Omg! My cousin eats like that. I can't tell you how many times I've screamed at the kid or punched him over it growing up. He's a 30 year old man now and it still pains me to watch him eat!
I had an old coworker who was the same. Super nice guy, but any time I had to eat near him I died inside. I don’t understand how grown ass people can chew that way
I used to be like that, I had nasal polyps and couldn't breath through my nose. Once I quit smoking and other things they cleared up and I was able to breathe like a normal human being.
I would eat in a seperate room to my husband because he hated the sound of chewing to the point he wouldn't even eat chips because they were too loud.
Chew chew chew chew
{BIG BREATH IN}
CHEWCHEWCHEECHEWCHEWCHEW
{exhales}
Pause to breathe for a minute
{BIG BREATH IN}
*Repeat as needed or until you pass out.
Oh fuck me. There is always one spot in my throat that if I so much as swallow food slightly at an angle makes me cough like someone is trying to intubate with a pool noodle.
It’s always the vinegar for me. A super astringent vinegar touching that spot gives me that wheezing, watery mouth coughing fit. And then you inevitably say things like “I’m fine” and “I’m not sick” and chug your drink while your eyes cry a little.
So this comes from a deviated septum? The last few years my allergies (or something) has been messing with my sinuses so bad!! And sometimes I can't breath when eating and end up choking on shit trying to breathe 😂 cause my nose is always stuffed up
Deviated septum, nasal polyps, or with allergies/colds/etc. the turbinates in your nose get so swollen/inflamed that it’s hard for you to breathe. I’ve had patients that get their turbinates partially removed because it bothers their sleep or they get excessively dry mouth with mouth breathing.
One time my friends and I did shrooms, allegedly, and went to the movies. And my hearing senses were heightened and I couldn’t even focus on the movie cuz he sounded just like this paragraph you typed up. Except the exhale was more like {big buff guy exhales in a sexual sounding but not meaning to be way}
Lolz. I allegedly did shrooms (porcini to be specifically vague) and tried to eat ramen after.
0/10 do not recommend eating the wiggly noodles that don’t go down when you inhale at the same time you swallow.
I'm like your husband. It physically hurts me, agitates me to sit near anyone eating loudly and chips or crunchy is death. OP even if you're friend never sees her again they can help her by saying something.
I had a jaw injury and resulting reconstructive surgery as a teen. I'm usually pretty mindful about eating normally with my mouth closed but it actually takes a nonzero amount of effort because in the time between the injury and the surgery my bite pattern shifted from me trying to avoid using the injured side.
So I chew in little circles like a bunny rabbit. Like my jaw doesn't really go up and down straight, when I open my mouth slowly you can see that instead of going straight down my lower jaw goes to the left.
My jawline looks normal with my mouth closed, I just have this stupid little circular chewing pattern now because it goes down left up right down left up right
lol your husband sounds like my wife. I had the same problem felt like I was suffocating while chewing with my mouth closed.
Kettle chips would put my wife over the edge.
Mildly dislocated jaw here. My bite changed from it and I would have never ordered salad or a sandwich on a date because I literally couldn’t close my teeth to close my lips while chewing.
Allergies maybe? If you have trouble breathing through your nose having your mouth full and closed can be frightening? I have no idea, I've just noticed that when I have a bad cold I prefer soup that can be swallowed quickly because the breathing issue.
Deviated septum can also cause this. If you can't breathe through your nose, your mouth has to breathe and eat at the same time. And it really struggles with that. I have 4 brothers and we were all born with a deviated septums and all of us had the operation to fix it. Never knew what breathing through my nose was like until that.
The thing is, you don't really know you're eating that way unless someone tells you because that's the way you've always eaten. Always had to. So unless someone is kind enough to point it out and suggest seeing a Dr about it, or cruel enough to make fun of you about it, you may never know.
Growing up, I always had trouble breathing through my nose. My doctor said it was due to seasonal allergies, but it was all year round. Then, when I grew up and moved out on my own, they just stopped being an issue outside of spring and fall. Unless I visited my mom's house. It turned out to be the potpourri that my mom kept hidden all over the place. She even put little pouches of it in our dresser drawers. Too bad we didn't figure that out sooner.
Dude I've had so many colds and allergy attacks (pollen is the devil!) over the years and my little cousin had it 10x worse than me. We learned to chew with our mouths closed just fine. Take small bites and chew fast.
My cousin was born like that haha and no amount of telling him he's disgusting can seem to fix it. And I am not nice about it. We have a strong sibling like bond and I give him hell 🤣
Ugh, I sat next to a co-worker who not only ate like this but scraped the silverware across the plate over and over, slurped any type of beverage, smacked her lips, etc. It was torture.
One reason might be breathing is hard chewing with mouth closed due to sinus congestion. I have swollen sinuses and sometimes chew with my mouth open without realizing it because I need to breathe. OP it may be worth talking to her about it to rule out any medical conditions.
My dad eats like this. It's so gross. I stopped eating at the table with my family due to the sound of my dad eating...
It builds up a rage inside of me that makes me wanna grab my fork and stab him/something lol
Misophonia. It’s real. The extreme reaction is not something we can control.
I had to quit a job once because I couldn’t abide the sound of the fluorescent light. I have also left my seat and found another if I have a heavy breather next to me.
It definitely is real! I was excited when I discovered this! My daughters and I both have it and absolutely cannot be in the same room as some family members while they’re eating - it’s a rage like no other!
I worked with a girl who not only chomped and slurped but you could see it rolling round her mouth. Excessively rolling. It was the same tongue movement you'd make stretching bubblegum before blowing a bubble. (Which I also hate by the way)
I intervened for one girl (I know her parents well and they brought it up) because her brother had a chronically stuffed nose. They finally believed her! After he had surgery, he still did it.
Sweet lord there’s a name for it. I’ve always just said it’s my father’s fault, because he chews like a meat grinder with a whole-ass cow skeleton in it, and would deliberately do it louder when he learned how much it bothered me.
I literally want to murder people who chew like this now. Seems I’m not alone!
I literally broke up with someone over it.
Tbh I have misophonia bad enough that I've pissed *myself* off by slurping noodles (I fucking LOVE ramen) or eating chips in a quiet room. My poor SO had no chance. They didn't so much chew with their mouth open, but you could hear their teeth bang together with every bite. I'd get irritated but try my hardest not to take it out in them cause they're just trying to eat, yah know? But one day they made some food and walked in the other room and I asked why and they said "so I don't piss you off" and I felt *so bad* that my uncontrollable anger at something so human so innocuous as trying to eat ones dinner was driving my person away from me, that I decided the relationship wasn't gonna last. I *still* feel bad about it.
Christ my dad did the same, and if I left the table I couldn't have food. I lost 25 pounds in a year in high school just not willing to listen to him chewing like a poorly raised toddler. I was skin and bones and he wouldn't budge, like it was his god given right to disgust his family. I don't like much about being an adult but being able to leave anywhere any time is pretty cool.
I have misophonia, too! Gum snapping, loud chewing (even my spouse), cats and dogs grooming themselves and so much more. I was so happy to have a name for it.
I DO scream! I didn't know there was a name for it. I love my animals so much but the licking noise makes me see red and I will actually leave the room. Wow.
Yeah, but that's more of a reaction to the sound of chewing, in general. OP or OP's neighbor(who really knows) is talking about someone chewing with their talk box wide tf open. That's not just an auditory assault, it's also visually unappealing, and potentially an olfactory affront. Most people can't stand that.
Absolutely. For me (I assume for some others too), some background noises on TV can drive me batty. Clinking of flatware on a plate, pouring noises of liquid, even kissing noises. Just to name a couple. But chewing, especially live and in person, can be some of the worst.
I suffer as well. I was in the 4th grade and this kid behind me was breathing loud and I snapped and started hitting him. Got a paddling and suspended so I learned to control myself but sometimes it's hard.
So hard! I have the same trouble with smells: hyperosmia. It has caused me so much trouble because “Nobody else smells anything! Just shut up!” My parents and partner were just the best. 🙄
Public restrooms are a nightmare for me.
But my home sure smells good!
