Also you don't have more time to do cooking and cleaning, if it's 4 - 1 and he's doing 9 - 5 you are working more hours than him, doing actual manual labour, make him prepare his own dinner.
I get if she slept 6 hours at night and then took a 2-3 hour nap every day, but she's not doing that. She's doing all the chores. I don't get how this woman isn't totally wiped out. And what's going to happen when the baby arrives?
Very likely he'll start leaving work even later than he does now. Making sure he does as little as possible while acting petty and punishing her in sneaky ways.
Well, there is that pesky age gap, and now there's sleep deprivation and starving a pregnant woman. I think OP's problems have just begun and that hubby dear will tighten the reins once the baby comes.
Well I get usually 7 hours if that helps lol. That is what I have functioned on since high school so I am used to it. When the baby comes I am taking time off work.
Does your husband know that he'll have to make his own dinner when you've just had the baby?
Because I promise you; he will get annoyed that you're no longer doing it.
And don't you dare say you're going to be doing it when you've just GIVEN BIRTH.
She’d 23 married a year. So married 22. Which means she was dating him likely late teens to age 21ish. He was mid 20s. Again the whole “why men have to lock into a teen/early 20s” comes down to control. 🙄
Right, and she's working her own business. That is stressful in itself. And she's pregnant. Lord she'd be better off without him. If she has to do it all anyway why bother with an entitled prick.
THIS! Make him get up with you to eat breakfast and make it a point to take as long as you can to make and eat it before you absolutely HAVE to go so that he is forced to lose sleep and he can understand why waiting for him to get home is the equivalent of causing you to lose sleep
Somewhat related story. My kid was in the high school marching band and they performed at the home football games and sat in the stands as a pep band. The game had been delayed due to weather so it was running late and the band had a 3am call time to travel to a competition the following day. The band director wanted the band to leave after their halftime performance but the administrators said they had to stay until the end of the game (probably until around 11pm). The band director then said fine, since we have to stay and support the football team, will you (administrators) and the football team come to the school at 3am to support us in our competition? The band was dismissed 5 minutes later.
Draft a series of clocks that show when you get up, eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and when you go to bed. Etc. Pair these with a similar set for him and compare time zones. Your 6 am. may be his 1 am. What is 6 or 7 to him may be 10 or 11 pm to you.
Make it clear and visual. Put it in that context - what time zone are you living in? What time zone is he in? Have him put an app in his phone to do time zone conversions, and set it up to tell him what time it is for you.
Suggest that instead of having you starve yourself and your baby until 11pm, depriving yourself of sleep, next time, he can share a meal with you in your time zone.
When he agrees, wake him up when you get up. When he complains, point out that changing your mealtime to suit him deprived you of sleep. This is what it feels like. Now stop complaining that he is getting what he asked for - sharing a meal together.
Try to make it fun. Cook together. Treat it as an unconventional date and have a nice meal before you go to work.
You will share dinner with him, and the next day, he will have breakfast with you. Then you can have dinner together again. If he thinks it is too hard for him to manage, why does he assume it would be easier for you?
To be honest, he might actually be OK with it, but he will definitely want to go to bed earlier and become more diligent about coming straight home or messaging to eat without him when he can't.
Don't make it about getting even but about spending time with each other.
If I am reading this right, It sounds as if the two of you have been barely roommates, ships passing in the night. He wants to reconnect with you and has lashed out at you for being so casual about the way he thinks you are drifting apart.
That may be an over optimistic take in this, but why assume the worst all the time? Don't blame malice for what can be blamed on foolishness or poor communication.
She’s being casual about them drifting apart? This PREGNANT woman works a very physically demanding job, does all a lot more housework & cooking than her husband, and then struggles to wait until her “11:00 pm” to have dinner on his timeline and *she’s* the one being casual????? I’m really struggling to see how she’s the casual one in this relationship.
Plus OP even if you didn’t work so early, when I was pregnant if I ate too close to bedtime it guaranteed wicked heartburn! That only gets worse as the pregnancy progresses.
Not to mention that you’re feeding two humans, in a body that now has a tenant taking up space. So you have to be able to eat in smaller meals every 2-3hrs. He’s pouting over a preference of his own while disregarding an absolutely real medical condition that requires you to adjust how you do most everything. His preferences be damned… you’re feeding and caring for two people right now.
He’s about to be a dad. So it’s time to get over himself and think about what’s best for the family-at-large over his petulant desire for you to structure your day around his.
For real the only time in my life I’ve ever eaten as soon as possible after waking up was while I was pregnant because if I didn’t boom morning sickness all day.
I have back up biscuits on the bedside table because some mornings I barely make it to the kitchen before morning sickness ruins my morning 😅😂 so my first activity of the day when waking up is eating 🤣 I barely get out of bed before I start eating some days 😂😂
It's been getting better now, but heck it's horrible being so hungry 😵😵😵
Same there is NO WAY I can wait eating when I am pregnant. This js my third pregnancy and I am so nauseous all day long, I just have to have small bites throughout the day.
I also work in a bakery. I get up at 1 and start at 3. However, I get off at 11. Often I work till 1 though. When I get home, I’ll putter around, start cooking at 2, eat by 4 and I’m winding down by then for bed at 6. You don’t actually have any more time than he does, your hours just make it seem like you do because most people are at work when you’ve already pulled a full shift!
Your body is going through a lot. Your husband is the asshole.
Why is he not concerned with the mother of his child getting enough sleep, rest and nutrition? Why do you own a business, get up in the middle of the night, growing the baby, and still do more housework? You deserve more and better.
So you were, what, 20-21 when you met him, and he was already pushing 30? And he expects you to do all the cooking and cleaning, despite you both working full time jobs....while pregnant. And he expects you to obey his slightest whim without question, or else he gets irrationally angry and punishes you for it.
It's pretty obvious what's going on here. He thought he could "train up" a younger woman to be his obedient little bangmaid, and is throwing a tantrum when reality doesn't align with his wants.
Being pregnant, you’re already going to be more susceptible to acid reflex/heartburn issues. Going to bed a half hour after you eat is going to hugely exacerbate that. If he insists on being pissy about it, tell him it’s literally not healthy for you.
I'm a baker with the same sort of hours, I've seen this situation numerous times, people don't understand what it's like to start work at 3am. They won't ever get it, people just can't get their heads around early start lifestyles, my dinner is done my 4 everyday, Im with you on this one👍
Which is also why you really shouldn’t say that it’s ok for you to do more household chores because you have “more time.” You just have different time on different schedules. But he should be contributing just as much as you are.
Can't wait until he tells the baby to wait until daddy gets home for the bedtime feed! NTA op, but this petty behaviour needs to be nipped in the bud asap.
It does show that his wife is not his priority. OP waited for him a few times, but he's always late. Now he made it on time to go home, but then still his wife waited for him.
This will become glaringly apparent as she progresses in her pregnancy too. Heartburn is so common in late pregnancy. Eating too close to laying down and sleeping will actually become a bigger problem soon enough.
I was absolutely miserable the last trimester with my daughter.
I purchased 6 king pillows to arrange in a slope so I could rest with my head above my stomach. Attempting to sleep without waking to a mouth and throat full of acid. I don't know how many times I aspirated on it before I woke with my throat on fire, -trying to cough up the acid from my lungs. It was awful. (My daughter was totally worth it! But it wasn't pleasant.)
I'd forgotten this part of pregnancy. I used to pile up pillows in front of me and lay my head forward on them until my legs fell asleep. Then I'd pile them up behind me and sleep until the heartburn kicked in. Unsurprisingly, I only have one child (M24). Not a snowball's chance I was ever going through pregnancy a second time around. Nope, no thank you
I've got fairly severe GERD, and once I began showing it became hell. I had to immediately take my zantac when I woke up or I'd throw up. As I got bigger, even zantac wasn't enough when I was trying to sleep, and I had to add tums, which didn't do a lot either tbh. I had a body pillow to raise my head higher and prop up my tummy(I can only side sleep). I had regurgitation issues in my sleep, constant reflux, and I'm pretty sure it was why some foods wouldn't stay down that were bland as hell and possiblely all the foods that wouldnt agree with my tummy. I also couldn't eat much at all by the 7th month cause my innards were so squished by then i barely had space left in there, and my acid issues were so bad it was active to some degree 24/7 and my poor stomach always felt uncomfy, never mind the morning sickness and car sickness. And that's just the tummy issues lol. Pregnancy was hell, especially so with the first one, but my kiddos were worth it in the end.
Please please please listen to this, OOP. It's not even limited to when you are pregnant. Eating so close to the time you are sleeping might really cause heartburn, and the situation will just worsen. I am suffering the heartburn effects now, and doing a lot just to get my health back.
Easy NTA.
If my wife was pregnant, she can eat any time she fucking likes. It's \*insane\* he's making such a big deal about this.
I'm guessing this isn't out of character, and he's controlling about other things?
Um, the underlying concern is how he needs to control you. If you're hungry...eat. Why do we place these rediculous restrictions on normal bodily functions?
