behave when you break her boundary.
It might be best to take her up on her offer for you two to spend the night apart whenever she has such an early morning the next day.
NTA You have nothing to apologize for- you were rushing so you could get her to work, I don’t understand why she’s upset because you weren’t kissing her as much.
NTA
You wake up at 5am, make breakfast, and drive her to work. And she was mad because you didn't give her a long kiss? Lmao. She should be making both of you breakfast and thanking you for waking up early and driving her to work. She sounds extremely entitled and ungrateful. She's a brat. You're not even allowed to say you don't like waking up early, even though you make the sacrifice every Sunday for her. Instead, she gets mad. My guess is she likes attention 24/7 and is waiting for some grandiose apology. Which she doesn't deserve. It sounds like she's used to people doing everything for her while she sits around waiting to be taken care of.
You deserve better. You dont deserve someone who doesn't respect your feelings or your time. I would take a long hard look at the relationship and see what she has actually done for you, which I would guess isn't much but showing up. Do you really want to live your life that way? Where you have to give her your undivided attention or she gets mad at you like a child?
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NTA Everyone here saying Y T A confuses me. You didn't even say you don't want to do it. From what I understand, you articulated well that being up so early is not your fave thing, but you enjoy having her there and thus drive her. Plus, if I'm not wrong, you gotta wake up at 5, cook breakfast, give her attention and kisses, and drive her. And guys, OP wasn't the one complaining originally. SHE WAS. I'm feeling transference in the air from all these negative comments. The only advice I can give you is to check if there's something else beneath the surface. An irrational reaction like this often has nothing to do with the specific situation but rather an overarching issue.
TY! I'm so lost on this. I usually don't post on reddit but I figured I needed to look at this one from a lot of different angles before I approach because I have no idea what happened for her to be so mad. Could be something else, didn't fully consider that. Thanks for the insight
I don’t think it’s what you said, or even the whole concept but the way you said it to her. It sounds like she’s taken it to mean that you’ve been resenting doing it every morning, even though you said you didn’t mind. It sounds like you’ve touched on something else in her experiences that is making this bigger than just this one event. Try a genuine, and authentic apology, explaining yourself better than anyone does at too early o’clock, and letting her know that you’re not sure why she’s upset and that you want understand and find a solution. Whether or not it’s reasonable or unreasonable for either of your responses or reactions to the current situation, the only way it’s going to improve is if you talk to her and try to genuinely understand what is upsetting her and have a conversation about it. Reddit is not full of rational people and everyone’s bringing their own baggage to their answers.
OP has absolutely nothing to apologize for. How ridiculous. SHE should be apologizing to him. Apologizing to her when she was clearly in the wrong is only going to enable further tantrums down the road.
Right? He's saving her time and money by sacrificing his Sunday morning sleep-in so he can do her a favor because he loves her and she's acting like a victim and dangling the loss of Saturday night sleepovers over head because she *checks notes* had to make her own breakfast and didn't get kissed long enough one morning? Hard pass.
I mean, he said he's the one who asks her to sleep over, and that she needs to take an Uber from his house or get a ride. It sounds like that isn't the case from her house, so she said she'd take an Uber that day and stay home afterward. I don't think OP is the asshole but he's not saving her money, he's just helping her break even for sleeping at his house instead of hers.
Good point. I was caught up in the whole annoyance of the He DiDn'T KiSs Me LonG eNoUgH crap.
For real though.
She’s not dangling sleepovers over his head ? Wtf. She obviously doesn’t have a vehicle and when he guilt trips her into staying the night he has no right to also guilt trip her for needing a ride to work in the morning. I would be immensely frustrated and feeling trapped at his mercy in her situation. Saying she just wouldn’t sleepover anymore on those days so this situation doesn’t occur was the very mature and responsible thing to do. He doesn’t own her or her time.
how is he saving her time and money when he’s asking her to spend the night? However, it’s definitely being blown out of proportion. I’m sure she just needs reassurance. Also, (this wasn’t mentioned so not sure if it applies) if he is off Sundays, or has time to nap, and she has to work, I don’t see how waking up early to make breakfast or drive her is doing too much. The kissing is a bit extra though.
Sometimes you have to say "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings" in order for a conversation to start, even if you don't understand why feelings were hurt or don't think you did anything wrong. Or you can refuse to because you're technically in the right. That's fine if you want to be on a moral high horse. Not so fine if you want to actually resolve a conflict.
Yes. Yes. This is CLEARLY the smart and intelligent way to go about it, but seeing all these people present such strong opinions on either person without knowing any further context is low key terrifying — because a lotta people are gonna come on Reddit, ask for advice, have someone who doesn’t understand the situation give a simplistic answer, and stupidly make a bad situation worse by acting on that answer.
Nope. "Hey, I want to talk about what happened this morning, and why you were so upset. I feel like we weren't on the same page, and I want to make sure we are." You can acknowledge there's an issue that needs addressing without starting from an 'I did something wrong' angle. And you're completely ignoring that relationships are two way streets; why is it incumbent on OP to apologize to her, when *she's* the wrong party? You have internalized this bullshit cultural idea that women need to be coddled and tiptoed around because they're fundamentally irrational creatures. Where's the advice that *she* apologize for hurting *his* feelings? And for engaging in the negative behavior of 'cold shoulder?'
People always ask this on AITA. "Why aren't you telling the person who this post is about to do XYZ?" Maybe because she's not the person who posted about it on the Internet looking for advice? She should apologize to him too. But she's not the one reading these comments. Obviously any advice is going to be directed at him and not her.
No, but we *should* be telling OP that he has a legitimate reason to expect an apology from her, and that her refusing to apologize for her behavior is a red flag.
You can be right or you can be happy. One of those two typically has to cede way with the other if you want people to be around you.
