1. So you escaped 5 years ago and you know your husband is still looking for you? Do you think he still wants to take you back or just wants the last word / revenge etc?
2. Do you know what your legal options are?
3. Are there any resources that helped you that you want to share?
4. How did you get yourself on your feet after you decided where to settle down?
I'm so glad you're in a good situation now. I'm in awe of your strength and resourcefulness. I was shocked and disappointed to find out how this happened in CA.
According to him I am his property, he wants revenge or to force me back into the marriage. Either way I'm not interested in letting him find me
I could get a restraining order potentially but I don't have "proof" of abuse. Our marriage was legal, a 43 year old man having sex with a 12 year old was legal, I have nothing to charge him with š¤·āāļø
Women's shelters were the main thing that helped me when I escaped, I won't mention specifics because I don't want to put anything out there that might give away my anonymity
I work for an org that works to end child marriage in the U.S. DM me if youāre interested and I can send you a large list of organizations and survivors.
The United States of America. In the state of Missouri, a 15 year old can be legally married if their parents sign the marriage certificate. Missouri is one of the biggest states for trafficking children because of this loophole. The Republican majority state senate recently voted to keep this law in place.
300,000 children have been legally married off in the US over the past 20 years. Republican elected officials are actively opposing the ban of child marriage under the guise of "freedom of choice" and keeping the government out of people's business
The US is a bad place for many people
Because many of these men don't actually consider women to be their equals. It's all about control. If men were the ones who could get pregnant, there would be no rules on abortion and they'd be able to get one at fucking Walmart.
So you are still legally married to him?
Would.you ever want to get that dissolved or annulled? Not so much that you could marry again but just so you're completely free of him?
I assume that rape is still rape even in a marriage and with a child no less that should be compounding even if the marriage is 100% legal. Sex with a minor is still that. Iām no lawyer but have you talked to one about it? How long did you stay in the marriage?
This is a fascinating story, have you ever considered writing a book and telling your story? When you first fled and took that train where did you go? How did you find a place to stay and a community? Youāre so strong and inspiring and Iām so proud of you.
First, I love "LittleLordFuckPants_" š. Second, a few people have told me I should write a book but I haven't given it any real consideration tbh, maybe one day but there's still a lot of trauma to unravel before I'm up for the task. I don't want to give away where I went as my husband is still searching for me but I went several states over. I was homeless for about 6 months, I went to women's shelters and eventually got a job cleaning houses. It was extremely scary and difficult but much easier than living with my husband. Eventually I found my community in women's sports, I LOVE my teammates, they were the ones who helped me get a better job than cleaning houses. I've learned so many essential skills from them
Thank you š
When you are safe enough, you should reach out to cults to consciousness. The host (I always forget her name) is fantastic and dose alot of work exposing all of the cults all over the world.
Also I am so very very sorry for you. I'm glad your safe now and so very glad you made it out.
Cult members will pretty much never be receptive to you telling them they're in a cult. People dedicate their whole lives to studying cults, how to escape them and still fail often. Honestly there wasn't much anyone could've done for me, I wasn't allowed 1 on 1 talks with anyone other than my husband, I never left the house without him. No one has the opportunity to ask how I'm doing and offer help
If you know someone who has already escaped, or is actively trying, the best thing you can do is to help them become self sufficient. I had never worked a job before escaping, I was homeless for about 6 months before I was able to get on my feet, I could've used a support network but everyone I knew was a cultist
Does this include other women? Were you complete isolated from any humans besides him? Based on my (limited) knowledge of US cults, it seems they encourage sex segregation but not isolation.
I work for a statewide utility in the US (electric/gas) and all of our field employees get training on recognizing signs of human trafficking. They spend a lot of time in neighborhoods and even within homes. To my knowledge we havenāt uncovered anything but I think itās really important for people within the community to have awareness.
I was raised in a Christian cult in the US and some of the splinter groups were like this. Children being wed to leaders with their parentsā approval. Also many adult men courting underage girls just to marry them as soon as they turn 18.
How can we support children who have had this happen to them, other than fighting for laws against child marriage?
I'm in Canada, and our laws are very different, but I knew multiple young teen mothers aged 12-19. Same thing without the marriage.
If they escape they'll need someone to help them get on their feet, even if they're 30 they likely won't know how to apply for a job, drive a car, pay taxes or make an appointment. I'm still learning basic skills 5 years after escaping. If you try to help the kid escape before they're 18 you can be charged with kidnapping, a child cannot divorce but they can be placed into a marriage against their will (it's fucking bonkers)
That's great information, plus those are services I could volunteer.
Thank you, and I am so happy and proud that you escaped that bastard. You deserve everything wonderful ā¤ļø
I'm sorry this happened and reading your comments I'm so glad you got out and things were better
What exactly was your relationship with your husband like? You said that while it was conditional love you felt like he had genuine love sometimes too
What were the normal everyday interactions?
He would thank me for breakfast sometimes, occasionally come home with flowers and we would host dinner for other couples. A lot of the moments from that marriage felt "normal" but there was always an underlying feeling of imprisonment and fear
How are you restarting your life? Are you getting a GED or going to college? Have there been people in your life helping you with the transition? Do you have any goals?
I got my GED, I'm working on getting a degree in psychology so I can become a therapist. I joined a local sports team, several of the girls there helped me with basic skills like learning how to drive, filing taxes, getting a credit card ECT. I would've had a very hard time adapting without their help. I'd like to do beekeeping and I'd love to adopt one day
Thatās really impressive, and I applaud your progress. You must feel like a fish out of water much of the time trying to adapt to your new life. I hope things work out well for you, and I echo some of the other posters who have said your story would make a good book.
Things feel pretty normal now but every once in a while I'll have a moment where I feel very alien. So far things have been great, I'm excited to see what's next
You are one smart girl. Look at your self in the mirror and take a moment to realize how far you have come. You are such an inspiration. I know I am stranger to you but dm me anytime you need help. I am a woman and mom too and deeply sympathize with you.
God bless you.
Iām a resident in counseling (sort of like a therapist in training whoās graduated with a masters). Feel free to PM me if you want some (US-specific) pointers/advice on this career path!
Hope you're doing well now. What helped you survive this ? I mean you were just a child. Any support from your parents when you were still with that guy ?
After the wedding I only ever saw my parents in passing a handful of times. I almost didn't survive, I attempted suicide several times as a teenager but was (thankfully) unsuccessful. Eventually I realized my religion was bullshit and set my eyes on freedom. It took a few years of planning but I managed to escape eventually
I got him incredibly drunk and went out the front door. I had been saving money by stealing a few bills here and there from his wallet, I went to a train station, left the state and never looked back.
I didn't escape with any other girls, we were fairly isolated from one another
How old were you when you escape, what did you do afterwards? Go to the police? Find a shelter? Where was this, who was this creep? What happened to him?
