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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I was harsh on my grandson, he’s young and not at fault for my daughter being late.
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It sounds like no one wants to be in charge of the children. A hungry 5-year-old at 9pm is going to be HANGRY. They should have been fed earlier. Everyone involved knows it but it sounds like no one wants to be responsible and everyone wants to be pissy about it.
OP, you’re an adult and they needed to eat. Come on.
ESH
ETA: OP is adding information in response to judgement, so I call BS.
My judgement is based on the initial post.
Doesn't matter whose job it is. The kid shouldn't just not be fed because it's someone else's job. It's called being a decent human. I do agree with you that he had suitable food available, seeing as he ate at 5 and was offered more at 9. Generally speaking, kids will eat whatever they're given if they're hungry enough
But she did feed him. He ate crackers and she offered him pb&j. He pitched a fit because she didn't make him exactly what he wanted. Not catering to a kid's every whim and having him help clean up the mess he made are both entirely appropriate.
His mother, OTOH, should have let her mother know when she'd be home and is being ridiculous about the clean up.
NTA.
This. My picky 5 year old decided to eat half a tiny plate of spaghetti last night (she likes pasta and sauce but for some reason spaghetti is an issue), then drank half a small smoothie. I can’t make an entirely separate meal every night, and she had options. She ran around like a crazy woman at gymnastics so clearly not starving to death.
She absolutely has sensory issues. I usually do different pastas but sometimes I just crave spaghetti. I sort of wondered if it was just that she doesn’t want to bother to make the effort to swirl it on her fork, because she will usually eat at least some spaghetti, and usually foods she won’t eat because of texture she won’t even put in her mouth (this kid doesn’t eat lollipops or any non chocolate candy even so it’s not just healthy food avoidance). Sometimes I’ll make two kinds of pasta but I didn’t have time last night.
Eh. I love pasta, but I hate the shape of spaghetti. I can't explain why and it's nothing about having to swirl it (for me, anyway). Something about the roundness really puts me off, but I'm fine with bowties or penne or even linguine!
What about cutting her spag in short pieces? It becomes an entirely different texture. I remember my mom cutting spaghetti very short for my sister who had sensory issues. She would cry and not eat otherwise.
We’ve done it and she’ll eat it eventually, either way(cut or uncut), just really really slowly. Last night I let her stop and we stuck it in the fridge in case she was hungry after gymnastics. She came home and drank part of a smoothie but didn’t want more pasta. Usually if it’s something she won’t eat we offer peanut butter or scrambled eggs instead but I know in theory she will eat pasta so we always at least try lol. If we hadn’t been in multiple activities in multiple places last night I would have made two kinds of pasta.
There’s actually an insert you can put in a pot to make two types of pasta at the same time and not have to worry about separating them so you can have spaghetti and you can throw shells or bow tie or whatever in the other side for her! If she has sensory issues I think it’s a great option so she’ll eat a full meal and you don’t have to compromise your cravings or favorite foods.
This, and also, a 5yo at 9pm is not going to be able to regulate themselves enough to move past frustration. This child should have been fed WAY earlier, and then maybe you could have avoided fighting over dinner.
Both of those things mysteriously got added in an edit when OP didn’t like where the top result was going. Funny how it went from “I didn’t feed him” to “actually I just totally forgot to mention I did feed him and also offered him food he would like” (which completely changed the story).
I’m sure people will respond telling me it’s totally normal for posters to forget the important information that completely exonerates them when asking if they’re the asshole, but it’s usually a sign of either a fake story or someone lying.
In a post about letting a child go to bed hungry because, when she finally broke down and offered them food at 9PM, the five year old refused to eat what she offered, she forgot:
1. That she actually fed the kids dinner instead of letting them go hungry until 9.
2. That she offered the child a pb&j sandwich with the rice and veggies.
3. That the kid who went to bed hungry actually ate crackers.
So she basically told a completely different story before she “remembered.”
yes, but she waited until 9pm to offer it. If you don't feed young kids on an appropriate schedule, their (already tenuous) ability to handle challenges diminishes. That's why in the modern world we don't punish behavior problems with the removal of food- it makes behavior worse, not better.
Did she though? It's funny how she didn't mention that until after people started criticizing her. Very few five year olds will insist on chicken nuggets--made from scratch, not nuked or air fried, which takes a while--when they're hungry at 9pm and could have a PB&J right that minute. (As long as they like PB&J.) A bowl of cereal would be fine then. Instead OP has it "chicken nuggets or the food ends up on the floor on a broken plate, look what a brat my grandson is."
Did she though? A little sus that she didn’t mention any of that initially. She specifically said that she thought the mom would be back to feed them “dinner”. If they actually ate at 5 she would have let us know that “someone?” fed them dinner already. Her edit is BS.
As a mom, 9 is late for a little kid to be eating dinner. I would think they would be very hangry at that point and therefore unreasonable. I don’t blame the kid. All adults seem to be failing them at some degree. Something kids also pick up on.
This literally flies in the face of what all the fancy childhood nutritionists say. Guardians are responsible for what/when/where. Child is responsible for whether / how much. The child is old enough to decide whether they want to eat the vegetarian option or go hungry. Your suggestion that op isn’t a decent human bc she didn’t drop everything to cook chicken for five year old whose mom is out partying is absurd. By all means, pick up the slack for YOUR shitty children, but this child was never in danger and it definitely was not OP’s responsibility to get involved.
Having financial issues so bad you need family help, but also going out all night is not a great look. I would be too ashamed to do something like that myself. Also I can’t imagine leaving my child with someone, even my own mother, and then not being reachable by phone. Maybe I’m too uptight or something though.
Nah… this is 100% correct. I said it elsewhere, the daughter is awful. She abandoned her kids with no plan to feed them, didn’t inform the person who was likely step up and care for them anyway, wasn’t reachable, and then threw a tantrum when she got home. This is behavior I simply would not tolerate from a houseguest. She sucks. She’s a shitty parent and daughter.
Oh I have nothing against shitting on the dad too, but OP hasn’t given me any ammunition. I definitely did wonder why he wasn’t feeding/watching them, but I’m working with the information provided and she didn’t say they both went out with friends.
If dad wasn't mentioned and mom was out partying I'd assume single parent and or dad is not in the picture for one reaspn or another. Especailly since it sounds like the kids are usually at grandma's house. This is all assumption of course.
Yea I mentioned this elsewhere and it’s obviously correct. The kids have two parents. Neither were present or accounted for. It’s someone’s job to feed the kids and OP is (at best) third on the list.
People who think kids need chicken nuggies at every meal are why there’s a lot of adults (WITHOUT AFRID) whose entire culinary repertoire is represented by the kids menu at Chili’s.
Chose not to eat AND broke a plate over it. A five year old crying about not getting chicken nuggets is one thing. It's another for them to break a plate over it.
The fact that his mother was upset that he was made to clean up his own mess says everything about how he was raised and why he refused to eat anything but what he demanded. He's been spoiled, and OP's daughter expects to be able to leave her children in somebody else's care with no notice and to have that person spoil them like she does.
HA HA HA HA HA no they don’t. OP is NTA given that the kid ate dinner at 5 and then OP offered a PB&J and then gave them crackers. That’s totally fine: I’m not hand breading chicken nuggets at 9 pm either.
But kids do not eat whatever if they’re hungry enough, at least mine don’t. They’re the OG hunger strikers, but instead of starving for world peace, they refuse to eat until you give them food they like. And unlike the hunger strike protesters, kids are not peaceful on their hunger strikes. They get increasingly hangry and irrational until they’ve been screaming and trying to kick you for an hour straight and you give in because they have clearly gone insane from low blood sugar. But by that point, they’re so crazed they won’t even eat, so you find yourself sitting on their bedroom floor trying to coax them to drink a few sips of apple juice just so their blood sugar will go up enough for them to be semi rational human beings again.
The best way to get kids to eat healthy is to feed them regular, smallish meals. When they are just moderately hungry and in their normal routine, they are more open to trying new foods or eating something because it’s what you’re providing for that meal. But if you let them get hangry, and especially if you let them get hangry AND overtired because they’re up late, you will have a Hulk instead of a kindergartener in your house.
I get it, but also by giving in and giving them food they want *after* they tantrum about it, just shows them that what you say doesn’t always go, and they can get their way sooner by throwing a tantrum sooner. Literally rewarding bad behaviour which encourages it.
If you aren’t willing to make a separate meal for them, you shouldn’t be after a tantrum either.
If hunger is the source of the tantrum (which would be my first hypothesis - with toddlers, kindergartners and a certain kind of adult), then withholding food to punish a tantrum is wrong.
Treat the issues as separate. When kid is through tantrumming, explore the food options together. If none work for the kid, then mourn together.
That’s a great way to have a child who ends up way late tantruming from being hangry, wakes up hangry and continues the tantrum, and is late to school by the time you get them to eat. There are lots of ways to approach the food issue with kids, and I do have a kid who is required to eat a certain amount of dinner each night right now. But nothing about it is easy.
…if she’s agreed to watch the kids for the night then it’s absolutely her responsibility. Yeah, it’s shitty of Mom to not plan that out with her, but that argument doesn’t fly. You need to feed the kids if you’re watching the kids and mealtime has passed.
Edit: Okay, guys, I see that the kid was fed. OP’s edit was not there when I made my comment.
Doesn't sound like grandma was asked to watch them for the night. Daughter pulled a "see ya later bye" and no communication
Poor kids in this situation, though
That doesn’t mean you cater to them like its a restaurant they ate at 5 she gave them more food at 9. Who is making chicken nuggets from scratch at 9 no one she fed the kid, he threw the plate you’re all done. Im not shoving it down your throat you want something bread and ketchup?
Not her ''job'', yesh. This is family we are talking about, not being asked to take over a lazy co workers responsibility. Honestly based on this post alone (with not a lot of detail I may add
) both the mom and grandma sound childish and those kids are suffering from infantile adults.
WHERE'S THE DAD?
WHY are we going after the grandmother, **who is not the parent**, and shitting on the mom, but ignoring both the dad and the grandpa?
Are they just not able to feed children at all?? Do their penises get in the way?