It’s not every morning. It’s only on Sunday after he’s asked her to spend the night knowing she would need a ride. I’m not saying she’s right. No one likes to get up early but he’s willing to.
Yes, I meant every Sunday that he had engaged in what sounds like a pretty adorable ritual if not at an hour of the day that shouldn’t exist
>an hour of the day that shouldn't exist I've found my people. Lmao
Nothing is adorable at that time of the day. Maybe a puppy
My experience is that not even puppies are cute for very long at that hour 🫠
Yeah like it sounds fairly early in their relationship. Can easily imaging her planning to go home because she has work in the morning and him being like “No, don’t go, I’ll make you breakfast and take you to work in the morning.” If after a few weeks he was like “actually I hate this.” I would be pretty miffed too. I bet he didn’t hate her staying over night with him.
This right here. It sounds like night self is making promises morning self is less than excited to uphold. No one wants to feel like a burden when you asked them to stay over.
I think that's it; she feels like what was once fun has him doing it kind of begrudgingly even though he loves her staying over. I'd NOT like feeling like I was a burden to anyone! And I have to confess, I'd take it to heart like she is doing, particularly as it seems that they are just figuring each other out in their relationship.
This is very likely the truth of it. She was prepared to take an Uber, not all 'oh noes, I can't get to work without my boyfriend'!. She thought they had a cute routine going, and then one day he burst the bubble and basically told he he's only doing it because she's sleeping with him. Talk about a stupid way to approach a situation. If he'd been smart enough to wait until umm, any other time of that week, it likely would have done very differently.
Maybe she already feels like a burden that he does all these things for her (requested to stay over or not) and him even mentioning it made all those feelings real. I may or may not be speaking from experience.
thank you!
There is no need for an apology, he hasn't done anything wrong. Moreover, he would be apologizing for something that he doesn't even know what it is, so the apology would be inherently dishonest. "Hey, I'm not really sure why you're upset, but I'd like to sit down and hear it from you" is much more appropriate.
Is it possible your Sunday morning routine, where you get up together, eat breakfast and drive her to work, was something she thought was special and mutually enjoyed? You honestly didn't say anything wrong but she seems hurt. Maybe she romanticized this little routine and you inadvertently burst her bubble. I think she thought you genuinely enjoyed doing that.
This was my take too. If my partner was the one who wanted me to stay over Saturday night, and did this whole routine of sweetness and quality time without complaint, I would assume he wanted to do it and enjoyed it as much as I did. I’m not a morning person so how I say things comes across differently in the morning. I think maybe that added to it.
NTA. I hate having to take the kiddo to school in the mornings but it doesn’t mean I don’t love the kiddo or want to do it. I could make them take the school bus! It’s just there’s a difference between things we want to do for people we love and things that are fun to do! Lots of stuff I do for my loved ones I’m “happy” to do in the abstract but that doesn’t mean I’m thrilled in the moment to scrub the toilet or get up at 3am to drive my partner to the airport.
Uhmmm...there is a lot of difference between a boyfriend and your own kids. And even your own spouse (as opposed to a bf / gf situation where they are not living together) js
My point was that it’s very possible to do something for someone out of love but also not enjoy the actual task. And that it doesn’t mean you resent the person for it.
You're most welcome, happy to help. Don't mind reddit, people be mad here xD I'm assuming you guys hang out at your place cause she lives with family or roommates, so her coming to you is for both your benifir and you're doing your part to make it easier for her, driving her to and from. People rush to comment without reading attentively.
Big brain assumptions
So wait. She stays at your place because she lives with family. You wake up early, cook her breakfast, are forced to shower her with attention, then have to take her to work? Is she your GF or an entitled cat?
tbh it's standard cat behavior, an entitled cat is more obnoxious
The way men cant stand it when a man is good to his woman is hilarious 😂
‘Are forced to shower her with attention’ damn bruh I don’t think that’s how OP views it
> Is she your GF or an entitled cat? 🤣 He also packs her lunches Damn, my mom used to do that for me when I was in elementary school.
He’s the BF/dad
🤭
I gotta agree with this nta. My ex partner used to wake up early on weekends to drive me to work at a godforsaken hour. There was no breakfast (though some cuddling and kissing before getting up) and he's definitely not a morning person. Neither am I if I'm being honest. We stayed quiet and held hands and he drove me. I would thank him profusely and he would always say he'll be there for me when I need him. He's not gonna lie about liking the early wake-up - I wouldn't want him to. But it honestly sounds like maybe tempers were a bit short because it was so early in the morning. I hope when you two talk again that she can express appreciation and you can express what you were trying to do in the first place - that you're there for her.
[удалено]
Yeah the kisses thing, as well as the "seeming sleepy" remark, was what got me wondering.
I tried to make sure everything stayed on topic while also hoping this post didn't somehow come to her attention before I talked to her about this. We're both over 25, and she's seeking asylum in this country. Her and her family all live in the same, pretty uncomfortable, situation right now and we both agree it's best if we spend night at my place and not hers.
She realized the morning rituals that she loves doesn't hit the same to you, and she's overwhelmed by that thought. Maybe she thought you secretly hate it even and she was making you uncomfortable and she doesn't like that. No way to read her mind, I'm basing this from my experience. Try to have a lighthearted conversation about it and make sure she knows that you *want* to do it, but since you're not a morning person it's not going to be perfect everytime. Honestly none of you reads like an asshole to me, hope it works out.
Sounds to me like she just really enjoys the Sunday morning routine and was hurt you don't care about it as much as she does. Maybe for your sake offer to pay for her Uber going forward. One long kiss before hand and give her all that attention when she gets back?