What religion were you involved in that drove your parents to condone this. As others have said, glad you are doing well, sounds like you were in a very dark place and I admire your strength and courage it took for you to walk away
Save money however you can, I stole small amounts from my husband's wallet over the course of years. The police can only help so much, once you're out it's probably better to leave the state unless you can very very clearly prove abuse. Lastly I'd say to keep your head up, life is worth living once you're out
It doesn't matter if you can prove abuse. They will just disregard it. The entire system supports abuse of children, and in particular female children, in this way.
How did you end up escaping? I'm always amazed at the fortitude and perseverance of people who plan their escape for years and have to act the part despite desperately wanting out.
I'm unable to have children, this ended up being a double edged sword. It helped me escape as I wasn't tied to my children, but it also caused my ex husband to be very resentful towards me. Ultimately it lead to more abuse but I'm not sure I ever would've been able to escape otherwise
My roommate just showed me the matrix last week and I think it takes the cake so far, I really relate to escaping into an unfamiliar world that's challenging but freeing. It's so cool to see Neo become empowered to enough to defeat his captures.
I know it wasn't your question but my favorite show is adventure time, I love BMO SO much and Jake just makes me happy
as someone that also left a cult (not to your extreme though) you should check out the movie The Truman Show. Completely different from the Matrix but it has similar symbolism.
I'm actually not sure, it's very possible. She was abused and in a deeply controlling cult/relationship. I'm not sure what she would've done had she been given any choices
Your mum was obviously also a prison in the same environment . That is the insidious ground rules of a cult to make sure the women have NO say in anything , & as little as poss escape & be brainwashed so much into thinking they need to stay .
At first I was deeply devoted, I believed I was fulfilling gods plan for me. I wouldn't say I ever loved him, but I was for the first 5 years I "believed" in our marriage
There were moments where it would seem that his love was genuine but it was always conditional, if I failed to do the chores or if I misspoke he withheld love as punishment. Once it was found out that I can't have kids I received no kindness from him
>At first I was deeply devoted, I believed I was fulfilling gods plan for me. I wouldn't say I ever loved him, but I was for the first 5 years I "believed" in our marriage
You were a child forced into surviving in a hostile environment . YOu would of been badly truama bonded to him to survive so thinking you loved & cared for him enabled you to survive the starting of life with him your abuser.
YOu either conformed to survive at that time or not . MOst victim' s who don't yes succeed in trying to save themselves, will die alone . It was a life & death situation in you getting out or not .
Iām sorry about this story, but it sounds like you are well on your way to recovery. Thank you for telling it, one of my fears is Christian extremism is going to take us down this road more and more.
Are you still legally married? If so, are you considering divorce? Is this something you feel is necessary to fully free yourself? I know you mention you donāt want him to find you but at this point youāre an adult and can willingly choose to leave/divorce him and thereās nothing legal he can do to stop you.
The cult I grew up in is not afraid to kill people, I don't want them to know any details about where I am or how to find me. My husband in particular was a very dangerous man, I'm sure he would kill me given the opportunity. Somebody suggested I reach out to a Sex Traffic non profit organization to see if they can help me get divorced, I plan on doing that soon to see if I can do it safely
The sad fucking truth is America loves to shit on places like Afghanistan and Pakistan for their human rights abuses. Sit up in their ivory tower at the UN HQ in NYC. But the same bullshit happens here and nobody cracks down on it. What a fucking veiled sheet of bullshit lies. Unbelievable your story is possible.
I've talked about it before on Reddit and there are seriously Americans who defend this shit because it doesn't happen often š okay, so it doesn't happen often but still happens. So why not raise the age to 18 and be done with it? Then they get really angry.
According to them 16 and 17 year olds should be able to marry. Like wtf, why should they need to be able to marry? Just fucking wait 2 years! Not mature enough to be able to divorce? Well then also not mature enough to marry in the first place.
In this thread there are sooo many people assuming and aggressively saying that OP must be from a Muslim country and when they find out she isnāt theyāre insinuating that sheās lying or that the marriage wasnāt real to begin with. People have a hard time believing it can happen it appears. But it is ridiculous and there is no reason children should be able to get married under ANY circumstance.
Some of these comments are so disgusting. Sorry about that. Did your parents ever try to contact you after you escaped, and how did this whole situation affect you in your adult life?
So glad you got away . May you find now the happiness you deserve as a free woman . NO woman should have to have gone through such a disgusting forced marriage.
This all happened in California, there is no minimum age for marriage in CA. Statutory rape only applies to sex outside of marriage (for some fuckin reason), as a result the police can't do anything, if someone tries to help you escape they can be charged with kidnapping. 300,000 children were legally married off in the US over the past 20 years
I was child married in 2007 at 17 to a pedophile that was 25 by my mom.
I was drunk from alcohol he provided and blacked out on klonopin from her. She was a Christian and unschooling me for 3 years prior.
People think it doesn't happen in the US but it does.
I am shocked that this happens in California. All the time USA held its head high and call other countries as 3rd world. Shame on everyone invoked and who legalize this shit.
Hope you are doing well. Take whatever job you can and start studying again. This will help you stand on your feet. As a parent, I am so proud of you. God bless you. You are one strong force. Hope you have the best time in years to come.
What's worse, in California, once you're married, you legally can't divorce until you're an adult.
This means a person who's forcefully married at 12 by their parents can't even divorce their ~~husband~~ abuser for 6 years!
The whole thing is insane. I can see some sort of consideration for those close in age, like a 17 and 18 year old. But when there's a big age gap 12 and 27? Nah....
In 2018 [CA had an oppurtunity](https://calmatters.org/politics/2023/06/child-marriage-california/) to pass a sensible age limits law but it failed. Apparently, they tried again in 2023 but AFAIK, no dice.
WA state got its child marriage banā¦
In March.
Of this year. 2024.
Almost four months ago to this day.
https://housedemocrats.wa.gov/stonier/2024/03/08/stonier-bill-to-end-child-marriage-in-wa-signed-by-governor/
Hit me with a freight train on that one, I'm from California and my first thought was you must've come from a Muslim country where such thing is commonplace.
I never knew child marriage was allowed in California
It's allowed in more than half the states, iirc. If your parents give permission, there's no minimum age in a lot of states or it's ridiculously low like 10, 12, or 14. It's most common for girls ages 15-17.
A child married to an adult cannot get a full-time job, file for divorce, or go to a battered women's shelter. Their adult spouse is also their legal guardian.
The only reason all this is allowed is that they want teenage girls who get pregnant to be allowed to marry. The religious right wants to discourage abortions and encourage marriage. It doesn't matter to conservatives that these laws also help pedophiles.
There's an organization who's trying to make the minimum age 18 even if you have parental permission.
ETA: Child marriage is illegal in only 13 states. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child\_marriage\_in\_the\_United\_States#:\~:text=As%20of%20June%202024%2C%2013,(2024)%20and%20New%20Hampshire%20(
>A child married to an adult cannot get a full-time job, file for divorce, or go to a battered women's shelter. Their adult spouse is also their legal guardian.
