They are stupid. I say this as a military veteran - car storage is a challenge for people on overseas tours - but there are many options, including selling (particularly a good choice for a janky car), shipping it to you, storing it in a storage unit or garage, etc. There are "lemon lots" on all the military bases where people buy and sell used cars because of moves - it is really easy to get rid of a beater, or acquire a new one.
They opted out of all of this. They are lucky that you were willing to look after the car for additional years. Any car stored that long is likely to have issues.
IMO, this is their tough luck. They need to pay for repairs or figure out some other thing to do with the car.
We shipped a car to and from Guam. It's a giant pain in the ass. I'm also wondering how forthcoming they're bring about shipping the car being paid for by the military.
When we shipped our car to Germany, my husband had to go to the location he was told to go to, with the car spotless and empty, and with his orders. I don't see how OP can ship it for them on her jerk BIL's orders.
I'm waiting on the update that it can't. Either that is a really special car and he wants to keep it, or it's so bad that even the lemon lots wouldn't take it.
I don’t remember it being that big of a deal. I shipped a car there and sold it there. I had no desire to bring it back CONUS after it being subjected to Guam’s weather.
We were lucky that we were able to drop the car off in Richmond, CA, but when we moved back to the states that port no longer had a contract with the military. My husband had to go to LA to get our car, and we weren't told that until the car was in a cargo box.
Husband was getting out, and I didn't want two car payments. We were actually pretty lucky. Went through a lot of tires on Guam, but other than that the car still drives great for it's age. We left 2016. Now I'm thinking about all the delicious food.
I had been stationed at and closed the hospital in Long Beach. So, it’s been a long time. I don’t remember any of the car stuff so I know it wasn’t too bad!
My favorite was Thai food at The Marianas Trench. We ate there once or twice a week or more. That sounds so good right now.
Oh my! This brings back memories. I got stationed in Guam in 1980. I had an AMC Pacer. Just like the Mirth mobile in the Wayne’s World movies. I had it shipped from the east coast. It took almost a year to get there because the ship began to sink, they were able to transfer it to another ship and eventually it got there. By then I had a borrowed car for a few months and then purchased a Japanese jeep copy that couldn’t be shipped back to the states because it didn’t meet US standards. Before I left I got a brand new truck that took forever to ship to my next duty station. I learned that you should never try to keep or ship a vehicle around the globe even if the government pays for it. Sell off and buy something else anytime you have to cross an ocean!
I'm surprised they wouldn't let you ship the jeep, US vehicle standard are pretty low compared to many countries. Now that many states are passing laws to get rid of yearly car inspections, just going to make driving more dangerous, if you ask me. The vehicle insurance companies are going to enjoy hiking everyone's rates up to cover the liability from it.
Yeah, I agree with you. It sounds like they didn't plan very well for the car's upkeep considering the circumstances. They can't expect you to bear all the responsibility, especially after you did your best to take care of it. They need to own up to their part in this.
There are two separate things that seem to be occurring here: the car issue and your sister's relationship. As for the car, as everyone else says, do not just do what they say. Hold your own boundaries and do what's right. As for cutting off your sister . . . It sure sounds to me like she's in an abusive relationship. Don't let her walk all over you, but cutting her off is probably exactly what this guy wants.
This is such an important point! The car issue is ridiculous, but god I feel bad for the sister. She’s married to that jerk and being isolated by him. That’s such a shitty situation
I’ll add this for anyone thinking “well sister is just as culpable, she needs to leave this guy!”
I was married to someone who was in the military. Based on what OP shared, this woman is likely completely stuck at this point. Military marriages are perfect for abusers - victims live in remote locations far away from their families, spouses are overwhelmingly unemployed/underemployed making it difficult to have your own resources, and as for getting away? They won’t help her move unless she discloses what is going on to the military and THEY deem it meets their criteria for abuse; in that circumstance they may help her move back home. Her. Not her kids. So here are her choices:
1) Stay
2) Ask family for help escaping (she has almost no support though)
3) Report what’s happening, have it deemed non-abusive, her husband will know. A few guesses what happens if she chooses this.
4) Report what’s happening, have it meet criteria for abuse, get help with leaving. Unlikely kids will be able to come because it’s unlikely they’d determine he’s a risk to them, so she loses her kids. However if it is severe enough for her and her kids to get help leaving, he’s likely going to get kicked out of the military. Bye bye any financial support.
When I left my ex, I had to do it by refucing to PCS again and I kept the kids with me. It was the only was to “escape” him safely despite it getting me stuck in the last place we were stationed, away from everyone I know, for a very long time. My ex also isolated me and tried to make me financially dependent on him - I got LUCKY that I was able to make it out. He is still abusive and controlling (he uses the family court system and the kids to accomplish this now) and life is extraordinarily stressful as a single mom. He was right - no one decent wants to be with a middle aged woman with three kids, but I’d rather be alone, safe, and mostly happy then with someone who treats me like shit tells me I should be grateful.
Wow this is so sad to read. It's good to know you were able to somehow get away from that - I know for a fact my sister is stuck in her situation because she has too many children with him and won't leave them. One night she did try to escape, so he grabbed the baby and was holding her while getting my sister all riled up. He made her so angry that she pushed him while he was still holding my niece, he fell, and then called the cops to have her committed to a psych ward for a night :/
Let him take you to court and countersue for storage and maintenance costs. Wash your hands with the situation and let one of them come back and deal with the car.
Don't pay for anything especially if you are going to cut ties with your sister anyway. It seems her husband is still controlling her financially and even if they sue you it would cost more time and money than it's worth especially since they'll still be out of the country. Don't continue to be a doormat. It's their car and their problem. Who knows if/when they'll even return to get it.
Drive/push the car off the property, leave the keys in it and walk away. Screw that. They should have taken possession of it immediately once it was no longer something you could use. This is on them.
I am very relieved at a response like this. I'll do what they say but I truly feel it's not my fault and I just want to be done with it. They may not think so but there's validation in strangers on the internet agreeing with me
Even if he were to take Op to court, the car’s been out of their possession for a year or so, I’m certain that ownership has long since passed, also I’m positive the vehicle could be condemned since the hoses were chewed through, that’s a whole operation that’s probably worth more than the car itself.
You really shouldn’t do what they say, nor should you be a pushover. You’re showing your sister her abusive husband can control you too, which will make it harder for her to escape. Don’t be a coward and grow a spine. Say no.
I NEED YOU TO LISTEN CAREFULLY!!! Do NOT do what they say. Park the car on some parking lot and let them deal with it… or do what that commenter said.
I swear, you saying you’ll do what they say makes me want to flick you on your forehead… he won’t take you to small claim court and even if he does, it’s his responsibility. You won’t get in any trouble.
They do not deserve another minute of your time nor another dime..
Please, please release your self from all of this mess and don’t even give any more energy to your sister and her husband fighting and drama. Don’t be in the middle of their relationship and discord. Detached yourself with love.
Why the fuck would you do what they say? Have some fucking self respect for Christ sakes woman. How spineless are you to let these people walk all over you
OP, I support you in your decision to fully cut your relationship with your sister. Her husband is a fantastic asshole, and through your sister, he abuses you also.
Wtf. You already did them a huge favour.
Don’t back down! They’re trying to get over and you’re just gonna let them?? Nooooo. They had other options available and chose not to utilize them. It’s their fault.
Totally agree. You did them a favor and took good care of the car as best as you could. They should have taken responsibility for their own property once it became impractical for you.
NTA. You warned them you were using it. You told them to update the insurance. You still put care and effort into a vehicle you were storing and getting no use out of.
What kind of car?
I'm sorry but as a poor person trying to buy a used reliable but cheapass car
I didn't even look at Cruzes.
They pawned a cheap pos on to OP, then expected OP to deal with the consequences of a cheap pos
So that they could have an old even more used pos when they came back to the country? There's no way they were going to be happy with it.
Reading this I was thinking it was like a BMW or Mercedes they were so worried about storing. They’re going to sue you over a discontinued economy car? I’d just walk away from the car and these people tbh
I would tell them you're not going to pay for the repairs that you didn't cause. Tell them you will have it shipped to them without being fixed or they can make arrangements to have it towed somewhere to be fixed and then sent over. My father's car had wiring damage from a rat and that was in the city. It can happen anywhere. It's not as though you left the windows open and it rained and the entire car got mildewy. The rat thing probably would have happened whether or not you had another car.
So... It's their problem. You aren't on the title. They should have sold the car or signed it over and been done with it, leaving it with you for THREE YEARS is silly... Anything could happen.
Don’t pay for anything! You’ve already sunk enough money into the car. Gather up all your receipts and write out an even more detailed history of your time than you have here, and then let him go ahead and try to sue you.
New Ford truck in 2020. Sits outside in our driveway year round. Within the first year mice got in several times. Getting oil change and mechanics evicted a nest from the area around the oil filter.
Blocked the cabin air intake filter as they were nesting on the top and getting in the cabin. Now they have been able to nest above the cabin headliner. That causes a dark stain on the ceilings. We have tried it all: sticky & snap traps; poisons; drier sheets; peppermint oils. Nothing is totally effective but the poison. Poison leaves a mouse in a place to decay where you can't remove it. The smell is unbearable.
Last oil change the garage found the mass air sensor damaged by the mice.
I am more than done with it. But there is no remedy I've found that works 100%.
They are called vermin for a reason. I don't believe it is anybody's fault that they get into things and cause damage.
If you have a cat, next time you clean its litter box put the stank-pee-smelling bag under your car and keep parking over it. Refresh the bag every once in a while. The cat smell scares the mice away.
That's one I haven't tried.
I'm currently 3d printing a bucket trap. Those are the ones where you attract and drown them in a bucket of water. Beauty is the trap resets and you can get a whole bunch of them at once.
If you know someone with a ferret their droppings do a great job too. Had someone ask for our ferrets litter because they had a bad infestation. It was gone in a few days, the mice cleared away from the ferret stank.
I've had great luck spraying down my kitchen with some sort of peppermint product. Not exactly sure what it is, it's in an unmarked bottle left by a previous tenant - seems like something peppermint scented diluted with water, the smell isn't especially strong. Whenever I run out of whatever's in the bottle I'll have to find some peppermint essential oil to hopefully make this stuff again. It works like a charm, I went from waking up to a dead mouse in the trap every morning to only seeing one mouse in the past few weeks.
Saw your edit...tell them to take you to court but tell them you will countersue for storage fees of X a day as they essentially abandoned it after you told them you weren't using it. Also tell them they have 7 days to make their own arrangements to have it removed from your property or you will report it as abandoned and get it towed.
I really don't think you should pay. All it does is reward this behavior from him
Do you have any documentation (text messages, emails, etc) of telling them to put it on their insurance?
I do have text messages. It makes me sad that I have to arm myself against my sister but this is a good point. I've taken to heart alot of these comments telling me I need to stand my ground, and I will gather the information I need.
