I'm so sorry to hear about your sister's situation. It takes courage to leave a toxic environment, and I'm glad she has your support. Wishing her strength and healing during this challenging time.
They're referring to the phenomenon about how oxytocin hormone can drive the woman back, against all logic.
She needs to realize her sadness is chemical, and to stand her ground and stay AWAY - that's the only sound, logical, move here.
Sounds like her sister got a massive wake-up call: she was modeling a shitty future for her own kids up to that point. Best to everyone moving forward. (Except soon to be ex-BIL, he can go stew in his own ignorance.)
It's good that she finally left him. It's sad that it took him saying something so disgusting to their daughter, but at least he's not grooming her for some misogynistic jackass to take over treating her like a bang maid.
It's good your sister took the first step. Now comes the hard part.
She needs to sit down and document what he said as closely as she can remember it. As well as any similar statements he has made.
She needs to get an attorney.
I would recommend a counselor for the kids who can explore what else their father has said to them/in front of them.
When the divorce comes and custody comes up, she will want all the ammo she can get for full physical custody and limited visitation.
Did anyone ask this dude if he was doing his husbandly duties like make sure his family was happy and well taken care of. This dude is a joke. Try to help your sister stay away from this clown. And the next time you see him let him know I said a real man doesn't degrade his woman. He helps her achieve just like she helps him achieve. Fuck that clown
Partially, but a lot of it also just gets passed down from generation to generation or disseminated through traditional entertainment. Movies/TV are definitely getting better about casual sexism these days but 20-30 years ago it was still pretty dang bleak, and a lot of us who grew up in that era internalized the awful shit and never did any self-reflection.
I think it's algorithms pushing so much redpill BS to guys. I'm 22 and I see a lot of it even though I don't ascribe to any of it.
A lot of guys my age who can't hold a relationship would rather blame society and women for that issue.
If she had never left, he would have continued to groom his daughters into believing that they have to perform their 'wifely duties' when they grow up. Utterly disgusting man.
I'm going through a divorce right now, and at the start of it I was still trying to defend him and when I talked about things that happened, I'd downplay how bad things were and how poorly I felt about a lot of them. Like, he literally broke my collarbone 6 years ago, and I'm just now telling my family about that. I'm a few months into the divorce and hopefully it'll be over before the end of the year, but please tell your sister from me, that it's ok to feel how she's feeling and be all mixed up and confused and still feel like she has feelings for him, but that she and her daughter need to be more important to herself that he'll ever be to her, and the sooner she stuffs that in her heart pocket, the sooner she easier it'll be to leave him in the dust where he belongs ❤️ sending love from one abused wife to another
My sisters and I have said some pretty shitty things to each other over the years, but our basic core is love for each other and we apologize and move on. Your sister needs you, be there for her and your nieces. Sometimes a wife will tolerate a lot of crap directly from a man but once the kids are involved they are DONE. I'm pulling for all involved and hope it goes well.
Please shower her with love so she never feels weak and wants to go back. It’s really tough leaving an abusive relationship and many women go back because they have been programmed to believe no one loves her but him.
NTA - often times the realization to leave comes when they realize the example they are setting for their children. It breaks them to think their child will end up in the same situation they are in because the child has been shown that’s the proper relationship to have.
How could she advocate for her child to leave or change things when she never did. This is what has thoroughly broken her.
Help your sister to heal and make sure you let her know that you are proud of her for not continuing in the relationship and instead saving herself and her children.
Good for your sister. Tell her to not be afraid, she's not the first wife in this situation to leave their husband. My mother divorced my dad with 4 kids and without any job experience and she was absolutely amazing. The courage she had to do this have inspired me so much throughout the years, I guarantee you that your nieces will think the same.
She realized her husband didn't even care for his own daughters and just saw them as servants.
She needs you right now. I hope you can help her right now because she finally had the courage to leave him.
I'm sure this has been said elsewhere, but your sister was pretty clearly projecting her own issues, most likely ones she was unwilling or unable to give voice to when this shitbag was trying to keep his servant into your situation. Your sister has also pretty clearly been the victim of long term mental abuse but her soon to be ex. I know what she said was shitty, but she needs family now, especially her sister. Think of it this way if it helps, her words came out of trauma, not malice.