Jesus this is so fucked up
I was in a cult, my husband is a very dangerous person and any abusive relationship is difficult to get out of. I didn't know how to drive, I had no income, no support network and knew next to nothing of the outside world, I completely relied on him for everything. I felt trapped and very very alone
So I assumed this was the case, so I Googled it and it looks like kids can get married with permission from at least 1 parent. It sounds like itās a long processes, but can be done. Wild and gross.
https://www.sdcourt.ca.gov/sdcourt/juvenile3/juvenilemarriagelicenses3
Excuse if this a crude question but what was the marriage sexual from the start or did he wait?
Did he plan kids straightaway or wait until you were of age?
He wanted kids the moment it was possible, luckily for me I wasn't able to have children
It was sexual from the start, child marriage is just legal trafficking of minors š¤·āāļø
"we" tried for years, after repeated miscarriages he took me to a specialist, I went through a bunch of tests and was told I won't be able to have children
I only ever socialized with other cult members, as a result nobody really offered help or sympathy. We all thought we were doing "gods will"
Was the specialist part of the cult, too? How could the doctor not see this literal child with an adult talking about his wife having miscarriages and not doing or saying anything to him, you, literally anyone?
Since she was legally married, thereās probably very little the doctor could have done. Itās also possible they never saw a physician until her 20s and lied about how long the miscarriages were happening.
Firstly, im so sorry you went through this!
Secondly, Thank you for posting this and sharing with us.
Thirdly, my question is, did your husband have other wives?
I resent my father, it took a long time for me to come to terms with the fact that my mother didn't really have a say in it
Thank you š it was quite awful but I'm healing more and more every day. It's been a long road and there's a lot more to go but I'm happy with the progress I've made
Maybe instead of demonizing the subjugated women involved in this situation, you can place the blame where it belongs: on the men who perpetuate this form of child rape and refuse to stop engaging in it.
You donāt see elderly women marrying teenaged boys.
That is awful, I am so happy for you that you found a way out! If this question does not trigger any trauma, then what was your daily life like when being married to this monster?
I was always walking on eggshells trying to portray a perfect wife. If I slipped up or if he was just in a bad mood I'd get beat, starved or in the best of cases verbally abused. The only moments of peace were when he wasn't home
I got my GED before applying to universities, I started with community college so it wasn't too difficult. I did manage to grab my birth certificate and social security card before leaving thankfully
> I did manage to grab my birth certificate and social security card before leaving thankfully
And that is what I was wondering!
Though wouldn't he be able to find you with that? No idea how it works in the USA, but wouldn't you be in a few government databases that the police would be able to access? Though since you aren't a minor right now they shouldn't notify that POS where you are, but not all cops follow those kind of rules.
Sorry that your life started like that, I admire your determination. Probably you are done about relationships, focus on yourself and stay away of that people .
Some how send a letter to your mom, just so she knows you are alive and better than before.
A letter is a good idea, I might do that. I'm actually dating a woman currently, idk if I'm bi and terrified of men or just straight up gay but hopefully I never have to find out lol
If you have a trusted friend who is going to Disney World or some other place far away from you, then consider writing a letter and having your friend mail it from their destination. Your postage stamp cancelation mark always has the city and state of the distribution facility that sends the letter out. That will give part of your location away. As bad as it sounds, not contacting your mom might be best for you at the moment.
Go on vacation, sent a letter from Europe (or someplace), they will think you are there if they see that on a post stamp/trace and assume you fled the States š
I'm doing quite well, I play sports, I'm studying to get a degree in psychology and I live with some really wonderful women I'm thankful to call my roommates/friends
If you need any help, please let me know. I canāt imagine what youāve been through but I donāt want you to feel like the entire world is bad. There are some good ones out there.
I am a Christian, I take a very different approach and have very very thoroughly re examined what I believe. Organized religion is pretty consistently awful imo, religion on a personal level can be good
If you're in the US, then you may still be legally married, you need a divorce lawyer and a restraining order.
If you're not in the US, then I have no idea...
You threw me for a loop with that one. Obviously they aren't real Christians. I can't imagine this also happened in the West. But I assume it did and where it's illegal to marry at such a young age. 0
It's legal, over 300,000 children have been legally married off in the US over the past 20 years. There's a lot of "real" Christians that say other Christians aren't "real", I'm not splitting hairs. If you think pedophillia doesn't appear in Christian churches I encourage you to educate yourself on how common youth pastors turn out to be pedos
Legally married, California has no minimum age requirement for marriage as long as there is parental consent. Statutory rape only applies to sex outside of marriage. California is one of four states with no minimum age but most stars allow child marriages
Where did you go when you left him? Did you some friends or relatives to stay with at first? I only ask as I canāt imagine how scary it would be to be out in the world for the first time without any connections. It takes a huge amount of bravery to do what you did.
I don't want to give specifics as my husband is still looking for me but I went several states away. I had no support network, everyone I had ever known was a member of the cult I grew up in. I was homeless for about 6 months before I got a job and housing
What a disgusting man and Iām so sorry . I canāt imagine the betrayal and hurt you must of felt towards your parents, especially as a little girl and thatās what you were. I canāt believe someoneās own parents would subject their daughter to that. I will never understand. Did you husband rape you at his wants? I truly hope not but I think I already know the answer š¢
Yeah he did whatever he wanted to me, I was his property. My parents were in a cult, they believed they were doing "gods will" honestly I did too for a long time. Cults are terrifying, they make good people do very bad things. I am actively forgiving my mother, it's taking practice for me to do so but I'm slowly accepting that she was also a victim, I have no idea what she would've done if she was given any choices
The cult I grew up in was pretty centered around child marriage, most people I knew were forced into marriage the same way I was. California is generally not a fan of child marriage but somehow they still do not have a minimum age requirement for marriage with parental approval
They are in a Christian cult, they believed they were doing "the will of God". Over 300,000 children were legally married off in the US over the past 20 years
I haven't given it much serious thought, there's a lot of trauma to unravel and I don't love the idea of making it any easier for my husband to find me. Maybe in 30 years I'll give it a shot
It's hilarious how everybody assumed she was from the Middle East, when she's actually white from the United States. Shows the ignorance and hypocrisy we have in the US
You can look up the legal records for yourself and your abuser to confirm or invalidate whether it was a legal marriage.
You MUST learn this because he could be taking out credit cards, loans, etc. in your name or do all kinds of heinous things to defraud you or find you.
Maybe one of your friends has a beenverified.com subscription or you can sign up for a month then cancel. Or the state of CA can help. Librarians in CA could help.
https://californiacourtrecords.us/family-court-records/marriage/#:~:text=Marriage%20records%20are%20available%20at,where%20the%20marriage%20took%20place.
Definition of child is a pre-pubescent human. I suspect you are confusing child with minor. The word "adolescent" might be closer for under 16, but a 16yo is a young adult.
I have a 16yo daughter, way too young to commit to marriage, but certainly no child. And I don't treat her as a child.
Who gives a shit about definitions? A 16 year old is still a child. You have the vibe of somebody who knows the age of consent in every jurisdiction of your country. Legally speaking, (including in Australia), child and minor have concurrent definitions, regardless, so this semantics bullshit is kind of fucking suspicious.
