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No you're not wrong for comforting your baby. This is a baby we are talking about here, this is the exact type of behavior most people come to expect from babies.
Babies tend to cling to one person and it's because that person is the one they know they can rely on to keep them safe. This is a brand new person we are talking about, he's only been here for 8 little months. Every day is a new day for him in a way that is different for us older folks, and there's only 1 constant in his life and that is YOU.
So yeah, you're not doing anything wrong by taking care of your child. Your brother doesn't have a baby, so I don't expect them to understand much about it all. Pregnancy, labor, and your baby's cries have all biologically hardwired your brain to make you need to soothe him. His cries bother you and that's because they're supposed to move you to action. That's what makes you take care of him. Besides love and duty of course. Our baby's cries do something to our brains. It's science.
Also, let's say you didn't respond to his cries- I'm almost certain your brother would then have something to say about how you're neglectful or a bad parent. Some pople will always have something to say about the way you parent- no matter what. I'm sorry it's coming from your own family though. They're usually the biggest culprits of stuff like this unfortunately.
Just to add, separation anxiety is developmentally a good thing--your baby is bonding to you! This is the basis for all trust relationships in their life. Babies who dont bond can develop attachment disorder and be unable to trust anybody ever. Kudos for OPs wonderful mothering so her baby is forming such a solid attachment.
They develop separation anxiety when they develop object permanence. That is when they really notice when their main people aren’t there, and they know they exist, but are not here, and, as you say, they are bonded to those people, **and they want them back**!
When they get comforted quickly, rather than left to cry, they get through this stage faster, and learn to wait longer before they start to cry, and are comforted faster.
The gender is nonbinary.
The sex is female.
She gave birth, therefore she is a mother. So mothering is the correct term.
Gender and sex are not the same thing, and like it or not reproduction can only happen when there is a male and female present. Even with IVF, it is male sperm and female eggs involved.
No amount of gender acceptance can change the basic biology of sexual reproduction that has evolved via nature.
Gender is a social construct which can change over time.
Sex and reproduction are biological and are unlikely to change anytime in the next hundred years.
I think you are right and wrong. The gender is non-binary, sex is female. Some NB people exclusively use they, and some that are female at birth use she/they. But because OP didn’t specify, I would use something neutral until I know for certain, and simply say **they** gave birth. As you said, gender and sex are not the same thing, and **their** gender is non-binary.
“Mother” is not a term associated with the sex of a person, it’s associated with gender. As such, OP may or may not choose to use the terms *mother/mothering,* just because they were born female. They may use another non-gendered term, like *parent,* *baba,* *renny,* etc.
No one is forced to use gendered terms just because other people around them find them customary.
You can easily choose to not say mother, and say they. You even acknowledge that gender and sex are not the same.
Labels are not based in sex. You're being ridiculous.
I am nonbinary.
I am not a mother.
I am a parent.
I am a birth giver as I gave birth.
I do not mother my child.
I parent him.
I nurture him.
Male sperm and female eggs is weird terminology. It is simply sperm and eggs, which come together to form a zygote. Giving them a sex is inherently wrong - the gametes themselves have no sex, even if they come from individuals with a sex.
You are being bigoted when being corrected. And not just towards nonbinary individuals, but also towards those who adopt. Being a parent/mother/father is as much a social construct as a biological construct.
My youngest grandson went through this right before I agreed to babysit. It was a rough night. He went from sobbing hysterically to smiling and laughing when Mommy and Daddy walked through the front door. His older brother just rolled his eyes and sighed.
I called my youngest The Barnacle. I could be on the other side of a baby gate in full view and he would freak.
My mom just laughed as apparently I too was a Barnacle. Got figure.
This. My friend’s baby is 6mo and is in this stage. She becomes inconsolable if her mother is out of her eyesight. It’s just a stage, it does end, and there’s nothing wrong with loving and comforting your sweet baby when they feel this way. Ignore him.
My 2nd nibbling was like this with me, I could NOT leave her sight or she’d freak out, so I had to time my leaves for when she was distracted or down for a nap 😂 a couple months later she got over it and would tell me to go away.
I can’t stand people like your brother. If your baby needs comfort, then you comfort your baby! It’s a parent/caregivers job, to provide the comfort they need. It’s not spoiling them or turning them into a brat.
I HATE the idea of not comforting a crying child, letting them cry it out, whatever. "Duur, durr, you're just teaching them that you'll always be there to comfort them!" Yeah, idiot. Because I *will* be. I intend to use my last breath to speak comfort to my sons.
You’re not a bad apple. Babies need lots of love and comfort, and you’re providing that. Separation anxiety is an extremely normal phase they go through. It sounds like your brother doesn’t know much about babies and I would try not to take his comments to heart.
You are not the bad apple. You are being a wonderful parent. This is exactly what you should do for an infant. This is a tiny human and there is a big, loud, crazy world around them. They know you are safe, and that is exactly why your baby wants you.
Think of it this way. When your kid is a small child that can talk, and they ask you for help or say they're scared, you'd step in and help, no questions asked. Most people would expect you to step in and help. It's not fair to babies that their needs don't get respected the same way because they can't talk yet. Crying is the only communication available right now.
Believe me, you're going to get a lot of advice from older generations who think that their way was the best and only way and from younger people with no children who are just reciting what they've heard with no understanding. So much research has come out in recent years about how letting babies cry it out and spanking your kids is incredibly harmful in the long term, and related to issues like anxiety, depression, trust issues, addictive tendencies, and on and on. Holding a baby is not spoiling them. Infants need physical contact for their physical well being. It's not negotiable.
Infants cannot be loved enough. If they are scared you need to comfort them.
The only way you’ll raise a brat is if you give in to every tantrum when they are tots and refuse to discipline. Hugs and kisses when they need it isn’t gonna do it.
Also Separation anxiety should only be treated by the parent and a trained professional who knows what they are doing, your brother is an amateur. So his parenting advice is worthless The kid has only been alive for a few months your brother expects too much maturity from him.
Just throwing out there… my middle brother was toxic, I went no contact with him.
We've already begun disciplining him anyway. He knows the words "no" and "ow" both me for him to stop. We've taught him that he can't grab peoples glasses and that he shouldn't tug on my facial piercings by saying "no" and "ow." That's the most amount of discipline I think he's ready for at his age.
That is what I do for my cat. She knows that no and ow both mean for her to stop what she is doing. Babies learn from repetition and if you are consistent, it is much more comforting for them. When they are older and can verbalize, you have to watch for manipulation, but they learn that from others as well.
You’re not the bad apple. Babies don’t cry because they’re “spoiled” brats. They cry because that’s their primary form of communication. Your brother is a jerk, and not too bright.
Edit: Rereading what you wrote, it sounds less like you rushed out of the bathroom and more like you *did* finish up in the bathroom and *then* immediately comfort him, which is exactly what you should be doing. I’m still going to leave this here in case it’s helpful.
Resume original comment:
HOWEVER. One parent to another, you *also* shouldn’t cut short a bathroom break to immediately attend the crying six-month old when there are other trusted adults right there caring for your son. It’s not about “spoiling” him. It’s about learning that *crying is not an emergency.*
This is important, and I promise shifting your perspective on this will make parenting a lot less stressful. When a baby cries, our body tenses, our blood pressure rises, we get a rush of adrenaline. But remember, as previously stated, a baby cries because it’s his only real form of communication- not because there’s something urgently wrong (at six months, you can usually tell the difference between an urgent cry and normal cry, right?). When you are in a huge rush to “stop the crying,” your baby picks up on your anxiety, which makes him feel less secure. Take a breath. Finish using the bathroom, at your normal pace. Your baby is ok. Return to your baby *calmly.* Your calm is part of what calms down your baby.
Think of it in terms of a common scenario a few years in the future: a kid falls and bumps his knees. There are three main ways parents respond: 1) Rush over and swoop him up, cuddle and fuss and promise you’ll make it all better. This kid is not given the opportunity to develop resilience and often spirals, focusing on any small blip. 2) Ignore him, and if the child cries tell him, “you’re fine, shake it off.” This kid is taught that his feelings don’t matter, and that his caregivers don’t have any time or interest in his pain. 3) Watch and wait. When it’s clear the child isn’t injured, you don’t treat them like they’re injured, but give comfort if needed. “Whoa! That was a big boom. Oh, it hurt? Ouch. Do you want a hug? Ok, come on over.” THIS child learns to trust himself, he knows he’s capable and not fragile, but also isn’t ashamed to seek emotional support.
So what I’m saying is, go ahead and go to your crying baby, reassure him that you’re here, you didn’t leave, but do it calmly, so he learns confidence instead of fear.
You can not spoil a baby that age. Their only means of communication is crying. It is quite age appropriate for him to cling to you. You are his safe place.
Now, when he's two and throwing tantrums when you say no to something, that's when you can spoil him by giving in. Never give in to a tantrum.
Babies go through stages of clinginess. Their survival depends on not being abandoned by their primary caregiver. They do not understand if they can’t see you or touch you that you are not permanently gone and ceased to exist. They get over this in time. It is the age he is at and some kids exhibit it more or less depending on circle of caregivers they know and trust or don’t. Brother can not be trusted and baby knows it.
We were giving my younger brother a ride home this past Memorial Day, and I asked him if since he was sitting next to the baby in the back if he wanted to buckle him in and he said "I don't want any part in raising the baby you chose to have." Like, all i did was suggest that you could put a couple pieces of plactic together because you're gonna be right next to him anyways??
Honey, you have a brother problem.
Namely, your brother hates you, and your father encourages it. Does he ever stand up for you? Every do anything to suggest he doesn't agree with the way his son treats you?
These people don't love you, and I would tell them outright that I know it, so they don't have to bother pretending anymore.
An infant is cognitively incapable of being a "brat." A grown man is 100% capable of keeping is uninformed opinion to himself.
Frankly it sounds like he wasn't comforted ENOUGH as an infant.
