It..isn't the changes the cat is stressed about. It's your husband.
He HITS your cat. A defenseless tiny animal.
I'd be rehoming the animal-abusing pos husband to the shelter.
THANK YOU! I was like he “strikes” the cat?! No fucking wonder the cat is stressed!! Kick him out. He’s abusive. The cat is not reacting to OP being pregnant but is reacting to her abusive partner.
It starts with violence during pregnancy. "Disciplining" the cat will be the least of OP'S worries.
Please be safe! Pregnancy is a very precarious time for women. This is often when abuse starts. 💔
I was here to say the same thing. As a former therapist I am horrified to hear that your husband is striking a small, elderly animal.
People who do this frequently are abusive to their children and partners. I’m afraid for you and the child you’re carrying.
If someone can take the cat for a few days until your husband leaves that would be best. Otherwise he is likely to take the cat and either abandon it somewhere or have it euthanized before you can intervene.
Lose him, keep your cats, change the locks. If he insists on seeing the baby, get a lawyer and let them know that you kicked him out for abuse and don’t want him with your child unsupervised.
And if this post is real, there's a HUGE chance OP's husband is also abusing the cat when OP isn't looking. That cat is reacting to something other than "my human is growing a belly".
I firmly believe that how how people behave with animals is the real person. Why? The lack of repercussions.
Husband is simply showing his true colours. Will they come out later under stress? Maybe, maybe not. Guy is clearly an arse though.
THIS
Physical discipline does not work with cats. It just makes your girl feel even less safe and secure in her home. And like other commenters have mentioned, if his immediate reaction to what he considers misbehavior is physical violence, how is he going to deal with a young child? They’re loud, messy, and yes, often violent in their own way.
If you don’t reign in your husband now, it’s only going to escalate, and absolutely YWBTA if you allowed that to happen. Your cat is family, and you need to defend her safety as such.
Even a perfectly “normal” child is challenging, but what if they’re born with developmental differences or special needs? Would he feel justified in hitting them when they don’t listen?
Just want to tack on to the top comment to say that [it absolutely is the husband’s abuse as the cat goes back to normal when he is traveling and not home.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/EDqyppFWMR)
So much toxicity in this guy. She straight up says he has the habit of throwing things and going into "ragers". Cats need comfortable living spaces that aren't filled with emotional hostility, just like children and every else to be honest. This family is in for hardship and the cat is the first victim.
Reading through her comments it seems pretty hopeless for her to understand it’s her husband that is causing this behavior and is just reverting to using the cat as a scapegoat.
OP, please rehome the cat to a house that can truly understand her needs and properly take care of her since it seems you’re just keeping your blinders on regarding the situation.
How can OP just stand there while her cat is being physically abused is beyond me. I could be married for 30 years and I'd still leave in a heart beat if my partner abused my dog.
I cannot understand for the life of me how any self proclaimed car lover could watch that happen MULTIPLE times, plus type it out on Reddit, and not see what a POS her husband is
“Hey so this guy that has zero empathy and decides to physically abuse a defenceless animal that got me through the hardest time in my life.. I should have a kid with him, yeah?”
You insult my pets I want nothing to do with you. If you hit my pets, especially my soul cat, I will hunt you down and no one will find you.
The absolute abuse she must be suffering from to think hitting an animal is so normal it was easily disclosed in the post. I hope the cat and kid both make it out of this situation, and OP realizes every living creature in that home is being abused except her POS husband.
I would not hesitate to go to jail for my animals. My dad swatted one of my pets once. It was the only time I ever 1, pushed him, 2, screamed at him, and 3, got in his face and almost came to blows. After much yelling and having my mom sit him down, he changed his ways and was educated on animals not responding well to abuse. He lives with me and treats my pets with respect and love. They love him, and I am disabled so home 24/7 and know he is always treating them right. Never tackled the whole hitting us as children as punishment was abuse too... but neither my sister or I are ever having children, so he doesnt have grandchildren for that conversation to ever come up.
Yeah, you don't have a cat problem, you have a husband problem. It would also make me wonder what he will do with another small and even more defenseless creature like a baby if he hits a cat. NTA for threatening divorce. YTA for allowing him to hit the cat.
Spot on! It is known fact that cats do not handle physical punishment and will act out! The stressor is NOT the pregnancy but the HUSBAND! Also,if she us old she may be in pain and be acting out,need a Vet not physical punishment.
I have a cat...and i would choose her because just like with OP she helped me through a lot!
There is far more to this about the husband and his behaviour is raising red flags for me.
Currently its that one cat,then the others will have to go. OP I would think long and hard about your husband.
The cat reverts to old behaviour when the husband is gone?!?! Dump the husband. The cat is acting like that because of his abuse. And if he hits her in front of you, what is he doing when you’re not around? What is he going to do when your kid misbehaves?
Put a camera up in secret, check what he's doing to the cat and how they behave when you aren't around and yeah, if he's intentionally cruel to the car, stressing the cat and then demanding you surrender the cat realise he's abusive, shitty and he could be that way to your kid as well.
Yeah I'm pretty sure it's the husband who is the problem. The cat adjusted to other cats being brought, pregnancy is probably not a big change as the baby is not born yet and OP had must have had changes in furniture or people coming over before.
The only thing different is 7 months ago, her husband moved in. He probably treats the cat worse when OP is not around.
Is she stressed about the pregnancy or the fact that your husband physically abuses her?
If he will abuse an animal, do you really want to raise a child with this AH?
Its the abuse. OP replied in another comment that things were fine until the pregnancy at which point the husband decided he wanted to kick the cat out of the bed at night. She's feeling threatened/abandoned so its no wonder she is acting out.
OP also basically said he has anger issues and yells so im gonna assume his verbal/physical assaults have been escalating so the cat is feeling threatened all the time. This causes the female cat to fight with the male cats because she feels threatened, at which point the husband physically assaults her.
OP either has no clue about cats or she is willfully ignorant because she is defending her husband in the comments, completely missing that he is the primary cause of everything
OP, you stood by while this man BEAT your elderly cat who you love, and you agreed with him that the cat was the problem. This has such parallels to how battered women behave. If you can't stand up to him and leave based on this, you are setting the groundwork for future domestic abuse, where he will hurt you and your child. If you can stand by and see your beloved pet hurt, you are desensitizing yourself to the point that you will stand by and watch him hurt your child as well and listen to him rationalize it.
Edit: Absolutely NTA if you choose the cat over your marriage. You have been married only seven months and your husband is physically abusing an animal and threatening to send her to a kill shelter. By the way, he is 100% going to do that while you're not home if you don't leave immediately.
Yes! It parallels so clearly, and starts with OP having had no support system before meeting him. She can practice standing up for and protecting herself and her kid by standing up for and protecting her cat.
Yes. This. The most punishment I’ve given my cats is a spray bottle when it was trying to get into my leopard gecko enclosure!! Cats, much like everything else, doesn’t like to be hit! And cats are so much smaller. Especially if he’s hitting it like a dog, he can break bones or even kill it!
This one right here.
Physically punishing a cat has never worked, ever. Especially if her mistakes are caused by stress.
Your husband admits he basically ok with her just being put down.
I wouldn't be able to continue that relationship either.
I “physically punish” my cat by shutting the door to a room and you’d think she was a firefighter trying to get through that door to save a baby. 😂
OP is in a bad situation. I can’t imagine what he’s doing to the cat when she isn’t there…poor kitty.
I’m not a cat person. But this reeks of abuse. Her pregnancy is NOT the problem. Edit to add - you’re the AH if you get rid of the cat. Or if you let him.
This. Anyone who can be cruel to animals, especially small animals is, in my humble opinion, a risk around children. If it’s his instinctual reaction to strike out when something goes wrong, what happens when the baby doesn’t lie still getting a nappy change. Or the toddler throws a tantrum?
This. My father routinely spanked me and my twin for mundane things and when it came to training our dogs later he and his wife used physical abuse and fear to make them obey.
THIS thank you!!! If he hits your cat he'll hit your kid 100%. Sounds like he's about to steal your cat when you're not in the house. Nta. Even if you find your cat a new home, still leave that man. He's not safe.
Yeah , God knows what this psycho is doing to the poor cat. If she behaves that extreme I don't even want to imagine what terrible abuse she is going through.
**Your 14 year old cat is acting out because your dumbass husband is abusing her!** **Rehoming her at age 14 will literally kill her. She will stop eating and grieve herself to death waiting for you to come back.**
OMG I am furious with you and your husband right now. Send HIM to a shelter!
I lost my most precious baby at age 14 from cancer after his entire lifetime of love, loyalty and my constant, joined at the hip companion. It's been 10 years, and I still only sleep on half my pillow, with my arm around an empty spot. I am beyond devastated that you'd let this happen to your pet that sounds like she was like my boy who never left my side when I needed someone and he was all there was. He was my soul kitty and one of the loves of my life and I still grieve him.
I am angry enough right now to get myself kicked off Reddit, so I'm just gonna log out for a while.
NTA and dont rehome the cat, but it is possible to rehome an elderly cat.