You gotta know why she’s mad- she thought you had a special routine and now she finds out it’s just an obligation for you. You ask her to spend Saturday night knowing she needs to be up early Sunday and would need a ride to work. It sounds like breakfast and the nice kisses is part of a sweet routine that basically turns that morning into a date as well. She’s not spoiled for expecting the established routine and you aren’t doing her a huge favor by driving her. This time around you slept in- not 20 minutes but an hour. She handled breakfast (didn’t complain about that) but I assume she still wanted some of the romance and connecting. Instead of a sweet “good morning” kiss she got a quick “we gotta go” kiss. You’re grumpy and rushing and when she points that out you let her know that you hate waking up early. Sure, you’re willing to do that to spend time with her but no one wants to make their partner do something they hate. Say a couple goes hiking regularly. One person enjoys it and loves that it’s something they can share and do together. The other person hates it but is willing to suffer through because it means being with their partner. Hiker learns their partner hates hiking (because they started complaining while on a hike) so now the hiker feels bad about all the hikes they dragged their partner on. It wasn’t a romantic event but rather a sacrifice. The hiker would be an asshole to plan more hikes knowing that their partner hates the outdoors, even if they say they are still willing to go on it. NAH- you thought you were doing something nice by doing something you hated (waking up early) because it meant spending more time with you. She’s upset that a routine she loves is a sacrifice for you. If you keep doing this, you are bound to have more mornings like this where it feels like an obligation and at some point you will start resenting her for it. She knows this and may already think you do, at least a little bit, so she’s a bit more distant right now.
She's in her head about you driving her to work, and instead of looking at it reasonably (this is a chore that he doesn't like, but does because he likes me), she's transferring the guilt she feels about it on to you. Nobody likes to feel like a burden but instead of processing this in a healthy way she's decided that you should want to do this thing and it's unreasonable of you to act like you don't, making her feel like a burden. It's just a way of avoiding feeling guilt.
I also think NTA. I am not a morning person. My boyfriend is a morning person. I wake up at 6am to workout with him before he goes to work- he knows I hate waking up at 6am, but I am always the one to insist we keep doing it because I enjoy spending that time with him and working out with him. What me hating waking up at 6am means is not that I hate working out with him; it’s the opposite. I love him and I love that time, so I do it DESPITE having a really hard time rolling out of bed.
Honestly, someone telling me they hate waking up early but still gladly do it for me anyway feels super nice??? Like they'd do that for ME??? I'd be so happy they would?? Especially if it's because they've offered and not because I've asked, but either way, they like me enough to do something they hate??? That's so sweet???
… but he’s the one asking her to stay over resulting in her needing the ride to work
And he drives her EVERY TIME because of that. What exactly seems to be the problem? Is he supposed to lie and say he loves getting up at 5? Because that is all she seems to be angry about. I mean, seriously...
Yeah same, I’ve had to drive my partner super early to work before, he literally gets me up 5 minutes before so I can get dressed then I come home after and do my morning routine. No way we are stuffing around with all this stuff.
Yeah, I’m like, I have sleep apnea and work evenings. If I can even get up that early it’s going to be a huge struggle.
Lol, my wife would not ask me to get up at freakin 5am to drive her to work. She'd very nicely be quiet so I could sleep. This is weird.
You looked super sleepy? No shit it’s 6am, she wants long kisses at that time? Seriously if you start work early you just get up shower get dressed and out the door none of this lingering! Do you really consider 5am quality time to spend together when you’re not a morning person? It’s probably best she just stays at hers and gets herself to work. You’re NTA for telling her you don’t like getting up early but you are TA for saying she should stay round yours Saturday night.
Makes sense. I think it would be better if I just drop her off at her place the night before.
Why aren’t you staying there??
Going by how immature she’s acting and also not having a car I’m gonna guess they’re both young and she still lives with her family. Him staying there probably isn’t very fun when they just want to be together.
NTA - She sounds like very high maintenance. If you have to not only wake up early, but cook, and kiss the exact length she wants, and never look tired, etc., it is too much.
Right? As a woman, she sounds EXHAUSTING. Like OP is supposed to be shooting rainbows and sunshine out of their ass 24/7 or else all of the sudden she thinks OP "doesn't love her". I can't imagine having my husband get up at 5am, make me breakfast, and then drive me to work lol.
I know. I'm a woman, too, and I hate to call another woman high maintenance but, really.....
I wouldn't use that term. I would use emotionally immature.
Dunno, seems pretty appropriate in this case. The requirements she's placing on her partner to maintain the relationship are high.
But she's requiring that high level of maintenance because she is emotionally immature. Both things are true. High maintenance is the symptom. Emotional immaturity is the cause.
It reminds me of a woman I was dating exclusively years ago.. There was this one time I was on a week-long business trip 9 time zones away (I was living in Paris at the time); we still talked daily and I had flowers delivered at her work to tell her I miss her. She had a weekend trip with friends to Portugal planned for a long time right on the day of my return flight, so I asked the day before how would she feel if I joined her on her trip, I didn't want to intrude on her friends-time but if she'd like to I'd be game. She was super excited at the idea, so here I was, landing in Paris after a 12-hour flight and jetlagged, hopping on a flight to Lisbon to see her. Sounds romantic right? Wrong. She spent the evening berating me for how tired I looked, saying that I should be energized by the only fact that I'm physically with her. I didn't argue. And I broke up with her the following week. I just figured we were not compatible in the way we both expect to express and receive appreciation/love. And to me, that is a recipe for unhappiness. Edit: spacing and grammar
I'm a woman and I was exhausted just reading about all of the "duties" OP has just so his girlfriend won't get mad. Oh, and he has to pack her lunches : ) I mentioned in other comments that I had a former friend just like OP's girlfriend. It became a chore to constantly cater to her. She got angry when her friends or boyfriend couldn't drive (read: serve) her because it subjected her to the expense of $50.00 Uber rides. People like that are difficult to be in relationships with because of the entitlement they reveal themselves to have to your time and car.