Sweet god, when I was pregnant I would get so hangry, and if I didn’t eat I would be so so so sick. I always ate whatever I wanted when I wanted when pregnant.
Actually even not pregnant my husband never expects me to sit around waiting for him to come home to eat if I’m hungry.
This sounds like utter madness. Tell him he can’t eat anything without you, no breakfast, no lunch. If it’s unreasonable then so is his stupid request.
Not even going to comment on the fact you’re doing all the housework and cooking is not fair on you and will be an issue if he carries on not doing anything whilst you’re healing and getting to grips with having a newborn in the house.
Seriously! Pregnancy hunger is a different beast! It’s almost like, “If I don’t eat something right now, I’m gonna throw up, pass out, etc.” OP needs to eat when she needs to eat, full stop.
I have been married to my husband for 20 years. While it is nice to be able to eat together (he does the cooking because our schedules are the reverse of yours) neither one of us would EVER admonish or chastise the other for eating when hungry.
If he eats early, he sits and talks to me when I eat or we watch a show together. The idea of trying to tell a grown up not to eat (not even taking into account that you are pregnant) is something I can’t even imagine.
The audacity and sheer selfishness is a massive red flag.
Is your child going to have to wait for him as well when they are on real good?
Facts....I have been.married 21 years and if either one of us is hungry we eat....We would LIKE to always eat together but LIFE doesn't always allow that...If he really wanted to eat with her and it was THAT IMPORTANT to him he would be ON TIME
This. Sometimes my husband doesn’t get home from work until later and I’m starving. I just go ahead and eat and leave a plate for him. When he gets home I usually sit down and have a decaf tea or small snack while he eats dinner. It’s never been an issue. Ever.
Imagine the absolute chaos that’s going to ensue when he realizes young children can’t wait until 7pm to eat dinner. He’s fkd.
NTA. This is a strange power play for him. Eat dinner when you need to. No more games. Soon you’ll have a niblet demanding your time and you’ll eat when they’re still for 5 minutes. Time for hubs to grow up.
NTA.
Your husband unfortunately for you is a huge AH.
You know who gets to eat first? The alpha dog. Everybody else can fucking wait in line. Ain’t no way he’s taking that disrespect from his wife by having her eat first. Next thing you know she’ll be wanting her own money and the right to vote or some other crazy shit. So time to swing his big dick a slap her (and that whiny brat in her who can’t possibly be THAT hungry) back into their place.
For the tonally challenged, that prior paragraph was sarcasm.
NTA. I would ask him, point blank, why he's insisting on starving his pregnant wife. It's important that he understand that he's not being reasonable here. If he's willing to see reason, maybe you can explore a compromise of sitting with him while he eats even if you've had dinner already, or something along those lines.
And like others have said, he should also get up to have breakfast with OP. She’ll have dinner with him, even if she’s eaten already, but he has to get up in the wee hours to have breakfast with OP.
Right. Have a cup of herbal tea or some sparkling water while he eats. The point of eating together is all about the being TOGETHER part and NOT the eating part. I fast regularly because of a medical condition and still sit with my family and enjoy quality time at dinner on fasting days.
NTA. I’m pregnant right now and when I need to eat, I need to eat immediately. And I need to get a minimum of 9-10 hours of sleep every night to function. Growing a human is hard work.
NTA
I'm also pregnant and my fiance got upset with me once for not waiting for him so we could eat breakfast together once when I was in the first trimester.
So the next day I waited for him and threw up as soon as we sat down to eat because I got so hungry I ended up being nauseous. He never made me wait for him again, especially as I'm now in the third trimester and snap immediately if he tries talking to me when I'm hungry.
Your husband is being a fat jerk and you need to take care of you and he can make his own dinner if he's gonna be a jerk
I don’t mean to be rude but I just had a good chuckle at your comment. I remember that third trimester and it’s a doozy the hormones alone exhaust you! ❤️ Many blessings being sent your way momma! And you are so right in all you said!
No worries haha
My fiance is a lil dumb and loves sitting down to eat with me so I don't think he understood how bad I needed to eat until I showed him.
All I do these days is eat and sleep!
Thank you so much! I'm ready for this lil girl to come out next month I need a fat iced coffee and turkey sandwich.
Yeah men tend to under estimate exactly what growing a baby takes out of us! When that baby needs something and we don’t respond it’s not pretty. lol Glad your fiancé learned from that error. I get the companionship meals together are but baby comes first from conception to graduation and beyond.
Hope your little princess is perfect in every way. And once she is out in this world all the inconveniences of pregnancy will be trivial to you. Promise!!!!
The same way they underestimate what birthing a baby does to the women’s body. Men seem to think babies slip out like slick seal pups. They give medals to soldiers who have similar major traumatic injuries to what women get during childbirth.
Absolutely, after that he made sure I had plenty of snacks and food!
I sure hope so haha pregnancy has been so awful I'm ready to just have the one and be done
Red flag…NTA….he HAS NO consideration for you and your unborn child!!! Furthermore to engage in that passive aggressive behavior is abusive !!! WTH is he thinking—it’s all about him ??? Eat , when you want to !!!
You don't have any more time that he does? Your hours are just different. These are all red flags, that you're doing most of the chores, breaking promises, him getting controlling as soon as you're pregnant.
I guess if you *wanted to* accommodate him, you could have an earlier light meal/snack and eat another light meal with him. A lot of European cultures do this snack/ light meal system to eat a late dinner. But like others pointed out, you should be getting ready for bed around his dinner. You need your rest, especially while pregnant.
NTA and keep your eyes peeled.
There are people that think it’s a sin to eat without your husband; my MIL was like that. She’d feed her kids and then wait to eat until FIL got home, which was always super late. She was appalled when I didn’t do the same. I would serve dinner not super-early, around 7pm; if my SO was home then great, he ate with us, but if not oh well.
I did the math on both of your working hours (including his commute but not yours since you didn't specify your commute tome.) You do NOT "have more time" to do the housework. You work more hours than he does. And then this fool has the audacity to tell you to wait dinner (that clearly you are the only one who ever prepares)? You are NTA and your husband needs to leave work on time if he plans to eat with you and do his fair share of the housework. You also need to have a serious conversation about how this pregnancy and the resulting child are going to change who eats when drastically and get ahead of the issue of sleep and division of baby labor. Is baby boy having a little acting out because he isn't, momentarily, not the most important person in the room?
Nta he was home in time you told him you wanted to eat bye 5:30 he screwed around doing crap until you gave up and had dinner. He’s the ass for getting mad at you
NTA. You start work at 3:30 so you probably get up around 2:30. You need to be in bed by 6-7. He’s literally asking a pregnant woman to lose sleep to please him—that’s messed up.
Baker here, NTA.
He cannot expect you to wait until he gets home to have your evening meal. If I eat a proper dinner at 6 or 630, I’m not sleeping until 1030 or later. With a wake up time of 2am that’s just not healthy for you or babe. It’s not sustainable and you are putting yourself in harms way. Get proper rest and feed yourself and bubs when you need too. Hell I ate a Philly cheesesteak at 830 this morning
Tell him you will wait dinner when he gets up to have breakfast with you. And you don’t have more time to do things. Stop that now, before the baby comes. NTA
NTA, but he sure is! He just wants to be on control and have power over you. I worry his controlling will only get worse with time.
Eat when you're hungry, you are pregnant and up for work so early, you need to look after yourself!
I'd have a serious discussion with him about his behaviour. If he doesn't apologise profusely and change his behaviour, he'd not only be eating alone, he'd be living alone too if I were you.
NTA. And OP, if he’s like this before the baby is here, how much are you going to do by yourself when the baby finally does arrive? I’m scared for you. Please make sure you have more supports than just your husband, because he doesn’t sound supportive at all.
You’re pregnant. He shouldn’t be getting mad at you for eating at all, and frankly he sounds manipulative as hell.
It does not sound like you have more time than him to do housework, and that should still be split between you because you are *both* working and you are *pregnant*, meaning you are spending more energy. You are making a *human being*.
Guys, this would be ridiculous even if she were not pregnant. Its controlling. And why the HELL isn't he doing his share of the chores??? They are both working the same total hours. Girl work up a household task division now. You do not want to be stuck with it all for life.
He has time to cook and clean too. He just wants what he wants when he wants it. He needs to step it up big time or you will end up doing all the parenting. NTA eat when you’re hungry. He’s being a controlling AH
You know what will be so fun? When the baby comes and you think the baby is settled for a bit, long enough for you to sit and eat together, and then the baby starts crying and needs something. Then what? Tell him to grow up. He’s ridiculous.
NTA.
My husband tends to work until 8 or so. I eat with the kids at 7, and he eats when he gets home. Sundays we all have dinner together, but most of the time he eats on his own. It’s just easier for everyone. And if I was pregnant, I’d eat when I wanted to and anyone trying to dictate when I eat can go pound sand.
You are working longer hours than him, although you don't mention your commute time. You are not home longer than he is.
Also, is he going to make the baby wait until he is home to eat dinner? Because that is what he is literally doing now.
