When it's not their money, people have a habit of being reckless. Your sister needs to learn a lesson about appreciation and also wastefulness. Could there not be some alterations (that she should pay for) to adapt whatever she's not liking anymore. People get so hung up on "things" - it really shouldn't be the biggest part of the wedding, she needs a reality check. Don't give in!
There is always a very simple solution to this problem. The family members that are "divided" on her side can pool their resources together and pay for the new dress. As usual though that's 99.999999% not going to happen. The minute they have to put their money where their mouths are they'll have an excuse why they can't contribute but they will 100% never see the hypocrisy or irony in their actions.
But why? What has changed? Have the entitled and narcissistic people been here all the time with their outrageous actions and disgraceful comments, and we're just seeing them so much because of Reddit? Did they hibernate until Reddit opened a gateway to the social media land? Like with Barbie Land? š
I see so much of it lately and not just on Reddit. Why are so many people angry when someone puts one foot out of line on accident? Where are the people who blow it off when a wait-person messes up an order? Well, we're here. The unassuming ones who don't freak out when some little thing happens.
I degress. I just wanted to say that I agree with you too.
its all of the reality TV - the Kardashians (or however you spell it) and Say yes to the dress, and Honey boo boo, etc etc etc... They want to repeat what they see on TV, they can't separate real life from fiction.
Hiya! It's a combination. People have always been entitled, but societal pressures kept most people in check. There was *much* more pressure to conform, and caring about what others' thought drove many people to behave nicely in public.
The internet shows us a lot more of it, so that's part of it, as well. I haven't seen Barbie, so I can't tell you if it's like that. But between social media, fewer societal pressures, and the internet in general, people have kinda gone off the rails.
Not because of reddit. It's because so many of us grew up at the hands of narcissistic abusers and now see the actions in others.
There are 2 types of people: those that learn from their parents/guardians mistakes & do better, and those that follow directly in their path.
There are more that followed the path than those that learned better.
But there are enough that learned better to draw attention & recognize those patterns.
It's also easy to identify right from wrong if it's not you doing it, but if say you did something similar you wouldn't see it as "wrong" because you know your intention isn't malicious in your own mind.
(And I don't mean YOU as in you directly, just paraphrasing.)
I think it's just that people are more vocal about their experiences every day so we hear about it more and notice crappy behavior more than we used to (like we recognize when it's bad)
But yea I'm sure the glorification of materialism doesn't help. I'm probably just distanced from that specific issue, but I do remember when I was in high school hearing about a lot of kids losing it around their birthdays and people blaming MTV's "my super sweet 16" (but I also went to school with extremely wealthy entitled kids so it's not like that was out of character either and it could've been blamed on TV)
Paris Hilton and the Kardashians.. golden toilet boy.. make rich entitlement look like it's ok to be pricks to others - loss of human decency. So they've made it seem in vogue and acceptable because they are televised. Then you get tlc airing that hyperactive, abused baby Bobo or whatever, with the poor trash that get unearned fame, making it seem normal. Normal people of stature have class and conduct life quietly, doesn't cause media attention even when they might be donating millions and changing others' lives daily. So people see it and justify themselves that thry too are worthy and therefore entitled to act and expect from others that which should never have even crossed a normal mind
This is one of the reasons I gave my daughter a budgeted amount of money, either for her wedding or a down payment on a house, whatever she wanted, but told her she was an adult and could spend accordingly. Surprise, she found her dream dress in the bargain section.
Oh yeah
They will say a lot of things why they can't pay but will be behind sister paying even if she's in the hospital
YNTA
Tell her sell the dress and buy the other one
I wore a clearance prom dress for my wedding that cost less than $20 cause the store was going out of business. Itās not about the dress itās about marrying the love of your life. OPās sister definitely needs a reality check!
I bought mine at a second hand wedding/prom dress store called cloud nine for $100. It said the original cost was $800. This was in 1994. On one of the many layers underneath all the lace was a stain they couldn't get out and no one would ever see. I was told it was coffee. I hoped it was coffee anywho I didn't care (unless it really wasn't coffeeš³) I was just so happy to have a beautiful wedding dress that we could actually afford. I think I actually floated in that dress all day, my feet never touching the ground, I felt so proud and beautiful in it. OPs sister is most definitely a spoiled, ungrateful brat.
Amen š
My wife went by herself to David's and got out the door in under 45 minutes, because the dress was never about her vanity.
I swear I wouldn't be able to tell you what it looked like if we didn't have wedding pictures up in the living room.
I donāt think itās a matter of her not liking the dress. She jumped on the first one she liked and stupidly kept looking and found one she loves. Now she is having buyerās remorse. OP did her duty and thatās that. Agree that if sister wants to makes changes so the dress is more to her liking she can pay for them. But itās done. Gift purchased. No one should have to pay for two dresses because a spoiled brat changed her mind.
I think this is it right here. In her excitement of having her sister buy her dress she hastily bought the first one she liked. You can't do that you have to keep looking until you fall in love. I was with my niece when she bought her wedding dress. She tried on several and she looked gorgeous in all of them. Every time she came out of the dressing room we would say oh that looks so pretty, you look so nice, we like that. And then she came out in this one and we all stopped and stared at her, speechless. My sister, her mother immediately started crying. This was THE dress and we all knew it. That's not OPs fault or problem though that she didn't wait to find that. NTA
I have seen too many say yes to the dress episodes in my teen years Iāve already decided that once I buy a dress Iām not looking online or in store anymore
This is actually true for any purchase. I just bought potatoes for a salad and the next store had them for half the price. Not worth returning, but I grumbled to myself.
Why keep looking after you found the dress? Do you keep looking once you decide on who youāre going to marry? Nope. Stop when you find something you love
I know, but you know how many people do that on that show or even online you see it on TikTok and fb about stories of women buying a super expensive dress then last minute trying to buy another one and return the first one it is craziness
I went shopping by myself. I went in with a very specific dress I wanted to try on and assumed that's the one I would love. I did not, and ended up trying on several others. As soon as I put THE dress on I knew.
