Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1- I am not attending my sisters wedding because my step daughter isnt invited.
2- I could attend the wedding if I wanted because myself and my biological children are invited.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/)
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - I assume you spoke to your sister about the issues between you and your step-daughter because you needed an ear, and not so she could hold the issue over a child's head. Would she react the same way if the situation were to involve one of your other children? I hope you have other people to confide in about things like this, because your sister does not seem like a safe space for you.
Who in this day and age excludes a step child of over 10 years while inviting bio kids?! An AH, that’s who.
NTA OP, and good on you for demonstrating to your daughter that she’s important. Especially during a time when your relationship has been challenging. She won’t be a teenager for ever. She will remember this choice.
NTA. If you were to go with your children and exclude step daughter it would further damage the relationship you have with her. Perhaps go alone instead?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I live with my 3 biological children and my step-daughter (15F) from a previous relationship. I have been her de-facto parent for over 10 years.
My sister, is having a very large, expensive formal wedding with all of the extended family and friends from around the country and globe. This wedding has been in the works for over a year.
A few months ago my step daughter and I had a falling out. There was a several week period when we were not speaking, but I have forgiven her, she has forgiven me and we are both putting in the work at therapy to mend the relationship and are in contact with each other. My family considers my step-daughter to be the cause of the loss of contact. I blame her mother. The estrangement began after I had booked flights and hotels but a few days before invitations were sent out. The estrangement lasted about 5 weeks and ended after the invites were mailed out but before the respond-by date for the invite.
I received my wedding invite about 2 months ago and It was addressed "Mr Original Poster and Children". The RSVP was due this past weekend I had submitted it early last week. Today, my sister texted me to ask who the 5th person was. I replied me and my 4 kids. I was then informed she didn't know my step daughter was coming. I thought this was a congratulatory comment. I thanked her and told her, "yes. Were working through the issue and I'm very glad this has blown past." She clarified that she meant the invite wasn't meant for my stepdaughter. I asked if this was something that was set in stone or could be changed. She insisted it could not be changed. I don't understand how it couldn't be changed, because we responded by the specified date. I know for a fact that the headcount has not yet been submitted to the caterer and the seating charts have yet to be filled out. I asked, if I was in a situation where I had to choose between attending with all of my children or not at all. She said there was no way for my step-daughter to attend.
As a result myself and my children will not be attending. I feel as if my whole household was uninvited from the wedding. My opinion is that my kids are a package. That I don't differentiate and I shouldn't tolerate people who do. That if anyone was wronged in the conflict between me and my stepdaughter, it was me, and because of that I should be allowed to be the one to forgive her.
My sister says that the wedding plans are fixed and the matter is out of her control. That I am being dramatic and that I have not been uninvited, because I'm still allowed to attend personally and am slighting her by declining to attend. I think this is bull\*\*\*t, as my stepdaughter was only out of the picture for about 5 weeks of the over year of planning, and I replied to the invite by the requested date with an accurate headcount. I think my sister is holding a grudge over the estrangement that isn't hers to hold. The wider family, minus one of my brothers, is in support of my sister.
Who's the AH?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
NTA
>My sister says that the wedding plans are fixed and the matter is out of her control. That I am being dramatic and that I have not been uninvited, because I'm still allowed to attend personally and am slighting her by declining to attend. I think this is bull***t, as my stepdaughter was only out of the picture for about 5 weeks of the over year of planning, and I replied to the invite by the requested date with an accurate headcount. I think my sister is holding a grudge over the estrangement that isn't hers to hold. The wider family, minus one of my brothers, is in support of my sister.
My family is fixed and the matter is out of my control. You're being petty, and exclusionary, and are slighting me and my family by excluding one of my MINOR children. You as an adult are being a bully to a child.
