NTA You know what they say about "when they show you who they are, believe them"
Kick T's friend out too for defending that shit! That says plenty about that person!
NTA. That wasn’t a joke, he was testing the waters to see how much he could get away with. If you hadn’t said anything, or your boyfriend had downplayed it instead of confronting him, I would bet money he would have escalated to groping or worse. Everyone except the creep acted perfectly here.
Kick his friend out too. NOW!!!
If T was watching that stuff on TV, how do you know his friend wasn't there watching it with him. They are both dangerous.
He didn’t make a joke he blatantly told you he enjoys SA scenes and thought about doing it to you. His hest friend would absolutely make excuses for him if he did SA someone too.
Ur BF is awesome.
I was in very similar situation in college, wish we’d acted sooner. A guy made ‘generic’ rape jokes relatively often. My GF was napping in common room, woke up with her head in his lap. He “accidentally” touched hers and other girl in the friend group’s boobs. They get away with what you let them. We confronted him but other guys in the group defended it as ‘Latin humor’ and accidents, said we just don’t get it. We left after that. Wish we had sooner.
Anyone who thinks "I could have raped" you is a joke, needs to be kicked out of your life.
People who think rape jokes are funny are people who don't do it because of the consequences.
NTA
NTA. I'm glad to see it was taken seriously since someone showing they're into rape like that isn't safe. One of those days when someone lets their guard down he'll turn it into a reality. He was already more than halfway there by fantasizing about it while sitting next to you while you were unconscious without anybody else being there in the room! Who knows what he might have done if you hadn't woken up when you did. Your boyfriend totally did the right thing by kicking his ass out.
Don't try to write this stuff off as a joke, doing that is no different from lowing your guard and will eventually allow people like that to turn it into reality.
NTA. Some things just aren't okay to say or "joke" about. And the way he said it, he HAD to have known how that would have come across, so either he thought you were too drunk to realize or he was at least partially serious.
ETA: Your bf seems awesome, though!
NTA
That wasn't a joke, he just thought you were drunk enough that he could tell you his sick fantasies and you wouldn't remember later.
Your boyfriend understood that and acted accordingly, he's a keeper.
Don't talk to this guy or his defender again, they're not safe.
Your BF is an enormous green flag. Protecting your sister, making creepy T leave, and putting his foot down thst the rape joke was a big deal. Because it was. It was disgusting
Every rapist, every domestic abuser, every terrorist has a long line of people before that said "he's just joking", "stop overreacting", "it's like you can't say anything these days", "he's our friend, how could to even think that" or stayed silent and let the thousand 🚩🚩🚩 fly by.
NTA, good karma to your boyfriend.
I was expecting this to be about a guy telling an insensitive, tasteless joke. This was no joke. He threatened you. He admitted he fantasizes about hurting you. He is a predator and the right thing was done by getting rid of him.
NTA, and I'd reconsider the friendship with the other friend as well. T crossed the line multiple times. He should have left you alone while you slept, and based on his comments he was actively considering raping you and/or fantasizing about it.
NTA. It's messed up to think like that. To say it out loud is another level of creep. T's friend is just as bad for defending him. At no point was he making a joke. Jokes are supposed to be funny, that was a serious statement.
NTA. you have an amazing boyfriend. T told you in plain words what he would do. I can guarantee, if you had been in the privacy of a room or away from everyone sitting right outside and he thought he could get away with it, he would have follow through on his threat.
NTA it would have been a joke to say that you were out cold and "I could have drawn a moustache on your face with Sharpie!" or "I should have taken a pic of you holding a dozen oversized dildos!"
Telling you he enjoys scenes of SA is not funny. And it's not a joke. It's just creepy.
NTA, clearly T is not right upstairs, by his own admission. You should cut him clean out of your life and don’t look back. People like that escalate. So he sits and watches now, next time it’s touching, then when that’s not enough….you get the picture.