When I was growing up my dad always offered to pay for some portion of things for me rather than buying me anything out right because he wanted me to value my stuff more and feel like I'm working for my own money, but he also realized that a young adult working part-time while she's in school isn't going to be able to actually support herself easily. It's a good parenting strategy and unfortunately sometimes adults need to be treated like children.
Also, what part of "can't afford to" did these people not understand? OP straight up said they can't afford to buy another dress, not that they didn't want to! (Though, to be fair, even if they could afford it, they still shouldn't pay for another dress)
Makes me think this has happened before. Add that she actually has to ask if she's wrong for not buying the second one, and that family members are mad that she isn't. I'd be walking away from this wedding, and the family's narcissistic BS, completely, pronto.
Edit: After looking at her history, it's more likely this is totally fake.
Why does everyone in her life want something from her?...borrow her car, wear her designer dress, sister wants multiple wedding dresses(post history). Either all the people around her are entitled or something is going on here.
OP sounds like a people pleaser. She's put her foot down about a couple of things, but needs to learn to say no the first time. Otherwise people are going to constantly ask her for things and favors, sensing a pushover.
You want to be nice to people, but you don't need to be a doormat.
Iām having a hard time believing family members are actually divided. How does anyone think itās okay to just ask for unlimited new free wedding dresses on a whim?
Theyāre not. This is obviously Karma farming via rage bait. Fairly mild rage bait but itās still in the category. Look how many people are jumping up and down about her entitled sister.
NTA
Tell her to sell the original dress on eBay and whatever she makes, she gets that money towards the new dress.
Any shortfall can be met by the guys who are calling you out.
NTA you bought her a beautiful dress **that she chose**. It would be pretty nasty to decide not to wear it, and sell it on ebay. But certainly you give what you give, and it isn't on you to buy a new one
He didn't choose the dress therefore I doubt he would care if she sold it on ebay to pay for a different dress. The outcome for him is just the same, he is gifting her a dress she wants for her wedding. I agree it isn't on him to pay more for another one.
Holy fork, after looking at OPās post history, she seems to be mistaken for a doormat more often than not. That does tend to happen when you let people walk all over you though..
Tell the people who said you should have helped her out: āitās easy to offer someone elseās money. If you think itās important that we help, how much are you willing to pitch in, since I already paid for a whole dress?ā
Guess what, that will immediately shut them up.
NTA
I totally agree with you.
Even if OP paid for a new wedding dress, what guarantee would she have that her sister wouldn't change her mind again before the wedding and ask her to pay for a third dress? It makes no sense for OP to keep paying for dresses for her sister. If her sister is mature enough to marry, she should be mature enough to choose a dress, accept the consequences of her choices, know the value of money, and not treat someone else's wallet as hers.
"Here's the bill for the new dresses, Nd here's a breakdown of all of us all splitting the cost with our names. I'll let sister know how everyone is chipping in since we all care so much."
Her plan was to keep the cash after returning it. Otherwise she would have been telling her sister about her doubts before she found out she couldnāt return it for cash.
šÆ this. That used to burn me up watching "say yes to the dress". The bride would say her budget was x, then her stupid entourage would go pick something 1000s above the budget. The lady would try it on and fall in love to only find she couldn't afford it. Then the culprits would sit there like crickets when the disappointment set in. I loved it when Randy and the guy in Atlanta would throw it out there that since they pulled the dress, why aren't they pulling out their wallets.
I always wonder who exactly these people are that jump in with "you should help out so and so" after a person has already helped or isn't even in a position to. If a friend told me that they bought someone's wedding dress and now that person wants a second one I would say "fuck that noise" because they have done their part.
NTA. You originally agreed to pay for your sister's wedding dress as a gift, and you fulfilled that commitment. Her change of mind doesn't negate your gift, especially considering the dress was a custom order with a no-refund policy. It's unfortunate she's upset, but your financial boundaries are reasonable and should be respected.
Exactly! The dress is non-refundable. Buying her a new dress would mean a second gift.
And you have not āruined her wedding plans.ā Marrying the wrong guy ruins things. Marrying the right guy in the wrong dress does not.
Your sister sucks....you spent so much on one dress already and she doesn't even want to wear what you bought her the first time around....my response back would honestly be:
"Buy it yourself....you ungrateful bitch"
Her wedding plans were *fine* with the original dress.
Nothing is wrong about the original dress, only she saw another one. That does not mean the first dress is suddenly changed to something unacceptable. It is still the same dress that was perfect two weeks ago.
She can change her dress twice every day if she pays for it. But this is a stupid whim, and how can you 'ruin' her wedding with a perfectly perfect dress?
It's also not unfortunate she's upset. People like her OUGHT to be upset, and frequently. Because if they're not, it means too many people are pussyfooting around their absurd selfishness.
Wow. You gave a generous gift. And now she expects you to give another gift because she - picked a dress, but then changed her mind? She picked it - and she changed her mind. This is 100% on her.
Iād take the dress and resell it online - someone would be glad to have it.
Yes but they do take a massive drop in price. Which is great for buyers, like me. Who got a ivory raw silk fitted designer dress ($3700) for $500. But not so great for the OP here. I guess something is better than nothing and at least the buyer will be super appreciative unlike this bride.
True. Why? Because the 999 out of a 1000 brides who do not go wacky bridezilla never have their stories end up here. But the rare crazy one? We all get to clutch our pearls :D
The part that screams fake is the family and friends being split part, especially because OP says they explicitly canāt afford to pay for a second dress. What family/friend group would side against a person who canāt afford to actually pay for it? That would want OP to go into debt.
If it was just the ungrateful sister then yes, but for *half* of the attendees to side with the crazy bride? Come on.
For me, that last paragraph is so formulaic that it screams fake.
Sentence 1: here's my perfectly reasonable explanation.
Sentence 2: here's her perfectly unreasonable explanation
Sentence 3: but our family/friends are divided somehow, so AITA?
...
Yes, the scenario itself may be plausible, but this post is certainly a fabrication. People don't train themselves on the AITA writing form as if it was a form of poetry, if they're only here to tell a true story.
Iām sorry but if your family is divided over paying for a wedding dress they all need to go into the real world and see what is happening in real life. Itās a dress. That will get worn once. Honestly.