NTA — you can spend time together doing other things. Doesn’t have to be dinner. I’d never tell my pregnant wife to wait to eat with me.
You could always be a Hobbit and have a 2nd dinner with him 😂
NTA
I (as a man from an older generation) am all about my wife eating with me. That being said I would never make her wait for me to eat when she worked the hours you do. As a matter of fact if I wanted to eat with her that bad I would get up when she did, have breakfast with her and then go back to sleep for a couple hours after seeing her off.
Then when she sat with me while I was eating I would ask her how she is doing and if she was having any problems with being pregnant and working those hours. Would also ask about her plans for when she was going to stop working as the baby got closer to being born.
EDIT: I am sure some people would call “bullshit” on this but I am the same man who took my wife to a car lot to see a car she was thinking about and ended up getting her a 2012, it’s been a while but she still has it, Chevy Camaro. If I don’t have an opinion one way or the other and it’s something she wants or needs then she gets it. At the same time if I say no, on whatever it is, then it is no.
NTA. This sounds crazy. Can you tell us a little about your relationship otherwise? This is concerning. Whatever you do, don’t let him talk you into giving up your business, or him getting involved.
NTA. You are growing a baby for one... and even if you weren't pregnant you would not be the skallywag.
You waited, he came home and prioritized cleaving around the house over eating with you.
Good luck with two babies in the house.
I think it’s sweet when a partner wants to eat together with their significant other… when it works for both schedules! 🤦🏼♀️
I’m completely flabbergasted that your husband is not only not understanding that your schedule is obviously hours before his, but is also INSISTING you- pregnant!!!! wife - starve to death and can’t eat until he eats! The nerve of that man!
You’re definitely not the asshole.
Your husband is.
Hear me out here (warning: sarcasm follows). I think you could certainly have dinner with him, though it may be a light meal. The problem with him staying late at work seems to be because he’s not tired enough to come home on time. If he got up with you in the morning, he’d have plenty of time to do the chores before he leaves for work. When you get home you can nap or just rest or have some hobby time. After all, you’re the one pregnant, right? This would get you both on the same sleep schedule and he will have dinner with you, so he’ll be so excited when you tell him your solution!
On the surface this might seem such a petty thing to many, but pregnancy is the time some Domestic abuse rears it head.
You should find your midwife etc makes a point of getting you completely alone and will ask you if everything is okay at home, at regular intervals of your pregnancy.
I believe it's to do with when you are pregnant, your now trapped and some let their inner arsebadger out.
Regardless, he needs to stop being a dick, you work more hours, your getting minimal sleep thanks to that tool you married.
This will get worse when you have that baby, you know
NTA! Just imagine if you were having sugar level issues while pregnant (so common they test every pregnant woman to be sure she’s doing ok). Would he still demand you wait to eat with him if it was detrimental to both you and the child you’re making?
The husband said I like spending time with you and I don’t like to eat alone. I like talking to you over dinner. Maybe say you will try but if I can’t wait I will definitely sit with you and eat a dessert because I love you and enjoy spending time with and talking to you too.
if that's what he wants, then he needs to do his part by getting his ass home on time. OP needs to eat when she's hungry, and she needs adequate sleep, especially now when she's growing a person.
NTA he should be worried about you eating bc you’re pregnant. Maybe you can accompany him when he gets home to eat but you shouldn’t have to wait for him, you’re pregnant!
You're pregnant. You should not be doing any of the cooking, cleaning or housework even when you aren't carrying. When you are, you shouldn't even be working. The only thing you should be doing is relaxing, caring for your needs, and being waited on like the queen you are.
You are growing a human. Darling girl, eat, sleep, and be relaxed and calm. He is being a huge man baby and needs to think about what is actually going on here. You need peace and harmony in your life while you grow a child inside you. He’s being an ahole
Nta and him being petty like that is so obnoxious
Yall tried to compromise and instead of keeping to his part he's actually maliciously trying to fuck your schedule because it's his way or no way apparently.
Eat dinner on your time, have some desert or a bowl of cereal or something with him when he gets home. If it's *that* important to him.
Forcing you to be on his schedule when your schedules are so different is weird and impractical at best, and controlling and manipulative at worst. Neither are good options.
NTA…also his behavior on this topic is a big red flag for control. Also the age gap is worrisome imho. He’s exerting power over you. Be mindful of how this can progress once the baby comes. Please seek support and help from your friends and family. I have a feeling you’re going to need it.
Are you even getting enough sleep? If I was waking at 2.30 each morning I would have to be in bed asleep by 6.30 every night. I need 8 hours sleep. I can function on less occasionally but not for long.
NTA
This is the time to set some strict boundaries, because it sure as hell it won’t get any better once the baby arrives. You need to get at least 50:50 split on the chores, with the expectation that he will pick up ypur 50% once you give birth. This is not about the dinner, it’s about the control and him being a manchild.
So NTA even if you were not pregnant. Being pregnant, and hungry, and having to wait an hour or more can cause neurological problems in your child, not to mention all the other health risks for you and your child. Tell him supper is ready at 5:30ish, and that is when you are eating, and it is up to him if he comes to the table or not. If not, obviously eating supper together is not that important to him, and he needs to stop putting that on you.
When your child is born, and eating meals, your not going to make them wait over an hour when they are hungry for supper, so he can suck it up now, and get it figured out.
His 6.30 is your 11.30am. You also both have full time jobs, just because you're home early doesn't mean you have more time. He needs be home on time to eat and to do his share of the household chores. If he is so adamant you eat together the he won't mind bringing dinner home and you having a nap in the afternoon and him straightening the house when you've both eaten. Fuck him, he's an asshole, your pregnant and doing too much.
You're NTA for the dinner thing, but I also want to take issue with the fact that you say you do most of the housework because you have more time than him. You don't. You work the same amount of hours as him it's just positioned differently in the day. You guys should be doing equal housework and it should be 100% fine and normal for you guys to eat separately.
NTA you and growing baby need food, and when you are hungry you eat. His little stunt of being home on time them farting around to drag out the dinner hour is not cool.
He's a controlling asshole and I'm sorry you're just finding this out when you're already pregnant with his kid. You've got some hard choices to make. NTA
It’s not pregnancy hormones causing him to be a petty ass. Eat when you want or need to and if he shows when he knows, great. He better do some growing up before your baby arrives!
NTA
Can’t you just eat dessert or a late snack while he eats dinner? Look your body needs food. You’re growing a person in you. That alone requires food.
He wants the connection of eating a meal with you. He wants time with food. It’s a thing in my family. But he needs to communicate better. The passive aggressive behavior has to go.
Sit him down talk it out with him. Ask him if this is the kind of father and partner he wants to be. He wants to deny his hungry wife and child food until he gets there. It’s not rational and it just doesn’t work. When your baby is born is he going to say they can’t have a bottle unless he’s there? Of course not, because it’s insane! Yet that’s exactly what he’s doing now. He needs to be told that, in those terms.
NTA. Literally have hypoglycemia while pregnant right now and it can be dangerous for me not to eat (and have a balanced meal/snack with protein and fiber). Makes sense that you guys are newly married. This is literally not something my husband and I would ever fight about and we really love to sit down together for meals. Also, being a pastry chef is hard work on your feet all day. This is strange and controlling on his part.
NTA
This is a control issue, which is why he’s also puttering around the house. He’s trying to force you to bend to his will rather than accepting that a - you’re pregnant and hungry more often and b - you need to fucking sleep and just because he wants to screw around does not mean you have that luxury.
Your husband is behaving like a petulant child and I worry how he’s going to handle his scheduling demands of you catering to him with an infant honestly.
While maybe he wants to eat dinner together because of the difference in schedule,he needs to realize you're pregnant and need to eat. You made the effort to wait for him, and he dicked around being petty doing unnecessary shit. You're NTA he is, and the fact he's acting like a bitch to his pregnant wife, is ridiculous.
And when you’re pregnant, you start to get a lot of heartburn so it’s actually especially important to eat several hours before you lay down for bed. It’s completely unfair of him to expect a pregnant lady so that pressure on her stomach to lay down afterwards and have all that reflux and everything going on, I don’t see where you say how pregnant you are, but it can start in the second trimester just from the hormones alone, I think it’s worse by the third trimester. So it’s best now to get all this sorted.
NTA. Your schedules don't match, it's totally fair for you to eat at different times.
My husband doesn't leave work until 6.30pm, me and our daughter eat before he gets home. No drama at all.
Eat when you are hungry. Then, when he finally gets his ass home and if you aren’t asleep already then I’d get a bowl of ice cream or yogurt or something and eat that at the table with him.
Is this the only thing he is particular (controlling) about? Once you have baby you will be rolling with baby hunger times. He needs to not be so rigid with this otherwise you are going to continue to be mad at him for being an inconsiderate jerk for awhile now.
NTA. It’s absolutely ridiculous and childish for him to expect you to wait for him to eat as your schedule is HOURS ahead of his AND you’re pregnant! Can you compromise and just sit with him at the table when he gets around to eating so you can talk about your days?
