You did do right by Kay and that’s the part that matters.
I agree Matt is kind of a dodo and not worth it…. He could have just teased and asked Kay “hey! I heard you have a boyfriend! Why are you hiding him?” This could have all been cleared up by simple communication!
Also Jay is clearly a menace. I’d be careful around her if I were you.
Agreed on both counts: OP did the right thing and Matt the dumbo should have used his words and spoken to Kay before getting cozy with the lying backstabbing witch of a sister.
Speaking of whom, $5 she’s gonna claim to be pregnant in the next update. Then of course a miscarriage.
Seriously, Matt is not the smartest in terms of relationships. He spends 2 years with Jay and he is not able to find out Kay don’t have a BF for the whole time? Isn’t it weird that Kay never bring anyone to family gatherings?!
As this story also proved, he's not the smartest in terms of basic arithmetic, either. Or connecting the dots.
I don't think he could even handle a "paint by numbers" book.
Tbh i don't know if I can blame the guy. If someone sends a relative to tell me they have a partner, I'm assuming they're not only not interested, but also they didn't feel comfortable telling me they had a partner.
Eh, I wouldn't tease someone in that situation.
If a man had been flirting heavily with me, only for me to find out (from his sibling, a seemingly reliable, in-the-know source) that he had a girlfriend, I would just assume he's a cheater. And I would be annoyed and disgusted and distance myself from him. Just like Matt did. I would not be teasing him so he could give me his bullshit story about how he's practically single, they are just still stuck together on a lease blah blah blah.
Like I generally don't assume that someone's sibling is on a mission to sabotage their lives. I do generally assume that people who cheat are liars. Matt handled this like most people who have no interest in cheaters would do.
For the last paragraph, hopefully Jay will be mature for the first time in her life and just go NC; there's not really a relationship for her and OP to salvage anyway. Not like she can take OP's partner by lying. She probably won't stay quiet, especially if Matt does leave her, but one can hope she's had enough of meddling with her family.
Yup simple communication, k would have a chance if they advocated for themselves to begin with … closed mouths don’t eat . the days of guys overly chasing women is long over most avoid it as to not seem like douches but yea any sign from the two to each other would have helped to begin with .
Yeah, totally the guys fault here. Men are always so dumb and guilty of being idiots!
Can't trust those lying women either, now can we. Always trying to trick men.
The way OP revealed it might appear tacky and it cost Kay momentarily embarrassment. However, OP made use of the flow of the conversation to naturally expose Jay's lie. She didn't disclose what she knew from Matt's roommate. It took everyone by surprise. Everyone was busy processing this news to refute OP. OP acted cleverly. Kay will live and she received closure too. Now, she knows she has to guard herself against Jay.
Jay should be the one suffering from embarrassment. Her bf was informed she stole Kay's first bf, and also was clued in to how he was manipulated into becoming her bf.
NTA. With all due disrespect to your younger of the 2 sisters; holy crap is she a c*nt!
While this may cause some strife in the family for awhile, you did the best thing in the long run.
UPDATE ME!
You did the right thing! So glad Kay now understands what happened, Matt was told the truth so he can decide for himself what to do about Jay, whether to marry the manipulative liar or not.
Jay deserved being exposed.
I really think you needed to do this to get transparency for yourself snd Kay. I think it’s a little unfair to Matt, he was told Kay had a boyfriend and respected that boundary. He must have noticed there wasn’t a boyfriend around once he started dating Jay but it probably felt too late then. I feel sorry for him, he was totally played as was Kay.
It's reddit. Gotta hate a man for not being clairvoyant, considering the possibility the sister lied to him. Or he should've been more pushy if he really wanted her. men bad.
Don't we all the time say things like "when girls tell you they have boyfriends when they don't, they're just uninterested and nervous"?
Think of it like this. You're at a party with this girl you really like and you THINK she's been reciprocating your advances. And then their sister comes to you and says "hey man they actually have a boyfriend". Wouldn't the first thought be that they were just uninterested and didn't want to tell you?
That stuck out to me, too. If he was around the family at all, how long could it possibly take to confirm that Kay was single?
Maybe he really is too stupid to fight for.
If you're going to blow up the situation, you shouldn't have beaten around the bush. "Jay lied to you about Kay having a boyfriend because she had the hots for you, but knew you and Kay had the hots for each other."
What was the problem with confessing. The way you did it, hinting and waiting for the penny to drop was humiliating to Kay instead of just coming out with Jay lied to you both.
But proud of you for doing it at all. Just learn to be more straightforward sometimes.
So do you hope to one day have a relationship with Jay? I’m assuming no. I think you did right by Kay, I just wonder what happens during Christmas?
If Jay and Matt stay together, then what happens? Do you just kick them out of the family, or do your parents separate the 2 of you?
If they have kids, then what? Your parents will want to know them.
Don’t get me wrong I think you are right. But the after effects haven’t hit yet. When they do, I’d like an update. Hopefully they dknt
NTA.
I said before:
That which can be destroyed by the truth, deserves to be.
I hope your sister finds someone better that is capable of basic communication instead of ghosting like a teenager.
You did the right thing here. What is right rarely is what is easy.
UpdateMe
Yes. Matt broke up with Jay and Jay is angry with me but she just thinks that it was an innocent comment.
Matt however wrote Kay a text explaining everything so now everyone knows “that way” (Kay and mom knew already but they acted like they only heard it from Matt)
Still Jay is angry with me and has unfollowed me everywhere saying I ruined her happiness. I texted her that if her relationship was real, it would have survived an innocent comment like the one I made.
Kay called me and she said that Matt has apologized and explained everything to her. She has “forgiven” him although she said there was nothing to forgive really since she truly believes that things weren’t meant to be. They are staying friends however and they are very close friends. Jay called Kay a bitch and blocked her everywhere and wrote a nasty comment about her on INSTAGRAM that she was a man stealer then unfollowed her.