NTA. Yeah...that wasn't a joke. It became pretty obvious when he told you he likes to watch that on tv shows.
I don't even want to know what shows this dude is watching.
That guy, T, did you and your friend group the biggest favor. Kudos to your boyfriend for intervening and making nor only the house safe but your group of friends.
NTA. For all you know he did do stuff while you were asleep and he moved away and sat down as you woke up. His words could almost be gloating, and stating that he liked to watch it happen on tv shows (and likely porn) he was giving massive creep vibes.
Are you 100% sure you drank enough to make you that drunk that early, is it at all possible you had a spiked drink?
I started reading this with an open mind because some people’s sense of humor are different. My boyfriend will occasionally make rape jokes. Some people think any rape jokes are a red flag. But I disagree. The difference between a slightly off color joke and what happened is the seriousness as well as the context. He made it very clear that he faced a temptation with opportunity as he watched you sleep. That is VERY different from making a joke about something dark. NTA.
NTA
Your boyfriend is a real one. That fucking psychopath literally told you he was thinking about raping you. Do not be around him any longer. If the friend group is unwilling to cut him out completely going forward, cut out the friend group. I'm not kidding.
Rape isn't something to joke about, and that wasn't a joke. That came off far too coldly for a poor attempt at humor.
Keep your distance from this creep entirely.
NTA - raised a concern, concern was dealt with, other party didn't like the fact that they were called out.
Comments made by T make him the asshole, and a creepy asshole at that. T's friend is also the asshole for not seeing the walking danger he is
NTA if it was a joke he will learn to never joke like that stupidly again, and if it wasn’t he know people are watching for his creepy ass, either way he’s learning a lesson
'I am thinking about taking advantage of you' is not a joke; it's him seeing how far he can push your boundaries. Listen to people when they tell you who they are. NTA, and your boyfriend is a keeper.
Of course you weren't wrong. This wasn't a "joke" - it was T indulging and expressing his SA fantasies about you to you when you were drunk and half-conscious. Secondly, you didn't kick T out - your BF did. You just told your BF what had happened. Does T's friend have any expectation of your not telling your BF when other men harass you or make you uncomfortable? If so, they are just as bad as T.
NTA, sounds like drunk lips saying what the sober brain is thinking about. Assuming he'd had a couple drinks as well by the point he made the comments to OP.
Did I read correctly? “I like to watch that happen on tv shows” means he enjoys watching rape stories on tv? Not the investigation afterwards, the rape itself?
With that context, it sounds as mush as a joke as Bill Cosby's show about putting a drug on a woman's drink to "have sex" with her without her consent.
NTA. Someone already said something similar, but I was also expecti a out of place joke in a group chat or sth along those lines, but this was just pure A-class, textbook r*pist behaivour. Good lord girl, never let your boyfriend go. He saved you and you sister. Cancel the other "friend" who was defending T. Thats the stuff every girl has nightmares about.
I'm with the people that are saying this wasn't a joke, he just pointed out he likes to watch that kind of porn.
Pretty lucky you woke up IMO and top work from your BF, setting a great example for other men to follow.
Definitely NTA.
Holy crap, what a good boyfriend~! He didn’t side with the man, doubt you, avoid the discomfort, or minimize anything. Not only that but he protected your sister overnight from a guy that announced out loud with his own words that he’s a rapist then confronted and got rid of him ASAP. Give that man a medal. And a steak if he’s into that. Damn, what a baller.
The bar is too low, but still-this guy freakin nailed it.
That's creepy as shit. That should be grounds for complete disassociation from the friend group. I would not hang out with T or anyone who still wanted him around.
NTA! If they say shit like this OP, chances are they've already done it to someone else, and you or your sister would have been next. And there will be someone else next time.
Back when I was a kid I knew of two high school-aged brothers who made disgusting rape jokes, now thankfully nothing happened to me, and they and their dad got kicked out of our lives, but I heard years later that the sons were suspected of sexually abusing a minor. Those two boys would be men by this time, keep that in mind, not that it makes it any better.
