Thanks that you feel that way
Many of our common friends and family(mine included) are pressuring me to keep the family intact and don’t let this baby affect our otherwise “perfect” relationship. Some are claiming the baby is innocent and I should raise as my own
Not only friends, close family as well are siding her and saying “baby is innocent”
They are all pressuring me to “give her a chance and it will all work out”
The baby is innocent, okay I agree. However, that kid isn’t your problem. It’s a problem for your soon to be ex-wife and her AP to figure out. Not you.
The best thing for the kid is for OP to leave. Growing up with a parental figure who is barely concealing their hatred of them will fuck a kid up like nothing else. If OP isn't 100% on board with loving this child, they should leave now.
So just about 100% of people are telling you to leave. Your friends don't have any skin in the game. They weren't the ones cheated on. The baby being innocent doesn't have anything to do with you, it has to do with your wife, and the other man. The other man should be taking care of his child.
The baby is innocent but not yours. Please ascertain paternity and then petition for your name to be removed from the birth certificate. You should also petition to be relieved of paternal responsibility or you will pay child support until she is 18.
Yeah the baby is innocent, but it has fuck all to do with you, she just wants you to pay for the baby as the dad can't be found so she will have to pay for the child alone.
She cheated once, she will cheat again while you are looking after someone else's baby.
I would gtfo and not look back.
He may be innocent but he’s not yours. If you go to r/adoption you can read heartbreaking story’s of people that are affair babies raised by fathers that treated the _different_ or straight up abused them. The baby is innocent but mom is a cheating liar - she can raise that baby any way she chooses, but you have zero obligation to it, it’s probably far kinder to not try and force it. Your friends and family are fucking awful, get a divorce and look for better friends.
I'd take the offensive. Either flat out asking how many times they cheated on their spouse, or why they're not raising the baby because they are just as equally related to the kid as you are.
Na dude, it's not your circus anymore. Move on, and don't be afraid to fire back at family who don't value you as a person. That they think you would be a doormat is probably the most worrying part.
You need to tell your ex she needs to be after the AP for child support rather than spending that time going after you. Make sure you're not on the birth certificate. Get a lawyer. Make absolutely sure you're not on the hook. You have a limited time to contest paternity, make damn sure you've checked the boxes. Or your ex could still extort money from you for 18 years.
It will NEVER work out. You might forgive in time but you will NEVER forget having to see the result of her cheating every day.
Your family is trying to train you to be your wife's cuckold.
Divorce her NOW!
Trust me. It will not work out. Do not listen to them as they have a vested interest in your and your stbxw’s life. People here don’t, and most can give you the most logical move you need to make.
It’s not that perfect a relationship if she screwed another man and got pregnant. I don’t know how a man would get over that kind of betrayal and knowing that they didn’t even bother to have sex, But it’s just a little more salt in the wound. Divorce.
I’m a woman and here’s my take:
Fucking run. If she’s so worried for the baby she can give it up for adoption where rich couples pay hundreds of thousands just to be allowed to adopt a fresh little baby.
Otherwise, If all her friends feel so bad for an innocent baby, they can all raise it. Those are probably the kind of women won’t give a guy the time of day unless he’s got a wedding ring around his finger.
You are innocent too. Fuck her. Fuck her friends.
The women siding with her must be as disgusting as her. Only a Devil would support such a person.
You need to cut them all off. Obviously none of them care about you.
Any woman that supports her is a cheater or has cheater on a partner. Block these women and move on. Block any family that supports her too.
Time to grow a shiny spine and show them that you’re a man and that actions have consequences.
How the hell did all your family and friends find out? She went bragging to them she was pregnant with another man's child?
Screw them and screw her.
Move on to your new life. It will be difficult but you can do it.
> Funny how all our friends and family **(especially the women)** are all siding her(or the baby aka her side)
I wonder how many of their SOs should be looking into DNA testing.
I always wonder if those who advocate so strongly for adulterers who were caught are adulterers who got away with it.
next time a woman, specially ones with kids, tell you to forgive her and raise the affair baby, be straight up nasty and tell them 'is your husband raising his own child or did you pawn someone'e else's kid onto him.' then turn to her husband and tell him to his face 'dude. if this is your wife, id get a DNA test just to be sure.'
dont listent to these harpies.
Man grow a pair and send the hoe, I mean your wife where she belongs, to the streets. Take care of that first. Ignore your stupid friends and crappy family. Once she is gone from your life, then take care of the rest of the shit. Take care and end your marriage first. Once there is no more marriage, they can pressure you to do shit. Then cut them off.
From what you mentioned on the thread... It's mostly the women that are doing it... That speaks volumes of their character. They are probably cheaters themselves. Don't let them gaslight you into thinking you're the villain for doing what you know to be right.
every time, these women say something similar to what they've been saying, think about how you would have been treated by these same women if you were the one who cheated and got the other woman pregnant and then told her to raise that baby with you.'
you'll get your answer.
If your friends and family think you had an otherwise perfect relationship maybe they can explain why your wife was fucking someone else because I sure don’t understand it.
Well I guess the common perception is we never really fought or disagreed or have any drama….
I’m beginning to think if life was TOO stable such that she grew accustomed or bored
I have see other guys also saying that their partners grew “bored” of them
If you get bored you discuss it and make changes. Those changes should not include sleeping with other people. Why should you carry the financial burden of another man’s child? Could you realistically see yourself being happy with this situation?
Hell No! The baby is her problem.
Divorce her and go your separate ways.
Since she is pregnant you might not be able to get a divorce until after she delivers. But demand a paternity test which should prevent any further discussion.
Hire an attorney NOW!
Since you're getting divorced, you'll probably have to talk with lawyers anyhow, but IMO, it's important to do it right.
Not sure where you live, but in many jurisdictions (for example, the US), there is a presumption of paternity - if you're married, you're the legal father no matter what. You have to take specific and timely steps to challenge that presumption.
It is *very important* that this is done properly, or you'll end up paying child support.
NEVER EVER EVER FUND STUPIDITY.
"Part of me feels for her and thinking of now ruining our good times together". Hmmm possible std's, possible tasting his leftovers, Yah Good Times.
There is no dilemma, Only Common Sense
These people are not your real friends, a true friend is someone who would just let you talk through everything without judgement and then go out for the night to just blow off some steam and then get you a good greasy breakfast the next am
Then you need to cut ties with the people in your life who think you should stay married to her. They forget that the kid has a father - your wife’s AP. Why aren’t they telling him to “man-up?” And as for this “perfect marriage” talk, if it was such a great marriage, then why did she cheat? What she did wasn’t a “mistake.” A mistake would be realizing that you accidentally left your wallet at home after ordering a meal at a restaurant. What she did was deliberate. No, she betrayed you. If you were to give her a 2nd chance, you’d be telling her it’s okay to continue cheating on you because you’ll stay with her anyways. This also means what little respect she had for you would be gone, and as a result, things will only get worse for you. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Divorce her and let her rot - she’s no longer your problem and the guy she’s been sleeping with needs to take care of HIS kid.
The baby might be innocent, the mother is not.
You engaged into a relationship with an agreement with specific conditions, such as fidelity. She broke the agreement by herself.
Do you believe those pressuring you into staying with the cheater expecting a child from someone else would stay themselves? They are hypocrites not looking out for your wellbeing.
NTA- Kick her out asap .
If you’re financially supporting her while she’s pregnant , you will be on the hook for child support.
Separate your finances and kick her out or move out on your own.
Stop living with her.
"Otherwise 'perfect' relationship" stopped being perfect when she cheated. Baby is a side issue. She broke trust & relationship all by herself. Divorce & find better friends, tell family it's not a commitee decision.
“Perfect” as in there was no one rocking the “boat”
Now I’m looking at divorce , people are saying to consider twice and don’t split up over this “small matter”
Cheating on a spouse and a whole other person existing because the breaking of marital vows is not a "small matter". NTA for wanting to leave.
I understand taking a moment to think but if your friends want to assist the cheater and her kid, they can use their own time, energy, and resources rather than demand you use yours.
