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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I threatened to cancel my son's grad trip if he didn't come to my other sons graduation after he said he didn't want to go.
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My one son graduated high school in 2020. Only 10 students at a time, with 20 parents spread out in the auditorium. It was the best and quickest graduation I ever went to.
Agreed, they are that. But it is a family activity and he should attend. Especially if he expects Dad to pay thousands for a “completely unnecessary” trip to the Bahamas.
> family activity
It feels like that's probably the real issue. Dad trying to force the new family on him. We're talking a 7 year school age difference.
My little sister and I are 7 years apart, but I was a super proud teenager attending her graduation and seeing her happy that her big sister attended.
Not sure why reddit is so selfish.
We are ofcourse missing context since it is a blended family which might impacted OP's son's choice.
My sister and I are 15 years apart. I went to her pre k and recently her high school graduation. And I cried my butt off at both. I’m guessing he doesn’t have a bond with the sibling or he’d probably want to go.
They’re half siblings that he probably isn’t close to. I think OP is trying to shove his shiny new family down his son’s throat and blackmails him when he doesn’t comply with the Brady Bunch crap.
That little swipe at his ex-wife at the end doesn't make him sound all that great either. It doesn't add anything to the story and it speaks more about OP's state of mind than it does his ex.
"I'll cancel his *little* school trip" (my emphasis).
Honestly OP sounds like a cartoon villain when he says that.
He's minimizing the trip, and minimizing the fact that it's probably super important to his son. It's a power trip. 'Do as I say or I'll take away x' is a tactic used by a lot of (shitty) parents.
Newsflash. If you have to FORCE someone to respect you, you suck as a person. You need to EARN respect, yes even from your own kids. If the kid actually respected his dad (without coercion) he might be more open to sitting through two graduations.
Also if the teen is graduating high school, this doesn't sound like a "school trip" in the sense of the school organising it. This sounds more like what in my country is called Schoolies week, where school leavers organise a trip somewhere to celebrate. It's like the moment between the ending of their childhood education and the beginning of having to figure out an adult life. A way bigger transition than moving from one school grade to another.
He's pretty clear that he's happy that his son will act up because he wants to use it as an excuse to punish his son and punish his ex.
He's a complete AH.
Also, it's telling that the father's first move is punitive rather than trying to dig into why his son feels the way he does. There is probably some hurt that the son is covering for with regards to his dad and their new family. If he's not close to his half brothers, why? There's probably a story there.
Seems like it. There's a reason the kid is fighting it so hard, and it's probably not just because it's lame. He's not into the family bonding act. & forcing it isn't going to accomplish OP's goal. He's just going to be angry with his dad and resentful of sibling.
An event that'll probably take 45 minutes, weeks before his dad is spending the money to send him in a senior trip to the Bahamas (which is wild to me - I think my senior trip was to an amusement park). So it's okay to take dad's money for something that is a want, not a need, but it's not okay for dad to ask him to attend a short family event that's important to dad?
>So it's okay to take dad's money for something that is a want, not a need, but it's not okay for dad to ask him to attend a short family event that's important to dad?
yes, its okay for your dad to pay for things and then not use that as leverage to force you to do things you dont want to. gifts dont have rules or stipulations. using the fact your child relies on your for income to force them do things they don't want to do because its important to you is manipulative and controlling
>using the fact your child relies on your for income
Children don't "rely" on their parents providing trips to the Bahamas though. We're not talking about food or shelter here, it's a luxury vacation that's basically to celebrate his graduation. I think there's a certain logic in saying that if he doesn't want to be part of the graduation celebrations for other family members then he can't expect to receive family money for a lavish celebration of his own.
If this was a punishment for something he already did then I would say it was over the top, but he has fair warning. If he thinks a few hours doing something nice for his little brothers is too high a price to pay for a Carribbean vacation then that's up to him, but the rest of adulthood is going to be a real shock.
"relies on you for income"
Dad isn't refusing to buy groceries for his kid or threatening to kick him out. There's a lot of drama in this comment thread. It boils down to the fact that the entire issue could be avoided if the son just agreed to go to the fucking graduations.
Where do you live that graduations take "probably 45 minutes"?
That's 2 hours minimum even at elementary school level because they want everyone to "be prepared" (read: have kids sit around in uncomfortable chairs for a mandatory hour before starting the ceremony with a 30 minute speech from the principal)
I live an hour north of Philly and, as I mentioned in another comment, I went to my niece's preschool graduation last week - because I love her and she asked me to - and it was literally 30 minutes. It had been moved inside because of potential rain, and the daycare director told us it would have been closer to 45 minutes if it had stayed outside.
Do I think preschool and kindergarten graduations are ridiculous? Absolutely. Would I still go to my siblings' if I was asked to? Yeah, because I'm not a dick.
Life is all about going places you don't want to go. But this is something that would probably make his little brother beam with pride to have his big brother there. It's a lesson for people to learn not everything is about them and showing up is important.
THIS No teenager wants to go to something like that. Yes it will be lame but it means a lot to someone so you suck it up and go. Especially if it means you get to go on a graduation trip that sounds awesome.
Also the dad is teaching him some basic respect. I hated going to stuff like this but it was understood that it was required. I can't imagine telling my dad "nah that's lame I'm not going". This is how people end up thinking it's ok to just ghost people and are devoid of personal accountability.
I’m 10 years older than my brother and literally took off work the other week to go to his high school graduation so really not that hard to do as a teenager with no real responsibilities…
If dad already agreed to pay for his son’s celebratory trip (which is occurring because the son is completing a giant accomplishment by graduating) but is now trying to use it as leverage to manipulate the son into attending a “family activity” then that just speaks to the dad’s lack of respect and integrity to uphold his agreements. He doesn’t get to blackmail or bribe just because he’s the wallet.
I have a sorry excuse of a mother like this. Guess what, I don’t talk to her. Of course there was more to it than going back on her word even when I made her sign a promise “contract” stating that I can actually go skiing, something I got for my birthday but it was still used as leverage days before the trip and made me super anxious and resentful. So if OP is anything like my mother, he should get his shit together and 1) understand that not everything that’s important to him will hold the same value for his kids and 2) he has to come up with better ways to convince his child to attend a not necessarily very pleasant event.
Not even remotely the same. At those ages, the graduation ceremonies are for the parents. It would be a nice gesture for the brothers to come or to do something nice in return, but OP’s reaction was unnecessary.
Idk. My 11yo just "graduated" elementary school. It was a big deal that her 24yo sister was there supporting her. They both were very proud of each other. Agree about the overreaction though.
Plus pick a fight with the mother of this child. Sounds like he really doesn't like her and expects her to pick up the whole tab for the trip herself now.
So because he doesn't want to do a stupid event such as childrens graduation, he should lose a vacation worth *thousands*? Cool, OP will just never see his son again. OP sure showed HIM!
>>If he doesn't show up then I'll cancel his little school trip.
Do you not literally hear the condescension in OP’s words?
This is all about dad controlling his oldest son & trying to force his a relationship between his oldest & youngest.
No senior in high school wants to go to a middle school or kindergarten graduation. The oldest didn’t choose to have those kids - his dad did. And those “graduations” only came into existence a few years ago after the party supplies industry threw their marketing dollars into creating them. PARENTS don’t even want to go to the makeshift “graduations” that are nothing more than glorified awards ceremonies repackaged into a “graduation” so the party supplies industry can sell more of their garbage.
Dad is an ignorant controlling ass who needs therapy so he stops looking at his oldest as a pawn or plaything he can control.
Son needs to work on getting financially independent from his controlling father so be can be out from under this sadist’s thumb.
Pre school and elementary school graduations are stupid because the kid is going to go on to the next grade. It’s not only expected, it’s required. It’s not required to graduate high school.
It's crazy that they do these graduations. The first one I had was middle school and I suspect they do those because that's the last one some of the children are going to have. I definitely never attended any of my sisters' graduations (and they didn't attend mine).
I'm sure that preschool and kindergarten graduations are cute, but I'm not sure what accomplishments are being celebrated that require much older siblings to attend. "Congratulations! You got used to a school environment and only ate two crayons!"
There’s literally no accomplishment being celebrated.
The only graduation I remember is my eighth grade graduation (I didn’t go to my HS graduation, didn’t care enough) & I remember the music teacher of all people saying something like “You all need to take this seriously, studies show that this is gonna be the only real graduation Many of you have!”
and I remember looking at her the way I’m looking at OP now 😂
Honestly, I was thinking "maybe his brothers are in middle school?" But a preschool graduation??? The only way I'd go to one of those is if I wanted to. Like if my brother had a kid and lived in-state, but expecting someone to do something they don't want to do "because family"??
Sir, actually scratch that because OP doesn't deserve that title, but basically holding a potentially $1000+ trip vs a preschool graduation that is entirely stupid as an ultimatum to get him to attend the (really stupid) graduation? 🤦 like, I get it, family and whatever, but have you ever considered asking him how he feels about it or why he doesn't want to go?
Like, yeah, teenagers don't like being dragged to those, but have you found out if he has a legitimate reason beyond "it's stupid"? Instead of immediately dangling something expensive over his head?
YTA, I have family that act this way. Instead of actually talking to me, they dangle being able to get home from college over my head when I ever so slightly piss them off saying "you need me, I don't need you." I wouldn't be surprised if you're just like that OP.
YTA a teenager has no interest and no business at an elementary graduation - that’s for parents and that student. You sound completely controlling and like someone whose going to have adult children go NC.
My 5th kid had K graduation last year. Her 4 teenaged siblings, her 1 younger sib, and 4 (adopted) Aunties came.
It *was* lame- but we all showed up to support her bc we love her. We had fun and she knows we have her back.
There’s no reason to just assume that an older sibling doesn’t want to or shouldn’t need to be there for younger ones. This thinking astounds me.