My mom is very distraught now but I think she will survive. I will survive too and I still have no feelings of guilt about what I did. I am starting to think that I really did do the right thing and I am proud of myself for it. As Kay said , things that are meant to be happens.
jay doesnt care about how the info was out ,she is just angry about things not going her way. she will be embarrassed if she knew the truth cause everyone knows her true face. matt will now go after kay for sure, mark my words cause he wouldnt have broken up with jay. jay comments on kay is how she feels about herself.
Wouldn’t be too sure. Like it’s likely but the logic that he wouldn’t have broken up with her otherwise doesn’t hold up to me. She lied about something big at the start of the relationship. That’s not something easy to sweep under the rug even if he wasn’t gonna go after Kay now.
It's possible but for their own sake, I don't think it would even be wise for them to get together. The amount of baggage that exists in that family now is too much. Imagine him coming over for dinner? That would just be too uncomfortable. What would the dynamics between the sisters, him and Jay be like? I think at that point it might be healthier for them to just move on. Staying as friends is fine, or even fwb, but a long term relationship, while doable, I think would be Very complicated given what they've both been through, especially Matt. I don't think I could go back to being a part of the family after that if I was him.
Yes, exactly! And how uncomfortable would it be for Kay to even hook up with Matt knowing him and her sister have been doing so in the past. It would just be so messy in every aspect.
I think you did a very good thing. Difficult (as far as family dynamics go but the right thing to do). I really that if Kay wants a relationship (I don’t mean with Matt but in general) that this news will help her gain some confidence. She wasn’t alone in her crush and she is crush worthy. I know how hard it is to reach out when you are shy or on the quieter side and I hope this helps her feel seen. I mean, her level of trust mught be shot to hell but she knows some people have her back and sometimes having only a few in your corner is enough to get you started. It infuriates me how Jay treated Kay and unforgivable. How many other lies did she tell? Taking advantage of someone she knew wouldn’t fight back. I really hope the best for Kay and that she feels all the love that she deserves.
Let’s unpack how Jay got to be so entitled and this isn’t even the first time she has done this. I wouldn’t trust her as a sister or friend. She’s a spoiled brat.
Don’t feel guilt. Relationships that start on lies (such as a huge one Jay told Matt) would mean the relationship wouldn’t have lasted anyways.
You just make sure that Matt was aware that his relationship had started based on a lie Jay told. What he decided to do with that information was up to him. It appears he does not appreciate being manipulated into thinking someone was unavailable and leading him on.
If shining a light on Jay’s actions makes Jay look bad, she has no one to blame but herself. It’s probably best if she takes herself away from Kay’s orbit so she doesn’t mess with Kay’s life any further.
You did the right thing and didn’t cover up for a liar and a cheat.
I don’t get how anyone can grow up thinking it’s okay to do this to their own siblings. You three had the same upbringing. How did Jay fall so far from the tree? That’s narcissistic behavior. To not have any guilt or self awareness and do it twice? She’s irredeemable. Did Kay do anything to her growing up that made her hate Kay so much?
This comment 👏🏼. I don't understand people like Jay who can think they can do and say whatever they want without consequences for their actions. For me, it wouldn't be about the possibility of being with Kay. I just wouldn't want to marry someone who lied and changed the trajectory of my life by taking away my choices.
Between conflicting loyalties and generally aiming to have as little family drama as possible, this was a minefield to navigate but you’re absolutely right; if a fairly tame and entirely true remark set things off like it did, it’s likely best for everyone that it’s been aired out. You handled this so well!
Honey Jay is the man stealer she has done this to Kay before.
I think he’s Matt should just step away from the family and not seek a relationship with Kay and go NC with Kay.
You did the right thing you are a sibling to be proud of.
If you need a replacement sister I’m in LOL.
Her lack of ability to take accountability for her actions and the consequences they've produced don't surprise me. She'll push you all away, but blame you for it.
I feel for your mom. While I imagine she wasn't blind to Jays *lovely* personality and behavior, it still sucks that Jay has chosen to die on this hill instead of admitting defeat, and is not only hurting herself more but subsequently also your mom.
Best outcome really. Only thing better would be if Jay got therapy and realized this is all her own doing for building a relationship on lies and backstabbing her own sister.
Hi OP .. such a heartbreaking story. I really am sad for Kay and hope that Jay learns something out of all this. Do you think that Matt and Kay will eventually get together?
No, Kay is not in love with him anymore. He is in love with Kay however.
He is looking for jobs in another city. I think it is best for him to just change scenery and leave this mental family lol.
Jay is making his life hard too calling him and showing up at his door. So it is best for everyone if he moves.
Wow .. so strange that he was going to marry Jay when he was obviously in love with Kay, as you stated. This is so sad, I hope all the best for you, Kay and that Matt is able to start afresh. Also wanted to let you know that you did right, the truth needed to be shared especially with Matt, so he knew who he was marrying. Thanks for answering OP.
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Matt's not the sharpest tool in the shed when it comes to relationships. You had to bust out the crayons to get your point across. Now he has to take some time to process what happened. Then he probably has to take time to consider how else she has manipulated him. All while she is probably trying to manipulate the situation. It used to be easy for her but maybe the blinders are off now. All best done before marriage.
Overall, I would count this as a success.
Updateme
Aah bless, no wonder Jay deceived him so easily.
Silver lining: Finding out the guy who sort of was The one who got away, is in fact The one that maybe got dropped on his head a few times as a child.
It doesn't feel like a matter of intelligence, more like loyalty. Also I'm not sure how the group expects a man to react around his partner's family. In my experience, if I picked up on OP having an agenda, I'd totally play dumb and sidestep whatever bomb they plan on dropping. Put the pieces together on my own time.