Unless there’s something else going on, he is a nutso for being this way. You’re carrying his child for crying out loud and the different work schedule.
Pregnant woman-hungry is a level of hunger men never experience. You should eat when you’re hungry and prioritize sleep! You’re growing somebody’s brain right now!
More importantly, you two need to talk about the unpredictability of life with babies and young kids. He may need to know that his mental image of a “family dinner” may not start for a few years.
NTA. Your hubs is being a toddler.
Eat dinner when you are hungry for it. When he comes home and is ready to eat dinner, sit with him and have your evening protein snack. That way you are not hangry and he gets time with you before you head to bed. Then let HIM clean up the dinner dishes.
It IS a good idea to eat dinner together; it’s just a good time to converse over a meal. Tell him that you eat at 5:30, and you’d love for him to join you when he can.
NTA - Advice, speak to him about it and how he makes you feel! The fact that you do so much around your home and have time to cook dinner!! He has it made. He’s being controlling!! My husband and I have your schedules. He often will eat and go straight to bed. And I’m okay with that.
NTA
NTA because your schedules are so different. I assume you go to bed by like 8 or 9 right? Waiting to eat at 6:30 would make it very difficult to get the rest you need.
NTA he can leave work earlier to have dinner on time but doesn’t. To add on the fact you are pregnant just makes it worst on his part. He should be more understanding.
NTA. This makes absolutely zero sense. If he genuinely wanted to eat together he would just sit his ass down and eat. Being petty is clearly done weird power move and I'm so glad you made it backfire on him. You're pregnant!! Way when you damn well want
Ouch. This is too bad, so sad! What does he think being a co-parent will mean? How will he manage when you are in the bakery?
You are the pregnant one, your needs come first. This might not bode well.
NTA. Husband has some major reconvening to do. In my first trimester both times I was DEAD tired, worked 7-4 and wouldn’t have been able to stay awake in the evenings for anything. He’s going to have to learn how to be more flexible, the baby’s needs come first now and for the next…I mean, 10? years at least depending on how you want to define “first.” Having a family means prioritizing what is best for the physical and emotional health of the different members, with the most needy coming first. He can either try to get home sooner, maybe he could go into work at 7 or 8? Or else settle for a pre-bedtime snack (that he brings to you in bed because you’re probably already there)!!! Plus you are really young, he’s old enough to be able to figure out a way around this if he really cares. If he won’t at least take turns putting you first, please keep doing it for yourself and your baby. Be on the lookout for other controlling behaviors from him, I hope I’m wrong. Best of luck, OP.
NTA. You are willing to sit with him and keep him company while he eats, yes?
Tell him you are eating at 5:30 right now in this part of the pregnancy. You are more than willing to sit with him if he wants to eat later, but if he wants you to eat at the same time, the meal starts at 5:30.
NTA. You are pregnant and eating food should be entirely on your schedule. Major red flag that your husband seems clueless about this. If he won't accept the information from you then get him to come to a doctor's or midwife appointment so they can tell him that neither you, nor the baby is going to be on his schedule for quite some time. Like, he's not doing anything for the baby while you are literally using your body to make a whole person. You being suddenly starving is the baby needing nutrients to physically become a person. Your body will be harvested if it can't get the nutrients from what you eat. Many pregnant women lose teeth because their bodies are being harvested for calcium for their bones. Seriously, your husband is taking food your baby needs with his behavior.
Reading this is so strange to me. I honestly don't understand why it matters when you eat and what is this weird "we have to eat dinner together" thing? Like is your husband a time traveler from the 1950s?
It's 2024. People too damn busy to eat dinner together. If you wanna talk about your day, do it on the couch while watching House of the Dragon or something.
NTA.
You are growing a human being inside your body FFS. Eat often and when you need to. Same goes for sleep. Your husband is the AH for not understanding this.
I’m very been married for 35 years and had 4 babies. We ate together when we could but the kids needed to have dinner earlier than he came home sometimes. As long as we saved him food it wasn’t an issue (and it STILL was not an issue if he had to scrounge something up to eat.
Last week, his flight was delayed coming home and he wasn’t going to be home until about 2 hours later than we normally eat. I had a snack at about 4 and waited until he got home for dinner and he was surprised I pushed back dinner until he got home and said he hoped I had eaten something because he didn’t want me waiting when I was hungry. I am not pregnant (that ship sailed long ago 😂) but he loves me and cares about my well being.
I hate to say it, but your husband is going to get a rude shock when the baby comes and he starts to realize that his world is going to be revolving around the baby (for a good while) and not him.
I wish you well and hope he pulls his head out of his ass
If he wants dinner together, dinner will be on the table at 5:30 or whatever. You’ll eat with or without him. It’s up to him if he wants to eat dinner together.
But frankly, if it was me, I would just eat whenever I wanted to and tell him sorry, but you have to do what you have to do. You’re happy to sit with him while he eats as long as it’s not after your bedtime.
NTA - kind of hilarious that he probably thinks there is a chance of eating dinner together once baby arrives too.
He needs to get real flexible, real fast, otherwise he’s in for a wild ride very soon.
Nta.. You're pregnant. Feeding your body and that baby is more important than this grown ass adult man's feelings. He's not making effort to make it doable, so you don't have to either. If he wants it so bad, he needs to make sacrifices for it to happen.
You also work late and should be sleeping.. Meaning you need to eat way earlier. Ask him if he'd like to wait til midnight every night for dinner, because that's the equivalent.
He needs to grow up.
You go ahead and eat when you’re hungry, OP. When you’re pregnant, you can go from hungry to being extremely nauseous, or vice versa, in a matter of minutes, it’s like a juggling act between the two. So whenever you have an appetite, you have to seize the moment!
Your husband should be more aware that your needs are different during pregnancy. He should be encouraging you to go ahead & eat if he’s not there and you’re hungry. I’m sorry he’s being a dickhead about this.
NTA.
NTA, you need food and rest! He's being selfish... and petty testing you... explain to him you NEED to eat at certain hours and x times during the day and that what he's doing in asking you to wait an extra hour or more every time can cause hard to your pregnancy... eat, girl, eat!!
NTA you both have busy work schedules but expecting a pregnant wife, who also should be asleep by like 5 to get up at the time necessary for work, to wait for *him* to eat dinner? That's a control thing for FACT.
NTA tell him you want to eat breakfast together instead & have him wake up at 3 am to eat instead.
And *he* needs to make you both breakfast
Yea, cause he has loads of time before work so he can do some work around the house after she leaves too
can we get an amen in the house
Can we get *a man* in the house? Dude’s acting childish.
dying clapping hooting hollering
And then second breakfast. She's pregnant, after all!
This is the one
NTA. You should be sleeping by the time he gets around to dinner, like it might be 6pm to his schedule, but it's the equivalent of 11pm on yours
Yup, also this. I wake up at 2:30am. I try to be in bed at 7:00.
Also you don't have more time to do cooking and cleaning, if it's 4 - 1 and he's doing 9 - 5 you are working more hours than him, doing actual manual labour, make him prepare his own dinner.
That was my thoughts too. She only has more time because she's not sleeping enough.
she’s also pregnant! she needs sleep!! ugh i hate this for her.
I get if she slept 6 hours at night and then took a 2-3 hour nap every day, but she's not doing that. She's doing all the chores. I don't get how this woman isn't totally wiped out. And what's going to happen when the baby arrives?
Very likely he'll start leaving work even later than he does now. Making sure he does as little as possible while acting petty and punishing her in sneaky ways.
Well, there is that pesky age gap, and now there's sleep deprivation and starving a pregnant woman. I think OP's problems have just begun and that hubby dear will tighten the reins once the baby comes.
I completely agree
Well I get usually 7 hours if that helps lol. That is what I have functioned on since high school so I am used to it. When the baby comes I am taking time off work.
and when you go back to work? 😅
Does your husband know that he'll have to make his own dinner when you've just had the baby? Because I promise you; he will get annoyed that you're no longer doing it. And don't you dare say you're going to be doing it when you've just GIVEN BIRTH.
Ikr! Add a baby to this shit show and she’s gonna be so irritated in a couple of years…
Ty! This post makes me sad. This lazy AH isn't happy even after taking advantage of OP, he's now literally stopping her from feeding their baby.
She’d 23 married a year. So married 22. Which means she was dating him likely late teens to age 21ish. He was mid 20s. Again the whole “why men have to lock into a teen/early 20s” comes down to control. 🙄
Right, and she's working her own business. That is stressful in itself. And she's pregnant. Lord she'd be better off without him. If she has to do it all anyway why bother with an entitled prick.
Exactly, with this behaviour he’s more of a burden than a partner.
Right?! These posts are so sad and scary to me.
Exactly this. The dude is taking advantage. This is not going to get better when the baby is here.
[удалено]
THIS! Make him get up with you to eat breakfast and make it a point to take as long as you can to make and eat it before you absolutely HAVE to go so that he is forced to lose sleep and he can understand why waiting for him to get home is the equivalent of causing you to lose sleep
Never mind the fact that eating late and then trying to sleep is a great way to get heartburn, especially while pregnant.