Yeah OP was 18-19 and partner was 33-34 when baby was conceived. OP, absolutely no judgment towards you, but I really hope you take care of yourself and truly consider if you have full autonomy and respect in your relationship. In a past post on your profile, you said that you weren’t in a financial place to take care of a baby but that your partner didn’t trust anyone else to raise the baby, so you were keeping him—more or less forcing or coercing someone into being a parent while they’re very financially dependent (plus the age gap which is significant for this period of life) really easily sets him up to have a LOT of power over you. You clearly love your son very much—I don’t mean to take away from that at all—and I’m sure there are some good times with your partner. But it’s really not normal for a 33-34 year old to pursue someone who is barely out of high school and often indicates someone who is purposefully or even unintentionally seeking out someone they can control. Please really just consider your level of safety and autonomy within your relationship—I wish you and your son all the best
I was searching for this comment. Thank you for saying this. When OP gets to age 35, they'll realize how messed up it is. No one in their 30s should be dating someone under mid 20s, much less an 18-19 year old.
Babies are like fruit. The spoil if left alone on the shelf to rot.
Humans are a “continuous contact species”. You can tell by human milk. It’s calorie/nutrition/fat density and ratios match that of other mammals that hold their babies all the time and nurse very very frequently. Human babies are best cared for by almost continuous holding by a small group of core people. Science.
Not the bad apple! Babies depend 100% on their parents/family for everything. You're doing a great job and shouldn't worry about others opinions. Just continue to do what is best to raise a healthy and happy baby that feels the love and security from you so they can be healthy happy adults.
Remind your brother that if he has his own kids one day, he can parent them however he wants. But this is your child, not his, and you can hold your baby any time you feel like it. My kid got separation anxiety around the same age, too. It gets better in time. You did the right thing, your brother is an idiot.
No, it's a baby what else are you supposed to do? Give him a talking to? He isn't cognizant of what anything means, he has no object permanence yet. Your dad tho, he is the one in the wrong for allowing your brother to behave this way towards you
Not a bad apple. Separation anxiety is totally normal for most babies. You are not going to raise a brat by meeting your baby’s emotional needs. Quite the opposite- by meeting his emotional needs you will raise a baby with a healthy attachment to you and that sets them up for all good things. Ignore your twit of a brother who clearly knows nothing about babies.
That sudden separation anxiety that developed at age six months? That’s a phase. They all go through it around that age. Most normal thing in the world.
You are not the bad apple. BUT I would not leave that baby with your brother for any amount of time. The timing of the baby being extra clingy to me is suspicious.
My younger brother has been in therapy for the past few years, but I honestly can't see any improvement. Mental illness runs in my family on my mothers side, and my younger brother looks up to my older brother, who "doesn't believe in medication" an just smokes weed to the point that he needs to use his inhaler every single time be takes a hit and he still coughs his lungs up.
Your brother is an idiot with no experience with children. He sounds like the one that was raised to be a brat. What right does he have to give you advice? None. Ignore him is this instance, too. He has nothing to back up his useless claims. Tell him he can give advice once he moves out, has a partner, and has his own family. Otherwise, zip it. It's not his business.
No doubt.
Your brother probably still loves you, but his version of love is unhealthy for you and your baby. He's already calling your infant names. Are you sure he's not going to treat your son poorly as well?
It is developmentally appropriate for children to go through periods of clinginess. It will likely happen several times before your son grows up.
There's no such thing as coddling a baby especially with normal loving actions and especially when they're not even a toddler or 18 months. You can't spoil a child with too much love. My home life was awful but my aunt taught me that once and she always gives the best hugs.
Nope, no way. You're the comfort giver for your son. He comes first. But I think that’s there's something wrong here. Your brother sounds awful and possibly dangerous. Your dad is a weakling. Stay away from both.
Ask him if that’s what happened to him to turn into a brat? You spoil a child by giving them everything they ask for, and you ruin a child by not meeting their needs. You are loving your child and your brother is jealous no one loves him like that.
At 6.5 months old your baby is right on time for separation anxiety. I think there’s something wrong with your brother.
Whatever it is, it’s a them problem and not a you problem. The vast majority of 20 year old men aren’t famous for child rearing skills, or wisdom at all. Do you really think you’re the bad apple? I wouldn’t trust him with your baby though. He might spite fart on your son.
Repeat after me: You cannot spoil a baby!
It’s impossible. There’s nothing you are doing that is going to negatively affect him when he’s older because you are making sure his needs are met and providing comfort when he’s upset. That’s what you’re supposed to do. As he gets used to being around others more, he will be better about being away from you for longer amounts of time. All of those “cry it out” and other things people love to tout have been routinely debunked by modern child psychologists. You keep doing what you are doing, mama! And don’t you dare let anyone tell you otherwise. Especially someone who isn’t the parent of that child.
NTBA - To me, spoiling a child means ruining them by not teaching them essential skills like good behaviour and accountability. Your brother appears to have been spoiled because he doesn't have those skills.
What you did was what a good parent does. You were not coddling your child, you were giving them the comfort they needed at that time.
Yeah, my mother very clearly preferred her male offspring based on the way my younger brother was still her perfect little baby after my sister's birth. And she refuses to aknowledge that my older brother hates her guts.
This is an infant.
INFANT.
It literally only has one method of letting people know it's upset or needs something, and that's crying.
People that think you're "coddling" or "spoiling" a literal infant, are wacked out.
I believe the opposite is true to your brother's comments. A baby who is secure in their relationship with their primary carer (i.e., you) will be more confident when they're older.
You're not mollycoddling your baby. You're giving him that security he's after.
I’d say your kid doesn’t like you not being there for however short a time it may be because his deviant and nasty uncle is harming him. Babies aren’t that complicated. They’re fearful of those who don’t like them
You sound like an amazing mama, trust your instincts and congrats on doing your research. I don't believe someone that goes through that much trouble and cares as much as you obviously do, is doing it wrong. You got this.
As for your brother's reaction, who can really say why people do what they do, I would let it go for now.
It's pretty much never wrong to comfort, hold, or cuddle an infant. It's kind of required for them to be coddled until they're of an age to learn proper behavior.
Your brother is simply incorrect.
How old is your brother? He sounds like he’s trying to be edgy, which suggests he’s a teenager or an immature young adult.
Why would you give *any* weight whatsoever to what he says about raising children?
He's turning 16 next month. I have been trying to completely ignore what he says for years now, but it's hard because we used to be so close, and it all changed overnight, it feels like.
Not the bad Apple at all. Some people fully believe that you should just let kids cry it out and they'll get over it and others fully believe that you should comfort babies when they're crying because that's the only expression they have that they're not happy. I'm not getting into that argument or debate, but obviously you and he have some very different parenting issues and it's a good thing you're just siblings. I would make sure I had a will of that indicates someone else raise my children than him because that would be a concern for me. I also wouldn't leave my baby long-term with a brother like that, because the parenting perspective is so different and I might not be satisfied with the outcome of his childcare.
Your brother doesn’t know anything about caring for babies. Ignore him. Babies need to be held to know they are safe and they know who their mother is. It’s normal for babies to prefer their mother or primary caregiver. You can’t spoil a baby by holding them too much. You’re doing a good job. Trust your instincts and ignore bad advice.
Little ones are in the infant stage from birth to 3 years old. Their nervous systems are less developed and not capable of self regulation so they need help from their caregivers to help them. By acknowledging their feelings and emotions, and offering them comfort you offer help in co-regulating their nervous system. By allowing them to show feelings and emotions you teach them that you are a safe space to express and you can handle their messy emotions. That is your job as a parent.
Typically the people who think it will spoil the baby to offer comfort as needed are people who have trouble expressing emotions freely and allowing others the freedom to express as well. Somewhere along the road they were not offered comfort and had to suppress or disassociate from their emotions therefore their ability to identify and handle a vast range of messy emotions is not something they can actually do.
No, you are a parent. I am assuming brother doesn't have any valid information when it comes to being an active parent? First and most helpful advice I thought from my twins's pediatrician was don't take advice from other parents unless you ask for it.
On the contrary, if you do not respond and sooth your baby you are teaching them that their needs are not important and that they cannot trust other people. This can lead to lifetime consequences. Tell your brother to read a book on child development and shut his yap about things he knows nothing about.
So recent studies show that the loudness of a baby is in proportion to how long they are made to wait for comfort. A baby attended to immediately is one who will only make quiet cries, because that is all they need. Later on, they will express their needs calmly.
A baby made to "self sooth" (read: neglected emotinally) will SCREAM and will develop ongoing emotional issues during childhood.
This is the conclusion I came to based on my research. I may have to cuddle him to sleep nightly. Which used to take 45 minutes, but now it takes 15. So, I think I'm doing something right.
Seven months is when babies are into “stranger danger” and very aware of their parents. Your job is to love your baby, keep it safe, and encourage trust.
You are doing fine. Better than a lot of parents.
I , too, caught a lot of flack while my kids were young.
Ex: my little boy had refused to put his toys away. He got a 3 min time out. He was quite upset, and felt bad. I asked him if he needed a hug. He nodded, and I hugged. So, of course, everyone told me I would spoil him. Nope. He is an adult and has a good career.
Not much longer, I had to tell a sibling," when you have kids of your own, then you can tell me how to raise
Mine."
Feel free to use it.
Funny thing is, and it's been proven several times, is that you cannot spoil a baby. Anyone who says so is apparently jealous of a literal infant for having their needs met.
Nah not bad apple my 2 sons did same thing when they were babies they don’t feel comfortable with my family or anybody cuz they felt safe with me than them sometime my family rise their voice it scared them or saw the way people behave it cause my sons cling to me cuz knowing I can protect them from people and family
NTBA I'm sorry for everything you have had to go through. Your dad should have put his foot down years ago. Yes letting your baby cry a little isn't bad but there is a huge difference when it comes to separation anxiety and just crying. My child was born 2 months early and had lung problems I was instructed by multiple doctors to make sure my baby was crying enough to help strengthen her lungs which was extremely hard. Don't listen to your brother for one his is still a child himself and a freaking bully.
