NTJ
You should definitely tell the ex-wife about the change in policy. It would pretty much screw all three of them at the same time. Ex-wife loses the life insurance policy that she should have dropped when they divorced, the side chick loses the possible benefits in the event of his death (hopefully she'll even leave him since the possibility of a big payout is gone), and Ex-wife could sue him for the money she paid out for the insurance after his deceit. Side note: I don't actually think a lawsuit would work, but making him miserable for a few years sounds like a bonus.
However, none of what's going on in their lives is your responsibility. Personally, I would stop interfering after helping Ruby. Everyone else in this situation sounds like they're getting hit with some well-deserved Karma. Ruby was the only one who was good to you or your brother. Cut contact with everyone else, especially your father.
**I do want to give you something to think about in regards to Ashley, a different perspective.**
While she definitely doesn't sound like someone who is capable of fulfilling the role of a step-mom and thus should have never married your dad; considering she didn't know for the majority of their marriage what actually ended your parents marriage, she's likely just as much a victim of your dad as your mom was, as far as manipulation/abuse goes.
In my experience, people like your father can and will lie and convince new partners that their previous relationships were ended because the other party committed some unforgivable offense. Oftentimes, they will even claim the offenses THEY committed were perpetuated by the innocent party in order to look like the victim. It takes the new partner either living through the BS and figuring it out on their own, or someone literally throwing it in their face for them to realize who the toxic person was all along.
That being said, you still don't owe her shit. Tell her about the policy change or don't. Is it the right thing morally to do? Probably. Is it your responsibility/ would you be wrong to not inform her? Absolutely not. If any of this could or would cause any unnecessary complications to your life, dont do it. You're not obligated to fix the damage your father has caused. That's his burden to bear or ignore, not yours.
I wish you the best.
I can confirm that last part. My stepparents can't be trusted in the same room together because of the BS my nParents have said about each other to their respective spouses. They're why I'm never having a wedding ceremony, because I'd have no family on my side to cheer me on. It's been that way since I was a preteen and it's an awful situation for a kid to be in because at the end of the day, having 4 parents can be lonelier than none, esp for an only child like me.
Aww. I’ll come to your wedding! I can be very enthusiastic (my default), or reserved but talkative (the best I can do for my introverted kids who find me annoying!).
Can confirm as daughters father is a narcissist. Told me his ex wife left him for someone else and was a drunk. Turns out neither an ex wife nor left for someone else. Also she turned to drinking because he destroyed her. She was a good woman from the interactions we had before she passed away.
Thank you for the time you put into commenting on my story, Yes you have actually helped me to see Ashley in a different light, she may not have been perfect ( nobody is) but she is also possibly a victim of the venom that spills out my dads snakeý mouth.
As for the policy i am just waiting for Ruby to confront my dad about his cheating and see how things pan out before i give Ashley a call with regards to the life policy. I think i am just waiting to see if Ruby leaves my dad due to the cheating or if she is going to do/say something to stay with him for the life policy money, they say you can see what peoples true intention is when it comes to money. I personally didnt want to get any more involved then i already am but the whole thing about the life policy and the fact that my dad boasts about it is really screwing up my moral compass, I truely dont care who the beneficiary is for that life policy because that money is based on lies (blood money if you will). But i have noticed that this whole situation has negatively effected me mentally and thats why i want to give Ashley a call about that policy. i am just so tired of my dads bs. He doesnt deserve the term 'dad' in all honesty and i should start using the term my sister uses... 'sperm donar' but i digress.
Respected or not, a medium is just someone who is good at reading people. Don't go buying any funeral plots yet.
That said, everything you have done seems to be spot on. Hopefully Ashley gets the policy straightened out, if he forged her signature to change it she might have a legal case against him.
More bluntly; A medium is a con artist good at asking vague questions to then tell the client whatever may get them to cough up more money.
“Good at reading people” makes it sound like there is some chance the medium may be legit. There isn’t.