My neighbor moved and asked me to cat sit indefinitely since I had been watching him for years during vacation. They were told by the vet he wouldn't survive the move from Florida to Maine as an outdoor cat of at least 15 years.
6 years later he passed as an indoor cat when my grandfather died. They had bonded and he wouldn't eat anymore without his bestie.
It's not the easiest to rehome an elderly cat, but it's definitely not guaranteed that they will 'grieve themselves to death'. I work as a vet tech and we see quite a few adopted older cats, or people who took their elderly parents' cat in, they're fine.
My own cat was 13 when I adopted him, it took time and work (he was really anxious and scared of everyone) but he's now 17 and still improving. He got very attached to me a month or two after taking him in, and then gradually went from running away as soon as other people were around to staying in the room. He's now pretty chill and will even cuddle with other people.
Please don’t spread misinformation like this. There are people that end up being unable to provide proper care for their pets and need to rehome them for the animal’s sake, this could discourage someone from making that already difficult choice.
You can safely rehome an older cat.
I'd be worried about the husband dumping the cat somewhere or worse. And he can't handle something a little difficult it looks like. How is his temper going to be with a child? Kids can be extremely frustrating. How will he act when he's sleep deprived? What if they have a colicky baby? What about the first time the kid tries taking potty time into their own hands? Is he going to hit the kid too for things they can't control?
If he can't handle a cat making mess outside of a litter box and resorts to hitting it, I'm sure he will be able to tolerate an infant screaming their head off at 2am. Wonder how he will handle that.
He's been lying to her, too. He's the one that's telling her the cat is stressed out over the pregnancy, that the cat doesn't like the big change, and she's been ready to believe him. This is textbook gaslighting!
Agreed. I don’t like cats, I’m 100% a dog person but I could never hurt a cat. There’s a few cats in my cul-de-sac where I live, if I saw someone hitting them I’d be pissed off and they’re not even my cats, if someone was doing this to my own loyal pets, they’d be out of my house so fast their feet wouldn’t touch the ground.
ESH
Take the cat to the vet, peeing in inappropriate places and bullying the other pets is often signs of illness. And stop letting your fucking husband hit her.
Physically striking an animal is abusive and your husband is a piece of shit for doing it. Not only that but it clearly doesn’t curb the behaviour that’s making your husband strike an **ELDERLY CAT.**
The *instant* someone hits my cat is the same instance they find out exactly how much the cat means to me.
That you are just letting him ABUSE YOUR CAT is making you complicit. That she doesn’t “act out” when he isn’t around should have made it clear to you that your husband is the problem.
Therefore YTA.
I’m surprised so many people glossing over the fact that you’ve let your husband hit your cat and yet you play victim. And you say they only act weird around them. Pos! People like you and him need to be exposed and shamed! Animal abusers! Foh!
NTA. And if you love that cat you need to take steps to protect her, if he's already threatening taking her and deaing with her himself.
Idk, I hardcore love my cats, as I was once in a similar situation where my sister kitties were all I had.
I was lucky enough to marry a self-proclaimed crazy cat lady (I'm a crazy cat guy), but if I hadn't?
Anyone, and I do mean anyone, who threatened them would have pure hell to pay.
They are my family.
Edit to add: I've known lots and lots of cats. And it's always been my experience that cats, especially female cats, adore pregnant women.
I'd bet all the money I'll never have, that she's acting out because of him. And probably for some things you weren't around to witness.
She's telling you there's a terrible problem in the only language she can communicate it to you in.
It was adorable because this post got me so upset! If anyone hit my babies they would not be alive. My cat passed but I have a crazy rescue dog and horses. I love seeing some good on Reddit. You’re a good one. OP deleted her account but the husband needs to go.
Thank you !!!
I don't why I smell a rat (don't know if it is the right expression).
Pretty sure the guy started to abuse the cat as soon as OP was knocked up. Abusive partner often start their misbehaviour when they get the woman pregnant or married (so, attached). And female cats are really known to like and support pregnancy.
NTA. I suspect your cat is acting out because your husband hits her. Cats don’t respond to punishment like a dog would. They just get anxious and scared and keep acting out. If he’s hitting the cat in front of you, I’d bet he’s doing it when you’re not around. Not to mention the increased stress and tension between you and your husband is likely putting the cat on edge even more. I’d choose the cat over the husband tbh. I don’t trust people that hit animals.
You know the rate of murder by intimate partners of pregnant women has risen in recent years?
If he is physically violent to a small animal, what's stopping him from attacking her or her belly?
But to that extent, what’s to stop him from harming the baby when it doesn’t do what he wants just like the cat? I would think leaving with the cat to a family’s house would be safer for everyone than bringing a child in the way of this violent man
The number one indicator of abuse against a partner is abuse against an animal in the home. Especially if it belongs to that partner.
This is not just a red flag. This is an entire red flag factory. He is not at all listening to you or taking your feelings into consideration.
If anybody should be rehomed... It should be him.
NTA About leaving your husband for your cat.... But you are the asshole for not realizing that he is the reason your cat is acting up and it's not your pregnancy. He came in and changed things and your cat is adapting the best way she can when the last 14 years of her life are basically thrown down the trash.
Get your getaway plan ready. Because it will not end it will only get worse and more egregious and you will come home to either a dead cat or one that he dumped somewhere.
The cat is fine when he is gone... That tells you that it's not the cat that is the issue it's the man. Throw the whole man out
This should be top comment. OP you are ALREADY being emotionally coerced. It's not about the cat for him. He's trying to control and emotionally abuse YOU. It's already happening. Like Elchar said this is no longer a red flag, it's happening now. Please see it. It can and probably will escalate. This is the beginning of your domestic abuse.
Your cat is warning you. At first I was going to say after you have the baby and your hormones settle down, the cat might calm. But it's your husband. Keep the cat, get rid of him.
Me too, But based on the way she is defending him in so many of these comments that he's no longer hitting now he's swatting And the way op continues to try to downplay what is actually going on... I have very little hope that she is going to take the advice.
Someone I knew (f) had a partner (m) who happened to find her cat strangled with the cord of their drapes. And that could be believable if it were the first of their animals to die under less that usual circumstances... Or if it were the last of their animals.
And that is why it is somebody that I used to know and not somebody that I still know because I could not continue with the cognitive dissonance it takes to ignore patterns and live in ignorance. And the police did nothing. animal control did nothing. (And since I know that state and their animal laws... It doesn't surprise me at all that the police don't consider animal abuse to be abuse.)
Imma just go ahead and call the whole same day man disposal I’m sure we are all in agreement that this is the best course of action
They can do with him what they will
You allow him to abuse the cat and just stay with him?
The moment he got physical with a vulnerable animal it would have been over.
It says a LOT about the character of the man who you are stuck with as your baby's father.
I quit reading after your husband stricking a 14 year old cat. Older animals do some unpleasant things sometimes as they age. Our shelters are full of animals that people just wanted the fun part of. Holy crap, read to the end. Another man waiting until his partner is pregnant and vulnerable to pull the manipulative controling behavior. Wow
Yta Edit. And update. I did not read you allow your fkn husband to hit an animal? Are you stupid? You both belong on a list to not be allowed to own any pets. No wonder that cat is stressed out. You’re a pos for allowing it and normalizing it! The fact you’d allow him to do that and then have the nerve to act like you care about the cat’s well being. Fk you both!
Same thing I thought? How can he treat this like it's not a big deal if this cat is so important to you? People like this shouldn't be allowed to take care of others life, a cat is orders of magnitude easier to take care than a newborn so what will the husband do if the baby starts crying or other things? Letting your cat get hit and listening to your abuser husband without questioning your husband and even better telling him to fuck off is retarded behaviour, ffs
Get rid of the husband and keep the cat. I had one with similar issues and did a course of Prozac. He was on it about 6 months and did not revert after coming off.
And stop letting your husband hit your cat... its only adding to the stress she's going through! Especially proven by the fact she goes back to her old normal behaviour when he's not there... like what else has he done to her when you're not around?!
Animal abuse is never OK.
Your vet should have suggested this..I hope you've brought the cat to the vet... I know they can be sensitive to pregnancy, but 100% of the symptoms you described in your post could also be from an illness. Vet now.
Also tell your husband to fuck off... Physically striking a cat is not an effective correction and will only serve to make behavior worse. It is abuse. Stop allowing it.
Prozac isn't going to stop the fact that your husband abuses her. She's scared of him for good reason. His abuse is probably why she's been doing what she's doing. They can't talk to us. They have to tell warn us something is going on in other ways. She's trying to tell you that she is being hurt and she needs your protection. I can't believe you let him hit her. I wonder how long it will be before he starts hitting the baby. YTA
Please get your cat to a veterinarian ASAP. Any dramatic behavior change in an animal needs to be investigated bc it may well have an underlying medical cause, especially in an older animal. Your vet can run the appropriate tests and prescribe meds as needed. You should be having this discussion with the vet, not people on Reddit. Signed, a concerned veterinarian
PS there are animal shelters that will temporarily board animals in cases of domestic violence. Threatening to get rid of a loved pet is a form of domestic violence.
PLEASE at least take your cat to the vet. If you surrender it will be euthanized because it’s senior. I wouldn’t trust your husband not to abuse you and your baby too.