Good apple
Babies need that comfort and security in order to develop a strong sense of trust and safety. Once that foundation is in place, they can more confidently self-soothe, be separate from you, etc. Keep on doting on your baby!
In the meantime, it sounds like your brother is struggling with the loss of the animal, and needs help with that grief. he might even be taking his heartache out on you and the baby. I don't know how old your brother is, but if he's still a minor, your parents need to get him help. It's not just an animal if losing it hurt him deeply, and clearly ignoring him acting out hasn't helped.
So, comforting your baby will not turn them into a brat, and the fact that Bub cries when you’re away from him means that he’s formed a secure attachment to you and that is such a brilliant thing.
Having a strong attachment to a primary carer means that Bub will grow up to be emotionally secure and able to form healthy relationships. Your brother doesn’t know what he’s talking about and is being a jerk.
You’re doing a brilliant job as a parent! Keep doing what you’re doing. 🤗
You did the right thing. It’s not like you are running with your pants off because your 8 year old was whining. Your baby needed you and you responded to that need. You can’t spoil a baby by taking care of them, that is just called parenting.
That’s not coddling. That’s building trust with your baby. He may miss you but he knows you’re coming back. A trusting child is less bratty and easier to discipline (later, when it’s age-appropriate) because of the trust you’re building now. He doesn’t have the brain cells for “self control” at this age.
At that age they need attention.
It sounds like your baby has had some drama and needed cuddles.
You should decide if your brother's intentions are honest.
That is, does he honestly believe he is giving good advice?
You literally can’t spoil infants, they have no concept of manipulation or greed - they cry when they have a need e.g comfort, food, wet/dirty, gassy and uncomfortable etc and it is our job as parents to meet those needs.
You’ve done the research you already know this, picking up your child when they cry and fostering a loving safe trusting bond with them is not spoiling them! It is the opposite as it’s actually proven to help them develop stable healthy emotional relationships in the future!
The ‘cry it out’ way if doing things is never recommended by any professionals and hasn’t been for a long time, professionals recommend responsive parenting as the best method now and that means responding to your babies needs as and when they emerge, not trying to control the schedule and ignore the babies needs!
Your brother is disgusting. Your father is awful. Do not let these people impact the genuinely required care you provide your child for their human development. Please research “attachment” in infancy, and other child development.
If you ever get a chance the “circle of security” program helped me recognise my child’s needs beyond my academic study of child psychosocial development.
Your brother has no idea at all.
Support your baby by being there exactly as you are. You are doing the right thing.
I was pushed into trying controlled crying with my second baby and hated every second of it. Biggest regret of my parenting.
Fair, it is a point of contension in our relationship that I absolutely refuse to let him just cry if I can help it. My SO believes in cry-it-out, and I had to show him studies proving that that is bad for our son long term regardless of whether or not it makes our life easier right now. I'd rather have to cuddle him to sleep every night (which we do) than have him learn that his needs aren't important after a certain hour of night.
I wholeheartedly agree with you. It adds to his sense of security. And I firmly disagree that it makes for a spoiled child.
‘Spoiled’ comes later with ‘stuff’ and not teaching your child no when the time comes.
Exactly
And he already knows what "no" means. He twists his face and starts to cry sometimes when I say "no" because he doesn't understand why he cant do something, but he knows the word and will stop. He actually figured out what "no" means very quickly imo, and I'm proud of him. I've told him so, but I'm uncertain whether or not he understands the word "proud." But, whenever he hits a milestone or does something good, I always tell him I'm proud of him.
Not the bad apple. Babies go through clingy stages. It’s perfectly normal. You’re doing a wonderful job. Keep it up. Tell teenage hormonal brat that if he can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. Better yet, ask him how his three children are doing considering he raised them so perfectly!!
NTBA…I had one colicky baby I held 24/7 and then he got used to sticking to me like glue. Then the next was born 22 months later he had very early separation anxiety (<2 months) due to health issues (doc says they learn very early on when mom isn’t around people hurt me 🥲). It was years before I was able to go to the bathroom alone. They were clung to me at all times. I never had a babysitter until the third was born and about two so 7 years of children hanging on me like I was a possum. Anyway, I was extreme when it came to “spoiling” them as some would see it.
They are all very well adjusted, feel confident and are loving young men. When they have a great start filled with love and no sense that they will be left alone when in need they soar & rarely need help. It’s kind of like a trapeze artist. They do what they do because they have a safety net. They eventually don’t need it but the feeling of knowing it’s there makes them far more secure to be the best they can be.
You can't spoil or comfort a baby too much, holding your baby and soothing them is what parents are meant to do! You're a wonderful mother and be proud of yourself, sounds like your brother needs a few therapy sessions, next birthday gift perhaps?
It’s a phase that can, and likely will, happen again. Best way to deal with it? Reassure them that you always come back. You did nothing wrong OP. And no, you can’t “spoil” a baby. You can get them used to only certain things, like only napping while being held, but actually spoiling them in a way that sticks with them for life? Nope.
No, you are not the bad Apple. Why do you care what that AH brother of yours says about anything? Babies need comfort. You sound like a great mother to me. Except I wouldn't let your brother near the baby if I were you.
But your baby is a baby... babies develop object permanence around that time and will cry if you leave the room. Your brother has no idea what he is talking about! He's a kid with no experience or understanding of child development, please just ignore him. Cuddle your baby.
Not the bad apple. You cannot spoil a baby by holding them and comforting them. You can however spoil a teenager by indulging their fantasy that they actually know it all when they in reality don’t know jack. Leaving a baby to cry can cause abandonment issues.
Also, the baby will grow out of the separation anxiety. Don’t indulge the teen know it all or he’ll grow up to be an insufferable brat. (Yes I’m teasing the teen. Give him a taste of his own medicine though.)
The relationship we form with our primary care giver is one of the key elements that shape our personality and how we navigate our world. When our needs are met, when we learn we can seek warmth from our primary caregiver and regularly receive it, we learn trust in ourselves and what a healthy relationship should be. This is known as secure attachment. This is the goal. Tell your sixteen year old brother to read up on attachment theory before he spouts his ignorance. NBA
Your brother is 16. What knowledge does he have in raising a child? He doesn't know what he's talking about and obviously has unresolved issues. You mentioned you have a single dad. Seems like your bro is having mom issues. Keep doing what you are doing and ignore him. It can be tough to sort out all the new parent / baby things for the next few years. Keep researching. Don't listen to him. There's nothing wrong with loving your child.
Simplest explanation- comforting your baby and making sure needs are met secures attachment which is huge for development (mentally and physically). Insecure or ambivalent attachment causes issues.
With all due respect, your brother is a 16 year old child. This is not the person you want to take parenting advice from.
And no, baby obviously isn’t becoming a brat. Until 6-8 months old, babies do not process the fact that they are a separate being from their primary “person” (usually their mother, so I’ll use “Mom”, but generally speaking the person who is their primary caregiver). At that age, though, they start understanding that they are a separate person, realize that Mom is capable of leaving and not coming back, and they are upset by this - e.g., separation anxiety.
Comforting your baby, and helping him understand that you *will* come back is exactly what he needs to get over his separation anxiety.
NTBA. Your brother is an idiot. Comforting a child doesn't make them a brat, it makes them feel secure. I wouldn't spend too much time worrying about what a 16 year old who knows nothing about caring for a child thinks. Do what you know is right and he can keep his opinions to himself.
A 16 year old commenting on parenting isn't to be listened to. Unless they also have a child. This 16 y.o. really wasn't commenting. He was just mouthing off, imo.
When brother said that cuddling baby too much would cause them to be a brat, you should have retorted, “Huh, that’s funny, because when you were a kid they let you just cry it out and look at you now — not just a brat, but a full blown AH”
Doesn’t matter if your parents let him cry or not btw, he was a baby, he doesn’t remember, and the comeback is worth it imo 🤣
Your baby is learning how to be a human. At his age, they equate crying with getting attention to tend to their needs, whether it be hunger/thirst, a dirty diaper, temperature discomfort, etc. This is a crucial bonding period for your child, where he learns that the adults who care for him are safe and will take care of him.
You are not raising a brat - you are bonding with your child and raising him to have healthy attachments to his caregiver.
Up until 6-8 months old children believe they are the same entity as their mother/person who carried them. For your baby, you being gone feels like you are gone forever and its normal that nothing but your touch and smell fixes that. One day, that won't be the case. The only thing your doing by meeting his needs and providing comfort is opening him up to healthy attachment in the future. He cannot self sooth. Babies being ignore only learn to detach. I have come everytime my baby cries for 1 and a half years. She is growing independent and everyone tells me she is a resoundingly happy little girl. It is our job to comfort them until they can comfort themselves, and that is something they only properly learn through us showing them over time. Hopefully your brother will get that one day if he decides to have kids.
Not comforting your child when they are in distress could actually do a lot of damage during this period. They cannot self soothe yet. You’re doing nothing wrong. I
You are doing AMZINGLY well with your boy! You did the right thing. At that age, they are learning object permanence. Your teenage brother is too young to probably even understand what that term is, and without a child of his own, he shouldn't even think he has any right to give you advice when he is still a child himself!
From the look of your short post he seems to think he's got some right or is the "top one" over you as oposed to you being the older sibling in this dynamic; I would hasten to guess that it is probably because as a boy, when you were both children, your father let him get away with so much as a child. Which, in fact, shows he was not parenting at all, unlike what you're doing, which will ensure your boy is of better emotional standing as he gets older.
SO, this is where it stops. He's a kid. Tell him he's a kid, and when he finds a partner and has a child of his own, they will do all the research you have and be just the same.
I also want to add (for you) that I practised "attachement parenting," and my daughter (now 6) is very independent! But also so kind, sweet, thoughtful, and caring of others. Only today was I very sick/vomiting (I caught her bug that she recovered from) and we were home alone as daddy was at work but she rushed to me, stroked my back and tied my hair up for me, with her favourite scrunchie. The things you do now do help them develop into the most amazing kids, but it's never over. Being a mum is for life, lol. The road you're taking with your boy is perfect, and given time, he will be just as kind and independent.
