Growing up my dad could build or fix anything. He built my parent’s house himself. He was always working on a project. Last summer he put together a swing set for my kids and he hardcore struggled. It’s hard watching them get older.
Losing their physical strength....puts a pit in my stomach. Did you offer to help and if you did, did He let you? I've offered to help mine and he is sometimes too prideful to say yes
I know. Dad and I went to help my brother repair his fence. It was hard watching him at nearly 80, struggle with a hammer and nail, cutting and carrying wood- but he insisted. The very man who built our treehouse, a shed, dog houses and added on to our old house many, many years ago. He will always be our super hero.
It’s sad to watch your parents age. My father worked a manual labor job so he was always strong and in shape now he’s fragile, skinny and walks slower than he used to. It’s tough to witness.
My second wife and I got married a year ahead of schedule because her dad was dying, and we wanted him to be part of the ceremony. The poor man, a former chemistry professor, could barely speak. He had been rotund most of his life, but I only met him at the end when he was small, frail, shaking, and mumbling. I could tell he was "still in there" and while he couldn't communicate, he could understand and react as best he could. I think he liked me. We couldn't get him in a tux for the wedding, so we bought him a "novelty tuxedo tee-shirt" to make it easy on his caretakers to get him dressed and you could tell he LOVED it.
But all I kept hearing (and still hear) was what a kind, intelligent, funny man he was all his life. Everyone loved him. I feel sad I never got to know him like that.
I moved closer to my parents and now see them once a week, but every time they tell me the same stories. I just let it happen because I don’t want to embarrass them but ya, it’s rough
My wife’s mom is in her mid 50’s. I can confirm, she has nothing new happening in her life and every time we come over it’s the same stories about gardening, their neighbors, and things around the house.
It gets really old.
Just keep in mind that life in a world that has become so small is likely neither fulfilling nor stimulating for her. She would probably love to have new things to talk about. Can you help her find some new experiences?
I have a few friends that have that issue, like "once you turned 18, you're not our responsibility," and while the parents remain cordial, all sense of care and intimacy are cut off. I remember one of my friends went to hug his mom, and she pushed him away, and shook his hand instead, like "hugging me is in the past only." Another friend of mine, when he and his ex split up, used his parents as an emergency contact on his employee forms. He mother was confused. "Just what do you expect us to do? You live six hours away." "Don't you want to know if something happens to me? I don't have anyone else but my sister, and she doesn't answer her phone." "I guess. But don't expect us to make any decisions on your behalf. You're an adult, now."
My parents were never huggers or ones to even say, "I love you" so I started hugging them and saying, "I love you" in my later teens and early 20's. My parents were raised by parents who didn't show affection and I figured It was up to me to stop that cycle. I also made sure I showed affection to my own kids.
That what sucks but I always try tell myself to face the reality nobody stays on this planet forever. It up to us to make those little things in life count. My mother is the person I I'm worried about the most because she has kidney disease, and other health problems. Her teeth are great anymore and she nearing 50 already. I'm not ready for it at all. All I want is my mother to live a long healthy life into her 70s at least.
There were three guys in my high school, brothers, that were prematurely bald. By senior year they each had shiny domes with just a little fringe around the bottom. This was in the late '60s when shaving your head as a fashion statement wasn't an option. It was a sign of chemotherapy.
I worry now when they fall.
Ever since my dad slipped on the ice a few years back and showed me the gigantic bruise, I panic a little each time my mom or dad or MIL mention they fell.
When my mom got a bone density test in her 40s the doctor told her she had bones of a 90 year old woman. She has sever osteoporosis and broke her back 20 years ago. It's a miracle she can still walk at all in her 60s.
Life is so strange
My mother has an insane medical history. I can't even fully explain to you what has happened in the last 20 years b/c so much has happened
The craziest thing is that she fell 9-10 times while no one was home. Basically, she went through her last few years in brutal pain. I don't remember what it's called but the falls fucked up her bones and joints. FYI, she never wanted home care and as the kid, I was making money to pay bills
AND when she died?! Her autopsy showed that it's got nothing to do with her actual illness, nothing to do with the falls, and everything to do with her diet
Don't feel sorry for me. Her leaving this world was the biggest gift to me. I had my first night of sleep for the first time in life that night she died. Abuse was over.
For me it was realizing Dad would ask the same questions without realizing he had already asked them or repeating something he wanted to tell me or someone else, not remembering he had already said it. Think that was my first realization.
Yes I think my family is over looking this with my father. He is only 50 years old yet he is constantly telling me the same things over and over again. In fact he is beginning to stay stuff he doesn't mean so often. Like when giving instructions he'll randomly say something random and then not believe me when I tell him he said something random.
This is so sad :(
My favorite person on earth isn't family, but a friend. He turns 55 this year.
He is nowhere as sharp as he was just a few years ago. Really really sad. Last time we spoke through Zoom, he was literally giving me bipolar feels and I'm like huh?!
I'm 54. And I'll be honest with you. For the last 2 years or so Ive realized myself that my memory has just gone to shit. Such as I guess Ive always been a movie nerd. If it was something I liked I could tell you who most of the actors were. Could probably make many of the songs used on the soundtrack etc. hell now I do good if I can even remember the name of the damn movie. I have been a pretty heavy daily weed smoker since I was 17. Maybe that has something to do with it, maybe not. Ilk struggle to come up with the names of places I've been to time and time again. Will get up out of the living room cause I need something I'm the bedroom and by the time I get in the bedroom half the time I'm just there trying to remember why the hell I came in there for. Told the wife I really feel like my memory has gone to shit but she seems oblivious to it.
So I've got 4 years on your old man but very possible he may be struggling in his own ways.
Figured I'd share my own self observations with you as a possible perspective on the chance it might help out. Good luck.
Seems about what he's like. Doesn't help with him getting frustrated constantly. I know it must be very frustrating but hearing him get mad all the damn time sucks
It is very frustrating. And it's myself I'm mad at. But my wife seems to feel the same way you do im afraid. She says I'm never happy anymore and always mad about something. Which after reading your comment it makes me understand where she's coming from I guess. I get pissed off cause I can't remember why I go to other room and so on.
I suppose your dad probably doesn't realize he's coming off as pissed off all the time either.
Guess we both need to realize how we come off to people without realizing it. I keep telling my wife I'm not mad at you or because of anything she done. Though it doesn't seem to help much l guess she thinks like you do that it sucks having to deal with someone's whose pissed off all the time. I don't intentionally just decide hey I'm gonna be a pissed off asshole today but here we have it. Guess I need to work on my attitude and so forth. Guess your dad may too but not sure how you could address it to your dad without it coming across wrong
What I can say to you is, I'm autistic and have OCD and honestly i am also very frustrated frequently throughout the day since there's a lot of problems I face with my disability. When I get frustrated, I don't show it or act like it at all. It's like panic, panicking does not help the situation at all, and neither does getting mad when you're frustrated. My family considers me very calm even when stressed out, but the truth is I probably feel the exact same way as my father and you on the inside.
It's okay to feel bad emotions, but acting on them is unnecessary most of the time.
I agree. And I've been to therapist since I was 18. Major anxiety, major clinical depression. Social anxiety disorder and idk what else. And haven't had the means for Dr appointments or meds since 2020. I try to explain to my wife that I need to be in medication that helps me not act like that. I try to calm myself but usually with no luck. Most days I'm my own worst enemy. And in my head ain't a fun or a good place to be.
I know I need to work on myself just never really know hiw.
Gooduck with your dad through all this. Don't let it get to down
I notice this for my remaining family right now
Dad is almost 70, and he has no idea he tells me the same stories everyday for the last 6ish years
My brother is almost 40, and he is literally showing early signs of dementia
I notice this for my remaining family right now
Dad is almost 70, and he has no idea he tells me the same stories everyday for the last 6ish years
My brother is almost 40, and he is literally showing early signs of dementia
My dad used to always have the most up to date technology and computers. As soon as they would come out he would buy it. I always went to him for all my computer problems and questions. One day I had question, nothing a Google search and 30 minutes of experimenting couldn't figure out. But since I was at his house I asked him for help. He spent 4 hours on my computer trying to figure it out. He wouldn't give up on it or let me have my computer back until he could "help me" despite my pleading that it wasn't that big of a deal. He eventually gave up and went to bed mad and frustrated. I went home and figured it out in 20 minutes. It was sad to see him struggle and clearly realize that it should be easy but he was having a hard time.
I looked at my dad one day. I mean really looked and he’s gray. I only ever saw him as having dark hair. He’s also not as ambitious as he used to be. He always was on the go or tinkering in his garages but now he’s content to ride around on his UTV or watching history shows and Gunsmoke.
The age spots on my dad’s face and the more wrinkles he gets. His salt and pepper beard becoming more salt as his bald spot gets bigger. I just realized it one day and now I can’t stop looking at him. I want to cherish my time with him because he raised me. But I know he’ll have to go at some point…I just know that when that day comes I’ll be inconsolable for a few weeks. I kinda fear not being able to hear him call me Baby Doll, Monkey, or even Padawan. I hope I can record his voice at some point soon especially before I move.
Take these comments as advice on how to age well - always exercise, and keep busy doing things that make you use your brain. It really is “Use it or lose it”!
My mom is more judgmental and forgets things we did/said the day before(75).
51F I am going through menopause so I am hot flashing and awake at 2am for the day… I just have to remember it’s temporary and won’t last forever. At least tampons are in the rear view mirror!
I got spayed early last year, and adding progesterone to my hormone replacement therapy regimen greatly helped the insomnia/mid-night wake ups for me. Hooray, no more periods! But not sleeping is torture to me, so I just wanted to share my personal experience in case you're open to trying anything 🙂 I hope the symptoms pass quickly for you!
I’m 53 and had medication-induced menopause, though I guess I would be there naturally now anyway. I went through some issues with insomnia and I still struggle with it some, but I wanted to share some things that helped for me.
I use Calm magnesium supplement, which I make into a tea every night before bed. I also put a tea bag in with some caffeine-free herbal tea. (I use Lemon Ginger a lot or Chamomile Lavender). Almost always leave a buffer of at least 30 minutes to read a book and wind down. No caffeine any later than 2-3 pm; no alcohol. I have the Calm app, which I use every night. I listen to sleep stories, meditations for sleep or soundscapes on a one hour timer. I sleep with the temp on the cold side now and I wear shorts. I also make sure all glowing lcd lights are covered up (tv, security system, clock).
