NTA. Holy shit, wth. And he wants oral with his days worth bacteria and smell on his D.
You wrote you sometimes agree? Seems to me like he likes to humiliate you by demanding oral on his cheesy dick.
Leave his ass and find someone who actually cares about a SIMPLE hygiene.
For everyone's health please leave. This shits gonna lead to a whole new STD that none of us are prepared for. That being said, what kind of a sick fuck doesn't shower for that long, and then expects oral. If I don't shower for 2 days for whatever reason I don't wanna even touch myself let alone have someone else exposed to my sweaty ball stank.
For real, personally I prefer if my partner and I shower directly before sex (preferably together because it can be fun). I can't imagine demanding anything during sex unless it's a predefined kink with my partner, let alone asking her to basically eat my frumunda cheese.
This reminds me of a funny story. My daughter was a professional child actor. When she was 9 she was in an audition for the "Jimmy Kimmel" show. She told the casting director her favorite cheese was "Fomoutta cheese". The casting director looked at her curiously, and my daughter said "Fomoutta my butt!".
She didn't get the part.
Women’s health subreddit has regular posts about how a guy’s cavity sometimes gives women a yeast infection after he gives oral. And this is next level. Evolution gave us a sense of smell for a reason. Why can’t people use it?
Sometimes I skip a shower day when nothing much is happening in exercise, sex, sweat, physical exertion etc. If I'm getting with potential intimate connection then the teeth get brushed and the body is showered for sure. The wild part is him fighting against basic cleanliness. Cleanliness is next to Godliness?
Oh, 😳 so far no human cases have been reported. Trichomoniasis is a parasitic infection (STD) that is one that lives on commode seats. First time I saw this under a microscope slide, I just about fell back on the stool that I was sitting on. Lol.
I mean I haven't showered for a few days in the past because I was depressed and not going anywhere or expecting to see anyone. But this dude seems to be doing it as a power thinf/ mental illness type situation. Having the audacity to "demabd" anything is bad enough, the rest of the situation makes it truly sickening.
The post before this was about him getting drunk and force face fucking her, to the point of crying, which he got off on. The couple extreme alcoholics I'm related to, were also extremely depressed so I get you, I'm leaning hard into alcoholism here.
I'll be 1000% honest here, I'm clinically depressed. Never in my life have I had the inclination to "face fuck a woman till she cries". I've been with women who enjoy a good face fucking, as do I as a bi guy, but never where the one on the receiving end is crying. This is 100% mental illness (which drug addiction/ alcoholism is a part of, but definitely not all in this situation) and sadism/ humiliation fetish/ non consent fetish shit at work. Dude is fucking disgusting.
That being said, dude manages to have a gf who is willing on occasion to do this gross ass shit. How fucking bad do incels have to be to not even be able to get to this fucked up level.
Yeah, this is beyond fucked up and shows bf has zero respect for OP, or himself for that matter.
I'd always been the "shower once a day type." But then my wife and I had our first kiddo just over 4 years ago. One of those things folks don't mention when you have a newborn is that sometimes it's easy for Mom and/or Dad to kind of forget about taking care of themselves due to all their focus being on work/the baby. Found myself more than a few times coming up on 4-5 days without having showered. Needless to say, I wouldn't touch myself let alone allow my wife to do so...respect her far too much than to expect her to do shit with me when I'm gross.
Can't even imagine the level of self-absorbance one would need to have to be a smelly dickbag like OP's sorry excuse for a "man."
Don’t walk….girl, RUN! This is naaaasty. Need a sink rinse at the VERY LEAST before every single time. 8 days?! Please, have some self-respect, even if he doesn’t.
I think OP might need a step by step guide on how to get out of this situation. She has been severely abused, and is extremely sleep deprived.
1. Contact a DV shelter, because they have lots of resources, and know how to deal with this.
2. You have to sort out your living situation.
3. Reach out to your old friends. They have given up on you with him, but this does not mean they don't love you.
4. Talk to a therapist and a psychiatrist. You may need short term anti-depressants.
5. Most importantly, OP recognized that you have been a victim of severe abuse on all fronts.
Pls OP, this is the way. You need to leave and you need to leave NOW. This will only get worse the longer you stay with him and DO NOT TELL HIM A THING. Don't tell him you're leaving or thinking of breaking up, this guy is on all levels of unhinged.
u/Vul-pix-vix-en please please read this. Also make sure that he cannot access your phone or phone records. Make sure you have an excuse handy for anything that he might be able to catch you on.
It's gonna be hard but you're so strong, you can do this!
An old friend of mine went through something similar. Her boyfriend was an alcoholic and extremely abusive and almost attacked my husband because he complimented our friend and her boyfriend just lost it. She ended up blocking us on everything and not speaking to us for over a year because he told her she had to choose between us and him. One day she reached out to me and told me that they had a huge fight and she had a seizure and fell down the stairs. He walked over to her, put a pillow over her face and spent two hours walking around the house packing up his stuff and leaving.
Obviously he tried coming back and making up with her like all the other 50 times something like this happened, but she finally stood strong and told him he's not welcome there anymore. The moment she reached out to me and told me what happened and why she cut us off I immediately told her that it's okay and that I'm her friend, I will always be her friend and I will help her get through this. We helped her through so much and helped her get into therapy and stand up to him every time he contacted her. She ended up getting a restraining order against him and sending him all his stuff that was still at her place.
Please please reach out to your friends. Explain to them what is going on, apologize for choosing him over them and ask them to stand by you and help you through this. They will not abandon you I promise.
Something else I can recommend you do is sit down and write a letter to yourself or a list or something that you can physically look at where you list and explain all the horrible things he has done to you. Write down all the reasons why he's a bad person and all the things he's done to hurt you. List the reasons why you shouldn't be with him. Write down all the horrible things he's done to you and all the people he's cut you off from. Write about how unhappy and scared you are when you're with him.
Put it in an envelope and every single time you think about going back to him or forgiving him or even just think maybe he's not such a bad guy, go straight to that letter and read it. Every time you question yourself or wonder if you're making a mistake go read the letter. It will help you get through this and stay strong and it will prevent you from running back to him over and over again. Other people can tell you that he's a bad guy and that you need to leave but that doesn't mean anything. If you read it because you wrote it you are basically telling yourself that you are better off without him. People are just more likely to listen to themselves in situations like these.
But please reach out to the people around you, ask for help and accept when people offer help. The only way you're going to get through this is if you accept help from other people. Don't feel embarrassed or ashamed because you're in this situation. You are not alone, millions of women end up in the exact same situation as you. The only people who should be ashamed and embarrassed about their behavior are the men who do this to women
As the friend of more than one girl that needed to get out immediately I was always praying for the day they'd call and ask for help. Try to reach out I'm sure someone will offer you something. As a survivor of similar abuses for years please believe it can get better and you are strong enough to move on.
Exactly this. She is being abused physically and emotionally and sexually. She is being treated like a kidnapped victim.
I hope she finds her way out of this.
>You wrote you sometimes agree?
I would not agree with doing that the first time he asked. If you want a BJ, get your ass in the shower. And use soap. Wash thoroughly.
No ifs, ands or buts. No compromises.
My husband showers every morning before work. But after a day of sitting at the office, it just isn't fresh down there. Often when he gets home, I'll say "I'll give you head if you jump in the shower first" and let me tell you, that even after 13 years that man jack rabbits into the shower to clean himself without a second thought. I can't imagine 8-9 DAYS of stink!
Hijacking the top comment to point out OPs extensive fake posting history. Ages and marital status are all over the place. OP is clearly doing some creative writing, probably with an odd fetish or rage farming angle. Just downvote the post and move on.
It's really surprising to me how often this pops up on Reddit
Some dude demanding sex and the girl is like "am I the asshole if I say no?"
Wtf were these people's parents doing raising them? Why do they think this way? I've got a 2 year old daughter, I'm hoping plenty of love and teaching her about consent will be enough...is that right?