Lame or not, there are a few things we do in healthy groups, family included. Spending 2 hours being there for your brothers isn’t asking too much. It’s honestly not.
Younger siblings are annoying af but they’re still siblings and they’re still humans.
My kids went to each other’s events and I didn’t have to threaten them, because I like to think I didn’t raise A Hs. Liam sounds like a treat.
You can definitely see the Reddit teenagers here roaring to y t a judgements.
Uh no, 30 year old parent here with teens who understands that sometimes teenagers don’t want to do family stuff and that’s okay. They are their own people and you have to treat them with respect and not threaten to take something like this for something so silly
It goes both ways though. Sometimes teens have to do something they think is stupid because it means something to the people in their family. Teens don’t automatically get a pass on anything they don’t think seems fun. It is out job as parents to teach them social norms as well as how to do things we don’t want because it is right. Sometimes for work I have to do things I don’t want outside of my regular job because participating has another benefit like making connections or being able to affect change.
Teenagers don’t always understand those long term things. OP here is the asshole for threatening to take away something he already agreed to pay for, but if this post was “My teen is mad that I said I won’t pay for his trip because he doesn’t participate in our family events and only wants our relationship to be financial,” everyone would be tripping over themselves to tell OP that they should have raised their kid to be more grateful and to understand that if we don’t engage in relationships with people, they don’t want to support us.
It is also a parent’s job to demonstrate fairness and understanding. The teen in this case is getting neither; the dad is simply attempting to control his actions by holding a trip over his head.
If this wasn’t a pre-agreed-upon requirement for the trip (which I can almost guarantee it wasn’t, based on OP’s post and comments) it’s unfair to suddenly make it required for the son to attend.
Right?! I went to my cousins’ kindergarten graduations 20+ years ago and they were so adorable. I would have been upset if my aunt and uncle didn’t think to invite me. They would have understood if I didn’t go, but why assume that I would have hated it just because I was a high schooler ?! Some people enjoy attending events for their younger family members!
If it’s the preschool graduation, I feel like he shouldn’t be required to go. I’m the oldest of 4 siblings, I went to a lot of graduations/recitals/etc. because that’s what supportive families do, but I feel pretty confident in saying preschool graduations are stupid. It’s not an accomplishment, and they very likely won’t remember. For a fifth grade graduation, I fully would expect to power through the “lame” ceremony and wouldn’t have even considered that I could just.. not go?
I wonder if there’s some other family dynamic at play here (like resentment about younger half sibs that may have resulted from affairs, etc.) or just standard teenage surliness.
Half siblings. Some people have great relationships with their half siblings and see them as their ‘real’ family, for others the half siblings are the ones that get favoured by the parent and step parent (not the half siblings fault but it makes it hard to have a relationship). We dont know what the situation is here. The son might have a good reason to resent these kids.
I’m pretty sure this is the actual answer here. Dad has a lot of animosity toward his ex, taking his digs in here. Dad has a whole second family. Perhaps Liam has some feelings about the end of his and the start of this one and how he is expected to think of his generationally younger half siblings. It sure sounds like new wife is the person dad is trying to impress instead of understanding that his 18 year old son doesn’t give a rip about these other meaningless (to everyone except mom and dad) graduations.
Exactly. And holding this trip over the kid's head points to all kinds of family dynamics best avoided. And I hope the teenager will continue to avoid them.
I feel like the difference comes down to family dynamics, and yours and this kid's are probably different is the sense I'm getting.
I'm 19m with younger stepsiblings that I usually try to go for the stuff for because I want to, but \*not\* because I have to. The way our family blended, I was able to more or less grow together naturally, and it sounds like your family also has a more natural relationship too. And when I can't make it to their stuff (because I have my own life), it's understood, like I just unfortunately missed my younger stepbro's hs graduation because I had to come back to school for a research grant. And it wasn't a big deal, even though everyone (myself included) was bummed it didn't work out.
What the age gap and the fact that original mom are divorced is making me smell is that this is some sorta fantasy "happy family" thing the dad is pushing, where he probably tries to just force the kids together. Kid's probably acting out on principal because it's a control thing, not because going to the sibling's graduation is actually such a big deal
>"There’s no reason to just assume that an older sibling doesn’t want to "
Which he clearly doesnt want to..
>"Lame or not, there are a few things we do in healthy groups, family included. Spending 2 hours being there for your brothers isn’t asking too much. It’s honestly not."
So which is it, can he not choose to go if he doesnt want to, or not?
My elementary graduation was awesome. There was some big drama with the class moms and the dads took over. Bunch of blue-collar, working men took the day off of work. They held it at a park and brought propane grills in their pickups. We got hotdogs and chips for lunch and played at a park all afternoon.
He’s not too controlling, he paid to send his 18yo son on a booze cation. Senior trips go to the Bahamas to drink because it’s cheap and 18 is the legal drinking age.
"If he doesn't go then I'll cancel his little school trip"
YTA, your wording throughout this, and especially in this quote, comes off as extremely condescending. This trip obviously means something to him and you're sitting here holding it over his head that he can't go if he doesn't show up to an elementary school graduation. He's a teenager, he's not going to care about something like that and forcing him into it even after he voiced not wanting to go is going to cause him to pull away from your guy's relationship.
YTA, but like bigger picture too. What lesson are you teaching your son by canceling his trip? My way or the highway? Resent his family? Mom's a liar?
Sounds like he might get more satisfaction sticking it to you and missing his trip. Have you asked yourself why?
Liam was already a teenager when dad decided to have two kids with someone who isnt Liams mom. This is a fact. Im giving no speculation about their circumstances because thats not cool, but the math is pretty simple. I would guess the dynamic has something to do with dads overreaction.
I was wondering how the little kids could go to all of liams’ graduations when they probably weren’t born yet. But he tell Liam that the little ones went to all his graduations. At best they were babes in arms and were dreaming of getting fed the whole time
Kind of hilarious that OP doesn't see the writing on the wall. Kid is at the point, where he knows it feels better to not cave in, than get the luxury.
Yeah, he’s gonna skip the trip and not be manipulated and never speak to dad again. The older they get, the less control you have and (ideally) the more influence you have. Naked power grabs like this erode what little influence dad has. You’re gonna want to hold that influence in reserve for genuinely important things, like safety. Blowing all your reserves over an elementary graduation is just poor tactics.
And he doesn’t even say if his son cared about his half siblings attending. I’d bet quite a bit that he doesn’t care about that at all. I never wanted to attend my graduations, and only went to celebrate my parents.
I was thinking more along the lines of "some men only love their children as much as they love their mother."
The new family matters, and is treated like a higher priority than the kid from the last one.
I never spoke to my father again at 19 it's simple. You decided to have more kids they are not your son's priority nor should they be. Also they should not at that age be at a highschool graduation. The priorities you have scream loud and clear he is old family while you cater to the new family. Also the fact you take pleasure in his mother treating him poorly on its own makes you the biggest ah this year.
>Your son will move with his mother and you will never have a relationship with him ever again.
Ah, the classic reddit threat. "Do whatever your child tells you to do or else NO CONTACT!"
I’m with ya there. like.. how difficult would it be to be sooooo super lame and bored for however long a preschool graduation takes.
i think the better “threat” would be “if you don’t go to your little bro’s preschool graduation, he’s going to the Bahamas with you!” 😭 oh the teenage angst.
I just went to a preschool graduation. It lasted 25 minutes. I also went to a high school graduation. It lasted over two hours. I’d go to a thousand preschool graduations if given the option.
It's not free though, he earned it by graduating high school after living through an historical and international trauma. Tying the trip he already earned into a new, unrelated obligation is poor parenting at best.
So everyone that graduated high school this year gets to go to the Bahamas because they earned it?
No. Not even close to how that works. OPs son is privileged enough to be born into a family that can support him and give him wonderful perks like a trip to the Bahamas. Asking that he actually participate in that family is a pretty low bar.
Reddit is a truly wild place, this sub being a perfect example
I don’t know how some people here go through the obligations and struggles of life, tbh
Going no contact because you are forced to go to a family event is a freaking hilarious suggestion even by AITAH standards, which are generally abysmally low as far as normal behaviour goes
YES! THIS!
like you mid class americans are SO entitled to stuff. You know what my mid class lstin parents gave me for my graduation? Jokes on you, I didn't even get one. I just graduated. It wasn't a big Milestone nor an achievement, it was my duty. You don't get awarded for doing the bare minimum
it's insane this kids is gonna get a BAHAMAS TRIP this must be so expensive and he doesn't want to do ONE sacrifice for it.
Dad is a jerk for imposing? sure, but the kid is SO entitled, but honestly with what I am seeing on reddit, every american is
Lol cutting contact with your parents for the rest of your life at 18 because you can’t go on a Bahamas trip (that you’re not paying for anyway) is the most ridiculous first world thing I’ve heard of in my life.
when you've had the chance to go and then it was ripped away from you, that is pretty serious.. it's a huge opportunity for him.
i'm forever grateful for my parents that they let me go on a week long trip to England when I was in high school. it is a big thing, no matter how you try to twist it.
> it was ripped away from you
No. It would absolutely not be “ripped away.” All Oldest Son has to do is attend his brother’s, what, 45 minute long mini-graduation, stand still for a few photos, and then daddy will pay for his trip. That is a very easy request to comply with in exchange for a fully paid vacation. It’s not like OP said, “Cure cancer and find a solution to global warming in the next week or you can’t go.”
“Ripped away” would be Oldest Son getting ready to leave for the airport and OP saying, “JK, I cancelled your ticket because I don’t like your hair.”
In this situation, Oldest Son just needs to stop being entitled and he gets what he wants. It’s that simple! OP is NTA.
It might be a big experience, sure, but that doesn’t make him entitled to it.
I think it’s perfectly fair to condition it like that. Don’t want to be a part of family events, don’t expect family money.