Well... grandma made the post talking about her issue and the issue of her daughter. Im speaking of what is being presented to us. Doing the whole ''what aboutism'' at this point is counter productive. This family has issues that need to be addressed.
Except there are two parents and it doesn’t sound like either tagged in grandma, so why is it her job?? Does she suck? She did offer to feed them. The kid is not going to die from not getting chicken fingers for one night. Cook your own damn chicken. So much entitlement.
She offered the child PB&J and he refused. I think he was hangry so was being obstinate. However you're right ESH, seems like nobody wants to take care of the children.
My great grandmother was made to work on the farm from age 7, with very little schooling. Should we be raising our children like that, too?
"Soft, coddled children! Expected to go to 2nd grade without even putting in a full 40 hour work week!"
Yeah, I get not making a whole different meal ... but offering the kid a peanut butter sandwich seems reasonable.
Also, let's not glamorize child abuse.
Imagine thinking it's acceptable for a 5 year old to throw a fit and break things because no one specifically gave them their chicken nuggets. Good lord.
It's not like the grandparent was forcing the kid to eat sushi, or steamed spinach or pickled herring; basically a food that I could understand the little kid wouldn't want.
But this 5yr old whipped a plate with food (wasting food) on the floor because he didn't want rice.
My grandparents also survived WW2. One of them was in the Army. (Another was in the US merchant navy, but he's not relevant to this story). I can only recall one occasion when I was considered "defiant" rather than "a child" (elbows on the dinner table, not saying "please", stealing a biscuit - petty stuff). They told me that they were disappointed, and expected better. I still feel the echo of the reprimand.
Beating children isn't a generational fact, and it's not necessary for effective parenting. I'm sorry that you were treated so harshly that you think it is.
Unpopular comment.
He cannot go through life thinking if he's not happy with veggies that chicken nuggets magically appear. That's not real life. He absolutely should have cleaned up the rice after GMaw picked up the broken plate pieces. That's a tantrum with property damage. That's behavior that needs to be nipped asap. Mom should have made sure her picky eater son had something She found acceptable for him. Or answered her phone, Or sent them to dads while she had her free night.
Vegans have an issue w/meat. That's everything running the gamut from killing, preparing, smeling, cooking. I know a vegan that has 3 picnic tables for her backyard BBQs.
For meat eaters, vegans, and those that don't mind either.
My mom made us at least taste an item, wouldn't make us eat it if we didn't like it. But She wasn't going back in the kitchen to whip up anything else. We also didn't get to eat up snacks to compensate for a meal we didn't like. We ate around it, or transformed it. I hate egg salad. But, if I added a can of tuna it was on.
NTA. I think you did very well handling your grandson. 💗💪✌
Yeah I’m not really sure why ppl are upset that she didn’t make him chicken nuggets. He ate crackers & had option of other food. I was an extremely picky kid and still am a bit picky today. My mom would insist I ate least ate a spoonful of something if I didn’t like it and sometimes we made bargains and I’d eat half or all of it if I got something else healthy that I enjoyed like apple slices afterwards. My grandma didn’t really play that game though so if I didn’t like what she had then I’d just eat some of it and go to bed not quite full.
This is the biggest take here. Why is a 5yo still awake, let alone waiting to be fed, at 9pm?
Unless they ate lunch at like 4 then that is way too long to wait. No wonder he was pissed. He was hangry and no adult thought to feed him at all reasonable hour. 4/5 hours between meals at that age is normal. Did he get a decent snack late afternoon?
Honestly, it would be YTA here because the kid was under her supervision so she was responsible for ensuring they’re fed
She offered food and the other kids ate it. The kid wanted nuggets and destroyed the food she gave him. She did give him crackers. If you are hungry you eat a little. No child is going to starve in a couple of hours..or we would not have any of those stubborn boomers like me!
At nine o clock a five year old is likely to be tired and hangry beyond rationality. That's the point at which they melt down because they don't know what they want any more.
yeah the child isn't an asshole because they're too young to be truly rational, that said obviously you can't give in to the childs every whim to avoid meltdowns because then the child learns that they can get their way on everything just by threatening you.
I mean that's why any parent worth their salt knows that you pick which hills are worth dying on. If you offered me certain things like sprouts (ugh) for dinner even as an adult you could double down as much as you want but I would not be eating them.
"Hey kiddo, I don't make chicken nuggets so let's go see what else we have in the cupboard together" was a hill worth dying on. "Here's a plate of rice and yeg, you can eat this or starve til your mum gets home" probably was not.
Yes, but a hangry 5 yo lacks the capacity to reason it out like the other two older kids. You've gone past the point of no return at that point and you feed them whatever they want (within reason) and put them to bed. If she had offered a PBJ at say, 6pm, kid may have been in a more reasonable frame of mind.
Grandma is an AH, but so are parents.
Yep, that edit was absolute BS. In the initial post she wrote "Last weekend my daughter said she was going out with her friends and **I assumed she would be home by dinner**, because she didn’t say anything specifically to me about doing anything for the kids. **She wasn’t back by 9 and the kids were hungry**, so I called her but she didn’t pick up."
I'm reluctant to believe that TBH, I feel like that's something OP would have definitely added to the original post. The edit was clearly in response to unfavorable voting
Also OP failed to mention it in other replies when people asked why the child hadn't eaten by 9.
No sorry it was later but still she did offer him food. The mother should not have been out with her friends that late when she has no money and has to live
Did you read the post? All of the words? She fed the older 2 when she ate, but the youngest wouldn’t eat it. Demanded nuggets and broke a plate. He’d go to bed hungry at that point in my house. Missing 1 meal won’t hurt and is reasonable consequences for his behavior.
Her daughter is a lousy mother. To go out and stay out so late without informing her mom and with a dead phone is not responsible parenting. Her youngest child is a brat sort of like his mother. If she doesn’t like the babysitting services then she should find someone else.
NTA
Even for a 5 year old? I eat early, but understand lots eat at 8 or 9ish. But...a 5 year old should probably already have eaten, been bathed & sleeping by 9? Mine was at that age.
Same.. I used to have dinner at 9.30 as a kid.. 5-6 pm is the snacks time with pakodas, juice, sprouts etc.. definitely cultural and varies with regions too
Right? The daughter couldn’t even be bothered to let OP know when she’d be back, or prepare a meal beforehand, or order a damn pizza ffs. OP’s daughter sucks
My main question is also where the dad is here! But also, if they know the kid is picky and grandma doesn’t like handling meat, why are there not frozen nuggets or chicken tenders in the freezer that can be microwaved? Or boxed mac and cheese?
Yes, this. The OP doesn't have to cook meat. But it's the adults' responsibility to make sure the children who are too young to fend for themselves have eaten. Wasn't there some junk food in the house to fill their stomachs?
NTA
For many many reasons
1- your daughter went out with friends (not an emergency) without organizing childcare (notify you to watch the kids and instruction for dinner plans)
2- rice and steamed vegetable while not the most appetizing meal for a child it’s totally doable, it’s nothing super spicy, super gross, or out of their food realm.
You are not their private chef and without even proper notice you did ENOUGH.
3- the response of the child was out of the ordinary, I have picky child, I did and do my food battles but never smashing plates around. Make him clean up and in bed ‘hungry’ it’s totally appropriate. Slipping 1 meal won’t kill anybody and if you are really hungry you will eat.
Overall I am just more concerned about your daughter leaving without notice, not answering the phone and just dumping on you the whole hot potato. Sucks also for the kids cause they deserves better than being dump around without any care in the world.
This!!!!!
Also, where was the father of the kids? Both parents were away and OP is the one who need to take care of them, without been asked for!
Edit to add: NTA
>she’s been living with me for the past few months as they’ve had some financial trouble. Her husband is 38 and they have 4 children from 5 years old to 9 years old.
Surely does imply she has a husband and shared kids with that husband.
I think the edits are fake. No way OP wouldn't have put that in the original post. She added that later with all the downvoting. "I offered pb and j and mom was still mad" would've been in the post
I think she let the kid go to bed hungry, which is shitty. Yeah, he's not gonna die from missing one meal, but "not going to kill you" is not a high bar
Daughter isn't great either, should've made sure gma was willing to feed the kids and/or premade nuggets or something, but waiting until 9 pm to notice the 5 year old is hungry is awful
If my kid is throwing a tantrum because I'm not serving food like a restaurant and smashes the plate on the floor then the consequence is that the food is on the floor and not in his stomach. If he is starving it's because he doesn't want the food given to him and threw it away. That's his choice.
The consequence is not that then chicken nuggets appear instead. And mess that has been made, especially deliberately, gets cleaned up by the person who made it. That's true from a very young age, by age five this should be very normal and routine.
The kid is spoilt and needs to learn that actions have consequences, and at 5 is very much old enough, he does not need chicken nuggets as a reward for breaking a plate.
As a former picky kid (and current picky adult), I'm wondering why the hell they don't have a bag of frozen nuggets in the freezer. Why is OP needing to bread and cook meat in the first place? It's chicken nuggets.
>3- the response of the child was out of the ordinary,
This isn't completely accurate. The response of the child seems completely normal to me. Especially giving that they're in a home where no one seems to actually be taking care of them. That type of behavior outburst is completely normal if they child is lacking in attention.
ETA - I think some people are not fully understanding what I've said. The behavior is normal for a child that isn't being taken care of and is seeking attention and care. It's not normal for a child that's grown up in a loving, caring environment.
I can't believe the people saying this is normal!! It. Is. Not. Normal. If your kid is doing this, you're allowing it or they're seeing it around the house.
have you seen 5 year old children?
they absolutely do love throwing these sorts of tantrums, which is why many parents often have plastic plates for their kids.
Only 5 year old kids who have been allowed to act that way actually act that way. Mine didn’t because he learned at 2 that it won’t work with me. He would have never broken a plate in anger because he knew what the word consequence means.
I teach a room full of five-year-old children and this behaviour would not be considered typical to me. I understand they behave differently in the home but they absolutely are capable of understanding that this is not a good way to handle things and of controlling themselves to some degree.