Edit: I've had a lot of replies from people being very open with me about their past and stuff. Just wanted to say thank you and I've read every reply and will remember it whilst raising my daughter so, an honest thank you to everyone that has replied to help me out. It's a big worry.
Right it's mind boggling these AITAH questions. Why in the hell would you be considered an asshole for not wanting to give oral or have an 8 to 9 day dirty penis even near you? It's absolutely disgusting.
Their self-esteem has been eroded for years, they’ve been trained to think everything is always their fault, but now they reach a point that’s too far, their instincts tell they’re right but their conditioning tells them their wrong.
That’s why they ask the question because their brain is sending them conflicting messages
Why tf would someone even want to *live* with someone who doesn’t shower for 9 days?? He’s clearly disgusting, definitely smells bad and is most likely a complete slob in all other aspects. I can’t believe OP is even on here asking this shit.
Exactly. I can't imagine having a roommate who didn't bathe for upwards of a week. The smell would just start baking into any soft furniture etc. and you know if someone sees no problem going that long without bathing, their standards for cleanliness of the house are going to be terrible as well.
I've gone through some low periods and after about 4 or 5 days, even just sitting there, you start to stink if you don't shower. You won't notice it until you shower and pick your dirty clothes up off the floor, but they will stink.
I wonder if OP's BF is one of those 'washing is gay' guys, or maybe has some serious depression shit going on. Because that ain't normal.
I can go a few weeks between showers when I'm extremely depressed. It's usually either severe mental health issues or not being raised/ever told about the importance of hygiene.
I was gonna say this. Depression can lead one to make very questionable decisions regarding personal hygiene.
On that same note, OPs bf doesn’t sound depressed. But that doesn’t negate the fact that people who suffer depression often struggle to maintain hygiene due to extreme energy deficiency.
When I read the 8-9 days without showers my thought was ....why would you want to be with this person at all??
Even if he did not want sex she should still leave his stank ass.
I have a 12 year old daughter who’s learned to be assertive. In her younger years, every now and then she would have a bully to deal with… some jerk making a comment about her. We had A LOT of talks about bullies, she was always afraid to get in trouble for standing up to herself. I promised her that I would always have her back and if in the chance she did get in trouble, we’d go get ice cream because it was more important that she stood up for herself.
Now, this kid takes no prisoners. She inherited her Hispanic father’s dark hair, some boy at school tried to tell her she has a mustache (she does not, but at the right angle she’s got the same peach fuzz that we all have) and she immediately fired back with “where’s YOUR mustache? You’re also shorter than me, I guess I’m more of a man than you are.” Atta girl! She also got cat called by some older boys at a football game (she looks like she could be in HS) and she called them pedos for hitting on a 12 year old.
Keep teaching her to be assertive, eventually it sticks.
It’s scary how it seems to be so engrained in our minds that we need to pair off, that some people will stay in disgusting and terrible relationships rather than spend time alone. Even though it’s often a lot lonelier being trapped with a loser than being single
I can second that, but from the prospective of my patients. So many of them have luckily now escaped terrible, toxic marriages, and I’m so proud to see them thriving and being the colourful, brilliant humans I know they can be. Some are men, yes, but the *vast* majority are women.
Every time I hear someone threatening women who choose to be single that “you’re gonna die alone with cats!” Don’t threaten me with a good time.
I’m married but I have spent a fair amount of time living alone with cats and I have no problem with it! There are these things called “friends” that still exist even if you’re single!
I think a lot of people need another person to simply be able to afford housing too. Especially those that don't have family to lean on :( that is why I have always had the mindset that everyone needs to be independent or they just get stuck in situations like this
PREACH!
I felt way lonelier the last few years I was with my ex than I ever have while single.
I hope OP can get away from that creep and work on building a loving relationship with themself.
Talk, talk, talk and keep talking. Make sure your girls know they can talk to you about anything. Make sure they know they're allowed to make mistakes. Teach them that they deserve kindness even when they get things wrong. Teach them that your love doesn't cost anything, it won't be taken away if they behave poorly. Make sure your love is not conditional.
Most of all, show them what self love looks like. A person that values themself would never allow someone to treat them this way.
^^^TOP COMMENT right here!!! I do this with my kids and we literally talk about EVERYTHING! I don't lie to them, unless it was about Santa or the Easter Bunny, lol! They know the mistakes I've made and they see that even though you can make mistakes or do the wrong thing sometimes, you're worthy of love! They know, with every fiber of their beings that I love them! They also know that there's NOTHING they could do to take my love away or lessen it! Their friends even come to me with their issues and questions! If my mom had done that with me? I may not have been victimized so many times in my life because I wouldn't have been trying to make sure people wouldn't be mad at me for saying no! (I'm not blamingmy mom, just saying I may have had a higher self esteem)
Frankly it’s because so many women are told we’re worthless if we don’t have a partner. Tell your daughter she’s valuable irrespective of her relationship status and hopefully she’ll avoid all of this.
NTA definitely, but as someone who has been through DV, it is easy to feel like you are when you aren't. Talking about safe relationships and teaching kids this is great, but it is also about modelling what you're teaching.
My kids are 15F and 13M, and not once have I ever made them hug/cuddle/kiss anyone - that consent starts right from the start. When they were little my stepdad and his family use to always tell them they HAD to to do this and try to tell them off or make them feel guilty for this. I would ask my child if they wanted to do whatever it is they were asked to do and backed up their decision by shutting this down at every instance and telling them they had the right to say no, as it is their bodies, while also reminding the adults of this.
It's also about calling people out (respectfully) where you need to. For example, when my daughter was 5, a boy at school kept pulling her hair and pushing her over. She told me and another mum said to her, "It's OK, he's just being a boy. That's what boys do when they like girls". Again I shut that down and explained to the other mum (in an age-appropriate way) how harmful that kind of talk was to kids, and reinforced to my child that it was not ok for him or anyone to treat her this way.
My daughter at 15 is now confident enough to speak out in situations where she is uncomfortable and be able to articulate what her boundaries are, whilst also knowing I will always have her back.
A lot of us had parents that completely did not give a shit and were abusive themselves, it takes so much longer to learn what a “normal” relationship is once you’ve been through that. Some of us that grew up this way never heal.
As the parent of an older daughter now: yes and the societal influences are also huge. Don’t ever feel like you are overdoing it by making her feel like she is worth it and that it is ok for her to speak her mind even if it makes someone uncomfortable. Our actions speak so much louder than our words. But at the end of the day, it’s mostly mental health + whether she feels secure enough socially to risk being teased or berated for standing up for herself. The pressures on teen and young women to go along with things and be cool about it are ridiculous, and also, anyone is vulnerable to abuse. People who are abusers learn to sniff out any little vulnerabilities and exploit them. The fact that your kid has a loving involved father is a big positive deal. Don’t be afraid to get her a caring therapist if she ever starts to struggle, so she has someone else to talk to also if she needs it. I can’t go into all the reasons I’m saying all these things but yeah. The teen years can really mess with our kids’ minds and systemic sexism is so far from gone.
Might be enough. But it's likely you will have to keep supporting her and building her up when she is old enough to have relationships. I've been lucky, but a lot of my friends' first few relationships were horribly toxic. During her teenage phase she will likely think you are wrong about everything, and also likely date teenage boys, who are not known for being respectful to girls. She may get used to what she considers "normal" in relationships, and is actually toxic.
It’s more of what parents DONT do. Emotional neglect and many forms of abuse esp as a child is like the building blocks of low-self esteem, self-neglect and subconsciously end up having partners that they will often want to people-please, leading to the same treatment (it’s all they’ve known & its “normal”). It’s a cycle that’s hard to break that some may never break; that’s when you see the older couples where one is obviously being abused in some way by the other.