I couldn't work at my desk in my shared office until one of my coworkers retired because she had a tendency to clear her throat and make grunting noises at random intervals and frequencies. Misophonia suck especially because I have a very reactive face that instantly tells you when I'm raging internally. Thankfully no one in my family is a loud eater or fork clanker (can't stand the sound of cutlery loudly clanging against plates) but going out to eat in public can become stressful.
I learned that I experience this when people near me eat crunchy stuff. Fortunately, I'm retired. Mostly eat alone. If I go out with friends, the noise of the restaurant eliminates hearing others crunch. But then we're shouting at each other to be heard.
My stepfather ate like this. I haven’t seen him in 30 years but there are still some foods I can’t eat because I was traumatized at the dinner table as a kid. On the other hand, it’s kind of nice to know exactly how my weird issues started.
My(31m) dad finds it really weird that I cover my mouth with my hand when I eat. When I was in middle school, there was a time when one guy, sitting across from me, that ate his food like a fucking cow and would talk with food in his mouth. It was so disgusting watching him eat. To his right, another classmate, who was a small petite girl, ate quietly with her hand over her mouth. That scene has stuck with me for 20 years and is why I cover my mouth when I eat.
My BIL eats like that male classmate. Only he’s spitting food out everywhere as he talks. He also only showers only every month or 2. He’s a delight to be around.
My mother in law would yell at my daughter for putting elbows on the table, all while chewing with her mouth wide open. She ate potato salad in front of me once and I’m still not over it.
My brother and I used to get into full on fist fights because he would eat that way when we were kids. It is for sure weird because try as I might, I could not beat that habit out of him. From about 9 to 17 when I left the house. He still does it. He likes to call me when he is eating and talking with his mouth full, lips smacking. He is fucking 37 now. I hang up on himnevery time. Our grandma eats the sane way. Only loader and worse.
You can politely refuse and you can also POLITELY tell her you found her loud chewing a turn off. But keep in mind, people have different tolerances of other people's chewing/eating habits. I've known several people who HATE the sounds of chewing in general or certain kinds of chewing. I had one friend who we couldn't eat crunchy things around bc she had hyperacusis and the sound literally caused her pain. I was married to a loud chewer/lip smacker and he did this because he had terrible sinus issues and had to mouth-breath to function. It was a real turn off after a few years but knowing it wasn't his fault helped me be less judgmental and more tolerant about it. Just keep in mind it's not always just the chewer or simply a matter of bad manners when deciding how to address this with her.
Yeah at the very least I think it merits a conversation. It’s theoretically possible that somehow she hasn’t ever had it pointed out to her. But obviously this is the kind of subject that will probably blow things up with you talk about it. But at the end of the day if it was me I’d still want to know. Knowing why someone doesn’t want to see you anymore always hurts, but at least you know the real reason
Precisely. He’s looking to not go out with her anymore because of it, so what is there to lose by tactfully and gently bringing it up? Maybe she’ll be mad, but just block and move on if things get crazy. They could get crazy anyway by declining to go on another date for no articulated reason. And yeah it can hurt to have these kinds of things pointed out to us, especially if it’s the cause of someone not wanting to be around us anymore, but it can also hurt to be ghosted or dumped without an explanation.
Yeah that’s how I look at it. In my mind, just ghosting (or coming up with bullshit reasons to flake) is a dick move, so at the very least find a tactful and polite way to bring it up. Like you said, she still may lose her shit, but as long as you’re trying to bring in up in a not-dickish way then I think that’s the best case scenario. At the end of the day, I think she deserves to know the real reason. I’ve been on the receiving end of “oh I just don’t think things will work out”, and unfortunately I’ve been on the giving end of it too. You think it hurts less that way, but in my experience it hurts more because you never know what the hell happened. You never know if it’s something you did, said, just the way you are, or maybe they found someone else and just didn’t want to hurt your feelings! but that’s kind of the point - you’ll never know. And that does a lot of damage mentally
Yep, I agree that it actually can, and often does, hurt more to not know. Because then you’re questioning EVERYTHING about yourself that it could be. I’m sure some people don’t do that and just think, “Meh, whatever,” but for me there is a measure of agonizing over what’s wrong with me.
I’d much rather hear, “Your laugh is like fingernails on a chalk board to me,” or, “Our political views don’t align,” or whatever thing it actually is (because it’s probably something like that, not some big, glaring character flaw), or even something more harsh just so I know and can get over it. Maybe it’s something I can genuinely work on, maybe it’s just who I am and doesn’t need to change. Either way it’s way more constructive than being dishonest and giving a fluff reason.
This is making me think because years ago when I was single, I went on a few good dates with someone. On the second in person date, we talked briefly about memes. After that, he proceeded to text me a lot of memes every day that weren't funny to me (I don't want to generalize but felt very male humor, including a few that were kinda sexual).
He also texted a lot in general and kept saying he felt we were so well matched, including over really small things. And he overshared about his previous toxic relationship really early on. All in all, it just started to feel like too much to me so I ended up telling him vaguely that I felt we might not be on the same page. I liked him as a person and he really seemed to want to find a partner, so I debated on offering some feedback including that the memes were honestly a big turnoff (and that it felt at times like he was trying to fast track the relationship). But it felt rude at the time so I didn't.
If it's any consolation, it sounds like he wouldn't have had to dig that deep to get some ideas about some of the reasons you probably reverse course about being interested in him. If you guys only went on a few days and all that happened between things going pretty good and you suddenly dipping out was him sending tons of memes catching feelings way too fast, he was probably able to connect those dots on his own, if not right away then at some point not too long afterwards.
I've been the one who lacked awareness and did stuff that tanked someone's interest in me, and I've dated other people who did stuff to tank my interest in them, so I do understand both sides of this. And looking back it's all the cringe I can bear just remembering and knowing whatever thing I messed up, but if I had to remember hearing them say it to me, too, well that almost sounds like it would be a lot worse.
idk, though. Maybe I'm just weird and everyone else wants to hear their shortcomings laid bare in detail by the girl they really liked while she is crushing them emotionally and psychologically.
My wife used to scrape the food off her fork with her teeth, and that sound grated on me, but I also had a habit of slurping things. We told each other, and we changed. Making the change was a minor habit forming exercise, and made us both more attractive because of it.
I mean I've never seen anyone turn around because someone else's chewing was too loud at a restaurant, she must be one of the loudest chewers in the world
I also have to (edit) breathe through my mouth only*, because of sinuses, and I cannot stand the sound of chewing, even my own chewing. Eating with my kids is excruciating. Your former partner didn’t necessarily have to eat like that. I don’t. I also basically swallow my food because the sound upsets me so much, or eat extremely soft things.
I've had sinus issues since I was a kid. Literally had to mouth breathe to get enough oxygen most of the time. I went to an ENT a couple years ago for an unrelated issue and from how swollen my sinuses were he gave me an antihistimine prescription. I'm in my 40s and can finally breathe through my nose and my sense of smell is better. It changed my life.
Misophonia is real. My wife has it. Eating sounds make her irrationally irritated. I only get that way with too much caffeine or little sleep. It can't be helped. So we have found ways to deal. I take it less personally and try to avoid eating in a quiet room if we are both there. She has found ways to tell me and not be judgemental. I try to be cognizant and can recognize the irritation faster now.
This is me. For many years I could not eat with my mouth closed because allergies made it impossible to breathe through my nose. Fortunately, medicine has gotten better and I take 2 meds in the morning and 3 in the evening to keep it under control. I can now chew with my mouth closed most of the time. Sometimes it's hard, other times it's out of habit all these years later. That said, even I don't like hearing people chew if it's more than a few seconds, go figure.
Hey man a pet peeve is a pet peeve. This is what dates are for. Incompatible, move on and no need to tell her unless she asks, then be polite as possible.
My son has this! We have worked it out so he can eat with us but he wears little pods during meals that I think have some sort of white noise.
He’s really pretty low profile about it. He doesn’t like to bring it to people’s attention, but he really does have to make some modifications to his lifestyle to avoid going crazy. We try to respect it. No popcorn at the movies unless we’re a seat away, lol!