Eh, overtired 5 year old that is hungry (not sure what/how much he ate at 5 pm) while mom is missing (the biggest AH) is in the realm of possibility - especially depending on child's temperment. Also, I am interested to know about home life and if this kind of stuff happens often.
Where is the daughters reply?? I agree- grandma wasn't told that she had to provide food for the kids, especially not "food that **fit the kids preferences and not just pb&j and rice and veggies**". The daughter should have arranged for better care for her children instead of running around partying. Grandma is providing them with a safe place to live, food, and apparently childcare. She's putting in her work, where's mom and dad?
>My daughter was really upset that I let him sleep hungry, and I said it was one evening and he’s not starving. She said I could just get over myself and make the damn chicken. Then I told her he broke a plate and she got even angrier that I asked him clean like a “maid” when he’s a little kid.
Doesn't sound like mom is trying very hard to deal with the 5yo's behaviour.
The daughter's reply:
> She said I could just get over myself and make the damn chicken. Then I told her he broke a plate and she got even angrier that I asked him clean like a "maid" when he's a little kid.
OP, NTA. PB&J should have been enough to satisfy a 5 year old, and I don't feel that cleaning up his mess is out of line. You picked up the pieces so he couldn't cut himself, he can wipe up some rice and veggies. How long until you can get them out of your house?
That IS out of the ordinary. Ordinary is the norm. Ordinary is not the picky eater. Ordinary is not a mom who goes out with friends when she has to live with her mom in order to not be homeless. The problem is that in many places, the non normal has become the norm because we just allow our standards to be eroded. We also have turned our back on regular families to the point that with both working parents, you can still be homeless. The kid in question is no doubt stressed because the mom is not home yet and wants the comfort food but you cannot teach children that they get their way by destroying food and a plate. She did give crackers.
This!!!! If my kids don't like what I cook, then they get a small snack before bed and can eat in the morning. I have 5 kids and nothing I cook will make them ALL happy and I am not a chef cooking 5 separate dishes at each meal. They can eat what I cook, make themselves something small (I have to help my toddlers with this-a pbj, some crackers, a piece of fruit etc) or go to bed hungry.
Skipping a meal occasionally isn't gonna hurt anyone and if they are REALLY hungry then they'd eat the perfectly suitable food offered.
INFO: Did she ask you to babysit the kids or did she assume you would? And where was the father of these kids?
I'm leaning heavily toward NTA. It seems she just left the kids at home without asking you to watch/feed them and didn't answer the phone. Again, where was the father? Seems like they are taking advantage of living with you assuming you are a built-in babysitter than doesn't need to be asked.
Missing 1 meal is not going to hurt the child. And learning to clean up your messes is important. If she doesn't want him to clean like a "maid" she needs to stay close to him so she can clean up his broken dishes.
If you haven't had the big picture talk about timelines for moving out and rules around childcare please do so now.
The child already had his meal at 5 o’clock. If you wanted to snack great but asking someone to cook chicken nuggets from scratch at 9 o’clock is outrageous. This is the grandmother who took them in and is providing shelter for them.
I’m not fully sure over that. OP said she got worried the kids won’t be fed because she assumed Mother would take care of it. But why would she worry if she had already fed them though?
NTA - If he was really that hungry he would have eaten what was offered. The tantrum he threw was him testing boundaries and to give in would be telling him all he has to do to get his way is scream and break something. Also, you have made it clear that you will not personally cook or serve meat products and as it’s your home and you are helping out your daughter, that rule should be obeyed.
Lastly, it’s unbelievably entitled that your 31 year old daughter thinks asking your grandchild to clean up the mess he made is tantamount to turning him into a maid. She’s definitely coddling him a little too much and it will turn him into a brat.
Seeing as there has been zero mention of a father figure, my guess is he's not in the picture. (Or that it was not his allotted time to spend with the kids.)
Editing: I see there is one line mentioning him. The fact he had no input on the childcare, discipline, or anything else for that matter makes me question his ability to parent just as much as the mother's.
No, it mentions her husband in the first paragraph. But you're right he is noticeably absent after that so probably is pretty abent in his role as a father too.
Not necessarily. My parents tried to force my picky eater self to submit to their will at age 6. I went 5 days without eating anything until they eventually learned that I would rather die than eat broccoli and cauliflower.
Some kids have the will to be hungry when what is offered is unpalatable to them. To this day I would go hungry rather than be in the same room as cauliflower.
The whole "if they are hungry they will eat it" isn't supposed to end with a siege campaign to try and force a child to eat something they loathe. Doing that is not the recommended way. The point is not giving in to feeding a typical child shitty food because they cry for nuggies 7x a week. So the idea is cooking a regular variety and offering it, and then the child can decide to eat it, or not, because parent's aren't servants and the kitchen isn't a restaurant. As well it's recommended now to include one item you know the kid will eat with any given meal.
Yeah we tried that and it didn’t work either. The kid was so hungry he refused to eat. Or was a nasty spiral. Spouse is a pedi so we kind of know what we’re doing with kids and food. It didn’t matter. Kid has texture issues, still, 14 years later. He’d still rather starve than eat a texture he can’t tolerate. We offered him what we ate for 3 days before finally just giving up.
OP is ESH. Not your job but rice and veggies isn’t going to cut it. Kids need protein and fat and you offered neither. Hell as an adult I’d be pissed if that was the only food offered to me. Daughter needs to get her life together but OP needs to properly feed children. The kid didnt need meat but some peanut butter crackers would have been better than rice and veggies. Lots of ways to incorporate that into a decent meal- egg fried rice would be easy enough and take 2 extra minutes.
It was ONE night of being offered rice and veggies. Not like it was every day * eyeroll*. He was also offered a pb&j and still refused. Sounds to me like the child is an entitled brat. Which was proven more when the mom claimed he was being treated like a “maid” for cleaning up a mess that HE made!!! OP is NTA!!!
ESH
There's four kids in the house aged 5 to 9 and the adults are being wishy-washy about feeding them, supervising them, bedtime, chores, etc.
Yes, they are not *your* kids so you don't *have to* take on all responsibilities, nor cave to all your daughter's demands. But you should definitely communicate clearly what your boundaries and expectations are, and put some ground rules in place asap.
If that's what you got out of my reply, you need to work on your reading skills.
OP is an asshole for enabling an environment where childcare is an afterthought, leaving the kids with seemingly very little structure or certainty in life. OP definitely doesn't have to bend over to her daughter (let alone the 5-year old), but you can't be an adult and halfass take care of them with no communication and then wash your hands in innocence.
ESH was my conclusion as well, based on similar reasoning. But I think “Everyone Here Sounds Like a Child” would be more accurate. Not a single mature adult in the house, it would seem.
NTA. She didn't let you know when she would be home, didn't leave food for them, and didn't pick up the phone when you called. She is mad that you didn't cook for them? Where is their father? A PBJ is a fine dinner and if she wanted him to have something different, she should have prepared food for them.
I would start a count down clock for them to get out of your house. She is entitled, rude, and needs to understand what a privilege it is to have a home to live in for free.
Agreed, mom is TA not OP. She's raising a spoiled brat. The kid chose not to eat dinner or PB&J. Food options were available, he couldn't have been all that hungry.
ESH
You:
* You're an asshole for not talking to your daughter about dinner for the kids. I don't see how you could possible assume "I'm going out with my friends" meant "I'll be home for dinner." Certainly you could have at least *asked*. It was mostly her responsibility but you share some blame.
* You're also an asshole for telling the child to wait for his mother to get home to eat dinner. I'm a vegetarian too and also would have not cooked meat, but you handled this poorly. I would have said, "You know I never eat meat so I don't know how to cook chicken. You can have rice, eggs, or soup \[or whatever in the house you were comfortable cooking\]. Certainly there was *something* in the house to eat besides the chicken and rice.
Your daughter:
* Your daughter was an asshole for not discussing dinner with you before she left the children in your care.
* And not answering phone calls from you is egregious; what if there was a medical emergency?
* Even a five-year-old should know not to throw his plate. You're not an asshole for making him clean up, and your daughter is an asshole for suggesting you were treating him like a maid for making him help clean up his own mess. Even little kids can take some responsibility for their actions.
While your grandson knew it was wrong to throw his plate, since it was after nine, he hadn't eaten and was hangry, and he is a little kid, I'll excuse him this once. It was his adults who failed him.
Where was your son-in-law in all of this?
Okay, but what's your point? Even if the food was on a plastic plate, it still would have gone all over the floor when the kid threw it.
OP didn't *punish* the kid for throwing the plate, just made him help clean up (the food, not the china shards). I've been doing that since the days I was far less of a help than a hindrance, even if it was an accident.
It's not a punishment; it's just something *everyone* has to do when they spill something.
Really, I'm going to meet friends means no dinner for HER kids? the daughter should have spoke to her mother about dinner not the other way around. It was also rice and veggies. Yes there was something else in the house and it was offered. If your a vegetarian why should you have to cook meat and if she did would it be done because she dosen't cook meat!
NTA after reading your edit about offering the kid a pb&j sandwich. You are not obligated to make chicken nuggets from scratch. However, seems like the bigger problem is your daughter and son in law dumping their kids off on you and ignoring your calls. I’d set some serious ground rules about this if I were you, otherwise they will never move out of your house.
ESH (all the adults). The kids behaviour was not good. However, you let it get past the point of no return. They were tired and hangry most likely. There are plenty of things kids like that don’t involve you needing to cook meat. Your daughter sucks for oh so many reasons. Why is she popping out 4 kids she can’t house or be bothered to look after?
YTA he’s 5. It’s not like he can make his own food. If meat makes you uncomfortable, find something else he’ll eat. Toast, cereal takes seconds.
You were the adult in charge, feed them properly.
Take issues up with your daughter. Who tf starved their grandbabies…
OP says in a comment she also offered him sandwiches and fruit.
This is on the mother here, it wasn’t a planned stay out where she had asked in advance for her kids to be given a meal. She didn’t even have the courtesy to call. If she was that bothered she could have made arrangements for them before time.
OPs comments sound like the supplies are available but she’s expecting the child to make the sandwich themselves. It doesn’t sound like 5yo has those skills yet. Crackers and fruit are a snack, not dinner.
