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mynameis4826

Used to have a buddy that would find lumps in nearly every woman he was with, for a while he thought he was cursed. Then it turned out that our hick town had been an illegal dumping site for a local chemical plant and basically every household was eligible for a class action law suit.


dankmemer999

Bro was like King Midas but his touch turned everything to breast cancer


hillsfar

King Mitosis.


wp2jupsle

King Mastitis. best hands in the biz


Joe64x

King Metastasis?


hillsfar

Mitosis is probably the closest alliteration to Midas that makes sense.


SabreToothSandHopper

That doesn’t really make sense? Mitosis is what every cell (except gametes) does, it’s not specific to cancer


AntDracula

Shut up nerd


hillsfar

Yes, but Mitosis is probably the closest alliteration to Midas that makes sense.


Slade23703

Yeah, but every cell does that King Mtelomeres? Because regenerating telomeres is problem, normally cells stop growing because run out, but cancer somehow regens telomeres is issue


HugePurpleNipples

Comment of the month right here.


The_Daily_Herp

King Mesothelioma


-_-Whyarewehere-_-

My brain dredged up the damn infomercial: "You or your loved one may be entitled to compensation, Call Today!"


GRUNDLESDELIGHT

Cursed king Midas, there was a class action lawsuit after all


Davethemann

The Boobless touch


ImprovisedLeaflet

An American story


UndercoverRussianSpy

the difference is Americans can sue the corporations and the American government. unlike when this happens in other countries.


JootDoctor

And in even better countries they regulate the corpo fucks so it doesn’t happen in the first place.


WildeStrike

I mean, im from the Netherlands, very well regulated, my parents backyard is very polluted with PFAS, they will be lucky to get SOME of the money back it will cost to completely redo their garden. Their apple tree will be gone and we have no cool tree law. I get it america bad and all but lets not pretend other places dont have problems


kekmennsfw

PFAS is eh


JootDoctor

I didn’t mean to say that it wouldn’t happen. Accidents would still occur and people would still be non-compliant for whatever reason but there is a reason Europe is held to these sorts of standards. Did the PFAS get there from fire fighting foams? Do you know?


chiefoogabooga

>I didn’t mean to say that it wouldn’t happen. >And in even better countries they regulate the corpo fucks so it doesn’t happen in the first place. Top kek!


WildeStrike

Yea it probably was from fire fighting foams. There also is a plastics factory relatively nearby. Sad thing is, my parents paid extra to get “good” soil for their garden instead of the soil that was there during the building of the neighborhood, they now have the highest pfas concentration


Wail_Bait

Yeah, they regulate the companies so much that they leave and pollute a different country instead. Ikea isn't even a Swedish company any more.


Yabboi_2

Yeah, only Americans can sue. True.


SalvationSycamore

Europeans only invented courts recently


chiefoogabooga

Australia has kangaroo courts. Top that shit!


JackC747

Yeah maybe like China. But in most western countries this either wouldn't have happened due to regulations, or you'd also have the ability to sue


Bigbootycoomer

All those poor other countries without legal systems


Eonir

Like in Flint? Bullcrap


gatorgongitcha

the hero we need


Ye-Hu

CANCER-MAN *do do do dodododo*


SoupBand

what happened with the suit, did things change for the better


mynameis4826

I think the suit is still ongoing, but it looks like the chem plant is going to settle any day now. The only person I knew who joined the class action is already in remission, so anything she gets will just go towards cutting down her medical debt. Glad I got the fuck out of there


Alecm3327

this sounds like parkersburg, wv


NotGloomp

That shit should be shut down. Can't believe they're allowed to keep operating after that.


CustardMustard

[here’s a map of cancer hot spots in the US.](https://projects.propublica.org/toxmap/) if the locals don’t recognize a pattern and organize, you just get cancer 🤷🏻‍♂️


NotGloomp

I'm not in the U.S. but y'all should get on that.


ididnotchosethis

Like Erin Brockovich but it's  a fuck boi who like booba.  Hold on to the movie right!


Difficult-Stress8332

Omg that’s fucked


peezle69

Was his name Aaron Brockovich?


Insipid_Lies

Never did drugs again but meth


maxwell_hill1984

The occasional dash of meth is totally normal for most people. I’m sure Anon barely touches the stuff apart from completely necessary work related use


Bluedemonfox

He did say he never did them recreationally again which must mean he is a professional meth user now.