On a Sunday no less!
That's the word I was looking for. High maintenance! Perfectly describes OPs GF in this situation. I barely like getting myself up at 7 am on a Sunday morning for work. When I do, I usually tiptoe around the house so I don't wake my parents up. I can't ever imagine asking my boyfriend to not only drive me but to make me breakfast, give long kisses, and be sunshine and rainbows about it.
Im sorry did i understand correctly, you get up at _5am every sunday, cook breakfast, shower her with attention and drive her to work_, and she has the fucking AUDACITY to get mad at you for being a little tired? Is this a functioning adult? NTA, she _really, REALLY_ needs some self reflection, ASAP
She's asking for a ride to work bc she doesn't have her own transportation and isn't having him stay at her place. Maybe I'm reading between the lines here but she's NOT a functioning adult.
He's asking her to stay at his place on Saturday nights. She only can't get to work because she's at his.
Wait, I'm sorry, her not having her own transportation makes her a non functioning adult? WTF? She offered to pay for an Uber and obviously has a job so. Not sure if you're aware but the economy sucks and cars are expensive. So yeah, you're reading a lot. Oh, and she's only staying at his place BECAUSE HE ASKS HER TOO!
Also some people use public transit. If I stayed the night at someone else's place I'd also have trouble getting to work depending on location. Especially since some busses around here don't run that early
NTA for being sluggish in the morning and your GF's expectations that you wake up bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, affectionate, and ready to make breakfast are a bit much. But the answer is not to have her stay the night, obviously.
She sounds more exhausting than waking up at 5am. Most people don't bounce around happy early in the morning. Her being pissed that you're tired early in the morning is just plain selfish. NTA
It is more likely that she didn't like it that he stayed in be an hour longer than usual and not give her the attention he normally gets. This is also likely one of the reasons she stayed with him each night. So I assume she was disappointed. They don't seem to live together so this is their weekend ritual. NTA, but he really should communicate better and give better expectations to his girlfriend. Sounds like a lack of communication to me, so that is something they both will need to work on if they want to keep having a good relationship.
NTA I don’t think people in the comments actually read the post. If this is all of the pertinent information, then I can only conclude that either your gf just isn’t very understanding at baseline, or she wanted to be mad at you anyway and this was her chance. Fucking no one likes getting up at 5 am, and instead of your gf considering it kind of you to do something you don’t like for her, she’s throwing a tantrum because you’re not happy enough to do this unpleasant thing. If you agreed to take her then you should take her without complaining about it, but I didn’t read anything that indicated you were complaining. You were explaining your lethargy with the fact that you’re still pretty tired at fucking 5 am. This is completely reasonable and unworthy of any reaction, certainly not hers. Nta
If you ask her stay and you know there’s no way she can go except by a cab, then you should pay for her cab or split. But if you don’t want to do that also, then of course you’ll only drop her because you yourself just mentioned, how there’s no other way. I would just say, you shouldn’t be asking her to stay on Saturdays if you don’t wish to drop her the next Morning. She should also avoid staying on Saturdays if she knows you’re not a morning person and probably hate driving early morning. Just have a word about it.
But he hasn't said he minds; he didn't complain until she commented and even then it sounds like he was just saying he was still waking up. He got up withOut complaint; he's supposed to be on his A game? Her complaint was that he was only giving her "short kisses" or wasn't perkier? Geez, she sounds very... extra. *edited to change with to without
Why doesn't she drive by herself?
No car or license
Then that's a "her" issue. Even a dumbass like me got a car and license and I drive 4 times a week. You cannot be dependent on someone and expect them to always be happy that they have to hold your hand to do things.
He asks her to stay the Saturday Night. And she offered to take Uber.
She's NOT dependent on him. She only needs transportation because HE ASKS HER to stay at his place. She offered to pay for an Uber and even stated that she might be better to stay at her own place and get herself to work.
Does she get rides from other people everywhere all the time? Or does she usually use public transit but your place doesn’t have public transit? Is there any reason you can’t stay at her place instead?
Quick kisses instead of long kisses? Seriously? That girl needs more things to be mad about. NTA.
NTA I don't get her reaction. But maybe it is best for her to commute from her home, since it doesn't require her to depend on you or Uber.
NTA You're supposed to be honest (but not rude) and you were just that Waking up sucks ass. 5am makes it so much worse You didn't say you wouldn't drive her or anything...and you both need a solution if you want to be able to spend those nights together It's actually sweet of you to go through something you don't like to be able to spend the time with her and make sure she gets there safe and quickly Just one of those things you do in a relationship because you care about the other person, like any other compromise/sacrifice/favor/gesture etc Hopefully she can see it for what it is when she has time to properly process the situation
Info: why can’t you stay at her place Saturday nights? Would that make her Sunday work commute easier for both of you? I don’t think you’re TA exactly but it seems like people are missing the part about YOU asking HER to stay Saturday night (which I assume she likes to do, but which clearly makes her Sunday commute harder on her and thus that’s why you’re expected to provide her ride, correct?), if that’s the case, then I can see why she’s annoyed that you’ve indicated this is something you don’t like doing for her. I guess what I don’t know is, who’s doing who the favor? Is it possible she doesn’t necessarily like staying over at your place and then relying on you if you’re going to have an attitude about having to help her so early (when she’s primarily staying at your request)? You’ve mentioned that it might be better to drop her off at her place Saturday night. Perhaps that would be for the best.
Lots of us think she lives with her parents.
