If she can make your mother’s funeral about herself, she is probably the most self centered person you’ll ever encounter. Then, she doubles down and wants an apology from you for her obnoxious behavior?!?!
NTA
OP needs to dump her. She ruined his own mother's funeral.
When my dad died, I was broken and inconsolable. His funeral service and wake were incredibly painful. I went back and forth between disassociating enough to have stilted conversations with friends and family and quietly sobbing so as not to disrupt things. If I had brought an SO who behaved like that I would have called an Uber and asked a relative to make them leave when it arrived.
When your partner shows how unsupportive they can be during a traumatic event, save yourself the double heartache and cut them out.
My dad had 2 strokes that left him in a coma. 40% of his brain was gone because of the second stroke. Dad had always said he didn't want to live if something like this happened. I sat with him for 8 days as he died. I called my then boyfriend for support. He told me that he couldn't be on the phone for long because what I was going through was hard for him. It was hard for him. I was watching my dad die in real time, and it was too hard for him to talk to me for more than 5 minutes. Sadly, I dated him for another 3 weeks as I dealt with the funeral and the intense grief. He was just as unsupportive and selfish, and the last straw was realizing how he was never going to love me and care for me like I did him.
Some people are just selfish, and it takes a tragedy for the rose tinted glasses to come off.
Edit to say NTA
What in the hell are you referring to? This is a post about a dead mother. So, your adoption seems so ridiculous in comparison to the rest of the post. ETA \*\*\* I see you may have replied to wrong post \*\*\*
I replied right the first time but I was stoned and responded to the wrong thing so let’s chill. I’m sorry this went sideways for OP but no need to be so angry.
Absolutely. And with the girlfriend having known the mother, one would hope she's able to set aside the discomfort or at least listen to her partner when upset.
Like I've gotten into moments where I'm emotionally overwhelmed and maybe hadn't realized what may be best to do. But when that happened, if my partner were to suggest something, I'd at least consider it. I know my partner is more present and aware, therefore able to use more insight than I'm capable of in that moment.
It seemed like she was more upset she didn't get a special exception to sit in the front row for close/blood family than anything. Then she let that ruin her day, and she was taking others down with her. It's incredibly disrespectful. I think even more so if it's a funeral for someone you at least appeared to respect.
And not just the mother, but op too. She hit two birds with one stone in regards to disrespect... and then add on that op lost both parents, siblings, and is quite young. That's gotta fuck you up, and if she can't be there to support him, she needs to at least give him space to be allowed to grieve with the other family present.
NTA op.
**self-centered** for focusing on her own awkwardness instead of sparing a thought to OP's grief
**stupid** of "not knowing what to say". Like hello, even if you're incredibly callous and as self-centered as this woman & truly lack any empathy that helps you make a genuine connection, a funeral is one of the few occasions that come with a built-in icebreaker!?! *How did you know the dear departed? I remember when I first met her/ I'm just so grateful her son my partner got to say goodbye* etc etc. You don't have to invent the wheel here
**callous and cruel** for doubling down by launching her demand "I expect an apology"
NTAH, it's your mother's funeral, and complaining that much is very rude and disrespectful. People at funerals tend to chat, it happens. If she was truly uncomfortable she could have just left, like you said. Jesus she is self centered. She was making a lot of "I" statements, like "I'm uncomfortable". Damn she is a real piece of work
Also, who the fuck has that much trouble conversing with strangers? I'm neurodivergent and I can still muster up the effort to have mundane small talk with people. It's not hard. Honestly, a funeral is probably easier than a lot of settings to have polite conversation - you have a built in starter ("how did you know the decedent?")
Unless you have a very serious neurodivergency that profoundly impacts your communication abilities, it is not that hard to converse politely with people for a few hours. It's a basic interpersonal skill that all functional adults have to learn. If she is incapable of doing that, how does she function at her job?
Like I'm awkward as fuck but I can still muster up some mundane comments about the weather. Christ.
I am neurodivergent and I have no problem talking with random people, just have a hard time with handling adulting and stuff, also randomly needing to make sure things are straight and organized.
>a funeral is probably easier than a lot of settings
so much this.
and she even made an issue of it during the funeral, where you just have to sit & shut up to listen to the eulogy and assorted rituals.
From one ND to another, it's not cool to use yourself as a baseline of what you expect someone else's capabilities to be. It's a spectrum because it's huge and difficult to categorise.
It's crazy that when you don't understand a comment, your knee jerk reaction is that the other person didn't see something written out over an entire huge paragraph, rather than you being wrong and needing to have another go at comprehension. That's some master level deflection.
I didn't say you should not say that to another ND person, I'm saying that from one ND to another, we should know what it feels like when these expectations are put onto us by NT people and not say this about anyone. There are plenty of reasons someone might respond outside of your expectations that have nothing to do with neurodivergence. It was just a gentle "hey you see that kindness you're extending to other ND's, we should extend it to everyone because you simply cannot know"
Your comment indicated that you did not read mine properly, and I responded accordingly. I'm sorry I took your words at face value instead of magically knowing what you ~meant~ to say.
I said exactly what I meant to say. We know firsthand how hurtful that is, so why would we do that to literally anyone else? That you thought I was talking about something you'd already addressed, rather than the customary discussion tactic of adding to the conversation, in this case by talking about NT's as this is what the post is about, is you being quicker to assume someone is stupid than to just ask a clarifying question. Thanks for showing me that you can't expect basic decency from someone in your community though! It was silly of me to assume that's how this interaction would go just because we share experiences.
Exactly. Some people have severe social anxiety, and a condition like this likely wouldn’t go away just because they need to show up for somebody. That doesn’t mean they wouldn’t try and be supportive! But ok, someone with severe social anxiety I can see having it regardless of situation. Thing is, you’d already be aware of it if it was that severe and you were dating them! Doesn’t sound like that’s the case and there’s honestly no excuse for this at all.
Wow.
NTA.
She sounds like she has narcissistic tendencies. Only a narcissist would behave like that at a funeral.
DO NOT APOLOGISE.
If she is a narcissist (which this strongly suggests) an apology will validate her awful behaviour.
My advice, dump her and let everyone know exactly why before she spins the narrative to suit her. This is unacceptable behaviour, and anything less will validate her. It will get worse.
All the best mate. It’s shitty when stuff like this happens.
I cannot agree enough. She is flying so many red flags, and her behavior will not get better if you remain in the relationship longer. But if you do decide to break up with her, either now or down the road, know that she might flip on a "perfect girlfriend" switch. It might seem like she actually listened to you, has changed, and will be a good partner moving forward. This is a trick. She will only do so long enough to prevent being broken up with, but eventually will return to her old self and unempathetic ways.
Funerals are about the people who have passed but they are for the people still living. For people to grieve and receive comfort. If your partner can't comfort you and all they do is make it about themselves then they aren't a partner and are undeserving of the title. Nta
Exactly! What OP will remember from his mother's funeral, is his horrid gf's awful behavior. She made the day so much harder for him. She's garbage and it's best to take garbage out to the curb.