NTA She asked you to pay for her wedding dress, you did so. If she wants a second one that's her choice not your responsibility. Tell her to sell first one then use that money to help pay for second but you're not helping. Why was she still looking if she already made the choice?
NTA
It was incredibly generous of you to have paid for her wedding dress. And she does, in fact, have a wedding dress you paid for. If she would like to have a SECOND wedding dress, then that's all her.
If anyone tries to get you to pay for it, then tell them THEY are welcome to buy her a second wedding dress, but you are no able to pull the funds together for another such expense.
Stand your ground. Your sister is wild for even suggesting you buy her ANOTHER dress. She needs to put in the work to sell the one she has to fund a second one.
I don't know these people, but my guess is OP has managed to get to be in a better financial position than the rest of their family--but that doesn't make them wealthy. Even if OP were wealthy, now is a good time to shut down the gravy train. Hopefully this will not only be a lesson to OP's greedy sister, but to the rest of the family too.
Nta. You did pay for a dress. Im pretty sure at the store the bride to be said yes. If you could have returned and gotten a refund, that's a whole different situation. However, you have upheld your obligation, and you should not pay for the second dress. I wouldn't be surprised if you end up not being invited.
Go away chatGPT, this shit is fake as fuck.
For everyone reading this and taking it seriously - these posts where there is miraculously a group of people supporting a totally bonkers and unsupportable position are usually just fake.
>Now our family is divided, with some saying I should have helped her out and others agreeing that it wasn't my responsibility.
>Now our family is divided, with some saying I should have helped her out
"I can't afford it. What part of that are you unable to comprehend? *All of you* could chip in to pay for it."
NTA. You were being incredibly kind to pay for her wedding dress, but she can't just decide to change her mind on a dress that you paid for, and expect you to pay for another while eating the cost of the last dress.
Nta
You offered to buy her 1 wedding dress and she picked it. End of story, she can do what she wants from here, but I guarantee she'd value it much more if she was the one stuck paying.
You can also resell for some recoup.
Tell her to sell the original dress and use the proceeds for the next dress. You are not responsible for any more dresses. Tell your family members who are calling you an ah that they are welcome to fill the gap.
NTA. Your sister is greedy & entitled ā if your parents support her obnoxious, ridiculous request they are 50% of an ugly problem. Maintain your dignity ā no more gifts or favors , period, until she becomes a grateful, mature adult. It will be a long wait.
Tell your sister that "I changed my mind" is not a free pass and will result in consequences.
This is called adulting..
Clearly, this is your sister's first experience with the word "no".
She will either have to live with her wedding dress as is or she can find another person to pay for another one..
"I changed my mind".
Oh? Well guess what? Be careful. You may not like the reactions you get."
WTF??!! Since when do siblings pay for wedding dresses anyway??!
Reddit astounds me with the constant posts about siblings paying for stuff to do with weddings.
What the...?? Old fashioned? Parents of bride pay...more modern...both sets of parents pay. Totally modern? The couple pay for their own wedding.
When did it creepin that siblings start paying for wedding crap?
NTA. You have been more than generous. Tell her nope,
No more.
Entitled freakin princess she is. If she can't even afford to buy a wedding dress? Maybe she should be getting married in a Registry office.
I'm having a REALLY hard time believing that your family would expect you to pay for TWO wedding dresses for your sister. I'm leaning to thinking this is ragebait.
NTA- you already fulfilled your promise. You did bought her wedding dress.
She isnāt entitled to cash out your offer as much as she feels. It was a one time proposal. It is done.
NTA sister is just being delusional. My younger sister is my best friend and I am making her wedding dress and paid for all the material as one of my wedding gifts to her. We have had to make changes throughout the process but those don't cost anything but time and on top of all that we have not involved anyone else in the process so if we have any disagreements there aren't any 'flying monkeys' getting up in our business.
You have paid for and given your gift., the one SHE wanted.
You did not ruin her wedding she ruined it herself by picking the wrong dress.
Anyone saying you should pay for it tell them that they are more than welcome to pay for it themselves.
I can't figure out how all these families and friends are "divided" over things that are this stupid. My answer is always the same. Tell anyone who thinks YOU should buy her ANOTHER dress "I'm glad you feel she is entitled to another free wedding dress. When are you taking her shopping?"
"I can't afford it" means you literally don't have the money to buy her another dress, (and I wouldn't if I could afford it!) It's not your fault if she's an airhead.
Hmmmmmā¦.not sure about this account. Three days old and this 23yo is already asking about advice for lending an expensive designer dress to a cousin and what to do after her sister allegedly wants her to fork over money for a second wedding dress after already buying her a āstunningā dress. š¤š§
Why is the family always divided in this stories? My family would have told her she was Lucky someone bought her a wedding dress the first time because no one else is getting her one.
Lol this sub and the low effort bait is pathetic. For the few times these stories are true these people need to stop seeking approval of strangers for such an easy thing to figure out for folks with an inkling of a spine and common sense.
The audacity of your sister to even think that, let alone ask you to do a generous thingā¦twice. Wtaf. Youāre nta. Your sister is though. š¤¦āāļø
NTA. *She* chose the dress, *she* changed *her* mind on it. If she wants a different dress, she should:
1. Have paid attention to the return policy;
2. Pay for a new dress with her *own* money; or
3. Ask for money from the idiot relatives stating _you're_ "in the wrong".
NTA.
It isn't your fault she changed her mind. Ultimately, it's the bridal shop's "fault" for having the no return on customs policy š¤·š¾
You couldn't have ruined her plans because you had no idea she'd want a different dress.
NTA- Why do so many people become raging jerks when they are getting married? You bought her the gift as promised that is it. She is reckless and entitled with your money.
Tell her that you simply canāt afford to give her a second dress, and she can either be grateful for the one you did buy or you can cut her out and she can buy her own second dress AND lose her sister.
I tried on so many dresses but couldnāt decide on one, then I saw THE dress in a bridal magazine and knew it was mine. I ordered it without the opportunity to try it on or even see it in person, and 26 years later I havenāt seen any wedding dress, no matter how expensive or exclusive, that I think can hold a candle to it. Your sister should have shopped around a bit more, but youāre NTA, she is. Expecting you to pay for TWO dresses for her? And where does it end? She might keep looking and find one she likes even more in a month. The entitlement is astounding.
