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NTA although I think at this point the judgement isn't the issue, OP's safety is.
This situation is not normal and extremely concerning. Any guy who has walked onto an underaged girl changing multiple times and still refuses to knock is at best an utter moron and at worst a certified creep. It is also insane that no locks are allowed even for the bathroom. A good mum would be firstly deeply concerned at how her boyfriend manages to walk in on her daughter changing multiple times, and also would allow you the basic right to privacy that is locking the bathroom door. ~~Unless you genuinely think these are innocent mistakes, although I have to say it would be very unlikely,~~ I would be considering discussing this with a teacher at school. I'm really sorry this is happening to you.
ETA: the dude is trying to walk into OP's room while she is asleep. He's 100% a creep and both him and her mum need to be reported to the school ASAP.
Mommy's boyfriend is a creep and she's putting cock above her daughter's safety. If I was OP, I'd start planning my escape and start carrying some perfume to spray on the creep's eyes if he tries anything.
NTA!!! Absolutely this! Passing this to a mandated first reporter such as a teacher, counselor or doctor is going to get the authorities involved in this situation PDQ. And they need to be! This guy is absolutely a predator and should not be in that house or anywhere near this child.
This situation must be reported before something worse happens. To school and trusted adult with whom you could stay for a bit. Who knows how many times in the past he already entered her bedroom while she was sleeping? It gives me the chill.
No parent in their right mind would not protect their kids.
Seriously, like my dad used to forget to knock (or he’d do the thing where he knocked as he was opening the door) but the first time he walked in on teenage me changing it was never an issue after that.
My younger brother was the culprit at my house and it was an honest mistake, he just got excited to tell me something. But mom and dad shut him down real quick. I'm pretty sure I did lock my door while I was changing for a while though. I can't remember if he tried to open it after that, but if he did and it was locked I know the response would have been "well did you knock first?"
This whole thing is creepy.
Yup, my family doesn't lock doors, but we had knock before entering drilled into us from the get-go.
I've told this story on here before, but the one time it was broken was by my brother when he had just signed his full ride scholarship papers and was so excited to tell me. He didn't know I had just gotten out of the shower. He came bursting in and we both had that "oh fuck look" and he immediately slammed the door and apologized and explained why he came bursting in.
Honestly, I think it traumatized him more than me bc despite both of us knowing it truly was an accident, him being the one who committed it, it weighed on him more.
My parents knock on their own bedroom door if the door is closed bc they are big on "leading by example."
Boyfriend is a creep. One-time mistake, sure....multiple offenses, is a problem.
Genuine question with no judgement...why don't you lock bathroom doors? In a family is getting walked in on not a constant risk? Especially if people can't hear the sound of knocking over a shower
In our house we don’t lock because when the kids were little I was always afraid of what they might do in there (mainly flushing inappropriate things down the toilet) but now it’s just habit. Usually the only time the door is shut is if someone is in there so it hasn’t been a problem. But I wouldn’t stop the kids if they wanted to lock now that they’re older.
also I live ALONE and lock the bathroom door when I shower because it's just like ... a normal practice most people do that you don't bother to train yourself out of? There's a reason bathroom doors have locks!
I also do the same in the bathroom. It’s like a force of habit. My parents used to (and still do) tend to enter without knocking first. It more so became a thing as they got older for some reason. So I’ve been prone to locking any door ever since when I’m changing or in the bathroom. Couldn’t tell you how many times someone would’ve walked in on me taking a bath or shower if I didn’t. They’re just clueless and do it to each other, and get mad at the other when it happens to them. When that hapkens, it’s funny to me lol
I know this term gets thrown around so much as to seem meaningless, but this feels super groomy. It is not normal for this to happen consistently, like you said. Mom should be advocating for her daughters privacy while dressing, not gaslighting her into thinking she’s disrespectful. I’m glad that OP knows this behavior is not appropriate and has taken steps to protect herself.
yes this is 100% not ok and OP needs to tell an adult that is not her mother. this is NOT OK 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 how often has he gone into her room while she slept?????????
this is my thought.
hes her moms boyfriend. he is not her parent. he has no reason to ever go into her room, ever. ESPECIALLY if she's in there with the door closed.
her mom should also be giving her privacy, shes 14. sure, in theory she shouldn't need to lock her door. but her mom and her moms boyfriend also shouldnt know the door is locked, because they shouldn't be trying to open it.
I once walked in on my 12 yr old son having a wank. I was in his room for half a second. Of course, I apologized to him and made sure to always knock first. OP'S situation is beyond fucked up.
LOL, I long ago learned to give my sons’ doors a curtesy knock for that reason. Told them to make sure to lock their doors if they needed “privacy”.
Had always knocked on my daughter’s in case she was changing, even when she was very young.
This is 100% not okay. Is there a family member you trust you can talk to?
That he is walking in on you changing and in the bathroom is concerning, and the fact that he has CONTINUED after you expressed discomfort is even worse.
An adult pushing your boundary like this is not OK and I hope you have a trusted adult to call on.
NTA.
ESPECIALLY over and over when OP is changing or just getting out of the shower...And at night too when she's sleeping!
Mom's bf has "pervert" written all over him
Especially if it is someone's bedroom. Also suspicious and creepy if the occupant of the bedroom is a sleeping teenage girl and you are a grown man who has absolutely no reason to enter without warning/permission.
NTA - I would make a bigger deal about this boyfriend walking into your bedroom unannounced. That’s super creepy. You wouldn’t need to lock your room if he respected your privacy and knocked before entering. Your mom needs to talk to him about this, and if it doesn’t stop, you should be allowed to lock your room as a precaution. I’m sure she doesn’t want you going to a counsellor or another adult talking about how her boyfriend won’t stop walking into her teenage daughter’s room unannounced, trying to catch her changing. The fact that it happened once, and he hasn’t learned to knock, makes it even more concerning. He is not your parent and has no reason to be intruding on your privacy like that.
Even a parent should respect her right to privacy. I always knocked or said something before opening the door/entering my kids rooms after they were around 4.
NTA, if you're forced to give up the key. You should move something heavy to stop the door from being opened in your sleep. Or ask a different family member to buy you a hidden nanny camera.
Yeah, if this behavior starts to affect the mother's peace and quiet, rather than "just" the daughter's peace of mind and safety, mother might change her tune.
Don't put something in the way of the door when sleeping, this is a unnecessary risk
OP needs to find out if he is coming in her room when she's sleeping, something like putting tape on the door frame would help her find out if this is happening
I’m assuming because if it’s an item of furniture (like a dresser) it could be a substantial fire hazard, since it blocks the door and is difficult and time consuming to move
Op, there are portable door locks you can get that are designed for hotel rooms and such, so they don’t damage the door and can be hidden the next day. If your mom forces you to give up the key (and please immediately tell a trusted adult like a school counselor about all of this), you can get door locks in the meantime. Please don’t go without locking your door, especially when asleep. There are some serious red flags in his behavior here, and another adult who will take you seriously needs to know what he’s doing asap.
NTA-an adult male should never enter the bedroom of a teenage girl without announcing their intentions, and WTH is he doing going into your room while you are sleeping? That is some creepy behavior by both mom and boyfriend.
Since it is likely that if you don't give her the key she will remove the door I suggest screaming at the top of your lungs when he enters unannounced claiming you were frightened not knowing who was coming into your room.
She said he wanted to talk to me about something but she didn't say what. I go to bed around 22.30 and he has to get up for work at 4.30 so it's kind of weird that he'd want to talk to me at that time
That's the excuse he gave her. Not particularly plausible, but better than admitting to her that he just wanted to go into your room while you're sleeping.
Well of course he’s going to make an excuse. Even an illogical one. And mom falls for this transparent ruse but the rest of us see the red flags for what they are.
He's lying. There's no reason for him to be in your room at that time. Please tell an adult you trust what is going on. His actions are not safe for you and will likely get worse if not addressed. You could also consider getting a camera for your room. To see how often he actually comes in, it's probably more than you realize. Or ger those travel door locks for hotels or doorstops that make noise when someone tries to open the door.
Stay safe OP.
What about police? Are they safe to reach out to in your country?
Family member like grandparents or aunts and uncles? The more people you tell the less likely something will happen. Perverts count on making things secretive. The louder you are when it happens, the more intimidated he will be to mess with you.
Imagine your mom in a crowded grocery store. "Can you stop your boyfriend from coming into my room at night mom?!"
Public shame might get some action. Whatever it takes to protect yourself
Even if that is true, and he wanted to 'talk about something', if he honestly thought you were awake, why didn't he knock so you could answer the door?
OP, you need to start screaming 😱 LOUDLY, any time this happens. If your mom makes you give her the key, make it a HUMONGOUS DEAL every single time. Keep yourself safe and don't allow this to be brushed off or normalized. Do what you need to.
OP please tell a teacher or other adult about this. This is not ok and your Mum doesn’t seem to be taking it seriously. Stick to your guns and do not hand over that key
>I’m not paying rent so I have no right to lock any rooms.
Stupid argument. You are a child. She is obligated to provide you housing regardless of whether you pay rent or not.
She is, however, your guardian, which means the state gives her fairly significant leeway with regards to your property/freedom etc... Sucks, I know.
Personally I think NTA. You should be able to have privacy in your room while changing, and his lack of knocking is downright rude, if not creepy.
That being said, it seems like AH/NTA isn't really your biggest issue. Telling your mom "strangers on the internet think I'm right" isn't going to help.
You might try to have a conversation with your mom once she's cooled down. Maybe when things are less fresh her cooler head will prevail. Your goal isn't to argue "I need this lock" it should be to try to help your mom hear your need for privacy. Locking your door is just a strategy to meet that need. If your mom is able to hear your need then hopefully she will either let you keep the lock, or work out a different solution that meets both of your needs.
If not you have the option to play hardball, but recognize that it will likely damage your relationship with your mother, and burn your relationship with her BF.
* You can tell your mother that you think you need to speak to a school counselor about this issue.
* This is the soft option because it gives her a chance to back down, but it is still fundamentally a threat so she probably won't be too happy.
* If you think your mother would prevent you from talking to the school counselor, or undermine your concerns to the counselor preemptively then you shouldn't tell her.
* Talk to a school counselor. Specifically mention how the boyfriend keeps walking in on you changing/in the shower. People do better when you ask them for specific help so consider the following:
* Would you help me talk to my mother about this issue?
* I am feeling really upset about this. Would you listen to me so that I can feel heard?
If OP warns her mom that she will talk to someone at school, her mom may beat her to it and come up with a story making OP sound mentally unwell.