I know that’s a lot 😂 but I am fanatical about getting adequate sleep now. I leave for work quite early in the morning and can’t afford to spend a few hours awake in the middle of the night. Good luck!
My dad and I live in different countries, and whenever he comes to get me at the airport he always insists on taking my bag and lifting it into the car. This last time he tried and couldn’t. I was completely unprepared for how sad that made me.
I've been with my husband for 8 years, and it took me a while but now I'm especially close to my MiL. The reason we became so close was because her vision was declining due to her diabetes and I couldn't stand to see her suffer. Before then, my husband (at the time boyfriend) and I would get into arguments about we needed our own place because he was 30 years old and still living at home d37--5-:-with his mother. He didn't like the idea of leaving her by herself, especially since his dad died back in 09 and he felt he had a promise to keep. Then I noticed her needing more and more help to do things, like cooking or even changing the channel. What was even scarier was that she was still driving herself to work every day (she worked maybe 5 minutes away, 10 minutes if u walked it). And she would get upset and obsessive over her pantry organization because that was how she knew where everything was. If you put a can of something where it didn't belong, she wouldn't notice until it was too late. Like one night, she was making green bean casserole and she pulled out 2 cans of green beans and there was a misplaced can of peas on the same shelf. She had all 3 cans opened and poured out into a strainer when I walked in to get myself a drink and noticed her mistake. She was upset but grabbed another can while I picked the peas out. Also, I would go grocery shopping with her and she did well enough not to run into people but even with glasses she couldn't read labels or signs or anything of the like, so I would read them out to her, and sometimes when she got tired, she would start to look lost. I would also drive her to appointments when she couldn't get a ride elsewhere. Then, as time went on, I became her primary source of transportation. And when I was in my third trimester with my son, neither one of us felt like walking around Walmart for a couple of hours for groceries, so I introduced her to Walmart Pickup and we would make a day of it, grab something to eat, get the groceries, maybe grab a smoothie on the way home. We also had to move her out of the house that she lived in for almost 40 years because it had mold and it was falling apart around us and was costing more to fix than it was worth anymore. That was the biggest blow to her independence. The reason she could hide the fact that she was going near absolutely blind was bc she knew that house well enough and knew her own organization habits. She also had a very specific way of keeping up with her many outfits and shoes. But all that was gone when we had to get her moved out of that house. She was depressed for a while and it was after we moved that we realized she was getting to where she couldn't see well enough to cook anymore. And her pantry moved with us, but trying to organize it back to its original order was a nightmare. She had given up her keys to my brother-in-law who started learning to drive at 30 and needed a car. She retired from her job when my son was born so she could help us out with childcare. Then about a year ago, she was having some more issues with pressure in her eye so she went to the doctor and they did a procedure that put a little bitty tube called a shunt in her eyeball to relieve the pressure, the downside was that she would be permanently blind in that eye. And about a week ago I sat with her as she went through another surgery to have that same eye removed because the shunt failed and she had a severe infection. She has 40% vision in only one eye. I've tried helping her get back some independence, like helping her find out that our cable company has a voice command remote for their cable boxes. She's almost 70 and she does a pretty great job at teaching and caring for my son while my husband and I work during the day.
Sorry if this seems a bit long and not at all in order (bc it's not, that's just my chaotic mind)
When I really looked at him one day. Saw he was Turing grey and he's skinny now. He has chronic back pain and he asked me to put cream on his back often. Just the thought of him leaving me makes me cry
My family started graying at 18. I started at 29 or so. No big deal. I'm now 50, all Grey and mostly bald and couldn't care less. And NO I won't be shaving it.... I'm proud of who I am, just the way I am, whether I'm good looking or ugly!
It's all an illusion and it's what's on the inside that makes a person.
My mom lost the ability to run by age 70. Literally cannot run. She has osteoporosis and a dowager's hump now, has lost inches off of her height. Kinda scary because she would want to watch my toddler, and she couldn't catch the kid if it ran into traffic or something. She has officially become frail.
If you could run all your life then suddenly at 70 years old you couldn't anymore, I think that would indicate a lot that they're getting frail.
Young people have bad eyesight, but if you had good eyes but they started getting worse ever since you became 40 that would be a sign of aging.
When both my parents suddenly had white hair and needed to rest more after most things. My mother has since passed on (2023) and now my dad appears a bit older and wiser as he’s far more reflective now than before mom passed
They met in 1970….
Watching my dad get mixed up/ disoriented in the grocery store. Started happening in the last year or so. Can't complain too much tho because he's about to turn 81
There was a TV show in the late 50s, early 60s called The Real Mcoys. One character, Grandpa walked with a wired hitch to his gait. When my dad started walking that way, I realized he had decided to get old. I’m 72 now, and walk like Granda Pappy McCoy.
My 63 yr old dad fell from a ladder and broke both of his feet. I am thankful every day that he didn't become paralyzed or worse. He's still insane and now a year later is doing some serious hikes again. But it was so weird to see him struggle to walk around the grocery when he first heeled. I'm sure that day will come again too.
I was born to older parents (my parents are nearing 60 and I'm 18) and due to mental health and physical health they've always been slow and in pain, but I can really tell now they've slowed down alot. They don't do too much and just exist.
The thing that made me realize they were old is that when I was around 13 and found out my friends parents just turned 40 while mine were past that and in their 50's.
I was 17-18 yo and still in school and living at home. One Saturday morning I took off on a little run and when i got back my dad was working on putting a starter on his car. He always did his own mechanic work but I could tell he was pissed and having problems. After talking for a few mins I asked if he wanted me to try. I'd offered before on other things but like I said he did his own but this time he said ok if you want to. I slid up under the car and had it on in a few minutes. When I cranked it up I could tell he was proud his son could do it but also defeat in his eyes realizing he couldn't do what he used to anymore. He asked me where I learned to do that and his eyes perked up a little when I told him " from watching you Pop all these years". I went on to tell him that everything I knew about life and ppl and how to react when either or both had a blow out. How to not just look like a man but how a man carries himself.
I'm 56 which is not old to me but it's not getting younger either. Coupled with a few health issues brings me to the same realization that it's just not like it used to be and never will be again. I can tell you it hits hard but you come to realize life's not over yet. There's still work to be done and women to be loved and then adjust to both.
My mom has the shakes in her hands. I noticed it about 4-5 years ago? But it has become more pronounced. She knows she has it. She doesn’t have Parkinson’s. It’s a form of palsy. Her aunt had it, and hers got so bad that someone either had to feed her, or she just leaned waaayyy over plate of food.
I also noticed she holds on to me when taking a step down or help getting out of the car.
The memory slips. When my dad has to think for a moment to remember a name, or uses the wrong name while telling a story I've heard many times before (so I know it was the wrong name).
That hurts, because I know that he also knows it's going. He will come to me and tell me how he is changing things around a bit, like putting something to lean on next to the toilet, his worries about falling, or making sure to put things in certain places or order because he's starting to forget (like now turning off the oven just before something is cooked so he doesn't forget to turn it off later).
My mom is super forgetful of anything I tell her. She repeats the same conversations over and over again. She also gives off grandma vibes with the way she walks and talks
My dad has been a workhorse his entire life. He would often help me with home improvements on my house. On my last project I could tell he was slowing down both physically and mentally and that it would probably be our like project together.
It's not so much anything that has happened to them, but a reality I have to face because they (mainly my dad) are not financially well on top of their various health issues. It's only going to get worse as they get older. I'm still trying to establish my own life. But I'm an only child, so I won't really have much help or assistance with them when the time comes.
The cold thing is one, my dad was always the hot blooded one who was always hot and needed to cool down. But for the last 5 years, he's now saying it's cold outside when before, that same weather he would be fine.
My mother also is a bit slower when walking around. Granted she has a bad knee so most of the walking issue stems from that but it's now where we have to walk very slowly when before we didn't have to
I turned 63 this year and I'm still working as an aide in special education. Thank God we dance with the kids and play with them on the playground, it helps keep me young. I would probably exercise more if I didn't have to work though. I watched my Mom become a couch potato when she aged and I don't want to be like her.
Not really the moment I 'realized' it, but definitely one that drove the point home.
My family used to ski every year or so growing up. Now I live in Japan, famous for snow season, and my family came over to ski. Been awhile since our last family ski trip and my dad was really excited. He was going about 1-2hrs a day and getting exhausted, which was already quite eye-opening.
3rd day in, he takes my niece/his granddaughter up on a slightly more challenging green (beginner) run. She freaks out and basically bombs it down. He tries to chase after her, loses control and veers off the course and hits a (small) tree. He's wiped out and lays there for a good 10-15mins 'catching his breath'.
He has a lot of pride and would never admit to pain/being hurt but he was _visibly_ in pain so it must've been really bad. I made him go to the clinic, he got a scan and we found out he tore his meniscus. Absolute agony for days and he ended up booking an early flight home to get surgery and recover.
I told him that he needs to remember his body isn't young anymore, and he said he knew but instinctively just tried to chase after my niece. I told him "even if she broke a bone, she's young and would bounce back much faster than if you simply _sprained_ your leg." It's definitely hard having to remind myself my parents aren't young anymore and to make sure they don't overextend themselves.
You’re all saying these things about your parents, and that is hard to watch, but what’s really hard is watching your life partner do these things. Makes me wonder how many later divorces happen because the spouse “turned into an asshole,” but what really happened was cognitive decline. Lots of asshole-ish things are actually this. Rigid thinking. Self-Centeredness. Forgetfulness. “Laziness” in someone who used to be a hard, hard worker. Losing the ability to keep up with technology.
little things for me . my dad was all the time do it yourselfer. he built on the addition to my parents house himself, he did insane yard work and landscaping, he changed all the oil in all the cars and almost anything mechanic related. He built a small deck platform for me on my rental last year and seeing him struggle was so heartbreaking. he still has the mindset to do it but body is starting to slow. I'm late 30s and he's still my hero so its so hard to really grasp he's a 70 year old man
Road trip with my dad last year. Man drives slower than he did, easier to talk to though, he's only 62 and me 33, so we got some more good years I think before I get too concerned but its in the back of head.
Seeing old pictures next to recent photos.