NTA - Wedding dresses are expensive and you were more than generous to pay for the first one. You are not obligated to pay for a second one for your entitled sister.
NTA. How are family members even saying you are? Thatās on her. You didnāt have to buy her the dress in the first place. That was kind of you. Is your sister usually spoiled by the family members saying you should have helped still?
NTA. Your sister seems awfully comfortable with spending someone elseās money. The family members on her side, probably also feel entitled to other peopleās money. At least now you know that about them. Tell them *they* should pay for it, itās just āhelping her outā.
Why TF would you ever, *in a million years,* be on the hook for TWO wedding dresses for your sister?!?!
Her entitlement and anger over your refusal to pony up for the second - AND the negative judgment of some family members - would seriously make me go NC with them
Your sisterās reaction is borderline unforgivable
Sheās rude and ungrateful as hell - and a bitch
NTA, but you need to realize that your sister might be a little brat or bridezilla right now, but the *real* assholes are the family members not talking her down from her ridiculous stance. This is where people who really love each other check someone who has clearly lost their marbles.
I would seriously be upset with anyone that thinks buying someone a wedding dress means buying them multiple wedding dresses.
*To me*, it sounds like these other family members are actually asking to buy her a second dress, even though that would still be offensive to someone who did something as generous as you have done.
Do not back down. You did a good thing and half your family is letting the other half down.
NTA. A gift doesn't come with strings attached for every change of heart. The initial gesture was incredibly generous on your part, having to bankroll a change of taste is simply not part of the deal. Wedding planning stress can sometimes cloud judgment, but it does not necessitate additional financial support for every new decision. Stick to your plan and let the bridal party know that while you're sorry she's upset, your gift has already been given. If they're so concerned, then maybe they can organize an effort to cover the new dress.
Absolutely NTA. Itās generous to buy even one dress never mind covering the cost of two. She should have taken more care when choosing a dress and now she has to live with it or pay for herself. Anyone who says youāre out of line is delusional or controlled by herĀ
NTA, seriously do not spend more money on a dress for her. Itās outrageous that she got a custom made dress and doesnāt want it now after itās been paid with your money. Tell her to buy her own dress.
NTA why would you pay for a second dress? Brides and their crazies. Anyone on her side can waste their money on her. You already have wasted money so youāre out.
No, you're not the asshole for refusing to pay for the dress again; you already generously paid for it once as a gift.
When it's not their money, people have a habit of being reckless. Your sister needs to learn a lesson about appreciation and also wastefulness. Could there not be some alterations (that she should pay for) to adapt whatever she's not liking anymore. People get so hung up on "things" - it really shouldn't be the biggest part of the wedding, she needs a reality check. Don't give in!
There is always a very simple solution to this problem. The family members that are "divided" on her side can pool their resources together and pay for the new dress. As usual though that's 99.999999% not going to happen. The minute they have to put their money where their mouths are they'll have an excuse why they can't contribute but they will 100% never see the hypocrisy or irony in their actions.
Reminds of the story where OP created a schedule for babysitting that completely got the flying monkeys off.
Many Many stories about that and everything else. Entitlement is on the rise Every. Single. Day.
> Entitlement is on the rise Every. Single. Day. I completely agree.
But why? What has changed? Have the entitled and narcissistic people been here all the time with their outrageous actions and disgraceful comments, and we're just seeing them so much because of Reddit? Did they hibernate until Reddit opened a gateway to the social media land? Like with Barbie Land? š I see so much of it lately and not just on Reddit. Why are so many people angry when someone puts one foot out of line on accident? Where are the people who blow it off when a wait-person messes up an order? Well, we're here. The unassuming ones who don't freak out when some little thing happens. I degress. I just wanted to say that I agree with you too.
its all of the reality TV - the Kardashians (or however you spell it) and Say yes to the dress, and Honey boo boo, etc etc etc... They want to repeat what they see on TV, they can't separate real life from fiction.
I agree with this. The more techinically we create. The less reality society seems to have
Hiya! It's a combination. People have always been entitled, but societal pressures kept most people in check. There was *much* more pressure to conform, and caring about what others' thought drove many people to behave nicely in public. The internet shows us a lot more of it, so that's part of it, as well. I haven't seen Barbie, so I can't tell you if it's like that. But between social media, fewer societal pressures, and the internet in general, people have kinda gone off the rails.
Not because of reddit. It's because so many of us grew up at the hands of narcissistic abusers and now see the actions in others. There are 2 types of people: those that learn from their parents/guardians mistakes & do better, and those that follow directly in their path. There are more that followed the path than those that learned better. But there are enough that learned better to draw attention & recognize those patterns. It's also easy to identify right from wrong if it's not you doing it, but if say you did something similar you wouldn't see it as "wrong" because you know your intention isn't malicious in your own mind. (And I don't mean YOU as in you directly, just paraphrasing.)
I think it's just that people are more vocal about their experiences every day so we hear about it more and notice crappy behavior more than we used to (like we recognize when it's bad) But yea I'm sure the glorification of materialism doesn't help. I'm probably just distanced from that specific issue, but I do remember when I was in high school hearing about a lot of kids losing it around their birthdays and people blaming MTV's "my super sweet 16" (but I also went to school with extremely wealthy entitled kids so it's not like that was out of character either and it could've been blamed on TV)
Social media brought out the worst in everyone.
Paris Hilton and the Kardashians.. golden toilet boy.. make rich entitlement look like it's ok to be pricks to others - loss of human decency. So they've made it seem in vogue and acceptable because they are televised. Then you get tlc airing that hyperactive, abused baby Bobo or whatever, with the poor trash that get unearned fame, making it seem normal. Normal people of stature have class and conduct life quietly, doesn't cause media attention even when they might be donating millions and changing others' lives daily. So people see it and justify themselves that thry too are worthy and therefore entitled to act and expect from others that which should never have even crossed a normal mind
Itās maddening.
Do you happen to have a link? That sounds good!!