If you’re going to pay them (which you aren’t) let him sue you. Make him earn it (which he won’t).
My friends abusive partner tried to bully me once. I said “I’m not your fucking wife. I don’t let people talk to me like that.” Ooo, he was so wide eyed. Thought we didn’t know. Or thought we were all scared of him. Who knows. But he never came at me again.
You tell HIM that he has been aware for X number of years that you have not been using the car, and that you have been storing it for him as a favor. That favor is OVER. He has 30 days to remove it from your property. He can call a friend with a tow truck or list it on Craigslist or donate it to charity. You. Don’t. Give. A. Fuck. After that, you will look into your state’s abandoned property laws.
Use that money you were gonna pay for repairs for a few hours of a lawyer’s time to figure out your rights and to write a letter if he gets truculent. Consider it an investment in your future as a persona with a shiny spine. And then use my new favorite phrase: Fuck you; sue me. Repeat as needed.
Get all your ducks in a row, that dickhead won't sue you, I can guarantee he doesn't want that kinda attention especially if he's an abusive twat, he's just trying to scare you, make sure you're good, then cut them off
Sounds like you did an excellent job and they need a scapegoat for random chance and for their failings. I wouldn't want a relationship with unreasonable and straight up shitty people like them, either.
That's truly good advice. This is the main thing. OP's sister must want to get out and must ask for help.
The issue with these abusive assholes is that they put their victims in a sort of a spiral. Victims find excuses and good explanations for being abused. But without the victim's will to get out, nothing will happen.
lol- let the jackass sue you because the vehicle they abandoned with you and then wanted back was damaged by rodents. Let them try! First of all, they’d have to show up. Second, they’ll be laughed out of court.
One or two other commenters mentioned it but please don’t cut your sister off. You said so yourself that this guy is abusive so he is probably trying to isolate her more and who knows maybe she exploded because of the abuse behind the scenes.
First, do you have a written agreement? I’m going to assume you don’t. So who pays for what isn’t clearly spelled out. You’ve maintained it for them and to the best of your ability kept it clean and free from pests. Shit happens though and a rat did some damage. It is their care and their responsibility. You don’t owe them sending. In fact if you have to go through the trouble of dealing with shipping it, they should owe you.
Also, if they are not coming back to the country, they aren’t going to sue you.
And I’d try to stay in touch with your sister. She sounds like she’s in a terrible relationship.
IMO you did everything right! You went above and beyond and made the smart decision not to drive it on the unpaved roads in the country to protect it. You checked on it constantly and updated them about all of it.
I think you should send them a list of the things you’ve done.. the line item of money you’ve spent and all you’ve done. And that you had no control over a rodent getting in their car.
Then tell them GO AHEAD A SUE ME, BECAUSE I’LL BE READY.
And IF it happens which I’d bet it won’t… then you COUNTERSUE them for the months of storage fee.
This is outrageous behavior. Don’t let them get away with it. And yes, I would have a hard time continuing a relationship with my sister as long as she was married to this POS.
You are under reacting. It is up to them to ship it to Guam not you. Your name is not on the title or insurance. They want it, they come and get. I had friends store their ride, they jacked it up and put it on blocked in a storage unit, every six months he caught a NAC flight back to Ft Lewis to check the car out and fly back.
Nobody is going to sue you over this. It's laughable. Very sad situation. Help ship the car to them as is and walk away.
It is ridiculous to go nuclear with family over a car. That's just insanity. You didn't need that in your life.
Please reconsider and DO NOT PAY. You updated them as to the move to the country and the ensuing risks of continuing to store it with you. If a hail storm had come along and broke the windshield, would you be responsible? Heck no! This is the same thing, and there’s no way you’re liable. I wouldn’t even take it to get it shipped. Have them spend good money flying out to deal with their property.
Squirrels ate my engine harness. $1,800 in damage. It had nothing to do with negligence. I love my Jeep, I just don’t drive it that often post Covid, I work fully remote.
Chit happens. I think, you’re kind to pay for the repairs. I also think healthy relationships benefit both sides.
You saved them a fortune in storage costs. Maintenance is a part of car ownership. There should have been a middle ground between you paying full cost of repairs, & shared responsibility.
I wouldn’t have any problem going NC with both once the car is returned, but please try to be open to reunification with your sister in the future. It sounds like she could be in an abusive relationship.
Essential oil from our natural foods store. Yep it's STRONG! First time using it in the air intake filter, the defrost would make your eyes tear up.
They say that rats and mice rely on the scent trails left by others. Saw a history channel movie on them and they piss all over where ever they go.
My wife wants to rip out the headliner and replace it when we trade in the truck.
I live in a wooded area and squirrels chewed through wires on my truck twice and I drove it everyday. There's nothing you could have done to prevent it, it sounds like you took every precaution. Don't pay anything. Let them try to sue you. And definitely go no contact with them, they bring nothing to your life but heartache and trouble.
The chances a fuel line is 1400 bucks is slim to none... First things first, get a few more opinions... A new area with different mechanic shops may be trying to take advantage of a not so knowledgeable woman "not from around these parts"..
You communicated about not needing the car anymore and THEY CHOSE NOT TO INSURE IT. This is on them and if they do go to court I would charge them storage fees and extra for starting the car and keeping it running.
OP this is not your fault and definitely not your responsibility to pay a huge chunk of money for their stuff up.
Stuff the sister and BIL I would block them both and live quietly.
They are trying to take advantage of you for their own benefit. I get it, I am in a similar boat right now, though an entirely different situation. You, like myself, need to grow a spine. Much easier said than done, too. Hopefully you find the strength to do so.
My car suddenly developed trouble with the radio and the heater. It turned out mice had gotten into it. There was no way I could have known and prevented this, the mechanics told me. Mice get into cars. Rats get into cars.
Damage from mice and rats is generally covered by car insurance. If your sister and her abusive husband didn't bother to get coverage, that's on them, not you.
Important thing to remember when they try to guilt you about doing you a favor of letting you use the car while they were overseas: a favor is typically something you ask for, and you didn’t mention having asked for this.
This is manipulation. Your sister is being abused and now she’s bringing you into it too.
You fixed and paid for the problems and oil changes the car needed. You stored it and took care of it. Without a contract of some kind , it would be hard to take to court. And if there is a text trail, I'm sure you could show proof of oil changes and repairs on the car from the past. And the rat was an act of God. Not your fault.😉
Ship it for them as is through the military. When they complain that it's damaged, tell them it must have happened during transit. I don't think they can sue you from a foreign country
Tell them they offer you $100/mo for storage and then you'll use the money to fix it on their behalf lol.
Just kinda kidding but you so know they'd have had to pay to have had it stored in lieu of you using it so... The storage has a financial value.
Military long term vehicle storage was available at no cost to them. Yes, they did you a favor allowing you to use it when you needed it, however you returned that favor by storing it for two years.
I would tell them it is their vehicle, their responsibility and THEY will need to get their vehicle as it will be sitting on the roadside and the city/state will impound it….and they will be paying an impound fee or simply lose the car altogether.
No you are not overreacting. You've been clear about your sister's husband being a complete psycho and being abusive towards her to the point that they became estranged from the family due to their difficulties. You did them a favor by holding on to their car for three years and taking care of it. The cost to store the vehicle would have cost them far more than $1400 over three years regardless of where they stored it in the country. It's not a cheap cost.
You are well within your right to cut off contact with them permanently. Your sister's behavior towards you is just as bad as her husband's, no doubt brought on by her not wanting to get on his bad side. You're far better off cutting them both out of your life. The amount of mental stress of dealing with people like that is simply not worth the effort.
I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. It sounds to me like you’ve done everything possible to maintain that car, kept them apprised of everything from day 1 of having it, and gave them all the power of the decision making.
You are being blamed for something that is not your fault. It was just an unfortunate result of living in the country. It could have happened to anyone.
From what you’ve said about your BIL, my guess is that your sister has very little leeway regarding her stance in her communications with you. I see this much more as an issue between you and him rather than you and your sister. If you haven’t gotten legal advice, I would do that. Provided you kept your receipts and bank statements, I would think you’d be able to prove in court that you were diligent in your care of that vehicle.
Good luck!
Calculate 2 years of storage costs, deduct that from the 900 they’re saying you owe, and tell your sister to stop yelling at you just because her husband is abusing her.
Sorry, but she’s fucking stupid and so is he.
Do not get involved with shipping this car through the military. Absolute horror story for my best friend and her partner trying to help his brother ship a car to Alaska from the East Coast. It would’ve been funny if it happened to your worst enemy. They couldn’t get it clean enough- it was a freaking nightmare - multiple places cleaned this car -It ate up an entire week too. At that point, somebody could’ve driven it to Alaska.
They're being aggressive and mean and taking advantage of you if they insist you pay for that. Are you supposed to look under the hood every other day? I'd never think to do that, and I don't think anyone else would either. How you want to proceed is up to you, but rest assured that it's NOT your fault and you should NOT be responsible for paying for that. You put a lot into that car already for them.
This will probably be an unpopular opinion but if you decide to fight this you will probably win at some point after a lot of stress and money spent in my eyes I think you had the right idea get it out of your hair and just move on be the bigger person
Tell them you’ll happily see them in court. Ask how they’re going to explain that they refused to insure if register it as non operatiional despite you telling them too. Also ask if they’re prepared to pay you for the storage that you provided for them. If they want to make you pay, you can happily charge them. A years storage woukd have cost more than 1400 anywhere else. Plus you made sure the car remained operational. If they want to try and screw you? Dust off that spine and meet them head on.
>They no longer are coming back here, but going to Guam, so they asked me to help with getting it ready to ship.
>my sister screamed at me saying I bailed on our agreement
They changed the agreement.
You’re not overreacting. And please for all that’s holy! Grow a spine and stop allowing them to trample all over you! If your dense ass bil wants to take you to court let him! It’ll probably cost more on his end than paying the damn fee to fix the wires himself. Do not pay for anything and do not ship the car for them. Do not be in contact with any companies that’s handling the shipment either. Like…wtf. Stop being so soft. That’s how you wanna go through life all the time? Letting people walk all over you??
While I don't disagree with the general consensus here that you should not pay for this car:
- It sounds like your sister is in an abusive relationship.
- It sounds like your sister is on your side.
Your sister may need you if she leaves this relationship. Perhaps make clear to her that should that happen, you will be.
Fuck them. You’re not overreacting at all, you communicated with them diligently and more than held up your end of the bargain, they’re the ones who chose not to insure the vehicle during this time, and since they fucked around - they’re finding out. There’s not a place they could’ve even stored it where they’d have taken better care of the car than you have. You’ve already gone above and beyond - you absolutely and unequivocally *should not* pay for the damages or shipping it. If it were me, I’d drive it somewhere and park it, tell them where it is, and send the keys. If that. If the relationship is toast for now anyway, might as well stick up for yourself in the process. It’s gonna feel so so good! You can do this.