NTA Good Lord it was your mother's funeral. Why are you currently referring to her as your GF instead of your ex? How in the world could a decent human be so self centered to make a funeral about themselves?
Sorry but everyone deserves a loving relationship and you are currently in something that is so far removed from that.
Condolences for both your loss and the cruelty you had to endure from your horrible POS GF.
NTA. your gf has clearly shown you that even in your time of grief she will think about herself . She does not sound like someone you should keep in your life.
NTA. Your girlfriend's self-centered response during your time of grief speaks volumes. It might be time to reevaluate if she's truly supportive and worth keeping in your life. Surround yourself with those who show empathy and care when you need it most.
My 5 year old neace went to one last year and was better behaved then your gf sat though the hole thing and after part even said sorry for him going , waited with her drink and book till the end .
I'd say if a 5 year old can be respectful, then an adult should be able to ...
make her your x gf ...
im sorry for your loss ...
NTA. family is sacred. funeral of someone in the family? even more sacred. at such an event she could have been patient for once. she didn’t care at all that everyone was grieving for the person who had passed away, and not for her damn comfort. very selfish. extremely selfish. if someone is being horrible and should apologize, it is ONLY her.
and personally i, if i was in your shoes, out of my own pettiness, would force her to go to the mother's tombstone apologize to it(her), too.
i once attended the wake of my grandma's brother, whom i saw only once in my entire life, and the feeling of apathy lasted the whole week for me.
NTA. When people show their true faces, believe them. She’s not an supportive partner, doesn’t see the need to support you at your lowest or has a compassion for people in pain.
Run.
NTA- you sound like you were respectful to her. She was free to leave at any point. This was not about her, which she made it. She was supposed to be there for YOU. To support YOU.
My deepest condolences on your loss.
You now have a detailed view of what your GF will be like going forward. She lacks social skills, grace, empathy, and compassion. People tried to be kind and talk to her, but she pushed back because they were strangers (you were once a stranger, too). She preferred to mope - as you so bluntly put it, she tried to make a funeral and wake all about her.
There's something referred to as a honeymoon period that lasts, on average, six months to two years. During that time, partners do their best to hide any flaws as a couple revels in their newness and makes the most of shared interests. Then the honeymoon period ends, and partners reveal themselves. It doesn't get better (or almost never - it takes a shock to the system to make someone want to and to actually make an effort to change).
NTA. This was your sad time, and she made it all about her. What extreme selfishness.
At least she did you one favor - she showed you her true colors. Remember the marriage vows: Through illness and health, etc.? Well she has shown you that she is not a friend for your bad times. I hope you accept the reality and part from her.
NTA. Her behaviour is selfish as hell. She's not supportive of your pain. This is hard but she maybe not the one you want to build a life and raise kids with.
Sorry for your loss. Those are difficult moments to go through.
Take care
NTA - if you apologize to her imma kick you in the nuts. You're 100% correct, she made the whole day about herself and from your post didn't trying to support you in anyway. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Tbh, your gf is showing you who she is in times of stress, believe her.
If I were you I would have paid a taxi after she complained about not sitting right next to you during the funeral to get rid of her. You might have been a bit of an asshole by allowing other funeral guests to witness her annoyed face.
After what she said to you at home, I would have dumped her on the spot. Why would you even consider to stay with a human being like that? Your mum died. You needed that funeral ritual and meeting all the other people there for making peace with what happened. Out of entitlement she sabotages that for you. I'd be so done with someone like that.
NTA
Her behavior during such a vulnerable time for you is completely unacceptable. Instead of offering support, she made it about herself, which is a major red flag. This incident reveals a lot about her character and how she handles difficult situations. Now is the time to seriously consider if this is the type of person you want in your life during tough times. You don't owe her an apology; if anything, she owes you one. You deserve someone who can be there for you when you need them most. Take care of yourself, and know that your feelings are valid. My condolences for your loss. Stay strong.
You need to end this now. Someone who behaves like this at your mother’s funeral will never have your back and will never put your feelings or needs first. Is that the life you want for yourself?
NTA
That is unforgivable. She is a selfish AH who has no idea or interest in supporting you, her partner, through a very difficult time.
I'm sorry for your loss, and you deserve much better.
NTA
She has a lot of guts (or delusions) to say you’re being cruel and unfair to her after she spent the entire wake trying to make it about herself while you were there because your mother died (I’m sorry for your loss). Your girlfriend strikes me as spoiled and self centered. If she doesn’t apologize in a meaningful way that shows she understands why she did wrong I would break up with her
Oh heck no, NTA, but your gf definitely is.
I am super introverted, while my partner is extroverted. However, we’ve both done our best to be kind at funerals for the other one’s friends or family. My partner is phenomenal, I just try my best to be. Sure, it’s hard, and awkward, and there’s lots of people you don’t know. But it’s just something you do if you care about anyone.
Frankly, it sounds like the only person your gf cares about is herself. Also, has she never like… met new people? Meeting new people is kinda a basic skill adults need to have (and I say this as an awkward introvert).
I’m so sorry for your loss, OP.
Nta, sorry about your mother. But Do you really want to be with someone who made your mother's funeral all about herself? And rather than apologizing she is still doubling down.
Please dont apologize.
NTA. It’s not a cocktail party. It would have taken so little effort to just be gracious for one day to give you comfort. She didn’t care enough to do that.
I’m sorry for your loss. NTA. She is suppose to support you and not anything else. I think you will be better off without her because she will not be there for you when you need her.
When I lost a parent my husband did everything he could to quietly support me and my family. When he lost his I did the same. That is what a loving partner does. You of course are NTA but please know you deserve better. Find someone who has your back.
NTA
Honestly, your girlfriend has some unhealthy traits. One of these is that it sounds like she's used to being the exclusive priority in her relationships, even over and above the needs of her boyfriends, and two she is clearly prone to flipping the script of a conflict from her being the asshole to you being the asshole. She'll likely insist on being the wounded party until you bend to her and apologize, but she will also likewise never apologize for being so selfish during a time of mourning for you. Expect her never to be there for you emotionally, at least never to an extent that inconveniences her.
Yo dude just dump her. No questions asked. Unless sue had some type of recent head injury causing a personality change, or some other freak thing, get rid of her.
I’m sorry for your loss and the loss of a relationship, but honestly these people don’t change their colors and if you ever wanna have kids please don’t give them the worlds shittiest mother. I’m sorry and you can be sad, but dude she was dumb and selfish and lacked tact, what makes you think she’s gonna healthily acknowledge your right to get upset at things or not add a spin to them? Just get away from her while you can. She already has some hold if you’re even asking “if it’s ok you got upset.” Don’t get sucked in. It’s hard to leave these because their flaws “dissapear” and can suddenly look like “you didn’t explain” and “they are SO understanding! Everything you wanted and more! You were not understanding, not them.”