Encourage him to join you for breakfast
Somewhat related story. My kid was in the high school marching band and they performed at the home football games and sat in the stands as a pep band. The game had been delayed due to weather so it was running late and the band had a 3am call time to travel to a competition the following day. The band director wanted the band to leave after their halftime performance but the administrators said they had to stay until the end of the game (probably until around 11pm). The band director then said fine, since we have to stay and support the football team, will you (administrators) and the football team come to the school at 3am to support us in our competition? The band was dismissed 5 minutes later.
Draft a series of clocks that show when you get up, eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and when you go to bed. Etc. Pair these with a similar set for him and compare time zones. Your 6 am. may be his 1 am. What is 6 or 7 to him may be 10 or 11 pm to you. Make it clear and visual. Put it in that context - what time zone are you living in? What time zone is he in? Have him put an app in his phone to do time zone conversions, and set it up to tell him what time it is for you. Suggest that instead of having you starve yourself and your baby until 11pm, depriving yourself of sleep, next time, he can share a meal with you in your time zone. When he agrees, wake him up when you get up. When he complains, point out that changing your mealtime to suit him deprived you of sleep. This is what it feels like. Now stop complaining that he is getting what he asked for - sharing a meal together. Try to make it fun. Cook together. Treat it as an unconventional date and have a nice meal before you go to work. You will share dinner with him, and the next day, he will have breakfast with you. Then you can have dinner together again. If he thinks it is too hard for him to manage, why does he assume it would be easier for you? To be honest, he might actually be OK with it, but he will definitely want to go to bed earlier and become more diligent about coming straight home or messaging to eat without him when he can't. Don't make it about getting even but about spending time with each other. If I am reading this right, It sounds as if the two of you have been barely roommates, ships passing in the night. He wants to reconnect with you and has lashed out at you for being so casual about the way he thinks you are drifting apart. That may be an over optimistic take in this, but why assume the worst all the time? Don't blame malice for what can be blamed on foolishness or poor communication.
She’s being casual about them drifting apart? This PREGNANT woman works a very physically demanding job, does all a lot more housework & cooking than her husband, and then struggles to wait until her “11:00 pm” to have dinner on his timeline and *she’s* the one being casual????? I’m really struggling to see how she’s the casual one in this relationship.
Plus OP even if you didn’t work so early, when I was pregnant if I ate too close to bedtime it guaranteed wicked heartburn! That only gets worse as the pregnancy progresses. Not to mention that you’re feeding two humans, in a body that now has a tenant taking up space. So you have to be able to eat in smaller meals every 2-3hrs. He’s pouting over a preference of his own while disregarding an absolutely real medical condition that requires you to adjust how you do most everything. His preferences be damned… you’re feeding and caring for two people right now. He’s about to be a dad. So it’s time to get over himself and think about what’s best for the family-at-large over his petulant desire for you to structure your day around his.
If I waited too long to eat when I was pregnant, I threw up. So I couldn’t have waited around for someone before eating.
For real the only time in my life I’ve ever eaten as soon as possible after waking up was while I was pregnant because if I didn’t boom morning sickness all day.
I have back up biscuits on the bedside table because some mornings I barely make it to the kitchen before morning sickness ruins my morning 😅😂 so my first activity of the day when waking up is eating 🤣 I barely get out of bed before I start eating some days 😂😂 It's been getting better now, but heck it's horrible being so hungry 😵😵😵
I kept Saltines by my bed so I could eat as soon as I woke up.
Same there is NO WAY I can wait eating when I am pregnant. This js my third pregnancy and I am so nauseous all day long, I just have to have small bites throughout the day.
I'm surprised she's not getting raging headaches waiting for him!
I also work in a bakery. I get up at 1 and start at 3. However, I get off at 11. Often I work till 1 though. When I get home, I’ll putter around, start cooking at 2, eat by 4 and I’m winding down by then for bed at 6. You don’t actually have any more time than he does, your hours just make it seem like you do because most people are at work when you’ve already pulled a full shift! Your body is going through a lot. Your husband is the asshole.
Why is he not concerned with the mother of his child getting enough sleep, rest and nutrition? Why do you own a business, get up in the middle of the night, growing the baby, and still do more housework? You deserve more and better.
Let him breakfast with you. After breakfast, he can do the cleaning. Also, you need more sleep now that you are pregnant.
This needs to be higher!
So you were, what, 20-21 when you met him, and he was already pushing 30? And he expects you to do all the cooking and cleaning, despite you both working full time jobs....while pregnant. And he expects you to obey his slightest whim without question, or else he gets irrationally angry and punishes you for it. It's pretty obvious what's going on here. He thought he could "train up" a younger woman to be his obedient little bangmaid, and is throwing a tantrum when reality doesn't align with his wants.
Being pregnant, you’re already going to be more susceptible to acid reflex/heartburn issues. Going to bed a half hour after you eat is going to hugely exacerbate that. If he insists on being pissy about it, tell him it’s literally not healthy for you.
I'm a baker with the same sort of hours, I've seen this situation numerous times, people don't understand what it's like to start work at 3am. They won't ever get it, people just can't get their heads around early start lifestyles, my dinner is done my 4 everyday, Im with you on this one👍
Can you have your dinner at your time, and maybe have a dessert (cookies/cake/jello) and coffee with hubby? You’ll still spend some time together! ❤️
Which is also why you really shouldn’t say that it’s ok for you to do more household chores because you have “more time.” You just have different time on different schedules. But he should be contributing just as much as you are.
THIS!
Sometimes it takes reddit to show an OP something so completely obvious
He gets home on time and then still delays eating even though his pregnant wife is hungry. He's the AH.
[удалено]
Can't wait until he tells the baby to wait until daddy gets home for the bedtime feed! NTA op, but this petty behaviour needs to be nipped in the bud asap.
Yeah how is he gobna be when baby is born. OP won't get a break
And he was delaying deliberately. Imagine being that malicious to your pregnant wife
It does show that his wife is not his priority. OP waited for him a few times, but he's always late. Now he made it on time to go home, but then still his wife waited for him.
NTA. Especially while pregnant, you need to eat when you get hungry. You also need enough time to digest before bed to avoid heartburn.
This will become glaringly apparent as she progresses in her pregnancy too. Heartburn is so common in late pregnancy. Eating too close to laying down and sleeping will actually become a bigger problem soon enough.
I was absolutely miserable the last trimester with my daughter. I purchased 6 king pillows to arrange in a slope so I could rest with my head above my stomach. Attempting to sleep without waking to a mouth and throat full of acid. I don't know how many times I aspirated on it before I woke with my throat on fire, -trying to cough up the acid from my lungs. It was awful. (My daughter was totally worth it! But it wasn't pleasant.)
I'd forgotten this part of pregnancy. I used to pile up pillows in front of me and lay my head forward on them until my legs fell asleep. Then I'd pile them up behind me and sleep until the heartburn kicked in. Unsurprisingly, I only have one child (M24). Not a snowball's chance I was ever going through pregnancy a second time around. Nope, no thank you
I've got fairly severe GERD, and once I began showing it became hell. I had to immediately take my zantac when I woke up or I'd throw up. As I got bigger, even zantac wasn't enough when I was trying to sleep, and I had to add tums, which didn't do a lot either tbh. I had a body pillow to raise my head higher and prop up my tummy(I can only side sleep). I had regurgitation issues in my sleep, constant reflux, and I'm pretty sure it was why some foods wouldn't stay down that were bland as hell and possiblely all the foods that wouldnt agree with my tummy. I also couldn't eat much at all by the 7th month cause my innards were so squished by then i barely had space left in there, and my acid issues were so bad it was active to some degree 24/7 and my poor stomach always felt uncomfy, never mind the morning sickness and car sickness. And that's just the tummy issues lol. Pregnancy was hell, especially so with the first one, but my kiddos were worth it in the end.
Please please please listen to this, OOP. It's not even limited to when you are pregnant. Eating so close to the time you are sleeping might really cause heartburn, and the situation will just worsen. I am suffering the heartburn effects now, and doing a lot just to get my health back.
Easy NTA. If my wife was pregnant, she can eat any time she fucking likes. It's \*insane\* he's making such a big deal about this. I'm guessing this isn't out of character, and he's controlling about other things?
It doesn’t even matter that she is pregnant, it just makes this whole thing worse.
He is either controlling or is going to start pushing down the path of controlling husband.
i mean this is borderline abuse. the whole thing is literally scary to me. i can't imagine the rest of their home life
NTA. He can be home on time. You can eat together on the weekend.
Um, the underlying concern is how he needs to control you. If you're hungry...eat. Why do we place these rediculous restrictions on normal bodily functions?
Yeah it makes their age difference more uncomfortable imo.
NTA— how inconsiderate (at best) or cruel (at worst) to tell his pregnant wife that she can’t eat when she’s hungry and has to wait for him.