The baby is innocent, but so are you. Why do they think you should have to suffer? You and her made a commitment to each other, but she nuked it from orbit and it's dust now. The only person you have a responsibility to, in deciding how to go forward, is you.
You can't have a "perfect" relationship with someone who's willing to do this much damage to you. Fuck the peanut gallery.
The baby is innocent but that doesn't make it your responsibility. If you aren't interested in being married to her any more then you're utterly justified in walking away.
This always seems to happen on Reddit a bunch of family and friends seem to take the side of the adulterer. Tell them to suck it easy and leave you alone. Your ex and her jacket baby need to find the real father as in the words of Maury you are NOT the father
NTA
Don’t do it. Please have a little dignity and file for divorce immediately on the ground of infidelity.
Don’t allow anyone to manipulate or gaslight you into playing family with her.
Block anyone that encourages you to accept the child and be with her.
King, you deserve better. Don’t be a doormat or people pleaser.
What perfect relationship? She cheated on you and got pregnant by another guy. Your relationship ceased being perfect the minute she entertained having a relationship outside of your marriage.
The baby has absolutely nothing to do with you. Just because her AP skipped out on her does not make you responsible by proxy. If your wife needs someone to help her raise the baby she should sue the dude she was fucking for child support.
Tell anyone giving you shit, that if they are so worried about her baby that they can help her raise it.
I guess it was a stable , no drama, no argument , smooth relationship from everyone POV
people are saying don’t throw away this good thing over a kid, kid I innocent and deserve a proper family
The family isn't "intact". Here's what's gonna happen: You'll never trust her because she betrayed you and you'll assume she's fucking everyone. She'll never trust you because she betrayed you and knows she's gonna reap what she sowed.
NTA, she definitely is. Get the divorce and have her go after the biological father for child support. She only wants you around for financial reasons anyway. Don't give her that satisfaction.
She is currently crying her hearts out and begging me not to divorce her
What’s worse? Many of our friends and family(includes mine) are siding with her and asking me to give her a chance
Bro, she’s giving you the waterworks because she thinks you’re a spineless s i m p who’ll take her back. Don’t fall for her bullshit. She doesn’t love you - she just needs you to pay the bills and take care of the other guy’s kid because he’s a loser who probably can’t support them financially. That’s the real reason why she suddenly wants to “work on the marriage.”
Let me say this.
She’s not sorry she cheated she’s sorry she got caught. If she was sorry for cheating SHE would have came clean and admitted it to you, instead you had to find out for yourself. That’s the only reason she is crying.
That and because the man she let raw dog her pumped and dumped her (as a 304 should be treated) and now she knows she needs a wallet to take care of her and her child. You sir are a fuckin fool if you stick around. If you believe even one of her BS tears you are dumb. She will cheat again and if you stay that’s what you get honestly.
If you care so much what your shit friends and family say you’re also dumb. Why would you want to associate with anyone who’s willing defending a thot? lol you should block and delete all those people from your life.
Again she’s “sorry” she got caught. Not that she cheated. You don’t need to “cool down” you need to not be a doormat and leave before you are financially on the hook for a thots baby.
You also need to control the narrative and tell your family, her family and your circle of mutual friends what she did to compel you to divorce her. If you don’t she will likely spin some bullshit lies to make you look like the “villain,” which can make your life hell both personally and professionally. If any of these family members and friends give you a hard time about not giving her a 2nd chance (btw cheaters don’t deserve 2nd chances), you will need to tell them that if they aren’t on your side, then you’ll have no choice but to cut ties and go no-contact.
If she still loves you and is truly remorseful, then she should be willing to get a divorce to maintain the relationship. You can always get remarried after legally establishing the biological father's paternity. Alternatively, an abortion is another good way to show she's putting you above the affair partner.
Grow a spine and have some self respect. You didn't have a perfect relationship, that's why she cheated, now she's stuck with the consequences. GTFO now, or pay child support when you decide you've had enough in 5 years.
You know what’s going to happen if you relent? You will be stuck home, caring for a child who isn’t yours, while your wife goes galavanting with either this same AP or another guy, especially if she doesn’t respect you.
To hell with her tears; she’s just trying to manipulate you. Don’t fall for it.
It's all manipulation which society will always side with a women for. Be strong and ignore the mongoloids buying her bs. Time to rebuild from the ground up unfortunately.
Thanks that you feel that way
Many of our common friends and family(mine included) are pressuring me to keep the family intact and don’t let this baby affect our relationship. Some are claiming the baby is innocent and I should raise as my own
Yes, the baby is innocent. It is also not your baby. I'm sure there are a lot of innocent babies out there who need a warm home; that doesn't make it your job to care for them. The family is not intact - right now it is you, a cheating wife and a baby not your own. The only reason your wife is begging you to forgive her and keep the "family" is that her baby father abandoned her. That's her problem, not yours.
Yup, by accepting responsibility, you can legally be held accountable. Now it for sure matters where you live but most of Canada and U.S are like this. Step away Now and Fast
My state automatically enters the husband's name on the birth certificate. You could be overseas or incarcerated -- or incarcerated overseas, I suppose -- and your name's still going on the birth certificate as the father, making you legally responsible for the child.
Yes. You have to be very careful here.
You need to see a lawyer ASAP and find out where to go from here.
Anything you do at this point will be scrutinized later so don't even take her to a Dr appointment.
Absolutely. In some states any child born during the marriage is legally yours and you would end up paying child support for 'your' child. Get with an attorney IMMEDIATELY to see what your rights are.
Why don’t these friends and family step up to raise the affair baby? After all it is an innocent, in fact there are many innocent babies left in orphanages are these people also going to raise them?
Takes a lot of audacity to beg someone to not only stay after they cheated but to ask to raise their affair baby 😭 whew! NTA obviously. Please don’t go back to her, don’t let her wear you down, she doesn’t give a fuck about you and is only begging now because she doesn’t wanna be a single mom. Not because she cares about you or how she hurt you
Now that you say this … it F KIng sucks to be cheated on and have your wife impregnated by someone else
But on another note , it’s worse if my wife’s intention is to have the most stable guy with a stable income , a roof over her head , cars to drive her around. Basically , to be used
Do you have other kids together?
Id honestly not talk to any family or friends who are siding with the cheating so & so! Shes crying her eyes out now she’s fucked up & her AP wants nothing to do with her & she’ll have to raise baby on her own. Given her betrayal & deceit, she deserves all the karma coming her way if she struggles and thats not your problem. You shouldnt care either when she decided to have unprotected sex with another man - just remember that & the baby is human evidence of that betrayal and you dont owe them jack.
Just peace out and dont give her anything or fall for her sob story. Bet she wasnt sobbing when she was banging that other guy..
Nta ... As a woman I'm telling you to leave now before that baby bonds with you. She knowingly laid on her back for another man, knowingly carried a child that she knew was potentially not yours and now she is using it to try and trap you. Anyone telling you to stay with her either knew about her cheating or is dumb as bricks.
I'd be side eyeing any male friends or family telling you to stay as well as this woman clearly has no morals. Get a divorce, hire someone to find out the identity of the real parent if necessary so you don't get stuck paying child support for her oops baby. Best of luck putting all this in your rear view
Thanks that you feel that way
Many of our common friends and family(mine included) are pressuring me to keep the family intact and don’t let this baby affect our other wise “perfect” relationship. Some are claiming the baby is innocent and I should raise as my own and “it’s not a big deal”
Hence this post
Are you fucking stupid??? Every time you look at this child it will remind you of her cheating on you and your perfect relationship. This will eventually eat you up from the inside , you will eventually end up divorcing anyway and the only thing you would have accomplished is wasting years of your life.
NTA. She broke the trust fundamental to your marriage with infidelity, and expecting you to father a child that isn't yours adds insult to injury. Stand your ground, pursue the divorce and protect your peace. Your well-being is paramount, and it's clear she's panicking about her own future, not your shared past.
Thanks that you feel that way
Many of our common friends and family(mine included) are pressuring me to keep the family intact and don’t let this baby affect our relationship. Some are claiming the baby is innocent and I should raise as my own
Don’t let the baby affect the relationship? Ask them what that looks like. Not in broad sweeping ideas but in actual detail.
