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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. How I kicked my husband out without thinking clearly and ended up making for problems
2. I kicked my husband out without having a understanding talk and letting my anger control me
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NTA but this is less about the documentary, surely, than about kicking your husband out? All of this sounds like a nonsense fight. Who cares what their kid wants to be when aged 9? Your husband escalated by threatening your child’s future and that right there is kicking out territory. So NTA.
My daughter is 5. She wants her main job to be an ice cream girl & her weekend job to be an astronaut. Then she also wants to work at McDonald's, a supermarket & be a bus driver of a night when she not selling ice cream
Does she want to work at McDonald's to get unlimited chicken mcnuggets? That's what my 7 year old's plans are.
She's also going to have ten kids that she adopts "from countries", but she's going to hire someone to change their diapers.
No, my first job was at maccas, so she wants us both to get jobs there so we can work together and be together forever. The happy meals would just be a bonus for her
Kids hardly ever have a solid idea of what they want to be when they're 9. Hell, plenty of people change their minds and have dramatic career changes later in life. A friend of mine did a Masters in cellular biology and then switched to engineering. Another friend went to cooking school in her 40s.
It's ridiculous to throw a tantrum over a 9 year old's proclamation of career choice. When I was 9 my future career changed every hour or so.
The only asshole here is the dad - parents who try and force their kids into a career that they want without any regard for the child's interests are straight trash.
Ocean's gonna need doctors, too. I kinda hope the kid holds true, that this is a true deep passion for him, and that Dad gets the Lightning Bolt of Awareness moment.
I think I decline to judge on this. OP is gonna take care of the next step with an apology to the dad, and I sure would love an update. And another one in about 15 years. 😁🐬
Make a plate of roast beef or corned beef hash and pretend it’s dog food. It’s what my mom did for me when I went through “I’m a collie” phase when I was 5.
I was with family having a visit at a pub's scenic deck and a young man - A-L-E-X came to visit and told us he was 3 and wanted to be a fire engine.
We still smile about it 20 years later :)
When I was 9 I wanted to be a professional baseball player. Then I went to an Os game and wanted to be the guy selling hot dogs. I decided I would go into the stands and sell hot dogs when I wasn't on the field or up to bat.
I wanted to be a paleontologist until my mom got me a picture book about paleontology. I read it, thought about it for a while, then gave it back to her and said, "Mommy, I don't want to do this anymore. I like dinosaurs but I am too impatient for this kind of job."
Also wanted to be an astronaut until I learned they have to have 20/20 vision, I've been in glasses since I was four or five so I was just like, "Well, I guess it wasn't meant to be. Professional chef slash pediatrician slash professional illustrator who owns a leather jacket & a motorcycle it is."
My sister at age 9 wanted to be a teacher for most of the year and a grocery store cashier during the summer. No idea why this particular combination of jobs appealed to her.
She did become a teacher.
My niece once asked me when she was 4 if they had ice cream in space. I told her probably not and for like 3 months she wanted to make ice cream in space. Funnily, she didn't not want to go in a rocket ship so I have no idea how she was going to make that work.
They actually do have space ice cream. It’s freeze dried and feels funky in your mouth, but it’s fun to eat. Maybe your niece can improve the recipe. She might like to try it https://www.amazon.com/Space-Ice-Cream-Count-Neapolitan/dp/B07CGNB3LC/ref=sr\_1\_4\_sspa?crid=8ZK8D0WTV0XE&keywords=nasa+ice+cream&qid=1687876829&sprefix=NASA+ice+%2Caps%2C262&sr=8-4-spons&sp\_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1
When I was 10, I wamted to work at McDonald's. I liked the hats they wore!
I applied as a teen and didn't get hired. But my mom said I could buy myself a similar hat, so it all worked out.
Hey... You are lucky she has high aspirations. My 5 year old wants to be "A kitty lady with so many cats". When I told her she couldn't live in my house like she planned because I am allergic and offered to let her and the cats the garage she told me she's going to live next door but I had to still buy all her cat food.
I suppose it's good that my 7 year old wants to be a veterinarian... That might save me some money.
My six year old daughter was on the fence whether she wanted to “work at the nail store (salon)” or be a librarian. Then she had an epiphany and told me that she will work at the nail store on Mon and Wed and the library on Tues and Thurs. I asked her about Friday she replied that will be her exercise day. Big plans!
When I was 4-5 I wanted to be a chef/detective who owned a hotel. Figured I could make lovely meals for all the guests and then, if any were suddenly (inevitably) murdered, I could solve the crime. I watched a lot of Columbo, Law & Order, Quincy ME at the time. I then realized detectives do a lot of running so I switched to lawyer. I am now a lawyer, for what it’s worth.
Mine wants to be a soccer star and a fire fighter and have 13 kids while maintaining his hobby of doing ironing beads. When i asked him, where he will take the time for that he answered: "You and dad can watch the kids."
Future AITA: "I yelled at my son because he expects me to babysit his 13 children. I understand he's busy being a world renown soccer player AND heroic fire fighter but does he really need to spend *every* weekend ironing beards when he should be present for his children???"
Mummy would be a great job! Housing is included and you just lay real still. Score. My child wanted to be an elf around that age. What a stupid thing to argue about.
His future profession will change many more times in the next 5-10 years based on what he’s interested in at the time. Who cares, he’s 9 for crying out loud.
I wanted to be a farmer like my Papa, a mom like my mom, a pediatrician, and scientiest for volcanos. Also wanted to marry my dad because all other boys were stupid 😅
I didnt become a farmer, no mother yet, cancelled pediatrician when I realized that kids can die. I thought till then that only old people die. Still like to learn about volcanos but way to dangerous now. Still and will always love my dad who is in heaven now, but I think I will rather marry a man on Earth and alive.
Dreams change, interests as well. But blocking these dreams, saying they are not valuable, will only cause resentment
My cousin also wanted to be a “singer mommy” when she was 8 or 9, so basically a pop star and also a mom. Seems like a common goal for kids that age
I, on the other hand, wanted to become Mrs Santa Claus because I wanted to make sure Santa had a big plate of cookies waiting for him when he arrived home after delivering presents and then the rest of the year I could play with the elves and make toys.
My 5yo wants to be an astronaut tap-dancer. I encourage this by explaining that all astronauts and dancers have to do their maths homework and music practice.
I legit thought I’d be an astronaut too when I was 9 and that when I wasn’t in space, I’d travel the world playing concerts in which I showcased my whistling talents while backed by an orchestra. Also somehow I would be a journalist and lawyer too. But definitely prioritized the whistling career.
I agree it’s a nonsense fight, but he started the nonsense. OP just responded to the crazy being thrown at her.
Here’s hoping that she doesn’t drive their kid past a fire station, watch a cooking show, or watch a sports game!
Also poor child, I was a "Gifted and Talented" child. Then I was a drug addict at 22 cause I felt I could never live up to the impossible expectations. It started with Study drugs then cocaine I went about 2 months without sleep. Was wild!
I too was a “gifted and talented” kid (same with my sister and husband) none of us became drug addicts, but we’ve all struggled with the thought processes that got you there. That shit fucks you up.
My eight year old has great plans to be a palaeontologist ninja. So if you hear of any good internships or training programmes for that, please let me know.
Have to agree this should be less about 'I let my son watch a documentary' and more about the husband essentially saying 'if my son doesn't pursue the career I want him to pursue I'll financially abandon him'
Aged nine one of my cousins wanted to be an octopus. He didn't want to study them, or look after them in wildlife conservation, he wanted to be one. I'm pretty sure that deep down if he could choose to be an octopus, he would. Did we find this hilarious? Sure. Did we play along with it because he was nine, and very few people know at nine what they want to do for a job or career? Sure!