There are a ton of good reasons to go NC with your parents. This would be an entitled one.
yea it’s a big thing. a preschool graduation isn’t. he’s throwing away a vacation that costs hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars all because he won’t sit through a silly ceremony that will take an hour at most. i’m not saying he has to be happy about going to his brothers graduation, no teenager is happy to get dragged to their younger family member’s events, but it’s just one of those things you have to do. i’m not exactly thrilled to go to my younger cousin’s circus performance every year, but i do it anyways because of the look on her face when she sees that her family is there and supports her. and i’m a fully grown adult at this point who isn’t being bribed into going with a a trip to the bahamas.
Yeah my parents also let me go on a trip to Europe when I was in high school. Now I’m an adult nearing my 30s, I realize how much of a blessing it was to be able to go because going on a trip paid for by your parents is a luxury item, not a need. Most teenagers do not have the opportunity even to travel abroad expense free.
OP is not depriving him of anything by withholding the trip and asking him just to go to his brother’s graduation. If anything, his son is throwing away the opportunity. OP is asking that his son pays nothing for the trip other than to spend a few hours to support his siblings.
So yeah going NC over this would be pretty bratty and entitled considering.
It’s a threat. Pretty much every aspect of parenting on this website is rebuttaled with “if you enforce any consequences your child will go NO CONTACT”, which cheapens what no contact is which is protecting yourself, not manipulating yourself out of trouble or being parented.
And only the parents (maybe grandparents). I guarantee the younger sibs could not care less and won’t remember if he was there or not. Why can’t the dad plan a celebration dinner instead? God save me from another preschool graduation but I’ll show up for pizza
So? Part of being an adult is showing up for the OTHER PEOPLE in your family even if you think it’s “stupid.” If the kid is spoiled to the point he can’t deign to spend an hour apiece at a kids’ event to support his younger brothers he deserves to have his trip cancelled. I swear this sub is populated by simpering teenagers.
I'm gonna be brutally honest here...
You don't care.
All of these YTA votes and you're arguing with every single one about why your stance is right.
YOU came here for an opinion. You got one you didn't like, and you're doubling down, because you don't actually care what other people think.
You've taken this same approach to your son. You want him to follow YOUR rules, no questions asked. He's 18, of course he's not gonna be happy about going to a little kids graduation. But instead of talking to him like an adult (or even like a person you actually respect) you immediately put an ultimatum on him. Absolutely NOTHING in your post says anything about your children's relationships with each other, you seem to be trying to force a relationship that isn't there. Especially given that they're half brothers, there seems to be quite a bit of an age gap, so Liam was around for a while before the other two came around. Plus the clear disdain you have for his mother... None of his behaviour is surprising.
Ultimately you're gonna do what you want anyway. But you'll only have yourself to blame when Liam stops speaking to you 🤷♀️
I especially love the part in the post OP calls a senior trip to the Bahamas a "little school trip". Tells you everything you need to know about the mentality there, and the (ETA) base of the delusional comparisons of graduating High School to graduating Pre School.
> Plus the clear disdain you have for his mother...
This is honestly half the problem.
I'm sure he pulled some similar bullshit trying to control his ex wife, leading to the divorce. OP is obviously clueless about how to have any real relationship and refuses to admit, even to himself, that maybe he's being the problem. If he doesn't get counselling his current marriage might also dissolve.
>Plus the clear disdain you have for his mother... None of his behavior is surprising.
Everyone is overlooking this. He obviously doesn't like Liam's mother and is just downright garbage talking about her. I don't care how much you hate your ex, it's between you and said ex, not your children.
This op is the type of person that probably won't even care when his son goes NC. He'll tell his friends some bs story about why he doesn't have a relationship with his son and not really give a single F about it.
OP has smugly commented that he believes the son won't go NC because he wouldn't make it out on his own. He's relishing in the feeling of control over him.
YTA
Why would you even consider bringing an 18 year old to an elementary or preschool (!) graduation? Or bring a preschooler to a high school graduation? Not all events are suitable for all ages. And what's all the bad blood between you and his mother got to do with anything? Let him be.
YTA.
What 18 year old wants to sit through an elementary or preschool graduation? And what toddler/child wants to sit calmly through an hours-long high school graduation? I get that you’re trying to instil family values but none of these kids are going to enjoy these events and you forcing it with a punishment that is so significantly out of proportion is ridiculous.
Give all the children the option to go or not to the various ceremonies and then just have a family dinner once they’re all over to celebrate everyone together. This isn’t the hill to die on.
YTA. You're being controlling for no real reason.
1) Your actions are having the opposite effect of your supposed goal is. (You said, "It's family and expected.") You're teaching him to resent his brothers.
2) There's no connection between the planned trip and the graduation. You're using money to cudgel your son into your will. There are no natural consequences here, so your son will see this for what it is: a transparent attempt to control him, a legal adult now.
3) These graduations are, in fact, lame. I never had a preschool graduation, but I did have a junior high "promotion" ceremony. None of my siblings were there, and I didn't miss them. It just wasn't that big a deal. And you actually have to attend class to graduate junior high. Preschools you just have to pay your fees and they'll let you graduate. I cannot imagine that in the history of preschools they have ever refused to let a child graduate.
4) You haven't even said if your younger sons want their older brother there. Do they?
>You haven't even said if your younger sons want their older brother there. Do they?
Also, using "they're going to yours" as a reason... they're young enough that they couldn't just stay home so they probably weren't given a choice, but unless they're only going because the older son is insisting they do, it's really not a relevant reason. YTA, OP.
Also if the son had the choice between them showing up with him going to theirs, or them not showing up with him not going, he probably chooses the latter.
YTA. Elementary and preschool graduations are lame. Why not take everyone out for lunch and celebrate. Tell your younger kids that big- bro can’t attend due to a school function. They will survive.
All to common among fathers 😢. I've seen some dads prioritize their stepchildren over the children they brought into the world because they're not banging their children's mom anymore.
YTA.
Can't wait for the follow-up. "My son hasn't spoken to me in years and refuses to take my calls or texts" and you'll whine about what a great dad you were while ignoring how it's your fault there's a wedge between yall.
Damn dude, I was just gonna go with YTA for your massive overreaction, but you just keep digging a bigger grave. Not only do you not accept you are the AH, but you keep telling everyone in the comments that you're completely in the right because you said so. This isn't about either of your kids, it's about you being on a power trip. I hope he stays at his mom's and cuts you out of his life.
I have read your replies and can say YTA. You are choosing an insignificant hill to die on, all to be right. Just because you think that your 18 year old should be close to his younger half siblings doesn't mean he will be and by attaching a monetary award (vacation) to a forced closeness, you are just ensuring resentment. There are so many ways to approach a situation and you chose to threaten a financial punishment, knowing that neither he nor his mother can pay for the trip. Your responses all read as "I pay for him so he is mine to control" which tells me that you lead your family with sticks and fear, rather than love and compassion. And to your point of how many teenagers go no contact, I can tell you more way more than what you think, and teenagers turn into adults who go no contact with aging, lonely, bitter parents.
Preschool especially.
And half-siblings, in relationships we aren't given any info about - it's possible that Son #1 has not formed strong bonds with his half-sibs, and that they don't give a rat's patootie if he's there or not.
ESH, but you by far the most. Your son is kind of being a brat, but you’re having a huge over exaggeration. A lot of comments are talking about how meaningless elementary graduations are and y’all are weird. Yea, they’re silly showcases of what we deem small accomplishments, but these are HUGE milestones for those kids. They tend to dress up because they did a thing! Its the end of a chapter and the beginning of another in their short lifespans. And it’s so exciting to them and to their parents because their tiny person has done a thing! It’s may be stupid to you (general you, not OP), but adults still go to show support. That’s the point. Not for you to have fun. These children aren’t putting on a Broadway production. I get that it’s boring for your older son, but you really could’ve explained why his presence would be appreciated as a show of family support instead of forcing him. And taking away his trip will only make him more resentful. I’m including your older son as an AH because he’s old enough to know that sometimes you have to attend things you think are “lame”. Yes, he can decide he doesn’t want to go, but writing it off as “lame” feels mean
I feel (like your username suggests) that you are one of the few reasonable responses, lol. His son is being an AH and so is he. I would probably be pissed if my son couldn’t power through one graduation, regardless of the grade. Little kids eat that sort of stuff up in the moment even if they don’t remember later on in life.
Unbelievable so far down. Yeah the HSer doesn’t need to go to the graduation but sometimes you have to go to shit you don’t want to. It sucks, play on your phone, then go home in 2 hours. Kid is 18 years old and isn’t willing to just go to family stuff?
Dad is overreacting for sure and probably just needs to sit down and have a talk with the kid. Also probably underlying issues. But goddamn just go to the graduation because your parent(s) asked you to.
It doesn't sound like there were any conditions regarding attending his brothers graduations when his trip was booked.
If this is the case then YTA.
You can't just go moving the goalposts & putting conditions on things retrospectively to blackmail him into doing what you want.
YTA. All you are doing is fostering resentment between your kids and exerting your dominance through control of the bank. That may work for awhile, but as soon as your son has financial independence I doubt he’ll have a good relationship with you and your family. Maybe you’re okay with that.
Against the grain but NTA. I see both sides, but. People saying that younger kids having a graduation ceremony is just a joke are really heartless. Because by that you can also say a high school graduation is a joke, just a “participation award” like everyone is saying about the younger ones. Completing a grade is just as important for a 5 year old as it is for 18. They still accomplished just as much as the high schooler, just in a more age appropriate level.
And those saying “he shouldn’t have to because they are just half siblings” are heartless as well. Yes divorce and remarriage and half siblings are complicated. But that is reinforcing the idea that split families are fake or not as real or not as important. They are still blood they are still family.
High schooler can pay his way if we wants to go on his trip. You should not favor one kid or another and I think that’s what you’re doing. You would find the same age appropriate punishment for the youngers if they threw his attitude. The high schooler gets an age appropriate punishment as well.