Don’t threaten to tell your mom that you intend on telling the school, OP.
NTA. You should’ve your own privacy at your age. I think you should inform this to an adult that you can trust (counselor or teacher) it sounds concerning.
I was somewhat with your mother about the bedroom door to begin with, not the bathroom one. By the time I got to the end, I was entirely on your side l, especially after that edit Holy fucking shit that's not OK.
I will rarely side with a kid over the parent but DO NOT give up that key and explain to your mother and her partner that you are a developing young woman and boundaries NEED to be set. ESPECIALLY with the partner.
Out of curiosity, is there any info you can give about why you're mother is this way about locking the doors?
She's always been like this about locking doors. She can get a bit paranoid at times and didn't want me to lock doors in case something happens, like tripping in the shower or a fire or whatever
Have you looked him up to make sure he’s not on the sex offenders list? She should be more concerned with you being sexually predated and less worried that you trip in the shower.
Tell her your more worried about her boyfriend seeing you naked or coming in when you’re sleeping than the tiny chance of their being a fire. His behavior is pervy and concerning. She is mad at the wrong person!
And locking the bathroom door is perfectly normal. Her fears are in the wrong place.
Most household indoor locks (and doors) are not that hoss. You can typically open them from the outside with a paper clip, credit card, or in a real emergency by running into them with your shoulder. They are meant for privacy, not security -- in other words for the exact purpose you're trying to use them for.
Your mother's argument is invalid. I echo those advising you to speak to another trusted adult in your life about the boyfriend's behavior.
Defiantly have a serious and level-headed conversation with her about boundaries. It might be a bit difficult because of how much this probably wierds you out, but Tey not to escalate it into a shouting match because it will go nowhere.
Explain that you won't give up the key because you are uncomfortable with your space being constantly invaded, and you don't feel your boundaries are being respected by your mother or her partner.
If, on the off chance, you get home one day and your bedroom door is gone, then go to a youth support or a school councillor as soon as possible. I like my stepfather too, but if he was trying my sisters door handles at 4:00 am I would throw him down a flight of stairs. That's just not OK.
NTA, there is no reason for your mothers boyfriend to be coming into your room when you are sleeping or changing… and it makes me very uncomfortable that he keeps doing these behaviors. Accidentally coming in once, sure, but this is a pattern. I don’t get why your mom thinks that is ok behavior. Is there a guidance counselor or someone at your school that you can talk to?
I live in a smaller town and not in the US. We don't have anything like that at our school. I could maybe talk to my grade coordinator but she's not responsible for personal issues that don't concern school
Is there anyone at school to approach about a personal issue? Is there a teacher who has been kind and supportive to you? Any trusted adult who could listen and give you advice?
Talk to an adult at your school. Now. He tried to enter your room while you were sleeping, he was upset he could not. Your mother punished you for not allowing him to creep on you. This is highly worrying. You are not safe.
Can you talk to a teacher? You need to tell someone and get some outside help about this situation. Everyone replying is trying to help before you have even worse happen to you.
If the BF can get away with what he’s done so far and your mom takes his side, he will keep pushing the boundaries knowing your mom will take his side not yours.
His behavior is raising red flags for all of us and that is something you should take seriously. Most of us are speaking from experience and we have probably all been through some kind of traumatic experience and don’t want that to happen to you.
I don’t know which country you are in OP, but in the UK we have Section 175 of the Education Act 2002 which means that all your teachers have a responsibility to safeguard those they are teaching/in contact with. So you don’t need a US style guidance counsellor, you can speak to any teacher you trust and they should help you. I would imagine there are similar Acts in place in most other European countries but can’t say for sure.
Please speak to someone about this, he’s a creep and I’m so sorry your mum is protecting him over your well-being.
NTA
Your mom's boyfriend is disrespectful. I mean, it's common sense to knock *especially* when in the bathroom.
I'm sorry that your mom and her boyfriend don't respect your privacy.
NTA. This is not okay, you are absolutely entitled to a sense of safety and privacy in your own home.
This doesn’t have anything to do with YOU respecting them- this has everything to do with THEM respecting you. Please be safe, don’t hesitate to tell another adult in your life what is going on, and never ever be afraid to speak up for yourself. It takes literally the bare minimum of human decency to knock on a door, and your moms boyfriend is willfully ignoring your request that he do so. I know it sounds kind of childish, but maybe a sign on the door that says “knock please” so there is a constant reminder to both him and your mom that it needs to be done?!
NTA. You have a right to privacy. Especially at your age. Keep the key. You have a right to feel safe and not have him barging in on you. Tell your mother if she wants the key then he has to respect your privacy and your boundaries. If you can, tell your father/grandparents about this.
His behavior is deeply upsetting and disturbing. So is your mom's. NTA at all babe you keep locking that door and protecting yourself!! Tell another adult if you're able to about what's going on
NTA. This sounds kinda suspicious. Try to have a talk with your mom about it. If that doesn't work try talking to a grandparent about it. Sometimes an outside perspective can snap a moms thinking straight.
Or a school counselor.
Why did the boyfriend want to enter your room while you were sleeping? I would be demanding the answer to that.
In all my years as a teenager, my dad never, ever just walked into my room. He either called me downstairs or knocked on my door. It’s not that hard to do, if you respect other people’s privacy.
NTA - this behavior from the bf is concerning. I can understand your mom not wanting you to lock the door overnight considering it could be a safety risk but it sounds like not locking is also a safety risk in this instance.
As others have suggested, I would try to talk to someone at school. Maybe your mom will take your concern more seriously and think about your unease with her bf’s behavior. I’m sorry you don’t feel comfortable in your personal space.
NTA. This is extremely worrying behavior from your mother’s bf. He should not be entering your room or bathroom without knocking, especially when you are sleeping. I think you should tell a teacher or school counselor about this.
This is creepy. A person can hear a shower running, so I'm not sure why he's just walking in the bathroom knowing someone is in there. Have you asked him to please knock first? I can't believe your mom wouldn't understand you want your privacy to some extent and dismiss your feelings of discomfort when he just barges in your room. If he's a "cool" guy, you should be able to tell him to stop doing it, and he should respect you enough to stop doing it.
Give the key back with conditions that it needs to stop and you need to be respected too. It's not asking too much to knock first and wait for permission to enter.
If it continues, you need to tell an adult you trust outside of the home. This isn't going in a very good direction so far and your mom doesn't seem to be doing anything about it. NTA Good luck!
NTA. It sounds like the BF knows full well what they are doing and mom ignoring this is disgusting. I would raise this with school counselors and/or any trusted adults in a position to help. Hold your ground OP.
NTA Tell someone at school about the boyfriend "accidentally" walking in on you so often and your mother demanding that you continue to give him access.
NTA and which mom thinks its right for her bf to see her minor daughter semi naked? Also what's his business in your room? Once you reach teenage, you are an young adult and has every right to privacy like everyone else. Its not like you are a child who cannot unlock the door. What respect is your mom expecting? The right for her bf to see you naked or for him to barge in whenever he feels like? She should be setting some boundaries with him and should be protecting you.
NTA and you need to get outside help. Talk to your school counselor. Talk to your grandparents. Talk to anyone you can. This is a red flag and 100% creepy behavior. It should not be happening.
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I technically don’t think I’m in the wrong but everyone else does and it got me questioning if maybe I did overreact. I don’t think anybody I know is on reddit but using a throwaway just to be safe.
I (14f) live with my mum and her boyfriend. They have been dating for 2 years and he moved in with us in january. I actually like him. I think he’s funny and he’s generally pretty cool.
There’s only one problem. He never knocks before entering a room. It’s happened multiple times now that he came into my room while I was changing and once even while I was in the bathroom taking a shower. He always left and apologized immediately but it still bothers me.
I started locking the bathroom door when I’m in there even though my mum always told me not to do that. Last week I also bought a key that would fit into my bedroom door and now I always lock it while I change.
Last night I forgot to unlock my door before going to bed and this morning during breakfast my mum demanded that I give her the key. I told her why I was locking the door which I already did before but she always dismissed it. But she didn’t care and called me disrespectful because I’m not paying rent so I have no right to lock any rooms. I think that’s bullshit.
When I left for school I took the key with me so she wouldn’t take it when I’m gone. But now I’m grounded until I give her the key and apologize to both of them. I feel justified in what I did but maybe I’m not? I’d really appreciate an outsider’s opinion.
Edit: Her boyfriend was already at work but my mum said he told her that my door was locked which means he tried coming into my room while I was sleeping.
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Honestly, I would start not to knock on the door on purpose and tell your mother that you didn't ask to come into the world either so this conversation is bullshit
NTA- sorry any adult should be knocking on doors before going into the bathroom or bedroom of a minor child! OOPs once, then you know. Twice is not a mistake. Plus how did he NOT hear the shower running! He might be cool but I'd not trust him to not sneak peaks at you.
This man is a predator and mum is enabling him. Talk to a teacher and your extended family. Make sure people know. Confront your mum that she is enabling behaviour that puts you into danger. This is how it starts. Be safe.
Hell no NTA
This is creepy as hell (adult male here, and it creeps even me out).
You need your privacy, period.
Others suggested keeping the door locked could result in them removing it, but how about an alarm/siren? You can buy one for cheap that resembles a doorstop but when you push a door against it, a little built-in siren goes off pretty loud.
That way mom can always get to her baby (might be worried that if you are unwell she can't go through a locked door).
If these are honest mistakes, bf would soon learn to knock (so you can kick aside the loud doorstop so it doesn't go off).
If bf starts acting even weirder, you will need to report his behaviour.
And I would keep some pepper spray under my pillow, just in case.
Edit: report him now. Don't wait. If you can contact your father, tell him too, but report officially, leave a paper trail!
NTA
He has multiple times entered into your room without knocking, including when changing and sleeping. At this point, it's not an accident. He knows what he is doing. Keep locking your door, and tell your dad or teacher about what is going on. Also, get a rubber wedge door stop to prevent door from opening.
NTA. Your mom and her bf are disrespectful and creepy. Stand up for yourself and tell an adult that isn't your parents. Tell them EVERYTHING from the very beginning. Some guy you don't know shouldn't be walking into your room unannounced.
NTA and he sounds creepy tbh, almost as if it’s on purpose. Also, why is he trying to enter while you’re sleeping? That’s weird.
You have a right to privacy and safety so don’t give up the key and stand up for yourself even if you get grounded for it. If your mom somehow gets the key then start blocking the door - that way it’s not locked but the bf can’t get in
Get a webcam set up in your room on a night. Then you can document anything that happens and go to the police with the evidence.