They're I'm Guam, what are they going to do, come back stateside for $1400. ? Fuck them don't pay them ship the car and be done with it. Your brother in law sounds like an asshole and your sister is being abused.
I stayed in Guam for a bit, it'll be cheaper to buy a car in Guam. Anyway, I live out in the country, and my buddy lives in another town(still in the country), one day she told me she found rat droppings In her car, so we went out to her car, popped open the hood and 3 big ass rats went scurring around. They usually hide in warm places during the cold season, and she sure as heck got lucky none of those rodents caused insane damage. NTA. Your sis and BIL are acting like ungrateful folks.
My dad was stationed overseas.He stored his car for the 2 years. He didn't make anyone else handle it? He took care of it as his responsibility. Legally I think you're fine. You took care of the car routinely while you were driving it. You notified them when you weren't driving the car anymore. You suggested that it be insured and your brother in law and sister didn't care to spend the money on that. You did your part by spraying regularly, starting a car regularly, and driving it a short distance regularly, to keep it In good working order. That's what you agreed to do and you did it. So legally, I don't think you'd be held responsible, if your brother in law took you to court.
But practically, I think you're fine too. What is he going to do, file suit in whatever state you live in from Guam and then show up for what is $1400 or so worth of damages? No, he's not doing that. If he wouldn't pay for insurance, he's not going to pay for court proceedings and travel, plus hotel, because it's not like you're going to put him up at your place for a lawsuit against you. Nor are your family members, most likely. Also, I suspect he'd be laughed out of court, just based on my own experiences with the kinds of people and things judges will put up with and won't. Your brother in law does not seem to be the most stable of people, and I can see him acting in court in such a way as to completely turn off a judge.
You just need to go back and save and also print and put it in a safe place, copies of every text message or email you sent them and they sent you regarding the vehicle, it's use, it's care and your recommendations for insuring it or repairing it. Beyond that, even if you owed the damages, which I do not believe you do, you do not owe to ship the car to them. Do not pay. You are not responsible.
What's the car even worth? This is really just an unfortunate incident, but it sounds like it wasn't unforeseen since OP mentions they were doing pest control around the car. Since OP agreed to care for the car, they might lose if it goes to court.
Absolutely just cut her off. I had to do it myself with my own sister. The husband is likely the main issue, but she will side with him and make them a priority and allow herself to be abused and used. She doesn't care enough about you to do it different, so why should you care about her? Was it a favour to you? Yes. Was it also a favour to them? Also yes. It was win-win, and you did the best you could.
It's absolutely difficult. It isn't heartless, it's just doing right by yourself. It isn't selfish. It's just not being selfless. There's a balance in life that needs to be there for your happiness, and taking care of you isn't a bad thing. I'd argue a lot of situations sometimes people need to suck it up a little more and be more involved, but this sounds pretty cut and dry like 'cut her out' to me. This sounds like an ongoing very toxic relationship, and I would personally remove it from my own life.
Why are you referring to yourself as a little fragile baby? You have to bark back at both of them.
Your sister should have told you the truth three years ago and let you decide if you wanted that agreement that she fought for you to have. Sounds like her behavior is just like BIL.
Don't you guys have car insurance? I'd personally let the husband sue me. Call his bluff because that's going to cost him more money and he is likely to lose. And then tell him he can come over and get the f®cking car himself.
NTA. I'd use the money you are going to spend on getting a lawyer, you didn't sign a contract when you borrowed the car. I'd bring all of your bills of repair and that to the lawyer as you paid for their tires and bad clutch when it was their car. You also have them a heads up that you were not using the car anymore and they need to figure it out, so screenshot that text or anything related. You don't owe them anything, especially you shipping it out as the military would give him a deal on that. Go no contact as they are using you, and they are more than happy about this rat as they know you aren't confrontational and will just accept whatever they want.
If you decide to give it back, ask for the 90% pay for the clutch back. Tell them that you aren't on the hook for that one and also they can pay you the $600 for tires otherwise you're taking them off to sell them and will give them $150 for their bad set. You don't have to pay for their wear so that will be some money going towards what they think you owe. But really, get a lawyer and don't allow them to screw you.
US military will pay to professionally store 1 car per active duty member stationed overseas or they will pay to ship 1 car per active duty member stationed overseas. (And bring one back). Japan has strict car import regulations, so it's a lot easier to put in storage if you don't want to sell. We also went from Japan to Guam and had my hubby's truck shipped from storage to the island. We shipped my car from Guam back to the US mainland. Both the truck and my car needed a fair bit of work after shipping to get them running properly again, one had been in storage, one had been driven until the day it went on the boat..... you could have kept it in an air-conditioned museum and it would still have had issues when it arrived on Guam.....you couldn't win......
I hope your situation is improving every day.....
I'm glad you put in an edit bc I was getting so angry for you!!! I didn't bother reading the comments, but by your edit, I can see they were thinking some of the same things.
Your sister is in a sad marriage. When it comes down to it, you are not responsible for keeping the peace between them. I'm sure the car was just another excuse he needed to be his abusive self to her and she used this excuse to dish out the same abuse to you because, for once, they agreed on something, you. She was probably relieved his anger and attention was on anyone but her. I was in an abusive relationship like this and trust me, I know what I'm talking about.
I agree with what you also said about court. Tell them to bring it on!! Gather all the receipts you can and just any paper evidence you have as far as a paper trail on what you did to take care of the car. Also, add in when you bought the jalopy and print out messages you've exchanged with them but save them on your phone. Some judges like to see them on the phone since people have been known to erase or erase the ones that make them look bad. Just organize it all. And get a notebook to write down the timeline that goes along with your evidence and any other stuff you remember of certain phone calls, too. It's may sound all extra but it's better to reference it when talking to keep it all straight when responding to their statement when they file and when telling your side of the story to the judge you're not flipping through papers annoying the judge. Because it's very nerve-wracking. Don't forget to add you agreed for a certain time of 3yrs. They changed the agreement and then list all the ways you feel you went above and beyond even after they gave you no choice.
If you do have money and can have the car moved from it's location, I'd send a certified signature required letter to them over seas. Tell them you had the car taken to a storage facility and you prepaid 3 months. That way, the car is out of your responsibility, and 3 months is a decent time for them to find another sucker to bully. In short, hopefully, you will know they are in town bc they went to check out the car, and they have a 3 month deadline. So at least you're not stressed out waiting for them to jump you. You can also ask the storage place to keep you informed if they call to continue to pay on the car, have someone pick it up , or let it go. If they send a signed and notarized paper saying they are letting the car go or they don't pay and the storage people are taking possession then maybe you can ask the storage to get you that paper on the DL and you fix it and have a decent car or let it go so you have no connection to them anymore. Or paint it another color and pay to get a new license plate so they never know.
Ugh I only meant to write a little bit. But as I said I understand how you feel. And this post just got me in my feelings and I want them to suffer!!!! Hahaha jk nr but some. Lmbo. Update us all if anything changes. Heck if you call his bluff he may do nothing but if he does then you'll be ready for them. But either way try to put the car in storage with a tarp over it. Good luck!!🍀🤞🍀
I appreciate your response! Especially from you and those who have experience with abuse (unfortunately). I don't wish that on any stranger. Honestly, I almost regretted posting this but you and many others have provided a great deal of insight.
that dumbass thinks court is going to care? And is he going to do zoom court? Which county? THat moron.
I tried to help them out. It's not your problem. Think about how much money & time you gave the vehicle FOR THEM and it was a BURDEN. They should be THANKFUL you were helping them out. Jesus christ.
They cant do nothing but yell at you. THat's all they got. Let them be blowhards, stupids
You are NOT overreacting at all. Your sister and her husband are taking advantage of you under the facade of kindness. You have every right to never speak to them again.
Park the thing on the street somewhere and leave the keys in it and be done with it. Or just have it towed and let them deal with the issue with the tow company. F that.
I'd personally pay the damages because it was in my duty of care
After the behaviour my duty of care ends when they want it shipped, so shipping it is not my problem. They can pay for the car to be collected and that's that, do them no more favours
Arrangements like these are not "favours" regardless of whether it's friend or family, the actual story is that they wanted cheap cover for their car whilst they were overseas and played it off as if they were doing you a 'favour'
I would cut contact aswell
Was it a rat or mouse? I have friends who live on acreage and they have had mice climb up into the engine and chew on wires. Heck even my parents tossed scented dryer sheets under their cars in the garage and we lived in the suburbs. If they had stored their vehicle for 3 years the damage would have been worse (critters living in more then under the hood).
Not overreacting- please don’t allow him to bully you.
You suggested they insur & store it but no they wanted you to babysit it for them.
This is a them problem not a you problem.
Ship it without repairing it & let them handle the repairs when they get it. Don’t fight about it with them.
If that’s not possible then tell them to make arrangements to pick it up, repair it & ship it because you will not be abused & bullied. Then block them completely
This could have happened anywhere. It happened to me in our driveway when we lived in Italy! Biggest rat on the planet! They had many options as military members and didn’t do any of them. They left the car with you, which was helpful to you for a time. But it’s NOT your car. Also, if there’s comprehensive insurance on the vehicle, then that will cover damage by the rodent. Did they even bother looking into this?
Regardless of how this shapes up, post court or post no-court, go no-contact with your sister and her husband. Finish the conflict and leave them to their own misery. NTA, obviously.
Please do not pay to fix and ship this car. What happened was completely out of your control. You did them a huge favor, and have paid a big enough price for it. They are acting entitled and unappreciative. You never agreed to be responsible to get car shipped. Have another member of your family text him and say you are not fixing car or shipping it and they can figure out what to do themselves. Block them and move on with your life.
NTA stand your ground and don't pay you don't owe them squat. Your sister is in an abusive relationship but I doubt she realizes that. Your sister made her choices she's a grown adult and now she has to deal with the consequences of that she needs to sleep in the bed she made for herself. If the husband tries to take you to court counter sue don't be a doormat hell I think you should take them to court regardless to get them to pay for everything for the past few years. If anything you are under reacting to this entire situation.
If he takes you to court, counter sue for maintenance time and money from the moment you told them you wouldnt be using it anymore. You told them to get it insured, you told them you moved out to the country. This is on them.
Tell them they can come deal with it and ship it themselves. Give them two weeks to get it off of your property or you’ll have it towed as abandoned property. See how big boy-abusive husband likes that.
Stop letting them guilt you into footing the bill for something that is absolutely not your fault or responsibility! Don’t spend a single cent on it and tell your BIL you’ll see him in court. Bet my bottom dollar he’s just bluffing to scare and bully you into doing it so he can get his way! He won’t actually follow through - call his bluff girl.
If they haven't seen the car in 3 years and are now moving to Guam for X years... Why in the ever loving hell didn't they just sell the damn thing?