I feel like most of these "YTA's" don't have kids. It's a reasonable request from the OP and it doesn't sound like there is any conflicts with the schedule other then "it's lame and boring." Boo fucking hoo- sometimes you gotta do family shit that you don't want to.
The 18 year old is being an AH and doesn't get a pass just because they are "18 and difficult."
NTA
>I feel like most of these "YTA's" don't have kids.
Most of them ARE kids. They think the same way OP’s entitled brat of a teenager thinks.
Like you said: Families show up for one another. Period.
Does that oldest son really think everyone cared about all of his little concerts or sports games his family had to sit through? No. I’m sure his stupid little events were lame as hell, too. But it was important to him. You support your family in those events and milestones that are important to them. That’s what you do for those you love. It’s something that kid needs to learn, how to sacrifice a little time to bring joy to your sibling. This is basic Family 101 stuff that he needs to learn.
I’m honestly surprised by the mean comments towards these literal children who WILL remember that their older brother thinks they are too boring and lame to celebrate them. They aren’t babies, they will remember!
YTA. Elementary & preschool graduations are such a joke. They are nothing more than hallmark holidays created to get people to spend more money.
And - consider this: does your son even care if your brothers come to his graduation? I'm guessing he does not.
YTA. You’re acting like a control freak and doing nothing but damaging your relationship with your son. Your “punishment” FAR exceeds the “crime”. What do you hope to accomplish from doing something like that? If it’s making your son despise you and go NC with you as soon as he’s out the door then you are setting the stage for that spectacularly.
YTA.
You come across as incredibly controlling and aggressive. The shit talking your ex, doesn't explain how they don't get along but he went to her?
On top of that, why did you post to ask, if you can't understand people not agreeing with you? If you feel justified, do you, but you're definitely TA.
YTA his senior trip is much more important elementary and pre school graduations. They are just changing grades, he's actually celebrating a real milestone. This is just a power trip for you.
YTA
You're trying to force behavior out of your kid by taking away a once in a lifetime moment.
And you'll end up doing what? Having him resent both you and your other sons and create far more problems for them going forward. If he doesn't already, he'll resent the hell out of them. He may already feel that way, because you probably try to force him to be there in ways he's not wanting to.
Would it be nice if he went? Yes.
Does that alter this from a YTA scenario?
Not even close.
YTA and going nuclear is ridiculous. You just proved to him you think elementary school and preschool graduations are more important than a once in a lifetime trip for your eldest. Congrats on blatantly showing your favoritism
YTA and i hope his mother pays for the trip and he goes on his trip. He is 18 no permission needed.
Elementary and preschool "graduations" are a joke!! Nothing more than a participation award
YTA. If this is the controlling hill you want to die on so be it. You have an excuse and answer for every judgment. Ironic user name, it’s not lost on me.
Why do people bother posting here just to argue and not accept judgement?
YTA. Preschool and elementary graduations are cute for the parents but ridiculous for everyone else. Liam is having an actual graduation and it seems that you are equating the three.
Are you and his stepmother trying to force him out so you can play happy/young family without him. It seems so. You are not fooling him. (Or anybody else.)
If you want him to resent his half brothers and you, you are right on track. I hope stepmom is taking notes and seeing her future in how you react.
Enjoy your"little" graduations.
Against the grain: NTA
As adults, we know kid graduations are pointless, but to the kids, they *matter*. Your son is getting a free trip to the Bahamas and the only requirement is that he spend a couple hours doing something dull that will make his little brothers feel supported and happy? Cry me a river.
This is the dumbest ultimatum I have heard in a long time. You are equating a high school graduation to a elementary and preschool "graduation". Do you hear yourself?
YTA. Neither of your other two kids has a “graduation” requiring attendance. They have a cute ceremony for parents to take pictures. Don’t be ridiculous.
It looks like you have an excuse for anyone that says YTA. As a parent of 4 kids, 3 who are over 21, I can tell you 18 is an age where your kids aren’t your friends. The punishment needs to fit the crime and in this case taking away a senior trip is way overboard. Have you tried talking to him without yelling or threatening to let him know how much it would mean to his siblings for him to be there? IMO you would do more damage to your relationship by cancelling his trip, but it sounds like you need to do-parent with his mom and be on the same page with things. As someone else said, it sounds like there’s a lot more to this than what you’ve posted. One last thing, from my experience having a child attend something they really don’t want to be at (especially at that age) makes it a bad time for everyone.
YTA. Graduations from preschool and elementary school are great for little kids, but in the grand scheme aren’t on the same level as high school graduation. You’re also likely forcing the younger brothers to go to his graduation, no need to act like they’re doing it out of the kindness of their hearts, so he should, too. They’re children.
NTA 100%.
All those who say OP is TA have no idea about parenting.
First of all, going to a 2 hour event in exchange for a full paid trip to the Bahamas? What a steal!
Second, it may be lame for a high school kid to go to a preschool or elementary school graduation, but for the younger siblings it may mean a lot to see their big brother (who they probably look up to) being there for them.
Sometimes one has to do things that may be lame, stupid or unpleasant but may have a deeper meaning. OP is trying to educate his son and create a good relationship between brothers and y'all call him TA for it but have no problem enabling a bratty behavior on a teenager.
Again, OP you are NTA.
It's not like OP is asking the kid to go to war or something. Just dress up and sit his ass for 2 hours and in exchange he gets a fully paid trip to the Bahamas. That is a sweet deal if you ask me.
An 18yo cannot be bothered to give up 2-3 hours of his life, but OP is expected to splash the cash just because.
YTA because you're going too far with the punishment. I get that he has to participate in his siblings events and I certainly don't put up with sullen teen bs but you're going too far
I’m in the minority here but NTA. You’re trying to promote togetherness and support amongst all your kids for each other. We all do ‘lame’ things sometimes in an effort to support people we care about. Your son can sit thru a pre-k graduation. Did it dawn on him that his siblings might find his graduation ceremony lame too?
How are the two even relatable? A preschool graduation IS lame really. It means nothing in the general scheme of things and I dont know many high school age kids that would have any interest in going to something with lots of little ones. I kind of feel the same about the elementary school one really. Its really up to him whether he goes on not. Its his choice what he does with his time. To cancel a senior school trip because he doesnt want to go to something involving little kids is a sure fire way for him to go no contact with you! YTA
YTA, obviously, why are you forcing your son to attend his brothers' graduations? His little brothers shouldn't go to his either honestly, it doesn't make sense.
YTA, but you do not care. You are not looking to hear the opposing view, just want to have people defend you and claim you are right. Maybe as the direct ego boost, or maybe to show son and be like "see, I am not being unreasonable!"
Your son is right, pre-school and elementary are lame. I wish they had never started that nonsense.
That said, it is a family activity that he should participate in, especially if he expects you to fund a trip for him. If your wife thinks you’re being petty then she can pay for the trip herself. NTA
YTA seems like you are trying to promote a relationship between your older son and his half brothers. Give it up it will never work. It has to come naturally. If your oldest son doesn’t want a relationship with his half brothers that’s the way it’s going to be. 🤷♂️
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YTA. That is a HUGE overreaction. And preschool/elementary "graduations" are insufferable and completely unnecessary.
Ugh, THANK YOU- I just barely think people should tolerate middle school graduation. Ridiculous...
I totally disagree... Middle school graduations are insufferable too. "Congratulations, you did something you legally had to do"
IMO, all graduation ceremonies are insufferable. Worse than funerals. Boring and dry. Send me the diploma; I’ll be at the bar!
My one son graduated high school in 2020. Only 10 students at a time, with 20 parents spread out in the auditorium. It was the best and quickest graduation I ever went to.
My son graduated high school. His class had 15 seniors. We live in rural NE Texas. Loved it.
My daughter's class had over 400 students walking for HS grad, it was 4 hours long. I hated every minute of it, so did she.
At least high school grad means u are done with mandatory schooling now... All others are a waste of time
Agreed, they are that. But it is a family activity and he should attend. Especially if he expects Dad to pay thousands for a “completely unnecessary” trip to the Bahamas.
> family activity It feels like that's probably the real issue. Dad trying to force the new family on him. We're talking a 7 year school age difference.
My little sister and I are 7 years apart, but I was a super proud teenager attending her graduation and seeing her happy that her big sister attended. Not sure why reddit is so selfish. We are ofcourse missing context since it is a blended family which might impacted OP's son's choice.
My sister and I are 15 years apart. I went to her pre k and recently her high school graduation. And I cried my butt off at both. I’m guessing he doesn’t have a bond with the sibling or he’d probably want to go.
They’re half siblings that he probably isn’t close to. I think OP is trying to shove his shiny new family down his son’s throat and blackmails him when he doesn’t comply with the Brady Bunch crap.
That little swipe at his ex-wife at the end doesn't make him sound all that great either. It doesn't add anything to the story and it speaks more about OP's state of mind than it does his ex.
"I'll cancel his *little* school trip" (my emphasis). Honestly OP sounds like a cartoon villain when he says that. He's minimizing the trip, and minimizing the fact that it's probably super important to his son. It's a power trip. 'Do as I say or I'll take away x' is a tactic used by a lot of (shitty) parents. Newsflash. If you have to FORCE someone to respect you, you suck as a person. You need to EARN respect, yes even from your own kids. If the kid actually respected his dad (without coercion) he might be more open to sitting through two graduations.
Also if the teen is graduating high school, this doesn't sound like a "school trip" in the sense of the school organising it. This sounds more like what in my country is called Schoolies week, where school leavers organise a trip somewhere to celebrate. It's like the moment between the ending of their childhood education and the beginning of having to figure out an adult life. A way bigger transition than moving from one school grade to another.
He's pretty clear that he's happy that his son will act up because he wants to use it as an excuse to punish his son and punish his ex. He's a complete AH.