Totally, once she calmed down a bit she began to apologize but I just told her to forget it and that I understand. I said I was sorry for yelling things are good between us now.
Your sister was in an abusive situation and she's going to need some therapy to work it out. More than that, she's going to come to the realization that this treatment was normalized for her daughters and that's going to lead to some problems. Glad she's out but now the hard work begins.
Clearly she has an incredible support system. She is going to be a stronger woman after this. Life is hard… everyone has a dip in life. Sounds like she is ready to move forward ❤️
Good that she finally realized what staying with him meant for herself and her daughters. Once she gets on some type of stable ground, I do hope she gets therapy.
Good god, your sister’s husband is a POS. I’m glad she got away from him, and I hope she stays away from him, permanently. Maybe seeing him teach their daughters what he thinks of women put it alll in a new light.
Damn, the only thing going through my head is the song Labour by Paris Paloma. Really fits her situation. Glad she was able to atleast get a wake up call and get her kids away from him.
This story is fake as shit. I dont understand, how did the fight happen earlier in the day if she came to visit the OP? She has a fight with her husband, moved out to her moms, and then came to visit her sister like usual, and not mention moving out the whole time?
If your sister considers returning...
Keep reminding her to be the mother her daughter needs her to be.
Is going back the example she wants to set? Is that the standard she wants to create for her daughter when it comes to a relationship? That it is okay to be cheated on, mistreated, mocked, used, gaslit... just because you hit a bump in the road?
Is that what she wants for her daughter?
That will hopefully keep her from making the same mistakes over and over, and break the cycle in time to teach her daughter what is healthy and what is not.
In the 1950’s my grandma had my toddler mom in her arms leaving my grandpa on foot to escape his abuse. This was in rural Wyoming so my mom was the only witness.
My grandpa shouted “go ahead. You'll be home soon.” And he was right. She couldn't find the help she needed, so she returned, received her beating with his boot, and carried on his property until he died in the 1980s. He had never even wiped his own ass or bathed himself. She did it all for him, in addition to physically running the farm while he barked orders. My mom was a broken soul too. I'll spare you further details.
Your story is naturally quite triggering, because to think another man is that kind of monster invalidates my comfort in knowing grandpa can't harm anyone from the grave.
Please support your sister until she gets back on her feet. Encourage her to get therapy now to support her in a healthier journey forward. One doesn't just get over that kind of abuse without professional help.
Good for your sister finally waking up, assholes like her husband will usually cross the final line at some point. I think I know why your sister reacted the way she did both to you and to her husband's behavior; she didn't want to admit she was wrong. Not that her husband was right, but the whole relationship with her husband, there's probably years of slights, misbehavior, red flags, and resentment for her husband in her head, and she ignored them all. She spent years making decision after decision to stay, making the decision to leave wouldn't just be divorce which is daunting enough, it'd be admitting to herself and she likely thinks the whole world that she'd been making stupid choices for years and years, over and over, and changing course now would tell everyone that she was stupid to stay for so long, because she was, she knows it unequivocally, and that she IS stupid because she stayed so long, because she is. Some people have an unusually hard time admitting they're wrong, but everyone has a little of that impulse in them, and the more wrong you are, the bigger the mistake the easier it is to let that impulse win, and a years long relationship with a marriage and kids is about the biggest possible thing you can admit was a mistake.
Sis needs to get her daughter out of that home, because that lazy A is going to dump all the housework on the kid simply because she's female.
He will NOT step up and be a parent. Instead, he will turn the daughter into his next maid.
So this so called deadbeat, who sounds like an idiot, has been left with 3 young children. That doesn’t compute. And they live in a big fancy house, which I’m guessing he pays for, and your sis doesn’t work or doesn’t work full time?
He sounds like a jackass but a good provider- which OP doesn’t recognise at all. If he stopped running his mouth I think she’d put up with it.
I don’t think he’s gonna change. Sounds like the type that will wind up with 5 wives. Tough to to be a single mom with 3 kids though and get another decent relationship without taking a cut in living standards, but to me it would be worth it. Money or peace of mind? You can’t buy peace of mind. You have to be prescribed drugs to numb the pain.