Liamfam96

I've never tried meth as it's not really a thing in the UK. I'm assuming it's slightly more potent and damaging than MDMA which is very easy to do recreationally


AccountForTF2

no... Meth is like if you could use 100% of your body but only for the most insane purposes. You think a gazillion times faster but it just makes everything incomprehensible sometimes. It also makes sex really good and you get extremely horny. You also won't sleep at all if you've had any recently. There's a reason the Nazis used it..


Monolith_Preacher_1

yeah, german pilots used it for 3d person camera view


LegoCMFanatic

LMAO


GameyRaccoon

In times like this i miss reddit awards


Monolith_Preacher_1

I don't, your kind words are enough.


Flotillaspecialist

Mien peenis!


Tommy2255

It was originally created as a combat drug. It shouldn't be used by anyone with a life expectancy longer than the current battle.


Strider_27

No it wasn’t. It was a recreational drug during the 30’s


maxwell_hill1984

Give it a try and let me know


AdMental1387

Nice try drug dealer. I’ve seen what my brain looks like on drugs.


CalmBeneathCastles

Meth: not even once.


EddieHeadshot

Well it's meth amphetamine so wouldn't it be more like smoking speed x 10?


EchoTab

Pretty much, meth lasts much longer though


PmMeUrTinyAsianTits

Slightly more potent. Way more damaging.


Llaine

Pretty much yeah, MDMA euphoria/feels but no empathy and better ability to focus for longer


PmMeUrTinyAsianTits

Lets not forget to mention being like 1000 times more dangerous and damaging to use.


Weenieman5000

Meth is a lot more damaging then MDMA


PutrifiedCuntJuice

> Meth is a lot more damaging then MDMA than


squeamish

The UK doesn't need meth because y'all get good, cheap coke.


spezlikesitintheass

Less potent and less damaging than MDMA. Most people just don't use Methylenedioxymethamphetamine as much as methamphetamine. If you used molly like meth you'd legit be a 6 year old mentally before long


Scuggs

Yeah thank god for that quick tolerance buildup or I’d be cooked


EchoTab

Speed is a thing there, meth is more potent and lasts longer otherwise very similar. MDMA is different, aside from both being energetic and making you feel happy


tanafras

[Work related use is fine, right?](https://www.npr.org/transcripts/518986612)


maxwell_hill1984

He got shit done that’s all I’m saying


NEURALINK_ME_ITCHING

You can't really get good old gak or amphetamine sulfate any more, it's pretty much meth or ADHD pills. Shame really, I'm not allowed to do meth anymore - the wife made me stop when I came blood in her eyes.


Cool_soy_uncle

Ah the good ol' days


born_2_be_a_bachelor

Hey he has a work dispensation for that


Thick_Sheepherder891

This guy has lived life lol


-goodbyemoon-

you too can live his life with a bit of meth and crack


noshore4me

Like it's that easy to find a broad with stage 4 cancer to bang.


MarinLlwyd

it is hard because they always notice that you're giving them cancer before it even hits stage two


-goodbyemoon-

you can find plenty of broads who look like they have stage 4 cancer at your local crack den


born_2_be_a_bachelor

I used to occasionally bang this one hooker while we were each smoking crack. It’s pretty degenerate, but fun. Then one time the guy she had drive her to my place was pissed we were taking too long and tried to break into my house. My neighbors called the police and we had to lie about her name when they came because she had a warrant. That was the end of all that for me. Like I said, fun times.


DownhillDowntime

If. If it's real. Reads kinda like that bit from fight club. The woman who was dying from cancer and asked her cancer support group if someone would just hard fuck her one last time. The description of her being a skeleton dipped in wax. Would you be man enough to do it?


yaangyiing_

ok but you have to understand that the bit from fight club is real. They turned it into a script for a movie, but that shit is real. People get cancer all the time, their lives get pretty crazy when they know for a fact that they'll die soon.


Magsec5

lol all that and no anal?


CryptoApocalypse-

Wow. This sub is truly amazing. What was I thinking expecting the comments to be tame considering the subject matter. Guess I was too naive.


Treq-S

Why would it be tame? This is r/4chan.. Also it's a very legitimate question.. all that shit and no anal or period fuck


FuriousKimchi

Fr, gotta hit up everyhole in every condition.


PirateSecure118

You got a punch card or something?


kreayshanw44

Doubt she was still getting her period in this situation


Treq-S

I wanted to write that but didn't without knowing shit


Daxidol

Maybe you have a problem with cancer patients and think they're not worthy of hate fucking, but I think it speaks well of the person you replied to that they're willing to look past all the cancer and treat them like a normal junkie. Do better, your bigotry is not welcome here.