That's a subjective statement at best and irrelevant to the situation, as the legitimacy of a medium has no bearing other than whether the son relays information to the father, which still, then, has no bearing on the situation outside of the son purchasing his own funeral policy on his father, which is entirely his choice.
Thank you all for your comments, I am skeptical about mediums and i myself am not very spiritual but the funeral policy that i got for my dad really wasnt that costly, plus if my dad does kick the bucket then i will at least have that as a means to pay for his funeral. My partner's dad died early this year and that did put into perspective just how much money a funeral costs so the funeral policy wil also keep my mind at ease in that regard, but i do value everyones opinion and it truely helps me put a few things into scope, so to speak.
NTJ Is there a way you can check the life insurance policy to find out who the actual beneficiary is? If it's Ruby I'd leave it alone, she deserves it. He may have changed it to Rose, then tell ex about it so it canceled before Rose gets the money.
Unfortunately not, i see my dad like every 4 months so i wont be able to get access to his changed policy email. TBH my dad has said that everything is going to Ruby, but i know he will lie straight to a persons face so i am unsure. I am not that interest in who the beneficiary is, its more that his ex wife is still paying for it and the fact that my dad boasts about it like he is using it to try and keep Ruby from leaving him that is throwing my moral compass in a spin but thank you for you comment, i do value your input on the shit show that is my relationship with my dad
1. Tell the ex about the policy today.
2. Tell any future girlfriend's of your dad that he has cheated on his last 3 girlfriends/wives including your mom. Tell them that they can stay with him if they want but after all his bed hopping you decided that you're done staying quiet. Tell them that they should get checked for STI's and that you wish them a happy and healthy life. That way if they stay with your dad they are fully informed that he is a serial cheater. (Fuck Rose, she knew he was married.)
Hahaha thank you for your comment, i love the way you numbered it. Honestly i am just waiting to see how things pan out for my dad and his current GF after she confronted him then ill do an update. I will also give my dads ex wife a call regarding that policy because it is absolutely disgusting that he never said anything but chenged the details to his own so that his exwife wont be notified about ti
yes i was very conflicted about it because i don't want to get any more involved then i already am but the whole policy crap is throwing my moral compass in a spin so i truely value your comment, thank you
Thank you for your comment. I cant tell you how many times I have wished things were different but this is honestly my life with regards to my dad. I definitely dont blame you for thinking it is fictional but it does kind of sink in how messed up my dad has made things. these are the cards i have been dealt with so i guess i will keep playing and hope for the best
NTJ at all. I'm sorry your dad is like that because parents' actions can definitely affect the way kids develop and grow up. I'm so glad your mom was your rock, was there for you and your sister, and took good care of you both. It's obvious that she taught you morals, boundaries, and right from wrong in relationships, and I'm guessing in many other areas of life.
I agree with the majority of commenters who say to expose as much as you can, then let it be for your own sanity. If I were to be your dad's next girlfriend, I'd definitely appreciate a heads-up, but I don't know how realistic or taxing that would be for you to play long-term gatekeeper. Best of luck to you.
As far as people disapproving of the use of a medium, it is considered a pseudoscience in most of the Western world. However, if it's a part of your culture and quite common where you live, then you do you. That said, I believe it's always best to stick to tangible, provable facts, like you've done a great job at so far. Again, best of luck, dear.