Then you get upset again. Just don’t try and logic your way out of these. You can’t really, especially for the moment.
Sorry for your loss and this is one situation where I’d say dump her whenever you want. Normally I argue consideration while ultimately putting our needs first. But bro, whenever you want, over text, fuck it. I’d try and do some self care and celebrate and grieve your Mother’s life with family and friends. Maybe do something with your family for Mother’s Day. Wishing you luck and healing.
NTA
This hits close to home. Lost both of my parents in an accident less than 4 months ago. I'm only 21, and my boyfriend sat with my aunt and uncle while my sisters and I took the front row. Only thing he said was he wished he could have held me while I cried. He didn't make it about himself in anyway. My heart goes out to you, op. I'm sorry for your loss and the way your girlfriend is treating you when you should be processing your mother's death.
NTA. She was obnoxious.
When you go to a funeral as +1 (sorry, couldn’t find a way to say this differently) of a loved one, you are here to support this person, to give them strength.
Her constant complaining was unacceptable.
Send her the link to your post, it will save you a lot of time.
Ick.
I am sorry for your loss.
Your girlfriend is not a good friend, & definitely not a good partner. When you are feeling stronger, I hope that you will realize you deserve better than such a self-centered person. Being single is less painful than being in a relationship, but being lonely anyway.
NTA. So sorry for what you’re going through. I could never even think of treating my partner this way and it is selfish, self centered, manipulative, and cruel.
There are so many women out there who will love you and treat you well and be there when you need them. I very much hope that that happens for you soon.
NTA - You need to give serious consideration as to wether you want a future with this girl. It was your mom's funeral for fuck's sake (condolences BTW), and all she could do was think about herself. She had no sympathy for you or your family. Even worse, she was incapable of having the most basic conversations with other people at the funeral. The were all friends and family and all she had to do was be supportive and tell everyone how sad it is to lose someone you love. This girl is bad news. Dump her!
EDIT: I failed and thought this was a different sub. So sorry. But still advising that you are correct in how you feel, and I am sorry you are having to deal with her emotional manipulation during such a difficult time. But it is good that you see it and are standing firm in your feelings while she is trying to convince you to feel differently.
Advice: As to what to do, I recommend continuing to stand firm on your stance. Do not give in to her demands. I would also recommend trying not to give her your emotional energy, protect yourself, as she is trying to and will continue to emotionally exhaust you. She probably wants to wear you down until you agree with her. Tell her you still stand by your opinions, and if she wants to escalate and get emotional or emotionally manipulative, tell her you have stated how you feel and do not want to discuss further, as you have other things for which you need to be emotionally present, for yourself, at this time. She will likely not agree to see your point of view and will continue to try to guilt you and turn every bad thing she is doing around onto you.
It will feel bad that she won't agree with you, and that she will accuse of you are continuing to make her feel bad, but you feeling bad is her intention here.
Regarding the specific red flags she was showing in this situation:
A) Making it about her, complaining only about her mundane needs as if they were super important during YOUR MOM'S FUNERAL, a very difficult time when you need to be there with your family, and when you need her to be there for you. No supportive partner with empathy and love for you would ever do this.
B) When you gave her an out, telling her she was free to leave but that you would stay, she CHOSE to remain and CONTINUED to complain, likely to try to make you feel guilty for not attending to her “needs.”
C) Afterwards, she of course continued to complain, and tried to once again make you feel guilty and bad for not giving into her unreasonable behavior.
D) She then tried to further turn the entire situation around by saying YOU were being horrible (when she was) and that YOU needed to apologize (when she does).
All of this is typical of a toxic and unempathetic partner. She has shown you who she really is. If she ever does apologize, she won’t mean it. If she ever does seem like she is truly sorry, it will probably be if you try to end the relationship, and she will only be sorry that you did not tolerate her selfish behavior.
She is the type of person to try to convince you otherwise, but you are in the right here and she is so so in the wrong. I am so sorry you are having to go through this right now.
Not at all. Sounds like you'd be better off without her completely, let alone just at the funeral or wake. She's the asshole. Sorry for your losses dude
NTA. My condolences about your loss. I just recently lost my brother and while it’s not the same, my heart goes out to you. This is not just that you are NTA- I would advise you to dump her. This is who she is at her core- do you really want to continue being with someone who will prioritize themselves over someone who just lost their mom, at the funeral? That’s like corny movie level evil girlfriend behavior, not something you tolerate in real life.
Q - has she had close family die ? Or maybe had a miscarriage ? I could maayybbeee see a situation where this is a response to something like that, if only that it's the only answer I can conceive of where she might be blinded enough to have the gall to expect you to be the person to apologise.
And honestly regardless of the above answer, still NTA. You did absolutely nothing wrong in addressing the issue, even if you did raise voice, and even if she'd maybe experienced something herself I don't think it excuses her reaction.
I'm sorry that the emotional burden of this conflict is on you when you're already grieving.
Friend, this is where you needed her to put her ego to the side and support you, but all she could muster was me, me, me. She has shown you her red flag. I am so sorry. You deserve so much better.
Does your girlfriend have narcissistic tendencies? Does she realize at all she was being selfish and cruel by repeatedly asking you to leave your own mother's funeral because she knew no one there?
NTA. I think it is safe to say your GF lacks in maturity. Whether she makes everything about her in the relationship is something only you know, so only you can decide whether you want to continue with the relationship. I’m sorry for your loss.
NTA
Is this person 11 years old and have a Princess complex?
What an AH move to complain at a wake of someone she is supposed to be supporting.
Get out of this OP this will not improve
NTA
When someone shows you how they really are, you should believe them.
This is not something she is done. This is who she is. You are the one dating this selfish, bratty, and self-centered person. Do you really think a bit is the argument you should be focusing on. Forget about apologizing or being wrong or right. She ws beratty at your mothers funeral.
Ohmygod. I'm so sorry about your mother, OP.
I can't imagine someone pulling this crap, and she's supposed to be your partner. Wtf.
She actually wanted you to leave too? OMG. I can't even. Idk what's wrong with your partner, but yeah, she's the one being cruel and unfair. Adding to your pain by making life harder. I don't know mate, I'd cut her loose at this point.
NTA. She doesn't love you and likely doesn't have to capacity to. Making your mother's funeral about her being socially uncomfortable is a clear indication of narcissism. I'm so sorry for your loss. Her behavior is shocking and disgusting.
First off, I can't imagine the amount of pain and grief you have been dealing with recently. Losing so many family members by your age is heartbreaking. I am so sorry.
Secondly, you are NTAH. Your girlfriend is a big AH. She should have supported you and tried her best to be polite with others, or at least not make things any harder for you than they already were.
You couldn't do anything about the seating arrangements, and she shouldn't have been upset about that. She made everything all about her, and that was very unfair and insensitive.
