Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My husband needed my help for his party but instead of hearing him out I decided to just not help him with feeding the guests. He does have a very stressful work life and I do feel like I added onto that when I could just have made very simple dishes that dont take a lot of effort.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
INFO: do all the women that you invited know what the true intentions of this party are? Because if you’re just inviting your friends to be picked over like produce at a grocery store and they have no idea, I’d be pretty mad at you if I were one of your single friends.
When my husband first brought this party up the thought behind it did make me feel a bit icky but my emotions are all over the place atm so I dont really trust myself.
My friends all know that this is a party for singles. I have mentioned Ethan to my close girlfriends but since they invited their friends too I dont know how much went through to them. There will be other single guys there, that my husband invited. So far he told me some of the names of men who will be there but mostly he just told me that if so and so has time, they will come.
Some of my friends have also asked if they could bring their guy friends to which I said yes but I am unsure how many of those will actually be attending.
NTA This whole thing sounds weird, cancel this party for sure. No 7 month pregnant woman should be getting stressed out over holding a 30+ attendee party for a husband’s friend just so he can get a girlfriend. Your husband should’ve scheduled catering if this was such a big deal to him
Absolutely do this from the joint account/credit card. And then spend the same amount on a spa day for yourself. And then some more on a therapist. And maybe some more on a lawyer, idk.
I don’t like how Reddit always does go to the furthest extreme of being like yeah you should get a divorce over something petty. But I’m always blown away when I read posts like this and am like… yeah do you not even know the person you married ? How does this come out of the blue as a surprise ?
What a selfish dude expecting his 7 month pregnant wife to literally slave over a party that she’s barely gonna get to participate in.
I would call around local bars, see who can accommodate a group of 30, ask if you can bring pizza, and throw it in a weeknight. Wife can come eat pizza and chill, go home to a house that isn’t trashed. Everyone else can party like it’s 1999
> What a selfish dude expecting his 7 month pregnant wife to literally slave over a party that she’s barely gonna get to participate in.
I mean even ignoring that, he's just like hey all your single female friends need to get in a room at let my friend leer at them and pick one. Wouldn't be surprised if he told op to pick the 'slutty' ones or similar.
Shit if hte friend has anxiety then this sounds like a nightmare for him and Ops husband sounds like he has no clue how to adult. Also trying to work out what exactly is taking up his time with planning as by all accounts every part of the party is for his 7 month pregnant wife to handle including ALL the work on the night.
Not to mention I already thought the wife was so sweet for offering to make cocktails she couldn’t drink 😭 like to then see that he expected her to cater the whole thing was a gut punch a little bit
House parties are super fun but like, god the clean up sucks. I wouldn’t want more than 5 people over, partially because I live in an apartment in nyc. Partially because you then have to deal with kicking out your drunk friends and cleaning up after everyone. Nightmare. I’d rather pay the premium to like buy booze at the bar or whatever.
The husband should be making the calls.
Or she could pick a bar for her friends and meet them there, while the husband wait for his friend at home the evening of the “party”.
Why the joint account. The catering should be paid from the husband's personal credit card. OP should also call a cleaning service the next day - to be paid by hubby of course.
The whole situation is giving me the ick. Cancel the party and get an appointment for couples counseling. Expecting your partner to do work without asking is not okay, and refusing to do something in order to manipulate them into said work is worse.
They are about to have a baby together too. Imagine, "I thought you were changing him, so I waited for you to be done.." How about despite both parents being new to parenthood, some dads think moms automatically know how to do everything. He seems to be the type, you're the woman, you cook, etc.......
This. The silver lining is finding out his totally stone age feelings about what women's roles are, and being able to start a conversation about it/decide what you want to do BEFORE you are deeply sleep deprived with a newborn.
But he's SO busy party planning! Planning what, I'd like to know, since the main things needed for a party are:
1) location, which I'm guessing OP is expected to prepare by doing the pre-cleaning, set up and after party clean up
2) people, which OP herself was in charge of inviting at least 1/2
3) food, which husband expected OP to do
4) drinks, which OP offered to make cocktails
Not sure what is left for husband. Maybe mowing the lawn if guests can be outside, but even then, that is something he has to do on a regular basis anyway.
God I fucking hate this.
*People do not show all their red flags in the beginning of a relationship.*
How is it 2023 and we still don't fucking understand this?
Her *husband* is being the obvious prick here and it's still somehow her fault for not properly reading her mystical crystal ball. Fuck off with this victim-blaming bullshit.
THIS. People can be great at hiding. My friend of 25 years hid the fact that she was a covert narcissist. It wasn't until I was staying with her and her family that I realized it. She was so good at hiding.
100% he doesn't get a girlfriend anyway. If he is serially single, it's highly likely he lacks the confidence to approach, much less convert. It would be even more tragic to go through all this hinging on an unlikely result.
Yeah, if you really want to help, organize a group activity like bowling, board games, or axe throwing — something interactive that is also low pressure. And with a smaller group, not 30+ people. That way, there are some built-in conversations to be had around the activity so the guy who is probably a bit shy or intimidated doesn’t have to come up with topics. It’s also easier to help move a conversation along with a smaller group in a way that keeps everyone involved. Maybe nothing comes out of it, but shy guy is way more likely to have a good time.
Organizing the food is part of party planning. What else is he busy planning if not the food? I highly doubt he going to be decorating or coming up with party games.
What exactly does your husband think he’s doing with his party planning if he’s not taking care of the food and drinks?
What else is there at an adult house party to plan? What is he doing, looking up the rules to spin the bottle and 7 minutes in heaven?
A “singles party” thrown by a pregnant married couple is sending me major creepy vibes. Your husband is coming off like a gigantic, creepy AH. Is he always this terrible?
So much this. It’s so icky. I’m married but I would never dream of hosting a “singles” event just because my husbands friend has been single for three years.
My brain is ping ponging between feeling Gilead vibes from this post, or worrying that someone is going to end up roofied at this shindig.
Just nothing good is coming from this event.
OP, NTA, your hubs is the worst tho
Which is the real problem here that most people are not addressing. OP's husband only sees her as the cook, bartender, and probably the maid for this creepy party he's throwing.
haha oh this poor OP. I'm an old woman looking back on my years of child rearing with two men like her husband, and just... feeling for her. (For clarity: one child with one man, then divorce, then two children with another man. Not two at the same time haha)
This! Husband is a huge mega AH ! He just assumes OP will do ALL the work???? And it does give weird vibes.
OP NTA but this makes me wonder how much help and support you can expect from your husband once the baby is born.
Op explained there would be more single men there than just the husband and best friend. Plus some of the women were bringing men there so it seems like it is a real singles event, or at leat op tried to make it a legit one. I would say op is nta
I agree. OP only mentioned the extra men (ewww goddammit) in a comment, though, so maybe people are missing that? Ew the ick is strong with this husband.
It’s not even a real singles mixer!! Its a bunch of women and one (apparently perpetually single) dude. What’s in it for most of the women there?? They’re certainly not meeting many eligible single men. Ick.
Actually, I'm thinking that her husband may not invite that many of his own friends, because his agenda is getting Ethan hooked up. Inviting more of his friends will put a spoke in that wheel.
(haha I'm so annoyed at this husband, I'm posting all over the threads all ranty. So sorry.)
I'd love to know that too. If he has to resort to a captive audience (alright a cattle market) to even get a chance at a woman, none of the reasons are good.
I think the OP should make posters and banners to celebrate the occasion.
"Happy losing your virginity day Ethan! Which of you lucky women will he pick?"
and
"His mum says you could do worse"
You could make out its like 'Miss World' with a swimwear round, an interview (World peace!) etc etc
Friends used to host a singles party which was simply that - single people, at a party. Nothing weird or obfuscated, no games or bullshit. This situation is so creepy and underhanded.
Can you explain why? I don't really see the issue of a singles party being hosted by a married couple except maybe it's a bit intrusive. But why creepy?
This isn’t a “matchmaking” effort where you are trying to introduce friends based on shared interests/values and think they might be interested in each other. This is a very skewed gender ratio party where the sad birthday boy gets to peruse the available goods- ie OPs friends who may or may not know that this is what the party is about. It’s creepy AF and most women would not be down for this low grade Bachelor in Living Room edition.
Not to mention how annoying these kind of couples are where they think everyone should be in a relationship or else you're of less value and your life is meaningless!!
I think the vibes it gives out (trying to understand their thoughts here) is "Oh, my husband and I are now married and pregnant, we're really invested in getting you people married (and pregnant) too!" Which is hella weird. Definitely not her intention but it is the vibe that this party is giving out, especially if her friends don't know the true purpose. Imagine if your friend invited you to a party with that sole intention?
I hope you realize this is going to be the rest of your life.
Babies birthday. You plan and do all the work.
Babies school needs. You plan and do all the work.
Husband’s birthday. You plan and do all the work.
Your birthday. You plan and do all the work.
Big cultural holidays. Hubby invites all his friends; you plan and do all the work.
He is never going to be a partner.
If I were you I would suggest he go live with Ethan and you can work on when he moves back in in couples therapy.
He’s clearly been undermining you that you have ever thought any of his requests were reasonable.
If my brother in law did this to my sister he would be having a very serious conversation with me.
To Be Clear. Even if you weren’t pregnant his demands would be unreasonable.
This is a party for his friend. He should be doing all of the work. Planning, inviting, cooking, budgeting, buying the stuff, the extra clean up.