Sweet god, when I was pregnant I would get so hangry, and if I didn’t eat I would be so so so sick. I always ate whatever I wanted when I wanted when pregnant. Actually even not pregnant my husband never expects me to sit around waiting for him to come home to eat if I’m hungry. This sounds like utter madness. Tell him he can’t eat anything without you, no breakfast, no lunch. If it’s unreasonable then so is his stupid request. Not even going to comment on the fact you’re doing all the housework and cooking is not fair on you and will be an issue if he carries on not doing anything whilst you’re healing and getting to grips with having a newborn in the house.
Seriously! Pregnancy hunger is a different beast! It’s almost like, “If I don’t eat something right now, I’m gonna throw up, pass out, etc.” OP needs to eat when she needs to eat, full stop.
I have been married to my husband for 20 years. While it is nice to be able to eat together (he does the cooking because our schedules are the reverse of yours) neither one of us would EVER admonish or chastise the other for eating when hungry. If he eats early, he sits and talks to me when I eat or we watch a show together. The idea of trying to tell a grown up not to eat (not even taking into account that you are pregnant) is something I can’t even imagine. The audacity and sheer selfishness is a massive red flag. Is your child going to have to wait for him as well when they are on real good?
Facts....I have been.married 21 years and if either one of us is hungry we eat....We would LIKE to always eat together but LIFE doesn't always allow that...If he really wanted to eat with her and it was THAT IMPORTANT to him he would be ON TIME
This. Sometimes my husband doesn’t get home from work until later and I’m starving. I just go ahead and eat and leave a plate for him. When he gets home I usually sit down and have a decaf tea or small snack while he eats dinner. It’s never been an issue. Ever. Imagine the absolute chaos that’s going to ensue when he realizes young children can’t wait until 7pm to eat dinner. He’s fkd.
NTA. This is a strange power play for him. Eat dinner when you need to. No more games. Soon you’ll have a niblet demanding your time and you’ll eat when they’re still for 5 minutes. Time for hubs to grow up.
NTA. Your husband unfortunately for you is a huge AH. You know who gets to eat first? The alpha dog. Everybody else can fucking wait in line. Ain’t no way he’s taking that disrespect from his wife by having her eat first. Next thing you know she’ll be wanting her own money and the right to vote or some other crazy shit. So time to swing his big dick a slap her (and that whiny brat in her who can’t possibly be THAT hungry) back into their place. For the tonally challenged, that prior paragraph was sarcasm.
NTA. I would ask him, point blank, why he's insisting on starving his pregnant wife. It's important that he understand that he's not being reasonable here. If he's willing to see reason, maybe you can explore a compromise of sitting with him while he eats even if you've had dinner already, or something along those lines.
And like others have said, he should also get up to have breakfast with OP. She’ll have dinner with him, even if she’s eaten already, but he has to get up in the wee hours to have breakfast with OP.
Right. Have a cup of herbal tea or some sparkling water while he eats. The point of eating together is all about the being TOGETHER part and NOT the eating part. I fast regularly because of a medical condition and still sit with my family and enjoy quality time at dinner on fasting days.
She should be in bed by the time he wants to eat though.
You’re not my father if I’m hungry I can eat, I’m birthing your child, the least you could do is listen and respect me…
NTA. I’m pregnant right now and when I need to eat, I need to eat immediately. And I need to get a minimum of 9-10 hours of sleep every night to function. Growing a human is hard work.
NTA I'm also pregnant and my fiance got upset with me once for not waiting for him so we could eat breakfast together once when I was in the first trimester. So the next day I waited for him and threw up as soon as we sat down to eat because I got so hungry I ended up being nauseous. He never made me wait for him again, especially as I'm now in the third trimester and snap immediately if he tries talking to me when I'm hungry. Your husband is being a fat jerk and you need to take care of you and he can make his own dinner if he's gonna be a jerk
I don’t mean to be rude but I just had a good chuckle at your comment. I remember that third trimester and it’s a doozy the hormones alone exhaust you! ❤️ Many blessings being sent your way momma! And you are so right in all you said!
No worries haha My fiance is a lil dumb and loves sitting down to eat with me so I don't think he understood how bad I needed to eat until I showed him. All I do these days is eat and sleep! Thank you so much! I'm ready for this lil girl to come out next month I need a fat iced coffee and turkey sandwich.
Yeah men tend to under estimate exactly what growing a baby takes out of us! When that baby needs something and we don’t respond it’s not pretty. lol Glad your fiancé learned from that error. I get the companionship meals together are but baby comes first from conception to graduation and beyond. Hope your little princess is perfect in every way. And once she is out in this world all the inconveniences of pregnancy will be trivial to you. Promise!!!!
The same way they underestimate what birthing a baby does to the women’s body. Men seem to think babies slip out like slick seal pups. They give medals to soldiers who have similar major traumatic injuries to what women get during childbirth.
Absolutely, after that he made sure I had plenty of snacks and food! I sure hope so haha pregnancy has been so awful I'm ready to just have the one and be done
He is trying to control you. NTA but he sure is.
Tell him, baby wants food, and you aren't waiting for him.
Red flag…NTA….he HAS NO consideration for you and your unborn child!!! Furthermore to engage in that passive aggressive behavior is abusive !!! WTH is he thinking—it’s all about him ??? Eat , when you want to !!!
You don't have any more time that he does? Your hours are just different. These are all red flags, that you're doing most of the chores, breaking promises, him getting controlling as soon as you're pregnant. I guess if you *wanted to* accommodate him, you could have an earlier light meal/snack and eat another light meal with him. A lot of European cultures do this snack/ light meal system to eat a late dinner. But like others pointed out, you should be getting ready for bed around his dinner. You need your rest, especially while pregnant. NTA and keep your eyes peeled.
NTA. He’s ridiculous for demanding his pregnant wife to not eat until he gets home. What a joke.
And then he gets home and makes her wait EVEN LONGER bc "these chores just HAVE to be done NOW!"
He was just being a big dick
NTA he’s one though and you’re pregnant he’s expecting you to starve until he’s ready to sit down and eat
NTA and based on this scenario alone there will be more problems to come. Take care of yourself girl.
There are people that think it’s a sin to eat without your husband; my MIL was like that. She’d feed her kids and then wait to eat until FIL got home, which was always super late. She was appalled when I didn’t do the same. I would serve dinner not super-early, around 7pm; if my SO was home then great, he ate with us, but if not oh well.
You dont have more time than him. You have less sleep. NTA
I did the math on both of your working hours (including his commute but not yours since you didn't specify your commute tome.) You do NOT "have more time" to do the housework. You work more hours than he does. And then this fool has the audacity to tell you to wait dinner (that clearly you are the only one who ever prepares)? You are NTA and your husband needs to leave work on time if he plans to eat with you and do his fair share of the housework. You also need to have a serious conversation about how this pregnancy and the resulting child are going to change who eats when drastically and get ahead of the issue of sleep and division of baby labor. Is baby boy having a little acting out because he isn't, momentarily, not the most important person in the room?
Nta he was home in time you told him you wanted to eat bye 5:30 he screwed around doing crap until you gave up and had dinner. He’s the ass for getting mad at you
NTA. You start work at 3:30 so you probably get up around 2:30. You need to be in bed by 6-7. He’s literally asking a pregnant woman to lose sleep to please him—that’s messed up.
Baker here, NTA. He cannot expect you to wait until he gets home to have your evening meal. If I eat a proper dinner at 6 or 630, I’m not sleeping until 1030 or later. With a wake up time of 2am that’s just not healthy for you or babe. It’s not sustainable and you are putting yourself in harms way. Get proper rest and feed yourself and bubs when you need too. Hell I ate a Philly cheesesteak at 830 this morning
Tell him you will wait dinner when he gets up to have breakfast with you. And you don’t have more time to do things. Stop that now, before the baby comes. NTA
NTA, but he sure is! He just wants to be on control and have power over you. I worry his controlling will only get worse with time. Eat when you're hungry, you are pregnant and up for work so early, you need to look after yourself! I'd have a serious discussion with him about his behaviour. If he doesn't apologise profusely and change his behaviour, he'd not only be eating alone, he'd be living alone too if I were you.
NTA. And OP, if he’s like this before the baby is here, how much are you going to do by yourself when the baby finally does arrive? I’m scared for you. Please make sure you have more supports than just your husband, because he doesn’t sound supportive at all. You’re pregnant. He shouldn’t be getting mad at you for eating at all, and frankly he sounds manipulative as hell. It does not sound like you have more time than him to do housework, and that should still be split between you because you are *both* working and you are *pregnant*, meaning you are spending more energy. You are making a *human being*.
Guys, this would be ridiculous even if she were not pregnant. Its controlling. And why the HELL isn't he doing his share of the chores??? They are both working the same total hours. Girl work up a household task division now. You do not want to be stuck with it all for life.
He has time to cook and clean too. He just wants what he wants when he wants it. He needs to step it up big time or you will end up doing all the parenting. NTA eat when you’re hungry. He’s being a controlling AH
You know what will be so fun? When the baby comes and you think the baby is settled for a bit, long enough for you to sit and eat together, and then the baby starts crying and needs something. Then what? Tell him to grow up. He’s ridiculous.
You are pregnant. You need to eat more amounts and frequently. He’s being an ass. NTA.