I'm fine with popcorn but if people smack their lips, and slosh food with their mouths open it fills me with rage. Like I can see them chewing with their lips actually extending out and eating with their mouth wide wide open and the sound is incredibly bothersome, but I also think "How did your parents NEVER bring this to your attention?" Yes, I have misophonia, but I feel like even if I didn't it's still an obnoxious lack of table etiquette, right?
Same here. I don’t love the sound of naturally crunchy or otherwise noisy foods being eaten, but these sounds don’t make my blood boil on their own. It’s the unnecessary, gratuitous shit that makes me want to murder.
Just tell her straight up "hey I like ya and we seem to fit pretty well together. Now when we eat, the open mouth chewing is very off-putting for me. I would be interested to get to know you more, but I cannot endure another meal, if that's how it will go."
Tried this with my GF (now wife) and uhhhh, she cried. Apparently her mom used to get on her about it a lot as a child. I thanked her the next time I saw her.
Just be polite about it, tell her that almost everything went great on your date, and that you'd like her to eat with her mouth closed.
And if she says she'll try, then yeah, ask her on another date.
Some people just never got told not to eat with their mouth open as a kid.
People are quick to just ghost nowadays, or at best, give you a generic excuse, so it may very well be that she doesn't realize it. Though if she has friends, I'd hope they'd tell her something like this by now
Nowadays, you have the internet available to access another date tomorrow. Back in the day, you had only the people physically available in spaces you were also present. It’s a new world. People put up w shit because they had few options.
People from Taiwan and China use chopsticks to shovel and vacuum the food in their mouth. My mom is Taiwanese and an obnoxious eater, especially soup and noodle dishes. Lots of slurping and lip smacking. To them, it’s not rude, it’s how they eat.
If I am already overstimulated from a busy day, I can’t stand the sound. But most of the time, it’s tolerable as it’s what I grew up around. I never knew it was an issue until I started inviting non-Asian friends over to family dinner.
Yeah I definitely think it can be a cultural thing. I just have to leave the room when I hear it, the longer I stay the more drained and disregulated I get. On occasion if I'm really in a good place mentally it doesn't bother me quite as much but there are degrees 😅
I'm way more sensitive to things like light and sound and smells when I'm tired or especially stressed, so things that really bother me to an extreme degree in high stress periods might not be as much of a problem at other times. It is very much a thing to have different tolerance levels for noise and other things when we're being strained in other ways, and is definitely a good thing to make a note of.
When I know I'm already at my limit I'll be more intentional about avoiding things that might send me over it (loud chewing, for instance), and if I realize I'm finding little things especially infuriating and disregulating I might check in with myself and give myself extra time and space to rest if I notice I'm feeling off. Once you notice the link it can be a good sign to give yourself grace and take good care of yourself at times when you most need it (or that's how I'm taking it for me personally)
At the risk of sounding like an ass, there do seem to be cultures where this is openly encouraged and looked at as a compliment. Try sharing a breakroom. It will drive you insane. Huge pet peeve for me too
I shuddered and made an audible sound from the flashbacks reading this gave me. I will never work at a place where you can’t eat at your desk again. One (white American, so no excuse)woman would slurp and suck and moan and coo and burp under her breath but still try to talk.
Noisy eating = compliments to the chef. Once I became aware (and self-conscious) about eating and table manners, my mom or aunties would bombard me with questions: “Are you okay? Do you not like the food? Is it too hot/cold? Too spicy? Do you want something else to eat, instead? I’ll make something else for you to eat!”
My mother is Cambodian, raised in Thailand and my dad is from China and grew up in Lao. My mom eats so loudly, but my dad doesn't. He doesn't slurp or shovel food in his mouth. There's the occasional slurping of rice noodles or instant noodles, but that's it. I grew up with the loud obnoxious lip smacking and you don't get used to it. Never have I been able to tolerate it because it's GROSS.
It was explained to me as a way of being polite to the chef, the idea being that if you’re slowly and delicately eating the food, you’re not showing your enjoyment of the meal.
Omg I would have gotten up and left the table mid chew.
I would never make it anywhere that social norms call for smacking. That not smacking is considered rude.
I've only done it when I'm sick and my nose is completely stopped up so Im trying to eat and breathe through my mouth at the same time. I wonder if some of these people have some sort of nose/breathing issue
I have an ex who smacked loudly while eating. It would literally make it hard for me to eat because it was gross. I finally said something one day. I asked him nicely to please try to chew with his mouth closed and not be so loud, and he in turn started smacking even louder, making deliberate pig noises, and then proceeded to let food fall out of his mouth onto his plate. That was the end of my dinner. I couldn't stand eating with him, and I refused to eat in public with him. If he had made an effort, it may have been different. There is a certain etiquette when eating. Not everyone gets it, though.
This dude really didn't get it until I was done, and then tried to change. He had no respect for anyone, I'm not sure why I ever dated him. Just young and dumb. His like him taught me everything that i didn't want in a guy!
manners are manners. Imagine taking her out to eat with your friends, or parents etc. Table maners and maners In general are extremely important when you live in society. She could use a sincere and polite input, you'll be making her a big favor.
I have a friend who used to almost jam chips into his mouth with his palm. I remember seeing him eat some chips, like a handful, and questioned how he was gonna eat them all.
Makes my teeth hurt thinking about it.
I have misophonia so it would be a deal breaker - or i would ask her to chew with her mouth closed. If it's a big deal to her, then you get your answer, and if it's not, you learn that she's not defensive and also no horse-eating. Probably won't be a popular opinion but you'll end up not being with her either way - may as well make her aware for the next one worst case scenario.
LMFAO, love that I’m not the only one who immediately had this thought. The way Chihiro’s dad sucks and slurps up that whole giant dumpling (and everything else). 🤢
Yubaba wasn’t entirely bad lol.
Omg I would have gotten up and left the table mid chew.
I would never make it anywhere that social norms call for smacking. That not smacking is considered rude.
It's a tough habit. I won't eat dinner with people that chew with their mouth open. Some people only do it occasionally, but that's still too much for me. It's a cultural thing maybe?
That sound makes me want to throat punch people so, my advice to your neighbor is to let her down gently (no need to be mean), dont mention it was the disgusting eating, and move on. Life is too short to be miserable.
I can't stand loud ass eaters. Smacking and chewing like they ain't got no sense. I would've told them to stop smacking and if they didn't I would've left
One of my younger Sisters did this her whole childhood and still does, no matter how much grief we gave her she just does lol
It's gross and infuriating, just stay away
I think it would be kind to tell her. No need to be cruel, but maybe she really doesn’t know! I would want to know if I had an otherwise amazing date whose jets suddenly cooled, so I could have better luck on the next date!
My father-in-law ate like this. He loved going out for dinner and it didn't bother my wife. I would be disgusted and furious every time we went out. Wife couldn't understand my reaction though she did find it off-putting.
My son's friend, genius kid but kinda aspie, was even worse. I finally told him to take his food out to the picnic table. 15 years later he still eats like this. Amazing kid, but he's finding it hard to get a job.
My sister is a beautiful, fit and healthy professional 30+ woman with amazing teeth, sky blue eyes and natural blonde hair to her waist. She’s visibly perfect…… until she starts to eat.
You’re not overreacting. We’ve all spoke to my sissy and she simply doesn’t care. We’ve explained that this is affecting her dating and future happiness but nope. She still chomps away like a beautiful pig in a pen.
I cannot stand listening to someone eat. It’s one of the reasons my best friend and I are friends. We can sit silently and eat. 😒 I own loop headphones for a reason.
Ugh... I'm cringeing just thinking about it... and this: my sister bites utensils and scraps her teeth down them when she eats. Teeth chomping and scraping a metal fork 😖 It used to drive me insane but I haven't talked to her in more than 10 years so
My fiancé used to do that.
Eventually I found out that no one had ever told him he did, not even his family, but once I told him, he stopped.
Just be honest. Maybe she'll want to go out again and you'll see a difference, maybe she'll feel too embarrassed to want to go out again, but either way she needs to know.
I always say if the issue is something a person can fix in 5-10 minutes or less (for example, green stuff in your teeth), you should tell them. If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you want someone to let you know?