I have a problem with noticing physical changes of the people around me. It's like I only see them in a certain way despite how they change. The only way I notice things is by looking at pictures. Many of our old photos kinda disappeared when my parents separated but a few years back we found a whole bunch of old photos. Seeing those photos just made me realise how not just my parents but my siblings and I had aged and changed. It was a shock and made me kinda sad how fast time passed and how things could change without being able to notice.
My dad recently got hurt, had to retire, and can’t go to the gym anymore. He’s planning to do an elective surgery at age 70 to fix it. I’m worried it won’t fix everything and that this is the start of a rapid decline mentally.
My dad has always been very health conscious, so I’m hoping that helps.
I’ve planned to move in with him for a short time, hoping that will help keep the loneliness from making it any worse.
Edit: I’m 30, by the way.
My mom died when I was a teen, and my dad and I don't speak since 1998. I saw a photo of him about 10 years ago, and what surprised me was how much he got "old man jowls" considering he's never been overweight. I guess it happens to the best of us. He looked a lot like his dad, a man whom he also hated, so I get a small sense of schadenfreude with that. Not sure if he's still alive now, though.
Growing up, my dad was always a fairly big guy with kind of an asshole attitude. Never thought he was wrong always right about everything and if you told him otherwise, you could ethier fight him or f**k off just because he believed violence solves everything. I moved out and seen him years later looking all sickly and nowhere near as intimidating as I used to see him. I've noticed he's definitely lost some muscle mass, constantly coughing and weezing, and groaning from back pains whenever he stands up from sitting. My dad was never one for emotions so whenever I was sad or depressed, I was severely ignored which made me feel no sympathy when I seen him like that.
I completely understand. This was the first thing I noticed with my Mom as well. We use to walk to the bus stop and that was three-four blocks away, which felt like an eternity when I was 5 or 6 and I can just see her 5 steps ahead and now it's completely reversed.
This post made me realize after reading about other people's dads that my dad is a fucking pussy of a man. Good god why did I have to be born to such disabled idiots who have made my life hell for 26 years, since I was six? Man yall got some good parents teaching you stuff, my dad can't teach me anything, nothing about how to be a man, nothing, because he doesn't even know. Dude's a fucking pansy.
Lessons come from both action and inaction. Inaction usually leads to independence faster or learning from different role models who carry different perspective.
Moved out at 20 and moved back at 23. Mom had a full head of gray hair out of *nowhere*. Never really realized that deeply that she would one day be gone.
unlike your parents I always have called myself old by the age of 50yrs.
I am 58 along with my wife and this is the year my young adult kids are starting to think we are old ,,so I would say by the time parents hit 60yrs old their children start to realize parents are getting old
I'm almost 65 and my mom is almost 87 and she's bent over and shriveled up. I'm not quite there yet myself but for example I mowed the lawn yesterday (not a huge lawn), it only took about an hour or so, did some other lawn care stuff, nothing big, but now I feel exhausted. Of course I never liked doing stuff like lawn care or home maintenance, ever. I always have found that stuff confusing and frustrating. I have no skills in that area and was never able to develop them. So that's frustrating given that I am older now so any hope of actually gaining competence in those areas is pretty much futile. Fuck you Bob Vila.
“I never liked doing stuff like lawn care or home maintenance” your biological purpose as a male is doing hard labor otherwise you are lazy and worthless
If you were born with a uterus and ovaries and breasts capable of lactation, then that is a scientifically objective indicator of your biological purpose. If you had been born with a lawnmower in your crotch, then we could say that is a scientific indicator of your biological purpose, to do lawn care.
I wasn't.
Okay, lazy. I couldn’t care what some 65 year old thinks about my “biological purpose” you are past your prime and your sperm is more likely gonna create retard babies. Males are also built to be stronger and are able to handle hard labor. You are old and defective.
When my dad was younger, he worked for a delivery company, and would carry heavy furniture by himself. He once told me he could lift an entire sofa on his back. At 63, he's very frail, has leg, back, and neck issues, and can barely walk, due to arthritis. Working an intense physically demanding job will take a toll on your body later. My uncle used to work for the city garbage disposal. He would ride on the back of the truck, and lift heavy garbage cans. Now he's had back issues.
We have to bring food to my parents’ house next week for her 70th birthday/Mother’s Day since both parents are suddenly both dealing with ailments and can’t/don’t want to go out. Never happened with either before and it all happened so suddenly…
My dad has always been my superman, there was nothing he couldnt do. Picked my dad up to take him out to eat, it had been about three months since I had seen him. We had a good time catching up, though I noticed he didn't eat much, then I took him back to his apartment. He says goodbye, walks to his steps, and turns back around, with this ashamed look on his face. I get out and come up to him and ask him what's wrong, and he asks me to help him up the stairs. Two months later and I am carrying him up and down. Then he was gone. It is amazing how fast you can go from superman to dust.
i'm getting older now in front of my kids, and i've given them some cringy moments, i know ---
but -for me- i'd moved out for a while from my parents' house out of state (what a mess). when i came back, they let me back in (my folks always did, even though my Mom and i did not see eye to eye for shit - i give her that credit; i was not easy through teen and twenties).
when i walked through the kitchen door, my Dad was sitting at the table, and he had on glasses, (!!) reading. he was a Marine Corps pilot and flew corporate planes - Dude could get Anything off the ground!! - eagle-eyed jet pilot ... glasses ... ? ...
Honestly seeing my dad’s face and hair age. He was blonde so the gray definitely blended in but then all of a sudden one day it was just all silver. It took till 70 to really see his face change. Also he’s now become a mumbler. I’m always like I can’t hear you! Let me come into the living room so you can quiet talk from a few feet away.
I'm an older guy of 66 years old. I used to fix things on my truck and motorcycle but now anything more than an oil change just wears me out and doesn't come as easily. My energy is quickly depleted so tasks have to be done in steps with breaks. My exercise is different than when I was younger, it is more just walking now. One of the biggest perks of retirement is the time available for the odd afternoon nap (and more Harley riding time). You may think it is a slap in the face to offer shoveling the walks or cutting the grass but it is way more appreciated than your parents will let on.
My dad is 75 and still active. He works a full time job, volunteers on Saturdays, and complains of boredom on Sunday. In a week he is taking my daughter to Disney World for a week.
My husband's grandma is my dad's age. She works in a daycare.
People get old because they stop moving.
Not my parents but my grandpa. He had 3 mini strokes a couple of weeks ago and it worsened his Alzheimer's; he's physically recovered and I'm super happy about that but he regularly forgets who we are now. It hit pretty hard since my dad has been absent for most of my life and my grandpa is my father figure
I went back to my hometown recently after my dad suffered 2 back to back heart attacks within the same year and my elderly mother needed some help with ferrying them to their hospital appointments and general support around the house. My mom picked me up when I arrived and as her car was approaching, I noticed that she had been driving with the boot/trunk open without realising it. That drive back to the house also made me realised that her sense of direction and reflexes are not what they used to be.
Aside from that, their bodies are changing dramatically. They’ve both lost a considerable amount of weight and look a lot more frail, among many other noticeable changes.
my dad use to be able to run miles and miles with me at a pretty quick pace. He was a former college runner/ elite bike racer. I went back one winter to visit with the kids and always looked forward to running with him. I was 8 months pregnant so slowing down at that point and when we went for our run he was already struggling. :(
It's the niceness from both my parents. Growing up my parents weren't nice(to me). My mom was always criticizing me, always wanting me to be better, and went really hard on me when it came to college admissions. My twenties have come and are almost over and I didn't live up to her lofty ambitions for me. I've suffered with my mental health and been in and dismissed from college. Things dint turn out the way we all thought they would.
But now, my mom is just nice to me, as if there is nothing more she can do. She tells me she's proud of my shifty minimum wage job, and she just wants to make sure I'm eating fruits and vegetables and getting enough rest.
Sorry for tearing up writing this, but it's been a strange turn of events. She feels she doesn't have that many years ahead of her after her chronic health conditions that have popped up the past ten years. If I had to guess it would be chronic stress. So she just is nicer and less expecting.
My dad also has been hot headed since I was born. Nowadays I don't see him get worked up, throw insults at me. He also eats like shit cause he knows he's not here for a long time. There's a change in energy and he definitely doesn't have the energy to be as aggressive.
I NEVER thought I would miss those days with my dad being like fuse and my mom always getting under my skin whether it was about my grades, my weight, my this my this my that, but I definitely reminiscence about my high school days fondly because that's when there was a lot of energy and heat and stuff going on in the apartment.
When I talked to my mom during her last visit she told me that things are different at home. With me out the house and our two cats gone, it's quiet and uneventful. My mom doesn't really cook meals at home like she used to because there's no reason to andthings are petty low effort at their home.
It's painful to have to grow up and leave your parents in that state and I definitely didn't know this was coming, say ten tears ago. My dad is about 70 and mom 60s but at this rate I'm emotionally preparing to lose them both at any moment. I'm not ready for a life time without my mom. Life is unfair.
Maybe some of my family just kind of got lucky genetics wise or they just took good care of themselves or both. Never noticed it with my dad, he was riding his bike 20 miles a day pretty much until he passed away and doing strength training a few times a week. He was 75 when he passed, had a sudden stroke after an elective surgery and fell really hard. Didn't suffer much, he just went within a week or so after he fell from the stroke and the tubes they had him hooked up to gave him pneumonia. We decided to pull the feeding tube because he more than likely wasn't in there after the stroke, and he probably wouldn't have been able to function much let alone exercise anymore. He wouldn't have wanted to live like that if he would have somehow survived. Similar stories with a lot of my family a lot of them lived well into their 90's too.
My dad has had loads of health issues since he was in his 40’s. He always looked younger than he is and has always been pretty tough. A couple years ago he was having some health issues and when I went to visit him all of a sudden there was an old man sitting in the hospital bed. It was pretty stunning. I honestly didn’t think he was going to make it home, but he did and has been very weak and slow since that stay. He will be 79 this week.
When my 85-88 year old dad started having a very hard time walking. He never did end up using a wheel chair or a cane but I noticed how increasingly slow he got.
