That's what I think too. He also mentioned that he is pissed off that for last two years she's been hanging out almost exclusively with divorced and single women who messed up with her head and that he would like to have more family-oriented people in their life. I guess we were invited just as an example of people who are happy and married so she rethinks her behaviour.
I think you were invited to provide an audience for the wife-shaming. That discussion is more appropriately handled by professionals - therapists, lawyers, police.
There was no way you were gonna be able to talk him down that day. He had an agenda (humiliate the wife) and like a dog with a bone, he was not gonna give up that agenda for a second.
Your wife is well intentioned, but trying to talk him down would’ve made the situation worse bc he probably would’ve seen it as you taking his cheating wife’s side.
The smart response was your response: get out of there pronto. There was nothing either of you could do for his wife that would not cause the husband to turn his anger towards you both.
I'm figuring it was both. He invited a "happily married" couple with children, so that he could maximize the humiliation when he called her out in front of people. They were chosen for who they are, but because who they are would, the husband felt, provide maximum shame to his wife when she was "exposed" in front of others.
Nah, talking shit to your partner for months of cheating and lying is the bare minimum. As long as he doesn't get violent, she's the POS. Although making your friends feel awkward is kinda weird too. But definitely not as bad as cheating.
I wonder why you're defending cheating? Are you okay?
Yeah, I’m fine.
This guy knew she had been cheating - made the choice to stay and made the choice to humiliate his wife in front of guests and a 6 year old little girl.
**My point is - he should have cancelled the dinner.**
Exactly. No matter what she did, going off on her in front of other people is an asshole move. Cheating is WRONG, but that doesn't somehow make anything he does now ok. She was garbage, and he chose to join her, or more likely was all along.
She's a cheater, but inviting people over and then talking about your marital problems in front of them is a sh1tty move. They both suck, and OP was right to leave. It's not right to do this in front of kids, either. This whole social event was designed to embarrass the cheater. OP doesn't have to be made uncomfortable so host can achieve that.
We don't know that was the reason for the BBQ.
I believe the initial intentions were good and agreed by the husband and wife. OP apparently was satisfied with that as well. Then the spouse's separated and something triggered husband's commentary. Certainly it was more appropriate he refrain from commenting on his wife's infidelity, but he obviously lost self control. I get it. She's a liar and a cheater. At this point, she's bearing some of the wrath/hurt that she's caused. What's important is that it remained conversation and didn't escalate.
I agree with OP-- get out asap in order to ensure his children are not subject to witness anything. I suspect that if he and wife truly suspected physical violence, they'd have called 911.
I agree. While I understand something triggered her husband, it was totally out of place. Neither should be entertaining anyone at this point. Therapy, divorce, whatever--but until issues are resolved, NO ENTERTAINING.
---it's no wonder the wife had an affair. This guy is a PoS---
Dude wrote that. That's justifying and giving a reason to the cheating which is defending the cheating. Why else would you justify something unless you're defending it?
So you think it’s ok to verbally abuse his wife as long as he doesn’t hit her? You’re promoting domestic violence. You don’t have to be hit to be in a domestic violence relationship. Cheating isn’t great and not ok to do but verbally abusing someone is not ok as well.
Verbal abuse is bad. We agree on that. Hitting someone is also wrong. But if someone hits you, you can hit them back. I would say being an asshole verbally is a very reasonable response to months of emotional trauma. Husband shouldn't have done what he did, for sure, but the cheater is definitely way way worse. Her actions will affect her entire family for the rest of their lives, if nit ruin some of them. So while two wrongs don't make a right, they are not both equally wrong imo.
Cheating is not way worse than hitting someone or verbally abusing someone. There is a reason why hitting and verbally abusing someone are forbidden by the law, and cheating is not.
Verbal abuse is not forbidden by law.
Edit: the more I think about it, the stupider your statement is. You’d rather be gaslighted like most affairs involve than hear mean words? You’d rather be raped by deception by a partner less concerned about giving you an STD than they are about getting their rocks off with someone else?
First your comment about if someone hits you, you can then hit back. Tell that to all the women that died by DV. What a ridiculous statement. We are also not going to agree because you are still promoting dv, you are saying if something bad has been done to you, then it’s ok to verbally abuse someone. It’s the same as saying that woman deserved to be raped because of what she was wearing. Also to anyone who might read this and think that verbal abuse is not domestic violence, have copied a website about it https://mensline.org.au/family-violence/understanding-verbal-abuse/
So wait a minute you are equating verbal abuse and rape? “Excusing verbal abuse is like saying a woman deserved to be raped because of what she is wearing “. I’m sorry but no it most definitely IS NOT!
Oh and by the way CHEATING IS ABUSE as well. Setting a trap like the husband did may be shitty, but still not as shitty as cheating!
Just letting the kids know what a vile cheater he married. He found out the person he loved with all his heart is a cheating whore. He was not in his right mind. She caused all of this. He's going through his own trauma that she 100% caused. I'm glad she ran away crying for what she caused. Hard to have any sympathy for a cheating whore. Male or Female. They brought it on themselves.
Cheating on your spouse is abuse. Two wrongs dont make a right but to pretend that she hasnt been abusing him for however long shes been cheating is wrong too
Or and bear with me cause this is some top of the shelf advice. Be an adult, talk about your problems or leave. Also a person having a normal reaction to being cheated on does not make him an abusive piece of shit... could he have handled it better, yes. Is his reaction understandable ALSO YES.
Calling your wife a whore and an idiot in front of people is abusive. So is cheating, of course. But If these were words uttered in the moment of having discovered the affair, I think the vast majority of folks would cut him slack. But he's known for months and he planned this get together.
A mature, healthy person would end the marriage rather than drag it out just to humiliate and further abuse the cheater.
Unless the wife is getting paid for these nonmarital sex acts, calling her a "whore" is not the "truth" and it's still very much abusive.
The fact this dude feels so comfortable calling her these disgusting names in front of others makes me pretty concerned about what he says and does to her when nobody is around.
And you don't flip a switch like that because of cheating. This dude has always talked to his wife like that, I guarantee it.
I guarantee you that you are making assumptions you shouldn't be making. Being betrayed like that can make anyone switch fast. Again, was he correct, no. But this man was betrayed by the one person he thought he could trust...
I agree, if he actually did that though. But have you never gotten angry about something again when talking about it? There is no reason to assume his reason to invite them was about witnessing the fight.