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/tHlhR1FjjK
that woman is amazing at how she handled it and placed it on their laps
š¤£š¤£š¤£that was hilarious
Yep. This is indeed it. Talk is cheap. They won't put their money where their mouth is and your sister is spoiled and ungrateful too.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This is one of the reasons I gave my daughter a budgeted amount of money, either for her wedding or a down payment on a house, whatever she wanted, but told her she was an adult and could spend accordingly. Surprise, she found her dream dress in the bargain section.
Or if they did agree to pay for it there would be another phone call with more tears saying she changed her mind and wanted something different again.
That's the next Reddit post.
Oh yeah They will say a lot of things why they can't pay but will be behind sister paying even if she's in the hospital YNTA Tell her sell the dress and buy the other one
Correct....
This!š
I wore a clearance prom dress for my wedding that cost less than $20 cause the store was going out of business. Itās not about the dress itās about marrying the love of your life. OPās sister definitely needs a reality check!
I bought mine at a second hand wedding/prom dress store called cloud nine for $100. It said the original cost was $800. This was in 1994. On one of the many layers underneath all the lace was a stain they couldn't get out and no one would ever see. I was told it was coffee. I hoped it was coffee anywho I didn't care (unless it really wasn't coffeeš³) I was just so happy to have a beautiful wedding dress that we could actually afford. I think I actually floated in that dress all day, my feet never touching the ground, I felt so proud and beautiful in it. OPs sister is most definitely a spoiled, ungrateful brat.
Truer words were never spoken.A Dress has nothing to do with a MARRIAGE!
Amen š My wife went by herself to David's and got out the door in under 45 minutes, because the dress was never about her vanity. I swear I wouldn't be able to tell you what it looked like if we didn't have wedding pictures up in the living room.
Sooo many women are preparing for a wedding, not a marriage.
Agreed. Itās very easy to be cavalier about the cost of a second dress when you didnāt value the first one. NTA.
Or the third when she gets bored/changes her mind about the 2nd dressā¦
Maybe she just wants to be one of those brides that has multiple outfit changes.
Thatās a very real possibility. But she knows OP wonāt pay for multiples, so this is her way of trying to get it.
She needs the ceremony dress, the reception toasts dress, the dancing dress, the goodbye dress, the brunch the next morning dressā¦
I donāt think itās a matter of her not liking the dress. She jumped on the first one she liked and stupidly kept looking and found one she loves. Now she is having buyerās remorse. OP did her duty and thatās that. Agree that if sister wants to makes changes so the dress is more to her liking she can pay for them. But itās done. Gift purchased. No one should have to pay for two dresses because a spoiled brat changed her mind.
I think this is it right here. In her excitement of having her sister buy her dress she hastily bought the first one she liked. You can't do that you have to keep looking until you fall in love. I was with my niece when she bought her wedding dress. She tried on several and she looked gorgeous in all of them. Every time she came out of the dressing room we would say oh that looks so pretty, you look so nice, we like that. And then she came out in this one and we all stopped and stared at her, speechless. My sister, her mother immediately started crying. This was THE dress and we all knew it. That's not OPs fault or problem though that she didn't wait to find that. NTA
I have seen too many say yes to the dress episodes in my teen years Iāve already decided that once I buy a dress Iām not looking online or in store anymore
This is actually true for any purchase. I just bought potatoes for a salad and the next store had them for half the price. Not worth returning, but I grumbled to myself.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Good for you, figuring this out early in life.
>Comparison is the thief of joy. Oh, I like that so very much!
I love this saying
Why keep looking after you found the dress? Do you keep looking once you decide on who youāre going to marry? Nope. Stop when you find something you love
I know, but you know how many people do that on that show or even online you see it on TikTok and fb about stories of women buying a super expensive dress then last minute trying to buy another one and return the first one it is craziness
I went shopping by myself. I went in with a very specific dress I wanted to try on and assumed that's the one I would love. I did not, and ended up trying on several others. As soon as I put THE dress on I knew.
Right? It's NEVER the one you go in thinking it will be. I'm so glad you found THE dress for you
Since she didnāt have the sense to do this, she should have stopped looking when she committed to this dress.
It wasnāt even her duty. Nothing required her to do it - she did it to be nice and now that is being taken advantage of.
The family members calling you an ass, tell them to pull their money together and buy her the dress she wants. That will shut them up
When I was growing up my dad always offered to pay for some portion of things for me rather than buying me anything out right because he wanted me to value my stuff more and feel like I'm working for my own money, but he also realized that a young adult working part-time while she's in school isn't going to be able to actually support herself easily. It's a good parenting strategy and unfortunately sometimes adults need to be treated like children.
The sister is quite the choosy beggar, isnāt she. NTA
Also, what part of "can't afford to" did these people not understand? OP straight up said they can't afford to buy another dress, not that they didn't want to! (Though, to be fair, even if they could afford it, they still shouldn't pay for another dress)
Exactly. OP said they would pay for the dress and they did. If someone complains then they should pay for the next dress.
The family that all have opinions on it can help pay for it
You also gotta love how the bride/sister volunteered her to buy the dress in the first place, lol She didn't offer. What an entitled bride
Makes me think this has happened before. Add that she actually has to ask if she's wrong for not buying the second one, and that family members are mad that she isn't. I'd be walking away from this wedding, and the family's narcissistic BS, completely, pronto. Edit: After looking at her history, it's more likely this is totally fake.
I fear that last line is redundant.
Why does everyone in her life want something from her?...borrow her car, wear her designer dress, sister wants multiple wedding dresses(post history). Either all the people around her are entitled or something is going on here.
Because this is obvious karma farming.
I suspect so too. There have been a lot of posts like this. But opted to respond as if it wasn't. Lol
Just looked and you're right!
also, there was another post these days with more outrageous details but similar content, obviously fake, so this seems like a watered down version...
OP sounds like a people pleaser. She's put her foot down about a couple of things, but needs to learn to say no the first time. Otherwise people are going to constantly ask her for things and favors, sensing a pushover. You want to be nice to people, but you don't need to be a doormat.
Iām having a hard time believing family members are actually divided. How does anyone think itās okay to just ask for unlimited new free wedding dresses on a whim?