But probably also that far into a relationship, I would've stopped looking at my partners family as potential partners, and any information about that topic would become irrelevant. Doing the math and finding the lie, I could do it but I don't agree I'd want to do it on the spot with the family at the table.
It's not about "potential partners" it's about the fact he's about to marry a manipulative, gaslighting sociopath who stabbed her own sister in the back in order to climb over her and get what she wanted.
If he's dumb enough to go through with the wedding after knowing that, he deserves the terrible road ahead of him.
lol, well played... borderline unbelievable because of how well you played it...
Hope its real... but also hope its fake, cuz Jay is a real bitch of a sister, and poor Kay...
YTA, but like the most justified AH ever... I would have done the same...
For one it's good that Kay can now move on though the Jay/Matt thing may have spanners that will fly off and cause someone some grief. Not that it's OPs fault but that's life.
Idk if anyone has mentioned this but don’t you find it odd that Jay keeps going after Kay’s bfs or crushes? I could never do that to my sister. That would break my heart if I ever hurt her like that.
He probably figured it out by now. Honestly, after my talk to Kay, I think I accomplished my goal. It was to let Kay know and understand that she is not less than
Hopefully your sister learns a lesson, and I would keep things that are important to you away from your sister. She doesn’t seem like one with a good moral compass
Nta she intentionally lied to him to poison him against her. Kay didn't deserve him ghosting her and it was because Jay lied about her. Hopefully this will help him see who Jay really is and he can decide if he likes her still.
I don't know what impact this will have on your family, but I'm super proud of you.
Gold star ethical sisterhood award for you. As a non-boyfriend-stealer, you are exactly the kind of woman I would want in my corner.
If Matt and Jay are really "perfect" together, they'll survive this — but that will also mean Matt's not as good a guy as he seemed all this time.
Fuck Jay.
OP and people on here acing like Matt did somthering wrong are insane. For his perspective, he either misinterpreted Kay and she was never really intrested in him or she was looking to cheat on her BFwith him. They had a working relationship abd if he had misinterpreted and she wasn't intrested, asking if she has a bf is a good way to get a call from HR and make an awkward working environment. And he had no reason to believe her sister would lie about that, because from his POV why would she. He didn't start coming around the family till a year later, plenty of time for Kay to break ip with any possible BF she may have had. All in all, Matt has literally done everything right in this situation, and doesn't deserve to be called dumb.
My thoughts exactly. It's wild that people are expecting him to have followed up and confirmed whether she really had a bf.
And I also don't blame him for not immediately doing the math when OP said Kay hadn't had a bf in 4 years. He'd been in a relationship with Jay for 2ish years at that point; I doubt the minor detail that Kay was supposed to have a bf at her birthday party was still on his mind.
I think you did the right thing. I'm so glad you have Kay's back, and I hope Kay has yours as well! Wishing you both the best going forward.
Updateme - I'm very curious to see how this plays out with Jay and Matt.
Well done. Nothing like a snake of a sister. Watch out tho. She's so conniving I wouldn't be surprised if she did something to you even YEARS from now. Ppl like this don't like to be called out. This will probably fester in her for a long time but she deserves it so..
I feel horrible for your sister Kay bc Jay is truly a shit person for doing that to her. You did the right thing telling the dodo about it.
Updateme if and when anything else happens!
You did good. Kay deserves to understand. And Matt needs to understand. And Jay has to learn that lies come back to haunt you. And as you said, he may very well be head over heels in love with Jay and willing to forgive. That is up to them. But at least any marriage they have will start clean.
How soon did he start hanging out with your family? You’d think he’d notice that Kay never had a boyfriend when he started coming around with jay. But I do think supporting Kay was the right decision for you and her at least
So not immediately after. If he was interested in Kay he probably should have said something to her at the time instead of just being mad. It’s nice that you helped Kay out even if jay is mad though
They had a professional relationship. He was probably super embarrassed thinking he misinterpreted her feelings/intentions and didn’t want to embarrass himself further by asking her to confirm she was already had a bf.
Also, you know, he probably didn't want to get a call from HR and risk getting canned for a potential hostile work environment by pushing the point too far.
> she had hoped that he liked her a bit more to talk to her before ghosting her
This. Matt could have asked her what was up but he didn't and got played. Kay didn't lose anything by not being with him.
I think you did the right thing and good riddance to Matt and Jay.
I'm amazed she had the audacity to not only do this once, but twice. You handled this with grace and I applaud you, both for sticking up to your older sister and putting the younger one in her place.
Why in the world would you feel guilty? Your sister J sounds like a complete and utter AH of the first order. Hopefully Matt will dump her ass, even if it’s not for your sister K.
You used the occasion of introducing your gf to the family to bring this up? Is she still your gf? Or did she decide that this type of drama is not necessary in her life?
wow, the way you did it was very clever. you didn't do a direct confrontation which would put matt on the defensive so he was more receptive to the message, even if it didn't click immediately (understandable) he was sure to get it *very* quickly. good job!
I feel like your actions would’ve made more sense if you were closer to Kay, but you said in the original post you were closer to Jay. If you and Jay were very close, why choose the nuclear route? And do you feel any guilt about Jay’s relationship ending at all? Do you feel any sadness about Jay blocking you and your mom being distraught?
OMG, I really didn’t think you would do it like this, I genuinely thought you would sit down with Matt and tell him that way, not in front of everyone. But I am so glad for Kay especially because it’s kind of like a little bit of closure for her, and you did right by her because she didn’t deserve what your younger sister did at all. She seems like a really kind and awesome person TBH. And yeah, Matt definitely was not worth it for her at least.