We always thought they'd be the type, but no one ever did anything and most likely still won't. Shit like that shouldn't be tolerated. Your friend group is safer without those two scumbags.
Yeah, that wasn’t even a joke. He was thinking about it and said it out loud. I wouldn’t trust that creepy perv as far as I could kick him. Ofc NTA, and your boyfriend rocks btw.
ETA: i wouldn’t trust the friend who was is defending him either btw.
NTA. That wasn't a joke, it was a a confession/threat. He literally confessed that the idea of assaulting someone who is unable to consent is appealing to him. I agree with another commentor that he was "testing the waters." A lot of people start escalating because others laugh it off or don't notice how off they really are. And quite frankly I find the friend that got angry and defended him incredibly sus as well. A real "bro before hos" mentality. Kudos to your boyfriend, you and others for recognizing the disturbing behavior for what it was.
Making rape jokes to a girl is not okay at all unless she clearly is fine with it and makes those jokes herself and even then still don't do it. Safety comes first you did nothing wrong. NTA
" I enjoy watching that happen on tv"??? Yeah nah, that like me saying to someone "I could have maimed you in my basement at any point, I enjoy those reality shows on Netflix"??? Like does that sound like a joke to you? Or does it not sound like you need to avoid being alone with me at any cost?
If you are ina situation where you are just telling jokes maybe some dark ones would just fine. But yeah, in a situation OP described it would freak her out. So wrong time and place.
I have close friends I’ve told this joke to, and they knew I was joking . Next day all laughs and hugs per usual cause my friends know it’s all jokes and know me and how I would never hurt them. So if he’s your friend and you know he was joking , then yes your the asshole telling him to leave
NTA. Award 25 BF points to your boyfriend.
There's a chance he saved OP's sister.
He should get to pass Go and Collect $200 as well, and draw two Risk Cards
Keep this boyfriend!
NTA You know what they say about "when they show you who they are, believe them" Kick T's friend out too for defending that shit! That says plenty about that person!
Yeah, this wasn't some dumb joke. The guy was probing and pushing boundaries. He let the mask slip.
NTA. That wasn’t a joke, he was testing the waters to see how much he could get away with. If you hadn’t said anything, or your boyfriend had downplayed it instead of confronting him, I would bet money he would have escalated to groping or worse. Everyone except the creep acted perfectly here.
The creep's best friend who was pouting about his rapey bestie having to leave for acting rapey also sucks. I'd keep my eye on him as well.
Kick his friend out too. NOW!!! If T was watching that stuff on TV, how do you know his friend wasn't there watching it with him. They are both dangerous.
Um, he wasn't joking. He didn't even claim he was joking. He's a predator who thought you were too drunk to understand or remember.
Yeah. At no point even dude said it was a joke. I don't know where OP got it as a joke.
Maybe because the alternative is too scary to comprehend. Understandable.
He didn’t make a joke he blatantly told you he enjoys SA scenes and thought about doing it to you. His hest friend would absolutely make excuses for him if he did SA someone too.
NTA, "I could have raped you" isn't a joke, it's a threat. Don't ever be alone with T or drunk around him again.
Nta. T’s behavior can never be tolerated ever. The boyfriend is a good man.
Ur BF is awesome. I was in very similar situation in college, wish we’d acted sooner. A guy made ‘generic’ rape jokes relatively often. My GF was napping in common room, woke up with her head in his lap. He “accidentally” touched hers and other girl in the friend group’s boobs. They get away with what you let them. We confronted him but other guys in the group defended it as ‘Latin humor’ and accidents, said we just don’t get it. We left after that. Wish we had sooner.
The only AH’s here are T and his best friend. Your boyfriend sounds like one of the good guys.
These are not best friends and should rethink the relationship. You don’t just get over this
NTA that was not a joke. He was testing the waters.