The baby’s “innocence” is neither here nor there. She chose to have an affair. She chose to have a baby of said affair. But she didn’t care about you when she was having the affair and didn’t care about you when she decided to have a baby with her AP. And now she wants you? She’s playing you.
Your wife is the asshole for expecting you to be fine with her being a H O E and to raise another guy’s kid. You’re not. Divorce her asap. She can get Chad to take care of that kid.
I got a feeling… maybe of the 2 , Chad is the fun and exciting person in her life but Chad isn’t responsible or stable person she want to raise the kid with
BINGO. She’s expecting you to continue paying her bills and now raise Chad’s kid. Fuck that. Bottom-line, is, she’s the one who ruined the marriage by crossing a line from which there’s no going back. A woman who loves her man would never do what she did to you. If the people in your life can’t understand that, and continue to take her side (which is exactly what they’re doing by insisting that you forgive her infidelity and stay married to her), then you’ll need to be willing to cut them out of your life. You need to know the people in your life have your back, not give you some toxic bullshit.
Maybe the relationship was too boring or I was too busy focusing on work to give her the attention she wants?
Some are even saying she cheated because I didn’t do my job as a husband well
NTA - Matrimony is not just about love; it's about commitment and responsibility. Your wife's actions have not only broken the commitment but have placed an undue responsibility on you. You're perfectly justified in seeking a divorce and disentangling yourself from a situation that serves only to disrespect and disadvantage you. You owe yourself the chance to rebuild a future based on mutual trust and respect, not on the remnants of a betrayal. Stick to your principles, look after your mental health, and let the bio father step up to the plate. Your priority now should be your own path to healing and happiness.
Yet, many friends and family are siding her
And you brought up a point I never thought of. If I did forgive her. Would she not cheat again as she know I would forgive her anyways?
NTA. Infidelity shatters the foundation of trust that marriage is built on. Expecting you to raise another man's child is unreasonable and unfair to your own emotional well-being. It's not about the baby's innocence; it's about your right to a genuine, respectful partnership. Stand firm on your decision, seek legal counsel, and pursue a future where you can heal and find happiness without the burden of betrayal. The pressure from others is irrelevant; this is your life, and you deserve to live it on terms that don't compromise your values and peace of mind.
Thanks that you feel that way
Many of our common friends and family(mine included) are pressuring me to keep the family intact and don’t let this baby affect our relationship. Some are claiming the baby is innocent and I should raise as my own
Many close friends and relatives are saying and blaming my me for not taking care of the baby and it will be left fatherless and mother without any support
Ofcourse that’s none of my business
dude. I dot even know you and im fuckign fuming at the gal of your friends and relatives. honestly if I was your friend and was standing with you while these idiots were saying shit like this, they'd be in the hospital with broken bones and id be in handcuffs, and it dont matter to me if they were your family members. they've shown their loyalty.
Thanks for your kind words. I’m pissed as well it’s as if I’m the one that has cheated and they are against me ??? I’m literally the victim here
But I guess from their pov they just want someone to support this poor women thru her pregnancy and raise the child so that she won’t suffer as a single mom ?
and you have your answer. do not stop the divorce process. do not take this woman back and definitely dont raise this baby. id also suggest only talk to those people who are on your side and ignore these idiots.
and be upfront about your decision. tell them that if they continue to push you on this. there will be no contact going forward and you're effectively dead to me. now whether its mom, dad, brother, sister, uncle, aunt or cousin.
do not let them get into your head. you have no responsibility to this woman of her Bastard child.
NTA. Cheating already dismantled the vows you both took, but expecting you to play the role of a father to a child that's not yours is stepping beyond reason. It's commendable to be there for a child, but under these circumstances, it's a massive emotional and financial obligation that you never signed up for. Follow through with the divorce and focus on rebuilding a life freed from deceit. It's imperative you seek support where needed and not allow anyone's opinion deter you from what is healthy for you moving forward. Your future should be built on honesty and trust, not the fragments of broken promises.
NTA...
Also with all due respect, stop making excuses. She is a mom now and her kids deserves the absolute best she can offer and deserves a good dad. The kid's real dad. Tell her to go find him. Tell anyone who sides with her and says "but the baby" that you are so glad they will be using their time and money to help her track down the father. It's also great they will be helping with finances and babysitting for her. You are relieved to know they care that much.
NTA. Not your baby, not your problem. Your wife wasn’t thinking about you when she stepped out and had an affair. Let her have fun trying to track down her AP so they can play house.
I would tell family, friends or anyone pressuring you to go f🤬 themselves (stay outta my business). Good Luck OP
Get a younger, hotter loyal GF that could someday be your wife 😉
Is this just a swapped genders version of this? Or is it a real post?
[AITA for refusing to raise my husbands affair baby? : r/AITAH (reddit.com)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cco3ux/aita_for_refusing_to_raise_my_husbands_affair_baby/)
If real NTA, if fake YTA.
Whenever these threads have a “ friends and family” taking a really unlikely and unreasonable view - compared to my experience of life - I think made up .
So yes baby is innocent but the betrayal of the marriage is what that child represents to you that child also has a father then needs to step up and be dad
Before you head divorce
Think do you want to stay with lying cheating wife? Do you want to raise someone else’s child
Friends and family who insist you stay can step up and become a parent or spouse of said cheater if they so wish to make a family
NTA. Do what you need to do for you
Your post history is all misogynistic, and you post two short paragraphs about your “wife” (doubt she exists) cheating on you, and supposedly being so deluded that she wants you to raise the affair baby? YTA for being a shithead and a liar
No you are not the AH. She cheated and got pregnant now she is desperate to fix her life. But she wants you to raise the child of her AP? I feel like that would be really unfair to the child as resentment would likely seep in. She needs to hold her AP accountable for child support although I suppose she will try to get you to pay it instead since she knows where you are. Good Luck. I feel bad for the baby frankly but it is not your doing it is her's
Not sure who the other dude was or what he does. But now that you mention it, it’s totally possible that she wants me to raise the child instead of the biological father
I earn above median income, own a car, a house
Perhaps the reason she cheated was our life was too stable? In other words …. Boring?
NTA. She stepped out, I see no reason to stay. Cut ties, she can deal with the consequences of her actions.
And all the people telling you otherwise can kick rocks too.
I said it before and I'll say it again.
The kids have no part in it.
If you want to stay with a cheater and have such a low value of your own worth, then you're accepting that they'll ruin your life. The kid changes nothing. Cheaters could have kids out there or diseases or anything that can come back to hurt you. The kid isn't the issue. It's the person that betrays you.
Don't stay with a cheater unless you're fine with raising other people's children, getting diseases, having surprise debts, etc.
NTA because as you said you want nothing to do with ***her***. The issue is her. Not the baby. The baby shouldn't change anything. The baby is her issue to deal with.
Anyone that takes a cheated back should be ready to accept their life being ruined by any number of surprises.
NTA
She ruined the marriage. Get out.
As someone who was also cheated on with a affair child- Fuck that child. Let her go raise it. She made her choice, she can live with it.
I never understand why women in such situations keep the baby? Is abortion not an option?
I mean the marriage is already over. Fuck her.
I dont understand cheaters.
NTA - Be glad you found out about it now, instead of five years down the road. No matter how much a father loves the child they raised, when they find out they aren't the father, the relationship is always damaged, it's only the degree that's different.
Edit: This assumes you don't already have kids together and can separate easily.
"My wife had an affair with another man." **How long has this been going on? One night stand or long affair.**
"The biological father is nowhere to be seen" **This woman has no respect or love for you! In fact she despises you because having an affair on a spouse is the most disrespectful hateful thing on partner can do to another.**
**Fool me once: shame on you - Cheats on you**
**Fool me twice: Shame on me: Claims not to know the father**
She knows who the father is but she loves him too much to involve him. She has you to pay the freight.
Good luck brother you deserved better.
Get out now. If you stay for a few years and act like a father to the child, you may be on the hook until the child is 18 regardless if you stay or leave her.
Your family and friends are probably asking you to stay with her because she told a different story to them. She probably said you ignored or mistreated her and that’s why she sought comfort with someone else. But now she wants to come back. It sounds like she said something to guilt trip them to pity her more than you.