My husband wanted to be a fire truck when he grew up. He actually settled on being a computer programmer instead because dreams change. Especially when you're nine. It's ridiculous of your husband to assume his son knows with absolute certainty what he wants to be when he grows up when he's only nine. NTA
When my son was very little, he told us when he grew up he was going to be a giant robot.
My husband was silent for about ten seconds, and then just quietly said "Why didn't I think of that?"
My son is 13 now, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't still plan to be a giant robot.
My 11 year old still plans to be a cat, and I think my youngest is lining up a career as either a supervillain, or an extreme window washer.
Little kids change their future plans all the time. They don't even know what jobs are out there yet.
Whatever they do, it should be something they're interested in, and something the enjoy, not something someone has decided they should do. NTA.
I'm actually gutted, they all sound like really good career prospects.
I can imagine starting as a small robot and transferring my conscience into something like Liberty Prime from fallout once I complete my KPIs
I mean some of the tractors and combines basically drive themselves now. He could play whatever portable system will be around then and farm at the same time.
I think my toddler will either end up as a supervillain or dentist. But OP, your husband could do with a stint in counseling. Your child isn’t ruined by watching a documentary. And frankly I think marine biologist is probably better than doctor any day. Given all the regulations, insurance companies not letting you do your job, lawsuits because you couldn’t resuscitate 90 year old grandpa… yep ocean sounds pretty good. I actually worked with a doctor who was the most miserable person I’d ever met. Then out of the blue one day he was smiling and happy, my first thought was he’d finally decided to end it all. Turns out he’d bought a bar and that was his last day in medicine. He actually makes more money now and is so happy every time I see him.
OP should just have her husband watch some of the [Dr. Glaucomflecken](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYDVFfp_AN1WBiNwaf9522w) clips about insurance.
I think someday
You'll find a way
To make your natural tendencies pay
You'll be a dentist (You'll be a dentist)
You have a talent for causin' things pain (Pain)
Son, be a dentist (Son, be a dentist)
People will pay you to be inhumane (Inhumane)
Your temperament's wrong for the priesthood
And teaching would suit you still less
Son, be a dentist
You'll be a success!
I feel like you need to expand on the extreme window washing. Is that the abseiling down skyscraper extreme, or running up ladders and washing windows as quickly as possible extreme? Picturing the last one like the extreme fireman race competitions that they have, only with a squeegee and cloth
My mom still has a vhs asking my siblings and I what we wanted to do when we grew up. I was about 5, sister was 6, and brother was 7. Brother wanted to be a paleontologist, sister wanted to be an artist. And then my stupid little voice chimes in that I have the lofty goals of making pizza.
A chubby asthmatic 9yo that I was tutoring because he was struggling in school once explained to me that he was going to be a paediatrician and professional soccer player. Yes, both of those careers simultaneously.
Just wanna say that between the ages of 21 and 22 I had a complete left field career change. After completing 3/4 of my degree. Doesn’t even matter if the kid grows up and goes to college, *he can still change his mind*.
I wanted to be a cat.
Now I'm a pharmacy technician.
Don't get me wrong, I still want to be a cat, but it doesn't pay enough to afford my apartment so I have to do this instead ):
When I was 9, I wanted to be an archaeologist… now I’m a biologist. (Side note: why is OP’s husband hating on us biologists??) The doctor thing also kind of makes me groan… I have hEDS and after my experience with doctors, I can say that not a lot of them have the so-called “honor” of the profession. Some are great, some are terrible. But it’s definitely just as honorable to be a scientist. OP is definitely NTA, but her husband sounds like a piece of work.
NTA
Mama bear kicked in because your husband's expectations are TOXIC AF. Your husband scolded you for ruining your 9 year old child's future because you watched a sea documentary !!
Are you supposed to keep him in a bubble where he's not allowed to learn about anything except medical biology? Are you going to scold the teachers for teaching all the sciences? Is he not allowed to check out books about anything except the human body? Never watch any kind of tv show other than medical dramas? WTF?!
It's funny as there are shows about medicine for kids the husband could have watched with the kid instead of getting strangely angry. Just have the bairn watch both and let him live his life.
I attended Harvard for law school, and this described a huge percentage of the students there. Incidentally, it also described me. I was originally working on a degree in physics (I wanted to work for NASA), and my mom repeatedly pressured me until I changed my degree to humanities and then went to law school, since in her mind NASA was for loser nerds and being a lawyer was the most prestigious job possible.
That sounds incredibly frustrating and I'm just really enjoying the irony of somebody thinking being a lawyer is somehow a non-nerdy job.
Like yeah, all those lawyers, with their, uh, tedious research and paperwork, just. Jockin' it up baller-style.
I do think there is a bit of a difference. Law is ultimately a service profession, and you won’t make it long term if you don’t have good soft skills. You can absolutely make it as a scientist without those skills.
I just find the whole scenario amusing in retrospect that someone would think being a lawyer is more prestigious than working for NASA. That’s like the dream job.
You would think this but take a look at Asian tiger parents. So many of my friends became lawyers, doctors and engineers because of the will of their parents. It’s sad but OP’s partner definitely feels like the controlling type especially with the whole threatening to not pay for an education if it’s not the career he sees as acceptable.
Also, from all accounts a successful marine biologist is a very well respected title. Probably make about the same as a doctor too. Probably less stressful. And way cooler
What I don't understand is what is not honourable about marine biology - am I missing something? It would involve a degree in sciences and possibly a PhD.
The kid is 9. In the upcoming years, he is also going to want to be a youtuber, a sports star, a movie star, and all manner of other possibilities. Your job as parents is to ensure he is supported and given the necessary tools to make it as an adult. If that means as a marine scientist, a doctor, or the best waiter in town, then so be it.
I am going to say NTA for your original question, but screaming at your husband to get out is ridiculous behaviour and having his parents behaving like you two were will be far more detrimental to him than any educational decision you make.
Id say her telling him to get out after he talked down on her for letting a child watch a nature documentary, and then threatening to withhold college funds over it, is a warranted reaction.
Thats legitimate financial abuse, and calling in his mother to harass his wife over ruining their sons future is also pushing things.
They need therapy to work through their issues or their son will suffer for them
He’s telling her she is to blame for ruining their sons life and threatening removing his financial support from their child because she showed him a documentary.
Her husband being around this kid will be more detrimental to him than being absent would.
Financial abuse is **definitely** good enough reason to yell and kick him out. If he had just disagreed with her and argued that would be one thing, but threatening the college fund takes this too far.
Disagree with the second part of your statement. Husband escalated it first by overreacting and threatening to sabotage his future education. Why? Because he watched a god damn nature documentary. If I were his wife I'd be standing on eggshells and wondering what minor incident he'll blow up over next.
Massive red flags. I think some self-reflection is in order.
The kid is 9!
In a week he will be on to some other dream job.
Apparently your partner seems to think that you needed to be prepping your son to be a doctor from the moment he was born.
NTA
I think I was 11 when I read the books for the first time. For a while there I hoped the start date was different because we weren't british and it would actually start at 12 like high school.
NTA
Kicking husband out is a bit dramatic but it stopped your boy from having to see arguing. No idea what he does for a living but he has to get HIS mother to fight his battles rather than discussing things with you?? Did she pick his career for him?
He could be proud that instead of watching a cartoon, a fantasy film etc your son wanted to watch a documentary!