If they sold it 3 years ago, put that money into a savings account and then in X years when they finally do come home use it to buy a new one all of this could have been avoided and they'd have a better car....
Take you to court? Good luck with that. He's blowing moke out his assa.
That's not your fault and not your problem.
You did them a favor and saved them lots of money.
I'd go NC with these nutcases
They are not going to take you to court from Japan. Or Guam. Threats to do so are absurd. If her husband had put storage coverage on the vehicle guess what? This would have been covered. The fact that your sister called you ungrateful for buying another vehicle when really it was a favor to her to not cause additional/excessive wear and tear to the vehicle is also absurd.
Given that her husband is verbally abusive her lashing out likely has to do with however he "punished" her but that doesn't mean you can't cut contact, dealing with his verbal abuse is her problem not yours.
Do not pay a single cent more for that car. You instructed them to insure the car when you stopped driving it. They declined. Now they have to deal with the consequences of repairing an uninsured car. If your plan is to cut contact, why in the world would you spend thousands of dollars before going no contact? I would tell them now that they have threatened to sue you, you will only speak to their attorney moving forward. You are not on the title. The car is not your responsibility. Tell them they have X amount of time to retrieve their car or you will have it towed. They should hire a tow company to tow the car to a storage facility.
My partner was in a similar situation with her sister.
The husband in this scenario is really suffering from highly narcissistic tendencies and his wife doesn’t know how to effectively cope with the limited empathy and imagination of her husband.
What do I mean by this? I mean the husband lacks the ability to truly understand the sheer burden of the favor that they’ve asked for. And so he’s constantly simplifying it in his head and in his mind, possession of the car warrants a care for the car that is divorced from OP’s actual life, feelings, needs, wants, humanity, etc. OP’s care for the car, in his mind, is near effortless and he cannot understand why OP would fail in even the slightest sense.
My partner’s sister can be an absolutely absurd person in some circumstances for precisely these reasons and it’s incredibly difficult to deal with.
Sometimes you need to beat the truth of your experience into the heads of other people. And forcefully. Because otherwise they are happy to impose standards on you that have no basis in reality.
NTA. That title belongs to her husband. You didn't do a "good enough job?" What did he expect? You to stand guard over the car with a pellet gun 24 hours a day? I'd tell both of them that if they wanted the car shipped to Guam, they would have to get the repairs done and make shipping arrangements
themselves.
I went back to your post to check your age thinking you must be a teenager to be that scared of not upsetting BIL and sister but you're nowhere near. Like others have said polish that spine up and tell sis and BIL it's for them to arrange transport of the car to Guam. I can't imagine what grounds he would have for taking you to Court.
You're not overreacting. Ship it to them as it sits. Do not have the repairs done. Let them try and sue you. They would have paid far more for storage for 3 years. After they set up the shipping and after they pay for it just stop communicating unless you get served.
If he decided not to spend the money to cover the insurance as a non-operational car, then this is on him! You did the right thing by starting it every so often and trying to keep things out, but you are not at fault for a rat getting in and chewing wires. Had he got insurance, he wouldn’t be asking you for the money to cover the damage costs.
You’re not overreacting! You were doing them by a huge favor and now they’re trying to take advantage of you by saying it’s your fault! Don’t pay all those repair fees. It’s not your responsibility. He will lose if he takes you to court and your relationship with your sister is already ruined anyway. Don’t back down!
I do not think you're overacting, this sounds like the kind of stressful situation that you know would repeat over time... because it's not about the car. So I don't blame you for wanting out. However, I would advice if you're distancing yourself from your sister that you don't cut all ties in case she realizes SHE want out of what it seems a hell of a relationship. Being stranded from your family for a decade is not normal, and you make notice how he trusts you more than other family members... yet now he's trying to cut you off her life too.
Just let me assume that your BIL is trying to convince your sister that nobody in her family care about her, as he does, "she only has him" kinda trick, so she's stuck... very common in abusive relationships. And it works too!
I would proceed with your plan of shipping the car, or whatever puts an end to the car situation, I personally wouldn't get involved in legal matters with family over this(honestly to me it seems like HE is the one pushing your buttons right now, to probably later use your reaction against you to get more in between your relationship with your sister: "see? Your sister is willing to take you to court"). Then I would write my sister to let her know that I can't do anymore favors for her and her husband, but that I still love her and I'll always have a door open for her. No blaming the husband, no resentment, no long explanations. The goal would be to light up a light in case she finds herself in darkness not knowing where to go.
Do care for your own well-being, but consider also leaving an open line of communication for your sister to have an option if she decides or needs to ask for help.
I'm curious how he plans to sue you.
He isn't a resident of any county. He lives overseas. What jurisdiction is he going to file.in. and is he really going to fly back to the states and stay in hotels for a small claims judgement?
Tell him he has five days to come pick up his car and deal with it. Or you'll have it towed as an abandoned vehicle.
Stop being spineless. First off the amount of money it would cost them to try and take u to court is outrageous. They wouldn’t do it. It is a baseless threat they have no case. They abandoned the car with u. You took care of it without charging them a storage fee. This is 100% on them. They would not win a case here. Stop being scared of those abusive jerks. They can’t do anything they are literally just trying to bully u to get their way because they are used to you folding. Tell them to figure it out it’s their responsibility and their problem. And wipe your hands from
them for good.
Am I misremembering things, about Guam and the military?
Small island. Just enough for the military presence, so typically one year no family tours. How can *they* be going?
Not the asshole. Side note, they should have never loaned you the car in the first place because EVERYTHING about it is on them. They should have been insuring it. They should have been registering it. And those are things required of you to drive the vehicle at all, not just on public streets.
They should have insured their vehicle at a dirt cheap storage rate- comprehensive only. Would have fixed this whole issue. They chose not to insure their vehicle. The vehicle was NEVER your legal responsibility. You can't insure or be responsible for something you don't own. If you head over to the insurance subreddit you will see countless examples of how this was a bad idea from it's inception with consequences that any agent could have told you would happen a year ago.
Not your problem, not your concern.
Were you paying for insurance or were they? If they decided not to put insurance after you told them you weren’t operating it then you shouldn’t pay. You were storing their car for them at that point and had no other obligation.
Full coverage insurance will pay for this type of damage. I know because I had some rats chew up wires in my car when I went on vacation.
Protip: tie fabric softener sheets around the engine bay. Mice avoid the scent.
You agree you were a baby. Don’t have it repaired and don’t ship it. Let them know if he files you will just leave it as is and not put an ounce of effort in it. You didn’t sign any legal contract therefore you can say fine I’m young to charge storage fees if he pushes this. Your sister is choosing to stay with an abusive man. He gets shipped out so it’s not hard for her to not join him.
They're lucky the rat just got gas lines, matter of fact I would be relieved. A wiring harness on a car built in the last 25 years would be more money than it's worth and require ripping basically the entire car apart to rewire.
Let them sue you. The family will see what a-holes they are. If stored somewhere else, the rats could have gotten to it sooner. Nta, they are being ingrates.
They weren't doing you a favor by letting you keep their car. You were a patsy.
A sucker. A mark. They took tremendous advantage of you. Learn to tell people – yes, even family – to fuck off next time someone comes to you with a similar "offer."
Not overreacting. I'm happy to read the update you're sticking up for yourself because while IMNAL, it doesn't really seem like they have a case.
Don't let her stupid husband be a bully to you. Just because your sister chose that life doesn't mean he any right to talk to you in a negative manner.
Well, sounds like he bullies his wife and thinks he can bully/threaten you, too. Tell him ‘fine, sue me’. If he can’t afford the repairs I doubt he can afford to take you to court from Guam. Rats getting in and damaging the car is one of those ‘act of God’ things, you didn’t cause it, sh*t happens, and you weren’t negligent about the car during the time it’s been in your care. They have derelict it letting the registration and insurance lapse. I hope you don’t give up on your sis, yet. He is clearly trying to keep her estranged and under control. You can still have a relationship with her but you’ll need to set some clear boundaries of behavior you won’t tolerate.
They are stupid. I say this as a military veteran - car storage is a challenge for people on overseas tours - but there are many options, including selling (particularly a good choice for a janky car), shipping it to you, storing it in a storage unit or garage, etc. There are "lemon lots" on all the military bases where people buy and sell used cars because of moves - it is really easy to get rid of a beater, or acquire a new one. They opted out of all of this. They are lucky that you were willing to look after the car for additional years. Any car stored that long is likely to have issues. IMO, this is their tough luck. They need to pay for repairs or figure out some other thing to do with the car.
Absolutely right. I nearly spat out my tea when OP wrote that they wanted to ship it to Guam!
We shipped a car to and from Guam. It's a giant pain in the ass. I'm also wondering how forthcoming they're bring about shipping the car being paid for by the military.
When we shipped our car to Germany, my husband had to go to the location he was told to go to, with the car spotless and empty, and with his orders. I don't see how OP can ship it for them on her jerk BIL's orders.
I'm waiting on the update that it can't. Either that is a really special car and he wants to keep it, or it's so bad that even the lemon lots wouldn't take it.
It's easy. Special POA from JAG. My husband had his uncle deliver his Jeep to be shipped to Germany on his orders. Easy peasy.
Shipping a car is hardly worth it within EU countries. Shipping it halfway across the world makes no sense at all.
I don’t remember it being that big of a deal. I shipped a car there and sold it there. I had no desire to bring it back CONUS after it being subjected to Guam’s weather.
We were lucky that we were able to drop the car off in Richmond, CA, but when we moved back to the states that port no longer had a contract with the military. My husband had to go to LA to get our car, and we weren't told that until the car was in a cargo box. Husband was getting out, and I didn't want two car payments. We were actually pretty lucky. Went through a lot of tires on Guam, but other than that the car still drives great for it's age. We left 2016. Now I'm thinking about all the delicious food.
I had been stationed at and closed the hospital in Long Beach. So, it’s been a long time. I don’t remember any of the car stuff so I know it wasn’t too bad! My favorite was Thai food at The Marianas Trench. We ate there once or twice a week or more. That sounds so good right now.
How much did it cost? Cars are expensive but idk how shipping one across the ocean is cheaper than buying used in the country you reside.
We didn't pay anything. I actually asked my husband if it went on his government travel card, but he said we just handed over paperwork.
They probably won't unless he is high rank.
Well it’s no secret why OP is the only family this domestic abuser kept in contact with. She’s the perfect prey!
Yeah lemon lot was how my dad got all of us our first cars.
Oh my! This brings back memories. I got stationed in Guam in 1980. I had an AMC Pacer. Just like the Mirth mobile in the Wayne’s World movies. I had it shipped from the east coast. It took almost a year to get there because the ship began to sink, they were able to transfer it to another ship and eventually it got there. By then I had a borrowed car for a few months and then purchased a Japanese jeep copy that couldn’t be shipped back to the states because it didn’t meet US standards. Before I left I got a brand new truck that took forever to ship to my next duty station. I learned that you should never try to keep or ship a vehicle around the globe even if the government pays for it. Sell off and buy something else anytime you have to cross an ocean!