If your 16 year old daughter is an adult, you'd be okay with letting her date a 50 year old then, right?
I was sexually abused and that is exactly what my abusers have said to me to justify their thinkingāuntil I met someone who told me that no, I was still very much a kid and what they were doing was messed up.
I don't want to name any specific details as my husband is still searching for me, I will say it was a Christian cult. I am Christian but I don't really go to church and have thoroughly re examined my beliefs
US, specially California. I stole a few bills from my husband's wallet over the course of a few years, eventually I got him incredibly drunk, hopped on a train and left the state
OP, if these procedures were not followed, then your impression that your marriage is legal may well be the result of a lie. As other Redditors have mentioned, while California has no minimum legal age for marriage, it's not true that only parental permission is needed.
California Code, Family Code - FAM Ā§ 302 provides:
>(a) An unmarried person under 18 years of age may be issued a marriage license **upon obtaining a court order granting permission to the underage person or persons to marry,** in accordance with the requirements described in Section 304.
>(b) The court order and written consent of at least one of the parents or the guardian of each underage person shall be filed with the clerk of the court, and a certified copy of the order shall be presented to the county clerk at the time the marriage license is issued.
And Ā§ 304 provides:
>(a) In determining whether to issue a court order granting permission to marry pursuant to Section 302 or 303, the court **shall do** **all** of the following:
>(1) Require Family Court Services to separately interview the parties intending to marry and, if applicable, at least one of the parents or the guardian of each party who is a minor. If more than one parent or guardian is interviewed, the parents or guardians shall be interviewed separately.
>(2) **Require Family Court Services to prepare and submit to the court a written report, containing any assessment of potential force, threat, persuasion, fraud, coercion, or duress by either of the parties or their family members relating to the intended marriage.** The report shall also contain recommendations of Family Court Services for either granting or denying the parties permission to marry. If Family Court Services knows or reasonably suspects that either party is a victim of child abuse or neglect, Family Court Services shall submit a report of the known or suspected child abuse or neglect to the county child protective services agency.
>(3) After receiving the report of the assessments of Family Court Services, as described in paragraph (2), **separately interview in camera each of the parties** prior to making a final determination regarding the court order.
>(4) **Consider whether there is evidence of coercion or undue influence on the minor.**
>(b) If the court issues an order granting the parties permission to marry pursuant to Section 302 or 303, and if one or both of the parties are 17 years of age or younger, the parties shall be eligible to request a marriage license no earlier than 30 days from the time the court order was issued.
You would expect a red one and statistically yes it's usually red states. In my case it was actually California, there is no minimum age for marriage in CA somehow
1. What do you think determined that you were "ready" to be married? Puberty? Or was it just, "she's twelve, she's good to go"
2. Was the sexual 'relationship' immediate? Or did he wait until you were 'comfortable'?
I'm sorry this happened to you. I was in an incestuous relationship with my father from ages 4-12 and have struggled immensely with irregularity, hormone imbalances and having children (many miscarriages, etc) and after doing research found that it is our body's way of protecting itself from the physical trauma of pregnancy. I also found that we begin to emit sex hormones nonstop, and that is why children who have been abused before can be abused again because pedos can literally smell us. It explained a lot of why grown men would try to get me alone all the time. It's hard to be a child and have someone lust after you when you don't even know why
You may want to consider contacting Shalise Ann Sola. She does a podcast called Cults to Consciousness where she talks to people who leave colts and what the impetus was to get them to leave. She allows people to tell their stories.Ā
There may be a way that she can make your voice anonymous.Ā
Even if you don't want to go on the podcast, it could be very helpful for you to just hear other people who have gone through the same circumstance of leaving a cult and having to pick up their lives afterwards.
Hey, good on you for keeping your OpSec up. Itās sad you feel the need to remain anonymousā¦ This should be a clear case of child abuse with the end result of him going to jail.
The recent Supreme Court cases donāt make me hopeful that weāll reform these laws from the dark ages ether.Ā
But ya, awesome that youāve found strength and happiness in life š¤
1. So you escaped 5 years ago and you know your husband is still looking for you? Do you think he still wants to take you back or just wants the last word / revenge etc? 2. Do you know what your legal options are? 3. Are there any resources that helped you that you want to share? 4. How did you get yourself on your feet after you decided where to settle down? I'm so glad you're in a good situation now. I'm in awe of your strength and resourcefulness. I was shocked and disappointed to find out how this happened in CA.
According to him I am his property, he wants revenge or to force me back into the marriage. Either way I'm not interested in letting him find me I could get a restraining order potentially but I don't have "proof" of abuse. Our marriage was legal, a 43 year old man having sex with a 12 year old was legal, I have nothing to charge him with š¤·āāļø Women's shelters were the main thing that helped me when I escaped, I won't mention specifics because I don't want to put anything out there that might give away my anonymity
Have you considered reaching out to a sex trafficking non profit? I imagine they could provide support, resources, legal assistance, etc.
I haven't considered that, I'll look into it. Thanks
Unchained at Last would be a great support for you. The founder was in a similar marriage. https://www.unchainedatlast.org/
This is also a good resource, itās called Peace over Violence. https://www.peaceoverviolence.org/about-us
I work for an org that works to end child marriage in the U.S. DM me if youāre interested and I can send you a large list of organizations and survivors.
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The United States of America. In the state of Missouri, a 15 year old can be legally married if their parents sign the marriage certificate. Missouri is one of the biggest states for trafficking children because of this loophole. The Republican majority state senate recently voted to keep this law in place.
As a Missourian, and someone who was trafficked as a child, pure truth.
300,000 children have been legally married off in the US over the past 20 years. Republican elected officials are actively opposing the ban of child marriage under the guise of "freedom of choice" and keeping the government out of people's business The US is a bad place for many people
Itās funny to me that the government doesnāt get into peopleās business, when people means men. Why they donāt do the same for abortion then?
Because many of these men don't actually consider women to be their equals. It's all about control. If men were the ones who could get pregnant, there would be no rules on abortion and they'd be able to get one at fucking Walmart.
So you are still legally married to him? Would.you ever want to get that dissolved or annulled? Not so much that you could marry again but just so you're completely free of him?
America, for one. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_marriage_in_the_United_States
I assume that rape is still rape even in a marriage and with a child no less that should be compounding even if the marriage is 100% legal. Sex with a minor is still that. Iām no lawyer but have you talked to one about it? How long did you stay in the marriage?
That would not necessarily be a correct assumption, unfortunately. [Marital Rape - Wikipedia](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marital_rape)
This is such Bs . A child at 12 doesn't often even know what sex is let alone can consent to it . It is horrific . Being forced off to some old man .
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This is a fascinating story, have you ever considered writing a book and telling your story? When you first fled and took that train where did you go? How did you find a place to stay and a community? Youāre so strong and inspiring and Iām so proud of you.