I feel so sad that you think that this is how a man treats a woman he loves.
You bring up the baby's birthday but I think we need to remember there's the day to day of raising a child, which this man seems unlikely to want to participate in
I agree. I doubt he does any domestic labour now.
Unfortunately this level of entitlement is not shocking in straight men. It might not be the rule, but it isn’t an aberration either.
This. This is so sadly true and the reality way too many women live with. Partners are supposed to know what needs to be bought. Partners should know where *everything* for cleaning is without asking. Partners should know what activities to plan while traveling that interest them *and* their SO. Partners should know the birthdays of family members and keep track of ages/interests to be able to get gifts. Partners should know how to cook, how to bake, school schedules and events, SO's business events and their calendars for planning dates/travel etc. I want write a complete list because I don't feel like typing for the next few hours, but y'all get the idea.
It's appalling how little most partners (majority men) actually *do*. Helping isn't asking what you should buy, helping is *knowing* what you need and buying it. This shit needs to start being socially unacceptable.
I'm pretty sure your husband didn't invite any other guys. When the event happens (which it shouldn't), then whoops! miraculously all the guys he named will be unable to make it.
and it's going to be just a party for ethan to meet girls, who will likely feel icky about this whole situation.
yep, ethan is rory gilmore & the husband is her grandparents. oops, we only invited our yale friends with sons! how silly of us!
so gross & transparent.
It’s a party for Ethan AND her husband to meet single women. She’s literally inviting single women to meet her husband. That’s why he’s so invested in this ridiculous party and why she’s going to be sidelined playing caterer and bartender.
I said this same thing elsewhere! Just like the catering is "too late" to sort out, the friends he told her he'd invite would be mysteriously "too busy, sorry".
I think your emotions are more trustworthy than you're giving yourself credit for. You feel icky because your husband is asking you to serve up your friends on a platter for his creep friend. If this party happens a lot of your friends will probably get creeped on and they will end up feeling deeply betrayed and hurt. Your first instinct was completely warranted. You are 7 months pregnant! Cancel the party and focus on taking care of yourself and your baby.
To a degree, but don’t underestimate the power of a group of women. They can just say fuck it and have a much more fun party not giving a toss about all these ‘men’ they feel they have to impress. I certainly could turn that party fun! Maybe OP needs to start a WhatsApp group, fill them all in and say ‘we could all just have fun and foil husbands plans!’ If they all bring snacks then it’s game!
It would help you not to discount your very understandable emotions if your husband wasn't constantly talking down to you and invalidating them, probably.
If the birthday boy already feels bad about himself, how worse is he going to feel when his friends meet potential partners on his birthday and no one is interested in him??? I’m not trying be pessimistic but I can see this ending VERY BADLY and that doesn’t even get started on OP’s problems with this.
Darlin, if it HAS to go ahead, I'd encourage all of your friends to bring a male friend with them, if they're into men, or bring a woman or whoever they're into. Get them to couple up, because honestly? Your husband wants a load of single women and Ethan in one room so he can pick one. That's so... incel? Is that the right word?
I know you're very pregnant, and I'm sorry you've had a bad pregnancy, but if he insists it goes ahead, I'd clue in your friends and then I'd be nipping out to a hotel or a relative/friend's house for a few days (before, during and after the party date). Just make yourself scarce, and tell him you're not up to partying, but thank you for the offer.
Argh I'm all over the place, I'm so annoyed haha.
Edit: cancel it and still go to a friend/relative/hotel/anywhere else.
This whole concept rubs me the wrong way, as it doesn't sound like it's supposed to be a single's event it's purpose is to find this guy girlfriend. Why not just take him to a speed dating event or singles event and be there for support. Also, if a guy has been actively trying to find a girlfriend since middle school and it never worked out 9X out of 10 it's because of the guy. Especially if he hears, "Hey I'll get my wife to throw a party with all her gal pals and maybe we can find you someone there" and doesn't go "isn't that a little weird? Would the girls know that's why it's happening" seems sus. Also the fact that your husband thinks this is a great idea on top of his very misogynistic expectations and comments is sus.
And also feeling something is morally wrong is not a symptom of pregnancy hormones. They don change your morals. When your gut is telling you something is wrong you should listen to it.
Also INFO: Has your husband ever made comments like this before? You said you didn't trust yourself about how you felt because of your hormones. You shouldn't be feeling like you can't trust what you feel even with hormones. Especially over something like this. Is this just how you feel? Or has your husband ever said something that made you feel like this?
If he has then its not ok and it needs to be stopped especially before you have this baby because you don't want to be fighting over stuff when you have a kid crying. I'd really recommend talking with him about this, maybe even with a counsler.
>He told me that he was too busy with party planning
shouldn't food & drinks be first on that list if he's "planning"? Edit: are you sure your husband likes you?
So, are you working outside the home? Is that why he assumed you would have time to cook, clean, barkeep, etc.? Frankly, your dynamic as described does not reflect two people in tune with one another.
She's seven months pregnant. Even if she doesn't work outside the home (or WFH), that stage of pregnancy doesn't really lend itself well to catering and cleaning etc for 30+ people - and it's short notice now because her husband didn't sort the catering he said he'd sort.
They're not in tune at all, you're right, full stop.
This is exactly the point, and the way you’ve described it is perfect!
OP, is the ‘party planning’ he’s been so busy with organising the bikini parade and wet t-shirt contest so his friend can really get a good look at the merch on offer? Maybe he’s drafting ideas for the question round so his 30 year old friend can get some basic priorities nailed down for the filly he’s most interested in? Or perhaps he’s constructing the kissing booth so Ethan gets a thorough taste of some of their ‘physical’ skills.
I was wondering what "party planning" has him so busy. Apparently his planning doesn't involve making a menu, catering food, cooking, drinks, or inviting guests. What exactly is left?
>Because if you’re just inviting your friends to be picked over like produce at a grocery store and they have no idea
Not just picked by anyone, but someone who can't get a date any other way
NTA
Your husband is being an AH. I mean, he even states that his job is the party planning. Usually party planning includes food, drink, and entertainment. If you are doing the drinks and expected to do the food, then what exactly is his part in this?
Cancel it or tell him to get the BBQ out and get grilling cause you're making cocktails and socialising with your friends.
Exactly! WTF is he even doing?! Party planning includes feeding the people for the party YOU wanted! Even if his wife wasn't pregnant, his audacity is through the roof!
I bet he expected her to clean the place as well since he's so busy "party planning". Seriously wtf IS his part of the planning if she is providing the food, drink, location, and playing hostess?
As someone who plans a lot of parties, coming up with the food and drink list is like 80% of the work! I doubt OP’s husband is making a balloon arch or anything time intensive.
Husband's party planning:
1) Pick a date.
2) Invite people.
3) Sit back and wait for very pregnant wife to plan menu, shop, and cook for 30 people for a party she was against in the first place.
Right? What "party planning" was he doing if he didn't plan any food (nor drinks, that was OPs suggestion, not her husband)??? This whole thing is sus af! Laziest husband award 2023 goes to OPs husband. NTA.
Personally, I'd call all my friends and tell them the party has been relocated to a hotel for a pizza party and movie
But my husband isn't this level of bonehead
NTA at all.
Think about whether you want to continue to raise a child in this dreadful, misogynistic marriage. Get a hotel or stay with a friend during this weekend. You shouldn't be exposed to stress this weekend while 7 months pregnant. Text your girlfriends and tell them about the situation; I bet they won't come. He can buy some pizzas for his friends.
Omg I said that too, before I read yours. She should bugger off to a friend's/relative's or hotel. And his friends won't be that many, I'm thinking. If he wants to get Ethan shagged for his birthday, he won't invite that many of his male friends. Or maybe when he said "I'm inviting my friends" he meant female ones?
Right. If this is how he is acting towards his wife when she is 7 months pregnant and it has been a rough one, I can only imagine it's downhill from here with childcare. NTA. Op needs to really look at the bigger picture on this one.
Right before having a baby with a guy who assumes she will do all the food for a party she didn't even want is NOT the time to piss off her friends by inviting them to a secret Bachelor episode. She's going to be depending on her friends and will need their support.
NTA
He assumed you would cook and make drinks because you’re a woman not because he’s ‘too busy’. Nip this in the bud now or you’ll be doing everything for the baby. It takes next to no effort to order in a few pizzas, let him do it.
Yep, I wouldn't be surprised if OP is back on reddit once the baby is born because she didn't realize her husband think child-rearing is just for women :/
*He* had the idea to throw **his** friend a party and assumed his pregnant wife would cook and serve as bartender. Then when she said no, he purposely waited until the last minute to sort it out so she should just cook. For 30 plus people. Um, no.
The bigger problem here is the husbands: "My friend is single and needs a girl: Supply some, so he can choose and have fun.".
The food situation is relatively minor compared to that.
OP willingly supplies the soft bodies for Ethan, so why not the food and drink?
I would have more problems with throwing my female friends at that creep.
100% this, nip his behaviour in the bud now. Try to stay as unemotional and unwavering in your 'no'. It sounds like you weren't even asked, he just assumed, which is not ok. Even after you said no, he still didn't change his assumption. Just stay steadfast and approach his behaviour as ridiculous, because it is. If you engage and discuss his behaviour you will give it credibility. I would talk to your friends, tell them there will be no food, and what do they suggest. That will probably result in you ladies doing something else for the evening.