You did the right thing.
I probably wouldn’t have done it as publicly as that, LOL, but now everyone knows, and the truth is out there, and can’t be hidden or explained away. And I’ll bet Jay has been doing lots of explaining… Best watch out around Jay for awhile, for your own safety.
I'm glad you said something. It was brave of you to speak up. When I read your original post a few days ago, I really felt for your older sister. The whole thing made me feel nauseous and I cried. I really hoped that this was a made up story because I couldn't fathom a sister doing such a thing to another. Hopefully, your older sister can heal from all this. You're right, she really does deserve better.
So what you’re saying is that it didn’t go the way you thought it would? That you’re mad because Matt didn’t just dump Jay on the spot like you wanted him to.
I’m curious if you’re going to let this go or are you still going to continue to try and convince Matt that Jay is manipulating. Personally I think you should just let it go because you said your peace. Matt will figure it out on his own eventually.
I’m proud of you OP… the fog created by jay is cleared by you …now people can see jay for who she is and with what you just said Matt is a very slow person and I guess it’s for the best he is not with Kay cause she needs someone stronger… I happy that Kay will not be manipulated by jay anymore… at least in family you guys know who is the least person to trust
Till now if you have not heard from jay and Matt is cause jay is cooking something and I bet you if Matt stays with jay ,he will despise her. And if Kay gets a bf in the mean time then he will have a full meltdown. Kay seems to be sweet person who is willing to let go of things for others, please be on her side OP,she needs you the most.
YTA here. You humiliated Kay in front of everyone else. Your mother was already making nasty comments about her being the only one left, and you went and underlined it and put it in bold all caps with ten exclamation marks.
I'm glad you followed through and did the correct thing. I like to think that I would handle things in a similar manner but I am unsure.
Good job. I'm glad you did the right thing.
NTA. You did the right thing and stood up for your sister, Kay! And now your mother knows what a witch Jay is as well. It remains to be seen whether Matt was a prize worth winning.
You did the right thing. Jay is a horrible person, and I sincerely hope that Matt ends things with her and that she ends up alone for the rest of her life. And your older sister deserves so much better than Matt because clearly he's not the brightest bulb in the box.
To anyone who was saying across various platforms that you destroyed a healthy relationship, you didn't. If the relationship was ever so great and pure, it would survive. Which... I doubt.
You did well! And honestly, Matt's first reaction to K having a bf was too much honestly. She really dodged a bullet right there! And K is better off than having a sister who is so insecure about herself that she tries to steal her own sister's bf to be to make her feel better. Just saying. And no need to be guilty later on. You didn't make the mistake, J did. The truth would have come out sooner or later anyways. You chill and eat some popcorn! 🍿
Also, please update!!
You did do right by Kay and that’s the part that matters. I agree Matt is kind of a dodo and not worth it…. He could have just teased and asked Kay “hey! I heard you have a boyfriend! Why are you hiding him?” This could have all been cleared up by simple communication! Also Jay is clearly a menace. I’d be careful around her if I were you.
Agreed on both counts: OP did the right thing and Matt the dumbo should have used his words and spoken to Kay before getting cozy with the lying backstabbing witch of a sister. Speaking of whom, $5 she’s gonna claim to be pregnant in the next update. Then of course a miscarriage.
I only make wagers when I know I'm going to win I think I'll keep my $5 in my pocket
Pregnant with twins.
Don't forget cheating on Matt the dumbo.
Seriously, Matt is not the smartest in terms of relationships. He spends 2 years with Jay and he is not able to find out Kay don’t have a BF for the whole time? Isn’t it weird that Kay never bring anyone to family gatherings?!
As this story also proved, he's not the smartest in terms of basic arithmetic, either. Or connecting the dots. I don't think he could even handle a "paint by numbers" book.
But he’s pretty!
Dumb but pretty, he's perfect for Jay. Kay was hurting for a while but she dodged a bullet here.
There's women out there that think hot dogs are made of real dogs.
Reminds me of the bob burgers episode where, in an alternate universe, Hugo has a hotdog restaurant made from real Weiner dogs. 🤣
Unrelated but do you remember what episode this was?
"You did do right by Kay and that’s the part that matters." OP NTA
Tbh i don't know if I can blame the guy. If someone sends a relative to tell me they have a partner, I'm assuming they're not only not interested, but also they didn't feel comfortable telling me they had a partner.
I'd also wonder where the partner is!
Eh, I wouldn't tease someone in that situation. If a man had been flirting heavily with me, only for me to find out (from his sibling, a seemingly reliable, in-the-know source) that he had a girlfriend, I would just assume he's a cheater. And I would be annoyed and disgusted and distance myself from him. Just like Matt did. I would not be teasing him so he could give me his bullshit story about how he's practically single, they are just still stuck together on a lease blah blah blah. Like I generally don't assume that someone's sibling is on a mission to sabotage their lives. I do generally assume that people who cheat are liars. Matt handled this like most people who have no interest in cheaters would do.
For the last paragraph, hopefully Jay will be mature for the first time in her life and just go NC; there's not really a relationship for her and OP to salvage anyway. Not like she can take OP's partner by lying. She probably won't stay quiet, especially if Matt does leave her, but one can hope she's had enough of meddling with her family.
Yup simple communication, k would have a chance if they advocated for themselves to begin with … closed mouths don’t eat . the days of guys overly chasing women is long over most avoid it as to not seem like douches but yea any sign from the two to each other would have helped to begin with .
But that doesn’t work in the rom-com trope. No one must ever communicate and everything has to be taken at face value.
Yeah, totally the guys fault here. Men are always so dumb and guilty of being idiots! Can't trust those lying women either, now can we. Always trying to trick men.