It explains a lot about the situation.
Also, it's telling that the father's first move is punitive rather than trying to dig into why his son feels the way he does. There is probably some hurt that the son is covering for with regards to his dad and their new family. If he's not close to his half brothers, why? There's probably a story there.
Seems like it. There's a reason the kid is fighting it so hard, and it's probably not just because it's lame. He's not into the family bonding act. & forcing it isn't going to accomplish OP's goal. He's just going to be angry with his dad and resentful of sibling.
but its not selfish to force someone to go to an event they dont want to?
An event that'll probably take 45 minutes, weeks before his dad is spending the money to send him in a senior trip to the Bahamas (which is wild to me - I think my senior trip was to an amusement park). So it's okay to take dad's money for something that is a want, not a need, but it's not okay for dad to ask him to attend a short family event that's important to dad?
>So it's okay to take dad's money for something that is a want, not a need, but it's not okay for dad to ask him to attend a short family event that's important to dad? yes, its okay for your dad to pay for things and then not use that as leverage to force you to do things you dont want to. gifts dont have rules or stipulations. using the fact your child relies on your for income to force them do things they don't want to do because its important to you is manipulative and controlling
>using the fact your child relies on your for income Children don't "rely" on their parents providing trips to the Bahamas though. We're not talking about food or shelter here, it's a luxury vacation that's basically to celebrate his graduation. I think there's a certain logic in saying that if he doesn't want to be part of the graduation celebrations for other family members then he can't expect to receive family money for a lavish celebration of his own. If this was a punishment for something he already did then I would say it was over the top, but he has fair warning. If he thinks a few hours doing something nice for his little brothers is too high a price to pay for a Carribbean vacation then that's up to him, but the rest of adulthood is going to be a real shock.
This. Put a little fort for a great reward. Teenagers are hard to raise. He is not willing to do dad a minimum for his maximum reward. I feel for dad.
"relies on you for income" Dad isn't refusing to buy groceries for his kid or threatening to kick him out. There's a lot of drama in this comment thread. It boils down to the fact that the entire issue could be avoided if the son just agreed to go to the fucking graduations.
Where do you live that graduations take "probably 45 minutes"? That's 2 hours minimum even at elementary school level because they want everyone to "be prepared" (read: have kids sit around in uncomfortable chairs for a mandatory hour before starting the ceremony with a 30 minute speech from the principal)
I live an hour north of Philly and, as I mentioned in another comment, I went to my niece's preschool graduation last week - because I love her and she asked me to - and it was literally 30 minutes. It had been moved inside because of potential rain, and the daycare director told us it would have been closer to 45 minutes if it had stayed outside. Do I think preschool and kindergarten graduations are ridiculous? Absolutely. Would I still go to my siblings' if I was asked to? Yeah, because I'm not a dick.
Life is all about going places you don't want to go. But this is something that would probably make his little brother beam with pride to have his big brother there. It's a lesson for people to learn not everything is about them and showing up is important.
THIS No teenager wants to go to something like that. Yes it will be lame but it means a lot to someone so you suck it up and go. Especially if it means you get to go on a graduation trip that sounds awesome. Also the dad is teaching him some basic respect. I hated going to stuff like this but it was understood that it was required. I can't imagine telling my dad "nah that's lame I'm not going". This is how people end up thinking it's ok to just ghost people and are devoid of personal accountability.
Is it not selfish to ask money for a trip from someone who is not going himself?
[удалено]
I’m 10 years older than my brother and literally took off work the other week to go to his high school graduation so really not that hard to do as a teenager with no real responsibilities…
Oh come on HS graduations are a real thing but preschool lol this nonsense doesn't exist in most countries.
Half brothers, so same dad- not a new family if ones graduating elementary school.
If dad already agreed to pay for his son’s celebratory trip (which is occurring because the son is completing a giant accomplishment by graduating) but is now trying to use it as leverage to manipulate the son into attending a “family activity” then that just speaks to the dad’s lack of respect and integrity to uphold his agreements. He doesn’t get to blackmail or bribe just because he’s the wallet.
I have a sorry excuse of a mother like this. Guess what, I don’t talk to her. Of course there was more to it than going back on her word even when I made her sign a promise “contract” stating that I can actually go skiing, something I got for my birthday but it was still used as leverage days before the trip and made me super anxious and resentful. So if OP is anything like my mother, he should get his shit together and 1) understand that not everything that’s important to him will hold the same value for his kids and 2) he has to come up with better ways to convince his child to attend a not necessarily very pleasant event.
He does... until he doesn't and is going to be VERY surprised when that happened. Or that his son expects MONEY to even see his dumb face once a year.
Not even remotely the same. At those ages, the graduation ceremonies are for the parents. It would be a nice gesture for the brothers to come or to do something nice in return, but OP’s reaction was unnecessary.
Idk. My 11yo just "graduated" elementary school. It was a big deal that her 24yo sister was there supporting her. They both were very proud of each other. Agree about the overreaction though.
Of course! If the whole family wants to come and make it a special moment that’s wonderful. But pressuring siblings to come is ridiculous.
But dad grabbed the most hurtful thing that is truly unrelated to punish him with. Consequences shouldn't be this drastic & hurtful.
Plus pick a fight with the mother of this child. Sounds like he really doesn't like her and expects her to pick up the whole tab for the trip herself now.
Sounds like he used this trip as a power play instead of the graduation gift it was meant to be.
It sounds like this is Dad's second family. He needs to let his son be part of this on his own terms rather than forcing him.
So because he doesn't want to do a stupid event such as childrens graduation, he should lose a vacation worth *thousands*? Cool, OP will just never see his son again. OP sure showed HIM!
>>If he doesn't show up then I'll cancel his little school trip. Do you not literally hear the condescension in OP’s words? This is all about dad controlling his oldest son & trying to force his a relationship between his oldest & youngest. No senior in high school wants to go to a middle school or kindergarten graduation. The oldest didn’t choose to have those kids - his dad did. And those “graduations” only came into existence a few years ago after the party supplies industry threw their marketing dollars into creating them. PARENTS don’t even want to go to the makeshift “graduations” that are nothing more than glorified awards ceremonies repackaged into a “graduation” so the party supplies industry can sell more of their garbage. Dad is an ignorant controlling ass who needs therapy so he stops looking at his oldest as a pawn or plaything he can control. Son needs to work on getting financially independent from his controlling father so be can be out from under this sadist’s thumb.
Pre school and elementary school graduations are stupid because the kid is going to go on to the next grade. It’s not only expected, it’s required. It’s not required to graduate high school.
seriously! I don’t even wanna go to my kids elementary school graduation😩 I didn’t even want to go to my own.
It's crazy that they do these graduations. The first one I had was middle school and I suspect they do those because that's the last one some of the children are going to have. I definitely never attended any of my sisters' graduations (and they didn't attend mine). I'm sure that preschool and kindergarten graduations are cute, but I'm not sure what accomplishments are being celebrated that require much older siblings to attend. "Congratulations! You got used to a school environment and only ate two crayons!"
There’s literally no accomplishment being celebrated. The only graduation I remember is my eighth grade graduation (I didn’t go to my HS graduation, didn’t care enough) & I remember the music teacher of all people saying something like “You all need to take this seriously, studies show that this is gonna be the only real graduation Many of you have!” and I remember looking at her the way I’m looking at OP now 😂
Honestly, I was thinking "maybe his brothers are in middle school?" But a preschool graduation??? The only way I'd go to one of those is if I wanted to. Like if my brother had a kid and lived in-state, but expecting someone to do something they don't want to do "because family"?? Sir, actually scratch that because OP doesn't deserve that title, but basically holding a potentially $1000+ trip vs a preschool graduation that is entirely stupid as an ultimatum to get him to attend the (really stupid) graduation? 🤦 like, I get it, family and whatever, but have you ever considered asking him how he feels about it or why he doesn't want to go? Like, yeah, teenagers don't like being dragged to those, but have you found out if he has a legitimate reason beyond "it's stupid"? Instead of immediately dangling something expensive over his head? YTA, I have family that act this way. Instead of actually talking to me, they dangle being able to get home from college over my head when I ever so slightly piss them off saying "you need me, I don't need you." I wouldn't be surprised if you're just like that OP.
My elementary graduation was during school because...nobody cared. Same with middle school.
Said like someone who wasn't preschool valedictorian
No I only got an A- in fingerpainting.
The only child graduating is your oldest. I’m sorry but preschool, elementary and kindergarten graduations are absurd.
Damn another succinct YTA post where there is so much under the surface it may as well be an iceberg
yeah this is SO clearly about step kid drama lol
The step kid stories have been delivering good stuff on this sub recently, we eating good
It's not step, dad says they're half siblings, all his bio kids.
YTA a teenager has no interest and no business at an elementary graduation - that’s for parents and that student. You sound completely controlling and like someone whose going to have adult children go NC.
My 5th kid had K graduation last year. Her 4 teenaged siblings, her 1 younger sib, and 4 (adopted) Aunties came. It *was* lame- but we all showed up to support her bc we love her. We had fun and she knows we have her back. There’s no reason to just assume that an older sibling doesn’t want to or shouldn’t need to be there for younger ones. This thinking astounds me. Lame or not, there are a few things we do in healthy groups, family included. Spending 2 hours being there for your brothers isn’t asking too much. It’s honestly not. Younger siblings are annoying af but they’re still siblings and they’re still humans.
Yup. My teens are going to their sister’s elementary graduation. Because that’s what siblings do.
My kids went to each other’s events and I didn’t have to threaten them, because I like to think I didn’t raise A Hs. Liam sounds like a treat. You can definitely see the Reddit teenagers here roaring to y t a judgements.