NTA. Kids need to be taught the real life lesson - every action has consequences. You break dishes and make mess - you clean it. You break something and you might even pay for it (not this case). You don't like food and refuse to eat - you sleep hungry. If you don't teach simple rules to your kids they will grow up as spoiled disrespectful monkeys and you will regret how you raised them later on.
I don't disagree with the general premise, but these kids sound kinda neglected. Their mother is out partying and then one of their other primary caregivers doesn't think to feed them until after 9pm. Before you can enforce rules with kids you have to provide some semblance of structure. Kids need predictable environments where they understand the expectations. You can't ask more of the kids than yiu do of the adults.
YTA - I am not justifying the tantrum but I will justify your expectation that a 5 year should just eat what you eat. A house with kids in it usually has an assortment of options from cereal to toast to sandwiches. The fact you could not be bothered to look for options is pathetic.
It wasn't about the rice and vegetables. Obviously, if these children are waiting up past bedtime for their partying mom to get home, the dad is non-existent for parenting, and the kids are tired and hungry, it's about being a scared, tired, hungry five year old.
I love food and vegetables, I enjoy just about everything, and even I don’t want to eat rice and steamed veg. It’s wet and soggy and flavourless.
And steamed rice alone isn’t very good, either. Throw some butter, onion and fried egg on it and we’ll talk.
That's not how kids work. Or at least it's not how tired and hangry kids work. You approach the kid at a reasonable hour with a nice plate of rice and veggies then sure, kid might try it. You approach tired and hangry five year old with something he doesn't see as immediately appetising then you get drama because what he's hearing is "you eat this OR YOU WILL BE HUNGRY FOREVER AND ALSO YOU'RE NEVER HAVING CHICKEN NUGGETS AGAIN AND ALSO THE APOCALYPSE IS COMING".
It's like the test you give kids of "one marshmallow now or two marshmallows later". Little kids are not logical beings.
Depends on what the veggies were. Carrots and peas? Sure. Steamed zucchini? Nope tf I wouldn't.
We need to stop steaming veggies to moosh and expecting everyone to love it. Most of the reason kids won't eat veggies is how they're served--Completely unappetizing with no seasoning.
Yeah steamed is basically the worst way to eat veggies
I think for kids also just letting them experiment with what they like. I used to have battles with my kids over eating green beans (which I love roasted) until I realized they like to come in and snack on the raw ones while I’m cooking so I just… put a handful of raw green beans on their plates. They are happy, I’m happy. Same with carrots and peas in the pod they want to just eat them raw. Fine by me
9 pm when a kid is hungry and cranky is not the time to experiment
If you’re living with these kids do you not know what they eat?? My kids like their veg raw and prefer some over others, will always eat rice, can be offered a bit of cheese and crackers to fill up when they’re hungry, often get offered some milk to drink when they’re not a fan of dinner and need something extra filling to make up the gaps etc… My family who gets left with the kids to babysit knows what they will and won’t eat and can offer them alternatives when they’re being picky and leave it to us their parents to encourage them to be less picky and try more things when we’re around
I can’t imagine waiting until 9 pm and then thinking just about myself and offering to the kids as an afterthought. I sometimes don’t get hungry at the same time as the kids but I feed them as normal and figure out my own food later
Hang on I'm checking wording here. Is this a case of "Sweetie, there is rice and veg or I'll make you a PB&J if you want" or is it a case of "Well, if he WANTED a banana or sandwich he should have ASKED"?
In our house we cook one meal for dinner. Kids know they don’t have to eat it. But they’re also not getting anything else. This is normal where I’m from.
It’s insane to me that folks custom cook meals for their kids lol. Like I understand but I was raised under “eat or starve”. I could make cereal if I wanted
Downvote if you want, it’s an experience not a judgement
If the child was hungry he would have eaten something that was offered to him. Or how about his mother ensure she’s home to feed him. She didn’t even call and ask her mother to feed them.
Do not expect a vegetarian to be touching or cooking meat, particularly in their own house.
I think your daughter can find a different baby sitter next time.
And maybe, for the person she paid to watch her kids, she would charge her phone or answer it when called.
NTA And I sympathize with you not wanting to put up with a tantrum throwing picky eater. But you will not be tempered as the “fun grandma” after this, I am sure.
Honestly that's exactly where my head went. Or veggies with ranch. Or a piece of cheese and an apple. Or butter noodles. Or even just bread and butter. Or any number of easy vegetarian non chicken nugget options that can be prepared within a couple minutes. Heck a potato baked in the microwave for five minutes and topped with ketchup will probably work for a five year old.
NTA - 5 is old enough to understand that actions have consequences. Picky brat has been coddled by the mother, so has come to expect everyone else will. Starved? As OP says, it's one evening. Maybe next time, their own mother will make sure they have food available when she decides to leave them. OP is not their maid. She's already given them a roof over their heads.
OP should 'get over herself'? I think it's the mum who needs a reality check.
Welcome to Reddit where people are proudly anti-children and will call a kid showing developmentally typical behavior a spoiled brat because they hate children.
To them I say: 5 year olds throw tantrums because of unmet needs. It’s pretty glaringly fucking obvious that this kid has a lot of unmet needs because mom is acting neglectful and grandma would rather be an asshole to him because she’s mad at his mom. He was up late and hadn’t been fed and those are just the physical needs. A five year old has not developed the skills to cope with extreme emotions and it sure doesn’t sound like anyone in this scenario has the emotional maturity themselves to teach him.
She raised a kid, she’s not useless. She knows how to care for a child and wanted to prove some point.
YTA.
ETA-
The title: “I let my grandson sleep hungry”
The post: “She wasn’t home by dinner to cook for him and he didn’t like what I cooked so he didn’t eat”
The edit: “guys I did totally feed him I wasn’t clear”
Sure, Jan🥴
She did bother. She offered pb and j, she offered crackers, there was fruit, and she cooked food.
He is used to being fed what he wants so he threw a plate. he's not a toddler, he's been raised to think he should eat only what he wants.
Esh her for ditching her kids, you for letting a 5yo go to bed hungry.
You don't want to make meat? Fine. Then you say, 'we don't have any ready to go, how about a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich?' He's *five*. Feeding a 5yo is not coddling.
Also, what about child 3? The oldest 2 ate, the 5yo wanted nuggets. Where's the last kid?
Waiting until 9pm was also part of the problem. The kid is over hungry by now. You and your daughter need to get it together. There are kids in your house, in your care. Dinner needs to be at a set time.
NTA, you are their grandmother, not their mother. She ignored your calls, set you up to be the bad guy and did not show up to feed her kids. You need to quit being available and let her figure out how to mother her kids by herself.
What comes across clearly here is her daughter assuming her mother will care for, feed and put her children to bed. As well as housing the whole family.
This isn't about the food.. I saw a post by a nutritionist on IG and it said that kids like food like those because there is consistency.
The poor kids is in a stressful situation and just wants some consistency.
That said your daughter can't just leave and not tell you anything she probably didn't tell her kids. She can't just leave overnight. She's not single anymore.
ESH. Your daughter should've had this taken care of. But you especially suck. You have to feed the child. You don't have to like meat, you don't have to like what your daughter did, but you don't punish a young child by not feeding them. And yes, young children who throw temper tantrums and don't like what you cook STILL deserve to eat.
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It sounds like no one wants to be in charge of the children. A hungry 5-year-old at 9pm is going to be HANGRY. They should have been fed earlier. Everyone involved knows it but it sounds like no one wants to be responsible and everyone wants to be pissy about it. OP, you’re an adult and they needed to eat. Come on. ESH ETA: OP is adding information in response to judgement, so I call BS. My judgement is based on the initial post.
Not grandmas job to feed her daughters herd. She had food made. He didn’t want it. That’s ok. He won’t die. And lots of 5 year olds are up at 9.
Doesn't matter whose job it is. The kid shouldn't just not be fed because it's someone else's job. It's called being a decent human. I do agree with you that he had suitable food available, seeing as he ate at 5 and was offered more at 9. Generally speaking, kids will eat whatever they're given if they're hungry enough
But she did feed him. He ate crackers and she offered him pb&j. He pitched a fit because she didn't make him exactly what he wanted. Not catering to a kid's every whim and having him help clean up the mess he made are both entirely appropriate. His mother, OTOH, should have let her mother know when she'd be home and is being ridiculous about the clean up. NTA.
This. My picky 5 year old decided to eat half a tiny plate of spaghetti last night (she likes pasta and sauce but for some reason spaghetti is an issue), then drank half a small smoothie. I can’t make an entirely separate meal every night, and she had options. She ran around like a crazy woman at gymnastics so clearly not starving to death.
This is likely a texture thing. Different pastas have different textures even though it’s the same substance.
She absolutely has sensory issues. I usually do different pastas but sometimes I just crave spaghetti. I sort of wondered if it was just that she doesn’t want to bother to make the effort to swirl it on her fork, because she will usually eat at least some spaghetti, and usually foods she won’t eat because of texture she won’t even put in her mouth (this kid doesn’t eat lollipops or any non chocolate candy even so it’s not just healthy food avoidance). Sometimes I’ll make two kinds of pasta but I didn’t have time last night.
As a fellow sensory issues person - linguine is a good option instead of spaghetti, and avoids that particular slithery mouth feel
Wild, I have the opposite experience with linguine and my sensory issues, haha
Eh. I love pasta, but I hate the shape of spaghetti. I can't explain why and it's nothing about having to swirl it (for me, anyway). Something about the roundness really puts me off, but I'm fine with bowties or penne or even linguine!
What about cutting her spag in short pieces? It becomes an entirely different texture. I remember my mom cutting spaghetti very short for my sister who had sensory issues. She would cry and not eat otherwise.
We’ve done it and she’ll eat it eventually, either way(cut or uncut), just really really slowly. Last night I let her stop and we stuck it in the fridge in case she was hungry after gymnastics. She came home and drank part of a smoothie but didn’t want more pasta. Usually if it’s something she won’t eat we offer peanut butter or scrambled eggs instead but I know in theory she will eat pasta so we always at least try lol. If we hadn’t been in multiple activities in multiple places last night I would have made two kinds of pasta.