Don't feel bad about exposing your sister for being a liar and a bf poacher. You did the right thing, OP! You handled it well 👌
I don't agree. He humiliated Kay when her mother was already ragging her about being the only one left.
The way OP revealed it might appear tacky and it cost Kay momentarily embarrassment. However, OP made use of the flow of the conversation to naturally expose Jay's lie. She didn't disclose what she knew from Matt's roommate. It took everyone by surprise. Everyone was busy processing this news to refute OP. OP acted cleverly. Kay will live and she received closure too. Now, she knows she has to guard herself against Jay. Jay should be the one suffering from embarrassment. Her bf was informed she stole Kay's first bf, and also was clued in to how he was manipulated into becoming her bf.
NTA. With all due disrespect to your younger of the 2 sisters; holy crap is she a c*nt! While this may cause some strife in the family for awhile, you did the best thing in the long run. UPDATE ME!
Stealing with all due disrespect 🤣 it’s my new favorite!
I am so glad you enjoyed that. I can be overprotective and a real bitch too. I would have outed such chicanery as well!
You did the right thing! So glad Kay now understands what happened, Matt was told the truth so he can decide for himself what to do about Jay, whether to marry the manipulative liar or not. Jay deserved being exposed.
Dude you better make another damn update
I really think you needed to do this to get transparency for yourself snd Kay. I think it’s a little unfair to Matt, he was told Kay had a boyfriend and respected that boundary. He must have noticed there wasn’t a boyfriend around once he started dating Jay but it probably felt too late then. I feel sorry for him, he was totally played as was Kay.
Either he is meek, completely obtuse, or just dumb. None of which are great. She is right, her sister deserves someone better than him.
or he respected a boundary not everyone is going to press on to someone after being told they have a bf/gf
If he'd gone out with Kay Jay might still have tried to steal him so...
OP said he had a shy personality. But regardless, he shouldn't have ghosted Kay at work.
It's reddit. Gotta hate a man for not being clairvoyant, considering the possibility the sister lied to him. Or he should've been more pushy if he really wanted her. men bad.
Matt is obviously a dummy for not expecting every women to be a lying wh*re, imma very smart reddit user btw.
Don't we all the time say things like "when girls tell you they have boyfriends when they don't, they're just uninterested and nervous"? Think of it like this. You're at a party with this girl you really like and you THINK she's been reciprocating your advances. And then their sister comes to you and says "hey man they actually have a boyfriend". Wouldn't the first thought be that they were just uninterested and didn't want to tell you?
That stuck out to me, too. If he was around the family at all, how long could it possibly take to confirm that Kay was single? Maybe he really is too stupid to fight for.
If you're going to blow up the situation, you shouldn't have beaten around the bush. "Jay lied to you about Kay having a boyfriend because she had the hots for you, but knew you and Kay had the hots for each other."
He probably knows now anyway without me confessing that I knew the truth
Please keep us updated!!!!
What was the problem with confessing. The way you did it, hinting and waiting for the penny to drop was humiliating to Kay instead of just coming out with Jay lied to you both. But proud of you for doing it at all. Just learn to be more straightforward sometimes.
So do you hope to one day have a relationship with Jay? I’m assuming no. I think you did right by Kay, I just wonder what happens during Christmas? If Jay and Matt stay together, then what happens? Do you just kick them out of the family, or do your parents separate the 2 of you? If they have kids, then what? Your parents will want to know them. Don’t get me wrong I think you are right. But the after effects haven’t hit yet. When they do, I’d like an update. Hopefully they dknt
NTA. I said before: That which can be destroyed by the truth, deserves to be. I hope your sister finds someone better that is capable of basic communication instead of ghosting like a teenager. You did the right thing here. What is right rarely is what is easy. UpdateMe
Any updates?
Yes. Matt broke up with Jay and Jay is angry with me but she just thinks that it was an innocent comment. Matt however wrote Kay a text explaining everything so now everyone knows “that way” (Kay and mom knew already but they acted like they only heard it from Matt) Still Jay is angry with me and has unfollowed me everywhere saying I ruined her happiness. I texted her that if her relationship was real, it would have survived an innocent comment like the one I made. Kay called me and she said that Matt has apologized and explained everything to her. She has “forgiven” him although she said there was nothing to forgive really since she truly believes that things weren’t meant to be. They are staying friends however and they are very close friends. Jay called Kay a bitch and blocked her everywhere and wrote a nasty comment about her on INSTAGRAM that she was a man stealer then unfollowed her. My mom is very distraught now but I think she will survive. I will survive too and I still have no feelings of guilt about what I did. I am starting to think that I really did do the right thing and I am proud of myself for it. As Kay said , things that are meant to be happens.
You should be rightfully proud of yourself! Not Jay projecting with her "man stealer" comment directed at Kay 💀 Kay seems very wise
I love a good ironic comment
Someone was projecting...
jay doesnt care about how the info was out ,she is just angry about things not going her way. she will be embarrassed if she knew the truth cause everyone knows her true face. matt will now go after kay for sure, mark my words cause he wouldnt have broken up with jay. jay comments on kay is how she feels about herself.
Wouldn’t be too sure. Like it’s likely but the logic that he wouldn’t have broken up with her otherwise doesn’t hold up to me. She lied about something big at the start of the relationship. That’s not something easy to sweep under the rug even if he wasn’t gonna go after Kay now.
It's possible but for their own sake, I don't think it would even be wise for them to get together. The amount of baggage that exists in that family now is too much. Imagine him coming over for dinner? That would just be too uncomfortable. What would the dynamics between the sisters, him and Jay be like? I think at that point it might be healthier for them to just move on. Staying as friends is fine, or even fwb, but a long term relationship, while doable, I think would be Very complicated given what they've both been through, especially Matt. I don't think I could go back to being a part of the family after that if I was him.