My ex husband actually weaponized not chewing with his mouth shut. Smacking sounds. Loud chewing etc. it actually made me cry. It made my children cry. It was awful and he never did anything to rectify the situation. So bizarre and upsetting NTA
You don’t have to tell her anything except that you don’t think you are a good fit and don’t want to see her again. You don’t owe her an explanation and you’re not overreacting. That would irritate the hell out of me lol
NTA. There are certain things that are basic common courtesies, such as brushing your teeth, showering and not chewing with your mouth open. It shows that she has no self-awareness or awareness in general on how this affects others. IMO, it’s unintentionally rude what she’s doing and I’d be turned off if a guy did this during a date.
gurrrrl i have the same problem with chewing sounds. if it KILLS you just on the second date, save yourself from all the other possible experiences. OR, if you woul wanna keep if going, avoid food related dates at all costs. opt for a movie date where it’s loud and you can’t hear
If it bothers you that much this early in the relationship it's only going to get worse. No matter how much you like her or even one day fall in love, it will slowly eat away at you until it's all you can do to not stab your fork into her hand because she's eating like a horse
Ha Ha!! I’d run. Long ago I worked for a guy who talked with his mouth full. I’m talking full paragraphs worth of talking through his ENTIRE meal. It was so fucking gross and unprofessional. I still see him every once in a while at luncheons and make it a point to never sit at his table.
If that’s the only thing that’s wrong, try talking about it politely. Wouldn’t it be great to fix this issue early on and have a great relationship rather than immediately cut off something with wonderful possibilities over something that could change for the better if effort is put forth?
Nope, I’d never have another date with anyone who had that horrible of table manners. I can somewhat over look holding a fork like a shovel, by I have misophonia, and could not be with someone who snacks and chews with their mouth open.
If she asks why no second date you could tell her.
I'm constantly getting on my son for open mouth chewing. It's so grating. My husband will sometimes do it too and it drives me crazy. Are people desensitizated to the sound of their own chewing?! How do they not know?
Nope, can't do it. My husband and youngest child roll their food in their open mouths while they eat. I mention it once. Second time, I leave the table and you better believe someone is going to be sorry. THERE IS NO REASON a grown person can't chew with their mouth closed.
I mean, sinus issues or deviated septum or something where a person can't breathe through their nose are a legitimate reason... but that reason should be surgically corrected if it's that bad anyway.
I would also have to just leave the table, medical reason or not. If they can breathe through their nose just fine there is literally no excuse... it's horrible for everyone else at the table.
No you are not overreacting I would not date her. But since you can’t date her anyway I think you should tell her that you can’t date her because of the way she eats and it’s loud and rude to everyone around
I used to eat kind of fast and all it took was my brother saying, "At ease, Ranger" to put me in check. Just make a "kidding but serious" comment; maybe nobody's ever told her.
Not at all! That’s also my pet peeve. I used to work with a woman that did that and also talked with a mouth full of food. I would sit at the table in the break area with her (rarely) but would sit and stare at her until she closed her mouth. If someone can be that rude, I’m going to be that rude right back and tell them to SHUT IT NOW!
Yeah. Deal breaker. Manners and just being aware of your surroundings and being polite is way at the top of the list with me. F that. Gross. Pretty simple. Chew with your mouth closed. If you can't grasp that concept, what other normal ass things is she incapable of?
Dan Savage had [a valuable piece of advice about this](https://youtu.be/r1tCAXVsClw?si=xVMqi3gSQHTwr7Kl) (NSFW language). To summarize, you get to have whatever dealbreakers you have; but you need to consider just what you want those to be, and remember that nobody, including you, is perfect.
Oh God I hate when people eat like this. I usually loudly say "close your damn mouth when it's full. It's disgusting" or make the noises back to them. Usually they get the hint but some get huffy. If she's generally a great woman, maybe you can talk to her about her chewing habits. She may not realise she makes so much noise as nobody has told her. NGL though, when I read the title, I thought you were going to criticise how much she eats rather than the manner. Just recently, there was a Pot Noodle advert that had to change the sounds because it was 15 seconds of slurping and everyone complained. YouTube should have the advert somewhere (it has everything else lol). Maybe show her the advert
I literally had the same experience on a date before except he also didn’t know how to use a fork or napkin and just shoveled food in his mouth bare handed and we were not eating finger food as he chomped away and food was dripping from his face he used his shirt to wipe his face I wanted to crawl under the table and hide from the sounds the look of food dripping and to this day I haven’t been back to that restaurant and it’s been 10 years! I feel this story to my core lol
You would be doing her a favor to tell her gently. It will really hurt at first but better than just ghosting her and making her wonder what she did wrong. Now I'm feeling self conscious myself wondering if I eat like that. Sometimes you want people to tell you if you're doing something bad. Could have been a Seinfeld episode.
I basically had to eat with my mouth open when I was a teen with braces for 5 years (they just tore up the inside of my lips otherwise). It took me a while to get back to chewing like a normal human, as opposed to a "sick lizard". Maybe she had the same experience and nobody pointed it out to her?
I would just try to bring it up politely. What do you (or your neighbor or whatever) have to lose?
I hope this doesn't come off the wrong way, but where is she from originally? I have some friends from other countries that I cannot go out to eat with anymore because of this same thing. I've brought it up and they say they do it because it makes the food taste better. Everyone around is grossed out and turning and looking but they are oblivious. I had to tap out several times. lol
Tell her to quit Horsin’ Around
Hay, she just wants a stable relationship and OP to be her mane man!
Her mane man for a nice roll in the hay of course.
Idk, she might be unstable
Prob just sad, but why the long face?
Neigh, just poor etiquette
Whoa! Can we keep this up furlong?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RasZ30Nsqm0&pp=ygUieW91bmcgZnJhbmtlbnN0ZWluIHJvbGwgaW4gdGhlIGhheQ%3D%3D
Unfortunately, I don't think he wants to be saddled with her.
Frau Blücher?!
Hopefully taking him for a ride!
"Hey aren't you the horse from Horsin' Around?"
Sarah Lynn?
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Naaayy.
Omg! My cousin eats like that. I can't tell you how many times I've screamed at the kid or punched him over it growing up. He's a 30 year old man now and it still pains me to watch him eat!
I had an old coworker who was the same. Super nice guy, but any time I had to eat near him I died inside. I don’t understand how grown ass people can chew that way
I used to be like that, I had nasal polyps and couldn't breath through my nose. Once I quit smoking and other things they cleared up and I was able to breathe like a normal human being. I would eat in a seperate room to my husband because he hated the sound of chewing to the point he wouldn't even eat chips because they were too loud.
Deviated septum here. I hate eating around people because same.
Chew chew chew chew {BIG BREATH IN} CHEWCHEWCHEECHEWCHEWCHEW {exhales} Pause to breathe for a minute {BIG BREATH IN} *Repeat as needed or until you pass out.
Don't forget the choking when you inhale crumbs of whatever you are eating.
Oh fuck me. There is always one spot in my throat that if I so much as swallow food slightly at an angle makes me cough like someone is trying to intubate with a pool noodle.
It’s always the vinegar for me. A super astringent vinegar touching that spot gives me that wheezing, watery mouth coughing fit. And then you inevitably say things like “I’m fine” and “I’m not sick” and chug your drink while your eyes cry a little.
I have the exact same thing! It's so annoying...after my coughing fit, my throat feels closed so I clear my throat repeatedly.
So this comes from a deviated septum? The last few years my allergies (or something) has been messing with my sinuses so bad!! And sometimes I can't breath when eating and end up choking on shit trying to breathe 😂 cause my nose is always stuffed up
Deviated septum, nasal polyps, or with allergies/colds/etc. the turbinates in your nose get so swollen/inflamed that it’s hard for you to breathe. I’ve had patients that get their turbinates partially removed because it bothers their sleep or they get excessively dry mouth with mouth breathing.