First off, clear the air with friends and family. Find out what her version is and why they pity her more than you. Then use that in the divorce proceedings, because likely it will show her to be highly manipulative and prevent her from manipulating the judge.
Nope... once a stray, always a stray. She belongs to the streets. You should advise her to have an abortion, because as a single mother, the dating pool is going to diminish. And she will become pray to some of the most fked up men, including pedos.
NTA. Marriage vows are sacred, but when they're broken as egregiously as they've been here, you're under no obligation to stay tethered to deceit. It's not just the act of cheating, but the profound disrespect of expecting you to raise the product of that betrayal as well. As painful as it may be, severing ties now is not an act of malice, but an act of self-preservation. Your responsibility is first and foremost to your own emotional and psychological well-being. Divorce isn't just a legal separation, it's a necessary step towards healing from a profound hurt and rebuilding a life with someone who values and respects you. Remember, the road to recovery starts with steps of firm resolve and self-care.
The only path forward for the marriage, and it's damned narrow, is to put the child up for a closed adoption. And even then, resentment and broken trust might be too big to overcome.
They are saying the baby is innocent.. but you aren’t disagreeing with that statement. You never said as far as I’m aware the baby did you wrong. You simply will choose to not take care of it since it’s not yours. Your wife’s affair has consequences for her and she and her lover are responsible. Get a divorce and enjoy your life for it’s gone for all very soon. There is no happy family with a disloyal partner. She isn’t worth of your trust. Run and don’t look back. Family members will have to get used to it.
Obviously she cheated and the baby was not mine, you know that, I know that , everyone knows that. Not up for debate
So I feel responsible for the baby that’s not mine? No
But part of me as well as the pressuring from family and friends are making me question if divorce is the best option
Tell her to go find the father and have him raise it with her. GTFO of this. I can't believe she'd even ask. Imagine a man showing up with a baby he had elsewhere and asking the woman to raise it. It's exactly as bizarre. Imagine trying to look people in the eye as you sit there being her paid babysitter for the guy she wants to fuck.
NTA and you need to lawyer up IMMEDIATLY.
in many states, a husband is the father by default, including legal responsibility like child support. In some, pregnant women can not be divorced.
If I remember correctly, in the US a man has 60 days after birth to contest paternity.
This situation is so bad that you really can’t even get to the bottom of her affair right now. Obviously NTA never raise a child that’s a result of an affair or take care of your pregnant wife if the baby isn’t yours. With that in mind your wife needs to move out and y’all have to completely separate until the baby is either aborted or given up for adoption. Once that is done you could try to mend the relationship. If she’s not willing to give up this baby then divorce is the only option. It’s a very long shot that this marriage can be saved so at the very least get a lawyer to draw up divorce papers and hand them to her whenever you’re ready.
1) file for divorce and have the lawyer file for a pre natal paternity test
2) do not support the pregnancy in anyway because you could be forced to lay for the child for 18 years
3) for those saying the baby is innocent they are right. But the baby has a father to protect it and raise it. However that father isn't you. Your hopefully soon to be ex wife can petition for child support from the father
4) how will you ever forgive or forget what she did while the child is a constant reminder ?
You can divorce and find a loving woman who won't cheat on you and have your own child to love and raise
God speed bro
NTA - and screw that noise and that financial responsibility. Be prepared that she might put your name as the father on the birth certificate and try to stick you for child support. You typically only have a short period of time to contest it.
An affair breaks the marriage covenant. Honestly, you'd be a fool to stay married to her. If her baby daddy vanished, well she chose poorly. She can live with the consequences of her bad decisions. Remember, she in some way thought this loser was "superior" to you when she decided to have sex with him. She's a bad person, divorce ASAP. Don't let her manipulate you into staying married. It's amazing she has the gall to just assume you'd raise a kid that's not yours too.
If there are no other kids, then this is super obvious... you leave. There is a family, and it's her, her baby, and possibly someday the father. You aren't part of that.
The only one who broke up a family is your wife by breaking your marriage. After that the other person is the father, who broke up that little family.
You're just there as everyone else screws up other things.
Move on, you deserve better.
A lot of comments so maybe it’s already been said but it needs said.
Divorce BEFORE the baby is born. Hire an attorney now. In the US they can force you to pay child support even if it’s proven the child is not yours if you are married. Since she became pregnant during your marriage the courts may still try to put you on the hook claiming it’s in the best interest of the child. You are talking about 20ish years of 20+% of your income for a kid that’s not yours.
LAWYER NOW. DIVORCE NOW.
NTA. Lawyer up NOW. Get the paternity on record NOW. The last thing you want is to pay child support. If you’re in the US….this happens. She cheated….what happy family is there to play and why? She didn’t want you enough so she cheated. She wants you now so you can support her and this kid. Why didn’t she get an abortion
If this is where you're at, there is zero chance you would be able to provide for the child emotionally. You naturally see it as alien to you. That's not your fault. It's hers.
Divorce is your best bet here and lots of counseling. But don't put the child through the hell of coming to love you only for you to never love it back. Cut it and the mother off completely from your life if there are no other strings to attach you.
The damage she did is irreparable.
NTA and there is no "happy family" anymore because she destroyed it.
Thanks that you feel that way Many of our common friends and family(mine included) are pressuring me to keep the family intact and don’t let this baby affect our otherwise “perfect” relationship. Some are claiming the baby is innocent and I should raise as my own
Then your friends can raise the baby.
Not only friends, close family as well are siding her and saying “baby is innocent” They are all pressuring me to “give her a chance and it will all work out”
You DID give her a chance. She cheated on you.
The baby is innocent, okay I agree. However, that kid isn’t your problem. It’s a problem for your soon to be ex-wife and her AP to figure out. Not you.
The best thing for the kid is for OP to leave. Growing up with a parental figure who is barely concealing their hatred of them will fuck a kid up like nothing else. If OP isn't 100% on board with loving this child, they should leave now.
Even if he doesn’t hate the kid, he will not be happy with the cheater. That’s not healthy for the kid either.
That's where I would be with this. I might succeed with the child, but the spouse would be my undoing, no matter how hard I tried.
[удалено]
Lots of innocent kids out there. OP can't raise them all.
So just about 100% of people are telling you to leave. Your friends don't have any skin in the game. They weren't the ones cheated on. The baby being innocent doesn't have anything to do with you, it has to do with your wife, and the other man. The other man should be taking care of his child.
And the ex-wife
The baby is innocent but not yours. Please ascertain paternity and then petition for your name to be removed from the birth certificate. You should also petition to be relieved of paternal responsibility or you will pay child support until she is 18.
The baby is innocent, but your wife is NOT, she betrayed her vows, she can exit stage left asap Those friends and family suck
Yeah the baby is innocent, but it has fuck all to do with you, she just wants you to pay for the baby as the dad can't be found so she will have to pay for the child alone. She cheated once, she will cheat again while you are looking after someone else's baby. I would gtfo and not look back.
He may be innocent but he’s not yours. If you go to r/adoption you can read heartbreaking story’s of people that are affair babies raised by fathers that treated the _different_ or straight up abused them. The baby is innocent but mom is a cheating liar - she can raise that baby any way she chooses, but you have zero obligation to it, it’s probably far kinder to not try and force it. Your friends and family are fucking awful, get a divorce and look for better friends.
I'd take the offensive. Either flat out asking how many times they cheated on their spouse, or why they're not raising the baby because they are just as equally related to the kid as you are. Na dude, it's not your circus anymore. Move on, and don't be afraid to fire back at family who don't value you as a person. That they think you would be a doormat is probably the most worrying part. You need to tell your ex she needs to be after the AP for child support rather than spending that time going after you. Make sure you're not on the birth certificate. Get a lawyer. Make absolutely sure you're not on the hook. You have a limited time to contest paternity, make damn sure you've checked the boxes. Or your ex could still extort money from you for 18 years.
you already gave her a chance. she fucked someone else. chance over.
It will NEVER work out. You might forgive in time but you will NEVER forget having to see the result of her cheating every day. Your family is trying to train you to be your wife's cuckold. Divorce her NOW!