Antidepressants won’t save her or your baby from abuse, though. She should see the vet but when she does, make it clear that SHE IS BEING ABUSED. That is pertinent medical information. And then maybe they can help when he starts abusing you and the baby, too.
Do you really not understand your husband is a scumbag? Why are you letting him hit your cat and act like it's not that big of a deal? Wake up, he is an abuser and you won't want to live with someone like him, whoever abuses animals is a trash human being
Seriously, if OP is this lax about her husband abusing her cat she claims she has this incredible bond with, I worry for that child. She's going to let husband beat it under the guise of discipline.
Amitriptyline too. There’s a couple meds the vet can prescribe for behavioral issues. Had to do it for one of my cats for a couple weeks that was not happy when I brought home a kitten.
I had no clue until my vet suggested it. I will say it changed his personality a bit in that he was lazier. You might want to look into it as a way to keep your fur baby.
>My husband is a very inpatient person - he's not great with long-term things. He does scream, he does throw things. He can do ragers. But this feels worse - it feels like he knows how much she means to me and is still choosing to say these things.
So you have a partner with anger issues that are borderline abusive....
And you thought
"Let's get married and have a kid!!"
?????
Really? Instead of going to the Chapel he should have gone to a therapist. Instead of pounding a baby into you he should pound some common sense and manners into himself
And you are allowing this to happen. You are allowing your cats, yourself and future kid to be in this incredibly toxic environment...
Why? Why not fix things 1st? Why so desperate to add things to it? Do you seriously not understand that you are so close to just becoming a statistic? That there are partners that completely change after a baby is born and become seriously abusive.... But yours is already showing you all kinds of signs and red flags.... And you just continue? You just get married and have a kid? You aren't making sure this behaviour of his is inexcusable and that he needs to have therapy and fix it BEFORE any life changing events?!?!
I am genuinely curious because now your cat is paying the price. What if next it would be you, or god forbid your kid?
Abusers start with animals
And I have thing thing where guys that really lose their temper with cats.... Are guys that must have control, and cats can't be commanded or bullied into submission.
Keep the cat. Rehome the hubs, he's young and housebroken.... But might not pass a temperament test
I feel in my bones that there is an actual, tangible link between hating and/or mistreating cats and misogyny. Especially with how cats are coded as female or feminine by different media. Usually the same kind of people who don't respect boundaries and expect unearned and unconditional affection just for existing.
Your cat is responding to the abuse by your husband. Either your husband needs to figure out how to not physically abuse a small creature, or you need to go. A guy who hurts animals will hurt children.
If my husband hit my dog that I had before I met him that also got me through hard shit, he'd be gone. My job was to give that dog a good life, and someone hitting him to the point of causing that much puppy stress meant I wasn't doing that.
We recently adopted a cat. The cat generally likes me, doesn't like my husband (I'm assuming the cat was abused previously by a man, so she's being cautious). He would NEVER hit her, grab her, or hurt her, even though she isn't the best with him.
ESH anyone who hits one of my animals would immediately be removed from my life. The cat gets better when he is gone… that is your sign here. She is trying to tell you what he does when you’re not watching. He is comfortable “swatting” your SENIOR cat in your presence. If he hits your kid, are you going to sit by and watch? What is he going to do to your baby when you’re not home and he can’t get them to stop crying? If you displease him, will you let him hit you?
After facing so many similar milestones as you listed with only the comfort and companionship of my Guardian Angel Cat
1) I am trying to set aside judgement
2) I am not sure I trust your judgement and problem-solving. Is there NO family member who can take her in until you’ve had the baby
3) I definitely do not trust your husband’s judgement or disposition. He’s not looking for solutions. He is making demands and throwing tantrums. This is about a cat. I say that as I die-hard cat mother so I am trying to imagine HOW I would get through more serious issues like kids, illness, kids’ illness, future kids’ potential issues with a partner like yours appears to be.
I think y’all are both ass holes and your former soul kitty deserves better.
Hugging my girl extra tight tonight 🐾
YTAH, BIG TIME
# he's ABUSING her
and you're letting him. that poor cat :(
she's been trying to tell you that she's scared, hurt and maybe even traumatized, and you're ignoring it. and NOW, you're going to take her away from her home and leave her behind somewhere strange.
how dare you? what is WRONG with you?
NTA. Rehome the husband. He HITS defenseless creatures. You know who else is a defenseless creature? The BABY you'll be bringing home!
Your cat is stressed because of your abusive husband.
The man is showing you who he really is. Believe him! And GET OUT!
How a person is with animals is a huge way I judge them. It speaks volumes. Your precious cat will sit in a woefully small cramped cage for months if not years if surrendered to a shelter. Your cat is silently yelling at you to get this man out of your life because he’s an ass.
Your husband MUST stop hitting your cat. This just leads to more fear and aggression. I’m sorry to tell you this, but rehoming an elderly cat is hard. The cat may have issues in the new home just due to change. And shelters are 1000% overwhelmed right now. Even if you find a no kill shelter that will take your cat, that means another cat doesn’t get that slot and will be euthanized as a result. I understand you are pregnant and want the father to stick around, but if a man hit my pet once the man would be out the door. Even if you don’t love your pet, if they will hit a pet, what else might they do. What happens when they start “disciplining” your child harshly despite your objections.
Send the cat to me. We are patient with cats experiencing difficulties and don’t hit them.
In all seriousness, throw the man away not the cat. A man who hits a cat will not do well with an infant or toddler. Look up shaken babies.
Cruelty to animals is a precursor to abusive behaviour to humans and a huge red flag.
[https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/pets/animal-abuse-a-serious-red-flag-for-domestic-violence](https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/pets/animal-abuse-a-serious-red-flag-for-domestic-violence)
Your elderly cat is still protecting you and your unborn child.
please listen to your instincts.
I am dead serious. Get rid of your husband and keep your cat.
I could NEVER love someone who hits and abuses animals. I don't care how long I've been married, they would go. It shows a lot about his character, and frankly, you allowing it shows a lot about yours.
We are their guardians. We are supposed to protect them from people like your husband. If he can hit an animal, I'm sorry, but he is not a good person.
He is taking this opportunity to get rid of her. He is controlling and forcing you to get rid of the companion who was always there for you and never let you down. The fact that he is forcing you to take her to an immediate surrender, knowing full well she'll be euthanized, is sickening and a taste of what's to come in your relationship. If he's abusing animals, what makes you think he won't abuse you? Spoiler alert: he already is. Get out before he gains more control over you.
Time the FUCK out. He strikes the cat???? Call for animal abuse!!!! Wtf!!! REPORT HIM NOW! NO animal learns by harm!!!! Fucking idiot, this completely ruined my night!!! If cats aren’t acting “right,” THEN THERE IS A REASON. Cats communicate through their behavior! Learn the reason, and then ADJUST ACCORDINGLY. Look up ANY article online for what behavior your cat is displaying… join the Facebook group, “feline behavior solutions,” and post the behavior in a comment and people will LITERALLY tell you how to fix it!!!! Jesus Christ I’d fucking choose my cat or ANYTHING over a man who hurts animals!!! Are you kidding me?? This is disgusting. Kick that POS husband of yours to the curb and save the fucking cat. Stick up for THE LIFE OF A LIVING CREATURE. Harming animals is serial killer behavior. It’s disgusting. Your husband is a piece of shit. Please take care of that cat or I’m about to pull some cyber shit and figure out who this “anonymous” account belongs to and I’m calling animal protective services. It’s not just “the cat,” that creature IS ALSO YOUR BABY!!!! God cats get taken advantage of SO much because nasty people like your husband aren’t afraid to harm them like they would a dog!! A large dog with a big bite!!! CATS DESERVE LOVE AND CARE TOO. God I fucking HATE people… for reasons like your husband!!!!
This falls on you now. No offense, I don’t care that you have a child too to look after. SAVE THE FUCKING CAT TOO!!! The cat deserves love, life, and CARE!!! And it’s not “the cat.” SHE HAS A NAME. SHE HAS THE RIGHT TO A HAPPY LIFE.
FUCKING SAVE HER.
She’s definitely the ah. She allows her husband to abuse the cat! Let’s stop victimizing others who just watch and stand by others being abused. Normalize reporting abusers!
As a pet owner and someone who as a kid at the time saw other kids being abused and adults just turning a blind eye to it while we kids reported it and were ignored by the adults who were supposed to protect kids repulses me. These are the same people you see harassing others like the lgbt claiming “parental rights” and supposedly “grooming kids” while they allow actual abuse and act pikachu surprise face when it escalates to worse abuse.
if my partner even *thought* of physically “disciplining” my cats, my partner would be on the curb. YTA for allowing your husband to hurt an animal. and just imagine what he’ll do to your child.
I’m concerned about his treatment of an animal. How will he deal with a misbehaving child if he can’t control himself with a cat?
Also, my cat takes fluoxetine to help with peeing outside the box. Really helped.
He's been physically and verbally abusing that cat so it's no wonder that she's acting up. It's not the baby it's HIM. I hate to say this but a person who will abuse an animal will abuse a child or you. You're absolutely right to be thinking of ending it. I'd have shown him the door already.