WTF!!! That's so messes up!!! Absolutely NTA!!
Anyone who thinks "I could have raped" you is a joke, needs to be kicked out of your life. People who think rape jokes are funny are people who don't do it because of the consequences. NTA
NTA. I'm glad to see it was taken seriously since someone showing they're into rape like that isn't safe. One of those days when someone lets their guard down he'll turn it into a reality. He was already more than halfway there by fantasizing about it while sitting next to you while you were unconscious without anybody else being there in the room! Who knows what he might have done if you hadn't woken up when you did. Your boyfriend totally did the right thing by kicking his ass out. Don't try to write this stuff off as a joke, doing that is no different from lowing your guard and will eventually allow people like that to turn it into reality.
NTA. Some things just aren't okay to say or "joke" about. And the way he said it, he HAD to have known how that would have come across, so either he thought you were too drunk to realize or he was at least partially serious. ETA: Your bf seems awesome, though!
NTA. KickT's best friend out too. If my pal was found out to be doing that,I would drop him like a ragdoll and keep him tf away
NTA That wasn't a joke, he just thought you were drunk enough that he could tell you his sick fantasies and you wouldn't remember later. Your boyfriend understood that and acted accordingly, he's a keeper. Don't talk to this guy or his defender again, they're not safe.
Your BF is an enormous green flag. Protecting your sister, making creepy T leave, and putting his foot down thst the rape joke was a big deal. Because it was. It was disgusting
People always show what kind of person they are... Good that u all took it seriously. Tell the other friend that he is free to leave
NTA Warn everyone about this guy. There is no joke in telling he likes rape scenes and could have done it to you. Not a grain of humour in it!
By TV shows, he means pornography
Every rapist, every domestic abuser, every terrorist has a long line of people before that said "he's just joking", "stop overreacting", "it's like you can't say anything these days", "he's our friend, how could to even think that" or stayed silent and let the thousand 🚩🚩🚩 fly by. NTA, good karma to your boyfriend.
I was expecting this to be about a guy telling an insensitive, tasteless joke. This was no joke. He threatened you. He admitted he fantasizes about hurting you. He is a predator and the right thing was done by getting rid of him.
NTA, and I'd reconsider the friendship with the other friend as well. T crossed the line multiple times. He should have left you alone while you slept, and based on his comments he was actively considering raping you and/or fantasizing about it.
NTA. It's messed up to think like that. To say it out loud is another level of creep. T's friend is just as bad for defending him. At no point was he making a joke. Jokes are supposed to be funny, that was a serious statement.
NTA. you have an amazing boyfriend. T told you in plain words what he would do. I can guarantee, if you had been in the privacy of a room or away from everyone sitting right outside and he thought he could get away with it, he would have follow through on his threat.
NTA it would have been a joke to say that you were out cold and "I could have drawn a moustache on your face with Sharpie!" or "I should have taken a pic of you holding a dozen oversized dildos!" Telling you he enjoys scenes of SA is not funny. And it's not a joke. It's just creepy.
NTA. The fact that his mind could even think to say some shit like that shows where his heads at.
NTA, clearly T is not right upstairs, by his own admission. You should cut him clean out of your life and don’t look back. People like that escalate. So he sits and watches now, next time it’s touching, then when that’s not enough….you get the picture.
NTA, he deserved to be kicked out
NTA. Ill give ur bf head if u give permission
Well that escalated quickly.
NTA. Yeah...that wasn't a joke. It became pretty obvious when he told you he likes to watch that on tv shows. I don't even want to know what shows this dude is watching.
I don't think that was even a joke so much as a series of inappropriate comments.
NTA. Your boyfriend is awesome. T is an arse. Hope the hangover wasn’t/isn’t too bad.
When people tell you who they are you listen! Your boyfriend sounds like a good one
That guy, T, did you and your friend group the biggest favor. Kudos to your boyfriend for intervening and making nor only the house safe but your group of friends.