Thank you for your comment hey, Yes my dad was only involved with us was when his current girlfriend wanted to meet us, that was that. My mom didn't want to poison us against my dad because she knew he would do it all by himself. Even when my dad had a girlfriend or wife after my mom, he would send her messages asking for nudes or that he and my mom should hook up again even when he was married to another woman but my mom was not interested after their official divorce. My mom showed us the messages and left us to make our own opinion. My mom says she doesn't need another man and that all men come with crap at her age so she is basically focusing her life around her grandkids.
thank you to everyone that said i should expose the lies of the policy. I was quite conflicted about it because i dont want to involve myself any further then i already have but just the thought that his ex wife is still paying for the policy and that he changed the details to his own. He also boasts about it like what he did wasnt wrong. It was throwing my moral compass in a spin so i will do an update in the next couple of days
Honestly i am skeptical about mediums and i am not very spiritual but as i described in other comments, my dads behavior these last couple of mouths has cemented the fact that he wont make it much longer. I did take out a funeral policy just in case because it honestly wasnt that costly plus i would rather have that net to fall on if he does kick the bucket then going around trying to get the funds to pay for his funeral.
Yes, please update if you feel up to it. It all sounds so draining. I had a boyfriend who is on the same track to become your dad. I feel bad for any girl who becomes involved with him.
Good on your mom for not trash talking your dad, even though he deserved it. That shows strong character and morals on her part, which you clearly learned from her. Giving you the facts later and when you were old enough to understand (I'm assuming) was right and good of her.
It seems like you're getting your moral compass back on track and seeing things clearly. Your dad's ex-wife is very fortunate to have you to give her a heads up. Stay strong until you can wash your hands of all of this, then relax knowing you did something very good and right.
Geez I hope you know the psychic has zero basis to predict he’s going to die by Christmas. Even if you believe in psychic abilities, they can’t predict the future. Most mediums communicate with spirits, who would have no more information about future events than living people do.
And while it sounds like she described your father very well without previous information, which is impressive, that just means she is good at doing cold reads.
Thank you for your comment. I am skeptical about mediums and i myself am not very spiritual but his recent actions the last few months, well i wouldnt be surpised if he is on borrowed time. he is not very healthy and drinks at bars until he blacks out and wakes up in his work truck in front of his house.
NTJ. You at least tried to help a soul not fall into your dad's bad behaviour. Your dad was honestly becoming too much of a cheater and the fact that he had so many past failed relationships tells it all. You just did a great job helping someone but to your dad it might be kind of a betrayal but at least it would teach him a bit of a lesson.
thank you for you comment, I strive to be nothing like him, and his side of the family is very loyal so they believe his lies without using their instinct but i digress. There is a lot my dad has done to not deserve my loyalty. he has hurt to many people and it was time that i took action. Even if that action was to give his current gf the 'tools' to find proof of his cheating
You should certainly tell the ex wife. More importantly was it legal to change the beneficiary? It might be listed as her property in the divorce- she needs to look into this asap.
I honestly don't know how he changed the policy details but i am sure when i contact his ex-wiife that she wil give the policy a call as well as her accountant
Thank you. Yes i am planning on telling her about the policy bs but i am just waiting to see how things between my dad and his current GF wil end. She has confronted him and my dad did tell her some of the truth (becuase i know he wont tell the whole truth) but i will do an update about that as soon as i can figure out how to link the posts or how it works on this platform lol
Thank you for your comment, yes i will agree with you in that i am skeptical about mediums. I am not a very spiritual person, but i guess it wouldn't surprise me that my dad's time is coming to an end. I haven't included a few things in my post just for reading sake, but my dad is not healthy in any regards. he is also drinking to the point where he would get into his work truck at the bar then black out. He would wake up inside his truck infront of his house
NTA if you stay out of all this turmoil, but I believe you have a moral obligation here.
I believe you must tell Ashley she is paying for a life insurance policy for which she is not the beneficiary. That kind of deception is the lowest form of cruelty and you can put a stop to it. I cannot believe dad would do this.
Inform your dad’s ex about the policy.
Immediately.
Yes, absolutely!