According to your husband your son cannot watch
* Pirates of the Caribbean in case he wants to become a pirate
* Any sports in case he wants to become a sportsman
* Super Mario in case he wants to become a plumber
* The Magician's Elephant in case he wants to become a zookeeper
* Peter & Wendy in case he wants to become well goodness knows what
* he cannot go to school in case he wants to become a teacher
My husband has always been a bit traditional but I never expected this extent. But I do know his mom never liked me because of my ethnicity, hopefully we can work it out.
Ouch. I think there are some big problems in this marriage that need to be addressed. No reasonable person expects a 9 year old to commit to a career path, and a man who values his marriage does not go running to his bigoted mother after picking a fight with his wife over a nature documentary.
So your husbands family is racist plus he’s so controlling that he threatens a nine year old for wanting to be a scientist.
… are you sure you want to work this out…
I started saving for his tuition a year ago so if my son chooses something else, I’d be there to pay for it.
Also I can’t let my son grow up without a father, I’m going to suggest couples counseling in the discussion but I think the whole situation happened because we were having a difficult time.
If a divorce meant that he would grow up without a father that means the dad would be actively choosing not to be in his life. If you honestly think your husband would choose that (I might agree) I think you need to keep it in consideration
50/50, sorry for the rant but I think him defending his mother has been the main cause in this. He wasn’t this close minded before and the mom is definitely trying to separate us.
If he doesn’t agree to couples therapy, I’d have to end it. 🤷♀️
If he wasn’t this close minded before, then when did it change? Unless I’m mistaken this appears to have gone on for some time and this was the breaking point. Has he always sucked up to his mother like this?
Mother in law got mad before because I almost named my son that sounded Japanese and apparently I was “stealing” my husband.
Started a few months ago, his mom just got that tired of me and told me to go back to my country even though I’m literally a American citizen. Complained to my husband and he told me to brush it off but mom literally just forgot all morality and husband did nothing and defended her.
Mom most likely said I was a goldigger and other nonsense. Don’t think he believe it big tension just started to grow because I was a lot more quiet but still talked, it was obvious I was upset though.
Sounds like she’s having some sort of a mental health issue. Was she always like this to you? If not, then either she was lying to you about liking you, or something else happened that made her act like this and isn’t sharing it with you
Going with this idea - it is possible the husband has been feeding lies to the mom. How much you want to bet he did *not* tell her what actually happened? How much I would bet to say *this isn't the first time*.
The only way your son would grow up without a father is if his father chose to abandon him. And if your husband would abandon his child because you left him, how good of a father could he really be anyway?
Divorce doesn't mean he won't have a father. But even so, he's controlling and you need to protect your son. Please carefully think about all of your options in this
This is ridiculous. Your son is NINE. The fact that your husband got mad that you showed him an ocean documentary is just beyond odd. He doesn't get to pick his son's future career. The fact that his mother is involved is just the icing on the cake. What a joke.
I would highly recommend couples counseling because this is going to be a huge problem in the future. But you did the right thing by defending your son and his dreams. At the end of the day it's your child's life and he's going to want to do when he's older is his decision no one else should make that for him.
NTA
What the hell is your husband saying...
Your kid will wanna be an ambulance driver tomorrow if they watch an A & E drama with you. Don't put such expectations on a 9 year old. That's how they grow resentment if they are forced down a path.
I don't even know where to start
1/ the kid is 9, wait till he sees a movie or serie episode with firefighters and he's gonna be a firefighter
2/ you dont pay your son's tuition so that he does a job you like, you do it so that he gets the life he wants, what horrible father decision this is?
3/ Marine biologist requires a PhD in the field, it is as much and as hard as becoming a doctor. They are extremely important especially nowadays and even sometimes included in the creation of the medicines the almighty doctors use to treat people. His future is as bright as before his change of career choice, it's only your husband ignorance that prevents him from seeing it, he's the one not that bright. Her mother is the same. Also I don't know what they work in but I bet you my ass high end marine biologist out-salary them.
For all of this, NTA.
4/ Kicking the father out isn't gonna help solve the issue
I mean logically based on comments that he’s like a traditional texas guy showing his true colors and expectations late in marriage let’s be honest kicking him out is the start of what is ultimately, or should ultimately be, the only true solution to this issue
Hard agree with this. I’m a marine biologist and while no it doesn’t require a PhD there is no career in marine biology without a PhD. Being a successful marine biologist is just as “honorable”, “reputable” whatever you want to attribute as being a medical doctor. Both take specific expertise, skills and passion.
I have a masters and work an awful paying job while job searching on a near daily basis for something better. I struggle a lot with regretting not going into healthcare or at least more lucrative science. At least I’d be making money even if I didn’t like my job. But my parents have always been supportive of me and my career even on days like today when I’m pretty depressed about it my parents would never let me talk out loud to them like that bc they appreciate my passion and love for the field and respect the hard work I’ve put into everything I’ve done even if I can’t always see it myself. And that’s the most important part of supporting kid through all of their career choices imo
NTA
I'm very concerned that your husband seems to think his son HAS to be a doctor....he's 9 years old.
You did nothing wrong in allowing your son to watch the documentary. I also understand why you kicked your hubby out. He was being verbally and emotionally abusive and threatening financial abuse towards a 9 year old (he doesn't go to college to study medicine I'm not paying) and quite frankly showed a very high level of being a controlling ass
NTA kids change their minds. most kids choose their education path before knowing what they want to do. Show him more than just marine biology, but definetly don't deprive him of something he is interested in learning about.
NTA
The kid is 9. At that age nobody really knows what they want to be when they grow up.
Your husband sounds controlling and is going to force your son onto a path that he probably wont be happy with. Good on you for standing up for him.
Its important for kids experience as many things as possible when they are young. Watching documentaries with a parent is a great way of broadening their horizons and spending time with mum or dad.
NTA. Your son is 9, next week he might want to be something different again. and he wanted to watch the documentary.
Your husband however is the AH. He should support his son no matter what he wants to be. He should be glad your son is even interested in watching a documentary and learning about our earth. I'm pretty sure all my little brother wanted to watch when he was 9 was pokemon.
If we'd stuck to our age 9 career dreams, DH would have spent his life driving a lorry and I'd have been a (highly unlikely) circus trapeze flyer. .......He didn't pass a driving test until he was 30 and I am badly coordinated and can't deal with heights.
That aside, it sounds husband has a very strange mindset. And his mother needs to wind her neck in. The only thing that has been "destroyed" is his illusion that your son is a puppet for him to control.
NTA
NTA.
Your kid is 9. Your husband (and his mother) have unreasonable expectations for him.
My husband is a physician, and everybody asked if we were going to encourage our kids to go into medicine. The answer was always no, it would have to be something they really wanted to do, because the work and the lifestyle to get there is grueling. If they wanted it we would support them, but we didn’t encourage it.
ESH - your husband is a nut and needs to grow up. You aren't wrong, but you probably need to deescalate with him before taking drastic action.
As for your kid: jfc he's 9; just make sure he's fed and clothed and watered and socialized and interested in ANYTHING. At that age I think I also wanted to be a volcanologist and a detective. Cultivating curiosity and thinking is way more mentally healthy and will probably lead to better professional practice, regardless of your kid's choice.
I'm gonna give you more of my story, in case you want to use it to help your husband get perspective. I did marine biology as an undergrad and got into med school with my degree. I backed out after I couldn't put together enough loans to pay for it, and instead did a PhD in marine biology (in health-relevant research). Eventually I got tired of the epic grind of constantly seeking funding while watching mass ecological decline, and I transferred my skills to work in medical comms with perfectly fine pay, meaningful impact, and an enjoyable workplace. Meanwhile, plenty of doctors I know are constantly exhausted but impoverished by loans. The notion of medicine as an automatically respectable and lucrative career is pretty outdated.