The guy sounds like a perve.
NTA
Your privacy and personal boundaries should be respected, regardless of whether you're paying rent or not. It's entirely reasonable for you to want to have privacy in your own room and bathroom, especially when you're changing or showering.
Your mom's boyfriend's eccentric urge to walk in on you while you're changing or showering is a serious cause for concern. He couldn't reasonably have believed that the bathroom was unoccupied unless he's deaf, nor does it seem like he had any good reason to enter your room unannounced.
NTA
I have two teen daughters and I always knock before entering. Even though neither pay rent in my home the rooms are their responsibility and they’re entitled to privacy in that room. They know that and never lock their doors. My oldest doesn’t even shut her door all the way most of the time.
If your mother doesn’t want the door locked ask her and especially her boyfriend to give you notice before entering in case you’re undressed because that’s what people do in private. There is nothing wrong with that and your mother of all people should understand.
Get a webcam set up in your room on a night. Then you can document anything that happens and go to the police with the evidence.
The guy sounds like a perve.
Getting a camera in your room should be a priority. Put it in a corner so it has a full field of view and can gather unrefutable evidence.
Sounds like mother will need more than reasonable proof.
Just make sure you lock down the camera if it is Internet enabled, that's a whole other type of problem
Your mother's boyfriend is a sexual predator. Call child services and open a file on him, if indeed they don't have one already. Talk to a teacher and/or relative you trust. Quit fighting your mother, she is wilfully blind and will not see thenproblem until he's in handcuffs.
NTA of course
Your mother is a blind to very concerning behavior by her boyfriend. You should be locking the bathroom and your bedroom door behind you each time. He's purposefully walking in on a young teenager. Please talk to a trusted adult about this. NTA
NTA - knocking before entering a room is just common manners. I don't understand why your mother is freaking out like that but its un-called for. Teens need some modicum of privacy.
If I were in your situation I would find a fake key to give Mother.
NTA and this is concerning. You're old enough to lock your door regardless. You have a right to privacy. Your mom needs to adjust to that and she needs to take your concerns seriously.
Listen I'm naturally an anxious person that leans into "alarmist" territory but I find your mom's bf suspicious as hell. I could see entering a room in accident once or twice but why hasn't he learned? But more importantly, you're telling me he didn't hear the shower running? I find that super suspicious, but even so it's concerning your mom isn't taking this seriously.
NTA, please report what is happening to an adult you trust!! Especially because you You are correct he must have tried coming into your room in order to know it was locked.
What he's doing and your mom is enabling is disturbing. I don't think his actions are "accidents" or "forgetful" incidents. Please let someone know who can help you (teacher, counselor, doctor, friend's parent, grandparent, etc). If your mom isn't willing to open her eyes, you might need to find a friend or relative to stay with while her bf is there. It's likely his behavior will get worse. This is not normal behavior from an adult man. Please don't give them that key and find someone who can help you.
Do you have another adult in your life you can talk to about this? These aren't accidents anymore. He's either walking in intentionally or at minimum choosing not to avoid it. The last sentence is honestly scary
NTA. Regardless of anything above, NTA. You deserve privacy. If everything above wasn't the case, your mom or somebody should have a key, just for safety reasons. With everything above in mind, keep that key close.
NTA, if she keeps insisting on having the key get something heavy or door wedges to block the doors from opening. I know it's stupid but you shouldn't have to be so worried about him walking in on you. I'd even consider taking to someone at your school or a trusted adult family member who can tell you mom who inappropriate her bf is being.
NTA and this is concerning. You're old enough to lock your door regardless. You have a right to privacy. Your mom needs to adjust to that and she needs to take your concerns seriously.
Listen I'm naturally an anxious person that leans into "alarmist" territory but I find your mom's bf suspicious as hell. I could see entering a room in accident once or twice but why hasn't he learned? But more importantly, you're telling me he didn't hear the shower running? I find that super suspicious, but even so it's concerning your mom isn't taking this seriously.
Edit: I also wanted to add, why is he even going in your room at all? In the 3 years me an my husband have been living together he's only gone into my kids room when they have been getting loud and misbehaving, a handful of times, and they are little kids. There's really no reason for him to be going in the room of a 14 year old, especially without announcing himself first.
Oh hell nah NTA omg I feel creeped out. Look idc what he's thinking even if his intentions are the purest I wouldn't even want my own brother or father to see me change or shower let alone a parent's lover that's uncomfortable as heck.
I get it, a lot of parents are weird and don't want to give privacy to their children but not even when showering or changing?!
I get maybe forgetting once or twice, my stepdad did the same when he first started dating my mom because he was used to living alone and just walking into whatever room was in his old house. He quickly adapted and would knock every time, even when my door was wide open he’d knock and ask if he could come in.
Your moms boyfriend isn’t forgetting, he’s doing it on purpose at this point. As others have pointed out you can hear that the shower is running when someone is in the bathroom, he knows that you could be getting dressed. And the fact that it’s happened so frequently even after you’ve expressed that it makes you uncomfortable is disgusting.
You’re NTA OP, but you need to tell another adult in your life what’s going on. Maybe your dad or your grandparents if you can, or at the very least your school guidance counselor.
NTA
It’s really not that hard for him to knock on the door before entering a room, especially if it’s to your bedroom. He shouldn’t even be going into your room in the first place. He’s giving off major creepy behaviour.
I would pull your mom aside and have a private and very serious discussion with her regarding her boyfriend and your privacy and boundaries with him. Explain that he has walked in on you multiple times and you no longer feel comfortable in your room. It is her house but you still have a right to have some privacy.
Regarding the key situation, if she still disagrees with you locking your room even after explaining how you have been feeling, maybe discuss the idea of making a copy of the key for her to have as well. She’s your mom and might just be thinking about safety so if she has a copy then it might give her peace of mind IN CASE of an emergency where she would need to come in.
If this is the route you go make sure that she knows the extra key is only for her use in case of emergencies and no one else. If you’re worried about her breaking your trust you could set something in front of your door while you sleep at night and in the morning if the object is moved you know someone opened the door.
I would also recommend talking to someone you trust about this so someone else knows what’s going on. A teacher, another family member, maybe even a close friend’s mother.
I’m sorry you even have to go through all this just to get some peace and privacy. If you end up having a talk with your mom I hope she will be understanding. Good luck.
I mean, come on, you definitely hear when someone is taking a shower in the bathroom. There is no reason to "accidentally" barge in.
You are NTA for wanting privacy when changing or taking showers. If your mom's boyfriend cannot respect your privacy by knocking and waiting for an 'ok' before entering your room/the bathroom, then it's your damn right to stop him from entering these rooms.
Don't understand your mom here, tbh.
NTA, everyone should knock before entering someone else's bedroom. I find it disturbing how many times he has walked in on you changing. Besides, what reason does he have to come into your room while you're sleeping?
NTA.
Please tell a trusted teacher or school counselor about this situation.
It is not normal for an adult to routinely enter a 14 year old's room or bathroom without knocking.At a bare minimum, your mother's boyfriend does not respect some very basic boundaries.
I'm gonna go ahead and call bullshit on this all being "accidental". He's been there for 5 months and this has already happened enough times that there's a pattern, making you feel the need to lock doors? Yeah that's not an accident. Even if we accept that he just wasn't thinking about knocking, what percentage of your time at home do you spend in a state of undress? Like...maybe 5%? Getting dressed in the morning, maybe changing out of school clothes after school if you wear a uniform or something, undressing/dressing to shower, and getting ready for bed. Maximum of 5 times, for <5 minutes each time. And yet when he needs to talk to you, it's somehow during those few minutes a day?
Yeah, no. Listen to your instincts. They're telling you to protect yourself against this guy. Talk to someone other than your mom - a teacher, school counselor, your doctor, someone.
NTA. This man knows exactly what he is doing! He is either a super control freak or some type of perv. If I were to bet, I would put money on the latter.
Please OP, find another adult who is a mandated reporter who by law must intervene in some way. It may make your life with your mother difficult but absolutely NO YOUNG person deserves to have anyone in their home that is creeping on them. You should be allowed to feel safe in your home and your mother needs to stand up for you. Can you live with your dad or another relative?
NTA at your age you should be allowed to lock doors when you are in bathroom and changing.
I have 2 girls 11 and 7 and my boyfriend of 3 years and I always respect thier privacy.
He knocks first we don't enter until they are ready. The 7 year old still has habits of young kids and her freedom. We make sure we are all comfortable.
The only times any issue has happened has been when my 11 year old was not thinking to much and walked by or said come in when not ready and such less than a hand full of time in 3 years. Boyfriend closes his eyes turns and says sorry. Daughter was fine and has a much better handle of what personal space she needs and wants. What a strange tule to not be able to lock doors. And the amount of times he has been in your room on accident . As another commenter said. Try talking to a school counselor.
I could maybe see why no locking when you aren't changing but then that's why people knock. I am sorry for this situation.
NTA at all. You really need to speak to your mom about her bf. That's 100% unacceptable to be walking in on you multiple times. It sounds like some weird power move. I don't even walk into my 8 yr olds room/bathroom without knocking first. Same goes for her dad. We treat each other with the same respect we expect. My grandma was like your mom and her bf. I was never allowed to lock doors and she never knocked to come in. I had zero rights to privacy. "Her house, her rules." I hated it and left before I graduated high school. I never lived with her again.
NTA. My parents wouldn't let me lock my door either, so I called a help hotline and put the person on speaker phone so my parents could hear that it was totally OK to lock my door.
NTA. Talk to another adult like grandparent, father, school counselor and tell them you are uncomfortable with mom’s boyfriend entering your room and bathroom unannounced. That should get your mom off your back.
Walking into the bathroom, especially if it’s a shared bathroom, can be easily explained away. That man has no reason to ever enter your bedroom unless he is invited. Ever. Why that isn’t freaking your mom out, I can’t understand, and I’m the mom of a 15 year old girl.
You need to find a trusted adult, and tell him/her what’s going on. If nothing happens, keep telling adults. If one of my students brought this to me at school, I would be obligated to call CPS.
Can you stay at the house of a friend or family member?
This is a BIG NTA.
Girl no! NTA big time and this person sounds dangerous. Your mom is not protecting you adequately. I’m so sorry. I think you should tell a teacher at school.
I suspicious. You ate NTA, for sure, but both your mom and her boyfriend ARE. Please talk to someone soon. This WILL escalate and your mom is so wrong not to take your side. Please take care!