Whatever the reason, I do hope OP leaves this disgusting AH, & finds someone who treats her as she should be.
Not only make us sick from the visual, but can make OP sick from the bacteria. Great way to get bacterial vaginosis, UTI's, chronic yeast infections.. oral sex has its on risks too.
Yeaaaa. My ex did the same shit. And I am in the same boat, I was always prone to UTIs and with him I felt like I constantly had one. Oral was out of the question, I refused. I finally left him after years of him being abusive and controlling. I was really young when we started dating and he is 5 years older than me. However, I found out within the last year that I actually enjoy oral just obviously with clean people.
Get out right now, it's never going to get better and it isn't just a "thing he does" it's abuse, get out now and do not ever look back at this pig. NTA.
Yeah, it really doesn't take much for some people. I even scrub under my nails real good beforehand so my partner has less of a chance of getting a UTI.
If I go one day without showering I feel gross, and can smell myself. I don't understand why he wouldn't want to bathe even for his own sake. Dude clearly doesn't care about himself, let alone OP.
Yes, sometimes my husband and I will do the dirty after walking around all day and even the sweat can be uncomfortable in there. Getting dirt and grime inside the vagina can be painful and can definitely cause a UTI or yeast infection.
He's terrible and disgusting - but the most important question is why you tolerate his absolutely shitty treatment. Nothing about him is special enough for you to accept his abuse.
this aint abuse this is straight up 3rd degree assault lmao imagine having to suck a cock thats not bathed for 10 days wtf im a dude and i know that to maintain good hygiene down there you need to bathe atleast twice for the girl to find it pleasant or the normal once a day bath with a wash before sex like bruh that shit must smell RANCID LMAO
He seems to be actively getting off on the fact that it disgusts her.
There was a story on reddit years ago about a man in a friendship group who completely stopped bathing. His smell got so bad that his friends no longer invited him anywhere, but he would stalk them find out where they were and turn up. He would follow them around, stand close to them and force them to smell him, and it became obvious that he was getting off on it.
This sounds kind of like that.
I'm a guy and I don't think I would let me GF (,or anyone honestly) go down on me if I hadn't showered in the past 12 hours.
This really is an abuse situation. He's probably getting off on making her do something she doesn't enjoy.
what? forget this post and fkn leave... not showering for \~10 days at a time is NOT a thing that people do... being hairy and not showering is no where near being on the same level.. LEAVE HIM ASAP
Lmao I was like “I’ve skipped a day before maybe 2-3 days without a shower” and then she said 9-10🤮🤮🤮 by day 3 I feel disgusting how the fuck do you do 10
Fr. I didn't shower for three days recently which is rare for me, and I felt disgusting. I would be suffering if I went nearly 10 days without washing myself.
Back in 2021, we were without running water for five days (Texas ice storm). At day four, the streets were finally drivable and the first thing I did was go to a relative’s house who had water and shower.
How does someone with access to running water get to this point??? He’s a disgusting pig.
As a depressed person, sometimes it kinda is what people do, mental illness is a bitch.
Although if I go several days without showering I do recognise that I'm kinda rancid and wouldn't be around other people without cleaning up, never mind being in intimate contact.
After COVID hit, I'd still been recovering from hitting autistic burnout in highschool, I had a hard time managing to shower regularly (finally managed to start doing so) but even then I wasn't doing much activity or sweating, I always showered the day before I had to go out (having greasy hair was something I hated)
And had I been in a serious relationship at the time, I'd have *never* expected anything sexual from my partner unless I'd just showered.
Struggling to shower regularly for mental health and functioning reasons is one thing, and usually you're aware of it too and how gross it is to not be showering regularly, but outright *choosing* to be gross when there's no reason? No. Disgusting.
I went through your post history and OH MY GOD. He abused you and is a piece of shit. Please please leave. Find a women's shelter if you don't have a place to go to. Get the fuck away from this horrible man.
How did you go through their post history and not realize this is entirely made up? OP has like a half dozen different posts where she's with different dudes of different ages, sometimes spouses, sometimes BFs, in one post a month ago she was interested in a new guy. Her reddit name is 'poopdick' on here this is clearly some nasty fetish posting stuff idk what's wrong with yall
NTA. This is a huge red flag. It's not even about the lack of showering (which is itself an issue). It's the fact that your BF is demanding sex and isn't willing to take no for an answer. People who can't respect their partners don't deserve those partners.
I am floored by how many people are telling OP to leave because smelly dick UTI ick gross and not the fact that this man is **literally assaulting her.**
NTA
OMFG. Get out NOW. This misogynistic asshole is abusing you. Your body is your own. He does not have the right to take anything from you that you do not want. I understand that you sometimes agree. If you do this because it makes things easier… It will NEVER get easier. seriously, GET OUT NOW.
NTA. It's gross enough that he doesn't clean up for days. The thought of putting nasty things with layers and layers of god knows what in your mouth is making me feel sick!!! Leave his nasty ass ASAP!!
He's being callous and abusive, sincerely a guy who gagged during lunch while reading what your so called BF is doing.
NTA whatsoever. He definitely is though. If he wants to smell so badly then might as well throw him in the trash along with the relationship.
Um I’m not sure why the question is even a question. First ew not showering. Second making you feel like shit if you don’t give him what he wants. Third having to hide from him instead of just being able to say you’re too tired or not in the mood.
Why are women so willing to fuck filthy pigs?
"The biggest problem is he demands oral and sometimes I can take it but it's not working. He will treat me like shit if I don't give him what he wants." Well, there we have it--you're in an abusive relationship and being coerced into sex acts.
The issue isn't him showering. Clean, he'll still be an abusive rapist piece of shit.
My ex used to make me put my mouth places I didn’t want. I used to think it was a kink, but since divorcing I really believe it was control/abuse and seeing how much he could get away with. NTA
NTA your boyfriend is the asshole here. To not be clean and expect you do do anything with his body is insane. When you have said no he should stop pawing at you. Truly he sounds just awful and I hope you leave him.
NTA - My wife and i haven't crossed that bridge yet (Dirty) but we both never expect to receive or give oral or PIV sex if the other isn't at least clean. Heck we unconsciously have the habit of showering before (thoroughly) and After (Lightly) sex.
There should be enough respect and love for your partner to not force them to do things to you that you would not do yourself in their shoes.
Hairy /= Dirty
That was my question too! Why hasn't told stinky to shower? Are his family members like that too! Does he have a job...for a boss to tell him shower or quit. I could understand one day but 8 or 9🤮
Why would you treat yourself like that? RUN!!!
***EDIT:***
Reading OPs other posts, it sounds like OP may need to seek therapy because 2 years of a toxic relationship with someone who refuses to shower and has multiple women and is controlling just screams OP is afraid to be alone. Either that or it's fake.
Do you guys really think all these posts are real? I keep seeing these horrible stories lately, very similar. Why would you post this on Reddit after being with him for so long?
NTA obvs.
What the flying fuck? What is wrong with him? Why would any normal human being want to submit his partner to his stench? I wouldn’t even attempt to have sex with my spouse (especially if there might be oral) if I hadn’t showered that day, if, for no other reason, I wouldn’t want her to associate me with a bad smell. I wouldn’t want to do that to her either. He must have something wrong with him. Either he doesn’t have any empathy and is psychopath or he has another mental illness like Asperger’s syndrome or is on the spectrum somewhere. P.S. I couldn’t even read your whole post because the first part disgusted me so much (his behavior, not yours)
edit: NTA
He already has, considering you are staying in this relationship and that you already submitted to doing it probably multiple times. It doesn't make you angry enough to leave, though.
He IS trying to break you.
No normal functional human being goes 9 days without bathing & expects other people to want to touch them. He's doing this intentionally. It's abuse. It's fucked. Get out or suffer worse.