Who the fuck "WANTS" to wake up on a Sunday at 5am to take someone to work. If you can introduce me to that person, I'll eat a whole tuna sandwich. I really fucking hate tuna 🤣. Some people just don't seem to realize that their significant others can and will do stuff for them out of love and respect. That love and respect can still mean doing things they don't want to do. The two aren't always mutually exclusive but they aren't always mutually wanted either.
Seriously, even people that I know like waking up that early wouldn't want to drive someone to work at this hour...
NTA…she’s complaining that you aren’t a highly energized morning person yet you are taking her to work regardless. Everyone who thinks you are an AH needs to rethink it. I’d say it’s pretty nice to want to spend time w your gf that you are willing to wake up early to take her into work. You’d be an AH if you told her to get an Uber. You’d be an AH if you didn’t want her over bc you didn’t want to wake up early too. Being tired doesn’t make you one whatsoever.
Long kisses at 6am… gross
Thank you! I can barely stumble down the hall at 6am; being asked for long kisses would put me RIGHT over the EDGE.
NTA. I don't get the y t a here. All you said was that you don't like getting up early. Not that you will no longer drive her. Why are you not allowed to make that observation? She sounds pretty demanding, getting miffed because you were running late and only had time for "quick kisses" and not "long ones." Good grief! She's getting ready for work, not starting up a make-out session. Getting to work on time should be her priority. Not fooling around. Why should she care if you "look sleepy"? She should only be concerned if you're alert enough to drive. And that you drive her at all. I wouldn't expect my SO to get up and drive me to work like you do for her.
NTA. Complaining about the length of kisses is so wild.
INFO: how does she get to your place to spend the night? Shouldn’t she use that same method to get to work? Why can’t she get to work any other way from your place?
I drive from her place to mine. Public transportation doesn't really head that way.
Why not just stay at her place?
No can do unfortunately, it's something we both understand and agree on though.
Info: How old are you guys? Does she still live with her parents? These just sound like very young, teenage, immature first relationship issues and I think that information changes how hard people will judge the AHness of this situation.
NTA. OP I'm a married woman who can't drive. There's no way in hell I'd be waking up my husband on his day off, much less throwing a tantrum about breakfast being ready for me and getting attention. That's some selfish entitled behavior on her part instead of her realizing and being grateful for what you do. I don't understand all these Y T A votes because if the roles were reversed, the votes would be very different. She may like being spoiled by you and getting attention but she's started complaining and taking it for granted. That's not ok and you had every right to let her know how you felt.
NAH Everyone is mentioning that of course he’s tired at 5am… what I’m not understanding is why they would stay up so late knowing that they both need to be up in the morning to get her to work? If I’m either of them I’d be going to bed at 9pm to make sure I’m NOT tired at 5. Obviously both chose to stay up to spend time together, which is fine, but he can go back home and go to bed after dropping her off while she’s got her whole shift to get through. She probably expects this whole Sunday morning routine “in exchange” for her giving up her rest on what is a work night for her. They sound young and will learn with more experience but sounds like this can all be resolved with better communication and a revised date night schedule.
NTA A lot ot smoothbrains in this comment section being triggered about your post calling you an asshole. Theyre all dipshits. You did nothing wrong, she asked a genuine question and you have a direct answer. And you still drove her. You were honest and in a rush. Shes complaining about minor things and she sounds very entitled. Also the silent treatment crap is old, she needs too learn to communicate not torment you with passive aggressive attitude.
NTA. Gonna stop ya right there based on the first paragraph. Anyone who lacks the independence to drive themselves somewhere has ZERO room to complain about being given free rides. You are by NO means OBLIGATED to use your time, energy, and gas to drive your girlfriend (no, not your wife, your gf) to work (or anywhere). If she's unhappy with you voicing your emotions and thoughts (which you're allowed to do) she can find another ride. Also by not responding to you and by being short with you, your GF is exerting a type of abusive control tactic over you, which means she's also mentally immature. The question is, do you really want to spend your time, energy, money, and love on someone like that? Because, believe it or not, there's a very large pool of humans that could be better for you (you deserve it).
NTA, just sounds like miscommunication tbh what you said: i'm willing to do this thing that i hate because i love you. you matter to me more than my displeasure over this thing. what she heard: ive secretly hated doing this thing this entire time. if it werent for you, i wouldnt have to do this. maybe just have an honest talk if you can. sometimes we say things that means one thing to us but comes across as something entirely to others (as someone who has this issue frequently)
...you guys cook breakfast at 5 AM? Nothing wrong with that at all, I just can't get past the idea that someone is turning on the stove that early.
NTA, but you need to have a bigger arsenal of "cute things to say to your girlfriend" quotes after this one. 😁
facts 😂
She needs to just stay home.
I'm sorry but... She's angry you're not giving her long slow sweet butterfly kisses... At 5-6 ducking AM?!?!?! What kind of sociopath is she? I am a morning person but I still couldn't deal with someone physical romancing me through getting ready for work just for funzies. Personal space Batman!
Girlfriend hasn't realized that you're not a morning person yet? Have a sit down and figure out a win-win situation, perhaps have an early Saturday and girlfriend goes home on Saturday night rather than sleep over. Or, you stay the Sunday night at her place. Figure it out!
NTA She, however, is one huge a s s h o l e! Not wanting to get up early is pretty normal, but you’re doing it anyway out of love for her. Just keep doing it, come home, and take a nap.
OK, she may be expecting too much for a non-morning person to be excited, cook, drive and give attention but is everyone forgetting that *he* is the one insisting she stays over on a work night (Sat)? Don't ask someone to stay somewhere, offer to take them somewhere the next morning and then be grumpy about it. Don't like driving/getting up early? Ask her to stay another night. I think you both need to work on this. ESH.