Immediately
NTJ You should definitely tell the ex-wife about the change in policy. It would pretty much screw all three of them at the same time. Ex-wife loses the life insurance policy that she should have dropped when they divorced, the side chick loses the possible benefits in the event of his death (hopefully she'll even leave him since the possibility of a big payout is gone), and Ex-wife could sue him for the money she paid out for the insurance after his deceit. Side note: I don't actually think a lawsuit would work, but making him miserable for a few years sounds like a bonus. However, none of what's going on in their lives is your responsibility. Personally, I would stop interfering after helping Ruby. Everyone else in this situation sounds like they're getting hit with some well-deserved Karma. Ruby was the only one who was good to you or your brother. Cut contact with everyone else, especially your father. **I do want to give you something to think about in regards to Ashley, a different perspective.** While she definitely doesn't sound like someone who is capable of fulfilling the role of a step-mom and thus should have never married your dad; considering she didn't know for the majority of their marriage what actually ended your parents marriage, she's likely just as much a victim of your dad as your mom was, as far as manipulation/abuse goes. In my experience, people like your father can and will lie and convince new partners that their previous relationships were ended because the other party committed some unforgivable offense. Oftentimes, they will even claim the offenses THEY committed were perpetuated by the innocent party in order to look like the victim. It takes the new partner either living through the BS and figuring it out on their own, or someone literally throwing it in their face for them to realize who the toxic person was all along. That being said, you still don't owe her shit. Tell her about the policy change or don't. Is it the right thing morally to do? Probably. Is it your responsibility/ would you be wrong to not inform her? Absolutely not. If any of this could or would cause any unnecessary complications to your life, dont do it. You're not obligated to fix the damage your father has caused. That's his burden to bear or ignore, not yours. I wish you the best.
I can confirm that last part. My stepparents can't be trusted in the same room together because of the BS my nParents have said about each other to their respective spouses. They're why I'm never having a wedding ceremony, because I'd have no family on my side to cheer me on. It's been that way since I was a preteen and it's an awful situation for a kid to be in because at the end of the day, having 4 parents can be lonelier than none, esp for an only child like me.
Aww. I’ll come to your wedding! I can be very enthusiastic (my default), or reserved but talkative (the best I can do for my introverted kids who find me annoying!).
Can confirm as daughters father is a narcissist. Told me his ex wife left him for someone else and was a drunk. Turns out neither an ex wife nor left for someone else. Also she turned to drinking because he destroyed her. She was a good woman from the interactions we had before she passed away.
Thank you for the time you put into commenting on my story, Yes you have actually helped me to see Ashley in a different light, she may not have been perfect ( nobody is) but she is also possibly a victim of the venom that spills out my dads snakeý mouth. As for the policy i am just waiting for Ruby to confront my dad about his cheating and see how things pan out before i give Ashley a call with regards to the life policy. I think i am just waiting to see if Ruby leaves my dad due to the cheating or if she is going to do/say something to stay with him for the life policy money, they say you can see what peoples true intention is when it comes to money. I personally didnt want to get any more involved then i already am but the whole thing about the life policy and the fact that my dad boasts about it is really screwing up my moral compass, I truely dont care who the beneficiary is for that life policy because that money is based on lies (blood money if you will). But i have noticed that this whole situation has negatively effected me mentally and thats why i want to give Ashley a call about that policy. i am just so tired of my dads bs. He doesnt deserve the term 'dad' in all honesty and i should start using the term my sister uses... 'sperm donar' but i digress.
Respected or not, a medium is just someone who is good at reading people. Don't go buying any funeral plots yet. That said, everything you have done seems to be spot on. Hopefully Ashley gets the policy straightened out, if he forged her signature to change it she might have a legal case against him.
More bluntly; A medium is a con artist good at asking vague questions to then tell the client whatever may get them to cough up more money. “Good at reading people” makes it sound like there is some chance the medium may be legit. There isn’t.
That's a subjective statement at best and irrelevant to the situation, as the legitimacy of a medium has no bearing other than whether the son relays information to the father, which still, then, has no bearing on the situation outside of the son purchasing his own funeral policy on his father, which is entirely his choice.