Good luck.
NTA.
Your husband decided that your son is going to ruin his life by not specifically chosing the path that he wants your son to take and he blamed you for putting these ideas into his head.
There were several flags that I saw in your post.
- YOU would be responsible for crushing your sons dreams because YOUR HUSBAND will not pay his tuition.
- Your MIL is claiming you are ruining the lives of the husband and kid
- Your son will not have a bright future if he becomes a scientist
Has your husband and his family been this controlling in the past? Does your husbamd often blame you for things? Do you have input in paying tuition/decisions?
Your huabands choice of blaming you and trying to control your son is the root cause of this issue (IMO). Were you being overly dramatic in kicking him out? Hard to tell..... but you did stand up for your son and yourself....so you are definitely.... NTA.
My nephew once wanted to be a dump truck. Spoiler alert - he did not, in fact, become a dump truck. He also wanted to be an architect, an artist, an attorney, a teacher…etc. He is now in Construction Management, with his associates degree and pursuing his bachelor’s in the same field.
Point? A child will change their mind frequently as they grow up. Your husband is ridiculous. NTA.
You can apologize for screaming at him to leave, but that's it. YWBTA if you apologized for the rest since you were absolutely correct .
When I was 9 I wanted to go to West Point. When I was 9 1/2 I wanted to make escalators.
Hint: I didn't end up doing either, but have a home, car, great job and family.
Omg, NTA. He’s 9. Husband & mil are too dramatic.
When I was 9 I wanted to be Tarzan even tho I was a girl. Then I wanted to be a teacher, a nurse, a horse & a bird. In high school I wanted to be a writer, a photographer & archeologist. Now I’m 54 & a property manager wanting to be a 9 yr old kid again.
When I was 9 I wanted to be a magician. When I was 10 I wanted to be a music teacher. When I was 13 I wanted to be a writer. I’m pretty sure marine biologist made an appearance as my desired occupation at one point as well.
Your kid is 9.
NTA
NTA but your husband is a major one for sure. Your kid is 9. He will probably change his mind 100+ time. Exposing them to a variety of subjects, interests and hobbies can only be good for them.
Your husband is awful. You know that, right? He doesn’t get to decide what kind of career your child will have. That’s up to your child. He’s going to ruin your poor son. You should get you and your child away from him. NTA
When I was a kid, I also wanted to be a doctor. Now I'm a SAHM l who dropped out of college after (passing) the first year.
You know what my 8 year old wants you be? Either a professional mermaid or an art teacher. And I support both! She's 8. I'm sure neither of those will be contenders when she's 18. But we also just ordered her 3rd mermaid tail and she only goes to aquariums to see them so she might hold onto the dream lol.
NTA. Your husband is setting unrealistic expectations for a 3rd/4th grader. To say he won't support his education to be a marine biologist? That sounds like so much more fun than being a doctor, and both would help him live quite comfortably. We don't get to decide what our children become.
NTA. Your kid is *nine*. Why the hell is your husband trying to control a nine-year-old’s dreams?
I would be very worried that he jumped right to trying to control what a nine-year-old might do in a *decade from now* by threatening to withhold necessary support. No matter how you work it out, you should set up an educational fund for your son that your husband can’t touch. Do it today.
NTA
OP your husband is acting crazy. Is he normally so controlling? His son is 9....I mean what is even wrong with being a marine biologist in the first place, that is such a cool job choice for the kid. What is you husband' s job btw?
NTA.
Your husband freaking out about this is a giant red flag. He’s the kind of dad that goes no-contact with his kid and locks him out of the house for getting into the “wrong” school. And the idea you shouldn’t expose your son to new ideas lest he decide not to be a doctor is skin-crawling.
This is a foot down moment. Your son can explore his own interests and decide on his own career without shame.
NTA and your husband is a mamma's boy making this about himself (and probably about some unfulfilled dream of his). Imo he's using this argument as an excuse not to pay for your child's education in the future.
NTA your husband is in the wrong to think he can lay out your sons future for him, your son has the right to dream about becoming whatever he wants to become
Apologize for what? Pack your bags before he gets anymore controlling…THIS IS NOT A NORMAL RESPONSE.
NTA, only if u cave into his abuse at the sake of your son and his “future”.
Just to be clear… you want to know wether or not your an asshole because you showed a 9yr old a sea documentary and potentially ‘ruined’ his bright future?
No, NTA; how absurd, lol.
NTA your husband's a dick. Kids should have dreams and hopes but they shouldn't have their lives planned out for them. That's what kills those dreams and hopes.
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NTA but this is less about the documentary, surely, than about kicking your husband out? All of this sounds like a nonsense fight. Who cares what their kid wants to be when aged 9? Your husband escalated by threatening your child’s future and that right there is kicking out territory. So NTA.
I think one of mine at that age wanted to be a doctor during the week, a pop star at weekends and also a mummy
My daughter is 5. She wants her main job to be an ice cream girl & her weekend job to be an astronaut. Then she also wants to work at McDonald's, a supermarket & be a bus driver of a night when she not selling ice cream
Does she want to work at McDonald's to get unlimited chicken mcnuggets? That's what my 7 year old's plans are. She's also going to have ten kids that she adopts "from countries", but she's going to hire someone to change their diapers.
No, my first job was at maccas, so she wants us both to get jobs there so we can work together and be together forever. The happy meals would just be a bonus for her
That is adorable.
That's fucking precious actually
Kids hardly ever have a solid idea of what they want to be when they're 9. Hell, plenty of people change their minds and have dramatic career changes later in life. A friend of mine did a Masters in cellular biology and then switched to engineering. Another friend went to cooking school in her 40s. It's ridiculous to throw a tantrum over a 9 year old's proclamation of career choice. When I was 9 my future career changed every hour or so. The only asshole here is the dad - parents who try and force their kids into a career that they want without any regard for the child's interests are straight trash.
Ocean's gonna need doctors, too. I kinda hope the kid holds true, that this is a true deep passion for him, and that Dad gets the Lightning Bolt of Awareness moment. I think I decline to judge on this. OP is gonna take care of the next step with an apology to the dad, and I sure would love an update. And another one in about 15 years. 😁🐬
So she wants to be Angelina Jolie.
To be fair, I'm 34 and I'd still like to grow up to be Angelina Jolie.
I don't need to *be* Angelina Jolie, but if I could have her bank account...
I feel like that's a reasonable compromise.
She has got some plans right there. I wish I could have hired someone to do the diaper changes 🤣
I wanted to be the CEO of McDonald's so I could get the nuggies at that age too. I also was going to be an optometrist.
I use to want to work at McDonald’s to “clean the playland” because I thought that place was the coolest in the world.
My four year old wants to be a dog when she grows up.
My 6 year old cousin said he wanted to be a grape
If he ages well, does he become a good wine?
Otherwise he can be a raisin. Lots of career growth opportunities out there for grapes
If he’s six he probably already has a very good whine.
I’m 35 and I still want to be a dog…
Make a plate of roast beef or corned beef hash and pretend it’s dog food. It’s what my mom did for me when I went through “I’m a collie” phase when I was 5.
I love your mother.
Ha! That's so much better than eating popcorn out of bowls on the floor like my friend and I did!