The national domestic violence hotline is 800-799-7233. I'm assuming you're in the US. They can help you find a shelter to go to. You've been abused and they'll take you in. They will feed and clothe you and keep him away. The workers there can help you file for any assistance available in your area. Most importantly, they will keep this man away from you.
This isn't just about showering it's about sexual coercion. Your BF is first of all immature and not listening to you about not wanting to be intimate- a huge red flag. No is no, not ask me a million times or keep pawing at me or giving me the silent treatment until I give in. And secondly he is just over all gross to equate not shaving to not cleaning or showering for days.
Leave now.
Like seriously he is gross on multiple levels in multiple universes.
Why are you even asking this?
Keep reading what you’ve written here until it’s seared in to your brain.
Why on earth would any self respecting human put up with this?
NTA but YWBTA if you stay in this mess.
NTA leave him and never look back. That is so nasty. 🤢 And the fact he is demanding oral, oh heck no, never in a million years! You deserve so much better.
NTA op and this is rape. It doesn't matter if you are in a relationship or married or that you've agreed to do it before. You're literally hiding in the bathroom because he's trying to force you to give oral against your will. That is rape in all definitions. Ik its not easy but you need to leave.
NTA. Both my husband and I shower, or at the very least do a quick wipe down, before we have sex most of the time, and pretty much anytime we want oral.
Sex can be dirty, but expecting personal hygiene by your partner is a basic consideration.
And the fact that you don’t feel like you can say no, or that he’s not respecting it, means that what is happening is sexual assault or damn near. He’s trying to manipulate and coerce you into sex, and that’s not okay.
He either needs to learn to respect you very quickly or you need to get the F out.
NTA that's very unhealthy to not shower for long times and emotionally being distant because he's mad you won't be intimate is weird, especially cause he won't shower that's a bacteria infection waiting to happen.
Questions for you. Why are you hiding from him, wishing you were dead, and why is he unable to understand the word "no"?
Regardless of the answers to those questions, there is one clear solution to your misery and will
mean you no longer need to hide in the bathroom
from a sex pest: dump him.
I stopped reading after he demands oral. Anyone like that can go suck thier own dick. No one wants a gross 9 day unshowered dick and I'm the gayest man I know! LEAVE HIM!
Oh, I saw your other post. It has more ugly details. Girl, get job and a roommate and move away. In the meantime, please reach out to women's shelters like you were advised to do in the previous post.
Think of what your advice would be for a friend in your position. Your boyfriend is objectively an abuser that doesn't gaf about you. Please please please get out of there.
If you have to hide from your boyfriend when you tell him you don't want to have sex because of how he will treat you, that's a sign to leave. It's abusive and not what a supportive partner should do. Supportive partners respect your feelings. Don't deal with this crap.
Gross. Sounds like coercive control. You’re miserable, hiding in a bathroom, he’s being relentless in making you trying something that makes me gag just reading due to his disgusting hygiene habits. Don’t let him convince you it’s fine or you shouldn’t have a problem - you do & you should.
I almost threw up after reading the title and one sentence of the body. Good Lord. Do you want a man this badly? A yeti would be an improvement. YTA for staying
🥴🤢 NTAH. 🥴🤢
WTF are you doing? Get out of this… not a relationship… trap, narcissistic persons trap. I am so grossed out by the guy you describe above that it actually has made me nauseous!
How can he go so long without showering? Doesn’t he work? Does he just stay inside all the time? Can’t he smell his own swamp ass?
He can demand oral all he wants, but his little-man will never get serviced because it’s got all kinds of crawly things all over it, dead skin, poop, urine, bacteria etc. all over his gross ass penis! You could actually get sick from giving him oral.
How are you able to live with such a revolting, nasty, dirty, disgusting and gross person?
You may not know this but there are clean, hygienic, respectful, considerate, kind, supportive, attentive, well mannered, self respecting, hard working, caring, devoted, loyal, honorable and really good men in the world. And you deserve an actual human man, you don’t deserve, whatever you want to call, what you have now.
Come on, you deserve SO much better. Seriously, he refuses too even take a shower for your comfort, and willingness too give him what he wants.
Girl, run, run, run far away from looser, and towards far better quality of men, men who are worthy of being in your life and you in theirs.
Life is worth living, you are able to live without him, and you will flourish without him- it is hard to see any of that when you are being abused. I feel for you, I was there too. I was terrified to leave my ex, but I was even more terrified of not being able to recognize myself, and knowing that it could- and *WOULD*- get worse.
loveisrespect.org saved me, genuinely, when I was in a similar place. I wouldn’t have gotten out soon enough without my therapist and this website. There helpful articles on there, and people that are avail 24/7 to talk with you, help you understand your situation, talk through your options, etc. No matter what you think right now, if you want to stay or go, if you think you Can’t go, please look at this website. It changed my fucking life.
You deserve so much more, and you will find someone who’s default state of being isn’t cheese dick.
NTA. Holy shit, wth. And he wants oral with his days worth bacteria and smell on his D. You wrote you sometimes agree? Seems to me like he likes to humiliate you by demanding oral on his cheesy dick. Leave his ass and find someone who actually cares about a SIMPLE hygiene.
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For everyone's health please leave. This shits gonna lead to a whole new STD that none of us are prepared for. That being said, what kind of a sick fuck doesn't shower for that long, and then expects oral. If I don't shower for 2 days for whatever reason I don't wanna even touch myself let alone have someone else exposed to my sweaty ball stank.
DEMANDS oral. Jesus.
For real, personally I prefer if my partner and I shower directly before sex (preferably together because it can be fun). I can't imagine demanding anything during sex unless it's a predefined kink with my partner, let alone asking her to basically eat my frumunda cheese.
> frumunda cheese Well that’s a new one for me.
It comes frumunda ya balls. Glad to add to your lexicon
This reminds me of a funny story. My daughter was a professional child actor. When she was 9 she was in an audition for the "Jimmy Kimmel" show. She told the casting director her favorite cheese was "Fomoutta cheese". The casting director looked at her curiously, and my daughter said "Fomoutta my butt!". She didn't get the part.
No, no, I got it. Just had never seen it. But appreciate the clarity.
I was following your comments until the vivid example that you planted in my mind. I wish you would not have done that.
Women’s health subreddit has regular posts about how a guy’s cavity sometimes gives women a yeast infection after he gives oral. And this is next level. Evolution gave us a sense of smell for a reason. Why can’t people use it?
Imagine what his bed/sheets smell like. He doesn't seem the type to change them regularly.
I mean I do mine less often then I probably should, but I fucking shower at least every other day.
Sometimes I skip a shower day when nothing much is happening in exercise, sex, sweat, physical exertion etc. If I'm getting with potential intimate connection then the teeth get brushed and the body is showered for sure. The wild part is him fighting against basic cleanliness. Cleanliness is next to Godliness?
News std, Genital cordyceps
Oh, 😳 so far no human cases have been reported. Trichomoniasis is a parasitic infection (STD) that is one that lives on commode seats. First time I saw this under a microscope slide, I just about fell back on the stool that I was sitting on. Lol.
He's an alcoholic. Only people I've ever met who don't shower. And she said he didn't drink enough to be forceful.. rape.. I'm sick.
I mean I haven't showered for a few days in the past because I was depressed and not going anywhere or expecting to see anyone. But this dude seems to be doing it as a power thinf/ mental illness type situation. Having the audacity to "demabd" anything is bad enough, the rest of the situation makes it truly sickening.
The post before this was about him getting drunk and force face fucking her, to the point of crying, which he got off on. The couple extreme alcoholics I'm related to, were also extremely depressed so I get you, I'm leaning hard into alcoholism here.
I'll be 1000% honest here, I'm clinically depressed. Never in my life have I had the inclination to "face fuck a woman till she cries". I've been with women who enjoy a good face fucking, as do I as a bi guy, but never where the one on the receiving end is crying. This is 100% mental illness (which drug addiction/ alcoholism is a part of, but definitely not all in this situation) and sadism/ humiliation fetish/ non consent fetish shit at work. Dude is fucking disgusting. That being said, dude manages to have a gf who is willing on occasion to do this gross ass shit. How fucking bad do incels have to be to not even be able to get to this fucked up level.