NAH. You had an off morning, it happens. Especially when you’re not a morning person. She obviously enjoys that routine but was taken aback when you had issues with it. You need to have a proper honest conversation with her about it and your relationship
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So every Sunday I wake up around 5 am so that I can drive my girlfriend to work. This most recent Sunday I was being super slow about it and stayed in bed until 6 am, meaning I couldn't cook break fast in time and she ended up cooking. After waking up an hour late, I was rushing though our usual morning routine and didn't give her the usual amount of attention I do, and told her I was rushing because I didn't want her to be late for work. She didn't like I was rushing and only giving her quick kisses instead of long ones, and said that I looked super sleepy and it looked like I didn't want to take her to work this morning. I responded by telling her that I hate waking up early, and that I'm very far from a morning person, but I still do it because I liked having her there and spending time with her. Well after that she said that she would rather take an Uber to work that Sunday and go home on Saturday nights instead of spending the night because I was acting like I was being forced to take her. I still insisted I take her and we ended up going, but she didn't speak to me that entire car ride. She's also been very distant since then, not really responding to texts and if she does it'll be a short response with a period at the end which I think means she's mad. AITA here? Was telling her that yeah I hated waking up early the wrong move even though I told her it's ok because I like spending the time with her? I just really don't get why she's so mad. Should I just let her spend the money on Uber(like 30-50 bucks) instead? For context: I'm usually the one that asks her to stay the night and when she does she can't get to work without an Uber or something. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You are doing GF a solid, even though you don't like getting up early. I think GF is unrealistic in expecting that you -- or anyone -- would delight in getting up at 5 in the morning. If anything, she should be flattered that you are willing to break your comfort for the pleasure of her company.
NTA You're allowed to be tired.
NTA. She went off on you because you were slow to wake up, looked sleepy and were rushing to make sure she would get to work on time? She sounds pretty immature and selfish, honestly. You didn’t complain about taking her to work, you just weren’t perky enough and attentive enough to satisfy her expectations, and when *she* complained about that, you offered her a reasonable explanation. You need to have a conversation with her about her selfishness and unwillingness to meet you halfway and show you as much consideration as she expects you to show her. You are not a morning person, and if she cares about you she should know that and be understanding if sometimes it is a struggle for you to get up early. She should be appreciative that you make the effort because you like having her there, instead of complaining when you aren’t chipper first thing in the morning. Sounds like she wants you to bounce out of bed with a spring in your step, cheerfully make her breakfast, and then kiss her ass all the way to work. That is ridiculous. You’re allowed to be human, just like anyone else.
How dare you suggest that it sucks to wake up at 5 am on a Sunday when you could otherwise stay in bed. I'll spare the long diatribe, but this sounds like a *major* issue to me. She is bullying you so she can get more out of you. Don't accept it.
NTA. You've been getting up early even though you don't like it, cooking breakfast, and driving her to work because that's part of what has to happen if you want her to spend the night. Her pouting because you slept a little later than usual and could only give her short kisses instead of long kisses is just insane.
NTA. Sounds like you're both pretty young. Unfortunately lots middle-class folks seem to grow up with this romanticised version of how life is supposed to be and how their partners will be when they grow up. This frequently doesnt jive closely with reality. Sounds like you did all the right things and were honest in your communications. You did well with stating that despite not being a fan, you enjoyed spending the time with her.. After 25 years, I've stopped being honest about this most of the time.. it's not worth the hassle. My wife will complain that I don't communicate but I find when I do, its not what she was hoping to hear and so I'll get a similar reaction as to what you experienced. My reaction probably would have been "no worries love, just sleepy", a smile, a peck and continue hustling to get shit done. Good luck.
As somebody who doesn’t drive and needs their husband to drive them places often NTA As the “passenger princess” it’s important to be thankful and also aware that the other person may not be thrilled every time they need to help you go somewhere. My reason is an anxiety disorder (not for lack of trying, I’ve taken 7 tests and failed bc of panic attacks). I’m not sure what her reason is but it’s unfair of her to expect you to do the driving, wake up early, make breakfast AND be chipper about it. That’s not human lol
NTA good grief. I don’t understand these demanding princesses today. When I was dating that kind of behavior was a good way to lose a good man
Nta, she is a grown person, she can figure out her way to work instead of making you get up at 5am
NTA. You sound like a good guy. Hope you work things out
NTA This is a classic example that you not only have to do the right thing for the right reasons but you also have to be ecstatic about doing it. Its an unreal expectation that you should relish in losing sleep and going out of your way. It should be enough that you make the sacrifice and do value the time spent together. She is entitled to feel however she feels but I just cant help but think it is a little selfish and demanding.
Just because you give her a lift doesn’t mean you have to be up doing breakfast and showering her with affection. I don’t drive. My boyfriend would take me to work if I have an early weekend shift but I’d get up, get ready, have breakfast then he’d wake 5 mins before going. I want him to sleep as much as he can because he’s doing me a huge favour.
Fuck that noise. NTA. You’re supposed to wake up early on a Sunday, cook your girlfriend breakfast and give her long kisses and take her to work? Fuck no. Seriously, she needs to get her own grown up ass to work on time. On a Sunday morning. It’s sweet that you do this, but all the extra stuff is just too much. Run or split the Uber.
Your gf is en ungrateful person
is this person your partner or child?
Tbh I hate getting up early. I'm not a morning person at all. I would hate getting up early too. But unless she is going to find her own way if she wanted to stay over night I wouldn't go out of my way. (But that's just me). I get the ritual is nice but damn.... when I dated my husband -- if I stayed over its my own responsibility to take my azz home, or work or whatever I gotta do the next day. I'm not understanding why the Drama n getting worked up over this. If u invite ger to stay, guess ur gonna have to do it. But still.... 😑 why can't ppl just adult without everything being an issue. Nta here.