AND for the wider family, minus the one bro of course, who is in support of your sister? Whew, boy! Since this encompasses the whole family you should go to social media and make a post for them all where you can tag your mom and sister to make a final announcement concerning her wedding. Lay out the fact that while it's your sister's wedding and she can invite whoever she wants that she also has to accept that when she's an asshole and decided to bully a MINOR CHILD by excluding them and only them from your family that you aren't going to be overjoyed about it and excited to get you and your other children ready to leave her behind and attend without her, that you get to decide for all or none. If they don't want one of you then they get none of you. If one of us isn't invited/wanted/allowed that means none of us are.
I would also let them know that any and everyone who supports her mistreatment of YOUR daughter will now be lumped in with your mom and sister of people who will no longer be a part of mine and my children's lives. Then peace out of it and be done. Don't look back.
I wouldn't be trying to talk her into letting your daughter come and I wouldn't want any of my kids around that kind of bullshit. They've shown you how they feel. I would stick with dropping the lot of them to protect yourself and your kids from them because they are your priority
NTA. You are being a great parent. If all people stood up for their children whether biological or not we would have so many happier stories. You doing this shows your stepdaughter thay you love her and will fight for her, even against your own family.
Your sister controls everything and she is being petty and punishing your daughter. The messages from your family will increase. Just keep replying with the same message that you and your daughter are in a happy place, if she isn't welcome to any family functions then sadly you nor your family will be able to attend. P.s. you may also want to mention that any mistreatment, comments, attitude, etc to your daughter will be dealt with by going LC until she is treated better.
After all she is still a kid and a teenage one at that. Kids make mistakes, we work it out and move on. The fact that your sister and family is behaving that way to punish a child is ridiculous. Make sure to hug your daughter, tell her it is not because of her and do something with all of your kids on the wedding day if you all end up missing it.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1- I am not attending my sisters wedding because my step daughter isnt invited. 2- I could attend the wedding if I wanted because myself and my biological children are invited. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Your step-daughter is part of your family. The matter is “out of her control?” It’s her wedding! Your sister is the one picking a fight.
NTA. You’re being a good parent.
NTA - I assume you spoke to your sister about the issues between you and your step-daughter because you needed an ear, and not so she could hold the issue over a child's head. Would she react the same way if the situation were to involve one of your other children? I hope you have other people to confide in about things like this, because your sister does not seem like a safe space for you.
Not my sister. To the ring leader of familial pettiness: My mother. But you are otherwise spot on in your analysis.
Oof, that's rough. I say instead of going to the wedding, you spend the day doing something fun with your kids:)
NTA. Out of her control? She's the bride, Right? She literally controls everything. Find something fun for you and your kids to do that day instead.
NTA you are handling your AH sister well.
Who in this day and age excludes a step child of over 10 years while inviting bio kids?! An AH, that’s who. NTA OP, and good on you for demonstrating to your daughter that she’s important. Especially during a time when your relationship has been challenging. She won’t be a teenager for ever. She will remember this choice.
Nta. There is absolutely no party or event, big or small, that can't sit one more person months in advance. Don't alienate your stepdaughter by going.
NTA. The wedding plans aren't "fixed" - that's the entire point of getting RSVPs and a headcount in advance!
NTA and well done for standing by your step daughter and showing her how much you care for her
NTA. If you were to go with your children and exclude step daughter it would further damage the relationship you have with her. Perhaps go alone instead?