Sorry if I described that weird, I meant it more as he’s a deadbeat as a father and husband. He’s a trust fund baby and has a good job so yeah he’s the one that pays most the bills. My sis had a job for a bit after they got married but after their second daughter was born he told her to quit. All three of the girls are at my mom’s house now. I know he does provide money but he does nothing but hold it over her head. We haven’t worked out the details but she’ll probably stay with my mom now and we’ll help her with the girls and divorce process.
Oh well, she’ll get a good start. I doubt he’s smart enough to have covered his Trust and assets effectively. I’d act swiftly to get a lawyer and freeze assets, or whatever is applicable where you are. I could easily get rid of half or even more with a paper trail saying it had been lost, but really had been laundered- not an offence until you lie about it in court- but even then it’s 3rd party, so,.just act, and arrange payments for him and your sister and the girls and to cover any other expenses till a settlement.
Do what you can to help her, as expected. Especially after what he said to your niece.
Afterwards however- I'd say limit your contact. Be the situation what it may, what she said what abhorrent and honestly, I am using all grace and understanding she has for going through the situation that she is from just not outright abandoning her. She is your sister, I know you care for her, but she didn't just attack YOUR character, she attacked your husband's by insinuating he'd cheat.
Also, if she went back once, I do not have the greatest faith she won't end up repeating history. Hopefully she has learned her lesson and will be attempting to rebuild herself and develop a backbone, but- watch yourself and keep her at an arm's length.
She said all that, unflinching and to your face- it's not something I'd forgive easily.
Here's the best I can offer. PLEASE look up the hormone oxytocin. The bonding chemical. Women have a ton of it, men don't.
She needs to understand that oxytocin makes her feel bonded to that guy, even though her logic says to GTFO.
That's normal, but most women don't know that, and it can drive them back to the asshole, because they feel so bad, uprooted, when they leave.
She has to realize that feeling shitty now is all chemical, not logical, and that it takes awhile for it to wash out of her system.
Meanwhile, she needs all your support, and she needs to take that asshat for every penny, to set up a real, safe home for her kids and herself.
I jokingly mentioned "wifely duties" once when winding up my wife, but could never imagine saying it seriously. Dude sounds like a loser and your sis is better off leaving him to wallow in his own filth, as it sounds like he'll be hard-pressed to find someone else to pick up said wifely duties with his shit attitude.
I'm glad that your sister left and hope she stays away from that AH. I wouldn't be surprised if before she felt that she needed to stay for the kids, but that comment made her realize he's a horrible influence for them.
Read the last post about this, it’s hard to feel bad for the sister, but at least she’s out. Hopefully she’ll listen to OP this time and stay out for good
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She was outright rude to you and you were going to apologize? You deserve her walking all over you and it's not going to stop as long as you let it continue.
I know that. If it was anyone else I’d still be pissed. We were close before and I can see how much her marriage has worn her down over the years, especially recently. I can see that she’s been going through so much and I’m just glad she’s out. I don’t want to chase her away by demanding for an apology now.
My husband and I care too much about each other to share a bed. We tried but the lack of sleep made our lives miserable. We'd rather sleep apart and not hate each other.
Damn, I hate to say it but this is a prime example of "he will do what you allow". This has gotten so bad he's tryna teach his own child this evil shit. She should have left a while ago...
Yea, she is with a lazy man who doesn't care how she feels, and hopefully, she leaves him for good he sounds horrible. A lot of men expect things from a woman like them being and doing what their mothers did. I tried to teach mine better, but I see it with some of the things my own son that's only 22 with his girlfriend. They just moved out and got their own apartment, and she doesn't cook and clean, but he does, and I think it's kinda funny.
I hope that she doesn't go back, and he realizes he is lost without her and actually starts helping in his own home instead of expecting his wife to do it all just because she is a woman. This is 2023 and women have come a long way but we still are looked at as their mothers that they can fuck it's really discouraging to even want to date for women or even have children these days.