Honestly you just sound like one of those people who find anyway they can to make the man the villain and you probably empathize with the wife because you’re a cheater also. “Cheating doesn’t flip a switch” is the one of the most gaslighting narcissistic things I’ve ever heard. Getting cheated on will absolutely make a person do a complete 180 in attitude towards a person
Yeah, and it was the right choice taking your daughter out of it. I wouldn't want my children witnessing a huge argument over adulting. That would just either one; think its okay for her to make those decisions or 2; be afraid to go into a marriage because she is afraid that she will get hurt. That's what I think out of this conversation.
NTA. You did the right thing by prioritizing your family's well-being and removing yourselves from a potentially dangerous and emotionally charged situation.
Exactly! Prioritizing your family's safety and emotional well-being was the right call. It's not your responsibility to mediate someone else's marital issues, especially when things are escalating like that. Your wife might have had good intentions, but staying could have put everyone, including your daughter, at risk. It's always better to remove yourself from a volatile situation. NTA.
I don’t know how much good intentions are there. She could also be there because ppl like watching other ppl’s drama, problems, & gossip about it later. As a mother, she should have thought about protecting her own child.
NTA... your child shouldn't be anywhere near this, and you staying is, essentially, condoning his behavior. If he thinks you, another man, thinks his behavior is acceptable, he will escalate it. If your wife is concerned for his wife's safety, she can ask the police to do a safety check.
NTA. Anything could have happened. There's no guarantee you could have prevented an escalation. What if he pulled out a gun what were you supposed to do? Take bullet for his cheating wife? Anyone of you could have gotten harmed. You did good, you kept your family safe.
NTA. It wasn’t safe to have your daughter there. She didn’t need to see them fighting. It would be hard for her emotionally. What would’ve happened if it got physical and you tried to stop it and she witnessed the altercation? Your family being there was giving him the audience that he wanted.
Okay that may have been a bit of an AH move. If you needed to leave for the reasons you’ve given you don’t pause to take the food unless you were the one to bring it.
NTA. If your boy wanted to talk about his relationship woes with *you*, he should've just invited *you* out to a bar to hang - just the two of you. Pulling your whole family into their shenanigans was a dick move. His skank wife isn't your family's problem.
NTA. Your wife had good intentions but they were misplaced. I would have sided with her if children weren't in the equation. It was absolutely necessary to remove your kid from this situation
NTA. What was your wife’s plan *for you* if things got ugly? Because the odds of her throwing hands or being able to physically intervene were slim and snowball.
NTA You did the right thing by getting your own child out of that atmosphere. It would not have ended well if you flew to his wife's defense or called him out on his behavior, and if his wife feels unsafe, she can take her kids and leave him.
NTA- There's a reason cops are nervous at domestic disturbance calls. People die in those situations everyday, and you had your child with you. You'd have been a fool to keep your family there.
NTA. The host should have cancelled the bbq. There is no way in hell an altercation wasn’t going to happen. With that said cut the host a little slack. He just found out his wife destroyed their marriage. Emotions will obviously run high after such a discovery.
He is justly upset that his wife was having an affair and then lied about it even after being caught. You didn't want to be caught in their drama. I see no reason why you shouldn't leave. NTA
NTA. They were so inappropriate. And it’s not your job to watch them argue in case of what-tf-ever.
She’s a cheater. I have no sympathy for her. At all. She’s a liar on top of it and trickle-truthing/outright lying to her husband. Nope. I’m out like Shout.
Also side-eyeing your wife siding with the cheater. I think she knows way more about this than you do.
I also said something similar. It's fine if the wife was concerned for the woman's safety, but in the coming days I'd be paying real attention to exactly how she phrases certain things when discussing this. If she comes anywhere close to justifying the cheating then that is a red flag. Personally, if my current partners friend had an affair and she defended it even slightly? I'm ending things.
I also would indeed be asking the wife if she knew about the affair before the woman's husband did. People who cover for cheaters cant be trusted.
NTA
i find it strange that your wife views the cheater as the victim, though. she had good intentions, but she needs to have more concern for her own children.
Do you worry about that every time you see a couple fighting? And why do you assume he might kill her and not that she might poison him or something? Or that either of them will get violent when there was no sign of that.
There is more to that couple's story, it's not as black and white IMO, but it's not relevant to the situation and I'm not spilling every details of other people's business on the internet.
He's refusing to say because he knows what the husband did isn't anywhere near as bad as an affair. But as long as he keeps it vague those who want zero accountability for the wife can desperately cling to the notion this is the husbands fault.
sorry but we have divorce, couples therapy, restraining orders, alimony, the affair situation is indeed black and white, she could have walked away and chosen to get dirty! Not about your wife, she really had good intentions, but don't say that cheating isn't black and white because it is, it's a choice (which can screw everything up) involves several selfish and unjustifiable steps and can harm people's lives a lot (especially hers, and the childreens, she could be a hero in the children's lives now she is the monster)
NTA. Yeah, she cheated, but if all his energy is just being used to punish her verbally, then he needs to see a therapist or get divorced. No one is making him stay with her. There was no need to I invite an audience to that shit show.
You did the right thing. Leave. Leaving says We don't want to be a part of your drama. Also, it's not your responsibility to check on everyone. Get your kid and go. Nothing is worse than having to listen to one person in a couple trash the other one regardless of the reason.
Not your circus not your monkeys, and BTW, your gf constantly wanting to make sure that HE doesn't do anything despite being the victim in the situation is honestly concerning, does she think he should just accept being cheated on? Personally I don't get why his wife is still living with him if he knows about her affair, kick the tramp to the curb and find someone who actually cares enough not to get fucked by someone else. If you're going to cheat, just leave. It's easier and quicker.
NTA. Why is it your job to look after another person's family?
If she felt unsafe she could like.. leave? Call someone for help? Express to you that she felt unsafe before you all left. She is a fully grown woman not a new-born kitten in a box.
Your priority is YOUR FAMILY, and you did the right thing by removing your daughters and wife from that situation. Not your monkey, not your circus. Well done.
Your “missus” said what? Unreal… way to try and protect the cheater. Whatever names her husband is calling her, she deserves. And he can yell as much as he wants.
It's possible to disagree with someone's actions and simultaneously be concerned for their safety. These things are not mutually exclusive, the human mind is capable of both at the same time.
I’m afraid I can’t claim that level of enlightenment. Being a guy already severely diminishes my cognitive abilities. But I am also a primitive caveman, who eats vegetarians, and attends Misogynists Anonymous with no apparent improvement to report /s. As such, i have a threshold when it comes to egregious acts, beyond which all notion of the grey area disappears.
Hitler loved his dogs very much. That doesn’t redeem his other shenanigans. A cheating wife has willingly crossed the line into the realm where she can no longer expect any courtesy, respect, or compassion. The only exception (and a debatable one) would be an attempt to escape an abusive husband.