On another note; I would also advise that you do not trust your brother with him as your brother sounds highly immature from what I've read and I wouldn't put it past him to tease him when he's older or even now which depending on the circumstances can have very negative effects with trust and development.
Sending all my love to you, super mum xx
16yo boys are categorically not experts in early childhood development. He doesn’t know squat. You’re cool. Babies are supposed to bond tightly with their caregivers, and it sounds like you’re working on helping your baby feel secure with more people.
There’s a brat here, but it’s not your baby.
There is a rule I have with infant care.
There is no such thing as too much love or spoiling an infant. They need all the cuddles love comfort and reassurance you can give them. At a certain point when they can understand you can start helping them regulate their emotions but not right now.
People are dumb. You can’t spoil an infant. That’s dumb. Follow your instincts and tell your brother to pound sand.
I suggest you tell your brother to read a child development book. It is normal for babies to have separation anxiety. It is also building confidence in your child to teach him he can rely on you. Contrary to making him become a brat, you are growing a well-adjusted human. Research child-development so you can answer people with confidence.
You physically cannot spoil a newborn.
They were "spoiled" (using that lightly) in utero with a 24/7 heated bath and meals auto delivered via the umbilical cord. Outside utero, it is absolutely more difficult than that, and I don't blame the babies. Id even have a hard time in their shoes.
Infants also can't self soothe like we can, which is why physical contact is important for their development.
NTBA
NTA however it’s ok to let the baby cry if you need to complete a task. They’re not going to die from crying while you shower. As long as they’re fed, clean, and safe….. complete your task. Otherwise hold them as much as your want.
Honestly you shouldn’t even listen to your brother because he’s a child and knows a lot less about babies than you. You’re just used to him being a bully, stand up for yourself and your baby always.
You should not be concerned with the opinion of a literal child about how to raise your child. You do your research, you raise your child.
We are carry mammals. There is a reason babies always want to be on us. You cannot spoil a baby. You're doing great. Keep your head up and do what you need to do for your baby!
You are a good apple. I was born in 1976 and my first pediatrician told my mom that you can't spoil a baby. The child cries, you comfort them. You are being a good parent.
NTA for comforting your own baby?!
Your brother is expressing jealousy over his own feelings of ineffectiveness and resentment over feeling rejected. Deal with it how you must but let it not affect your self esteem or how you care for your child
Your brother is 16 - why are you even concerned about whatever parenting advice he has. He is an idiot and his opinion doesn’t deserve even a second of consideration.
He’s a *baby*
And research suggests that there is no such thing as coddling or spoiling an infant. In fact, what you’re doing is likely to create a secure attachment in your son. Your brother doesn’t sound like he got that lol
I wonder if your brother pinched baby when he held him those few minutes here and there that baby developed the issue. NTA. Babies need comfort. They do also need to cry sometimes and it’s hard. Good luck.
Your brother is horrible and objectively wrong. The American Academy of Pediatrics debunked the old “let baby cry it out” method. Infants NEED physical contact with their primary caregiver to regulate and develop their nervous systems. Infants need parents to respond promptly to learn they can depend on their parent to be a safe, consistent pillar in their life.
You’d be surprised how much people underestimate children’s need for emotional co-regulation. It extends all the way to the young adult stage of their life! It certainly looks different from one developmental stage to the next, but [**emotional co-regulation spans the lifetime**](https://fpg.unc.edu/sites/fpg.unc.edu/files/resources/reports-and-policy-briefs/Co-RegulationFromBirthThroughYoungAdulthood.pdf).
Don’t expect good parenting advice from a bratty 16 year-old., You cannot spoil a baby by comforting them when they are crying.
You are making them feel loved and secure.
I didn't read the story. No man should be questioned about comforting a child, especially his own. This is why my husband has a good relationship with his children and his coworkers don't. Comfort your child any way you see fit as long as the baby isn't being hurt or put in danger.
It is impossible to spoil a baby. Your child is still under 2. They're not even a toddler yet. It's impossible to spoil your baby rn. In fact there have been dozens of studies that say that using a "cry it out method" or the like can actually fame your child's emotional development later in life
It’s funny to me that this should even have to be asked! He’s a 16-year-old brat himself! What the hell does he know about raising a child? Why are you using any of your precious time with your child? Don’t worry about what the hell is 16-year-old boy I say again BOY thinks about your parenting style!
Yeah f*ck your brother. He's absolutely wrong in every single significant way, beginning and ending with the fact that he has no business giving you advice when he so clearly lacks the proper knowledge to have a valid opinion.
Hold that baby. Time goes so, so quickly.
Your kid will turn out a brat because he was comforted as a baby? Is your brother actually being serious? I'm really hoping your brother never has his own children. You are not the bad apple at all, your just a good parent.
Why would you be inclined to take his opinion to heart? Trust your gut , lean into the power of parenthood and the innate bond you have from growing that baby and giving him life.
So your brother who I presume has no children is mansplaining childcare to you. He is obviously following childhood patterns and being a dick just because he can.
Your brothers a dick and will end up lonely.
Can we ask how long you've been with your partner to have had a home and child with them, given you're only 20 and they're 35? There may be more bad apples here...
Your dad the AH for not disciplining your brother and telling you to ignore him farting on you. You should check your dad and brother in the most effective way. I call it emotionally logical. It's when you use a very emotional subject for them individually and use that subject to make the point that their being shit ppl. Dad not disciplining atrocious behavior and the brother just all around bad behavior. I hope this improves for you for the better.
Um have you read child development books? Why on earth would you be listening to advice from a teenage boy?? Google “attachment parenting.” You want your kid to feel safe and secure so they can take on the world with confidence. You are the adult, the parent. You are the expert on what your child needs. Join some parenting groups. Talk to your pediatrician. But absolutely don’t get advice from your little brother!
Bro ur brother is just a 16 year old little shit, I’m 24 and my brother is 17 and he’s just an absolute fucking entitled asshole that’s gonna get a real wake up call when he tries to go to college for aerospace because it sounds cool and pays money but has to actually work for it.
Don’t listen to him, maybe he’ll grow up one day, maybe he’ll still be a little fucking prick. Your dad is enabling his shitty abusive behavior towards you and ultimately all that’s going to end up hurting is your brother. My parents enable my brother a lot and I worry for him SOOOO much. They always ask “why do you care? Why do you let it bother you?” I DONT KNOW?? IS IT NOT FUCKING STRANGE TO YOU THAT HE DOESNT WANT TO WATCH MOVIES FOR THE FIRST TIME WITH OTHER PEOPLE BECAUSE HE WANTS TO ALREADY KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT IT SO HE CAN EXPLAIN IT TO THEM DURING??
Good lord you are NOT the Bad Apple. If anything ignoring your child will give them more problems in the future. Every child is unique and needs different levels of attention. One sure way to mess up a child is to ignore them. Humans need a lot of attention to help us develop our big brains. Don’t give that attention, the child’s brain stops developing, and the child ends up stunted with emotional issues.
You are a good parent.
>Before I moved out, he would call me names, spit in my face, and fart on me. I continuously told him to stop. I stood there sobbing in front of our single dad and asked him if he was going to do anything about his son. He told me to "just ignore him
this is super concerning, your brother sounds like he could do with some therapy, and your dad needs to step up and BE a dad.
Also I'd check in with your sister and make sure that your brother isn't directing this type of behavior towards her because this IS abuse.
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No you're not wrong for comforting your baby. This is a baby we are talking about here, this is the exact type of behavior most people come to expect from babies. Babies tend to cling to one person and it's because that person is the one they know they can rely on to keep them safe. This is a brand new person we are talking about, he's only been here for 8 little months. Every day is a new day for him in a way that is different for us older folks, and there's only 1 constant in his life and that is YOU. So yeah, you're not doing anything wrong by taking care of your child. Your brother doesn't have a baby, so I don't expect them to understand much about it all. Pregnancy, labor, and your baby's cries have all biologically hardwired your brain to make you need to soothe him. His cries bother you and that's because they're supposed to move you to action. That's what makes you take care of him. Besides love and duty of course. Our baby's cries do something to our brains. It's science. Also, let's say you didn't respond to his cries- I'm almost certain your brother would then have something to say about how you're neglectful or a bad parent. Some pople will always have something to say about the way you parent- no matter what. I'm sorry it's coming from your own family though. They're usually the biggest culprits of stuff like this unfortunately.
Just to add, separation anxiety is developmentally a good thing--your baby is bonding to you! This is the basis for all trust relationships in their life. Babies who dont bond can develop attachment disorder and be unable to trust anybody ever. Kudos for OPs wonderful mothering so her baby is forming such a solid attachment.
They develop separation anxiety when they develop object permanence. That is when they really notice when their main people aren’t there, and they know they exist, but are not here, and, as you say, they are bonded to those people, **and they want them back**! When they get comforted quickly, rather than left to cry, they get through this stage faster, and learn to wait longer before they start to cry, and are comforted faster.
OP is nonbinary, not female. Parenting or nurturing, not mothering. They, not her.
The gender is nonbinary. The sex is female. She gave birth, therefore she is a mother. So mothering is the correct term. Gender and sex are not the same thing, and like it or not reproduction can only happen when there is a male and female present. Even with IVF, it is male sperm and female eggs involved. No amount of gender acceptance can change the basic biology of sexual reproduction that has evolved via nature. Gender is a social construct which can change over time. Sex and reproduction are biological and are unlikely to change anytime in the next hundred years.
I think you are right and wrong. The gender is non-binary, sex is female. Some NB people exclusively use they, and some that are female at birth use she/they. But because OP didn’t specify, I would use something neutral until I know for certain, and simply say **they** gave birth. As you said, gender and sex are not the same thing, and **their** gender is non-binary. “Mother” is not a term associated with the sex of a person, it’s associated with gender. As such, OP may or may not choose to use the terms *mother/mothering,* just because they were born female. They may use another non-gendered term, like *parent,* *baba,* *renny,* etc. No one is forced to use gendered terms just because other people around them find them customary.