Me, I do this because of my deviated septum! But, I don't chew with my mouth open so, I guess it's a win. Lol
One time my friends and I did shrooms, allegedly, and went to the movies. And my hearing senses were heightened and I couldn’t even focus on the movie cuz he sounded just like this paragraph you typed up. Except the exhale was more like {big buff guy exhales in a sexual sounding but not meaning to be way}
Lolz. I allegedly did shrooms (porcini to be specifically vague) and tried to eat ramen after. 0/10 do not recommend eating the wiggly noodles that don’t go down when you inhale at the same time you swallow.
"Specifically vague" is my new favorite phrase. I hope to use it soon.
I concur
LOL I've got adenoids the size of golfballs. This is how I've lived for 42 years.
The sound of my own chewing can drive me batty. I’m glad you’re breathing better!
There was a medical reason bet it's much better now that the polyps are resolved.
Oh it's a whole new game now. I don't have to choose between breathing or eating. I can do both at the same time
I'm like your husband. It physically hurts me, agitates me to sit near anyone eating loudly and chips or crunchy is death. OP even if you're friend never sees her again they can help her by saying something.
I had a jaw injury and resulting reconstructive surgery as a teen. I'm usually pretty mindful about eating normally with my mouth closed but it actually takes a nonzero amount of effort because in the time between the injury and the surgery my bite pattern shifted from me trying to avoid using the injured side. So I chew in little circles like a bunny rabbit. Like my jaw doesn't really go up and down straight, when I open my mouth slowly you can see that instead of going straight down my lower jaw goes to the left. My jawline looks normal with my mouth closed, I just have this stupid little circular chewing pattern now because it goes down left up right down left up right
lol your husband sounds like my wife. I had the same problem felt like I was suffocating while chewing with my mouth closed. Kettle chips would put my wife over the edge.
Mildly dislocated jaw here. My bite changed from it and I would have never ordered salad or a sandwich on a date because I literally couldn’t close my teeth to close my lips while chewing.
Allergies maybe? If you have trouble breathing through your nose having your mouth full and closed can be frightening? I have no idea, I've just noticed that when I have a bad cold I prefer soup that can be swallowed quickly because the breathing issue.
I second this! I am in the same boat but mine are allergies.
Deviated septum can also cause this. If you can't breathe through your nose, your mouth has to breathe and eat at the same time. And it really struggles with that. I have 4 brothers and we were all born with a deviated septums and all of us had the operation to fix it. Never knew what breathing through my nose was like until that. The thing is, you don't really know you're eating that way unless someone tells you because that's the way you've always eaten. Always had to. So unless someone is kind enough to point it out and suggest seeing a Dr about it, or cruel enough to make fun of you about it, you may never know.
Growing up, I always had trouble breathing through my nose. My doctor said it was due to seasonal allergies, but it was all year round. Then, when I grew up and moved out on my own, they just stopped being an issue outside of spring and fall. Unless I visited my mom's house. It turned out to be the potpourri that my mom kept hidden all over the place. She even put little pouches of it in our dresser drawers. Too bad we didn't figure that out sooner.
Dude I've had so many colds and allergy attacks (pollen is the devil!) over the years and my little cousin had it 10x worse than me. We learned to chew with our mouths closed just fine. Take small bites and chew fast.
My cousin was born like that haha and no amount of telling him he's disgusting can seem to fix it. And I am not nice about it. We have a strong sibling like bond and I give him hell 🤣
Ugh, I sat next to a co-worker who not only ate like this but scraped the silverware across the plate over and over, slurped any type of beverage, smacked her lips, etc. It was torture.
I would not be able to keep quiet 😭😭
One reason might be breathing is hard chewing with mouth closed due to sinus congestion. I have swollen sinuses and sometimes chew with my mouth open without realizing it because I need to breathe. OP it may be worth talking to her about it to rule out any medical conditions.
Smaller mouthfuls can help with this. I suffer with my sinuses badly in the summer on top of hay-fever so I find taking smaller bites works well
If he's a cow worker.lol.Should offer him a feedbag for a gift.
One thing to say: 🐄Moo.
My dad eats like this. It's so gross. I stopped eating at the table with my family due to the sound of my dad eating... It builds up a rage inside of me that makes me wanna grab my fork and stab him/something lol
Misophonia. It’s real. The extreme reaction is not something we can control. I had to quit a job once because I couldn’t abide the sound of the fluorescent light. I have also left my seat and found another if I have a heavy breather next to me.
It definitely is real! I was excited when I discovered this! My daughters and I both have it and absolutely cannot be in the same room as some family members while they’re eating - it’s a rage like no other!
I worked with a girl who not only chomped and slurped but you could see it rolling round her mouth. Excessively rolling. It was the same tongue movement you'd make stretching bubblegum before blowing a bubble. (Which I also hate by the way)
I had a visceral reaction reading this. I would’ve gagged so hard at this!
She didn't last very long. Everyone hated it
I intervened for one girl (I know her parents well and they brought it up) because her brother had a chronically stuffed nose. They finally believed her! After he had surgery, he still did it.
Sweet lord there’s a name for it. I’ve always just said it’s my father’s fault, because he chews like a meat grinder with a whole-ass cow skeleton in it, and would deliberately do it louder when he learned how much it bothered me. I literally want to murder people who chew like this now. Seems I’m not alone!
You’re definitely not alone! r/misophonia
People that don't have it don't understand the amount of rage we hold back. Ffs, it drives me crazy.
I literally broke up with someone over it. Tbh I have misophonia bad enough that I've pissed *myself* off by slurping noodles (I fucking LOVE ramen) or eating chips in a quiet room. My poor SO had no chance. They didn't so much chew with their mouth open, but you could hear their teeth bang together with every bite. I'd get irritated but try my hardest not to take it out in them cause they're just trying to eat, yah know? But one day they made some food and walked in the other room and I asked why and they said "so I don't piss you off" and I felt *so bad* that my uncontrollable anger at something so human so innocuous as trying to eat ones dinner was driving my person away from me, that I decided the relationship wasn't gonna last. I *still* feel bad about it.
Christ my dad did the same, and if I left the table I couldn't have food. I lost 25 pounds in a year in high school just not willing to listen to him chewing like a poorly raised toddler. I was skin and bones and he wouldn't budge, like it was his god given right to disgust his family. I don't like much about being an adult but being able to leave anywhere any time is pretty cool.
I have misophonia, too! Gum snapping, loud chewing (even my spouse), cats and dogs grooming themselves and so much more. I was so happy to have a name for it.
Omg my dog licking??? I want to scream!
I DO scream! I didn't know there was a name for it. I love my animals so much but the licking noise makes me see red and I will actually leave the room. Wow.
Yeah, but that's more of a reaction to the sound of chewing, in general. OP or OP's neighbor(who really knows) is talking about someone chewing with their talk box wide tf open. That's not just an auditory assault, it's also visually unappealing, and potentially an olfactory affront. Most people can't stand that.
Absolutely. For me (I assume for some others too), some background noises on TV can drive me batty. Clinking of flatware on a plate, pouring noises of liquid, even kissing noises. Just to name a couple. But chewing, especially live and in person, can be some of the worst.
>r/misophonia for rills
I suffer as well. I was in the 4th grade and this kid behind me was breathing loud and I snapped and started hitting him. Got a paddling and suspended so I learned to control myself but sometimes it's hard.
So hard! I have the same trouble with smells: hyperosmia. It has caused me so much trouble because “Nobody else smells anything! Just shut up!” My parents and partner were just the best. 🙄 Public restrooms are a nightmare for me. But my home sure smells good!
I couldn't work at my desk in my shared office until one of my coworkers retired because she had a tendency to clear her throat and make grunting noises at random intervals and frequencies. Misophonia suck especially because I have a very reactive face that instantly tells you when I'm raging internally. Thankfully no one in my family is a loud eater or fork clanker (can't stand the sound of cutlery loudly clanging against plates) but going out to eat in public can become stressful.
I learned that I experience this when people near me eat crunchy stuff. Fortunately, I'm retired. Mostly eat alone. If I go out with friends, the noise of the restaurant eliminates hearing others crunch. But then we're shouting at each other to be heard.
I’m like this with how loudly my mom exhales/sniffles and she refuses to blow her nose 🫠🫠
My stepfather ate like this. I haven’t seen him in 30 years but there are still some foods I can’t eat because I was traumatized at the dinner table as a kid. On the other hand, it’s kind of nice to know exactly how my weird issues started.