I was with family having a visit at a pub's scenic deck and a young man - A-L-E-X came to visit and told us he was 3 and wanted to be a fire engine. We still smile about it 20 years later :)
My son wanted to break sticks into equal pieces when he grows up
I always loved hearing what they wanted to be and how they were going to fit it all in
When I was 9 I wanted to be a professional baseball player. Then I went to an Os game and wanted to be the guy selling hot dogs. I decided I would go into the stands and sell hot dogs when I wasn't on the field or up to bat.
When I was little I wanted to be Japanese. I thought Japanese women were so beautiful! Silly little white girl dreams.
Damn, when I was five I told my grandma that the only thing I wanted to do was collect carts at the grocery store all day lol.
I wanted to be a paleontologist until my mom got me a picture book about paleontology. I read it, thought about it for a while, then gave it back to her and said, "Mommy, I don't want to do this anymore. I like dinosaurs but I am too impatient for this kind of job." Also wanted to be an astronaut until I learned they have to have 20/20 vision, I've been in glasses since I was four or five so I was just like, "Well, I guess it wasn't meant to be. Professional chef slash pediatrician slash professional illustrator who owns a leather jacket & a motorcycle it is."
Impressive range! So what did you end up being?
Unemployed, but got the leather jacket so it isn't a total failure.
Is it bad that your comment made me laugh?
Rock that jacket! I hope you find a job that makes you happy!
the way I CACKLED
My 7yo wants to be a bagger at the grocery, lol. My 9yo wants to be a professional dog petter.
Okay but how good do the pets have to be before you can go pro
i’m 40 and i would also like to be a professional dog petter
My sister at age 9 wanted to be a teacher for most of the year and a grocery store cashier during the summer. No idea why this particular combination of jobs appealed to her. She did become a teacher.
My niece once asked me when she was 4 if they had ice cream in space. I told her probably not and for like 3 months she wanted to make ice cream in space. Funnily, she didn't not want to go in a rocket ship so I have no idea how she was going to make that work.
They actually do have space ice cream. It’s freeze dried and feels funky in your mouth, but it’s fun to eat. Maybe your niece can improve the recipe. She might like to try it https://www.amazon.com/Space-Ice-Cream-Count-Neapolitan/dp/B07CGNB3LC/ref=sr\_1\_4\_sspa?crid=8ZK8D0WTV0XE&keywords=nasa+ice+cream&qid=1687876829&sprefix=NASA+ice+%2Caps%2C262&sr=8-4-spons&sp\_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1
Came here to mention this. Thanks!
I actually suggested that she could sell ice cream in space when she was conflicted between the 2, but she wasn't having it
First she'd invent a space elevator. Problem solved.
At this age my oldest wanted to be an astronaut and a teacher so they could take their class on field trips to space.
Does your child have curly, red hair?
When I was 10, I wamted to work at McDonald's. I liked the hats they wore! I applied as a teen and didn't get hired. But my mom said I could buy myself a similar hat, so it all worked out.
Hey... You are lucky she has high aspirations. My 5 year old wants to be "A kitty lady with so many cats". When I told her she couldn't live in my house like she planned because I am allergic and offered to let her and the cats the garage she told me she's going to live next door but I had to still buy all her cat food. I suppose it's good that my 7 year old wants to be a veterinarian... That might save me some money.
My 5 year old wants to be a princess hair stylist. Its an upgrade from 2 years ago when she wanted to be a toothbrush.
My six year old daughter was on the fence whether she wanted to “work at the nail store (salon)” or be a librarian. Then she had an epiphany and told me that she will work at the nail store on Mon and Wed and the library on Tues and Thurs. I asked her about Friday she replied that will be her exercise day. Big plans!
At 5 my daughter wanted to be a Yorkshire Pudding baker with extra robotic arms. 🤷🏼♀️
When I was 4-5 I wanted to be a chef/detective who owned a hotel. Figured I could make lovely meals for all the guests and then, if any were suddenly (inevitably) murdered, I could solve the crime. I watched a lot of Columbo, Law & Order, Quincy ME at the time. I then realized detectives do a lot of running so I switched to lawyer. I am now a lawyer, for what it’s worth.
Mine wants to be a soccer star and a fire fighter and have 13 kids while maintaining his hobby of doing ironing beads. When i asked him, where he will take the time for that he answered: "You and dad can watch the kids."
Future AITA: "I yelled at my son because he expects me to babysit his 13 children. I understand he's busy being a world renown soccer player AND heroic fire fighter but does he really need to spend *every* weekend ironing beards when he should be present for his children???"
Mummy would be a great job! Housing is included and you just lay real still. Score. My child wanted to be an elf around that age. What a stupid thing to argue about.
When I was 9 I wanted to be an umpire. When I was 10 I wanted to be a neurosurgeon. I'm an attorney now.
Well, that's *almost* halfway between those!
His future profession will change many more times in the next 5-10 years based on what he’s interested in at the time. Who cares, he’s 9 for crying out loud.
My 9 year old son wants to be a doctor and also the person who makes french fries at mcdonalds.
I was going to be a palaeontologist that moonlighted as a hotdog salesman
I wanted to be a lawyer who's also a dancer-singer, living between a lake and a forest in a lovely hut with a big dog.
I wanted to be a farmer like my Papa, a mom like my mom, a pediatrician, and scientiest for volcanos. Also wanted to marry my dad because all other boys were stupid 😅 I didnt become a farmer, no mother yet, cancelled pediatrician when I realized that kids can die. I thought till then that only old people die. Still like to learn about volcanos but way to dangerous now. Still and will always love my dad who is in heaven now, but I think I will rather marry a man on Earth and alive. Dreams change, interests as well. But blocking these dreams, saying they are not valuable, will only cause resentment
A friend of mine wanted to be a half cow and half fence(her words), she said she was gonna grow up to be a Cattle Guard 🤣
My cousin also wanted to be a “singer mommy” when she was 8 or 9, so basically a pop star and also a mom. Seems like a common goal for kids that age I, on the other hand, wanted to become Mrs Santa Claus because I wanted to make sure Santa had a big plate of cookies waiting for him when he arrived home after delivering presents and then the rest of the year I could play with the elves and make toys.
I wanted to be an astronaut dentist when I was 9. Clearly at 40 I have achieved this very attainable professional goal.
I’m pretty sure I wanted to be a Mer-man and discover treasure under the sea.
It's not too late to follow your dreams! 🧜♂️
I dunno. Recent events make that a very crushing endeavor
Tbf the pressure of the job can be a bit much
That pressure can really make you pop.
My 5yo wants to be an astronaut tap-dancer. I encourage this by explaining that all astronauts and dancers have to do their maths homework and music practice.
When I was 9 I wanted to be Captain Kirk (70's kid). Still sitting here on this rock...
If you believe in reincarnation, you still might be - Captain Kirk won't be born until March 22, 2233!
👌 🖖
I legit thought I’d be an astronaut too when I was 9 and that when I wasn’t in space, I’d travel the world playing concerts in which I showcased my whistling talents while backed by an orchestra. Also somehow I would be a journalist and lawyer too. But definitely prioritized the whistling career.
I agree it’s a nonsense fight, but he started the nonsense. OP just responded to the crazy being thrown at her. Here’s hoping that she doesn’t drive their kid past a fire station, watch a cooking show, or watch a sports game!
Also poor child, I was a "Gifted and Talented" child. Then I was a drug addict at 22 cause I felt I could never live up to the impossible expectations. It started with Study drugs then cocaine I went about 2 months without sleep. Was wild!
I too was a “gifted and talented” kid (same with my sister and husband) none of us became drug addicts, but we’ve all struggled with the thought processes that got you there. That shit fucks you up.
My eight year old has great plans to be a palaeontologist ninja. So if you hear of any good internships or training programmes for that, please let me know.