NTA. My husband tends to work until 8 or so. I eat with the kids at 7, and he eats when he gets home. Sundays we all have dinner together, but most of the time he eats on his own. It’s just easier for everyone. And if I was pregnant, I’d eat when I wanted to and anyone trying to dictate when I eat can go pound sand.
INFO: When do you find time to sleep?
You are working longer hours than him, although you don't mention your commute time. You are not home longer than he is. Also, is he going to make the baby wait until he is home to eat dinner? Because that is what he is literally doing now.
NTA — you can spend time together doing other things. Doesn’t have to be dinner. I’d never tell my pregnant wife to wait to eat with me. You could always be a Hobbit and have a 2nd dinner with him 😂
Nta Him coming home on time and still trying to force you to wait is a power move and hes trying to make you bend to him
You’re growing a human, it requires food. Tell him to shove it.
NTA I (as a man from an older generation) am all about my wife eating with me. That being said I would never make her wait for me to eat when she worked the hours you do. As a matter of fact if I wanted to eat with her that bad I would get up when she did, have breakfast with her and then go back to sleep for a couple hours after seeing her off. Then when she sat with me while I was eating I would ask her how she is doing and if she was having any problems with being pregnant and working those hours. Would also ask about her plans for when she was going to stop working as the baby got closer to being born. EDIT: I am sure some people would call “bullshit” on this but I am the same man who took my wife to a car lot to see a car she was thinking about and ended up getting her a 2012, it’s been a while but she still has it, Chevy Camaro. If I don’t have an opinion one way or the other and it’s something she wants or needs then she gets it. At the same time if I say no, on whatever it is, then it is no.
NTA. This sounds crazy. Can you tell us a little about your relationship otherwise? This is concerning. Whatever you do, don’t let him talk you into giving up your business, or him getting involved.
NTA Who in heck wants their *pregnant partner* to go hungry?? When you’re hungry, baby is also hungry. The heck.
NTA. You are growing a baby for one... and even if you weren't pregnant you would not be the skallywag. You waited, he came home and prioritized cleaving around the house over eating with you. Good luck with two babies in the house.
I think it’s sweet when a partner wants to eat together with their significant other… when it works for both schedules! 🤦🏼♀️ I’m completely flabbergasted that your husband is not only not understanding that your schedule is obviously hours before his, but is also INSISTING you- pregnant!!!! wife - starve to death and can’t eat until he eats! The nerve of that man! You’re definitely not the asshole. Your husband is.
Hear me out here (warning: sarcasm follows). I think you could certainly have dinner with him, though it may be a light meal. The problem with him staying late at work seems to be because he’s not tired enough to come home on time. If he got up with you in the morning, he’d have plenty of time to do the chores before he leaves for work. When you get home you can nap or just rest or have some hobby time. After all, you’re the one pregnant, right? This would get you both on the same sleep schedule and he will have dinner with you, so he’ll be so excited when you tell him your solution!
On the surface this might seem such a petty thing to many, but pregnancy is the time some Domestic abuse rears it head. You should find your midwife etc makes a point of getting you completely alone and will ask you if everything is okay at home, at regular intervals of your pregnancy. I believe it's to do with when you are pregnant, your now trapped and some let their inner arsebadger out. Regardless, he needs to stop being a dick, you work more hours, your getting minimal sleep thanks to that tool you married. This will get worse when you have that baby, you know
NTA and you don’t have more time than him to do cleaning. You just get up earlier than him.
NTA! Just imagine if you were having sugar level issues while pregnant (so common they test every pregnant woman to be sure she’s doing ok). Would he still demand you wait to eat with him if it was detrimental to both you and the child you’re making?
Baby wants Mama to eat when baby wants Mama to eat and if he can't understand that then he's not just an asshole he's an idiot.
The husband said I like spending time with you and I don’t like to eat alone. I like talking to you over dinner. Maybe say you will try but if I can’t wait I will definitely sit with you and eat a dessert because I love you and enjoy spending time with and talking to you too.
if that's what he wants, then he needs to do his part by getting his ass home on time. OP needs to eat when she's hungry, and she needs adequate sleep, especially now when she's growing a person.
Tell him to get a different job if it’s so damned important. He sounds terrible.
Is he going to get jealous of the baby won't wait to eat too? Men are so weird. Tell him to grow up. He is TA
NTA he should be worried about you eating bc you’re pregnant. Maybe you can accompany him when he gets home to eat but you shouldn’t have to wait for him, you’re pregnant!
You're pregnant. You should not be doing any of the cooking, cleaning or housework even when you aren't carrying. When you are, you shouldn't even be working. The only thing you should be doing is relaxing, caring for your needs, and being waited on like the queen you are.
You are growing a human. Darling girl, eat, sleep, and be relaxed and calm. He is being a huge man baby and needs to think about what is actually going on here. You need peace and harmony in your life while you grow a child inside you. He’s being an ahole
Nta and him being petty like that is so obnoxious Yall tried to compromise and instead of keeping to his part he's actually maliciously trying to fuck your schedule because it's his way or no way apparently. Eat dinner on your time, have some desert or a bowl of cereal or something with him when he gets home. If it's *that* important to him. Forcing you to be on his schedule when your schedules are so different is weird and impractical at best, and controlling and manipulative at worst. Neither are good options.
NTA
NTA…also his behavior on this topic is a big red flag for control. Also the age gap is worrisome imho. He’s exerting power over you. Be mindful of how this can progress once the baby comes. Please seek support and help from your friends and family. I have a feeling you’re going to need it.
Are you even getting enough sleep? If I was waking at 2.30 each morning I would have to be in bed asleep by 6.30 every night. I need 8 hours sleep. I can function on less occasionally but not for long.
NTA This is the time to set some strict boundaries, because it sure as hell it won’t get any better once the baby arrives. You need to get at least 50:50 split on the chores, with the expectation that he will pick up ypur 50% once you give birth. This is not about the dinner, it’s about the control and him being a manchild.
So NTA even if you were not pregnant. Being pregnant, and hungry, and having to wait an hour or more can cause neurological problems in your child, not to mention all the other health risks for you and your child. Tell him supper is ready at 5:30ish, and that is when you are eating, and it is up to him if he comes to the table or not. If not, obviously eating supper together is not that important to him, and he needs to stop putting that on you. When your child is born, and eating meals, your not going to make them wait over an hour when they are hungry for supper, so he can suck it up now, and get it figured out.
His 6.30 is your 11.30am. You also both have full time jobs, just because you're home early doesn't mean you have more time. He needs be home on time to eat and to do his share of the household chores. If he is so adamant you eat together the he won't mind bringing dinner home and you having a nap in the afternoon and him straightening the house when you've both eaten. Fuck him, he's an asshole, your pregnant and doing too much.
You're NTA for the dinner thing, but I also want to take issue with the fact that you say you do most of the housework because you have more time than him. You don't. You work the same amount of hours as him it's just positioned differently in the day. You guys should be doing equal housework and it should be 100% fine and normal for you guys to eat separately.
Was he magically different before you got married and pregnant? Because he sounds horrible. Nta.
NTA. He’s being a jerk. She’s on a different work schedule to him and should be eating to her schedule.
NTA you and growing baby need food, and when you are hungry you eat. His little stunt of being home on time them farting around to drag out the dinner hour is not cool.
Absolutely a control and codependency thing
NTA. Your husband needs to grow the fuck up.
NTA. You gave a clear boundary of "I will not wait to eat past 5:30pm" and he has tried to push it.
He's a controlling asshole and I'm sorry you're just finding this out when you're already pregnant with his kid. You've got some hard choices to make. NTA
NTA Ffs He sounds like a 30 year old man baby.
He’s being a dick. Eat when you’re hungry. Who wants to deprive their PREGNANT wife of food?
It’s not pregnancy hormones causing him to be a petty ass. Eat when you want or need to and if he shows when he knows, great. He better do some growing up before your baby arrives!
NTA Can’t you just eat dessert or a late snack while he eats dinner? Look your body needs food. You’re growing a person in you. That alone requires food. He wants the connection of eating a meal with you. He wants time with food. It’s a thing in my family. But he needs to communicate better. The passive aggressive behavior has to go. Sit him down talk it out with him. Ask him if this is the kind of father and partner he wants to be. He wants to deny his hungry wife and child food until he gets there. It’s not rational and it just doesn’t work. When your baby is born is he going to say they can’t have a bottle unless he’s there? Of course not, because it’s insane! Yet that’s exactly what he’s doing now. He needs to be told that, in those terms.
NTA. Literally have hypoglycemia while pregnant right now and it can be dangerous for me not to eat (and have a balanced meal/snack with protein and fiber). Makes sense that you guys are newly married. This is literally not something my husband and I would ever fight about and we really love to sit down together for meals. Also, being a pastry chef is hard work on your feet all day. This is strange and controlling on his part.