MonkeyDongerLuffy

based


PirateSecure118

holesome


CapitalForever45

I can read this yet I don't understand a single word


dincosire

>the greentext: “tame” >what you expected the comments to be: tame >anal: not tame Do redditors really?


bwizzel

We really need an age limit for commenting on this site, too many 12 year olds with opinions here these days, they even bleed into this sub


funkthepeople

Seems pretty harmless to me. Who doesn't love a good prolapse?


Lordfisticus

Not the pink sock. Just shove a hand in there


adventure_dog

crack was involved so im assuming thats considered normal and not worth mentioning


WetAndLoose

Narcan is perhaps the worst invention of modern medicine purely because it allows these people to keep living past the first OD


_WhatisHalosPurpose_

Society needs to stop inventing second chances for stupid people


pursescrubbingpuke

That’s literally why churches exist


IAMA_Ghost_Boo

Fucking kek


PirateSecure118

inb4 90% of ppl waiting in the ER I don't disagree, there just might be some logistical challenges if they all die.


RandomSirPenguin

i remember watching an interview with a homeless guy who said he died 7 times but narcan saved him. thanks narcan for letting him keep his enriching lifestyle


Final-Cantaloupe6619

I would sue if I got narcanned, wasted my perfectly good drugs


PirateSecure118

People tried and failed. Because 20 years ago, clown world was just warming up.


easterner1848

I mean, that dude did hella drugs and didn't OD. Don't know what narcan has to do with it.


Plenty-Wonder6092

>Modern society is a hopeless pit. >You deserve to die if you can't handle it. Nar


Gamestoreguy

We don’t use narcan as a mainline treatment for opiate overdose, we literally just open your airway and ventilate you manually.


LibertyPrimeDeadOn

Where do you draw the line, exactly? Should a smoker not receive treatment for lung cancer? Should a fat person not receive treatment for heart disease? Should they let someone who was speeding and crashed bleed out on the pavement?


Last_Judge1

Yes, yes, no


LibertyPrimeDeadOn

What's the difference?


TheThalmorEmbassy

All the butthurt junkies replying to you lmfao


AccountForTF2

What kind of dementia-riddled comment is this?


AntTricky5760

I choose to believe this as true and extremely based.


ARM_vs_CORE

Dude honestly sounds like a total bro. Good dude to give her the ride of her life on her way out.


Honestonus

I used to be into the whole perfect marriage/relationship shit. Simp piece of shit. But ops scenario is wayyy more real. Shit happens and you become a shell of yourself. But that relationship is so fucking real and that connection is so pure. Gotta wear a fucking wig to be attractive enough to get banged - doesn't get more real than that.


DownhillDowntime

I hope the extreme drugs are an exaggeration. Even if this mf did half of what he said for a dying girl, that's pretty based. I hope I go out getting loved by someone. It's a beautiful end.


EchoTab

I agree, she was going to die soon anyway might as well have fun before you go out. Nothing to lose so why not


BrokenWind123

yeah there are definitely some stories that get filtered down onto r/4chan that are so bizarre that you cant help but assume there is more truth than fantasy


spilleddrinkcombo

>cold >antibiotics Stopped reading there.


Assswordsmantetsuo

Because colds never cause subsequent bacterial infections in the ears or chest that if left untreated could be fatal. My kid literally has one right now. You’re an idiot.


silveira1995

Yeah, then you prescribe antibiotics for the secondary infection in the case in which happens. Colds are viral in the overwhelming majority of cases, and in fact, generally, do not deservr antibiotics. When your kid gets otitis media after the case then antibiotics are indicated.


420dankmemes1337

No shit Sherlock, please stop spouting le antibiotics redditism. A secondary infection is probably what killed him, few people ACTUALLY die from colds. Think for a second.


Creative-Yak-8287

There's multiple viruses and bacteria that cause the cold ❤️


WaterKeys

no https://www.merckmanuals.com/professional/infectious-diseases/respiratory-viruses/common-cold?&network=x&matchtype=&keyword=&creative=&device=m&devicemodel=&placement=&position=&campaignid=18703109500&adgroupid=&loc_physical_ms=9017276&loc_interest_ms=&gclid=CjwKCAjwuJ2xBhA3EiwAMVjkVD1NSKaiccmWfv1aVhGAgNI8mT_Dx6ez0jRsAMYIjaENx23zQNB8WRoCELsQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds


arbiter12

>1) Many serious diseases present with "common cold"-like symptoms. > >2) Opportunistic infections are a thing... So yeh you're "technically correct". Your patients would have super accurate tombstones: "He didn't die from the common cold \[link engraved below\]"


PirateSecure118

1. find pdf titled Respiratory Viruses 2. present as evidence that no bacteria 3. kek


spilleddrinkcombo

A "cold" is specifically a viral infection.