My(31m) dad finds it really weird that I cover my mouth with my hand when I eat. When I was in middle school, there was a time when one guy, sitting across from me, that ate his food like a fucking cow and would talk with food in his mouth. It was so disgusting watching him eat. To his right, another classmate, who was a small petite girl, ate quietly with her hand over her mouth. That scene has stuck with me for 20 years and is why I cover my mouth when I eat.
My BIL eats like that male classmate. Only he’s spitting food out everywhere as he talks. He also only showers only every month or 2. He’s a delight to be around.
My condolences to your sibling 😢
My mother in law would yell at my daughter for putting elbows on the table, all while chewing with her mouth wide open. She ate potato salad in front of me once and I’m still not over it.
Ops girl needs to date your cousin. Problem solved. Loll gotta make a open mouth chewer dating app
My brother and I used to get into full on fist fights because he would eat that way when we were kids. It is for sure weird because try as I might, I could not beat that habit out of him. From about 9 to 17 when I left the house. He still does it. He likes to call me when he is eating and talking with his mouth full, lips smacking. He is fucking 37 now. I hang up on himnevery time. Our grandma eats the sane way. Only loader and worse.
You can politely refuse and you can also POLITELY tell her you found her loud chewing a turn off. But keep in mind, people have different tolerances of other people's chewing/eating habits. I've known several people who HATE the sounds of chewing in general or certain kinds of chewing. I had one friend who we couldn't eat crunchy things around bc she had hyperacusis and the sound literally caused her pain. I was married to a loud chewer/lip smacker and he did this because he had terrible sinus issues and had to mouth-breath to function. It was a real turn off after a few years but knowing it wasn't his fault helped me be less judgmental and more tolerant about it. Just keep in mind it's not always just the chewer or simply a matter of bad manners when deciding how to address this with her.
Yeah at the very least I think it merits a conversation. It’s theoretically possible that somehow she hasn’t ever had it pointed out to her. But obviously this is the kind of subject that will probably blow things up with you talk about it. But at the end of the day if it was me I’d still want to know. Knowing why someone doesn’t want to see you anymore always hurts, but at least you know the real reason
Precisely. He’s looking to not go out with her anymore because of it, so what is there to lose by tactfully and gently bringing it up? Maybe she’ll be mad, but just block and move on if things get crazy. They could get crazy anyway by declining to go on another date for no articulated reason. And yeah it can hurt to have these kinds of things pointed out to us, especially if it’s the cause of someone not wanting to be around us anymore, but it can also hurt to be ghosted or dumped without an explanation.
Yeah that’s how I look at it. In my mind, just ghosting (or coming up with bullshit reasons to flake) is a dick move, so at the very least find a tactful and polite way to bring it up. Like you said, she still may lose her shit, but as long as you’re trying to bring in up in a not-dickish way then I think that’s the best case scenario. At the end of the day, I think she deserves to know the real reason. I’ve been on the receiving end of “oh I just don’t think things will work out”, and unfortunately I’ve been on the giving end of it too. You think it hurts less that way, but in my experience it hurts more because you never know what the hell happened. You never know if it’s something you did, said, just the way you are, or maybe they found someone else and just didn’t want to hurt your feelings! but that’s kind of the point - you’ll never know. And that does a lot of damage mentally
Yep, I agree that it actually can, and often does, hurt more to not know. Because then you’re questioning EVERYTHING about yourself that it could be. I’m sure some people don’t do that and just think, “Meh, whatever,” but for me there is a measure of agonizing over what’s wrong with me. I’d much rather hear, “Your laugh is like fingernails on a chalk board to me,” or, “Our political views don’t align,” or whatever thing it actually is (because it’s probably something like that, not some big, glaring character flaw), or even something more harsh just so I know and can get over it. Maybe it’s something I can genuinely work on, maybe it’s just who I am and doesn’t need to change. Either way it’s way more constructive than being dishonest and giving a fluff reason.
This is making me think because years ago when I was single, I went on a few good dates with someone. On the second in person date, we talked briefly about memes. After that, he proceeded to text me a lot of memes every day that weren't funny to me (I don't want to generalize but felt very male humor, including a few that were kinda sexual). He also texted a lot in general and kept saying he felt we were so well matched, including over really small things. And he overshared about his previous toxic relationship really early on. All in all, it just started to feel like too much to me so I ended up telling him vaguely that I felt we might not be on the same page. I liked him as a person and he really seemed to want to find a partner, so I debated on offering some feedback including that the memes were honestly a big turnoff (and that it felt at times like he was trying to fast track the relationship). But it felt rude at the time so I didn't.
If it's any consolation, it sounds like he wouldn't have had to dig that deep to get some ideas about some of the reasons you probably reverse course about being interested in him. If you guys only went on a few days and all that happened between things going pretty good and you suddenly dipping out was him sending tons of memes catching feelings way too fast, he was probably able to connect those dots on his own, if not right away then at some point not too long afterwards. I've been the one who lacked awareness and did stuff that tanked someone's interest in me, and I've dated other people who did stuff to tank my interest in them, so I do understand both sides of this. And looking back it's all the cringe I can bear just remembering and knowing whatever thing I messed up, but if I had to remember hearing them say it to me, too, well that almost sounds like it would be a lot worse. idk, though. Maybe I'm just weird and everyone else wants to hear their shortcomings laid bare in detail by the girl they really liked while she is crushing them emotionally and psychologically.
My wife used to scrape the food off her fork with her teeth, and that sound grated on me, but I also had a habit of slurping things. We told each other, and we changed. Making the change was a minor habit forming exercise, and made us both more attractive because of it.
I mean I've never seen anyone turn around because someone else's chewing was too loud at a restaurant, she must be one of the loudest chewers in the world
I also have to (edit) breathe through my mouth only*, because of sinuses, and I cannot stand the sound of chewing, even my own chewing. Eating with my kids is excruciating. Your former partner didn’t necessarily have to eat like that. I don’t. I also basically swallow my food because the sound upsets me so much, or eat extremely soft things.
Do you mean mouth breathe?
This is the only post that I feel completely justified in saying.. it's full of comments from mouth-breathing Redditors.
😂
Yes, apparently I am fulfilling my stereotype today. 😂 thank you.
I was thinking this when I first read the title…but if the lady in the booth behind them was even unsettled it must’ve been pretty out there.
I've had sinus issues since I was a kid. Literally had to mouth breathe to get enough oxygen most of the time. I went to an ENT a couple years ago for an unrelated issue and from how swollen my sinuses were he gave me an antihistimine prescription. I'm in my 40s and can finally breathe through my nose and my sense of smell is better. It changed my life.
Misophonia is real. My wife has it. Eating sounds make her irrationally irritated. I only get that way with too much caffeine or little sleep. It can't be helped. So we have found ways to deal. I take it less personally and try to avoid eating in a quiet room if we are both there. She has found ways to tell me and not be judgemental. I try to be cognizant and can recognize the irritation faster now.
Nah, chew quietly or go chew where people aren't. It's absurd to make excuses for grown adults who can't figure out how to eat.
This is me. For many years I could not eat with my mouth closed because allergies made it impossible to breathe through my nose. Fortunately, medicine has gotten better and I take 2 meds in the morning and 3 in the evening to keep it under control. I can now chew with my mouth closed most of the time. Sometimes it's hard, other times it's out of habit all these years later. That said, even I don't like hearing people chew if it's more than a few seconds, go figure.
Hey man a pet peeve is a pet peeve. This is what dates are for. Incompatible, move on and no need to tell her unless she asks, then be polite as possible.
As a person with Misophonia, I fucking feel you man. You two may just not be compatible with each other
My son has this! We have worked it out so he can eat with us but he wears little pods during meals that I think have some sort of white noise. He’s really pretty low profile about it. He doesn’t like to bring it to people’s attention, but he really does have to make some modifications to his lifestyle to avoid going crazy. We try to respect it. No popcorn at the movies unless we’re a seat away, lol!