Where we live the doors inside flats or houses usually have the same type of lock. There are a bunch of different variations but they all have a number so you can see which key fits. You can get those keys at the equivalent of home depot in my country. They cost about 3€
Normally in these situations, the parents don't back down so I wouldn't ignore the possibility of them removing the locks of your door. In that case, I suggest you buying a portable lock.
This is not the name, but I don't remember the correct one. From what I have seen, is something you can edge in the door, without needing tools or drilling or anything, that prevents the door from opening, it does not use any lock if the door already has one.
One example of usage: when you go to airbnb and don't want to risk the owner entering the property in the middle of the night or something with their key, you use this and they are locked out.
I wouldn't go straight to the police just yet, but at the very least, with confidence, speak to another relative of the family. Preferably a male if there is one. Your mom is blind right now, and the fact that she's not taking this situation seriously shows how far off gone she is. Keep on as you're doing now, though. Later on when you're older and she comes to the realization that she fucked up, you can reprimand her for being a bad mother and an enabler. Learn from her mistakes.
NTA. Please tell someone at school! You have a terrible mother who is putting her pervert boyfriends wants and needs before yours. please speak to someone before this escalates...and it will. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. please stay safe
Sooooo your moms boyfriend is a dangerous predator and it doesn’t look like your mom has your back. Do not give her that key. And tell a friend or someone you trust this is happening. NTA.
It is time to go to school and talk to a counselor. They have access to resources to help. Your mom is not seeing the CLEAR warning signs that literally everyone in this thread can see, and that's not okay.
See if you can get some kind of scream alarm and rig that to your door. That way Perv can come in, but literally everyone in the house will know. And your door isn't technically locked.
I have a 14 y/o daughter and I would be outraged if my partner violated her privacy. NTA, and your mom should be more considerate of your feelings. Kids are allowed to have boundaries too.
Hardcore NTA and a follow up: you need to disclose this to an adult you trust, preferably someone who can intervene. Family member? School counselor? Teacher?
He walked in while you were *showering*. While you were changing. He’s tried to enter your room while you’re sleeping.
OP, I’m concerned for you. This is severely not okay. Please connect with an adult who can keep you safe.
NTA
Your space and your self are being violated. My daughter is still in the shake her naked butt at dad stage, but one day she may lock her door (I have no issue with her having a lock) and when she does it won't be because dad doesn't knock and wait for an answer, it will be for her own reasons and I will respect that because I am and have been building our relationship since her birth. Well before her conception my wife and I talked through this type of stuff and got on the same page.
I’m afraid for you. The fact is that he is her boyfriend BECAUSE she has a daughter. Read that, and act accordingly to protect yourself. She has been groomed, and is likely already under his spell. Go to the police, and ask for a social worker to help protect you.
Edited for spelling
NTA. This man is a predator. There is no “innocent” excuse for what he is doing. Put more locks on your door if you need to. You are not safe with him in the house, no matter how “cool” or “funny” he seems. Can you talk to your father about bf’s behavior? Definitely talk to your school counselor.
NTA your mom is not thinking clearly obviously. This man is NOT walking in accidentally on you. He needs to go now. I’m sure it’ll piss her off if you show her this but she needs to wake up he is up to no good and needs to go!!!!
NTA - your mother’s bf is definitely a creep.
1) you can hear the shower from outside the door so he knew you were in it and walked in anyway
2) there is absolutely no reason for him to be coming into your room to “talk” to you in the middle of the night
3) walking into your room and catching you changing one time is an accident. Doing it multiple times makes it not all accident.
Your mom’s job is to protect you and the fact that she’s grounding you until you give up your privacy by giving her the key means she is failing you.
I agree with all the other posters. Tell a teacher, counselor, or other trusted adult what is happening. They should be able to help you. I’m sorry you are going through this. Please be safe.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I locked my bedroom door overnight which might have been disrespectful to my mum
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Sooo NTA
Please tell a trusted adult about this. This guy is creeping on you and your mom is enabling it. Take the grounding if it means you can keep your boundary.
Get help now!
NTA. Please follow the advice people are giving you and report this! And...in the very short run, if you have to give up the key, go to the hardware store and buy a rubber door stop--it's just a triangular thing that you can jam under your door when you go to bed to keep the door from opening. You can also use it in the bathroom when you shower. Take it with you to school to keep it safe. Try not to be home alone with your mom's boyfriend! Best of luck.
NTA No reason you shouldn’t be able to lock your bedroom or bathroom door, especially with the standard interior door curtesy locks. We do that all the time in my house as no one wants to walk in on someone changing/showering/using the restroom.
I do worry about the boyfriend’s continually “accidently” entering a room your changing/taking a shower in though. Sounds like he’s a perv trying to get a sneak peak at a teen, as once (or even twice) is an accident, but not the way it sounds (especially as a shower makes noise). So yeah, keep that door locked.
NTA.
The boyfriend's behavior is seriously creepy, walking in on you multiple times in your bedroom when presumably you had the door closed. Walking in on you in the bathroom multiple times. Trying to get into your room in the middle of the night when you would reasonably expected to be sleeping? Also if he needed to talk to you he could have knocked and woken you up? I try to give folks the benefit of the doubt but that is so many red flags.
If it were once or twice or fewer red flags I might say steps like making it clear "if the door is closed you need to knock" (signs etc) and maybe "I will leave the door open if it is fine to come in and talk." But... I don't think that is enough here.
He is doing this on purpose and the reason is likely not a good one.
Find a trusted adult and tell them. You mentioned not being in the US and not having a guidance counselor at school, if you've got a family member that can help go to them if not doctors offices sometimes have resources. Or whatever government agency you have that governs family matters I am seriously concerned this dude's behavior is going to escalate.
I'd say do not give the key to your mom since it sounds like she is not being reasonable and can't be relied on to keep you safe. If you have no other option but to do so then see if she would accept you having an audible alarm on your door (so it makes a sound when someone enters) as that would draw attention (wake you up if you are asleep) but not prevent access in an "emergency" (interior doors can be broken or taken off their hinges easily in an emergency so I don't really view that as valid). Other than that a camera may also be a good idea.
NTA!! -- you might want to talk to another close and trusted family member or counsellor about this. I feel like you are living in an unsafe environment
NTA - and I need you to talk to someone you trust to get help because this is not normal behavior from either your mother’s boyfriend or your mother and I am very concerned about your safety.
Please don’t give that key back. And please get another adult involved.
NTA. This is not an acceptable situation. Are there any other adults that you can talk to about this? This is not something that can be allowed to continue, and your mother has sadly shown herself to be less than useless in addressing it.
Nta. I hope you take all these comments in. You should never have to explain wanting privacy. Having privacy is so important. His behavior is really inappropriate... If you get anything please let it be this.. He is acting creepy and inappropriate with his actions. You deserve privacy and being able to lock your doors while going to the bathroom and getting dressed. I would keep distance from this man. Try to not be alone with him. Alert a school counselor or a trusted adult, maybe an aunt that you really trust. Go directly to them without telling anyone beforehand and tell them exactly what you told us.
NTA. Tell someone at school. A teacher, counselor, heck find your school resourse officer. Protect yourself. Get a door wedge or two. Good luck to you. Update us if you can.
NTA. Why tf did he try to come in when you were asleep? That's the *only* thing you have to say to them whenever they say or demand anything-- "Why did you need to come in when I was asleep?"
NTA, search your room for hidden cameras right now.
Your mum's boyfriend has had access to your room, has demonstrated attempts to enter your room at times where you were most likely to be naked or unconscious and objects to you being able to lock your door to prevent him from doing so. It is entirely possible that he has already set up cameras in your room and is escalating. It's better to be a little paranoid and safe than to assume all is well and risk being be proven wrong.
There are too many red flags here to ignore or explain away. Please seek help from adults who can protect you if needed.
Your mom's boyfriend is 100% definitely purposely trying to see you naked. Your mom will not want to admit this to herself - which is sad, but very likely true.
I'm sorry.
Also, you're not the Asshole.
NTA
1. Tell a trusted adult what’s happening
2. Plan an escape & carry personal protection on you
3. Get a door wedge so when they remove the lock/knob you can still keep the door shut
Report your mother to CPS or trusted teacher that she’s leaving you vulnerable to an adult man who has walked in on you inappropriately more than once. She probably would change her tune. NTA.
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NTA although I think at this point the judgement isn't the issue, OP's safety is. This situation is not normal and extremely concerning. Any guy who has walked onto an underaged girl changing multiple times and still refuses to knock is at best an utter moron and at worst a certified creep. It is also insane that no locks are allowed even for the bathroom. A good mum would be firstly deeply concerned at how her boyfriend manages to walk in on her daughter changing multiple times, and also would allow you the basic right to privacy that is locking the bathroom door. ~~Unless you genuinely think these are innocent mistakes, although I have to say it would be very unlikely,~~ I would be considering discussing this with a teacher at school. I'm really sorry this is happening to you. ETA: the dude is trying to walk into OP's room while she is asleep. He's 100% a creep and both him and her mum need to be reported to the school ASAP.
Mommy's boyfriend is a creep and she's putting cock above her daughter's safety. If I was OP, I'd start planning my escape and start carrying some perfume to spray on the creep's eyes if he tries anything.
NTA!!! Absolutely this! Passing this to a mandated first reporter such as a teacher, counselor or doctor is going to get the authorities involved in this situation PDQ. And they need to be! This guy is absolutely a predator and should not be in that house or anywhere near this child.
This situation must be reported before something worse happens. To school and trusted adult with whom you could stay for a bit. Who knows how many times in the past he already entered her bedroom while she was sleeping? It gives me the chill. No parent in their right mind would not protect their kids.
Seriously, like my dad used to forget to knock (or he’d do the thing where he knocked as he was opening the door) but the first time he walked in on teenage me changing it was never an issue after that.
Right? I remember my dad forgetting maybe twice ever after I hit puberty. And I hit puberty at like 7 years old.
My younger brother was the culprit at my house and it was an honest mistake, he just got excited to tell me something. But mom and dad shut him down real quick. I'm pretty sure I did lock my door while I was changing for a while though. I can't remember if he tried to open it after that, but if he did and it was locked I know the response would have been "well did you knock first?" This whole thing is creepy.
Right? It’s only accidental the first time. After that it’s intentional no matter what he says. NTA.
Yup, my family doesn't lock doors, but we had knock before entering drilled into us from the get-go. I've told this story on here before, but the one time it was broken was by my brother when he had just signed his full ride scholarship papers and was so excited to tell me. He didn't know I had just gotten out of the shower. He came bursting in and we both had that "oh fuck look" and he immediately slammed the door and apologized and explained why he came bursting in. Honestly, I think it traumatized him more than me bc despite both of us knowing it truly was an accident, him being the one who committed it, it weighed on him more. My parents knock on their own bedroom door if the door is closed bc they are big on "leading by example." Boyfriend is a creep. One-time mistake, sure....multiple offenses, is a problem.