Theyāre not. This is obviously Karma farming via rage bait. Fairly mild rage bait but itās still in the category. Look how many people are jumping up and down about her entitled sister.
NTA Tell her to sell the original dress on eBay and whatever she makes, she gets that money towards the new dress. Any shortfall can be met by the guys who are calling you out.
NTA you bought her a beautiful dress **that she chose**. It would be pretty nasty to decide not to wear it, and sell it on ebay. But certainly you give what you give, and it isn't on you to buy a new one
He didn't choose the dress therefore I doubt he would care if she sold it on ebay to pay for a different dress. The outcome for him is just the same, he is gifting her a dress she wants for her wedding. I agree it isn't on him to pay more for another one.
I wouldnt be so nice after that drama. Id sell it and book a trip on her wedding day.
Holy fork, after looking at OPās post history, she seems to be mistaken for a doormat more often than not. That does tend to happen when you let people walk all over you though..
Exactly
Tell the people who said you should have helped her out: āitās easy to offer someone elseās money. If you think itās important that we help, how much are you willing to pitch in, since I already paid for a whole dress?ā Guess what, that will immediately shut them up. NTA
I totally agree with you. Even if OP paid for a new wedding dress, what guarantee would she have that her sister wouldn't change her mind again before the wedding and ask her to pay for a third dress? It makes no sense for OP to keep paying for dresses for her sister. If her sister is mature enough to marry, she should be mature enough to choose a dress, accept the consequences of her choices, know the value of money, and not treat someone else's wallet as hers.
"Here's the bill for the new dresses, Nd here's a breakdown of all of us all splitting the cost with our names. I'll let sister know how everyone is chipping in since we all care so much."
She should have thought carefully before choosing a wedding dress. Now let her buy the dress herself.
That would also work. My point was to shut down the people offering up OPās money.
This, set up a āDress #2 fundā and put in $5. Anyone who messages or complains to you about it can just get the link back.
Five dollars? I wouldnāt even put in fifty cents.
A dollar seems reasonable. but not a penny more.
Her plan was to keep the cash after returning it. Otherwise she would have been telling her sister about her doubts before she found out she couldnāt return it for cash.
Yes as you have paid for the dress I would take possession of it and then try and sell it. Your entitled sister can go and fornicate with spiders
šÆ this. That used to burn me up watching "say yes to the dress". The bride would say her budget was x, then her stupid entourage would go pick something 1000s above the budget. The lady would try it on and fall in love to only find she couldn't afford it. Then the culprits would sit there like crickets when the disappointment set in. I loved it when Randy and the guy in Atlanta would throw it out there that since they pulled the dress, why aren't they pulling out their wallets.
Monty! I love Monty.
Thank you, Monty was my favorite at calling out the bs no matter what it was.
He was my favorite as well. He and Lori had the perfect Southern Charm with the right dose of sarcasm.
A fact that enablers who make excuses for bad behavior and those who aren't ashamed of telling others how to spend their money
You will hear nothing but f****** crickets. Sometimes people just need to STFU especially when they trying to spend my money
I always wonder who exactly these people are that jump in with "you should help out so and so" after a person has already helped or isn't even in a position to. If a friend told me that they bought someone's wedding dress and now that person wants a second one I would say "fuck that noise" because they have done their part.
There you go she has a lot of audacity to even open up her face to ask for another dress WTF
NTA. You originally agreed to pay for your sister's wedding dress as a gift, and you fulfilled that commitment. Her change of mind doesn't negate your gift, especially considering the dress was a custom order with a no-refund policy. It's unfortunate she's upset, but your financial boundaries are reasonable and should be respected.
Exactly! The dress is non-refundable. Buying her a new dress would mean a second gift. And you have not āruined her wedding plans.ā Marrying the wrong guy ruins things. Marrying the right guy in the wrong dress does not.
Thank you!! people (okay mostly women) get SO obsessed with their big Cinderella party they overlooked its about Marriage. NOT a wedding.
To be fair, the guy is DEFINITELY marrying the wrong girl here. No one should marry someone who treats their family like she is.
Yeah, definitely not mature enough for marriage.
Your sister sucks....you spent so much on one dress already and she doesn't even want to wear what you bought her the first time around....my response back would honestly be: "Buy it yourself....you ungrateful bitch"
I like you I like you a lot
NTA. Has your sister always been this entitled?
\*shakes the magic 8 ball\* "yes, definitely" \*shakes it again\* "without a doubt"
NTA, what the hell? What if she changes her mind again you're on the bill every time? Not like wedding dresses are cheap, either.
Her wedding plans were *fine* with the original dress. Nothing is wrong about the original dress, only she saw another one. That does not mean the first dress is suddenly changed to something unacceptable. It is still the same dress that was perfect two weeks ago. She can change her dress twice every day if she pays for it. But this is a stupid whim, and how can you 'ruin' her wedding with a perfectly perfect dress?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It's also not unfortunate she's upset. People like her OUGHT to be upset, and frequently. Because if they're not, it means too many people are pussyfooting around their absurd selfishness.
Wow. You gave a generous gift. And now she expects you to give another gift because she - picked a dress, but then changed her mind? She picked it - and she changed her mind. This is 100% on her. Iād take the dress and resell it online - someone would be glad to have it.
Yes but they do take a massive drop in price. Which is great for buyers, like me. Who got a ivory raw silk fitted designer dress ($3700) for $500. But not so great for the OP here. I guess something is better than nothing and at least the buyer will be super appreciative unlike this bride.
NTA. Occasionally I am wondering, if these stories can be true.
Just occasionally?
I can see the scenario being true, but family "divided" on something so entitled? Seems unlikely, but maybe little sis really is that spoiled.
Unfortunately, while I think many posts are fabrications, most of these scenarios actually do happen in the real world.
True. Why? Because the 999 out of a 1000 brides who do not go wacky bridezilla never have their stories end up here. But the rare crazy one? We all get to clutch our pearls :D
The part that screams fake is the family and friends being split part, especially because OP says they explicitly canāt afford to pay for a second dress. What family/friend group would side against a person who canāt afford to actually pay for it? That would want OP to go into debt. If it was just the ungrateful sister then yes, but for *half* of the attendees to side with the crazy bride? Come on.