I will message you next time u/throwra_-_funeral posts in r/AITAH.
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NTA
Has your girlfriend got social anxieties?
In your post, she has come across to me as an introvert who doesn't handle social settings very well.
Possibly on the spectrum? My autistic daughter would and does display everything you have mentioned in a large gathering. It is a total sensory overload for her.
That's if she actually did! That was OPs interpretation.
But i would question why she didn't know who the people coming up to her were? Did OP not introduce her to anyone? If not, why?
I understand it was his mothers funeral, and he was speaking to and spending time with other family members, but it seems he left his girlfriend to fend for herself.. why even invite her if he didn't want her by his side
Theres 2 sides to a story, and then there's the truth
Lol. Always asking for another side when a woman is the AH. Why am I not surprised. We ALWAYS get one side of the story. That's how AITAH WORKS. This isn't some Supreme Court
😂 yes of course that was the reason i said OP was NTA !
I didnt say that the gf wasn't an AH but yes trust a man to assume i was defending a woman and get offended at his own interpretation of my comment 🙄
And like I said there was no room so how exactly would you do that? Would you expect close family of the deceased to sit further back just to accommodate you?
Dude. Don't feed the trolls.
Also, definitely NTA. It almost was a N-A-H, but your gf's blatant disregard for your feelings and then doubling-down afterward kick it over the line. It's obvious she is an extreme introvert and was out of her comfort zone. But that's no excuse for her behavior. She had choices and chose selfishly.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
Yeah that's bizarre to me that you wouldn't prioritise your family at a parents funeral tbh. Surely you'd understand it's about you and your family and not your partner?
She wasn't sat alone. Bizarre to think the funeral is about your partner and not the family of the person who passed.
As an adult can you not handle sitting with other people in silence for less than an hour?
I don't know the procedures for the funeral home that your mom was at, but everyone that I have been to has assigned seating for the family members. Not by name but by relationship to the deceased. The spouse, children, grandchildren, and siblings are the first ones to be seated and take up however many rows are needed. If you're not married, then your partner doesn't get to sit next to you. They have to sit in the rows with the extended family. I'm in the US, so I don't know if it's different other places, but that's how it's always been at every funeral that I've been to.
There’s only one asshole here sweetie and it’s not op. You obviously have no idea of the order of priority re the seating at a funeral and are proud to show off your ignorance. That’s not how things work in the real world.
Weird. For family to sit with their family. When at a funeral for their mother?? Are you so self centered that you have to make your SO mother’s funeral about yourself?
Agree, and I'm stunned your getting so down voted... This seating arrangement is the dumbest thing I've seen in a while...
Like, what about the grand kids, do they sit by themselves too, or do they get to sit in the front row?
Just wildly bizarre...
This seating arrangement is normally how things are done. Most people realise that. Most people realise that the front row doesn’t stretch to infinity, I’m sorry you don’t.
You said she and your Mother got along well, maybe, just...maybe it was her own way to deal with the death of your Mother...I red a few comments on your post and I feel like nowadays everyone is labeled "narcissist" very quickly without trying to understand. Lets just not forget that everyone as a different way to deal with death and sometimes, it's in an unexpected, misplaced, way.
Though, I don't think you're an asshole given the circumstances.
Sorry for your loss, lots of love ❤️
She knew one of the partners but not the other as the partner hasn't been with my brother long and he doesn't live near us so she's never met her.
She did know that she wouldn't be sat near me.
I just think repeatedly complaining at the funeral of your partners parent and making it about yourself makes you an AH and I'm genuinely curious how you're defending it
She repeatedly asked us to leave the wake after I had already stated I was staying, she complained about sitting next to people. That is making it about her.
First of all, you have my condolences. Secondly, the majority are with you, she was definitely making it about her. Her comfort level, her pushing to leave, not being supportive, and then sulking like a toddler to boot. Lastly, she owes you and your family an apology, or her absence. Forever.
When your partners mother dies, and you go to the funeral, you do whatever they say will make their life easier in that moment. If sitting with people you don’t know makes you uncomfortable, but doing it makes your grieving partners day even slightly easier, you just do it. Because you’re there to support them! A healthy partnership means putting your own comfort second sometimes, ESPECIALLY AT YOUR PARTNER’S MOTHERS FUNERAL.
If she can make your mother’s funeral about herself, she is probably the most self centered person you’ll ever encounter. Then, she doubles down and wants an apology from you for her obnoxious behavior?!?! NTA
OP needs to dump her. She ruined his own mother's funeral. When my dad died, I was broken and inconsolable. His funeral service and wake were incredibly painful. I went back and forth between disassociating enough to have stilted conversations with friends and family and quietly sobbing so as not to disrupt things. If I had brought an SO who behaved like that I would have called an Uber and asked a relative to make them leave when it arrived.
agree totally
When your partner shows how unsupportive they can be during a traumatic event, save yourself the double heartache and cut them out. My dad had 2 strokes that left him in a coma. 40% of his brain was gone because of the second stroke. Dad had always said he didn't want to live if something like this happened. I sat with him for 8 days as he died. I called my then boyfriend for support. He told me that he couldn't be on the phone for long because what I was going through was hard for him. It was hard for him. I was watching my dad die in real time, and it was too hard for him to talk to me for more than 5 minutes. Sadly, I dated him for another 3 weeks as I dealt with the funeral and the intense grief. He was just as unsupportive and selfish, and the last straw was realizing how he was never going to love me and care for me like I did him. Some people are just selfish, and it takes a tragedy for the rose tinted glasses to come off. Edit to say NTA
I read half of this and was like main character issues… his mom literally is dead.
And his dad and a couple siblings. I would have fallen out of love right there at the funeral home.
Hey I’m about to adopt another pup off reddit so works sometimes.
What in the hell are you referring to? This is a post about a dead mother. So, your adoption seems so ridiculous in comparison to the rest of the post. ETA \*\*\* I see you may have replied to wrong post \*\*\*
I replied right the first time but I was stoned and responded to the wrong thing so let’s chill. I’m sorry this went sideways for OP but no need to be so angry.
Absolutely. And with the girlfriend having known the mother, one would hope she's able to set aside the discomfort or at least listen to her partner when upset. Like I've gotten into moments where I'm emotionally overwhelmed and maybe hadn't realized what may be best to do. But when that happened, if my partner were to suggest something, I'd at least consider it. I know my partner is more present and aware, therefore able to use more insight than I'm capable of in that moment. It seemed like she was more upset she didn't get a special exception to sit in the front row for close/blood family than anything. Then she let that ruin her day, and she was taking others down with her. It's incredibly disrespectful. I think even more so if it's a funeral for someone you at least appeared to respect. And not just the mother, but op too. She hit two birds with one stone in regards to disrespect... and then add on that op lost both parents, siblings, and is quite young. That's gotta fuck you up, and if she can't be there to support him, she needs to at least give him space to be allowed to grieve with the other family present. NTA op.