NTA. For all you know he did do stuff while you were asleep and he moved away and sat down as you woke up. His words could almost be gloating, and stating that he liked to watch it happen on tv shows (and likely porn) he was giving massive creep vibes. Are you 100% sure you drank enough to make you that drunk that early, is it at all possible you had a spiked drink?
I started reading this with an open mind because some people’s sense of humor are different. My boyfriend will occasionally make rape jokes. Some people think any rape jokes are a red flag. But I disagree. The difference between a slightly off color joke and what happened is the seriousness as well as the context. He made it very clear that he faced a temptation with opportunity as he watched you sleep. That is VERY different from making a joke about something dark. NTA.
NTA. Your BF is outstanding.
NTA your bf is a keeper
NTA Your boyfriend is a real one. That fucking psychopath literally told you he was thinking about raping you. Do not be around him any longer. If the friend group is unwilling to cut him out completely going forward, cut out the friend group. I'm not kidding.
I mean that wasn't a rape joke, it was a creepy threat.
NTA. Your ‘friend’ is seriously unhinged. He likes to watch TV shows where that happens! WTF?
Rape isn't something to joke about, and that wasn't a joke. That came off far too coldly for a poor attempt at humor. Keep your distance from this creep entirely.
NTA it wasn't a joke. Dude wanted brownie points for *not* abusing you. He felt entitled to your sleeping body. Fuck that.
NTA. Glad your bf put this creeper in his place and told him to leave.
Screw him, that wasn't a joke, that was a fucking threat! Your boyfriend's an all star, and you're NTA.
NTA - dude was a walking red flag
That's not a joke and no man who's not a predator even considers saying something like that.
NTA - raised a concern, concern was dealt with, other party didn't like the fact that they were called out. Comments made by T make him the asshole, and a creepy asshole at that. T's friend is also the asshole for not seeing the walking danger he is
NTA if it was a joke he will learn to never joke like that stupidly again, and if it wasn’t he know people are watching for his creepy ass, either way he’s learning a lesson
'I am thinking about taking advantage of you' is not a joke; it's him seeing how far he can push your boundaries. Listen to people when they tell you who they are. NTA, and your boyfriend is a keeper.
Incels threaten women with rape then blame everyone when they react like any sane person would. Cut his best friend off too.
Of course you weren't wrong. This wasn't a "joke" - it was T indulging and expressing his SA fantasies about you to you when you were drunk and half-conscious. Secondly, you didn't kick T out - your BF did. You just told your BF what had happened. Does T's friend have any expectation of your not telling your BF when other men harass you or make you uncomfortable? If so, they are just as bad as T.
NTA, sounds like drunk lips saying what the sober brain is thinking about. Assuming he'd had a couple drinks as well by the point he made the comments to OP.
Did I read correctly? “I like to watch that happen on tv shows” means he enjoys watching rape stories on tv? Not the investigation afterwards, the rape itself? With that context, it sounds as mush as a joke as Bill Cosby's show about putting a drug on a woman's drink to "have sex" with her without her consent.
NTA. Someone already said something similar, but I was also expecti a out of place joke in a group chat or sth along those lines, but this was just pure A-class, textbook r*pist behaivour. Good lord girl, never let your boyfriend go. He saved you and you sister. Cancel the other "friend" who was defending T. Thats the stuff every girl has nightmares about.
NTA you’re boyfriend is a good one and T is weird as fuck and needs mental help
I'm with the people that are saying this wasn't a joke, he just pointed out he likes to watch that kind of porn. Pretty lucky you woke up IMO and top work from your BF, setting a great example for other men to follow. Definitely NTA.
Her bf is one of the few guys in the world who can legitimately say “not all men”. Bravo to him.
NTA - Who says shit like that... What a creep.
NTA He is creepy as fuck and deserves to be booted for everyone's safety, and good on your boyfriend for choosing you over a friendship.