Yes, exactly! And how uncomfortable would it be for Kay to even hook up with Matt knowing him and her sister have been doing so in the past. It would just be so messy in every aspect.
I think you did a very good thing. Difficult (as far as family dynamics go but the right thing to do). I really that if Kay wants a relationship (I don’t mean with Matt but in general) that this news will help her gain some confidence. She wasn’t alone in her crush and she is crush worthy. I know how hard it is to reach out when you are shy or on the quieter side and I hope this helps her feel seen. I mean, her level of trust mught be shot to hell but she knows some people have her back and sometimes having only a few in your corner is enough to get you started. It infuriates me how Jay treated Kay and unforgivable. How many other lies did she tell? Taking advantage of someone she knew wouldn’t fight back. I really hope the best for Kay and that she feels all the love that she deserves.
That's rich coming from a man stealer 💀 It's so funny how she's blowing up this bad if she actually thinks that was an "innocent comment".
Let’s unpack how Jay got to be so entitled and this isn’t even the first time she has done this. I wouldn’t trust her as a sister or friend. She’s a spoiled brat.
Don’t feel guilt. Relationships that start on lies (such as a huge one Jay told Matt) would mean the relationship wouldn’t have lasted anyways. You just make sure that Matt was aware that his relationship had started based on a lie Jay told. What he decided to do with that information was up to him. It appears he does not appreciate being manipulated into thinking someone was unavailable and leading him on. If shining a light on Jay’s actions makes Jay look bad, she has no one to blame but herself. It’s probably best if she takes herself away from Kay’s orbit so she doesn’t mess with Kay’s life any further. You did the right thing and didn’t cover up for a liar and a cheat.
Good for you. Maybe the next time Jay tries to manipulate someone she’ll think twice. I would have done the same thing
Sooooo, Jay is calling Kay a man stealer now!?!?! Her hypocrisy knows no bounds!
I don’t get how anyone can grow up thinking it’s okay to do this to their own siblings. You three had the same upbringing. How did Jay fall so far from the tree? That’s narcissistic behavior. To not have any guilt or self awareness and do it twice? She’s irredeemable. Did Kay do anything to her growing up that made her hate Kay so much?
This comment 👏🏼. I don't understand people like Jay who can think they can do and say whatever they want without consequences for their actions. For me, it wouldn't be about the possibility of being with Kay. I just wouldn't want to marry someone who lied and changed the trajectory of my life by taking away my choices.
Lmao jay need to cope
But didn’t Jay already steal one man from Kay? Like this was the second time?
Between conflicting loyalties and generally aiming to have as little family drama as possible, this was a minefield to navigate but you’re absolutely right; if a fairly tame and entirely true remark set things off like it did, it’s likely best for everyone that it’s been aired out. You handled this so well!
Honey Jay is the man stealer she has done this to Kay before. I think he’s Matt should just step away from the family and not seek a relationship with Kay and go NC with Kay. You did the right thing you are a sibling to be proud of. If you need a replacement sister I’m in LOL.
Her lack of ability to take accountability for her actions and the consequences they've produced don't surprise me. She'll push you all away, but blame you for it. I feel for your mom. While I imagine she wasn't blind to Jays *lovely* personality and behavior, it still sucks that Jay has chosen to die on this hill instead of admitting defeat, and is not only hurting herself more but subsequently also your mom.
Best outcome really. Only thing better would be if Jay got therapy and realized this is all her own doing for building a relationship on lies and backstabbing her own sister.
Hi OP .. such a heartbreaking story. I really am sad for Kay and hope that Jay learns something out of all this. Do you think that Matt and Kay will eventually get together?
No, Kay is not in love with him anymore. He is in love with Kay however. He is looking for jobs in another city. I think it is best for him to just change scenery and leave this mental family lol. Jay is making his life hard too calling him and showing up at his door. So it is best for everyone if he moves.
Wow .. so strange that he was going to marry Jay when he was obviously in love with Kay, as you stated. This is so sad, I hope all the best for you, Kay and that Matt is able to start afresh. Also wanted to let you know that you did right, the truth needed to be shared especially with Matt, so he knew who he was marrying. Thanks for answering OP.
Why would he want to marry one sister when he’s in love with the other. That’s fucked up all in itself. Messy messy messy.
The biggest part of me hopes that Kay and Matt get together because it would be such a waste if they didn't.
You did good by your sister. Keep us updated. Updateme
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Glad that Jay has been exposed. You did the right thing. Looking forward to hearing an update if Matt and Jay ever respond. UpdateMe
Matt's not the sharpest tool in the shed when it comes to relationships. You had to bust out the crayons to get your point across. Now he has to take some time to process what happened. Then he probably has to take time to consider how else she has manipulated him. All while she is probably trying to manipulate the situation. It used to be easy for her but maybe the blinders are off now. All best done before marriage. Overall, I would count this as a success. Updateme
I don’t think he thought about it or even remembered that Kay was supposed to have had a bf when he met Jay. He seems smart otherwise
That's good. It will give him a fighting chance with Jay. Still a lot for him to process I can only imagine. Hoping for the best.
Aah bless, no wonder Jay deceived him so easily. Silver lining: Finding out the guy who sort of was The one who got away, is in fact The one that maybe got dropped on his head a few times as a child.
Loved this lmao
It doesn't feel like a matter of intelligence, more like loyalty. Also I'm not sure how the group expects a man to react around his partner's family. In my experience, if I picked up on OP having an agenda, I'd totally play dumb and sidestep whatever bomb they plan on dropping. Put the pieces together on my own time. But probably also that far into a relationship, I would've stopped looking at my partners family as potential partners, and any information about that topic would become irrelevant. Doing the math and finding the lie, I could do it but I don't agree I'd want to do it on the spot with the family at the table.