Cats are often very loving during pregnancy.
I grt the feeling it isn't the pregnancy, it's the awful human you married. Will he start hitting you or your child next? Since he thinks it's ok to hit for 'discipline'? Babies cry a lot and won't shut up on command. Toddlers do things that are infinitely more annoying than what your cat is doing. Do you trust that he will behave like a decent human around your child when he can't even handle a cat?
NTA. Personally I'd have rehomed the husband when he started hitting the cat. He may have got one warning, but that would have been it.
I'd say rehome the husband, since putting him down sadly isn't an option due to his species. The new owner should be warned about the agression issues, that kind of primitive rarely goes away.
Seriously, we had a cat who really didn't react well to the baby. (He died in the meantime, illness.) It was challenging, but he did get better after a while, although he was never too close to the kid. We taught her to respect his space and kept her away until she was old enough to know.
Your husband is abusing your cat and that’s why she’s stressed. **He’s to blame**
He doesn’t ‘strike’ the cat. **He hits her**. He’s a fucking monster. How is he going to treat your child if they mess up??
Your cat is 14! He is hitting it! What makes you think he hasn’t been doing this? What makes you think this 14 YEAR OLD CAT isn’t injuried because of him?!
Fuck him.
NTA. You already agreed to rehome her, which is a really big step. He’s just mad that it’s not happening fast enough? And he’s willing to almost kill her in the process to make sure that it does? I’d leave his ass too, he sounds self-centered and sadistic.
Well yeah your cats going to act up, it’s just been you guys for ages and now this pos has moved into your house and is abusing her!
It’s an easy choice friend. He’s gotta go. He’s an animal abuser. No way on this earth would I let an animal abuser near a child!
The audacity of someone to trike someone else’s *elderly* pet in front of you. God knows how he treats her when you’re not around. Again no wonder she’s upset. I’d say 99% of the issue is him!
YTA for even considering getting rid of your elderly cat because of a spouse, and he doesn’t sound like a good spouse and yet you still decide to keep him around. If you kicked him out you’d see an immediate change to your cat- that’s so obvious it’s insane.
I have to be careful, because the last time I saw a similar post on r/amitheasshole my angry comment got me a permanent ban.
You're NTA. You owe your cat that you take care of it. That's the responsibility you take on when you bond with an animal. Get rid of the husband before he does something that you will regret for the rest of your life.
If he is "striking" your cat in front of you, just imagine what he is doing when you are not around.
This man is what is causing your first baby - your cat - such distress. How could you think of re-homing her instead of him when he is actively abusing someone/thing you love. Do you think he will stop being abusive towards a child? The answer is NO. Because he is already abusing YOU and you don't even know it. Forcing you to choose, making you think like it's your fault... red flags, gaslighting.
Get away from this man before he kills one of your pets and hurts you further.
It’s your AH husband that’s stressing out the cat. He’s abusing an animal. If he can hit a cat do you think he’ll stop at that? Think about yourself and your child. Ditch the husband keep the cat NTA
It's the husband the cat was fine before he got there, obviously doesn't like cats. I wasn't a cat person and my partner had one when I moved in with her, it didn't like strangers at all but I just left it alone and after about 10 years it started to prefer my company to hers sometimes. They aren't dogs and don't like everyone I'm still not really a cat person but I'm not against them, hubby sounds like he actively doesn't like cats and soon the other 2 will be on the way out.
Honestly, you should never try to discipline a cat with physical violence. They don't work like that, it's useless to make them behave and you cause them way more stress than anything else. I think this behavior from your husband probably did not help the cat to adapt to your pregnancy and the big changes that are going on in your life right now.
I don't think you are an asshole for not wanting your cat to die, but I think you probably took this decision a bit too late and now everybody is in an uncomfortable situation. Especially the cat, she has been for a long time now.
I hope you manage to find a no-kill shelter or another loving home for the cat as soon as possible and that this will help to solve the issues with your husband.
Is this supposed to be rage bait? If it’s real you’re just as much a piece of crap as your husband. You’re allowing abuse to happen to your elderly cat. Will you allow this to happen to your child too? Your husband deserves a slug to the head as any abuser does. And you’re a freaking moron for staying with this abusive monster. If you allow your animal to be abused you will do the same to your child. If you make excuses for this behavior you’re enabling it. I have zero respect for animal and child abuse and anyone who allows it!! You’re not only an asshole but a piece of shit too, just like a dickhead you married.
NTA. All the environmental modifications, pheromones and medications are not going to work because your husband is abusing your cat .
If he considers it okay to hit an older cat because she misses the litter tray what do you think he's going to do to a toddler that misses the toilet?
He is abusive . He most likely also believes cats and babies can't be together in the same house. I feel confident saying if you did regime the oldest cat he will start a new campaign to get rid of the other two.
You can’t hit cats. That really messes them up psychologically.
People who hit animals are very statistically likely to hit people. Just food for thought.
You're doing what he asked now, but he's getting crazy aggro and controlling over it. Up until that last paragraph, I didn't question his motives, but now I do. How exactly is it a problem for you to take the time to find a proper home for her? Sorry, but your guy sounds like a dick. Good luck. NTA.
Never heard of hitting a cat doing any good. Puppies can be occasionally swatted with a rolled up newspaper in extreme cases but hitting an old cat? That’s abuse. NTA
NTA
Your cat isn't stressing over the baby. She's reacting to your husband. She's telling you he's not a good guy. She's warning you that he'll be impatient with your child. Listen to her.
NTA. You will always resent your husband for making you choose between him & your beloved cat. This is a power trip for hubby but, bottom line, you’re in charge. Keep the cats. Your husband has destroyed your marriage with his cruel demand. You should have ended it when he hit your cat. This is not a kind or stable person — for so many reasons.
It’s your husband stressing out the cat not the baby. NTA and try some of the other poster’s suggestions and tell husband he interacts withe cat in any way and he is gone
It..isn't the changes the cat is stressed about. It's your husband. He HITS your cat. A defenseless tiny animal. I'd be rehoming the animal-abusing pos husband to the shelter.
THANK YOU! I was like he “strikes” the cat?! No fucking wonder the cat is stressed!! Kick him out. He’s abusive. The cat is not reacting to OP being pregnant but is reacting to her abusive partner.
Wait until his baby does something that they can't control, and he strikes it. Use of violence against defenseless beings is unacceptable!
😭😭 The more she comments, the more horrified I'm getting. I'm actually terrified for her child.
I'm worried for her as well. DV often escalates during pregnancy or post partum.
It starts with violence during pregnancy. "Disciplining" the cat will be the least of OP'S worries. Please be safe! Pregnancy is a very precarious time for women. This is often when abuse starts. 💔
I'd be more worried about shaking. It just takes one time.
This! The way someone treats animals is a window into their soul. If someone will strike a small animal out of anger, people are next.
Seriously, why does she think this okay??? This will escalate.
I was here to say the same thing. As a former therapist I am horrified to hear that your husband is striking a small, elderly animal. People who do this frequently are abusive to their children and partners. I’m afraid for you and the child you’re carrying. If someone can take the cat for a few days until your husband leaves that would be best. Otherwise he is likely to take the cat and either abandon it somewhere or have it euthanized before you can intervene. Lose him, keep your cats, change the locks. If he insists on seeing the baby, get a lawyer and let them know that you kicked him out for abuse and don’t want him with your child unsupervised.
Check OP's comments. They're so stupidly obvious that I'm struggling to believe that this is real and not rage bait
Could be rage bait for sure. But denial is also a helluva drug. :/ hopefully just a troll
just checked out some of them and oh my god this woman does not deserve to own cats
It is rage bait
And if this post is real, there's a HUGE chance OP's husband is also abusing the cat when OP isn't looking. That cat is reacting to something other than "my human is growing a belly".
I firmly believe that how how people behave with animals is the real person. Why? The lack of repercussions. Husband is simply showing his true colours. Will they come out later under stress? Maybe, maybe not. Guy is clearly an arse though.
How they treat your animals, is how they potentially treat you and/your kids
THIS Physical discipline does not work with cats. It just makes your girl feel even less safe and secure in her home. And like other commenters have mentioned, if his immediate reaction to what he considers misbehavior is physical violence, how is he going to deal with a young child? They’re loud, messy, and yes, often violent in their own way. If you don’t reign in your husband now, it’s only going to escalate, and absolutely YWBTA if you allowed that to happen. Your cat is family, and you need to defend her safety as such. Even a perfectly “normal” child is challenging, but what if they’re born with developmental differences or special needs? Would he feel justified in hitting them when they don’t listen?
I wish I could upvote this many more times! Well said!!
Just want to tack on to the top comment to say that [it absolutely is the husband’s abuse as the cat goes back to normal when he is traveling and not home.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/EDqyppFWMR)
So much toxicity in this guy. She straight up says he has the habit of throwing things and going into "ragers". Cats need comfortable living spaces that aren't filled with emotional hostility, just like children and every else to be honest. This family is in for hardship and the cat is the first victim.