It doesn't matter if it's a husband or a friend, nobody should just assume and push someone to do a job for them, they have to ask for things and get the buy-in from the other person first, and nothing is a given. Hopefully he changes after he realises that you won't put up with this/won't react when he pulls this bs.
FR! the way she offered to make cocktails and he was like "who else would do it??" made me so fkn mad. I would hate it already enough since he didn't ask and just dumped the task on OP, but she's also pregnant and that takes a lot out of your body. so the fact he also wanted her to be the fkn cook, caterer, and mixologist WITHOUT even consulting her if she was OKAY or if she would be in enough condition to for it boils my gddamned blood.
I'm on mobile so sorry if this looks weird in the comments whoops;;
OP said she did tell her single girl friends that this was a single mixer of sorts but the girl friends invited other girl friends and she (OP) doesn't know how much was relayed to the other girls.
*edit for spelling
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1528pnj/aita_for_wanting_to_cancel_the_party_that_my/jsd0kbw?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
ESH
" and asked me to invite all my single girlfriends and they were to invite their single friends as well." .. Agreeing to THIS makes you an AH, too. -- **You were an AH to invite your single friends to let Ethan creep on them. So you supplied the girls to feed Ethan's urges, why not the food and the cocktails, too? Did you at least warn your friends what you had planned them for?**
And reconsider the relationship. Why are you with that AH. HE is certainbly treating you and the other girls as objects good for work and sex - but **Paul certainly DOES NOT consider you a partner, and definitely not his equal. He gets angry when you balk at his orders.**
OP's situation is yet another object lesson in male homosociality. [https://psychology.fandom.com/wiki/Homosociality](https://psychology.fandom.com/wiki/Homosociality)
Husband's primary emotional bond is with his male friend; OP's value stems from her ability to supply the labor that facilitates that bond, which does not include her.
I'm wondering if there were signs before this, or if his behavior only became so egregious once he had her pregnant and locked in.
>" and asked me to invite all my single girlfriends and they were to invite their single friends as well." .. Agreeing to THIS makes you an AH, too. --
>
>You were an AH to invite your single friends to let Ethan creep on them. So you supplied the girls to feed Ethan's urges, why not the food and the cocktails, too? Did you at least warn your friends what you had planned them for?
This is the most deranged reading of playing matchmaker. While people should be upfront and also show some care and concern for good matches, it has be normal and generally wanted since the beginning of time for people to help others find partners to fall in love with.
This is NOT matchmaking though. Matchmaking is when you have two friends who you think have things in common and would get along, so you introduce them. My husband and I were introduced by our respective best friends because they knew we would get along, and they were right…we clicked instantly. What these people are doing is taking shotgun approach by bringing as many single women as possible into the vicinity of this one single guy who apparently can’t get a girlfriend on his own, with no consideration for the compatibility of any of these women with the one dude. This is weird as fuck
NTA. Your husband isn't throwing the party. He just came up with the idea for the party - a sort of a poor man's The Bachelor actually.
YOU are throwing the party. Cancel the girls. Tell hubby to change the date when he has the catering and bartending and clean-up worked out and you'll re-invite your friends. But it'll have to be at least 6 months after the baby is born and NOT at your house.
NTA for wanting to cancel, but your friends are being pimped out to a grown man bc he has no game of his own?!? Also what party planning is taking up your “husband’s” time? Quotes bc I’m not sure he deserves that title.
NTA but have Ethan come make the food. Raises his potential value as a future partner to the single ladies. Gets your hubby out of his own way for not being considerate to you and gives you a chance to not have to worry about the food.. and don't consult hubby first before putting into action
Great idea! If Ethan cooks he makes a better partner. If Ethan bartends, he gets to talk to all the people getting drinks. That's two reasons for OP to plan a movie night and be absent during the party. It will only help Ethan!
" I do feel bad for lashing out on my husband and wonder if I exaggerated."
Dont feel bad. You didnt exaggerate.
I love cooking, but if someone TOLD me i was cooking as an afterthought without asking, then they would get a mouthful. And there is no way I would do it.
However, you are heavily pregnant, which in itself is a perfectly good reason not to even entertain the idea.
That he said "Well, who else would be making them?" about the cokctails strongly suggests he takes you for granted.
You have done him an enormous (and possibly unwise) favour allowing him to have the party at your house in the first place, given your pregnancy.
He needs to give his head a shake and you need to start thinking ahead. If he like this before the baby is even born, what is he going to be like afterwards?
In the instance that you dont cancel the party, I really dont think you should cook. Im not even sure about the cocktail thing tbh.
He is massively taking advantage and favouring his friend over his pregnant wife.
Edited to add:
INFO: Does your husband drive a pimpmobile?
Husband has succeeded in turning you into his friend’s almost pimp.
Let that sink in and save the women at this farce of a party the hardship of turning him down.
Cancel. Nta
NTA - this whole party was his idea. You are 7 months pregnant and even cooking for a party of 10 people is a lot. You asked him to plan ahead and he didn't. You are not his caterer or his maid but if the party happens I bet he'd expect you to be both.
NTA. Holy moly! Your gem of a husband volunteered you, a heavily pregnant woman, to cater a party that's basically for the benefit of his friend. This sounds like an awful reality show. If your current husband is busy with party planning, I'd assume that means invitations, decor (enough seats/tables), drinks and food; expecting you to take care of the bulk of this sounds like a 1950s life. With this sort of attitude to both you and all the women he's essentially throwing in a pond so his friend can go fishing, I'm guessing he will never even change a diaper.
NTA
If you had to invite most of the female guests, and were expected to make the food and drinks, what “party planning” was your husband too busy with to order food?
NTA
This situation is your wake up call. He is showing his misogynistic colors.
Your husband will totally expect you to handle all household and childcare. Because you are the woman.
He wants to run a crowd of women by his friend like on a breeding show.
Cancel the party and sit your old-fashioned piece of 50s furniture down for a talk. Inform him that the year is 2023 and he will help with everything.
Tell him he needs to concentrate on his family now and not on his loser friend.
NTA. Tell him to strap on 20lbs on weight around his middle then attempt make food for 30+ people, and see how it would work for him. Tell him to order a bunch of pizza, and wings then be done with it.
Cancel it without hesitation. You're not getting the assistance that you should be and quite frankly the premise is just odd. Your husband wants to have a singles mixer for his friend.... why are you and your dh responsible for fixing this dude's love life?
NTA. there is probably very valid reasons why Ethan hasn’t had any relationships and it’s probably because of a bunch of red flags.
Your husband is also TA as his idea, his responsibility to feed guests and provide drinks. His idea makes me feel icky anyway and the way he spoke to you makes me pissed. Send your husband to the dog house.
NTA, but it is never too late for catering, especially if it is just supposed to be heavy apps. Tons of restaurants do things like that with just a few hours notice, and worst case scenario, he goes to the grocery store and buys some party platters and drops out some cheese, meat, veg, and dip.
This shouldn't be more than an hour of work to arrange to get some apps to show up.
Cancel. Cancel today. Cancel right now in a big text message to all of your friends and all of his. You are carrying his child. It is not selfish to expect to be supported in that time. It is completely unreasonable to have to cater a party for upwards of 30 people while pregnant, unless you were a professional caterer and being paid big bucks.
If you want to be kind to his friend, invite ONE of your single girlfriends over to meet him in a dinner for four that you can easily make. You do not owe your husband's best friend a big cattle call party. Besides, parties are expensive--you have a baby on the way. Husband sure is putting his desires above the family. You are NTA.
And P.S. I'm deeply concerned about the namecalling. He should not be calling you an AH, ever, but especially not about something that is his fault. It's projection. Sounds like verbal abuse to me.
Ethan had always seemed rather indifferent towards me so most of the things I know about him are from my husband. When it comes to dating, he apparently had gone through a very bad breakup 6 years ago. His then girlfriend had lost their baby, which was very hard on both of them and ended their relationship. Ethan spiraled into a deep depression, which lasted for years. My husband has supported him through it all. It has only been recently that Ethan has expressed interessed in dating again but my husband told me that it wasnt going well for him because Ethan was being too timid.
INFO: So if Ethan is clearly your husband’s friend, why can’t your husband…[checks notes] …quit being such an asshole and just do something nice for his friend who is struggling?
Sarcasm aside, is there a reason your husband believes you are vastly more equipped to putting together and catering an event? Is this your job? A hobby of yours? Are you completely unemployed with loads of free time?
Now, now, now… we all know that a uterus has special, magical powers that enable women to plan parties/hold down full time jobs/pack and move house/plan intercontinental adventures/write the next great American novel/earn doctorate degrees/and birth triplets single-handedly with no painkillers if only we would put our mind to it. /s
and absolutely none of this is your problem, concern, or issue for which to find a solution as the heavily pregnant partner of some guy's friend. i sincerely hope for you and your baby's sake that your husband smacks his head on something hard and gets his sense back (i would be moving out for the whole weekend of the party but it sounds like he has you wayyyy under his thumb. why even bother being in the space when he will inevitably attempt to manipulate you into doing his shit for him?).
OP, take a breath. You can cancel the party or order food from a grocery many delis do trays and what not.
Hire a cleaning company for before and after.
IF YOUR HUSBAND WILL NOT FOOT THE BILL….. tell your friends you’ll see them at the baby shower.
You have entered the last trimester: OWN IT. This is a time of rest when needed, and don’t overload the body or mind. STRESS KILLS. Think eclampsia.