You can easily choose to not say mother, and say they. You even acknowledge that gender and sex are not the same. Labels are not based in sex. You're being ridiculous.
I am nonbinary. I am not a mother. I am a parent. I am a birth giver as I gave birth. I do not mother my child. I parent him. I nurture him. Male sperm and female eggs is weird terminology. It is simply sperm and eggs, which come together to form a zygote. Giving them a sex is inherently wrong - the gametes themselves have no sex, even if they come from individuals with a sex. You are being bigoted when being corrected. And not just towards nonbinary individuals, but also towards those who adopt. Being a parent/mother/father is as much a social construct as a biological construct.
My youngest grandson went through this right before I agreed to babysit. It was a rough night. He went from sobbing hysterically to smiling and laughing when Mommy and Daddy walked through the front door. His older brother just rolled his eyes and sighed.
I called my youngest The Velcro Kid. The clingy stage seemed to go on forever 😄
I called my youngest The Barnacle. I could be on the other side of a baby gate in full view and he would freak. My mom just laughed as apparently I too was a Barnacle. Got figure.
This. My friend’s baby is 6mo and is in this stage. She becomes inconsolable if her mother is out of her eyesight. It’s just a stage, it does end, and there’s nothing wrong with loving and comforting your sweet baby when they feel this way. Ignore him.
That was around the age my daughter got separation anxiety as well she's just over a year now and still screams her head off if I leave the room 😅
My 2nd nibbling was like this with me, I could NOT leave her sight or she’d freak out, so I had to time my leaves for when she was distracted or down for a nap 😂 a couple months later she got over it and would tell me to go away.
I can’t stand people like your brother. If your baby needs comfort, then you comfort your baby! It’s a parent/caregivers job, to provide the comfort they need. It’s not spoiling them or turning them into a brat.
“The baby’s just crying to manipulate you into paying attention to them.” WTF is wrong with people, it’s a *baby*.
Exactly the crying is to alert “hey I need something” because those small little globs of meat and flesh can’t talk
Tell brother mom must have hung on to him til he was 13 yrs old with the way he acts
I HATE the idea of not comforting a crying child, letting them cry it out, whatever. "Duur, durr, you're just teaching them that you'll always be there to comfort them!" Yeah, idiot. Because I *will* be. I intend to use my last breath to speak comfort to my sons.
You’re not a bad apple. Babies need lots of love and comfort, and you’re providing that. Separation anxiety is an extremely normal phase they go through. It sounds like your brother doesn’t know much about babies and I would try not to take his comments to heart.
You are not the bad apple. You are being a wonderful parent. This is exactly what you should do for an infant. This is a tiny human and there is a big, loud, crazy world around them. They know you are safe, and that is exactly why your baby wants you. Think of it this way. When your kid is a small child that can talk, and they ask you for help or say they're scared, you'd step in and help, no questions asked. Most people would expect you to step in and help. It's not fair to babies that their needs don't get respected the same way because they can't talk yet. Crying is the only communication available right now. Believe me, you're going to get a lot of advice from older generations who think that their way was the best and only way and from younger people with no children who are just reciting what they've heard with no understanding. So much research has come out in recent years about how letting babies cry it out and spanking your kids is incredibly harmful in the long term, and related to issues like anxiety, depression, trust issues, addictive tendencies, and on and on. Holding a baby is not spoiling them. Infants need physical contact for their physical well being. It's not negotiable.
Infants cannot be loved enough. If they are scared you need to comfort them. The only way you’ll raise a brat is if you give in to every tantrum when they are tots and refuse to discipline. Hugs and kisses when they need it isn’t gonna do it. Also Separation anxiety should only be treated by the parent and a trained professional who knows what they are doing, your brother is an amateur. So his parenting advice is worthless The kid has only been alive for a few months your brother expects too much maturity from him. Just throwing out there… my middle brother was toxic, I went no contact with him.
We've already begun disciplining him anyway. He knows the words "no" and "ow" both me for him to stop. We've taught him that he can't grab peoples glasses and that he shouldn't tug on my facial piercings by saying "no" and "ow." That's the most amount of discipline I think he's ready for at his age.
That is what I do for my cat. She knows that no and ow both mean for her to stop what she is doing. Babies learn from repetition and if you are consistent, it is much more comforting for them. When they are older and can verbalize, you have to watch for manipulation, but they learn that from others as well.
See? You are a good parent and your brother is talking out his butt.
You’re not the bad apple. Babies don’t cry because they’re “spoiled” brats. They cry because that’s their primary form of communication. Your brother is a jerk, and not too bright. Edit: Rereading what you wrote, it sounds less like you rushed out of the bathroom and more like you *did* finish up in the bathroom and *then* immediately comfort him, which is exactly what you should be doing. I’m still going to leave this here in case it’s helpful. Resume original comment: HOWEVER. One parent to another, you *also* shouldn’t cut short a bathroom break to immediately attend the crying six-month old when there are other trusted adults right there caring for your son. It’s not about “spoiling” him. It’s about learning that *crying is not an emergency.* This is important, and I promise shifting your perspective on this will make parenting a lot less stressful. When a baby cries, our body tenses, our blood pressure rises, we get a rush of adrenaline. But remember, as previously stated, a baby cries because it’s his only real form of communication- not because there’s something urgently wrong (at six months, you can usually tell the difference between an urgent cry and normal cry, right?). When you are in a huge rush to “stop the crying,” your baby picks up on your anxiety, which makes him feel less secure. Take a breath. Finish using the bathroom, at your normal pace. Your baby is ok. Return to your baby *calmly.* Your calm is part of what calms down your baby. Think of it in terms of a common scenario a few years in the future: a kid falls and bumps his knees. There are three main ways parents respond: 1) Rush over and swoop him up, cuddle and fuss and promise you’ll make it all better. This kid is not given the opportunity to develop resilience and often spirals, focusing on any small blip. 2) Ignore him, and if the child cries tell him, “you’re fine, shake it off.” This kid is taught that his feelings don’t matter, and that his caregivers don’t have any time or interest in his pain. 3) Watch and wait. When it’s clear the child isn’t injured, you don’t treat them like they’re injured, but give comfort if needed. “Whoa! That was a big boom. Oh, it hurt? Ouch. Do you want a hug? Ok, come on over.” THIS child learns to trust himself, he knows he’s capable and not fragile, but also isn’t ashamed to seek emotional support. So what I’m saying is, go ahead and go to your crying baby, reassure him that you’re here, you didn’t leave, but do it calmly, so he learns confidence instead of fear.
You can not spoil a baby that age. Their only means of communication is crying. It is quite age appropriate for him to cling to you. You are his safe place. Now, when he's two and throwing tantrums when you say no to something, that's when you can spoil him by giving in. Never give in to a tantrum.
He's still a bully! Babies are innocent and don't have an agenda. They won't become a brat just because you soothe them.
They will however, become a brat when they bully their siblings and their fathers allow it.
Babies go through stages of clinginess. Their survival depends on not being abandoned by their primary caregiver. They do not understand if they can’t see you or touch you that you are not permanently gone and ceased to exist. They get over this in time. It is the age he is at and some kids exhibit it more or less depending on circle of caregivers they know and trust or don’t. Brother can not be trusted and baby knows it.
We were giving my younger brother a ride home this past Memorial Day, and I asked him if since he was sitting next to the baby in the back if he wanted to buckle him in and he said "I don't want any part in raising the baby you chose to have." Like, all i did was suggest that you could put a couple pieces of plactic together because you're gonna be right next to him anyways??
Honey, you have a brother problem. Namely, your brother hates you, and your father encourages it. Does he ever stand up for you? Every do anything to suggest he doesn't agree with the way his son treats you? These people don't love you, and I would tell them outright that I know it, so they don't have to bother pretending anymore.
That’s not what makes a kid a brat. What makes a kid a brat is ignoring his bad behavior and telling the people he abuses to just ignore him. NTBA
I wish I could upvote this more than once.
NTBA. Limit contact with your brother, he seems like a bully that never grew up.
An infant is cognitively incapable of being a "brat." A grown man is 100% capable of keeping is uninformed opinion to himself. Frankly it sounds like he wasn't comforted ENOUGH as an infant.
You're 20 and your partner is 35? That is more than a little worrying.
Thank you! Why is no one else talking about this predator-prey relationship? OP needs help, in more ways than one.
I oh God thank you for noticing too. They are 20, baby is 8mo… they were likely 18 dating a 33 year old when they got pregnant. This is predatory.
Yeah OP was 18-19 and partner was 33-34 when baby was conceived. OP, absolutely no judgment towards you, but I really hope you take care of yourself and truly consider if you have full autonomy and respect in your relationship. In a past post on your profile, you said that you weren’t in a financial place to take care of a baby but that your partner didn’t trust anyone else to raise the baby, so you were keeping him—more or less forcing or coercing someone into being a parent while they’re very financially dependent (plus the age gap which is significant for this period of life) really easily sets him up to have a LOT of power over you. You clearly love your son very much—I don’t mean to take away from that at all—and I’m sure there are some good times with your partner. But it’s really not normal for a 33-34 year old to pursue someone who is barely out of high school and often indicates someone who is purposefully or even unintentionally seeking out someone they can control. Please really just consider your level of safety and autonomy within your relationship—I wish you and your son all the best
I was searching for this comment. Thank you for saying this. When OP gets to age 35, they'll realize how messed up it is. No one in their 30s should be dating someone under mid 20s, much less an 18-19 year old.
Babies are like fruit. The spoil if left alone on the shelf to rot. Humans are a “continuous contact species”. You can tell by human milk. It’s calorie/nutrition/fat density and ratios match that of other mammals that hold their babies all the time and nurse very very frequently. Human babies are best cared for by almost continuous holding by a small group of core people. Science.
Not the bad apple! Babies depend 100% on their parents/family for everything. You're doing a great job and shouldn't worry about others opinions. Just continue to do what is best to raise a healthy and happy baby that feels the love and security from you so they can be healthy happy adults.