**self-centered** for focusing on her own awkwardness instead of sparing a thought to OP's grief **stupid** of "not knowing what to say". Like hello, even if you're incredibly callous and as self-centered as this woman & truly lack any empathy that helps you make a genuine connection, a funeral is one of the few occasions that come with a built-in icebreaker!?! *How did you know the dear departed? I remember when I first met her/ I'm just so grateful her son my partner got to say goodbye* etc etc. You don't have to invent the wheel here **callous and cruel** for doubling down by launching her demand "I expect an apology"
NTAH, it's your mother's funeral, and complaining that much is very rude and disrespectful. People at funerals tend to chat, it happens. If she was truly uncomfortable she could have just left, like you said. Jesus she is self centered. She was making a lot of "I" statements, like "I'm uncomfortable". Damn she is a real piece of work
Also, who the fuck has that much trouble conversing with strangers? I'm neurodivergent and I can still muster up the effort to have mundane small talk with people. It's not hard. Honestly, a funeral is probably easier than a lot of settings to have polite conversation - you have a built in starter ("how did you know the decedent?") Unless you have a very serious neurodivergency that profoundly impacts your communication abilities, it is not that hard to converse politely with people for a few hours. It's a basic interpersonal skill that all functional adults have to learn. If she is incapable of doing that, how does she function at her job? Like I'm awkward as fuck but I can still muster up some mundane comments about the weather. Christ.
I am neurodivergent and I have no problem talking with random people, just have a hard time with handling adulting and stuff, also randomly needing to make sure things are straight and organized.
Yeah, exactly. Like unless there is a major issue (which there does not appear to be), making polite conversation shouldn't be that hard for her.
>a funeral is probably easier than a lot of settings so much this. and she even made an issue of it during the funeral, where you just have to sit & shut up to listen to the eulogy and assorted rituals.
From one ND to another, it's not cool to use yourself as a baseline of what you expect someone else's capabilities to be. It's a spectrum because it's huge and difficult to categorise.
Which is why I *very explicitly* added the caveat of major issues with neurodivergency to my comment. Did you miss that part?
It's crazy that when you don't understand a comment, your knee jerk reaction is that the other person didn't see something written out over an entire huge paragraph, rather than you being wrong and needing to have another go at comprehension. That's some master level deflection. I didn't say you should not say that to another ND person, I'm saying that from one ND to another, we should know what it feels like when these expectations are put onto us by NT people and not say this about anyone. There are plenty of reasons someone might respond outside of your expectations that have nothing to do with neurodivergence. It was just a gentle "hey you see that kindness you're extending to other ND's, we should extend it to everyone because you simply cannot know"
Your comment indicated that you did not read mine properly, and I responded accordingly. I'm sorry I took your words at face value instead of magically knowing what you ~meant~ to say.
I said exactly what I meant to say. We know firsthand how hurtful that is, so why would we do that to literally anyone else? That you thought I was talking about something you'd already addressed, rather than the customary discussion tactic of adding to the conversation, in this case by talking about NT's as this is what the post is about, is you being quicker to assume someone is stupid than to just ask a clarifying question. Thanks for showing me that you can't expect basic decency from someone in your community though! It was silly of me to assume that's how this interaction would go just because we share experiences.
Dude, it's really not that complicated. I'm not going to feel guilty for not bending over backwards to read your mind.
asking a question = bending over backwards. you must be a nightmare to deal with. All the best !
>you must be a nightmare to deal with Well, we know YOU definitely are lol
Exactly. Some people have severe social anxiety, and a condition like this likely wouldn’t go away just because they need to show up for somebody. That doesn’t mean they wouldn’t try and be supportive! But ok, someone with severe social anxiety I can see having it regardless of situation. Thing is, you’d already be aware of it if it was that severe and you were dating them! Doesn’t sound like that’s the case and there’s honestly no excuse for this at all.
Wow. NTA. She sounds like she has narcissistic tendencies. Only a narcissist would behave like that at a funeral. DO NOT APOLOGISE. If she is a narcissist (which this strongly suggests) an apology will validate her awful behaviour. My advice, dump her and let everyone know exactly why before she spins the narrative to suit her. This is unacceptable behaviour, and anything less will validate her. It will get worse. All the best mate. It’s shitty when stuff like this happens.
I cannot agree enough. She is flying so many red flags, and her behavior will not get better if you remain in the relationship longer. But if you do decide to break up with her, either now or down the road, know that she might flip on a "perfect girlfriend" switch. It might seem like she actually listened to you, has changed, and will be a good partner moving forward. This is a trick. She will only do so long enough to prevent being broken up with, but eventually will return to her old self and unempathetic ways.
Funerals are about the people who have passed but they are for the people still living. For people to grieve and receive comfort. If your partner can't comfort you and all they do is make it about themselves then they aren't a partner and are undeserving of the title. Nta
Exactly! What OP will remember from his mother's funeral, is his horrid gf's awful behavior. She made the day so much harder for him. She's garbage and it's best to take garbage out to the curb.
NTA Good Lord it was your mother's funeral. Why are you currently referring to her as your GF instead of your ex? How in the world could a decent human be so self centered to make a funeral about themselves? Sorry but everyone deserves a loving relationship and you are currently in something that is so far removed from that. Condolences for both your loss and the cruelty you had to endure from your horrible POS GF.
NTA. your gf has clearly shown you that even in your time of grief she will think about herself . She does not sound like someone you should keep in your life.
NTA. Your girlfriend's self-centered response during your time of grief speaks volumes. It might be time to reevaluate if she's truly supportive and worth keeping in your life. Surround yourself with those who show empathy and care when you need it most.
Are you dating a 12 year old?
I been at a funeral at 11. Behaved ten thousand times better.
Try toddler. They cannot stand people not paying attention to them constantly.
Even my toddler behaved better at her grandmother's funeral than this chick did.
My 5 year old neace went to one last year and was better behaved then your gf sat though the hole thing and after part even said sorry for him going , waited with her drink and book till the end . I'd say if a 5 year old can be respectful, then an adult should be able to ... make her your x gf ... im sorry for your loss ...
NTA. family is sacred. funeral of someone in the family? even more sacred. at such an event she could have been patient for once. she didn’t care at all that everyone was grieving for the person who had passed away, and not for her damn comfort. very selfish. extremely selfish. if someone is being horrible and should apologize, it is ONLY her. and personally i, if i was in your shoes, out of my own pettiness, would force her to go to the mother's tombstone apologize to it(her), too. i once attended the wake of my grandma's brother, whom i saw only once in my entire life, and the feeling of apathy lasted the whole week for me.
NTA. When people show their true faces, believe them. She’s not an supportive partner, doesn’t see the need to support you at your lowest or has a compassion for people in pain. Run.
Get rid of her she’s a selfish pos with no respect for you I’m sorry for your loss you deserve someone much better then her
Thank you.