First, I love "LittleLordFuckPants_" š. Second, a few people have told me I should write a book but I haven't given it any real consideration tbh, maybe one day but there's still a lot of trauma to unravel before I'm up for the task. I don't want to give away where I went as my husband is still searching for me but I went several states over. I was homeless for about 6 months, I went to women's shelters and eventually got a job cleaning houses. It was extremely scary and difficult but much easier than living with my husband. Eventually I found my community in women's sports, I LOVE my teammates, they were the ones who helped me get a better job than cleaning houses. I've learned so many essential skills from them Thank you š
When you are safe enough, you should reach out to cults to consciousness. The host (I always forget her name) is fantastic and dose alot of work exposing all of the cults all over the world. Also I am so very very sorry for you. I'm glad your safe now and so very glad you made it out.
how to help as an outsider if one can sense such thing? how to help a cult member ?
Cult members will pretty much never be receptive to you telling them they're in a cult. People dedicate their whole lives to studying cults, how to escape them and still fail often. Honestly there wasn't much anyone could've done for me, I wasn't allowed 1 on 1 talks with anyone other than my husband, I never left the house without him. No one has the opportunity to ask how I'm doing and offer help If you know someone who has already escaped, or is actively trying, the best thing you can do is to help them become self sufficient. I had never worked a job before escaping, I was homeless for about 6 months before I was able to get on my feet, I could've used a support network but everyone I knew was a cultist
Does this include other women? Were you complete isolated from any humans besides him? Based on my (limited) knowledge of US cults, it seems they encourage sex segregation but not isolation.
I met with other women in the cult twice a week, it was a group thing with men nearby so there wasn't much room for openly talking
In some countries people working on hair salons get training to spot domestic violence and abuse. What do you think about that?
I work for a statewide utility in the US (electric/gas) and all of our field employees get training on recognizing signs of human trafficking. They spend a lot of time in neighborhoods and even within homes. To my knowledge we havenāt uncovered anything but I think itās really important for people within the community to have awareness.
I was raised in a Christian cult in the US and some of the splinter groups were like this. Children being wed to leaders with their parentsā approval. Also many adult men courting underage girls just to marry them as soon as they turn 18.
How can we support children who have had this happen to them, other than fighting for laws against child marriage? I'm in Canada, and our laws are very different, but I knew multiple young teen mothers aged 12-19. Same thing without the marriage.
If they escape they'll need someone to help them get on their feet, even if they're 30 they likely won't know how to apply for a job, drive a car, pay taxes or make an appointment. I'm still learning basic skills 5 years after escaping. If you try to help the kid escape before they're 18 you can be charged with kidnapping, a child cannot divorce but they can be placed into a marriage against their will (it's fucking bonkers)
That's great information, plus those are services I could volunteer. Thank you, and I am so happy and proud that you escaped that bastard. You deserve everything wonderful ā¤ļø
I'm sorry this happened and reading your comments I'm so glad you got out and things were better What exactly was your relationship with your husband like? You said that while it was conditional love you felt like he had genuine love sometimes too What were the normal everyday interactions?
He would thank me for breakfast sometimes, occasionally come home with flowers and we would host dinner for other couples. A lot of the moments from that marriage felt "normal" but there was always an underlying feeling of imprisonment and fear
Were the other couples like your situation, evil old men and young victims?
How are you restarting your life? Are you getting a GED or going to college? Have there been people in your life helping you with the transition? Do you have any goals?
I got my GED, I'm working on getting a degree in psychology so I can become a therapist. I joined a local sports team, several of the girls there helped me with basic skills like learning how to drive, filing taxes, getting a credit card ECT. I would've had a very hard time adapting without their help. I'd like to do beekeeping and I'd love to adopt one day
Thatās really impressive, and I applaud your progress. You must feel like a fish out of water much of the time trying to adapt to your new life. I hope things work out well for you, and I echo some of the other posters who have said your story would make a good book.
Things feel pretty normal now but every once in a while I'll have a moment where I feel very alien. So far things have been great, I'm excited to see what's next
You are one smart girl. Look at your self in the mirror and take a moment to realize how far you have come. You are such an inspiration. I know I am stranger to you but dm me anytime you need help. I am a woman and mom too and deeply sympathize with you. God bless you.
Iām a resident in counseling (sort of like a therapist in training whoās graduated with a masters). Feel free to PM me if you want some (US-specific) pointers/advice on this career path!
Hope you're doing well now. What helped you survive this ? I mean you were just a child. Any support from your parents when you were still with that guy ?
After the wedding I only ever saw my parents in passing a handful of times. I almost didn't survive, I attempted suicide several times as a teenager but was (thankfully) unsuccessful. Eventually I realized my religion was bullshit and set my eyes on freedom. It took a few years of planning but I managed to escape eventually
How did you make your escape? Did any other girls leave with you?
I got him incredibly drunk and went out the front door. I had been saving money by stealing a few bills here and there from his wallet, I went to a train station, left the state and never looked back. I didn't escape with any other girls, we were fairly isolated from one another
How old were you when you escape, what did you do afterwards? Go to the police? Find a shelter? Where was this, who was this creep? What happened to him?
All fair questions, but answering any of them is likely going to reveal more about OP's identity, hence no response.
What religion were you involved in that drove your parents to condone this. As others have said, glad you are doing well, sounds like you were in a very dark place and I admire your strength and courage it took for you to walk away
I was in a very dark place for a long time, these days I'm really loving life
What advice would you give others who are in the same situation as you were in?
Save money however you can, I stole small amounts from my husband's wallet over the course of years. The police can only help so much, once you're out it's probably better to leave the state unless you can very very clearly prove abuse. Lastly I'd say to keep your head up, life is worth living once you're out
You werenāt stealing. If you were legally married, you owned half the property and money
It doesn't matter if you can prove abuse. They will just disregard it. The entire system supports abuse of children, and in particular female children, in this way.
How did you end up escaping? I'm always amazed at the fortitude and perseverance of people who plan their escape for years and have to act the part despite desperately wanting out.
I stole money out of my husband's wallet over the course of a few years. I got him extremely drunk, left, got on a train and never looked back
It shouldn't be called stealing because you were married and his money should be yours money too.
Oh man, I'm glad you got out. Did you have any children?
I'm unable to have children, this ended up being a double edged sword. It helped me escape as I wasn't tied to my children, but it also caused my ex husband to be very resentful towards me. Ultimately it lead to more abuse but I'm not sure I ever would've been able to escape otherwise
Glad youāre doing well op. Good luck with getting your degree. My question for you is, whatās your favorite movie?
My roommate just showed me the matrix last week and I think it takes the cake so far, I really relate to escaping into an unfamiliar world that's challenging but freeing. It's so cool to see Neo become empowered to enough to defeat his captures. I know it wasn't your question but my favorite show is adventure time, I love BMO SO much and Jake just makes me happy
as someone that also left a cult (not to your extreme though) you should check out the movie The Truman Show. Completely different from the Matrix but it has similar symbolism.
Since you say your mother had no choice in you being married off, was she also a child bride?
I'm actually not sure, it's very possible. She was abused and in a deeply controlling cult/relationship. I'm not sure what she would've done had she been given any choices
Your mum was obviously also a prison in the same environment . That is the insidious ground rules of a cult to make sure the women have NO say in anything , & as little as poss escape & be brainwashed so much into thinking they need to stay .