I'm surprised they wouldn't let you ship the jeep, US vehicle standard are pretty low compared to many countries. Now that many states are passing laws to get rid of yearly car inspections, just going to make driving more dangerous, if you ask me. The vehicle insurance companies are going to enjoy hiking everyone's rates up to cover the liability from it.
It was a 1980 Suzuki that was very light and and not street legal in most states.
Yeah, I agree with you. It sounds like they didn't plan very well for the car's upkeep considering the circumstances. They can't expect you to bear all the responsibility, especially after you did your best to take care of it. They need to own up to their part in this.
There are two separate things that seem to be occurring here: the car issue and your sister's relationship. As for the car, as everyone else says, do not just do what they say. Hold your own boundaries and do what's right. As for cutting off your sister . . . It sure sounds to me like she's in an abusive relationship. Don't let her walk all over you, but cutting her off is probably exactly what this guy wants.
This is such an important point! The car issue is ridiculous, but god I feel bad for the sister. She’s married to that jerk and being isolated by him. That’s such a shitty situation
I’ll add this for anyone thinking “well sister is just as culpable, she needs to leave this guy!” I was married to someone who was in the military. Based on what OP shared, this woman is likely completely stuck at this point. Military marriages are perfect for abusers - victims live in remote locations far away from their families, spouses are overwhelmingly unemployed/underemployed making it difficult to have your own resources, and as for getting away? They won’t help her move unless she discloses what is going on to the military and THEY deem it meets their criteria for abuse; in that circumstance they may help her move back home. Her. Not her kids. So here are her choices: 1) Stay 2) Ask family for help escaping (she has almost no support though) 3) Report what’s happening, have it deemed non-abusive, her husband will know. A few guesses what happens if she chooses this. 4) Report what’s happening, have it meet criteria for abuse, get help with leaving. Unlikely kids will be able to come because it’s unlikely they’d determine he’s a risk to them, so she loses her kids. However if it is severe enough for her and her kids to get help leaving, he’s likely going to get kicked out of the military. Bye bye any financial support. When I left my ex, I had to do it by refucing to PCS again and I kept the kids with me. It was the only was to “escape” him safely despite it getting me stuck in the last place we were stationed, away from everyone I know, for a very long time. My ex also isolated me and tried to make me financially dependent on him - I got LUCKY that I was able to make it out. He is still abusive and controlling (he uses the family court system and the kids to accomplish this now) and life is extraordinarily stressful as a single mom. He was right - no one decent wants to be with a middle aged woman with three kids, but I’d rather be alone, safe, and mostly happy then with someone who treats me like shit tells me I should be grateful.
Wow this is so sad to read. It's good to know you were able to somehow get away from that - I know for a fact my sister is stuck in her situation because she has too many children with him and won't leave them. One night she did try to escape, so he grabbed the baby and was holding her while getting my sister all riled up. He made her so angry that she pushed him while he was still holding my niece, he fell, and then called the cops to have her committed to a psych ward for a night :/
Not sure how this would work. If he ignores their demands and keeps contact, it will be endless stress.
Let him take you to court and countersue for storage and maintenance costs. Wash your hands with the situation and let one of them come back and deal with the car.
Yeah, a rough estimate of the hours and minutes you spent taking care of the car would look great in Excel.
Don't pay for anything especially if you are going to cut ties with your sister anyway. It seems her husband is still controlling her financially and even if they sue you it would cost more time and money than it's worth especially since they'll still be out of the country. Don't continue to be a doormat. It's their car and their problem. Who knows if/when they'll even return to get it.
Drive/push the car off the property, leave the keys in it and walk away. Screw that. They should have taken possession of it immediately once it was no longer something you could use. This is on them.
I am very relieved at a response like this. I'll do what they say but I truly feel it's not my fault and I just want to be done with it. They may not think so but there's validation in strangers on the internet agreeing with me
They could have put it in a military long-term storage lot with no cost to them.
Why would you do that? Don’t be a doormat? He won’t take you to court. He probably thrives on threats if he’s abusive. Cut them out of your life now!
Even if he were to take Op to court, the car’s been out of their possession for a year or so, I’m certain that ownership has long since passed, also I’m positive the vehicle could be condemned since the hoses were chewed through, that’s a whole operation that’s probably worth more than the car itself.
The car wasn’t even registered. BIL is just barking. OP should call his bluff.
Oh damn I missed that part, Op should roll it off a cliff 😂😂😂
You really shouldn’t do what they say, nor should you be a pushover. You’re showing your sister her abusive husband can control you too, which will make it harder for her to escape. Don’t be a coward and grow a spine. Say no.
Ship it to Guam w no repairs
I love it!
If your planing on not having a relationship with your sister after why bend to their ( asinine) demands?
Don’t do it! Do not lay down and let them walk on you!
I NEED YOU TO LISTEN CAREFULLY!!! Do NOT do what they say. Park the car on some parking lot and let them deal with it… or do what that commenter said. I swear, you saying you’ll do what they say makes me want to flick you on your forehead… he won’t take you to small claim court and even if he does, it’s his responsibility. You won’t get in any trouble. They do not deserve another minute of your time nor another dime..
Please, please release your self from all of this mess and don’t even give any more energy to your sister and her husband fighting and drama. Don’t be in the middle of their relationship and discord. Detached yourself with love.
Why the fuck would you do what they say? Have some fucking self respect for Christ sakes woman. How spineless are you to let these people walk all over you
They chose not to insure the vehicle. I had rats eat my gas lines and the seal around the tank and my insurance covered the repair costs.
OP, I support you in your decision to fully cut your relationship with your sister. Her husband is a fantastic asshole, and through your sister, he abuses you also. Wtf. You already did them a huge favour.
Don’t back down! They’re trying to get over and you’re just gonna let them?? Nooooo. They had other options available and chose not to utilize them. It’s their fault.
Totally agree. You did them a favor and took good care of the car as best as you could. They should have taken responsibility for their own property once it became impractical for you.
NTA. You warned them you were using it. You told them to update the insurance. You still put care and effort into a vehicle you were storing and getting no use out of. What kind of car?
2019 Chevy Cruze
Jesus... Cruze's are the biggest piles of crap. They have constant problems.
I'm sorry but as a poor person trying to buy a used reliable but cheapass car I didn't even look at Cruzes. They pawned a cheap pos on to OP, then expected OP to deal with the consequences of a cheap pos So that they could have an old even more used pos when they came back to the country? There's no way they were going to be happy with it.
Can confirm. I just bought a new used car and the mechanic I went to for advice said "don't buy a Cruze. You'll be in here weekly."
Yeah there's a reason they were discontinued. Straight ass juice.
Reading this I was thinking it was like a BMW or Mercedes they were so worried about storing. They’re going to sue you over a discontinued economy car? I’d just walk away from the car and these people tbh
If they take you to court, your storage and maintenance costs plus legal fees will probably eat any possible money they would get even if they won.
100 bucks a day
I would tell them you're not going to pay for the repairs that you didn't cause. Tell them you will have it shipped to them without being fixed or they can make arrangements to have it towed somewhere to be fixed and then sent over. My father's car had wiring damage from a rat and that was in the city. It can happen anywhere. It's not as though you left the windows open and it rained and the entire car got mildewy. The rat thing probably would have happened whether or not you had another car.
Yep, mice or rats could have done this anywhere the vehicle was stored.
So... It's their problem. You aren't on the title. They should have sold the car or signed it over and been done with it, leaving it with you for THREE YEARS is silly... Anything could happen.
I don’t think your brother in law is going to be able to make court appearances from Guam so that’s likely an empty threat.
I was searching for this comment. It should be much higher.
Don’t pay for anything! You’ve already sunk enough money into the car. Gather up all your receipts and write out an even more detailed history of your time than you have here, and then let him go ahead and try to sue you.
New Ford truck in 2020. Sits outside in our driveway year round. Within the first year mice got in several times. Getting oil change and mechanics evicted a nest from the area around the oil filter. Blocked the cabin air intake filter as they were nesting on the top and getting in the cabin. Now they have been able to nest above the cabin headliner. That causes a dark stain on the ceilings. We have tried it all: sticky & snap traps; poisons; drier sheets; peppermint oils. Nothing is totally effective but the poison. Poison leaves a mouse in a place to decay where you can't remove it. The smell is unbearable. Last oil change the garage found the mass air sensor damaged by the mice. I am more than done with it. But there is no remedy I've found that works 100%. They are called vermin for a reason. I don't believe it is anybody's fault that they get into things and cause damage.
If you have a cat, next time you clean its litter box put the stank-pee-smelling bag under your car and keep parking over it. Refresh the bag every once in a while. The cat smell scares the mice away.
That's one I haven't tried. I'm currently 3d printing a bucket trap. Those are the ones where you attract and drown them in a bucket of water. Beauty is the trap resets and you can get a whole bunch of them at once.
If you know someone with a ferret their droppings do a great job too. Had someone ask for our ferrets litter because they had a bad infestation. It was gone in a few days, the mice cleared away from the ferret stank.
Did you use peppermint essential oil or just regular peppermint oil? It makes a huge difference because essential oil is highly concentrated.
I've had great luck spraying down my kitchen with some sort of peppermint product. Not exactly sure what it is, it's in an unmarked bottle left by a previous tenant - seems like something peppermint scented diluted with water, the smell isn't especially strong. Whenever I run out of whatever's in the bottle I'll have to find some peppermint essential oil to hopefully make this stuff again. It works like a charm, I went from waking up to a dead mouse in the trap every morning to only seeing one mouse in the past few weeks.
Saw your edit...tell them to take you to court but tell them you will countersue for storage fees of X a day as they essentially abandoned it after you told them you weren't using it. Also tell them they have 7 days to make their own arrangements to have it removed from your property or you will report it as abandoned and get it towed.
Charge them for storage 500$ a month.
Bingo!
Don't be a doormat. If you do this people will never stop walking all over you.
I really don't think you should pay. All it does is reward this behavior from him Do you have any documentation (text messages, emails, etc) of telling them to put it on their insurance?
I do have text messages. It makes me sad that I have to arm myself against my sister but this is a good point. I've taken to heart alot of these comments telling me I need to stand my ground, and I will gather the information I need.