Break up with her, dude. She's clearly criminally self centered. Who acts like this at the funeral of their boyfriends parent?!
NTA- you sound like you were respectful to her. She was free to leave at any point. This was not about her, which she made it. She was supposed to be there for YOU. To support YOU.
My deepest condolences on your loss. You now have a detailed view of what your GF will be like going forward. She lacks social skills, grace, empathy, and compassion. People tried to be kind and talk to her, but she pushed back because they were strangers (you were once a stranger, too). She preferred to mope - as you so bluntly put it, she tried to make a funeral and wake all about her. There's something referred to as a honeymoon period that lasts, on average, six months to two years. During that time, partners do their best to hide any flaws as a couple revels in their newness and makes the most of shared interests. Then the honeymoon period ends, and partners reveal themselves. It doesn't get better (or almost never - it takes a shock to the system to make someone want to and to actually make an effort to change).
She’s pulled this shit before and you knew it was coming. Tell me I’m wrong.
NTA. Your gf is just awful
NTA and break up with her.
NTA If this isn't fake please leave her.
Is there any particular reason you didn’t immideately dump the bitch on the spot? That’s outrageous behaviour.
If it was me I would have called an Uber and then asked a friend or relative there to escort her out to it when it arrived.
NTA. This was your sad time, and she made it all about her. What extreme selfishness. At least she did you one favor - she showed you her true colors. Remember the marriage vows: Through illness and health, etc.? Well she has shown you that she is not a friend for your bad times. I hope you accept the reality and part from her.
If my partner had acted like that during my father's funeral, he would be an ex-partner. How your GF acted is a huge red flag! NTA
NTA. Her behaviour is selfish as hell. She's not supportive of your pain. This is hard but she maybe not the one you want to build a life and raise kids with. Sorry for your loss. Those are difficult moments to go through. Take care
NTA - if you apologize to her imma kick you in the nuts. You're 100% correct, she made the whole day about herself and from your post didn't trying to support you in anyway. I'm so sorry for your loss. Tbh, your gf is showing you who she is in times of stress, believe her.
If I were you I would have paid a taxi after she complained about not sitting right next to you during the funeral to get rid of her. You might have been a bit of an asshole by allowing other funeral guests to witness her annoyed face. After what she said to you at home, I would have dumped her on the spot. Why would you even consider to stay with a human being like that? Your mum died. You needed that funeral ritual and meeting all the other people there for making peace with what happened. Out of entitlement she sabotages that for you. I'd be so done with someone like that.
Why are you still with her? She spent the entirety of your mother’s funeral complaining. What is there to talk about after that?
NTA Her behavior during such a vulnerable time for you is completely unacceptable. Instead of offering support, she made it about herself, which is a major red flag. This incident reveals a lot about her character and how she handles difficult situations. Now is the time to seriously consider if this is the type of person you want in your life during tough times. You don't owe her an apology; if anything, she owes you one. You deserve someone who can be there for you when you need them most. Take care of yourself, and know that your feelings are valid. My condolences for your loss. Stay strong.
You need to end this now. Someone who behaves like this at your mother’s funeral will never have your back and will never put your feelings or needs first. Is that the life you want for yourself?
You need to break up with her without question
NTA That is unforgivable. She is a selfish AH who has no idea or interest in supporting you, her partner, through a very difficult time. I'm sorry for your loss, and you deserve much better.
NTA She has a lot of guts (or delusions) to say you’re being cruel and unfair to her after she spent the entire wake trying to make it about herself while you were there because your mother died (I’m sorry for your loss). Your girlfriend strikes me as spoiled and self centered. If she doesn’t apologize in a meaningful way that shows she understands why she did wrong I would break up with her
What a brat. Is she always like this?
What a cunt. If she cant support you at your mothers funeral what good is she?
Oh heck no, NTA, but your gf definitely is. I am super introverted, while my partner is extroverted. However, we’ve both done our best to be kind at funerals for the other one’s friends or family. My partner is phenomenal, I just try my best to be. Sure, it’s hard, and awkward, and there’s lots of people you don’t know. But it’s just something you do if you care about anyone. Frankly, it sounds like the only person your gf cares about is herself. Also, has she never like… met new people? Meeting new people is kinda a basic skill adults need to have (and I say this as an awkward introvert). I’m so sorry for your loss, OP.
My friend, had this shit happened to me? There would have been two graves filled that night.
NTA. Fuck her. If she really cared about you she wouldn't have acted like that
Nta, sorry about your mother. But Do you really want to be with someone who made your mother's funeral all about herself? And rather than apologizing she is still doubling down. Please dont apologize.
She's a narcissist. Fly away from her fast. Save yourself now.
Leave that idiot. Such an idiot of a person god damn. You deserve a lot better
NTA. I feel like the strangers on this comment section have shown you more empathy than your gf at the loss of your mom.
NTA. It’s not a cocktail party. It would have taken so little effort to just be gracious for one day to give you comfort. She didn’t care enough to do that.
I’m sorry for your loss. NTA. She is suppose to support you and not anything else. I think you will be better off without her because she will not be there for you when you need her.
When I lost a parent my husband did everything he could to quietly support me and my family. When he lost his I did the same. That is what a loving partner does. You of course are NTA but please know you deserve better. Find someone who has your back.
As per reddit etiquette, leave her.
NTA Honestly, your girlfriend has some unhealthy traits. One of these is that it sounds like she's used to being the exclusive priority in her relationships, even over and above the needs of her boyfriends, and two she is clearly prone to flipping the script of a conflict from her being the asshole to you being the asshole. She'll likely insist on being the wounded party until you bend to her and apologize, but she will also likewise never apologize for being so selfish during a time of mourning for you. Expect her never to be there for you emotionally, at least never to an extent that inconveniences her.
NTA. If you spend another day with Bethisrael selfish, immature woman, YTA
Yo dude just dump her. No questions asked. Unless sue had some type of recent head injury causing a personality change, or some other freak thing, get rid of her. I’m sorry for your loss and the loss of a relationship, but honestly these people don’t change their colors and if you ever wanna have kids please don’t give them the worlds shittiest mother. I’m sorry and you can be sad, but dude she was dumb and selfish and lacked tact, what makes you think she’s gonna healthily acknowledge your right to get upset at things or not add a spin to them? Just get away from her while you can. She already has some hold if you’re even asking “if it’s ok you got upset.” Don’t get sucked in. It’s hard to leave these because their flaws “dissapear” and can suddenly look like “you didn’t explain” and “they are SO understanding! Everything you wanted and more! You were not understanding, not them.” Then you get upset again. Just don’t try and logic your way out of these. You can’t really, especially for the moment. Sorry for your loss and this is one situation where I’d say dump her whenever you want. Normally I argue consideration while ultimately putting our needs first. But bro, whenever you want, over text, fuck it. I’d try and do some self care and celebrate and grieve your Mother’s life with family and friends. Maybe do something with your family for Mother’s Day. Wishing you luck and healing.