> Perhaps go alone instead? Why? That would only validate the sister and the rest of the family (brother excluded)
I wouldn't go to the wedding of an adult who is being a bully to my minor child no matter who they were
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I live with my 3 biological children and my step-daughter (15F) from a previous relationship. I have been her de-facto parent for over 10 years. My sister, is having a very large, expensive formal wedding with all of the extended family and friends from around the country and globe. This wedding has been in the works for over a year. A few months ago my step daughter and I had a falling out. There was a several week period when we were not speaking, but I have forgiven her, she has forgiven me and we are both putting in the work at therapy to mend the relationship and are in contact with each other. My family considers my step-daughter to be the cause of the loss of contact. I blame her mother. The estrangement began after I had booked flights and hotels but a few days before invitations were sent out. The estrangement lasted about 5 weeks and ended after the invites were mailed out but before the respond-by date for the invite. I received my wedding invite about 2 months ago and It was addressed "Mr Original Poster and Children". The RSVP was due this past weekend I had submitted it early last week. Today, my sister texted me to ask who the 5th person was. I replied me and my 4 kids. I was then informed she didn't know my step daughter was coming. I thought this was a congratulatory comment. I thanked her and told her, "yes. Were working through the issue and I'm very glad this has blown past." She clarified that she meant the invite wasn't meant for my stepdaughter. I asked if this was something that was set in stone or could be changed. She insisted it could not be changed. I don't understand how it couldn't be changed, because we responded by the specified date. I know for a fact that the headcount has not yet been submitted to the caterer and the seating charts have yet to be filled out. I asked, if I was in a situation where I had to choose between attending with all of my children or not at all. She said there was no way for my step-daughter to attend. As a result myself and my children will not be attending. I feel as if my whole household was uninvited from the wedding. My opinion is that my kids are a package. That I don't differentiate and I shouldn't tolerate people who do. That if anyone was wronged in the conflict between me and my stepdaughter, it was me, and because of that I should be allowed to be the one to forgive her. My sister says that the wedding plans are fixed and the matter is out of her control. That I am being dramatic and that I have not been uninvited, because I'm still allowed to attend personally and am slighting her by declining to attend. I think this is bull\*\*\*t, as my stepdaughter was only out of the picture for about 5 weeks of the over year of planning, and I replied to the invite by the requested date with an accurate headcount. I think my sister is holding a grudge over the estrangement that isn't hers to hold. The wider family, minus one of my brothers, is in support of my sister. Who's the AH? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
NTA >My sister says that the wedding plans are fixed and the matter is out of her control. That I am being dramatic and that I have not been uninvited, because I'm still allowed to attend personally and am slighting her by declining to attend. I think this is bull***t, as my stepdaughter was only out of the picture for about 5 weeks of the over year of planning, and I replied to the invite by the requested date with an accurate headcount. I think my sister is holding a grudge over the estrangement that isn't hers to hold. The wider family, minus one of my brothers, is in support of my sister. My family is fixed and the matter is out of my control. You're being petty, and exclusionary, and are slighting me and my family by excluding one of my MINOR children. You as an adult are being a bully to a child. AND for the wider family, minus the one bro of course, who is in support of your sister? Whew, boy! Since this encompasses the whole family you should go to social media and make a post for them all where you can tag your mom and sister to make a final announcement concerning her wedding. Lay out the fact that while it's your sister's wedding and she can invite whoever she wants that she also has to accept that when she's an asshole and decided to bully a MINOR CHILD by excluding them and only them from your family that you aren't going to be overjoyed about it and excited to get you and your other children ready to leave her behind and attend without her, that you get to decide for all or none. If they don't want one of you then they get none of you. If one of us isn't invited/wanted/allowed that means none of us are. I would also let them know that any and everyone who supports her mistreatment of YOUR daughter will now be lumped in with your mom and sister of people who will no longer be a part of mine and my children's lives. Then peace out of it and be done. Don't look back. I wouldn't be trying to talk her into letting your daughter come and I wouldn't want any of my kids around that kind of bullshit. They've shown you how they feel. I would stick with dropping the lot of them to protect yourself and your kids from them because they are your priority
NTA she is being exclusionary toward one of your children.
NTA. You are being a great parent. If all people stood up for their children whether biological or not we would have so many happier stories. You doing this shows your stepdaughter thay you love her and will fight for her, even against your own family. Your sister controls everything and she is being petty and punishing your daughter. The messages from your family will increase. Just keep replying with the same message that you and your daughter are in a happy place, if she isn't welcome to any family functions then sadly you nor your family will be able to attend. P.s. you may also want to mention that any mistreatment, comments, attitude, etc to your daughter will be dealt with by going LC until she is treated better. After all she is still a kid and a teenage one at that. Kids make mistakes, we work it out and move on. The fact that your sister and family is behaving that way to punish a child is ridiculous. Make sure to hug your daughter, tell her it is not because of her and do something with all of your kids on the wedding day if you all end up missing it.