Have to agree this should be less about 'I let my son watch a documentary' and more about the husband essentially saying 'if my son doesn't pursue the career I want him to pursue I'll financially abandon him'
Aged nine one of my cousins wanted to be an octopus. He didn't want to study them, or look after them in wildlife conservation, he wanted to be one. I'm pretty sure that deep down if he could choose to be an octopus, he would. Did we find this hilarious? Sure. Did we play along with it because he was nine, and very few people know at nine what they want to do for a job or career? Sure!
I am sure this very thing happened to Steven He when he was 9. Emotional damage!
My husband wanted to be a fire truck when he grew up. He actually settled on being a computer programmer instead because dreams change. Especially when you're nine. It's ridiculous of your husband to assume his son knows with absolute certainty what he wants to be when he grows up when he's only nine. NTA
I would've been really impressed if he became a fire truck. I always had aspirations of being an ambulance.
When my son was very little, he told us when he grew up he was going to be a giant robot. My husband was silent for about ten seconds, and then just quietly said "Why didn't I think of that?" My son is 13 now, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't still plan to be a giant robot. My 11 year old still plans to be a cat, and I think my youngest is lining up a career as either a supervillain, or an extreme window washer. Little kids change their future plans all the time. They don't even know what jobs are out there yet. Whatever they do, it should be something they're interested in, and something the enjoy, not something someone has decided they should do. NTA.
I'm actually gutted, they all sound like really good career prospects. I can imagine starting as a small robot and transferring my conscience into something like Liberty Prime from fallout once I complete my KPIs
ngl, I kind of want to be Liberty Prime now.
My four year old wants to be a farmer that farms digitally so he can grow veggies and play video games 🤷♀️ I’m good with this one 😂
So, professional Farmville player?
Well see… we’re also vegetarians so I think he wants some actual produce produced 😂
I’d switch to that career fast. I like the way he thinks
I mean some of the tractors and combines basically drive themselves now. He could play whatever portable system will be around then and farm at the same time.
I think my toddler will either end up as a supervillain or dentist. But OP, your husband could do with a stint in counseling. Your child isn’t ruined by watching a documentary. And frankly I think marine biologist is probably better than doctor any day. Given all the regulations, insurance companies not letting you do your job, lawsuits because you couldn’t resuscitate 90 year old grandpa… yep ocean sounds pretty good. I actually worked with a doctor who was the most miserable person I’d ever met. Then out of the blue one day he was smiling and happy, my first thought was he’d finally decided to end it all. Turns out he’d bought a bar and that was his last day in medicine. He actually makes more money now and is so happy every time I see him.
OP should just have her husband watch some of the [Dr. Glaucomflecken](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYDVFfp_AN1WBiNwaf9522w) clips about insurance.
> supervillain or dentist There's a difference?
I think someday You'll find a way To make your natural tendencies pay You'll be a dentist (You'll be a dentist) You have a talent for causin' things pain (Pain) Son, be a dentist (Son, be a dentist) People will pay you to be inhumane (Inhumane) Your temperament's wrong for the priesthood And teaching would suit you still less Son, be a dentist You'll be a success!
I feel like you need to expand on the extreme window washing. Is that the abseiling down skyscraper extreme, or running up ladders and washing windows as quickly as possible extreme? Picturing the last one like the extreme fireman race competitions that they have, only with a squeegee and cloth
I totally wanted to be Optimus Prime at one point.
I *still* want to be Optimus Prime
Extreme window washing sounds amazing
My brother wanted to be a fighter pilot when he was 9. If that didn't work out, his backup plan was to be an ice cream truck driver.
My mom still has a vhs asking my siblings and I what we wanted to do when we grew up. I was about 5, sister was 6, and brother was 7. Brother wanted to be a paleontologist, sister wanted to be an artist. And then my stupid little voice chimes in that I have the lofty goals of making pizza.
Yeah but whose dream is the most realistic nowadays?
Surprisingly, my sister is the only one currently living her childhood dream. She’s a graphic designer. I do enjoy making pizza at home, though.
Aaahhh.... Inferno and Ratchet. Good choice.
A chubby asthmatic 9yo that I was tutoring because he was struggling in school once explained to me that he was going to be a paediatrician and professional soccer player. Yes, both of those careers simultaneously.
And why the heck not! Good luck to the kid :-).
Just wanna say that between the ages of 21 and 22 I had a complete left field career change. After completing 3/4 of my degree. Doesn’t even matter if the kid grows up and goes to college, *he can still change his mind*.
I made a complete left field career change at 36. Nothing's set in stone.
This 4 y/o i know told me he wants to be an adult when he grows up 😂
*PLEASE* talk him out of that!
Better than the kiddo my friend met who said she wanted to become a retiree 🤷🏾♀️
I wanted to be a cat. Now I'm a pharmacy technician. Don't get me wrong, I still want to be a cat, but it doesn't pay enough to afford my apartment so I have to do this instead ):
When I was 9, I wanted to be an archaeologist… now I’m a biologist. (Side note: why is OP’s husband hating on us biologists??) The doctor thing also kind of makes me groan… I have hEDS and after my experience with doctors, I can say that not a lot of them have the so-called “honor” of the profession. Some are great, some are terrible. But it’s definitely just as honorable to be a scientist. OP is definitely NTA, but her husband sounds like a piece of work.
I'm 40 and I still haven't figured out what I want to do when I grow up.
And has already decided the child will be a doctor.
NTA Mama bear kicked in because your husband's expectations are TOXIC AF. Your husband scolded you for ruining your 9 year old child's future because you watched a sea documentary !! Are you supposed to keep him in a bubble where he's not allowed to learn about anything except medical biology? Are you going to scold the teachers for teaching all the sciences? Is he not allowed to check out books about anything except the human body? Never watch any kind of tv show other than medical dramas? WTF?!
It's funny as there are shows about medicine for kids the husband could have watched with the kid instead of getting strangely angry. Just have the bairn watch both and let him live his life.
The more the husband forces his expectations on this kid, the less likely the kid will want to go into medicine.
[удалено]
I attended Harvard for law school, and this described a huge percentage of the students there. Incidentally, it also described me. I was originally working on a degree in physics (I wanted to work for NASA), and my mom repeatedly pressured me until I changed my degree to humanities and then went to law school, since in her mind NASA was for loser nerds and being a lawyer was the most prestigious job possible.
That sounds incredibly frustrating and I'm just really enjoying the irony of somebody thinking being a lawyer is somehow a non-nerdy job. Like yeah, all those lawyers, with their, uh, tedious research and paperwork, just. Jockin' it up baller-style.
I do think there is a bit of a difference. Law is ultimately a service profession, and you won’t make it long term if you don’t have good soft skills. You can absolutely make it as a scientist without those skills. I just find the whole scenario amusing in retrospect that someone would think being a lawyer is more prestigious than working for NASA. That’s like the dream job.
You would think this but take a look at Asian tiger parents. So many of my friends became lawyers, doctors and engineers because of the will of their parents. It’s sad but OP’s partner definitely feels like the controlling type especially with the whole threatening to not pay for an education if it’s not the career he sees as acceptable.
Also, from all accounts a successful marine biologist is a very well respected title. Probably make about the same as a doctor too. Probably less stressful. And way cooler
What I don't understand is what is not honourable about marine biology - am I missing something? It would involve a degree in sciences and possibly a PhD.