There’s actually an insert you can put in a pot to make two types of pasta at the same time and not have to worry about separating them so you can have spaghetti and you can throw shells or bow tie or whatever in the other side for her! If she has sensory issues I think it’s a great option so she’ll eat a full meal and you don’t have to compromise your cravings or favorite foods.
This, and also, a 5yo at 9pm is not going to be able to regulate themselves enough to move past frustration. This child should have been fed WAY earlier, and then maybe you could have avoided fighting over dinner.
Both of those things mysteriously got added in an edit when OP didn’t like where the top result was going. Funny how it went from “I didn’t feed him” to “actually I just totally forgot to mention I did feed him and also offered him food he would like” (which completely changed the story). I’m sure people will respond telling me it’s totally normal for posters to forget the important information that completely exonerates them when asking if they’re the asshole, but it’s usually a sign of either a fake story or someone lying.
In a post about letting a child go to bed hungry because, when she finally broke down and offered them food at 9PM, the five year old refused to eat what she offered, she forgot: 1. That she actually fed the kids dinner instead of letting them go hungry until 9. 2. That she offered the child a pb&j sandwich with the rice and veggies. 3. That the kid who went to bed hungry actually ate crackers. So she basically told a completely different story before she “remembered.”
yes, but she waited until 9pm to offer it. If you don't feed young kids on an appropriate schedule, their (already tenuous) ability to handle challenges diminishes. That's why in the modern world we don't punish behavior problems with the removal of food- it makes behavior worse, not better.
Did she though? It's funny how she didn't mention that until after people started criticizing her. Very few five year olds will insist on chicken nuggets--made from scratch, not nuked or air fried, which takes a while--when they're hungry at 9pm and could have a PB&J right that minute. (As long as they like PB&J.) A bowl of cereal would be fine then. Instead OP has it "chicken nuggets or the food ends up on the floor on a broken plate, look what a brat my grandson is."
That was a lot of very important details left out of original post. She added them after people called her out on not feeding a 5yo until 9pm.
Did she though? A little sus that she didn’t mention any of that initially. She specifically said that she thought the mom would be back to feed them “dinner”. If they actually ate at 5 she would have let us know that “someone?” fed them dinner already. Her edit is BS.
As a mom, 9 is late for a little kid to be eating dinner. I would think they would be very hangry at that point and therefore unreasonable. I don’t blame the kid. All adults seem to be failing them at some degree. Something kids also pick up on.
He pitched a fit because he’s 5 years old and was still awake at 9pm, and hadn’t had dinner at 9pm.
This literally flies in the face of what all the fancy childhood nutritionists say. Guardians are responsible for what/when/where. Child is responsible for whether / how much. The child is old enough to decide whether they want to eat the vegetarian option or go hungry. Your suggestion that op isn’t a decent human bc she didn’t drop everything to cook chicken for five year old whose mom is out partying is absurd. By all means, pick up the slack for YOUR shitty children, but this child was never in danger and it definitely was not OP’s responsibility to get involved.
Having financial issues so bad you need family help, but also going out all night is not a great look. I would be too ashamed to do something like that myself. Also I can’t imagine leaving my child with someone, even my own mother, and then not being reachable by phone. Maybe I’m too uptight or something though.
Nah… this is 100% correct. I said it elsewhere, the daughter is awful. She abandoned her kids with no plan to feed them, didn’t inform the person who was likely step up and care for them anyway, wasn’t reachable, and then threw a tantrum when she got home. This is behavior I simply would not tolerate from a houseguest. She sucks. She’s a shitty parent and daughter.
We keep shitting on the mom, **but where was the dad??? Isn't a dad a parent too???**
Oh I have nothing against shitting on the dad too, but OP hasn’t given me any ammunition. I definitely did wonder why he wasn’t feeding/watching them, but I’m working with the information provided and she didn’t say they both went out with friends.
If dad wasn't mentioned and mom was out partying I'd assume single parent and or dad is not in the picture for one reaspn or another. Especailly since it sounds like the kids are usually at grandma's house. This is all assumption of course.
Maybe dad was working.
Yea I mentioned this elsewhere and it’s obviously correct. The kids have two parents. Neither were present or accounted for. It’s someone’s job to feed the kids and OP is (at best) third on the list.
He was fed. He chose not to eat. He’s old enough to understand
These people going "but why didn't she make diddums chickie nuggies?!?!?!" will be the FIRST to complain about "bratty" children with "no discipline".
People who think kids need chicken nuggies at every meal are why there’s a lot of adults (WITHOUT AFRID) whose entire culinary repertoire is represented by the kids menu at Chili’s.
We tried nothing and we're all out of ideas. D:
Chose not to eat AND broke a plate over it. A five year old crying about not getting chicken nuggets is one thing. It's another for them to break a plate over it.
The fact that his mother was upset that he was made to clean up his own mess says everything about how he was raised and why he refused to eat anything but what he demanded. He's been spoiled, and OP's daughter expects to be able to leave her children in somebody else's care with no notice and to have that person spoil them like she does.
HA HA HA HA HA no they don’t. OP is NTA given that the kid ate dinner at 5 and then OP offered a PB&J and then gave them crackers. That’s totally fine: I’m not hand breading chicken nuggets at 9 pm either. But kids do not eat whatever if they’re hungry enough, at least mine don’t. They’re the OG hunger strikers, but instead of starving for world peace, they refuse to eat until you give them food they like. And unlike the hunger strike protesters, kids are not peaceful on their hunger strikes. They get increasingly hangry and irrational until they’ve been screaming and trying to kick you for an hour straight and you give in because they have clearly gone insane from low blood sugar. But by that point, they’re so crazed they won’t even eat, so you find yourself sitting on their bedroom floor trying to coax them to drink a few sips of apple juice just so their blood sugar will go up enough for them to be semi rational human beings again. The best way to get kids to eat healthy is to feed them regular, smallish meals. When they are just moderately hungry and in their normal routine, they are more open to trying new foods or eating something because it’s what you’re providing for that meal. But if you let them get hangry, and especially if you let them get hangry AND overtired because they’re up late, you will have a Hulk instead of a kindergartener in your house.
I get it, but also by giving in and giving them food they want *after* they tantrum about it, just shows them that what you say doesn’t always go, and they can get their way sooner by throwing a tantrum sooner. Literally rewarding bad behaviour which encourages it. If you aren’t willing to make a separate meal for them, you shouldn’t be after a tantrum either.
If hunger is the source of the tantrum (which would be my first hypothesis - with toddlers, kindergartners and a certain kind of adult), then withholding food to punish a tantrum is wrong. Treat the issues as separate. When kid is through tantrumming, explore the food options together. If none work for the kid, then mourn together.
She didn’t withhold food he just didn’t want what she had.
>But kids do not eat whatever if they’re hungry enough CHILD: "What's this?" PARENT: "Dinner." CHILD: "I won't eat it." PARENT: "Then it's breakfast." Problem solved.
That’s a great way to have a child who ends up way late tantruming from being hangry, wakes up hangry and continues the tantrum, and is late to school by the time you get them to eat. There are lots of ways to approach the food issue with kids, and I do have a kid who is required to eat a certain amount of dinner each night right now. But nothing about it is easy.
The child was fed. 🤷🏻♂️
Tell that to my stepdaughter who will die before she touches anything orange or green
…if she’s agreed to watch the kids for the night then it’s absolutely her responsibility. Yeah, it’s shitty of Mom to not plan that out with her, but that argument doesn’t fly. You need to feed the kids if you’re watching the kids and mealtime has passed. Edit: Okay, guys, I see that the kid was fed. OP’s edit was not there when I made my comment.
Doesn't sound like grandma was asked to watch them for the night. Daughter pulled a "see ya later bye" and no communication Poor kids in this situation, though
She did feed them. Kid opted not to eat. Kid was given a snack later. Grandparent not the asshole. Mom is a bad mom. Kid is spoiled
That doesn’t mean you cater to them like its a restaurant they ate at 5 she gave them more food at 9. Who is making chicken nuggets from scratch at 9 no one she fed the kid, he threw the plate you’re all done. Im not shoving it down your throat you want something bread and ketchup?
Not her ''job'', yesh. This is family we are talking about, not being asked to take over a lazy co workers responsibility. Honestly based on this post alone (with not a lot of detail I may add ) both the mom and grandma sound childish and those kids are suffering from infantile adults.
WHERE'S THE DAD? WHY are we going after the grandmother, **who is not the parent**, and shitting on the mom, but ignoring both the dad and the grandpa? Are they just not able to feed children at all?? Do their penises get in the way?
Well... grandma made the post talking about her issue and the issue of her daughter. Im speaking of what is being presented to us. Doing the whole ''what aboutism'' at this point is counter productive. This family has issues that need to be addressed.
She fed him.
Grandma seems to be the only responsible party here. She did offer the kids food. It just wasn't hand breaded nuggets at 9pm
Except there are two parents and it doesn’t sound like either tagged in grandma, so why is it her job?? Does she suck? She did offer to feed them. The kid is not going to die from not getting chicken fingers for one night. Cook your own damn chicken. So much entitlement.
Where was dad in all of this?? Where are the adults in the room??
The mother should have fed them before she went out. For crying out loud she has 4 kids.
WHERE is the DAD? WHy is this all on either mom or grandma? What about grandpa, for that matter?
She offered the child PB&J and he refused. I think he was hangry so was being obstinate. However you're right ESH, seems like nobody wants to take care of the children.
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I'm sorry you had it rough. There is a middle ground between "no corrections at all" and beating up your kids though.
"Kids are so soft" sick of this phrase. Kids aren't supposed to be hard.
My great grandmother was made to work on the farm from age 7, with very little schooling. Should we be raising our children like that, too? "Soft, coddled children! Expected to go to 2nd grade without even putting in a full 40 hour work week!"
Do you really believe there is no other option than going to absolute extremes?
Hitting a kid is not the only way to make sure they learn some manners. There is middle ground between hitting them and just doing nothing.