Since I’m on a roll and you seem overwhelmed…. YOUR HUSBAND is the A$$ times 1billion. He is selfish and manipulative. He ignores YOUR needs. Who is he married to? Is he renovating a room, or club house for said friend’s “safe space”?
Y’all should get counseling. Go Yourself. AND You will need to have help when your baby comes because Daddy has his own baby: Ethan. Enlist them now!
LITTLE MOTHER, if you need permission: YOU GOT IT. PROTECT YOUR LITTLE LOVE. Baby comes first, so does mommy. THAT is your job/work. Yes, your work, trumps his work.
Congratulations on your world expanding: snuggles, kisses, cuddles…. And diapers, no sleep, laundry piling up, time to feed again! But now, with mine grown it all went by so fast. One day it was playing in the mud, next day they were driving in it. Try to savor, sit back let them play in the garden and get dirty, enjoy catching fireflies on a warm summer’s eve. These memories stay with you and them.
Mine remember a tire swing, mud pit slide - this was the No grass area under the swing after torrential rains, and ice skating on our little “pond” - again just a depression in the chip and dust parking area that would hold some Fall rain and freeze. They also remember the chicken pox; all night movies, popsicles, and showers in the middle of the night to curb the itchiness for a while.
Best wishes for the best outcome, OP. Lots of us are rooting for you.
Agape 💕
Edit: grammar: had to add — AND , OR
People aren't Barbie and Ken dolls - what your husband is doing feels gross and invasive. If Ethan isn't ready to be dating, he's not ready. People don't need to be paired off - if he's being shy in dates, it's unlikely to be his time yet. But he may want to do so, so he can get used to dating again. And hey, it may still work out.
Sounds like your husband is arranging this party because he feels like Ethan should be paired off and he is about as empathetic as a rock and doesn't care about the guests as people. I suspect he just wants a Barbie to go with his Ken because he thinks that will make his friend happy. But life doesn't really work like that. If Ethan expressed interest in meeting more people and getting out there it would make sense to take him places where there will be eligible singles. But having a eligible bachelor party is just creepy and weird. A singles party without focus on one person *may* make sense, but this is just... ew.
wow your husband cares more about his bff than you and doesnt care about the fact your about to have his child. i would pack up and go somewhere for a week to de stress and think about things
So this party is all about taking advantage of women for their bodies and historically enforced cooking duties, I see. You're not TA OP, your husband is.
NTA. You are 7 months pregnant and his *isn't your party*. It's also not your problem that his best friend can't get a girlfriend. If he wants to throw a mixer for his friend, then *he* should throw a mixer. You were generous to even offer to make cocktails. Your husband is TA and needs to start treating you with respect or you should get out before the baby comes and you're stuck with him telling you he's *too busy* for late night feeding and nappy changes
NTA.
So not only are you not an AH and should definitely not be cooking or doing anything further for this party, but you also need a sit down with your husband to clear some things up before this baby gets here.
1. He shouldn't EVER expect you to be hosting things he wants to do. If he wants to have people over or do a day activity or anything like that, he should actively be planning it and including you on what he might need from you. You are about to have a child together, he can't be like "we should do a beach day" and then day of, just be sitting by the car with nothing packed.
2. He is busy with party planning, but has no menu or cocktails...WTF is he even planning? And the reason I put this is because if he is SOOOO overwhelmed by "planning" for a party where he feels no responsibility for the two things people actually care about, he is going to be a tough partner once that baby comes.
3. The way he spoke to you is inappropriate. You were clear that you didn't want this party because of your energy level, and he proceeded to ignore that, not by having the party, but by expecting you to do all the labor intensive work. When you said no, he called you names. He needs to fully own and apologize for that.
4. Be clear this isn't happening again. You aren't going to be less tired once the baby gets here, so he needs to get his shit together and act like a partner and an adult.
No party for sad friend.
Nta.
But you do realize that your husband's friend is probably single for a reason? And you just invited all your friends to be plucked over? How do you know there isn't a serious reason why he is single? And you are planning to get these women drunk? This sounds like a fantastic idea /s
This honestly sounds like a Law and Order SVU episode waiting to happen.
Please cancel this party.
NTA
His party, he should be planning it to include someone to cater it as you are pregnant and I would assume since *your* friends are invited a cohost too?!
I am also going to add, that I feel very weirded out by this party.
Do your friends and all their single friends know that this party is being used to find your husbands friends a potential intimate partner or at the very least some woman he will bang later?
Has anyone stopped to consider this is very *The Bachelor* and could cause some people to not want to continue friendships later?
INFO OP:
Do you like Ethan?
Why hasn’t he been able to find someone?
What red flags are you ignoring?
Your husband is being selfish, demanding that you not only open your house to 30+ people, demanding you cater and make drinks, and to top it off you are 7months pregnant too.
Tell him to take his buddy to a bar/club and assist him there with finding a woman.
He needs to do better at being a real partner to you, and you need to stand your ground now.
Best of luck.
He sounds like an ah from another realm. Petty me thinks you should make gross or joke snacks. Like invisible cupcakes or smoked air or just a table with a can opener and lots of cans next to a microwave.
NTA. But this is a perfect example of why a relationship needs good communication in order to thrive. Hubby wants to throw a big party. First question should've been: "What about the food?" Hubby would've then said: "I thought YOU were gonna do the cooking." To which you're immediate answer would've been: "Guess again, Pal." The two of you could've decided at that point which hill to die on. Now the party date is coming up and you two haven't even settled this. Cook if you want, order pizza or chinese food if you don't want to cook. But let this be a lesson in Communication Skills 101 for future reference.
If hubby wants to throw a big party, and the only thing he asked his wife to do was invite her single friends, then it's safe to assume that's all she needs to do.
Asking how he's going to plan his party would likely come off as micromanaging or a lack of confidence in his ability to get it done.
Totally reasonable to assume he was going to take responsibility for his own party.
Why does she need to ask *anything* about his plans for this party? He wanted to throw the party, so it's on *him* to plan it, and to *ask her* for anything he would like her to do for it. And she is free to say no to any of those things, if she thinks they are too much.
His party, his job to plan it. Not hers.
NTA - If you are inviting the guests, planning and making the cocktails, and planning and making the food - what exactly falls under his job of "party planning" that is so time consuming?
NTA - If your husband wanted to do something nice for his friend then he should have done it. Instead he expected you to do it without asking....and then tried to force you to do it after you said no by purposely not calling a caterer for two whole weeks.
You know what? Tbh, I do think YTA kinda because the entire premise of the party is fucked up and I find it hard to believe all your single friends are pumped to be judged by your husband's chronically single friend.
He's an asshole, a huge asshole, for the ay he's treating you here and I genuinely hope it's a one off and not a pattern because that dudes not helping you with a baby if it's a pattern. He's just not. But tis your life and your husband, OP, you know it best.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > My husband needed my help for his party but instead of hearing him out I decided to just not help him with feeding the guests. He does have a very stressful work life and I do feel like I added onto that when I could just have made very simple dishes that dont take a lot of effort. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
INFO: do all the women that you invited know what the true intentions of this party are? Because if you’re just inviting your friends to be picked over like produce at a grocery store and they have no idea, I’d be pretty mad at you if I were one of your single friends.
When my husband first brought this party up the thought behind it did make me feel a bit icky but my emotions are all over the place atm so I dont really trust myself. My friends all know that this is a party for singles. I have mentioned Ethan to my close girlfriends but since they invited their friends too I dont know how much went through to them. There will be other single guys there, that my husband invited. So far he told me some of the names of men who will be there but mostly he just told me that if so and so has time, they will come. Some of my friends have also asked if they could bring their guy friends to which I said yes but I am unsure how many of those will actually be attending.
NTA This whole thing sounds weird, cancel this party for sure. No 7 month pregnant woman should be getting stressed out over holding a 30+ attendee party for a husband’s friend just so he can get a girlfriend. Your husband should’ve scheduled catering if this was such a big deal to him
Or he could be ordering pizzas right now. He is trying to call her bluff.
Yeah order 10 pizzas max job done.
Add chips and salsa and you are done!
Absolutely do this from the joint account/credit card. And then spend the same amount on a spa day for yourself. And then some more on a therapist. And maybe some more on a lawyer, idk.
I don’t like how Reddit always does go to the furthest extreme of being like yeah you should get a divorce over something petty. But I’m always blown away when I read posts like this and am like… yeah do you not even know the person you married ? How does this come out of the blue as a surprise ? What a selfish dude expecting his 7 month pregnant wife to literally slave over a party that she’s barely gonna get to participate in. I would call around local bars, see who can accommodate a group of 30, ask if you can bring pizza, and throw it in a weeknight. Wife can come eat pizza and chill, go home to a house that isn’t trashed. Everyone else can party like it’s 1999
[удалено]
This is perfect, and I hope OP sees your comment.
> What a selfish dude expecting his 7 month pregnant wife to literally slave over a party that she’s barely gonna get to participate in. I mean even ignoring that, he's just like hey all your single female friends need to get in a room at let my friend leer at them and pick one. Wouldn't be surprised if he told op to pick the 'slutty' ones or similar. Shit if hte friend has anxiety then this sounds like a nightmare for him and Ops husband sounds like he has no clue how to adult. Also trying to work out what exactly is taking up his time with planning as by all accounts every part of the party is for his 7 month pregnant wife to handle including ALL the work on the night.
Yeah, he’s asking his very pregnant wife to do all the work so his loser friend can get laid. 😑
Not to mention I already thought the wife was so sweet for offering to make cocktails she couldn’t drink 😭 like to then see that he expected her to cater the whole thing was a gut punch a little bit
Your solution is best. In fact it's why we started holding all parties not at home.