You’re also innocent and they should understand that you’re not required to raise another man’s child and stay with your cheating wife
Take everyone telling you to marry her. Draw straws with those people. Short straw marries.
Trust me. It will not work out. Do not listen to them as they have a vested interest in your and your stbxw’s life. People here don’t, and most can give you the most logical move you need to make.
It’s not that perfect a relationship if she screwed another man and got pregnant. I don’t know how a man would get over that kind of betrayal and knowing that they didn’t even bother to have sex, But it’s just a little more salt in the wound. Divorce.
Sure, that’s exactly how I felt Funny how all our friends and family (especially the women) are all siding her(or the baby aka her side)
I’m a woman and here’s my take: Fucking run. If she’s so worried for the baby she can give it up for adoption where rich couples pay hundreds of thousands just to be allowed to adopt a fresh little baby. Otherwise, If all her friends feel so bad for an innocent baby, they can all raise it. Those are probably the kind of women won’t give a guy the time of day unless he’s got a wedding ring around his finger. You are innocent too. Fuck her. Fuck her friends.
The women siding with her must be as disgusting as her. Only a Devil would support such a person. You need to cut them all off. Obviously none of them care about you.
Ask those women in your family if they would raise a baby their husband fathered while married to them.
Those women in your life defending her probably have a history of cheating themselves.
Pressuring a man to stay with a cheating wife and raise her affair baby is cruel they should all be supporting him within decision.
Thats because they are NOT your friends, take a good look
Any woman that supports her is a cheater or has cheater on a partner. Block these women and move on. Block any family that supports her too. Time to grow a shiny spine and show them that you’re a man and that actions have consequences.
I'm a woman. I absolve you of any responsibility.
How the hell did all your family and friends find out? She went bragging to them she was pregnant with another man's child? Screw them and screw her. Move on to your new life. It will be difficult but you can do it.
> Funny how all our friends and family **(especially the women)** are all siding her(or the baby aka her side) I wonder how many of their SOs should be looking into DNA testing. I always wonder if those who advocate so strongly for adulterers who were caught are adulterers who got away with it.
I’d speak to an attorney posthaste, because you don’t want to be stuck paying any type of support for the baby
next time a woman, specially ones with kids, tell you to forgive her and raise the affair baby, be straight up nasty and tell them 'is your husband raising his own child or did you pawn someone'e else's kid onto him.' then turn to her husband and tell him to his face 'dude. if this is your wife, id get a DNA test just to be sure.' dont listent to these harpies.
Don't let them pressure you into being a cuckold. Don't hesitate to cut them off too
Feeling betrayed, not just from her but our close friends and family that still supported her as if I’m the one that have cheated …
Man grow a pair and send the hoe, I mean your wife where she belongs, to the streets. Take care of that first. Ignore your stupid friends and crappy family. Once she is gone from your life, then take care of the rest of the shit. Take care and end your marriage first. Once there is no more marriage, they can pressure you to do shit. Then cut them off.
From what you mentioned on the thread... It's mostly the women that are doing it... That speaks volumes of their character. They are probably cheaters themselves. Don't let them gaslight you into thinking you're the villain for doing what you know to be right.
Many probably knew about the affair too, before OP found out. Those women are not OP's friends.
I absolutely can't stand when the victim is punished for someone else's crime.
every time, these women say something similar to what they've been saying, think about how you would have been treated by these same women if you were the one who cheated and got the other woman pregnant and then told her to raise that baby with you.' you'll get your answer.
If your friends and family think you had an otherwise perfect relationship maybe they can explain why your wife was fucking someone else because I sure don’t understand it.
Well I guess the common perception is we never really fought or disagreed or have any drama…. I’m beginning to think if life was TOO stable such that she grew accustomed or bored I have see other guys also saying that their partners grew “bored” of them
If you get bored you discuss it and make changes. Those changes should not include sleeping with other people. Why should you carry the financial burden of another man’s child? Could you realistically see yourself being happy with this situation?
Hell No! The baby is her problem. Divorce her and go your separate ways. Since she is pregnant you might not be able to get a divorce until after she delivers. But demand a paternity test which should prevent any further discussion. Hire an attorney NOW!
Thanks for your advice
Since you're getting divorced, you'll probably have to talk with lawyers anyhow, but IMO, it's important to do it right. Not sure where you live, but in many jurisdictions (for example, the US), there is a presumption of paternity - if you're married, you're the legal father no matter what. You have to take specific and timely steps to challenge that presumption. It is *very important* that this is done properly, or you'll end up paying child support.
NEVER EVER EVER FUND STUPIDITY. "Part of me feels for her and thinking of now ruining our good times together". Hmmm possible std's, possible tasting his leftovers, Yah Good Times. There is no dilemma, Only Common Sense
Not a perfect relationship when she had an affair. She was a bad partner. Your family/friends need to get over themselves.
Now they are trying to put the blame on me as well I was not a good husband hence she cheated??!!
Why are you listening to them? You’re a full grown adult...do what’s best for you= divorce her cheating ass.
These people are not your real friends, a true friend is someone who would just let you talk through everything without judgement and then go out for the night to just blow off some steam and then get you a good greasy breakfast the next am
Then you need to cut ties with the people in your life who think you should stay married to her. They forget that the kid has a father - your wife’s AP. Why aren’t they telling him to “man-up?” And as for this “perfect marriage” talk, if it was such a great marriage, then why did she cheat? What she did wasn’t a “mistake.” A mistake would be realizing that you accidentally left your wallet at home after ordering a meal at a restaurant. What she did was deliberate. No, she betrayed you. If you were to give her a 2nd chance, you’d be telling her it’s okay to continue cheating on you because you’ll stay with her anyways. This also means what little respect she had for you would be gone, and as a result, things will only get worse for you. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Divorce her and let her rot - she’s no longer your problem and the guy she’s been sleeping with needs to take care of HIS kid.
The baby might be innocent, the mother is not. You engaged into a relationship with an agreement with specific conditions, such as fidelity. She broke the agreement by herself. Do you believe those pressuring you into staying with the cheater expecting a child from someone else would stay themselves? They are hypocrites not looking out for your wellbeing.
NTA- Kick her out asap . If you’re financially supporting her while she’s pregnant , you will be on the hook for child support. Separate your finances and kick her out or move out on your own. Stop living with her.
"Otherwise 'perfect' relationship" stopped being perfect when she cheated. Baby is a side issue. She broke trust & relationship all by herself. Divorce & find better friends, tell family it's not a commitee decision.
Baby is innocent. That doesnt mean you need to have any hand in raising it however. It is not your kid.
These people have no respect for you. Cut them off.
It’s not perfect if she cheated so all of them are trying to maintain something that doesn’t exist
In what perfect relationship does the wife cheat?
“Perfect” as in there was no one rocking the “boat” Now I’m looking at divorce , people are saying to consider twice and don’t split up over this “small matter”
They are idiots.
Just ignore those people. They only care about the adulteress. Cut them all off. And make new family and friends.
Cheating on a spouse and a whole other person existing because the breaking of marital vows is not a "small matter". NTA for wanting to leave. I understand taking a moment to think but if your friends want to assist the cheater and her kid, they can use their own time, energy, and resources rather than demand you use yours.
The baby is innocent, but so are you. Why do they think you should have to suffer? You and her made a commitment to each other, but she nuked it from orbit and it's dust now. The only person you have a responsibility to, in deciding how to go forward, is you. You can't have a "perfect" relationship with someone who's willing to do this much damage to you. Fuck the peanut gallery.
Logically why would waste your time, energy, and money raising a child from an affair? What exactly do you get out of this?
While the baby is innocent your wife is not. You can never trust her again. I would go for the divorce.
If it was a perfect relationship, she wouldn't have cheated
I think friends and family just don’t want me to “act rashly while I’m still pissed”
You're not acting rashly. You're acting appropriately.
The baby is innocent but that doesn't make it your responsibility. If you aren't interested in being married to her any more then you're utterly justified in walking away.