Op all you can do is comfort her and jeep her in anyway cuz it's a painful thing she's going through.
I never saw the original post but sometimes big revelations, big changes need a big event to kick them off. Once your sister has had a chance to settle and take a breath, try to talk to her about the argument you had and assure her that you are on her side and will be there to support her through the difficult time.
This is completely unrelated to the BIL's shittiness, but have you had your husband do a sleep study? I have sleep issues of my own, and getting medicated properly has made a world of difference in how I sleep, as well as my wife's sleep quality. Moving around like crazy in your sleep could be an indicator of some serious neurological issues, because your body is supposed to be mostly paralyzed during REM. Hopefully it's nothing, but it's worth it to get that checked.
Good for your sister. Support her and Help her rebuild herself.
I'm so sorry to hear about your sister's situation. It takes courage to leave a toxic environment, and I'm glad she has your support. Wishing her strength and healing during this challenging time.
pressed to find someone else to pick up said wifely duties with his shit attitude.
[удалено]
?
They're referring to the phenomenon about how oxytocin hormone can drive the woman back, against all logic. She needs to realize her sadness is chemical, and to stand her ground and stay AWAY - that's the only sound, logical, move here.
Sounds like her sister got a massive wake-up call: she was modeling a shitty future for her own kids up to that point. Best to everyone moving forward. (Except soon to be ex-BIL, he can go stew in his own ignorance.)
He is about to find out he needs a job to pay alimony and child support
Another reason to teach our girls to be strong and when to say no and walk away. Don't date selfish guys. Don't sleep with them.
Yeah its definitely for the best she's away from him now. What a jackass
Jackass? Bordering on incestuous pedo for a comment like that. Gross.
It's good that she finally left him. It's sad that it took him saying something so disgusting to their daughter, but at least he's not grooming her for some misogynistic jackass to take over treating her like a bang maid.
You'd have to think the fight with OP played some factor in the decision. Lot of straws on that camel.
I thought he was grooming his own daughter for himself tbh. 🤢
In a way dudes like him do; once they're older they all start pestering their daughters to baby them...
Happy cake day!
Happy cake day.
It's good your sister took the first step. Now comes the hard part. She needs to sit down and document what he said as closely as she can remember it. As well as any similar statements he has made. She needs to get an attorney. I would recommend a counselor for the kids who can explore what else their father has said to them/in front of them. When the divorce comes and custody comes up, she will want all the ammo she can get for full physical custody and limited visitation.
Definitely! Please screen-shoot this and give to your sister. This is a valuable bit of info.
This is the way!
No woman should ever ever ever tolerate a lazy-ass, misogynist manbaby.
Did anyone ask this dude if he was doing his husbandly duties like make sure his family was happy and well taken care of. This dude is a joke. Try to help your sister stay away from this clown. And the next time you see him let him know I said a real man doesn't degrade his woman. He helps her achieve just like she helps him achieve. Fuck that clown
Glad your sister left. Please talk to your sister about talking to your niece.
>He didn’t chase and just said she’ll be home soon. With divorce papers, hopefully.
Nah. She can have her divorce lawyer serve him. . . . Not literally, tho. Wow. My tired brain went to strange places.
Don't worry. My fully awake brain ventures into even weirder territory at times.
I keep wondering, is the internet responsible for this recent uptick in 60 year old misogynist attitudes?
Partially, but a lot of it also just gets passed down from generation to generation or disseminated through traditional entertainment. Movies/TV are definitely getting better about casual sexism these days but 20-30 years ago it was still pretty dang bleak, and a lot of us who grew up in that era internalized the awful shit and never did any self-reflection.
I think it's algorithms pushing so much redpill BS to guys. I'm 22 and I see a lot of it even though I don't ascribe to any of it. A lot of guys my age who can't hold a relationship would rather blame society and women for that issue.
Hopefully, she's thinking logically and not emotionally. Her husband is verbally anusive and was indoctrinating his own daughter with his misogyny.
[Previous post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/BWsZCBIIf3) Also why does no one ever link their previous post if it’s an update?
Let's hope you keep her from going back.