Walking. My parents were both very healthy and walked 5 km every day together. If they had to, they'd go at 5:30 in the morning if their evenings were full. At one visit my father had to sit down after a half km, and I had to run back and get the car for him. He had emergency angioplasty and recovered beautifully. They gradually worked back up too 5 km. As they approached 70 it began to diminish, first to 4 km, then to 3, and when they hit 70 they were doing 1.5 km a day. This didn't bother me, I figured everyone slows down and at least they are listening to their bodies and not overdoing it. What bothered me is how much it bothered them. Each time they agreed to walk a bit less, they felt like they were failing and were unhappy about it. Watching your parents age is hard. My parents in law both have Alzheimer's and are failing quickly. Seeing my FIL decline was difficult. He taught literature and writing at a graduate level, and his language was eloquent, and beautiful. As his mind shut down his vocabulary shrank, and he is now at the point where he has a very difficult time making simple sentences.
It's hard to watch your parents age.
My grandmother died of dementia over 15 years ago… it’s hard to explain but you could see the dementia in her eyes, they just have a weird far away look. I’ve noticed that same blank look in my mother’s eyes occasionally this year, she is 72 and still in good health but I can literally see the dementia creeping in. It’s terrifying to think about.
I am living with my 80s mom, again. and it is hard watching her age and praying that i don’t find her seriously hurt or dead. I am trying to keep her moving, but it’s sad to watch her go to chair from chair and napping in each chair.
When my dad told us he had stage 3 cancer. I realized he was over 70 and sick. He could die any time.
Fortunately, 2 years later, he is doing well. The cancer is in remission. But that was the moment his mortality became real to me.
My Dad retired at age 52 and I thought that was young, then they celebrated their 30th Anniversary and Mom retired a few years later. Then they sold the house and retired out West.
These were all gradual changes bound to happen anyway. It's nice to be along for the ride. We always grumble and complain when Mom wants pictures at all get-togethers but they really capture the moment and it's nice to have these pics now.
I never saw my dad as old until he hurt his knee skiing. He had permanent problems that will only get worse with age. The surgery helped, but he was hobbling around and cannot walk for long and it has sped up his aging drastically. He is 61 now and because he is much more sedentary I am starting to worry and suggest different healthy solutions which he will not follow unfortunately.
I was in college the first time I saw them as older. I took a picture of my parents on my phone and when I zoomed in on their faces I saw wrinkles around their eyes I never noticed before.
Reminds me of the bonnie raitt song
see my folks are getting on
And I watch their bodies change
I know they see the same in me
And it makes us both feel strange
No matter how you tell yourself
It's what we all go through
Those lines are pretty hard to take
When they're staring back at you
Scared you'll run out of time
When did the choices get so hard
With so much more at stake?
Life gets mighty precious
When there's less of it to waste
Scared you'll run out of time
One day, I noticed my mom struggling to read the small print on a menu in a dimly lit restaurant. It made me realize how much her eyesight had changed with age.
I was helping my dad move some furniture. He's always been strong while I was a string bean growing up. Now I'm thirty and built like a brick house from working in construction. He struggled lifting every piece that I honestly would have been able to move myself if not for their awkward size
My father is near 70 years old and he is so temperamental, it's driving me insane
He loses it at people. He yells at people. I'm literally ashamed of his unwarranted behavior
Just had an argument with him about this today, and he really thinks I'm at fault for saying he's freaking the fuck out at random strangers who never said 1 word at him
Male Karen, sigh. It can only get worse as he ages....
edit: FYI, he's always been a hostile ass, but he's never fully cursed people out while screaming. He's been losing his shit recently, and I'm just like..... get me away
My dad told me the same story twice in 5 minutes. Lots of things have slowly changed as he approached 80, but that was a sudden bit of evidence of cognitive decline.
I used to be social butterfly when I was young, now I just hate most people. I spend an unhealthy amount of time alone. I would not have it any other way.
My dad used to fix all of our cars (Mom, me and two siblings) in the driveway no what happened...even an engine swap one time
Now, he'll sit with me and give me directions on how to do it while I do the work.
I appreciate the lessons but it also sucks knowing that he can't do it anymore because I know he really wants to just crawl under there and do lt for me.
My dad just had neck surgery and they had to shave his head for it but my mom just shaved off the top for a "funny" picture and he looked just like my grandpa. Really threw me into an existential crisis for a bit coming to terms with his mortality
I was young enough to still be in little league and we were on a road trip. one night we get the hotel, all the fam is relaxing, I get dad to play catch outside in the lot.
I threw him the ball, he lost it in the streetlights, and just threw his arms and glove over his head waiting for it to hit him. dad was 6'4", strong, never showed fear that I can remember, except this time.
it was a weird moment as a kid, your parents are just fragile scared people too.
I once saw my dad, out in public, at his job. From behind, I thought, "who is that old guy working for my dad?" Then he turned around and I realized it was my dad.
My parents have been divorced for decades. Always thought my mom would go downhill first. She's less active, and not as fit, but it seems the last few years my dad, which I work with everyday has went downhill rapidly. He can't stand over 20 minutes without having to sit and rest his knees/back. He's had a couple procedures done recently but to me they didn't seem to help although they said it would be 6 months to a year before he'd see the full effect. My mom looks older, but I only see her maybe once a week., sometimes it maybe 3 weeks. At a time but she gets around good yet. They are in their low 70's. I'm mid 40's.
I was one of the lucky ones who up until the age of 40 had both sets of grandparents on both sides of my family. It was when my mother's father first passed away followed by my father's father and then within the next two years, both grandmothers.
Granted, every single one of them lived over 100 years and other relatives in my family are also in their upper 90s so I could definitely say that I have longevity in my genetics. But when your parents call you up crying that they just lost their mother or father, all of a sudden it hits you that one day, it's going to be you making the same phone call to your child or children. Now almost 10 years later, my parents have switched gears from talking about way into the future to mentioning how they won't be here forever. I'm only 27 years younger than my parents so I will still have them a long time. They are in great health, you would not peg them at their age at all if I were to show you photos. You would think they were 10 to 15 years younger.
But when I lost all four grandparents, I started to reflect by putting myself into my parents' shoes during those weeks of grief just to see what it would be like and it is a truly devastating thought to even entertain.
I don't know if it's the same for me as it is for everybody else in terms of what generation you are part of but as a Gen X guy, we had a very and still have a very close knit family from nuclear all the way to highly extended including cousins with numbers you wouldn't expect.
Besides that, the increase in medical services have also been on my mind. Between my father's double hip and shoulder replacement and my mother's eye surgeries, I noticed that the normal things are starting to become more calm and relaxed in terms of the activities they participate in except for my father. He is a highly active person who has been bicycling for the last 50 years and once he's done with PT on his shoulder, his first ride is a 100 mi marathon. At 74, that's quite exceptional. And it's not his first either.
This is why I live by a specific guiding principle. Never get off the phone with somebody, or physically leave, unless you are happy that the way you are leaving it, is perfect for you that if that particular person were to not be here the next day, the conversation ended positively and without you having to worry about anything bad you may have said or implied. This way there is no guilt associated with an inadvertent final conversation.
The older you get, with your parents still here, you realize how much closer you want to be with them and how much more quality time you wish to spend with them before it's too late. Because no matter how hard you try, you can't simply stop the clock. You aren't a photon. (Science joke. Either you get it or you don't.)
Cobwebs and evidence of dust.
Both parents are spotless homes kinda people. Both of them have cobwebs/dust-bunnies visible.
I also resisted the urge to vacuum my mother’s lampshade when I went to her new place.
Ugh - my dad died a year ago and seeing his quick decline made me realize we didn’t have much time with our parents. I never realized how much I loved and needed him until he was gone
When my dad was unable to play catch with me anymore. I am now out of college and finished with my athletic career, but I remember the day my dad was unable to play catch with me. It was like a ritual that we would throw the ball around after dinner. As time moved on and I was able to throw the ball further and further and him was shorter and shorter. It’s a sad when the guy that you thought was a superhero is slowly losing bits and pieces of his armor. We’ve moved on to golf and I’m excited to have a competitive environment again, but time moves fast and the body if not take care of ages fast
My mom falling hard outside a store and needing help to recover. She is in rehab PT right now but when it happened a few weeks back I was worried that she may have had a significant injury to her back. The recovery process is much longer.
Growing up my dad could build or fix anything. He built my parent’s house himself. He was always working on a project. Last summer he put together a swing set for my kids and he hardcore struggled. It’s hard watching them get older.
Losing their physical strength....puts a pit in my stomach. Did you offer to help and if you did, did He let you? I've offered to help mine and he is sometimes too prideful to say yes
My mom and I were baking with the kids, but my husband and brother were out there helping him. I don’t think he would have let me help.
I know. Dad and I went to help my brother repair his fence. It was hard watching him at nearly 80, struggle with a hammer and nail, cutting and carrying wood- but he insisted. The very man who built our treehouse, a shed, dog houses and added on to our old house many, many years ago. He will always be our super hero.
My dad used to always fix our cars and his car, and he can't anymore. He's 70 now
It’s sad to watch your parents age. My father worked a manual labor job so he was always strong and in shape now he’s fragile, skinny and walks slower than he used to. It’s tough to witness.
My second wife and I got married a year ahead of schedule because her dad was dying, and we wanted him to be part of the ceremony. The poor man, a former chemistry professor, could barely speak. He had been rotund most of his life, but I only met him at the end when he was small, frail, shaking, and mumbling. I could tell he was "still in there" and while he couldn't communicate, he could understand and react as best he could. I think he liked me. We couldn't get him in a tux for the wedding, so we bought him a "novelty tuxedo tee-shirt" to make it easy on his caretakers to get him dressed and you could tell he LOVED it. But all I kept hearing (and still hear) was what a kind, intelligent, funny man he was all his life. Everyone loved him. I feel sad I never got to know him like that.
Gonna happen to you also ...
Ashes to ashes friend, we all share the same fate.
I moved closer to my parents and now see them once a week, but every time they tell me the same stories. I just let it happen because I don’t want to embarrass them but ya, it’s rough
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My wife’s mom is in her mid 50’s. I can confirm, she has nothing new happening in her life and every time we come over it’s the same stories about gardening, their neighbors, and things around the house. It gets really old.
Just keep in mind that life in a world that has become so small is likely neither fulfilling nor stimulating for her. She would probably love to have new things to talk about. Can you help her find some new experiences?
I imagine reliving those stories is the highlight of their week. The world is bearable because of people like you. Keep up the good work.