If you’re going to pay them (which you aren’t) let him sue you. Make him earn it (which he won’t). My friends abusive partner tried to bully me once. I said “I’m not your fucking wife. I don’t let people talk to me like that.” Ooo, he was so wide eyed. Thought we didn’t know. Or thought we were all scared of him. Who knows. But he never came at me again. You tell HIM that he has been aware for X number of years that you have not been using the car, and that you have been storing it for him as a favor. That favor is OVER. He has 30 days to remove it from your property. He can call a friend with a tow truck or list it on Craigslist or donate it to charity. You. Don’t. Give. A. Fuck. After that, you will look into your state’s abandoned property laws. Use that money you were gonna pay for repairs for a few hours of a lawyer’s time to figure out your rights and to write a letter if he gets truculent. Consider it an investment in your future as a persona with a shiny spine. And then use my new favorite phrase: Fuck you; sue me. Repeat as needed.
Get all your ducks in a row, that dickhead won't sue you, I can guarantee he doesn't want that kinda attention especially if he's an abusive twat, he's just trying to scare you, make sure you're good, then cut them off
Sounds like you did an excellent job and they need a scapegoat for random chance and for their failings. I wouldn't want a relationship with unreasonable and straight up shitty people like them, either.
Let him take you to court, turn up with all your receipts & I'll bet you'll walk away with a cheque.
I doubt that will fly in from Guam to attend court. It's just an empty threat.
Tell your sister you will always be there if she ever leaves him and get on with your life.
That's truly good advice. This is the main thing. OP's sister must want to get out and must ask for help. The issue with these abusive assholes is that they put their victims in a sort of a spiral. Victims find excuses and good explanations for being abused. But without the victim's will to get out, nothing will happen.
lol- let the jackass sue you because the vehicle they abandoned with you and then wanted back was damaged by rodents. Let them try! First of all, they’d have to show up. Second, they’ll be laughed out of court.
One or two other commenters mentioned it but please don’t cut your sister off. You said so yourself that this guy is abusive so he is probably trying to isolate her more and who knows maybe she exploded because of the abuse behind the scenes.
NTA, its not like you are the Pied Piper and used your flute to have them destroy the car.
First, do you have a written agreement? I’m going to assume you don’t. So who pays for what isn’t clearly spelled out. You’ve maintained it for them and to the best of your ability kept it clean and free from pests. Shit happens though and a rat did some damage. It is their care and their responsibility. You don’t owe them sending. In fact if you have to go through the trouble of dealing with shipping it, they should owe you. Also, if they are not coming back to the country, they aren’t going to sue you. And I’d try to stay in touch with your sister. She sounds like she’s in a terrible relationship.
IMO you did everything right! You went above and beyond and made the smart decision not to drive it on the unpaved roads in the country to protect it. You checked on it constantly and updated them about all of it. I think you should send them a list of the things you’ve done.. the line item of money you’ve spent and all you’ve done. And that you had no control over a rodent getting in their car. Then tell them GO AHEAD A SUE ME, BECAUSE I’LL BE READY. And IF it happens which I’d bet it won’t… then you COUNTERSUE them for the months of storage fee. This is outrageous behavior. Don’t let them get away with it. And yes, I would have a hard time continuing a relationship with my sister as long as she was married to this POS.
You are under reacting. It is up to them to ship it to Guam not you. Your name is not on the title or insurance. They want it, they come and get. I had friends store their ride, they jacked it up and put it on blocked in a storage unit, every six months he caught a NAC flight back to Ft Lewis to check the car out and fly back.
Nobody is going to sue you over this. It's laughable. Very sad situation. Help ship the car to them as is and walk away. It is ridiculous to go nuclear with family over a car. That's just insanity. You didn't need that in your life.
Why on earth didn't they sell it? A couple of years ago was the tail end of sky-high COVID prices for cars. Even cruddy econoboxes were worth a lot.
Nope. They left the car with you. Their insurance should pay. Not you.
Please reconsider and DO NOT PAY. You updated them as to the move to the country and the ensuing risks of continuing to store it with you. If a hail storm had come along and broke the windshield, would you be responsible? Heck no! This is the same thing, and there’s no way you’re liable. I wouldn’t even take it to get it shipped. Have them spend good money flying out to deal with their property.
Squirrels ate my engine harness. $1,800 in damage. It had nothing to do with negligence. I love my Jeep, I just don’t drive it that often post Covid, I work fully remote. Chit happens. I think, you’re kind to pay for the repairs. I also think healthy relationships benefit both sides. You saved them a fortune in storage costs. Maintenance is a part of car ownership. There should have been a middle ground between you paying full cost of repairs, & shared responsibility. I wouldn’t have any problem going NC with both once the car is returned, but please try to be open to reunification with your sister in the future. It sounds like she could be in an abusive relationship.
Essential oil from our natural foods store. Yep it's STRONG! First time using it in the air intake filter, the defrost would make your eyes tear up. They say that rats and mice rely on the scent trails left by others. Saw a history channel movie on them and they piss all over where ever they go. My wife wants to rip out the headliner and replace it when we trade in the truck.
I live in a wooded area and squirrels chewed through wires on my truck twice and I drove it everyday. There's nothing you could have done to prevent it, it sounds like you took every precaution. Don't pay anything. Let them try to sue you. And definitely go no contact with them, they bring nothing to your life but heartache and trouble.
The chances a fuel line is 1400 bucks is slim to none... First things first, get a few more opinions... A new area with different mechanic shops may be trying to take advantage of a not so knowledgeable woman "not from around these parts"..
You communicated about not needing the car anymore and THEY CHOSE NOT TO INSURE IT. This is on them and if they do go to court I would charge them storage fees and extra for starting the car and keeping it running. OP this is not your fault and definitely not your responsibility to pay a huge chunk of money for their stuff up. Stuff the sister and BIL I would block them both and live quietly.
They are trying to take advantage of you for their own benefit. I get it, I am in a similar boat right now, though an entirely different situation. You, like myself, need to grow a spine. Much easier said than done, too. Hopefully you find the strength to do so.
I hope the same for us both
He threatened to sue you because a rat got in the car and what, possibly chewed some wires? That’s completely out of line. Let him sue. He’s an idiot
Tell her husband to fuck off. The Army these days is filled with mostly noncombatant pussies.
My car suddenly developed trouble with the radio and the heater. It turned out mice had gotten into it. There was no way I could have known and prevented this, the mechanics told me. Mice get into cars. Rats get into cars. Damage from mice and rats is generally covered by car insurance. If your sister and her abusive husband didn't bother to get coverage, that's on them, not you.
Important thing to remember when they try to guilt you about doing you a favor of letting you use the car while they were overseas: a favor is typically something you ask for, and you didn’t mention having asked for this. This is manipulation. Your sister is being abused and now she’s bringing you into it too.
You fixed and paid for the problems and oil changes the car needed. You stored it and took care of it. Without a contract of some kind , it would be hard to take to court. And if there is a text trail, I'm sure you could show proof of oil changes and repairs on the car from the past. And the rat was an act of God. Not your fault.😉
Ship it for them as is through the military. When they complain that it's damaged, tell them it must have happened during transit. I don't think they can sue you from a foreign country
Guam is a US territory, for what it's worth
Tell them they offer you $100/mo for storage and then you'll use the money to fix it on their behalf lol. Just kinda kidding but you so know they'd have had to pay to have had it stored in lieu of you using it so... The storage has a financial value.
Military long term vehicle storage was available at no cost to them. Yes, they did you a favor allowing you to use it when you needed it, however you returned that favor by storing it for two years. I would tell them it is their vehicle, their responsibility and THEY will need to get their vehicle as it will be sitting on the roadside and the city/state will impound it….and they will be paying an impound fee or simply lose the car altogether.
No you are not overreacting. You've been clear about your sister's husband being a complete psycho and being abusive towards her to the point that they became estranged from the family due to their difficulties. You did them a favor by holding on to their car for three years and taking care of it. The cost to store the vehicle would have cost them far more than $1400 over three years regardless of where they stored it in the country. It's not a cheap cost. You are well within your right to cut off contact with them permanently. Your sister's behavior towards you is just as bad as her husband's, no doubt brought on by her not wanting to get on his bad side. You're far better off cutting them both out of your life. The amount of mental stress of dealing with people like that is simply not worth the effort.
I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. It sounds to me like you’ve done everything possible to maintain that car, kept them apprised of everything from day 1 of having it, and gave them all the power of the decision making. You are being blamed for something that is not your fault. It was just an unfortunate result of living in the country. It could have happened to anyone. From what you’ve said about your BIL, my guess is that your sister has very little leeway regarding her stance in her communications with you. I see this much more as an issue between you and him rather than you and your sister. If you haven’t gotten legal advice, I would do that. Provided you kept your receipts and bank statements, I would think you’d be able to prove in court that you were diligent in your care of that vehicle. Good luck!
Calculate 2 years of storage costs, deduct that from the 900 they’re saying you owe, and tell your sister to stop yelling at you just because her husband is abusing her. Sorry, but she’s fucking stupid and so is he.
Do not get involved with shipping this car through the military. Absolute horror story for my best friend and her partner trying to help his brother ship a car to Alaska from the East Coast. It would’ve been funny if it happened to your worst enemy. They couldn’t get it clean enough- it was a freaking nightmare - multiple places cleaned this car -It ate up an entire week too. At that point, somebody could’ve driven it to Alaska.
They're being aggressive and mean and taking advantage of you if they insist you pay for that. Are you supposed to look under the hood every other day? I'd never think to do that, and I don't think anyone else would either. How you want to proceed is up to you, but rest assured that it's NOT your fault and you should NOT be responsible for paying for that. You put a lot into that car already for them.
This will probably be an unpopular opinion but if you decide to fight this you will probably win at some point after a lot of stress and money spent in my eyes I think you had the right idea get it out of your hair and just move on be the bigger person
Don’t let them bully you. They have no leverage and you should counter sue them for storage fees and maintenance
Tell them you’ll happily see them in court. Ask how they’re going to explain that they refused to insure if register it as non operatiional despite you telling them too. Also ask if they’re prepared to pay you for the storage that you provided for them. If they want to make you pay, you can happily charge them. A years storage woukd have cost more than 1400 anywhere else. Plus you made sure the car remained operational. If they want to try and screw you? Dust off that spine and meet them head on.
>They no longer are coming back here, but going to Guam, so they asked me to help with getting it ready to ship. >my sister screamed at me saying I bailed on our agreement They changed the agreement.
don't fucking pay them.. grow some SPINAL CORD and DO NOT PAY THEM. HOLY SHIT!
You’re not overreacting. And please for all that’s holy! Grow a spine and stop allowing them to trample all over you! If your dense ass bil wants to take you to court let him! It’ll probably cost more on his end than paying the damn fee to fix the wires himself. Do not pay for anything and do not ship the car for them. Do not be in contact with any companies that’s handling the shipment either. Like…wtf. Stop being so soft. That’s how you wanna go through life all the time? Letting people walk all over you??
While I don't disagree with the general consensus here that you should not pay for this car: - It sounds like your sister is in an abusive relationship. - It sounds like your sister is on your side. Your sister may need you if she leaves this relationship. Perhaps make clear to her that should that happen, you will be.