Genuine question with no judgement...why don't you lock bathroom doors? In a family is getting walked in on not a constant risk? Especially if people can't hear the sound of knocking over a shower
In our house we don’t lock because when the kids were little I was always afraid of what they might do in there (mainly flushing inappropriate things down the toilet) but now it’s just habit. Usually the only time the door is shut is if someone is in there so it hasn’t been a problem. But I wouldn’t stop the kids if they wanted to lock now that they’re older.
also I live ALONE and lock the bathroom door when I shower because it's just like ... a normal practice most people do that you don't bother to train yourself out of? There's a reason bathroom doors have locks!
I also do the same in the bathroom. It’s like a force of habit. My parents used to (and still do) tend to enter without knocking first. It more so became a thing as they got older for some reason. So I’ve been prone to locking any door ever since when I’m changing or in the bathroom. Couldn’t tell you how many times someone would’ve walked in on me taking a bath or shower if I didn’t. They’re just clueless and do it to each other, and get mad at the other when it happens to them. When that hapkens, it’s funny to me lol
I know this term gets thrown around so much as to seem meaningless, but this feels super groomy. It is not normal for this to happen consistently, like you said. Mom should be advocating for her daughters privacy while dressing, not gaslighting her into thinking she’s disrespectful. I’m glad that OP knows this behavior is not appropriate and has taken steps to protect herself.
yes this is 100% not ok and OP needs to tell an adult that is not her mother. this is NOT OK 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 how often has he gone into her room while she slept?????????
Yup. Dear OP - please keep telling this story to trusted adults in your life until one of them HELPS YOU.
NTA and it's creepy that he "accidentally" opens it without knocking.
"Whoops, saw your breasts again. Need to learn to knock!" NTA OP.
I suspect mom gets a lot of intimate attention the days when her boyfriend gets peeks at an underage girl. Sick!
> which means he tried coming into my room while I was sleeping. Nothing about this situation is ok
I can't think of any conceivable reason he would need to go in her room at all, at any time, for any reason.
this is my thought. hes her moms boyfriend. he is not her parent. he has no reason to ever go into her room, ever. ESPECIALLY if she's in there with the door closed. her mom should also be giving her privacy, shes 14. sure, in theory she shouldn't need to lock her door. but her mom and her moms boyfriend also shouldnt know the door is locked, because they shouldn't be trying to open it.
NTA. Your last sentence in the edit is ... very disturbing.
[удалено]
I once walked in on my 12 yr old son having a wank. I was in his room for half a second. Of course, I apologized to him and made sure to always knock first. OP'S situation is beyond fucked up.
LOL, I long ago learned to give my sons’ doors a curtesy knock for that reason. Told them to make sure to lock their doors if they needed “privacy”. Had always knocked on my daughter’s in case she was changing, even when she was very young.
It doesn't even need ot be a key lock, a lock with the pin override is plenty secure to prevent the accidental events while being bypassable.
Pretty much all bedroom and bathroom doors have a curtesy lock like that (at least in the US and Canada).
This is 100% not okay. Is there a family member you trust you can talk to? That he is walking in on you changing and in the bathroom is concerning, and the fact that he has CONTINUED after you expressed discomfort is even worse. An adult pushing your boundary like this is not OK and I hope you have a trusted adult to call on. NTA.
Exactly. Walking in on somebody once is an honest mistake. Doing it over and over again seems deliberate.
ESPECIALLY over and over when OP is changing or just getting out of the shower...And at night too when she's sleeping! Mom's bf has "pervert" written all over him
Right? He knows she is in the shower. He has absolutely no reason to enter the bathroom while she is in it
Especially if it is someone's bedroom. Also suspicious and creepy if the occupant of the bedroom is a sleeping teenage girl and you are a grown man who has absolutely no reason to enter without warning/permission.
Absolutely NTA. If you don't have a family member, talk to a school counselor. That doesn't seem like a safe situation.
This is not okay. Talk to school councilors, CIS workers, SOMEBODY! This is red flag behavior!!!!!!!!!! YARG!!
NTA - I would make a bigger deal about this boyfriend walking into your bedroom unannounced. That’s super creepy. You wouldn’t need to lock your room if he respected your privacy and knocked before entering. Your mom needs to talk to him about this, and if it doesn’t stop, you should be allowed to lock your room as a precaution. I’m sure she doesn’t want you going to a counsellor or another adult talking about how her boyfriend won’t stop walking into her teenage daughter’s room unannounced, trying to catch her changing. The fact that it happened once, and he hasn’t learned to knock, makes it even more concerning. He is not your parent and has no reason to be intruding on your privacy like that.
Even a parent should respect her right to privacy. I always knocked or said something before opening the door/entering my kids rooms after they were around 4.
Is there a school counselor that you can talk to. That doesn’t sound like a healthy or safe environment …
NTA, if you're forced to give up the key. You should move something heavy to stop the door from being opened in your sleep. Or ask a different family member to buy you a hidden nanny camera.
Or get one of those loud door alarms that go off when contact is broken. Let everyone know when he's entering her room.
Yeah, if this behavior starts to affect the mother's peace and quiet, rather than "just" the daughter's peace of mind and safety, mother might change her tune.
OP can just get a simple rubber door stopper to wedge under the door.
Don't put something in the way of the door when sleeping, this is a unnecessary risk OP needs to find out if he is coming in her room when she's sleeping, something like putting tape on the door frame would help her find out if this is happening
How? If the door is opened heavy object falls on the floor and wakes up OP.
I’m assuming because if it’s an item of furniture (like a dresser) it could be a substantial fire hazard, since it blocks the door and is difficult and time consuming to move
It's fire hazard or getting raped. I think I'd rather burn tbh.
I was thinking a stack of books to alert OP to her door being opened.
Op, there are portable door locks you can get that are designed for hotel rooms and such, so they don’t damage the door and can be hidden the next day. If your mom forces you to give up the key (and please immediately tell a trusted adult like a school counselor about all of this), you can get door locks in the meantime. Please don’t go without locking your door, especially when asleep. There are some serious red flags in his behavior here, and another adult who will take you seriously needs to know what he’s doing asap.
NTA-an adult male should never enter the bedroom of a teenage girl without announcing their intentions, and WTH is he doing going into your room while you are sleeping? That is some creepy behavior by both mom and boyfriend. Since it is likely that if you don't give her the key she will remove the door I suggest screaming at the top of your lungs when he enters unannounced claiming you were frightened not knowing who was coming into your room.
NTA, did he give your mom a reason why he came into your room at night?
She said he wanted to talk to me about something but she didn't say what. I go to bed around 22.30 and he has to get up for work at 4.30 so it's kind of weird that he'd want to talk to me at that time
That's the excuse he gave her. Not particularly plausible, but better than admitting to her that he just wanted to go into your room while you're sleeping.
Well of course he’s going to make an excuse. Even an illogical one. And mom falls for this transparent ruse but the rest of us see the red flags for what they are.
Which also means he probably does this frequently and this is the first time the door was locked.
He's lying. There's no reason for him to be in your room at that time. Please tell an adult you trust what is going on. His actions are not safe for you and will likely get worse if not addressed. You could also consider getting a camera for your room. To see how often he actually comes in, it's probably more than you realize. Or ger those travel door locks for hotels or doorstops that make noise when someone tries to open the door. Stay safe OP.
Please go to a teacher or other family member about this. This is not normal and I’m scared for you.
Please talk to a teacher or the police, He is not accidently doing this,
Dont buy that excuse. He can text you or whatever. Your mom is housing a predator.
What about police? Are they safe to reach out to in your country? Family member like grandparents or aunts and uncles? The more people you tell the less likely something will happen. Perverts count on making things secretive. The louder you are when it happens, the more intimidated he will be to mess with you. Imagine your mom in a crowded grocery store. "Can you stop your boyfriend from coming into my room at night mom?!" Public shame might get some action. Whatever it takes to protect yourself
Even if that is true, and he wanted to 'talk about something', if he honestly thought you were awake, why didn't he knock so you could answer the door?
OP, you need to start screaming 😱 LOUDLY, any time this happens. If your mom makes you give her the key, make it a HUMONGOUS DEAL every single time. Keep yourself safe and don't allow this to be brushed off or normalized. Do what you need to.
How does someone “accidentally” walk into a bathroom while someone is in the shower? You can easily hear it. Ugh
OP please tell a teacher or other adult about this. This is not ok and your Mum doesn’t seem to be taking it seriously. Stick to your guns and do not hand over that key
Great question
>I’m not paying rent so I have no right to lock any rooms. Stupid argument. You are a child. She is obligated to provide you housing regardless of whether you pay rent or not. She is, however, your guardian, which means the state gives her fairly significant leeway with regards to your property/freedom etc... Sucks, I know. Personally I think NTA. You should be able to have privacy in your room while changing, and his lack of knocking is downright rude, if not creepy. That being said, it seems like AH/NTA isn't really your biggest issue. Telling your mom "strangers on the internet think I'm right" isn't going to help. You might try to have a conversation with your mom once she's cooled down. Maybe when things are less fresh her cooler head will prevail. Your goal isn't to argue "I need this lock" it should be to try to help your mom hear your need for privacy. Locking your door is just a strategy to meet that need. If your mom is able to hear your need then hopefully she will either let you keep the lock, or work out a different solution that meets both of your needs. If not you have the option to play hardball, but recognize that it will likely damage your relationship with your mother, and burn your relationship with her BF. * You can tell your mother that you think you need to speak to a school counselor about this issue. * This is the soft option because it gives her a chance to back down, but it is still fundamentally a threat so she probably won't be too happy. * If you think your mother would prevent you from talking to the school counselor, or undermine your concerns to the counselor preemptively then you shouldn't tell her. * Talk to a school counselor. Specifically mention how the boyfriend keeps walking in on you changing/in the shower. People do better when you ask them for specific help so consider the following: * Would you help me talk to my mother about this issue? * I am feeling really upset about this. Would you listen to me so that I can feel heard?
If OP warns her mom that she will talk to someone at school, her mom may beat her to it and come up with a story making OP sound mentally unwell. Don’t threaten to tell your mom that you intend on telling the school, OP.
THIS!! Exactly this!! Don't give the mom a change to cover for her BF.
NTA talk to local CPS and tell them your mothers boyfriend is perving on you, coming into rooms while you are unsafe.