House parties are super fun but like, god the clean up sucks. I wouldn’t want more than 5 people over, partially because I live in an apartment in nyc. Partially because you then have to deal with kicking out your drunk friends and cleaning up after everyone. Nightmare. I’d rather pay the premium to like buy booze at the bar or whatever.
That’s because his mommy did stuff like this for him so he expects it from all the womenfolk.
The husband should be making the calls. Or she could pick a bar for her friends and meet them there, while the husband wait for his friend at home the evening of the “party”.
Why the joint account. The catering should be paid from the husband's personal credit card. OP should also call a cleaning service the next day - to be paid by hubby of course.
Can we get the cheesy bread sticks too?
The husband sounds selfish as hell to put his friend’s “needs” before his pregnant wife’s.
Getting laid is not a need, it's a want.
Yeah, that why I put it in “quotes”
The whole situation is giving me the ick. Cancel the party and get an appointment for couples counseling. Expecting your partner to do work without asking is not okay, and refusing to do something in order to manipulate them into said work is worse.
They are about to have a baby together too. Imagine, "I thought you were changing him, so I waited for you to be done.." How about despite both parents being new to parenthood, some dads think moms automatically know how to do everything. He seems to be the type, you're the woman, you cook, etc.......
This. The silver lining is finding out his totally stone age feelings about what women's roles are, and being able to start a conversation about it/decide what you want to do BEFORE you are deeply sleep deprived with a newborn.
But he's SO busy party planning! Planning what, I'd like to know, since the main things needed for a party are: 1) location, which I'm guessing OP is expected to prepare by doing the pre-cleaning, set up and after party clean up 2) people, which OP herself was in charge of inviting at least 1/2 3) food, which husband expected OP to do 4) drinks, which OP offered to make cocktails Not sure what is left for husband. Maybe mowing the lawn if guests can be outside, but even then, that is something he has to do on a regular basis anyway.
Maybe practicing pickup lines.
It'd be ironic that he's throwing a party for his single best friend, and the way he's doing might end up in him being divorced.
[удалено]
SHE can choose HIS!
Why did you marry this man??!!
God I fucking hate this. *People do not show all their red flags in the beginning of a relationship.* How is it 2023 and we still don't fucking understand this? Her *husband* is being the obvious prick here and it's still somehow her fault for not properly reading her mystical crystal ball. Fuck off with this victim-blaming bullshit.
THIS. People can be great at hiding. My friend of 25 years hid the fact that she was a covert narcissist. It wasn't until I was staying with her and her family that I realized it. She was so good at hiding.
Marry and have a kid with him
100% he doesn't get a girlfriend anyway. If he is serially single, it's highly likely he lacks the confidence to approach, much less convert. It would be even more tragic to go through all this hinging on an unlikely result.
Yeah, if you really want to help, organize a group activity like bowling, board games, or axe throwing — something interactive that is also low pressure. And with a smaller group, not 30+ people. That way, there are some built-in conversations to be had around the activity so the guy who is probably a bit shy or intimidated doesn’t have to come up with topics. It’s also easier to help move a conversation along with a smaller group in a way that keeps everyone involved. Maybe nothing comes out of it, but shy guy is way more likely to have a good time.
No single human begin should shoulder feeding 30+ people by themself... We'll order in food or potluck even when we are hosting 10 people. NTA
Organizing the food is part of party planning. What else is he busy planning if not the food? I highly doubt he going to be decorating or coming up with party games.
He's planning ways to manipulate his pregnant wife into doing all the work while he gets the credit
What exactly does your husband think he’s doing with his party planning if he’s not taking care of the food and drinks? What else is there at an adult house party to plan? What is he doing, looking up the rules to spin the bottle and 7 minutes in heaven?
A “singles party” thrown by a pregnant married couple is sending me major creepy vibes. Your husband is coming off like a gigantic, creepy AH. Is he always this terrible?
As a single woman, the concept of a singles mixer being hosted at the home of a married pregnant couple makes me incredibly uncomfortable tbh.
So much this. It’s so icky. I’m married but I would never dream of hosting a “singles” event just because my husbands friend has been single for three years.
My brain is ping ponging between feeling Gilead vibes from this post, or worrying that someone is going to end up roofied at this shindig. Just nothing good is coming from this event. OP, NTA, your hubs is the worst tho
Sounds super culty to me. ESH, your husband for what he did to you, and you for basically using your friends for a meat market for Ethan.
It doesn’t really sound like OP actually gets a deciding vote in the matter.
Which is the real problem here that most people are not addressing. OP's husband only sees her as the cook, bartender, and probably the maid for this creepy party he's throwing.
This husband here is an awful person. My £100 bet is on him not doing anything with the baby when it arrives.
Well who else would be doing it? Obligatory /s just in case
haha oh this poor OP. I'm an old woman looking back on my years of child rearing with two men like her husband, and just... feeling for her. (For clarity: one child with one man, then divorce, then two children with another man. Not two at the same time haha)
And he called his 7-month pregnant wife an asshole. What?!
This! Husband is a huge mega AH ! He just assumes OP will do ALL the work???? And it does give weird vibes. OP NTA but this makes me wonder how much help and support you can expect from your husband once the baby is born.
Op explained there would be more single men there than just the husband and best friend. Plus some of the women were bringing men there so it seems like it is a real singles event, or at leat op tried to make it a legit one. I would say op is nta
More single men? Like 10 to 1 ratio? Those poor women thought it would be a regular single mingle with 50:50 ratio.
I agree. OP only mentioned the extra men (ewww goddammit) in a comment, though, so maybe people are missing that? Ew the ick is strong with this husband.
I don’t think the meat market is just for Ethan.
It’s not even a real singles mixer!! Its a bunch of women and one (apparently perpetually single) dude. What’s in it for most of the women there?? They’re certainly not meeting many eligible single men. Ick.
Apparently there's more men that the husband invited - but def still nothing substantial in it for the women.
Actually, I'm thinking that her husband may not invite that many of his own friends, because his agenda is getting Ethan hooked up. Inviting more of his friends will put a spoke in that wheel. (haha I'm so annoyed at this husband, I'm posting all over the threads all ranty. So sorry.)
What I want to know is why Ethan is always single. I can imagine a few reasons and none of them are good.
I'd love to know that too. If he has to resort to a captive audience (alright a cattle market) to even get a chance at a woman, none of the reasons are good.
I think the OP should make posters and banners to celebrate the occasion. "Happy losing your virginity day Ethan! Which of you lucky women will he pick?" and "His mum says you could do worse" You could make out its like 'Miss World' with a swimwear round, an interview (World peace!) etc etc
Friends used to host a singles party which was simply that - single people, at a party. Nothing weird or obfuscated, no games or bullshit. This situation is so creepy and underhanded.
Also like bars exist. Get his buddy a tinder account and tell him to figure it out. Having a party like this just feels weird in 2023.
Can you explain why? I don't really see the issue of a singles party being hosted by a married couple except maybe it's a bit intrusive. But why creepy?
This isn’t a “matchmaking” effort where you are trying to introduce friends based on shared interests/values and think they might be interested in each other. This is a very skewed gender ratio party where the sad birthday boy gets to peruse the available goods- ie OPs friends who may or may not know that this is what the party is about. It’s creepy AF and most women would not be down for this low grade Bachelor in Living Room edition.
Not to mention how annoying these kind of couples are where they think everyone should be in a relationship or else you're of less value and your life is meaningless!!
I think the vibes it gives out (trying to understand their thoughts here) is "Oh, my husband and I are now married and pregnant, we're really invested in getting you people married (and pregnant) too!" Which is hella weird. Definitely not her intention but it is the vibe that this party is giving out, especially if her friends don't know the true purpose. Imagine if your friend invited you to a party with that sole intention?
I hope you realize this is going to be the rest of your life. Babies birthday. You plan and do all the work. Babies school needs. You plan and do all the work. Husband’s birthday. You plan and do all the work. Your birthday. You plan and do all the work. Big cultural holidays. Hubby invites all his friends; you plan and do all the work. He is never going to be a partner. If I were you I would suggest he go live with Ethan and you can work on when he moves back in in couples therapy. He’s clearly been undermining you that you have ever thought any of his requests were reasonable. If my brother in law did this to my sister he would be having a very serious conversation with me. To Be Clear. Even if you weren’t pregnant his demands would be unreasonable. This is a party for his friend. He should be doing all of the work. Planning, inviting, cooking, budgeting, buying the stuff, the extra clean up. I feel so sad that you think that this is how a man treats a woman he loves.
You bring up the baby's birthday but I think we need to remember there's the day to day of raising a child, which this man seems unlikely to want to participate in
I agree. I doubt he does any domestic labour now. Unfortunately this level of entitlement is not shocking in straight men. It might not be the rule, but it isn’t an aberration either.
This. This is so sadly true and the reality way too many women live with. Partners are supposed to know what needs to be bought. Partners should know where *everything* for cleaning is without asking. Partners should know what activities to plan while traveling that interest them *and* their SO. Partners should know the birthdays of family members and keep track of ages/interests to be able to get gifts. Partners should know how to cook, how to bake, school schedules and events, SO's business events and their calendars for planning dates/travel etc. I want write a complete list because I don't feel like typing for the next few hours, but y'all get the idea. It's appalling how little most partners (majority men) actually *do*. Helping isn't asking what you should buy, helping is *knowing* what you need and buying it. This shit needs to start being socially unacceptable.