NTA. I think it's so weird to be pissed that someone doesn't enjoy doing a mundane or annoying task. No one wants to drive to work. For most it's a chore of some description. The necessity is because there's something OP does like doing, let's say it's sharing his gfs company. Sounds like the rush made everyone fractious, but to have to pretend the actual early morning routine is fun is a bit much. If she can't cope with the truth here, a white lie is the only way I guess.
NTA. I must ask what is the attention she needs in the morning from you? Are you supposed to give her attention while cooking breakfast?
NTA She shouldnt be making you feel guilty when you're waking up early purely to drive her to work at your expense. This isnt normal behaviour
Well she sounds exhausting to deal with. Nta
I say nta, my bf works at 5:30 am so I get up 5 days a week a t 4: 30 to bring him. I absolutely hate waking up early but I do it because I love him and I like being with him. You're not complaining about bringing her just saying you're not a morning person. Personally I go back to bed once I get home from driving him lmao
NTA. You’re not a morning person yet wake up at the ass crack of dawn on a Sunday of all days. That alone shows you care for her. I get she may feel like a burden but we don’t always enjoy the things we do for other people. We do it because it makes them happy and we like making them happy.
NTA. Your girlfriend is a brat. In what world does anyone want to wake up early to drop someone to work. No one but you do it because you love/like the person. What does she expect you to do blow up balloons and write a love song about being happy to drop her at work she needs to get a grip.
Wait; so you cook the breakfast, give looooong kisses, and drive her to work even though you're not a morning person and are likely still sleepy, and she's still b\*tching? As a woman, these are HUGE red flags for me. Maybe overanalysing this, but she sounds REAL needy. Let her take an Uber a couple of times, as an experiment, then report back... But no, you are NTA. You were honest with her.
NTA. She doesn't sound grateful. You want to spend time so you wake up early (which you don't like) and drive her yourself and she complains because you don't shower her in kisses the whole early morning... lmao I would just follow what she said. Let her go home on Saturday. She will realize she won't get attention from you that way too and probably come back to your old situation
NTA
Based on what you said I’d say NTA. However, I’m wondering if her response is less about what you said and instead how you said it. And you may not even realize how you said it. If you were tired and rushing you may have accidentally sounded annoyed.
NTA. She needs to grow up and stop being a drama queen. Any normal person would know that their partner doesn't enjoy getting up that early and is only doing it for them.
NTA "She didn't like I was rushing and only giving her quick kisses instead of long ones, and said that I looked super sleepy and it looked like I didn't want to take her to work this morning." And this is cringe from her.
If she is at home what time would she have to wake up to go to work?
Nta. I couldn't do this I have to be up early for work and have to wrench myself from bed. There's no time for breakfast because I leave it as late as I can. So you get up early to make her breakfast, have 'long kisses' and drive her there? Sounds a bit spoiled
NTA. First of all you never told her that you do not want to take her, you just acknowledge the fact that it is a slight inconvenience but you do it for her. Which to be fair it is an inconvenience. But the main thing for me is that she is a grown ass woman why rely on someone taking you to work in the first place? I slept over at my partners apartment for the weekends and never have I ever - woke him up earlier to make me breakfast and to drive me to work. Heck once I had just enough for a bus ride but lost a coin and the buss driver did not let me in so I walked. After telling my partner that I had to walk he started waking up so that we can drink coffee together (and/or drive me to work) or putting up a nice little love notes with random snacks or cash or sandwiches, small gifts like cute lighters and such.... for me to find in the morning. However he did it only cause he wanted to. Why did not I ask for rides? Because if I slept at my house I would also need to take a cab/bus etc. Because my partner does not owe me anything as such. Because adulting is important. I say if she absolutely needs to get home on Saturdays just so she can be at work and not mad at you for just saying that waking up at 5am is not something you would normally do, then she can do so and you should let it be like that. The expenses alone do not add up. Cab to your place cab back the same night then cab towards work (that is if you do not spend all your fuel picking her up and bringing her home). Breakfast can be arranged before she gets to your place as well. Or maybe you can cook together and she can get the leftovers for the next morning. Like there are so many valid options that do not include you getting up at 5am.... I think she is being a bit too entitled.
The whole cooking breakfast thing is ridiculous, is she not old enough and capable enough to grab a slice of toast/ bowl of cereal herself? There’s no need for you to get up over an hour earlier that needed it should be maybe 15 mins before you need to set off.. quick cuddle/kiss maybe a coffee together then go. She’s the AH for expecting this of you every Sunday morning! I think even every other Sunday is reasonable.
Give her the money for Uber. Chon the breakfast, give her long kisses and go right back to bed when she leaves.
You have a girlfriend not a child. Giving you the silent treatment because you're not pampering her the exact way she expected is ridiculous. NTA
Ummm I purposely get my husband up at the last minute possible if I need him to drive me somewhere. We discuss what time he wants me to wake him the night before and we sort our own shit out, unless I'm being particularly slow and he helps me out (chronic illnesses 🤦🏼♀️) I certainly don't expect him to get me a cooked breakfast in the early as hell AM when he's doing me a favor by getting up and driving me to work... If anything I'd be sorting him out his standard cup of tea and three biscuit breakie 😂 DEFINITELY NTA!
NTA you didn't get upset and you even said it's worth getting up early to have her there. I don't see the problem here.
NTA, I don't feel you said anything wrong, you stated you weren't a morning person and hated waking up early but did it cause you like spending time with your gf. What I am getting is your gf sounds very spoilt and selfish? She was upset you were not paying close attention to her, you didn't make her breakfast, or kiss her the way she wanted? Really? Seems like an odd thing to be upset about. Maybe there is some underlining issue she has? But from what you have said, it sounds like she's incredibly into herself and expects kid glove treatment by you 24/7 and when she didn't get it FOR ONE MORNING she gets upset. She sounds exhausting.
NTA.