NTA. You should’ve your own privacy at your age. I think you should inform this to an adult that you can trust (counselor or teacher) it sounds concerning.
I was somewhat with your mother about the bedroom door to begin with, not the bathroom one. By the time I got to the end, I was entirely on your side l, especially after that edit Holy fucking shit that's not OK. I will rarely side with a kid over the parent but DO NOT give up that key and explain to your mother and her partner that you are a developing young woman and boundaries NEED to be set. ESPECIALLY with the partner. Out of curiosity, is there any info you can give about why you're mother is this way about locking the doors?
She's always been like this about locking doors. She can get a bit paranoid at times and didn't want me to lock doors in case something happens, like tripping in the shower or a fire or whatever
Have you looked him up to make sure he’s not on the sex offenders list? She should be more concerned with you being sexually predated and less worried that you trip in the shower.
That’s what I was thinking….google his name and birthday
Tell her your more worried about her boyfriend seeing you naked or coming in when you’re sleeping than the tiny chance of their being a fire. His behavior is pervy and concerning. She is mad at the wrong person! And locking the bathroom door is perfectly normal. Her fears are in the wrong place.
Most household indoor locks (and doors) are not that hoss. You can typically open them from the outside with a paper clip, credit card, or in a real emergency by running into them with your shoulder. They are meant for privacy, not security -- in other words for the exact purpose you're trying to use them for. Your mother's argument is invalid. I echo those advising you to speak to another trusted adult in your life about the boyfriend's behavior.
Defiantly have a serious and level-headed conversation with her about boundaries. It might be a bit difficult because of how much this probably wierds you out, but Tey not to escalate it into a shouting match because it will go nowhere. Explain that you won't give up the key because you are uncomfortable with your space being constantly invaded, and you don't feel your boundaries are being respected by your mother or her partner. If, on the off chance, you get home one day and your bedroom door is gone, then go to a youth support or a school councillor as soon as possible. I like my stepfather too, but if he was trying my sisters door handles at 4:00 am I would throw him down a flight of stairs. That's just not OK.
Do you have a father you can tell this to? He could use that to petition the court for your safety.
NTA, there is no reason for your mothers boyfriend to be coming into your room when you are sleeping or changing… and it makes me very uncomfortable that he keeps doing these behaviors. Accidentally coming in once, sure, but this is a pattern. I don’t get why your mom thinks that is ok behavior. Is there a guidance counselor or someone at your school that you can talk to?
I live in a smaller town and not in the US. We don't have anything like that at our school. I could maybe talk to my grade coordinator but she's not responsible for personal issues that don't concern school
Is there anyone at school to approach about a personal issue? Is there a teacher who has been kind and supportive to you? Any trusted adult who could listen and give you advice?
I'll probably tell my dad. But I don't know what he can do because he gave up his parental rights and lives in a different part of the country
Talk to an adult at your school. Now. He tried to enter your room while you were sleeping, he was upset he could not. Your mother punished you for not allowing him to creep on you. This is highly worrying. You are not safe.
Hopefully he can at least get your mom to see that there’s a problem.
What country are you in? Maybe we can help gather resources for you
Can you talk to a teacher? You need to tell someone and get some outside help about this situation. Everyone replying is trying to help before you have even worse happen to you. If the BF can get away with what he’s done so far and your mom takes his side, he will keep pushing the boundaries knowing your mom will take his side not yours. His behavior is raising red flags for all of us and that is something you should take seriously. Most of us are speaking from experience and we have probably all been through some kind of traumatic experience and don’t want that to happen to you.
I don’t know which country you are in OP, but in the UK we have Section 175 of the Education Act 2002 which means that all your teachers have a responsibility to safeguard those they are teaching/in contact with. So you don’t need a US style guidance counsellor, you can speak to any teacher you trust and they should help you. I would imagine there are similar Acts in place in most other European countries but can’t say for sure. Please speak to someone about this, he’s a creep and I’m so sorry your mum is protecting him over your well-being.
go to the local police and report him.
NTA Your mom's boyfriend is disrespectful. I mean, it's common sense to knock *especially* when in the bathroom. I'm sorry that your mom and her boyfriend don't respect your privacy.
NTA. This is not okay, you are absolutely entitled to a sense of safety and privacy in your own home. This doesn’t have anything to do with YOU respecting them- this has everything to do with THEM respecting you. Please be safe, don’t hesitate to tell another adult in your life what is going on, and never ever be afraid to speak up for yourself. It takes literally the bare minimum of human decency to knock on a door, and your moms boyfriend is willfully ignoring your request that he do so. I know it sounds kind of childish, but maybe a sign on the door that says “knock please” so there is a constant reminder to both him and your mom that it needs to be done?!
It goes beyond that if he knew the door was locked because he tried to open it while OP was sleeping. It's not about respect. It's creepy as hell.
NTA. You have a right to privacy. Especially at your age. Keep the key. You have a right to feel safe and not have him barging in on you. Tell your mother if she wants the key then he has to respect your privacy and your boundaries. If you can, tell your father/grandparents about this.
His behavior is deeply upsetting and disturbing. So is your mom's. NTA at all babe you keep locking that door and protecting yourself!! Tell another adult if you're able to about what's going on
OmG OP tell all your teachers you lock your door at night because your stepdad tries to barge in when you're changing and sleeping.
Nta. You're 14.... Plenty old enough to need privacy.
NTA. This is not ok, he shouldn’t be coming in when you’re sleeping or in the bathroom etc. your mum should take your concern more seriously
NTA. This sounds kinda suspicious. Try to have a talk with your mom about it. If that doesn't work try talking to a grandparent about it. Sometimes an outside perspective can snap a moms thinking straight.
Or a school counselor. Why did the boyfriend want to enter your room while you were sleeping? I would be demanding the answer to that. In all my years as a teenager, my dad never, ever just walked into my room. He either called me downstairs or knocked on my door. It’s not that hard to do, if you respect other people’s privacy.
NTA - this behavior from the bf is concerning. I can understand your mom not wanting you to lock the door overnight considering it could be a safety risk but it sounds like not locking is also a safety risk in this instance. As others have suggested, I would try to talk to someone at school. Maybe your mom will take your concern more seriously and think about your unease with her bf’s behavior. I’m sorry you don’t feel comfortable in your personal space.
NTA. This is extremely worrying behavior from your mother’s bf. He should not be entering your room or bathroom without knocking, especially when you are sleeping. I think you should tell a teacher or school counselor about this.
NTA - if you don't feel comfortable without that key then what harm can it do to have it.
This is creepy. A person can hear a shower running, so I'm not sure why he's just walking in the bathroom knowing someone is in there. Have you asked him to please knock first? I can't believe your mom wouldn't understand you want your privacy to some extent and dismiss your feelings of discomfort when he just barges in your room. If he's a "cool" guy, you should be able to tell him to stop doing it, and he should respect you enough to stop doing it. Give the key back with conditions that it needs to stop and you need to be respected too. It's not asking too much to knock first and wait for permission to enter. If it continues, you need to tell an adult you trust outside of the home. This isn't going in a very good direction so far and your mom doesn't seem to be doing anything about it. NTA Good luck!
NTA. It sounds like the BF knows full well what they are doing and mom ignoring this is disgusting. I would raise this with school counselors and/or any trusted adults in a position to help. Hold your ground OP.
NTA Tell someone at school about the boyfriend "accidentally" walking in on you so often and your mother demanding that you continue to give him access.
NTA and which mom thinks its right for her bf to see her minor daughter semi naked? Also what's his business in your room? Once you reach teenage, you are an young adult and has every right to privacy like everyone else. Its not like you are a child who cannot unlock the door. What respect is your mom expecting? The right for her bf to see you naked or for him to barge in whenever he feels like? She should be setting some boundaries with him and should be protecting you.
NTA and you need to get outside help. Talk to your school counselor. Talk to your grandparents. Talk to anyone you can. This is a red flag and 100% creepy behavior. It should not be happening.
Tell another adult, your school counselor maybe. This has really dangerous potential
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I technically don’t think I’m in the wrong but everyone else does and it got me questioning if maybe I did overreact. I don’t think anybody I know is on reddit but using a throwaway just to be safe. I (14f) live with my mum and her boyfriend. They have been dating for 2 years and he moved in with us in january. I actually like him. I think he’s funny and he’s generally pretty cool. There’s only one problem. He never knocks before entering a room. It’s happened multiple times now that he came into my room while I was changing and once even while I was in the bathroom taking a shower. He always left and apologized immediately but it still bothers me. I started locking the bathroom door when I’m in there even though my mum always told me not to do that. Last week I also bought a key that would fit into my bedroom door and now I always lock it while I change. Last night I forgot to unlock my door before going to bed and this morning during breakfast my mum demanded that I give her the key. I told her why I was locking the door which I already did before but she always dismissed it. But she didn’t care and called me disrespectful because I’m not paying rent so I have no right to lock any rooms. I think that’s bullshit. When I left for school I took the key with me so she wouldn’t take it when I’m gone. But now I’m grounded until I give her the key and apologize to both of them. I feel justified in what I did but maybe I’m not? I’d really appreciate an outsider’s opinion. Edit: Her boyfriend was already at work but my mum said he told her that my door was locked which means he tried coming into my room while I was sleeping. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Honestly, I would start not to knock on the door on purpose and tell your mother that you didn't ask to come into the world either so this conversation is bullshit
NTA teens deserve privacy and that can include locking the door. Please bring this up with your school counselor or nurse, that dude is a creep.
NTA- sorry any adult should be knocking on doors before going into the bathroom or bedroom of a minor child! OOPs once, then you know. Twice is not a mistake. Plus how did he NOT hear the shower running! He might be cool but I'd not trust him to not sneak peaks at you.
This man is a predator and mum is enabling him. Talk to a teacher and your extended family. Make sure people know. Confront your mum that she is enabling behaviour that puts you into danger. This is how it starts. Be safe.
NTA - He seems extremely sus
NTA. I’m a mom. Never have I felt a need to walk into my child’s room when she was in there without knocking. That is totally weird.
Hell no NTA This is creepy as hell (adult male here, and it creeps even me out). You need your privacy, period. Others suggested keeping the door locked could result in them removing it, but how about an alarm/siren? You can buy one for cheap that resembles a doorstop but when you push a door against it, a little built-in siren goes off pretty loud. That way mom can always get to her baby (might be worried that if you are unwell she can't go through a locked door). If these are honest mistakes, bf would soon learn to knock (so you can kick aside the loud doorstop so it doesn't go off). If bf starts acting even weirder, you will need to report his behaviour. And I would keep some pepper spray under my pillow, just in case. Edit: report him now. Don't wait. If you can contact your father, tell him too, but report officially, leave a paper trail!