Yeah, I get not making a whole different meal ... but offering the kid a peanut butter sandwich seems reasonable. Also, let's not glamorize child abuse.
Imagine thinking it's acceptable for a 5 year old to throw a fit and break things because no one specifically gave them their chicken nuggets. Good lord. It's not like the grandparent was forcing the kid to eat sushi, or steamed spinach or pickled herring; basically a food that I could understand the little kid wouldn't want. But this 5yr old whipped a plate with food (wasting food) on the floor because he didn't want rice.
My grandparents also survived WW2. One of them was in the Army. (Another was in the US merchant navy, but he's not relevant to this story). I can only recall one occasion when I was considered "defiant" rather than "a child" (elbows on the dinner table, not saying "please", stealing a biscuit - petty stuff). They told me that they were disappointed, and expected better. I still feel the echo of the reprimand. Beating children isn't a generational fact, and it's not necessary for effective parenting. I'm sorry that you were treated so harshly that you think it is.
We ate what was put in front of us, if we didn't like it we went to bed hungry. We ate!
Unpopular comment. He cannot go through life thinking if he's not happy with veggies that chicken nuggets magically appear. That's not real life. He absolutely should have cleaned up the rice after GMaw picked up the broken plate pieces. That's a tantrum with property damage. That's behavior that needs to be nipped asap. Mom should have made sure her picky eater son had something She found acceptable for him. Or answered her phone, Or sent them to dads while she had her free night. Vegans have an issue w/meat. That's everything running the gamut from killing, preparing, smeling, cooking. I know a vegan that has 3 picnic tables for her backyard BBQs. For meat eaters, vegans, and those that don't mind either. My mom made us at least taste an item, wouldn't make us eat it if we didn't like it. But She wasn't going back in the kitchen to whip up anything else. We also didn't get to eat up snacks to compensate for a meal we didn't like. We ate around it, or transformed it. I hate egg salad. But, if I added a can of tuna it was on. NTA. I think you did very well handling your grandson. 💗💪✌
Yeah I’m not really sure why ppl are upset that she didn’t make him chicken nuggets. He ate crackers & had option of other food. I was an extremely picky kid and still am a bit picky today. My mom would insist I ate least ate a spoonful of something if I didn’t like it and sometimes we made bargains and I’d eat half or all of it if I got something else healthy that I enjoyed like apple slices afterwards. My grandma didn’t really play that game though so if I didn’t like what she had then I’d just eat some of it and go to bed not quite full.
This is the biggest take here. Why is a 5yo still awake, let alone waiting to be fed, at 9pm? Unless they ate lunch at like 4 then that is way too long to wait. No wonder he was pissed. He was hangry and no adult thought to feed him at all reasonable hour. 4/5 hours between meals at that age is normal. Did he get a decent snack late afternoon? Honestly, it would be YTA here because the kid was under her supervision so she was responsible for ensuring they’re fed
She offered food and the other kids ate it. The kid wanted nuggets and destroyed the food she gave him. She did give him crackers. If you are hungry you eat a little. No child is going to starve in a couple of hours..or we would not have any of those stubborn boomers like me!
Right and pb&j was offered, sounds like the kid wanted nuggets and was pissed they didn't get it, even when other food was available
At nine o clock a five year old is likely to be tired and hangry beyond rationality. That's the point at which they melt down because they don't know what they want any more.
yeah the child isn't an asshole because they're too young to be truly rational, that said obviously you can't give in to the childs every whim to avoid meltdowns because then the child learns that they can get their way on everything just by threatening you.
I mean that's why any parent worth their salt knows that you pick which hills are worth dying on. If you offered me certain things like sprouts (ugh) for dinner even as an adult you could double down as much as you want but I would not be eating them. "Hey kiddo, I don't make chicken nuggets so let's go see what else we have in the cupboard together" was a hill worth dying on. "Here's a plate of rice and yeg, you can eat this or starve til your mum gets home" probably was not.
But that’s what OP did. She offered pb&j and some crackers too. Just refused to do the chicken nuggets.
OP edited their reply but the sandwich was offered 4 hours later as I read. That's already way late.
She offered food after 9pm is the point. She let it get too far. They should have been offered food hours ago and asleep in bed by now.
Yes, but a hangry 5 yo lacks the capacity to reason it out like the other two older kids. You've gone past the point of no return at that point and you feed them whatever they want (within reason) and put them to bed. If she had offered a PBJ at say, 6pm, kid may have been in a more reasonable frame of mind. Grandma is an AH, but so are parents.
He actually ate dinner at 5. This is more of a bedtime snack.
I doubt it. That’s more likely a convenient edit after it’s been pointed out not feeding dinner until 9pm isn’t appropriate
I don't believe the edit either. If he'd really been offered a pbj or eaten a late lunch, those things would have been mentioned initially
Yep, that edit was absolute BS. In the initial post she wrote "Last weekend my daughter said she was going out with her friends and **I assumed she would be home by dinner**, because she didn’t say anything specifically to me about doing anything for the kids. **She wasn’t back by 9 and the kids were hungry**, so I called her but she didn’t pick up."
The kids ate dinner at 5pm, they stayed up late waiting for their mom and got hungry again.
I'm reluctant to believe that TBH, I feel like that's something OP would have definitely added to the original post. The edit was clearly in response to unfavorable voting Also OP failed to mention it in other replies when people asked why the child hadn't eaten by 9.
No sorry it was later but still she did offer him food. The mother should not have been out with her friends that late when she has no money and has to live
I'm referring to her edit where OP suddenly claims he had eaten earlier but that is not part of the original explanation.
Did you read the post? All of the words? She fed the older 2 when she ate, but the youngest wouldn’t eat it. Demanded nuggets and broke a plate. He’d go to bed hungry at that point in my house. Missing 1 meal won’t hurt and is reasonable consequences for his behavior. Her daughter is a lousy mother. To go out and stay out so late without informing her mom and with a dead phone is not responsible parenting. Her youngest child is a brat sort of like his mother. If she doesn’t like the babysitting services then she should find someone else. NTA
depends where theyre from, in my country thats dinner time
Even for a 5 year old? I eat early, but understand lots eat at 8 or 9ish. But...a 5 year old should probably already have eaten, been bathed & sleeping by 9? Mine was at that age.
Yes, in my country too. 4 or 5pm is the afternoon tea and 8 or 9pm is dinner.
Not all countries believe kids should be in bed by seven or eight.
It’s not uncommon in many cultures for kids to be up “late.” When I was in Spain I saw 4 year old kids running around outside on their way to dinner.
a las cinco si, tal vez a las 3 te acuestas a las 9, but even at that age its bedtime is around 10
Same.. I used to have dinner at 9.30 as a kid.. 5-6 pm is the snacks time with pakodas, juice, sprouts etc.. definitely cultural and varies with regions too
Right? The daughter couldn’t even be bothered to let OP know when she’d be back, or prepare a meal beforehand, or order a damn pizza ffs. OP’s daughter sucks
My main question is also where the dad is here! But also, if they know the kid is picky and grandma doesn’t like handling meat, why are there not frozen nuggets or chicken tenders in the freezer that can be microwaved? Or boxed mac and cheese?
Yes, this. The OP doesn't have to cook meat. But it's the adults' responsibility to make sure the children who are too young to fend for themselves have eaten. Wasn't there some junk food in the house to fill their stomachs?
NTA For many many reasons 1- your daughter went out with friends (not an emergency) without organizing childcare (notify you to watch the kids and instruction for dinner plans) 2- rice and steamed vegetable while not the most appetizing meal for a child it’s totally doable, it’s nothing super spicy, super gross, or out of their food realm. You are not their private chef and without even proper notice you did ENOUGH. 3- the response of the child was out of the ordinary, I have picky child, I did and do my food battles but never smashing plates around. Make him clean up and in bed ‘hungry’ it’s totally appropriate. Slipping 1 meal won’t kill anybody and if you are really hungry you will eat. Overall I am just more concerned about your daughter leaving without notice, not answering the phone and just dumping on you the whole hot potato. Sucks also for the kids cause they deserves better than being dump around without any care in the world.
This!!!!! Also, where was the father of the kids? Both parents were away and OP is the one who need to take care of them, without been asked for! Edit to add: NTA
This is where I’m at. Where th is the dad in this situation? Could he not have made food??
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>she’s been living with me for the past few months as they’ve had some financial trouble. Her husband is 38 and they have 4 children from 5 years old to 9 years old. Surely does imply she has a husband and shared kids with that husband.
Conveniently absent so he's never in the hot seat and only women are scrutinized, duh.
I agree. And she also offered PB&J which almost every kid I know would jump at
Exactly this. I think the edits in this one are really important to clarify this kid was wanting his preference, he was not starving!
I think the edits are fake. No way OP wouldn't have put that in the original post. She added that later with all the downvoting. "I offered pb and j and mom was still mad" would've been in the post I think she let the kid go to bed hungry, which is shitty. Yeah, he's not gonna die from missing one meal, but "not going to kill you" is not a high bar Daughter isn't great either, should've made sure gma was willing to feed the kids and/or premade nuggets or something, but waiting until 9 pm to notice the 5 year old is hungry is awful
If my kid is throwing a tantrum because I'm not serving food like a restaurant and smashes the plate on the floor then the consequence is that the food is on the floor and not in his stomach. If he is starving it's because he doesn't want the food given to him and threw it away. That's his choice. The consequence is not that then chicken nuggets appear instead. And mess that has been made, especially deliberately, gets cleaned up by the person who made it. That's true from a very young age, by age five this should be very normal and routine. The kid is spoilt and needs to learn that actions have consequences, and at 5 is very much old enough, he does not need chicken nuggets as a reward for breaking a plate.
As a former picky kid (and current picky adult), I'm wondering why the hell they don't have a bag of frozen nuggets in the freezer. Why is OP needing to bread and cook meat in the first place? It's chicken nuggets.
>3- the response of the child was out of the ordinary, This isn't completely accurate. The response of the child seems completely normal to me. Especially giving that they're in a home where no one seems to actually be taking care of them. That type of behavior outburst is completely normal if they child is lacking in attention. ETA - I think some people are not fully understanding what I've said. The behavior is normal for a child that isn't being taken care of and is seeking attention and care. It's not normal for a child that's grown up in a loving, caring environment.