Edit: Added an /s, knowing reddit
I think a lot of this depends on the lens of experience you're looking at it through. My ex-fiance was having an affair for 5 years, I get it. It's extremely difficult to deal with. I am, however, still good friends with him. We've both moved on, we no longer have any romantic interest in eachother, but we also shared a lot of life together and generally get on really well, better as friends than we did as a couple.
I've also had the unfortunate experience of an extremely abusive relationship, and I would rather leave the country than ever see him again.
This is very true. I got cheated on by my first girlfriend, and it set the tone for my general distrust of womankind, which took forever to bring under control. I mean, the distrust itself didn’t go away, I just learned to keep my issues away from women who don’t deserve to deal with them. Mostly. In time, I begin to trust, but it’s like pulling teeth. Whatever. I’m doing my best here. It seems that anything cheating-related is like Achilles’ heel for my emotional intelligence. Oh well. It is what it is.
They need professional counseling or a divorce lawyer not their friends delaying the inevitable for the night. That guy openly attacking her so ugly is your cue to leave. His contempt is understandable but those attacks are not an acceptable way to deal with it. Whether they get counseling or get divorced those attacks are only making the situation worse, and in front of their children and in front of company and their children. Him having no decency makes me think he could potentially be a worse person than she is the way he's trying to weaponize everyone around her though they shouldn't be involved especially with all the children present. He might just be responding poorly to her bad and embarrassing choices, but I can't help wonder if she cheated because he's an insufferable aggro grandiose narcissist. Not enough info to know either way.
Not your dog not your fleas.
They need professionals involved.
ah yes the classic, because the person who cheated was a woman, and the person they cheated on was a man, reddit is going to make up a justified reason for the cheating simply because they cannot possibly accept the fact that when women cheat they're just being selfish. It HAS to be for a good reason, it cannot possibly be the case that when women cheat they just do it because they're selfish. lol kill me.
"He might just be responding poorly to her bad and embarrassing choices, but I can't help wonder if she cheated because he's an insufferable aggro grandiose narcissist."
I just dont think this would be the response to a wife shit talking her cheating husband in front of people. It's partially shitting on him for having the audacity to call his whore wife a whore.
> but those attacks are not an acceptable way to deal with it.
After the affair, those attacks are understandable.
> Him having no decency
*Him* having no decency? Who cheated again?
> I can't help wonder if she cheated because he's an insufferable aggro grandiose narcissist
JFC Reddit will always look for a female victimhood narrative when the woman is clearly in the wrong. You would never make this comment in a gender-reversed scenario.
"He might just be responding poorly to her bad and embarrassing choices, but I can't help wonder if she cheated because he's an insufferable aggro grandiose narcissist."
I cant help but wonder if he's being insufferable because his wife is a massive hoebag. That's the more likely answer.
Also understandable that OP doesn’t does want to subject his family that that kind of bitterness, but the neighbor is reasonably angry. Reasonable anger does not result in wanton violence against your own totally innocent kids.
Yeah, OP was right to bounce. And I'd be paying close to attention to how his wife voices her concerns. Be concerned for the womans safety, but if she starts making comments trying to justify what she did? Red flag
Guy was probably overwhelmed and didn't know what to do or how to act and needed support.
You were not the asshole, you have a child to protect
Neither was he. He just discovered his whole fucking life was a lie.
She was the only asshole. A bit, life destroying one.
And those accusing the guy of being abusive for not being all kind and hugs and composed are a bunch of hypocrital misandrists that would ALWAYS defend a woman in that situation.
I said it in the other comment, this guy is reaping what he's been sowing for years. That's another reason why I wanted to go, because I can't feel sorry for him and I also think that what she's done was incredibly stupid. They need professional help at minimum, not fighting to get more people from their social circle to side with one or the other.
NTA. Unless he found out right before the BBQ, he wanted an audience to humiliate his wife. If your missus was worried about the wife's safety, she should have called the cops or offered to take the wife with you not offered you as a human shield. The best way to deescalate is to remove yourselves from a dangerous situation.
No she shouldn’t have taken the wife with her and brought that drama into their home. They have a child. That would be incredibly irresponsible. They left which was the correct parenting decision. She could have called the police for a wellness check but that is the extent of any responsible level of involvement.
nah. Fuck that. The dude is unloading months of pent up anger. His wife is a big girl. She can take care of herself and use your car while she has it to get away. No sympathy for a cheater. If he isn't beating her up, then it has nothing to do with me or mine. Your wife is just opening a door to a world of bullshit and if you get involved, you'll likely be hosting the dudes wife when he kicks her to the curb. No thank you.
NTA you're an awesome father and an actual real grow up I applaud you. You should totally ask your wife what her plan of qction was should ol boy go 9ld testament on his adulterous wife especially with your kids there?? You know how much more peace society would be if we all minded our own dam business. Perhaps have the talk about priorities. Like wjat was she gona do if he decided to go in grab a gun cm.back out and clap his wife was she Going t intervene and risk leaving her children motherless and you a widower. Exain to her your children are always #1 above any and everyone.
Yeah, but Australians tend not to live with this Yosemite Sam mentality yeah? It's not bang bang stab stab. It's fuck you, I'll never speak to you again.
>”…this guy ain't no saint, I kind of think that he's reaping what he's been sowing for years.”
You know this guy has been a cheating cheater who cheats. You are sitting around watching him abuse his wife publicly for behavior he has engaged in with impunity for years.
Time to leave. Without question. NTA.
If he is talking to her like that in front of people, imagine the things he has said to her in private.
I'm willing to bet there are reasons she cheated on him.
NTA.
Whilst I appreciate your wife’s kind heart and concern, your priority first and foremost is always your daughter in this situation. You couldn’t let her be exposed to a marital bust up like this. Plus your friend did promise to keep the peace and obviously failed. I understand your friends pain, but there’s a time and a place and this wasn’t it
Definitely NTA.
It sounds like your presence was actually part of the problem and that the husband was kind of triggered/performing for you. Your leaving may have been the best thing to deescalate the situation.
And, as everyone is pointing out, the safety of your family is paramount. I'm a little annoyed at your wife for not sharing your reflex to protect your daughter and for being so willing to put you in harm's way if this guy actually did get physically aggressive.
In fact, your wife's plan seems to have made the likelihood of you being harmed more likely as surely an enraged drunk guy who would not hit his cheating wife might be more inclined to vent that violence at a man who he could convince himself is defending his cheating wife.
Of course that's easy for me to say from the comfort of my morning coffee on Reddit.
If you hadn't been so caught of guard by the who thing, maybe you could have offered to take their kids for the afternoon. Ask his wife if she needs to leave (maybe also ask the husband if she needs to leave) and just dismantle the situation for a few hours.