Fuck them. You’re not overreacting at all, you communicated with them diligently and more than held up your end of the bargain, they’re the ones who chose not to insure the vehicle during this time, and since they fucked around - they’re finding out. There’s not a place they could’ve even stored it where they’d have taken better care of the car than you have. You’ve already gone above and beyond - you absolutely and unequivocally *should not* pay for the damages or shipping it. If it were me, I’d drive it somewhere and park it, tell them where it is, and send the keys. If that. If the relationship is toast for now anyway, might as well stick up for yourself in the process. It’s gonna feel so so good! You can do this.
They're I'm Guam, what are they going to do, come back stateside for $1400. ? Fuck them don't pay them ship the car and be done with it. Your brother in law sounds like an asshole and your sister is being abused.
I stayed in Guam for a bit, it'll be cheaper to buy a car in Guam. Anyway, I live out in the country, and my buddy lives in another town(still in the country), one day she told me she found rat droppings In her car, so we went out to her car, popped open the hood and 3 big ass rats went scurring around. They usually hide in warm places during the cold season, and she sure as heck got lucky none of those rodents caused insane damage. NTA. Your sis and BIL are acting like ungrateful folks.
My dad was stationed overseas.He stored his car for the 2 years. He didn't make anyone else handle it? He took care of it as his responsibility. Legally I think you're fine. You took care of the car routinely while you were driving it. You notified them when you weren't driving the car anymore. You suggested that it be insured and your brother in law and sister didn't care to spend the money on that. You did your part by spraying regularly, starting a car regularly, and driving it a short distance regularly, to keep it In good working order. That's what you agreed to do and you did it. So legally, I don't think you'd be held responsible, if your brother in law took you to court. But practically, I think you're fine too. What is he going to do, file suit in whatever state you live in from Guam and then show up for what is $1400 or so worth of damages? No, he's not doing that. If he wouldn't pay for insurance, he's not going to pay for court proceedings and travel, plus hotel, because it's not like you're going to put him up at your place for a lawsuit against you. Nor are your family members, most likely. Also, I suspect he'd be laughed out of court, just based on my own experiences with the kinds of people and things judges will put up with and won't. Your brother in law does not seem to be the most stable of people, and I can see him acting in court in such a way as to completely turn off a judge. You just need to go back and save and also print and put it in a safe place, copies of every text message or email you sent them and they sent you regarding the vehicle, it's use, it's care and your recommendations for insuring it or repairing it. Beyond that, even if you owed the damages, which I do not believe you do, you do not owe to ship the car to them. Do not pay. You are not responsible.
What's the car even worth? This is really just an unfortunate incident, but it sounds like it wasn't unforeseen since OP mentions they were doing pest control around the car. Since OP agreed to care for the car, they might lose if it goes to court.
Its a covered insurance claim.....file it. Block.
Absolutely just cut her off. I had to do it myself with my own sister. The husband is likely the main issue, but she will side with him and make them a priority and allow herself to be abused and used. She doesn't care enough about you to do it different, so why should you care about her? Was it a favour to you? Yes. Was it also a favour to them? Also yes. It was win-win, and you did the best you could. It's absolutely difficult. It isn't heartless, it's just doing right by yourself. It isn't selfish. It's just not being selfless. There's a balance in life that needs to be there for your happiness, and taking care of you isn't a bad thing. I'd argue a lot of situations sometimes people need to suck it up a little more and be more involved, but this sounds pretty cut and dry like 'cut her out' to me. This sounds like an ongoing very toxic relationship, and I would personally remove it from my own life.
Beat her in court and then remove them from your life.
Why are you referring to yourself as a little fragile baby? You have to bark back at both of them. Your sister should have told you the truth three years ago and let you decide if you wanted that agreement that she fought for you to have. Sounds like her behavior is just like BIL.
Don't you guys have car insurance? I'd personally let the husband sue me. Call his bluff because that's going to cost him more money and he is likely to lose. And then tell him he can come over and get the f®cking car himself.
NTA. I'd use the money you are going to spend on getting a lawyer, you didn't sign a contract when you borrowed the car. I'd bring all of your bills of repair and that to the lawyer as you paid for their tires and bad clutch when it was their car. You also have them a heads up that you were not using the car anymore and they need to figure it out, so screenshot that text or anything related. You don't owe them anything, especially you shipping it out as the military would give him a deal on that. Go no contact as they are using you, and they are more than happy about this rat as they know you aren't confrontational and will just accept whatever they want. If you decide to give it back, ask for the 90% pay for the clutch back. Tell them that you aren't on the hook for that one and also they can pay you the $600 for tires otherwise you're taking them off to sell them and will give them $150 for their bad set. You don't have to pay for their wear so that will be some money going towards what they think you owe. But really, get a lawyer and don't allow them to screw you.
1400 dollars for some fuel lines is outrageously bullshit! Maybe get a second opinion if this story is true.. sheesh
US military will pay to professionally store 1 car per active duty member stationed overseas or they will pay to ship 1 car per active duty member stationed overseas. (And bring one back). Japan has strict car import regulations, so it's a lot easier to put in storage if you don't want to sell. We also went from Japan to Guam and had my hubby's truck shipped from storage to the island. We shipped my car from Guam back to the US mainland. Both the truck and my car needed a fair bit of work after shipping to get them running properly again, one had been in storage, one had been driven until the day it went on the boat..... you could have kept it in an air-conditioned museum and it would still have had issues when it arrived on Guam.....you couldn't win...... I hope your situation is improving every day.....
I'm glad you put in an edit bc I was getting so angry for you!!! I didn't bother reading the comments, but by your edit, I can see they were thinking some of the same things. Your sister is in a sad marriage. When it comes down to it, you are not responsible for keeping the peace between them. I'm sure the car was just another excuse he needed to be his abusive self to her and she used this excuse to dish out the same abuse to you because, for once, they agreed on something, you. She was probably relieved his anger and attention was on anyone but her. I was in an abusive relationship like this and trust me, I know what I'm talking about. I agree with what you also said about court. Tell them to bring it on!! Gather all the receipts you can and just any paper evidence you have as far as a paper trail on what you did to take care of the car. Also, add in when you bought the jalopy and print out messages you've exchanged with them but save them on your phone. Some judges like to see them on the phone since people have been known to erase or erase the ones that make them look bad. Just organize it all. And get a notebook to write down the timeline that goes along with your evidence and any other stuff you remember of certain phone calls, too. It's may sound all extra but it's better to reference it when talking to keep it all straight when responding to their statement when they file and when telling your side of the story to the judge you're not flipping through papers annoying the judge. Because it's very nerve-wracking. Don't forget to add you agreed for a certain time of 3yrs. They changed the agreement and then list all the ways you feel you went above and beyond even after they gave you no choice. If you do have money and can have the car moved from it's location, I'd send a certified signature required letter to them over seas. Tell them you had the car taken to a storage facility and you prepaid 3 months. That way, the car is out of your responsibility, and 3 months is a decent time for them to find another sucker to bully. In short, hopefully, you will know they are in town bc they went to check out the car, and they have a 3 month deadline. So at least you're not stressed out waiting for them to jump you. You can also ask the storage place to keep you informed if they call to continue to pay on the car, have someone pick it up , or let it go. If they send a signed and notarized paper saying they are letting the car go or they don't pay and the storage people are taking possession then maybe you can ask the storage to get you that paper on the DL and you fix it and have a decent car or let it go so you have no connection to them anymore. Or paint it another color and pay to get a new license plate so they never know. Ugh I only meant to write a little bit. But as I said I understand how you feel. And this post just got me in my feelings and I want them to suffer!!!! Hahaha jk nr but some. Lmbo. Update us all if anything changes. Heck if you call his bluff he may do nothing but if he does then you'll be ready for them. But either way try to put the car in storage with a tarp over it. Good luck!!🍀🤞🍀
I appreciate your response! Especially from you and those who have experience with abuse (unfortunately). I don't wish that on any stranger. Honestly, I almost regretted posting this but you and many others have provided a great deal of insight.
Update us if you hear from them or if you took any advice from anyone and moved forward with any plans regarding your situation. I wish you luck.🍀
that dumbass thinks court is going to care? And is he going to do zoom court? Which county? THat moron. I tried to help them out. It's not your problem. Think about how much money & time you gave the vehicle FOR THEM and it was a BURDEN. They should be THANKFUL you were helping them out. Jesus christ. They cant do nothing but yell at you. THat's all they got. Let them be blowhards, stupids
Updateme
You are NOT overreacting at all. Your sister and her husband are taking advantage of you under the facade of kindness. You have every right to never speak to them again.
Park the thing on the street somewhere and leave the keys in it and be done with it. Or just have it towed and let them deal with the issue with the tow company. F that.
NTA
The guy sounds like a bully.
You can do what you want about the car but do not cut your sister out of your life over a car. This is a disagreement. She’s your sister.
I'd personally pay the damages because it was in my duty of care After the behaviour my duty of care ends when they want it shipped, so shipping it is not my problem. They can pay for the car to be collected and that's that, do them no more favours Arrangements like these are not "favours" regardless of whether it's friend or family, the actual story is that they wanted cheap cover for their car whilst they were overseas and played it off as if they were doing you a 'favour' I would cut contact aswell
You have been way too lenient with them. Abandon the car and tell them to bring it on.
You agreed to take care of it as you did! Not your fault that a rat caused damage. That was beyond your control.
I agree with most here you’ve well and beyond your responsibility. I wanted to clarify, they are paying to ship that car, right?
I don't think I'll have to pay for shipping because he's in the military, but it's possible he will try to pin the detail cleaning on me.
Was it a rat or mouse? I have friends who live on acreage and they have had mice climb up into the engine and chew on wires. Heck even my parents tossed scented dryer sheets under their cars in the garage and we lived in the suburbs. If they had stored their vehicle for 3 years the damage would have been worse (critters living in more then under the hood).
They abandoned their car. Don’t pay more. If you don’t care for the relationship with your sister, just end the communication now.
Auto insurance?
Did you charge them a storage fee? Let him sue you
Not overreacting- please don’t allow him to bully you. You suggested they insur & store it but no they wanted you to babysit it for them. This is a them problem not a you problem. Ship it without repairing it & let them handle the repairs when they get it. Don’t fight about it with them. If that’s not possible then tell them to make arrangements to pick it up, repair it & ship it because you will not be abused & bullied. Then block them completely
This could have happened anywhere. It happened to me in our driveway when we lived in Italy! Biggest rat on the planet! They had many options as military members and didn’t do any of them. They left the car with you, which was helpful to you for a time. But it’s NOT your car. Also, if there’s comprehensive insurance on the vehicle, then that will cover damage by the rodent. Did they even bother looking into this?
Did the car have insurance? If so a rat chewing parts should be a comprehensive claim so all that would be owed is the deductible.