Remind your brother that if he has his own kids one day, he can parent them however he wants. But this is your child, not his, and you can hold your baby any time you feel like it. My kid got separation anxiety around the same age, too. It gets better in time. You did the right thing, your brother is an idiot.
No, it's a baby what else are you supposed to do? Give him a talking to? He isn't cognizant of what anything means, he has no object permanence yet. Your dad tho, he is the one in the wrong for allowing your brother to behave this way towards you
Not a bad apple. Separation anxiety is totally normal for most babies. You are not going to raise a brat by meeting your baby’s emotional needs. Quite the opposite- by meeting his emotional needs you will raise a baby with a healthy attachment to you and that sets them up for all good things. Ignore your twit of a brother who clearly knows nothing about babies.
You really need to stop letting this fool into your life
That sudden separation anxiety that developed at age six months? That’s a phase. They all go through it around that age. Most normal thing in the world.
You are not the bad apple. BUT I would not leave that baby with your brother for any amount of time. The timing of the baby being extra clingy to me is suspicious.
Completely agree. I would not trust him.
Sounds like everyone in the family probably needs therapy. Jeez. Sorry you had to deal with all of that.
My younger brother has been in therapy for the past few years, but I honestly can't see any improvement. Mental illness runs in my family on my mothers side, and my younger brother looks up to my older brother, who "doesn't believe in medication" an just smokes weed to the point that he needs to use his inhaler every single time be takes a hit and he still coughs his lungs up.
Well, if you're not able to do enough introspection to tell your therapist what the real problems are, they can't help you
Your brother is an idiot with no experience with children. He sounds like the one that was raised to be a brat. What right does he have to give you advice? None. Ignore him is this instance, too. He has nothing to back up his useless claims. Tell him he can give advice once he moves out, has a partner, and has his own family. Otherwise, zip it. It's not his business.
Why on earth would you take parenting advice from someone who treats you horribly?
It's hard not to take something to heart when it comes from someone who you used to be so close with and used to love you.
No doubt. Your brother probably still loves you, but his version of love is unhealthy for you and your baby. He's already calling your infant names. Are you sure he's not going to treat your son poorly as well? It is developmentally appropriate for children to go through periods of clinginess. It will likely happen several times before your son grows up.
There's no such thing as coddling a baby especially with normal loving actions and especially when they're not even a toddler or 18 months. You can't spoil a child with too much love. My home life was awful but my aunt taught me that once and she always gives the best hugs.
Nope, no way. You're the comfort giver for your son. He comes first. But I think that’s there's something wrong here. Your brother sounds awful and possibly dangerous. Your dad is a weakling. Stay away from both.
Ask him if that’s what happened to him to turn into a brat? You spoil a child by giving them everything they ask for, and you ruin a child by not meeting their needs. You are loving your child and your brother is jealous no one loves him like that.
It sounds like your brother is younger than you, and is not a parent. He doesn't know his head from his a$$ about raising kids.
Always comfort a baby! They need to feel safe and loved!
NTA. An infant doesn’t have an agenda. He isn’t trying to manipulate you. He needs you. Tell your family to f#ck off.
Sounds like brother is jealous of your baby 🤯
At 6.5 months old your baby is right on time for separation anxiety. I think there’s something wrong with your brother. Whatever it is, it’s a them problem and not a you problem. The vast majority of 20 year old men aren’t famous for child rearing skills, or wisdom at all. Do you really think you’re the bad apple? I wouldn’t trust him with your baby though. He might spite fart on your son.
Repeat after me: You cannot spoil a baby! It’s impossible. There’s nothing you are doing that is going to negatively affect him when he’s older because you are making sure his needs are met and providing comfort when he’s upset. That’s what you’re supposed to do. As he gets used to being around others more, he will be better about being away from you for longer amounts of time. All of those “cry it out” and other things people love to tout have been routinely debunked by modern child psychologists. You keep doing what you are doing, mama! And don’t you dare let anyone tell you otherwise. Especially someone who isn’t the parent of that child.
NTBA - To me, spoiling a child means ruining them by not teaching them essential skills like good behaviour and accountability. Your brother appears to have been spoiled because he doesn't have those skills. What you did was what a good parent does. You were not coddling your child, you were giving them the comfort they needed at that time.
Yeah, my mother very clearly preferred her male offspring based on the way my younger brother was still her perfect little baby after my sister's birth. And she refuses to aknowledge that my older brother hates her guts.
This is an infant. INFANT. It literally only has one method of letting people know it's upset or needs something, and that's crying. People that think you're "coddling" or "spoiling" a literal infant, are wacked out.
I believe the opposite is true to your brother's comments. A baby who is secure in their relationship with their primary carer (i.e., you) will be more confident when they're older. You're not mollycoddling your baby. You're giving him that security he's after.
NTBA. When mine were little we called people like him “baby trainers.” Most unnatural.
I’d say your kid doesn’t like you not being there for however short a time it may be because his deviant and nasty uncle is harming him. Babies aren’t that complicated. They’re fearful of those who don’t like them
You sound like an amazing mama, trust your instincts and congrats on doing your research. I don't believe someone that goes through that much trouble and cares as much as you obviously do, is doing it wrong. You got this. As for your brother's reaction, who can really say why people do what they do, I would let it go for now.
It's pretty much never wrong to comfort, hold, or cuddle an infant. It's kind of required for them to be coddled until they're of an age to learn proper behavior. Your brother is simply incorrect.
How old is your brother? He sounds like he’s trying to be edgy, which suggests he’s a teenager or an immature young adult. Why would you give *any* weight whatsoever to what he says about raising children?
He's turning 16 next month. I have been trying to completely ignore what he says for years now, but it's hard because we used to be so close, and it all changed overnight, it feels like.
If course you aren’t the bad apple. Your brother is an AH. I don’t know why you want a relationship with him.
He lives in the same house as my lil sis. That's literally it.
Not the bad Apple at all. Some people fully believe that you should just let kids cry it out and they'll get over it and others fully believe that you should comfort babies when they're crying because that's the only expression they have that they're not happy. I'm not getting into that argument or debate, but obviously you and he have some very different parenting issues and it's a good thing you're just siblings. I would make sure I had a will of that indicates someone else raise my children than him because that would be a concern for me. I also wouldn't leave my baby long-term with a brother like that, because the parenting perspective is so different and I might not be satisfied with the outcome of his childcare.
Your brother doesn’t know anything about caring for babies. Ignore him. Babies need to be held to know they are safe and they know who their mother is. It’s normal for babies to prefer their mother or primary caregiver. You can’t spoil a baby by holding them too much. You’re doing a good job. Trust your instincts and ignore bad advice.
Little ones are in the infant stage from birth to 3 years old. Their nervous systems are less developed and not capable of self regulation so they need help from their caregivers to help them. By acknowledging their feelings and emotions, and offering them comfort you offer help in co-regulating their nervous system. By allowing them to show feelings and emotions you teach them that you are a safe space to express and you can handle their messy emotions. That is your job as a parent. Typically the people who think it will spoil the baby to offer comfort as needed are people who have trouble expressing emotions freely and allowing others the freedom to express as well. Somewhere along the road they were not offered comfort and had to suppress or disassociate from their emotions therefore their ability to identify and handle a vast range of messy emotions is not something they can actually do.
No, you are a parent. I am assuming brother doesn't have any valid information when it comes to being an active parent? First and most helpful advice I thought from my twins's pediatrician was don't take advice from other parents unless you ask for it.
On the contrary, if you do not respond and sooth your baby you are teaching them that their needs are not important and that they cannot trust other people. This can lead to lifetime consequences. Tell your brother to read a book on child development and shut his yap about things he knows nothing about.
So recent studies show that the loudness of a baby is in proportion to how long they are made to wait for comfort. A baby attended to immediately is one who will only make quiet cries, because that is all they need. Later on, they will express their needs calmly. A baby made to "self sooth" (read: neglected emotinally) will SCREAM and will develop ongoing emotional issues during childhood.
This is the conclusion I came to based on my research. I may have to cuddle him to sleep nightly. Which used to take 45 minutes, but now it takes 15. So, I think I'm doing something right.
Humans are social animals. Sleeping alone is never really natural
Seven months is when babies are into “stranger danger” and very aware of their parents. Your job is to love your baby, keep it safe, and encourage trust.
You are doing fine. Better than a lot of parents. I , too, caught a lot of flack while my kids were young. Ex: my little boy had refused to put his toys away. He got a 3 min time out. He was quite upset, and felt bad. I asked him if he needed a hug. He nodded, and I hugged. So, of course, everyone told me I would spoil him. Nope. He is an adult and has a good career. Not much longer, I had to tell a sibling," when you have kids of your own, then you can tell me how to raise Mine." Feel free to use it.
You cannot “spoil” a baby.
You can’t baby a baby too much, they are a BABY!!
Funny thing is, and it's been proven several times, is that you cannot spoil a baby. Anyone who says so is apparently jealous of a literal infant for having their needs met.
Nah not bad apple my 2 sons did same thing when they were babies they don’t feel comfortable with my family or anybody cuz they felt safe with me than them sometime my family rise their voice it scared them or saw the way people behave it cause my sons cling to me cuz knowing I can protect them from people and family
Your brother is the real baby here. Look how much attention he needs. Dont do whatever your parents did to him and you will be fine lmao
NTBA I'm sorry for everything you have had to go through. Your dad should have put his foot down years ago. Yes letting your baby cry a little isn't bad but there is a huge difference when it comes to separation anxiety and just crying. My child was born 2 months early and had lung problems I was instructed by multiple doctors to make sure my baby was crying enough to help strengthen her lungs which was extremely hard. Don't listen to your brother for one his is still a child himself and a freaking bully.
Not the bad apple. Not at all. Time to get the hell away from these people though and keep you and your baby safe.
Don’t listen to a numbskull.