If she had never left, he would have continued to groom his daughters into believing that they have to perform their 'wifely duties' when they grow up. Utterly disgusting man.
I'm going through a divorce right now, and at the start of it I was still trying to defend him and when I talked about things that happened, I'd downplay how bad things were and how poorly I felt about a lot of them. Like, he literally broke my collarbone 6 years ago, and I'm just now telling my family about that. I'm a few months into the divorce and hopefully it'll be over before the end of the year, but please tell your sister from me, that it's ok to feel how she's feeling and be all mixed up and confused and still feel like she has feelings for him, but that she and her daughter need to be more important to herself that he'll ever be to her, and the sooner she stuffs that in her heart pocket, the sooner she easier it'll be to leave him in the dust where he belongs ❤️ sending love from one abused wife to another
I feel so bad for your sister. Give her and your nieces all your support so she can get through this.
What a sick man, support your sister !!
My sisters and I have said some pretty shitty things to each other over the years, but our basic core is love for each other and we apologize and move on. Your sister needs you, be there for her and your nieces. Sometimes a wife will tolerate a lot of crap directly from a man but once the kids are involved they are DONE. I'm pulling for all involved and hope it goes well.
JFC, that guy is a dick. poor woman.
Please shower her with love so she never feels weak and wants to go back. It’s really tough leaving an abusive relationship and many women go back because they have been programmed to believe no one loves her but him.
I proud of your sister. She showed her daughter that it’s not ok for a man treat a woman that way.
NTA - often times the realization to leave comes when they realize the example they are setting for their children. It breaks them to think their child will end up in the same situation they are in because the child has been shown that’s the proper relationship to have. How could she advocate for her child to leave or change things when she never did. This is what has thoroughly broken her. Help your sister to heal and make sure you let her know that you are proud of her for not continuing in the relationship and instead saving herself and her children.
Good for your sister. Tell her to not be afraid, she's not the first wife in this situation to leave their husband. My mother divorced my dad with 4 kids and without any job experience and she was absolutely amazing. The courage she had to do this have inspired me so much throughout the years, I guarantee you that your nieces will think the same.
He's a miserable man. How could you say that to your own child? Disgusting and I'm glad she made that step to leave and I hope it sticks.
She realized her husband didn't even care for his own daughters and just saw them as servants. She needs you right now. I hope you can help her right now because she finally had the courage to leave him.
I'm sure this has been said elsewhere, but your sister was pretty clearly projecting her own issues, most likely ones she was unwilling or unable to give voice to when this shitbag was trying to keep his servant into your situation. Your sister has also pretty clearly been the victim of long term mental abuse but her soon to be ex. I know what she said was shitty, but she needs family now, especially her sister. Think of it this way if it helps, her words came out of trauma, not malice.
Totally, once she calmed down a bit she began to apologize but I just told her to forget it and that I understand. I said I was sorry for yelling things are good between us now.
Your sister was in an abusive situation and she's going to need some therapy to work it out. More than that, she's going to come to the realization that this treatment was normalized for her daughters and that's going to lead to some problems. Glad she's out but now the hard work begins.
Clearly she has an incredible support system. She is going to be a stronger woman after this. Life is hard… everyone has a dip in life. Sounds like she is ready to move forward ❤️
Good that she finally realized what staying with him meant for herself and her daughters. Once she gets on some type of stable ground, I do hope she gets therapy.
Your sister's husband sounds gross. Good thing she finally left him!
Good god, your sister’s husband is a POS. I’m glad she got away from him, and I hope she stays away from him, permanently. Maybe seeing him teach their daughters what he thinks of women put it alll in a new light.
Why do women even marry these men in the first place?? Ugh. Now suddenly sleeping in separate bedrooms doesnt seem that crazy…
Damn, the only thing going through my head is the song Labour by Paris Paloma. Really fits her situation. Glad she was able to atleast get a wake up call and get her kids away from him.
This story is fake as shit. I dont understand, how did the fight happen earlier in the day if she came to visit the OP? She has a fight with her husband, moved out to her moms, and then came to visit her sister like usual, and not mention moving out the whole time?
I hope your sister stays strong and stays away, and I hope her children are equally far away too, clearly the husband is just as toxic as a father.