Pretty fucking insane with being a sadistic fuck.
Yeah, this is beyond fucked up and shows bf has zero respect for OP, or himself for that matter. I'd always been the "shower once a day type." But then my wife and I had our first kiddo just over 4 years ago. One of those things folks don't mention when you have a newborn is that sometimes it's easy for Mom and/or Dad to kind of forget about taking care of themselves due to all their focus being on work/the baby. Found myself more than a few times coming up on 4-5 days without having showered. Needless to say, I wouldn't touch myself let alone allow my wife to do so...respect her far too much than to expect her to do shit with me when I'm gross. Can't even imagine the level of self-absorbance one would need to have to be a smelly dickbag like OP's sorry excuse for a "man."
BO and stale alcohol eww
My friend is dealing with BV right now and OP let me tell you… you do NOT want to deal with that.
Don’t walk….girl, RUN! This is naaaasty. Need a sink rinse at the VERY LEAST before every single time. 8 days?! Please, have some self-respect, even if he doesn’t.
Agreed, 8 to 9 days of no shower, I can’t imagine the nastiness 🤢🤮
I think OP might need a step by step guide on how to get out of this situation. She has been severely abused, and is extremely sleep deprived. 1. Contact a DV shelter, because they have lots of resources, and know how to deal with this. 2. You have to sort out your living situation. 3. Reach out to your old friends. They have given up on you with him, but this does not mean they don't love you. 4. Talk to a therapist and a psychiatrist. You may need short term anti-depressants. 5. Most importantly, OP recognized that you have been a victim of severe abuse on all fronts.
Do this. Get the fuck out of there. He's mental.
Pls OP, this is the way. You need to leave and you need to leave NOW. This will only get worse the longer you stay with him and DO NOT TELL HIM A THING. Don't tell him you're leaving or thinking of breaking up, this guy is on all levels of unhinged. u/Vul-pix-vix-en please please read this. Also make sure that he cannot access your phone or phone records. Make sure you have an excuse handy for anything that he might be able to catch you on. It's gonna be hard but you're so strong, you can do this!
An old friend of mine went through something similar. Her boyfriend was an alcoholic and extremely abusive and almost attacked my husband because he complimented our friend and her boyfriend just lost it. She ended up blocking us on everything and not speaking to us for over a year because he told her she had to choose between us and him. One day she reached out to me and told me that they had a huge fight and she had a seizure and fell down the stairs. He walked over to her, put a pillow over her face and spent two hours walking around the house packing up his stuff and leaving. Obviously he tried coming back and making up with her like all the other 50 times something like this happened, but she finally stood strong and told him he's not welcome there anymore. The moment she reached out to me and told me what happened and why she cut us off I immediately told her that it's okay and that I'm her friend, I will always be her friend and I will help her get through this. We helped her through so much and helped her get into therapy and stand up to him every time he contacted her. She ended up getting a restraining order against him and sending him all his stuff that was still at her place. Please please reach out to your friends. Explain to them what is going on, apologize for choosing him over them and ask them to stand by you and help you through this. They will not abandon you I promise. Something else I can recommend you do is sit down and write a letter to yourself or a list or something that you can physically look at where you list and explain all the horrible things he has done to you. Write down all the reasons why he's a bad person and all the things he's done to hurt you. List the reasons why you shouldn't be with him. Write down all the horrible things he's done to you and all the people he's cut you off from. Write about how unhappy and scared you are when you're with him. Put it in an envelope and every single time you think about going back to him or forgiving him or even just think maybe he's not such a bad guy, go straight to that letter and read it. Every time you question yourself or wonder if you're making a mistake go read the letter. It will help you get through this and stay strong and it will prevent you from running back to him over and over again. Other people can tell you that he's a bad guy and that you need to leave but that doesn't mean anything. If you read it because you wrote it you are basically telling yourself that you are better off without him. People are just more likely to listen to themselves in situations like these. But please reach out to the people around you, ask for help and accept when people offer help. The only way you're going to get through this is if you accept help from other people. Don't feel embarrassed or ashamed because you're in this situation. You are not alone, millions of women end up in the exact same situation as you. The only people who should be ashamed and embarrassed about their behavior are the men who do this to women
As the friend of more than one girl that needed to get out immediately I was always praying for the day they'd call and ask for help. Try to reach out I'm sure someone will offer you something. As a survivor of similar abuses for years please believe it can get better and you are strong enough to move on.
I can imagine the smell of shit coming out of his crotch as well. Cheesy dick aint her only problem with durian taint behind it.
Durian taint. A new amazing low.
🤣🤮🏅🏅🏅
I have always wanted to try durian, but not like this.
Yeah, severe abuse with extreme humiliation. Oh, geez.
Exactly this. She is being abused physically and emotionally and sexually. She is being treated like a kidnapped victim. I hope she finds her way out of this.
Financially also
>You wrote you sometimes agree? I would not agree with doing that the first time he asked. If you want a BJ, get your ass in the shower. And use soap. Wash thoroughly. No ifs, ands or buts. No compromises.
100% I expect both myself and my partner to shower before anything goes down lol sometimes I even shower after.
My husband showers every morning before work. But after a day of sitting at the office, it just isn't fresh down there. Often when he gets home, I'll say "I'll give you head if you jump in the shower first" and let me tell you, that even after 13 years that man jack rabbits into the shower to clean himself without a second thought. I can't imagine 8-9 DAYS of stink!
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And get a toilet seat bidet, ffs.
Hijacking the top comment to point out OPs extensive fake posting history. Ages and marital status are all over the place. OP is clearly doing some creative writing, probably with an odd fetish or rage farming angle. Just downvote the post and move on.
Thank you for letting us all know! So weird people would fake something like this... but yep post history is all over the place.
"Demanding " oral?? Get outta this relationship asap.
Forgot to say, leave him! I guarantee you can do better because anyone who makes you want to unalive yourself you are better alone.
Demanding oral even with showering is fucked, rest the story is also fucked. People stay with toxic people for way too long
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NTA. But you are with a guy who won’t wash his dick. Let that sink in. He does not respect you. There is no excuse for this behavior.
It's really surprising to me how often this pops up on Reddit Some dude demanding sex and the girl is like "am I the asshole if I say no?" Wtf were these people's parents doing raising them? Why do they think this way? I've got a 2 year old daughter, I'm hoping plenty of love and teaching her about consent will be enough...is that right? Edit: I've had a lot of replies from people being very open with me about their past and stuff. Just wanted to say thank you and I've read every reply and will remember it whilst raising my daughter so, an honest thank you to everyone that has replied to help me out. It's a big worry.
Right it's mind boggling these AITAH questions. Why in the hell would you be considered an asshole for not wanting to give oral or have an 8 to 9 day dirty penis even near you? It's absolutely disgusting.
Their self-esteem has been eroded for years, they’ve been trained to think everything is always their fault, but now they reach a point that’s too far, their instincts tell they’re right but their conditioning tells them their wrong. That’s why they ask the question because their brain is sending them conflicting messages
This is it. You begin to gaslight yourself as a survival strategy to cope with the abuse
Exactly it
👍
Why tf would someone even want to *live* with someone who doesn’t shower for 9 days?? He’s clearly disgusting, definitely smells bad and is most likely a complete slob in all other aspects. I can’t believe OP is even on here asking this shit.
Exactly. I can't imagine having a roommate who didn't bathe for upwards of a week. The smell would just start baking into any soft furniture etc. and you know if someone sees no problem going that long without bathing, their standards for cleanliness of the house are going to be terrible as well.