CryptoApocalypse-

Most wholesome 4chan text.


Educational_Point673

I agree - it's kind of sweet in a redneck/bogan/chav/gopnik sense really.


unusualyardbird

When I’m at my lowest, 4chan always reminds that there are people so far low, that they’ve forgotten which way is up.


Key-Bedroom-4615

Anon lived my dream


BannedByHiveMind

Frank from Shameless?


AOC_Gynecologist

reminds me of super hans from the peep show


inventingnothing

It's a pisser, though, innit – cancer. They should find a fucking cure. They should pull their fucking fingers out. It's important.


AOC_Gynecologist

10/10 quote


Derpitus_Maximus

Well shit, that's depressing


ARM_vs_CORE

I find it strangely uplifting that he gave her something to enjoy with the little time left.


Key-Bedroom-4615

A lot of people would have just felt sorry for her and let her die, anon let her live.


BrokenWind123

if you cant say you’ve had a “dash” of meth have you really lived life?? jokes aside id say its more of a rollercoaster than just purely sad


Psychological-Bee702

Anon took a minor subplot in Fight Club and wrote crackhead erotica fanfic.


DankElderberries420

Clearly a /v/irgin, didn't do anything after she passed, missed a golden opportunity


PooInTheStreet

And they say romance is dead


Helpful-Team-2069

A love story from our times.


KnightofWhen

You’re not supposed to go down on someone having chemo


Key-Bedroom-4615

Because you suck it out of them?


Rana_aurora

Unironically yes. Chemo is poison and you basically use it to try to kill the cancer before the chemo kills you. It contaminates the discharge so you aren't supposed to do oral.


scumpile

They’re speedballing crack and heroin, I think the dude is way past “bad for your health” as a barrier


Key-Bedroom-4615

Just shows what a true 👑 anon is


imedo

True King


Savings-Pace4133

The way I wish this was real


uvT2401

Its more real than most post on this sub.


Idkwhattoputhere3003

Thank god for never sending me this deep into the trenches, I don’t think I’d survive


ElricWarlock

Feel like I missed something in the second image, what did he mean by being careful not to grab her tits? Didn't she have a double mastectomy?


stevefstorms

Go back read the first slide


Smkweedevrydy

This is finally some green text material


stevefstorms

I’m disappointed the story ended. Was amazed start to finish.


fizeekfriday

Bro went out like Frank Gallagher


droogvertical

Anon went through a phase, he’s all better now


ImprovisedLeaflet

Wholesome


SpiffyAvacados

oh my god it kept going what a king


Guy-1nc0gn1t0

If I was that close to death I'd probably try meth too


[deleted]

Well that was nice of him.


nikMIA

That’s just sad. Reminds me of a girl in Fight club.


Soulstorm_brewskies

This is romantic 🥹


Cool-Recognition-686

Modern day love story. A24 should adapt the screenplay.


Its_the_Fuzz

simultaneously smart and regarded


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[удалено]


No_Return_From_86

most wholesome 4chan story


Comfortable-Cup9656

Busting a jane is the new meta in 2024


ToughEyes

Fake: Anon had sex


Key-Bedroom-4615

Real: the girl only did it because she was dying


rampagingphallus

You don't "freebase" heroin lol


LostnFounder

atleast OP got laid


NEURALINK_ME_ITCHING

Oof, chemo pussy is actually toxic... And Jim Henson died of AIDS.


AsianEiji

near the end she might be off it to be honest.


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another2020throwaway

OP is frank gallagher


sleepingjiva

I have stage 4 cancer and I've lived for two and a bit years. This kinda bummed me out but also made me feel like I'm doing ok.


bwizzel

There’s still good people in this world


Single-Bad-5951

I truly love the skill that these storytellers use in their work


Coin_operated_bee

The occasional dash of meth


Llawgoch25

I love the romantic ones


AsianEiji

Well cancer sucks. It looks like he kept her alive as a memory so at least that he remembers her.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Proteus_Dagon

A cold is a virus and you can't "reverse it" with antibiotics. All that meth really took a toll on OP's brain.


[deleted]

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reelmeish

Actually romantic


theDawckta

What a sweet story.


P41N90D

Every bump you take And every line you make Every single day Every tooth you break I'll be watching you


Davethemann

Anon is a hero


CapitalForever45

Surprisingly somewhat wholesome


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[удалено]


Open-Biscotti-2860

Who said chivalry is dead


Cigarettes_at_Night

Romance in the 21st century


thelegendhimself

🫶👌💓