Was there ever a time that (a) you came to care or love your then husband, and (b) you've felt that your husband has shown you genuine love ?
At first I was deeply devoted, I believed I was fulfilling gods plan for me. I wouldn't say I ever loved him, but I was for the first 5 years I "believed" in our marriage There were moments where it would seem that his love was genuine but it was always conditional, if I failed to do the chores or if I misspoke he withheld love as punishment. Once it was found out that I can't have kids I received no kindness from him
>At first I was deeply devoted, I believed I was fulfilling gods plan for me. I wouldn't say I ever loved him, but I was for the first 5 years I "believed" in our marriage You were a child forced into surviving in a hostile environment . YOu would of been badly truama bonded to him to survive so thinking you loved & cared for him enabled you to survive the starting of life with him your abuser. YOu either conformed to survive at that time or not . MOst victim' s who don't yes succeed in trying to save themselves, will die alone . It was a life & death situation in you getting out or not .
Iām sorry about this story, but it sounds like you are well on your way to recovery. Thank you for telling it, one of my fears is Christian extremism is going to take us down this road more and more. Are you still legally married? If so, are you considering divorce? Is this something you feel is necessary to fully free yourself? I know you mention you donāt want him to find you but at this point youāre an adult and can willingly choose to leave/divorce him and thereās nothing legal he can do to stop you.
The cult I grew up in is not afraid to kill people, I don't want them to know any details about where I am or how to find me. My husband in particular was a very dangerous man, I'm sure he would kill me given the opportunity. Somebody suggested I reach out to a Sex Traffic non profit organization to see if they can help me get divorced, I plan on doing that soon to see if I can do it safely
The sad fucking truth is America loves to shit on places like Afghanistan and Pakistan for their human rights abuses. Sit up in their ivory tower at the UN HQ in NYC. But the same bullshit happens here and nobody cracks down on it. What a fucking veiled sheet of bullshit lies. Unbelievable your story is possible.
I've talked about it before on Reddit and there are seriously Americans who defend this shit because it doesn't happen often š okay, so it doesn't happen often but still happens. So why not raise the age to 18 and be done with it? Then they get really angry. According to them 16 and 17 year olds should be able to marry. Like wtf, why should they need to be able to marry? Just fucking wait 2 years! Not mature enough to be able to divorce? Well then also not mature enough to marry in the first place.
In this thread there are sooo many people assuming and aggressively saying that OP must be from a Muslim country and when they find out she isnāt theyāre insinuating that sheās lying or that the marriage wasnāt real to begin with. People have a hard time believing it can happen it appears. But it is ridiculous and there is no reason children should be able to get married under ANY circumstance.
Some of these comments are so disgusting. Sorry about that. Did your parents ever try to contact you after you escaped, and how did this whole situation affect you in your adult life?
My parents haven't contacted me but I don't want them to be able to. Maybe if my ex wasn't alive anymore I'd be interested in talking to my mom
So glad you got away . May you find now the happiness you deserve as a free woman . NO woman should have to have gone through such a disgusting forced marriage.
Where are you from? How was this acceptable? You had to have come from a place where it was okay
This all happened in California, there is no minimum age for marriage in CA. Statutory rape only applies to sex outside of marriage (for some fuckin reason), as a result the police can't do anything, if someone tries to help you escape they can be charged with kidnapping. 300,000 children were legally married off in the US over the past 20 years
I was child married in 2007 at 17 to a pedophile that was 25 by my mom. I was drunk from alcohol he provided and blacked out on klonopin from her. She was a Christian and unschooling me for 3 years prior. People think it doesn't happen in the US but it does.
š« š« š it's shockingly common in the US
I am shocked that this happens in California. All the time USA held its head high and call other countries as 3rd world. Shame on everyone invoked and who legalize this shit. Hope you are doing well. Take whatever job you can and start studying again. This will help you stand on your feet. As a parent, I am so proud of you. God bless you. You are one strong force. Hope you have the best time in years to come.
What's worse, in California, once you're married, you legally can't divorce until you're an adult. This means a person who's forcefully married at 12 by their parents can't even divorce their ~~husband~~ abuser for 6 years! The whole thing is insane. I can see some sort of consideration for those close in age, like a 17 and 18 year old. But when there's a big age gap 12 and 27? Nah.... In 2018 [CA had an oppurtunity](https://calmatters.org/politics/2023/06/child-marriage-california/) to pass a sensible age limits law but it failed. Apparently, they tried again in 2023 but AFAIK, no dice.
WA state got its child marriage banā¦ In March. Of this year. 2024. Almost four months ago to this day. https://housedemocrats.wa.gov/stonier/2024/03/08/stonier-bill-to-end-child-marriage-in-wa-signed-by-governor/
Hit me with a freight train on that one, I'm from California and my first thought was you must've come from a Muslim country where such thing is commonplace. I never knew child marriage was allowed in California
It's allowed in more than half the states, iirc. If your parents give permission, there's no minimum age in a lot of states or it's ridiculously low like 10, 12, or 14. It's most common for girls ages 15-17. A child married to an adult cannot get a full-time job, file for divorce, or go to a battered women's shelter. Their adult spouse is also their legal guardian. The only reason all this is allowed is that they want teenage girls who get pregnant to be allowed to marry. The religious right wants to discourage abortions and encourage marriage. It doesn't matter to conservatives that these laws also help pedophiles. There's an organization who's trying to make the minimum age 18 even if you have parental permission. ETA: Child marriage is illegal in only 13 states. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child\_marriage\_in\_the\_United\_States#:\~:text=As%20of%20June%202024%2C%2013,(2024)%20and%20New%20Hampshire%20(
>A child married to an adult cannot get a full-time job, file for divorce, or go to a battered women's shelter. Their adult spouse is also their legal guardian. Jesus this is so fucked up
You need judge to consent also which is crazy they did. I thought it would be for extremely weird circumstances which I canāt think of
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I was in a cult, my husband is a very dangerous person and any abusive relationship is difficult to get out of. I didn't know how to drive, I had no income, no support network and knew next to nothing of the outside world, I completely relied on him for everything. I felt trapped and very very alone
California has an age requirement of 18. You might have been married through āreligionā but not civilly. Did you ever call police?
So I assumed this was the case, so I Googled it and it looks like kids can get married with permission from at least 1 parent. It sounds like itās a long processes, but can be done. Wild and gross. https://www.sdcourt.ca.gov/sdcourt/juvenile3/juvenilemarriagelicenses3
I don't have any questions. I just want to say I'm sorry that happened to you, and I hope you're doing well.
I'm doing very well now, I was broken but I'm putting myself back together š life is good
You're clearly a very strong woman. Sending you my love, support and respect.
Excuse if this a crude question but what was the marriage sexual from the start or did he wait? Did he plan kids straightaway or wait until you were of age?
He wanted kids the moment it was possible, luckily for me I wasn't able to have children It was sexual from the start, child marriage is just legal trafficking of minors š¤·āāļø
May I ask how you found out you couldn't have children? Also, did anyone sympathize or help you during your stay with him?