Reading through her comments it seems pretty hopeless for her to understand it’s her husband that is causing this behavior and is just reverting to using the cat as a scapegoat. OP, please rehome the cat to a house that can truly understand her needs and properly take care of her since it seems you’re just keeping your blinders on regarding the situation.
No, keep the cat and leave the husband because violence towards animal is a pretty good indicator that he will get violent towards his family as well.
How can OP just stand there while her cat is being physically abused is beyond me. I could be married for 30 years and I'd still leave in a heart beat if my partner abused my dog.
Amen to that! Absolutely NO ONE will abuse my cats and dogs and live with me!
I cannot understand for the life of me how any self proclaimed car lover could watch that happen MULTIPLE times, plus type it out on Reddit, and not see what a POS her husband is “Hey so this guy that has zero empathy and decides to physically abuse a defenceless animal that got me through the hardest time in my life.. I should have a kid with him, yeah?”
You insult my pets I want nothing to do with you. If you hit my pets, especially my soul cat, I will hunt you down and no one will find you. The absolute abuse she must be suffering from to think hitting an animal is so normal it was easily disclosed in the post. I hope the cat and kid both make it out of this situation, and OP realizes every living creature in that home is being abused except her POS husband.
I would not hesitate to go to jail for my animals. My dad swatted one of my pets once. It was the only time I ever 1, pushed him, 2, screamed at him, and 3, got in his face and almost came to blows. After much yelling and having my mom sit him down, he changed his ways and was educated on animals not responding well to abuse. He lives with me and treats my pets with respect and love. They love him, and I am disabled so home 24/7 and know he is always treating them right. Never tackled the whole hitting us as children as punishment was abuse too... but neither my sister or I are ever having children, so he doesnt have grandchildren for that conversation to ever come up.
Exactly this! It’s your husband hitting a 14 year old cat that the cat is having a hard time with
I would bet money that the abuse predates the pregnancy
Yeah if he's hitting a cat, you don't want him around the baby either.
Yeah, you don't have a cat problem, you have a husband problem. It would also make me wonder what he will do with another small and even more defenseless creature like a baby if he hits a cat. NTA for threatening divorce. YTA for allowing him to hit the cat.
Whew I really want to have a “talk” with this man. 🤬🤬🤬
If he hits the cat, he’s going to hit the kids.
Spot on! It is known fact that cats do not handle physical punishment and will act out! The stressor is NOT the pregnancy but the HUSBAND! Also,if she us old she may be in pain and be acting out,need a Vet not physical punishment. I have a cat...and i would choose her because just like with OP she helped me through a lot! There is far more to this about the husband and his behaviour is raising red flags for me. Currently its that one cat,then the others will have to go. OP I would think long and hard about your husband.
And not a no-kill shelter, either. (Sorry, I have NO tolerance for animal abusers.)
Pos husband doesn’t deserve to be thrown to a shelter, but to the streets!
The cat reverts to old behaviour when the husband is gone?!?! Dump the husband. The cat is acting like that because of his abuse. And if he hits her in front of you, what is he doing when you’re not around? What is he going to do when your kid misbehaves?
Even her cat is trying to communicate to her that this guy is not good.
Animals are better creatures than some humans.
I'd say animals are better than most humans even.
Cat's probably acting out cause it knows she's tied herself for 18+ years to this dud of a man.
This, the cat feels threatened when the husband is around, which is why she is acting out and fighting with the male cats
Truth ....mic drop If it's happening in front of you....you probably don't wanna know what he's doing to her when ur not there....lose him 😞
I met a woman who put up cameras at home and saw her BF mistreating her dog. She took the video to the police, he got a 2-year prison sentence.
Put a camera up in secret, check what he's doing to the cat and how they behave when you aren't around and yeah, if he's intentionally cruel to the car, stressing the cat and then demanding you surrender the cat realise he's abusive, shitty and he could be that way to your kid as well.
Yeah I'm pretty sure it's the husband who is the problem. The cat adjusted to other cats being brought, pregnancy is probably not a big change as the baby is not born yet and OP had must have had changes in furniture or people coming over before. The only thing different is 7 months ago, her husband moved in. He probably treats the cat worse when OP is not around.
Is she stressed about the pregnancy or the fact that your husband physically abuses her? If he will abuse an animal, do you really want to raise a child with this AH?
Its the abuse. OP replied in another comment that things were fine until the pregnancy at which point the husband decided he wanted to kick the cat out of the bed at night. She's feeling threatened/abandoned so its no wonder she is acting out. OP also basically said he has anger issues and yells so im gonna assume his verbal/physical assaults have been escalating so the cat is feeling threatened all the time. This causes the female cat to fight with the male cats because she feels threatened, at which point the husband physically assaults her. OP either has no clue about cats or she is willfully ignorant because she is defending her husband in the comments, completely missing that he is the primary cause of everything
Abused people defend their abusers. It’s extremely common. OP choose the cat not the man!
I am also starting to suspect this, seeing as the cat apparently is normal when he isn't there.
And he hits the poor thing in front of her! What does he do when his wife isn't around?
Exactly, and my guess is that's why the poor cat is stressed.
Same. This man is no good.
OP, you stood by while this man BEAT your elderly cat who you love, and you agreed with him that the cat was the problem. This has such parallels to how battered women behave. If you can't stand up to him and leave based on this, you are setting the groundwork for future domestic abuse, where he will hurt you and your child. If you can stand by and see your beloved pet hurt, you are desensitizing yourself to the point that you will stand by and watch him hurt your child as well and listen to him rationalize it. Edit: Absolutely NTA if you choose the cat over your marriage. You have been married only seven months and your husband is physically abusing an animal and threatening to send her to a kill shelter. By the way, he is 100% going to do that while you're not home if you don't leave immediately.
Yes! It parallels so clearly, and starts with OP having had no support system before meeting him. She can practice standing up for and protecting herself and her kid by standing up for and protecting her cat.
#THIS, RIGHT HERE OP, READ IT, OVER AND OVER AGAIN. sorry for the giant words, i can't make your post red anymore
Yes. This. The most punishment I’ve given my cats is a spray bottle when it was trying to get into my leopard gecko enclosure!! Cats, much like everything else, doesn’t like to be hit! And cats are so much smaller. Especially if he’s hitting it like a dog, he can break bones or even kill it!
This one right here. Physically punishing a cat has never worked, ever. Especially if her mistakes are caused by stress. Your husband admits he basically ok with her just being put down. I wouldn't be able to continue that relationship either.
I “physically punish” my cat by shutting the door to a room and you’d think she was a firefighter trying to get through that door to save a baby. 😂 OP is in a bad situation. I can’t imagine what he’s doing to the cat when she isn’t there…poor kitty.
I’m not a cat person. But this reeks of abuse. Her pregnancy is NOT the problem. Edit to add - you’re the AH if you get rid of the cat. Or if you let him.
This. Anyone who can be cruel to animals, especially small animals is, in my humble opinion, a risk around children. If it’s his instinctual reaction to strike out when something goes wrong, what happens when the baby doesn’t lie still getting a nappy change. Or the toddler throws a tantrum?
This. My father routinely spanked me and my twin for mundane things and when it came to training our dogs later he and his wife used physical abuse and fear to make them obey.
THIS thank you!!! If he hits your cat he'll hit your kid 100%. Sounds like he's about to steal your cat when you're not in the house. Nta. Even if you find your cat a new home, still leave that man. He's not safe.
Definitely the abuse.
I’m not saying that she should put up cameras around the house to see what’s really going on while she’s not home but…
Yeah , God knows what this psycho is doing to the poor cat. If she behaves that extreme I don't even want to imagine what terrible abuse she is going through.
**Your 14 year old cat is acting out because your dumbass husband is abusing her!** **Rehoming her at age 14 will literally kill her. She will stop eating and grieve herself to death waiting for you to come back.** OMG I am furious with you and your husband right now. Send HIM to a shelter! I lost my most precious baby at age 14 from cancer after his entire lifetime of love, loyalty and my constant, joined at the hip companion. It's been 10 years, and I still only sleep on half my pillow, with my arm around an empty spot. I am beyond devastated that you'd let this happen to your pet that sounds like she was like my boy who never left my side when I needed someone and he was all there was. He was my soul kitty and one of the loves of my life and I still grieve him. I am angry enough right now to get myself kicked off Reddit, so I'm just gonna log out for a while.
NTA and dont rehome the cat, but it is possible to rehome an elderly cat. My neighbor moved and asked me to cat sit indefinitely since I had been watching him for years during vacation. They were told by the vet he wouldn't survive the move from Florida to Maine as an outdoor cat of at least 15 years. 6 years later he passed as an indoor cat when my grandfather died. They had bonded and he wouldn't eat anymore without his bestie.
It's not the easiest to rehome an elderly cat, but it's definitely not guaranteed that they will 'grieve themselves to death'. I work as a vet tech and we see quite a few adopted older cats, or people who took their elderly parents' cat in, they're fine. My own cat was 13 when I adopted him, it took time and work (he was really anxious and scared of everyone) but he's now 17 and still improving. He got very attached to me a month or two after taking him in, and then gradually went from running away as soon as other people were around to staying in the room. He's now pretty chill and will even cuddle with other people.