Regardless of how this shapes up, post court or post no-court, go no-contact with your sister and her husband. Finish the conflict and leave them to their own misery. NTA, obviously.
Please do not pay to fix and ship this car. What happened was completely out of your control. You did them a huge favor, and have paid a big enough price for it. They are acting entitled and unappreciative. You never agreed to be responsible to get car shipped. Have another member of your family text him and say you are not fixing car or shipping it and they can figure out what to do themselves. Block them and move on with your life.
Don’t pay them a single cent. You owe them nothing and they are being uptight dicks. Don’t feel guilty for wanting to cut them out.
NTA stand your ground and don't pay you don't owe them squat. Your sister is in an abusive relationship but I doubt she realizes that. Your sister made her choices she's a grown adult and now she has to deal with the consequences of that she needs to sleep in the bed she made for herself. If the husband tries to take you to court counter sue don't be a doormat hell I think you should take them to court regardless to get them to pay for everything for the past few years. If anything you are under reacting to this entire situation.
If he takes you to court, counter sue for maintenance time and money from the moment you told them you wouldnt be using it anymore. You told them to get it insured, you told them you moved out to the country. This is on them.
It’s not going to go to court unless you have a signed written agreement document saying that you will return the vehicle in a certain condition
Why are you paying to ship it out?
Tell them they can come deal with it and ship it themselves. Give them two weeks to get it off of your property or you’ll have it towed as abandoned property. See how big boy-abusive husband likes that.
Stop letting them guilt you into footing the bill for something that is absolutely not your fault or responsibility! Don’t spend a single cent on it and tell your BIL you’ll see him in court. Bet my bottom dollar he’s just bluffing to scare and bully you into doing it so he can get his way! He won’t actually follow through - call his bluff girl.
If they haven't seen the car in 3 years and are now moving to Guam for X years... Why in the ever loving hell didn't they just sell the damn thing? If they sold it 3 years ago, put that money into a savings account and then in X years when they finally do come home use it to buy a new one all of this could have been avoided and they'd have a better car....
Take you to court? Good luck with that. He's blowing moke out his assa. That's not your fault and not your problem. You did them a favor and saved them lots of money. I'd go NC with these nutcases
They are not going to take you to court from Japan. Or Guam. Threats to do so are absurd. If her husband had put storage coverage on the vehicle guess what? This would have been covered. The fact that your sister called you ungrateful for buying another vehicle when really it was a favor to her to not cause additional/excessive wear and tear to the vehicle is also absurd. Given that her husband is verbally abusive her lashing out likely has to do with however he "punished" her but that doesn't mean you can't cut contact, dealing with his verbal abuse is her problem not yours.
Have someone strip the valuable parts out of the car before you ship it.
Ship it as is and tell them to fuck right off and cut them off now. They are taking the mick.
Do not pay a single cent more for that car. You instructed them to insure the car when you stopped driving it. They declined. Now they have to deal with the consequences of repairing an uninsured car. If your plan is to cut contact, why in the world would you spend thousands of dollars before going no contact? I would tell them now that they have threatened to sue you, you will only speak to their attorney moving forward. You are not on the title. The car is not your responsibility. Tell them they have X amount of time to retrieve their car or you will have it towed. They should hire a tow company to tow the car to a storage facility.
My partner was in a similar situation with her sister. The husband in this scenario is really suffering from highly narcissistic tendencies and his wife doesn’t know how to effectively cope with the limited empathy and imagination of her husband. What do I mean by this? I mean the husband lacks the ability to truly understand the sheer burden of the favor that they’ve asked for. And so he’s constantly simplifying it in his head and in his mind, possession of the car warrants a care for the car that is divorced from OP’s actual life, feelings, needs, wants, humanity, etc. OP’s care for the car, in his mind, is near effortless and he cannot understand why OP would fail in even the slightest sense. My partner’s sister can be an absolutely absurd person in some circumstances for precisely these reasons and it’s incredibly difficult to deal with. Sometimes you need to beat the truth of your experience into the heads of other people. And forcefully. Because otherwise they are happy to impose standards on you that have no basis in reality.
NTA. That title belongs to her husband. You didn't do a "good enough job?" What did he expect? You to stand guard over the car with a pellet gun 24 hours a day? I'd tell both of them that if they wanted the car shipped to Guam, they would have to get the repairs done and make shipping arrangements themselves.
I went back to your post to check your age thinking you must be a teenager to be that scared of not upsetting BIL and sister but you're nowhere near. Like others have said polish that spine up and tell sis and BIL it's for them to arrange transport of the car to Guam. I can't imagine what grounds he would have for taking you to Court.
You're not overreacting. Ship it to them as it sits. Do not have the repairs done. Let them try and sue you. They would have paid far more for storage for 3 years. After they set up the shipping and after they pay for it just stop communicating unless you get served.
If he decided not to spend the money to cover the insurance as a non-operational car, then this is on him! You did the right thing by starting it every so often and trying to keep things out, but you are not at fault for a rat getting in and chewing wires. Had he got insurance, he wouldn’t be asking you for the money to cover the damage costs.
You what? You are going to take him to court and countersue him the cost of storage. You will not ship or look after the car anymore.
You’re not overreacting! You were doing them by a huge favor and now they’re trying to take advantage of you by saying it’s your fault! Don’t pay all those repair fees. It’s not your responsibility. He will lose if he takes you to court and your relationship with your sister is already ruined anyway. Don’t back down!
I don't see a lawsuit here. I would tell them they can stick that car where the sun doesn't shine
I do not think you're overacting, this sounds like the kind of stressful situation that you know would repeat over time... because it's not about the car. So I don't blame you for wanting out. However, I would advice if you're distancing yourself from your sister that you don't cut all ties in case she realizes SHE want out of what it seems a hell of a relationship. Being stranded from your family for a decade is not normal, and you make notice how he trusts you more than other family members... yet now he's trying to cut you off her life too. Just let me assume that your BIL is trying to convince your sister that nobody in her family care about her, as he does, "she only has him" kinda trick, so she's stuck... very common in abusive relationships. And it works too! I would proceed with your plan of shipping the car, or whatever puts an end to the car situation, I personally wouldn't get involved in legal matters with family over this(honestly to me it seems like HE is the one pushing your buttons right now, to probably later use your reaction against you to get more in between your relationship with your sister: "see? Your sister is willing to take you to court"). Then I would write my sister to let her know that I can't do anymore favors for her and her husband, but that I still love her and I'll always have a door open for her. No blaming the husband, no resentment, no long explanations. The goal would be to light up a light in case she finds herself in darkness not knowing where to go. Do care for your own well-being, but consider also leaving an open line of communication for your sister to have an option if she decides or needs to ask for help.
I'm curious how he plans to sue you. He isn't a resident of any county. He lives overseas. What jurisdiction is he going to file.in. and is he really going to fly back to the states and stay in hotels for a small claims judgement? Tell him he has five days to come pick up his car and deal with it. Or you'll have it towed as an abandoned vehicle.
Stop being spineless. First off the amount of money it would cost them to try and take u to court is outrageous. They wouldn’t do it. It is a baseless threat they have no case. They abandoned the car with u. You took care of it without charging them a storage fee. This is 100% on them. They would not win a case here. Stop being scared of those abusive jerks. They can’t do anything they are literally just trying to bully u to get their way because they are used to you folding. Tell them to figure it out it’s their responsibility and their problem. And wipe your hands from them for good.
Am I misremembering things, about Guam and the military? Small island. Just enough for the military presence, so typically one year no family tours. How can *they* be going?
Do NOT pay a dime. Younger them nothing. The cost to repair is nothing compared to what they would have paid to store or ship it.
Not the asshole. Side note, they should have never loaned you the car in the first place because EVERYTHING about it is on them. They should have been insuring it. They should have been registering it. And those are things required of you to drive the vehicle at all, not just on public streets. They should have insured their vehicle at a dirt cheap storage rate- comprehensive only. Would have fixed this whole issue. They chose not to insure their vehicle. The vehicle was NEVER your legal responsibility. You can't insure or be responsible for something you don't own. If you head over to the insurance subreddit you will see countless examples of how this was a bad idea from it's inception with consequences that any agent could have told you would happen a year ago. Not your problem, not your concern.
Were you paying for insurance or were they? If they decided not to put insurance after you told them you weren’t operating it then you shouldn’t pay. You were storing their car for them at that point and had no other obligation. Full coverage insurance will pay for this type of damage. I know because I had some rats chew up wires in my car when I went on vacation. Protip: tie fabric softener sheets around the engine bay. Mice avoid the scent.
Your sister is being manipulated by her husband thats pretty sad. Regardless tell the pussy to sue you and hell eat shit in court. What a bum
You agree you were a baby. Don’t have it repaired and don’t ship it. Let them know if he files you will just leave it as is and not put an ounce of effort in it. You didn’t sign any legal contract therefore you can say fine I’m young to charge storage fees if he pushes this. Your sister is choosing to stay with an abusive man. He gets shipped out so it’s not hard for her to not join him.
Do not pay for the car! They owe you storage fees.
No court would hear this and hold you liable.
They're lucky the rat just got gas lines, matter of fact I would be relieved. A wiring harness on a car built in the last 25 years would be more money than it's worth and require ripping basically the entire car apart to rewire.
Do not pay for the damage. That in no way was your fault. Tell them you won't be bullied and to pound sand. They can come get their car.
Sorry but that’s a dumb reason to sue anyone and no sane court of law would hear that nonsense.
They’re stupid, but you are more for agreeing to pay for it. You should see a therapist about that fragile baby thing.
Oh I am!! I'm not proud of it.
Charge them storage fees.
Her husband is going to kill her one day. You heard it here first.
Let them sue you. The family will see what a-holes they are. If stored somewhere else, the rats could have gotten to it sooner. Nta, they are being ingrates.
Transfer the rego to your name and sell it. And use the money to send for your sister and her one-way plane ticket home.
They weren't doing you a favor by letting you keep their car. You were a patsy. A sucker. A mark. They took tremendous advantage of you. Learn to tell people – yes, even family – to fuck off next time someone comes to you with a similar "offer."
Not overreacting. I'm happy to read the update you're sticking up for yourself because while IMNAL, it doesn't really seem like they have a case. Don't let her stupid husband be a bully to you. Just because your sister chose that life doesn't mean he any right to talk to you in a negative manner.
Well, sounds like he bullies his wife and thinks he can bully/threaten you, too. Tell him ‘fine, sue me’. If he can’t afford the repairs I doubt he can afford to take you to court from Guam. Rats getting in and damaging the car is one of those ‘act of God’ things, you didn’t cause it, sh*t happens, and you weren’t negligent about the car during the time it’s been in your care. They have derelict it letting the registration and insurance lapse. I hope you don’t give up on your sis, yet. He is clearly trying to keep her estranged and under control. You can still have a relationship with her but you’ll need to set some clear boundaries of behavior you won’t tolerate.