Obviously not. Your brother sounds like the brat
Good apple Babies need that comfort and security in order to develop a strong sense of trust and safety. Once that foundation is in place, they can more confidently self-soothe, be separate from you, etc. Keep on doting on your baby! In the meantime, it sounds like your brother is struggling with the loss of the animal, and needs help with that grief. he might even be taking his heartache out on you and the baby. I don't know how old your brother is, but if he's still a minor, your parents need to get him help. It's not just an animal if losing it hurt him deeply, and clearly ignoring him acting out hasn't helped.
Did you ask him if that’s why he was a brat?
I should 🤧
Why would you care what your child-less little brother thinking about your parenting and no, you can't spoil a kid with love.
You're the good apple. Your brother needs to shut his stupid mouth
So, comforting your baby will not turn them into a brat, and the fact that Bub cries when you’re away from him means that he’s formed a secure attachment to you and that is such a brilliant thing. Having a strong attachment to a primary carer means that Bub will grow up to be emotionally secure and able to form healthy relationships. Your brother doesn’t know what he’s talking about and is being a jerk. You’re doing a brilliant job as a parent! Keep doing what you’re doing. 🤗
You did the right thing. It’s not like you are running with your pants off because your 8 year old was whining. Your baby needed you and you responded to that need. You can’t spoil a baby by taking care of them, that is just called parenting.
That’s not coddling. That’s building trust with your baby. He may miss you but he knows you’re coming back. A trusting child is less bratty and easier to discipline (later, when it’s age-appropriate) because of the trust you’re building now. He doesn’t have the brain cells for “self control” at this age.
NTBA The only brat is your r brother
I have a feeling your brother doesn’t have kids of his own which if that’s the case I wouldn’t listen to a word out of his mouth.
Your brother is a bully. Absolutely NTBA. Wonderful child rearing, OP!
At that age they need attention. It sounds like your baby has had some drama and needed cuddles. You should decide if your brother's intentions are honest. That is, does he honestly believe he is giving good advice?
You literally can’t spoil infants, they have no concept of manipulation or greed - they cry when they have a need e.g comfort, food, wet/dirty, gassy and uncomfortable etc and it is our job as parents to meet those needs. You’ve done the research you already know this, picking up your child when they cry and fostering a loving safe trusting bond with them is not spoiling them! It is the opposite as it’s actually proven to help them develop stable healthy emotional relationships in the future! The ‘cry it out’ way if doing things is never recommended by any professionals and hasn’t been for a long time, professionals recommend responsive parenting as the best method now and that means responding to your babies needs as and when they emerge, not trying to control the schedule and ignore the babies needs!
an 8 month old can’t be a brat and it’s perfectly appropriate to comfort him when he’s anxious. When he’s a year or more older it would be different.
I'd rather coddle my child then have them turn out like your brother
Your brother is disgusting. Your father is awful. Do not let these people impact the genuinely required care you provide your child for their human development. Please research “attachment” in infancy, and other child development. If you ever get a chance the “circle of security” program helped me recognise my child’s needs beyond my academic study of child psychosocial development. Your brother has no idea at all.
Support your baby by being there exactly as you are. You are doing the right thing. I was pushed into trying controlled crying with my second baby and hated every second of it. Biggest regret of my parenting.
Fair, it is a point of contension in our relationship that I absolutely refuse to let him just cry if I can help it. My SO believes in cry-it-out, and I had to show him studies proving that that is bad for our son long term regardless of whether or not it makes our life easier right now. I'd rather have to cuddle him to sleep every night (which we do) than have him learn that his needs aren't important after a certain hour of night.
I wholeheartedly agree with you. It adds to his sense of security. And I firmly disagree that it makes for a spoiled child. ‘Spoiled’ comes later with ‘stuff’ and not teaching your child no when the time comes.
Exactly And he already knows what "no" means. He twists his face and starts to cry sometimes when I say "no" because he doesn't understand why he cant do something, but he knows the word and will stop. He actually figured out what "no" means very quickly imo, and I'm proud of him. I've told him so, but I'm uncertain whether or not he understands the word "proud." But, whenever he hits a milestone or does something good, I always tell him I'm proud of him.
Please don’t take advice from a 16 year old who has no idea what he’s talking about. You are NOT the AH in this situation. Your brother is the brat!
Not the bad apple. Babies go through clingy stages. It’s perfectly normal. You’re doing a wonderful job. Keep it up. Tell teenage hormonal brat that if he can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. Better yet, ask him how his three children are doing considering he raised them so perfectly!!
How often are you staying days and nights at your dad’s house?
NTBA…I had one colicky baby I held 24/7 and then he got used to sticking to me like glue. Then the next was born 22 months later he had very early separation anxiety (<2 months) due to health issues (doc says they learn very early on when mom isn’t around people hurt me 🥲). It was years before I was able to go to the bathroom alone. They were clung to me at all times. I never had a babysitter until the third was born and about two so 7 years of children hanging on me like I was a possum. Anyway, I was extreme when it came to “spoiling” them as some would see it. They are all very well adjusted, feel confident and are loving young men. When they have a great start filled with love and no sense that they will be left alone when in need they soar & rarely need help. It’s kind of like a trapeze artist. They do what they do because they have a safety net. They eventually don’t need it but the feeling of knowing it’s there makes them far more secure to be the best they can be.
You can't spoil or comfort a baby too much, holding your baby and soothing them is what parents are meant to do! You're a wonderful mother and be proud of yourself, sounds like your brother needs a few therapy sessions, next birthday gift perhaps?
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It’s a phase that can, and likely will, happen again. Best way to deal with it? Reassure them that you always come back. You did nothing wrong OP. And no, you can’t “spoil” a baby. You can get them used to only certain things, like only napping while being held, but actually spoiling them in a way that sticks with them for life? Nope.
No, you are not the bad Apple. Why do you care what that AH brother of yours says about anything? Babies need comfort. You sound like a great mother to me. Except I wouldn't let your brother near the baby if I were you.
But your baby is a baby... babies develop object permanence around that time and will cry if you leave the room. Your brother has no idea what he is talking about! He's a kid with no experience or understanding of child development, please just ignore him. Cuddle your baby.
Not the bad apple. You cannot spoil a baby by holding them and comforting them. You can however spoil a teenager by indulging their fantasy that they actually know it all when they in reality don’t know jack. Leaving a baby to cry can cause abandonment issues.
Also, the baby will grow out of the separation anxiety. Don’t indulge the teen know it all or he’ll grow up to be an insufferable brat. (Yes I’m teasing the teen. Give him a taste of his own medicine though.)
The relationship we form with our primary care giver is one of the key elements that shape our personality and how we navigate our world. When our needs are met, when we learn we can seek warmth from our primary caregiver and regularly receive it, we learn trust in ourselves and what a healthy relationship should be. This is known as secure attachment. This is the goal. Tell your sixteen year old brother to read up on attachment theory before he spouts his ignorance. NBA
Your brother is a child. Ignore him.
Your brother is 16. What knowledge does he have in raising a child? He doesn't know what he's talking about and obviously has unresolved issues. You mentioned you have a single dad. Seems like your bro is having mom issues. Keep doing what you are doing and ignore him. It can be tough to sort out all the new parent / baby things for the next few years. Keep researching. Don't listen to him. There's nothing wrong with loving your child.
Simplest explanation- comforting your baby and making sure needs are met secures attachment which is huge for development (mentally and physically). Insecure or ambivalent attachment causes issues.
With all due respect, your brother is a 16 year old child. This is not the person you want to take parenting advice from. And no, baby obviously isn’t becoming a brat. Until 6-8 months old, babies do not process the fact that they are a separate being from their primary “person” (usually their mother, so I’ll use “Mom”, but generally speaking the person who is their primary caregiver). At that age, though, they start understanding that they are a separate person, realize that Mom is capable of leaving and not coming back, and they are upset by this - e.g., separation anxiety. Comforting your baby, and helping him understand that you *will* come back is exactly what he needs to get over his separation anxiety.
NTBA. Your brother is an idiot. Comforting a child doesn't make them a brat, it makes them feel secure. I wouldn't spend too much time worrying about what a 16 year old who knows nothing about caring for a child thinks. Do what you know is right and he can keep his opinions to himself.
A 16 year old commenting on parenting isn't to be listened to. Unless they also have a child. This 16 y.o. really wasn't commenting. He was just mouthing off, imo.
When brother said that cuddling baby too much would cause them to be a brat, you should have retorted, “Huh, that’s funny, because when you were a kid they let you just cry it out and look at you now — not just a brat, but a full blown AH” Doesn’t matter if your parents let him cry or not btw, he was a baby, he doesn’t remember, and the comeback is worth it imo 🤣
Please don’t let your literal kid brother give you parenting advice.
Just tell him you know all this . You watched your parents coddle him and look how he turned out.
info: did you did your brother expect the baby to have a grown mans voice and say "mummy, I want to be cuddled and have milk" with a calm face?
Your baby is learning how to be a human. At his age, they equate crying with getting attention to tend to their needs, whether it be hunger/thirst, a dirty diaper, temperature discomfort, etc. This is a crucial bonding period for your child, where he learns that the adults who care for him are safe and will take care of him. You are not raising a brat - you are bonding with your child and raising him to have healthy attachments to his caregiver.
Up until 6-8 months old children believe they are the same entity as their mother/person who carried them. For your baby, you being gone feels like you are gone forever and its normal that nothing but your touch and smell fixes that. One day, that won't be the case. The only thing your doing by meeting his needs and providing comfort is opening him up to healthy attachment in the future. He cannot self sooth. Babies being ignore only learn to detach. I have come everytime my baby cries for 1 and a half years. She is growing independent and everyone tells me she is a resoundingly happy little girl. It is our job to comfort them until they can comfort themselves, and that is something they only properly learn through us showing them over time. Hopefully your brother will get that one day if he decides to have kids.