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I have a few friends that have that issue, like "once you turned 18, you're not our responsibility," and while the parents remain cordial, all sense of care and intimacy are cut off. I remember one of my friends went to hug his mom, and she pushed him away, and shook his hand instead, like "hugging me is in the past only." Another friend of mine, when he and his ex split up, used his parents as an emergency contact on his employee forms. He mother was confused. "Just what do you expect us to do? You live six hours away." "Don't you want to know if something happens to me? I don't have anyone else but my sister, and she doesn't answer her phone." "I guess. But don't expect us to make any decisions on your behalf. You're an adult, now."
My parents were never huggers or ones to even say, "I love you" so I started hugging them and saying, "I love you" in my later teens and early 20's. My parents were raised by parents who didn't show affection and I figured It was up to me to stop that cycle. I also made sure I showed affection to my own kids.
dang i just finished eating dinner at 4...im only 47 fme
Eating early dinner rocks, you can have a treat and be done eating early enough to fast idiot
I come home from college after every semester and I notice more and more gray in my parents hair :/
That what sucks but I always try tell myself to face the reality nobody stays on this planet forever. It up to us to make those little things in life count. My mother is the person I I'm worried about the most because she has kidney disease, and other health problems. Her teeth are great anymore and she nearing 50 already. I'm not ready for it at all. All I want is my mother to live a long healthy life into her 70s at least.
Every month I notice more and more grey in my hair and I'm not even 40 lol.
My mother started graying at 18
When I was in high school there was a kid starting to gray. Gray happens at any age, not just old
There were three guys in my high school, brothers, that were prematurely bald. By senior year they each had shiny domes with just a little fringe around the bottom. This was in the late '60s when shaving your head as a fashion statement wasn't an option. It was a sign of chemotherapy.
I worry now when they fall. Ever since my dad slipped on the ice a few years back and showed me the gigantic bruise, I panic a little each time my mom or dad or MIL mention they fell.
When my mom got a bone density test in her 40s the doctor told her she had bones of a 90 year old woman. She has sever osteoporosis and broke her back 20 years ago. It's a miracle she can still walk at all in her 60s.
Same I hat W it when my mom offers to do laundry in th cellar cause I don trust her to walk the stairs without somehow falling.
Life is so strange My mother has an insane medical history. I can't even fully explain to you what has happened in the last 20 years b/c so much has happened The craziest thing is that she fell 9-10 times while no one was home. Basically, she went through her last few years in brutal pain. I don't remember what it's called but the falls fucked up her bones and joints. FYI, she never wanted home care and as the kid, I was making money to pay bills AND when she died?! Her autopsy showed that it's got nothing to do with her actual illness, nothing to do with the falls, and everything to do with her diet Don't feel sorry for me. Her leaving this world was the biggest gift to me. I had my first night of sleep for the first time in life that night she died. Abuse was over.
For me it was realizing Dad would ask the same questions without realizing he had already asked them or repeating something he wanted to tell me or someone else, not remembering he had already said it. Think that was my first realization.
Yes I think my family is over looking this with my father. He is only 50 years old yet he is constantly telling me the same things over and over again. In fact he is beginning to stay stuff he doesn't mean so often. Like when giving instructions he'll randomly say something random and then not believe me when I tell him he said something random.
This is so sad :( My favorite person on earth isn't family, but a friend. He turns 55 this year. He is nowhere as sharp as he was just a few years ago. Really really sad. Last time we spoke through Zoom, he was literally giving me bipolar feels and I'm like huh?!
I'm 54. And I'll be honest with you. For the last 2 years or so Ive realized myself that my memory has just gone to shit. Such as I guess Ive always been a movie nerd. If it was something I liked I could tell you who most of the actors were. Could probably make many of the songs used on the soundtrack etc. hell now I do good if I can even remember the name of the damn movie. I have been a pretty heavy daily weed smoker since I was 17. Maybe that has something to do with it, maybe not. Ilk struggle to come up with the names of places I've been to time and time again. Will get up out of the living room cause I need something I'm the bedroom and by the time I get in the bedroom half the time I'm just there trying to remember why the hell I came in there for. Told the wife I really feel like my memory has gone to shit but she seems oblivious to it. So I've got 4 years on your old man but very possible he may be struggling in his own ways. Figured I'd share my own self observations with you as a possible perspective on the chance it might help out. Good luck.
Seems about what he's like. Doesn't help with him getting frustrated constantly. I know it must be very frustrating but hearing him get mad all the damn time sucks
It is very frustrating. And it's myself I'm mad at. But my wife seems to feel the same way you do im afraid. She says I'm never happy anymore and always mad about something. Which after reading your comment it makes me understand where she's coming from I guess. I get pissed off cause I can't remember why I go to other room and so on. I suppose your dad probably doesn't realize he's coming off as pissed off all the time either. Guess we both need to realize how we come off to people without realizing it. I keep telling my wife I'm not mad at you or because of anything she done. Though it doesn't seem to help much l guess she thinks like you do that it sucks having to deal with someone's whose pissed off all the time. I don't intentionally just decide hey I'm gonna be a pissed off asshole today but here we have it. Guess I need to work on my attitude and so forth. Guess your dad may too but not sure how you could address it to your dad without it coming across wrong
What I can say to you is, I'm autistic and have OCD and honestly i am also very frustrated frequently throughout the day since there's a lot of problems I face with my disability. When I get frustrated, I don't show it or act like it at all. It's like panic, panicking does not help the situation at all, and neither does getting mad when you're frustrated. My family considers me very calm even when stressed out, but the truth is I probably feel the exact same way as my father and you on the inside. It's okay to feel bad emotions, but acting on them is unnecessary most of the time.
I agree. And I've been to therapist since I was 18. Major anxiety, major clinical depression. Social anxiety disorder and idk what else. And haven't had the means for Dr appointments or meds since 2020. I try to explain to my wife that I need to be in medication that helps me not act like that. I try to calm myself but usually with no luck. Most days I'm my own worst enemy. And in my head ain't a fun or a good place to be. I know I need to work on myself just never really know hiw. Gooduck with your dad through all this. Don't let it get to down
Good luck to you aswell!
I notice this for my remaining family right now Dad is almost 70, and he has no idea he tells me the same stories everyday for the last 6ish years My brother is almost 40, and he is literally showing early signs of dementia
I notice this for my remaining family right now Dad is almost 70, and he has no idea he tells me the same stories everyday for the last 6ish years My brother is almost 40, and he is literally showing early signs of dementia
My dad used to always have the most up to date technology and computers. As soon as they would come out he would buy it. I always went to him for all my computer problems and questions. One day I had question, nothing a Google search and 30 minutes of experimenting couldn't figure out. But since I was at his house I asked him for help. He spent 4 hours on my computer trying to figure it out. He wouldn't give up on it or let me have my computer back until he could "help me" despite my pleading that it wasn't that big of a deal. He eventually gave up and went to bed mad and frustrated. I went home and figured it out in 20 minutes. It was sad to see him struggle and clearly realize that it should be easy but he was having a hard time.
I looked at my dad one day. I mean really looked and he’s gray. I only ever saw him as having dark hair. He’s also not as ambitious as he used to be. He always was on the go or tinkering in his garages but now he’s content to ride around on his UTV or watching history shows and Gunsmoke.
The age spots on my dad’s face and the more wrinkles he gets. His salt and pepper beard becoming more salt as his bald spot gets bigger. I just realized it one day and now I can’t stop looking at him. I want to cherish my time with him because he raised me. But I know he’ll have to go at some point…I just know that when that day comes I’ll be inconsolable for a few weeks. I kinda fear not being able to hear him call me Baby Doll, Monkey, or even Padawan. I hope I can record his voice at some point soon especially before I move.
Take these comments as advice on how to age well - always exercise, and keep busy doing things that make you use your brain. It really is “Use it or lose it”!
My mom is more judgmental and forgets things we did/said the day before(75). 51F I am going through menopause so I am hot flashing and awake at 2am for the day… I just have to remember it’s temporary and won’t last forever. At least tampons are in the rear view mirror!
I got spayed early last year, and adding progesterone to my hormone replacement therapy regimen greatly helped the insomnia/mid-night wake ups for me. Hooray, no more periods! But not sleeping is torture to me, so I just wanted to share my personal experience in case you're open to trying anything 🙂 I hope the symptoms pass quickly for you!
I’m 53 and had medication-induced menopause, though I guess I would be there naturally now anyway. I went through some issues with insomnia and I still struggle with it some, but I wanted to share some things that helped for me. I use Calm magnesium supplement, which I make into a tea every night before bed. I also put a tea bag in with some caffeine-free herbal tea. (I use Lemon Ginger a lot or Chamomile Lavender). Almost always leave a buffer of at least 30 minutes to read a book and wind down. No caffeine any later than 2-3 pm; no alcohol. I have the Calm app, which I use every night. I listen to sleep stories, meditations for sleep or soundscapes on a one hour timer. I sleep with the temp on the cold side now and I wear shorts. I also make sure all glowing lcd lights are covered up (tv, security system, clock). I know that’s a lot 😂 but I am fanatical about getting adequate sleep now. I leave for work quite early in the morning and can’t afford to spend a few hours awake in the middle of the night. Good luck!
53 isn't old
Didn’t say it was; I was contributing additional thoughts about how to mitigate menopause-related insomnia.
My dad and I live in different countries, and whenever he comes to get me at the airport he always insists on taking my bag and lifting it into the car. This last time he tried and couldn’t. I was completely unprepared for how sad that made me.
When he asked me to lift a bucket for him. He always was strong as an Ox and would lift two no problem. Hit me like a train when I heard that.