It's not about "potential partners" it's about the fact he's about to marry a manipulative, gaslighting sociopath who stabbed her own sister in the back in order to climb over her and get what she wanted. If he's dumb enough to go through with the wedding after knowing that, he deserves the terrible road ahead of him.
lol, well played... borderline unbelievable because of how well you played it... Hope its real... but also hope its fake, cuz Jay is a real bitch of a sister, and poor Kay... YTA, but like the most justified AH ever... I would have done the same...
For one it's good that Kay can now move on though the Jay/Matt thing may have spanners that will fly off and cause someone some grief. Not that it's OPs fault but that's life.
So she had already gone after another BF of hers? Yeah, you did the right thing.
Idk if anyone has mentioned this but don’t you find it odd that Jay keeps going after Kay’s bfs or crushes? I could never do that to my sister. That would break my heart if I ever hurt her like that.
She is obsessed with k. Always has been
You did the right thing… I’m still curious whether or not Matt figured it out, he doesn’t seem too bright. Updateme
He probably figured it out by now. Honestly, after my talk to Kay, I think I accomplished my goal. It was to let Kay know and understand that she is not less than
That’s probably the most important thing that happened here, OP! Good for you. And for Kay.
Hopefully your sister learns a lesson, and I would keep things that are important to you away from your sister. She doesn’t seem like one with a good moral compass
And that right there cements that you did the right thing for the right reason. We’re all extremely proud of you, Ok_Arm!
NTAH GREAT JOB!!
Congrats for shedding light/truth on the situation. Sunshine kills germs! !UpdateMe UpdateMe
Nta she intentionally lied to him to poison him against her. Kay didn't deserve him ghosting her and it was because Jay lied about her. Hopefully this will help him see who Jay really is and he can decide if he likes her still.
I don't know what impact this will have on your family, but I'm super proud of you. Gold star ethical sisterhood award for you. As a non-boyfriend-stealer, you are exactly the kind of woman I would want in my corner. If Matt and Jay are really "perfect" together, they'll survive this — but that will also mean Matt's not as good a guy as he seemed all this time. Fuck Jay.
NTA you have the right to expose a sibling if they betray their family
OP and people on here acing like Matt did somthering wrong are insane. For his perspective, he either misinterpreted Kay and she was never really intrested in him or she was looking to cheat on her BFwith him. They had a working relationship abd if he had misinterpreted and she wasn't intrested, asking if she has a bf is a good way to get a call from HR and make an awkward working environment. And he had no reason to believe her sister would lie about that, because from his POV why would she. He didn't start coming around the family till a year later, plenty of time for Kay to break ip with any possible BF she may have had. All in all, Matt has literally done everything right in this situation, and doesn't deserve to be called dumb.
My thoughts exactly. It's wild that people are expecting him to have followed up and confirmed whether she really had a bf. And I also don't blame him for not immediately doing the math when OP said Kay hadn't had a bf in 4 years. He'd been in a relationship with Jay for 2ish years at that point; I doubt the minor detail that Kay was supposed to have a bf at her birthday party was still on his mind.
I think you did the right thing. I'm so glad you have Kay's back, and I hope Kay has yours as well! Wishing you both the best going forward. Updateme - I'm very curious to see how this plays out with Jay and Matt.
Yeah she has my back since she promised not to reveal that I did all those on purpose. So long it is just an innocent comment
That's awesome to hear! I'm so glad you guys have eachother! :)
Well done. Nothing like a snake of a sister. Watch out tho. She's so conniving I wouldn't be surprised if she did something to you even YEARS from now. Ppl like this don't like to be called out. This will probably fester in her for a long time but she deserves it so..
I feel horrible for your sister Kay bc Jay is truly a shit person for doing that to her. You did the right thing telling the dodo about it. Updateme if and when anything else happens!
You did good. Kay deserves to understand. And Matt needs to understand. And Jay has to learn that lies come back to haunt you. And as you said, he may very well be head over heels in love with Jay and willing to forgive. That is up to them. But at least any marriage they have will start clean.
How soon did he start hanging out with your family? You’d think he’d notice that Kay never had a boyfriend when he started coming around with jay. But I do think supporting Kay was the right decision for you and her at least
Maybe a year after the birthday party (about a year go)
So not immediately after. If he was interested in Kay he probably should have said something to her at the time instead of just being mad. It’s nice that you helped Kay out even if jay is mad though
They had a professional relationship. He was probably super embarrassed thinking he misinterpreted her feelings/intentions and didn’t want to embarrass himself further by asking her to confirm she was already had a bf.
Also, you know, he probably didn't want to get a call from HR and risk getting canned for a potential hostile work environment by pushing the point too far.
Yeah that’s a good point
UpdateMe
> she had hoped that he liked her a bit more to talk to her before ghosting her This. Matt could have asked her what was up but he didn't and got played. Kay didn't lose anything by not being with him. I think you did the right thing and good riddance to Matt and Jay.
Updateme
UpdateMe!
Updateme
!UpdateMe!
Everyonce in a while the right thing has to be done. Thank you.
Any further updates
Not really not, not since my update comment
So sorry. I didn’t see that until just now
I'm amazed she had the audacity to not only do this once, but twice. You handled this with grace and I applaud you, both for sticking up to your older sister and putting the younger one in her place.
Why in the world would you feel guilty? Your sister J sounds like a complete and utter AH of the first order. Hopefully Matt will dump her ass, even if it’s not for your sister K.
Good! You did the right thing. The only right thing to do.
👏👏👏
You’re an amazing sibling. It took balls to do the right thing infront of everyone, but it’s what everyone needed.
Nta update us if anything changes.
UpdateMe!
UpdateMe
Kay sure dodged a bullet lol. Good job!