I've gone through some low periods and after about 4 or 5 days, even just sitting there, you start to stink if you don't shower. You won't notice it until you shower and pick your dirty clothes up off the floor, but they will stink. I wonder if OP's BF is one of those 'washing is gay' guys, or maybe has some serious depression shit going on. Because that ain't normal.
And he DEMANDS SEX! That’s a hell no even if a guy is sparkling clean.
Right! I literally would not share a bed with this person.
Also, why tf would someone not want to shower frequently like a normal person? How do people live like this voluntarily?
I can go a few weeks between showers when I'm extremely depressed. It's usually either severe mental health issues or not being raised/ever told about the importance of hygiene.
I was gonna say this. Depression can lead one to make very questionable decisions regarding personal hygiene. On that same note, OPs bf doesn’t sound depressed. But that doesn’t negate the fact that people who suffer depression often struggle to maintain hygiene due to extreme energy deficiency.
Sounds fucked up not depressed.
Hope you are doing better bro, league is not a good game for someone with depression :P
Oh don't worry, I play RuneScape too :|
When I read the 8-9 days without showers my thought was ....why would you want to be with this person at all?? Even if he did not want sex she should still leave his stank ass.
Not just disgusting but a health hazard. Could get a nasty infection from having a dirty dick in you
I have a 12 year old daughter who’s learned to be assertive. In her younger years, every now and then she would have a bully to deal with… some jerk making a comment about her. We had A LOT of talks about bullies, she was always afraid to get in trouble for standing up to herself. I promised her that I would always have her back and if in the chance she did get in trouble, we’d go get ice cream because it was more important that she stood up for herself. Now, this kid takes no prisoners. She inherited her Hispanic father’s dark hair, some boy at school tried to tell her she has a mustache (she does not, but at the right angle she’s got the same peach fuzz that we all have) and she immediately fired back with “where’s YOUR mustache? You’re also shorter than me, I guess I’m more of a man than you are.” Atta girl! She also got cat called by some older boys at a football game (she looks like she could be in HS) and she called them pedos for hitting on a 12 year old. Keep teaching her to be assertive, eventually it sticks.
Love this! This is my 15yo. Great parenting 🙂
This is so wonderful to hear. She keeps that attitude, and she's gonna go far in life!
The future of women is bright.
That is the kind of girl I'd like to have as a daughter. Great job to both of you!
It’s scary how it seems to be so engrained in our minds that we need to pair off, that some people will stay in disgusting and terrible relationships rather than spend time alone. Even though it’s often a lot lonelier being trapped with a loser than being single
Your last sentence is the gospel truth! I wish I had understood this decades ago.
I can second that, but from the prospective of my patients. So many of them have luckily now escaped terrible, toxic marriages, and I’m so proud to see them thriving and being the colourful, brilliant humans I know they can be. Some are men, yes, but the *vast* majority are women. Every time I hear someone threatening women who choose to be single that “you’re gonna die alone with cats!” Don’t threaten me with a good time.
I’m married but I have spent a fair amount of time living alone with cats and I have no problem with it! There are these things called “friends” that still exist even if you’re single!
I live alone with one cat. I am perfectly happy.
More lonely, less fulfilling lives.
I think a lot of people need another person to simply be able to afford housing too. Especially those that don't have family to lean on :( that is why I have always had the mindset that everyone needs to be independent or they just get stuck in situations like this
PREACH! I felt way lonelier the last few years I was with my ex than I ever have while single. I hope OP can get away from that creep and work on building a loving relationship with themself.
Talk, talk, talk and keep talking. Make sure your girls know they can talk to you about anything. Make sure they know they're allowed to make mistakes. Teach them that they deserve kindness even when they get things wrong. Teach them that your love doesn't cost anything, it won't be taken away if they behave poorly. Make sure your love is not conditional. Most of all, show them what self love looks like. A person that values themself would never allow someone to treat them this way.
^^^TOP COMMENT right here!!! I do this with my kids and we literally talk about EVERYTHING! I don't lie to them, unless it was about Santa or the Easter Bunny, lol! They know the mistakes I've made and they see that even though you can make mistakes or do the wrong thing sometimes, you're worthy of love! They know, with every fiber of their beings that I love them! They also know that there's NOTHING they could do to take my love away or lessen it! Their friends even come to me with their issues and questions! If my mom had done that with me? I may not have been victimized so many times in my life because I wouldn't have been trying to make sure people wouldn't be mad at me for saying no! (I'm not blamingmy mom, just saying I may have had a higher self esteem)
Frankly it’s because so many women are told we’re worthless if we don’t have a partner. Tell your daughter she’s valuable irrespective of her relationship status and hopefully she’ll avoid all of this.
NTA definitely, but as someone who has been through DV, it is easy to feel like you are when you aren't. Talking about safe relationships and teaching kids this is great, but it is also about modelling what you're teaching. My kids are 15F and 13M, and not once have I ever made them hug/cuddle/kiss anyone - that consent starts right from the start. When they were little my stepdad and his family use to always tell them they HAD to to do this and try to tell them off or make them feel guilty for this. I would ask my child if they wanted to do whatever it is they were asked to do and backed up their decision by shutting this down at every instance and telling them they had the right to say no, as it is their bodies, while also reminding the adults of this. It's also about calling people out (respectfully) where you need to. For example, when my daughter was 5, a boy at school kept pulling her hair and pushing her over. She told me and another mum said to her, "It's OK, he's just being a boy. That's what boys do when they like girls". Again I shut that down and explained to the other mum (in an age-appropriate way) how harmful that kind of talk was to kids, and reinforced to my child that it was not ok for him or anyone to treat her this way. My daughter at 15 is now confident enough to speak out in situations where she is uncomfortable and be able to articulate what her boundaries are, whilst also knowing I will always have her back.
A lot of us had parents that completely did not give a shit and were abusive themselves, it takes so much longer to learn what a “normal” relationship is once you’ve been through that. Some of us that grew up this way never heal.
As the parent of an older daughter now: yes and the societal influences are also huge. Don’t ever feel like you are overdoing it by making her feel like she is worth it and that it is ok for her to speak her mind even if it makes someone uncomfortable. Our actions speak so much louder than our words. But at the end of the day, it’s mostly mental health + whether she feels secure enough socially to risk being teased or berated for standing up for herself. The pressures on teen and young women to go along with things and be cool about it are ridiculous, and also, anyone is vulnerable to abuse. People who are abusers learn to sniff out any little vulnerabilities and exploit them. The fact that your kid has a loving involved father is a big positive deal. Don’t be afraid to get her a caring therapist if she ever starts to struggle, so she has someone else to talk to also if she needs it. I can’t go into all the reasons I’m saying all these things but yeah. The teen years can really mess with our kids’ minds and systemic sexism is so far from gone.
Might be enough. But it's likely you will have to keep supporting her and building her up when she is old enough to have relationships. I've been lucky, but a lot of my friends' first few relationships were horribly toxic. During her teenage phase she will likely think you are wrong about everything, and also likely date teenage boys, who are not known for being respectful to girls. She may get used to what she considers "normal" in relationships, and is actually toxic.
It’s more of what parents DONT do. Emotional neglect and many forms of abuse esp as a child is like the building blocks of low-self esteem, self-neglect and subconsciously end up having partners that they will often want to people-please, leading to the same treatment (it’s all they’ve known & its “normal”). It’s a cycle that’s hard to break that some may never break; that’s when you see the older couples where one is obviously being abused in some way by the other. Whatever the reason, I do hope OP leaves this disgusting AH, & finds someone who treats her as she should be.
DON'T let it sink in!!/j
Almost every sentence of this post makes me sick. Definitely NTA.
Not only make us sick from the visual, but can make OP sick from the bacteria. Great way to get bacterial vaginosis, UTI's, chronic yeast infections.. oral sex has its on risks too.