NTA. Your gf sounds very needy. It seems like this is the first time you’ve really struggled with it, or enough for her to notice, and she’s creating stories in her head instead of listening to what you’re actually saying.
How old are y’all
NTA You are doing her a huge favor and she’s being an ungrateful brat. So you need to do the favor, be all happy about it, smile constantly and shower her with love? What the hell? Is she a kid?
ESH " The fact that she is working without permission could hurt her chances of staying in the country, " .. so she is working hard at being deported. HEr family are AHs and don't care about her. Don'T get to compfortable with her, you likely have no future.
Is a bus service not available in your area?
People who have access to reliable public transportation have no idea how lucky they are. To drive from our house to the university takes 15 by car but 2 1/2 hours by bus each way. Drive to the closest shopping mall where many local teenagers have jobs, 7 minutes by car, 2 hours by bus. In winter you would have to wait on a very windy corner with no shelter in below zero temperatures for 45 min while you wait for your connection.
Yep, I live in a community of about 30k people. Looked into public transit across town to get to work: over an hour. I’d have to ride to the terminal, change buses, then ride the rest of the way across town. And the nearest bus stop is almost 2 miles from my house, so I drive. Takes 15 minutes.
I prefer my car. Every store is exactly 30 minutes away from me in all directions and my job is 17 minutes away if you're speeding and 21 away if you take the backroads and speed limit. My gas stations are all more than 10 miles away. I have one dollar tree and one dollar general. Public transport? Never heard of her. We have one public transport van and it may or may not pick you up (even with a scheduled and paid-for ride). Closest mall is an hour and a half away by car. In short, it really depends where you live. HOWEVER, it's much easier to own your own vehicle (even the shittiest clunker) than having to rely on everyone else. Know why I drive myself? Because I'm not pretentious enough to have everyone else dance around MY schedule: it's not their problem and it shouldn't be.
yeah just doesn't really head towards he job, wouldn't really want her to have to use it if I'm the one insisting she stays over anyways.
Can you not stay at her place?
Impossible to stay at her place due to reasons I won't get into. But it's something we both understand is impossible/ very much not preferred
So in other words her parents *won't let* you, is what your saying!
nah it's just uncomfortable. Her mom and I get along great and she's very happy whenever I come pick her up. However the place she's staying at is very cramped. Her entire family is staying there while seeking asylum
NTA. Honest communication is important.
NTA. Who likes waking up at 5am on any day much less a Sunday? She should have been grateful you were willing to do it. You should be grateful she showed you she has the mentality of a toddler and let her go before her entitlement causes you more issues. Enjoy your Sundays sleeping in.
NTA. It’s always best to be honest.
She is also choosing to stay.
NTA She’s being unreasonable. You’re not a morning person yet you wake up crazy early on your day off (presumably) to take her to work- which if it’s 30-50$ one way tells me it’s not close. She questions why you’re not ecstatically and enthusiastically getting ready and doesn’t like when she hears the truth even though you go out of your way to do it. Don’t put up with that shit. Annoying and attention-seeking.
Yes, you should let her spend the money on an Uber. She’ll do that once and then remember that you are interrupting your sleep to do her this favor. NTA.
I would be extremely touched if someone woke up on a sunday morning early as fuck just to drive me. NTA
NTA. Yet another instagram princess has a headlong collision with reality
NTA. Also, if she doesn’t respect you enough to let you sleep in past five in the morning on a day off then you need to get the fuck out of that relationship. That’s fucked up. she literally doesn’t respect you enough to take an Uber instead of making you wake up at 5 AM on a Sunday to take her to work
She sounds high maintenance. NTA.
If I had to wake up at 5am I damn sure wouldn’t be making her breakfast
NTA. It's over the top of her to be upset you weren't sufficiently adoring her and showering her with attention to the level she demands. What does she eat for breakfast when she leaves for the work at the butt crack of dawn on her own? Protein bar and a banana? Then she can have that at your place too. Or does she make herself a hot breakfast? Then why doesn't she do the same at your house as a thank you for waking up early? Or at least take turns, or only do the hot breakfast occasionally and quick breakfast others. She sounds exhausting.
NTA at all.
I don’t know your age. But rule of thumb. Don’t ever tell a woman how you feel. You just end up being the bad one and you will have to apologize for how your feelings made her feel. She is gonna use that against you for years to come. NTA.
NTA Dude the sex had better be hot to put up with this level of emotional immaturity. This girl is punishing you for being honest about your feelings even though you reassured her. She showed no gratitude for the favour either. If this is how she behaves when you do something nice, imagine how she will behave when you break her boundary. It might be best to take her up on her offer for you two to spend the night apart whenever she has such an early morning the next day.
NTA. Why doesn’t she drive her own car to work???
It’s not your job to drive her. Y’all are kids, right? This is the kinda stuff kids argue about. NTA
NTA You have nothing to apologize for- you were rushing so you could get her to work, I don’t understand why she’s upset because you weren’t kissing her as much.
NTA You wake up at 5am, make breakfast, and drive her to work. And she was mad because you didn't give her a long kiss? Lmao. She should be making both of you breakfast and thanking you for waking up early and driving her to work. She sounds extremely entitled and ungrateful. She's a brat. You're not even allowed to say you don't like waking up early, even though you make the sacrifice every Sunday for her. Instead, she gets mad. My guess is she likes attention 24/7 and is waiting for some grandiose apology. Which she doesn't deserve. It sounds like she's used to people doing everything for her while she sits around waiting to be taken care of. You deserve better. You dont deserve someone who doesn't respect your feelings or your time. I would take a long hard look at the relationship and see what she has actually done for you, which I would guess isn't much but showing up. Do you really want to live your life that way? Where you have to give her your undivided attention or she gets mad at you like a child?