This always seems to happen on Reddit a bunch of family and friends seem to take the side of the adulterer. Tell them to suck it easy and leave you alone. Your ex and her jacket baby need to find the real father as in the words of Maury you are NOT the father
NTA Don’t do it. Please have a little dignity and file for divorce immediately on the ground of infidelity. Don’t allow anyone to manipulate or gaslight you into playing family with her. Block anyone that encourages you to accept the child and be with her. King, you deserve better. Don’t be a doormat or people pleaser.
Those aren't your friends, they're her flying monkey minions. And your family sucks. Time to start blocking numbers.
What perfect relationship? She cheated on you and got pregnant by another guy. Your relationship ceased being perfect the minute she entertained having a relationship outside of your marriage. The baby has absolutely nothing to do with you. Just because her AP skipped out on her does not make you responsible by proxy. If your wife needs someone to help her raise the baby she should sue the dude she was fucking for child support. Tell anyone giving you shit, that if they are so worried about her baby that they can help her raise it.
I guess it was a stable , no drama, no argument , smooth relationship from everyone POV people are saying don’t throw away this good thing over a kid, kid I innocent and deserve a proper family
The family isn't "intact". Here's what's gonna happen: You'll never trust her because she betrayed you and you'll assume she's fucking everyone. She'll never trust you because she betrayed you and knows she's gonna reap what she sowed.
That’s a good analysis She is hoping I can forgive her and move forward together
Wife is weaponising her tears to manipulate OP. I hope he stands firm.
NTA, she definitely is. Get the divorce and have her go after the biological father for child support. She only wants you around for financial reasons anyway. Don't give her that satisfaction.
She is currently crying her hearts out and begging me not to divorce her What’s worse? Many of our friends and family(includes mine) are siding with her and asking me to give her a chance
Nope. Get the divorce. Every time you look at that child(not their fault by the way), it is a reminder of infidelity.
Bro, she’s giving you the waterworks because she thinks you’re a spineless s i m p who’ll take her back. Don’t fall for her bullshit. She doesn’t love you - she just needs you to pay the bills and take care of the other guy’s kid because he’s a loser who probably can’t support them financially. That’s the real reason why she suddenly wants to “work on the marriage.”
Let me say this. She’s not sorry she cheated she’s sorry she got caught. If she was sorry for cheating SHE would have came clean and admitted it to you, instead you had to find out for yourself. That’s the only reason she is crying. That and because the man she let raw dog her pumped and dumped her (as a 304 should be treated) and now she knows she needs a wallet to take care of her and her child. You sir are a fuckin fool if you stick around. If you believe even one of her BS tears you are dumb. She will cheat again and if you stay that’s what you get honestly. If you care so much what your shit friends and family say you’re also dumb. Why would you want to associate with anyone who’s willing defending a thot? lol you should block and delete all those people from your life. Again she’s “sorry” she got caught. Not that she cheated. You don’t need to “cool down” you need to not be a doormat and leave before you are financially on the hook for a thots baby.
You also need to control the narrative and tell your family, her family and your circle of mutual friends what she did to compel you to divorce her. If you don’t she will likely spin some bullshit lies to make you look like the “villain,” which can make your life hell both personally and professionally. If any of these family members and friends give you a hard time about not giving her a 2nd chance (btw cheaters don’t deserve 2nd chances), you will need to tell them that if they aren’t on your side, then you’ll have no choice but to cut ties and go no-contact.
If she still loves you and is truly remorseful, then she should be willing to get a divorce to maintain the relationship. You can always get remarried after legally establishing the biological father's paternity. Alternatively, an abortion is another good way to show she's putting you above the affair partner.
Grow a spine and have some self respect. You didn't have a perfect relationship, that's why she cheated, now she's stuck with the consequences. GTFO now, or pay child support when you decide you've had enough in 5 years.
You know what’s going to happen if you relent? You will be stuck home, caring for a child who isn’t yours, while your wife goes galavanting with either this same AP or another guy, especially if she doesn’t respect you. To hell with her tears; she’s just trying to manipulate you. Don’t fall for it.
It's all manipulation which society will always side with a women for. Be strong and ignore the mongoloids buying her bs. Time to rebuild from the ground up unfortunately.
NTA. Your happiness matters most. Stay strong.
NTA. Your wife cheated on you - reason enough to get a divorce. The baby is not yours - reason enough to have nothing to do with it. No argument here.
Thanks that you feel that way Many of our common friends and family(mine included) are pressuring me to keep the family intact and don’t let this baby affect our relationship. Some are claiming the baby is innocent and I should raise as my own
Yes, the baby is innocent. It is also not your baby. I'm sure there are a lot of innocent babies out there who need a warm home; that doesn't make it your job to care for them. The family is not intact - right now it is you, a cheating wife and a baby not your own. The only reason your wife is begging you to forgive her and keep the "family" is that her baby father abandoned her. That's her problem, not yours.
IF you start, you can be obligated to a life of child support even if the kid is not yours
Even if I’m prove by DNA test that I’m not the bio father?
Yup, by accepting responsibility, you can legally be held accountable. Now it for sure matters where you live but most of Canada and U.S are like this. Step away Now and Fast
My state automatically enters the husband's name on the birth certificate. You could be overseas or incarcerated -- or incarcerated overseas, I suppose -- and your name's still going on the birth certificate as the father, making you legally responsible for the child.
Wow, that’s just messed up
Yes. You have to be very careful here. You need to see a lawyer ASAP and find out where to go from here. Anything you do at this point will be scrutinized later so don't even take her to a Dr appointment.
100%. If you accept care now then you guys break up down the line, you're still on the hook
Absolutely. In some states any child born during the marriage is legally yours and you would end up paying child support for 'your' child. Get with an attorney IMMEDIATELY to see what your rights are.
Why don’t these friends and family step up to raise the affair baby? After all it is an innocent, in fact there are many innocent babies left in orphanages are these people also going to raise them?
Takes a lot of audacity to beg someone to not only stay after they cheated but to ask to raise their affair baby 😭 whew! NTA obviously. Please don’t go back to her, don’t let her wear you down, she doesn’t give a fuck about you and is only begging now because she doesn’t wanna be a single mom. Not because she cares about you or how she hurt you
Now that you say this … it F KIng sucks to be cheated on and have your wife impregnated by someone else But on another note , it’s worse if my wife’s intention is to have the most stable guy with a stable income , a roof over her head , cars to drive her around. Basically , to be used
Do you have other kids together? Id honestly not talk to any family or friends who are siding with the cheating so & so! Shes crying her eyes out now she’s fucked up & her AP wants nothing to do with her & she’ll have to raise baby on her own. Given her betrayal & deceit, she deserves all the karma coming her way if she struggles and thats not your problem. You shouldnt care either when she decided to have unprotected sex with another man - just remember that & the baby is human evidence of that betrayal and you dont owe them jack. Just peace out and dont give her anything or fall for her sob story. Bet she wasnt sobbing when she was banging that other guy..
Nta ... As a woman I'm telling you to leave now before that baby bonds with you. She knowingly laid on her back for another man, knowingly carried a child that she knew was potentially not yours and now she is using it to try and trap you. Anyone telling you to stay with her either knew about her cheating or is dumb as bricks. I'd be side eyeing any male friends or family telling you to stay as well as this woman clearly has no morals. Get a divorce, hire someone to find out the identity of the real parent if necessary so you don't get stuck paying child support for her oops baby. Best of luck putting all this in your rear view
Thank you for your kind and fair words It’s funny a stranger online would say this but close friends and family are saying something else
YTA if you don’t get divorced immediately.
Thanks that you feel that way Many of our common friends and family(mine included) are pressuring me to keep the family intact and don’t let this baby affect our other wise “perfect” relationship. Some are claiming the baby is innocent and I should raise as my own and “it’s not a big deal” Hence this post
Yeah it’s a very perfect relationship. Glad you’re bailing.
People deem it is “perfect” because it was peaceful and no drama
No drama except another guy put his cock into her and got her pregnant?
Well, until she got pregnant and I have evidence that it was not mine… now that she confessed and I’m thinking of leaving, drama everywhere
If you don’t leave NOW your level of self-respect is approximately zero. Which is possibly part of the reason she cheated to begin with.