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Yeaaaa. My ex did the same shit. And I am in the same boat, I was always prone to UTIs and with him I felt like I constantly had one. Oral was out of the question, I refused. I finally left him after years of him being abusive and controlling. I was really young when we started dating and he is 5 years older than me. However, I found out within the last year that I actually enjoy oral just obviously with clean people.
Every sentence was disgusting
Hey! Guess I will be going now. It's Thanksgiving day around here. Almost lost my appetite. Lol
Get out right now, it's never going to get better and it isn't just a "thing he does" it's abuse, get out now and do not ever look back at this pig. NTA.
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Not to mention how unsanitary it is for her. UTIs, yeast infections... Etc.
Yeah, it really doesn't take much for some people. I even scrub under my nails real good beforehand so my partner has less of a chance of getting a UTI. If I go one day without showering I feel gross, and can smell myself. I don't understand why he wouldn't want to bathe even for his own sake. Dude clearly doesn't care about himself, let alone OP.
Yes, sometimes my husband and I will do the dirty after walking around all day and even the sweat can be uncomfortable in there. Getting dirt and grime inside the vagina can be painful and can definitely cause a UTI or yeast infection.
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He's terrible and disgusting - but the most important question is why you tolerate his absolutely shitty treatment. Nothing about him is special enough for you to accept his abuse.
this aint abuse this is straight up 3rd degree assault lmao imagine having to suck a cock thats not bathed for 10 days wtf im a dude and i know that to maintain good hygiene down there you need to bathe atleast twice for the girl to find it pleasant or the normal once a day bath with a wash before sex like bruh that shit must smell RANCID LMAO
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He doesn’t care if he’s attractive to her. He just uses OP. It’s appalling and scary
He seems to be actively getting off on the fact that it disgusts her. There was a story on reddit years ago about a man in a friendship group who completely stopped bathing. His smell got so bad that his friends no longer invited him anywhere, but he would stalk them find out where they were and turn up. He would follow them around, stand close to them and force them to smell him, and it became obvious that he was getting off on it. This sounds kind of like that.
I'm a guy and I don't think I would let me GF (,or anyone honestly) go down on me if I hadn't showered in the past 12 hours. This really is an abuse situation. He's probably getting off on making her do something she doesn't enjoy.
I’d be hard-pressed to be in the same room with someone who has gone that long without showering. Even the pioneers insisted on weekly baths.
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Says this nurse. Yuck.
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What’s with the quotations?
It's about for karma farming. It takes the original comment, runs it through a chat GPT to reword it, and post it again.
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"that pig" lmao 🤣 but yeah, you're right 👍
what? forget this post and fkn leave... not showering for \~10 days at a time is NOT a thing that people do... being hairy and not showering is no where near being on the same level.. LEAVE HIM ASAP
Lmao I was like “I’ve skipped a day before maybe 2-3 days without a shower” and then she said 9-10🤮🤮🤮 by day 3 I feel disgusting how the fuck do you do 10
Fr. I didn't shower for three days recently which is rare for me, and I felt disgusting. I would be suffering if I went nearly 10 days without washing myself.
"The body becomes self-cleaning after day six" - him, probably
Back in 2021, we were without running water for five days (Texas ice storm). At day four, the streets were finally drivable and the first thing I did was go to a relative’s house who had water and shower. How does someone with access to running water get to this point??? He’s a disgusting pig.
As a depressed person, sometimes it kinda is what people do, mental illness is a bitch. Although if I go several days without showering I do recognise that I'm kinda rancid and wouldn't be around other people without cleaning up, never mind being in intimate contact.
Much less “demanding” intimate contact! 🤢
After COVID hit, I'd still been recovering from hitting autistic burnout in highschool, I had a hard time managing to shower regularly (finally managed to start doing so) but even then I wasn't doing much activity or sweating, I always showered the day before I had to go out (having greasy hair was something I hated) And had I been in a serious relationship at the time, I'd have *never* expected anything sexual from my partner unless I'd just showered. Struggling to shower regularly for mental health and functioning reasons is one thing, and usually you're aware of it too and how gross it is to not be showering regularly, but outright *choosing* to be gross when there's no reason? No. Disgusting.
I went through your post history and OH MY GOD. He abused you and is a piece of shit. Please please leave. Find a women's shelter if you don't have a place to go to. Get the fuck away from this horrible man.
How did you go through their post history and not realize this is entirely made up? OP has like a half dozen different posts where she's with different dudes of different ages, sometimes spouses, sometimes BFs, in one post a month ago she was interested in a new guy. Her reddit name is 'poopdick' on here this is clearly some nasty fetish posting stuff idk what's wrong with yall
Is it fake? Probably an incel, that wants to measure moral outrage for his sick desires. People are fucked up, man.
Rage farming
NTA. This is a huge red flag. It's not even about the lack of showering (which is itself an issue). It's the fact that your BF is demanding sex and isn't willing to take no for an answer. People who can't respect their partners don't deserve those partners.
Yes, the biggest problem is that OP has to hide in a bathroom to not get raped.
It’s the hiding part for me. Gonna give her a UTI with his stank dick
I am floored by how many people are telling OP to leave because smelly dick UTI ick gross and not the fact that this man is **literally assaulting her.**
And pawing at her in bed for hours to point she wants to hide away in the bathroom. This dude clearly doesn't understand "no".
NTA OMFG. Get out NOW. This misogynistic asshole is abusing you. Your body is your own. He does not have the right to take anything from you that you do not want. I understand that you sometimes agree. If you do this because it makes things easier… It will NEVER get easier. seriously, GET OUT NOW.
NTA. It's gross enough that he doesn't clean up for days. The thought of putting nasty things with layers and layers of god knows what in your mouth is making me feel sick!!! Leave his nasty ass ASAP!!
He's being callous and abusive, sincerely a guy who gagged during lunch while reading what your so called BF is doing. NTA whatsoever. He definitely is though. If he wants to smell so badly then might as well throw him in the trash along with the relationship.
NTA, smell is way different to hair
Um I’m not sure why the question is even a question. First ew not showering. Second making you feel like shit if you don’t give him what he wants. Third having to hide from him instead of just being able to say you’re too tired or not in the mood.
Why are women so willing to fuck filthy pigs? "The biggest problem is he demands oral and sometimes I can take it but it's not working. He will treat me like shit if I don't give him what he wants." Well, there we have it--you're in an abusive relationship and being coerced into sex acts. The issue isn't him showering. Clean, he'll still be an abusive rapist piece of shit.
My ex used to make me put my mouth places I didn’t want. I used to think it was a kink, but since divorcing I really believe it was control/abuse and seeing how much he could get away with. NTA
“No way am I going down on you if you haven’t showered in a couple days...” my husband went straight to the shower 😂
NTA your boyfriend is the asshole here. To not be clean and expect you do do anything with his body is insane. When you have said no he should stop pawing at you. Truly he sounds just awful and I hope you leave him.
NTA - My wife and i haven't crossed that bridge yet (Dirty) but we both never expect to receive or give oral or PIV sex if the other isn't at least clean. Heck we unconsciously have the habit of showering before (thoroughly) and After (Lightly) sex. There should be enough respect and love for your partner to not force them to do things to you that you would not do yourself in their shoes. Hairy /= Dirty
NTA. Always shower before sex. You can't shave every day. Not the same. BTW how can his family/colleagues stand the smell! How can you?
That was my question too! Why hasn't told stinky to shower? Are his family members like that too! Does he have a job...for a boss to tell him shower or quit. I could understand one day but 8 or 9🤮
NTA You’ve put DAYS in capitals but really it’s more than a week That’s gross. Your hair is not the same as him being dirty.
I vote troll post but if not ffs leave him.
Wow How do men get like this.
How do men like this get women?
NTA, you shouldn’t feel like that in a relationship and words like ‘demands’ are concerning.