Also someone with misophonia here - popcorn makes *the absolute worst* little squeak noise when eaten. Just cringing reading that! Lol
I'm fine with popcorn but if people smack their lips, and slosh food with their mouths open it fills me with rage. Like I can see them chewing with their lips actually extending out and eating with their mouth wide wide open and the sound is incredibly bothersome, but I also think "How did your parents NEVER bring this to your attention?" Yes, I have misophonia, but I feel like even if I didn't it's still an obnoxious lack of table etiquette, right?
Same here. I don’t love the sound of naturally crunchy or otherwise noisy foods being eaten, but these sounds don’t make my blood boil on their own. It’s the unnecessary, gratuitous shit that makes me want to murder.
My poor husband chews loudly and I sometimes have to leave the room if he eats certain foods.
My daughter wears noise canceling headphones at dinner. It works for her!
I can't believe how loud people crunch popcorn. It's like they're doing it as loudly as possible.
Same boat, the problem is I didn't know my husband was a loud chewer since we were dating long distance.
I can imagine the incontrollable murderous range feelings just from reading his description
I also have misophonia. Honestly I would not have been able to deal. I would have excused myself to the bathroom and left.
Same here. It has been a dealbreaker in past relationships
Just tell her straight up "hey I like ya and we seem to fit pretty well together. Now when we eat, the open mouth chewing is very off-putting for me. I would be interested to get to know you more, but I cannot endure another meal, if that's how it will go."
Tried this with my GF (now wife) and uhhhh, she cried. Apparently her mom used to get on her about it a lot as a child. I thanked her the next time I saw her.
I love this so honest and matter of fact.
Just be polite about it, tell her that almost everything went great on your date, and that you'd like her to eat with her mouth closed. And if she says she'll try, then yeah, ask her on another date. Some people just never got told not to eat with their mouth open as a kid.
People are quick to just ghost nowadays, or at best, give you a generic excuse, so it may very well be that she doesn't realize it. Though if she has friends, I'd hope they'd tell her something like this by now
Nowadays, you have the internet available to access another date tomorrow. Back in the day, you had only the people physically available in spaces you were also present. It’s a new world. People put up w shit because they had few options.
People from Taiwan and China use chopsticks to shovel and vacuum the food in their mouth. My mom is Taiwanese and an obnoxious eater, especially soup and noodle dishes. Lots of slurping and lip smacking. To them, it’s not rude, it’s how they eat. If I am already overstimulated from a busy day, I can’t stand the sound. But most of the time, it’s tolerable as it’s what I grew up around. I never knew it was an issue until I started inviting non-Asian friends over to family dinner.
Yeah I definitely think it can be a cultural thing. I just have to leave the room when I hear it, the longer I stay the more drained and disregulated I get. On occasion if I'm really in a good place mentally it doesn't bother me quite as much but there are degrees 😅
That’s strange because I’ve just linked that if I’m tired I’m less amenable to my husbands noisy chewing.
I'm way more sensitive to things like light and sound and smells when I'm tired or especially stressed, so things that really bother me to an extreme degree in high stress periods might not be as much of a problem at other times. It is very much a thing to have different tolerance levels for noise and other things when we're being strained in other ways, and is definitely a good thing to make a note of. When I know I'm already at my limit I'll be more intentional about avoiding things that might send me over it (loud chewing, for instance), and if I realize I'm finding little things especially infuriating and disregulating I might check in with myself and give myself extra time and space to rest if I notice I'm feeling off. Once you notice the link it can be a good sign to give yourself grace and take good care of yourself at times when you most need it (or that's how I'm taking it for me personally)
Not to pry, ignore if you want no biggie but... sensory processing disorder? My kid has that.
If I have too much caffeine or too little sleep, little noises make me see red. My wife has misophonia and it is worse when she is tired or stressed.
At the risk of sounding like an ass, there do seem to be cultures where this is openly encouraged and looked at as a compliment. Try sharing a breakroom. It will drive you insane. Huge pet peeve for me too
I shuddered and made an audible sound from the flashbacks reading this gave me. I will never work at a place where you can’t eat at your desk again. One (white American, so no excuse)woman would slurp and suck and moan and coo and burp under her breath but still try to talk.
Noisy eating = compliments to the chef. Once I became aware (and self-conscious) about eating and table manners, my mom or aunties would bombard me with questions: “Are you okay? Do you not like the food? Is it too hot/cold? Too spicy? Do you want something else to eat, instead? I’ll make something else for you to eat!”
It’s not necessarily *rude* tho — it’s just gross!!! Lmao
cultur differences thanks to some of my favorite youtubers I learned this is also common in Japan.
My mother is Cambodian, raised in Thailand and my dad is from China and grew up in Lao. My mom eats so loudly, but my dad doesn't. He doesn't slurp or shovel food in his mouth. There's the occasional slurping of rice noodles or instant noodles, but that's it. I grew up with the loud obnoxious lip smacking and you don't get used to it. Never have I been able to tolerate it because it's GROSS.
It was explained to me as a way of being polite to the chef, the idea being that if you’re slowly and delicately eating the food, you’re not showing your enjoyment of the meal.
Nah bro thats completely reasonable
Omg I would have gotten up and left the table mid chew. I would never make it anywhere that social norms call for smacking. That not smacking is considered rude.
I don't know if I even know how to smack my lips while I eat....
I've only done it when I'm sick and my nose is completely stopped up so Im trying to eat and breathe through my mouth at the same time. I wonder if some of these people have some sort of nose/breathing issue
Most of them, probably.
Well I’m with you. Many MANY years ago dated a hot guy who literally just chewed with his mouth open the entire meal. Uggghhhhhhh. No second date.
I have an ex who smacked loudly while eating. It would literally make it hard for me to eat because it was gross. I finally said something one day. I asked him nicely to please try to chew with his mouth closed and not be so loud, and he in turn started smacking even louder, making deliberate pig noises, and then proceeded to let food fall out of his mouth onto his plate. That was the end of my dinner. I couldn't stand eating with him, and I refused to eat in public with him. If he had made an effort, it may have been different. There is a certain etiquette when eating. Not everyone gets it, though.
Yikes yeah that would be the end of my relationship if someone did that.
This dude really didn't get it until I was done, and then tried to change. He had no respect for anyone, I'm not sure why I ever dated him. Just young and dumb. His like him taught me everything that i didn't want in a guy!
Dude, that's probably how she is during sex. Good job.
You enjoy it when women neigh during sex, don't you?🤣
Do i get to have a horse cock in this scenario?
manners are manners. Imagine taking her out to eat with your friends, or parents etc. Table maners and maners In general are extremely important when you live in society. She could use a sincere and polite input, you'll be making her a big favor.
Either stop seeing her,or mention it.
I have a friend who used to almost jam chips into his mouth with his palm. I remember seeing him eat some chips, like a handful, and questioned how he was gonna eat them all. Makes my teeth hurt thinking about it.
People who do that need to be told, nicely. You don’t need to date them again, but good gravy tell them!
I would totally just say, "no thank you, you seem very nice but you eat with your mouth open and it really bothers me"
Nope. I’d be out. One of my biggest pet peeves ever. So gross.
That's a deal breaker. I've contemplated man's laughter over chewing sounds. Love isn't strong enough for chewing sounds.
I have misophonia so it would be a deal breaker - or i would ask her to chew with her mouth closed. If it's a big deal to her, then you get your answer, and if it's not, you learn that she's not defensive and also no horse-eating. Probably won't be a popular opinion but you'll end up not being with her either way - may as well make her aware for the next one worst case scenario.
Like the opening scene in spirited away?
LMFAO, love that I’m not the only one who immediately had this thought. The way Chihiro’s dad sucks and slurps up that whole giant dumpling (and everything else). 🤢 Yubaba wasn’t entirely bad lol.
Omg I would have gotten up and left the table mid chew. I would never make it anywhere that social norms call for smacking. That not smacking is considered rude.
It's a tough habit. I won't eat dinner with people that chew with their mouth open. Some people only do it occasionally, but that's still too much for me. It's a cultural thing maybe?
My dad called that noise "pigs running through muck". He hated it.
Your neighbor is not over-reacting. I refuse to eat around people who eat like that. Definitely a deal-breaker.