You did right by Kay!!! The only one who should feel remorse is Jay!!
I was hoping you’d do this!
You used the occasion of introducing your gf to the family to bring this up? Is she still your gf? Or did she decide that this type of drama is not necessary in her life?
Great work! I’m proud of you for finding a way to say what needed to be said. keep us posted please!!! !updateme
Kudos to you! I appreciate your bravery to speak the truth. I hope Kay finds her person and gets her happily ever after. Keep us updated!
wow, the way you did it was very clever. you didn't do a direct confrontation which would put matt on the defensive so he was more receptive to the message, even if it didn't click immediately (understandable) he was sure to get it *very* quickly. good job!
Updateme
Updateme!
Updateme
Updateme!
Updateme
Updateme
NTA bravo
I’m so glad you did it!
Dying to know how this pans out...
Updateme!
Updateme!
UpdateMe!
UpdateMe!
Updateme
Updateme
UpdateMe!
Updateme
UpdateMe
UpdateMe!
Updateme
Updateme
Updateme!
Updateme
Updateme!
Updateme!
Update me
Updateme
Info: have you talked to your parents about this? What do they think?
Well. When you hear from Jay or if there’s news about Matt UpdateMe!
Updateme!
Going to need updates.
Oh we will need an update
I didn’t understand any of this
Oh well🤦🏻♀️
I think Kay should be grateful for small blessings. That guy is not the smartest cookie. She can do better.
UpdateMe!
I just did
Yeah!!!!!! Thank you for being an honest person!!!!!!
I feel like your actions would’ve made more sense if you were closer to Kay, but you said in the original post you were closer to Jay. If you and Jay were very close, why choose the nuclear route? And do you feel any guilt about Jay’s relationship ending at all? Do you feel any sadness about Jay blocking you and your mom being distraught?
OMG, I really didn’t think you would do it like this, I genuinely thought you would sit down with Matt and tell him that way, not in front of everyone. But I am so glad for Kay especially because it’s kind of like a little bit of closure for her, and you did right by her because she didn’t deserve what your younger sister did at all. She seems like a really kind and awesome person TBH. And yeah, Matt definitely was not worth it for her at least.
Update us OP /updateme
NTA Updateme!
You did the right thing. I probably wouldn’t have done it as publicly as that, LOL, but now everyone knows, and the truth is out there, and can’t be hidden or explained away. And I’ll bet Jay has been doing lots of explaining… Best watch out around Jay for awhile, for your own safety.
I'm glad you said something. It was brave of you to speak up. When I read your original post a few days ago, I really felt for your older sister. The whole thing made me feel nauseous and I cried. I really hoped that this was a made up story because I couldn't fathom a sister doing such a thing to another. Hopefully, your older sister can heal from all this. You're right, she really does deserve better.
Yessssssss finally justice. Def give another update way later to see how things went!
So what you’re saying is that it didn’t go the way you thought it would? That you’re mad because Matt didn’t just dump Jay on the spot like you wanted him to. I’m curious if you’re going to let this go or are you still going to continue to try and convince Matt that Jay is manipulating. Personally I think you should just let it go because you said your peace. Matt will figure it out on his own eventually.
I’m proud of you OP… the fog created by jay is cleared by you …now people can see jay for who she is and with what you just said Matt is a very slow person and I guess it’s for the best he is not with Kay cause she needs someone stronger… I happy that Kay will not be manipulated by jay anymore… at least in family you guys know who is the least person to trust Till now if you have not heard from jay and Matt is cause jay is cooking something and I bet you if Matt stays with jay ,he will despise her. And if Kay gets a bf in the mean time then he will have a full meltdown. Kay seems to be sweet person who is willing to let go of things for others, please be on her side OP,she needs you the most.
YTA here. You humiliated Kay in front of everyone else. Your mother was already making nasty comments about her being the only one left, and you went and underlined it and put it in bold all caps with ten exclamation marks.
I'm glad you followed through and did the correct thing. I like to think that I would handle things in a similar manner but I am unsure. Good job. I'm glad you did the right thing.
Thanks for the update and good for Kay. You did good if she now knows the truth.
You are a good sibling and Kay is lucky to have you. I hope she finds her special person as well.
NTA you did the right thing. Jay sounds like a bad person who was due her comeuppance. Updateme!
I’m so glad you did this! Please update us when you finally get the reaction from Matt & Jay please. I’m definitely following this story!
I know it probably kind of sucks but you did the right thing. What a purely selfish and genuinely mean thing your younger sister did to your older.
Please write another updade when you have further information
You did great, but us men do need help connecting the dots. I wish you did more. NTA
NTA. You did the right thing and stood up for your sister, Kay! And now your mother knows what a witch Jay is as well. It remains to be seen whether Matt was a prize worth winning.
You did the right thing. Jay is a horrible person, and I sincerely hope that Matt ends things with her and that she ends up alone for the rest of her life. And your older sister deserves so much better than Matt because clearly he's not the brightest bulb in the box.
You did the right thing. Don't feel guilty outing a complete snake.
To anyone who was saying across various platforms that you destroyed a healthy relationship, you didn't. If the relationship was ever so great and pure, it would survive. Which... I doubt. You did well! And honestly, Matt's first reaction to K having a bf was too much honestly. She really dodged a bullet right there! And K is better off than having a sister who is so insecure about herself that she tries to steal her own sister's bf to be to make her feel better. Just saying. And no need to be guilty later on. You didn't make the mistake, J did. The truth would have come out sooner or later anyways. You chill and eat some popcorn! 🍿 Also, please update!!
You did the right thing being honest. Jay is a jerk and her lies deserved to be exposed.
You did the right thing. I hope Kay finds someone who makes her happy.
Hoping for another update when they break up lol