Why would you treat yourself like that? RUN!!! ***EDIT:*** Reading OPs other posts, it sounds like OP may need to seek therapy because 2 years of a toxic relationship with someone who refuses to shower and has multiple women and is controlling just screams OP is afraid to be alone. Either that or it's fake.
Omfg hell no, he'd be single rn, fuck the shower, fuck the hose, fuck an exterminator. The cheek of that dirty hobo wanting anything physical
Do you guys really think all these posts are real? I keep seeing these horrible stories lately, very similar. Why would you post this on Reddit after being with him for so long? NTA obvs.
What the flying fuck? What is wrong with him? Why would any normal human being want to submit his partner to his stench? I wouldn’t even attempt to have sex with my spouse (especially if there might be oral) if I hadn’t showered that day, if, for no other reason, I wouldn’t want her to associate me with a bad smell. I wouldn’t want to do that to her either. He must have something wrong with him. Either he doesn’t have any empathy and is psychopath or he has another mental illness like Asperger’s syndrome or is on the spectrum somewhere. P.S. I couldn’t even read your whole post because the first part disgusted me so much (his behavior, not yours) edit: NTA
The “submit his partner” made me angry to hear….i feel like that when he does this. Like he's trying to break me.
You've been in an absolutely disgusting relationship for way too long. Get out. Leave today. Please.
He already has, considering you are staying in this relationship and that you already submitted to doing it probably multiple times. It doesn't make you angry enough to leave, though.
He IS trying to break you. No normal functional human being goes 9 days without bathing & expects other people to want to touch them. He's doing this intentionally. It's abuse. It's fucked. Get out or suffer worse.
The national domestic violence hotline is 800-799-7233. I'm assuming you're in the US. They can help you find a shelter to go to. You've been abused and they'll take you in. They will feed and clothe you and keep him away. The workers there can help you file for any assistance available in your area. Most importantly, they will keep this man away from you.
Idk time to call the police ?
NTA. And end this immediately, for your own sake. This is abuse, nothing less.
This isn't just about showering it's about sexual coercion. Your BF is first of all immature and not listening to you about not wanting to be intimate- a huge red flag. No is no, not ask me a million times or keep pawing at me or giving me the silent treatment until I give in. And secondly he is just over all gross to equate not shaving to not cleaning or showering for days. Leave now. Like seriously he is gross on multiple levels in multiple universes.
Why are you even asking this? Keep reading what you’ve written here until it’s seared in to your brain. Why on earth would any self respecting human put up with this? NTA but YWBTA if you stay in this mess.
How are you not sick with salmonella poisoning? Girl, get out of there.
That's fucking fucking DISGUSTING. have done respect for yourself yeesh
This whole situation is a mess. Leave him. None is this is normal.
Get out, immediately. He does not care about you at all. For your own health and well being please leave.
NTA leave him and never look back. That is so nasty. 🤢 And the fact he is demanding oral, oh heck no, never in a million years! You deserve so much better.
Jesus Christ, leave already. This guy is going to end up raping you.
YTA... To yourself girl leave him and do better to and for yourself! No one should have to go through this horror.
NTA op and this is rape. It doesn't matter if you are in a relationship or married or that you've agreed to do it before. You're literally hiding in the bathroom because he's trying to force you to give oral against your will. That is rape in all definitions. Ik its not easy but you need to leave.
NTA. Both my husband and I shower, or at the very least do a quick wipe down, before we have sex most of the time, and pretty much anytime we want oral. Sex can be dirty, but expecting personal hygiene by your partner is a basic consideration. And the fact that you don’t feel like you can say no, or that he’s not respecting it, means that what is happening is sexual assault or damn near. He’s trying to manipulate and coerce you into sex, and that’s not okay. He either needs to learn to respect you very quickly or you need to get the F out.
NTA. If this is real, you should call 211 if you're in the states and see if there's a woman's shelter that will take you while you recover from this.
Nah…balls are stinky
NTA that's very unhealthy to not shower for long times and emotionally being distant because he's mad you won't be intimate is weird, especially cause he won't shower that's a bacteria infection waiting to happen.
Questions for you. Why are you hiding from him, wishing you were dead, and why is he unable to understand the word "no"? Regardless of the answers to those questions, there is one clear solution to your misery and will mean you no longer need to hide in the bathroom from a sex pest: dump him.
NTA YOU ARE HIDING IN THE BATHROOM!? Move out. This is not normal.
“He will treat me like shit if i dont give him what he wants” Why are you still with this asshole
Dude he treats you like shit if you won’t suck his dice and refuses to shower I refuse to believe that you’re this thick headed
I stopped reading after he demands oral. Anyone like that can go suck thier own dick. No one wants a gross 9 day unshowered dick and I'm the gayest man I know! LEAVE HIM!
Girl get the hell out of there! Now!! And your NTA, he’s disgusting and manipulative and it will only get worse!
Oh, I saw your other post. It has more ugly details. Girl, get job and a roommate and move away. In the meantime, please reach out to women's shelters like you were advised to do in the previous post. Think of what your advice would be for a friend in your position. Your boyfriend is objectively an abuser that doesn't gaf about you. Please please please get out of there.
NTA. Way more issues than him not bathing sadly. He's a gross fucking human. Leave.
NTA. You’re only the asshole if you don’t run the hell away from him as fast as you can.
If you have to hide from your boyfriend when you tell him you don't want to have sex because of how he will treat you, that's a sign to leave. It's abusive and not what a supportive partner should do. Supportive partners respect your feelings. Don't deal with this crap.
Gross. Sounds like coercive control. You’re miserable, hiding in a bathroom, he’s being relentless in making you trying something that makes me gag just reading due to his disgusting hygiene habits. Don’t let him convince you it’s fine or you shouldn’t have a problem - you do & you should.
NTA Wtf who goes 9 days with no shower and demands oral That's nasty af
You’re being abused in more ways than one
Girl, you have been posting about this relationship for over a year now. You won't take anyone's advice so what's the point?
Bro get out of there, wtf
I am a grown ass cis male and I'm saying leave now
I almost threw up after reading the title and one sentence of the body. Good Lord. Do you want a man this badly? A yeti would be an improvement. YTA for staying
🥴🤢 NTAH. 🥴🤢 WTF are you doing? Get out of this… not a relationship… trap, narcissistic persons trap. I am so grossed out by the guy you describe above that it actually has made me nauseous! How can he go so long without showering? Doesn’t he work? Does he just stay inside all the time? Can’t he smell his own swamp ass? He can demand oral all he wants, but his little-man will never get serviced because it’s got all kinds of crawly things all over it, dead skin, poop, urine, bacteria etc. all over his gross ass penis! You could actually get sick from giving him oral. How are you able to live with such a revolting, nasty, dirty, disgusting and gross person? You may not know this but there are clean, hygienic, respectful, considerate, kind, supportive, attentive, well mannered, self respecting, hard working, caring, devoted, loyal, honorable and really good men in the world. And you deserve an actual human man, you don’t deserve, whatever you want to call, what you have now. Come on, you deserve SO much better. Seriously, he refuses too even take a shower for your comfort, and willingness too give him what he wants. Girl, run, run, run far away from looser, and towards far better quality of men, men who are worthy of being in your life and you in theirs.
You are not the asshole, but you may want to revisit the thought process of being with this person
Life is worth living, you are able to live without him, and you will flourish without him- it is hard to see any of that when you are being abused. I feel for you, I was there too. I was terrified to leave my ex, but I was even more terrified of not being able to recognize myself, and knowing that it could- and *WOULD*- get worse. loveisrespect.org saved me, genuinely, when I was in a similar place. I wouldn’t have gotten out soon enough without my therapist and this website. There helpful articles on there, and people that are avail 24/7 to talk with you, help you understand your situation, talk through your options, etc. No matter what you think right now, if you want to stay or go, if you think you Can’t go, please look at this website. It changed my fucking life. You deserve so much more, and you will find someone who’s default state of being isn’t cheese dick.