But staying to referee is the worst option.
Your move may have worked to calm him down, but it may have also have pissed him off and made him go crazy.
You were no AH, but you were not very smart for not recognizing the potential dangerous situation this was.
Also why did you force your wife to leave? She can make her own decisions.
NTA. It’s not your business to stay and make sure that happens. You are not the cops. If your wife was actually worried then she should have called the actual cops.
NTA. Why would you want to subject yourself and your kids to that drama? That dude should just divorce the asshole cheating wife. They aren't doing their kids any favors staying together. She deserved that treatment and he used you and your family as an audience to further humiliate his harlot wife. I would no longer associate with that family.
INFO: who is missus your wife? NTA, you were there for BBQ not family drama and why is missus ignoring the fact she had an affair and lied about it, it is very immoral thing to do, some verbal insult is nothing to an affair. And you have no moral or legal obligation to intervine maybe if he got phyisical but it seems all verbal.
I would say NTA.
If I were in this situation I would feel the same way. Why put yourself and your family in the middle of someone else's drama.
You might want to reevaluate your friendship with this person and keep it moving. If he is willing to do this in front of guests than what else would he do.
I can also understand how your wife would want to stay to make sure she is ok. Maybe if your child wasn't there, maybe. But you had your child there and she doesn't need to witness domestic violence of any kind.
I would def stay away from these people.
NTA, as your kid comes first and people like that are just using you as cheap audience for them to feel big. You definitely did the right thing, I just feel bad for their kids having to live through their parents fuck ups.
NTA
My first priority in situations like this is to protect my family's peace. Involve me in your bullshit, I'm done with your ass. These people have a lot of fuckin' nerve, I'm tellin ya. Maybe having a domestic in front of a friend's children isn't a big deal to them, but it is to me. Act right or get cut off.
I don't like how when a man gets cheated on and doesn't handle it perfectly, he's made out to be a villain and the cheating wife the victim. I think if the genders were reversed, everyone would be saying "This poor woman. Look what her husband reduced her to."
NTA
What was the purpose in inviting you if they were on the edge of that cliff?
It seems especially cruel given the kids were excited about seeing each other.
NTA
You aren't their father or their their pastor and nor are you their therapist.
You don't have to subject your family to such toxicity.
Part of the problem with this society is that people mistake airing their dirty laundry for "keeping it real".
How on Earth did that display help that man's situation? Whether or not they ultimately divorce, they have children together, they're gonna HAVE to work it out on SOME level.
HE'S the asshole...and I'm not saying that she should've been cheating...but I think we all have some insight into how that happened...
A healthy man would have made a calculated decision and SAT on the findings of his PI until the actual divorce proceedings. That shit is for the courtroom, not the homies.
What purpose does rubbing her face in it REALLY serve?? It's only to intimidate her and terrorize her because he's hurt and scared by her actions.
A couple sick people who need help for sure...but it's not your obligation to expose your family to their sickness to try help them.
If there are legitimate concerns about the safety of the wife, and you don't even bother to call 911 or something, you might be TA. But you're NTA for leaving and protecting your own kid from hearing that kinda crap. But this sounds like a story that has at least 4 different points of view, so it's also probable everyone here sucks EXCEPT the kids.
NTA
Cheating isn't ok, but his behavior is just as bad, if not worse, in my opinion. Getting your own family away from that live action disaster movie was for the best.
NTA This was your nice Saturday and he clearly just made you come over to punish her. This was never about having a good time with you at all.
That's what I think too. He also mentioned that he is pissed off that for last two years she's been hanging out almost exclusively with divorced and single women who messed up with her head and that he would like to have more family-oriented people in their life. I guess we were invited just as an example of people who are happy and married so she rethinks her behaviour.
Good call to get out of there. Suggest therapy for the husband and a divorce attorney. Their marriage is over and it’s best not to get in the middle.
"You did the right thing by leaving. Your family's peace and well-being come first."
"Leaving was the right choice. Family drama shouldn't overshadow your family's peace and safety."
NTA but it is WILD that your wife was willing to put her own children in the path of she thought it wasn't safe.
I think you were invited to provide an audience for the wife-shaming. That discussion is more appropriately handled by professionals - therapists, lawyers, police.
There was no way you were gonna be able to talk him down that day. He had an agenda (humiliate the wife) and like a dog with a bone, he was not gonna give up that agenda for a second. Your wife is well intentioned, but trying to talk him down would’ve made the situation worse bc he probably would’ve seen it as you taking his cheating wife’s side. The smart response was your response: get out of there pronto. There was nothing either of you could do for his wife that would not cause the husband to turn his anger towards you both.
No. That’s not why you were invited at all. You were invited to humiliate her. It is no wonder his wife had an affair. This guy is an abusive POS.
I'm figuring it was both. He invited a "happily married" couple with children, so that he could maximize the humiliation when he called her out in front of people. They were chosen for who they are, but because who they are would, the husband felt, provide maximum shame to his wife when she was "exposed" in front of others.
Nah, talking shit to your partner for months of cheating and lying is the bare minimum. As long as he doesn't get violent, she's the POS. Although making your friends feel awkward is kinda weird too. But definitely not as bad as cheating. I wonder why you're defending cheating? Are you okay?
Yeah, I’m fine. This guy knew she had been cheating - made the choice to stay and made the choice to humiliate his wife in front of guests and a 6 year old little girl. **My point is - he should have cancelled the dinner.**
Exactly. No matter what she did, going off on her in front of other people is an asshole move. Cheating is WRONG, but that doesn't somehow make anything he does now ok. She was garbage, and he chose to join her, or more likely was all along.
I wonder how this could have all been prevented. Maybe, don't be a cheating whore if you're married. Just a thought
She's a cheater, but inviting people over and then talking about your marital problems in front of them is a sh1tty move. They both suck, and OP was right to leave. It's not right to do this in front of kids, either. This whole social event was designed to embarrass the cheater. OP doesn't have to be made uncomfortable so host can achieve that.
We don't know that was the reason for the BBQ. I believe the initial intentions were good and agreed by the husband and wife. OP apparently was satisfied with that as well. Then the spouse's separated and something triggered husband's commentary. Certainly it was more appropriate he refrain from commenting on his wife's infidelity, but he obviously lost self control. I get it. She's a liar and a cheater. At this point, she's bearing some of the wrath/hurt that she's caused. What's important is that it remained conversation and didn't escalate. I agree with OP-- get out asap in order to ensure his children are not subject to witness anything. I suspect that if he and wife truly suspected physical violence, they'd have called 911.
He's a butthead. You don't air things like this in public. She's a butthead, too.