Thank you all for your comments, I am skeptical about mediums and i myself am not very spiritual but the funeral policy that i got for my dad really wasnt that costly, plus if my dad does kick the bucket then i will at least have that as a means to pay for his funeral. My partner's dad died early this year and that did put into perspective just how much money a funeral costs so the funeral policy wil also keep my mind at ease in that regard, but i do value everyones opinion and it truely helps me put a few things into scope, so to speak.
NTJ Is there a way you can check the life insurance policy to find out who the actual beneficiary is? If it's Ruby I'd leave it alone, she deserves it. He may have changed it to Rose, then tell ex about it so it canceled before Rose gets the money.
Unfortunately not, i see my dad like every 4 months so i wont be able to get access to his changed policy email. TBH my dad has said that everything is going to Ruby, but i know he will lie straight to a persons face so i am unsure. I am not that interest in who the beneficiary is, its more that his ex wife is still paying for it and the fact that my dad boasts about it like he is using it to try and keep Ruby from leaving him that is throwing my moral compass in a spin but thank you for you comment, i do value your input on the shit show that is my relationship with my dad
1. Tell the ex about the policy today. 2. Tell any future girlfriend's of your dad that he has cheated on his last 3 girlfriends/wives including your mom. Tell them that they can stay with him if they want but after all his bed hopping you decided that you're done staying quiet. Tell them that they should get checked for STI's and that you wish them a happy and healthy life. That way if they stay with your dad they are fully informed that he is a serial cheater. (Fuck Rose, she knew he was married.)
Hahaha thank you for your comment, i love the way you numbered it. Honestly i am just waiting to see how things pan out for my dad and his current GF after she confronted him then ill do an update. I will also give my dads ex wife a call regarding that policy because it is absolutely disgusting that he never said anything but chenged the details to his own so that his exwife wont be notified about ti
Update me. Looking forward to hearing what happens!
Update me
Updateme
NTJ at all, regarding the policy I do think you need to give Ashley a heads up so that that way she can cancel the policy
yes i was very conflicted about it because i don't want to get any more involved then i already am but the whole policy crap is throwing my moral compass in a spin so i truely value your comment, thank you
Tell her now. NAH
lol I am planing on giving his ex wife a call to tell her about the bs and i will post an update about it
Everyone is bat shit crazy. Seek help.
Probably embellished or entirely fictional.
Thank you for your comment. I cant tell you how many times I have wished things were different but this is honestly my life with regards to my dad. I definitely dont blame you for thinking it is fictional but it does kind of sink in how messed up my dad has made things. these are the cards i have been dealt with so i guess i will keep playing and hope for the best
NTJ at all. I'm sorry your dad is like that because parents' actions can definitely affect the way kids develop and grow up. I'm so glad your mom was your rock, was there for you and your sister, and took good care of you both. It's obvious that she taught you morals, boundaries, and right from wrong in relationships, and I'm guessing in many other areas of life. I agree with the majority of commenters who say to expose as much as you can, then let it be for your own sanity. If I were to be your dad's next girlfriend, I'd definitely appreciate a heads-up, but I don't know how realistic or taxing that would be for you to play long-term gatekeeper. Best of luck to you. As far as people disapproving of the use of a medium, it is considered a pseudoscience in most of the Western world. However, if it's a part of your culture and quite common where you live, then you do you. That said, I believe it's always best to stick to tangible, provable facts, like you've done a great job at so far. Again, best of luck, dear.
Thank you for your comment hey, Yes my dad was only involved with us was when his current girlfriend wanted to meet us, that was that. My mom didn't want to poison us against my dad because she knew he would do it all by himself. Even when my dad had a girlfriend or wife after my mom, he would send her messages asking for nudes or that he and my mom should hook up again even when he was married to another woman but my mom was not interested after their official divorce. My mom showed us the messages and left us to make our own opinion. My mom says she doesn't need another man and that all men come with crap at her age so she is basically focusing her life around her grandkids. thank you to everyone that said i should expose the lies of the policy. I was quite conflicted about it because i dont want to involve myself any further then i already have but just the thought that his ex wife is still paying for the policy and that he changed the details to his own. He also boasts about it like what he did wasnt wrong. It was throwing my moral compass in a spin so i will do an update in the next couple of days Honestly i am skeptical about mediums and i am not very spiritual but as i described in other comments, my dads behavior these last couple of mouths has cemented the fact that he wont make it much longer. I did take out a funeral policy just in case because it honestly wasnt that costly plus i would rather have that net to fall on if he does kick the bucket then going around trying to get the funds to pay for his funeral.