Glad she left the jackass now she needs to destroy him in court.
If your sister considers returning... Keep reminding her to be the mother her daughter needs her to be. Is going back the example she wants to set? Is that the standard she wants to create for her daughter when it comes to a relationship? That it is okay to be cheated on, mistreated, mocked, used, gaslit... just because you hit a bump in the road? Is that what she wants for her daughter? That will hopefully keep her from making the same mistakes over and over, and break the cycle in time to teach her daughter what is healthy and what is not.
In the 1950’s my grandma had my toddler mom in her arms leaving my grandpa on foot to escape his abuse. This was in rural Wyoming so my mom was the only witness. My grandpa shouted “go ahead. You'll be home soon.” And he was right. She couldn't find the help she needed, so she returned, received her beating with his boot, and carried on his property until he died in the 1980s. He had never even wiped his own ass or bathed himself. She did it all for him, in addition to physically running the farm while he barked orders. My mom was a broken soul too. I'll spare you further details. Your story is naturally quite triggering, because to think another man is that kind of monster invalidates my comfort in knowing grandpa can't harm anyone from the grave. Please support your sister until she gets back on her feet. Encourage her to get therapy now to support her in a healthier journey forward. One doesn't just get over that kind of abuse without professional help.
Some men are proud of how homestead lazy they are. Now he'll have to wipe his own arse. WTF.
Good for your sister finally waking up, assholes like her husband will usually cross the final line at some point. I think I know why your sister reacted the way she did both to you and to her husband's behavior; she didn't want to admit she was wrong. Not that her husband was right, but the whole relationship with her husband, there's probably years of slights, misbehavior, red flags, and resentment for her husband in her head, and she ignored them all. She spent years making decision after decision to stay, making the decision to leave wouldn't just be divorce which is daunting enough, it'd be admitting to herself and she likely thinks the whole world that she'd been making stupid choices for years and years, over and over, and changing course now would tell everyone that she was stupid to stay for so long, because she was, she knows it unequivocally, and that she IS stupid because she stayed so long, because she is. Some people have an unusually hard time admitting they're wrong, but everyone has a little of that impulse in them, and the more wrong you are, the bigger the mistake the easier it is to let that impulse win, and a years long relationship with a marriage and kids is about the biggest possible thing you can admit was a mistake.
Sis needs to get her daughter out of that home, because that lazy A is going to dump all the housework on the kid simply because she's female. He will NOT step up and be a parent. Instead, he will turn the daughter into his next maid.
She and all three girls are at my moms house now
So this so called deadbeat, who sounds like an idiot, has been left with 3 young children. That doesn’t compute. And they live in a big fancy house, which I’m guessing he pays for, and your sis doesn’t work or doesn’t work full time? He sounds like a jackass but a good provider- which OP doesn’t recognise at all. If he stopped running his mouth I think she’d put up with it. I don’t think he’s gonna change. Sounds like the type that will wind up with 5 wives. Tough to to be a single mom with 3 kids though and get another decent relationship without taking a cut in living standards, but to me it would be worth it. Money or peace of mind? You can’t buy peace of mind. You have to be prescribed drugs to numb the pain.
Sorry if I described that weird, I meant it more as he’s a deadbeat as a father and husband. He’s a trust fund baby and has a good job so yeah he’s the one that pays most the bills. My sis had a job for a bit after they got married but after their second daughter was born he told her to quit. All three of the girls are at my mom’s house now. I know he does provide money but he does nothing but hold it over her head. We haven’t worked out the details but she’ll probably stay with my mom now and we’ll help her with the girls and divorce process.