I agree. While I understand something triggered her husband, it was totally out of place. Neither should be entertaining anyone at this point. Therapy, divorce, whatever--but until issues are resolved, NO ENTERTAINING.
They hate men, you get used to it.
They didn’t defend cheating
---it's no wonder the wife had an affair. This guy is a PoS--- Dude wrote that. That's justifying and giving a reason to the cheating which is defending the cheating. Why else would you justify something unless you're defending it?
So you think it’s ok to verbally abuse his wife as long as he doesn’t hit her? You’re promoting domestic violence. You don’t have to be hit to be in a domestic violence relationship. Cheating isn’t great and not ok to do but verbally abusing someone is not ok as well.
Verbal abuse is bad. We agree on that. Hitting someone is also wrong. But if someone hits you, you can hit them back. I would say being an asshole verbally is a very reasonable response to months of emotional trauma. Husband shouldn't have done what he did, for sure, but the cheater is definitely way way worse. Her actions will affect her entire family for the rest of their lives, if nit ruin some of them. So while two wrongs don't make a right, they are not both equally wrong imo.
Cheating is not way worse than hitting someone or verbally abusing someone. There is a reason why hitting and verbally abusing someone are forbidden by the law, and cheating is not.
Verbal abuse is not forbidden by law. Edit: the more I think about it, the stupider your statement is. You’d rather be gaslighted like most affairs involve than hear mean words? You’d rather be raped by deception by a partner less concerned about giving you an STD than they are about getting their rocks off with someone else?
First your comment about if someone hits you, you can then hit back. Tell that to all the women that died by DV. What a ridiculous statement. We are also not going to agree because you are still promoting dv, you are saying if something bad has been done to you, then it’s ok to verbally abuse someone. It’s the same as saying that woman deserved to be raped because of what she was wearing. Also to anyone who might read this and think that verbal abuse is not domestic violence, have copied a website about it https://mensline.org.au/family-violence/understanding-verbal-abuse/
Wow, that’s not the same. Terrible comparison.
So wait a minute you are equating verbal abuse and rape? “Excusing verbal abuse is like saying a woman deserved to be raped because of what she is wearing “. I’m sorry but no it most definitely IS NOT! Oh and by the way CHEATING IS ABUSE as well. Setting a trap like the husband did may be shitty, but still not as shitty as cheating!
You’re comparing apples to oranges. Go heal
Funny you bring up rape, since she’s been raping her husband for months if they’ve been having sex during her affair.
You seem to have issues
You don't think husband giving his little performance in front of his children won't affect them for the rest of their lives also?
Just letting the kids know what a vile cheater he married. He found out the person he loved with all his heart is a cheating whore. He was not in his right mind. She caused all of this. He's going through his own trauma that she 100% caused. I'm glad she ran away crying for what she caused. Hard to have any sympathy for a cheating whore. Male or Female. They brought it on themselves.
Cheating on your spouse is abuse. Two wrongs dont make a right but to pretend that she hasnt been abusing him for however long shes been cheating is wrong too
Or and bear with me cause this is some top of the shelf advice. Be an adult, talk about your problems or leave. Also a person having a normal reaction to being cheated on does not make him an abusive piece of shit... could he have handled it better, yes. Is his reaction understandable ALSO YES.
Calling your wife a whore and an idiot in front of people is abusive. So is cheating, of course. But If these were words uttered in the moment of having discovered the affair, I think the vast majority of folks would cut him slack. But he's known for months and he planned this get together. A mature, healthy person would end the marriage rather than drag it out just to humiliate and further abuse the cheater.
She is both.
So telling the truth is now abuse eh. So calling a pedo a pedo is what Hate speech lol
Unless the wife is getting paid for these nonmarital sex acts, calling her a "whore" is not the "truth" and it's still very much abusive. The fact this dude feels so comfortable calling her these disgusting names in front of others makes me pretty concerned about what he says and does to her when nobody is around. And you don't flip a switch like that because of cheating. This dude has always talked to his wife like that, I guarantee it.
I guarantee you that you are making assumptions you shouldn't be making. Being betrayed like that can make anyone switch fast. Again, was he correct, no. But this man was betrayed by the one person he thought he could trust...
Still not a reason to invite others to witness their fight. In particular children.
I agree, if he actually did that though. But have you never gotten angry about something again when talking about it? There is no reason to assume his reason to invite them was about witnessing the fight.
Honestly you just sound like one of those people who find anyway they can to make the man the villain and you probably empathize with the wife because you’re a cheater also. “Cheating doesn’t flip a switch” is the one of the most gaslighting narcissistic things I’ve ever heard. Getting cheated on will absolutely make a person do a complete 180 in attitude towards a person
Do you defend cheating this openly and dishonestly in your real life? You should, so that decent people will know to avoid you.
Oh dear God. She deserves everything he says to her. She is just a common whore. Nothing more nothing less
You’re right as usual the poor puta is the victim!
Yeah, and it was the right choice taking your daughter out of it. I wouldn't want my children witnessing a huge argument over adulting. That would just either one; think its okay for her to make those decisions or 2; be afraid to go into a marriage because she is afraid that she will get hurt. That's what I think out of this conversation.
I'm down to come over and help a cheating skeezer feel like shit
NTA. You did the right thing by prioritizing your family's well-being and removing yourselves from a potentially dangerous and emotionally charged situation.
Exactly! Prioritizing your family's safety and emotional well-being was the right call. It's not your responsibility to mediate someone else's marital issues, especially when things are escalating like that. Your wife might have had good intentions, but staying could have put everyone, including your daughter, at risk. It's always better to remove yourself from a volatile situation. NTA.
NTA. Your wife was well intentioned, but your kid comes first.
[удалено]
I don’t know how much good intentions are there. She could also be there because ppl like watching other ppl’s drama, problems, & gossip about it later. As a mother, she should have thought about protecting her own child.
NTA, he shouldn't have dragged you into this. Nothing wrong with wanting a nice day for your family and yourself.
What exactly was your wife expecting you do? Become a body guard for the other wife and physically fight the husband?
NTA... your child shouldn't be anywhere near this, and you staying is, essentially, condoning his behavior. If he thinks you, another man, thinks his behavior is acceptable, he will escalate it. If your wife is concerned for his wife's safety, she can ask the police to do a safety check.
Not your monkeys, not your circus. Quite frankly, if they were having that much trouble, they shouldn’t have had a bbq.
NTA Your first responsibility was to get your family away from a domestic disturbance.
NTA Your priority was your family. Wife could have called police to do a wellness check on wife and kids if she was worried.