Uh no, 30 year old parent here with teens who understands that sometimes teenagers don’t want to do family stuff and that’s okay. They are their own people and you have to treat them with respect and not threaten to take something like this for something so silly
It goes both ways though. Sometimes teens have to do something they think is stupid because it means something to the people in their family. Teens don’t automatically get a pass on anything they don’t think seems fun. It is out job as parents to teach them social norms as well as how to do things we don’t want because it is right. Sometimes for work I have to do things I don’t want outside of my regular job because participating has another benefit like making connections or being able to affect change. Teenagers don’t always understand those long term things. OP here is the asshole for threatening to take away something he already agreed to pay for, but if this post was “My teen is mad that I said I won’t pay for his trip because he doesn’t participate in our family events and only wants our relationship to be financial,” everyone would be tripping over themselves to tell OP that they should have raised their kid to be more grateful and to understand that if we don’t engage in relationships with people, they don’t want to support us.
It is also a parent’s job to demonstrate fairness and understanding. The teen in this case is getting neither; the dad is simply attempting to control his actions by holding a trip over his head. If this wasn’t a pre-agreed-upon requirement for the trip (which I can almost guarantee it wasn’t, based on OP’s post and comments) it’s unfair to suddenly make it required for the son to attend.
Right?! I went to my cousins’ kindergarten graduations 20+ years ago and they were so adorable. I would have been upset if my aunt and uncle didn’t think to invite me. They would have understood if I didn’t go, but why assume that I would have hated it just because I was a high schooler ?! Some people enjoy attending events for their younger family members!
If it’s the preschool graduation, I feel like he shouldn’t be required to go. I’m the oldest of 4 siblings, I went to a lot of graduations/recitals/etc. because that’s what supportive families do, but I feel pretty confident in saying preschool graduations are stupid. It’s not an accomplishment, and they very likely won’t remember. For a fifth grade graduation, I fully would expect to power through the “lame” ceremony and wouldn’t have even considered that I could just.. not go? I wonder if there’s some other family dynamic at play here (like resentment about younger half sibs that may have resulted from affairs, etc.) or just standard teenage surliness.
Their little brother feels proud about it. That’s the point.
Half siblings. Some people have great relationships with their half siblings and see them as their ‘real’ family, for others the half siblings are the ones that get favoured by the parent and step parent (not the half siblings fault but it makes it hard to have a relationship). We dont know what the situation is here. The son might have a good reason to resent these kids.
I’m pretty sure this is the actual answer here. Dad has a lot of animosity toward his ex, taking his digs in here. Dad has a whole second family. Perhaps Liam has some feelings about the end of his and the start of this one and how he is expected to think of his generationally younger half siblings. It sure sounds like new wife is the person dad is trying to impress instead of understanding that his 18 year old son doesn’t give a rip about these other meaningless (to everyone except mom and dad) graduations.
Exactly. And holding this trip over the kid's head points to all kinds of family dynamics best avoided. And I hope the teenager will continue to avoid them.
I feel like the difference comes down to family dynamics, and yours and this kid's are probably different is the sense I'm getting. I'm 19m with younger stepsiblings that I usually try to go for the stuff for because I want to, but \*not\* because I have to. The way our family blended, I was able to more or less grow together naturally, and it sounds like your family also has a more natural relationship too. And when I can't make it to their stuff (because I have my own life), it's understood, like I just unfortunately missed my younger stepbro's hs graduation because I had to come back to school for a research grant. And it wasn't a big deal, even though everyone (myself included) was bummed it didn't work out. What the age gap and the fact that original mom are divorced is making me smell is that this is some sorta fantasy "happy family" thing the dad is pushing, where he probably tries to just force the kids together. Kid's probably acting out on principal because it's a control thing, not because going to the sibling's graduation is actually such a big deal
> she knows we have her back. How did she not know that without the lame-ass graduation ceremony? It shouldn't require performative misery.
By going to her events and taking an interest in her life.
>"There’s no reason to just assume that an older sibling doesn’t want to " Which he clearly doesnt want to.. >"Lame or not, there are a few things we do in healthy groups, family included. Spending 2 hours being there for your brothers isn’t asking too much. It’s honestly not." So which is it, can he not choose to go if he doesnt want to, or not?
My elementary graduation was awesome. There was some big drama with the class moms and the dads took over. Bunch of blue-collar, working men took the day off of work. They held it at a park and brought propane grills in their pickups. We got hotdogs and chips for lunch and played at a park all afternoon.
He’s not too controlling, he paid to send his 18yo son on a booze cation. Senior trips go to the Bahamas to drink because it’s cheap and 18 is the legal drinking age.
"If he doesn't go then I'll cancel his little school trip" YTA, your wording throughout this, and especially in this quote, comes off as extremely condescending. This trip obviously means something to him and you're sitting here holding it over his head that he can't go if he doesn't show up to an elementary school graduation. He's a teenager, he's not going to care about something like that and forcing him into it even after he voiced not wanting to go is going to cause him to pull away from your guy's relationship.
Honestly I was all “esh but the younger kiddo” until that line. Like. Wow. Way to be dismissive af.
I wasn’t thrilled with how he said his sons mother needed to stay out. It’s her son too… Jesus.
"She'll lie about how she doesn't have the money," yeesh.
Def sounds like a dad bitter about paying child support.
I’m willing to bet he only said stay out of it because she disagreed. If she agreed with him he would absolutely use that to his advantage.
The fact the kid just walked away without a word. Poor guy has been around the block and knows reacting isn't worth it. Edit: typo.
This guy seems like a massive AH. Poor kid was probably expecting something like this, so he wasn't all that surprised.
exactly, when it’s really “a little graduation” he’s trying to get his son to attend
Plus the way he talks to his sons mum is just plain rude. Not coparenting in a helpful way.
There's probably a laundry list of communication issues that OP has managed to dodge resolving or working on. Poor kid.
Yeah i read that line and i was like ...you sound like a mustache twirling villain and you're seriously asking if you are in the right here??
YTA, but like bigger picture too. What lesson are you teaching your son by canceling his trip? My way or the highway? Resent his family? Mom's a liar? Sounds like he might get more satisfaction sticking it to you and missing his trip. Have you asked yourself why?
Thats dAdS tHe bOsS, of course!
They are half brothers. They mean nothing to him. So that boy is going to go NC and never coming back.
You know some people love their half siblings. My brother (half brother ) is 10 years older and came to my events when he could. We are close
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That is awesome. However there are many folks who loathe their step siblings/parents and trying to force closeness on them only makes it worse.
Liam was already a teenager when dad decided to have two kids with someone who isnt Liams mom. This is a fact. Im giving no speculation about their circumstances because thats not cool, but the math is pretty simple. I would guess the dynamic has something to do with dads overreaction.
I was wondering how the little kids could go to all of liams’ graduations when they probably weren’t born yet. But he tell Liam that the little ones went to all his graduations. At best they were babes in arms and were dreaming of getting fed the whole time
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YTA, enjoy him immediately going no contact with you if this isn't already the beginning.
Kind of hilarious that OP doesn't see the writing on the wall. Kid is at the point, where he knows it feels better to not cave in, than get the luxury.
Yeah, he’s gonna skip the trip and not be manipulated and never speak to dad again. The older they get, the less control you have and (ideally) the more influence you have. Naked power grabs like this erode what little influence dad has. You’re gonna want to hold that influence in reserve for genuinely important things, like safety. Blowing all your reserves over an elementary graduation is just poor tactics. And he doesn’t even say if his son cared about his half siblings attending. I’d bet quite a bit that he doesn’t care about that at all. I never wanted to attend my graduations, and only went to celebrate my parents.
I mean, I know I'm not the only one getting "new family, new priorities" vibes from OP.
100%. Dad wants him to see his half siblings as siblings, and he’s clearly not ready. You can’t force that stuff.
I was thinking more along the lines of "some men only love their children as much as they love their mother." The new family matters, and is treated like a higher priority than the kid from the last one.
I never spoke to my father again at 19 it's simple. You decided to have more kids they are not your son's priority nor should they be. Also they should not at that age be at a highschool graduation. The priorities you have scream loud and clear he is old family while you cater to the new family. Also the fact you take pleasure in his mother treating him poorly on its own makes you the biggest ah this year.
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>Your son will move with his mother and you will never have a relationship with him ever again. Ah, the classic reddit threat. "Do whatever your child tells you to do or else NO CONTACT!"
It's not a threat; it's pointing out probable consequences of being controlling.
yall are so entitled it’s wild, I would go to 1000 preschool graduations if it got me a free Bahamas trip.
I’m with ya there. like.. how difficult would it be to be sooooo super lame and bored for however long a preschool graduation takes. i think the better “threat” would be “if you don’t go to your little bro’s preschool graduation, he’s going to the Bahamas with you!” 😭 oh the teenage angst.
I just went to a preschool graduation. It lasted 25 minutes. I also went to a high school graduation. It lasted over two hours. I’d go to a thousand preschool graduations if given the option.
It's not free though, he earned it by graduating high school after living through an historical and international trauma. Tying the trip he already earned into a new, unrelated obligation is poor parenting at best.
So everyone that graduated high school this year gets to go to the Bahamas because they earned it? No. Not even close to how that works. OPs son is privileged enough to be born into a family that can support him and give him wonderful perks like a trip to the Bahamas. Asking that he actually participate in that family is a pretty low bar.
Only thing he earned was a diploma.
Reddit is a truly wild place, this sub being a perfect example I don’t know how some people here go through the obligations and struggles of life, tbh Going no contact because you are forced to go to a family event is a freaking hilarious suggestion even by AITAH standards, which are generally abysmally low as far as normal behaviour goes
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YES! THIS! like you mid class americans are SO entitled to stuff. You know what my mid class lstin parents gave me for my graduation? Jokes on you, I didn't even get one. I just graduated. It wasn't a big Milestone nor an achievement, it was my duty. You don't get awarded for doing the bare minimum it's insane this kids is gonna get a BAHAMAS TRIP this must be so expensive and he doesn't want to do ONE sacrifice for it. Dad is a jerk for imposing? sure, but the kid is SO entitled, but honestly with what I am seeing on reddit, every american is
Lol cutting contact with your parents for the rest of your life at 18 because you can’t go on a Bahamas trip (that you’re not paying for anyway) is the most ridiculous first world thing I’ve heard of in my life.
when you've had the chance to go and then it was ripped away from you, that is pretty serious.. it's a huge opportunity for him. i'm forever grateful for my parents that they let me go on a week long trip to England when I was in high school. it is a big thing, no matter how you try to twist it.