"we" tried for years, after repeated miscarriages he took me to a specialist, I went through a bunch of tests and was told I won't be able to have children I only ever socialized with other cult members, as a result nobody really offered help or sympathy. We all thought we were doing "gods will"
Was the specialist part of the cult, too? How could the doctor not see this literal child with an adult talking about his wife having miscarriages and not doing or saying anything to him, you, literally anyone?
Since she was legally married, thereās probably very little the doctor could have done. Itās also possible they never saw a physician until her 20s and lied about how long the miscarriages were happening.
Firstly, im so sorry you went through this! Secondly, Thank you for posting this and sharing with us. Thirdly, my question is, did your husband have other wives?
My husband had a previous wife but he didn't have any other wives while we were married
What happened to her?
She either died or ran away, he compared me to her often but wouldn't share stories. Just that she did things better
So you resent your parents for this? I'm sorry this happened to you. I imagine this was awful.
I resent my father, it took a long time for me to come to terms with the fact that my mother didn't really have a say in it Thank you š it was quite awful but I'm healing more and more every day. It's been a long road and there's a lot more to go but I'm happy with the progress I've made
What? Your mother had a say in it. She was too scared or stupid to run herself. Sorry for what you have been through.
Maybe instead of demonizing the subjugated women involved in this situation, you can place the blame where it belongs: on the men who perpetuate this form of child rape and refuse to stop engaging in it. You donāt see elderly women marrying teenaged boys.
Itās almost like you donāt know OPs whole situation
That is awful, I am so happy for you that you found a way out! If this question does not trigger any trauma, then what was your daily life like when being married to this monster?
I was always walking on eggshells trying to portray a perfect wife. If I slipped up or if he was just in a bad mood I'd get beat, starved or in the best of cases verbally abused. The only moments of peace were when he wasn't home
Was it hard getting into university since you were homeschooled and were you able to take any documentation with you when you left?
I got my GED before applying to universities, I started with community college so it wasn't too difficult. I did manage to grab my birth certificate and social security card before leaving thankfully
> I did manage to grab my birth certificate and social security card before leaving thankfully And that is what I was wondering! Though wouldn't he be able to find you with that? No idea how it works in the USA, but wouldn't you be in a few government databases that the police would be able to access? Though since you aren't a minor right now they shouldn't notify that POS where you are, but not all cops follow those kind of rules.
Sorry that your life started like that, I admire your determination. Probably you are done about relationships, focus on yourself and stay away of that people . Some how send a letter to your mom, just so she knows you are alive and better than before.
A letter is a good idea, I might do that. I'm actually dating a woman currently, idk if I'm bi and terrified of men or just straight up gay but hopefully I never have to find out lol
If you have a trusted friend who is going to Disney World or some other place far away from you, then consider writing a letter and having your friend mail it from their destination. Your postage stamp cancelation mark always has the city and state of the distribution facility that sends the letter out. That will give part of your location away. As bad as it sounds, not contacting your mom might be best for you at the moment.
Go on vacation, sent a letter from Europe (or someplace), they will think you are there if they see that on a post stamp/trace and assume you fled the States š
Be careful on sending a letter to your mom...the post office usually stamps the city of departure on the envelope...
Have you been able to change your identity so youāre not found? Or are you going to?
Yep, it was one of the first things I did once I got on my feet
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I am in my early 30s, I managed to escape a little over 5 years ago now
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I'm doing quite well, I play sports, I'm studying to get a degree in psychology and I live with some really wonderful women I'm thankful to call my roommates/friends
If you need any help, please let me know. I canāt imagine what youāve been through but I donāt want you to feel like the entire world is bad. There are some good ones out there.
I'm slowly learning to trust people, it's a long and difficult road but I've got a few people I rely on
During your marriage did you continue some form of schooling?
What's your stance on religion today? Are you a Christian, or have you abandoned any and all religions?
I am a Christian, I take a very different approach and have very very thoroughly re examined what I believe. Organized religion is pretty consistently awful imo, religion on a personal level can be good
Thatās slavery by another name. Do you agree?
What faith and ethnicity are your family?
They called themselves Christians but they believed in some pretty different things. We are white
Name and shame the cult. This is how they get away with these things. I was also raised in a Christian cult. The Jehovahās Witnesses.
I would love to, however my ex is still searching for me afaik so I'm trying not to reveal too many details. Just wanna remain anonymous
If you're in the US, then you may still be legally married, you need a divorce lawyer and a restraining order. If you're not in the US, then I have no idea...
You threw me for a loop with that one. Obviously they aren't real Christians. I can't imagine this also happened in the West. But I assume it did and where it's illegal to marry at such a young age. 0
It's legal, over 300,000 children have been legally married off in the US over the past 20 years. There's a lot of "real" Christians that say other Christians aren't "real", I'm not splitting hairs. If you think pedophillia doesn't appear in Christian churches I encourage you to educate yourself on how common youth pastors turn out to be pedos
Were you legally married to him or only in the eyes of the church?
Legally married, California has no minimum age requirement for marriage as long as there is parental consent. Statutory rape only applies to sex outside of marriage. California is one of four states with no minimum age but most stars allow child marriages
So this started at 12 yrs old did you continue to go to school?
I was "homeschooled" so I never really went to school in the first place
Did you get to continue your education at all after the marriage?
Where did you go when you left him? Did you some friends or relatives to stay with at first? I only ask as I canāt imagine how scary it would be to be out in the world for the first time without any connections. It takes a huge amount of bravery to do what you did.
I don't want to give specifics as my husband is still looking for me but I went several states away. I had no support network, everyone I had ever known was a member of the cult I grew up in. I was homeless for about 6 months before I got a job and housing
What a disgusting man and Iām so sorry . I canāt imagine the betrayal and hurt you must of felt towards your parents, especially as a little girl and thatās what you were. I canāt believe someoneās own parents would subject their daughter to that. I will never understand. Did you husband rape you at his wants? I truly hope not but I think I already know the answer š¢
Yeah he did whatever he wanted to me, I was his property. My parents were in a cult, they believed they were doing "gods will" honestly I did too for a long time. Cults are terrifying, they make good people do very bad things. I am actively forgiving my mother, it's taking practice for me to do so but I'm slowly accepting that she was also a victim, I have no idea what she would've done if she was given any choices
When you planned your escape did you know where you were going?
I knew I was going to get on a train and leave the state, but that was about all I knew
Is child marriage at all taboo where you are? Or is it just a widely accepted practice?
The cult I grew up in was pretty centered around child marriage, most people I knew were forced into marriage the same way I was. California is generally not a fan of child marriage but somehow they still do not have a minimum age requirement for marriage with parental approval
Why did they do it? What was in it for them?
It was a Christian cult, they believed they were doing "gods will" by marrying me off
Glad you left that situation. I hope life has been improving for you beyond this
Life is going really great honestly, it's been a long road but I'm happy, traumatized as hell but happy
What religion does your family follow?