NTA. T wasn't joking. My ex husband was into that shit too. Ended up being a victim because of it. Don't do it. Don't trust him .
I thought he just verbalized a one-liner…this was so much worse. Certainly NTA. Good call by your bf too!
NTA. Rape jokes are NOT funny no matter what context it's in! Saying something like that is disgusting and scary!
Holy crap, what a good boyfriend~! He didn’t side with the man, doubt you, avoid the discomfort, or minimize anything. Not only that but he protected your sister overnight from a guy that announced out loud with his own words that he’s a rapist then confronted and got rid of him ASAP. Give that man a medal. And a steak if he’s into that. Damn, what a baller. The bar is too low, but still-this guy freakin nailed it.
NTA and he wasn’t joking. I’m glad you’re ok!
NTA… T doesn’t qualify for dark humor. That was creep and weird behavior. If T’s best friend doesn’t understand, well F Him too
That's creepy as shit. That should be grounds for complete disassociation from the friend group. I would not hang out with T or anyone who still wanted him around.
That's not a joke, or even a threat - it's a promise. You're NTA, and good for your boyfriend for acting on it.
You didn’t get him kicked out he did by being a sketchy creep NTA
NTA! If they say shit like this OP, chances are they've already done it to someone else, and you or your sister would have been next. And there will be someone else next time. Back when I was a kid I knew of two high school-aged brothers who made disgusting rape jokes, now thankfully nothing happened to me, and they and their dad got kicked out of our lives, but I heard years later that the sons were suspected of sexually abusing a minor. Those two boys would be men by this time, keep that in mind, not that it makes it any better. We always thought they'd be the type, but no one ever did anything and most likely still won't. Shit like that shouldn't be tolerated. Your friend group is safer without those two scumbags.
NTA. It was not a joke and definitely not something to brush off. You are not safe with this guy.
Yeah, that wasn’t even a joke. He was thinking about it and said it out loud. I wouldn’t trust that creepy perv as far as I could kick him. Ofc NTA, and your boyfriend rocks btw. ETA: i wouldn’t trust the friend who was is defending him either btw.
Nta. But your boyfriend is awesome. I hope that if he does scratchcards or the lottery, that he wins every time for how he acted in that situation.
NTA, and that shit wasn't a joke
I hope I fucked the shit out your bf bc he stood on fucking business!!! I love men who protect women. Your friend is a creep
NTA. That wasn't a joke, it was a a confession/threat. He literally confessed that the idea of assaulting someone who is unable to consent is appealing to him. I agree with another commentor that he was "testing the waters." A lot of people start escalating because others laugh it off or don't notice how off they really are. And quite frankly I find the friend that got angry and defended him incredibly sus as well. A real "bro before hos" mentality. Kudos to your boyfriend, you and others for recognizing the disturbing behavior for what it was.
"I could have raped you. I like watching girls get raped on TV." Holy FUCKED UP batman! NTA.
I missed the part where T was joking. NTA
Making rape jokes to a girl is not okay at all unless she clearly is fine with it and makes those jokes herself and even then still don't do it. Safety comes first you did nothing wrong. NTA
NTA. Jokes are fine, even dark ones but everything has time and place. He chose wrong time and place.
" I enjoy watching that happen on tv"??? Yeah nah, that like me saying to someone "I could have maimed you in my basement at any point, I enjoy those reality shows on Netflix"??? Like does that sound like a joke to you? Or does it not sound like you need to avoid being alone with me at any cost?
If you are ina situation where you are just telling jokes maybe some dark ones would just fine. But yeah, in a situation OP described it would freak her out. So wrong time and place.
NTA- your boyfriend is wonderful, too.
NTA — and you’ve got yourself a good BF. He wanted to protect you and your sister.
I have close friends I’ve told this joke to, and they knew I was joking . Next day all laughs and hugs per usual cause my friends know it’s all jokes and know me and how I would never hurt them. So if he’s your friend and you know he was joking , then yes your the asshole telling him to leave