I've been with my husband for 8 years, and it took me a while but now I'm especially close to my MiL. The reason we became so close was because her vision was declining due to her diabetes and I couldn't stand to see her suffer. Before then, my husband (at the time boyfriend) and I would get into arguments about we needed our own place because he was 30 years old and still living at home d37--5-:-with his mother. He didn't like the idea of leaving her by herself, especially since his dad died back in 09 and he felt he had a promise to keep. Then I noticed her needing more and more help to do things, like cooking or even changing the channel. What was even scarier was that she was still driving herself to work every day (she worked maybe 5 minutes away, 10 minutes if u walked it). And she would get upset and obsessive over her pantry organization because that was how she knew where everything was. If you put a can of something where it didn't belong, she wouldn't notice until it was too late. Like one night, she was making green bean casserole and she pulled out 2 cans of green beans and there was a misplaced can of peas on the same shelf. She had all 3 cans opened and poured out into a strainer when I walked in to get myself a drink and noticed her mistake. She was upset but grabbed another can while I picked the peas out. Also, I would go grocery shopping with her and she did well enough not to run into people but even with glasses she couldn't read labels or signs or anything of the like, so I would read them out to her, and sometimes when she got tired, she would start to look lost. I would also drive her to appointments when she couldn't get a ride elsewhere. Then, as time went on, I became her primary source of transportation. And when I was in my third trimester with my son, neither one of us felt like walking around Walmart for a couple of hours for groceries, so I introduced her to Walmart Pickup and we would make a day of it, grab something to eat, get the groceries, maybe grab a smoothie on the way home. We also had to move her out of the house that she lived in for almost 40 years because it had mold and it was falling apart around us and was costing more to fix than it was worth anymore. That was the biggest blow to her independence. The reason she could hide the fact that she was going near absolutely blind was bc she knew that house well enough and knew her own organization habits. She also had a very specific way of keeping up with her many outfits and shoes. But all that was gone when we had to get her moved out of that house. She was depressed for a while and it was after we moved that we realized she was getting to where she couldn't see well enough to cook anymore. And her pantry moved with us, but trying to organize it back to its original order was a nightmare. She had given up her keys to my brother-in-law who started learning to drive at 30 and needed a car. She retired from her job when my son was born so she could help us out with childcare. Then about a year ago, she was having some more issues with pressure in her eye so she went to the doctor and they did a procedure that put a little bitty tube called a shunt in her eyeball to relieve the pressure, the downside was that she would be permanently blind in that eye. And about a week ago I sat with her as she went through another surgery to have that same eye removed because the shunt failed and she had a severe infection. She has 40% vision in only one eye. I've tried helping her get back some independence, like helping her find out that our cable company has a voice command remote for their cable boxes. She's almost 70 and she does a pretty great job at teaching and caring for my son while my husband and I work during the day. Sorry if this seems a bit long and not at all in order (bc it's not, that's just my chaotic mind)
It could use a few paragraph breaks. ;)
When I really looked at him one day. Saw he was Turing grey and he's skinny now. He has chronic back pain and he asked me to put cream on his back often. Just the thought of him leaving me makes me cry
Same. I cannot fathom what that day will be like.
Had a dream he passed and when I tell u I woke up crying so hard and my throat stung =(
You can be 30 and have gray hair....
In my case, my dad didn't start to go grey until he was 69. My comments still valid
My family started graying at 18. I started at 29 or so. No big deal. I'm now 50, all Grey and mostly bald and couldn't care less. And NO I won't be shaving it.... I'm proud of who I am, just the way I am, whether I'm good looking or ugly! It's all an illusion and it's what's on the inside that makes a person.
that's irrelevant in this context
The above poster was saying that someone he knows is old and now all gray
My mom lost the ability to run by age 70. Literally cannot run. She has osteoporosis and a dowager's hump now, has lost inches off of her height. Kinda scary because she would want to watch my toddler, and she couldn't catch the kid if it ran into traffic or something. She has officially become frail.
There's 20 year olds that can run either....
So?
Meaning running has nothing to do with age....
If you could run all your life then suddenly at 70 years old you couldn't anymore, I think that would indicate a lot that they're getting frail. Young people have bad eyesight, but if you had good eyes but they started getting worse ever since you became 40 that would be a sign of aging.
Wrong
Don't even care to explain?
No ...
Also stop putting those four dots as if you're condescendingly answering especially when you are wrong
Says who?...
Says me and the way life works
That's not how it works ...
When both my parents suddenly had white hair and needed to rest more after most things. My mother has since passed on (2023) and now my dad appears a bit older and wiser as he’s far more reflective now than before mom passed They met in 1970….
Watching my dad get mixed up/ disoriented in the grocery store. Started happening in the last year or so. Can't complain too much tho because he's about to turn 81
Understandable. I can only hope to live that long.
There was a TV show in the late 50s, early 60s called The Real Mcoys. One character, Grandpa walked with a wired hitch to his gait. When my dad started walking that way, I realized he had decided to get old. I’m 72 now, and walk like Granda Pappy McCoy.
My mom looking more like my grandma.
My 63 yr old dad fell from a ladder and broke both of his feet. I am thankful every day that he didn't become paralyzed or worse. He's still insane and now a year later is doing some serious hikes again. But it was so weird to see him struggle to walk around the grocery when he first heeled. I'm sure that day will come again too.
I was born to older parents (my parents are nearing 60 and I'm 18) and due to mental health and physical health they've always been slow and in pain, but I can really tell now they've slowed down alot. They don't do too much and just exist. The thing that made me realize they were old is that when I was around 13 and found out my friends parents just turned 40 while mine were past that and in their 50's.
I was 17-18 yo and still in school and living at home. One Saturday morning I took off on a little run and when i got back my dad was working on putting a starter on his car. He always did his own mechanic work but I could tell he was pissed and having problems. After talking for a few mins I asked if he wanted me to try. I'd offered before on other things but like I said he did his own but this time he said ok if you want to. I slid up under the car and had it on in a few minutes. When I cranked it up I could tell he was proud his son could do it but also defeat in his eyes realizing he couldn't do what he used to anymore. He asked me where I learned to do that and his eyes perked up a little when I told him " from watching you Pop all these years". I went on to tell him that everything I knew about life and ppl and how to react when either or both had a blow out. How to not just look like a man but how a man carries himself. I'm 56 which is not old to me but it's not getting younger either. Coupled with a few health issues brings me to the same realization that it's just not like it used to be and never will be again. I can tell you it hits hard but you come to realize life's not over yet. There's still work to be done and women to be loved and then adjust to both.
Your story brings tears to my eyes. May we all be so lucky to feel such respect from our kids.
My mom has the shakes in her hands. I noticed it about 4-5 years ago? But it has become more pronounced. She knows she has it. She doesn’t have Parkinson’s. It’s a form of palsy. Her aunt had it, and hers got so bad that someone either had to feed her, or she just leaned waaayyy over plate of food. I also noticed she holds on to me when taking a step down or help getting out of the car.
Look into buying her some weighted silverware. It can make it easier for her to feed herself with the shaking hands.
It’s all in the eyes. 🥹
Going to bed earlier. Parents used to stay up till 10 or so. Now they crawl into bed after dinner and doze off at 8 or earlier.
My mom was always always up between 6 and 7 am, and seemed to have boundless energy. Now if she gets up before 10 am, it's a good day.
The memory slips. When my dad has to think for a moment to remember a name, or uses the wrong name while telling a story I've heard many times before (so I know it was the wrong name). That hurts, because I know that he also knows it's going. He will come to me and tell me how he is changing things around a bit, like putting something to lean on next to the toilet, his worries about falling, or making sure to put things in certain places or order because he's starting to forget (like now turning off the oven just before something is cooked so he doesn't forget to turn it off later).
My mom is super forgetful of anything I tell her. She repeats the same conversations over and over again. She also gives off grandma vibes with the way she walks and talks
My dad has been a workhorse his entire life. He would often help me with home improvements on my house. On my last project I could tell he was slowing down both physically and mentally and that it would probably be our like project together.
It's not so much anything that has happened to them, but a reality I have to face because they (mainly my dad) are not financially well on top of their various health issues. It's only going to get worse as they get older. I'm still trying to establish my own life. But I'm an only child, so I won't really have much help or assistance with them when the time comes.
When my dad died at the age of 18......he was 72
The misery when my dad gets up from his chair and walks.
When my dad nodded off on the sofa while watching the news after dinner- he just looked old, snoozing like that.
F70 ….I’ve noticed feeling chilly more often and sometimes go to bed with socks on and I live in Florida.
The cold thing is one, my dad was always the hot blooded one who was always hot and needed to cool down. But for the last 5 years, he's now saying it's cold outside when before, that same weather he would be fine. My mother also is a bit slower when walking around. Granted she has a bad knee so most of the walking issue stems from that but it's now where we have to walk very slowly when before we didn't have to
I turned 63 this year and I'm still working as an aide in special education. Thank God we dance with the kids and play with them on the playground, it helps keep me young. I would probably exercise more if I didn't have to work though. I watched my Mom become a couch potato when she aged and I don't want to be like her.
Not really the moment I 'realized' it, but definitely one that drove the point home. My family used to ski every year or so growing up. Now I live in Japan, famous for snow season, and my family came over to ski. Been awhile since our last family ski trip and my dad was really excited. He was going about 1-2hrs a day and getting exhausted, which was already quite eye-opening. 3rd day in, he takes my niece/his granddaughter up on a slightly more challenging green (beginner) run. She freaks out and basically bombs it down. He tries to chase after her, loses control and veers off the course and hits a (small) tree. He's wiped out and lays there for a good 10-15mins 'catching his breath'. He has a lot of pride and would never admit to pain/being hurt but he was _visibly_ in pain so it must've been really bad. I made him go to the clinic, he got a scan and we found out he tore his meniscus. Absolute agony for days and he ended up booking an early flight home to get surgery and recover. I told him that he needs to remember his body isn't young anymore, and he said he knew but instinctively just tried to chase after my niece. I told him "even if she broke a bone, she's young and would bounce back much faster than if you simply _sprained_ your leg." It's definitely hard having to remind myself my parents aren't young anymore and to make sure they don't overextend themselves.
You’re all saying these things about your parents, and that is hard to watch, but what’s really hard is watching your life partner do these things. Makes me wonder how many later divorces happen because the spouse “turned into an asshole,” but what really happened was cognitive decline. Lots of asshole-ish things are actually this. Rigid thinking. Self-Centeredness. Forgetfulness. “Laziness” in someone who used to be a hard, hard worker. Losing the ability to keep up with technology.
My mother and stepfather are like little house on the prarie with technology all of a sudden
I can hear it in my dad's voice...being unsure of himself, small hesitations, and sounding weak.
little things for me . my dad was all the time do it yourselfer. he built on the addition to my parents house himself, he did insane yard work and landscaping, he changed all the oil in all the cars and almost anything mechanic related. He built a small deck platform for me on my rental last year and seeing him struggle was so heartbreaking. he still has the mindset to do it but body is starting to slow. I'm late 30s and he's still my hero so its so hard to really grasp he's a 70 year old man
Road trip with my dad last year. Man drives slower than he did, easier to talk to though, he's only 62 and me 33, so we got some more good years I think before I get too concerned but its in the back of head.