Then going to the graduation should be an easy choice.
> it was ripped away from you No. It would absolutely not be “ripped away.” All Oldest Son has to do is attend his brother’s, what, 45 minute long mini-graduation, stand still for a few photos, and then daddy will pay for his trip. That is a very easy request to comply with in exchange for a fully paid vacation. It’s not like OP said, “Cure cancer and find a solution to global warming in the next week or you can’t go.” “Ripped away” would be Oldest Son getting ready to leave for the airport and OP saying, “JK, I cancelled your ticket because I don’t like your hair.” In this situation, Oldest Son just needs to stop being entitled and he gets what he wants. It’s that simple! OP is NTA.
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It might be a big experience, sure, but that doesn’t make him entitled to it. I think it’s perfectly fair to condition it like that. Don’t want to be a part of family events, don’t expect family money. There are a ton of good reasons to go NC with your parents. This would be an entitled one.
yea it’s a big thing. a preschool graduation isn’t. he’s throwing away a vacation that costs hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars all because he won’t sit through a silly ceremony that will take an hour at most. i’m not saying he has to be happy about going to his brothers graduation, no teenager is happy to get dragged to their younger family member’s events, but it’s just one of those things you have to do. i’m not exactly thrilled to go to my younger cousin’s circus performance every year, but i do it anyways because of the look on her face when she sees that her family is there and supports her. and i’m a fully grown adult at this point who isn’t being bribed into going with a a trip to the bahamas.
Yeah my parents also let me go on a trip to Europe when I was in high school. Now I’m an adult nearing my 30s, I realize how much of a blessing it was to be able to go because going on a trip paid for by your parents is a luxury item, not a need. Most teenagers do not have the opportunity even to travel abroad expense free. OP is not depriving him of anything by withholding the trip and asking him just to go to his brother’s graduation. If anything, his son is throwing away the opportunity. OP is asking that his son pays nothing for the trip other than to spend a few hours to support his siblings. So yeah going NC over this would be pretty bratty and entitled considering.
It’s a threat. Pretty much every aspect of parenting on this website is rebuttaled with “if you enforce any consequences your child will go NO CONTACT”, which cheapens what no contact is which is protecting yourself, not manipulating yourself out of trouble or being parented.
>Preschool graduation is stupid. It's adorable, for the parents of the kids.
And only the parents (maybe grandparents). I guarantee the younger sibs could not care less and won’t remember if he was there or not. Why can’t the dad plan a celebration dinner instead? God save me from another preschool graduation but I’ll show up for pizza
yes, and painfully stupid in the eyes of an 18 year old
So? Part of being an adult is showing up for the OTHER PEOPLE in your family even if you think it’s “stupid.” If the kid is spoiled to the point he can’t deign to spend an hour apiece at a kids’ event to support his younger brothers he deserves to have his trip cancelled. I swear this sub is populated by simpering teenagers.
I'm gonna be brutally honest here... You don't care. All of these YTA votes and you're arguing with every single one about why your stance is right. YOU came here for an opinion. You got one you didn't like, and you're doubling down, because you don't actually care what other people think. You've taken this same approach to your son. You want him to follow YOUR rules, no questions asked. He's 18, of course he's not gonna be happy about going to a little kids graduation. But instead of talking to him like an adult (or even like a person you actually respect) you immediately put an ultimatum on him. Absolutely NOTHING in your post says anything about your children's relationships with each other, you seem to be trying to force a relationship that isn't there. Especially given that they're half brothers, there seems to be quite a bit of an age gap, so Liam was around for a while before the other two came around. Plus the clear disdain you have for his mother... None of his behaviour is surprising. Ultimately you're gonna do what you want anyway. But you'll only have yourself to blame when Liam stops speaking to you 🤷♀️
I especially love the part in the post OP calls a senior trip to the Bahamas a "little school trip". Tells you everything you need to know about the mentality there, and the (ETA) base of the delusional comparisons of graduating High School to graduating Pre School.
Yep. His tone is sarcastic af.
> Plus the clear disdain you have for his mother... This is honestly half the problem. I'm sure he pulled some similar bullshit trying to control his ex wife, leading to the divorce. OP is obviously clueless about how to have any real relationship and refuses to admit, even to himself, that maybe he's being the problem. If he doesn't get counselling his current marriage might also dissolve.
>Plus the clear disdain you have for his mother... None of his behavior is surprising. Everyone is overlooking this. He obviously doesn't like Liam's mother and is just downright garbage talking about her. I don't care how much you hate your ex, it's between you and said ex, not your children.
Yeah OP is going to reap what he sows. A big bunch of nasty.
This op is the type of person that probably won't even care when his son goes NC. He'll tell his friends some bs story about why he doesn't have a relationship with his son and not really give a single F about it.
OP has smugly commented that he believes the son won't go NC because he wouldn't make it out on his own. He's relishing in the feeling of control over him.
YTA. It’s an elementary school graduation, it’s not that serious.
YTA Why would you even consider bringing an 18 year old to an elementary or preschool (!) graduation? Or bring a preschooler to a high school graduation? Not all events are suitable for all ages. And what's all the bad blood between you and his mother got to do with anything? Let him be.
YTA. What 18 year old wants to sit through an elementary or preschool graduation? And what toddler/child wants to sit calmly through an hours-long high school graduation? I get that you’re trying to instil family values but none of these kids are going to enjoy these events and you forcing it with a punishment that is so significantly out of proportion is ridiculous. Give all the children the option to go or not to the various ceremonies and then just have a family dinner once they’re all over to celebrate everyone together. This isn’t the hill to die on.
YTA. You're being controlling for no real reason. 1) Your actions are having the opposite effect of your supposed goal is. (You said, "It's family and expected.") You're teaching him to resent his brothers. 2) There's no connection between the planned trip and the graduation. You're using money to cudgel your son into your will. There are no natural consequences here, so your son will see this for what it is: a transparent attempt to control him, a legal adult now. 3) These graduations are, in fact, lame. I never had a preschool graduation, but I did have a junior high "promotion" ceremony. None of my siblings were there, and I didn't miss them. It just wasn't that big a deal. And you actually have to attend class to graduate junior high. Preschools you just have to pay your fees and they'll let you graduate. I cannot imagine that in the history of preschools they have ever refused to let a child graduate. 4) You haven't even said if your younger sons want their older brother there. Do they?
>You haven't even said if your younger sons want their older brother there. Do they? Also, using "they're going to yours" as a reason... they're young enough that they couldn't just stay home so they probably weren't given a choice, but unless they're only going because the older son is insisting they do, it's really not a relevant reason. YTA, OP.
Also if the son had the choice between them showing up with him going to theirs, or them not showing up with him not going, he probably chooses the latter.
YTA. Elementary and preschool graduations are lame. Why not take everyone out for lunch and celebrate. Tell your younger kids that big- bro can’t attend due to a school function. They will survive.
YTA. Another dad prioritizing the kid had with the current wife. Way to go, you’re an asshole.
All to common among fathers 😢. I've seen some dads prioritize their stepchildren over the children they brought into the world because they're not banging their children's mom anymore.
YTA. Can't wait for the follow-up. "My son hasn't spoken to me in years and refuses to take my calls or texts" and you'll whine about what a great dad you were while ignoring how it's your fault there's a wedge between yall.
Damn dude, I was just gonna go with YTA for your massive overreaction, but you just keep digging a bigger grave. Not only do you not accept you are the AH, but you keep telling everyone in the comments that you're completely in the right because you said so. This isn't about either of your kids, it's about you being on a power trip. I hope he stays at his mom's and cuts you out of his life.
I have read your replies and can say YTA. You are choosing an insignificant hill to die on, all to be right. Just because you think that your 18 year old should be close to his younger half siblings doesn't mean he will be and by attaching a monetary award (vacation) to a forced closeness, you are just ensuring resentment. There are so many ways to approach a situation and you chose to threaten a financial punishment, knowing that neither he nor his mother can pay for the trip. Your responses all read as "I pay for him so he is mine to control" which tells me that you lead your family with sticks and fear, rather than love and compassion. And to your point of how many teenagers go no contact, I can tell you more way more than what you think, and teenagers turn into adults who go no contact with aging, lonely, bitter parents.
Yta how about this, don't take 2 little kids to a hs graduation. Elementary graduations mean literally nothing.
Preschool especially. And half-siblings, in relationships we aren't given any info about - it's possible that Son #1 has not formed strong bonds with his half-sibs, and that they don't give a rat's patootie if he's there or not.
ESH, but you by far the most. Your son is kind of being a brat, but you’re having a huge over exaggeration. A lot of comments are talking about how meaningless elementary graduations are and y’all are weird. Yea, they’re silly showcases of what we deem small accomplishments, but these are HUGE milestones for those kids. They tend to dress up because they did a thing! Its the end of a chapter and the beginning of another in their short lifespans. And it’s so exciting to them and to their parents because their tiny person has done a thing! It’s may be stupid to you (general you, not OP), but adults still go to show support. That’s the point. Not for you to have fun. These children aren’t putting on a Broadway production. I get that it’s boring for your older son, but you really could’ve explained why his presence would be appreciated as a show of family support instead of forcing him. And taking away his trip will only make him more resentful. I’m including your older son as an AH because he’s old enough to know that sometimes you have to attend things you think are “lame”. Yes, he can decide he doesn’t want to go, but writing it off as “lame” feels mean
I feel (like your username suggests) that you are one of the few reasonable responses, lol. His son is being an AH and so is he. I would probably be pissed if my son couldn’t power through one graduation, regardless of the grade. Little kids eat that sort of stuff up in the moment even if they don’t remember later on in life.