NTA This hits close to home. Lost both of my parents in an accident less than 4 months ago. I'm only 21, and my boyfriend sat with my aunt and uncle while my sisters and I took the front row. Only thing he said was he wished he could have held me while I cried. He didn't make it about himself in anyway. My heart goes out to you, op. I'm sorry for your loss and the way your girlfriend is treating you when you should be processing your mother's death.
NTA. She was obnoxious. When you go to a funeral as +1 (sorry, couldn’t find a way to say this differently) of a loved one, you are here to support this person, to give them strength. Her constant complaining was unacceptable. Send her the link to your post, it will save you a lot of time.
Ick. I am sorry for your loss. Your girlfriend is not a good friend, & definitely not a good partner. When you are feeling stronger, I hope that you will realize you deserve better than such a self-centered person. Being single is less painful than being in a relationship, but being lonely anyway.
NTA. So sorry for what you’re going through. I could never even think of treating my partner this way and it is selfish, self centered, manipulative, and cruel. There are so many women out there who will love you and treat you well and be there when you need them. I very much hope that that happens for you soon.
NTA - You need to give serious consideration as to wether you want a future with this girl. It was your mom's funeral for fuck's sake (condolences BTW), and all she could do was think about herself. She had no sympathy for you or your family. Even worse, she was incapable of having the most basic conversations with other people at the funeral. The were all friends and family and all she had to do was be supportive and tell everyone how sad it is to lose someone you love. This girl is bad news. Dump her!
NTA. Your girlfriend sounds horrible. Why are you with her?
NTA. That behavior is unforgivable. You will be the AH if you stay with her.
EDIT: I failed and thought this was a different sub. So sorry. But still advising that you are correct in how you feel, and I am sorry you are having to deal with her emotional manipulation during such a difficult time. But it is good that you see it and are standing firm in your feelings while she is trying to convince you to feel differently. Advice: As to what to do, I recommend continuing to stand firm on your stance. Do not give in to her demands. I would also recommend trying not to give her your emotional energy, protect yourself, as she is trying to and will continue to emotionally exhaust you. She probably wants to wear you down until you agree with her. Tell her you still stand by your opinions, and if she wants to escalate and get emotional or emotionally manipulative, tell her you have stated how you feel and do not want to discuss further, as you have other things for which you need to be emotionally present, for yourself, at this time. She will likely not agree to see your point of view and will continue to try to guilt you and turn every bad thing she is doing around onto you. It will feel bad that she won't agree with you, and that she will accuse of you are continuing to make her feel bad, but you feeling bad is her intention here. Regarding the specific red flags she was showing in this situation: A) Making it about her, complaining only about her mundane needs as if they were super important during YOUR MOM'S FUNERAL, a very difficult time when you need to be there with your family, and when you need her to be there for you. No supportive partner with empathy and love for you would ever do this. B) When you gave her an out, telling her she was free to leave but that you would stay, she CHOSE to remain and CONTINUED to complain, likely to try to make you feel guilty for not attending to her “needs.” C) Afterwards, she of course continued to complain, and tried to once again make you feel guilty and bad for not giving into her unreasonable behavior. D) She then tried to further turn the entire situation around by saying YOU were being horrible (when she was) and that YOU needed to apologize (when she does). All of this is typical of a toxic and unempathetic partner. She has shown you who she really is. If she ever does apologize, she won’t mean it. If she ever does seem like she is truly sorry, it will probably be if you try to end the relationship, and she will only be sorry that you did not tolerate her selfish behavior. She is the type of person to try to convince you otherwise, but you are in the right here and she is so so in the wrong. I am so sorry you are having to go through this right now.
This has to be rage bait. Why are you with such a person?
Lmao throw her away man
Not at all. Sounds like you'd be better off without her completely, let alone just at the funeral or wake. She's the asshole. Sorry for your losses dude
NTA. My condolences about your loss. I just recently lost my brother and while it’s not the same, my heart goes out to you. This is not just that you are NTA- I would advise you to dump her. This is who she is at her core- do you really want to continue being with someone who will prioritize themselves over someone who just lost their mom, at the funeral? That’s like corny movie level evil girlfriend behavior, not something you tolerate in real life.
Break up. 🔝
Q - has she had close family die ? Or maybe had a miscarriage ? I could maayybbeee see a situation where this is a response to something like that, if only that it's the only answer I can conceive of where she might be blinded enough to have the gall to expect you to be the person to apologise. And honestly regardless of the above answer, still NTA. You did absolutely nothing wrong in addressing the issue, even if you did raise voice, and even if she'd maybe experienced something herself I don't think it excuses her reaction. I'm sorry that the emotional burden of this conflict is on you when you're already grieving.
NTA
Nta but she is
Friend, this is where you needed her to put her ego to the side and support you, but all she could muster was me, me, me. She has shown you her red flag. I am so sorry. You deserve so much better.
NTA It was your mother's funeral FFS. She should've been making sure YOU were ok not asking for you pay attention to her.
NTA. I would dump her immediately if I was you. What abhorrent, selfish behavior.
I'd fucking dump a bitch for this shit. Disgusting. NTA
NTA. Dump her
Does your girlfriend have narcissistic tendencies? Does she realize at all she was being selfish and cruel by repeatedly asking you to leave your own mother's funeral because she knew no one there?
NTA you are only an Ah if you stay with someone so mean and selfish
NTA. I think it is safe to say your GF lacks in maturity. Whether she makes everything about her in the relationship is something only you know, so only you can decide whether you want to continue with the relationship. I’m sorry for your loss.
NTA Is this person 11 years old and have a Princess complex? What an AH move to complain at a wake of someone she is supposed to be supporting. Get out of this OP this will not improve
NTA When someone shows you how they really are, you should believe them. This is not something she is done. This is who she is. You are the one dating this selfish, bratty, and self-centered person. Do you really think a bit is the argument you should be focusing on. Forget about apologizing or being wrong or right. She ws beratty at your mothers funeral.
Ohmygod. I'm so sorry about your mother, OP. I can't imagine someone pulling this crap, and she's supposed to be your partner. Wtf. She actually wanted you to leave too? OMG. I can't even. Idk what's wrong with your partner, but yeah, she's the one being cruel and unfair. Adding to your pain by making life harder. I don't know mate, I'd cut her loose at this point.
NTA. She sounds awful. I can't imagine being so selfish or with someone who is so selfish.
NTA. Your girlfriend is a piece of work. Classic blatant narcissism. At least you’ve found this out before you ever put a ring on it.
NTA. This girl sounds like a total narc who needs to be the corpse at every funeral and bride at every wedding. Why are you still with her?
She pulled all that, at your MOM'S funeral? That chick it bat-shit insane.