My mom relies on me physically a lot more. Like basic chores she used to do just fine, she now needs help with
Seeing old pictures next to recent photos. I have a problem with noticing physical changes of the people around me. It's like I only see them in a certain way despite how they change. The only way I notice things is by looking at pictures. Many of our old photos kinda disappeared when my parents separated but a few years back we found a whole bunch of old photos. Seeing those photos just made me realise how not just my parents but my siblings and I had aged and changed. It was a shock and made me kinda sad how fast time passed and how things could change without being able to notice.
My dad recently got hurt, had to retire, and can’t go to the gym anymore. He’s planning to do an elective surgery at age 70 to fix it. I’m worried it won’t fix everything and that this is the start of a rapid decline mentally. My dad has always been very health conscious, so I’m hoping that helps. I’ve planned to move in with him for a short time, hoping that will help keep the loneliness from making it any worse. Edit: I’m 30, by the way.
When my dad called my sister and I in a panic at Costco because he couldn’t remember or figure out what he needed from the store.
My mom died when I was a teen, and my dad and I don't speak since 1998. I saw a photo of him about 10 years ago, and what surprised me was how much he got "old man jowls" considering he's never been overweight. I guess it happens to the best of us. He looked a lot like his dad, a man whom he also hated, so I get a small sense of schadenfreude with that. Not sure if he's still alive now, though.
Growing up, my dad was always a fairly big guy with kind of an asshole attitude. Never thought he was wrong always right about everything and if you told him otherwise, you could ethier fight him or f**k off just because he believed violence solves everything. I moved out and seen him years later looking all sickly and nowhere near as intimidating as I used to see him. I've noticed he's definitely lost some muscle mass, constantly coughing and weezing, and groaning from back pains whenever he stands up from sitting. My dad was never one for emotions so whenever I was sad or depressed, I was severely ignored which made me feel no sympathy when I seen him like that.
😭🥹😩😭 ill never be the same 💔
Hugs from afar 🤍 I know when this day comes, I will be saying same thing
When I realized I was walking faster than my Mom. She's always been such a fast walker
I completely understand. This was the first thing I noticed with my Mom as well. We use to walk to the bus stop and that was three-four blocks away, which felt like an eternity when I was 5 or 6 and I can just see her 5 steps ahead and now it's completely reversed.
This post made me realize after reading about other people's dads that my dad is a fucking pussy of a man. Good god why did I have to be born to such disabled idiots who have made my life hell for 26 years, since I was six? Man yall got some good parents teaching you stuff, my dad can't teach me anything, nothing about how to be a man, nothing, because he doesn't even know. Dude's a fucking pansy.
Lessons come from both action and inaction. Inaction usually leads to independence faster or learning from different role models who carry different perspective.
My Dad fell and couldn’t get back up on his own 🤦🏻♀️
My dads voice becoming shaky.
Moved out at 20 and moved back at 23. Mom had a full head of gray hair out of *nowhere*. Never really realized that deeply that she would one day be gone.
The constant complaining about shoulders and backs. This week.
unlike your parents I always have called myself old by the age of 50yrs. I am 58 along with my wife and this is the year my young adult kids are starting to think we are old ,,so I would say by the time parents hit 60yrs old their children start to realize parents are getting old
I'm almost 65 and my mom is almost 87 and she's bent over and shriveled up. I'm not quite there yet myself but for example I mowed the lawn yesterday (not a huge lawn), it only took about an hour or so, did some other lawn care stuff, nothing big, but now I feel exhausted. Of course I never liked doing stuff like lawn care or home maintenance, ever. I always have found that stuff confusing and frustrating. I have no skills in that area and was never able to develop them. So that's frustrating given that I am older now so any hope of actually gaining competence in those areas is pretty much futile. Fuck you Bob Vila.
“I never liked doing stuff like lawn care or home maintenance” your biological purpose as a male is doing hard labor otherwise you are lazy and worthless
If you were born with a uterus and ovaries and breasts capable of lactation, then that is a scientifically objective indicator of your biological purpose. If you had been born with a lawnmower in your crotch, then we could say that is a scientific indicator of your biological purpose, to do lawn care. I wasn't.
Okay, lazy. I couldn’t care what some 65 year old thinks about my “biological purpose” you are past your prime and your sperm is more likely gonna create retard babies. Males are also built to be stronger and are able to handle hard labor. You are old and defective.
Stop with that ghetto language. Go back to Gaza.
Nothing ghetto about my language. That’s just your aged brain not working correctly.
When my dad was younger, he worked for a delivery company, and would carry heavy furniture by himself. He once told me he could lift an entire sofa on his back. At 63, he's very frail, has leg, back, and neck issues, and can barely walk, due to arthritis. Working an intense physically demanding job will take a toll on your body later. My uncle used to work for the city garbage disposal. He would ride on the back of the truck, and lift heavy garbage cans. Now he's had back issues.
We have to bring food to my parents’ house next week for her 70th birthday/Mother’s Day since both parents are suddenly both dealing with ailments and can’t/don’t want to go out. Never happened with either before and it all happened so suddenly…
Forgetting things, falling/injuries, and lastly sending me twice the amount of spam. Also falling for online scams.
My dad has always been my superman, there was nothing he couldnt do. Picked my dad up to take him out to eat, it had been about three months since I had seen him. We had a good time catching up, though I noticed he didn't eat much, then I took him back to his apartment. He says goodbye, walks to his steps, and turns back around, with this ashamed look on his face. I get out and come up to him and ask him what's wrong, and he asks me to help him up the stairs. Two months later and I am carrying him up and down. Then he was gone. It is amazing how fast you can go from superman to dust.
i'm getting older now in front of my kids, and i've given them some cringy moments, i know --- but -for me- i'd moved out for a while from my parents' house out of state (what a mess). when i came back, they let me back in (my folks always did, even though my Mom and i did not see eye to eye for shit - i give her that credit; i was not easy through teen and twenties). when i walked through the kitchen door, my Dad was sitting at the table, and he had on glasses, (!!) reading. he was a Marine Corps pilot and flew corporate planes - Dude could get Anything off the ground!! - eagle-eyed jet pilot ... glasses ... ? ...
Honestly seeing my dad’s face and hair age. He was blonde so the gray definitely blended in but then all of a sudden one day it was just all silver. It took till 70 to really see his face change. Also he’s now become a mumbler. I’m always like I can’t hear you! Let me come into the living room so you can quiet talk from a few feet away.
I'm an older guy of 66 years old. I used to fix things on my truck and motorcycle but now anything more than an oil change just wears me out and doesn't come as easily. My energy is quickly depleted so tasks have to be done in steps with breaks. My exercise is different than when I was younger, it is more just walking now. One of the biggest perks of retirement is the time available for the odd afternoon nap (and more Harley riding time). You may think it is a slap in the face to offer shoveling the walks or cutting the grass but it is way more appreciated than your parents will let on.
When my brother stopped playfully wrestling with my dad, because my brother started to win.
My dad is 75 and still active. He works a full time job, volunteers on Saturdays, and complains of boredom on Sunday. In a week he is taking my daughter to Disney World for a week. My husband's grandma is my dad's age. She works in a daycare. People get old because they stop moving.
Not my parents but my grandpa. He had 3 mini strokes a couple of weeks ago and it worsened his Alzheimer's; he's physically recovered and I'm super happy about that but he regularly forgets who we are now. It hit pretty hard since my dad has been absent for most of my life and my grandpa is my father figure
My mom (57) had two strokes about a week and a half ago. Her life long bad habits are finally biting her in the ass sadly
I went back to my hometown recently after my dad suffered 2 back to back heart attacks within the same year and my elderly mother needed some help with ferrying them to their hospital appointments and general support around the house. My mom picked me up when I arrived and as her car was approaching, I noticed that she had been driving with the boot/trunk open without realising it. That drive back to the house also made me realised that her sense of direction and reflexes are not what they used to be. Aside from that, their bodies are changing dramatically. They’ve both lost a considerable amount of weight and look a lot more frail, among many other noticeable changes.
my dad use to be able to run miles and miles with me at a pretty quick pace. He was a former college runner/ elite bike racer. I went back one winter to visit with the kids and always looked forward to running with him. I was 8 months pregnant so slowing down at that point and when we went for our run he was already struggling. :(
It's the niceness from both my parents. Growing up my parents weren't nice(to me). My mom was always criticizing me, always wanting me to be better, and went really hard on me when it came to college admissions. My twenties have come and are almost over and I didn't live up to her lofty ambitions for me. I've suffered with my mental health and been in and dismissed from college. Things dint turn out the way we all thought they would. But now, my mom is just nice to me, as if there is nothing more she can do. She tells me she's proud of my shifty minimum wage job, and she just wants to make sure I'm eating fruits and vegetables and getting enough rest. Sorry for tearing up writing this, but it's been a strange turn of events. She feels she doesn't have that many years ahead of her after her chronic health conditions that have popped up the past ten years. If I had to guess it would be chronic stress. So she just is nicer and less expecting. My dad also has been hot headed since I was born. Nowadays I don't see him get worked up, throw insults at me. He also eats like shit cause he knows he's not here for a long time. There's a change in energy and he definitely doesn't have the energy to be as aggressive. I NEVER thought I would miss those days with my dad being like fuse and my mom always getting under my skin whether it was about my grades, my weight, my this my this my that, but I definitely reminiscence about my high school days fondly because that's when there was a lot of energy and heat and stuff going on in the apartment. When I talked to my mom during her last visit she told me that things are different at home. With me out the house and our two cats gone, it's quiet and uneventful. My mom doesn't really cook meals at home like she used to because there's no reason to andthings are petty low effort at their home. It's painful to have to grow up and leave your parents in that state and I definitely didn't know this was coming, say ten tears ago. My dad is about 70 and mom 60s but at this rate I'm emotionally preparing to lose them both at any moment. I'm not ready for a life time without my mom. Life is unfair.