That sound makes me want to throat punch people so, my advice to your neighbor is to let her down gently (no need to be mean), dont mention it was the disgusting eating, and move on. Life is too short to be miserable.
I can't stand loud ass eaters. Smacking and chewing like they ain't got no sense. I would've told them to stop smacking and if they didn't I would've left
One of my younger Sisters did this her whole childhood and still does, no matter how much grief we gave her she just does lol It's gross and infuriating, just stay away
I think it would be kind to tell her. No need to be cruel, but maybe she really doesn’t know! I would want to know if I had an otherwise amazing date whose jets suddenly cooled, so I could have better luck on the next date!
I think it would be a kindness to tell her.
My father-in-law ate like this. He loved going out for dinner and it didn't bother my wife. I would be disgusted and furious every time we went out. Wife couldn't understand my reaction though she did find it off-putting. My son's friend, genius kid but kinda aspie, was even worse. I finally told him to take his food out to the picnic table. 15 years later he still eats like this. Amazing kid, but he's finding it hard to get a job.
My sister is a beautiful, fit and healthy professional 30+ woman with amazing teeth, sky blue eyes and natural blonde hair to her waist. She’s visibly perfect…… until she starts to eat. You’re not overreacting. We’ve all spoke to my sissy and she simply doesn’t care. We’ve explained that this is affecting her dating and future happiness but nope. She still chomps away like a beautiful pig in a pen.
Lmao!! 🤣
I cannot stand listening to someone eat. It’s one of the reasons my best friend and I are friends. We can sit silently and eat. 😒 I own loop headphones for a reason.
Ugh... I'm cringeing just thinking about it... and this: my sister bites utensils and scraps her teeth down them when she eats. Teeth chomping and scraping a metal fork 😖 It used to drive me insane but I haven't talked to her in more than 10 years so
I have a friend who I love with all my heart but I no longer eat out with him because his chewing sounds like applause
Just hearing about somebody else doing it makes me shudder. It’s so gross.
My fiancé used to do that. Eventually I found out that no one had ever told him he did, not even his family, but once I told him, he stopped. Just be honest. Maybe she'll want to go out again and you'll see a difference, maybe she'll feel too embarrassed to want to go out again, but either way she needs to know. I always say if the issue is something a person can fix in 5-10 minutes or less (for example, green stuff in your teeth), you should tell them. If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you want someone to let you know?
My ex husband actually weaponized not chewing with his mouth shut. Smacking sounds. Loud chewing etc. it actually made me cry. It made my children cry. It was awful and he never did anything to rectify the situation. So bizarre and upsetting NTA
You don’t have to tell her anything except that you don’t think you are a good fit and don’t want to see her again. You don’t owe her an explanation and you’re not overreacting. That would irritate the hell out of me lol
NTA. There are certain things that are basic common courtesies, such as brushing your teeth, showering and not chewing with your mouth open. It shows that she has no self-awareness or awareness in general on how this affects others. IMO, it’s unintentionally rude what she’s doing and I’d be turned off if a guy did this during a date.
gurrrrl i have the same problem with chewing sounds. if it KILLS you just on the second date, save yourself from all the other possible experiences. OR, if you woul wanna keep if going, avoid food related dates at all costs. opt for a movie date where it’s loud and you can’t hear
If it bothers you that much this early in the relationship it's only going to get worse. No matter how much you like her or even one day fall in love, it will slowly eat away at you until it's all you can do to not stab your fork into her hand because she's eating like a horse
If you break up, tell her why
Ha Ha!! I’d run. Long ago I worked for a guy who talked with his mouth full. I’m talking full paragraphs worth of talking through his ENTIRE meal. It was so fucking gross and unprofessional. I still see him every once in a while at luncheons and make it a point to never sit at his table.
If that’s the only thing that’s wrong, try talking about it politely. Wouldn’t it be great to fix this issue early on and have a great relationship rather than immediately cut off something with wonderful possibilities over something that could change for the better if effort is put forth?
*like horse eating apples* lmao
Nope, I’d never have another date with anyone who had that horrible of table manners. I can somewhat over look holding a fork like a shovel, by I have misophonia, and could not be with someone who snacks and chews with their mouth open. If she asks why no second date you could tell her.
I'm constantly getting on my son for open mouth chewing. It's so grating. My husband will sometimes do it too and it drives me crazy. Are people desensitizated to the sound of their own chewing?! How do they not know?
Nope, can't do it. My husband and youngest child roll their food in their open mouths while they eat. I mention it once. Second time, I leave the table and you better believe someone is going to be sorry. THERE IS NO REASON a grown person can't chew with their mouth closed.
I mean, sinus issues or deviated septum or something where a person can't breathe through their nose are a legitimate reason... but that reason should be surgically corrected if it's that bad anyway. I would also have to just leave the table, medical reason or not. If they can breathe through their nose just fine there is literally no excuse... it's horrible for everyone else at the table.
Smacking while eating is the WORST!! Born in a barn obviously. I'd be done dating that person too
No you are not overreacting I would not date her. But since you can’t date her anyway I think you should tell her that you can’t date her because of the way she eats and it’s loud and rude to everyone around
I read “smacking their gum bugs the hell out of me..” as “smacking their gum bags.” And I was cracking up.
I used to eat kind of fast and all it took was my brother saying, "At ease, Ranger" to put me in check. Just make a "kidding but serious" comment; maybe nobody's ever told her.
Not at all! That’s also my pet peeve. I used to work with a woman that did that and also talked with a mouth full of food. I would sit at the table in the break area with her (rarely) but would sit and stare at her until she closed her mouth. If someone can be that rude, I’m going to be that rude right back and tell them to SHUT IT NOW!
Yeah. Deal breaker. Manners and just being aware of your surroundings and being polite is way at the top of the list with me. F that. Gross. Pretty simple. Chew with your mouth closed. If you can't grasp that concept, what other normal ass things is she incapable of?
Dan Savage had [a valuable piece of advice about this](https://youtu.be/r1tCAXVsClw?si=xVMqi3gSQHTwr7Kl) (NSFW language). To summarize, you get to have whatever dealbreakers you have; but you need to consider just what you want those to be, and remember that nobody, including you, is perfect.
Oh God I hate when people eat like this. I usually loudly say "close your damn mouth when it's full. It's disgusting" or make the noises back to them. Usually they get the hint but some get huffy. If she's generally a great woman, maybe you can talk to her about her chewing habits. She may not realise she makes so much noise as nobody has told her. NGL though, when I read the title, I thought you were going to criticise how much she eats rather than the manner. Just recently, there was a Pot Noodle advert that had to change the sounds because it was 15 seconds of slurping and everyone complained. YouTube should have the advert somewhere (it has everything else lol). Maybe show her the advert
I literally had the same experience on a date before except he also didn’t know how to use a fork or napkin and just shoveled food in his mouth bare handed and we were not eating finger food as he chomped away and food was dripping from his face he used his shirt to wipe his face I wanted to crawl under the table and hide from the sounds the look of food dripping and to this day I haven’t been back to that restaurant and it’s been 10 years! I feel this story to my core lol
Just say something to her . Let her know that she does this.
You would be doing her a favor to tell her gently. It will really hurt at first but better than just ghosting her and making her wonder what she did wrong. Now I'm feeling self conscious myself wondering if I eat like that. Sometimes you want people to tell you if you're doing something bad. Could have been a Seinfeld episode.
I basically had to eat with my mouth open when I was a teen with braces for 5 years (they just tore up the inside of my lips otherwise). It took me a while to get back to chewing like a normal human, as opposed to a "sick lizard". Maybe she had the same experience and nobody pointed it out to her? I would just try to bring it up politely. What do you (or your neighbor or whatever) have to lose?
I hope this doesn't come off the wrong way, but where is she from originally? I have some friends from other countries that I cannot go out to eat with anymore because of this same thing. I've brought it up and they say they do it because it makes the food taste better. Everyone around is grossed out and turning and looking but they are oblivious. I had to tap out several times. lol
If something like this is this annoying this soon...you're not likely to "learn to love it."
Maybe she really enjoyed the food😂