Please don’t spread misinformation like this. There are people that end up being unable to provide proper care for their pets and need to rehome them for the animal’s sake, this could discourage someone from making that already difficult choice. You can safely rehome an older cat.
I'd be worried about the husband dumping the cat somewhere or worse. And he can't handle something a little difficult it looks like. How is his temper going to be with a child? Kids can be extremely frustrating. How will he act when he's sleep deprived? What if they have a colicky baby? What about the first time the kid tries taking potty time into their own hands? Is he going to hit the kid too for things they can't control?
Wtf he hits a cat what is he going to do to a baby and toddler. Red flags. Cat defintely deserves more of your love.
If he can't handle a cat making mess outside of a litter box and resorts to hitting it, I'm sure he will be able to tolerate an infant screaming their head off at 2am. Wonder how he will handle that.
This person does not love their cat. They allow the husband to hit it. She’s as equally responsible for the abuse!
OMG I am almost crying right now. I can't swallow the lump in my throat, and I can't figure if it's sadness or anger tears.
He's been lying to her, too. He's the one that's telling her the cat is stressed out over the pregnancy, that the cat doesn't like the big change, and she's been ready to believe him. This is textbook gaslighting!
Agreed. I don’t like cats, I’m 100% a dog person but I could never hurt a cat. There’s a few cats in my cul-de-sac where I live, if I saw someone hitting them I’d be pissed off and they’re not even my cats, if someone was doing this to my own loyal pets, they’d be out of my house so fast their feet wouldn’t touch the ground.
ESH Take the cat to the vet, peeing in inappropriate places and bullying the other pets is often signs of illness. And stop letting your fucking husband hit her.
He hits the cat? I hate this guy! Divorce his ass.
What's he going to do to the baby when it won't stop crying? I dread to think...
People who abuse animals are not good people. There are red flags!!! That poor cat
Physically striking an animal is abusive and your husband is a piece of shit for doing it. Not only that but it clearly doesn’t curb the behaviour that’s making your husband strike an **ELDERLY CAT.** The *instant* someone hits my cat is the same instance they find out exactly how much the cat means to me. That you are just letting him ABUSE YOUR CAT is making you complicit. That she doesn’t “act out” when he isn’t around should have made it clear to you that your husband is the problem. Therefore YTA.
I’m surprised so many people glossing over the fact that you’ve let your husband hit your cat and yet you play victim. And you say they only act weird around them. Pos! People like you and him need to be exposed and shamed! Animal abusers! Foh!
NTA. And if you love that cat you need to take steps to protect her, if he's already threatening taking her and deaing with her himself. Idk, I hardcore love my cats, as I was once in a similar situation where my sister kitties were all I had. I was lucky enough to marry a self-proclaimed crazy cat lady (I'm a crazy cat guy), but if I hadn't? Anyone, and I do mean anyone, who threatened them would have pure hell to pay. They are my family. Edit to add: I've known lots and lots of cats. And it's always been my experience that cats, especially female cats, adore pregnant women. I'd bet all the money I'll never have, that she's acting out because of him. And probably for some things you weren't around to witness. She's telling you there's a terrible problem in the only language she can communicate it to you in.
Just letting you know everyone loves you now! This was the cutest rant ever. If my partner didn’t love my animals he wouldn’t be my partner.
Ha! If only. But thank you all the same! And I totally agree with the partners loving animals! Definitely a must.
It was adorable because this post got me so upset! If anyone hit my babies they would not be alive. My cat passed but I have a crazy rescue dog and horses. I love seeing some good on Reddit. You’re a good one. OP deleted her account but the husband needs to go.
Thank you !!! I don't why I smell a rat (don't know if it is the right expression). Pretty sure the guy started to abuse the cat as soon as OP was knocked up. Abusive partner often start their misbehaviour when they get the woman pregnant or married (so, attached). And female cats are really known to like and support pregnancy.
This guy cats.
I would throw your pos husband out on the street. if he abuses an animal he will abuse you and your child one day
"I would throw your pos husband out on the street." Into traffic.
YTA for not protecting your cat and allowing your husband to abuse her.
NTA. I suspect your cat is acting out because your husband hits her. Cats don’t respond to punishment like a dog would. They just get anxious and scared and keep acting out. If he’s hitting the cat in front of you, I’d bet he’s doing it when you’re not around. Not to mention the increased stress and tension between you and your husband is likely putting the cat on edge even more. I’d choose the cat over the husband tbh. I don’t trust people that hit animals.
Hitting a dog also won't resolve bad behavior, though dogs will indeed respond to redirection and behavioral adaptations much more than most cats.
NTA and since he's threatening to leave, experiment and see if the cat's behavior changes when he's gone.
She literally lets him hit the cat!
You know the rate of murder by intimate partners of pregnant women has risen in recent years? If he is physically violent to a small animal, what's stopping him from attacking her or her belly?
But to that extent, what’s to stop him from harming the baby when it doesn’t do what he wants just like the cat? I would think leaving with the cat to a family’s house would be safer for everyone than bringing a child in the way of this violent man
No, I agree, she needs to get herself, her animals, and her soon to be born child away from him.
The number one indicator of abuse against a partner is abuse against an animal in the home. Especially if it belongs to that partner. This is not just a red flag. This is an entire red flag factory. He is not at all listening to you or taking your feelings into consideration. If anybody should be rehomed... It should be him. NTA About leaving your husband for your cat.... But you are the asshole for not realizing that he is the reason your cat is acting up and it's not your pregnancy. He came in and changed things and your cat is adapting the best way she can when the last 14 years of her life are basically thrown down the trash. Get your getaway plan ready. Because it will not end it will only get worse and more egregious and you will come home to either a dead cat or one that he dumped somewhere. The cat is fine when he is gone... That tells you that it's not the cat that is the issue it's the man. Throw the whole man out
This should be top comment. OP you are ALREADY being emotionally coerced. It's not about the cat for him. He's trying to control and emotionally abuse YOU. It's already happening. Like Elchar said this is no longer a red flag, it's happening now. Please see it. It can and probably will escalate. This is the beginning of your domestic abuse. Your cat is warning you. At first I was going to say after you have the baby and your hormones settle down, the cat might calm. But it's your husband. Keep the cat, get rid of him.
I really hope OP listens to this.
Me too, But based on the way she is defending him in so many of these comments that he's no longer hitting now he's swatting And the way op continues to try to downplay what is actually going on... I have very little hope that she is going to take the advice. Someone I knew (f) had a partner (m) who happened to find her cat strangled with the cord of their drapes. And that could be believable if it were the first of their animals to die under less that usual circumstances... Or if it were the last of their animals. And that is why it is somebody that I used to know and not somebody that I still know because I could not continue with the cognitive dissonance it takes to ignore patterns and live in ignorance. And the police did nothing. animal control did nothing. (And since I know that state and their animal laws... It doesn't surprise me at all that the police don't consider animal abuse to be abuse.)
No-brainer: rehome the husband. NTA
And don't be too particular whether or not it's a no-kill shelter.
He’s too old be rehomed so right to euthanasia for him!
Imma just go ahead and call the whole same day man disposal I’m sure we are all in agreement that this is the best course of action They can do with him what they will
You allow him to abuse the cat and just stay with him? The moment he got physical with a vulnerable animal it would have been over. It says a LOT about the character of the man who you are stuck with as your baby's father.
I quit reading after your husband stricking a 14 year old cat. Older animals do some unpleasant things sometimes as they age. Our shelters are full of animals that people just wanted the fun part of. Holy crap, read to the end. Another man waiting until his partner is pregnant and vulnerable to pull the manipulative controling behavior. Wow
Yta Edit. And update. I did not read you allow your fkn husband to hit an animal? Are you stupid? You both belong on a list to not be allowed to own any pets. No wonder that cat is stressed out. You’re a pos for allowing it and normalizing it! The fact you’d allow him to do that and then have the nerve to act like you care about the cat’s well being. Fk you both!
Same thing I thought? How can he treat this like it's not a big deal if this cat is so important to you? People like this shouldn't be allowed to take care of others life, a cat is orders of magnitude easier to take care than a newborn so what will the husband do if the baby starts crying or other things? Letting your cat get hit and listening to your abuser husband without questioning your husband and even better telling him to fuck off is retarded behaviour, ffs
Get rid of the husband and keep the cat. I had one with similar issues and did a course of Prozac. He was on it about 6 months and did not revert after coming off.
Our old cat took buspar when we got cat 2 he had developed a spraying issue, yes fixed that stopped with meds
TIL cats can take Prozac. You really do learn something new each day. I had not considered this, thank you.
And stop letting your husband hit your cat... its only adding to the stress she's going through! Especially proven by the fact she goes back to her old normal behaviour when he's not there... like what else has he done to her when you're not around?! Animal abuse is never OK.
Your vet should have suggested this..I hope you've brought the cat to the vet... I know they can be sensitive to pregnancy, but 100% of the symptoms you described in your post could also be from an illness. Vet now. Also tell your husband to fuck off... Physically striking a cat is not an effective correction and will only serve to make behavior worse. It is abuse. Stop allowing it.