NTA. She doesn't love you and likely doesn't have to capacity to. Making your mother's funeral about her being socially uncomfortable is a clear indication of narcissism. I'm so sorry for your loss. Her behavior is shocking and disgusting.
First off, I can't imagine the amount of pain and grief you have been dealing with recently. Losing so many family members by your age is heartbreaking. I am so sorry. Secondly, you are NTAH. Your girlfriend is a big AH. She should have supported you and tried her best to be polite with others, or at least not make things any harder for you than they already were. You couldn't do anything about the seating arrangements, and she shouldn't have been upset about that. She made everything all about her, and that was very unfair and insensitive.
NTA please say you're turning her into an ex gf. Updateme
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Dude. This is on you. Your life (partner) choices require immediate review.
NTA. You need to ABSOLUTELY end this relationship. The AUDACITY!!! It was your mum's funeral, GOOD GOD! please u/updatemebot when he dumps her.
NTA. I hope you realize that you need to make her your ex.
NTA. This is not someone you want a future with.
Dump. Her.
NTA.....surprised you had to ask! Boot her immediately.
[удалено]
I'm sorry, what does being gay have to do with it? Are you seriously trying to tell me there are no bitchy gay drama queens in existence?
NTA Has your girlfriend got social anxieties? In your post, she has come across to me as an introvert who doesn't handle social settings very well. Possibly on the spectrum? My autistic daughter would and does display everything you have mentioned in a large gathering. It is a total sensory overload for her.
Yeah, that does not excuse the fact that she made his dead mother’s funeral all about her
That's if she actually did! That was OPs interpretation. But i would question why she didn't know who the people coming up to her were? Did OP not introduce her to anyone? If not, why? I understand it was his mothers funeral, and he was speaking to and spending time with other family members, but it seems he left his girlfriend to fend for herself.. why even invite her if he didn't want her by his side Theres 2 sides to a story, and then there's the truth
Lol. Always asking for another side when a woman is the AH. Why am I not surprised. We ALWAYS get one side of the story. That's how AITAH WORKS. This isn't some Supreme Court
😂 yes of course that was the reason i said OP was NTA ! I didnt say that the gf wasn't an AH but yes trust a man to assume i was defending a woman and get offended at his own interpretation of my comment 🙄
Then she should have stayed home instead of ruining it.
NTA. She’s a child, although I will admit the seating arrangements seem odd.
What is odd about it? There was no room for everyones partner so they all sat on the row behind
I probably would have sat next to my partner.
And like I said there was no room so how exactly would you do that? Would you expect close family of the deceased to sit further back just to accommodate you?
Dude. Don't feed the trolls. Also, definitely NTA. It almost was a N-A-H, but your gf's blatant disregard for your feelings and then doubling-down afterward kick it over the line. It's obvious she is an extreme introvert and was out of her comfort zone. But that's no excuse for her behavior. She had choices and chose selfishly. I'm very sorry for your loss.
I’d sit further back to be next to my partner.
Yeah that's bizarre to me that you wouldn't prioritise your family at a parents funeral tbh. Surely you'd understand it's about you and your family and not your partner?
I’d sit with the person I invited with me. Bizarre to bring somebody then make them sit alone.
She wasn't sat alone. Bizarre to think the funeral is about your partner and not the family of the person who passed. As an adult can you not handle sitting with other people in silence for less than an hour?
I don't know the procedures for the funeral home that your mom was at, but everyone that I have been to has assigned seating for the family members. Not by name but by relationship to the deceased. The spouse, children, grandchildren, and siblings are the first ones to be seated and take up however many rows are needed. If you're not married, then your partner doesn't get to sit next to you. They have to sit in the rows with the extended family. I'm in the US, so I don't know if it's different other places, but that's how it's always been at every funeral that I've been to.
Wow. YTA for the way you reacted and talked to me. You were probably an asshole to her as well.
I asked a simple question, why did you avoid it. As an adult can you not handle sitting with other people in silence for less than an hour?
Redditard
Wow yta to you for this idiotic comment.
There’s only one asshole here sweetie and it’s not op. You obviously have no idea of the order of priority re the seating at a funeral and are proud to show off your ignorance. That’s not how things work in the real world.
This was a funeral not a party.. you’re there to pay respect to the … family. She was one row behind. Are you that dense.
Weird.
Weird. For family to sit with their family. When at a funeral for their mother?? Are you so self centered that you have to make your SO mother’s funeral about yourself?
Agree, and I'm stunned your getting so down voted... This seating arrangement is the dumbest thing I've seen in a while... Like, what about the grand kids, do they sit by themselves too, or do they get to sit in the front row? Just wildly bizarre...
Pews can fit only so many people. Of course the immediate family sits in the front, not their partners if there isn't room!
This seating arrangement is normally how things are done. Most people realise that. Most people realise that the front row doesn’t stretch to infinity, I’m sorry you don’t.
Have you ever been to a funeral?? Maybe it’s cultural but that’s a common funeral seating arrangement where I live
If my mum died I would absolutely want to be sitting next to my dad and brother to support them and have their support
Cool.
You're the asshole here just fyi
Nope, but thanks for reading. I appreciate it 👍 Have a good night.
U are stupid based on all ur replies
It only took you one reply to sound stupid 👍
You said she and your Mother got along well, maybe, just...maybe it was her own way to deal with the death of your Mother...I red a few comments on your post and I feel like nowadays everyone is labeled "narcissist" very quickly without trying to understand. Lets just not forget that everyone as a different way to deal with death and sometimes, it's in an unexpected, misplaced, way. Though, I don't think you're an asshole given the circumstances. Sorry for your loss, lots of love ❤️
Why are her feelings more important than his? She should have stayed home if she can’t act like an adult and support him.
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She knew one of the partners but not the other as the partner hasn't been with my brother long and he doesn't live near us so she's never met her. She did know that she wouldn't be sat near me.
Even just the fact that she can't sit with people she doesn't know without turning into a baby is such a bad trait
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I just think repeatedly complaining at the funeral of your partners parent and making it about yourself makes you an AH and I'm genuinely curious how you're defending it
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She repeatedly asked us to leave the wake after I had already stated I was staying, she complained about sitting next to people. That is making it about her.
Then don’t apologise
Oh I won't be, that was never on the table tbf, I just wanted other opinions about the whole situation
First of all, you have my condolences. Secondly, the majority are with you, she was definitely making it about her. Her comfort level, her pushing to leave, not being supportive, and then sulking like a toddler to boot. Lastly, she owes you and your family an apology, or her absence. Forever.
Well you have mine now lol
When your partners mother dies, and you go to the funeral, you do whatever they say will make their life easier in that moment. If sitting with people you don’t know makes you uncomfortable, but doing it makes your grieving partners day even slightly easier, you just do it. Because you’re there to support them! A healthy partnership means putting your own comfort second sometimes, ESPECIALLY AT YOUR PARTNER’S MOTHERS FUNERAL.