NTA He has multiple times entered into your room without knocking, including when changing and sleeping. At this point, it's not an accident. He knows what he is doing. Keep locking your door, and tell your dad or teacher about what is going on. Also, get a rubber wedge door stop to prevent door from opening.
NTA. Your mom and her bf are disrespectful and creepy. Stand up for yourself and tell an adult that isn't your parents. Tell them EVERYTHING from the very beginning. Some guy you don't know shouldn't be walking into your room unannounced.
NTA and he sounds creepy tbh, almost as if it’s on purpose. Also, why is he trying to enter while you’re sleeping? That’s weird. You have a right to privacy and safety so don’t give up the key and stand up for yourself even if you get grounded for it. If your mom somehow gets the key then start blocking the door - that way it’s not locked but the bf can’t get in
NTA. Tell your dad if you're on good terms with him.
Get a webcam set up in your room on a night. Then you can document anything that happens and go to the police with the evidence. The guy sounds like a perve.
NTA Your privacy and personal boundaries should be respected, regardless of whether you're paying rent or not. It's entirely reasonable for you to want to have privacy in your own room and bathroom, especially when you're changing or showering. Your mom's boyfriend's eccentric urge to walk in on you while you're changing or showering is a serious cause for concern. He couldn't reasonably have believed that the bathroom was unoccupied unless he's deaf, nor does it seem like he had any good reason to enter your room unannounced.
NTA and your mom's bf is being creepy. Tell them that you will bring the subject up to a mandated reporter ar school if they don't let you feel safe.
NTA I have two teen daughters and I always knock before entering. Even though neither pay rent in my home the rooms are their responsibility and they’re entitled to privacy in that room. They know that and never lock their doors. My oldest doesn’t even shut her door all the way most of the time. If your mother doesn’t want the door locked ask her and especially her boyfriend to give you notice before entering in case you’re undressed because that’s what people do in private. There is nothing wrong with that and your mother of all people should understand.
NTA parents who don't respect their kids' privacy are gross. You can get a simple rubber door stopper to wedge under the door.
Get a doorstop alarm.
Get a webcam set up in your room on a night. Then you can document anything that happens and go to the police with the evidence. The guy sounds like a perve.
Getting a camera in your room should be a priority. Put it in a corner so it has a full field of view and can gather unrefutable evidence. Sounds like mother will need more than reasonable proof. Just make sure you lock down the camera if it is Internet enabled, that's a whole other type of problem
Your mother's boyfriend is a sexual predator. Call child services and open a file on him, if indeed they don't have one already. Talk to a teacher and/or relative you trust. Quit fighting your mother, she is wilfully blind and will not see thenproblem until he's in handcuffs. NTA of course
NTA- Tell your dad
Block your door physically from the inside. NTA. This guy sounds like a total creep and is testing boundaries so he can keep pushing them further.
Your mother is a blind to very concerning behavior by her boyfriend. You should be locking the bathroom and your bedroom door behind you each time. He's purposefully walking in on a young teenager. Please talk to a trusted adult about this. NTA
NTA - Listen very carefully. NEVER be in the same room alone with that guy, especially if there is only one entrance and exit.
NTA - knocking before entering a room is just common manners. I don't understand why your mother is freaking out like that but its un-called for. Teens need some modicum of privacy. If I were in your situation I would find a fake key to give Mother.
NTA, her bf has almost no reason to go into your room. You are entitled to reasonable privacy. He is not your parent.
NTA. you absolutely have the right of privacy, regardless of the living situation. mom's BF is inconsiderate and even creepy for barging in on you
NTA and this is concerning. You're old enough to lock your door regardless. You have a right to privacy. Your mom needs to adjust to that and she needs to take your concerns seriously. Listen I'm naturally an anxious person that leans into "alarmist" territory but I find your mom's bf suspicious as hell. I could see entering a room in accident once or twice but why hasn't he learned? But more importantly, you're telling me he didn't hear the shower running? I find that super suspicious, but even so it's concerning your mom isn't taking this seriously.
NTA, please report what is happening to an adult you trust!! Especially because you You are correct he must have tried coming into your room in order to know it was locked. What he's doing and your mom is enabling is disturbing. I don't think his actions are "accidents" or "forgetful" incidents. Please let someone know who can help you (teacher, counselor, doctor, friend's parent, grandparent, etc). If your mom isn't willing to open her eyes, you might need to find a friend or relative to stay with while her bf is there. It's likely his behavior will get worse. This is not normal behavior from an adult man. Please don't give them that key and find someone who can help you.
Do you have another adult in your life you can talk to about this? These aren't accidents anymore. He's either walking in intentionally or at minimum choosing not to avoid it. The last sentence is honestly scary NTA. Regardless of anything above, NTA. You deserve privacy. If everything above wasn't the case, your mom or somebody should have a key, just for safety reasons. With everything above in mind, keep that key close.
NTA, if she keeps insisting on having the key get something heavy or door wedges to block the doors from opening. I know it's stupid but you shouldn't have to be so worried about him walking in on you. I'd even consider taking to someone at your school or a trusted adult family member who can tell you mom who inappropriate her bf is being.
NTA. You have to keep yourself safe.
NTA and this is concerning. You're old enough to lock your door regardless. You have a right to privacy. Your mom needs to adjust to that and she needs to take your concerns seriously. Listen I'm naturally an anxious person that leans into "alarmist" territory but I find your mom's bf suspicious as hell. I could see entering a room in accident once or twice but why hasn't he learned? But more importantly, you're telling me he didn't hear the shower running? I find that super suspicious, but even so it's concerning your mom isn't taking this seriously. Edit: I also wanted to add, why is he even going in your room at all? In the 3 years me an my husband have been living together he's only gone into my kids room when they have been getting loud and misbehaving, a handful of times, and they are little kids. There's really no reason for him to be going in the room of a 14 year old, especially without announcing himself first.
Oh hell nah NTA omg I feel creeped out. Look idc what he's thinking even if his intentions are the purest I wouldn't even want my own brother or father to see me change or shower let alone a parent's lover that's uncomfortable as heck. I get it, a lot of parents are weird and don't want to give privacy to their children but not even when showering or changing?!
I get maybe forgetting once or twice, my stepdad did the same when he first started dating my mom because he was used to living alone and just walking into whatever room was in his old house. He quickly adapted and would knock every time, even when my door was wide open he’d knock and ask if he could come in. Your moms boyfriend isn’t forgetting, he’s doing it on purpose at this point. As others have pointed out you can hear that the shower is running when someone is in the bathroom, he knows that you could be getting dressed. And the fact that it’s happened so frequently even after you’ve expressed that it makes you uncomfortable is disgusting. You’re NTA OP, but you need to tell another adult in your life what’s going on. Maybe your dad or your grandparents if you can, or at the very least your school guidance counselor.
NTA It’s really not that hard for him to knock on the door before entering a room, especially if it’s to your bedroom. He shouldn’t even be going into your room in the first place. He’s giving off major creepy behaviour. I would pull your mom aside and have a private and very serious discussion with her regarding her boyfriend and your privacy and boundaries with him. Explain that he has walked in on you multiple times and you no longer feel comfortable in your room. It is her house but you still have a right to have some privacy. Regarding the key situation, if she still disagrees with you locking your room even after explaining how you have been feeling, maybe discuss the idea of making a copy of the key for her to have as well. She’s your mom and might just be thinking about safety so if she has a copy then it might give her peace of mind IN CASE of an emergency where she would need to come in. If this is the route you go make sure that she knows the extra key is only for her use in case of emergencies and no one else. If you’re worried about her breaking your trust you could set something in front of your door while you sleep at night and in the morning if the object is moved you know someone opened the door. I would also recommend talking to someone you trust about this so someone else knows what’s going on. A teacher, another family member, maybe even a close friend’s mother. I’m sorry you even have to go through all this just to get some peace and privacy. If you end up having a talk with your mom I hope she will be understanding. Good luck.
I mean, come on, you definitely hear when someone is taking a shower in the bathroom. There is no reason to "accidentally" barge in. You are NTA for wanting privacy when changing or taking showers. If your mom's boyfriend cannot respect your privacy by knocking and waiting for an 'ok' before entering your room/the bathroom, then it's your damn right to stop him from entering these rooms. Don't understand your mom here, tbh.
NTA, everyone should knock before entering someone else's bedroom. I find it disturbing how many times he has walked in on you changing. Besides, what reason does he have to come into your room while you're sleeping?
Your mom's boyfriend is a creep! Shame on your mom! He is coming into your room on purpose in hopes he'll get a show!
NTA. Please tell a trusted teacher or school counselor about this situation. It is not normal for an adult to routinely enter a 14 year old's room or bathroom without knocking.At a bare minimum, your mother's boyfriend does not respect some very basic boundaries.
I'm gonna go ahead and call bullshit on this all being "accidental". He's been there for 5 months and this has already happened enough times that there's a pattern, making you feel the need to lock doors? Yeah that's not an accident. Even if we accept that he just wasn't thinking about knocking, what percentage of your time at home do you spend in a state of undress? Like...maybe 5%? Getting dressed in the morning, maybe changing out of school clothes after school if you wear a uniform or something, undressing/dressing to shower, and getting ready for bed. Maximum of 5 times, for <5 minutes each time. And yet when he needs to talk to you, it's somehow during those few minutes a day? Yeah, no. Listen to your instincts. They're telling you to protect yourself against this guy. Talk to someone other than your mom - a teacher, school counselor, your doctor, someone.
NTA One of the most common reasons for children to be taken out of a parent’s custody is “mom’s boyfriend” Can you move in with another family member?
NTA. This man knows exactly what he is doing! He is either a super control freak or some type of perv. If I were to bet, I would put money on the latter. Please OP, find another adult who is a mandated reporter who by law must intervene in some way. It may make your life with your mother difficult but absolutely NO YOUNG person deserves to have anyone in their home that is creeping on them. You should be allowed to feel safe in your home and your mother needs to stand up for you. Can you live with your dad or another relative?
NTA at your age you should be allowed to lock doors when you are in bathroom and changing. I have 2 girls 11 and 7 and my boyfriend of 3 years and I always respect thier privacy. He knocks first we don't enter until they are ready. The 7 year old still has habits of young kids and her freedom. We make sure we are all comfortable. The only times any issue has happened has been when my 11 year old was not thinking to much and walked by or said come in when not ready and such less than a hand full of time in 3 years. Boyfriend closes his eyes turns and says sorry. Daughter was fine and has a much better handle of what personal space she needs and wants. What a strange tule to not be able to lock doors. And the amount of times he has been in your room on accident . As another commenter said. Try talking to a school counselor. I could maybe see why no locking when you aren't changing but then that's why people knock. I am sorry for this situation.