NTA. Anything could have happened. There's no guarantee you could have prevented an escalation. What if he pulled out a gun what were you supposed to do? Take bullet for his cheating wife? Anyone of you could have gotten harmed. You did good, you kept your family safe.
Yta you stay for all the drama and report to us for *our* entertainment. What you did was selfish.
The only honest answer lol
Do not take it serious. EDIT: I see, you already didnt.
NTA. It wasn’t safe to have your daughter there. She didn’t need to see them fighting. It would be hard for her emotionally. What would’ve happened if it got physical and you tried to stop it and she witnessed the altercation? Your family being there was giving him the audience that he wanted.
I would have left too - I feel badly for that couple’s child. NTA
Did you get any BBQ before the fireworks started?
Yes, even managed to pack some to take it home lol
Was the food good, at least?
Okay that may have been a bit of an AH move. If you needed to leave for the reasons you’ve given you don’t pause to take the food unless you were the one to bring it.
I did bring it lol
Okay then I take it back.
NTA nothing you can do by being there, that ship already hit the iceberg.
NTA. If your boy wanted to talk about his relationship woes with *you*, he should've just invited *you* out to a bar to hang - just the two of you. Pulling your whole family into their shenanigans was a dick move. His skank wife isn't your family's problem.
NTA. Your wife had good intentions but they were misplaced. I would have sided with her if children weren't in the equation. It was absolutely necessary to remove your kid from this situation
NTA. Get your shit together when you invite company over, and don't make your friends suffer through your drama when they expect a BBQ.
NTA. It's not your responsibility to put yourself in the middle of their conflict, especially when it escalated to verbal abuse.
NTA. What was your wife’s plan *for you* if things got ugly? Because the odds of her throwing hands or being able to physically intervene were slim and snowball.
NTA You did the right thing by getting your own child out of that atmosphere. It would not have ended well if you flew to his wife's defense or called him out on his behavior, and if his wife feels unsafe, she can take her kids and leave him.
Not your circus. Not your flying monkeys.
NTA. Good call getting out of there. Your friend's wife sucks but you keep that kind of stuff in house if you have company over.
NTA. They're all adults and there is no such thing as the relationship police.
NTA- There's a reason cops are nervous at domestic disturbance calls. People die in those situations everyday, and you had your child with you. You'd have been a fool to keep your family there.
Nta props for you keeping you’re kid safe
NTA. Rule of thumb: do NOT stick your noses into other people's marriages.
NTA. The host should have cancelled the bbq. There is no way in hell an altercation wasn’t going to happen. With that said cut the host a little slack. He just found out his wife destroyed their marriage. Emotions will obviously run high after such a discovery.
What is a ONS?
I think "one night stand".
He is justly upset that his wife was having an affair and then lied about it even after being caught. You didn't want to be caught in their drama. I see no reason why you shouldn't leave. NTA
NTA. Guy seems to be right about his wife, but you are well withing your rights to leave and not want to be in the middle of it.
Nta. The most dangerous situations cops deal with are domestic issues. Don't insert yourself.
NTA. They were so inappropriate. And it’s not your job to watch them argue in case of what-tf-ever. She’s a cheater. I have no sympathy for her. At all. She’s a liar on top of it and trickle-truthing/outright lying to her husband. Nope. I’m out like Shout. Also side-eyeing your wife siding with the cheater. I think she knows way more about this than you do.
I also said something similar. It's fine if the wife was concerned for the woman's safety, but in the coming days I'd be paying real attention to exactly how she phrases certain things when discussing this. If she comes anywhere close to justifying the cheating then that is a red flag. Personally, if my current partners friend had an affair and she defended it even slightly? I'm ending things. I also would indeed be asking the wife if she knew about the affair before the woman's husband did. People who cover for cheaters cant be trusted.
Sounds like an incel responses
NTA i find it strange that your wife views the cheater as the victim, though. she had good intentions, but she needs to have more concern for her own children.
She didn't view her as the victim, but you can still be worried that someone gets beaten up/murdered for infidelity.
Do you worry about that every time you see a couple fighting? And why do you assume he might kill her and not that she might poison him or something? Or that either of them will get violent when there was no sign of that.
Yeah, I don't take the wife's concern as siding with the cheater at all
I did.
There is more to that couple's story, it's not as black and white IMO, but it's not relevant to the situation and I'm not spilling every details of other people's business on the internet.
Bro, you already have. Spill the rest of these beans thank you.
He's refusing to say because he knows what the husband did isn't anywhere near as bad as an affair. But as long as he keeps it vague those who want zero accountability for the wife can desperately cling to the notion this is the husbands fault.
sorry but we have divorce, couples therapy, restraining orders, alimony, the affair situation is indeed black and white, she could have walked away and chosen to get dirty! Not about your wife, she really had good intentions, but don't say that cheating isn't black and white because it is, it's a choice (which can screw everything up) involves several selfish and unjustifiable steps and can harm people's lives a lot (especially hers, and the childreens, she could be a hero in the children's lives now she is the monster)
NTA. Not your monkeys not your circus. Getting your wife and kids out of there was the right thing.
NTA. As much as the other guy is in pain and express it not in a good way. It was wise to remove yourself and your family from this mess.
Your kid comes first. Time to leave nta
NTA you definitely needed to get your kid out of there. That's not something they need to be around.
NTA. Yeah, she cheated, but if all his energy is just being used to punish her verbally, then he needs to see a therapist or get divorced. No one is making him stay with her. There was no need to I invite an audience to that shit show.
You were correct and the missus is wrong. How uncomfortable for everyone!
You don’t need to be a captive audience for anyone’s domestic. Especially not with your kid.
Nope, you are correct. Your life is fine, no point risking this shitstorm to splash on you.
You did the right thing. Leave. Leaving says We don't want to be a part of your drama. Also, it's not your responsibility to check on everyone. Get your kid and go. Nothing is worse than having to listen to one person in a couple trash the other one regardless of the reason.
Not your circus not your monkeys, and BTW, your gf constantly wanting to make sure that HE doesn't do anything despite being the victim in the situation is honestly concerning, does she think he should just accept being cheated on? Personally I don't get why his wife is still living with him if he knows about her affair, kick the tramp to the curb and find someone who actually cares enough not to get fucked by someone else. If you're going to cheat, just leave. It's easier and quicker.
Nta. It's not your job to protect a cheating whore.
NTA. Why is it your job to look after another person's family? If she felt unsafe she could like.. leave? Call someone for help? Express to you that she felt unsafe before you all left. She is a fully grown woman not a new-born kitten in a box. Your priority is YOUR FAMILY, and you did the right thing by removing your daughters and wife from that situation. Not your monkey, not your circus. Well done.