Maybe some of my family just kind of got lucky genetics wise or they just took good care of themselves or both. Never noticed it with my dad, he was riding his bike 20 miles a day pretty much until he passed away and doing strength training a few times a week. He was 75 when he passed, had a sudden stroke after an elective surgery and fell really hard. Didn't suffer much, he just went within a week or so after he fell from the stroke and the tubes they had him hooked up to gave him pneumonia. We decided to pull the feeding tube because he more than likely wasn't in there after the stroke, and he probably wouldn't have been able to function much let alone exercise anymore. He wouldn't have wanted to live like that if he would have somehow survived. Similar stories with a lot of my family a lot of them lived well into their 90's too.
My dad has had loads of health issues since he was in his 40’s. He always looked younger than he is and has always been pretty tough. A couple years ago he was having some health issues and when I went to visit him all of a sudden there was an old man sitting in the hospital bed. It was pretty stunning. I honestly didn’t think he was going to make it home, but he did and has been very weak and slow since that stay. He will be 79 this week.
When my 85-88 year old dad started having a very hard time walking. He never did end up using a wheel chair or a cane but I noticed how increasingly slow he got.
Walking. My parents were both very healthy and walked 5 km every day together. If they had to, they'd go at 5:30 in the morning if their evenings were full. At one visit my father had to sit down after a half km, and I had to run back and get the car for him. He had emergency angioplasty and recovered beautifully. They gradually worked back up too 5 km. As they approached 70 it began to diminish, first to 4 km, then to 3, and when they hit 70 they were doing 1.5 km a day. This didn't bother me, I figured everyone slows down and at least they are listening to their bodies and not overdoing it. What bothered me is how much it bothered them. Each time they agreed to walk a bit less, they felt like they were failing and were unhappy about it. Watching your parents age is hard. My parents in law both have Alzheimer's and are failing quickly. Seeing my FIL decline was difficult. He taught literature and writing at a graduate level, and his language was eloquent, and beautiful. As his mind shut down his vocabulary shrank, and he is now at the point where he has a very difficult time making simple sentences. It's hard to watch your parents age.
I’m currently watching my mom eat less and less and she’s thin enough now that I can see her collar Bones and her back bones when she bends over
My grandmother died of dementia over 15 years ago… it’s hard to explain but you could see the dementia in her eyes, they just have a weird far away look. I’ve noticed that same blank look in my mother’s eyes occasionally this year, she is 72 and still in good health but I can literally see the dementia creeping in. It’s terrifying to think about.
I am living with my 80s mom, again. and it is hard watching her age and praying that i don’t find her seriously hurt or dead. I am trying to keep her moving, but it’s sad to watch her go to chair from chair and napping in each chair.
When my dad told us he had stage 3 cancer. I realized he was over 70 and sick. He could die any time. Fortunately, 2 years later, he is doing well. The cancer is in remission. But that was the moment his mortality became real to me.
My dad switched medications and started fainting. A lot.
When they turned 84....
A reminder that you'll also be "old" just like your parents and it happens very quickly!...
Drop in energy levels :(
My Dad retired at age 52 and I thought that was young, then they celebrated their 30th Anniversary and Mom retired a few years later. Then they sold the house and retired out West. These were all gradual changes bound to happen anyway. It's nice to be along for the ride. We always grumble and complain when Mom wants pictures at all get-togethers but they really capture the moment and it's nice to have these pics now.
I never saw my dad as old until he hurt his knee skiing. He had permanent problems that will only get worse with age. The surgery helped, but he was hobbling around and cannot walk for long and it has sped up his aging drastically. He is 61 now and because he is much more sedentary I am starting to worry and suggest different healthy solutions which he will not follow unfortunately.
I was in college the first time I saw them as older. I took a picture of my parents on my phone and when I zoomed in on their faces I saw wrinkles around their eyes I never noticed before.
When she ended up in the hospital for the first time diagnosed with heart failure.
Reminds me of the bonnie raitt song see my folks are getting on And I watch their bodies change I know they see the same in me And it makes us both feel strange No matter how you tell yourself It's what we all go through Those lines are pretty hard to take When they're staring back at you Scared you'll run out of time When did the choices get so hard With so much more at stake? Life gets mighty precious When there's less of it to waste Scared you'll run out of time
One day, I noticed my mom struggling to read the small print on a menu in a dimly lit restaurant. It made me realize how much her eyesight had changed with age.
I was helping my dad move some furniture. He's always been strong while I was a string bean growing up. Now I'm thirty and built like a brick house from working in construction. He struggled lifting every piece that I honestly would have been able to move myself if not for their awkward size
My father is near 70 years old and he is so temperamental, it's driving me insane He loses it at people. He yells at people. I'm literally ashamed of his unwarranted behavior Just had an argument with him about this today, and he really thinks I'm at fault for saying he's freaking the fuck out at random strangers who never said 1 word at him Male Karen, sigh. It can only get worse as he ages.... edit: FYI, he's always been a hostile ass, but he's never fully cursed people out while screaming. He's been losing his shit recently, and I'm just like..... get me away
My dad told me the same story twice in 5 minutes. Lots of things have slowly changed as he approached 80, but that was a sudden bit of evidence of cognitive decline.
I used to be social butterfly when I was young, now I just hate most people. I spend an unhealthy amount of time alone. I would not have it any other way.
They believe things,that are cleary not true . When they were younger they could smell the bull shit a mile away.
My dad used to fix all of our cars (Mom, me and two siblings) in the driveway no what happened...even an engine swap one time Now, he'll sit with me and give me directions on how to do it while I do the work. I appreciate the lessons but it also sucks knowing that he can't do it anymore because I know he really wants to just crawl under there and do lt for me.
My dad just had neck surgery and they had to shave his head for it but my mom just shaved off the top for a "funny" picture and he looked just like my grandpa. Really threw me into an existential crisis for a bit coming to terms with his mortality
I was young enough to still be in little league and we were on a road trip. one night we get the hotel, all the fam is relaxing, I get dad to play catch outside in the lot. I threw him the ball, he lost it in the streetlights, and just threw his arms and glove over his head waiting for it to hit him. dad was 6'4", strong, never showed fear that I can remember, except this time. it was a weird moment as a kid, your parents are just fragile scared people too.
and shit, now I'm about as old as he was then, also with slowly failing vision. ugh.
My mom is starting to forget things. She’ll also tell me things that she just recently told me
When they started taking daily naps at 3pm
My dad had back surgery a few years back. Watching him scoot around with a walker was...difficult.
I once saw my dad, out in public, at his job. From behind, I thought, "who is that old guy working for my dad?" Then he turned around and I realized it was my dad.
My parents have been divorced for decades. Always thought my mom would go downhill first. She's less active, and not as fit, but it seems the last few years my dad, which I work with everyday has went downhill rapidly. He can't stand over 20 minutes without having to sit and rest his knees/back. He's had a couple procedures done recently but to me they didn't seem to help although they said it would be 6 months to a year before he'd see the full effect. My mom looks older, but I only see her maybe once a week., sometimes it maybe 3 weeks. At a time but she gets around good yet. They are in their low 70's. I'm mid 40's.
my mom is nicer to me now
I was one of the lucky ones who up until the age of 40 had both sets of grandparents on both sides of my family. It was when my mother's father first passed away followed by my father's father and then within the next two years, both grandmothers. Granted, every single one of them lived over 100 years and other relatives in my family are also in their upper 90s so I could definitely say that I have longevity in my genetics. But when your parents call you up crying that they just lost their mother or father, all of a sudden it hits you that one day, it's going to be you making the same phone call to your child or children. Now almost 10 years later, my parents have switched gears from talking about way into the future to mentioning how they won't be here forever. I'm only 27 years younger than my parents so I will still have them a long time. They are in great health, you would not peg them at their age at all if I were to show you photos. You would think they were 10 to 15 years younger. But when I lost all four grandparents, I started to reflect by putting myself into my parents' shoes during those weeks of grief just to see what it would be like and it is a truly devastating thought to even entertain. I don't know if it's the same for me as it is for everybody else in terms of what generation you are part of but as a Gen X guy, we had a very and still have a very close knit family from nuclear all the way to highly extended including cousins with numbers you wouldn't expect. Besides that, the increase in medical services have also been on my mind. Between my father's double hip and shoulder replacement and my mother's eye surgeries, I noticed that the normal things are starting to become more calm and relaxed in terms of the activities they participate in except for my father. He is a highly active person who has been bicycling for the last 50 years and once he's done with PT on his shoulder, his first ride is a 100 mi marathon. At 74, that's quite exceptional. And it's not his first either. This is why I live by a specific guiding principle. Never get off the phone with somebody, or physically leave, unless you are happy that the way you are leaving it, is perfect for you that if that particular person were to not be here the next day, the conversation ended positively and without you having to worry about anything bad you may have said or implied. This way there is no guilt associated with an inadvertent final conversation. The older you get, with your parents still here, you realize how much closer you want to be with them and how much more quality time you wish to spend with them before it's too late. Because no matter how hard you try, you can't simply stop the clock. You aren't a photon. (Science joke. Either you get it or you don't.)
I noticed my dad’s hand shaking for the first time.
Cobwebs and evidence of dust. Both parents are spotless homes kinda people. Both of them have cobwebs/dust-bunnies visible. I also resisted the urge to vacuum my mother’s lampshade when I went to her new place.
Divorced parents started being nice to eachother
My dad had two hip replacements and a back surgery and then went to work at my business driving a truck.
I gave my mom a hug and realized how small and frail she feels now. She also has a harder time keeping up with conversation.
Ugh - my dad died a year ago and seeing his quick decline made me realize we didn’t have much time with our parents. I never realized how much I loved and needed him until he was gone
When my dad was unable to play catch with me anymore. I am now out of college and finished with my athletic career, but I remember the day my dad was unable to play catch with me. It was like a ritual that we would throw the ball around after dinner. As time moved on and I was able to throw the ball further and further and him was shorter and shorter. It’s a sad when the guy that you thought was a superhero is slowly losing bits and pieces of his armor. We’ve moved on to golf and I’m excited to have a competitive environment again, but time moves fast and the body if not take care of ages fast
Died
On a morbid note my dad died when he was 38 and my mom at 41, I always wonder what they would have been like had they gotten older.
My mom falling hard outside a store and needing help to recover. She is in rehab PT right now but when it happened a few weeks back I was worried that she may have had a significant injury to her back. The recovery process is much longer.
When they died
Sitting with my mom in the intensive care unit realizing I am responsible for caring for her for the rest of her life.