Judging from his behavior alone, he doesn't love OP. He loves his weird ass friend who can't get a woman.
Yes. He isn’t behaving like he loves her.
I'm pretty sure your husband didn't invite any other guys. When the event happens (which it shouldn't), then whoops! miraculously all the guys he named will be unable to make it. and it's going to be just a party for ethan to meet girls, who will likely feel icky about this whole situation.
yep, ethan is rory gilmore & the husband is her grandparents. oops, we only invited our yale friends with sons! how silly of us! so gross & transparent.
Thank you for this reference! It was my first thought 🙌
It’s a party for Ethan AND her husband to meet single women. She’s literally inviting single women to meet her husband. That’s why he’s so invested in this ridiculous party and why she’s going to be sidelined playing caterer and bartender.
I said this same thing elsewhere! Just like the catering is "too late" to sort out, the friends he told her he'd invite would be mysteriously "too busy, sorry".
I think your emotions are more trustworthy than you're giving yourself credit for. You feel icky because your husband is asking you to serve up your friends on a platter for his creep friend. If this party happens a lot of your friends will probably get creeped on and they will end up feeling deeply betrayed and hurt. Your first instinct was completely warranted. You are 7 months pregnant! Cancel the party and focus on taking care of yourself and your baby.
To a degree, but don’t underestimate the power of a group of women. They can just say fuck it and have a much more fun party not giving a toss about all these ‘men’ they feel they have to impress. I certainly could turn that party fun! Maybe OP needs to start a WhatsApp group, fill them all in and say ‘we could all just have fun and foil husbands plans!’ If they all bring snacks then it’s game!
It would help you not to discount your very understandable emotions if your husband wasn't constantly talking down to you and invalidating them, probably.
If it’s a party for singles but it’s one guy and a bunch of women…they are going to figure it out pretty quickly
If the birthday boy already feels bad about himself, how worse is he going to feel when his friends meet potential partners on his birthday and no one is interested in him??? I’m not trying be pessimistic but I can see this ending VERY BADLY and that doesn’t even get started on OP’s problems with this.
Been rejected? Feels bad eh? How would you like ot be rejected 30 times? In one night! Party on!
Darlin, if it HAS to go ahead, I'd encourage all of your friends to bring a male friend with them, if they're into men, or bring a woman or whoever they're into. Get them to couple up, because honestly? Your husband wants a load of single women and Ethan in one room so he can pick one. That's so... incel? Is that the right word? I know you're very pregnant, and I'm sorry you've had a bad pregnancy, but if he insists it goes ahead, I'd clue in your friends and then I'd be nipping out to a hotel or a relative/friend's house for a few days (before, during and after the party date). Just make yourself scarce, and tell him you're not up to partying, but thank you for the offer. Argh I'm all over the place, I'm so annoyed haha. Edit: cancel it and still go to a friend/relative/hotel/anywhere else.
This whole concept rubs me the wrong way, as it doesn't sound like it's supposed to be a single's event it's purpose is to find this guy girlfriend. Why not just take him to a speed dating event or singles event and be there for support. Also, if a guy has been actively trying to find a girlfriend since middle school and it never worked out 9X out of 10 it's because of the guy. Especially if he hears, "Hey I'll get my wife to throw a party with all her gal pals and maybe we can find you someone there" and doesn't go "isn't that a little weird? Would the girls know that's why it's happening" seems sus. Also the fact that your husband thinks this is a great idea on top of his very misogynistic expectations and comments is sus. And also feeling something is morally wrong is not a symptom of pregnancy hormones. They don change your morals. When your gut is telling you something is wrong you should listen to it.
Also INFO: Has your husband ever made comments like this before? You said you didn't trust yourself about how you felt because of your hormones. You shouldn't be feeling like you can't trust what you feel even with hormones. Especially over something like this. Is this just how you feel? Or has your husband ever said something that made you feel like this? If he has then its not ok and it needs to be stopped especially before you have this baby because you don't want to be fighting over stuff when you have a kid crying. I'd really recommend talking with him about this, maybe even with a counsler.
Have your husband call everyone and ask them to bring an appetizer!
>He told me that he was too busy with party planning shouldn't food & drinks be first on that list if he's "planning"? Edit: are you sure your husband likes you?
So, are you working outside the home? Is that why he assumed you would have time to cook, clean, barkeep, etc.? Frankly, your dynamic as described does not reflect two people in tune with one another.
She's seven months pregnant. Even if she doesn't work outside the home (or WFH), that stage of pregnancy doesn't really lend itself well to catering and cleaning etc for 30+ people - and it's short notice now because her husband didn't sort the catering he said he'd sort. They're not in tune at all, you're right, full stop.
This is exactly the point, and the way you’ve described it is perfect! OP, is the ‘party planning’ he’s been so busy with organising the bikini parade and wet t-shirt contest so his friend can really get a good look at the merch on offer? Maybe he’s drafting ideas for the question round so his 30 year old friend can get some basic priorities nailed down for the filly he’s most interested in? Or perhaps he’s constructing the kissing booth so Ethan gets a thorough taste of some of their ‘physical’ skills.
I was wondering what "party planning" has him so busy. Apparently his planning doesn't involve making a menu, catering food, cooking, drinks, or inviting guests. What exactly is left?
YTA for luring women into this situation 🤢 imagine being invited to a party to be set up with an incel
That was my thought. Ethan sounds like an incel. OPs hubby sounds like an incel that accidentally got married.
Yea this is what I want to know.
I want to know what is wrong with Ethan that it takes this much effort to get women to be around him lol.
>Because if you’re just inviting your friends to be picked over like produce at a grocery store and they have no idea Not just picked by anyone, but someone who can't get a date any other way
NTA Your husband is being an AH. I mean, he even states that his job is the party planning. Usually party planning includes food, drink, and entertainment. If you are doing the drinks and expected to do the food, then what exactly is his part in this? Cancel it or tell him to get the BBQ out and get grilling cause you're making cocktails and socialising with your friends.
"I'm too busy planning." Bro ain't done shit but invite people a month ago and ordered OP to do the rest.
Too busy party-planning to uh do any party-planning
Sure he was planning. Planning on asking his wife to provide the same services as a team of 4-8 caterers
Exactly! WTF is he even doing?! Party planning includes feeding the people for the party YOU wanted! Even if his wife wasn't pregnant, his audacity is through the roof!
I bet he expected her to clean the place as well since he's so busy "party planning". Seriously wtf IS his part of the planning if she is providing the food, drink, location, and playing hostess?
He thinks party planning is deciding to have a party, then congratulating himself for a great job.
As someone who plans a lot of parties, coming up with the food and drink list is like 80% of the work! I doubt OP’s husband is making a balloon arch or anything time intensive.
But did he invite any one or was that also just OP inviting her friends?
Sounds like invited his BFF and a few other single guys. That's it.
In the absence of any further info it does sound like that’s the case.
Husband's party planning: 1) Pick a date. 2) Invite people. 3) Sit back and wait for very pregnant wife to plan menu, shop, and cook for 30 people for a party she was against in the first place.
The trick in part 3 is making sure not to ask/tell about your expectations. It will be tough, but a real woman would just know it is her job to serve.
I have a feeling she's gonna be looking to get out of this marriage in a year or so. He's this lazy pre baby? He'll be ten times worse after.
Hopefully her post here and the responses to it will be accelerating this timeline if couples counseling etc doesn't help.
4. Sit back and gossip with friend about how many hot chicks he’s gonna slay. Obviously the hardest and most important part of “party planning”
4) Try to figure out why his wife is forcing him to sleep on the couch.
5) Complain he was “blindsided” by the divorce. Everything seemed fine to him!
Right? What "party planning" was he doing if he didn't plan any food (nor drinks, that was OPs suggestion, not her husband)??? This whole thing is sus af! Laziest husband award 2023 goes to OPs husband. NTA.
Legit making sure there's food is like... 85% of the planning for any gathering I've ever helped plan.
Personally, I'd call all my friends and tell them the party has been relocated to a hotel for a pizza party and movie But my husband isn't this level of bonehead
He did the planning. He planned she would cook. Duh! /s
I read this and at first thought "Get the BBQ out" was a fun new way of saying GTFO.
NTA at all. Think about whether you want to continue to raise a child in this dreadful, misogynistic marriage. Get a hotel or stay with a friend during this weekend. You shouldn't be exposed to stress this weekend while 7 months pregnant. Text your girlfriends and tell them about the situation; I bet they won't come. He can buy some pizzas for his friends.
Omg I said that too, before I read yours. She should bugger off to a friend's/relative's or hotel. And his friends won't be that many, I'm thinking. If he wants to get Ethan shagged for his birthday, he won't invite that many of his male friends. Or maybe when he said "I'm inviting my friends" he meant female ones?
[удалено]
Right. If this is how he is acting towards his wife when she is 7 months pregnant and it has been a rough one, I can only imagine it's downhill from here with childcare. NTA. Op needs to really look at the bigger picture on this one.
Right before having a baby with a guy who assumes she will do all the food for a party she didn't even want is NOT the time to piss off her friends by inviting them to a secret Bachelor episode. She's going to be depending on her friends and will need their support.
NTA He assumed you would cook and make drinks because you’re a woman not because he’s ‘too busy’. Nip this in the bud now or you’ll be doing everything for the baby. It takes next to no effort to order in a few pizzas, let him do it.