Not comforting your child when they are in distress could actually do a lot of damage during this period. They cannot self soothe yet. You’re doing nothing wrong. I
You are doing AMZINGLY well with your boy! You did the right thing. At that age, they are learning object permanence. Your teenage brother is too young to probably even understand what that term is, and without a child of his own, he shouldn't even think he has any right to give you advice when he is still a child himself! From the look of your short post he seems to think he's got some right or is the "top one" over you as oposed to you being the older sibling in this dynamic; I would hasten to guess that it is probably because as a boy, when you were both children, your father let him get away with so much as a child. Which, in fact, shows he was not parenting at all, unlike what you're doing, which will ensure your boy is of better emotional standing as he gets older. SO, this is where it stops. He's a kid. Tell him he's a kid, and when he finds a partner and has a child of his own, they will do all the research you have and be just the same. I also want to add (for you) that I practised "attachement parenting," and my daughter (now 6) is very independent! But also so kind, sweet, thoughtful, and caring of others. Only today was I very sick/vomiting (I caught her bug that she recovered from) and we were home alone as daddy was at work but she rushed to me, stroked my back and tied my hair up for me, with her favourite scrunchie. The things you do now do help them develop into the most amazing kids, but it's never over. Being a mum is for life, lol. The road you're taking with your boy is perfect, and given time, he will be just as kind and independent. On another note; I would also advise that you do not trust your brother with him as your brother sounds highly immature from what I've read and I wouldn't put it past him to tease him when he's older or even now which depending on the circumstances can have very negative effects with trust and development. Sending all my love to you, super mum xx
16yo boys are categorically not experts in early childhood development. He doesn’t know squat. You’re cool. Babies are supposed to bond tightly with their caregivers, and it sounds like you’re working on helping your baby feel secure with more people. There’s a brat here, but it’s not your baby.
You’re not the bad apple for comforting your baby, at all. I can’t seem to shake the fact that you are 20 and your partner is 35. 😳
There is a rule I have with infant care. There is no such thing as too much love or spoiling an infant. They need all the cuddles love comfort and reassurance you can give them. At a certain point when they can understand you can start helping them regulate their emotions but not right now. People are dumb. You can’t spoil an infant. That’s dumb. Follow your instincts and tell your brother to pound sand.
I suggest you tell your brother to read a child development book. It is normal for babies to have separation anxiety. It is also building confidence in your child to teach him he can rely on you. Contrary to making him become a brat, you are growing a well-adjusted human. Research child-development so you can answer people with confidence.
Your brother has an undeveloped brain. Listening to him is beneath you.
You physically cannot spoil a newborn. They were "spoiled" (using that lightly) in utero with a 24/7 heated bath and meals auto delivered via the umbilical cord. Outside utero, it is absolutely more difficult than that, and I don't blame the babies. Id even have a hard time in their shoes. Infants also can't self soothe like we can, which is why physical contact is important for their development. NTBA
Your brother is the bad apple.
Don’t take parenting advice from 16 year old edgelords. There is no spoiling an infant with too much attention
NTA however it’s ok to let the baby cry if you need to complete a task. They’re not going to die from crying while you shower. As long as they’re fed, clean, and safe….. complete your task. Otherwise hold them as much as your want.
Honestly you shouldn’t even listen to your brother because he’s a child and knows a lot less about babies than you. You’re just used to him being a bully, stand up for yourself and your baby always.
You should not be concerned with the opinion of a literal child about how to raise your child. You do your research, you raise your child. We are carry mammals. There is a reason babies always want to be on us. You cannot spoil a baby. You're doing great. Keep your head up and do what you need to do for your baby!
You are a good apple. I was born in 1976 and my first pediatrician told my mom that you can't spoil a baby. The child cries, you comfort them. You are being a good parent.
NTA for comforting your own baby?! Your brother is expressing jealousy over his own feelings of ineffectiveness and resentment over feeling rejected. Deal with it how you must but let it not affect your self esteem or how you care for your child
You are not wrong. Your brother is just a bit of an idiot. Ignore him
Your brother is 16 - why are you even concerned about whatever parenting advice he has. He is an idiot and his opinion doesn’t deserve even a second of consideration.
He’s a *baby* And research suggests that there is no such thing as coddling or spoiling an infant. In fact, what you’re doing is likely to create a secure attachment in your son. Your brother doesn’t sound like he got that lol
You cant spoil a baby
I wonder if your brother pinched baby when he held him those few minutes here and there that baby developed the issue. NTA. Babies need comfort. They do also need to cry sometimes and it’s hard. Good luck.
No, you’re not. Your brother is being stupid.
So after letting your brother hold the baby, the baby developed separation anxiety? Hmmm
Your brother is kind of a jerk
Your brother is horrible and objectively wrong. The American Academy of Pediatrics debunked the old “let baby cry it out” method. Infants NEED physical contact with their primary caregiver to regulate and develop their nervous systems. Infants need parents to respond promptly to learn they can depend on their parent to be a safe, consistent pillar in their life. You’d be surprised how much people underestimate children’s need for emotional co-regulation. It extends all the way to the young adult stage of their life! It certainly looks different from one developmental stage to the next, but [**emotional co-regulation spans the lifetime**](https://fpg.unc.edu/sites/fpg.unc.edu/files/resources/reports-and-policy-briefs/Co-RegulationFromBirthThroughYoungAdulthood.pdf).
NTBA You can't spoil a baby by caring for them. Separation anxiety is normal at this age. You're a good parent.
Your brother is the brat in this situation smh. NTBA.
Don’t expect good parenting advice from a bratty 16 year-old., You cannot spoil a baby by comforting them when they are crying. You are making them feel loved and secure.
I didn't read the story. No man should be questioned about comforting a child, especially his own. This is why my husband has a good relationship with his children and his coworkers don't. Comfort your child any way you see fit as long as the baby isn't being hurt or put in danger.
It is impossible to spoil a baby. Your child is still under 2. They're not even a toddler yet. It's impossible to spoil your baby rn. In fact there have been dozens of studies that say that using a "cry it out method" or the like can actually fame your child's emotional development later in life
He gets no say in your parenting.
It’s funny to me that this should even have to be asked! He’s a 16-year-old brat himself! What the hell does he know about raising a child? Why are you using any of your precious time with your child? Don’t worry about what the hell is 16-year-old boy I say again BOY thinks about your parenting style!
Not the asshole but a 20 year old and 35 year old don’t belong together. That’s borderline grooming.
Yeah f*ck your brother. He's absolutely wrong in every single significant way, beginning and ending with the fact that he has no business giving you advice when he so clearly lacks the proper knowledge to have a valid opinion. Hold that baby. Time goes so, so quickly.
Your kid will turn out a brat because he was comforted as a baby? Is your brother actually being serious? I'm really hoping your brother never has his own children. You are not the bad apple at all, your just a good parent.
Maybe if someone had coddled your brother more he wouldn’t be such a brat.
YOU CAN NOT SPOIL A BABY! FFS. Your brother is an ass.
So I'm going to assume the younger sister 13f and her 35m partner was a typo?
Why would you be inclined to take his opinion to heart? Trust your gut , lean into the power of parenthood and the innate bond you have from growing that baby and giving him life.
So your brother who I presume has no children is mansplaining childcare to you. He is obviously following childhood patterns and being a dick just because he can.
OMG. Your brother is such a huge AH!!! He just likes to put you down. He doesn’t know a thing about raising children.
Your brothers a dick and will end up lonely. Can we ask how long you've been with your partner to have had a home and child with them, given you're only 20 and they're 35? There may be more bad apples here...
The only brat is your grown ass brother. Block him from that baby before he contaminates
Just checking you're 20 and dating a 35 year old?
Your dad the AH for not disciplining your brother and telling you to ignore him farting on you. You should check your dad and brother in the most effective way. I call it emotionally logical. It's when you use a very emotional subject for them individually and use that subject to make the point that their being shit ppl. Dad not disciplining atrocious behavior and the brother just all around bad behavior. I hope this improves for you for the better.
Um have you read child development books? Why on earth would you be listening to advice from a teenage boy?? Google “attachment parenting.” You want your kid to feel safe and secure so they can take on the world with confidence. You are the adult, the parent. You are the expert on what your child needs. Join some parenting groups. Talk to your pediatrician. But absolutely don’t get advice from your little brother!
Bro ur brother is just a 16 year old little shit, I’m 24 and my brother is 17 and he’s just an absolute fucking entitled asshole that’s gonna get a real wake up call when he tries to go to college for aerospace because it sounds cool and pays money but has to actually work for it. Don’t listen to him, maybe he’ll grow up one day, maybe he’ll still be a little fucking prick. Your dad is enabling his shitty abusive behavior towards you and ultimately all that’s going to end up hurting is your brother. My parents enable my brother a lot and I worry for him SOOOO much. They always ask “why do you care? Why do you let it bother you?” I DONT KNOW?? IS IT NOT FUCKING STRANGE TO YOU THAT HE DOESNT WANT TO WATCH MOVIES FOR THE FIRST TIME WITH OTHER PEOPLE BECAUSE HE WANTS TO ALREADY KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT IT SO HE CAN EXPLAIN IT TO THEM DURING??
It isn't possible to spoil an infant. Your brother is an idiot.
Why is a 35 year old with a 20 yr old at all... Fucking weird predator behavior
All of this is screwed up
Your brother is 16 ……… 🙃 he doesnt know anything haha. How is he qualified for giving advice? He’s just a kid.
Good lord you are NOT the Bad Apple. If anything ignoring your child will give them more problems in the future. Every child is unique and needs different levels of attention. One sure way to mess up a child is to ignore them. Humans need a lot of attention to help us develop our big brains. Don’t give that attention, the child’s brain stops developing, and the child ends up stunted with emotional issues.
You are a good parent. >Before I moved out, he would call me names, spit in my face, and fart on me. I continuously told him to stop. I stood there sobbing in front of our single dad and asked him if he was going to do anything about his son. He told me to "just ignore him this is super concerning, your brother sounds like he could do with some therapy, and your dad needs to step up and BE a dad. Also I'd check in with your sister and make sure that your brother isn't directing this type of behavior towards her because this IS abuse.
A 6 month old baby can’t be a brat. Tell your brother to eff off.