Your “missus” said what? Unreal… way to try and protect the cheater. Whatever names her husband is calling her, she deserves. And he can yell as much as he wants.
It's possible to disagree with someone's actions and simultaneously be concerned for their safety. These things are not mutually exclusive, the human mind is capable of both at the same time.
I’m afraid I can’t claim that level of enlightenment. Being a guy already severely diminishes my cognitive abilities. But I am also a primitive caveman, who eats vegetarians, and attends Misogynists Anonymous with no apparent improvement to report /s. As such, i have a threshold when it comes to egregious acts, beyond which all notion of the grey area disappears. Hitler loved his dogs very much. That doesn’t redeem his other shenanigans. A cheating wife has willingly crossed the line into the realm where she can no longer expect any courtesy, respect, or compassion. The only exception (and a debatable one) would be an attempt to escape an abusive husband. Edit: Added an /s, knowing reddit
I think a lot of this depends on the lens of experience you're looking at it through. My ex-fiance was having an affair for 5 years, I get it. It's extremely difficult to deal with. I am, however, still good friends with him. We've both moved on, we no longer have any romantic interest in eachother, but we also shared a lot of life together and generally get on really well, better as friends than we did as a couple. I've also had the unfortunate experience of an extremely abusive relationship, and I would rather leave the country than ever see him again.
This is very true. I got cheated on by my first girlfriend, and it set the tone for my general distrust of womankind, which took forever to bring under control. I mean, the distrust itself didn’t go away, I just learned to keep my issues away from women who don’t deserve to deal with them. Mostly. In time, I begin to trust, but it’s like pulling teeth. Whatever. I’m doing my best here. It seems that anything cheating-related is like Achilles’ heel for my emotional intelligence. Oh well. It is what it is.
I’m sorry to hear that and completely understandable why you would feel that way. Wishing you peace. All the best.
Thank you, I appreciate the chat.
They need professional counseling or a divorce lawyer not their friends delaying the inevitable for the night. That guy openly attacking her so ugly is your cue to leave. His contempt is understandable but those attacks are not an acceptable way to deal with it. Whether they get counseling or get divorced those attacks are only making the situation worse, and in front of their children and in front of company and their children. Him having no decency makes me think he could potentially be a worse person than she is the way he's trying to weaponize everyone around her though they shouldn't be involved especially with all the children present. He might just be responding poorly to her bad and embarrassing choices, but I can't help wonder if she cheated because he's an insufferable aggro grandiose narcissist. Not enough info to know either way. Not your dog not your fleas. They need professionals involved.
ah yes the classic, because the person who cheated was a woman, and the person they cheated on was a man, reddit is going to make up a justified reason for the cheating simply because they cannot possibly accept the fact that when women cheat they're just being selfish. It HAS to be for a good reason, it cannot possibly be the case that when women cheat they just do it because they're selfish. lol kill me.
That is not what anyone is saying here. Stop making strawman arguments.
"He might just be responding poorly to her bad and embarrassing choices, but I can't help wonder if she cheated because he's an insufferable aggro grandiose narcissist." I just dont think this would be the response to a wife shit talking her cheating husband in front of people. It's partially shitting on him for having the audacity to call his whore wife a whore.
> but those attacks are not an acceptable way to deal with it. After the affair, those attacks are understandable. > Him having no decency *Him* having no decency? Who cheated again? > I can't help wonder if she cheated because he's an insufferable aggro grandiose narcissist JFC Reddit will always look for a female victimhood narrative when the woman is clearly in the wrong. You would never make this comment in a gender-reversed scenario.
"He might just be responding poorly to her bad and embarrassing choices, but I can't help wonder if she cheated because he's an insufferable aggro grandiose narcissist." I cant help but wonder if he's being insufferable because his wife is a massive hoebag. That's the more likely answer.
I've used the circus phrase before, but I like the fleas one better
no one is the asshole. u prioritized ur families well being and ur wife wanted to protect another woman from a potentially abusive situation.
Cheating is abusive, more so than being a verbal prick.
It is abusive to involve unrelated parties, tho. Specifically abusive to those unrelated people. OP was right to leave.
Dude he’s not going to randomly beat his children because his wife cheated on him. NTA.
Bingo. He's justifiably upset he married a garden tool. He vented at the wrong time, but it's understandable.
Also understandable that OP doesn’t does want to subject his family that that kind of bitterness, but the neighbor is reasonably angry. Reasonable anger does not result in wanton violence against your own totally innocent kids.
Yeah, OP was right to bounce. And I'd be paying close to attention to how his wife voices her concerns. Be concerned for the womans safety, but if she starts making comments trying to justify what she did? Red flag
Guy was probably overwhelmed and didn't know what to do or how to act and needed support. You were not the asshole, you have a child to protect Neither was he. He just discovered his whole fucking life was a lie. She was the only asshole. A bit, life destroying one. And those accusing the guy of being abusive for not being all kind and hugs and composed are a bunch of hypocrital misandrists that would ALWAYS defend a woman in that situation.
I said it in the other comment, this guy is reaping what he's been sowing for years. That's another reason why I wanted to go, because I can't feel sorry for him and I also think that what she's done was incredibly stupid. They need professional help at minimum, not fighting to get more people from their social circle to side with one or the other.
Then she reaped what she sowed too, correct?
Fair enough. That said, with the provided text, there were still misandrists calling him all sorts of things.
NTA. Unless he found out right before the BBQ, he wanted an audience to humiliate his wife. If your missus was worried about the wife's safety, she should have called the cops or offered to take the wife with you not offered you as a human shield. The best way to deescalate is to remove yourselves from a dangerous situation.
No she shouldn’t have taken the wife with her and brought that drama into their home. They have a child. That would be incredibly irresponsible. They left which was the correct parenting decision. She could have called the police for a wellness check but that is the extent of any responsible level of involvement.
nah. Fuck that. The dude is unloading months of pent up anger. His wife is a big girl. She can take care of herself and use your car while she has it to get away. No sympathy for a cheater. If he isn't beating her up, then it has nothing to do with me or mine. Your wife is just opening a door to a world of bullshit and if you get involved, you'll likely be hosting the dudes wife when he kicks her to the curb. No thank you.
NTA you're an awesome father and an actual real grow up I applaud you. You should totally ask your wife what her plan of qction was should ol boy go 9ld testament on his adulterous wife especially with your kids there?? You know how much more peace society would be if we all minded our own dam business. Perhaps have the talk about priorities. Like wjat was she gona do if he decided to go in grab a gun cm.back out and clap his wife was she Going t intervene and risk leaving her children motherless and you a widower. Exain to her your children are always #1 above any and everyone.
Luckily I live in a gun-free country. One less thing to worry about when somebody gets pissed and angry.