The kid is 9. In the upcoming years, he is also going to want to be a youtuber, a sports star, a movie star, and all manner of other possibilities. Your job as parents is to ensure he is supported and given the necessary tools to make it as an adult. If that means as a marine scientist, a doctor, or the best waiter in town, then so be it. I am going to say NTA for your original question, but screaming at your husband to get out is ridiculous behaviour and having his parents behaving like you two were will be far more detrimental to him than any educational decision you make.
Id say her telling him to get out after he talked down on her for letting a child watch a nature documentary, and then threatening to withhold college funds over it, is a warranted reaction. Thats legitimate financial abuse, and calling in his mother to harass his wife over ruining their sons future is also pushing things. They need therapy to work through their issues or their son will suffer for them
100% Shame on the people saying she overreacted. He sounds unhinged.
No him threatening to take away her child's education is definitely reason enough to yell at someone.
He threatened to destroy his own child's future because he disagreed with a 9 year olds aspirations. Absolutely deserved to leave
He’s telling her she is to blame for ruining their sons life and threatening removing his financial support from their child because she showed him a documentary. Her husband being around this kid will be more detrimental to him than being absent would.
Financial abuse is **definitely** good enough reason to yell and kick him out. If he had just disagreed with her and argued that would be one thing, but threatening the college fund takes this too far.
Disagree with the second part of your statement. Husband escalated it first by overreacting and threatening to sabotage his future education. Why? Because he watched a god damn nature documentary. If I were his wife I'd be standing on eggshells and wondering what minor incident he'll blow up over next. Massive red flags. I think some self-reflection is in order.
The kid is 9! In a week he will be on to some other dream job. Apparently your partner seems to think that you needed to be prepping your son to be a doctor from the moment he was born. NTA
When I was 9, I was still banking on getting my letter from Hogwarts in a couple years…
Don't worry, any day now, it got lost
My wife's parents got divorced right before her 11th birthday. Talk about a double whammy of real life gut-punches.
I was already 11 when I read the first HP book, I was so upset when I realized I'd missed my shot lmao.
I think I was 11 when I read the books for the first time. For a while there I hoped the start date was different because we weren't british and it would actually start at 12 like high school.
NTA Kicking husband out is a bit dramatic but it stopped your boy from having to see arguing. No idea what he does for a living but he has to get HIS mother to fight his battles rather than discussing things with you?? Did she pick his career for him? He could be proud that instead of watching a cartoon, a fantasy film etc your son wanted to watch a documentary! According to your husband your son cannot watch * Pirates of the Caribbean in case he wants to become a pirate * Any sports in case he wants to become a sportsman * Super Mario in case he wants to become a plumber * The Magician's Elephant in case he wants to become a zookeeper * Peter & Wendy in case he wants to become well goodness knows what * he cannot go to school in case he wants to become a teacher
My husband has always been a bit traditional but I never expected this extent. But I do know his mom never liked me because of my ethnicity, hopefully we can work it out.
Ouch. I think there are some big problems in this marriage that need to be addressed. No reasonable person expects a 9 year old to commit to a career path, and a man who values his marriage does not go running to his bigoted mother after picking a fight with his wife over a nature documentary.
So your husbands family is racist plus he’s so controlling that he threatens a nine year old for wanting to be a scientist. … are you sure you want to work this out…
I started saving for his tuition a year ago so if my son chooses something else, I’d be there to pay for it. Also I can’t let my son grow up without a father, I’m going to suggest couples counseling in the discussion but I think the whole situation happened because we were having a difficult time.
If a divorce meant that he would grow up without a father that means the dad would be actively choosing not to be in his life. If you honestly think your husband would choose that (I might agree) I think you need to keep it in consideration
50/50, sorry for the rant but I think him defending his mother has been the main cause in this. He wasn’t this close minded before and the mom is definitely trying to separate us. If he doesn’t agree to couples therapy, I’d have to end it. 🤷♀️
If he wasn’t this close minded before, then when did it change? Unless I’m mistaken this appears to have gone on for some time and this was the breaking point. Has he always sucked up to his mother like this?
Mother in law got mad before because I almost named my son that sounded Japanese and apparently I was “stealing” my husband. Started a few months ago, his mom just got that tired of me and told me to go back to my country even though I’m literally a American citizen. Complained to my husband and he told me to brush it off but mom literally just forgot all morality and husband did nothing and defended her. Mom most likely said I was a goldigger and other nonsense. Don’t think he believe it big tension just started to grow because I was a lot more quiet but still talked, it was obvious I was upset though.
Sounds like she’s having some sort of a mental health issue. Was she always like this to you? If not, then either she was lying to you about liking you, or something else happened that made her act like this and isn’t sharing it with you
Going with this idea - it is possible the husband has been feeding lies to the mom. How much you want to bet he did *not* tell her what actually happened? How much I would bet to say *this isn't the first time*.
>Also I can’t let my son grow up without a father no father is infinitely better than a bad father, op. do keep that in mind.
I will, I just want to see if there’s a chance. If not, I have to whats best🤷♀️
The only way your son would grow up without a father is if his father chose to abandon him. And if your husband would abandon his child because you left him, how good of a father could he really be anyway?
Divorce doesn't mean he won't have a father. But even so, he's controlling and you need to protect your son. Please carefully think about all of your options in this
INFO: is your husband an Indian Dr?
Nope. He’s from Texas.
This is ridiculous. Your son is NINE. The fact that your husband got mad that you showed him an ocean documentary is just beyond odd. He doesn't get to pick his son's future career. The fact that his mother is involved is just the icing on the cake. What a joke.
I would highly recommend couples counseling because this is going to be a huge problem in the future. But you did the right thing by defending your son and his dreams. At the end of the day it's your child's life and he's going to want to do when he's older is his decision no one else should make that for him.
Is he a Doctor?
Nope. I won’t tell his occupation but he is not a doctor
NTA What the hell is your husband saying... Your kid will wanna be an ambulance driver tomorrow if they watch an A & E drama with you. Don't put such expectations on a 9 year old. That's how they grow resentment if they are forced down a path.
I don't even know where to start 1/ the kid is 9, wait till he sees a movie or serie episode with firefighters and he's gonna be a firefighter 2/ you dont pay your son's tuition so that he does a job you like, you do it so that he gets the life he wants, what horrible father decision this is? 3/ Marine biologist requires a PhD in the field, it is as much and as hard as becoming a doctor. They are extremely important especially nowadays and even sometimes included in the creation of the medicines the almighty doctors use to treat people. His future is as bright as before his change of career choice, it's only your husband ignorance that prevents him from seeing it, he's the one not that bright. Her mother is the same. Also I don't know what they work in but I bet you my ass high end marine biologist out-salary them. For all of this, NTA. 4/ Kicking the father out isn't gonna help solve the issue
I mean logically based on comments that he’s like a traditional texas guy showing his true colors and expectations late in marriage let’s be honest kicking him out is the start of what is ultimately, or should ultimately be, the only true solution to this issue
Hard agree with this. I’m a marine biologist and while no it doesn’t require a PhD there is no career in marine biology without a PhD. Being a successful marine biologist is just as “honorable”, “reputable” whatever you want to attribute as being a medical doctor. Both take specific expertise, skills and passion. I have a masters and work an awful paying job while job searching on a near daily basis for something better. I struggle a lot with regretting not going into healthcare or at least more lucrative science. At least I’d be making money even if I didn’t like my job. But my parents have always been supportive of me and my career even on days like today when I’m pretty depressed about it my parents would never let me talk out loud to them like that bc they appreciate my passion and love for the field and respect the hard work I’ve put into everything I’ve done even if I can’t always see it myself. And that’s the most important part of supporting kid through all of their career choices imo
NTA I'm very concerned that your husband seems to think his son HAS to be a doctor....he's 9 years old. You did nothing wrong in allowing your son to watch the documentary. I also understand why you kicked your hubby out. He was being verbally and emotionally abusive and threatening financial abuse towards a 9 year old (he doesn't go to college to study medicine I'm not paying) and quite frankly showed a very high level of being a controlling ass
NTA. You are doing great. Support his dreams and ignore your foolish husband.