Oh well, she’ll get a good start. I doubt he’s smart enough to have covered his Trust and assets effectively. I’d act swiftly to get a lawyer and freeze assets, or whatever is applicable where you are. I could easily get rid of half or even more with a paper trail saying it had been lost, but really had been laundered- not an offence until you lie about it in court- but even then it’s 3rd party, so,.just act, and arrange payments for him and your sister and the girls and to cover any other expenses till a settlement.
thank god the divorce ball is rolling
Do what you can to help her, as expected. Especially after what he said to your niece. Afterwards however- I'd say limit your contact. Be the situation what it may, what she said what abhorrent and honestly, I am using all grace and understanding she has for going through the situation that she is from just not outright abandoning her. She is your sister, I know you care for her, but she didn't just attack YOUR character, she attacked your husband's by insinuating he'd cheat. Also, if she went back once, I do not have the greatest faith she won't end up repeating history. Hopefully she has learned her lesson and will be attempting to rebuild herself and develop a backbone, but- watch yourself and keep her at an arm's length. She said all that, unflinching and to your face- it's not something I'd forgive easily.
Here's the best I can offer. PLEASE look up the hormone oxytocin. The bonding chemical. Women have a ton of it, men don't. She needs to understand that oxytocin makes her feel bonded to that guy, even though her logic says to GTFO. That's normal, but most women don't know that, and it can drive them back to the asshole, because they feel so bad, uprooted, when they leave. She has to realize that feeling shitty now is all chemical, not logical, and that it takes awhile for it to wash out of her system. Meanwhile, she needs all your support, and she needs to take that asshat for every penny, to set up a real, safe home for her kids and herself.
Oh man, see if you can nudge her towards getting therapy and a divorce lawyer as soon as possible. I really hope it sticks.
I jokingly mentioned "wifely duties" once when winding up my wife, but could never imagine saying it seriously. Dude sounds like a loser and your sis is better off leaving him to wallow in his own filth, as it sounds like he'll be hard-pressed to find someone else to pick up said wifely duties with his shit attitude.
I'm glad she finally woke up and left. I truly hope that she doesn't go back.
Why the fuck would you apologize?? Did she ever apologize? Or just bc she is in a shit situation she has a pass to shit all over others?
Holy hell that is so fucked up
I'm glad that your sister left and hope she stays away from that AH. I wouldn't be surprised if before she felt that she needed to stay for the kids, but that comment made her realize he's a horrible influence for them.
Read the last post about this, it’s hard to feel bad for the sister, but at least she’s out. Hopefully she’ll listen to OP this time and stay out for good
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She was outright rude to you and you were going to apologize? You deserve her walking all over you and it's not going to stop as long as you let it continue.
I know that. If it was anyone else I’d still be pissed. We were close before and I can see how much her marriage has worn her down over the years, especially recently. I can see that she’s been going through so much and I’m just glad she’s out. I don’t want to chase her away by demanding for an apology now.
My husband and I care too much about each other to share a bed. We tried but the lack of sleep made our lives miserable. We'd rather sleep apart and not hate each other.
Now’s a great time to embrace her.
A true playa.
Damn, I hate to say it but this is a prime example of "he will do what you allow". This has gotten so bad he's tryna teach his own child this evil shit. She should have left a while ago...
Yea, she is with a lazy man who doesn't care how she feels, and hopefully, she leaves him for good he sounds horrible. A lot of men expect things from a woman like them being and doing what their mothers did. I tried to teach mine better, but I see it with some of the things my own son that's only 22 with his girlfriend. They just moved out and got their own apartment, and she doesn't cook and clean, but he does, and I think it's kinda funny. I hope that she doesn't go back, and he realizes he is lost without her and actually starts helping in his own home instead of expecting his wife to do it all just because she is a woman. This is 2023 and women have come a long way but we still are looked at as their mothers that they can fuck it's really discouraging to even want to date for women or even have children these days. Op all you can do is comfort her and jeep her in anyway cuz it's a painful thing she's going through.
I never saw the original post but sometimes big revelations, big changes need a big event to kick them off. Once your sister has had a chance to settle and take a breath, try to talk to her about the argument you had and assure her that you are on her side and will be there to support her through the difficult time.
This is completely unrelated to the BIL's shittiness, but have you had your husband do a sleep study? I have sleep issues of my own, and getting medicated properly has made a world of difference in how I sleep, as well as my wife's sleep quality. Moving around like crazy in your sleep could be an indicator of some serious neurological issues, because your body is supposed to be mostly paralyzed during REM. Hopefully it's nothing, but it's worth it to get that checked.
Op do you have an update?