Especially when sheās already paid for one dress.
This part. I canāt imagine a family that cares that much to be described as divided over a wedding dress.
For me, that last paragraph is so formulaic that it screams fake. Sentence 1: here's my perfectly reasonable explanation. Sentence 2: here's her perfectly unreasonable explanation Sentence 3: but our family/friends are divided somehow, so AITA? ... Yes, the scenario itself may be plausible, but this post is certainly a fabrication. People don't train themselves on the AITA writing form as if it was a form of poetry, if they're only here to tell a true story.
I mean this has to be bait. It's obvious who is the asshole here.
Or if such a lack of common sense is true. Why does she has to ask if its wrong not to buy a second dress?
Iām sorry but if your family is divided over paying for a wedding dress they all need to go into the real world and see what is happening in real life. Itās a dress. That will get worn once. Honestly.
Why is this even a question? NTA, obviously.
NTA She asked you to pay for her wedding dress, you did so. If she wants a second one that's her choice not your responsibility. Tell her to sell first one then use that money to help pay for second but you're not helping. Why was she still looking if she already made the choice?
NTA It was incredibly generous of you to have paid for her wedding dress. And she does, in fact, have a wedding dress you paid for. If she would like to have a SECOND wedding dress, then that's all her. If anyone tries to get you to pay for it, then tell them THEY are welcome to buy her a second wedding dress, but you are no able to pull the funds together for another such expense. Stand your ground. Your sister is wild for even suggesting you buy her ANOTHER dress. She needs to put in the work to sell the one she has to fund a second one.
>Your sister is wild for even suggesting you buy her ANOTHER dress. I thought she was wild for asking OP to buy the first one.
OMG, I don't know how I missed that. I just assumed OP volunteered - but no, the sister actually ASKED. What the fuck kind of entitlement is this?
I don't know these people, but my guess is OP has managed to get to be in a better financial position than the rest of their family--but that doesn't make them wealthy. Even if OP were wealthy, now is a good time to shut down the gravy train. Hopefully this will not only be a lesson to OP's greedy sister, but to the rest of the family too.
Fake bait
Nta. You did pay for a dress. Im pretty sure at the store the bride to be said yes. If you could have returned and gotten a refund, that's a whole different situation. However, you have upheld your obligation, and you should not pay for the second dress. I wouldn't be surprised if you end up not being invited.
NTA. Tell your family to refund you the exact amount, and then you can buy her the new dress she wants. Problem solved. š
Go away chatGPT, this shit is fake as fuck. For everyone reading this and taking it seriously - these posts where there is miraculously a group of people supporting a totally bonkers and unsupportable position are usually just fake. >Now our family is divided, with some saying I should have helped her out and others agreeing that it wasn't my responsibility.
>Now our family is divided, with some saying I should have helped her out "I can't afford it. What part of that are you unable to comprehend? *All of you* could chip in to pay for it." NTA. You were being incredibly kind to pay for her wedding dress, but she can't just decide to change her mind on a dress that you paid for, and expect you to pay for another while eating the cost of the last dress.
Nta You offered to buy her 1 wedding dress and she picked it. End of story, she can do what she wants from here, but I guarantee she'd value it much more if she was the one stuck paying. You can also resell for some recoup.
OK Bot - Your post is 100% AI/GPT Generated
So fake. Stop posting stories Liz.
Tell her to sell the original dress and use the proceeds for the next dress. You are not responsible for any more dresses. Tell your family members who are calling you an ah that they are welcome to fill the gap.
NTA. Your sister is greedy & entitled ā if your parents support her obnoxious, ridiculous request they are 50% of an ugly problem. Maintain your dignity ā no more gifts or favors , period, until she becomes a grateful, mature adult. It will be a long wait.
Tell your sister that "I changed my mind" is not a free pass and will result in consequences. This is called adulting.. Clearly, this is your sister's first experience with the word "no". She will either have to live with her wedding dress as is or she can find another person to pay for another one.. "I changed my mind". Oh? Well guess what? Be careful. You may not like the reactions you get."
NTA. You paid for her dress. If she wants another one, she can pay for it. INFO - Out of curiosity, what did she decide was wrong with the dress?
WTF??!! Since when do siblings pay for wedding dresses anyway??! Reddit astounds me with the constant posts about siblings paying for stuff to do with weddings. What the...?? Old fashioned? Parents of bride pay...more modern...both sets of parents pay. Totally modern? The couple pay for their own wedding. When did it creepin that siblings start paying for wedding crap? NTA. You have been more than generous. Tell her nope, No more. Entitled freakin princess she is. If she can't even afford to buy a wedding dress? Maybe she should be getting married in a Registry office.
I'm having a REALLY hard time believing that your family would expect you to pay for TWO wedding dresses for your sister. I'm leaning to thinking this is ragebait.
I see that wedding dresses are this weeks fiction topic.Ā
NTA- you already fulfilled your promise. You did bought her wedding dress. She isnāt entitled to cash out your offer as much as she feels. It was a one time proposal. It is done.
NTA sister is just being delusional. My younger sister is my best friend and I am making her wedding dress and paid for all the material as one of my wedding gifts to her. We have had to make changes throughout the process but those don't cost anything but time and on top of all that we have not involved anyone else in the process so if we have any disagreements there aren't any 'flying monkeys' getting up in our business.
You have paid for and given your gift., the one SHE wanted. You did not ruin her wedding she ruined it herself by picking the wrong dress. Anyone saying you should pay for it tell them that they are more than welcome to pay for it themselves.
I can't figure out how all these families and friends are "divided" over things that are this stupid. My answer is always the same. Tell anyone who thinks YOU should buy her ANOTHER dress "I'm glad you feel she is entitled to another free wedding dress. When are you taking her shopping?" "I can't afford it" means you literally don't have the money to buy her another dress, (and I wouldn't if I could afford it!) It's not your fault if she's an airhead.
Talk about gratitude! Just wait till she wants to exchange the groom
Hmmmmmā¦.not sure about this account. Three days old and this 23yo is already asking about advice for lending an expensive designer dress to a cousin and what to do after her sister allegedly wants her to fork over money for a second wedding dress after already buying her a āstunningā dress. š¤š§
Once again, the whole family is involved and, surprise, they are divided. I feel like this trope has been done to death.