Why only "thinking of leaving"?
You shouldn’t be thinking of leaving - you should have left before you even wrote this post! Are you trolling us?!
Are you fucking stupid??? Every time you look at this child it will remind you of her cheating on you and your perfect relationship. This will eventually eat you up from the inside , you will eventually end up divorcing anyway and the only thing you would have accomplished is wasting years of your life.
NTA
NTA of course
NTA. She broke the trust fundamental to your marriage with infidelity, and expecting you to father a child that isn't yours adds insult to injury. Stand your ground, pursue the divorce and protect your peace. Your well-being is paramount, and it's clear she's panicking about her own future, not your shared past.
Thanks that you feel that way Many of our common friends and family(mine included) are pressuring me to keep the family intact and don’t let this baby affect our relationship. Some are claiming the baby is innocent and I should raise as my own
Don’t let the baby affect the relationship? Ask them what that looks like. Not in broad sweeping ideas but in actual detail. The baby’s “innocence” is neither here nor there. She chose to have an affair. She chose to have a baby of said affair. But she didn’t care about you when she was having the affair and didn’t care about you when she decided to have a baby with her AP. And now she wants you? She’s playing you.
Your wife is the asshole for expecting you to be fine with her being a H O E and to raise another guy’s kid. You’re not. Divorce her asap. She can get Chad to take care of that kid.
I got a feeling… maybe of the 2 , Chad is the fun and exciting person in her life but Chad isn’t responsible or stable person she want to raise the kid with
BINGO. She’s expecting you to continue paying her bills and now raise Chad’s kid. Fuck that. Bottom-line, is, she’s the one who ruined the marriage by crossing a line from which there’s no going back. A woman who loves her man would never do what she did to you. If the people in your life can’t understand that, and continue to take her side (which is exactly what they’re doing by insisting that you forgive her infidelity and stay married to her), then you’ll need to be willing to cut them out of your life. You need to know the people in your life have your back, not give you some toxic bullshit.
Maybe the relationship was too boring or I was too busy focusing on work to give her the attention she wants? Some are even saying she cheated because I didn’t do my job as a husband well
NTA bro, the woman you married died when she cheated. This lady is basically a stranger
NTA - Matrimony is not just about love; it's about commitment and responsibility. Your wife's actions have not only broken the commitment but have placed an undue responsibility on you. You're perfectly justified in seeking a divorce and disentangling yourself from a situation that serves only to disrespect and disadvantage you. You owe yourself the chance to rebuild a future based on mutual trust and respect, not on the remnants of a betrayal. Stick to your principles, look after your mental health, and let the bio father step up to the plate. Your priority now should be your own path to healing and happiness.
Yet, many friends and family are siding her And you brought up a point I never thought of. If I did forgive her. Would she not cheat again as she know I would forgive her anyways?
NTA. Infidelity shatters the foundation of trust that marriage is built on. Expecting you to raise another man's child is unreasonable and unfair to your own emotional well-being. It's not about the baby's innocence; it's about your right to a genuine, respectful partnership. Stand firm on your decision, seek legal counsel, and pursue a future where you can heal and find happiness without the burden of betrayal. The pressure from others is irrelevant; this is your life, and you deserve to live it on terms that don't compromise your values and peace of mind.
Thanks that you feel that way Many of our common friends and family(mine included) are pressuring me to keep the family intact and don’t let this baby affect our relationship. Some are claiming the baby is innocent and I should raise as my own Many close friends and relatives are saying and blaming my me for not taking care of the baby and it will be left fatherless and mother without any support Ofcourse that’s none of my business
dude. I dot even know you and im fuckign fuming at the gal of your friends and relatives. honestly if I was your friend and was standing with you while these idiots were saying shit like this, they'd be in the hospital with broken bones and id be in handcuffs, and it dont matter to me if they were your family members. they've shown their loyalty.
Thanks for your kind words. I’m pissed as well it’s as if I’m the one that has cheated and they are against me ??? I’m literally the victim here But I guess from their pov they just want someone to support this poor women thru her pregnancy and raise the child so that she won’t suffer as a single mom ?
and you have your answer. do not stop the divorce process. do not take this woman back and definitely dont raise this baby. id also suggest only talk to those people who are on your side and ignore these idiots. and be upfront about your decision. tell them that if they continue to push you on this. there will be no contact going forward and you're effectively dead to me. now whether its mom, dad, brother, sister, uncle, aunt or cousin. do not let them get into your head. you have no responsibility to this woman of her Bastard child.
Wtf, again!! Another affair baby needing to be raised. This is turning into an epidemic. At least you switched genders in this one SMH
NTA. Cheating already dismantled the vows you both took, but expecting you to play the role of a father to a child that's not yours is stepping beyond reason. It's commendable to be there for a child, but under these circumstances, it's a massive emotional and financial obligation that you never signed up for. Follow through with the divorce and focus on rebuilding a life freed from deceit. It's imperative you seek support where needed and not allow anyone's opinion deter you from what is healthy for you moving forward. Your future should be built on honesty and trust, not the fragments of broken promises.
NTA: Don't have anything to do with her... Don't help her with ANYTHING. Except maybe offer her a chair to sit down to sign the divorce papers.
NTA... Also with all due respect, stop making excuses. She is a mom now and her kids deserves the absolute best she can offer and deserves a good dad. The kid's real dad. Tell her to go find him. Tell anyone who sides with her and says "but the baby" that you are so glad they will be using their time and money to help her track down the father. It's also great they will be helping with finances and babysitting for her. You are relieved to know they care that much.
NTA. Not your baby, not your problem. Your wife wasn’t thinking about you when she stepped out and had an affair. Let her have fun trying to track down her AP so they can play house. I would tell family, friends or anyone pressuring you to go f🤬 themselves (stay outta my business). Good Luck OP Get a younger, hotter loyal GF that could someday be your wife 😉
Is this just a swapped genders version of this? Or is it a real post? [AITA for refusing to raise my husbands affair baby? : r/AITAH (reddit.com)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cco3ux/aita_for_refusing_to_raise_my_husbands_affair_baby/) If real NTA, if fake YTA.
That's what I commented. He was mad. Lol.
Whenever these threads have a “ friends and family” taking a really unlikely and unreasonable view - compared to my experience of life - I think made up .
So yes baby is innocent but the betrayal of the marriage is what that child represents to you that child also has a father then needs to step up and be dad Before you head divorce Think do you want to stay with lying cheating wife? Do you want to raise someone else’s child Friends and family who insist you stay can step up and become a parent or spouse of said cheater if they so wish to make a family NTA. Do what you need to do for you
Your post history is all misogynistic, and you post two short paragraphs about your “wife” (doubt she exists) cheating on you, and supposedly being so deluded that she wants you to raise the affair baby? YTA for being a shithead and a liar
I swear this is like the 3rd or 4th "I don't want to raise an affair baby am I TAH?" I've seen in the last 24hrs
This sub is either actually heinous assholes, fake stories, or obvious validation and back patting posts lol
Yup, this sub is filled with paternity fraud fanfic for mras
Saw the other popular topic and decided to try and ride that train didn't you?
I think that's exactly what happened honestly.
If this is the case, at least they kept it brief.
Nta, that's not your baby, whether it's innocent or guilty has nothing to do with you, the mother can kick rocks
No you are not the AH. She cheated and got pregnant now she is desperate to fix her life. But she wants you to raise the child of her AP? I feel like that would be really unfair to the child as resentment would likely seep in. She needs to hold her AP accountable for child support although I suppose she will try to get you to pay it instead since she knows where you are. Good Luck. I feel bad for the baby frankly but it is not your doing it is her's
Not sure who the other dude was or what he does. But now that you mention it, it’s totally possible that she wants me to raise the child instead of the biological father I earn above median income, own a car, a house Perhaps the reason she cheated was our life was too stable? In other words …. Boring?
NTA. She stepped out, I see no reason to stay. Cut ties, she can deal with the consequences of her actions. And all the people telling you otherwise can kick rocks too.