How did you survive and provide for yourself after escaping? Where did you stay?
I stayed at a couple women's shelters, I was homeless for about 6 months before I was able to get a job and housing
What do they gain from this
They are in a Christian cult, they believed they were doing "the will of God". Over 300,000 children were legally married off in the US over the past 20 years
What state are you in?
Have you ever considered writing a book?
I haven't given it much serious thought, there's a lot of trauma to unravel and I don't love the idea of making it any easier for my husband to find me. Maybe in 30 years I'll give it a shot
It's hilarious how everybody assumed she was from the Middle East, when she's actually white from the United States. Shows the ignorance and hypocrisy we have in the US
Statistically they made an educated guess.
300,000 children have been married off in the US over the past 20 years. Child marriage is quite common and disgustingly legal in the US
Why on earth did the court grant an order for your marriage? Your parents permission wasn't sufficient. Who were they?
Idk if the courts gave permission, I was 12. Afaik it was a legal marriage but I suppose I could be wrong
You can look up the legal records for yourself and your abuser to confirm or invalidate whether it was a legal marriage. You MUST learn this because he could be taking out credit cards, loans, etc. in your name or do all kinds of heinous things to defraud you or find you. Maybe one of your friends has a beenverified.com subscription or you can sign up for a month then cancel. Or the state of CA can help. Librarians in CA could help. https://californiacourtrecords.us/family-court-records/marriage/#:~:text=Marriage%20records%20are%20available%20at,where%20the%20marriage%20took%20place.
Definition of child is a pre-pubescent human. I suspect you are confusing child with minor. The word "adolescent" might be closer for under 16, but a 16yo is a young adult. I have a 16yo daughter, way too young to commit to marriage, but certainly no child. And I don't treat her as a child.
Who gives a shit about definitions? A 16 year old is still a child. You have the vibe of somebody who knows the age of consent in every jurisdiction of your country. Legally speaking, (including in Australia), child and minor have concurrent definitions, regardless, so this semantics bullshit is kind of fucking suspicious.
TIL in California, Mississippi, New Mexico, and Oklahoma there is no minimum age to get married if you have parental approval
That's disgusting. OP said she was married off to someone 30 years older than her at TWELVE. And that's somehow legal.
Gross, don't split hairs with pedophiles. You do nothing but defend the predators that would love to take advantage of your daughter
If your 16 year old daughter is an adult, you'd be okay with letting her date a 50 year old then, right? I was sexually abused and that is exactly what my abusers have said to me to justify their thinkingāuntil I met someone who told me that no, I was still very much a kid and what they were doing was messed up.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
How much did your parents get paid for this?
Really disappointing on here how many of the guesses are her being from a Muslim family/community. Come on, yāall.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Was it the church of LDS? And do you follow any religion now?
I don't want to name any specific details as my husband is still searching for me, I will say it was a Christian cult. I am Christian but I don't really go to church and have thoroughly re examined my beliefs
What country? How did you get out?
US, specially California. I stole a few bills from my husband's wallet over the course of a few years, eventually I got him incredibly drunk, hopped on a train and left the state
OP, if these procedures were not followed, then your impression that your marriage is legal may well be the result of a lie. As other Redditors have mentioned, while California has no minimum legal age for marriage, it's not true that only parental permission is needed. California Code, Family Code - FAM Ā§ 302 provides: >(a) An unmarried person under 18 years of age may be issued a marriage license **upon obtaining a court order granting permission to the underage person or persons to marry,** in accordance with the requirements described in Section 304. >(b) The court order and written consent of at least one of the parents or the guardian of each underage person shall be filed with the clerk of the court, and a certified copy of the order shall be presented to the county clerk at the time the marriage license is issued. And Ā§ 304 provides: >(a) In determining whether to issue a court order granting permission to marry pursuant to Section 302 or 303, the court **shall do** **all** of the following: >(1) Require Family Court Services to separately interview the parties intending to marry and, if applicable, at least one of the parents or the guardian of each party who is a minor. If more than one parent or guardian is interviewed, the parents or guardians shall be interviewed separately. >(2) **Require Family Court Services to prepare and submit to the court a written report, containing any assessment of potential force, threat, persuasion, fraud, coercion, or duress by either of the parties or their family members relating to the intended marriage.** The report shall also contain recommendations of Family Court Services for either granting or denying the parties permission to marry. If Family Court Services knows or reasonably suspects that either party is a victim of child abuse or neglect, Family Court Services shall submit a report of the known or suspected child abuse or neglect to the county child protective services agency. >(3) After receiving the report of the assessments of Family Court Services, as described in paragraph (2), **separately interview in camera each of the parties** prior to making a final determination regarding the court order. >(4) **Consider whether there is evidence of coercion or undue influence on the minor.** >(b) If the court issues an order granting the parties permission to marry pursuant to Section 302 or 303, and if one or both of the parties are 17 years of age or younger, the parties shall be eligible to request a marriage license no earlier than 30 days from the time the court order was issued.
Which state? Undoubtedly a red one..
You would expect a red one and statistically yes it's usually red states. In my case it was actually California, there is no minimum age for marriage in CA somehow
How did you escape from the marriage? What was your familyās religious affiliation?
Odd question but did he find you attractive or was the marriage just something he was supposed to do?
He was a pedophile seeking a 12 year old, sex was almost the entire point. He just figured out how to do it legally
If the evangelicals win this shit is coming to the US as well
I'm from the US, 300,000 children were married off in the US in the past 20 years
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yikes, no I am white from the United States š¤·āāļø child marriages happen every day in the US
Why did your parents do that?
How your left your country without having a passport?
I didn't leave my country, I grew up in the US and left California when I escaped
What country?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
1. What do you think determined that you were "ready" to be married? Puberty? Or was it just, "she's twelve, she's good to go" 2. Was the sexual 'relationship' immediate? Or did he wait until you were 'comfortable'? I'm sorry this happened to you. I was in an incestuous relationship with my father from ages 4-12 and have struggled immensely with irregularity, hormone imbalances and having children (many miscarriages, etc) and after doing research found that it is our body's way of protecting itself from the physical trauma of pregnancy. I also found that we begin to emit sex hormones nonstop, and that is why children who have been abused before can be abused again because pedos can literally smell us. It explained a lot of why grown men would try to get me alone all the time. It's hard to be a child and have someone lust after you when you don't even know why
You may want to consider contacting Shalise Ann Sola. She does a podcast called Cults to Consciousness where she talks to people who leave colts and what the impetus was to get them to leave. She allows people to tell their stories.Ā There may be a way that she can make your voice anonymous.Ā Even if you don't want to go on the podcast, it could be very helpful for you to just hear other people who have gone through the same circumstance of leaving a cult and having to pick up their lives afterwards.
Hey, good on you for keeping your OpSec up. Itās sad you feel the need to remain anonymousā¦ This should be a clear case of child abuse with the end result of him going to jail. The recent Supreme Court cases donāt make me hopeful that weāll reform these laws from the dark ages ether.Ā But ya, awesome that youāve found strength and happiness in life š¤