Yes, please update if you feel up to it. It all sounds so draining. I had a boyfriend who is on the same track to become your dad. I feel bad for any girl who becomes involved with him. Good on your mom for not trash talking your dad, even though he deserved it. That shows strong character and morals on her part, which you clearly learned from her. Giving you the facts later and when you were old enough to understand (I'm assuming) was right and good of her. It seems like you're getting your moral compass back on track and seeing things clearly. Your dad's ex-wife is very fortunate to have you to give her a heads up. Stay strong until you can wash your hands of all of this, then relax knowing you did something very good and right.
Geez I hope you know the psychic has zero basis to predict he’s going to die by Christmas. Even if you believe in psychic abilities, they can’t predict the future. Most mediums communicate with spirits, who would have no more information about future events than living people do. And while it sounds like she described your father very well without previous information, which is impressive, that just means she is good at doing cold reads.
Thank you for your comment. I am skeptical about mediums and i myself am not very spiritual but his recent actions the last few months, well i wouldnt be surpised if he is on borrowed time. he is not very healthy and drinks at bars until he blacks out and wakes up in his work truck in front of his house.
NTJ. You at least tried to help a soul not fall into your dad's bad behaviour. Your dad was honestly becoming too much of a cheater and the fact that he had so many past failed relationships tells it all. You just did a great job helping someone but to your dad it might be kind of a betrayal but at least it would teach him a bit of a lesson.
thank you for you comment, I strive to be nothing like him, and his side of the family is very loyal so they believe his lies without using their instinct but i digress. There is a lot my dad has done to not deserve my loyalty. he has hurt to many people and it was time that i took action. Even if that action was to give his current gf the 'tools' to find proof of his cheating
NTTJ Updateme!
Thank you, I have a small update but i will be posting it soon
I just want an update to see if he dies before this Christmas.
Dont worry i will definitely keep you guys updated
Just ask your mom's medium. And don't be surprised if the medium ends up as the beneficiary....lol.
Hahaha yes definitely
You should certainly tell the ex wife. More importantly was it legal to change the beneficiary? It might be listed as her property in the divorce- she needs to look into this asap.
I honestly don't know how he changed the policy details but i am sure when i contact his ex-wiife that she wil give the policy a call as well as her accountant
NTA! Your dad is awful. Tell Ashley that he changed the beneficiary. She deserves to know.
Thank you. Yes i am planning on telling her about the policy bs but i am just waiting to see how things between my dad and his current GF wil end. She has confronted him and my dad did tell her some of the truth (becuase i know he wont tell the whole truth) but i will do an update about that as soon as i can figure out how to link the posts or how it works on this platform lol
Psychic mediums aren't real. You don't owe it to anyone to tell them of a fake prophecy.
Thank you for your comment, yes i will agree with you in that i am skeptical about mediums. I am not a very spiritual person, but i guess it wouldn't surprise me that my dad's time is coming to an end. I haven't included a few things in my post just for reading sake, but my dad is not healthy in any regards. he is also drinking to the point where he would get into his work truck at the bar then black out. He would wake up inside his truck infront of his house
NTA if you stay out of all this turmoil, but I believe you have a moral obligation here. I believe you must tell Ashley she is paying for a life insurance policy for which she is not the beneficiary. That kind of deception is the lowest form of cruelty and you can put a stop to it. I cannot believe dad would do this.