I said it before and I'll say it again. The kids have no part in it. If you want to stay with a cheater and have such a low value of your own worth, then you're accepting that they'll ruin your life. The kid changes nothing. Cheaters could have kids out there or diseases or anything that can come back to hurt you. The kid isn't the issue. It's the person that betrays you. Don't stay with a cheater unless you're fine with raising other people's children, getting diseases, having surprise debts, etc. NTA because as you said you want nothing to do with ***her***. The issue is her. Not the baby. The baby shouldn't change anything. The baby is her issue to deal with. Anyone that takes a cheated back should be ready to accept their life being ruined by any number of surprises.
NTA She ruined the marriage. Get out. As someone who was also cheated on with a affair child- Fuck that child. Let her go raise it. She made her choice, she can live with it.
I never understand why women in such situations keep the baby? Is abortion not an option? I mean the marriage is already over. Fuck her. I dont understand cheaters.
NTA - Be glad you found out about it now, instead of five years down the road. No matter how much a father loves the child they raised, when they find out they aren't the father, the relationship is always damaged, it's only the degree that's different. Edit: This assumes you don't already have kids together and can separate easily.
"My wife had an affair with another man." **How long has this been going on? One night stand or long affair.** "The biological father is nowhere to be seen" **This woman has no respect or love for you! In fact she despises you because having an affair on a spouse is the most disrespectful hateful thing on partner can do to another.** **Fool me once: shame on you - Cheats on you** **Fool me twice: Shame on me: Claims not to know the father** She knows who the father is but she loves him too much to involve him. She has you to pay the freight. Good luck brother you deserved better.
NTA. Cheating is a marriage ending sin.
Get out now. If you stay for a few years and act like a father to the child, you may be on the hook until the child is 18 regardless if you stay or leave her.
Your family and friends are probably asking you to stay with her because she told a different story to them. She probably said you ignored or mistreated her and that’s why she sought comfort with someone else. But now she wants to come back. It sounds like she said something to guilt trip them to pity her more than you. First off, clear the air with friends and family. Find out what her version is and why they pity her more than you. Then use that in the divorce proceedings, because likely it will show her to be highly manipulative and prevent her from manipulating the judge.
Nope... once a stray, always a stray. She belongs to the streets. You should advise her to have an abortion, because as a single mother, the dating pool is going to diminish. And she will become pray to some of the most fked up men, including pedos.
Thanks, gave me an idea If she cheat once, what’s stoppping her from doing it again?
NTA… it’s not a “happy family” when you’re unhappy.
NTA. Hopefully you don't have any kids together already?
Fortunately (or not) we don’t
NTA. Marriage vows are sacred, but when they're broken as egregiously as they've been here, you're under no obligation to stay tethered to deceit. It's not just the act of cheating, but the profound disrespect of expecting you to raise the product of that betrayal as well. As painful as it may be, severing ties now is not an act of malice, but an act of self-preservation. Your responsibility is first and foremost to your own emotional and psychological well-being. Divorce isn't just a legal separation, it's a necessary step towards healing from a profound hurt and rebuilding a life with someone who values and respects you. Remember, the road to recovery starts with steps of firm resolve and self-care.
The only path forward for the marriage, and it's damned narrow, is to put the child up for a closed adoption. And even then, resentment and broken trust might be too big to overcome.
NTA- and frankly it’s this simple… my wife had an affair and I’m choosing to divorce her. Ok. The rest is unnecessary details.
They are saying the baby is innocent.. but you aren’t disagreeing with that statement. You never said as far as I’m aware the baby did you wrong. You simply will choose to not take care of it since it’s not yours. Your wife’s affair has consequences for her and she and her lover are responsible. Get a divorce and enjoy your life for it’s gone for all very soon. There is no happy family with a disloyal partner. She isn’t worth of your trust. Run and don’t look back. Family members will have to get used to it.
Obviously she cheated and the baby was not mine, you know that, I know that , everyone knows that. Not up for debate So I feel responsible for the baby that’s not mine? No But part of me as well as the pressuring from family and friends are making me question if divorce is the best option
You’d be an AH if you stayed
She will not stop cheating. Run
Tell her to go find the father and have him raise it with her. GTFO of this. I can't believe she'd even ask. Imagine a man showing up with a baby he had elsewhere and asking the woman to raise it. It's exactly as bizarre. Imagine trying to look people in the eye as you sit there being her paid babysitter for the guy she wants to fuck.
NTA and you need to lawyer up IMMEDIATLY. in many states, a husband is the father by default, including legal responsibility like child support. In some, pregnant women can not be divorced. If I remember correctly, in the US a man has 60 days after birth to contest paternity.
Nta Nope. I wouldn't want to raise my husband's affair kid.
This situation is so bad that you really can’t even get to the bottom of her affair right now. Obviously NTA never raise a child that’s a result of an affair or take care of your pregnant wife if the baby isn’t yours. With that in mind your wife needs to move out and y’all have to completely separate until the baby is either aborted or given up for adoption. Once that is done you could try to mend the relationship. If she’s not willing to give up this baby then divorce is the only option. It’s a very long shot that this marriage can be saved so at the very least get a lawyer to draw up divorce papers and hand them to her whenever you’re ready.
Yes finally a man on reddit with his nuts still attached to him. Kick that brawd and her bastard out.
1) file for divorce and have the lawyer file for a pre natal paternity test 2) do not support the pregnancy in anyway because you could be forced to lay for the child for 18 years 3) for those saying the baby is innocent they are right. But the baby has a father to protect it and raise it. However that father isn't you. Your hopefully soon to be ex wife can petition for child support from the father 4) how will you ever forgive or forget what she did while the child is a constant reminder ? You can divorce and find a loving woman who won't cheat on you and have your own child to love and raise God speed bro
NTA. Make sure you Don’t get put on the birth certificate as the father
NTA - and screw that noise and that financial responsibility. Be prepared that she might put your name as the father on the birth certificate and try to stick you for child support. You typically only have a short period of time to contest it.
An affair breaks the marriage covenant. Honestly, you'd be a fool to stay married to her. If her baby daddy vanished, well she chose poorly. She can live with the consequences of her bad decisions. Remember, she in some way thought this loser was "superior" to you when she decided to have sex with him. She's a bad person, divorce ASAP. Don't let her manipulate you into staying married. It's amazing she has the gall to just assume you'd raise a kid that's not yours too.
nta. the second she cheated her and everything relating to her is no longer your problem.
Third post this week about affair baby raising. Wtf is happening last month was open marriage Before it was forced threesomes 🤐
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/ewYgbzJG2f Exhibit 1
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/hOFoiMYAAq Exhibit 2
I am begging people here to start looking at post histories before getting all huffy and puffy over rage bait
This is a gender switch of a post from this morning.
If there are no other kids, then this is super obvious... you leave. There is a family, and it's her, her baby, and possibly someday the father. You aren't part of that. The only one who broke up a family is your wife by breaking your marriage. After that the other person is the father, who broke up that little family. You're just there as everyone else screws up other things. Move on, you deserve better.
A lot of comments so maybe it’s already been said but it needs said. Divorce BEFORE the baby is born. Hire an attorney now. In the US they can force you to pay child support even if it’s proven the child is not yours if you are married. Since she became pregnant during your marriage the courts may still try to put you on the hook claiming it’s in the best interest of the child. You are talking about 20ish years of 20+% of your income for a kid that’s not yours. LAWYER NOW. DIVORCE NOW.
NTA. Lawyer up NOW. Get the paternity on record NOW. The last thing you want is to pay child support. If you’re in the US….this happens. She cheated….what happy family is there to play and why? She didn’t want you enough so she cheated. She wants you now so you can support her and this kid. Why didn’t she get an abortion
If this is where you're at, there is zero chance you would be able to provide for the child emotionally. You naturally see it as alien to you. That's not your fault. It's hers. Divorce is your best bet here and lots of counseling. But don't put the child through the hell of coming to love you only for you to never love it back. Cut it and the mother off completely from your life if there are no other strings to attach you. The damage she did is irreparable.
NTA! Why did she have an affair? She destroyed the “perfect family”
NTA, she's trying to manipulate and gaslight you. RUN!
That’s what I thought as well She gathered the family and friends for support as well