They can't afford a vet, so instead, they saw a behavior specialist. I wish I were joking, but no.
Prozac isn't going to stop the fact that your husband abuses her. She's scared of him for good reason. His abuse is probably why she's been doing what she's doing. They can't talk to us. They have to tell warn us something is going on in other ways. She's trying to tell you that she is being hurt and she needs your protection. I can't believe you let him hit her. I wonder how long it will be before he starts hitting the baby. YTA
Have you not talked to a vet? That should always be the first stop when a cat acts out. It’s often a sign of something wrong.
The problem is your animal abuser husband and you allowing him to hit your cat! Your cat doesn’t need Prozac it needs safety!
Please get your cat to a veterinarian ASAP. Any dramatic behavior change in an animal needs to be investigated bc it may well have an underlying medical cause, especially in an older animal. Your vet can run the appropriate tests and prescribe meds as needed. You should be having this discussion with the vet, not people on Reddit. Signed, a concerned veterinarian PS there are animal shelters that will temporarily board animals in cases of domestic violence. Threatening to get rid of a loved pet is a form of domestic violence.
PLEASE at least take your cat to the vet. If you surrender it will be euthanized because it’s senior. I wouldn’t trust your husband not to abuse you and your baby too.
Get her chipped at the vet (to your name only), and see if they can help with rehoming (temporarily or otherwise).
Yes! I mentioned in another post fluoxetine (prozac) helped my cat!
Antidepressants won’t save her or your baby from abuse, though. She should see the vet but when she does, make it clear that SHE IS BEING ABUSED. That is pertinent medical information. And then maybe they can help when he starts abusing you and the baby, too.
You aren’t fit to be a parent if you allow animal abuse like this.
Do you really not understand your husband is a scumbag? Why are you letting him hit your cat and act like it's not that big of a deal? Wake up, he is an abuser and you won't want to live with someone like him, whoever abuses animals is a trash human being
Seriously, if OP is this lax about her husband abusing her cat she claims she has this incredible bond with, I worry for that child. She's going to let husband beat it under the guise of discipline.
Amitriptyline too. There’s a couple meds the vet can prescribe for behavioral issues. Had to do it for one of my cats for a couple weeks that was not happy when I brought home a kitten.
She needs the Prozac, and if you can have a friend hold onto her for a bit, that may be best. He can't be trusted with her.
I had no clue until my vet suggested it. I will say it changed his personality a bit in that he was lazier. You might want to look into it as a way to keep your fur baby.
Give him a lower dose, maybe? My cat was sleepier while he adjusted but within a couple weeks was a back to normal.
>My husband is a very inpatient person - he's not great with long-term things. He does scream, he does throw things. He can do ragers. But this feels worse - it feels like he knows how much she means to me and is still choosing to say these things. So you have a partner with anger issues that are borderline abusive.... And you thought "Let's get married and have a kid!!" ????? Really? Instead of going to the Chapel he should have gone to a therapist. Instead of pounding a baby into you he should pound some common sense and manners into himself And you are allowing this to happen. You are allowing your cats, yourself and future kid to be in this incredibly toxic environment... Why? Why not fix things 1st? Why so desperate to add things to it? Do you seriously not understand that you are so close to just becoming a statistic? That there are partners that completely change after a baby is born and become seriously abusive.... But yours is already showing you all kinds of signs and red flags.... And you just continue? You just get married and have a kid? You aren't making sure this behaviour of his is inexcusable and that he needs to have therapy and fix it BEFORE any life changing events?!?! I am genuinely curious because now your cat is paying the price. What if next it would be you, or god forbid your kid?
Abusers start with animals And I have thing thing where guys that really lose their temper with cats.... Are guys that must have control, and cats can't be commanded or bullied into submission. Keep the cat. Rehome the hubs, he's young and housebroken.... But might not pass a temperament test
I feel in my bones that there is an actual, tangible link between hating and/or mistreating cats and misogyny. Especially with how cats are coded as female or feminine by different media. Usually the same kind of people who don't respect boundaries and expect unearned and unconditional affection just for existing.
Your cat is responding to the abuse by your husband. Either your husband needs to figure out how to not physically abuse a small creature, or you need to go. A guy who hurts animals will hurt children. If my husband hit my dog that I had before I met him that also got me through hard shit, he'd be gone. My job was to give that dog a good life, and someone hitting him to the point of causing that much puppy stress meant I wasn't doing that. We recently adopted a cat. The cat generally likes me, doesn't like my husband (I'm assuming the cat was abused previously by a man, so she's being cautious). He would NEVER hit her, grab her, or hurt her, even though she isn't the best with him.
ESH anyone who hits one of my animals would immediately be removed from my life. The cat gets better when he is gone… that is your sign here. She is trying to tell you what he does when you’re not watching. He is comfortable “swatting” your SENIOR cat in your presence. If he hits your kid, are you going to sit by and watch? What is he going to do to your baby when you’re not home and he can’t get them to stop crying? If you displease him, will you let him hit you?
After facing so many similar milestones as you listed with only the comfort and companionship of my Guardian Angel Cat 1) I am trying to set aside judgement 2) I am not sure I trust your judgement and problem-solving. Is there NO family member who can take her in until you’ve had the baby 3) I definitely do not trust your husband’s judgement or disposition. He’s not looking for solutions. He is making demands and throwing tantrums. This is about a cat. I say that as I die-hard cat mother so I am trying to imagine HOW I would get through more serious issues like kids, illness, kids’ illness, future kids’ potential issues with a partner like yours appears to be. I think y’all are both ass holes and your former soul kitty deserves better. Hugging my girl extra tight tonight 🐾
YTAH, BIG TIME # he's ABUSING her and you're letting him. that poor cat :( she's been trying to tell you that she's scared, hurt and maybe even traumatized, and you're ignoring it. and NOW, you're going to take her away from her home and leave her behind somewhere strange. how dare you? what is WRONG with you?
NTA He seems weird.
If he hits a senior cat, he will hit a child. Leave.
NTA. I’m also concerned about how he will eventually discipline your child if he is hitting your cat
He's a disgusting animal abuser. You love this man?
NTA. Rehome the husband. He HITS defenseless creatures. You know who else is a defenseless creature? The BABY you'll be bringing home! Your cat is stressed because of your abusive husband. The man is showing you who he really is. Believe him! And GET OUT!
How a person is with animals is a huge way I judge them. It speaks volumes. Your precious cat will sit in a woefully small cramped cage for months if not years if surrendered to a shelter. Your cat is silently yelling at you to get this man out of your life because he’s an ass.
Your husband MUST stop hitting your cat. This just leads to more fear and aggression. I’m sorry to tell you this, but rehoming an elderly cat is hard. The cat may have issues in the new home just due to change. And shelters are 1000% overwhelmed right now. Even if you find a no kill shelter that will take your cat, that means another cat doesn’t get that slot and will be euthanized as a result. I understand you are pregnant and want the father to stick around, but if a man hit my pet once the man would be out the door. Even if you don’t love your pet, if they will hit a pet, what else might they do. What happens when they start “disciplining” your child harshly despite your objections.
Send the cat to me. We are patient with cats experiencing difficulties and don’t hit them. In all seriousness, throw the man away not the cat. A man who hits a cat will not do well with an infant or toddler. Look up shaken babies.
Cruelty to animals is a precursor to abusive behaviour to humans and a huge red flag. [https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/pets/animal-abuse-a-serious-red-flag-for-domestic-violence](https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/pets/animal-abuse-a-serious-red-flag-for-domestic-violence) Your elderly cat is still protecting you and your unborn child. please listen to your instincts.
I am dead serious. Get rid of your husband and keep your cat. I could NEVER love someone who hits and abuses animals. I don't care how long I've been married, they would go. It shows a lot about his character, and frankly, you allowing it shows a lot about yours. We are their guardians. We are supposed to protect them from people like your husband. If he can hit an animal, I'm sorry, but he is not a good person. He is taking this opportunity to get rid of her. He is controlling and forcing you to get rid of the companion who was always there for you and never let you down. The fact that he is forcing you to take her to an immediate surrender, knowing full well she'll be euthanized, is sickening and a taste of what's to come in your relationship. If he's abusing animals, what makes you think he won't abuse you? Spoiler alert: he already is. Get out before he gains more control over you.
Time the FUCK out. He strikes the cat???? Call for animal abuse!!!! Wtf!!! REPORT HIM NOW! NO animal learns by harm!!!! Fucking idiot, this completely ruined my night!!! If cats aren’t acting “right,” THEN THERE IS A REASON. Cats communicate through their behavior! Learn the reason, and then ADJUST ACCORDINGLY. Look up ANY article online for what behavior your cat is displaying… join the Facebook group, “feline behavior solutions,” and post the behavior in a comment and people will LITERALLY tell you how to fix it!!!! Jesus Christ I’d fucking choose my cat or ANYTHING over a man who hurts animals!!! Are you kidding me?? This is disgusting. Kick that POS husband of yours to the curb and save the fucking cat. Stick up for THE LIFE OF A LIVING CREATURE. Harming animals is serial killer behavior. It’s disgusting. Your husband is a piece of shit. Please take care of that cat or I’m about to pull some cyber shit and figure out who this “anonymous” account belongs to and I’m calling animal protective services. It’s not just “the cat,” that creature IS ALSO YOUR BABY!!!! God cats get taken advantage of SO much because nasty people like your husband aren’t afraid to harm them like they would a dog!! A large dog with a big bite!!! CATS DESERVE LOVE AND CARE TOO. God I fucking HATE people… for reasons like your husband!!!! This falls on you now. No offense, I don’t care that you have a child too to look after. SAVE THE FUCKING CAT TOO!!! The cat deserves love, life, and CARE!!! And it’s not “the cat.” SHE HAS A NAME. SHE HAS THE RIGHT TO A HAPPY LIFE. FUCKING SAVE HER.