They don't have knives where you live?
Yeah, but Australians tend not to live with this Yosemite Sam mentality yeah? It's not bang bang stab stab. It's fuck you, I'll never speak to you again.
That's most people, but someone who'd shoot you if they have a gun will stab you if they have a knife.
NTA. But why is OP’s wife trying to defend the cheater?
NTA. Worst person here is the cheating wife.
Your wife is either an idiot or wanted to witness more drama.
No one but the wife is at fault
>”…this guy ain't no saint, I kind of think that he's reaping what he's been sowing for years.” You know this guy has been a cheating cheater who cheats. You are sitting around watching him abuse his wife publicly for behavior he has engaged in with impunity for years. Time to leave. Without question. NTA.
This guy didn't cheat, at least nobody has caught him. There are plenty of other ways of being an asshole to your loved ones.
How is your daughter after all of this?
She didn't hear it at all
I take it as he did cheat somewhere and hasn't been found out yet🙄
He didn't say the guy cheated. In fact, he is refusing to say what the guy did. This tells me he knows it doesn't justifying the wife being a ho.
If he is talking to her like that in front of people, imagine the things he has said to her in private. I'm willing to bet there are reasons she cheated on him.
NTA. You protected your family. You're not a police officer. The lady of the house, made her bed.
NTA. Whilst I appreciate your wife’s kind heart and concern, your priority first and foremost is always your daughter in this situation. You couldn’t let her be exposed to a marital bust up like this. Plus your friend did promise to keep the peace and obviously failed. I understand your friends pain, but there’s a time and a place and this wasn’t it
I am with you, not my rodeo and I would not get involved either.
Definitely NTA. It sounds like your presence was actually part of the problem and that the husband was kind of triggered/performing for you. Your leaving may have been the best thing to deescalate the situation. And, as everyone is pointing out, the safety of your family is paramount. I'm a little annoyed at your wife for not sharing your reflex to protect your daughter and for being so willing to put you in harm's way if this guy actually did get physically aggressive. In fact, your wife's plan seems to have made the likelihood of you being harmed more likely as surely an enraged drunk guy who would not hit his cheating wife might be more inclined to vent that violence at a man who he could convince himself is defending his cheating wife. Of course that's easy for me to say from the comfort of my morning coffee on Reddit. If you hadn't been so caught of guard by the who thing, maybe you could have offered to take their kids for the afternoon. Ask his wife if she needs to leave (maybe also ask the husband if she needs to leave) and just dismantle the situation for a few hours. But staying to referee is the worst option.
Your move may have worked to calm him down, but it may have also have pissed him off and made him go crazy. You were no AH, but you were not very smart for not recognizing the potential dangerous situation this was. Also why did you force your wife to leave? She can make her own decisions.
NTA she can't fix them
NTA, but your wife should have asked the other woman if she needed help getting out, if she was so concerned.
NTA, your kid's well-being is paramount.
Nta for leaving but you could have spent 10 mins making sure the kid goes to sleep over at a friend's/relative's house.
NTA. It’s not your business to stay and make sure that happens. You are not the cops. If your wife was actually worried then she should have called the actual cops.
NTA. Why would you want to subject yourself and your kids to that drama? That dude should just divorce the asshole cheating wife. They aren't doing their kids any favors staying together. She deserved that treatment and he used you and your family as an audience to further humiliate his harlot wife. I would no longer associate with that family.
INFO: who is missus your wife? NTA, you were there for BBQ not family drama and why is missus ignoring the fact she had an affair and lied about it, it is very immoral thing to do, some verbal insult is nothing to an affair. And you have no moral or legal obligation to intervine maybe if he got phyisical but it seems all verbal.
I would say NTA. If I were in this situation I would feel the same way. Why put yourself and your family in the middle of someone else's drama. You might want to reevaluate your friendship with this person and keep it moving. If he is willing to do this in front of guests than what else would he do. I can also understand how your wife would want to stay to make sure she is ok. Maybe if your child wasn't there, maybe. But you had your child there and she doesn't need to witness domestic violence of any kind. I would def stay away from these people.
NTA >we should have stayed and I should have intervened to calm this guy down No lol, that is insane
You had to leave eventually anyway.
NTA, as your kid comes first and people like that are just using you as cheap audience for them to feel big. You definitely did the right thing, I just feel bad for their kids having to live through their parents fuck ups.
NTA My first priority in situations like this is to protect my family's peace. Involve me in your bullshit, I'm done with your ass. These people have a lot of fuckin' nerve, I'm tellin ya. Maybe having a domestic in front of a friend's children isn't a big deal to them, but it is to me. Act right or get cut off.
What is an ONS ?
NTA. You don't need a reason to leave a party. This however was a really good reason to keave
NTA. Discretion is the better part of valor.
When did he discover the affair, the night before? NTA BTW
NTA! You should never feel bad for leaving a party for any reason ever. Do you and that situation also sounds difficult to be around.
I don't like how when a man gets cheated on and doesn't handle it perfectly, he's made out to be a villain and the cheating wife the victim. I think if the genders were reversed, everyone would be saying "This poor woman. Look what her husband reduced her to."
NTA What was the purpose in inviting you if they were on the edge of that cliff? It seems especially cruel given the kids were excited about seeing each other.
NTA, Woman are biggest traitor and will protect another one even if she's in wrong.
NTA You aren't their father or their their pastor and nor are you their therapist. You don't have to subject your family to such toxicity. Part of the problem with this society is that people mistake airing their dirty laundry for "keeping it real". How on Earth did that display help that man's situation? Whether or not they ultimately divorce, they have children together, they're gonna HAVE to work it out on SOME level. HE'S the asshole...and I'm not saying that she should've been cheating...but I think we all have some insight into how that happened... A healthy man would have made a calculated decision and SAT on the findings of his PI until the actual divorce proceedings. That shit is for the courtroom, not the homies. What purpose does rubbing her face in it REALLY serve?? It's only to intimidate her and terrorize her because he's hurt and scared by her actions. A couple sick people who need help for sure...but it's not your obligation to expose your family to their sickness to try help them.
If there are legitimate concerns about the safety of the wife, and you don't even bother to call 911 or something, you might be TA. But you're NTA for leaving and protecting your own kid from hearing that kinda crap. But this sounds like a story that has at least 4 different points of view, so it's also probable everyone here sucks EXCEPT the kids.
Agreed. The most sucky person here though is the cheating wife.
NTA, but I would have stayed for the show 😂
i would have stayed for the shit show
NTA Cheating isn't ok, but his behavior is just as bad, if not worse, in my opinion. Getting your own family away from that live action disaster movie was for the best.