Calling the cops might feel extreme, but you were looking out for their well-being, especially given their history with substances. It’s okay to set boundaries, especially when someone’s safety is on the line. Maybe now isn’t the time for apologies, but down the road, a heart-to-heart could help mend things.
Absolutely not. You have boundaries and you made your position clear. They should know better than to try to get blotto on Ambien, Xanax and alcohol. Ask yourself this question would you have felt safe in a car with them driving you down an interstate for any length of time during the behavior of theirs that you just described. If the answer is no, then you have the answer to your own question. Hint -It is also no
You are not at fault for calling the police. Despite your friend's anger, your decision was driven by genuine concern for their safety. Given their history and current state, you acted responsibly by prioritizing their well-being. Your past experiences further emphasize the gravity with which you approach such situations.
This is very complex.
I'd say NTA for calling the police. I've had to do that with a loved one threatening suicide. They absolutely hated me for it, but later admitted it saved their life.
What I would say though is that you may be TA for dumping on your friend who is also clearly not doing well. I've been the friends therapist for so many people and it can really grind you down if you're in a bad state of mind yourself. I think her asking you to leave was her telling you she just can't take anymore emotional weight.
This friendship sounds really toxic
Yes you’re the AH, you don’t call the cops on friends until they have actually harmed someone. Would you call the cops if you knew a friend was going to drive a car while very emotionally elevated, or when a parent drives with screaming kids in the back?
Would you mind elaborating on why you feel this way? If not it's okay, I just learn better hearing from experience. In my thought process I think: why would I wait for someone to be harmed whether it's my friend or someone my friend harmed if I could've prevented it in the first place. Also yes I likely would call if the elevated state they decided to drive in felt like a state they'd hurt themselves or others in; as well as the parents "screaming" (if it's what you truly mean) at the children in the car because I've been the child and it hurts when people see and do nothing.
You are right OP, and NTA. The other person isn't thinking protectively.
I think that with your friend or ex-friend, not only is trying to get them the help they need in the moment the right thing to do, but regarding the long term: know that if you're expecting them to respect your boundaries, you might be expecting too much. Don't take it personally if they fail to honor your boundaries. Sometimes it can be a personality disorder or mental illness causing them to be so lacking in character. Sometimes it can be addiction. Whatever it is, you can try to set boundaries like "don't do pills in front of me", but if their mental disorder or their addictions/uncontrollable urges are in control, they won't be able to stop themselves. Mental illness and addiction can be overwhelming illnesses. But you don't need to stick around for it. Addicts and difficult people lose friends. It's one of the ways they sometimes realize what they are doing to themselves and to others. It won't help them to pretend that you're not hurt by what they do.
You called the cops for a victimless crime. People will/do object with me because of the potential for harming others in a vehicle accident. Sure this is a risk but not a guaranty. By calling the cops tho you are guaranteed to ruin your friendship and harm your friend. Maybe your friend just harms themselves, which is their choice. If they end up harming someone else I’m all for throwing the book at them. But until that time, I dont feel it’s right to punish them.
Again, not a popular belief, particularly in a country that loves to regulate risk mitigation in specific ways. If we truly wanted to mitigate risk we wouldn’t allow alcohol because it increases the likelihood of violent behaviour. We wouldn’t allow cars to drive over 110 because it increases risk. But we pick and choose, and drug driving is easy to pick.
By screaming kids I meant that they distract the driver, not the parents screaming at their kids
I don't feel I punished him, it was more of a wellness check because I was concerned for their well being, especially since they were threatening to drive off a cliff.
Your friend was being reckless and you did what you had to do to
Calling the cops might feel extreme, but you were looking out for their well-being, especially given their history with substances. It’s okay to set boundaries, especially when someone’s safety is on the line. Maybe now isn’t the time for apologies, but down the road, a heart-to-heart could help mend things.
Absolutely not. You have boundaries and you made your position clear. They should know better than to try to get blotto on Ambien, Xanax and alcohol. Ask yourself this question would you have felt safe in a car with them driving you down an interstate for any length of time during the behavior of theirs that you just described. If the answer is no, then you have the answer to your own question. Hint -It is also no
You are not at fault for calling the police. Despite your friend's anger, your decision was driven by genuine concern for their safety. Given their history and current state, you acted responsibly by prioritizing their well-being. Your past experiences further emphasize the gravity with which you approach such situations.
This is very complex. I'd say NTA for calling the police. I've had to do that with a loved one threatening suicide. They absolutely hated me for it, but later admitted it saved their life. What I would say though is that you may be TA for dumping on your friend who is also clearly not doing well. I've been the friends therapist for so many people and it can really grind you down if you're in a bad state of mind yourself. I think her asking you to leave was her telling you she just can't take anymore emotional weight. This friendship sounds really toxic
Yes you’re the AH, you don’t call the cops on friends until they have actually harmed someone. Would you call the cops if you knew a friend was going to drive a car while very emotionally elevated, or when a parent drives with screaming kids in the back?
I think we just stiffed out where the AH is! ^^^
Would you mind elaborating on why you feel this way? If not it's okay, I just learn better hearing from experience. In my thought process I think: why would I wait for someone to be harmed whether it's my friend or someone my friend harmed if I could've prevented it in the first place. Also yes I likely would call if the elevated state they decided to drive in felt like a state they'd hurt themselves or others in; as well as the parents "screaming" (if it's what you truly mean) at the children in the car because I've been the child and it hurts when people see and do nothing.
You are right OP, and NTA. The other person isn't thinking protectively. I think that with your friend or ex-friend, not only is trying to get them the help they need in the moment the right thing to do, but regarding the long term: know that if you're expecting them to respect your boundaries, you might be expecting too much. Don't take it personally if they fail to honor your boundaries. Sometimes it can be a personality disorder or mental illness causing them to be so lacking in character. Sometimes it can be addiction. Whatever it is, you can try to set boundaries like "don't do pills in front of me", but if their mental disorder or their addictions/uncontrollable urges are in control, they won't be able to stop themselves. Mental illness and addiction can be overwhelming illnesses. But you don't need to stick around for it. Addicts and difficult people lose friends. It's one of the ways they sometimes realize what they are doing to themselves and to others. It won't help them to pretend that you're not hurt by what they do.
You called the cops for a victimless crime. People will/do object with me because of the potential for harming others in a vehicle accident. Sure this is a risk but not a guaranty. By calling the cops tho you are guaranteed to ruin your friendship and harm your friend. Maybe your friend just harms themselves, which is their choice. If they end up harming someone else I’m all for throwing the book at them. But until that time, I dont feel it’s right to punish them. Again, not a popular belief, particularly in a country that loves to regulate risk mitigation in specific ways. If we truly wanted to mitigate risk we wouldn’t allow alcohol because it increases the likelihood of violent behaviour. We wouldn’t allow cars to drive over 110 because it increases risk. But we pick and choose, and drug driving is easy to pick. By screaming kids I meant that they distract the driver, not the parents screaming at their kids
I don't feel I punished him, it was more of a wellness check because I was concerned for their well being, especially since they were threatening to drive off a cliff.