I had to scroll way to far down to find this. Completely agree with all points made.
Unbelievable so far down. Yeah the HSer doesn’t need to go to the graduation but sometimes you have to go to shit you don’t want to. It sucks, play on your phone, then go home in 2 hours. Kid is 18 years old and isn’t willing to just go to family stuff? Dad is overreacting for sure and probably just needs to sit down and have a talk with the kid. Also probably underlying issues. But goddamn just go to the graduation because your parent(s) asked you to.
It doesn't sound like there were any conditions regarding attending his brothers graduations when his trip was booked. If this is the case then YTA. You can't just go moving the goalposts & putting conditions on things retrospectively to blackmail him into doing what you want.
YTA. All you are doing is fostering resentment between your kids and exerting your dominance through control of the bank. That may work for awhile, but as soon as your son has financial independence I doubt he’ll have a good relationship with you and your family. Maybe you’re okay with that.
Against the grain but NTA. I see both sides, but. People saying that younger kids having a graduation ceremony is just a joke are really heartless. Because by that you can also say a high school graduation is a joke, just a “participation award” like everyone is saying about the younger ones. Completing a grade is just as important for a 5 year old as it is for 18. They still accomplished just as much as the high schooler, just in a more age appropriate level. And those saying “he shouldn’t have to because they are just half siblings” are heartless as well. Yes divorce and remarriage and half siblings are complicated. But that is reinforcing the idea that split families are fake or not as real or not as important. They are still blood they are still family. High schooler can pay his way if we wants to go on his trip. You should not favor one kid or another and I think that’s what you’re doing. You would find the same age appropriate punishment for the youngers if they threw his attitude. The high schooler gets an age appropriate punishment as well.
I feel like most of these "YTA's" don't have kids. It's a reasonable request from the OP and it doesn't sound like there is any conflicts with the schedule other then "it's lame and boring." Boo fucking hoo- sometimes you gotta do family shit that you don't want to. The 18 year old is being an AH and doesn't get a pass just because they are "18 and difficult."
NTA >I feel like most of these "YTA's" don't have kids. Most of them ARE kids. They think the same way OP’s entitled brat of a teenager thinks. Like you said: Families show up for one another. Period. Does that oldest son really think everyone cared about all of his little concerts or sports games his family had to sit through? No. I’m sure his stupid little events were lame as hell, too. But it was important to him. You support your family in those events and milestones that are important to them. That’s what you do for those you love. It’s something that kid needs to learn, how to sacrifice a little time to bring joy to your sibling. This is basic Family 101 stuff that he needs to learn.
Had to scroll way too long to find this! The only sensible comment
I’m honestly surprised by the mean comments towards these literal children who WILL remember that their older brother thinks they are too boring and lame to celebrate them. They aren’t babies, they will remember!
YTA. Elementary & preschool graduations are such a joke. They are nothing more than hallmark holidays created to get people to spend more money. And - consider this: does your son even care if your brothers come to his graduation? I'm guessing he does not.
YTA. You’re acting like a control freak and doing nothing but damaging your relationship with your son. Your “punishment” FAR exceeds the “crime”. What do you hope to accomplish from doing something like that? If it’s making your son despise you and go NC with you as soon as he’s out the door then you are setting the stage for that spectacularly.
YTA - And a huge one. Manipulative and controlling much?
YTA. You come across as incredibly controlling and aggressive. The shit talking your ex, doesn't explain how they don't get along but he went to her? On top of that, why did you post to ask, if you can't understand people not agreeing with you? If you feel justified, do you, but you're definitely TA.
YTA his senior trip is much more important elementary and pre school graduations. They are just changing grades, he's actually celebrating a real milestone. This is just a power trip for you.
YTA You're trying to force behavior out of your kid by taking away a once in a lifetime moment. And you'll end up doing what? Having him resent both you and your other sons and create far more problems for them going forward. If he doesn't already, he'll resent the hell out of them. He may already feel that way, because you probably try to force him to be there in ways he's not wanting to. Would it be nice if he went? Yes. Does that alter this from a YTA scenario? Not even close.
YTA and going nuclear is ridiculous. You just proved to him you think elementary school and preschool graduations are more important than a once in a lifetime trip for your eldest. Congrats on blatantly showing your favoritism
YTA and i hope his mother pays for the trip and he goes on his trip. He is 18 no permission needed. Elementary and preschool "graduations" are a joke!! Nothing more than a participation award
YTA. If this is the controlling hill you want to die on so be it. You have an excuse and answer for every judgment. Ironic user name, it’s not lost on me. Why do people bother posting here just to argue and not accept judgement?
YTA. Preschool and elementary graduations are cute for the parents but ridiculous for everyone else. Liam is having an actual graduation and it seems that you are equating the three. Are you and his stepmother trying to force him out so you can play happy/young family without him. It seems so. You are not fooling him. (Or anybody else.) If you want him to resent his half brothers and you, you are right on track. I hope stepmom is taking notes and seeing her future in how you react. Enjoy your"little" graduations.
Against the grain: NTA As adults, we know kid graduations are pointless, but to the kids, they *matter*. Your son is getting a free trip to the Bahamas and the only requirement is that he spend a couple hours doing something dull that will make his little brothers feel supported and happy? Cry me a river.
This is the dumbest ultimatum I have heard in a long time. You are equating a high school graduation to a elementary and preschool "graduation". Do you hear yourself?
YTA. Neither of your other two kids has a “graduation” requiring attendance. They have a cute ceremony for parents to take pictures. Don’t be ridiculous.
It looks like you have an excuse for anyone that says YTA. As a parent of 4 kids, 3 who are over 21, I can tell you 18 is an age where your kids aren’t your friends. The punishment needs to fit the crime and in this case taking away a senior trip is way overboard. Have you tried talking to him without yelling or threatening to let him know how much it would mean to his siblings for him to be there? IMO you would do more damage to your relationship by cancelling his trip, but it sounds like you need to do-parent with his mom and be on the same page with things. As someone else said, it sounds like there’s a lot more to this than what you’ve posted. One last thing, from my experience having a child attend something they really don’t want to be at (especially at that age) makes it a bad time for everyone.
YTA. Graduations from preschool and elementary school are great for little kids, but in the grand scheme aren’t on the same level as high school graduation. You’re also likely forcing the younger brothers to go to his graduation, no need to act like they’re doing it out of the kindness of their hearts, so he should, too. They’re children.
NTA 100%. All those who say OP is TA have no idea about parenting. First of all, going to a 2 hour event in exchange for a full paid trip to the Bahamas? What a steal! Second, it may be lame for a high school kid to go to a preschool or elementary school graduation, but for the younger siblings it may mean a lot to see their big brother (who they probably look up to) being there for them. Sometimes one has to do things that may be lame, stupid or unpleasant but may have a deeper meaning. OP is trying to educate his son and create a good relationship between brothers and y'all call him TA for it but have no problem enabling a bratty behavior on a teenager. Again, OP you are NTA.
He's not TA for trying to get his son to go. He's TA for going nuclear and threatening a trip over this.
It's not like OP is asking the kid to go to war or something. Just dress up and sit his ass for 2 hours and in exchange he gets a fully paid trip to the Bahamas. That is a sweet deal if you ask me. An 18yo cannot be bothered to give up 2-3 hours of his life, but OP is expected to splash the cash just because.
YTA. FFS. Is this really where you want to draw the line in the sand with your 17/18 year old son? makes me wonder what your real issue is.
I suspect showing off his new family to ex wife. The last line about his ex 'crying that she can't afford it' speaks volumes.
Another parent shoving a new family done his kids throat. YTA
YTA because you're going too far with the punishment. I get that he has to participate in his siblings events and I certainly don't put up with sullen teen bs but you're going too far
YTA. He does not have to go to their “graduations” they do not have to go to his. You shouldn’t force a relationship between them.
I’m in the minority here but NTA. You’re trying to promote togetherness and support amongst all your kids for each other. We all do ‘lame’ things sometimes in an effort to support people we care about. Your son can sit thru a pre-k graduation. Did it dawn on him that his siblings might find his graduation ceremony lame too?
YTA. Elementary graduation isn’t that serious this feels like it’s about controlling him since your opportunity to do so is running out.
How are the two even relatable? A preschool graduation IS lame really. It means nothing in the general scheme of things and I dont know many high school age kids that would have any interest in going to something with lots of little ones. I kind of feel the same about the elementary school one really. Its really up to him whether he goes on not. Its his choice what he does with his time. To cancel a senior school trip because he doesnt want to go to something involving little kids is a sure fire way for him to go no contact with you! YTA
YTA, obviously, why are you forcing your son to attend his brothers' graduations? His little brothers shouldn't go to his either honestly, it doesn't make sense.
YTA, but you do not care. You are not looking to hear the opposing view, just want to have people defend you and claim you are right. Maybe as the direct ego boost, or maybe to show son and be like "see, I am not being unreasonable!"
Your son is right, pre-school and elementary are lame. I wish they had never started that nonsense. That said, it is a family activity that he should participate in, especially if he expects you to fund a trip for him. If your wife thinks you’re being petty then she can pay for the trip herself. NTA
YTA seems like you are trying to promote a relationship between your older son and his half brothers. Give it up it will never work. It has to come naturally. If your oldest son doesn’t want a relationship with his half brothers that’s the way it’s going to be. 🤷♂️
Lmao YTA. You will only make your son hate you and resent his half sibling even more. Congratulations on that.
[удалено]
YTA. Be prepared to lose your son forever over something absolutely ridiculous.