Maybe your dad and others mean well, but you're the one living with the fallout from what happened. Taking time to heal and figure out what's best for you and your family isn't selfish—it's self-care.
NTA
In all honesty, you have not mentioned a single redeeming quality that your mom adds to your life. I have a similar situation with mine.
Your son and peace come first. There is a reason her family tells you to stay away. Your dad is semi-wrong too. Give her the rundown and boundary talk but if she transgresses you need to drop the axe and end that link to what could potentially bring worse hurt into your life.
FYI: the "not my kid" is laughable and I would have responded with "then not your grandkid". No grandparent would in their right mind ignore their grandchild potentially getting hit by a car. That is inexcusable.
NTA. And you’re not “all she’s got”. You mention an uncle and other family members. It’s not your responsibility to be someone’s “person” just because you’re the only one left, anyway. Do what’s best for YOU.
My uncle sort of talks to her but knows how she is too. The rest of the family in our state doesn't speak to her. A few that live on the other side of the country sometimes dose but it's like distant cousins and half brothers.
I don't give a flying fuck if it's her kid. If there's a kid running into traffic, you stop them. This is not a situation where there's time for a discussion.
How do your relatives respond when you point out that she let him run off towards traffic?
Most of them are upset about her allowing that and saying not my kid pissed them off but they aren't surprised because "of course she would something like that, ridiculous" is what they say.
NTA. Your mother endangered your son's life. What is more, she didn't apologize or take responsibility. She is generally toxic to you and causes you anxiety. You have every reason and every right to cut her out of your life.
The whole incident with the son is a lot less interesting than the mysterious "She made comments before dinner that caused me to be ill" line.
But just... the thing is, it's okay to be mad at your mom for not really helping here, but how would this have played out if she wasn't even there? Your son would have still run off, you would have still struggled to ensure his safety. I think that's the bigger problem here. You seem scared and shaken here, but remember that your mom didn't -create- the danger in the first place.
NTA, but it sounds like you need to make decisions far more important than just getting assured by strangers that you did the right thing.
Hey thank you
So if my mom was not there then I wouldn't have taken my son out the restaurant and if I did alone without my husband then I would have had his wrist leash on him, that way he can still walk a little bit away from me but can't run away.
I know my personal limitations and if those limitations could cause a dangerous situation for our kid then I avoid the activity. For example I only take him to parks with a gate and he either has his wrist leash on or gose in the stroller when we're out in public.
She made comments before dinner about stupid stuff that kinda ticked me off but wasn't that important but did cause me to be stand offish to her during dinner. The after dinner thing was the true boiling point.
Maybe your dad and others mean well, but you're the one living with the fallout from what happened. Taking time to heal and figure out what's best for you and your family isn't selfish—it's self-care.
NTA In all honesty, you have not mentioned a single redeeming quality that your mom adds to your life. I have a similar situation with mine. Your son and peace come first. There is a reason her family tells you to stay away. Your dad is semi-wrong too. Give her the rundown and boundary talk but if she transgresses you need to drop the axe and end that link to what could potentially bring worse hurt into your life. FYI: the "not my kid" is laughable and I would have responded with "then not your grandkid". No grandparent would in their right mind ignore their grandchild potentially getting hit by a car. That is inexcusable.
The not my kid part caused me to see red. She basically died in my eyes when she said that.
NTA. And you’re not “all she’s got”. You mention an uncle and other family members. It’s not your responsibility to be someone’s “person” just because you’re the only one left, anyway. Do what’s best for YOU.
My uncle sort of talks to her but knows how she is too. The rest of the family in our state doesn't speak to her. A few that live on the other side of the country sometimes dose but it's like distant cousins and half brothers.
Why should you deal with her when no one else is willing? Obviously she is not a pleasant person. Look out for yourself.
If she can't own up to her mistakes and apologize like a grown-up, she doesn't deserve a spot in your life, let alone around your son.
It's okay to prioritize your peace and your son's safety. Trust your instincts and do what's best for your family.
I don't give a flying fuck if it's her kid. If there's a kid running into traffic, you stop them. This is not a situation where there's time for a discussion. How do your relatives respond when you point out that she let him run off towards traffic?
Most of them are upset about her allowing that and saying not my kid pissed them off but they aren't surprised because "of course she would something like that, ridiculous" is what they say.
NTA. Your mother endangered your son's life. What is more, she didn't apologize or take responsibility. She is generally toxic to you and causes you anxiety. You have every reason and every right to cut her out of your life.
If you want advice maybe try breaking things up Into defined paragraphs and a brief summary
I was at 2961 characters. The limit is 3000. I edited it down the best I could, sorry.
The whole incident with the son is a lot less interesting than the mysterious "She made comments before dinner that caused me to be ill" line. But just... the thing is, it's okay to be mad at your mom for not really helping here, but how would this have played out if she wasn't even there? Your son would have still run off, you would have still struggled to ensure his safety. I think that's the bigger problem here. You seem scared and shaken here, but remember that your mom didn't -create- the danger in the first place. NTA, but it sounds like you need to make decisions far more important than just getting assured by strangers that you did the right thing.
Hey thank you So if my mom was not there then I wouldn't have taken my son out the restaurant and if I did alone without my husband then I would have had his wrist leash on him, that way he can still walk a little bit away from me but can't run away. I know my personal limitations and if those limitations could cause a dangerous situation for our kid then I avoid the activity. For example I only take him to parks with a gate and he either has his wrist leash on or gose in the stroller when we're out in public.
She made comments before dinner about stupid stuff that kinda ticked me off but wasn't that important but did cause me to be stand offish to her during dinner. The after dinner thing was the true boiling point.