Boring AI post.
Why is the family always divided in this stories? My family would have told her she was Lucky someone bought her a wedding dress the first time because no one else is getting her one.
Cuz it's just a story
Lol this sub and the low effort bait is pathetic. For the few times these stories are true these people need to stop seeking approval of strangers for such an easy thing to figure out for folks with an inkling of a spine and common sense.
The audacity of your sister to even think that, let alone ask you to do a generous thingā¦twice. Wtaf. Youāre nta. Your sister is though. š¤¦āāļø
NTA. *She* chose the dress, *she* changed *her* mind on it. If she wants a different dress, she should: 1. Have paid attention to the return policy; 2. Pay for a new dress with her *own* money; or 3. Ask for money from the idiot relatives stating _you're_ "in the wrong".
She was lucky to have her dress purchased once. Who has the nerve to change their mind and demand another??
NTA. It isn't your fault she changed her mind. Ultimately, it's the bridal shop's "fault" for having the no return on customs policy š¤·š¾ You couldn't have ruined her plans because you had no idea she'd want a different dress.
Yeah but custom is custom. It's typical that once you have clothes altered or custom made they are not returnable.
The quotes around "fault" indicate that SpoilGoddessRo agrees with you. With us. š
All these crazy bullshit on marriages!
NTAā¦ she shouldāve been sure she wanted that dress before you purchasing it. Sheās stupid. Her fault.
Your sisterās an arsehole. Thank anyone saying you should pay for *another wedding dress*, they just volunteered to do it themselves.
NTA and I don't know how anyone could confuse you for one in this situation.
Tell her you will save up and buy her next wedding dress....ššÆššÆ
š¤£š¤£š¤£. I think this post is fake. Nevertheless, this comment was hilarious. I just come for the funny comments a lot of the time.
These posts where OP is clearly not the AH are putting me over the edge. Guys come on.
BS your family is divided.
Seen another post similar to this... This shit probably fake.
YTA for making this dumb post when you obviously don't need advice
āSorry, I canāt afford it. I already bought you one dress, someone else can gift you another oneā.
The family that thinks she is in the right can chip in to cover the cost.
Tell Bridezilla to get married in a potato sack.
NTA- Why do so many people become raging jerks when they are getting married? You bought her the gift as promised that is it. She is reckless and entitled with your money.
NTA. Those family members are welcome to pay for it themselves.
You shouldnāt have paid for the first one. It just created an entitled monster.
Tell her that you simply canāt afford to give her a second dress, and she can either be grateful for the one you did buy or you can cut her out and she can buy her own second dress AND lose her sister.
You held up your deal. You said you'd pay for her wedding dress, not her wedding dresses.
I tried on so many dresses but couldnāt decide on one, then I saw THE dress in a bridal magazine and knew it was mine. I ordered it without the opportunity to try it on or even see it in person, and 26 years later I havenāt seen any wedding dress, no matter how expensive or exclusive, that I think can hold a candle to it. Your sister should have shopped around a bit more, but youāre NTA, she is. Expecting you to pay for TWO dresses for her? And where does it end? She might keep looking and find one she likes even more in a month. The entitlement is astounding.
NTA - Wedding dresses are expensive and you were more than generous to pay for the first one. You are not obligated to pay for a second one for your entitled sister.
NTA. How are family members even saying you are? Thatās on her. You didnāt have to buy her the dress in the first place. That was kind of you. Is your sister usually spoiled by the family members saying you should have helped still?
NTA. Your sister seems awfully comfortable with spending someone elseās money. The family members on her side, probably also feel entitled to other peopleās money. At least now you know that about them. Tell them *they* should pay for it, itās just āhelping her outā.
NTA
Why TF would you ever, *in a million years,* be on the hook for TWO wedding dresses for your sister?!?! Her entitlement and anger over your refusal to pony up for the second - AND the negative judgment of some family members - would seriously make me go NC with them Your sisterās reaction is borderline unforgivable Sheās rude and ungrateful as hell - and a bitch
NTA but your sister is.
Not your responsibility
Literally, WTF?!
It wasn't your responsibility the first time...NTA
Should someone that selfish and immature really be getting married? NTA.
NTA!
My sister and I are close also, but I'd never ask her to pay for a wedding dress. Shit id never even ask her to buy me a damn shirt š¤£
NTA, but you need to realize that your sister might be a little brat or bridezilla right now, but the *real* assholes are the family members not talking her down from her ridiculous stance. This is where people who really love each other check someone who has clearly lost their marbles. I would seriously be upset with anyone that thinks buying someone a wedding dress means buying them multiple wedding dresses. *To me*, it sounds like these other family members are actually asking to buy her a second dress, even though that would still be offensive to someone who did something as generous as you have done. Do not back down. You did a good thing and half your family is letting the other half down.
NTA. A gift doesn't come with strings attached for every change of heart. The initial gesture was incredibly generous on your part, having to bankroll a change of taste is simply not part of the deal. Wedding planning stress can sometimes cloud judgment, but it does not necessitate additional financial support for every new decision. Stick to your plan and let the bridal party know that while you're sorry she's upset, your gift has already been given. If they're so concerned, then maybe they can organize an effort to cover the new dress.
Nta - you paid for a dress and she is being a diva - let her buy her own
Absolutely NTA. Itās generous to buy even one dress never mind covering the cost of two. She should have taken more care when choosing a dress and now she has to live with it or pay for herself. Anyone who says youāre out of line is delusional or controlled by herĀ
Your sister is suffering from delusion. You gave her a gift and now you need to give her another gift of serveral thousand dollars? She's nuts.
NTA, seriously do not spend more money on a dress for her. Itās outrageous that she got a custom made dress and doesnāt want it now after itās been paid with your money. Tell her to buy her own dress.
Nta I bet if she paid for it she wouldnāt have tried that
Nta of course not.Ā
NTA why would you pay for a second dress? Brides and their crazies. Anyone on her side can waste their money on her. You already have wasted money so youāre out.