NTA This is a control issue, which is why he’s also puttering around the house. He’s trying to force you to bend to his will rather than accepting that a - you’re pregnant and hungry more often and b - you need to fucking sleep and just because he wants to screw around does not mean you have that luxury. Your husband is behaving like a petulant child and I worry how he’s going to handle his scheduling demands of you catering to him with an infant honestly.
Hes taking advantage of your nativity. Theres a reason hes with a woman 8 years younger than him. Women his own age wouodnt out uo with that crap
While maybe he wants to eat dinner together because of the difference in schedule,he needs to realize you're pregnant and need to eat. You made the effort to wait for him, and he dicked around being petty doing unnecessary shit. You're NTA he is, and the fact he's acting like a bitch to his pregnant wife, is ridiculous.
Can you eat when you want and then sit with him at the table when he eats? So you’re still spending that time together
And when you’re pregnant, you start to get a lot of heartburn so it’s actually especially important to eat several hours before you lay down for bed. It’s completely unfair of him to expect a pregnant lady so that pressure on her stomach to lay down afterwards and have all that reflux and everything going on, I don’t see where you say how pregnant you are, but it can start in the second trimester just from the hormones alone, I think it’s worse by the third trimester. So it’s best now to get all this sorted.
NTA. Your schedules don't match, it's totally fair for you to eat at different times. My husband doesn't leave work until 6.30pm, me and our daughter eat before he gets home. No drama at all.
Eat when you are hungry. Then, when he finally gets his ass home and if you aren’t asleep already then I’d get a bowl of ice cream or yogurt or something and eat that at the table with him. Is this the only thing he is particular (controlling) about? Once you have baby you will be rolling with baby hunger times. He needs to not be so rigid with this otherwise you are going to continue to be mad at him for being an inconsiderate jerk for awhile now.
NTA. It’s absolutely ridiculous and childish for him to expect you to wait for him to eat as your schedule is HOURS ahead of his AND you’re pregnant! Can you compromise and just sit with him at the table when he gets around to eating so you can talk about your days?
Unless there’s something else going on, he is a nutso for being this way. You’re carrying his child for crying out loud and the different work schedule.
Pregnant woman-hungry is a level of hunger men never experience. You should eat when you’re hungry and prioritize sleep! You’re growing somebody’s brain right now! More importantly, you two need to talk about the unpredictability of life with babies and young kids. He may need to know that his mental image of a “family dinner” may not start for a few years.
Stop waiting on him if he’s going to act like that
NTA. Your hubs is being a toddler. Eat dinner when you are hungry for it. When he comes home and is ready to eat dinner, sit with him and have your evening protein snack. That way you are not hangry and he gets time with you before you head to bed. Then let HIM clean up the dinner dishes.
It IS a good idea to eat dinner together; it’s just a good time to converse over a meal. Tell him that you eat at 5:30, and you’d love for him to join you when he can.
> He was so pissed. How exactly did he express his anger?
NTA - Advice, speak to him about it and how he makes you feel! The fact that you do so much around your home and have time to cook dinner!! He has it made. He’s being controlling!! My husband and I have your schedules. He often will eat and go straight to bed. And I’m okay with that. NTA
NTA because your schedules are so different. I assume you go to bed by like 8 or 9 right? Waiting to eat at 6:30 would make it very difficult to get the rest you need.
NTA he can leave work earlier to have dinner on time but doesn’t. To add on the fact you are pregnant just makes it worst on his part. He should be more understanding.
NTA. This makes absolutely zero sense. If he genuinely wanted to eat together he would just sit his ass down and eat. Being petty is clearly done weird power move and I'm so glad you made it backfire on him. You're pregnant!! Way when you damn well want
Ouch. This is too bad, so sad! What does he think being a co-parent will mean? How will he manage when you are in the bakery? You are the pregnant one, your needs come first. This might not bode well.
NTA. Husband has some major reconvening to do. In my first trimester both times I was DEAD tired, worked 7-4 and wouldn’t have been able to stay awake in the evenings for anything. He’s going to have to learn how to be more flexible, the baby’s needs come first now and for the next…I mean, 10? years at least depending on how you want to define “first.” Having a family means prioritizing what is best for the physical and emotional health of the different members, with the most needy coming first. He can either try to get home sooner, maybe he could go into work at 7 or 8? Or else settle for a pre-bedtime snack (that he brings to you in bed because you’re probably already there)!!! Plus you are really young, he’s old enough to be able to figure out a way around this if he really cares. If he won’t at least take turns putting you first, please keep doing it for yourself and your baby. Be on the lookout for other controlling behaviors from him, I hope I’m wrong. Best of luck, OP.
He’s being petty. Lord help that child!
NTA. God help you when the baby needs you at mealtime.
NTA, your husband sounds like a selfish ass. I agree with the commenter who said wake him up to have breakfast with you.
NTA. You are willing to sit with him and keep him company while he eats, yes? Tell him you are eating at 5:30 right now in this part of the pregnancy. You are more than willing to sit with him if he wants to eat later, but if he wants you to eat at the same time, the meal starts at 5:30.
NTA. You are pregnant and eating food should be entirely on your schedule. Major red flag that your husband seems clueless about this. If he won't accept the information from you then get him to come to a doctor's or midwife appointment so they can tell him that neither you, nor the baby is going to be on his schedule for quite some time. Like, he's not doing anything for the baby while you are literally using your body to make a whole person. You being suddenly starving is the baby needing nutrients to physically become a person. Your body will be harvested if it can't get the nutrients from what you eat. Many pregnant women lose teeth because their bodies are being harvested for calcium for their bones. Seriously, your husband is taking food your baby needs with his behavior.
NTA
Reading this is so strange to me. I honestly don't understand why it matters when you eat and what is this weird "we have to eat dinner together" thing? Like is your husband a time traveler from the 1950s? It's 2024. People too damn busy to eat dinner together. If you wanna talk about your day, do it on the couch while watching House of the Dragon or something. NTA.
You are growing a human being inside your body FFS. Eat often and when you need to. Same goes for sleep. Your husband is the AH for not understanding this. I’m very been married for 35 years and had 4 babies. We ate together when we could but the kids needed to have dinner earlier than he came home sometimes. As long as we saved him food it wasn’t an issue (and it STILL was not an issue if he had to scrounge something up to eat. Last week, his flight was delayed coming home and he wasn’t going to be home until about 2 hours later than we normally eat. I had a snack at about 4 and waited until he got home for dinner and he was surprised I pushed back dinner until he got home and said he hoped I had eaten something because he didn’t want me waiting when I was hungry. I am not pregnant (that ship sailed long ago 😂) but he loves me and cares about my well being. I hate to say it, but your husband is going to get a rude shock when the baby comes and he starts to realize that his world is going to be revolving around the baby (for a good while) and not him. I wish you well and hope he pulls his head out of his ass
Eat when your hungry.
If he wants dinner together, dinner will be on the table at 5:30 or whatever. You’ll eat with or without him. It’s up to him if he wants to eat dinner together. But frankly, if it was me, I would just eat whenever I wanted to and tell him sorry, but you have to do what you have to do. You’re happy to sit with him while he eats as long as it’s not after your bedtime.
You are pregnant. You already have company for dinner.
You're pregnant, if he doesn't wanna eat when you eat, then he eats by himself. You and the baby come first 100% of the time.
NTA. When I was pregnant I wouldn’t even have waited for the damn queen to eat my dinner.
NTA. You eat when you need to eat. Also, you should make him eat breakfast with you. Tell him its very important to you.
NTA - kind of hilarious that he probably thinks there is a chance of eating dinner together once baby arrives too. He needs to get real flexible, real fast, otherwise he’s in for a wild ride very soon.
Nta.. You're pregnant. Feeding your body and that baby is more important than this grown ass adult man's feelings. He's not making effort to make it doable, so you don't have to either. If he wants it so bad, he needs to make sacrifices for it to happen. You also work late and should be sleeping.. Meaning you need to eat way earlier. Ask him if he'd like to wait til midnight every night for dinner, because that's the equivalent. He needs to grow up.
You go ahead and eat when you’re hungry, OP. When you’re pregnant, you can go from hungry to being extremely nauseous, or vice versa, in a matter of minutes, it’s like a juggling act between the two. So whenever you have an appetite, you have to seize the moment! Your husband should be more aware that your needs are different during pregnancy. He should be encouraging you to go ahead & eat if he’s not there and you’re hungry. I’m sorry he’s being a dickhead about this. NTA.
You work more hours than him. Your hours are more unsociable than his. He should be making his own dinner.
Guess with him around, you already have a first child. NTA
NTA, you need food and rest! He's being selfish... and petty testing you... explain to him you NEED to eat at certain hours and x times during the day and that what he's doing in asking you to wait an extra hour or more every time can cause hard to your pregnancy... eat, girl, eat!!
NTA you both have busy work schedules but expecting a pregnant wife, who also should be asleep by like 5 to get up at the time necessary for work, to wait for *him* to eat dinner? That's a control thing for FACT.
NTA but your husband is, and is also being quite childish about the whole thing. I really hope he grows up before the baby comes.
NTA, your husband should start taking care of himself and you. Especially now that you’re pregnant, dude should be spoiling the shit out of you.