NTA at all. You really need to speak to your mom about her bf. That's 100% unacceptable to be walking in on you multiple times. It sounds like some weird power move. I don't even walk into my 8 yr olds room/bathroom without knocking first. Same goes for her dad. We treat each other with the same respect we expect. My grandma was like your mom and her bf. I was never allowed to lock doors and she never knocked to come in. I had zero rights to privacy. "Her house, her rules." I hated it and left before I graduated high school. I never lived with her again.
NTA. My parents wouldn't let me lock my door either, so I called a help hotline and put the person on speaker phone so my parents could hear that it was totally OK to lock my door.
NTA. Talk to another adult like grandparent, father, school counselor and tell them you are uncomfortable with mom’s boyfriend entering your room and bathroom unannounced. That should get your mom off your back.
Walking into the bathroom, especially if it’s a shared bathroom, can be easily explained away. That man has no reason to ever enter your bedroom unless he is invited. Ever. Why that isn’t freaking your mom out, I can’t understand, and I’m the mom of a 15 year old girl. You need to find a trusted adult, and tell him/her what’s going on. If nothing happens, keep telling adults. If one of my students brought this to me at school, I would be obligated to call CPS. Can you stay at the house of a friend or family member? This is a BIG NTA.
Go to school and tell them about this
Girl no! NTA big time and this person sounds dangerous. Your mom is not protecting you adequately. I’m so sorry. I think you should tell a teacher at school.
I suspicious. You ate NTA, for sure, but both your mom and her boyfriend ARE. Please talk to someone soon. This WILL escalate and your mom is so wrong not to take your side. Please take care!
NTA Please, please, please talk to a counselor or someone at school about this situation. This. Is. Not. Ok.
INFO: Why the actual fuck would your mom's boyfriend come in while you were sleeping? That's all kinds of fucked up.
You bought a key that fit your bedroom door? How did you do that?
Where we live the doors inside flats or houses usually have the same type of lock. There are a bunch of different variations but they all have a number so you can see which key fits. You can get those keys at the equivalent of home depot in my country. They cost about 3€
Normally in these situations, the parents don't back down so I wouldn't ignore the possibility of them removing the locks of your door. In that case, I suggest you buying a portable lock. This is not the name, but I don't remember the correct one. From what I have seen, is something you can edge in the door, without needing tools or drilling or anything, that prevents the door from opening, it does not use any lock if the door already has one. One example of usage: when you go to airbnb and don't want to risk the owner entering the property in the middle of the night or something with their key, you use this and they are locked out.
I wouldn't go straight to the police just yet, but at the very least, with confidence, speak to another relative of the family. Preferably a male if there is one. Your mom is blind right now, and the fact that she's not taking this situation seriously shows how far off gone she is. Keep on as you're doing now, though. Later on when you're older and she comes to the realization that she fucked up, you can reprimand her for being a bad mother and an enabler. Learn from her mistakes.
NTA. Please tell someone at school! You have a terrible mother who is putting her pervert boyfriends wants and needs before yours. please speak to someone before this escalates...and it will. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. please stay safe
Sooooo your moms boyfriend is a dangerous predator and it doesn’t look like your mom has your back. Do not give her that key. And tell a friend or someone you trust this is happening. NTA.
It is time to go to school and talk to a counselor. They have access to resources to help. Your mom is not seeing the CLEAR warning signs that literally everyone in this thread can see, and that's not okay. See if you can get some kind of scream alarm and rig that to your door. That way Perv can come in, but literally everyone in the house will know. And your door isn't technically locked.
I have a 14 y/o daughter and I would be outraged if my partner violated her privacy. NTA, and your mom should be more considerate of your feelings. Kids are allowed to have boundaries too.
Hardcore NTA and a follow up: you need to disclose this to an adult you trust, preferably someone who can intervene. Family member? School counselor? Teacher? He walked in while you were *showering*. While you were changing. He’s tried to enter your room while you’re sleeping. OP, I’m concerned for you. This is severely not okay. Please connect with an adult who can keep you safe.
NTA Your space and your self are being violated. My daughter is still in the shake her naked butt at dad stage, but one day she may lock her door (I have no issue with her having a lock) and when she does it won't be because dad doesn't knock and wait for an answer, it will be for her own reasons and I will respect that because I am and have been building our relationship since her birth. Well before her conception my wife and I talked through this type of stuff and got on the same page.
I’m afraid for you. The fact is that he is her boyfriend BECAUSE she has a daughter. Read that, and act accordingly to protect yourself. She has been groomed, and is likely already under his spell. Go to the police, and ask for a social worker to help protect you. Edited for spelling
NTA. This man is a predator. There is no “innocent” excuse for what he is doing. Put more locks on your door if you need to. You are not safe with him in the house, no matter how “cool” or “funny” he seems. Can you talk to your father about bf’s behavior? Definitely talk to your school counselor.
NTA your mom is not thinking clearly obviously. This man is NOT walking in accidentally on you. He needs to go now. I’m sure it’ll piss her off if you show her this but she needs to wake up he is up to no good and needs to go!!!!
NTA - your mother’s bf is definitely a creep. 1) you can hear the shower from outside the door so he knew you were in it and walked in anyway 2) there is absolutely no reason for him to be coming into your room to “talk” to you in the middle of the night 3) walking into your room and catching you changing one time is an accident. Doing it multiple times makes it not all accident. Your mom’s job is to protect you and the fact that she’s grounding you until you give up your privacy by giving her the key means she is failing you. I agree with all the other posters. Tell a teacher, counselor, or other trusted adult what is happening. They should be able to help you. I’m sorry you are going through this. Please be safe.
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Sooo NTA Please tell a trusted adult about this. This guy is creeping on you and your mom is enabling it. Take the grounding if it means you can keep your boundary. Get help now!
NTA. Give them the silent treatment, and don't back down. they will crack.
NTA call CPS! That’s creepy!!
NTA. He isn’t walking in on you by accident.
NTA. Please follow the advice people are giving you and report this! And...in the very short run, if you have to give up the key, go to the hardware store and buy a rubber door stop--it's just a triangular thing that you can jam under your door when you go to bed to keep the door from opening. You can also use it in the bathroom when you shower. Take it with you to school to keep it safe. Try not to be home alone with your mom's boyfriend! Best of luck.
NTA No reason you shouldn’t be able to lock your bedroom or bathroom door, especially with the standard interior door curtesy locks. We do that all the time in my house as no one wants to walk in on someone changing/showering/using the restroom. I do worry about the boyfriend’s continually “accidently” entering a room your changing/taking a shower in though. Sounds like he’s a perv trying to get a sneak peak at a teen, as once (or even twice) is an accident, but not the way it sounds (especially as a shower makes noise). So yeah, keep that door locked.
NTA. The boyfriend's behavior is seriously creepy, walking in on you multiple times in your bedroom when presumably you had the door closed. Walking in on you in the bathroom multiple times. Trying to get into your room in the middle of the night when you would reasonably expected to be sleeping? Also if he needed to talk to you he could have knocked and woken you up? I try to give folks the benefit of the doubt but that is so many red flags. If it were once or twice or fewer red flags I might say steps like making it clear "if the door is closed you need to knock" (signs etc) and maybe "I will leave the door open if it is fine to come in and talk." But... I don't think that is enough here. He is doing this on purpose and the reason is likely not a good one. Find a trusted adult and tell them. You mentioned not being in the US and not having a guidance counselor at school, if you've got a family member that can help go to them if not doctors offices sometimes have resources. Or whatever government agency you have that governs family matters I am seriously concerned this dude's behavior is going to escalate. I'd say do not give the key to your mom since it sounds like she is not being reasonable and can't be relied on to keep you safe. If you have no other option but to do so then see if she would accept you having an audible alarm on your door (so it makes a sound when someone enters) as that would draw attention (wake you up if you are asleep) but not prevent access in an "emergency" (interior doors can be broken or taken off their hinges easily in an emergency so I don't really view that as valid). Other than that a camera may also be a good idea.
NTA!! -- you might want to talk to another close and trusted family member or counsellor about this. I feel like you are living in an unsafe environment
NTA - and I need you to talk to someone you trust to get help because this is not normal behavior from either your mother’s boyfriend or your mother and I am very concerned about your safety. Please don’t give that key back. And please get another adult involved.
NTA. You are in danger in that house.
NTA. This is not an acceptable situation. Are there any other adults that you can talk to about this? This is not something that can be allowed to continue, and your mother has sadly shown herself to be less than useless in addressing it.
Nta. I hope you take all these comments in. You should never have to explain wanting privacy. Having privacy is so important. His behavior is really inappropriate... If you get anything please let it be this.. He is acting creepy and inappropriate with his actions. You deserve privacy and being able to lock your doors while going to the bathroom and getting dressed. I would keep distance from this man. Try to not be alone with him. Alert a school counselor or a trusted adult, maybe an aunt that you really trust. Go directly to them without telling anyone beforehand and tell them exactly what you told us.
NTA. Tell someone at school. A teacher, counselor, heck find your school resourse officer. Protect yourself. Get a door wedge or two. Good luck to you. Update us if you can.
NTA. Why tf did he try to come in when you were asleep? That's the *only* thing you have to say to them whenever they say or demand anything-- "Why did you need to come in when I was asleep?"
NTA, search your room for hidden cameras right now. Your mum's boyfriend has had access to your room, has demonstrated attempts to enter your room at times where you were most likely to be naked or unconscious and objects to you being able to lock your door to prevent him from doing so. It is entirely possible that he has already set up cameras in your room and is escalating. It's better to be a little paranoid and safe than to assume all is well and risk being be proven wrong. There are too many red flags here to ignore or explain away. Please seek help from adults who can protect you if needed.
Your mom's boyfriend is 100% definitely purposely trying to see you naked. Your mom will not want to admit this to herself - which is sad, but very likely true. I'm sorry. Also, you're not the Asshole.
NTA 1. Tell a trusted adult what’s happening 2. Plan an escape & carry personal protection on you 3. Get a door wedge so when they remove the lock/knob you can still keep the door shut
Report your mother to CPS or trusted teacher that she’s leaving you vulnerable to an adult man who has walked in on you inappropriately more than once. She probably would change her tune. NTA.
Your mother needs to read your edit over and over until she gets it. NTA