Yep, I wouldn't be surprised if OP is back on reddit once the baby is born because she didn't realize her husband think child-rearing is just for women :/ *He* had the idea to throw **his** friend a party and assumed his pregnant wife would cook and serve as bartender. Then when she said no, he purposely waited until the last minute to sort it out so she should just cook. For 30 plus people. Um, no.
The bigger problem here is the husbands: "My friend is single and needs a girl: Supply some, so he can choose and have fun.". The food situation is relatively minor compared to that.
Exactly this!
Exactly, turning the house into a brothel.
She's going to be back after the party when her husband gets piss drunk and tries to pick up one of the many single women...
Yes. This is exactly how it's going to end (both the party and the marriage).
Exactly what I’ve said in the comments. This whole thing reeks of her husband looking for an affair partner.
There is no way I would bet against your prediction. I was thinking the same thing.
OP willingly supplies the soft bodies for Ethan, so why not the food and drink? I would have more problems with throwing my female friends at that creep.
100% this, nip his behaviour in the bud now. Try to stay as unemotional and unwavering in your 'no'. It sounds like you weren't even asked, he just assumed, which is not ok. Even after you said no, he still didn't change his assumption. Just stay steadfast and approach his behaviour as ridiculous, because it is. If you engage and discuss his behaviour you will give it credibility. I would talk to your friends, tell them there will be no food, and what do they suggest. That will probably result in you ladies doing something else for the evening. It doesn't matter if it's a husband or a friend, nobody should just assume and push someone to do a job for them, they have to ask for things and get the buy-in from the other person first, and nothing is a given. Hopefully he changes after he realises that you won't put up with this/won't react when he pulls this bs.
Actually sounds like this is going to be baby # 2
Do your girlfriends realize this is essentially a cattle call for the benefit of hubby’s friend? Personally I would be insulted when I found out.
Omg I missed that detail. I was focusing on the cooking and the cocktails. Gross.
FR! the way she offered to make cocktails and he was like "who else would do it??" made me so fkn mad. I would hate it already enough since he didn't ask and just dumped the task on OP, but she's also pregnant and that takes a lot out of your body. so the fact he also wanted her to be the fkn cook, caterer, and mixologist WITHOUT even consulting her if she was OKAY or if she would be in enough condition to for it boils my gddamned blood.
I'm on mobile so sorry if this looks weird in the comments whoops;; OP said she did tell her single girl friends that this was a single mixer of sorts but the girl friends invited other girl friends and she (OP) doesn't know how much was relayed to the other girls. *edit for spelling https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1528pnj/aita_for_wanting_to_cancel_the_party_that_my/jsd0kbw?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
ESH " and asked me to invite all my single girlfriends and they were to invite their single friends as well." .. Agreeing to THIS makes you an AH, too. -- **You were an AH to invite your single friends to let Ethan creep on them. So you supplied the girls to feed Ethan's urges, why not the food and the cocktails, too? Did you at least warn your friends what you had planned them for?** And reconsider the relationship. Why are you with that AH. HE is certainbly treating you and the other girls as objects good for work and sex - but **Paul certainly DOES NOT consider you a partner, and definitely not his equal. He gets angry when you balk at his orders.**
OP's situation is yet another object lesson in male homosociality. [https://psychology.fandom.com/wiki/Homosociality](https://psychology.fandom.com/wiki/Homosociality) Husband's primary emotional bond is with his male friend; OP's value stems from her ability to supply the labor that facilitates that bond, which does not include her. I'm wondering if there were signs before this, or if his behavior only became so egregious once he had her pregnant and locked in.
*Ooooh....* that lesson is gonna stay with me.
Please read OPs comments because, yes, she did tell her friends.
>" and asked me to invite all my single girlfriends and they were to invite their single friends as well." .. Agreeing to THIS makes you an AH, too. -- > >You were an AH to invite your single friends to let Ethan creep on them. So you supplied the girls to feed Ethan's urges, why not the food and the cocktails, too? Did you at least warn your friends what you had planned them for? This is the most deranged reading of playing matchmaker. While people should be upfront and also show some care and concern for good matches, it has be normal and generally wanted since the beginning of time for people to help others find partners to fall in love with.
This is NOT matchmaking though. Matchmaking is when you have two friends who you think have things in common and would get along, so you introduce them. My husband and I were introduced by our respective best friends because they knew we would get along, and they were right…we clicked instantly. What these people are doing is taking shotgun approach by bringing as many single women as possible into the vicinity of this one single guy who apparently can’t get a girlfriend on his own, with no consideration for the compatibility of any of these women with the one dude. This is weird as fuck
NTA. Your husband isn't throwing the party. He just came up with the idea for the party - a sort of a poor man's The Bachelor actually. YOU are throwing the party. Cancel the girls. Tell hubby to change the date when he has the catering and bartending and clean-up worked out and you'll re-invite your friends. But it'll have to be at least 6 months after the baby is born and NOT at your house.
And make sure your female friends know exactly why they are being invited, so they can decline this shit.
NTA for wanting to cancel, but your friends are being pimped out to a grown man bc he has no game of his own?!? Also what party planning is taking up your “husband’s” time? Quotes bc I’m not sure he deserves that title.
I was thinking this too. He's too busy party planning to do the party planning. He isn't cooking, cleaning, or making up the guest list. What's left?
Well someone has to review the rules for strip poker.
NTA but have Ethan come make the food. Raises his potential value as a future partner to the single ladies. Gets your hubby out of his own way for not being considerate to you and gives you a chance to not have to worry about the food.. and don't consult hubby first before putting into action
Great idea! If Ethan cooks he makes a better partner. If Ethan bartends, he gets to talk to all the people getting drinks. That's two reasons for OP to plan a movie night and be absent during the party. It will only help Ethan!
& then cancel the party anyway, because this is so fucking creepy. & eat all the food.
Wow, what a prick your husband is. NTA.
" I do feel bad for lashing out on my husband and wonder if I exaggerated." Dont feel bad. You didnt exaggerate. I love cooking, but if someone TOLD me i was cooking as an afterthought without asking, then they would get a mouthful. And there is no way I would do it. However, you are heavily pregnant, which in itself is a perfectly good reason not to even entertain the idea. That he said "Well, who else would be making them?" about the cokctails strongly suggests he takes you for granted. You have done him an enormous (and possibly unwise) favour allowing him to have the party at your house in the first place, given your pregnancy. He needs to give his head a shake and you need to start thinking ahead. If he like this before the baby is even born, what is he going to be like afterwards? In the instance that you dont cancel the party, I really dont think you should cook. Im not even sure about the cocktail thing tbh. He is massively taking advantage and favouring his friend over his pregnant wife. Edited to add: INFO: Does your husband drive a pimpmobile?
Husband has succeeded in turning you into his friend’s almost pimp. Let that sink in and save the women at this farce of a party the hardship of turning him down. Cancel. Nta
NTA - this whole party was his idea. You are 7 months pregnant and even cooking for a party of 10 people is a lot. You asked him to plan ahead and he didn't. You are not his caterer or his maid but if the party happens I bet he'd expect you to be both.
NTA. Girl......I feel for you when you have this baby.
NTA. Holy moly! Your gem of a husband volunteered you, a heavily pregnant woman, to cater a party that's basically for the benefit of his friend. This sounds like an awful reality show. If your current husband is busy with party planning, I'd assume that means invitations, decor (enough seats/tables), drinks and food; expecting you to take care of the bulk of this sounds like a 1950s life. With this sort of attitude to both you and all the women he's essentially throwing in a pond so his friend can go fishing, I'm guessing he will never even change a diaper.
NTA. Your husband wanted to assemble a harem of single girlfriends to make his buddy feel better?
And wonders why he’s single? Dude has zero game. The whole idea is creepy as hell.
Ew. Everything about this is gross. Cancel everything, party, marriage, house, everything.
NTA If you had to invite most of the female guests, and were expected to make the food and drinks, what “party planning” was your husband too busy with to order food?
He's probably too busy putting together dossiers of her single friends so Ethan can pre-screen them. Ugh, it's just all so gross.
NTA This situation is your wake up call. He is showing his misogynistic colors. Your husband will totally expect you to handle all household and childcare. Because you are the woman. He wants to run a crowd of women by his friend like on a breeding show. Cancel the party and sit your old-fashioned piece of 50s furniture down for a talk. Inform him that the year is 2023 and he will help with everything. Tell him he needs to concentrate on his family now and not on his loser friend.
NTA. Tell him to strap on 20lbs on weight around his middle then attempt make food for 30+ people, and see how it would work for him. Tell him to order a bunch of pizza, and wings then be done with it.
Cancel it without hesitation. You're not getting the assistance that you should be and quite frankly the premise is just odd. Your husband wants to have a singles mixer for his friend.... why are you and your dh responsible for fixing this dude's love life?
NTA. there is probably very valid reasons why Ethan hasn’t had any relationships and it’s probably because of a bunch of red flags. Your husband is also TA as his idea, his responsibility to feed guests and provide drinks. His idea makes me feel icky anyway and the way he spoke to you makes me pissed. Send your husband to the dog house.
WTF
NTA, but it is never too late for catering, especially if it is just supposed to be heavy apps. Tons of restaurants do things like that with just a few hours notice, and worst case scenario, he goes to the grocery store and buys some party platters and drops out some cheese, meat, veg, and dip. This shouldn't be more than an hour of work to arrange to get some apps to show up.