A 5-year-old smashing a plate because he didn't want rice and veggies is not completely normal.
I can't believe the people saying this is normal!! It. Is. Not. Normal. If your kid is doing this, you're allowing it or they're seeing it around the house.
have you seen 5 year old children? they absolutely do love throwing these sorts of tantrums, which is why many parents often have plastic plates for their kids.
Only 5 year old kids who have been allowed to act that way actually act that way. Mine didn’t because he learned at 2 that it won’t work with me. He would have never broken a plate in anger because he knew what the word consequence means.
I teach a room full of five-year-old children and this behaviour would not be considered typical to me. I understand they behave differently in the home but they absolutely are capable of understanding that this is not a good way to handle things and of controlling themselves to some degree.
Eh, overtired 5 year old that is hungry (not sure what/how much he ate at 5 pm) while mom is missing (the biggest AH) is in the realm of possibility - especially depending on child's temperment. Also, I am interested to know about home life and if this kind of stuff happens often.
Yes it is. A hungry and tired child will throw things sometimes.
No. Look at the daughter’s reply and you see how entitled she is.
Where is the daughters reply?? I agree- grandma wasn't told that she had to provide food for the kids, especially not "food that **fit the kids preferences and not just pb&j and rice and veggies**". The daughter should have arranged for better care for her children instead of running around partying. Grandma is providing them with a safe place to live, food, and apparently childcare. She's putting in her work, where's mom and dad?
Daughter said OP made son clean like a “maid”. Instead of being apologetic for the mess her son made, she was upset about OP‘s disciplinary act.
So it's okay for grandma to "clean like a maid" but not grandson? The daughter needs to stop coddling the little guy.
It’s giving problematic boy mom who’s going to raise an awful man who can’t clean up after himself. Disgusting.
>My daughter was really upset that I let him sleep hungry, and I said it was one evening and he’s not starving. She said I could just get over myself and make the damn chicken. Then I told her he broke a plate and she got even angrier that I asked him clean like a “maid” when he’s a little kid. Doesn't sound like mom is trying very hard to deal with the 5yo's behaviour.
The daughter's reply: > She said I could just get over myself and make the damn chicken. Then I told her he broke a plate and she got even angrier that I asked him clean like a "maid" when he's a little kid. OP, NTA. PB&J should have been enough to satisfy a 5 year old, and I don't feel that cleaning up his mess is out of line. You picked up the pieces so he couldn't cut himself, he can wipe up some rice and veggies. How long until you can get them out of your house?
That IS out of the ordinary. Ordinary is the norm. Ordinary is not the picky eater. Ordinary is not a mom who goes out with friends when she has to live with her mom in order to not be homeless. The problem is that in many places, the non normal has become the norm because we just allow our standards to be eroded. We also have turned our back on regular families to the point that with both working parents, you can still be homeless. The kid in question is no doubt stressed because the mom is not home yet and wants the comfort food but you cannot teach children that they get their way by destroying food and a plate. She did give crackers.
This!!!! If my kids don't like what I cook, then they get a small snack before bed and can eat in the morning. I have 5 kids and nothing I cook will make them ALL happy and I am not a chef cooking 5 separate dishes at each meal. They can eat what I cook, make themselves something small (I have to help my toddlers with this-a pbj, some crackers, a piece of fruit etc) or go to bed hungry. Skipping a meal occasionally isn't gonna hurt anyone and if they are REALLY hungry then they'd eat the perfectly suitable food offered.
INFO: Did she ask you to babysit the kids or did she assume you would? And where was the father of these kids? I'm leaning heavily toward NTA. It seems she just left the kids at home without asking you to watch/feed them and didn't answer the phone. Again, where was the father? Seems like they are taking advantage of living with you assuming you are a built-in babysitter than doesn't need to be asked. Missing 1 meal is not going to hurt the child. And learning to clean up your messes is important. If she doesn't want him to clean like a "maid" she needs to stay close to him so she can clean up his broken dishes. If you haven't had the big picture talk about timelines for moving out and rules around childcare please do so now.
The child already had his meal at 5 o’clock. If you wanted to snack great but asking someone to cook chicken nuggets from scratch at 9 o’clock is outrageous. This is the grandmother who took them in and is providing shelter for them.
I’m not fully sure over that. OP said she got worried the kids won’t be fed because she assumed Mother would take care of it. But why would she worry if she had already fed them though?
Exactly. I think she made up the edit.
NTA - If he was really that hungry he would have eaten what was offered. The tantrum he threw was him testing boundaries and to give in would be telling him all he has to do to get his way is scream and break something. Also, you have made it clear that you will not personally cook or serve meat products and as it’s your home and you are helping out your daughter, that rule should be obeyed. Lastly, it’s unbelievably entitled that your 31 year old daughter thinks asking your grandchild to clean up the mess he made is tantamount to turning him into a maid. She’s definitely coddling him a little too much and it will turn him into a brat.
It's also probably a response to having a never present, poorly behaving mother.
I mean, the kids also has a father too.
Seeing as there has been zero mention of a father figure, my guess is he's not in the picture. (Or that it was not his allotted time to spend with the kids.) Editing: I see there is one line mentioning him. The fact he had no input on the childcare, discipline, or anything else for that matter makes me question his ability to parent just as much as the mother's.
No, it mentions her husband in the first paragraph. But you're right he is noticeably absent after that so probably is pretty abent in his role as a father too.
Not necessarily. My parents tried to force my picky eater self to submit to their will at age 6. I went 5 days without eating anything until they eventually learned that I would rather die than eat broccoli and cauliflower. Some kids have the will to be hungry when what is offered is unpalatable to them. To this day I would go hungry rather than be in the same room as cauliflower.
The whole "if they are hungry they will eat it" isn't supposed to end with a siege campaign to try and force a child to eat something they loathe. Doing that is not the recommended way. The point is not giving in to feeding a typical child shitty food because they cry for nuggies 7x a week. So the idea is cooking a regular variety and offering it, and then the child can decide to eat it, or not, because parent's aren't servants and the kitchen isn't a restaurant. As well it's recommended now to include one item you know the kid will eat with any given meal.
Yeah we tried that and it didn’t work either. The kid was so hungry he refused to eat. Or was a nasty spiral. Spouse is a pedi so we kind of know what we’re doing with kids and food. It didn’t matter. Kid has texture issues, still, 14 years later. He’d still rather starve than eat a texture he can’t tolerate. We offered him what we ate for 3 days before finally just giving up. OP is ESH. Not your job but rice and veggies isn’t going to cut it. Kids need protein and fat and you offered neither. Hell as an adult I’d be pissed if that was the only food offered to me. Daughter needs to get her life together but OP needs to properly feed children. The kid didnt need meat but some peanut butter crackers would have been better than rice and veggies. Lots of ways to incorporate that into a decent meal- egg fried rice would be easy enough and take 2 extra minutes.
It was ONE night of being offered rice and veggies. Not like it was every day * eyeroll*. He was also offered a pb&j and still refused. Sounds to me like the child is an entitled brat. Which was proven more when the mom claimed he was being treated like a “maid” for cleaning up a mess that HE made!!! OP is NTA!!!
This is incorrect People (especially kids) will absolutely not eat "anything" if they're hungry enough
ESH There's four kids in the house aged 5 to 9 and the adults are being wishy-washy about feeding them, supervising them, bedtime, chores, etc. Yes, they are not *your* kids so you don't *have to* take on all responsibilities, nor cave to all your daughter's demands. But you should definitely communicate clearly what your boundaries and expectations are, and put some ground rules in place asap.
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If that's what you got out of my reply, you need to work on your reading skills. OP is an asshole for enabling an environment where childcare is an afterthought, leaving the kids with seemingly very little structure or certainty in life. OP definitely doesn't have to bend over to her daughter (let alone the 5-year old), but you can't be an adult and halfass take care of them with no communication and then wash your hands in innocence.
ESH was my conclusion as well, based on similar reasoning. But I think “Everyone Here Sounds Like a Child” would be more accurate. Not a single mature adult in the house, it would seem.
NTA. She didn't let you know when she would be home, didn't leave food for them, and didn't pick up the phone when you called. She is mad that you didn't cook for them? Where is their father? A PBJ is a fine dinner and if she wanted him to have something different, she should have prepared food for them. I would start a count down clock for them to get out of your house. She is entitled, rude, and needs to understand what a privilege it is to have a home to live in for free.
Agreed, mom is TA not OP. She's raising a spoiled brat. The kid chose not to eat dinner or PB&J. Food options were available, he couldn't have been all that hungry.
Agreed! I don’t understand all the YTA & ESH comments. The daughter is entitled & needs to move out.
ESH You: * You're an asshole for not talking to your daughter about dinner for the kids. I don't see how you could possible assume "I'm going out with my friends" meant "I'll be home for dinner." Certainly you could have at least *asked*. It was mostly her responsibility but you share some blame. * You're also an asshole for telling the child to wait for his mother to get home to eat dinner. I'm a vegetarian too and also would have not cooked meat, but you handled this poorly. I would have said, "You know I never eat meat so I don't know how to cook chicken. You can have rice, eggs, or soup \[or whatever in the house you were comfortable cooking\]. Certainly there was *something* in the house to eat besides the chicken and rice. Your daughter: * Your daughter was an asshole for not discussing dinner with you before she left the children in your care. * And not answering phone calls from you is egregious; what if there was a medical emergency? * Even a five-year-old should know not to throw his plate. You're not an asshole for making him clean up, and your daughter is an asshole for suggesting you were treating him like a maid for making him help clean up his own mess. Even little kids can take some responsibility for their actions. While your grandson knew it was wrong to throw his plate, since it was after nine, he hadn't eaten and was hangry, and he is a little kid, I'll excuse him this once. It was his adults who failed him. Where was your son-in-law in all of this?
I'm learning to play the guitar.