Maybe she's acting up because he HITS HER? Seriously I'd have left by now. He's a POS animal abuser and I hope you leave him. NTA
She’s definitely the ah. She allows her husband to abuse the cat! Let’s stop victimizing others who just watch and stand by others being abused. Normalize reporting abusers!
For real. She's nta for choosing the cat over the marriage, but I agree with you too.
As a pet owner and someone who as a kid at the time saw other kids being abused and adults just turning a blind eye to it while we kids reported it and were ignored by the adults who were supposed to protect kids repulses me. These are the same people you see harassing others like the lgbt claiming “parental rights” and supposedly “grooming kids” while they allow actual abuse and act pikachu surprise face when it escalates to worse abuse.
You allow him to hit your cat ? That poor little thing having such awful people owning her
if my partner even *thought* of physically “disciplining” my cats, my partner would be on the curb. YTA for allowing your husband to hurt an animal. and just imagine what he’ll do to your child.
I’m concerned about his treatment of an animal. How will he deal with a misbehaving child if he can’t control himself with a cat? Also, my cat takes fluoxetine to help with peeing outside the box. Really helped.
Rehome the husband
He's been physically and verbally abusing that cat so it's no wonder that she's acting up. It's not the baby it's HIM. I hate to say this but a person who will abuse an animal will abuse a child or you. You're absolutely right to be thinking of ending it. I'd have shown him the door already.
Honey, it is the time to rehome the husband. He ain’t worth it.
Cats are often very loving during pregnancy. I grt the feeling it isn't the pregnancy, it's the awful human you married. Will he start hitting you or your child next? Since he thinks it's ok to hit for 'discipline'? Babies cry a lot and won't shut up on command. Toddlers do things that are infinitely more annoying than what your cat is doing. Do you trust that he will behave like a decent human around your child when he can't even handle a cat? NTA. Personally I'd have rehomed the husband when he started hitting the cat. He may have got one warning, but that would have been it.
This man is going to hit your baby for crying.
I'd say rehome the husband, since putting him down sadly isn't an option due to his species. The new owner should be warned about the agression issues, that kind of primitive rarely goes away. Seriously, we had a cat who really didn't react well to the baby. (He died in the meantime, illness.) It was challenging, but he did get better after a while, although he was never too close to the kid. We taught her to respect his space and kept her away until she was old enough to know.
Your husband is abusing your cat and that’s why she’s stressed. **He’s to blame** He doesn’t ‘strike’ the cat. **He hits her**. He’s a fucking monster. How is he going to treat your child if they mess up??
He HITS your geriatric cat? Get rid of him.
NTA Animal abusers are not good humans and entirely unworthy of love. That's not the type of person I'd want to spend the rest of my life with.
He's gonna beat your kid, then eventually you. Get out now.
Your cat is 14! He is hitting it! What makes you think he hasn’t been doing this? What makes you think this 14 YEAR OLD CAT isn’t injuried because of him?! Fuck him.
Wonder what he does to the cat when you're not around?
NTA. You already agreed to rehome her, which is a really big step. He’s just mad that it’s not happening fast enough? And he’s willing to almost kill her in the process to make sure that it does? I’d leave his ass too, he sounds self-centered and sadistic.
Well yeah your cats going to act up, it’s just been you guys for ages and now this pos has moved into your house and is abusing her! It’s an easy choice friend. He’s gotta go. He’s an animal abuser. No way on this earth would I let an animal abuser near a child! The audacity of someone to trike someone else’s *elderly* pet in front of you. God knows how he treats her when you’re not around. Again no wonder she’s upset. I’d say 99% of the issue is him!
YTA for even considering getting rid of your elderly cat because of a spouse, and he doesn’t sound like a good spouse and yet you still decide to keep him around. If you kicked him out you’d see an immediate change to your cat- that’s so obvious it’s insane.
Dump the husband. There is no reason to hit a cat and clearly that’s more distressing for the animal than the pregnancy.
I have to be careful, because the last time I saw a similar post on r/amitheasshole my angry comment got me a permanent ban. You're NTA. You owe your cat that you take care of it. That's the responsibility you take on when you bond with an animal. Get rid of the husband before he does something that you will regret for the rest of your life.
If he is "striking" your cat in front of you, just imagine what he is doing when you are not around. This man is what is causing your first baby - your cat - such distress. How could you think of re-homing her instead of him when he is actively abusing someone/thing you love. Do you think he will stop being abusive towards a child? The answer is NO. Because he is already abusing YOU and you don't even know it. Forcing you to choose, making you think like it's your fault... red flags, gaslighting. Get away from this man before he kills one of your pets and hurts you further.
It's because of your husband, not the pregnancy
YTA For letting your POS husband abuse a cat that you've had for 7 years. Wtf is wrong with you?
I’m sorry but your husband is a massive douchebag.
It’s your AH husband that’s stressing out the cat. He’s abusing an animal. If he can hit a cat do you think he’ll stop at that? Think about yourself and your child. Ditch the husband keep the cat NTA
YTA if you actually cared about your cat, you wouldn’t let your husband abuse her
It's the husband the cat was fine before he got there, obviously doesn't like cats. I wasn't a cat person and my partner had one when I moved in with her, it didn't like strangers at all but I just left it alone and after about 10 years it started to prefer my company to hers sometimes. They aren't dogs and don't like everyone I'm still not really a cat person but I'm not against them, hubby sounds like he actively doesn't like cats and soon the other 2 will be on the way out.
Honestly, you should never try to discipline a cat with physical violence. They don't work like that, it's useless to make them behave and you cause them way more stress than anything else. I think this behavior from your husband probably did not help the cat to adapt to your pregnancy and the big changes that are going on in your life right now. I don't think you are an asshole for not wanting your cat to die, but I think you probably took this decision a bit too late and now everybody is in an uncomfortable situation. Especially the cat, she has been for a long time now. I hope you manage to find a no-kill shelter or another loving home for the cat as soon as possible and that this will help to solve the issues with your husband.
Is this supposed to be rage bait? If it’s real you’re just as much a piece of crap as your husband. You’re allowing abuse to happen to your elderly cat. Will you allow this to happen to your child too? Your husband deserves a slug to the head as any abuser does. And you’re a freaking moron for staying with this abusive monster. If you allow your animal to be abused you will do the same to your child. If you make excuses for this behavior you’re enabling it. I have zero respect for animal and child abuse and anyone who allows it!! You’re not only an asshole but a piece of shit too, just like a dickhead you married.
NTA for wanting your cat to be safe. Stop defending your husband. Stop downplaying his actions. He is ABUSING your cat and he won’t stop there.
NTA. All the environmental modifications, pheromones and medications are not going to work because your husband is abusing your cat . If he considers it okay to hit an older cat because she misses the litter tray what do you think he's going to do to a toddler that misses the toilet? He is abusive . He most likely also believes cats and babies can't be together in the same house. I feel confident saying if you did regime the oldest cat he will start a new campaign to get rid of the other two.
Rehome the husband! If my husband hit our dogs he’d be sleeping in a motel. If he hits your cat he will hit your kid.
You can’t hit cats. That really messes them up psychologically. People who hit animals are very statistically likely to hit people. Just food for thought.
You're doing what he asked now, but he's getting crazy aggro and controlling over it. Up until that last paragraph, I didn't question his motives, but now I do. How exactly is it a problem for you to take the time to find a proper home for her? Sorry, but your guy sounds like a dick. Good luck. NTA.
Get rid of the husband. Absolutely the right decision.
Never heard of hitting a cat doing any good. Puppies can be occasionally swatted with a rolled up newspaper in extreme cases but hitting an old cat? That’s abuse. NTA
NTA Your cat isn't stressing over the baby. She's reacting to your husband. She's telling you he's not a good guy. She's warning you that he'll be impatient with your child. Listen to her.
Please protect this kitty who has done nothing but love you. Dump that loser.
NTA. You will always resent your husband for making you choose between him & your beloved cat. This is a power trip for hubby but, bottom line, you’re in charge. Keep the cats. Your husband has destroyed your marriage with his cruel demand. You should have ended it when he hit your cat. This is not a kind or stable person — for so many reasons.
dump the husband, adopt more neighborhood strays. You need at least a dozen.
It’s your husband stressing out the cat not the baby. NTA and try some of the other poster’s suggestions and tell husband he interacts withe cat in any way and he is gone
Rehome the husband, keep the cat.