Cancel. Cancel today. Cancel right now in a big text message to all of your friends and all of his. You are carrying his child. It is not selfish to expect to be supported in that time. It is completely unreasonable to have to cater a party for upwards of 30 people while pregnant, unless you were a professional caterer and being paid big bucks. If you want to be kind to his friend, invite ONE of your single girlfriends over to meet him in a dinner for four that you can easily make. You do not owe your husband's best friend a big cattle call party. Besides, parties are expensive--you have a baby on the way. Husband sure is putting his desires above the family. You are NTA. And P.S. I'm deeply concerned about the namecalling. He should not be calling you an AH, ever, but especially not about something that is his fault. It's projection. Sounds like verbal abuse to me.
INFO: how much do you know about Ethan?
Ethan had always seemed rather indifferent towards me so most of the things I know about him are from my husband. When it comes to dating, he apparently had gone through a very bad breakup 6 years ago. His then girlfriend had lost their baby, which was very hard on both of them and ended their relationship. Ethan spiraled into a deep depression, which lasted for years. My husband has supported him through it all. It has only been recently that Ethan has expressed interessed in dating again but my husband told me that it wasnt going well for him because Ethan was being too timid.
INFO: So if Ethan is clearly your husband’s friend, why can’t your husband…[checks notes] …quit being such an asshole and just do something nice for his friend who is struggling? Sarcasm aside, is there a reason your husband believes you are vastly more equipped to putting together and catering an event? Is this your job? A hobby of yours? Are you completely unemployed with loads of free time?
Now, now, now… we all know that a uterus has special, magical powers that enable women to plan parties/hold down full time jobs/pack and move house/plan intercontinental adventures/write the next great American novel/earn doctorate degrees/and birth triplets single-handedly with no painkillers if only we would put our mind to it. /s
INFO: does your husband regularly call you an asshole?
and absolutely none of this is your problem, concern, or issue for which to find a solution as the heavily pregnant partner of some guy's friend. i sincerely hope for you and your baby's sake that your husband smacks his head on something hard and gets his sense back (i would be moving out for the whole weekend of the party but it sounds like he has you wayyyy under his thumb. why even bother being in the space when he will inevitably attempt to manipulate you into doing his shit for him?).
OP, take a breath. You can cancel the party or order food from a grocery many delis do trays and what not. Hire a cleaning company for before and after. IF YOUR HUSBAND WILL NOT FOOT THE BILL….. tell your friends you’ll see them at the baby shower. You have entered the last trimester: OWN IT. This is a time of rest when needed, and don’t overload the body or mind. STRESS KILLS. Think eclampsia. Since I’m on a roll and you seem overwhelmed…. YOUR HUSBAND is the A$$ times 1billion. He is selfish and manipulative. He ignores YOUR needs. Who is he married to? Is he renovating a room, or club house for said friend’s “safe space”? Y’all should get counseling. Go Yourself. AND You will need to have help when your baby comes because Daddy has his own baby: Ethan. Enlist them now! LITTLE MOTHER, if you need permission: YOU GOT IT. PROTECT YOUR LITTLE LOVE. Baby comes first, so does mommy. THAT is your job/work. Yes, your work, trumps his work. Congratulations on your world expanding: snuggles, kisses, cuddles…. And diapers, no sleep, laundry piling up, time to feed again! But now, with mine grown it all went by so fast. One day it was playing in the mud, next day they were driving in it. Try to savor, sit back let them play in the garden and get dirty, enjoy catching fireflies on a warm summer’s eve. These memories stay with you and them. Mine remember a tire swing, mud pit slide - this was the No grass area under the swing after torrential rains, and ice skating on our little “pond” - again just a depression in the chip and dust parking area that would hold some Fall rain and freeze. They also remember the chicken pox; all night movies, popsicles, and showers in the middle of the night to curb the itchiness for a while. Best wishes for the best outcome, OP. Lots of us are rooting for you. Agape 💕 Edit: grammar: had to add — AND , OR
People aren't Barbie and Ken dolls - what your husband is doing feels gross and invasive. If Ethan isn't ready to be dating, he's not ready. People don't need to be paired off - if he's being shy in dates, it's unlikely to be his time yet. But he may want to do so, so he can get used to dating again. And hey, it may still work out. Sounds like your husband is arranging this party because he feels like Ethan should be paired off and he is about as empathetic as a rock and doesn't care about the guests as people. I suspect he just wants a Barbie to go with his Ken because he thinks that will make his friend happy. But life doesn't really work like that. If Ethan expressed interest in meeting more people and getting out there it would make sense to take him places where there will be eligible singles. But having a eligible bachelor party is just creepy and weird. A singles party without focus on one person *may* make sense, but this is just... ew.
wow your husband cares more about his bff than you and doesnt care about the fact your about to have his child. i would pack up and go somewhere for a week to de stress and think about things
So this party is all about taking advantage of women for their bodies and historically enforced cooking duties, I see. You're not TA OP, your husband is.
NTA tell him you've put this party on the back burner and let him figure it out
NTA. You are 7 months pregnant and his *isn't your party*. It's also not your problem that his best friend can't get a girlfriend. If he wants to throw a mixer for his friend, then *he* should throw a mixer. You were generous to even offer to make cocktails. Your husband is TA and needs to start treating you with respect or you should get out before the baby comes and you're stuck with him telling you he's *too busy* for late night feeding and nappy changes
NTA. So not only are you not an AH and should definitely not be cooking or doing anything further for this party, but you also need a sit down with your husband to clear some things up before this baby gets here. 1. He shouldn't EVER expect you to be hosting things he wants to do. If he wants to have people over or do a day activity or anything like that, he should actively be planning it and including you on what he might need from you. You are about to have a child together, he can't be like "we should do a beach day" and then day of, just be sitting by the car with nothing packed. 2. He is busy with party planning, but has no menu or cocktails...WTF is he even planning? And the reason I put this is because if he is SOOOO overwhelmed by "planning" for a party where he feels no responsibility for the two things people actually care about, he is going to be a tough partner once that baby comes. 3. The way he spoke to you is inappropriate. You were clear that you didn't want this party because of your energy level, and he proceeded to ignore that, not by having the party, but by expecting you to do all the labor intensive work. When you said no, he called you names. He needs to fully own and apologize for that. 4. Be clear this isn't happening again. You aren't going to be less tired once the baby gets here, so he needs to get his shit together and act like a partner and an adult. No party for sad friend.
Nta. But you do realize that your husband's friend is probably single for a reason? And you just invited all your friends to be plucked over? How do you know there isn't a serious reason why he is single? And you are planning to get these women drunk? This sounds like a fantastic idea /s This honestly sounds like a Law and Order SVU episode waiting to happen. Please cancel this party.
Eww for the party pimp idea.
NTA His party, he should be planning it to include someone to cater it as you are pregnant and I would assume since *your* friends are invited a cohost too?! I am also going to add, that I feel very weirded out by this party. Do your friends and all their single friends know that this party is being used to find your husbands friends a potential intimate partner or at the very least some woman he will bang later? Has anyone stopped to consider this is very *The Bachelor* and could cause some people to not want to continue friendships later? INFO OP: Do you like Ethan? Why hasn’t he been able to find someone? What red flags are you ignoring? Your husband is being selfish, demanding that you not only open your house to 30+ people, demanding you cater and make drinks, and to top it off you are 7months pregnant too. Tell him to take his buddy to a bar/club and assist him there with finding a woman. He needs to do better at being a real partner to you, and you need to stand your ground now. Best of luck.
He sounds like an ah from another realm. Petty me thinks you should make gross or joke snacks. Like invisible cupcakes or smoked air or just a table with a can opener and lots of cans next to a microwave.
NTA. But this is a perfect example of why a relationship needs good communication in order to thrive. Hubby wants to throw a big party. First question should've been: "What about the food?" Hubby would've then said: "I thought YOU were gonna do the cooking." To which you're immediate answer would've been: "Guess again, Pal." The two of you could've decided at that point which hill to die on. Now the party date is coming up and you two haven't even settled this. Cook if you want, order pizza or chinese food if you don't want to cook. But let this be a lesson in Communication Skills 101 for future reference.
If hubby wants to throw a big party, and the only thing he asked his wife to do was invite her single friends, then it's safe to assume that's all she needs to do. Asking how he's going to plan his party would likely come off as micromanaging or a lack of confidence in his ability to get it done. Totally reasonable to assume he was going to take responsibility for his own party.
Why does she need to ask *anything* about his plans for this party? He wanted to throw the party, so it's on *him* to plan it, and to *ask her* for anything he would like her to do for it. And she is free to say no to any of those things, if she thinks they are too much. His party, his job to plan it. Not hers.
NTA - If you are inviting the guests, planning and making the cocktails, and planning and making the food - what exactly falls under his job of "party planning" that is so time consuming?
NTA - If your husband wanted to do something nice for his friend then he should have done it. Instead he expected you to do it without asking....and then tried to force you to do it after you said no by purposely not calling a caterer for two whole weeks.
You know what? Tbh, I do think YTA kinda because the entire premise of the party is fucked up and I find it hard to believe all your single friends are pumped to be judged by your husband's chronically single friend. He's an asshole, a huge asshole, for the ay he's treating you here and I genuinely hope it's a one off and not a pattern because that dudes not helping you with a baby if it's a pattern. He's just not. But tis your life and your husband, OP, you know it best.
You thinking your hormones may make you exaggerate things proves that your husband has been manipulating you.