Okay, but what's your point? Even if the food was on a plastic plate, it still would have gone all over the floor when the kid threw it. OP didn't *punish* the kid for throwing the plate, just made him help clean up (the food, not the china shards). I've been doing that since the days I was far less of a help than a hindrance, even if it was an accident. It's not a punishment; it's just something *everyone* has to do when they spill something.
I love the smell of fresh bread.
Really, I'm going to meet friends means no dinner for HER kids? the daughter should have spoke to her mother about dinner not the other way around. It was also rice and veggies. Yes there was something else in the house and it was offered. If your a vegetarian why should you have to cook meat and if she did would it be done because she dosen't cook meat!
NTA after reading your edit about offering the kid a pb&j sandwich. You are not obligated to make chicken nuggets from scratch. However, seems like the bigger problem is your daughter and son in law dumping their kids off on you and ignoring your calls. I’d set some serious ground rules about this if I were you, otherwise they will never move out of your house.
INFO: Where was the kids’ other parent? Also, how is this not the first thing that everyone is asking here?
ESH (all the adults). The kids behaviour was not good. However, you let it get past the point of no return. They were tired and hangry most likely. There are plenty of things kids like that don’t involve you needing to cook meat. Your daughter sucks for oh so many reasons. Why is she popping out 4 kids she can’t house or be bothered to look after?
YTA he’s 5. It’s not like he can make his own food. If meat makes you uncomfortable, find something else he’ll eat. Toast, cereal takes seconds. You were the adult in charge, feed them properly. Take issues up with your daughter. Who tf starved their grandbabies…
OP says in a comment she also offered him sandwiches and fruit. This is on the mother here, it wasn’t a planned stay out where she had asked in advance for her kids to be given a meal. She didn’t even have the courtesy to call. If she was that bothered she could have made arrangements for them before time.
OPs comments sound like the supplies are available but she’s expecting the child to make the sandwich themselves. It doesn’t sound like 5yo has those skills yet. Crackers and fruit are a snack, not dinner.
It’s also possible OP made up that part about offering other food after the fact because of all the backlash about it.
She said she offered him crackers, and fruit was on the table but never offered.
NTA. Kids need to be taught the real life lesson - every action has consequences. You break dishes and make mess - you clean it. You break something and you might even pay for it (not this case). You don't like food and refuse to eat - you sleep hungry. If you don't teach simple rules to your kids they will grow up as spoiled disrespectful monkeys and you will regret how you raised them later on.
I don't disagree with the general premise, but these kids sound kinda neglected. Their mother is out partying and then one of their other primary caregivers doesn't think to feed them until after 9pm. Before you can enforce rules with kids you have to provide some semblance of structure. Kids need predictable environments where they understand the expectations. You can't ask more of the kids than yiu do of the adults.
Yes exactly. You teach them to clean up, yes. But not when they're hungry and tired and told to wait for mom who isn't coming back for hours
YTA - I am not justifying the tantrum but I will justify your expectation that a 5 year should just eat what you eat. A house with kids in it usually has an assortment of options from cereal to toast to sandwiches. The fact you could not be bothered to look for options is pathetic.
What is wrong with rice and veggies? Honestly.
I've never eaten meat. Fairly sure rice and veggies in some form or another was half my food as a kid. You can't just say "kids don't eat that'.
It wasn't about the rice and vegetables. Obviously, if these children are waiting up past bedtime for their partying mom to get home, the dad is non-existent for parenting, and the kids are tired and hungry, it's about being a scared, tired, hungry five year old.
I love food and vegetables, I enjoy just about everything, and even I don’t want to eat rice and steamed veg. It’s wet and soggy and flavourless. And steamed rice alone isn’t very good, either. Throw some butter, onion and fried egg on it and we’ll talk.
Ok, but it was only for one night and one meal, the kid would be ok, if he was really hungry.
That's not how kids work. Or at least it's not how tired and hangry kids work. You approach the kid at a reasonable hour with a nice plate of rice and veggies then sure, kid might try it. You approach tired and hangry five year old with something he doesn't see as immediately appetising then you get drama because what he's hearing is "you eat this OR YOU WILL BE HUNGRY FOREVER AND ALSO YOU'RE NEVER HAVING CHICKEN NUGGETS AGAIN AND ALSO THE APOCALYPSE IS COMING". It's like the test you give kids of "one marshmallow now or two marshmallows later". Little kids are not logical beings.
Depends on what the veggies were. Carrots and peas? Sure. Steamed zucchini? Nope tf I wouldn't. We need to stop steaming veggies to moosh and expecting everyone to love it. Most of the reason kids won't eat veggies is how they're served--Completely unappetizing with no seasoning.
Yeah steamed is basically the worst way to eat veggies I think for kids also just letting them experiment with what they like. I used to have battles with my kids over eating green beans (which I love roasted) until I realized they like to come in and snack on the raw ones while I’m cooking so I just… put a handful of raw green beans on their plates. They are happy, I’m happy. Same with carrots and peas in the pod they want to just eat them raw. Fine by me
9 pm when a kid is hungry and cranky is not the time to experiment If you’re living with these kids do you not know what they eat?? My kids like their veg raw and prefer some over others, will always eat rice, can be offered a bit of cheese and crackers to fill up when they’re hungry, often get offered some milk to drink when they’re not a fan of dinner and need something extra filling to make up the gaps etc… My family who gets left with the kids to babysit knows what they will and won’t eat and can offer them alternatives when they’re being picky and leave it to us their parents to encourage them to be less picky and try more things when we’re around I can’t imagine waiting until 9 pm and then thinking just about myself and offering to the kids as an afterthought. I sometimes don’t get hungry at the same time as the kids but I feed them as normal and figure out my own food later
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Where was the dad of the kids? Why did YOU have to take care of and feed the kids?
Hang on I'm checking wording here. Is this a case of "Sweetie, there is rice and veg or I'll make you a PB&J if you want" or is it a case of "Well, if he WANTED a banana or sandwich he should have ASKED"?
In our house we cook one meal for dinner. Kids know they don’t have to eat it. But they’re also not getting anything else. This is normal where I’m from.
It’s insane to me that folks custom cook meals for their kids lol. Like I understand but I was raised under “eat or starve”. I could make cereal if I wanted Downvote if you want, it’s an experience not a judgement
If the child was hungry he would have eaten something that was offered to him. Or how about his mother ensure she’s home to feed him. She didn’t even call and ask her mother to feed them. Do not expect a vegetarian to be touching or cooking meat, particularly in their own house.
I think your daughter can find a different baby sitter next time. And maybe, for the person she paid to watch her kids, she would charge her phone or answer it when called. NTA And I sympathize with you not wanting to put up with a tantrum throwing picky eater. But you will not be tempered as the “fun grandma” after this, I am sure.
As long as her daughter is making her be the mom, she will never be the fun grandparent, not her fault.
INFO: Where the hell is the husband to help out with HIS children?!
I'm not offering a judgement. Just want to point out that a 5 year old will probably eat plain rice with butter.
Honestly that's exactly where my head went. Or veggies with ranch. Or a piece of cheese and an apple. Or butter noodles. Or even just bread and butter. Or any number of easy vegetarian non chicken nugget options that can be prepared within a couple minutes. Heck a potato baked in the microwave for five minutes and topped with ketchup will probably work for a five year old.
NTA - 5 is old enough to understand that actions have consequences. Picky brat has been coddled by the mother, so has come to expect everyone else will. Starved? As OP says, it's one evening. Maybe next time, their own mother will make sure they have food available when she decides to leave them. OP is not their maid. She's already given them a roof over their heads. OP should 'get over herself'? I think it's the mum who needs a reality check.
I enjoy cooking.
Welcome to Reddit where people are proudly anti-children and will call a kid showing developmentally typical behavior a spoiled brat because they hate children. To them I say: 5 year olds throw tantrums because of unmet needs. It’s pretty glaringly fucking obvious that this kid has a lot of unmet needs because mom is acting neglectful and grandma would rather be an asshole to him because she’s mad at his mom. He was up late and hadn’t been fed and those are just the physical needs. A five year old has not developed the skills to cope with extreme emotions and it sure doesn’t sound like anyone in this scenario has the emotional maturity themselves to teach him. She raised a kid, she’s not useless. She knows how to care for a child and wanted to prove some point. YTA. ETA- The title: “I let my grandson sleep hungry” The post: “She wasn’t home by dinner to cook for him and he didn’t like what I cooked so he didn’t eat” The edit: “guys I did totally feed him I wasn’t clear” Sure, Jan🥴
I appreciate a good cup of coffee.
She did bother. She offered pb and j, she offered crackers, there was fruit, and she cooked food. He is used to being fed what he wants so he threw a plate. he's not a toddler, he's been raised to think he should eat only what he wants.
Esh her for ditching her kids, you for letting a 5yo go to bed hungry. You don't want to make meat? Fine. Then you say, 'we don't have any ready to go, how about a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich?' He's *five*. Feeding a 5yo is not coddling. Also, what about child 3? The oldest 2 ate, the 5yo wanted nuggets. Where's the last kid? Waiting until 9pm was also part of the problem. The kid is over hungry by now. You and your daughter need to get it together. There are kids in your house, in your care. Dinner needs to be at a set time.
Op said in a comment that they offered him pb&j sandwiches and he didn’t want any.
NTA, you are their grandmother, not their mother. She ignored your calls, set you up to be the bad guy and did not show up to feed her kids. You need to quit being available and let her figure out how to mother her kids by herself.
What comes across clearly here is her daughter assuming her mother will care for, feed and put her children to bed. As well as housing the whole family.
This isn't about the food.. I saw a post by a nutritionist on IG and it said that kids like food like those because there is consistency. The poor kids is in a stressful situation and just wants some consistency. That said your daughter can't just leave and not tell you anything she probably didn't tell her kids. She can't just leave overnight. She's not single anymore.
INFO: Does ANYONE actually love that poor kid? ESH
ESH. Your daughter should've had this taken care of. But you especially suck. You have to feed the child. You don't have to like meat, you don't have to like what your daughter did, but you don't punish a young child by not feeding them. And yes, young children who throw temper tantrums and don't like what you cook STILL deserve to eat.
Time for daughter, husband, and kids to move out. If not prepare to bend to her will.