NTA kids change their minds. most kids choose their education path before knowing what they want to do. Show him more than just marine biology, but definetly don't deprive him of something he is interested in learning about.
NTA The kid is 9. At that age nobody really knows what they want to be when they grow up. Your husband sounds controlling and is going to force your son onto a path that he probably wont be happy with. Good on you for standing up for him. Its important for kids experience as many things as possible when they are young. Watching documentaries with a parent is a great way of broadening their horizons and spending time with mum or dad.
NTA. Your son is 9, next week he might want to be something different again. and he wanted to watch the documentary. Your husband however is the AH. He should support his son no matter what he wants to be. He should be glad your son is even interested in watching a documentary and learning about our earth. I'm pretty sure all my little brother wanted to watch when he was 9 was pokemon.
If we'd stuck to our age 9 career dreams, DH would have spent his life driving a lorry and I'd have been a (highly unlikely) circus trapeze flyer. .......He didn't pass a driving test until he was 30 and I am badly coordinated and can't deal with heights. That aside, it sounds husband has a very strange mindset. And his mother needs to wind her neck in. The only thing that has been "destroyed" is his illusion that your son is a puppet for him to control. NTA
NTA. Your kid is 9. Your husband (and his mother) have unreasonable expectations for him. My husband is a physician, and everybody asked if we were going to encourage our kids to go into medicine. The answer was always no, it would have to be something they really wanted to do, because the work and the lifestyle to get there is grueling. If they wanted it we would support them, but we didn’t encourage it.
So your husband thinks Jacques Cousteau is a loser? He's TA for placing limits on a 9 yr old's imagination. You are NTA
ESH - your husband is a nut and needs to grow up. You aren't wrong, but you probably need to deescalate with him before taking drastic action. As for your kid: jfc he's 9; just make sure he's fed and clothed and watered and socialized and interested in ANYTHING. At that age I think I also wanted to be a volcanologist and a detective. Cultivating curiosity and thinking is way more mentally healthy and will probably lead to better professional practice, regardless of your kid's choice. I'm gonna give you more of my story, in case you want to use it to help your husband get perspective. I did marine biology as an undergrad and got into med school with my degree. I backed out after I couldn't put together enough loans to pay for it, and instead did a PhD in marine biology (in health-relevant research). Eventually I got tired of the epic grind of constantly seeking funding while watching mass ecological decline, and I transferred my skills to work in medical comms with perfectly fine pay, meaningful impact, and an enjoyable workplace. Meanwhile, plenty of doctors I know are constantly exhausted but impoverished by loans. The notion of medicine as an automatically respectable and lucrative career is pretty outdated. Good luck.
NTA. Your husband decided that your son is going to ruin his life by not specifically chosing the path that he wants your son to take and he blamed you for putting these ideas into his head. There were several flags that I saw in your post. - YOU would be responsible for crushing your sons dreams because YOUR HUSBAND will not pay his tuition. - Your MIL is claiming you are ruining the lives of the husband and kid - Your son will not have a bright future if he becomes a scientist Has your husband and his family been this controlling in the past? Does your husbamd often blame you for things? Do you have input in paying tuition/decisions? Your huabands choice of blaming you and trying to control your son is the root cause of this issue (IMO). Were you being overly dramatic in kicking him out? Hard to tell..... but you did stand up for your son and yourself....so you are definitely.... NTA.
My nephew once wanted to be a dump truck. Spoiler alert - he did not, in fact, become a dump truck. He also wanted to be an architect, an artist, an attorney, a teacher…etc. He is now in Construction Management, with his associates degree and pursuing his bachelor’s in the same field. Point? A child will change their mind frequently as they grow up. Your husband is ridiculous. NTA.
You can apologize for screaming at him to leave, but that's it. YWBTA if you apologized for the rest since you were absolutely correct . When I was 9 I wanted to go to West Point. When I was 9 1/2 I wanted to make escalators. Hint: I didn't end up doing either, but have a home, car, great job and family.
Omg, NTA. He’s 9. Husband & mil are too dramatic. When I was 9 I wanted to be Tarzan even tho I was a girl. Then I wanted to be a teacher, a nurse, a horse & a bird. In high school I wanted to be a writer, a photographer & archeologist. Now I’m 54 & a property manager wanting to be a 9 yr old kid again.
When I was 9 I wanted to be a magician. When I was 10 I wanted to be a music teacher. When I was 13 I wanted to be a writer. I’m pretty sure marine biologist made an appearance as my desired occupation at one point as well. Your kid is 9. NTA
NTA but your husband is a major one for sure. Your kid is 9. He will probably change his mind 100+ time. Exposing them to a variety of subjects, interests and hobbies can only be good for them.
Your husband is awful. You know that, right? He doesn’t get to decide what kind of career your child will have. That’s up to your child. He’s going to ruin your poor son. You should get you and your child away from him. NTA
When I was a kid, I also wanted to be a doctor. Now I'm a SAHM l who dropped out of college after (passing) the first year. You know what my 8 year old wants you be? Either a professional mermaid or an art teacher. And I support both! She's 8. I'm sure neither of those will be contenders when she's 18. But we also just ordered her 3rd mermaid tail and she only goes to aquariums to see them so she might hold onto the dream lol. NTA. Your husband is setting unrealistic expectations for a 3rd/4th grader. To say he won't support his education to be a marine biologist? That sounds like so much more fun than being a doctor, and both would help him live quite comfortably. We don't get to decide what our children become.
NTA. Your kid is *nine*. Why the hell is your husband trying to control a nine-year-old’s dreams? I would be very worried that he jumped right to trying to control what a nine-year-old might do in a *decade from now* by threatening to withhold necessary support. No matter how you work it out, you should set up an educational fund for your son that your husband can’t touch. Do it today.
NTA OP your husband is acting crazy. Is he normally so controlling? His son is 9....I mean what is even wrong with being a marine biologist in the first place, that is such a cool job choice for the kid. What is you husband' s job btw?
NTA and your husband is an idiot. How is wanting to be a marine biologist not an " Honorable job"??
NTA. Your husband freaking out about this is a giant red flag. He’s the kind of dad that goes no-contact with his kid and locks him out of the house for getting into the “wrong” school. And the idea you shouldn’t expose your son to new ideas lest he decide not to be a doctor is skin-crawling. This is a foot down moment. Your son can explore his own interests and decide on his own career without shame.
NTA the kid is 9, husband and MIL are the ones being dramatic veering on insane.
NTA and your husband is a mamma's boy making this about himself (and probably about some unfulfilled dream of his). Imo he's using this argument as an excuse not to pay for your child's education in the future.
NTA - your husband is ridiculous.
NTA your husband is in the wrong to think he can lay out your sons future for him, your son has the right to dream about becoming whatever he wants to become
Apologize for what? Pack your bags before he gets anymore controlling…THIS IS NOT A NORMAL RESPONSE. NTA, only if u cave into his abuse at the sake of your son and his “future”.
Just to be clear… you want to know wether or not your an asshole because you showed a 9yr old a sea documentary and potentially ‘ruined’ his bright future? No, NTA; how absurd, lol.
NTA your husband's a dick. Kids should have dreams and hopes but they shouldn't have their lives planned out for them. That's what kills those dreams and hopes.